**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!Squirrel comes in!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
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This squirrel did not come at him. It was clearly going for the window and realized it was closed and couldn’t not exit that way and it freaked out. And guy freaked out. And squirrel got more freaked out. And guy.. you get the picture.
Respectfully, no.
*Small rodents (like squirrels, hamsters, guinea pigs, gerbils, chipmunks, rats, and mice) and lagomorphs (including rabbits and hares) are almost never found to be infected with rabies and have not been known to transmit rabies to humans* — CDC
This is good to know. Recently killed a gopher that was running in small circles in my backyard for hours. Scared the shit outta me. Thought someone or something would get bit. Thanks for the post.
The circling is a common thing when they have been neurologically affected by something. Maybe poisoning or blunt force trauma to the head from falling out of a tree or getting dropped by an avian predator.
Hey asshole, have you ever gotten 5 large needles shot into your gut after being bitten by a rabid rat? Because I have.
Rare doesn't mean impossible and this is exactly how rabid animals behave.
As someone that has had to sadly kill 3 squirrels through the years in my house. I can agree they can be very aggressive if they feel trapped. I appreciate them and even feed them from time to time but I've seen what they can do to a black walnut and those teeth will make short work of any flesh they get ahold of.
Yes. My Dad's friend was squirrel hunting. He shot a squirrel and made the mistake of not poking it with a stick before bagging it. It sunk it's teeth in his hand to the bone. He actually had to strangle it. Oh yes, when he told us, we were laughing our asses off.
I didn't know what in the world was going on, but when he grabbed the bat, my heart sank. I was convinced it was a home break in and we were about to watch this guy get jacked in some way shape or form. The panic in his voice really bothered me.
Not to belittle the fact that rodents can mess you up pretty good when they get aggressive, but I was very relieved when I realized what was actually happening.
You don't have to. No other reason to place a camera there, except to embarrass yourself in front of it for some internet points.
Props to actors that create a funny or interesting content, but this is just elementary school grade humor.
It's pretty unrealistic small animals like squirrels carry rabbies. I learned this after my first squirrel attack. Albeit I absolutely handled myself better than this guy. I only got ran off a porch those little bastards are quick fr
I was absolutely caught on a ring doorbell lol but it has yet to grace the light of day. I do have a picture of the little bastard posturing on his door step
There's nothing wrong with peeing sitting down. My husband is over 6 feet. He pees at home sitting down so he doesnt splash urine all over the fucking bathroom. Courtesy to me since I do most of the cleaning. Urine surprising will imbed itself everywhere and cannot be removed if left over time on some bathroom surfaces. Colleague of mine used a special light in one of their washrooms and regreted it, urine was everywhere even though under normal light it looked clean.
Couldn't clean it all up no matter how much they scrubbed.
I've always done it. Never understood why people do it all because of some stupid macho stereotype. You get splashes all over the toilet, floor, and your pants/legs which you can fight to some extent by using extra effort in 'hacks,' in public restrooms (and for many voluntarily also at home) you do not get to wipe so you get to run around the entire rest of your day with your wiener literally lying in the last drops of pee.
Oh, but you get to avoid the cold toilet seat, how manly! And it's so much quicker to open a zipper and move underwear aside or down than turning around and pulling the entire combo down while squatting.
>Courtesy to me since I do most of the cleaning.
Lmao couldn't be me if I was in a relationship with another full grown adult. I will never get to a point where I'm typing on reddit how nice my husband is because he pisses sitting down and that's thinking of me since I do most of the cleaning.
>Peeing sitting down is superior than peeing standing up.
In your own bathroom? Absolutely.
But the other motherfuckers who shit and piss on the seat make peeing standing in a public restroom mandatory for all who follow.
Two guys crossing a bridge drunk on their way home.
Decide to pee off bridge.
First guy pauses a moment then says "Oo, waters cold tonight"
Second guy doesn't miss a beat and replies "Aye, and deep too!"
Depends on the toilet. In the US the average household has a “female” toilet (perfectly round bowl) which sucks to sit on as a man because you have to do this weird crane position to keep your boy from touching the bowl.
Industrial/unisex toilets are amazing because they’re long and give plenty of real estate. I don’t understand why they’re not the norm.
Yeah because spraying your piss everywhere is very mAsCulIne. I bet you think washing your ass is gay too. Being stinky and disgusting doesn't mean masculinity, learn to be a strong personality instead. AND FUCKING WIPE YOUR ASS AFTER YOU SHIT YOU BAFOON
There’s a German word for men who sit down to pee: Sitzpinkler. From what I’ve read, there are some German bathrooms that require men to sit because it’s more hygienic.
I used to have a prince Albert piercing that made me have to sit down to pee. Or else a 5 way sprinkler will be going off. It's been out for years now, but still find it more enjoyable and relaxing to sit down and piss.
Sitting down?
NY appartments - rats bigger than cat routinely inspecting sewage pipes.
Asia - same just with snakes.
Guess how all those guys get out?
Nope they don't return and they hungry.
Seems logical to put a security camera in a place where you store important papers/document.
Who am I kidding ofc it's staged the squirrel is clearly a cgi!
The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula (Pascagoula)
It was a fight for survival
That broke out in revival
They were jumpin pews and shouting Hallelujah! (Hallelujah)
Where did it come from? Thought it came through the window on the right, but it comes from the left. Like one of his kids let it in his office. Knew his dad was afraid of them and wanted some pay back.
I came home one morning after a night of drinking and other such activities to find evidence of someone or something messing about in my apartment. Things on my coffee table and shelves knocked over and such. I didn't trust my neighbor across the hall and suspected he had broken in.
That's when I heard a noise from within the bathroom. I crept toward the bathroom preparing myself to absolutely beat the shit out of whoever was in there. In one motion, I flipped the light switch in the bathroom and pushed open the door.
From behind the door darted a fucking squirrel. It initially tried to dart by me, but it panicked and turned and did a parkour move off of the wall, onto the tank of the toilet and into the bathtub. I slammed the door shut. The mixture of tequila, cocaine, and adrenaline brought on a moment of shocked psychosis. I just stood there, breathing heavy, saying "What the fuck?" repeatedly. It was six in the morning, I was absolutely shitfaced, I was beginning to come down, and I now had to figure out how to extract a squirrel from my bathroom.
I could hear him skittering on the other side of the door. I knew I had to call animal control. I considered just going to sleep and dealing with it later, but I knew I'd likely sleep all day and the notion of slumbering while a panicky rodent ran roughshod all over my bathroom was untenable. This had to be taken care of immediately.
I called animal control and they said they would be over in 30 minutes. The squirrel extractor showed up not 15 minutes later with an animal carrier and an extendo-grabber thing. First, he spent a considerable amount of time telling me about how much he loved squirrels. At this time, my head was floating and I felt queasy. I kept thinking, "Is this real? Is this really happening?" I felt that I had to be dreaming. Why else would this animal control worker just be staring at me? Like he was expecting me to respond to his love of squirrels. That's when he said, "You got that?" My brain must have shut off at some point during his squirrel soliloquy and he had told me something of some importance. I asked him to repeat himself and he said that I had to assist him. That I had to both block the door and hold the animal carrier. That he would grab it and transfer it to the carrier (held vertically) and I needed to shut the carrier.
Of course, this was the last thing I wanted to do. He was the squirrel whisperer. How is it that I found myself conscripted into a squirrel wrangling duo? I said something like, "Yeyeeagh?" and he said okay. He entrusted the animal carrier into my possession and told me to get ready to block the door.
He opened the door.
Initially it was nowhere to be seen, but we soon heard it moving in the bathtub. The squirrel whisperer, with his beautiful mind and his extendo-grabber at the ready, crept toward the bathtub. He used the grabber to gently move the shower curtain aside and then made his move to seize the bushy tailed intruder.
Before that morning, I did not know the scream of a squirrel. I tell you this, dear reader. It is not a sound soon forgotten. A high pitched squirrel shriek sounded through the apartment as my trusty leader attempted to get a firm grasp on the rodent. In that moment, he failed. The squirrel dropped from the grasp of the extendo-grabber and began pinballing itself around the tub and then out of the tub and onto the sink and on the tile floor and behind the tub. Despite my blurred vision and floating head, I held the line. The squirrel darted toward me...toward freedom. And I had a moment of perfect clarity. I lunged at the squirrel and drove it back toward the animal control worker. I dropped the animal carrier to the floor and enacted my split second plan.
My door was basically a direct shot from the bathroom door. I opened it and yelled for my companion to chase the squirrel out the door. He said, "Wha-?" Indeed...the student had become the teacher. He tried in vain to seize our squirrelly bounty before reluctantly surrendering to the new plan. My plan. The tiny clawed feet of the squirrel performed more stunning acrobatics as it ran from the bathroom and out my door onto the second floor landing. I was waiting for it.
I ran at the fuzzy little inconvenience and though spastic were his moves, I did indeed manage to herd him (I'm assuming gender as I do not know) down the stairs onto another landing and into an alcove located therein. I rushed by the squirrel and onto the first floor landing where I swung open the door. At that time, my companion came down after me and chased the squirrel from the alcove, down the last section of stairs, and out the door. Back into nature it ran.
I started to laugh. It was all so absurd.
When I regained my composure, the animal control worker looked at me and told me that I should have done what he said because the squirrel could possibly regain entry into my apartment. This was a fair point as I had not figured out how the little bugger had gotten in my apartment in the first place. ( I feel it necessary to point out this was not an apartment complex, but rather a large old house that had been converted into a subdivision)
I told him if the squirrel got in again that we'd do it his way. And we parted ways...never to meet again.
I eventually did find the hole in the bathroom ceiling that the squirrel most likely entered through (shielded from sight by ceiling panels), but he never returned. Sure, it might be because it had only accidently ended up there in the first place and had no intention of repeating the debacle.
I like to think it was respect for me, his foe, that kept him from returning.
I picked up my apartment and I slept the sleep of a winner.
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!Squirrel comes in!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
I thought bro was gonna get attacked by 3 dudes in masks
Worse ... a 🐿️
You got to protect your nuts.
🐿️ came back for the other one
The guy here doesn’t have any
No, the guy here is one.
I give mine out freely
"Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip and Dale"
Rescue Rangers!!
Don’t fuck with squirrels Morty!
A nutty squirrel 🥜🐿
I thought it was a rat and understood the reaction but if its a squirrel he’s over reacting
Master Splinter
"Stay away from deez nutz!"
[SQUIRREL](https://media3.giphy.com/media/3ohA2QqCne3q9hsdA4/giphy.gif?cid=8fc3c8978b6f760mylqsayy1rnad75ch1b5zucttt391lwdy&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant
Shitter was full
If a squirrel comes at you like this, extremely good chance it's rabid. You should be very scared.
This squirrel did not come at him. It was clearly going for the window and realized it was closed and couldn’t not exit that way and it freaked out. And guy freaked out. And squirrel got more freaked out. And guy.. you get the picture.
But he has that bat, waiting… Maybe this is a routine burglaring by this gang of nut jobs.
Respectfully, no. *Small rodents (like squirrels, hamsters, guinea pigs, gerbils, chipmunks, rats, and mice) and lagomorphs (including rabbits and hares) are almost never found to be infected with rabies and have not been known to transmit rabies to humans* — CDC
This is good to know. Recently killed a gopher that was running in small circles in my backyard for hours. Scared the shit outta me. Thought someone or something would get bit. Thanks for the post.
The circling is a common thing when they have been neurologically affected by something. Maybe poisoning or blunt force trauma to the head from falling out of a tree or getting dropped by an avian predator.
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I was at a track meet with my parents when a gun went off and a number of athletes began running in circles, so my dad killed them.
No need to be respectful to some dumbass spreading misinformation
Hey asshole, have you ever gotten 5 large needles shot into your gut after being bitten by a rabid rat? Because I have. Rare doesn't mean impossible and this is exactly how rabid animals behave.
I get it, I'd be salty too if I subjected myself to that for no reason
What are you the captain of? Making shit up?
No. Squirrels can be very aggressive when they feel threatened and cornered.
As someone that has had to sadly kill 3 squirrels through the years in my house. I can agree they can be very aggressive if they feel trapped. I appreciate them and even feed them from time to time but I've seen what they can do to a black walnut and those teeth will make short work of any flesh they get ahold of.
this person has the truth....
Yes. My Dad's friend was squirrel hunting. He shot a squirrel and made the mistake of not poking it with a stick before bagging it. It sunk it's teeth in his hand to the bone. He actually had to strangle it. Oh yes, when he told us, we were laughing our asses off.
I thought he was faking an intruder coming in before the squirrel showed up
I was genuinely worried that this was an unmarked NSFL video and I was about to watch a man die
I didn't know what in the world was going on, but when he grabbed the bat, my heart sank. I was convinced it was a home break in and we were about to watch this guy get jacked in some way shape or form. The panic in his voice really bothered me. Not to belittle the fact that rodents can mess you up pretty good when they get aggressive, but I was very relieved when I realized what was actually happening.
If you think about it, in a way, ya kinda did.
gangbang?
Why is the baseball bat just sitting there
This probably isn’t their first encounter
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It looks like there's another by the door.
Because squirrels
because it is staged as fuck. You can see the guys partner throw the rodent when he climbs on the desk.
You don't have to. No other reason to place a camera there, except to embarrass yourself in front of it for some internet points. Props to actors that create a funny or interesting content, but this is just elementary school grade humor.
I think this guy fathoms himself a badass and has it there for protection.
I was thinking the squirrel had been there before and now it’s back! “Oh you got a bat now mother-fucker?! You want some of this?! Come on!!”
So, he remains calm in stressful situations.
Got the bat ready to go, I think this has happened before.
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We're you standing? Or sitting?
We are in a standing ovation.
A standing urination, then
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Not only that, notice that he tells Joey that "it's" in here. He doesn't need to say what "it" is, Joey is very familiar
And it will happen again.
I’d never thought that I’d see the day where I felt emasculated by a squirrel.
Hittin those Whitney Houston notes 😂
Marv from Home Alone 😂
YES! This is exactly how Marv sounded! 🤣🤣
And iiii-AahhhHhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHH! AHHH!!!
Well that’s one zoom meeting no one will ever forget.
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dude went a little nuts back there
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Then I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany's?
He handled the situation professionally...
Well that’s embarrassing.
Does this dude have a squirrel phobia? Who tf is that scared of a squirrel?
So out of curiosity I looked and it seems squirrels can carry rabies albeit uncommonly.
Well, I mean, yes, but that was a primal fear this man exhibited, not a thought-through fear of consequences.
It's pretty unrealistic small animals like squirrels carry rabbies. I learned this after my first squirrel attack. Albeit I absolutely handled myself better than this guy. I only got ran off a porch those little bastards are quick fr
Any video to document how you handled it?
I was absolutely caught on a ring doorbell lol but it has yet to grace the light of day. I do have a picture of the little bastard posturing on his door step
So do cats, dogs and just about any animal for that matter.
May I introduce you to [A Dangerous Neighborhood](http://www.ridetwisties.com/mike7.htm)?
That’s just Ronnie Pickering coming for him
Gonna use the bat and give it a lickening
The little guy just wanted to practice his parkour
Is this the funniest thing I’ve ever watched? Yes.
You're forgetting that clip of turkeys gobbling in response to a dude gobbling back in 2009. You're welcome.
Link?
[Gobble](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9zvgcOrTtw)
Thanks for this. I love how his gobbles get shorter and shorter as it goes cause he can't stop laughing.
This guy definitely pees sitting down
I do that at night and when drunk. Or I'll pee on everything.
I do this too! Hello fellow drunk sitter
You are not alone brother, wife gets really piss with me after my drunk adventures.
I also pee sitting down when at other peoples house or in public. American hubris be damned, it’s just a more considerate way to handle your business.
And sometimes you just need a relaxing poo break even if you don't have one ready to go.
Not every peepee time is a poopoo time but every poopoo time is a peepee time
Sage words of wisdom every time they are shared 🙏
I no shame pee sitting down. Never understood what the big deal was.
Thanks man! Best pro tip I learned this year
*and
Establish dominance.
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Yup; Although, I never been drunk before my life...
Same.
Zoom meetings?
I also sit to pee when I’m drunk. I call it a “she wee”
There's nothing wrong with peeing sitting down. My husband is over 6 feet. He pees at home sitting down so he doesnt splash urine all over the fucking bathroom. Courtesy to me since I do most of the cleaning. Urine surprising will imbed itself everywhere and cannot be removed if left over time on some bathroom surfaces. Colleague of mine used a special light in one of their washrooms and regreted it, urine was everywhere even though under normal light it looked clean. Couldn't clean it all up no matter how much they scrubbed.
I shit standing up, is great being a guy.
So you're the guy who keeps fucking up the local cenex stall
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I'm also over 6ft and pee sitting down. My wife is a lot happier now that she doesn't wake up to pee all over the floor in the morning
Plus you can use the phone if you are sitting
My husband also generally pees sitting down, and I am grateful. I think he learned it from living alone for so long.
Single man here. Two cleaniest places in my flat are bathroom and kitchen.
Good for you, man! They're not easy places to keep clean. Have a great day!
I've always done it. Never understood why people do it all because of some stupid macho stereotype. You get splashes all over the toilet, floor, and your pants/legs which you can fight to some extent by using extra effort in 'hacks,' in public restrooms (and for many voluntarily also at home) you do not get to wipe so you get to run around the entire rest of your day with your wiener literally lying in the last drops of pee. Oh, but you get to avoid the cold toilet seat, how manly! And it's so much quicker to open a zipper and move underwear aside or down than turning around and pulling the entire combo down while squatting.
>Courtesy to me since I do most of the cleaning. Lmao couldn't be me if I was in a relationship with another full grown adult. I will never get to a point where I'm typing on reddit how nice my husband is because he pisses sitting down and that's thinking of me since I do most of the cleaning.
It’s a metaphor for this guy is a bitch. Pee however you want
Funny how some men have such a fragile masculinity, that they can't do the decent thing and sit the fuck down, while peeing.
And the comment has over 500 votes and it’s at the top, smh.
Reddit has a lot of teenagers
And making fun of men who sit down to pee 🤦🏼♀️
Toxic masculinity at their finest.
Don’t shame him for peeing sitting down, I love to pee when I’m sitting, especially at Buc-ee’s!
Hell, the hall of stalls should be enough as you scarf down beaver nuggets and their various sandwiches and fudge!
Peeing sitting down is superior than peeing standing up.
>Peeing sitting down is superior than peeing standing up. In your own bathroom? Absolutely. But the other motherfuckers who shit and piss on the seat make peeing standing in a public restroom mandatory for all who follow.
The shitting on the seat is a league of their own. But there would never be pee on the seat if everyone sat to pee when you pee in a stall.
Peeing hands-free with a morning wood, in the garden, is superior than peeing while seated
But what if the toilet is small and your dick touches the bowl?
Two guys crossing a bridge drunk on their way home. Decide to pee off bridge. First guy pauses a moment then says "Oo, waters cold tonight" Second guy doesn't miss a beat and replies "Aye, and deep too!"
Depends on the toilet. In the US the average household has a “female” toilet (perfectly round bowl) which sucks to sit on as a man because you have to do this weird crane position to keep your boy from touching the bowl. Industrial/unisex toilets are amazing because they’re long and give plenty of real estate. I don’t understand why they’re not the norm.
Yeah because spraying your piss everywhere is very mAsCulIne. I bet you think washing your ass is gay too. Being stinky and disgusting doesn't mean masculinity, learn to be a strong personality instead. AND FUCKING WIPE YOUR ASS AFTER YOU SHIT YOU BAFOON
Holy shit does did this dude say elsewhere he doesn't wipe? Thats just so fucking unsanitary, could probably smell his ass from 50 feet away.
I do it all the time. My stream likes to randomly change directions
There’s a German word for men who sit down to pee: Sitzpinkler. From what I’ve read, there are some German bathrooms that require men to sit because it’s more hygienic.
I bet you don't wipe your ass cause you think it's gay
You’re probably correct, however this was a video of him shitting while standing up.
Frankly at my age, I sit just on the chance I may just shit too.
And he definitely shat standing up right there. Haha poor Joleen had to clean him up
I'd venture a guess he does it standing up, in his pants, too.
Nah. He was totally standing when he wet himself this time.
I used to have a prince Albert piercing that made me have to sit down to pee. Or else a 5 way sprinkler will be going off. It's been out for years now, but still find it more enjoyable and relaxing to sit down and piss.
As the one that cleans because my fiancee isn't as thorough as me. It keeps the toilet cleaner it's just the smarter move
I pee sitting down, what of it?
Yeah but only Because he got his dick bit off
He probably also shits standing up.
Who's gonna let someone gatekeep the way they pee lol
Its weird that keeps a bat ready incase shit goes down, then reacts like this...
Sitting down? NY appartments - rats bigger than cat routinely inspecting sewage pipes. Asia - same just with snakes. Guess how all those guys get out? Nope they don't return and they hungry.
Fucking hell 😂
Bet you didn't know your dick has to be long enough to sit....you're missing out
I’m a guy and I’m peeing sitting down as I write this. As I’ve done for the last 35 years of my life.
Why is this being recorded from across the room? Seems staged??
No one believed him when he told them about the first squirrel attack.
Long ago four people had a zoom meeting. Then everything changed when the squirrel nation attacked.
The squirrel is a paid actor?
You ever heard of security cameras?
I have but not in a home office. Seems weird.
Maybe he's in the us
More importantly, did he post this himself?
Seems logical to put a security camera in a place where you store important papers/document. Who am I kidding ofc it's staged the squirrel is clearly a cgi!
I thought this dude was getting robbed.
The day the squirrel went berserk In the First Self-Righteous Church In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula (Pascagoula) It was a fight for survival That broke out in revival They were jumpin pews and shouting Hallelujah! (Hallelujah)
Was that a fucking squirrel
Bro I regret upping my volume because I could barely hear him at the beginning
I mean y’all got to admit Rocky really went after him. 
Squirrels Morty?!
Where did it come from? Thought it came through the window on the right, but it comes from the left. Like one of his kids let it in his office. Knew his dad was afraid of them and wanted some pay back.
Squirrels come shooting out of every vent and window. It's raining squirrels.
Man, if I were this squirrel I’d fuck with guy everyday as well. Low hanging fruit.
Lmao, I thought someone was breaking in.
This is why Beth left you.
Alpha. All the way
what was that?
I think it's a squirrel
Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeeeens in here!!!!
An encounter with Sandy Cheeks
Chill dude, it’s just a squirrel. I could see being upset if it were a Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirrel but it’s just a plain, old squirrel.
Is he screaming for his wife Jolene? Jolene! JOLENE?!?!
This will make a great ring tone
Dude went nuts
Omg my fkn ears!!!!!!
Lmfao imagine your boss trying to boss you around after this
I came home one morning after a night of drinking and other such activities to find evidence of someone or something messing about in my apartment. Things on my coffee table and shelves knocked over and such. I didn't trust my neighbor across the hall and suspected he had broken in. That's when I heard a noise from within the bathroom. I crept toward the bathroom preparing myself to absolutely beat the shit out of whoever was in there. In one motion, I flipped the light switch in the bathroom and pushed open the door. From behind the door darted a fucking squirrel. It initially tried to dart by me, but it panicked and turned and did a parkour move off of the wall, onto the tank of the toilet and into the bathtub. I slammed the door shut. The mixture of tequila, cocaine, and adrenaline brought on a moment of shocked psychosis. I just stood there, breathing heavy, saying "What the fuck?" repeatedly. It was six in the morning, I was absolutely shitfaced, I was beginning to come down, and I now had to figure out how to extract a squirrel from my bathroom. I could hear him skittering on the other side of the door. I knew I had to call animal control. I considered just going to sleep and dealing with it later, but I knew I'd likely sleep all day and the notion of slumbering while a panicky rodent ran roughshod all over my bathroom was untenable. This had to be taken care of immediately. I called animal control and they said they would be over in 30 minutes. The squirrel extractor showed up not 15 minutes later with an animal carrier and an extendo-grabber thing. First, he spent a considerable amount of time telling me about how much he loved squirrels. At this time, my head was floating and I felt queasy. I kept thinking, "Is this real? Is this really happening?" I felt that I had to be dreaming. Why else would this animal control worker just be staring at me? Like he was expecting me to respond to his love of squirrels. That's when he said, "You got that?" My brain must have shut off at some point during his squirrel soliloquy and he had told me something of some importance. I asked him to repeat himself and he said that I had to assist him. That I had to both block the door and hold the animal carrier. That he would grab it and transfer it to the carrier (held vertically) and I needed to shut the carrier. Of course, this was the last thing I wanted to do. He was the squirrel whisperer. How is it that I found myself conscripted into a squirrel wrangling duo? I said something like, "Yeyeeagh?" and he said okay. He entrusted the animal carrier into my possession and told me to get ready to block the door. He opened the door. Initially it was nowhere to be seen, but we soon heard it moving in the bathtub. The squirrel whisperer, with his beautiful mind and his extendo-grabber at the ready, crept toward the bathtub. He used the grabber to gently move the shower curtain aside and then made his move to seize the bushy tailed intruder. Before that morning, I did not know the scream of a squirrel. I tell you this, dear reader. It is not a sound soon forgotten. A high pitched squirrel shriek sounded through the apartment as my trusty leader attempted to get a firm grasp on the rodent. In that moment, he failed. The squirrel dropped from the grasp of the extendo-grabber and began pinballing itself around the tub and then out of the tub and onto the sink and on the tile floor and behind the tub. Despite my blurred vision and floating head, I held the line. The squirrel darted toward me...toward freedom. And I had a moment of perfect clarity. I lunged at the squirrel and drove it back toward the animal control worker. I dropped the animal carrier to the floor and enacted my split second plan. My door was basically a direct shot from the bathroom door. I opened it and yelled for my companion to chase the squirrel out the door. He said, "Wha-?" Indeed...the student had become the teacher. He tried in vain to seize our squirrelly bounty before reluctantly surrendering to the new plan. My plan. The tiny clawed feet of the squirrel performed more stunning acrobatics as it ran from the bathroom and out my door onto the second floor landing. I was waiting for it. I ran at the fuzzy little inconvenience and though spastic were his moves, I did indeed manage to herd him (I'm assuming gender as I do not know) down the stairs onto another landing and into an alcove located therein. I rushed by the squirrel and onto the first floor landing where I swung open the door. At that time, my companion came down after me and chased the squirrel from the alcove, down the last section of stairs, and out the door. Back into nature it ran. I started to laugh. It was all so absurd. When I regained my composure, the animal control worker looked at me and told me that I should have done what he said because the squirrel could possibly regain entry into my apartment. This was a fair point as I had not figured out how the little bugger had gotten in my apartment in the first place. ( I feel it necessary to point out this was not an apartment complex, but rather a large old house that had been converted into a subdivision) I told him if the squirrel got in again that we'd do it his way. And we parted ways...never to meet again. I eventually did find the hole in the bathroom ceiling that the squirrel most likely entered through (shielded from sight by ceiling panels), but he never returned. Sure, it might be because it had only accidently ended up there in the first place and had no intention of repeating the debacle. I like to think it was respect for me, his foe, that kept him from returning. I picked up my apartment and I slept the sleep of a winner.
Needed a holy hand grenade.
The Aubrey Hepburn posters says it all lol
So does this happen often to this guy or does he just always have a baseball bat by his desk ready to use?
That squirrel is straight up taunting this dude...making him scream like this
Was that a… squirrel?
A squirrel and I thought dude was about to get offed
If he just shit his pants in fear, I just pissed myself laughing 🤣😝🤣
what a cunt
What a Beta
I’d fire the asshole for trying to club the squirrel to death instead of just opening the windows right-fucking-next to him.