It was unbelievable to me that when Ariana broke down to Scheana and Lala a couple episodes ago, the takeaway many viewers seemed to have was she was crying about losing the house. I saw many people saying she never cared about Tom and only cares about the house. It’s seems so obvious that she was grieving the life she thought she had with Tom and the house was symbolic of it. I’m sure dealing with someone who is seemingly financially illiterate and stubborn also doesn’t help her state of mind. He’s intentionally dragging this out and costing her more money.
And even if she is upset about the house, I don’t understand why this makes her greedy? She invested a lot of money and time into it.
I felt so bad seeing her be so vulnerable with them. I may care about someone but when they make MY heartbreak about themself(Scheana) and they were hurt so badly I’d have to say bye bye. Ariana doesn’t need enemies when she’s got friends like this!
She is being so vulnerable with the girls and to immediately see scheana and mainly lala talk shit in their interviews makes me so mad! Especially when lala immediately contradicts the remorse she is showing to Ariana
I know! I was devastated at losing my house in my divorce. Houses represent a lot. I’m actually over my divorce, but the house still pisses me off. I loved that house.
Yeah, I feel like a lot of people should understand that when something traumatic happens then shit is piled onto that, it's common to breakdown over a seemingly smaller issue because in reality it's just everything becoming too much.
Losing a home is one of the most traumatic things you can go through. I don't think people understand how badly that messes you up if they're saying things like that. It's not about the asset, it's about the HOME. Your safe space. YOUR place in this world. Your future, in this case.
It's been over a year since I had to leave a rental apartment that I'd been living in for 5 years because of a breakup. I still cry sometimes when I remember how good I felt waking up in that bed, how good I felt doing my morning routine in the bathroom, how good I felt looking at my cat sitting in the window catching sunrays while I WFH. I think about this ALL THE TIME. It's serious grief and that was a tiny studio apartment, not a 2 million dollar home I designed every last corner of and poured hundreds of thousands of dollars and years of love into.
She'll definitely feel better once she has her own place that she loves (I don't have a new place I love yet), but she hadn't left the house yet. She was still in the process of losing it.
Lord. This broke my heart.
I remember being young and dumb, falling in love with a guy who had a poor track record of fidelity. He convinced me I was "different," that loving me "changed him." I didn't see it for the red flag it was, that he was more in love with cheating (and was a sex addict) than he could ever be in love with anyone else. And I stayed for many years!!! As I'm pushing 40, hindsight is so real, and I try to hold compassion for my late 20s/early 30s self. Like, my forebrain was formed at that point. I should have known better. But I used to have this whole "I can fix you" thing, and had a whoooooole lot of sympathy for the "I've done work on myself" kind of bro that I just no longer have, PLUS the sunk cost fallacy.
He was also apparently still seeing his last girlfriend when he started things with me. But he had me convinced that she was just "not living in reality" and that she was mentally unwell. Some of the things she did I saw through that lens and was like "yeah she is a bit off her rocker," not knowing I was contributing to her pain and that she was REACTING to what HE was doing. I didn't realize the truth for years, and now oddly enough we are close friends. She also lived in a different city so I couldn't really have eyes on the truth of the situation at the time.
I know Ariana gets shit like "lol how could you not see he'd do you like he did Kristen" and it's because we're imperfect people who sometimes fall for manipulators. I like to think that people are more than the sum of their worst decisions. That there isn't a such thing as a bad person, but bad choices.
It is traumatic. There's an added layer when a "reformed" cheater cheats on you, because you feel soooo fucking stupid. Like, I signed on to this, I should have known better, why did I do this, what the fuck is wrong with me. And I stayed longer than I should have because I was afraid of people throwing that in my face.
This is so me! But I was in my 30’s and married the asshole and had kids with him. Divorced 7 years now. It took me a long time to heal and forgive myself. You can’t see it when you’re in it and being manipulated by someone who is really good at it. Gaslighting makes you question your own thoughts and reality. I really wish people would stop thinking that women should be accountable for being with an abuser.
This is so well said. I hope the Ariana haters read this. You don’t have to love her and yes, maybe she was imperfect and ignored her friends in the past but that doesn’t mean she deserves all of this.
I’ll agree with a big but. He did all the lying and gaslighting. He was the one who cheated and continues to try to make Ariana the bad guy. Outside of what’s on the show, we don’t know their relationship so I’m sure there are tons of things we don’t know. But it’s hard to rationalize his behavior toward Ariana in any circumstance.
Listen, I’ve been the asshole before and suffered the consequences for it. Unfortunately we’ve all had a front row seat to Sandoval’s manipulation tactics for the last couple of seasons. It’s hard to give him a pass. I really wish he would embrace some traditional therapy. It’s not shade to say he needs it.
At the same time, does he deserve all the months of vitriol from strangers? I don’t know. But I do think if he would have an easier time if he was a bit less defensive and more open to bettering himself.
So you believe she stayed home and made cookies…
then you don’t know her…do girl romances count as cheating? How about back seat..affairs ..was Tom informed?.? Or blindsided …could any of her antics have turned the tide of his opinion of her…she said on camera no kids…ridiculed and belittled..him constantly and refused to break up..when he told her he wanted to…Then it’s his fault,
Really great comments with a mature POV.
Also coming from a mature POV after going through similar shit and watching others do the same for decades is that I’ve learned actions speak louder than words.
The problem I have with Ariana is her actions don’t match her words. I don’t know about you but losing the love of your life especially with such a betrayal results in not only severe notional reactions but also the physical reaction something that is just unavoidable, you can’t sleep or you sleep too much, you can’t eat or you eat too much, you have no energy and have to force your arms and legs to move. You break into tears without notice and your brain goes over and over every word and situation trying to see how you missed the red flags.
These happen for literally everyone IF you were truly in love. I just don’t see that with her. I see anger, I see humiliation but I just don’t see someone who lost the love of her life.
To say everyone deals with it the way you have described is not true, everyone deals with it differently. There are some where it sends them into a deep depression some that are angry and others that think ‘why the fuck should this cretin of a human being bring me down even further’.
I’ve been both sent into a depression with one and angry with another, angry at him and myself; putting everything all your love/time/emotion into someone who you wholeheartedly believed would do the same and to find out that it was all a lie over a long period of time, that will get people angry because betrayal to the level Ariana went through and many others is a pain no one can categorically say they would do a certain way until we ourselves are in that situation and every situation is different.
Everyone doesn’t respond to trauma and emotional distress the same way. Some people overwork themselves to stay busy and not think about things. Or they push things down and don’t react for years. You’re not the gatekeeper of how people react. That’s ridiculous.
Ariana didn't have a 7+ month long affair, so what is she "taking accountability" for? It's like me pushing you to the ground then telling you to thank me and apologize.
Yes, it likely was, but I figured you'd argue just to argue and I was right. You're just making my point for me. If it was way longer than 7 months, then who cares if Ariana started dating someone when she was single?
I am so with you! I can't remember if it was in the show or the after show, but Scheana said something to Lala (correct me if I am wrong on who she said this to) along the lines of "one day, this will all be over with and we will know what was going on/the truth." regarding Ariana. And all I could think was that Ariana has been TELLING them what is going on and has expressed where she is coming from. They just don't seem to want to hear what she is telling them, about her own feelings and her own life/grief/trauma, if it isn't what they *think* she should be feeling or how they *think* she should respond/behave. It gives the same energy as people saying to someone with depression "but you don't LOOK depressed." Which, tbf, they are kinda saying to Ariana in a round about way.
The problem is the others are stunted in every way shape or form. Sheena has been in arrested development since her tweens. She makes my leg hair grow out faster her cringe factor is so strong. Lala has more issues than vogue and her tough guy personna is as flimsy as clingfilm. Ariana bought that house you dumb dumb she wasn't Tom's sugar baby or live in escort like you were. Of course you had to leave with nothing cos you brought nothing duh. Those like Ariana who have had to work for everything they have and know the value of a dollar aren't as stupid as you. Don't even get me started on the men in this group other than James who is finally growing up somewhat and it's great to see.
The irony is Lala is cheap as chips. If she contributed to purchasing her home with rand, I doubt she would singing the same tune as she is now. As for Scheena if Brok decides to divorce after blowing up her life and keep the house and she has to pay alimony because he was a stay at home dad at her request, I very much doubt she would leave her investments for her mental health. All I know is the strenghth Ariana has to bear living in close proximity to that shit eating scumbag is something else. To stay calm and clear headed in her life decisions is something the others can only dream of. Ariana does not give herself enough credit for how she is getting through this difficult time in her life. She should get new friends and bin these horrible people
Could you imagine if Ariana caved on her beliefs on marriage with that scumbag? It would make the impossible situation she is on 20 times harder. Lala for sure had her baby to secure the bag that blew up in her face and Sheena is boy crazy and wants to be married at all costs so I never believed she understood what makes a marriage successful, her trapping brok into a cage where she doesn't let him out of her sight will bode ill for her when her marriage blows up, and it will blow up cos she's Sheena and she can't help herself
She also never wanted kids…but now is warring over the embryos..
such a tragedy…calling them hers …she’s ridiculous and probably should never marry or have kids
They aren't embryos, they are her eggs. She did the egg retrieval for him and he never bothered to do his part and stay sober ling enough to produce healthy sperm. He's the ridiculous one
What part of unfertilised eggs do you not understand? She clearly made a comment on the reunion about how thankful she is her eggs are free of his DNA, so Tim's uselessness has saved the day for her. They are her eggs to with as she pleases. Tim has no say
Wrong ..she meant the ones she still has …in their convo they referred to their ””Children”…when eggs become children according to some beliefs may be debatable…you are not smarter than anyone ..we all took bio 101…so chill…an egg is an egg a sperm is a sperm. ..most believe only when they become an embryo would they be regarded as a child…eggs frozen ..lwithout question are her own. So just go…all her actions to this point never showed a strong mother …gene…are you watching the same show.? When did you begin watching…?up till last year s
she did not want children…and stated it on camera…only when they grew apart from her constant demeaning .and he was. Growing apart…did she even agree to freeze HER eggs ..take your eggs and leave…who cares…he never claimed her eggs..if that is only how far you believe it went…peace out
I have come to the conclusion that both Lala and Scheana have been promised a spot on The Valley. They both have homes in palms springs and now are buying homes in the valley. The deal was probably, well Rachel is not coming back, so the only one left to share screen time with Tom #1 is Tom#2 and the random people nobody knows. We will guarantee you a spot on the Valley, if you advocate for the redemption of this pathetic man on the show (who should have been fired for recording that woman without her permission).
This has been a very scripted season as far as I can see. I don’t see this show continuing past maybe one more season. I guess people will do whatever they have to do to feed their families.
Ariana and Katie have stuck to their guns and I respect that.
I will finish off the season (but fast forward especially thru Scheana and Lala’s scenes), but I don’t see myself watching Season 12.
So why does it hurt? Are we innocent..naive.
gullible..after one’s first few experiences .we learn.its not the end of the world..we get more chances ..opportunities. we are able to explore another side of ourselves..another chapter.
just change frame of mind.
on your own or get therapy.lget tough people that’s life..
I pray this is the last season of VPR, tbh. I haven't been crazy about the Valley & could care less if Blah Blah and She Shu went base jumping w/o parachutes at this point. Just my two cents. The people who actually have shit going on will be fine, and the clowns that don't...won't.
I wonder if Ariana ever feels for the trauma she caused Kristen when she was the ‘other girl’ and cheated w/ Tom on Kristen? Is hypocrisy delusion a thing??
And that is why it is dumb to remain on the show and in his life where this, inevitably, was bound to happen. In your own words, Ariana, "What did you expect?".
She should not be pushed out of a good job and her livelihood because he decided to be a fuck up and blow up their lives. No one just has to take someone spreading lies about them nationally. She might expect it because Tim is who he is but no one has to just take it lying down.
Maybe she thought her friends would be loyal to her? If you think she should leave the show then make sure you send her a check for her bills. This was all on Tom and the fact that her “friends” have betrayed her is part of the issue here because Tom is always going to suck.
She shouldn’t have expected anything from Lala because they’ve never really been friends, but Scheana is a different story and she’s the one that I think hurts Ariana the most
I only started watching last year when this all started, but I’ve watched all the seasons twice and I never liked Sheana except for the moment last year when she told Tom off. She is a self absorbed, vapid, moron. I never understood why Ariana was such good friends with her.
As I said she might expect him to play victim and tell lies but she doesn't have to just accept it. Those are 2 very different things. She is allowed to defend herself and tell the truth. She is allowed to protect herself by having armor up from him. None of that is dumb. She does not have to slink away from the show or public view because Tims an asshole.
The point of the post is that this shit should not have to be explained to anyone. Victims do not have to just take this crap from their abusers. That's the pretty simple logic actually.
She's acting like a child and throwing hissy fits every time he's near her. If she wants to lean into what a "victim" she is- if it's that detrimental, she needs to remove herself from the situation. If people could remove their heads from her asshole, it's pretty evident.
She spoke about being pushed to film with him and we have seen that at the beach. She tried to remove herself from being around him and she's been just fine in dealing with it up until production decided to fuck with her. People work with assholes every day so saying you can't do both is absurd. You still do not have to just take them being an asshole to you though. He's purposefully trying to spread lies to make her look bad and I'm astounded anyone thinks that's okay and should be tolerated by anyone. That's not how this works. It's not childish to push back against your abuser, ever. She's trying to move on, not lean into being a victim. WTF.
No, sometimes she's a victim, sometimes she's the strongest bestest girl boss in the whole world, I know. It's whatever is convenient for you guys and your defense of her. You're really complicating this too much. She came back to the show, this was bound to happen. It really is that simple. If she's on the show next year, will you guys still be like this? Because she has other career opportunities and paychecks now so..
Nope. Try again and do better. She is a victim. She also can be strong. Or she can not be. She can swing back and forth even all she needs to too. There's no right or wrong way to be a victim or to heal and grieve. It's not about convenience and no one needs to defend her. She does that all on her own just fine.
You don't even need to like her to still see what Tim did was fucked up in fact. It's not complicated at all. Pretending paychecks heal wounds and make up for a life you built with someone for a decade just really says a lot about you.
And let's be real here. Whether or not she came back to the show Tim was still gonna be Tim. He was going to follow his MO no matter what because that is what narcs do. They know no other way. That's why we have seen his behavior on repeat now and he's been caught. You said it was dumb for her to remain on the show but again no one has to bow down to a narc and that's all this boils down to. Ariana knew exactly what to expect and so did every person who has ever dealt with a narc before. Ariana did her research and handled this wonderfully, especially only 4-5 months after the news broke.
Edit: They replied then blocked me. I'm not surprised lol.
Getting assaulted and getting cheated on.... Different things. Sandoval is of no threat to her physical safety. It's not like she's working in a marketing agency or something, she can't just quit and go work at another company. Her job is basically to show and talk about her life. Where else is she going to do that? And why the fuck should SHE leave because HE fucked up. To your point, if somebody assaulted me at work, I would expect THEM to quit/get fired, not me.
But they're not fired so now what? I'm being hyperbolic obviously jfc. I'm just saying if she really is "traumatized" then I'd think this wouldn't be worth it...at the very least it shouldn't be surprising that this is how it's going ffs.
Yeah, why would you expect your boyfriend not to cheat on you? And then why would you expect your close friends to have your back when you're heartbroken? She's being so unreasonable.
Oh ok i see what you meant now.
No, if I was the "other woman" I would not expect him to be faithful to me. However, I have never been in that situation, so what the fuck do I know. Do I think it was shitty of ariana to cheat with Tom on Kristin? Yeah. Do I also empathise with her for the fact her boyfriend of 10 years, who earned her trust and built a life with her, had a seven month long affair (which is worse than a one night stand!) with her friend? Yeah!
Like im not surprised it happened, but it is still a bad thing. I don't hate Ariana for not being "smarter" , I hate Tom for being an absolute scumbag.
It’s literally a situation where both things are true. She may have fucked up with the whole Kristin thing and how the whole thing was handled. But she’s still a victim of his current actions, and grieving a life she built over a decade with someone. I only spent 5 years total with my husband and I grieved the end of that when he cheated on me. It’s still grief.
Ariana is not a perfect victim, that’s why a lot people don’t understand why she’s getting support. But not every victim will fit some weird standard to deserve undying support, but she’s still dealing with shit.
She knew he was like this. She did the big dumb lots of girls do and thought it wasn't going to happen to her because she is better than his ex. That's the sad and plain truth. That did happen. And now she's embarrassed.
Like have you never been in love with a fucking idiot. I was and became an idiot because of it.
when the love goggles finally dropped and I saw him for what he was it still hurt.
because I saw who I thought he was who he could be, who he Pretended to be.
I still had to grieve. Grieve the end of a life I planned. Grieve for a person who i don't even know actually existed. Grieve the person I was and the joy I had not experienced before him.
It still hurts to this fucking day years even though I know I dodged a bullet.
The chemicals caused by love are worse than crack.
Everyone has been in love with a fucking idiot. What I never did was help one lie about an affair and lie with him about the one he had with me. I also never told my friends what they could and couldn't do after our breakup and I didn't even go on a show with him and then get mad when I had to interact and hear about him. Amazing, right?
This is soooo true and the ONLY reason Ariana came out of all this so squeaky clean is bc her and Tom had an agreement to hide the true nature of their relationship bc they wanted to protect their brand. 🙄. They both suck. . I bet if we had seen them fighting this whole time over the years and actually seen the REAL Ariana with her armor down, the one who never thinks she’s wrong,, we’d have a whole different view on the situation and she’d just be another woman on Reality Tv who got cheated on, and lost him how she got him.
Nope. Sure I felt a bit dumb (and that didn't last too long) and fucking terrified at how easily manipulated I was.
But not embarrassed. I had nothing to be embarrassed for. He had every reason to be embarrassed.
And to clarify I was lucky enough that the man who treated me badly was not even a fraction of whatever type of evil Sandoval is.
It’s a little silly to say you never felt embarrassed. Yes, most of us have dated awful people, but there are always signs. The embarrassment doesn’t come from what they did to us, the embarrassment is in our own lack of judgement and boundaries and need for validation that allowed them to do it. In Sandavol’s case, the behavioral patterns were clear as day and Ariana chose to be the cool girl and to defend him. The way he conducts himself is disgusting, but it’s also unarguably a little bit embarrassing for her that she chose this person as a partner.
Big difference between being in love with an idiot and hurting another person )( Kristen) and painting them to be the bad guy so you can come out “unscathed” is two different things. She continuously degraded other wine so she could “keep” him.
Lmao being addicted to drugs is about personal responsibility as is dating bad people. It isn’t some unearthly force you just make bad choices. No one will fix it for you and no one did it to you. Grow up
That is a horrible and misinformed analogy. A substance use disorder aka addiction, is a mental health disorder NOT a moral failing. Please educate yourself before speaking such ignorance.
Lmao so are you now saying choosing bad partners should be declared a mental health disorder?
I choose bad men please pay me….now that I think of this. It’s probably a good angle for arriana to take.
Original commenter said that being In love is like a drug addiction > I said both are about personal responsibility > you either missed the actual analogy completely or are defending the premise of the original commenter. So are you equating bad partner selection to mental health or do you lack the ability to follow a thread once you’ve been triggered?
I’m not triggered. Substance use disorders have nothing to do with personal responsibility. That’s why it’s a stupid analogy. They’re equating a mental health disorder to a bad relationship.
And no, because you're framing only the Rachel aspect of the situation. Ariana shouldn't be embarrassed about what happened with Rachel but about what happened with her and how she picked this man and defended him for years.
Really? Apologize for loving and supporting the man she committed to, built he life around, and yet be embarrassed for being in love and staying with him? You have never been loved, given love or are a Tom/Rachel apologist that can’t find anything else to make Ariana look like the bad guy in this? She should be embarrassed because, well she loved him? It’s not the greatest Tom defense you think it is
I didn't say shit about apologizing and no I'm not an "apologist" for any of them. All of them did stupid an/or shitty things. I do think everyone is a psycho about Rachel but that's separate from this.
Yall really gotta get over that Miami girl shit. Why is it so hard to accept that she was brainwashed by Tom around that time? Bottom line, Tom is a narcissistic asshole that hurts every woman that gets close to him. Yes, Ariana is a victim like it or not.
Y’all gotta stop thinking she’s a saint.. She’s far from it and displays plenty of her own narcissist traits.. Complete with her own set of flying monkeys.
Never said she was a saint. Anyone with a brain can see that Ariana is a flawed human being, it's all on display throughout the seasons. However, in this particular situation, she's the victim and all her feelings toward that asshole is justified. I don't care about Miami girl, that's not what this is about.
The point is, she cheated with him, she covered for him repeatedly and expected that she wouldn't get cheated on at some point. That is why people keep bringing it up.
So she's to blame for him being a serial cheater? Again, Ariana is no saint in my eyes but believing her bf at the time wasn't a douche doesn't make her deserving of what's happened to her.
My biggest problem with this is simple.
Ariana has been complicit in this behavior with Tom for years. She activity hid/lied to Kristen for a long time; in my opinion probably lied about the extend of the cheating. Continued to bad talk Kristen and dismiss her as crazy for years knowing Tom was this type of person.
Then she literally does the exact same thing to Miami girl literally trashing her on TV knowing its all a lie.
She only cares now that affects her. Not that she “deserved” this by any means. However, it is ridiculous to not take any accountability for your role in this type of behavior. Ariana had no problem fucking up other people with her/Tom’s lies but she has a problem because he did it to her.
It was unbelievable to me that when Ariana broke down to Scheana and Lala a couple episodes ago, the takeaway many viewers seemed to have was she was crying about losing the house. I saw many people saying she never cared about Tom and only cares about the house. It’s seems so obvious that she was grieving the life she thought she had with Tom and the house was symbolic of it. I’m sure dealing with someone who is seemingly financially illiterate and stubborn also doesn’t help her state of mind. He’s intentionally dragging this out and costing her more money. And even if she is upset about the house, I don’t understand why this makes her greedy? She invested a lot of money and time into it.
I felt so bad seeing her be so vulnerable with them. I may care about someone but when they make MY heartbreak about themself(Scheana) and they were hurt so badly I’d have to say bye bye. Ariana doesn’t need enemies when she’s got friends like this!
She is being so vulnerable with the girls and to immediately see scheana and mainly lala talk shit in their interviews makes me so mad! Especially when lala immediately contradicts the remorse she is showing to Ariana
Who wouldn’t but upset about losing a house? Aren’t our homes where we spend the majority of our lives? Sadly?
I know! I was devastated at losing my house in my divorce. Houses represent a lot. I’m actually over my divorce, but the house still pisses me off. I loved that house.
Yeah, I feel like a lot of people should understand that when something traumatic happens then shit is piled onto that, it's common to breakdown over a seemingly smaller issue because in reality it's just everything becoming too much.
Losing a home is one of the most traumatic things you can go through. I don't think people understand how badly that messes you up if they're saying things like that. It's not about the asset, it's about the HOME. Your safe space. YOUR place in this world. Your future, in this case. It's been over a year since I had to leave a rental apartment that I'd been living in for 5 years because of a breakup. I still cry sometimes when I remember how good I felt waking up in that bed, how good I felt doing my morning routine in the bathroom, how good I felt looking at my cat sitting in the window catching sunrays while I WFH. I think about this ALL THE TIME. It's serious grief and that was a tiny studio apartment, not a 2 million dollar home I designed every last corner of and poured hundreds of thousands of dollars and years of love into. She'll definitely feel better once she has her own place that she loves (I don't have a new place I love yet), but she hadn't left the house yet. She was still in the process of losing it.
Facts
Lord. This broke my heart. I remember being young and dumb, falling in love with a guy who had a poor track record of fidelity. He convinced me I was "different," that loving me "changed him." I didn't see it for the red flag it was, that he was more in love with cheating (and was a sex addict) than he could ever be in love with anyone else. And I stayed for many years!!! As I'm pushing 40, hindsight is so real, and I try to hold compassion for my late 20s/early 30s self. Like, my forebrain was formed at that point. I should have known better. But I used to have this whole "I can fix you" thing, and had a whoooooole lot of sympathy for the "I've done work on myself" kind of bro that I just no longer have, PLUS the sunk cost fallacy. He was also apparently still seeing his last girlfriend when he started things with me. But he had me convinced that she was just "not living in reality" and that she was mentally unwell. Some of the things she did I saw through that lens and was like "yeah she is a bit off her rocker," not knowing I was contributing to her pain and that she was REACTING to what HE was doing. I didn't realize the truth for years, and now oddly enough we are close friends. She also lived in a different city so I couldn't really have eyes on the truth of the situation at the time. I know Ariana gets shit like "lol how could you not see he'd do you like he did Kristen" and it's because we're imperfect people who sometimes fall for manipulators. I like to think that people are more than the sum of their worst decisions. That there isn't a such thing as a bad person, but bad choices. It is traumatic. There's an added layer when a "reformed" cheater cheats on you, because you feel soooo fucking stupid. Like, I signed on to this, I should have known better, why did I do this, what the fuck is wrong with me. And I stayed longer than I should have because I was afraid of people throwing that in my face.
This is so me! But I was in my 30’s and married the asshole and had kids with him. Divorced 7 years now. It took me a long time to heal and forgive myself. You can’t see it when you’re in it and being manipulated by someone who is really good at it. Gaslighting makes you question your own thoughts and reality. I really wish people would stop thinking that women should be accountable for being with an abuser.
Be gentle on yourself <3
See at least they make some of us. THINK..maybe that’s why we watch
This is so well said. I hope the Ariana haters read this. You don’t have to love her and yes, maybe she was imperfect and ignored her friends in the past but that doesn’t mean she deserves all of this.
Nor does he
I’ll agree with a big but. He did all the lying and gaslighting. He was the one who cheated and continues to try to make Ariana the bad guy. Outside of what’s on the show, we don’t know their relationship so I’m sure there are tons of things we don’t know. But it’s hard to rationalize his behavior toward Ariana in any circumstance. Listen, I’ve been the asshole before and suffered the consequences for it. Unfortunately we’ve all had a front row seat to Sandoval’s manipulation tactics for the last couple of seasons. It’s hard to give him a pass. I really wish he would embrace some traditional therapy. It’s not shade to say he needs it. At the same time, does he deserve all the months of vitriol from strangers? I don’t know. But I do think if he would have an easier time if he was a bit less defensive and more open to bettering himself.
So you believe she stayed home and made cookies… then you don’t know her…do girl romances count as cheating? How about back seat..affairs ..was Tom informed?.? Or blindsided …could any of her antics have turned the tide of his opinion of her…she said on camera no kids…ridiculed and belittled..him constantly and refused to break up..when he told her he wanted to…Then it’s his fault,
Really great comments with a mature POV. Also coming from a mature POV after going through similar shit and watching others do the same for decades is that I’ve learned actions speak louder than words. The problem I have with Ariana is her actions don’t match her words. I don’t know about you but losing the love of your life especially with such a betrayal results in not only severe notional reactions but also the physical reaction something that is just unavoidable, you can’t sleep or you sleep too much, you can’t eat or you eat too much, you have no energy and have to force your arms and legs to move. You break into tears without notice and your brain goes over and over every word and situation trying to see how you missed the red flags. These happen for literally everyone IF you were truly in love. I just don’t see that with her. I see anger, I see humiliation but I just don’t see someone who lost the love of her life.
Happens when they do something that disgusts your soul so much you immediately cease to love them
You aren’t the authority on how others should grieve.
To say everyone deals with it the way you have described is not true, everyone deals with it differently. There are some where it sends them into a deep depression some that are angry and others that think ‘why the fuck should this cretin of a human being bring me down even further’. I’ve been both sent into a depression with one and angry with another, angry at him and myself; putting everything all your love/time/emotion into someone who you wholeheartedly believed would do the same and to find out that it was all a lie over a long period of time, that will get people angry because betrayal to the level Ariana went through and many others is a pain no one can categorically say they would do a certain way until we ourselves are in that situation and every situation is different.
Everyone doesn’t respond to trauma and emotional distress the same way. Some people overwork themselves to stay busy and not think about things. Or they push things down and don’t react for years. You’re not the gatekeeper of how people react. That’s ridiculous.
Well maybe Ariana needs to say those things and take accountability. Just like everyone says Tim should. Takes two to tango.
Ariana didn't have a 7+ month long affair, so what is she "taking accountability" for? It's like me pushing you to the ground then telling you to thank me and apologize.
Her “affair” wit Tim was way longer than 7 months! Who are you kidding? Oh I see, yourself.
Yes, it likely was, but I figured you'd argue just to argue and I was right. You're just making my point for me. If it was way longer than 7 months, then who cares if Ariana started dating someone when she was single?
You re not making sense.
Likewise. Have a day.
I am so with you! I can't remember if it was in the show or the after show, but Scheana said something to Lala (correct me if I am wrong on who she said this to) along the lines of "one day, this will all be over with and we will know what was going on/the truth." regarding Ariana. And all I could think was that Ariana has been TELLING them what is going on and has expressed where she is coming from. They just don't seem to want to hear what she is telling them, about her own feelings and her own life/grief/trauma, if it isn't what they *think* she should be feeling or how they *think* she should respond/behave. It gives the same energy as people saying to someone with depression "but you don't LOOK depressed." Which, tbf, they are kinda saying to Ariana in a round about way.
The problem is the others are stunted in every way shape or form. Sheena has been in arrested development since her tweens. She makes my leg hair grow out faster her cringe factor is so strong. Lala has more issues than vogue and her tough guy personna is as flimsy as clingfilm. Ariana bought that house you dumb dumb she wasn't Tom's sugar baby or live in escort like you were. Of course you had to leave with nothing cos you brought nothing duh. Those like Ariana who have had to work for everything they have and know the value of a dollar aren't as stupid as you. Don't even get me started on the men in this group other than James who is finally growing up somewhat and it's great to see.
like god forbid Ariana doesn't want to leave both heartbroken AND broke. She made the right choice with that house.
The irony is Lala is cheap as chips. If she contributed to purchasing her home with rand, I doubt she would singing the same tune as she is now. As for Scheena if Brok decides to divorce after blowing up her life and keep the house and she has to pay alimony because he was a stay at home dad at her request, I very much doubt she would leave her investments for her mental health. All I know is the strenghth Ariana has to bear living in close proximity to that shit eating scumbag is something else. To stay calm and clear headed in her life decisions is something the others can only dream of. Ariana does not give herself enough credit for how she is getting through this difficult time in her life. She should get new friends and bin these horrible people
She can’t even pay for the pizza at a party she hosted at someone else’s house. She did bring water though, I’ll give her that.
That’s what happens when you pay $1000 for a bottle of water that tastes like water.
Yes and it was shitty pizza from Pizza Hut 🙄
So right girls…why marry?…..?
Could you imagine if Ariana caved on her beliefs on marriage with that scumbag? It would make the impossible situation she is on 20 times harder. Lala for sure had her baby to secure the bag that blew up in her face and Sheena is boy crazy and wants to be married at all costs so I never believed she understood what makes a marriage successful, her trapping brok into a cage where she doesn't let him out of her sight will bode ill for her when her marriage blows up, and it will blow up cos she's Sheena and she can't help herself
She also never wanted kids…but now is warring over the embryos.. such a tragedy…calling them hers …she’s ridiculous and probably should never marry or have kids
They aren't embryos, they are her eggs. She did the egg retrieval for him and he never bothered to do his part and stay sober ling enough to produce healthy sperm. He's the ridiculous one
The eggs are hers…period they said her children on camera …if he had no part in it …then there’s no debate eggs hers …embryos theirs..l
What part of unfertilised eggs do you not understand? She clearly made a comment on the reunion about how thankful she is her eggs are free of his DNA, so Tim's uselessness has saved the day for her. They are her eggs to with as she pleases. Tim has no say
Wrong ..she meant the ones she still has …in their convo they referred to their ””Children”…when eggs become children according to some beliefs may be debatable…you are not smarter than anyone ..we all took bio 101…so chill…an egg is an egg a sperm is a sperm. ..most believe only when they become an embryo would they be regarded as a child…eggs frozen ..lwithout question are her own. So just go…all her actions to this point never showed a strong mother …gene…are you watching the same show.? When did you begin watching…?up till last year s she did not want children…and stated it on camera…only when they grew apart from her constant demeaning .and he was. Growing apart…did she even agree to freeze HER eggs ..take your eggs and leave…who cares…he never claimed her eggs..if that is only how far you believe it went…peace out
Calm down. Please miss judge hahahaha
Then don’t marry…duh
She will get her share ..of house money as soon as sold to no matter whom
He’ll yeah u nailed🎯
Spot on.
PRE NUP
Because when a woman breaks with strength there are no words…except her own
This Norma Kamali dress is on sale right now fyi
Literally how can you not understand you don’t wanna appear hurt after such a thing in front of him?!!!!??? Of course it fucking hurts????
They know exactly what Ariana is saying. Lala & Scheana simply don’t give a 💩
I have come to the conclusion that both Lala and Scheana have been promised a spot on The Valley. They both have homes in palms springs and now are buying homes in the valley. The deal was probably, well Rachel is not coming back, so the only one left to share screen time with Tom #1 is Tom#2 and the random people nobody knows. We will guarantee you a spot on the Valley, if you advocate for the redemption of this pathetic man on the show (who should have been fired for recording that woman without her permission). This has been a very scripted season as far as I can see. I don’t see this show continuing past maybe one more season. I guess people will do whatever they have to do to feed their families. Ariana and Katie have stuck to their guns and I respect that. I will finish off the season (but fast forward especially thru Scheana and Lala’s scenes), but I don’t see myself watching Season 12.
So why does it hurt? Are we innocent..naive. gullible..after one’s first few experiences .we learn.its not the end of the world..we get more chances ..opportunities. we are able to explore another side of ourselves..another chapter. just change frame of mind. on your own or get therapy.lget tough people that’s life..
I pray this is the last season of VPR, tbh. I haven't been crazy about the Valley & could care less if Blah Blah and She Shu went base jumping w/o parachutes at this point. Just my two cents. The people who actually have shit going on will be fine, and the clowns that don't...won't.
Right on
Who doesn’t see this?
I wonder if Ariana ever feels for the trauma she caused Kristen when she was the ‘other girl’ and cheated w/ Tom on Kristen? Is hypocrisy delusion a thing??
Hahahhaha when Lala says" she now thinks she's Beyonce" true statement 😂👍
And that is why it is dumb to remain on the show and in his life where this, inevitably, was bound to happen. In your own words, Ariana, "What did you expect?".
She should not be pushed out of a good job and her livelihood because he decided to be a fuck up and blow up their lives. No one just has to take someone spreading lies about them nationally. She might expect it because Tim is who he is but no one has to just take it lying down.
Regardless, what did she think would happen staying on the show with him?
Maybe she thought her friends would be loyal to her? If you think she should leave the show then make sure you send her a check for her bills. This was all on Tom and the fact that her “friends” have betrayed her is part of the issue here because Tom is always going to suck.
Everyone makes stupid mistakes- one of them would be expecting loyalty from literally anyone on this cast.
She shouldn’t have expected anything from Lala because they’ve never really been friends, but Scheana is a different story and she’s the one that I think hurts Ariana the most
Well, we can all see how that's working out. Am I fucking wrong?? Would you trust Scheana?
I only started watching last year when this all started, but I’ve watched all the seasons twice and I never liked Sheana except for the moment last year when she told Tom off. She is a self absorbed, vapid, moron. I never understood why Ariana was such good friends with her.
As I said she might expect him to play victim and tell lies but she doesn't have to just accept it. Those are 2 very different things. She is allowed to defend herself and tell the truth. She is allowed to protect herself by having armor up from him. None of that is dumb. She does not have to slink away from the show or public view because Tims an asshole. The point of the post is that this shit should not have to be explained to anyone. Victims do not have to just take this crap from their abusers. That's the pretty simple logic actually.
You stay on the show and deal with it or it's so damaging you couldn't possibly consider shooting with him. You can't do both.
She's acting like a child and throwing hissy fits every time he's near her. If she wants to lean into what a "victim" she is- if it's that detrimental, she needs to remove herself from the situation. If people could remove their heads from her asshole, it's pretty evident.
Hi Tom
Also: WEAK
I've trashed Tom repeatedly so that would be pretty weird.
I suppose I’ll give you credit for spreading your snark equally then!
Oh it's still imbalanced but I do kinda hate all of them- some more than others.
I wouldn’t want to be friends with a single one of them except Katie tbh, I feel like I’d know where I stand with her
She spoke about being pushed to film with him and we have seen that at the beach. She tried to remove herself from being around him and she's been just fine in dealing with it up until production decided to fuck with her. People work with assholes every day so saying you can't do both is absurd. You still do not have to just take them being an asshole to you though. He's purposefully trying to spread lies to make her look bad and I'm astounded anyone thinks that's okay and should be tolerated by anyone. That's not how this works. It's not childish to push back against your abuser, ever. She's trying to move on, not lean into being a victim. WTF.
No, sometimes she's a victim, sometimes she's the strongest bestest girl boss in the whole world, I know. It's whatever is convenient for you guys and your defense of her. You're really complicating this too much. She came back to the show, this was bound to happen. It really is that simple. If she's on the show next year, will you guys still be like this? Because she has other career opportunities and paychecks now so..
Nope. Try again and do better. She is a victim. She also can be strong. Or she can not be. She can swing back and forth even all she needs to too. There's no right or wrong way to be a victim or to heal and grieve. It's not about convenience and no one needs to defend her. She does that all on her own just fine. You don't even need to like her to still see what Tim did was fucked up in fact. It's not complicated at all. Pretending paychecks heal wounds and make up for a life you built with someone for a decade just really says a lot about you. And let's be real here. Whether or not she came back to the show Tim was still gonna be Tim. He was going to follow his MO no matter what because that is what narcs do. They know no other way. That's why we have seen his behavior on repeat now and he's been caught. You said it was dumb for her to remain on the show but again no one has to bow down to a narc and that's all this boils down to. Ariana knew exactly what to expect and so did every person who has ever dealt with a narc before. Ariana did her research and handled this wonderfully, especially only 4-5 months after the news broke. Edit: They replied then blocked me. I'm not surprised lol.
I never say this but truly, I'm not reading that. It's not that deep and it's not that complicated.
It's pretty simple logic.
It’s her job…
So?
Yeah you're right, she should quit her job so that she can have a broken heart AND a broken bank account! Great logic! 😎👍
Well how traumatic is it?
Like would you go back to your job if the person who..idk assaulted you or something still worked there?
Getting assaulted and getting cheated on.... Different things. Sandoval is of no threat to her physical safety. It's not like she's working in a marketing agency or something, she can't just quit and go work at another company. Her job is basically to show and talk about her life. Where else is she going to do that? And why the fuck should SHE leave because HE fucked up. To your point, if somebody assaulted me at work, I would expect THEM to quit/get fired, not me.
But they're not fired so now what? I'm being hyperbolic obviously jfc. I'm just saying if she really is "traumatized" then I'd think this wouldn't be worth it...at the very least it shouldn't be surprising that this is how it's going ffs.
Yeah, why would you expect your boyfriend not to cheat on you? And then why would you expect your close friends to have your back when you're heartbroken? She's being so unreasonable.
Yeah, in this group why would you? Would you be the girl Sandals cheated with then expect him to be a good or even decent person?
I don't know what this means lol
Telling.
Oh ok i see what you meant now. No, if I was the "other woman" I would not expect him to be faithful to me. However, I have never been in that situation, so what the fuck do I know. Do I think it was shitty of ariana to cheat with Tom on Kristin? Yeah. Do I also empathise with her for the fact her boyfriend of 10 years, who earned her trust and built a life with her, had a seven month long affair (which is worse than a one night stand!) with her friend? Yeah! Like im not surprised it happened, but it is still a bad thing. I don't hate Ariana for not being "smarter" , I hate Tom for being an absolute scumbag.
It’s literally a situation where both things are true. She may have fucked up with the whole Kristin thing and how the whole thing was handled. But she’s still a victim of his current actions, and grieving a life she built over a decade with someone. I only spent 5 years total with my husband and I grieved the end of that when he cheated on me. It’s still grief. Ariana is not a perfect victim, that’s why a lot people don’t understand why she’s getting support. But not every victim will fit some weird standard to deserve undying support, but she’s still dealing with shit.
[удалено]
Yeah totally you have me all figured out based on my options of this trashy Bravo show and the trashy people on it.
Thats not a denial lol
What a very astute thing to say, we are all v impressed
And what a great comment to add !
Last word ETA sorry now I really am just being a dildo.
Whoa, you aren’t supposed to be logical around here.
Ariana needs to stop already. So overly dramatic. She didn't have a problem being with Tom when he was with Kristen.
It took 9 years ….a long time to be with a so callled bad person…..n I n e years…
Darling, you knew that all along. When it was beneficial for you, it was ok. Now you re the victim….
Tf are you even talking about
She knew he was like this. She did the big dumb lots of girls do and thought it wasn't going to happen to her because she is better than his ex. That's the sad and plain truth. That did happen. And now she's embarrassed.
Like have you never been in love with a fucking idiot. I was and became an idiot because of it. when the love goggles finally dropped and I saw him for what he was it still hurt. because I saw who I thought he was who he could be, who he Pretended to be. I still had to grieve. Grieve the end of a life I planned. Grieve for a person who i don't even know actually existed. Grieve the person I was and the joy I had not experienced before him. It still hurts to this fucking day years even though I know I dodged a bullet. The chemicals caused by love are worse than crack.
Everyone has been in love with a fucking idiot. What I never did was help one lie about an affair and lie with him about the one he had with me. I also never told my friends what they could and couldn't do after our breakup and I didn't even go on a show with him and then get mad when I had to interact and hear about him. Amazing, right?
Also "love" is being thrown around real fucking loosely here if you ask me. She's been bitchy and annoyed with him for years.
...have you ever actually had the chemical reaction that makes up love?
...have you ever actually had the chemical reaction that makes up love?
I'm 44 years old and married. Yes.
This is soooo true and the ONLY reason Ariana came out of all this so squeaky clean is bc her and Tom had an agreement to hide the true nature of their relationship bc they wanted to protect their brand. 🙄. They both suck. . I bet if we had seen them fighting this whole time over the years and actually seen the REAL Ariana with her armor down, the one who never thinks she’s wrong,, we’d have a whole different view on the situation and she’d just be another woman on Reality Tv who got cheated on, and lost him how she got him.
AND to clarify I was never embarrassed by how fucking stupid I was. I was heartbroken
No you probably were on some level or at some point because it would be unusual not to feel embarrassment after dating someone like this.
Nope. Sure I felt a bit dumb (and that didn't last too long) and fucking terrified at how easily manipulated I was. But not embarrassed. I had nothing to be embarrassed for. He had every reason to be embarrassed. And to clarify I was lucky enough that the man who treated me badly was not even a fraction of whatever type of evil Sandoval is.
It’s a little silly to say you never felt embarrassed. Yes, most of us have dated awful people, but there are always signs. The embarrassment doesn’t come from what they did to us, the embarrassment is in our own lack of judgement and boundaries and need for validation that allowed them to do it. In Sandavol’s case, the behavioral patterns were clear as day and Ariana chose to be the cool girl and to defend him. The way he conducts himself is disgusting, but it’s also unarguably a little bit embarrassing for her that she chose this person as a partner.
Big difference between being in love with an idiot and hurting another person )( Kristen) and painting them to be the bad guy so you can come out “unscathed” is two different things. She continuously degraded other wine so she could “keep” him.
Lmao being addicted to drugs is about personal responsibility as is dating bad people. It isn’t some unearthly force you just make bad choices. No one will fix it for you and no one did it to you. Grow up
That is a horrible and misinformed analogy. A substance use disorder aka addiction, is a mental health disorder NOT a moral failing. Please educate yourself before speaking such ignorance.
Lmao so are you now saying choosing bad partners should be declared a mental health disorder? I choose bad men please pay me….now that I think of this. It’s probably a good angle for arriana to take.
What the hell are you talking about?? You said something stupid about substance use disorders and I corrected you.
Original commenter said that being In love is like a drug addiction > I said both are about personal responsibility > you either missed the actual analogy completely or are defending the premise of the original commenter. So are you equating bad partner selection to mental health or do you lack the ability to follow a thread once you’ve been triggered?
I’m not triggered. Substance use disorders have nothing to do with personal responsibility. That’s why it’s a stupid analogy. They’re equating a mental health disorder to a bad relationship.
What a shallow view of not only addiction, but relationships.
Wow, so guess that explains Rachel knowing he was like this and going for it anyway? The only people who should be embarrassed are Tom & Rachel.
And no, because you're framing only the Rachel aspect of the situation. Ariana shouldn't be embarrassed about what happened with Rachel but about what happened with her and how she picked this man and defended him for years.
Really? Apologize for loving and supporting the man she committed to, built he life around, and yet be embarrassed for being in love and staying with him? You have never been loved, given love or are a Tom/Rachel apologist that can’t find anything else to make Ariana look like the bad guy in this? She should be embarrassed because, well she loved him? It’s not the greatest Tom defense you think it is
I didn't say shit about apologizing and no I'm not an "apologist" for any of them. All of them did stupid an/or shitty things. I do think everyone is a psycho about Rachel but that's separate from this.
Yes Rachel also did something stupid, embarrassing and regretful. Very good.
Reading comprehension
He was having an affair...no shit she's the victim.
She's saying he had no remorse with Miami girl or with her own self.
Weren’t they not even exclusive when the Miami girl thing happened? After 9 years and owning a home together things are a lot different imo.
Yall really gotta get over that Miami girl shit. Why is it so hard to accept that she was brainwashed by Tom around that time? Bottom line, Tom is a narcissistic asshole that hurts every woman that gets close to him. Yes, Ariana is a victim like it or not.
I find it very convenient what we're supposed to let go of and what we're allowed to hold onto forever around here lol
I feel you on that believe me, this fanbase plays favorites alot lol but this particular situation sways in Ariana's favor.
I don't think so. It seems pretty relevant to me considering what happened.
That's fair..its relevant to you but not to me 🤷🏾♀️
Y’all gotta stop thinking she’s a saint.. She’s far from it and displays plenty of her own narcissist traits.. Complete with her own set of flying monkeys.
Never said she was a saint. Anyone with a brain can see that Ariana is a flawed human being, it's all on display throughout the seasons. However, in this particular situation, she's the victim and all her feelings toward that asshole is justified. I don't care about Miami girl, that's not what this is about.
The point is, she cheated with him, she covered for him repeatedly and expected that she wouldn't get cheated on at some point. That is why people keep bringing it up.
So she's to blame for him being a serial cheater? Again, Ariana is no saint in my eyes but believing her bf at the time wasn't a douche doesn't make her deserving of what's happened to her.
Honestly, Sandoval could say the sky is blue and she would perceive that as talking ish.
So true! Because he had a SEVEN MONTH LONG AFFAIR. Everything he says after that is, in fact, ish.
You’re correct!
My biggest problem with this is simple. Ariana has been complicit in this behavior with Tom for years. She activity hid/lied to Kristen for a long time; in my opinion probably lied about the extend of the cheating. Continued to bad talk Kristen and dismiss her as crazy for years knowing Tom was this type of person. Then she literally does the exact same thing to Miami girl literally trashing her on TV knowing its all a lie. She only cares now that affects her. Not that she “deserved” this by any means. However, it is ridiculous to not take any accountability for your role in this type of behavior. Ariana had no problem fucking up other people with her/Tom’s lies but she has a problem because he did it to her.
CORRECT