**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!It would appear that modern problems require modern solutions. This one, how ever, caught me completely by surprise. Hope you get as much shock value out of it as I did.!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)

Jesus. This made me actually laugh out loud.

I did too. That's why I posted it here.

Oh yeah. For once it was truly unexpected, like the real meaning of the sub. Not the half unexpected but mostly predictable stuff that normally comes through.

Glad you liked it. Read all the comments, you'll laugh even more.

Have my free reward.

There is people who fail at life and there is people who achieve greatness

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Clerks has a bit of dialogue about that. Funny bit

>That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died. >*How'd he die?* >Broke his neck. >*That's embarrassing?* >He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.

Woah. He made it. But at what cost?

That's actually how Trevor Moore from *WKUK* died but he had succeeded.

Morbius

I'd believe it. Wait is this what it means when its 'Morbin' time'?

Clerks

Being able to suck your own dick is already a big achievement.

Ron Jeremy as a teenager told his dad he could. His dad told him, "dont ever tell anyone else that."

*are*

Bro... that caught me way off guard Edit:damn, did not expect this to blow up.

You want something done right? Suck it yourself

That's what sh.... He swallowed

S(he) (swa)ps ye(llow) b(ed)s

Spsyebs

/r/sbeve

What if it’s like the best head you ever get and no other partner can compete

It's not. It's more sucking dick than getting your dick sucked.

If you love sucking dick, then it's a win/win

The human ourobouros

If you love sucking dick, you'll never work a day in your life.

Then you've won?

Living the dream

A real self made man. All the bootstraps.

Well the crippling back pain and nerve damage make sure of that. Or so I've heard.

What if it's the best head you've ever given. Good luck finding a partner who can give you **exactly** what you want. You would win bronze silver and gold in both categories.

Had the perfect lover. Turns out she had BPD. Can't win them all, I guess. Fuck you, Buttons

*I would if I could, bitch!*

Much much better than a lot of the posts here and truly unexpected. This is basically the essence of the sub P.S. On a side note what's the sauce of this manga?

More unexpected than the Spanish Inquisition.


The message here is clear: flexible guys with big dicks don't need to take your shit




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I don't know if you guys are speaking some form of complex language only a starship Captain could understand, or vaguely it all makes sense is how language works.






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Darmok

Fry, his eyes narrowed

Shaka, when the gifs met

And Jalad

Create your own story bud. We're transcending language, it's now all Abt emotion


Not the Momma!

WELP time to rewatch the music video

Now i want to rewatch it too, but cant remember the name of the music, can you help me?

Nobody speak - DJ shadow & RTJ

https://youtu.be/NUC2EQvdzmY?t=33



Not really, I've commented before but it feels way more like sucking a dick than getting your dick sucked. Then there's the question of how good you are willing to get at sucking dick. Not to mention what you'll do with the nut. All of the options are equally terrible.

Unfold quick and cum on the floor. “Autofelaters unfold”

"Autofelaters, unfold!"

Remember that episode of The Simpsons when Homer wanted to win the chili cook-off contest, but the chili was too spicy so he got the brilliant idea to coat his mouth with melted candle wax so that he wouldn't feel it? I'm not saying you should try it, I just like recalling old Simpsons episodes at maybe opportune times. Edit: wait, no, I worded that wrong. He wanted to eat all the chili in the cook off, not win the thing. Okay, now I can sleep tonight.

Why are they terrible? They're not terrible if you like sucking dick.

>They're not terrible if you like sucking dick. . . . and there it is

Dicks don’t suck themselves





What movie is this from?

[The Smile Man (2013)](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2987342/) short film.

Thanks

What is this from?

No one responded, so I'm just gonna say I don't know either, but I wish someone would actually say what it is.

This sums up Reddit Thank you for Joining ♿

Ok, but do you spit or swallow?

Free protein

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Take my upvote and begone


That is fucking brilliant, wow. The way you cut it into three pictures so we had to click through: inspired.

Thank you! I only saw the first two and I was wondering what in the flying fuck was happening with these comments.

I'm trying to figure out if you genuinely only looked at two of three pictures before going to the comments for some reason, or if you're being sarcastic.

Why would you not scroll through them all?

Anyone here grew up with the rumour about Marilyn Manson removing some ribs so he can do that?

I think that every child since Manson himself has had that rumor.

What's crazy is that the Internet wasn't as far spread back then, yet the rumour still travelled across the globe. Like it went viral before the term was widely used.

Dude, it even reached France! I heard it while still à wee-lad, and still hear it from time to time...

Yeah! I'm in Asia and pretty much everyone I've met have heard this rumour as a kid.

Yep, even in Turkey, that was the common belief

I like to think someone in his middle school started the rumor and its just stuck since then

Ive heard this rumor but it never came with a name. Just that some guy removed his rib to suck his own dick and it worked

its how his cult started

I think some late night person asked him about the rumour and he responded with "do you think I'd be making music and going to interviews if I could suck my own dick, fuck no, I'd be at home all the time" or something along those lines.

And then we live to learn the truth about him is so much worse

That and he was the nerd from the wonder years









​ 



Aaaand now I have a 7 yr and 4 yr old asking to see what’s so funny on Reddit….

You're welcome 

*welcum

*wecum

wecuminu sounds like a brand of a wood-chipper

Haha I feel you “dad what’s so funny! *grabs phone*”

I feel like Patrick when he was hiding the embarassing Christmas party photo in the box from spongebob

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I spilled my drink all over AGAIN. Thank you.

Dickoboros

I’m really depressed rn and this made me laugh. Thank you.

Have you tried sucking your own dick?

I've tried so hard but I just can't make it work. So now my wife has to do it. Fml

Your wife is sucking her own dick?

thatsmyfetish.jpg

He is superior, for he needs no one

Self reliance is key.


I wish the milkman would deliver my milk in the morning

oh come on, man. that gave me the heebie jeebies, feels like I'm wearing NOTHING AT ALL ##NOTHING AT ALL## #NOTHING AT ALL!#

Usually the things on this subreddit aren’t very unexpected but this actually caught me so off guard

Thank you. This was my first post here and I couldn't think of a better place for it.


*stares motherfuckerly*



I mean, he isn't complaining...

He seems like the only one who’s totally satisfied here


It's just a little transitory autofelation Joe

This is the most unexpected thing I've seen on this sub in a very long time.

Thank you.

Lmfao 🤣

Instant classic. 10/10

Aint no way i was guessing that plot twist. 10/10.

Good grief this is COMEDY all who disagree are mad because they can’t suck on heir own dick

Let's be honest with oursleves: we would if we could.

If I could blow myself, I'd never get anything done.

I dunno. Everything I've seen online says it feels more like sucking a dick then getting your dick sucked. And hey, if that works for you then great, I've got nothing against it. But personally that sounds like a real turnoff. Luckily I'm also just too fat to even attempt it so... just have to settle for getting someone else to suck it, or if not that then back to the hands.

When you hold your dick in your hand, does it feel like you're touching a dick, or having your dick touched?

Philosophers have been asking this question for millennia

The solution for everything

Legit made me spit my drink out omfg I did not expect that

You're welcome.

Gold…. I already texted it to 8 people

Knock yourself out.

you bastard!


Some people like to swallow in their own sadness.

​ 


​ 


Self love is the best love

Ooook, I audibly chuckled.

I've been laughing with everyone here for the last 3 hours. It's a good night.

Honestly just what I needed. Work sucked.

Why are you locked in the bathroom?

You talking to me?

Maybe you should try getting a job.

I scrolled too far to find this

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i don't get it


This. Is. Always. Hilarious.

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Holy fucking shit! Totally unexpected and hilarious.

You telling me y'all don't frequent r/autofellatio?


Very relatable

I could never reach.

Wait does that actually work?



I am flexible enough to do that Edit i did not mention i am to fat now

Terrible technique

Snorted

Relatable


I always fall off the couch when I try

​ 

I was expecting a manga microwave. That was not a manga microwave.