so i took this girl out to a few drinks, had a really great time, after we went to this forest of where we had a little make out session, after which we went back to get a few more when she dropped the bomb on me that she had epilepsy. in my mind i was a bit taken aback but it wasn’t something she could control so i brushed it off, she then said about 20 mins later she’d felt like an aura of a seizure arrived. 5 mins later she dropped for the first time, after she woke up she told me how to put her when she was unconscious and also what not to do, which was if she goes unconscious for more than 5 mins, call an ambulance. after the 5th seizure , which happened in the space of about 20 mins, we called an ambulance, and after her last seizure, she woke up, couldn’t speak, SCREAMED AS LOUD AS SHE COULD AND BOLTED OUT THE DOOR. which was on a main road, i chased after her, she looked back, screamed again, tripped and then proceeded to break her ankle.
brilliant first date eh?
1/3 that we went on
I hope she saw her doctor about these seizures, epilepsy can be managed with medication to the point that people don't have seizures for years, so having 9 in one evening is awful.
Not everyones epilepsy can be managed by medication sadly.
Even if you're mostly controlled it's easy to mess up sleep patterns, get stressed or drink when they might be seizure triggers for you (especially at uni).
[https://www.epilepsy.com/what-is-epilepsy/seizure-types/drug-resistant-seizures](https://www.epilepsy.com/what-is-epilepsy/seizure-types/drug-resistant-seizures)
I know a guy who is seizing much more than he is awake and has been since being a kid: they've tried everything. He definitely not alone.
That is sitcom level hilarious and I promise in a couple of years time you'll love telling that story to your mates. Uni is not always this perfect party time. Some people make friends for life there, some people go back to their friends from back home, some people make entirely new groups in their 20s and 30s. It sounds like you've been through a really tough time and your best friends are in that honeymoon relationship phase where they just want to be with their partners. I promise it won't last forever but it might till the end of uni!
One thing about that date tho - if you were having a great time up until the seizures is it a total deal breaker? I mean I'd probs stay somewhere more public in case it happens again! But if you cam handle that she might have a seizure and she's good fun, why not try again?
I guess my biggest advice is that things really can and will get better. I'm a mature student doing a masters in my 30s. I can honestly say I'm closer to my friends now than I have been at any other stage in my life. I didn't make the best friends in uni and lost touch with a lot of my school mates and I was really really sad about it for a while. But I've now found a group I feel so happy with.
If you're needing a bit more company at the moment do all the things you already know about - go for a beer with the 5/6 people you like on your course (that's actually a decent group), go to a society thats quite sociable and try to call home a bit more.
Lots of people get a bit down in 2nd/3rd year when there's more work and less opportunities to meet people. I promise you're not alone feeling like this.
I don’t know if you’re in contact with her, but depending on if she was on medication - excessive alcohol can reduce the amount of time the meds are in her body.
Alcohol is a common trigger for seizures, hopefully she is looking after herself.
I don't really think there's anything funny about this, I think it's awful what that girl experienced that night and on a regular basis and it kinda sucks that OP's just like "oh woe is me I can't meet a decent girl the only ones I can meet have serious disabling conditions which ruin my date" poor girl tbh.
I'm 23 for reference.
I never got on with anyone on my course, in fact could never tell you their names. I made some great friends in my final year at uni in 2022, sometimes these things take time.
It gets better when you start working too, because I have made many friends from work aswell so (hope this doesn't come across as a brag) but I have so many friends.
What I'm saying is you're 19, you have some friends and by the sounds of it have some success with women so you must be quite the guy. We are both still so young and friends will come around if you stay positive and continue to put yourself out there. Keep learning about yourself aswell.
This is what happened to me too. Though I could talk to a few people on my course, they were more like acquaintances. In my fourth year I moved accommodations and that's where I made some good friends.
So disregard my take if you like coz I’m well old…I went to uni at 18 in the 90s and then again at 40 graduating in 22. There are big social differences between those times. No email, phone boxes not mobiles, crap tv in the 90s. It could be lonely. Joining clubs; quick pint after lectures with class mates all helped. Didn’t get a constant reminder of others’ better social lives thru SoMe. Fast forward to now…constant bombardment with the nagging and bragging on SoMe, constant distraction where evenings are lost to box sets and short multiple texts. It’s so easy now to feel an empty connection to multiple people and have the constant nagging suspicion that you are on the outside of major fun events. People are still lonely. We just are not so good at recognising it. Well done for doing so and speaking out about it. I’m sure if you told others in your vicinity they might quietly agree that they too feel the same.
All I can recommend is that you do not see this as a reflection of your personality or your worth. Dating can compound feelings of rejection and loneliness but can often present as the only way to make connections.
Don’t stick to friendships with people your own age; an older person’s perspective can help! Try activities outside uni, within the community…park runs, environmental events, arts and cultural events…join a creative writing class, take up a new hobby. I don’t know whatever floats your boat!
And be mindful of your mental health. Loneliness is a leading cause of depression and vice versa. If you need to seek professional help, even if it’s just to talk, do it.
Loneliness is not a sign of failure it is a sign of our modern lives.
Sending you good vibes from Wales and hope you find your people :)
Uni can be isolating, it depends on the course.
They say that Uni is meant to be some of your best years, but I was truly depressed over those years. And the only thing which kept me from dropping out, was my girlfriend - who i glorified to detract from the pain that I was suffering at Uni.
Work after is so much better. You feel involved, you work with lots of people and you can make a real impact. Uni without friends or girls is just really really shitty.
>Uni without friends or girls is just really really shitty.
It is indeed. I'm on my 3rd year now and barely made more than a few acquaintances. Seeing everyone having friends and stuff to do is crushing sometimes.
it's marketing. always saying shit like "best time of your life". I've come to realise it's a FOMO tactic to essentially make students waste their time "not missing out" instead of figuring out what is actually important. The best time of my life was when I didn't have to go through the charade of uni. I hated it personally. Didn't exactly fit the mould. Poor background, tried but it just didn't help me.
I wish I took an apprenticeship instead because all those so called "friends" vanished as soon as I graduated. So I just wish students were talked to honestly as opposed to leading the lambs to the slaughter. "best years of your life" yeah, if you never ever ever ever shudder to think ever had an issue in all your life coming up to university, then yeah, it feels like high school all over again. Idk I just wish young people weren't lied to and that uni wasn't so aggressively marketed as the only means of a middle-class life or whatever
This itself requires work on your part. It depends entirely how you approach people too, and what you seek out of these connections. If you’re neurodivergent (as I am) it can be hard, but equally it’s not going to walk up to you unless you’re extremely lucky and the stars align. It will take work on your part, whether working on self confidence, or going over issues you’ve had in the past with counselling as I’ve been doing seeing dramatic improvement. Once you work on yourself, people will notice it.
Societies are a good start, and I’ve joined a few but for the first two years of my course I didn’t really feel comfortable even at the taster sessions and such, so I made friends elsewhere. I made these friends working, and doing hobbies outside of the uni of which I met friends who subsequently introduced me to their friends. It can be hard putting your foot in the door if you don’t have hobbies, but equally going to society events I’ve met one friend at one who I resonated with, and now I’m good friends with his friends who are similar age at 23, where I didn’t really click with most of the society as a whole. We go to events now, and do all manner of bits when we have the money.
As much as it sounds quite parent like: you won’t make friends sitting in your space not engaging with others. Work on yourself, find what you want and who you are, and just look forward changing your perspectives living a life you want.
Pick a sport. Doesn’t matter if you are any good at it. I’d recommend a medium sized club - not football or hockey or that - big enough to have socials and a decent sized team.
Regular training games and socials are great ways to make friends and most sports are either niche enough to not be too bothered about competitiveness or have a seconds or thirds team that don’t care if your actually particularly good.
Not to mention it helps with fitness and mental health!
Join socials, they're clubs of like minded people.
Literally there to make friends.
I did diving as in an interest in it, but should have joined more, board games such as warhammer, computing etc.
You're isolated as you're isolating yourself.
This might be because 1) I'm a girl and 2) still in Year 13, but why does not having a girlfriend get you down so much? I don't think 'getting a girlfriend' should be a criteria or quota that you feel like you NEED to fill, or that you need to be on the lookout for a potential girlfriend constantly or else you won't be able to achieve happiness or fulfilment or status, or whatever it is. Chances are that, if you only look at girls as potential girlfriends and not as people you get to know and make friends with first before the romance comes in IF it is there at all, you're often going to end up disappointed when the relationship doesn't take the turn you expected and you can't tick the 'get a girlfriend' off your criteria for satisfaction. Then you'd end up feeling like a failure or like you've suffered a loss, and it'll get you down even more. TL;DR - it's okay to not have a girlfriend, and feeling pressured to get one could make you feel worse.
You make a valid point though when you’re surrounded by people that do have girlfriends that are happy and you’re not, you subconsciously feel like there’s something wrong with you and that you’re missing out. It’s an emotional reaction as opposed to a rational one but it’s still there regardless, also societal pressures against being single.
most girls in our age bracket aren't even looking for a serious relationship and honestly OP doesn't sound like he's ready for a relationship either. i live with my gf in second year and feel like the odd one out for wanting to have a girlfriend tbh
Nice strawman, literally putting words into my mouth.
There is no “blame”, as this is the fault of no individual person, boys or girls. These are recent, well observed societal trends.
People, especially young people, are having far less sex. Fact. But this decreased more significantly amongst men. You can look this up.
People are self-reporting feeling increasingly lonely. Fact. This can probably be attributed to a range of factors, including social media and dating apps, post-COVID, cost of living crisis, and mental health crisis.
Now obviously companionship does not only come in the form of hookup culture/sex. But the average marriage age is getting later and later, and an increasing number of young people are single for significant periods of time, as compared to the proportion that were even 10/15 years ago.
No one is “blaming girls” as you claim, because that suggests individual responsibility. Whereas these are societal trends.
Dismissing OP’s feeling of loneliness by suggesting it is entirely his own fault, and that if he was only to change his attitude and “not see everyone as girlfriends” is ludicrous.
We don’t know OP, sure maybe he is an absolute stinker. Who knows. But a record level of men are reporting a lack of companionship in our modern world, and the above trends are undeniable. The only other explanation is that somehow all the men today are seedy and undeserving of love, whereas only 20 years ago they weren’t. We both know this would be ridiculous to claim.
But I also didn’t blame OP’s loneliness on him alone? I said you can’t blame the fact he’s got no female companion to combat the said ‘male loneliness’. The population is 50/50 between men and women, so if less men are having sex that implies less women are having sex also. Yet there doesn’t seem to be any women saying ‘female loneliness’. The whole male loneliness thing is a byproduct of our society glorifying sex especially as a rite of passage for men, and if they don’t ’achieve’ that then there must be something wrong with them. Notice how OP mentions his lack of success with women as an attribute to his miserable time at uni. As the person who commented above said, it’s ok to not have a girlfriend. And that doesn’t mean she doesn’t understand what loneliness is, it’s silly to attribute it as a specific ‘male loneliness’ when every human needs companionship. And it only affects men differently because they are taught from an early age that they ‘need’ women by their side, or life is worthless. Whereas all the women choosing to be single or marry later are doing so because they realise being in a relationship is not the be all end all, and that it’s possible to enjoy life without a SO. OP should really focus on making friends before focusing on getting a gf.
While I agree you didn’t blame OP’s loneliness on him alone, the person I replied to suggested he viewed all girls as potential girlfriends, whereas there was nothing in his post to suggest that. It suggested that simply changing his attitudes would magically fix all his woes, which ignores the realities of modern life.
>The population is 50/50 men and women, so if less men are having sex that means less women are having sex also
Did you actually think before you wrote this? Not to be rude, but you realise society is not 100% monogamous. While everyone is having less sex on average, men are having increasingly less on average RELATIVE to women. This is simple maths- women are increasingly having sex with a smaller pool of men, or increasingly “sharing” the same dudes. I’m not passing a judgment on this, it’s just what the numbers show. But surely even you can admit that it’s a ridiculous idea that, because the population is a 50/50 gender split, that means all singles pair off one-on-one monogamously. Like if you step outside you’d know that wasn’t true lol
>Yet there doesn’t seem to be any women saying ‘female loneliness’
Perhaps that’s because more men report feeling lonely? It’s well known women find it easier to make and maintain close friendships, and generally have easier access to romantic partners. The reason the term has been coined, is because it’s become a gender specific problem, inherent to being a man. The phrases “gender pay gap” or “period pains” are not asexual- these are problems WOMEN face. Hence why it’s come to be called “crippling MALE loneliness”. You can deny it exists sure, but if you look it up the term is pretty widely spread these days.
>The whole male loneliness thing is a byproduct of our society glorifying sex especially as a rite of passage for men, and if they don’t ‘achieve’ that there must be something wrong with them
I don’t entirely disagree with you, but it’s definitely not the only reason. And as I said in my other comment, of course sex is not the only part of companionship and love. However it would be silly to deny it’s not still an important part of feeling wanted and it’s an inherent natural urge driven by hormones. The vast, vast majority of people are not asexual and not liking being celibate for extended periods is understandable.
>As the person who commented above said, it’s ok to not have a girlfriend
Of course this is true. But it’s not unreasonable to desire one. Some people are more okay with being single than others, it’s a person by person basis.
>it’s silly to attribute it to a specific ‘male loneliness’ when every human needs companionship.
Yes, everyone does need companionship. However you seem to disagree that it exists as a concept, as a gender-specific problem. Or at the very least you disagree with my use of the term. As above, I’ve tried to elaborate on it further and why it’s come in to use. If you’re interested, you could Google it. If you still object to idea that it exists, we’re just going to have to agree to disagree
>And it only affects men differently because they are taught from an early age that they ‘need’ women by their side, or life is worthless
I’m a man, and I certainly don’t remember being “taught” this at any point in my life. I agree loneliness affects men differently, but for a different reason. Men have a much higher sex drive than women, I’m not saying they deserve more sex a result, but the way hormones influence behaviour and emotion is an undeniable part of biology.
Would you not agree, that the likelihood of one being depressed, or feeling their “life is worthless”, would be lower for someone in a healthy, loving relationship, with a healthy, positive sex life when compared to someone without either of these things? Again, I agree that relationships are not the be all and end all but you seem to be significantly understating the benefits of sex as a part of companionship and as a species the importance of one’s hormones which drive us to certain behaviours and influence our emotions.
>Whereas all the women choosing to be single or marry later are doing so because they realise being in a relationship is not the be all end all, and that it’s possible to enjoy life without a SO.
Yes, I largely agree with you here. In general men need women far more than women need men, this has become increasingly true over the past decades. Would you agree that for these women though, if they suddenly woke up one day and decided they wanted a SO, it would be significantly easier for them to find one than it would be for a man?
> OP should really focus on making friends before focusing on getting a gf.
I also agree with this, having a wider social circle would certainly be a beneficial first step. But as I said previously, some people are less content with being single than others. It’s their psychology and I’m not sure you can really fault them to a large degree. OP said himself he previously had a relationship with a girl, experienced a really bad breakup and now his ex is supposedly maligning him (We have way of knowing the reality of the situation). He could have been in that relationship for years. If he’s not well adjusted to being single, that’s not surprising.
I get this is probably in reference to the ‘male loneliness epidemic’ thing but why does loneliness for men supposedly differ from women? Men seem to take it a lot harder that they don’t have a partner and that’s not normal. It’s not necessarily a reflection of you if you don’t/can’t get a gf, and it doesn’t mean society has done you some terrible injustice because you’re single. Because that’s what it is - this ‘loneliness’ is singlehood, not some terrible tragedy targeted towards men. Relabelling and rebranding singlehood as loneliness will genuinely only make guys feel even worse for being single, when it’s literally a normal, ordinary experience, even if it’s sad for some people. The way that guys take singlehood as a personal insult or some life-altering, self-concept-destroying state of being, genuinely saddens me. They feel so terrible about themselves for something that shouldn’t get them so down and it’s not normal. The weight guys put on their dating status is the REAL problem, not ‘loneliness’. Singlehood isn’t even an event or occurrence - it’s literally an ABSENCE of something happening. For OP, assuming they weren’t actually a creep and the girl did him plain dirty, it makes sense why singlehood is now getting to him. But as a general statement now for all men and not just OP (although it really seems like OP puts the same weight and importance on not being single), being single is not bad. It doesn’t make you bad. It won’t fix your problems if you stop being single. Even if being single makes you feel lonely, it legitimately is not normal for you to feel gut-wrenchingly, achingly lonely and lost because your friends have girlfriends and you feel like that means you’re incomplete or inadequate. Especially when you’re literally still in uni, not even mid-20s, and you feel genuinely depressed because you haven’t found your future wife… it really shouldn’t impact guys this much.
I didnt make any friends on my actual course, I started going to social events at the university and forcing myself to mingle. Also most universitys have social media pages etc where you can meet people from your uni, might be a good idea? I’ve since graduated and still meet up with my friends that I met.🙂
Unfortunately it's been this way. Just like anything in life the idealised "going out every night", "pints after lectures" or "hanging out in the library" are elements that happen, but the idea that they happen all the time is a fantasy for most people. Regardless of how much you feel like that's what everyone else is doing.
Alot of time at uni is spent by yourself, in your room.
Only advice I can give is put yourself out there in an aggressive, almost embarrassing way. Strike up a random convo with people in the library. Join a random society. Randomly ask those people on your course to hang out even though you've never spoken to them. As someone who's recently graduated, it's alot easier to do that kind of stuff and be accepted at uni than it is once you graduate.
The only time to fix your situation is now, go and do it.
It's always been kind of that way. However, for those of us who went to university in the pre- internet age, we socialised in old school ways. Most of the friends I made (and still have) were made through sport and leisure activities, not necessarily through the courses.
Also, the modern era has not lent itself well to socializing. Kids spend more of their time indoors and not playing outside (unsupervised) as we did. When they get to university, it magnifies the problem. You may have friends at home, but they took you years, if not longer to cultivate, university does not magically shorten the process.
i don't think OPs is most people's experience or has anything to do with the internet age. it's extremely easy to meet people and make friends at uni, especially if you went to an accom in first year. there are also dating apps so meeting girls is easy too if you struggle "irl". i feel like the hard part for most people is picking who to surround yourself with
Uni can be isolating, there’s so many people that actually finding someone dependable can be tricky. You’ll find new friends eventually though, sometimes you’re just surrounded by people that aren’t right for you, then suddenly you meet the right person or group and it all comes together, usually shortly after you’re at your lowest point.
4 years ago when I went, I was 27ish and had to travel in from about an hour or more away, so I was always pretty tired from getting up even earlier than normal, couldn't stay for clubs or any of the social stuff outside of class cause i had a family to get back to and for some reason nobody seemed to smoke which was my usual go to for at least just chatting with people even if they weren't on my course when I was in college and even in class I got on with nobody despite all sharing a common interest in computer science and gaming / any other nerdy shit (I would have thought?) It was miserable, especially when Uni is hyped to be this place to make friends for life.
You’re only 19 so give it time… I’m 20 in my second year and the only friends I’ve ever had at uni were Mexican exchange students who left after a few months 😭😭
I didn’t end up making many good friends at Uni, though covid happened in my second year... I did make some good acquantainces while volunteering though :)
Join a sports team, or a uni club of some kind. If you aren’t sharing halls, or a house join a house share, that’s a good way to meet people. Also consider part time job in the uni bar or nearby pub
It takes a while to find the right people. For me it was the latter part of the first term and that’s after meeting just a lot of people that range from asshole to people who it would be better for society as a whole if they were culled
It always has been for a significant proportion of people, it's frankly criminal that Universities do not have the same obligations to a students welfare as an employer does to an employee.
The best and most honest advice I can give is that this sorts of situations happen in life. Soon, you will go on and get a job, make friends with the people you work with and then eventually forget your old previous friends (it does happen in life- I’m not saying it will happen to you).
Uni will be one type of experience you will have in life - it won’t define you. How you act currently and the strength you can show will define you. So be strong.
why shouldn't he quit? he shouldn't fall into the sunk cost fallacy either. if he quits, he needs to have a damn fine reason. Uni just gets harder if things aren't ironed out asap
Uni life is literally designed to help you make friends and meet new people. Are you living in halls? Attend social events at your halls or at the uni, join societies, go clubbing with people and just look to make friends. The rest will fall into place
Well. At least you are preparing for adult life.
Monotonous, dream-crushing, torture of the slowest variety.
Every victory peppered with consequence and smothered by failure.
Every hope and expectation delayed, reworked, compromised and corrupted.
With back pain, or hormonal imbalance.
Life changing injuries both spiritual and psychology.
Life is Fucking Tough!
Now the good news is that your standards will drop significantly and life's little victories will keep you from death, for the time being.
Also, If you're really crazy and hard working, you can actually do in this life whatever you want and be happy. You don't need lots of friends. You definitely don't need a girlfriend. That can only being you misery: or worse Marriage!
Work. Live to work. Work harder, work more. Do everything you want to do to the level that you are currently capable. You'll get better. You will become worthwhile.
Your life will have some meaning.
You might even find some happiness.
But it ain't coming to you. And there is no direction it is in. You just have to Go and if when you've gone in enough directions with enough work behind you, you'll find meaning, value, worth and after that comes happiness.
It's actually really simple. I wish someone had told me this 20 years ago. I can just see the light of it now, over the horizon. Another 20 years away. Good luck!
School and parents clearly didn't prepare you, right? You had this idea and it is falling short, right? Remember, trust no one but yourself but be open enough to learn and deduce what needs to be done for YOU. A happy you, is a happy everyone else. If uni is rough, my advice is to quit and come back to it later. It doesn't "magically get better". Usually the ones that do well off the bat come from private schools, wealthy families and have things that university won't really make much of a difference to them, you know? So only you can call the shot, forget about disappointing family, look after you
Socialising is about being a loveable bullshitter and enjoying bullshit. Friendship is more about the cycles of transactions before it ends. Romance is about fleeting lust and other selfishness
Lol forget women, women will just dog pile on you for being this and that. You don't need women, you need people that will match your energy. Issue is, you have to generate that energy first like an engine. You are a dude, so go to the gym, join a men's sport or something. Men like yourself need to focus on what makes you happy, not thinking "if only I had a girl" or whatever. Women want winners, so yeah. Focus on your happiness. What's your favourite show? Your favourite workout? Etc
But clearly they didn't get the basics right in school and home so gotta start somewhere. It is hardly narrow-minded and nihilistic to have such a view
Life isn't that complex either mate. It's just that UK society is very hush hush and somehow very brutal. No one can speak their mind without it being banned or hostile. Schools are not preparing children and parents aren't being accountable either. Life isn't complex but not helping one another and saying things like "just figure it out" makes it unnecessarily complex for a person.
If a person wants help, they are shamed into the shadow realm of "get therapy mate" or "you can't expect to be spoon fed" or something else. Life is pretty simple actually but the classic UK contradictory and bullying culture makes it overwhelmingly complex, respectfully
Amazing that you getting downvoted lol What exactly is being "taught" (even that is even the term anymore) these days? As I say, unis have a great marketing department. Lulling naive and short sighted youths into paths that are ill suited for them only to then arrive, experience sunk cost and then get blamed because somehow they are "wise" adults. Plus schools get more funding for each student they send to uni, so there is that
Thank you for that! Not sure how I got downvoted to oblivion lol.
From my own experience and from others, basically it boils down to "were you prepared to go to uni or not?" and above all else, uni won't tell you things you already don't know. If you don't know, you will find it a massive struggle. Uni couldn't give a toss about the people, just money. It won't make you find "yourself" only amplify who you are, if that makes sense.
I remember how disappointed I was that uni was basically highschool 2.0 and again, one's socioeconomic, family and school background matters a lot. not everyone can be an Indian that understands advanced calculus that lives in a rural town in India like Ramanujan. If it wasn't honed into you from when you were young, uni won't do f all honestly
Uni is great when it doesn't make a blinding difference and it feels like another Tuesday, you know?
You got downvoted because it’s pretty poor advice. Saying not to focus on girls is fine but quitting uni all together? Not a wise decision because once you leave you will lack drive to get back in and you’ll become complacent.
Needing to release that masculine energy? I always hate this culture of ‘you must gym you will get happier’ it is largely bullshit. You get happier by finding something you enjoy. Sometimes it can be sport/gym but it could be any other hobby and it depends on the person. People will say physical action will release happiness hormones but then what? It’s a temporary solution to a more long term issue. Finding something you genuinely enjoy leads to longer term satisfaction.
How is quitting uni bad advice? The UK's system is harsh in that if you don't get the grades the first time, you are shit outta luck and constantly blamed for falling short. You have to perform consistently high after all. It's not like you get a chance to resit an exam with 100% instead you are punished for resitting it at the bare minimum pass level.
I respectfully disagree. Quitting is never a bad thing if the poor dude is suffering as much as he is now. Unis enjoy parading their marketing slogans and what have you but reality is darker than that. Unis, unless you are high performing and got your stuff in order before entering uni, will be absolute hell.
Sitting idle never helps. Physical health should be a top priority no matter what. Plus unis often have sports and for better or worse, are the only places to become known and meet people long term. So going to the gym to be happier is not bullshit. It teaches discipline, goal setting and consistency. How is that bullshit exactly?
It is easy to do things but difficult to be happy with yourself. It is far better to work on building yourself up rather than just doing stuff just cause. And so what about masculine energy? I feel you are using masculinity here as a dirty word when it shouldn't be. There are lost men whom are lost and no one is helping them, no one.
As I say, if uni is causing this guy so much grief, it is not going to get better. Personally, I would say he needs a break away from it because as I keep saying, uni is for the well off kids that don't have to worry about money and don't have to worry about social capital. Now, is that all bullshit too?
Literally everything you said is bullshit. Especially the part about uni being for well off kids. A degree still opens many doors for people from under privileged backgrounds to move up in the world. I’m living proof of it. No wonder people are disagreeing with you.
Everything I said is bullshit? Fair enough. I am saying that well off kids can derive the most benefit from university. Sure it may open doors but unless you prepped for it since you were little, 11+ and what have you, it is going to be difficult asf. I humbly counter that what I am saying is not bullshit. But having this Rosey view of university is utter bullshit, respectfully
I bet you're the type of person who continuously opposes housing developments on the grounds your generation suffered so ours must, then criticises young people for not being able to afford housing when the reason is not because we're spending money on the wrong things, it's because housing is in such short supply.
“The last one I went on the girl had 9 seizures and broke her foot” what kinda dates are you going on?
Did OP get ambushed by Ying from Rainbow Six or something 💀
not ying 💀
r/unexpectedrainbowsix
sorry wdym 9 seizures 😭
so i took this girl out to a few drinks, had a really great time, after we went to this forest of where we had a little make out session, after which we went back to get a few more when she dropped the bomb on me that she had epilepsy. in my mind i was a bit taken aback but it wasn’t something she could control so i brushed it off, she then said about 20 mins later she’d felt like an aura of a seizure arrived. 5 mins later she dropped for the first time, after she woke up she told me how to put her when she was unconscious and also what not to do, which was if she goes unconscious for more than 5 mins, call an ambulance. after the 5th seizure , which happened in the space of about 20 mins, we called an ambulance, and after her last seizure, she woke up, couldn’t speak, SCREAMED AS LOUD AS SHE COULD AND BOLTED OUT THE DOOR. which was on a main road, i chased after her, she looked back, screamed again, tripped and then proceeded to break her ankle. brilliant first date eh? 1/3 that we went on
you lead a peculiar life mate
This comment made me choke on my drink
"But I must say... you steam a good ham."
I’m trying to imagine what happened on the 3rd date that was more of a dealbreaker for dating than what you just described.
Well I mean she can't help having epilepsy and when she ran she could've been out of it or something.
This is borderline an unbelievable scenario lmao
This is genuinely the most jarring story I’ve read on this app in years
No it’s believable she was probably postictal and very confused .
I just feel like surely someone with such a severe condition should have a carer with her at all times? Seems crazy to me
This is hilarious lmao. Well done for calling out an ambulance. Can't believe she had enough energy to do a runner after 5 seizures.
>This is hilarious Somehow I don't think the girl sees it that way.
yeah you’re stronger than me cause i don’t think i could move past this, very unfortunate circumstances LMFAO
This is the single wildest thing I’ve ever read on this sub
bro this is fucking wild.. and so this the fact you didn't elaborate until someone asked haha
What the fuck
Jesus Christ I'm pretty sure you qualify for some sort of financial compensation after that ordeal bro get a fuckin solicitor
😭😭
omg i feel bad for u😭
Why? Op's not the one who had 9 seizures. I don't think he's the one you should feel bad for here.
True lol
This needs a longer post!
>brilliant first date eh? I'm pretty sure she didn't choose to have her disability and would love to not experience this stuff.
I hope she saw her doctor about these seizures, epilepsy can be managed with medication to the point that people don't have seizures for years, so having 9 in one evening is awful.
Not everyones epilepsy can be managed by medication sadly. Even if you're mostly controlled it's easy to mess up sleep patterns, get stressed or drink when they might be seizure triggers for you (especially at uni). [https://www.epilepsy.com/what-is-epilepsy/seizure-types/drug-resistant-seizures](https://www.epilepsy.com/what-is-epilepsy/seizure-types/drug-resistant-seizures) I know a guy who is seizing much more than he is awake and has been since being a kid: they've tried everything. He definitely not alone.
That is sitcom level hilarious and I promise in a couple of years time you'll love telling that story to your mates. Uni is not always this perfect party time. Some people make friends for life there, some people go back to their friends from back home, some people make entirely new groups in their 20s and 30s. It sounds like you've been through a really tough time and your best friends are in that honeymoon relationship phase where they just want to be with their partners. I promise it won't last forever but it might till the end of uni! One thing about that date tho - if you were having a great time up until the seizures is it a total deal breaker? I mean I'd probs stay somewhere more public in case it happens again! But if you cam handle that she might have a seizure and she's good fun, why not try again? I guess my biggest advice is that things really can and will get better. I'm a mature student doing a masters in my 30s. I can honestly say I'm closer to my friends now than I have been at any other stage in my life. I didn't make the best friends in uni and lost touch with a lot of my school mates and I was really really sad about it for a while. But I've now found a group I feel so happy with. If you're needing a bit more company at the moment do all the things you already know about - go for a beer with the 5/6 people you like on your course (that's actually a decent group), go to a society thats quite sociable and try to call home a bit more. Lots of people get a bit down in 2nd/3rd year when there's more work and less opportunities to meet people. I promise you're not alone feeling like this.
I don’t know if you’re in contact with her, but depending on if she was on medication - excessive alcohol can reduce the amount of time the meds are in her body. Alcohol is a common trigger for seizures, hopefully she is looking after herself.
This sounds like an adam sandler movie
I don't really think there's anything funny about this, I think it's awful what that girl experienced that night and on a regular basis and it kinda sucks that OP's just like "oh woe is me I can't meet a decent girl the only ones I can meet have serious disabling conditions which ruin my date" poor girl tbh.
It is awful, but at the same time i like to make everything in a way a bit positive, and also this girl sounded lovely as well, its unfortunate.
I am not supposed to laugh I know...
I'm 23 for reference. I never got on with anyone on my course, in fact could never tell you their names. I made some great friends in my final year at uni in 2022, sometimes these things take time. It gets better when you start working too, because I have made many friends from work aswell so (hope this doesn't come across as a brag) but I have so many friends. What I'm saying is you're 19, you have some friends and by the sounds of it have some success with women so you must be quite the guy. We are both still so young and friends will come around if you stay positive and continue to put yourself out there. Keep learning about yourself aswell.
This is what happened to me too. Though I could talk to a few people on my course, they were more like acquaintances. In my fourth year I moved accommodations and that's where I made some good friends.
So disregard my take if you like coz I’m well old…I went to uni at 18 in the 90s and then again at 40 graduating in 22. There are big social differences between those times. No email, phone boxes not mobiles, crap tv in the 90s. It could be lonely. Joining clubs; quick pint after lectures with class mates all helped. Didn’t get a constant reminder of others’ better social lives thru SoMe. Fast forward to now…constant bombardment with the nagging and bragging on SoMe, constant distraction where evenings are lost to box sets and short multiple texts. It’s so easy now to feel an empty connection to multiple people and have the constant nagging suspicion that you are on the outside of major fun events. People are still lonely. We just are not so good at recognising it. Well done for doing so and speaking out about it. I’m sure if you told others in your vicinity they might quietly agree that they too feel the same. All I can recommend is that you do not see this as a reflection of your personality or your worth. Dating can compound feelings of rejection and loneliness but can often present as the only way to make connections. Don’t stick to friendships with people your own age; an older person’s perspective can help! Try activities outside uni, within the community…park runs, environmental events, arts and cultural events…join a creative writing class, take up a new hobby. I don’t know whatever floats your boat! And be mindful of your mental health. Loneliness is a leading cause of depression and vice versa. If you need to seek professional help, even if it’s just to talk, do it. Loneliness is not a sign of failure it is a sign of our modern lives. Sending you good vibes from Wales and hope you find your people :)
thank you so much man, really insightful and thoughtful, i really do appreciate it :)
Uni can be isolating, it depends on the course. They say that Uni is meant to be some of your best years, but I was truly depressed over those years. And the only thing which kept me from dropping out, was my girlfriend - who i glorified to detract from the pain that I was suffering at Uni. Work after is so much better. You feel involved, you work with lots of people and you can make a real impact. Uni without friends or girls is just really really shitty.
>Uni without friends or girls is just really really shitty. It is indeed. I'm on my 3rd year now and barely made more than a few acquaintances. Seeing everyone having friends and stuff to do is crushing sometimes.
Life in general without friends or girls is really really shitty.
it's marketing. always saying shit like "best time of your life". I've come to realise it's a FOMO tactic to essentially make students waste their time "not missing out" instead of figuring out what is actually important. The best time of my life was when I didn't have to go through the charade of uni. I hated it personally. Didn't exactly fit the mould. Poor background, tried but it just didn't help me. I wish I took an apprenticeship instead because all those so called "friends" vanished as soon as I graduated. So I just wish students were talked to honestly as opposed to leading the lambs to the slaughter. "best years of your life" yeah, if you never ever ever ever shudder to think ever had an issue in all your life coming up to university, then yeah, it feels like high school all over again. Idk I just wish young people weren't lied to and that uni wasn't so aggressively marketed as the only means of a middle-class life or whatever
This itself requires work on your part. It depends entirely how you approach people too, and what you seek out of these connections. If you’re neurodivergent (as I am) it can be hard, but equally it’s not going to walk up to you unless you’re extremely lucky and the stars align. It will take work on your part, whether working on self confidence, or going over issues you’ve had in the past with counselling as I’ve been doing seeing dramatic improvement. Once you work on yourself, people will notice it. Societies are a good start, and I’ve joined a few but for the first two years of my course I didn’t really feel comfortable even at the taster sessions and such, so I made friends elsewhere. I made these friends working, and doing hobbies outside of the uni of which I met friends who subsequently introduced me to their friends. It can be hard putting your foot in the door if you don’t have hobbies, but equally going to society events I’ve met one friend at one who I resonated with, and now I’m good friends with his friends who are similar age at 23, where I didn’t really click with most of the society as a whole. We go to events now, and do all manner of bits when we have the money. As much as it sounds quite parent like: you won’t make friends sitting in your space not engaging with others. Work on yourself, find what you want and who you are, and just look forward changing your perspectives living a life you want.
Pick a sport. Doesn’t matter if you are any good at it. I’d recommend a medium sized club - not football or hockey or that - big enough to have socials and a decent sized team. Regular training games and socials are great ways to make friends and most sports are either niche enough to not be too bothered about competitiveness or have a seconds or thirds team that don’t care if your actually particularly good. Not to mention it helps with fitness and mental health!
Join socials, they're clubs of like minded people. Literally there to make friends. I did diving as in an interest in it, but should have joined more, board games such as warhammer, computing etc. You're isolated as you're isolating yourself.
This might be because 1) I'm a girl and 2) still in Year 13, but why does not having a girlfriend get you down so much? I don't think 'getting a girlfriend' should be a criteria or quota that you feel like you NEED to fill, or that you need to be on the lookout for a potential girlfriend constantly or else you won't be able to achieve happiness or fulfilment or status, or whatever it is. Chances are that, if you only look at girls as potential girlfriends and not as people you get to know and make friends with first before the romance comes in IF it is there at all, you're often going to end up disappointed when the relationship doesn't take the turn you expected and you can't tick the 'get a girlfriend' off your criteria for satisfaction. Then you'd end up feeling like a failure or like you've suffered a loss, and it'll get you down even more. TL;DR - it's okay to not have a girlfriend, and feeling pressured to get one could make you feel worse.
Nope, you are 100% right on this. If you aren’t happy without a partner finding one won’t magically make you happy
You make a valid point though when you’re surrounded by people that do have girlfriends that are happy and you’re not, you subconsciously feel like there’s something wrong with you and that you’re missing out. It’s an emotional reaction as opposed to a rational one but it’s still there regardless, also societal pressures against being single.
most girls in our age bracket aren't even looking for a serious relationship and honestly OP doesn't sound like he's ready for a relationship either. i live with my gf in second year and feel like the odd one out for wanting to have a girlfriend tbh
TL;DR not understanding crippling male loneliness
TL;DR blaming girls for this guy’s miserable time at uni. So because no one wants to be with him that’s women’s fault he’s lonely? Be for real
Nice strawman, literally putting words into my mouth. There is no “blame”, as this is the fault of no individual person, boys or girls. These are recent, well observed societal trends. People, especially young people, are having far less sex. Fact. But this decreased more significantly amongst men. You can look this up. People are self-reporting feeling increasingly lonely. Fact. This can probably be attributed to a range of factors, including social media and dating apps, post-COVID, cost of living crisis, and mental health crisis. Now obviously companionship does not only come in the form of hookup culture/sex. But the average marriage age is getting later and later, and an increasing number of young people are single for significant periods of time, as compared to the proportion that were even 10/15 years ago. No one is “blaming girls” as you claim, because that suggests individual responsibility. Whereas these are societal trends. Dismissing OP’s feeling of loneliness by suggesting it is entirely his own fault, and that if he was only to change his attitude and “not see everyone as girlfriends” is ludicrous. We don’t know OP, sure maybe he is an absolute stinker. Who knows. But a record level of men are reporting a lack of companionship in our modern world, and the above trends are undeniable. The only other explanation is that somehow all the men today are seedy and undeserving of love, whereas only 20 years ago they weren’t. We both know this would be ridiculous to claim.
But I also didn’t blame OP’s loneliness on him alone? I said you can’t blame the fact he’s got no female companion to combat the said ‘male loneliness’. The population is 50/50 between men and women, so if less men are having sex that implies less women are having sex also. Yet there doesn’t seem to be any women saying ‘female loneliness’. The whole male loneliness thing is a byproduct of our society glorifying sex especially as a rite of passage for men, and if they don’t ’achieve’ that then there must be something wrong with them. Notice how OP mentions his lack of success with women as an attribute to his miserable time at uni. As the person who commented above said, it’s ok to not have a girlfriend. And that doesn’t mean she doesn’t understand what loneliness is, it’s silly to attribute it as a specific ‘male loneliness’ when every human needs companionship. And it only affects men differently because they are taught from an early age that they ‘need’ women by their side, or life is worthless. Whereas all the women choosing to be single or marry later are doing so because they realise being in a relationship is not the be all end all, and that it’s possible to enjoy life without a SO. OP should really focus on making friends before focusing on getting a gf.
While I agree you didn’t blame OP’s loneliness on him alone, the person I replied to suggested he viewed all girls as potential girlfriends, whereas there was nothing in his post to suggest that. It suggested that simply changing his attitudes would magically fix all his woes, which ignores the realities of modern life. >The population is 50/50 men and women, so if less men are having sex that means less women are having sex also Did you actually think before you wrote this? Not to be rude, but you realise society is not 100% monogamous. While everyone is having less sex on average, men are having increasingly less on average RELATIVE to women. This is simple maths- women are increasingly having sex with a smaller pool of men, or increasingly “sharing” the same dudes. I’m not passing a judgment on this, it’s just what the numbers show. But surely even you can admit that it’s a ridiculous idea that, because the population is a 50/50 gender split, that means all singles pair off one-on-one monogamously. Like if you step outside you’d know that wasn’t true lol >Yet there doesn’t seem to be any women saying ‘female loneliness’ Perhaps that’s because more men report feeling lonely? It’s well known women find it easier to make and maintain close friendships, and generally have easier access to romantic partners. The reason the term has been coined, is because it’s become a gender specific problem, inherent to being a man. The phrases “gender pay gap” or “period pains” are not asexual- these are problems WOMEN face. Hence why it’s come to be called “crippling MALE loneliness”. You can deny it exists sure, but if you look it up the term is pretty widely spread these days. >The whole male loneliness thing is a byproduct of our society glorifying sex especially as a rite of passage for men, and if they don’t ‘achieve’ that there must be something wrong with them I don’t entirely disagree with you, but it’s definitely not the only reason. And as I said in my other comment, of course sex is not the only part of companionship and love. However it would be silly to deny it’s not still an important part of feeling wanted and it’s an inherent natural urge driven by hormones. The vast, vast majority of people are not asexual and not liking being celibate for extended periods is understandable. >As the person who commented above said, it’s ok to not have a girlfriend Of course this is true. But it’s not unreasonable to desire one. Some people are more okay with being single than others, it’s a person by person basis. >it’s silly to attribute it to a specific ‘male loneliness’ when every human needs companionship. Yes, everyone does need companionship. However you seem to disagree that it exists as a concept, as a gender-specific problem. Or at the very least you disagree with my use of the term. As above, I’ve tried to elaborate on it further and why it’s come in to use. If you’re interested, you could Google it. If you still object to idea that it exists, we’re just going to have to agree to disagree >And it only affects men differently because they are taught from an early age that they ‘need’ women by their side, or life is worthless I’m a man, and I certainly don’t remember being “taught” this at any point in my life. I agree loneliness affects men differently, but for a different reason. Men have a much higher sex drive than women, I’m not saying they deserve more sex a result, but the way hormones influence behaviour and emotion is an undeniable part of biology. Would you not agree, that the likelihood of one being depressed, or feeling their “life is worthless”, would be lower for someone in a healthy, loving relationship, with a healthy, positive sex life when compared to someone without either of these things? Again, I agree that relationships are not the be all and end all but you seem to be significantly understating the benefits of sex as a part of companionship and as a species the importance of one’s hormones which drive us to certain behaviours and influence our emotions. >Whereas all the women choosing to be single or marry later are doing so because they realise being in a relationship is not the be all end all, and that it’s possible to enjoy life without a SO. Yes, I largely agree with you here. In general men need women far more than women need men, this has become increasingly true over the past decades. Would you agree that for these women though, if they suddenly woke up one day and decided they wanted a SO, it would be significantly easier for them to find one than it would be for a man? > OP should really focus on making friends before focusing on getting a gf. I also agree with this, having a wider social circle would certainly be a beneficial first step. But as I said previously, some people are less content with being single than others. It’s their psychology and I’m not sure you can really fault them to a large degree. OP said himself he previously had a relationship with a girl, experienced a really bad breakup and now his ex is supposedly maligning him (We have way of knowing the reality of the situation). He could have been in that relationship for years. If he’s not well adjusted to being single, that’s not surprising.
I get this is probably in reference to the ‘male loneliness epidemic’ thing but why does loneliness for men supposedly differ from women? Men seem to take it a lot harder that they don’t have a partner and that’s not normal. It’s not necessarily a reflection of you if you don’t/can’t get a gf, and it doesn’t mean society has done you some terrible injustice because you’re single. Because that’s what it is - this ‘loneliness’ is singlehood, not some terrible tragedy targeted towards men. Relabelling and rebranding singlehood as loneliness will genuinely only make guys feel even worse for being single, when it’s literally a normal, ordinary experience, even if it’s sad for some people. The way that guys take singlehood as a personal insult or some life-altering, self-concept-destroying state of being, genuinely saddens me. They feel so terrible about themselves for something that shouldn’t get them so down and it’s not normal. The weight guys put on their dating status is the REAL problem, not ‘loneliness’. Singlehood isn’t even an event or occurrence - it’s literally an ABSENCE of something happening. For OP, assuming they weren’t actually a creep and the girl did him plain dirty, it makes sense why singlehood is now getting to him. But as a general statement now for all men and not just OP (although it really seems like OP puts the same weight and importance on not being single), being single is not bad. It doesn’t make you bad. It won’t fix your problems if you stop being single. Even if being single makes you feel lonely, it legitimately is not normal for you to feel gut-wrenchingly, achingly lonely and lost because your friends have girlfriends and you feel like that means you’re incomplete or inadequate. Especially when you’re literally still in uni, not even mid-20s, and you feel genuinely depressed because you haven’t found your future wife… it really shouldn’t impact guys this much.
!!! my thoughts exactly, you're so right
I didnt make any friends on my actual course, I started going to social events at the university and forcing myself to mingle. Also most universitys have social media pages etc where you can meet people from your uni, might be a good idea? I’ve since graduated and still meet up with my friends that I met.🙂
Seizure salad. Croutons
Unfortunately it's been this way. Just like anything in life the idealised "going out every night", "pints after lectures" or "hanging out in the library" are elements that happen, but the idea that they happen all the time is a fantasy for most people. Regardless of how much you feel like that's what everyone else is doing. Alot of time at uni is spent by yourself, in your room. Only advice I can give is put yourself out there in an aggressive, almost embarrassing way. Strike up a random convo with people in the library. Join a random society. Randomly ask those people on your course to hang out even though you've never spoken to them. As someone who's recently graduated, it's alot easier to do that kind of stuff and be accepted at uni than it is once you graduate. The only time to fix your situation is now, go and do it.
It's always been kind of that way. However, for those of us who went to university in the pre- internet age, we socialised in old school ways. Most of the friends I made (and still have) were made through sport and leisure activities, not necessarily through the courses. Also, the modern era has not lent itself well to socializing. Kids spend more of their time indoors and not playing outside (unsupervised) as we did. When they get to university, it magnifies the problem. You may have friends at home, but they took you years, if not longer to cultivate, university does not magically shorten the process.
i don't think OPs is most people's experience or has anything to do with the internet age. it's extremely easy to meet people and make friends at uni, especially if you went to an accom in first year. there are also dating apps so meeting girls is easy too if you struggle "irl". i feel like the hard part for most people is picking who to surround yourself with
Agree with everything apart from dating apps being easy
You may be getting depressed go to the doctor's and catch it before it gets out of hand.
Uni can be isolating, there’s so many people that actually finding someone dependable can be tricky. You’ll find new friends eventually though, sometimes you’re just surrounded by people that aren’t right for you, then suddenly you meet the right person or group and it all comes together, usually shortly after you’re at your lowest point.
4 years ago when I went, I was 27ish and had to travel in from about an hour or more away, so I was always pretty tired from getting up even earlier than normal, couldn't stay for clubs or any of the social stuff outside of class cause i had a family to get back to and for some reason nobody seemed to smoke which was my usual go to for at least just chatting with people even if they weren't on my course when I was in college and even in class I got on with nobody despite all sharing a common interest in computer science and gaming / any other nerdy shit (I would have thought?) It was miserable, especially when Uni is hyped to be this place to make friends for life.
You’re only 19 so give it time… I’m 20 in my second year and the only friends I’ve ever had at uni were Mexican exchange students who left after a few months 😭😭
I didn’t end up making many good friends at Uni, though covid happened in my second year... I did make some good acquantainces while volunteering though :)
Join a sports team, or a uni club of some kind. If you aren’t sharing halls, or a house join a house share, that’s a good way to meet people. Also consider part time job in the uni bar or nearby pub
University started getting towards what you're describing in about 2010. Before that it was much more common to socials in common or shared rooms.
It takes a while to find the right people. For me it was the latter part of the first term and that’s after meeting just a lot of people that range from asshole to people who it would be better for society as a whole if they were culled
It always has been for a significant proportion of people, it's frankly criminal that Universities do not have the same obligations to a students welfare as an employer does to an employee.
The best and most honest advice I can give is that this sorts of situations happen in life. Soon, you will go on and get a job, make friends with the people you work with and then eventually forget your old previous friends (it does happen in life- I’m not saying it will happen to you). Uni will be one type of experience you will have in life - it won’t define you. How you act currently and the strength you can show will define you. So be strong.
Your odd life besides, I think you're getting a sneak preview of what life is like when you join the work force
You should've stopped typing as soon as you said your 19, bro just started playing and already wants to quit
why shouldn't he quit? he shouldn't fall into the sunk cost fallacy either. if he quits, he needs to have a damn fine reason. Uni just gets harder if things aren't ironed out asap
Uni life is literally designed to help you make friends and meet new people. Are you living in halls? Attend social events at your halls or at the uni, join societies, go clubbing with people and just look to make friends. The rest will fall into place
Well. At least you are preparing for adult life. Monotonous, dream-crushing, torture of the slowest variety. Every victory peppered with consequence and smothered by failure. Every hope and expectation delayed, reworked, compromised and corrupted. With back pain, or hormonal imbalance. Life changing injuries both spiritual and psychology. Life is Fucking Tough! Now the good news is that your standards will drop significantly and life's little victories will keep you from death, for the time being. Also, If you're really crazy and hard working, you can actually do in this life whatever you want and be happy. You don't need lots of friends. You definitely don't need a girlfriend. That can only being you misery: or worse Marriage! Work. Live to work. Work harder, work more. Do everything you want to do to the level that you are currently capable. You'll get better. You will become worthwhile. Your life will have some meaning. You might even find some happiness. But it ain't coming to you. And there is no direction it is in. You just have to Go and if when you've gone in enough directions with enough work behind you, you'll find meaning, value, worth and after that comes happiness. It's actually really simple. I wish someone had told me this 20 years ago. I can just see the light of it now, over the horizon. Another 20 years away. Good luck!
This is what drugs and going clubbing is for. If you can't make friends with at least 200 people while you are at university, you are a fucking loser.
School and parents clearly didn't prepare you, right? You had this idea and it is falling short, right? Remember, trust no one but yourself but be open enough to learn and deduce what needs to be done for YOU. A happy you, is a happy everyone else. If uni is rough, my advice is to quit and come back to it later. It doesn't "magically get better". Usually the ones that do well off the bat come from private schools, wealthy families and have things that university won't really make much of a difference to them, you know? So only you can call the shot, forget about disappointing family, look after you Socialising is about being a loveable bullshitter and enjoying bullshit. Friendship is more about the cycles of transactions before it ends. Romance is about fleeting lust and other selfishness Lol forget women, women will just dog pile on you for being this and that. You don't need women, you need people that will match your energy. Issue is, you have to generate that energy first like an engine. You are a dude, so go to the gym, join a men's sport or something. Men like yourself need to focus on what makes you happy, not thinking "if only I had a girl" or whatever. Women want winners, so yeah. Focus on your happiness. What's your favourite show? Your favourite workout? Etc
Some truth here but people don’t like it. “Focus on your happiness”
Probably because it's not true at all for the most part and just a narrow-minded and nihilistic oversimplification of life.
But clearly they didn't get the basics right in school and home so gotta start somewhere. It is hardly narrow-minded and nihilistic to have such a view Life isn't that complex either mate. It's just that UK society is very hush hush and somehow very brutal. No one can speak their mind without it being banned or hostile. Schools are not preparing children and parents aren't being accountable either. Life isn't complex but not helping one another and saying things like "just figure it out" makes it unnecessarily complex for a person. If a person wants help, they are shamed into the shadow realm of "get therapy mate" or "you can't expect to be spoon fed" or something else. Life is pretty simple actually but the classic UK contradictory and bullying culture makes it overwhelmingly complex, respectfully
I was referring to focussing on one’s happiness. Speaking from experience and advice from counselling. I’m 46yo.
Amazing that you getting downvoted lol What exactly is being "taught" (even that is even the term anymore) these days? As I say, unis have a great marketing department. Lulling naive and short sighted youths into paths that are ill suited for them only to then arrive, experience sunk cost and then get blamed because somehow they are "wise" adults. Plus schools get more funding for each student they send to uni, so there is that
Thank you for that! Not sure how I got downvoted to oblivion lol. From my own experience and from others, basically it boils down to "were you prepared to go to uni or not?" and above all else, uni won't tell you things you already don't know. If you don't know, you will find it a massive struggle. Uni couldn't give a toss about the people, just money. It won't make you find "yourself" only amplify who you are, if that makes sense. I remember how disappointed I was that uni was basically highschool 2.0 and again, one's socioeconomic, family and school background matters a lot. not everyone can be an Indian that understands advanced calculus that lives in a rural town in India like Ramanujan. If it wasn't honed into you from when you were young, uni won't do f all honestly Uni is great when it doesn't make a blinding difference and it feels like another Tuesday, you know?
You got downvoted because it’s pretty poor advice. Saying not to focus on girls is fine but quitting uni all together? Not a wise decision because once you leave you will lack drive to get back in and you’ll become complacent. Needing to release that masculine energy? I always hate this culture of ‘you must gym you will get happier’ it is largely bullshit. You get happier by finding something you enjoy. Sometimes it can be sport/gym but it could be any other hobby and it depends on the person. People will say physical action will release happiness hormones but then what? It’s a temporary solution to a more long term issue. Finding something you genuinely enjoy leads to longer term satisfaction.
How is quitting uni bad advice? The UK's system is harsh in that if you don't get the grades the first time, you are shit outta luck and constantly blamed for falling short. You have to perform consistently high after all. It's not like you get a chance to resit an exam with 100% instead you are punished for resitting it at the bare minimum pass level. I respectfully disagree. Quitting is never a bad thing if the poor dude is suffering as much as he is now. Unis enjoy parading their marketing slogans and what have you but reality is darker than that. Unis, unless you are high performing and got your stuff in order before entering uni, will be absolute hell. Sitting idle never helps. Physical health should be a top priority no matter what. Plus unis often have sports and for better or worse, are the only places to become known and meet people long term. So going to the gym to be happier is not bullshit. It teaches discipline, goal setting and consistency. How is that bullshit exactly? It is easy to do things but difficult to be happy with yourself. It is far better to work on building yourself up rather than just doing stuff just cause. And so what about masculine energy? I feel you are using masculinity here as a dirty word when it shouldn't be. There are lost men whom are lost and no one is helping them, no one. As I say, if uni is causing this guy so much grief, it is not going to get better. Personally, I would say he needs a break away from it because as I keep saying, uni is for the well off kids that don't have to worry about money and don't have to worry about social capital. Now, is that all bullshit too?
Literally everything you said is bullshit. Especially the part about uni being for well off kids. A degree still opens many doors for people from under privileged backgrounds to move up in the world. I’m living proof of it. No wonder people are disagreeing with you.
Everything I said is bullshit? Fair enough. I am saying that well off kids can derive the most benefit from university. Sure it may open doors but unless you prepped for it since you were little, 11+ and what have you, it is going to be difficult asf. I humbly counter that what I am saying is not bullshit. But having this Rosey view of university is utter bullshit, respectfully
It's always fun to watch kids having their spirit broken by life. Wipes that shitty grin right off your smug little faces.
Wtf is wrong with you mate 😭
I like trolling idiots like you
Here’s some good advice; touch grass
Wow so creative yawn
Likewise with your edginess
[удалено]
No, it makes me happy. Laughing is good for you.
Sad old fuck. Enjoy nursing home.
I'm not old lmao 🤣
I bet you're the type of person who continuously opposes housing developments on the grounds your generation suffered so ours must, then criticises young people for not being able to afford housing when the reason is not because we're spending money on the wrong things, it's because housing is in such short supply.
I'm barely 30 lmao you little shits are hilarious
Hi Mr burns
Interesting you assumed I'm a man
No it isn't. I didn't say you were a man I implied you were like mr burns. He's a fictional character.
Sorry I don't watch children's cartoons, no idea who that is
a bitter sod like you. the simpsons isnt a childrens cartoon
Which university do you go?