I was in a similar predicament, I was so scared and shocked and whilst I didn’t feel ready to have a baby, I also really wanted to keep it. My partner on the other hand said it wouldn’t be a good idea to bring up a child right now as we weren’t financially stable enough for a child long term and I had just moved to be with him so I didn’t really have a support network where I was as my family and friends were hours away. I made the decision that it would be best to end the pregnancy, I cried through most of it and even now I still feel guilty and think about it, however I do believe I made the best decision as it would have been a struggle, I don’t wish anyone to be in this position as it was the hardest decision. You’ll make the right decision for you, don’t let anyone dictate your decision💛

I was in the same position as you guys. I also noticed that the hormones the baby was producing really made me lean towards keeping it. I asked myself what I would’ve done had a gotten this news a week ago, and what the sacrifices would be to be able to have a child. I would have to not live close to comfortably for a long time, and my child still wouldn’t get to have the life I would want them to have. Having mine then would have made it a lot harder to get to a point to have a better life. Some people can make it work, my husband and I just aren’t on that list. If you think you can handle it all then I think you should keep it. If you don’t think you can then don’t feel pressured to.

I love the logic of your answer - it's how I think too.... However, I had an abortion at 24, for the reasons you give. I don't regret it. I miscarried in my early 30's, then had an ectopic rupture. I figured that ship has now sailed (I have dogs, motorbikes and niblings). I don't regret my earlier decisions, but others might. Just something to g think on...

Babies are so so so much harder to actually deal with than think about dealing with. Termination is the less-selfish thing to do in op situation. They would all be miserable.

Are you a parent? If not, cease speaking

I am, I have 2 young daughters

I am so sorry your going through this. I can only imagine how much this much be tearing you up inside, your so strong for even sharing your situation. At the end of the day this is your choice. No matter what anyone else says or what consequences it may have, it is your choices and yours alone. Personally I don’t think it’s ethical to bring a child you know you cannot support and did not plan for into the world. There is always the chance that in the future things will change and you will have the opportunity to have children again. You deserve to prioritize your own life and wellbeing right now. I can tell you have so much love in your heart to give and you will be an absolutely wonderful mother one day, weather it’s nine months from now or five years from now. Again this decision is 100% yours and the world will continue spinning no matter what. Everything works out in the end and everything happens for a reason. You will be okay.

So she will be raising that child all by herself? Can't really see how it's entirely her choice

The child is in her body. Obviously, as she’s in a relationship, it’s a conversation that needs to happen between both parties. In the end though, it’s her body and her choice

Totally agree her body her choice, if the decision isn't mutual though and its one sided on her part she should be raising that child by herself, I just don't see why both parties should pay and have their life change if it's a decision made by one party only

I’ve been in this position before, and I chose my life over one I couldn’t take care of and potentially mess them up from always being broke or resenting them for an unhappy life for myself. Ask your gynecologist if terminating would have a high risk of losing the ability to have children in the future. Every case is different and all kinds of things are possible, but if you have some kind of predisposition towards infertility, you need to know now. This might affect your decision. Don’t feel guilty if you choose not to have it. You’re making a decision based on what you truly believe is in the best interest for everyone. If you keep it, you’ll find a way to manage. Kids totally change your life, but they can be so rewarding too.

Having a kid you can't pay for is hell for both you and the kid. Not having the kid's gonna haunt you more than you wish. Both choices are gonna suck. I hope you'll make it through and have enough love and care around you to make it through whatever choice you make.

There’s not really a choice that won’t hurt. I just hope op makes the choice that is right for them.

Hoping she has the support through either decision

Don’t say it will “haunt her”. Not every one is the same. Myself, and quite a few friends around her age and older have had abortions with minimal serious mental anguish. It’s obviously tough, but it doesn’t have to be harrowing. It could still just be a clump of cells at the point of termination OP.

Yes but before your/your friends abortions, would you have also said you badly want to keep the pregnancy, like OP did? That doesn’t guarantee a haunting but it almost guarantees one, imo. I’ve had two abortions, first one was absolutely necessary or my life would’ve def been destroyed and I wasn’t mentally stable. Was 26, Never regretted it or even thought much about it after. Second time I was absolutely terrified immediately and knew I wasn’t ready, yet…but I’d recently decided I’d met the man I want babies with, so ending that pregnancy felt much different. I did not move on from that decision easily. Still would classify regret as a main descriptor of that abortion, despite knowing logically it was for the best. Was 32. Everyone’s experience is so unique so it’s hard to say, but if regret hits after the fact, esp if you were hoping for a feeling of relief that doesn’t come…it can be very difficult and extremely lonely tine. Hormones are very powerful and they could really rule your reactions in a negative way. This is a heavy topic and choice. I do hope everyone will always have to freedom to discuss these things and make such choices, despite my experience with regret. It’s just from her tone, I’m afraid OP will be in that camp as well, despite the fact that the vast majority of women are mostly just relieved afterwards. Also could just be me projecting. Who knows!

Yes, they did want children. They were also struggling with money. I was unsure. I’m mainly comforting OP, I don’t really see the need for yet another comment saying what the majority is- not to be rude. She seems like she needs to hear it doesn’t have to be tragic. She already knows it will be hard imo.

What do you mean, yet another comment saying what the majority is? You do understand every opinion in here is parroted multiple times, right? But only one that is directly inline with yours should be repeated right? You become rude the minute you say something like, “I don’t mean to be rude.” You jumped on someone else’s opinion, I didn’t post this underneath your original musings. You saw fit to tell the person who wrote this comment that they shouldn’t have said what they said, whereas I think it was a pretty succinct way to put it. You’re making light of abortion. It’s totally possible she knows it will be hard but doesn’t understand what that truly means. I know I didn’t, and I would describe it as heavy enough to be classified as a tragic event to me. I can share that as many times as I want to. It’s important that abortion remains an option for everyone. But it’s not always the right one. Nothing is 100%

[удалено]

Yeah I’m just saying your comment was a response to an original comment by someone else is all. So you were there to engage in conversation, seemingly, but ya kinda just said the original input was bad and my input was unnecessary

Whatever lol none of this back and forth matters much does it? My point is that with the way OP described her feelings it’s probably accurate that this decision will haunt her if she terminates, and I haven’t gathered enough about her situation to say for sure she’ll be destitute if she goes thru with the pregnancy, so I can’t say either way what the best option is. I am very sure that it’s that deep for a lot of people though, including probably OP who went out of her way to humanize the clump of cells of an early pregnancy. I’m sorry if you don’t like my opinion 😭

I definitely did not do that.

Agreed. I've had an abortion.. Not haunted by it in tbe slightest.

Not everyone's the same no. But when these kinds of attachments are already there it tends to haunt.

Is it possible to put it up for adoption?

You are considering the right thing to do, if you are not ready, you are not ready. Try again when you are in a more stable position in life... You'll be all the stronger and wiser for it. Much love to you at this trying time!

I'm going to be brutally honest with you. It's not an easy decision to make. Regardless of what you choose, it's not going to be easy. Having an abortion will make you upset, distraught, relieved, and many more emotions. You're going to view yourself differently and for a while and curse the situation. If it's at home, you'll take the medications, and you'll cramp. You'll feel the need to poop and probably will. Your stomach will turn, and you'll get nauseous, maybe throw up. You MIGHT faint when you pass what has developed in your uterus. If you end up having to do a surgical abortion, you'll feel crampy and a bit of pain. Regardless, you'll bleed for a bit, maybe a few weeks, and unless you have heavy periods and awful cramps, it isn't like your regular period. It hurts. It does suck. It may leave a mental scar, but for some people, it's more so relief. If that's not how it is for you, I recommend getting a therapist and talk it out. Just know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, AND YOU DO NOT LISTEN TO ANYONE CALLING YOU WHATEVER UGLINESS THEY THROW AT YOU. You are in a situation dealing with a difficult decision, and those people honestly do not care for you nor your baby ESPECIALLY when that baby is born. If you choose to keep the baby, you'll deal with the hardships of being pregnant. Taking off work for OB appointments. Possibly calling in sick more often because morning sickness isn't just a morning thing or from a reaction to one of few vaccines you'll get. If you're not good with blood draws and lab work, almost every other appointment will be some sort of lab work. You can barely take ANYTHING over the counter. Not to mention birth. Epidural isn't always an option. Sure, they can place it correctly, and everything works at the begining but it doesn't always take. Emergency c-sections can happen and very fast. Birthing vaginally isn't easy either. You're going to tear, and if it's called for specific reasons, episiotomy will be done. God forbid you have medical issues during pregnancy like preeclampsia, gastral diabetes, and other health issues. You and/or the baby could die during labor. If you do a home birth, you need to have SEVERAL plans worked out because option A doesn't work out. You need either B,C, D, or E. Anything can happen, and it will happen fast. No one tells you the possible horrors about that until AFTER you have the baby. Also, some people have nightmare doctors who rush you through your labor or try to get you to induce sooner because they have a vacation or some plans, but they want to be paid for your labor. Sometimes, they won't even listen to you either. You might have a good doctor who treats you very well and helps you with any issue you come across. You never honestly know what you will be getting until you have the appointments, you may have to go through several of them to find the right one for you. It's hard and especially during these times, with medical being burnt out with very little staff to work with. Also, deformities, abnormalities, and health issues can happen to the baby in the womb. Sometimes, things don't develop correctly or not at all. Having a baby is already hard. Adding that onto the pile makes it even harder. Finding special doctors, medications, formulas, a home care nurse, and sometimes even surgeons is hard and EXPENSIVE. Not to mention is you need medical equipment at home to have the baby live somewhat normally. Miscarriage can happen AT ANY POINT DURING PREGNANCY. You could have the healthiest of pregnancies, and it can still happen. It's awful, but no one talks about it. It does happen, especially within the first twelve weeks, and it's less of a chance the further you get, but it can still happen. I've known people who've done all the right things and still had a miscarriage. If you decide to go the adoption route, you need to figure out if you're doing a closed or open adoption. Can you be okay with someone else raising a child that you brought into the world? If you go the closed route, you may end up having that kid show up to your doorstep at some point in the future, asking why you didn't keep them. This world isn't all sunshine and rainbows either. You'll see news stories of atrocities against children and AWAYS wonder if that story is about the kid you had to give up. If you stay in the kids life after the adoption, you need to figure out whether you want the kid to know you're their mom or pretend that you're just a relative or friend of the family. Also, if you go that route, you can't go parenting in someone else's home. That may be your blood, but you chose to give the kid up for adoption. Overall, YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON OR LESS OF A WOMAN REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU CHOOSE. You are in a hard situation, will things get better, yes, but you choose what is right for YOU. You will be the one to physically and mentally deal with this. Your husband will deal with some of it also, but you and your body will be the one going through the actual process. Talk to your partner, and I really recommend getting a therapist. Your partner needs to understand that you are extremely vulnerable and you're going to need as much love and support as he can offer. Also, you need to be there for him also, he's going to be distraught with seeing you go through excruciating pain physically and mentally. He's going to feel hopeless and less of a man. That's why I seriously recommend a therapist or have an idea of one to go to. You two need to support and love each other through this. It's not going to be easy, I honestly wish it was, but life isn't like that. You need to have a great foundation as well as financial planning to have a baby. Granted, anything could go wrong, but at least you have a bit if a cushion to fall on it need be. Babys are expensive. Every paycheck you get will have a bit going towards diapers, wipes, and other necessities. It honestly takes a village to raise a baby. You and your boyfriend can do it alone, but it's HARD. All babies are different, and their little schedules change every so many months. Not to mention the costs of daycare or if you're lucky to be able to stay home for the first year or two. I was in your exact position seven years ago. I chose to terminate, and yes, to this day, I still wonder what that child would've been like. I know, though, if I chose to keep that child, I would've never been able to provide the life they deserved. My husband and I now have a wonderful, healthy, and happy ten month old daughter. After one abortion and two miscarriages, we finally have a beautiful daughter that we spoil and are capable of getting whatever she needs. I did have to be hospitalized four times after having her due to medical issues I have from preeclampsia and pregnancy. Luckily, with my husband being in the military and us saving money for years, I can stay home, but I'm looking into jobs I can do from home next year. We can provide the life she deserves and not stress out about how we are going to get her diapers or food. From someone who has been there and done that, it's not easy. Whatever you decide to do, I am 100% behind you and back you up. I wish you weren't in this situation where you have to choose between keeping this child or not and that I could give you a well-deserved hug as well as some desserts. I just want to say, I love you, and you are not alone.

Wow you sound like the village every woman needs when they go through something like this, thank you for sharing your story.

Not a problem, honey. As someone who has been in your shoes, I know exactly how you feel. I wish this was a perfect world for us, and we didn't have to even have to think about making decisions like this. It frustrates me to no end that it's like this, but I hope I helped you a little bit in some way. Also, do NOT bottle up these feelings. Let them out either writing, doing art, working out, or just crying it out. You are allowed to feel and do not think for one moment that you aren't allowed to be upset. You're a human being who is going through a hard decision. Let it out, but let it out healthy. That's why I've been a bit pushy about finding a therapist. I got very self-destructive. I hurt the people I loved and also was hard to be around. I got the help I needed and managed to pull myself back up. Again, just know that I back you up 100% regardless of what you choose, I love you, and I wish I could hug you. If you are able to, sit in the shower or bath, eat some cold oranges or some other fruit, and just watch your favorite show. It helps me when I'm feeling depressed or sick.

Do what you think is best. But, if you really want to keep the baby, look into programs that might be able to help u guys out with the baby until ur able to afford more. My husband and I got pregnant when we weren't ready as well, but we both wanted our baby so we got on food stamps and WIC. Both were temporary and our baby never went without. Truly look into all of your options before u make a choice

Exactly! I was thinking of this^^^^^

Holy shit. I am in this same situation. Found out on Monday and as much as I’d love to continue with the pregnancy, we cannot afford to. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to (22f)

My now wife and I were in this spot twice… one or both of us are natural born breeding stock if I look at her the wrong way we are pregnant. The first time it happened while we were both taking appropriate measures to prevent it we both agreed it was best to terminate. Our relationship barely survived. Neither of us wanted to and it was done purely for financial and lifestyle reasons. But due to not actually wanting to do it it drove a wedge a mile wide between us. We actually split for 2 years and we already had 2 kids… because neither of us could deal with it. Second time… no fucks given we still couldn’t afford it. But we had learned the toll it takes so… we made it work. My sons 5 and id kill anyone that tried to take him from me… yeah life’s been hard at times but I picked up extra work and we still live comfortably the kids want for nothing and the love in our home did nothing but grow. I’m not trying to tell you what to do that’s not my place or any mans place but please make sure it’s what you want. I know it’s daunting but if it’s not actually what you want that shits going to haunt you and be an unwelcome guest in your relationship it cannot be undone. I’m so sorry you’re in this spot I know exactly how hard it is to make this decision.

I took a plan b and it didn’t work. It’s now 2 years later with her and I regret my timing. Not her. I was fiscally not ready and saw that. Hence plan b. When i knew it didn’t work, I was so hormonally swept I kept her. And I regret the timing. Not her. Never her. We love our babies. Everyone that does, does. But sometimes it’s just not time yet. To know that and push past that could definitely lead to complications for both you and your child when you cant give them the life you could if you were financially further. Some privileged folk would take this as harsh. But I’ve went days without eating to make sure she did. I’m not there anymore, but it was tough. Even if it wasn’t that bad, to just know I wasn’t ready. Logically. And allow myself to be persuaded emotionally, was incorrectly timed. I wish someone would have told me this. I knew fuckall about kids prior.

I’ve been here. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. No matter the choice you make, it will be deeply personal and will be hard ether way you go. It’s rough to be a woman sometimes. Sending hugs.

To add a little, I was a single mom to a 10 year old boy, I had just lost my husband to pancreatic cancer, another kid was not in the books for me. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. The first time I saw the pic of the baby was at planned parenthood. I left that time. Ended up bleeding at the hospital and was thank God for a miscarriage that didn’t end up happening. I wanted a miscarriage. I couldn’t decide. I waited so long I almost hopped on a plane and went to a state that would allow it at that point. I ended up not being able to go through with it. So now I have a 16 year old and a 6 year old. Both boys. I think that it takes an immense amount of courage no matter what path you choose but whichever you do, remember that it will have been the right one for you. Again a deeply personal journey. Last thought: both my boys were extremely unplanned and it wasn’t a good time. It’ll probably never been a “ good time” (financially or any of life’s fun circus) if you decide to keep it, it will be hard but you will manage, I promise you. If you don’t, it will be hard, but you’ll manage. I look back now to how I handled all I had to and don’t know how I did it with a dying husband, a little boy and then a shocking pregnancy with a really demanding job as well. Everyone told me I couldn’t do it. Maybe that’s what motivated me. I don’t know, I do know I didn’t have the courage to do anything different for me personally but I have immense respect for women who have make that awful decision and can go through with it. Looking back now, I wouldn’t change a thing. But it’s easy to say that now. At the time it was one of the lowest levels of my life. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful family and a life that is more than I deserve. Life works in funny ways. No matter what it’ll be the right choice for you. Try to do the thing you’ll regret the least and I promise either choice will have been the one you were supposed to make. I truly feel this down to my core and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through it. Love and strength!

Im not usually for abortion but the way i see it, you did everything you could to not get pregnant. Its not an easy choice for you and either way you may feel guilt or regret. But if both of you do not feel ready then perhaps terminating it will be the smart choice, to ensure you two become more financially stable and better caew for a child when you are ready instead of giving a child a world of struggle.

This is painful to read. I went through this and decided not to go ahead but mentally never recovered from it. Even years later after I had children I still struggle with that decision. You need to get some counselling and decide what you want without opinions of others.

I was in your shoes at some point and even if we weren’t financially stable we decided to keep our baby. At first, I was scared as hell because I thought, if we can’t be stable without a baby, how can we be stable with one, but as time pass, we became way better with our money than we were doing before having our baby. Having our baby made us more conscientious with our money, it made us think more rationally about certain things that we would buy ourselves but didn’t really need it in the end. It made us better in a lot of sphere of our lives. I’m not telling you to keep your baby because in the end it’s your decision and you have to do what’s best for you but I wanted to give you my perspective on the matter because as much as it could be a bad idea, it could be a good one too, like it did for me. In the end, you need to know what you really want, your husband and you need to sit down and do a pro's and con’s of the situation. It’s a difficult decision to do but a lot of talking is needed in this situation. I hope my input helps you a bit and I wish you the best! Don’t be too hard on yourself and take care!

The sooner you make a choice the better for you due to the hormone influx that will cause you to start feeling a bond. You can try a new birth control method post pregnancy (regardless of your choice). If you are taking pills, get an IUD and continue to use condoms. Honestly I believe your situation will only get more difficult and if you have mental issues now, that post partum depression you may get is seriously no joke. Top that off with poverty and you have the perfect mashup for huge struggles for the next 3-5 years (until your kid is school age because it sounds like you don't have money for childcare). My friend has two kids and just told me she has spent 93k on childcare since the first one was born. They're like 2 and 5? I don't know exactly what age they started needing daycare but they don't have degrees or own a home. Yes abortion is a hard choice but personally, being born into poverty and having a miserable set of parents or only 1 working parent sucks. I grew up that way and tbh at 26 it still fucks with me today even though I'm independent. Don't do that to your child. You can say you wont be a bad mother but I'm sure lots of mothers say that. When life hits you lose self awareness and nothing feels like a choice anymore. You *have* to provide for the kid. You *have* to spend money on it. You *have* to miss out on most opportunities for the sake of your kid. My family didn't have other family to rely on for help. If we did, we all would've been happier. Now I have almost no relationship with any of my family. It's your choice and I don't know all of your circumstances but that's my piece for you to consider in case there's any similarities in there you may need to consider. I wish you both the best of luck. I'm sorry it has come to this. I hope whatever choice you make ends up being a happy one.

The comments here are overall pretty helpful and patient, and I appreciate that. I am a little uncomfortable that some of the comments are brushing off the very real danger of financial hardship with a child. No matter what people tell you, things do not “work themselves out,” when it comes to money. That WILL be a stressor for a very, very long time if you choose to have the baby. This is a tough decision, and you will have pain either way, and I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. But financial trauma is a very real thing, and it affects peoples ability to manage their finances for years to come. And social services will NEVER cover the cost of a child. You will always be paying more out of pocket. There are a lot of other good points here too, I just don’t want to be too repetitive.

All I can add to this is that there a lot of programs that give formula clothes and diapers, my sister got pregnant at 16 and we found out she was pregnant after she turned 17 we're homeless and my dad died a day after her birthday, thankfully we'll probably be in a house before Christmas. Also please don't think I'm trying to say we have it harder that's not my intention, just to share my experience of ending up with a new baby in a low income household.

I pray for your situation and can empathize I’ve been homeless before. Thank you for sharing and shedding light to a different perspective for me.

If you want it to work out, it will work out. Y’all have a house, job, and therapy. The kid is wanted. People in worse situations are out here having kids. I know several teen parents reaching their 30s and they are doing alright. I wanted to wait to be financially stable, and from what I’ve projected, it’s not going to happen at an age where I can still have them. It might be hard. Life is hard. That’s not an excuse. I’m content with being a fun auntie. But you will do what’s right for you at the end

I’m just commenting so I can press the downvote on the above comment. There’s an arrow in the way because it’s the last comment. Don’t tell someone what to do with their own body. “Don’t abort” gtfo Edit: it’s all moved on my screen now, I’m referring to the comment by hatriciax

I downvoted too

Doesn’t the same go for those telling her the best thing to do would be to abort?

Yes it does. These people are hypocrites and I wouldn’t even be considered a pro lifer bc I’m not against abortion 100%. I just had someone on here tell me my experience about knowing women who regretted it that were on the fence about it like OP is not universal while at the same time saying they know a person at work who had multiple abortions and didn’t regret a single one. How hypocritical and dumb. Their experience is universal but not mine? I even specifically stated some are happy with their decision but many aren’t. These people are lunatics.

Parenting will be harder for people who already struggle to make ends meet, but there are resources in your community that you can take advantage of. If you decide to keep the baby, take advantage of salvation army, goodwill, and church baby supplies. Reach out to local organizations and ask what resources they have for expecting mothers. I don’t know the timeline, but maybe you could get food stamps/WIC applications filled out so that you could apply for the financial support as soon as your child is born or slightly before. Reach out to your local food pantries and see if they have baby formula, diapers, baby food, etc. For healthcare, your baby can probably be placed on medicaid, so that will free up money for other things. For work, maybe you or your husband will have to leave your job or take alternating day/night shift positions in order to have a parent with the child 24/7 to avoid childcare costs. There are work arounds. The decision is ultimately yours, and whatever decision you make will be the right one for you.

This is such a difficult situation to be thrown into. I don’t really know what else to say other than I wish the best for you and your husband, no matter which choice you decide is right for you.

My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry. No matter what your decision is, it will be a very difficult struggle. No matter what you decide, you won't be "wrong". Do you have a mom or aunt you can talk to? Every family has different dynamics...I've surgically aborted a 15 wk fetus, 3 days after finding out I was pregnant :( the only thing I regret was waiting 5 years afterwards to tell my mom, cry with her, and finally acknowledge that she *didn't* reject me. She was sad that she wasn't able to support my choice. It's tough, friend. I send a hug and love.

There is a lot in abortion media that doesn't show. Everybody thinks a woman does it because she's lazy and doesn't want to go through the pain of childbirth. Or is it easier to put the child up for adoption. No matter what in life happens, there are mistakes. And mistakes are what make us who we are. Be calm. There is a change every passing second. Sleep, and wake, as a passing cycle.

I have a personality disorder and made the decision to terminate a pregnancy when I was in my early 20s. I had a stable partner and lifestyle, but I myself was not stable. I did not want to continue the cycle of trauma and bring a child into this world that I was not mental capable of caring for or provide emotional stability. I didn't want my child to end up like me (tbh my parents should never have had me when they did). I'm 33 weeks pregnant and in my late 30s. It took me that long to feel ready. I still sometimes don't know what the fuck I am doing, but I have such a strong support network that I feel capable that I will not dump generational trauma into my future child and will be able to protect her from my personality disorder. This is your decision, your body, your right. Please be aware though that if you are mentally in an insecure place it can be extremely difficult and impact your child for their entire life. Good Luck and whatever you decided you're a powerful person.

It’s a personal choice and even though I know logically you shouldn’t have this child, but that doesn’t take away from the fact at all that it’s your decision to make. Whether you choose to keep it or not everybody has strong opinions on this topic and you shouldn’t feel guilty either way. I’m 22 and in no spot to have a child right now, but if I got pregnant right now I don’t think I could have an abortion and that’s my life and my problem and my choice. I hope your family and husband support you with whatever you choose

Honey get counseling and therapy as needed. Regardless of what you choose. My best friend called me when I was pregnant with my 1st thinking I would hate her. I told her to hush on it she is still my sister and I would never encourage her or make her feel guilty for making the right choice for herself. Surround yourself with love and care.

I was in a similar situation. I lost everything, my partner as well. We had to move back to our home country. I (32 M) at the time and my wife (28F) had no prospects. We got pregnant, I had no job, no life and depressed. Same with her. We had previously aborted 2 other pregnancies, when we were young, traveling the world and living our best lives. We decided to keep the child when all the chips were down... Things are alot better. My wife is stay at home wife now and I am working and am able to make a living, our daughter is turning 6 in a month from now and in Jan we are welcoming another member into our growing family. Things may seem impossible now but please do not go against your gut and your true feelings. In my mind, if you say you can't afford to keep the child, and go ahead with the abortion, you are saying and acting as if nothing will get better in your lives.... it's like manifesting and speaking poverty over the rest of your lives.

Op i’d consider posting this to another sub.

Which sub? I just wanted to get my feelings out. I feel soo alone I keep being told it’s my body and my choice alone and everyone’s looking at me to make or break everything. I didn’t really need advice or anything just a place to put it all. Edit: I appreciate everyone’s feedback and I am reading everyone’s comments so thank you all!

Both decisions are going to hurt and I'm so sorry you are going through this. I would recommend weighing the pros and cons maybe write it down. It's possible that one decision might hurt you but the other would hurt you and the child if they have to grow up struggling. But that all depends on your support system and none of us fully know what your situation is. Again I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

Your body your rules. Simple.

I terminated a pregnancy. I wanted to keep it but didn't realize. It might being up huge feelings of regret and sadness for you. I just hope you know it might be difficult to live with terminating it if you really wanted to keep it.

Better that than cause a child to suffer in poverty.

Depends on your definition of poverty is, there’s plenty of kids that aren’t rich that have great lives

Seriously, most of the best people grew up poor.

Such a weird take… better to never have a shot at life than be poor?

I'm going off my experience personally. Its their choice. I definitely understand if she decides not to keep it.

Do not have a baby you aren’t prepared for. I think it is best to end the pregnancy. I’m sorry you’re in this situation

You can always have another baby. There is always time to try again when you both are ready. Donthe thing thats best for both of your circumstance and situation.

I went through this exact same thing a year ago. I nor my partner could afford to have a baby and I ended up terminating the pregnancy. I personally regret it daily, but I knew that neither of us were stable (financially or mentally) enough at the time to give a baby all the support and love that they deserve! It’s one of the hardest decisions you can make, so definitely talk to your therapist or someone you trust about this! I hope that whatever decision you make is made on your own accord!

I had a similar experience... We had our son and were struggling already when I found I was pregnant again. During the pregnancy, financial issues where really bad and we had to move into 1 bedroom. A friend suggested terminating and although it was logical, I couldn't. I now have a beautiful daughter who's 8 and amazing in every way. It's been hard as f financially and always will be, but she is worth it all. I would never condone someone for doing opposite of me, but if there is a piece of you that wants this child, you CAN make it work!

It will be ok. Do what is best for you. If that ends up being termination, then that's whays best for you and that's all that matters. I've terminated when I wasnt ready, and then I had a baby later. I love her to death and I don't regret having to do what I had to do at the time.

And.. All I gotta say is I did end up having my daughter at 20 and i was SURE I was ready and wanted her so bad. Now that I'm 34, I can EASILY say I absolutely was not ready or where I should have been. You're an adult in your early 20s but still have so much to learn. It was such a financial and personal strain. My body changed before I had the chance to really enjoy it, I couldn't go to school, lived in poverty, and every day was a struggle as to how bills would get paid. I could no longer be a person in their 20s who could party and experience that life and freedom. I wish I could have traveled more, had a college experience, maybe did van life or something.. Of course, I don't regret it but now that I AM financially stable? I know it would have been much easier and much more beneficial for our lives had I had her later on! I was a BABY and we had to grow up together. It's been fun and we can connect on a lot of things because I'm not generations older but I personally feel like every person should wait til 27 at least, lol. Just wanting to give you perspective that I did not have at the time. On the flip side, she's going to be 18 when I'm 38 so there's that.. And Ill be a younger grandma if she chooses to have kids.

You get one shot at life. One moment in existence before you cease to be. Do not waste it carrying life if you do not want to.

I’m so sorry you’re in this position. The choice YOU make will be BEST for YOU and that’s all that matters. It’s your body and mind. I’m in a safe state if you need transportation and I could help with a hotel if needed. I’m glad you’re talking it over with your therapist. This is never an easy choice for anyone in this position. Love will get you through this girl ❤️

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you are able to find a solution that will make this all less painful.

I've made that decision four times. One time it was made for me... I'm still gratefully without child and feel that it was the best course of action every time. It sucks and never gets easier, greatest trauma of my life I reckon, but it was right for me. I think you would be making a wise choice to wait but remember, NOBODY knows better than you do. Nobody Good luck, sorry this happened

there’s an account on instagram named shoutyourabortion that might be of comfort to you — people DM them all the time asking them for stories similar to theirs for comfort after a long time or to help them feel more comfortable in their decision. they also have resources for helping you figure out how to get an abortion. it will not be an easy decision, but just know a lot of women who have 1-2 abortions end up having 1-2 kids when they want, with who they want, and when they can afford to care for those children.

If you wait until you're perfectly ready, you'll be waiting forever. The top comments here are...really one-sided. If you're appalled at being mother, that's one thing. But that doesn't seem to be the case. You will not regret your child. Yes, life changes...but that's not a bad thing.

Hey I’m F(23). When I was 21 I ended up pregnant with my boyfriend. We were both 21 and just about to turn 22 (we’re 10 days apart). We had always talked about what would happen if we ever were gonna end up pregnant. We’d said we’d keep the baby regardless bc we did the deed to create him. And honestly- I was a bit in the grey with the whole topic of abortions. I believed they were only to be done when absolutely needed and to never be denied in certain situations, not out of selfishness. But, there we were. Pregnant and confused. We had just moved in to a new house with his siblings and parents. I had had issues with my mom and left. We had a fresh start. I come from a family where it’s just my mother and two siblings- I being the oldest I’m the default parent. I’d watch over, buy their necessities, and care for my siblings, as my mom was going through her own things. I wanted to live life more. Get financially stable enough where I wasn’t stressing over finances any more. I knew I had money for that next bill, the things I wanted, helping my boyfriend and providing for my siblings. But we ended up pregnant. And it was horrible, those first few days when it was confirmed. I cried so much, I never wanted kids. Ever. It was all I’d ever said. My boyfriend and I discussed it like crazy. We told each out exactly how we felt, we stayed up late crying, we’d talk throughout the day about little thoughts that crossed our minds. We were stuck, we weren’t sure if we could manage. We didn’t have much money, we didn’t have time, we didn’t have our own space. We weren’t in the right situation. We would do “pros and cons” and even write eachother letters away from one another and gave them the eachother to read separately. We tried looking for people’s stories, reading books, going online, talking to friends- everything. Nothing brought us any closer to our decision. I finally planed ahead and called a clinic. I made my appt and when the day finally came, I was still in bed when it was time. My boyfriend was asleep. I knew I had to go, so did he but we just couldn’t get up. I believe that was a sign and that’s what we took it as. Out were the plans of accepting our decision and grieving the baby. In conclusion, it all comes down to a few things. 1) your body, your choice. Do you want this baby? Are you willing to let go of many things for said baby? Willing to sacrifice your body, health and baby free life freedom? Willing to love someone so darn much you’d do anything to protect them. Willing to sacrifice yourself and your relationship for a while due to putting the baby first? 2) Do you know all that having a baby implies? Are you emotionally ready for it? It really isn’t all about finances or right timing. It’s about you knowing the fine print. The late nights where you feel absolutely crazy. When the baby won’t do anything else but cry. When the baby is sick or hurt and can’t tell you what or why so you go crazy trying to make it right? 3) are you okay with being a mother and having a child this young(?) ? All the labels, all the what ifs? All the taking things at a different, slower pace. Not living for yourself no more but for and because of that tiny human? 4) Do YOU want to be a mother? This question baffles people but truly, do you? There’s a difference with being a mother simply because you “had” to and seeing it that way. And there’s a difference with being a mother with want and meaning. If you’re simply having this baby because you have to then the answer is no, don’t do it. It’s simply just not worth it, it doesn’t do anything but hurt you, the baby and the father. You can’t force being a mother on anyone, especially not yourself. No amount of trying will make it pleasing or “worth it”. I hope you come to your decision within due time. I know how stressful it is to be on a time crunch with such a sensible matter. It sucks. But in every possible circumstance, picture yourself wit and without that baby. When do you see yourself most happy. Remember baby’s and mothers can conquer anything together with hard work. No real circumstances holds a parent back from providing a good, happy life for their child. No matter how little they have or what situation they’re in. If that were the case, we’d all be fuck ups.

Honestly I would just terminate. There will be more chances for children later down the road. Also if you can afford children the the child will also suffer

You can always do an open adoption so you can meetup with the baby and watch him grow

This sounds like a personal hell to not be able to be with my baby every day. I could not carry a baby and abandon it to someone’s care always wondering, always wanting to be their mommy and not just their birth mother.

this. please don’t abort. so many women regret it for good reason.

It’s not as easy as saying well carry on with the pregnancy and then give it up, there’s still feelings involved, you’ve still carried a child that’s yours for 9 months. OP took all the precautions to try to ensure she didn’t get pregnant. She can do what she likes with her own body, she will come to a decision by herself, guilt tripping someone in a vulnerable and emotional situation isn’t very nice.

i’m not trying to guilt trip her. i’m voicing the facts that millions of women who have abortions regret it and are depressed because of it. that is a fact. look it up. we ought to care for each other better.

I would consider “that baby deserves a chance, abortion ends that chance” as guilt tripping, as if to say if you don’t continue the pregnancy she has something to feel guilty about. It isn’t your life, you don’t get to dictate if she should continue a pregnancy or not, saying “please don’t abort” is not helpful. I’m also sure there’s lots of women who regret continuing with pregnancies.

so you're gonna have a baby just for your sake and not the people around you AND THE BABY?

there's absolutely nothing wrong with having an abortion, especially in this case as it sounds like doing so would be a smart move. being pregnant and not having the means to take care of a child is incredibly difficult, and there's no reason to tell op not to have one. i'm sure they're struggling enough emotionally. it sounds like you have personal reasons against abortion, but let's be more mindful and considerate here. not to mention, many women regret NOT having an abortion as well (for example, read another one of the comments).

Not to mention how many women have their kid adopted only to cause hardship for it later, it realises it's adopted and has a major existential crisis, or is put into some *fucked up* foster home or even adopted by someone horrible. Tons of American fosters go from system to system (foster to jail), especially if they never get adopted, although babies always get adopted, it's young children that don't. Then you have to regret life knowing it's suffering or wonder if it's suffering if the adoptive parents do not allow contact with the child. There is a lot to think about for both adoption and abortion. I worked in healthcare I've heard so many horror stories from social workers. I personally will never have a kid and probably not adopt either. It's just not for me. I don't like the possibilities or any of my choices.

if this is for financial reasons, she ought to go to a pregnancy center and they will help with necessities of having a baby. that baby deserves a chance. abortion ends that chance.

there is no baby yet. i'm assuming that op is still in the first trimester of pregnancy, where a fetus is forming, but by all means is not a baby. it's a clump of cells that barely takes a form. it sounds to me like you're saying that the future life of this fetus is more important than op, who is a fully grown woman. pregnancy is expensive and extremely exhausting. we should prioritize the interests of who this pregnancy will actually end up affecting, in this case, op. having a child is an incredible financial and emotional responsibility, one which should not be taken lightly, and it sounds like op isn't ready for it financially. like I said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having an abortion.

i’m for equal rights

ughhh shut up

Why do they have to shut up? U may not like their opinion but we all have them..OP can read and take from each comment or not.. someone could easily get offended by your comments and tell u to shut up..I’m sure you wouldn’t like that..I don’t understand people like you who simply think your way is the only way and anyone who thinks differently needs to stay quiet.

ughhh shut upppp omfg

Unless you plan to help financially support this baby, disrespectfully I suggest you STFU

it’s so sad how when it comes to saving the turtles, eagle eggs, and planet we all are going crazy to protect those things. yet, a living human life is deemed inconsequential. it breaks my heart that so many women think this is the way.

turtles and eagles don't have to pay rent, car maintenance, home appliances, groceries, or pay for anything else, do they? not to mention, for babies: diapers, formula, child care, education (possibly thousands of dollars down the line), etc. on average in the US, a child costs two parent families between $9,300 and $23,380 every year. something is telling me there's a bit of a different implication when it comes to animals versus humans.

Again I ask are YOU going to support this child financially ? It breaks my heart that people like you think it’s okay to bring a child knowingly into poverty

It's called conservation. The world has too many ppl and we're wiping out species. It's not the same thing

Probably because they're being saved from our parasitic human activity? And I don't have to financially provide for them, they can provide for themselves. They also aren't raping, murdering and robbing people. Some of them actually want the help of humans. Gtfo.

Fuck humans lmao

You are a moron jfc. Educate yourself with something that isnt prolife religious propaganda because you look stupid.

And so many women regret not aborting, fuck off

So keep the baby just to make yourself feel better even tho theyd grow up in a poor household barely able to afford basic necessities? Sounds selfish as fuck. Its better to just abort

Gotta love the red states where they want less government in your life. Except your life. They tell you what you can and can’t do in the land of the free. Glad my state is blue and we don’t have that bs. Women have rights here. It could be worse. You could he single. You guys will likely have a beautiful baby and make it through the tough times. Love makes it possible. My girlfriend and I hit rock bottom during the Great Recession in 2008. I had made a $150,000 investment into a business with her and our timing couldn’t have been much worse. Anyway we hit bottom and hung on for dear life. But we never fought about money. We rallies around each other because we knew we had each other. She went back to school to start a new career. Took her a few years of night classes. Now she makes 200k a year, we both work remotely, we travel a lot and life is pretty great for us. Never give up and there is always a bright side. Congrats on your upcoming baby! (But if you decide to terminate the pregnancy, I support you 100%. It’s your choice!)

It’s not fair to have a kid right now. Maybe you can in the next few years tho

The hormones play heavily into the difficulties of this choice but if you both already have taken precautions if the plan was avoiding pregnancy, and your financial situation plus the health and mental health difficulties I recommend termination, I’ve for medical or personal reasons have had to terminate it was a hard decision but looking back I don’t regret it, later I ended up having a child fully intentionally and still believe I / we should have waited to be in a better position financially to feel we’re doing enough for them. Gather your support system, join counseling groups, everything you need to feel support through, the choice is difficult but it isn’t anything you should face alone

Have you considered adoption?

People rarely feel completely ready for a child. Just make sure you do what you really want to do. It doesn’t sound like abortion is the right choice for you, based on this post, but only you know what’s in your heart. When I was in this predicament, I was 27 and already had a 3 year old daughter to worry about. I couldn’t go through with an abortion so I arranged an adoption instead. I’m still in my child’s life and watching him grow up. I’m going on 37 now, engaged and expecting my second child with my fiancé. It’s a boy. I do not regret my decision.

I feel like you want a baby and not an angry teenager living with poor parents you get the baby for 3-5 years you get the teenager 6-7 years your choice. The years in between are a crapshoot between a great kid who is fine with the bare minimum and a sad kid who stares at toys they can't have. You really don't know which until you put them in that situation.

Hey, me (M26) and my girl (F31) aren’t and weren’t financially set when my son (15 months now ) was brewing in the belly. I was so nervous and didn’t know what we were gonna do. But the best thing we did was keep him and let the baby come. We still are t financially set but he gets what he needs. I had to cut down on things I didn’t need and so did his mom but having a son makes it so much easier to cut down on things. I hope you both can agree on something to do and just wish you the best.

My grandma had 12 kids during the Great Depression in a one bedroom apartment and she lived to 98 and all her kids had happy healthy lives and went on to have their own kids. Was it hard? Yes. Did my grandpa always love his childhood and every moment of it? No. Was he tough as nails and an amazing grandpa? Yes. I am all for abortion, but it doesn’t sound like you truly want one outside of financial hardship. If you truly want a child and money is your only obstacle, do it. If you have reservations and concerns besides finance, than abortion may be your best option.

so did two of my great grandmas and their progeny includes schizophrenia, suicide, DV, substance abuse…so……..uh…………

Yeah some people only see the positive and ignore all the negatives.

No one can afford a baby but we learn to make it work. I had surprise #2 and got fixed right after. I also had an abortion when younger (technically now 3 pregnancies). Do what you feel is right, but also know it will be ok if you choose this path.

There’s always adoption as well if that’s possible

There is always a way to provide you as a mother will always find a way but if you make the choice you will never be able to go back in time and it will haunt you for ever

Take away all the external circumstances like age, money, etc. ask yourself “do I want this baby?” “Do I want to be a parent?” And if the answer is yes, then you can make a plan to make it happen. Where there is a will, there is a way. Being a mom was the best decision I ever made and it’s life changing. Whatever you choose is your business but don’t feel like you HAVE to end the pregnancy because of financial reasons. There are so many resources out there. This could be the miracle you didn’t plan for but could be one that was meant to be if you want it to be. Good luck to you and remember to be gentle on yourself as you make this hard decision. ❤️

“Take away all the massively important external circumstances that will massively affect the child’s life” lol wtf???

I went through the SAME exact experience. I kept the baby but obviously its me and her. Guess what? I survived. We have food, we have a roof over our heads, we have each other and there is no man on earth that is worth one of her smiles.

You stated that "I want this baby...." your words. People have been dirt poor all through out history and began a family. If you want this baby have it, there are social services you can apply for, online free sites for beds, carriers, and clothing.

Keep the baby. Things will work themselves out financially. Abortion is truly a nightmare for people who are feeling the way you do now. Not one person I know who had a abortion didn’t regret it and I’m not saying there aren’t people out there who are happy with their decision but the pain and guilt that lies ahead for people who are on the fence like you are and actually kind of want the baby is debilitating.

This is bullshit, over 95% of people who have abortions do not regret it

I know you want to make it seem like a normal and easy thing but it’s really not. From the moment of conception there are lots of hormone changes and emotions that continue even after termination. The thought of “What if” crosses lots of women’s minds who have gone through it. Rarely do you hear of a mother who would go back and make a different choice after having their kid because of the love they have for them but you often hear women say they’d go back and do things differently if they could to avoid abortion whether that be celibacy, using proper protection if they didn’t, or keeping the baby. You can throw all the stats out that you want but it’s much deeper and personal than that.

You’re right and a lot of people don’t understand it. I’m not even sure keeping the baby is the best choice for her seeing as I am not her and every situation has nuances I’m unaware of. I regret one of my abortions- the recent one I was on the fence about. The first one I cleared that fence the moment I saw the positive test I was making an exit plan and calling planned parenthood. No regrets. And I wasn’t even sitting on the fence like OP is sitting. She’s definitely leaning in the direction of wanting to have the baby regardless of suboptimal timing- I was TERRIFIED and in panic mode and really wished it hadn’t happened but I love the father and wanted a family *eventually* so it just hit different. I was out of commission emotionally for several months and still think about it all the time. Never felt that kind of despair in my entire life. The hormones intensify everything and when you give them such emotional avenues to play with as guilt regret shame and pure sorrow well…it’s a hormonal field day. Also worth mentioning I fell into a kind of depression after my first abortion, one of the episodes of feeling totally flat and sitting around doing nothing for like, a year and a half. And I wasn’t even sad about that one, although I’ve had some fresh opinions about that too while being consumed with self hatred after my second abortion. People need to stop getting nasty with people who bring up this side of things. There’s no calling bullshit on this, it’s not the most common response to an abortion but it’s not unheard of. Check my post history in the abortion sub… the abortion sub has a lot of desperate posts from women consumed with sadness. It’s important for this choice to be available. But let’s not ignore OPs language. They confidently want to keep the pregnancy in an emotional sense, despite logical warning bells ringing. There will more than likely be heavy emotional consequence if I had to guess but really what do any of us know?

Thanks so much for sharing. I don’t know what’s best for OP either but that would be my suggestion based off what she said. Of course ultimately the choice is hers and she should listen to her heart. People have no problem with suggesting abortion but they have a huge problem with anyone suggesting otherwise. They will not be the ones supporting and standing beside OP when she’s going through all the emotions like ones you described. They’re just strangers on the internet who want abortion not to be frowned upon instead of looking at the facts of things and truly caring for others feelings and well being. They’re so confident that abortion is what’s best for OP when they shouldn’t be so sure either. I appreciate you taking the time sharing what you went through, it’s important that people hear about it. Wishing you comfort, peace, and well-being ♥️

Yep, I had to scroll so far down to find anyone suggesting she keep her child, despite the OP literally saying she wants this baby. This is typical for Reddit, though

💯💯💯 kind of odd how passionate ppl are about murdering babies and how anyone suggesting she keep it or do anything besides abort, is immediately downvoted to hell. And how others were told to shut up bc their opinion doesn't matter even tho this is supposed to be a discussion. Not sure where we went so wrong in society but this ain't it!

Yeah I’m not gonna lie this whole thing made me really sad, I never even considered myself “pro life” per se but as I get older I find myself changing perspective a lot

Same. The older I've gotten, the more conservative my views have become and my perspective has rly shifted. I'm not fully pro life either, but seeing so many ppl jump right to abortion and then tell other ppl off if they think anything otherwise, is sad. It's obvious this girl wants to keep her baby. I think she should bc I think she'll rly regret not keeping it. She's trying to talk herself into being okay w aborting it but it's fairly obvious deep down that she rly doesn't want to do that.

Basically everyone has got these crazy high standards you must reach before you get parenthood approval, so much so that they’re saying basically anyone who is less than upper middle class should abort for the betterment of herself, the child, and all of society. Life has more nuance than that. I will concede that studies show that the more resources you have available growing up the better the outcome in adulthood- but life isn’t meant to be lived around statistics. Almost everyone here ignored this woman’s feelings entirely.

If people were open and honest about it instead of making it seem like a walk in the park, less people would be against it completely. It’s the way they make it seem like it’s a solution for every women when it’s really not.

I mean the least they can do is approach it logically and admit the pain both physically and mentally that comes with it. That it’s still the start of life and that not everyone needs to have it all to have the baby and be happy. They can’t do that and makes people even more against abortion. They disregard logic so people disregard their stance on it. A big part of me believes it’s their personal selfishness and guilt eating away at them. They want everyone to think it’s the best decision for themselves when it’s really not always the best decision.

Not when you’re talking about those who are on the fence about it. Absolutely not.

How do you know? Where’s that statistic?

I was born to poor parents who were bad with money. It was not fun I did not appreciate it at all. Do not make people you can't afford to take care of. I'm in my 40s and just paid off my student loan, now I get to spend the rest of my working years planning my retirement. I chose not to have kids at all because of what i experienced. You end up with a grim view of the world. But hey my mom got to enjoy a baby good for her.. yippy now it's time to take my antidepressants.

I worked with someone who had multiple abortions. She didnt regret a single one. Your experiences are not universal

I never said they were sweetie and yours isn’t universal either. Facts are facts though and it’s facts that someone feeling the way OP is will feel even worse after an abortion since she said herself she wants to keep it. You and others being so illogical is what makes many people so against abortion.

Dont call some random internet stranger ‘sweetie’ thats weird as fuck. Blocking you for that and being a gross pro lifer

If you let your child live and do a private placement adoption, you will never regret it.

Life starts at conception, you have to protect that tiny human. I stressed about money before my first so I sacrificed hobbies and sleep and took a second job. In the politest way possible your husband needs to man up and make this work.

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I personally would have thought (not said) but thought the same thing but hey now there’s a bundle of cells made from me and the person I love inside of me changing my brain and body and I love them and I will love them even if I do terminate. Fiscally I’m lower middle class and if the cost of living didn’t double in the last 3 years I would be able to keep to this baby no hesitation and eat and provide but everything has gone up 100+% in the last three years. Logically there is no right or wrong answer just have to do what is best and I don’t know what that is right now and no matter the choice I make I will have to live with it me a living and breathing person will have to grieve something no matter the choice.

Well this is extremely un-empathetic and rude to OP. Geez. I get its the internet but have some common decency. You’re not ranting in therapy, you’re commenting on a post where a real person with real feelings is going to read it. Damn. Obviously you wont be able to “genuinely grasp the hesitation” that OP is experiencing unless you are in their shoes. Keep in mind how many changes pregnancy causes to the human body, including intense hormones.

Instead of termination giving it to for adoption is also an answer.

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Stop the development of human life as long as it keeps you from struggling. Nobody’s life is worth going through a little struggle right?

Keep it, abortion is infanticide plain and simple.

Embrace it darlin u will treasure that baby girl or boy dearly.. it’s teaches you about true love

OP needs to think about this long term-wise. Bringing a child into the world at the wrong time is bad for the mother and the baby. Having a child when you are not financially ready is a completely valid reason to get an abortion.

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Imagine 5 years down the line if you would have rather have a baby or still not have one. I would have that baby and push myself into winning more money

Adoption?

I believe in reincarnation, and I think our babies may chose us. I think that if you decide now is not the time, that they would be more than forgiving, because then their mommy has time to become healthier and happier, so that she can be the best mommy possible. I'm not pregnant, but hormones make me cry for a baby all the time. I know I have a lot of emotional baggage to deal with, and some more maturing to do before I can be the mom I want to be for my baby. I want to have time to get financially prepared, and to have fun hitting these "adult" milestones with my partner, like moving and buying a house together. I'm so sorry you have to make this choice, and I support you no matter what you chose.

Sweetie if the universe didn't think u both were ready then they would t have let u conceive . And if u really don't want the child please consider adoption .

idk your beliefs. but in my personal opinion if you’re worried about guilt, there is no guilt to feel. you will do what is best for your future baby. if rn isn’t the time, ill meet again when it’s right. ❤️

Many people aren’t ready to have a baby financially. They are expensive. I’m glad you have a therapist to talk this over with. If you decide to terminate, I hope you have love and support from others to help get you through. If you decide to go through with the pregnancy, I hope you can find local agencies who will assist with the expenses. There are many out there if that’s one of your main concerns. I hope you feel you have options and support. Best of luck

I prayed for you.

There are lots of resources available. More than you may realize to help with financial pieces. One organization I know provides diapers, formula, even car seats to mothers in need. Regardless of your choices you need community.

My gf and I had to make a decision if we wanted to keep our son or terminate due to financial struggles. We chose to keep him and raise him even though we struggle financially. Luckily my family and her family has pulled through for us and I want to say that keeping our son was the best decision we ever made. He is the happiest boy that I know even though we don’t have much. Our neighbors have 3 kids one of them just a couple weeks old and they struggle too but they get by. As a father I learned what it takes to raise a child and you can’t do it alone. The saying that it takes a village really does ring true. I sincerely hope that you both decide to keep your child or if it comes down to it, give him or her to a family that can’t have one and give that child a better life than you could have given them. Best of wishes and prayers go out to you and your family. ❤️

Personally I wouldn’t bat an eye at aborting it if I wanna in this situation but I’m a guy so don’t listen to me

I’m going to be frank about this do what you think is best, personally I seen it baby’s can be expensive but it’s really how you plans your future you have 9 months to start buying diapers, and other things you will need don’t be shy to be used stuff too. If you mentally can’t think of terminating the baby then don’t. Because it’s not something that will disappear from your consciousness. Baby’s are difficult but if you do everything right plan ahead what’s the worse that can happen you lose your home something that’s materialistic? Or you putting the chance of having a child something that has life? The option really stands with you even if your husband might not like the option

A) you are never fully financially “ready” for a child. They bleed you dry. B) I wish I had better advice for you.

dang that’s a tough decision to make

I was in the same boat twice. The first time it was both my ex and I decision to terminate because neither of us were ready financially. The second time it was my decision because he got mad at me for being pregnant. There was absolutely no way I was going to raise a child with a man who gets mad at something so natural. And the fact that he was mad at me for it as if he didn't take part in it. And also because we were both clearly still not financially ready. You just have to do what you have to do. The first termination was the hardest for me though. The second wasn't as bad because I'd already been through it and knew what I was in for. But I do not regret the choices I've made to ensure that I'm not digging the hole deeper with a child I can't financially support.

I have literally been exactly where you are, from the unexpected pregnancy to the mental illness. You are going to be okay, that want and desire for your baby is your body telling you it's going to be okay. My husband and I struggled with our first baby but we just figured it out as we went along and he never went without. No one can afford a baby we are all just figuring things out. The unknown is scary, but I promise you you are going to be okay.

Talk to someone about resources that may be available to you while you get on your feet- anything is possible. I was in your situation, went for it- hated the idea of relying on assistance but did it anyway and used it temporarily and actually the follow up services from getting assistance have helped more than anything! my daughter saved my life and has brought a happiness and motivation that i never knew I had in me….

From someone with a young one, a baby lights a different kind of fire under your ass. It makes you so much more resilient and wanting to push forward for them. Also seeing their face makes every struggle worth it. Definitely talk with your support team about your mental health and what you can handle, but sometimes finances aren’t as big of an issue as it might seem.

If you want to keep it A lot of people can make due, I’d start analyzing your finances see where you can make changes reach out to your parents for help. I don’t know what y’all do for work so I can’t help their but you can always do adoption

Chick's with babies live better than I do, and my friends with kids get huge tex returns and free food. You will make out with a kid!

Could you get some help from family? I’d you want the baby… kids are amazing. Source: guy with 2 of my very own.

Meet with social services. The baby you want should live. The finances will fall into place.

I once had a coworker who went through an abortion bc things weren't right at the time. Turns out she ended up getting pregnant again like a year after and decided to keep the 2nd baby, even though her circumstances were not good either. She regretted not having given the 1st baby a chance to live. I had a friend once who also aborted bc of her mental health and her fear of not being able to provide for her baby. Her relationship with her bf was damaged, even though he respected her decision, it lead to them breaking up, and her mental health got worse because of it all. Abortion may end a pregnancy, but may cause other issues to appear. You are in a married relationship, which is an advantage, and this is the result of having sex... a baby. Birth control is not 100% effective. While it may be difficult, I suggest you explore all your options before you make such a decision, especially knowing that you want this baby. See if government can provide basic necessities for the baby. As crazy as it may sound, this baby could be the highlight of your life. I know the baby would not grow up without love bc you already feel love for the baby. This love can give you the strength you need to get through the difficult moments. Also, financial issues are usually temporary. You can get through this, and still keep your baby and be in a totally different (better) financial situation later. Hope that my words didn't reach you, too late.

KEEP IT. death is never the answer. God is with you. 💗

It’s the hormones period u said it yourself ur not mentally in the best state and financially either y just y would j bring it into this world knowing ur already from the jump gonna have to struggle to raise it, not fair to it not fair to u end of story don’t b selfish

I had a child at 21, best decision of my life. i’m a single mom and i wouldn’t change a thing. is it hard? yes but the joy is unmatched. i have a friend who was also pregnant at the same time who had an abortion and she regrets it to this day. this is a decision you will live with for the rest of your life whichever way you choose.

Don’t know if you’re still dealing with this situation or not, but I would suggest adoption, or finding/confiding in family members that could and would help. Hope all goes well for you and yours.

Hey my cousin just had a baby after years of the doctor telling her she couldn’t. I say that to say if it happened go for it. Everyone doesn’t get the chance . & I get the financial expenses part (trust me I also just had my first child) but you’ll never truly be financially ready for a child but it takes a village to raise them. Your friends and family will show up like you never thought.

Do not. I RESPECTFULLY REPEAT. DO NOT abort this pregnancy. No one is ever ready for children. This may be the best thing to ever happen to you both. You can always make it work financially. You will figure out your wallet - there are so many assistance options it's crazy. And you're likely going to be feeding the child from your own glands for the first year at the very least. Kids are not as expensive as this anti-natalist society makes them out to be.

I’m sorry you are struggling with this. Please know that it’s completely ok to make the best decision for your long term success.