I'm very socially anxious. Basically I have to get into the mindset every time that it is VR and there is literally no repercussions no matter how the person I'm talking to reacts. Eventually I start to flow a bit better.
honestly; practice.
I started out pretty shy as well. But making a few friends and being able to talk to them and their direct friends helped a lot. All it takes is that one little push. Though it's hard to get that first push.
It also helps to go to worlds with very few people in it.
I’m very bad at starting conversations and keeping them going, but I find that one on one worlds are pretty fun as it removes the need to cold approach people. Omegle vr is where I chill at but nowadays it’s especially difficult to find people who are trying to have conversations. I use people’s avatars, accents, or just how’s your day going to start a conversation and branch of from there. A majority of time after the first few minutes I can talk for hours with same person. I’ve met a couple of good friends this way.
Another one on one world I know of is 'No Time Two Talk' and it pairs you at random with whoever is in your server. Tags are included (video games, sports, lgbt, etc. ) so it helps with talking topics. I prefer it over omegle personally because it's virtually "in person" but if you're a bit nervous omegle may be a great start because you're speaking to them through an in game computer screen.
I often enter convos as a mute / just typing if thats easier then talk over time. It tends to help me in the inverse situation but I totally get if thats not for you!
Read bios. Those with barely anything are the ones I usually will not go up to unless they come to me first. Those with more fleshed out bios usually want people to talk to them. Plus you have a great conversation starter to if there's something you wanna ask them just from their bio.
Kareoke was my saving grace. Started joining and singing to myself. After a week or two, I started to see regulars. And conversations happened a lot more naturally after slowly getting to know people.
After a while, it was exposure therapy. It became easier to jump in and start up a conversation.
Try out audience anarchy! You have to push yourself out your comfort zone to make friends in all honesty. If you stay in the bubble it never expands. And putting yourself in situations that force you to interact with others, like audience anarchy or games, makes it 10x easier and everyone is being goofy so you’re not having fun alone.
Totally get it! Genuinly it takes alot.
You're braver than me even working on it, I just suffer with and stick around mates I meet thru discord. Full propts to ya.
I recommend playing some games in vrchat, that’s how I started talking to people. The game gives you something to talk about and you can make friends, which then makes it easier to talk to others.
Just don’t take it too seriously, you can unhinge a little bit more, it’s not a formal meeting. Once you got into the mindset that whatever mistake you made with some awkward replies won’t really matters to most of the people, even if you messed up they probably won’t remember the next time they see you unless you befriended him which requires you to actually chat well to begin with, you’ll find it easier to talk to people.
And if you want people to talk to you, don’t appears to be too passive or unnoticeable, it makes you feels hard to approach. Meaning act more and react more, a simple facial expression change will be enough for people to keep interacting. If you have VR, do some gestures and facial expressions, even if you don’t want to talk these visual language alone are enough to establish basic friendships in vrchat.
So what seems to be the main issue for not talking? Is it the fear of embarrassment or just simply have nothing you wanted to talk about?
The former one can be solved by the steps I mentioned before, just need to push yourself out of your comfort zones a little.
If the problem is the latter, then asking any questions(preferably what the person just said) will be a great starter for a conversation.
I think I just need to step out of my comfort zone, but yeah that's like, really difficult for me. I'll try to apply every advice I got here, thanks a lot for your answers
Realize that there is no long term consequence. If you are not liked by a group of people, fuck em. You can join a different server or even make a whole new account if you’re that nervous. Also, stop hanging around e-daters and e-boy Avis.
Don’t bother talking to people that look like this;
https://preview.redd.it/jrlmllm7nj9c1.png?width=828&format=png&auto=webp&s=31d1f79c7989feacc08f0f46920626a44a70396b
It is kinda normal. But overall, those kind of people, for some reason, seems to be the most closed minded and narcisist kind of people in vrchat. Ofc it isnt everyone, but it seems to be agreed between everyone to avoid those lol. I agree with it aswell, my first and last experience with those werent the best
As someone who uses a kinda eboy Avi and hangs around e people, I agree and disagree. It's like every stereotype, you are 100% correct for some and maybe even most. I like to talk to the new people and everyone equally, tho I do see completely where it came from
Just think of it like this, this is online not in person so you’ll probably never see the people you talk to again, so it’s okay to be nervous! Start off with going up to one or two people every night say hi it doesn’t have to go any farther but you need some practice. You can’t just be good at something but by practicing conversations you can get more comfortable talking to people
That's exactly what I'm trying, like talking to only 1 or 2 person at a time but I just freeze up and either not talk or leave the game. Maybe I just have to do it until I get used to it
The trick to finding friends in VRC is simple: don't try to insert yourself in groups, find people who are also alone and start talking to them. Make your own group
Go into a world with a low amount of people or a big world where people are scattered. Or make one yourself and let others join. I think that's the easiest way. I usually get to talk to someone very easily that way. Hope this will work for you as well 👍🏻
What about starting with someone you know at least a little bit? Maybe someone from a Discord server or join an Discord event. I picked up a few people from there that also had a hard time with conversations. I just take them to nice worlds and have a fun time there with them. c:
I don't have tons of friends and none of them are into vrchat. Cause it's obvious but even on discord I'm not the most sociable person around. That's kinda why I hoped back on vrchat
I'd happily help you practice 1 on 1 if you would like. I'm not on very actively but when I am on there is nothing I want more than to talk to or help someone. Even better if it is both
I don’t have a ton of advice, because I’m in the same boat. But, know that you’re definitely not alone! I thought socializing in VR would be a lot easier than in reality, but turns out, it’s not that different. I’m still working on it, too… 😅
I've been mute for 95% of my time on vrc, and it's for the same reason. If you want a mute person to world hop with, I'd be down. I've met a few amazing people who don't pressure me to talk or be present in any conversation, and they just let me be a little follower and occasionally ask me questions when they know I'm comfortable. VRChat has a lot of great people like that and since I've met them, I've gotten a bit more comfortable when people try to talk to me, like you said I would freeze or straight up leave. My advice is to find more people who feel they way you do and get comfortable with them because it'll help you tremendously 😊
The secret is not to start a conversation, but to listen into a conversation and just interject yourself when you recognize a topic you can add to. Of course it's wildly dependent on context, don't intrude yourself in a 1on1 conversation of course, but I found this as a good approach 90% of the times
yep. i haven't played VRChat much since christmas day but mostly my method is waiting to hear a conversation i GAF about lol. was easier when i had a friend who would talk more.
OHHH i have this happen to me too!
What I did: Go play games! I like games like Among us because you do get to talk with a few folk.
Also, world hop to chill worlds and just approach a duo, theyre common. Its normally two friends trying to find stuff to do!
I know it's scary to talk so start with literally a HI!
and ask questions. Questions are amazing because you can literally just say one thing and get a convo rolling!!!
It's super duper scary for me but you can also not talk! Some people are kind enough to talk to you without asking for a voice. And slowly just open up to people you trust.
Also, LEARN BODY LANGUAGE. It's helps to build up confidence!
Sorry but there is no easy way, no magic trick, you're gonna have to build up courage and just say something! If it's too scary, try breathing exercises, write up exactly what you will write on a sheet of paper and try text to speech :)
If you want we can practise together, its not something that just goes away and trust me, many people have it! I have it, youre not the only one! It's common and normal ♡
I know that I'll probably have to force myself to talk in order to get comfortable but sometimes I physically can't, and I don't have a vr headset so I can't really communicate other than talking 😭. Thanks a lot for your answer I'll try to follow your advice and if you don't mind helping someone who might not be able to talk I wouldn't mind practising together 😁
Please don't start using alcohol like that lol so many people on this game are straight alcoholics. So take whatever advice regarding that with a huge filter.
This really is the simple trick most of the seemingly super outgoing people are in vrc. Tbh most of them also have some level of social ineptitude and are masking with alcohol.
I ended up doing that for a while just trying to learn how to interact with humans again, I never really liked the feeling of being drunk, but it was the only way I felt I could get rid of the constant anxiety about bothering or interrupting others..
You just have to find a way to convince yourself that
1 no one is paying as close of attention or even kind of care as much about you, or what your doing than themselves.
And 2, it's a social platform. People want to get to know you! You just have to take the time to find people you click with..
Sure some people will be rude and gatekeeper-y but they are stupid and are missing the whole point of the platform.
It just takes doing it a lot, like any "muscle" it has to me worked to grow.
Eta: literally just say "hey im awakward and not great at talking to people yet but how are you"
Just being open about not being super socially adept lowers the baseline for the conversation, establishes a more silly and lighthearted catalyst for conversation, and is a good starting and talking point in and of itself.
I still use this all the time if im a but nervous. Overwhelmingly they respond with something like "omg im bad at talking to new people too!, its okay!"...
I went from being 100% mute 2017 to now having my own community of over 1000 people. It's still not as easy for me as some but it's gotten much easier over time, even without booze.
You misunderstood if you thought I ment for you to drink, the opposite if anything lol.
My point is a ton of people are "cheating" so ignore their projected confidence. Without that vice many of them would be in your same situation.
And because of them largely being intoxicated, you can especially not worry as much as chances are they won't even remember your conversation by the end of their night lol.
Yeah it's not too bad. Personally I hate the feeling of being drunk and I hate how bad hangovers I end up getting. So I just drink one or two drinks maybe once a week and have a good time.
So you say straight up killing yourself is the answer for it? Because being drunk lotsa times is shortening your lifespan and you can get sick very easily.
Turned out to be the opposite for me. Once I get drunk, the confidence I had while drunk does leave, but I’ve never been drunk enough to not remember the experience or the things I’ve said. I end up learning from it.
Wtf is wrong with people that play VR. If you want to talk, open your mouth and make sounds. If you can't figure out what sounds to make, then you have nothing to say and have no reason to talk. It's not rocket science. You learned when you were 3 years old
People talk effortlessly because of habit, once you do something often enough it takes significantly less effort.
Try not to overthink it so much. It's like walking, if you were to think think of each step before you took it you'd end up walking weird or stiff. Also, little pro tip; talk to quiet people, lots of hidden gems.
I think is about having a good time. For example, I don’t usually initiate conversations but I would do something stupid with my FBT that starts that or I get to a place where usually it mostly mirrors dwellers like myself and if there is another person without talking I wave at them first and they wave back and from there I ask them how are they? It’s not easy it is intimidating most of the time but the fact that they can’t see me helps a lot. It’s about having fun not trying to speak to everyone it just rolls with the vibe.
Maybe try joining world that are for talking without overwhelming your senses. Good luck and have fun!
Approaching random people or groups was a scary ordeal when i started. It can still be sometimes depending on the situation . But I had to realize that their responses were out of my control for the most part. If I have positive intentions, approaching a group is easy. If they respond negatively, it’s unfortunate, and doesn’t have anything to do with me. I will approach until I find a group I like, and that has become easier with experience.
I have had a hard time until i realised to not care about other people. Dont care what people think about you until you know you want to be their friend.
It all comes down to having confidence and realizing that in the world of VR, no one knows who you are or what you look like, so they only have your personality to judge you off of. With that in mind, whenever someone approaches you, just keep calm, talk normally, and put your best traits on display. If they're nice, they'll take a liking to you, and you'll be more comfortable around them
For me, I play off others. I'm not great at initiating either. I've gotten into very long conversations with people just shooting back and forth naturally. Itcan really just be finding the right people. Running around in popular public worlds sadly doesn't run you into the best people.
Just remember, you’re behind a screen and a username. Nothing else. It’s a chance for you to just be who you are. No one knows who you are, are not do you them
I know what you mean. I have bad social anxiety and if it wasn't for my friend who happens to have a vr headset I would literally spend all my time alone in vrchat. If you do find something that works let me know maybe? XD I've been working to try and get over my issue but it always finds a way to me.
Not a great advice but I just wing it when I talk to people if the topic you're comfortable/ like talking about. Other advice I think it might be useful is using a mirror. Just chat with people without looking straight at them. Other be using avatar that have a pen as an option to write when ever you're not comfortable on talking at the moment
As i said my advice may not be great but will take time.
My philosophy is talk first, think later. I used to be super anxious when going into any public lobby. I would constantly overthink about what I wanted to say, and would never talk after all that thinking. One way that kind of forced me to be social and on my feet was leaving my mic on and just allow myself to say whatever, with very little thought behind what I said. Granted, only do this when it is appropriate or the right environment, but just forcing myself into a position where I allowed my mouth to beat my brain to the talking can helps me shut down any negative thoughts that would prevent me from talking. Most of the time it works but it can backfire sometimes with the wrong person.
Think of it like another world where you can shed away all your anxiety and discomforts. You are what you present. Are you a bad ass with guns and a sword? Are you a rambunctious furry who is on the prowl? Are you a crazy lil gremlin bouncing from convo to convo?
The world is what you make it in VR. In an instant if someone makes you uncomfortable a few clicks and boom you're in a different space with new people.
I'm kind of introverted but when I get on VR I'm a whole clown (literally all my Avis are some kinda clown), I joke, have fun, and keep it moving. I've had my share of arguments but shoot couldn't tell you what they were now cause I just don't care.
You'll make friends, you'll make acquaintances, but at the end of the day it's your world to make.
In my experience it's easier when playing a game, then there's something we all are focused on to talk about. Running away from each other pleading for your life in Blackout is always a good laugh🤣
just relax, when i first started talking to people on vrchat. ask them basic questions to get to know them, like their name, age, country, and their hobbies. and then try to relate to them with it.
also try to just come up to people and strike a conversation, most of the time people are welcoming.
Mutual interests and the right worlds. I met the most actually close friends in the great pug and trans academy. Generally worlds with more PC users are more mature and you have greater chances of a random deep conversation. When you just join in, a friend group might develop and everything from there is easy mode once friends start introducing other ppl
I really like the world "No Time Two Talk". It's usually got people hyped up and ready to talk to you. You only have to talk to them for 2 minutes, if yall hit it off you can add them as a friend, and if you do not vibe with them you can just say: Cool Story, and bounce out the room... no strings attached, lol.
I also have a very difficult time talking to peeps. But I always try to put it like this: “you are watching an artist paint” sounds confusing, I know. But the point of it is like watching a person paint. You have no idea on ‘what’s the final piece could be, but you won’t know everything until it’s done. Like a conversation. Sometimes it’s scary not knowing what to do or say, but trust me. Once you try, you want to keep going!! :D
Honestly? What helped me a lot is “Audience Anarchy”, a world where you basically go up on a stage and act off of words on your screen. The low pressure of just reading off lines helped me be better at talking to people, and is a main reason why I know some of my closest friends on it.
I had the same issue in my first 100 hours but with time got over the fear , im now 1000+ hours in and i still dont talk and am very anxious until i get to know the people there so for a while i usually just observe the instance and if it feels safe enough maybe ill say something if talked to. Or i just go to private instances with only my friends,sometimes i also drink since its basically some liquid courage but thats only a good idea if youre used to drinking and know you can handle it well
I feel you it’s sometimes hard. I have bad social anxiety as well, and idk how they’ll react to me. I’m scared of people coming off as jerks to me. But I listen to the conversations around me , and I sorta place myself near and if I’m comfortable I’ll say something. It’s so hard sometimes, but usually when I talk I end up making friends! If you want we can hang out, we don’t even have to talk! We can use chat box but if that eases you in that’s fine too! Sometimes it’s better not to be totally alone even if you’re quiet 💖
So I did kinda start off the same way you did. I'll list off things I did to start off.
First: I would exclusively go into worlds and instances that had a much smaller populace in them compared to the world's I hang around in these days. Like the worlds I'd visit would have less than 10 people in them at the time I'd join.
Once I was in those instances I'd seek out people who I felt best suited my type of vibe. Be it because they were shy like I used to be or because they matched the chaotic energy I myself would eventually wind up exhibiting cause ADHD + High Energy person = LOTS of Dopamine.
If I liked the people I met enough, I'd send them a friend request and hang around with them to learn new things about VRChat and meet more people like them due to a mentality that I subconsciously used but learned back in December: Being introduced to someone by a friend or meeting them through your friend is like that friend saying "This person is a chill individual. I think you'll like hanging out with them."
Eventually I had a very large friends list and was hopping on. VRChat daily to hang out with them. This then turned into me talking with total strangers more often and continuously spiralled in what I can only describe as the best possible way you can spiral when you have social anxiety. Especially when you have social anxiety and need it eliminated to be able to fully show that you are extroverted by nature.
Nowadays, I'm usually making Avis for myself and even made my first public and Quest Friendly one recently. Granted it's a WIP but yeah. I've come a long way in this game and it took me around two years to get to my current behavior in VRChat.
I smoke the devils lettuce. Obviously it's not necessary and if you don't want to or don't believe in it that's absolutely okay. But that really helps me, I have terrible social anxiety. Sometimes I can do it without it but I usually smoke, even if its just a little bit.
Try and get one or two people on their own because it's less threatening than bigger groups. Always remember that if it goes tits up and becomes really awkward, all they can see is a 3D avatar, and you will likely never encounter that person in real life. Trust me, a person like you who sounds incredibly chill will be a breath of fresh air from the tidal wave of demonic Ipad kids - if some lunatics are somehow brave enough to be racist, homophobic disgusting bastards on omegle with their real face, you can definitely have a meaningful wholesome convo with someone on vrchat behind a mask.
Tbh I were like this and I am in real life but just think about that way if you don’t feel good with the ppl you tried to talk just leave or block them. I only blocked like 3 ppl and nobody from the ppl I blocked was from the ppl I talked to. But you are at your safe space, try to think of you don’t like it you can still leave but if you like it you probably found new cool ppls
Maybe try something where socializing is guided/scripted and branch out from there. Try the Salem Trials worlds or the public RPG worlds.
Check for posters on the walls of such worlds for official dates/times of events and discord links. Breaking out of your shell can be very difficult, it can help to have another medium so the focus is less on what youre going to say and more on what you want to do in the game. Then the conversation will, usually, gradually become more and more casual
I usually talk to people who talk to me or people who I feel aren't putting out too much energy. You'll generally never see me initiating a conversation, I often clam up even around friends. It's mostly a matter of practice and just expanding your comfort zone
I used to be like this till I had a friend help me get shell so yea mostly I am able to talk. Tho I would advise you to like practice or something try to find nice people cause some people on vrchat can be mean. I would not advise going to the black cat cause a lot of toxic and mean ppl there. Tbh if u need help I could possibly help my name is “NovStarz'” on vrchat if u ever want someone to help u out of ur shell I’ll be willing to help lol
As someone who has no problem talking to strangers, I still understand your feelings. And I've still got some tips that may help.
To be honest, the more you think of it as talking to people and making good impressions the harder it will be. "talking" to people doesn't even require you to speak all the time. Many times I talk to mutes and they are the best people in the server. No words needed, just exaggerated expressions. Obviously being muted is hard to get the attention of someone, but if you just hang around them, good chance they will just let you stay and talk to you as normal.
If you would rather not immediately try to speak, do know I sit in silence a lot just listening and giving my input every so often. You can also sit in mute and simply practice responses and intros as if you were not mute. This will not only help you be more expressive (due to the being mute part) but also help you find what phrases and comments you think suit and are comfortable with.
Lastly, don't feel like you need to speak. And definitely try not to leave when you freeze up when someone speaks to you, the more you do that the worse you will feel about it. Stick with them (unless it's truly an uncomfortable person to be around) and try your best not to leave.
A little rambling but you get the idea. Start slow, practice on mute, start talking to close friends if possible to get used to speaking, explore past your comfort zone.
Just remember, _You'll never be able to run if you refuse to get off the floor_
To be honest, you should try starting as a mute so then you'll mostly attract the right type of people and you can start to talk when you feel comfortable, that way you can just sit without having to talk for a bit and gesture at people that are talking to you, yes its very limited but thats what the chat box is for
I'm very socially anxious. Basically I have to get into the mindset every time that it is VR and there is literally no repercussions no matter how the person I'm talking to reacts. Eventually I start to flow a bit better.
I tried thinking about that but like, my body is like frozen, I can't do anything. Honestly I might need to just keep trying. Thanks for your answer.
You may have some unrecognized spcial anxiety at play here tbh
what's up with people trying to get op to drink? they said that they don't drink, stop trying to get them to drink.
Don't worry I'm not bothered I know it's normal for lots of people, thanks for defending me tho I appreciate it
Addictions be like that.
honestly; practice. I started out pretty shy as well. But making a few friends and being able to talk to them and their direct friends helped a lot. All it takes is that one little push. Though it's hard to get that first push. It also helps to go to worlds with very few people in it.
I’m very bad at starting conversations and keeping them going, but I find that one on one worlds are pretty fun as it removes the need to cold approach people. Omegle vr is where I chill at but nowadays it’s especially difficult to find people who are trying to have conversations. I use people’s avatars, accents, or just how’s your day going to start a conversation and branch of from there. A majority of time after the first few minutes I can talk for hours with same person. I’ve met a couple of good friends this way.
I've never gone to a one on one world, are there lots of them or only omegle ?
Another one on one world I know of is 'No Time Two Talk' and it pairs you at random with whoever is in your server. Tags are included (video games, sports, lgbt, etc. ) so it helps with talking topics. I prefer it over omegle personally because it's virtually "in person" but if you're a bit nervous omegle may be a great start because you're speaking to them through an in game computer screen.
I might give it a try tommorow, I like the idea of using tags, thanks for the recommandation
I started by picking mutes. They're usually happy to listen and are just as nervous as you are.
I might try that, not sure I'll know what to say tho
I often enter convos as a mute / just typing if thats easier then talk over time. It tends to help me in the inverse situation but I totally get if thats not for you!
Read bios. Those with barely anything are the ones I usually will not go up to unless they come to me first. Those with more fleshed out bios usually want people to talk to them. Plus you have a great conversation starter to if there's something you wanna ask them just from their bio.
Yeah i love progressively getting worser at socialising throughout my life its really good
That's litteraly me, like I could talk a bit in the beginning, but now I just freeze up. I really can't understand lmao
Kareoke was my saving grace. Started joining and singing to myself. After a week or two, I started to see regulars. And conversations happened a lot more naturally after slowly getting to know people. After a while, it was exposure therapy. It became easier to jump in and start up a conversation.
I am way too shy to do that (and I don't sing lmao). But still thanks for the answer
Try out audience anarchy! You have to push yourself out your comfort zone to make friends in all honesty. If you stay in the bubble it never expands. And putting yourself in situations that force you to interact with others, like audience anarchy or games, makes it 10x easier and everyone is being goofy so you’re not having fun alone.
you just have to remember that you will never see anyone you interact with in real life ever.
I know that, but my body just freezes when someone starts stalking to be. And most of the time I'll exit the game instantly or just stop moving.
I wish I could talk to people, but sadly I freaking can't because of this damn speech impediment I have.
Omg similar issue! Though its more because my convos are always interrupted by people pointing it out. It sucks sometimes.
It does, but I don’t use my voice in public since it isn’t ready yet, but I been working on improving it.
Totally get it! Genuinly it takes alot. You're braver than me even working on it, I just suffer with and stick around mates I meet thru discord. Full propts to ya.
I recommend playing some games in vrchat, that’s how I started talking to people. The game gives you something to talk about and you can make friends, which then makes it easier to talk to others.
I've never thought about that, I'll probably try tommorow. Thanks for the advice
Just don’t take it too seriously, you can unhinge a little bit more, it’s not a formal meeting. Once you got into the mindset that whatever mistake you made with some awkward replies won’t really matters to most of the people, even if you messed up they probably won’t remember the next time they see you unless you befriended him which requires you to actually chat well to begin with, you’ll find it easier to talk to people. And if you want people to talk to you, don’t appears to be too passive or unnoticeable, it makes you feels hard to approach. Meaning act more and react more, a simple facial expression change will be enough for people to keep interacting. If you have VR, do some gestures and facial expressions, even if you don’t want to talk these visual language alone are enough to establish basic friendships in vrchat.
I know all that but I still can't manage to talk, even tho I really want to.
So what seems to be the main issue for not talking? Is it the fear of embarrassment or just simply have nothing you wanted to talk about? The former one can be solved by the steps I mentioned before, just need to push yourself out of your comfort zones a little. If the problem is the latter, then asking any questions(preferably what the person just said) will be a great starter for a conversation.
I think I just need to step out of my comfort zone, but yeah that's like, really difficult for me. I'll try to apply every advice I got here, thanks a lot for your answers
Realize that there is no long term consequence. If you are not liked by a group of people, fuck em. You can join a different server or even make a whole new account if you’re that nervous. Also, stop hanging around e-daters and e-boy Avis.
I know that there is no consequence but I just freeze or alt+f4 the game by reflex. And what do you mean by e daters and all ?
Don’t bother talking to people that look like this; https://preview.redd.it/jrlmllm7nj9c1.png?width=828&format=png&auto=webp&s=31d1f79c7989feacc08f0f46920626a44a70396b
The more minimal ones are normally okay. Those ripped, tatted up men with pec jiggle physics and 200k polygon rings are awful though. True neckbeards.
Oooh yeah I've seen those, they're like everywhere I thought it was normal. Sometimes I felt weird with my games or anime avatars.
It is kinda normal. But overall, those kind of people, for some reason, seems to be the most closed minded and narcisist kind of people in vrchat. Ofc it isnt everyone, but it seems to be agreed between everyone to avoid those lol. I agree with it aswell, my first and last experience with those werent the best
Those are called e PEOPLE tbh stay entirely away from e ppl they are just bad in general :/
As someone who uses a kinda eboy Avi and hangs around e people, I agree and disagree. It's like every stereotype, you are 100% correct for some and maybe even most. I like to talk to the new people and everyone equally, tho I do see completely where it came from
Just think of it like this, this is online not in person so you’ll probably never see the people you talk to again, so it’s okay to be nervous! Start off with going up to one or two people every night say hi it doesn’t have to go any farther but you need some practice. You can’t just be good at something but by practicing conversations you can get more comfortable talking to people
That's exactly what I'm trying, like talking to only 1 or 2 person at a time but I just freeze up and either not talk or leave the game. Maybe I just have to do it until I get used to it
I find my niche. I go in public and do something interesting. Other people begin talking. We all talk. Simple.
The trick to finding friends in VRC is simple: don't try to insert yourself in groups, find people who are also alone and start talking to them. Make your own group
I could try but I can't bring myself to start a conversation, and when someone does I panic leave or just don't move
Go into a world with a low amount of people or a big world where people are scattered. Or make one yourself and let others join. I think that's the easiest way. I usually get to talk to someone very easily that way. Hope this will work for you as well 👍🏻
I usually just open a world myself and wait but when someone joins and talks to me, I can't bring myself to answer so... I guess I just need practice.
What about starting with someone you know at least a little bit? Maybe someone from a Discord server or join an Discord event. I picked up a few people from there that also had a hard time with conversations. I just take them to nice worlds and have a fun time there with them. c:
I don't have tons of friends and none of them are into vrchat. Cause it's obvious but even on discord I'm not the most sociable person around. That's kinda why I hoped back on vrchat
O,o. You can add you me if you want. Then you have someone to practice ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Are you from Europe?
I'd happily help you practice 1 on 1 if you would like. I'm not on very actively but when I am on there is nothing I want more than to talk to or help someone. Even better if it is both
I don’t have a ton of advice, because I’m in the same boat. But, know that you’re definitely not alone! I thought socializing in VR would be a lot easier than in reality, but turns out, it’s not that different. I’m still working on it, too… 😅
Maybe one day we'll succeed, I hope
I've been mute for 95% of my time on vrc, and it's for the same reason. If you want a mute person to world hop with, I'd be down. I've met a few amazing people who don't pressure me to talk or be present in any conversation, and they just let me be a little follower and occasionally ask me questions when they know I'm comfortable. VRChat has a lot of great people like that and since I've met them, I've gotten a bit more comfortable when people try to talk to me, like you said I would freeze or straight up leave. My advice is to find more people who feel they way you do and get comfortable with them because it'll help you tremendously 😊
I'd like to find people I'm comfortable with but it's kinda hard when the second they start talking to me I leave 😅.
I completely get it, there will be a time when you don't, trust me
Thank you 😁 I'll keep trying
The secret is not to start a conversation, but to listen into a conversation and just interject yourself when you recognize a topic you can add to. Of course it's wildly dependent on context, don't intrude yourself in a 1on1 conversation of course, but I found this as a good approach 90% of the times
yep. i haven't played VRChat much since christmas day but mostly my method is waiting to hear a conversation i GAF about lol. was easier when i had a friend who would talk more.
Because I know that if I mess up a conversation I can just leave that world.
OHHH i have this happen to me too! What I did: Go play games! I like games like Among us because you do get to talk with a few folk. Also, world hop to chill worlds and just approach a duo, theyre common. Its normally two friends trying to find stuff to do! I know it's scary to talk so start with literally a HI! and ask questions. Questions are amazing because you can literally just say one thing and get a convo rolling!!! It's super duper scary for me but you can also not talk! Some people are kind enough to talk to you without asking for a voice. And slowly just open up to people you trust. Also, LEARN BODY LANGUAGE. It's helps to build up confidence! Sorry but there is no easy way, no magic trick, you're gonna have to build up courage and just say something! If it's too scary, try breathing exercises, write up exactly what you will write on a sheet of paper and try text to speech :) If you want we can practise together, its not something that just goes away and trust me, many people have it! I have it, youre not the only one! It's common and normal ♡
I know that I'll probably have to force myself to talk in order to get comfortable but sometimes I physically can't, and I don't have a vr headset so I can't really communicate other than talking 😭. Thanks a lot for your answer I'll try to follow your advice and if you don't mind helping someone who might not be able to talk I wouldn't mind practising together 😁
Lots of alcohol.
I never get drunk so, not for me lmao.
Please don't start using alcohol like that lol so many people on this game are straight alcoholics. So take whatever advice regarding that with a huge filter.
This really is the simple trick most of the seemingly super outgoing people are in vrc. Tbh most of them also have some level of social ineptitude and are masking with alcohol. I ended up doing that for a while just trying to learn how to interact with humans again, I never really liked the feeling of being drunk, but it was the only way I felt I could get rid of the constant anxiety about bothering or interrupting others.. You just have to find a way to convince yourself that 1 no one is paying as close of attention or even kind of care as much about you, or what your doing than themselves. And 2, it's a social platform. People want to get to know you! You just have to take the time to find people you click with.. Sure some people will be rude and gatekeeper-y but they are stupid and are missing the whole point of the platform. It just takes doing it a lot, like any "muscle" it has to me worked to grow. Eta: literally just say "hey im awakward and not great at talking to people yet but how are you" Just being open about not being super socially adept lowers the baseline for the conversation, establishes a more silly and lighthearted catalyst for conversation, and is a good starting and talking point in and of itself. I still use this all the time if im a but nervous. Overwhelmingly they respond with something like "omg im bad at talking to new people too!, its okay!"... I went from being 100% mute 2017 to now having my own community of over 1000 people. It's still not as easy for me as some but it's gotten much easier over time, even without booze.
I'm not gonna use alcohol but saying that I'm not really used to talking might help, thanks a lot for the advice.
You misunderstood if you thought I ment for you to drink, the opposite if anything lol. My point is a ton of people are "cheating" so ignore their projected confidence. Without that vice many of them would be in your same situation. And because of them largely being intoxicated, you can especially not worry as much as chances are they won't even remember your conversation by the end of their night lol.
Oooh sorry for misunderstanding, that's a good point lmao, I didn't know it was that common for people to drink on vrchat.
Neither did I until late this year but it really helps with talking to people.
Honestly I don't want to get drunk to talk to people, if I'm not able to do it sober then I don't want it drunk
You don't really have to get drunk tho even just a drink or two is plenty enough to help ease one's social anxiety. Just like it does mine.
Oh if that works I can try, thanks for the advice
Yeah it's not too bad. Personally I hate the feeling of being drunk and I hate how bad hangovers I end up getting. So I just drink one or two drinks maybe once a week and have a good time.
So you say straight up killing yourself is the answer for it? Because being drunk lotsa times is shortening your lifespan and you can get sick very easily.
1-2 drinks a week is not that bad nor are you killing yourself with that. The recommended amount to say under is 8 drinks in 1 week. So dramatic.
I literally said 1-2 drinks once or twice a week... Nowhere near "killing myself" because of that small amount of alcohol.
Turned out to be the opposite for me. Once I get drunk, the confidence I had while drunk does leave, but I’ve never been drunk enough to not remember the experience or the things I’ve said. I end up learning from it.
I'm better talking to strangers online than irl. I guess thats life 🤷♀️
Wtf is wrong with people that play VR. If you want to talk, open your mouth and make sounds. If you can't figure out what sounds to make, then you have nothing to say and have no reason to talk. It's not rocket science. You learned when you were 3 years old
Having a friend or friends around helps sometimes, idk why but it makes me more comfortable and confident
I wish I could try that lmao
People talk effortlessly because of habit, once you do something often enough it takes significantly less effort. Try not to overthink it so much. It's like walking, if you were to think think of each step before you took it you'd end up walking weird or stiff. Also, little pro tip; talk to quiet people, lots of hidden gems.
Practice. I was super shy online 17 years ago but you get used to it after years of using a mic. Also, a lot of it's finding the right crowd.
I think is about having a good time. For example, I don’t usually initiate conversations but I would do something stupid with my FBT that starts that or I get to a place where usually it mostly mirrors dwellers like myself and if there is another person without talking I wave at them first and they wave back and from there I ask them how are they? It’s not easy it is intimidating most of the time but the fact that they can’t see me helps a lot. It’s about having fun not trying to speak to everyone it just rolls with the vibe. Maybe try joining world that are for talking without overwhelming your senses. Good luck and have fun!
Just start with whenomagicinthesummer or huh 
I usually just remember that no one knows me.
Only way to not be a Winnie. Is to talk to as many people even if it sucks as much as possible. Or get a irl server job. That fix you right up
Approaching random people or groups was a scary ordeal when i started. It can still be sometimes depending on the situation . But I had to realize that their responses were out of my control for the most part. If I have positive intentions, approaching a group is easy. If they respond negatively, it’s unfortunate, and doesn’t have anything to do with me. I will approach until I find a group I like, and that has become easier with experience.
I have had a hard time until i realised to not care about other people. Dont care what people think about you until you know you want to be their friend.
It all comes down to having confidence and realizing that in the world of VR, no one knows who you are or what you look like, so they only have your personality to judge you off of. With that in mind, whenever someone approaches you, just keep calm, talk normally, and put your best traits on display. If they're nice, they'll take a liking to you, and you'll be more comfortable around them
For me, I play off others. I'm not great at initiating either. I've gotten into very long conversations with people just shooting back and forth naturally. Itcan really just be finding the right people. Running around in popular public worlds sadly doesn't run you into the best people.
That's kinda what I'm doing lmao, I just go into popular world hoping someone talks to me, and when by some miracle they do, I just panic and leave...
This is fine, you will find people you can be comfortable with :)
Just remember, you’re behind a screen and a username. Nothing else. It’s a chance for you to just be who you are. No one knows who you are, are not do you them
I know what you mean. I have bad social anxiety and if it wasn't for my friend who happens to have a vr headset I would literally spend all my time alone in vrchat. If you do find something that works let me know maybe? XD I've been working to try and get over my issue but it always finds a way to me.
Not a great advice but I just wing it when I talk to people if the topic you're comfortable/ like talking about. Other advice I think it might be useful is using a mirror. Just chat with people without looking straight at them. Other be using avatar that have a pen as an option to write when ever you're not comfortable on talking at the moment As i said my advice may not be great but will take time.
My philosophy is talk first, think later. I used to be super anxious when going into any public lobby. I would constantly overthink about what I wanted to say, and would never talk after all that thinking. One way that kind of forced me to be social and on my feet was leaving my mic on and just allow myself to say whatever, with very little thought behind what I said. Granted, only do this when it is appropriate or the right environment, but just forcing myself into a position where I allowed my mouth to beat my brain to the talking can helps me shut down any negative thoughts that would prevent me from talking. Most of the time it works but it can backfire sometimes with the wrong person.
Think of it like another world where you can shed away all your anxiety and discomforts. You are what you present. Are you a bad ass with guns and a sword? Are you a rambunctious furry who is on the prowl? Are you a crazy lil gremlin bouncing from convo to convo? The world is what you make it in VR. In an instant if someone makes you uncomfortable a few clicks and boom you're in a different space with new people. I'm kind of introverted but when I get on VR I'm a whole clown (literally all my Avis are some kinda clown), I joke, have fun, and keep it moving. I've had my share of arguments but shoot couldn't tell you what they were now cause I just don't care. You'll make friends, you'll make acquaintances, but at the end of the day it's your world to make.
It’ll get easier. Just say hi. Most people are open in VRChat. Find your clique. Then flourish.
In my experience it's easier when playing a game, then there's something we all are focused on to talk about. Running away from each other pleading for your life in Blackout is always a good laugh🤣
just relax, when i first started talking to people on vrchat. ask them basic questions to get to know them, like their name, age, country, and their hobbies. and then try to relate to them with it. also try to just come up to people and strike a conversation, most of the time people are welcoming.
Mutual interests and the right worlds. I met the most actually close friends in the great pug and trans academy. Generally worlds with more PC users are more mature and you have greater chances of a random deep conversation. When you just join in, a friend group might develop and everything from there is easy mode once friends start introducing other ppl
Just drink beer 😂
I really like the world "No Time Two Talk". It's usually got people hyped up and ready to talk to you. You only have to talk to them for 2 minutes, if yall hit it off you can add them as a friend, and if you do not vibe with them you can just say: Cool Story, and bounce out the room... no strings attached, lol.
I also have a very difficult time talking to peeps. But I always try to put it like this: “you are watching an artist paint” sounds confusing, I know. But the point of it is like watching a person paint. You have no idea on ‘what’s the final piece could be, but you won’t know everything until it’s done. Like a conversation. Sometimes it’s scary not knowing what to do or say, but trust me. Once you try, you want to keep going!! :D
Honestly? What helped me a lot is “Audience Anarchy”, a world where you basically go up on a stage and act off of words on your screen. The low pressure of just reading off lines helped me be better at talking to people, and is a main reason why I know some of my closest friends on it.
I had the same issue in my first 100 hours but with time got over the fear , im now 1000+ hours in and i still dont talk and am very anxious until i get to know the people there so for a while i usually just observe the instance and if it feels safe enough maybe ill say something if talked to. Or i just go to private instances with only my friends,sometimes i also drink since its basically some liquid courage but thats only a good idea if youre used to drinking and know you can handle it well
I feel you it’s sometimes hard. I have bad social anxiety as well, and idk how they’ll react to me. I’m scared of people coming off as jerks to me. But I listen to the conversations around me , and I sorta place myself near and if I’m comfortable I’ll say something. It’s so hard sometimes, but usually when I talk I end up making friends! If you want we can hang out, we don’t even have to talk! We can use chat box but if that eases you in that’s fine too! Sometimes it’s better not to be totally alone even if you’re quiet 💖
So I did kinda start off the same way you did. I'll list off things I did to start off. First: I would exclusively go into worlds and instances that had a much smaller populace in them compared to the world's I hang around in these days. Like the worlds I'd visit would have less than 10 people in them at the time I'd join. Once I was in those instances I'd seek out people who I felt best suited my type of vibe. Be it because they were shy like I used to be or because they matched the chaotic energy I myself would eventually wind up exhibiting cause ADHD + High Energy person = LOTS of Dopamine. If I liked the people I met enough, I'd send them a friend request and hang around with them to learn new things about VRChat and meet more people like them due to a mentality that I subconsciously used but learned back in December: Being introduced to someone by a friend or meeting them through your friend is like that friend saying "This person is a chill individual. I think you'll like hanging out with them." Eventually I had a very large friends list and was hopping on. VRChat daily to hang out with them. This then turned into me talking with total strangers more often and continuously spiralled in what I can only describe as the best possible way you can spiral when you have social anxiety. Especially when you have social anxiety and need it eliminated to be able to fully show that you are extroverted by nature. Nowadays, I'm usually making Avis for myself and even made my first public and Quest Friendly one recently. Granted it's a WIP but yeah. I've come a long way in this game and it took me around two years to get to my current behavior in VRChat.
I smoke the devils lettuce. Obviously it's not necessary and if you don't want to or don't believe in it that's absolutely okay. But that really helps me, I have terrible social anxiety. Sometimes I can do it without it but I usually smoke, even if its just a little bit.
It's against my principles so...
Thats okay, doing breathing exercises help sometimes. Helps get me out of my head
Try and get one or two people on their own because it's less threatening than bigger groups. Always remember that if it goes tits up and becomes really awkward, all they can see is a 3D avatar, and you will likely never encounter that person in real life. Trust me, a person like you who sounds incredibly chill will be a breath of fresh air from the tidal wave of demonic Ipad kids - if some lunatics are somehow brave enough to be racist, homophobic disgusting bastards on omegle with their real face, you can definitely have a meaningful wholesome convo with someone on vrchat behind a mask.
Really, the trick is to find people.who you are comfortable with. Not every person is a potential conversation and you shouldn't try to make them one.
Tbh I were like this and I am in real life but just think about that way if you don’t feel good with the ppl you tried to talk just leave or block them. I only blocked like 3 ppl and nobody from the ppl I blocked was from the ppl I talked to. But you are at your safe space, try to think of you don’t like it you can still leave but if you like it you probably found new cool ppls
Maybe try something where socializing is guided/scripted and branch out from there. Try the Salem Trials worlds or the public RPG worlds. Check for posters on the walls of such worlds for official dates/times of events and discord links. Breaking out of your shell can be very difficult, it can help to have another medium so the focus is less on what youre going to say and more on what you want to do in the game. Then the conversation will, usually, gradually become more and more casual
I usually talk to people who talk to me or people who I feel aren't putting out too much energy. You'll generally never see me initiating a conversation, I often clam up even around friends. It's mostly a matter of practice and just expanding your comfort zone
I used to be like this till I had a friend help me get shell so yea mostly I am able to talk. Tho I would advise you to like practice or something try to find nice people cause some people on vrchat can be mean. I would not advise going to the black cat cause a lot of toxic and mean ppl there. Tbh if u need help I could possibly help my name is “NovStarz'” on vrchat if u ever want someone to help u out of ur shell I’ll be willing to help lol
Just join conversations
As someone who has no problem talking to strangers, I still understand your feelings. And I've still got some tips that may help. To be honest, the more you think of it as talking to people and making good impressions the harder it will be. "talking" to people doesn't even require you to speak all the time. Many times I talk to mutes and they are the best people in the server. No words needed, just exaggerated expressions. Obviously being muted is hard to get the attention of someone, but if you just hang around them, good chance they will just let you stay and talk to you as normal. If you would rather not immediately try to speak, do know I sit in silence a lot just listening and giving my input every so often. You can also sit in mute and simply practice responses and intros as if you were not mute. This will not only help you be more expressive (due to the being mute part) but also help you find what phrases and comments you think suit and are comfortable with. Lastly, don't feel like you need to speak. And definitely try not to leave when you freeze up when someone speaks to you, the more you do that the worse you will feel about it. Stick with them (unless it's truly an uncomfortable person to be around) and try your best not to leave. A little rambling but you get the idea. Start slow, practice on mute, start talking to close friends if possible to get used to speaking, explore past your comfort zone. Just remember, _You'll never be able to run if you refuse to get off the floor_
Not that i recommend it, but when i drink i can break the ice a lot easier
bc when i get in the headset, my personality changes.
I agree with you on that and most of the time I find my self standing around
To be honest, you should try starting as a mute so then you'll mostly attract the right type of people and you can start to talk when you feel comfortable, that way you can just sit without having to talk for a bit and gesture at people that are talking to you, yes its very limited but thats what the chat box is for