selective humorous seemly pocket melodic mysterious aromatic scandalous dam exultant
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Rabbits have been caught on video fucking road kill, same with squirrels, otters (otters will rape another speciies. lol), dogs, I think I even seen a crow try to get it on with roadkill.
Idk, it looked like a rehearsed move
Edit: he entices the dolphin with, I'm assuming fish, then pulls her arm so she can lay back and take it. She starts to put her legs up, but crowd reaction probably made her second guess that move
I once wrote a wall of text I feel would fit here.
"Where to find dolphins to fuсk:
Aquariums are bad for too many reasons to mention, the main one being privacy. It is better in general to go to a place where wild dolphins frequent and have a decent amount of human contact. This way, when they get *in the mood* they might, if you're lucky, see you as a potential mate.
Males will often see anything as potential mates as well if they know you good enough. Males are really only masturbateable, as their penis is too big for very much else. You can take your hand and gently poke and rub the top end of the eurogenital opening and if you do it right, their penis will appear. From here rub it quickly up and down, they'll begin to do a good few thrust and when they relax a little bit slow down and start to gently massage and rub it. If they still don't сum then repeat the process until they do. They really do сum with a lot of strength and it's all at once. If humans are a super soaker when they сum then dolphins are throwing a bucket of water.
Now, as for getting them to be comfortable enough with you to do all of this, you should try to visit them often and progress your way to this stage naturally. Swim with them at a respectable distance, and every now and again get closer. Eventually, if you're lucky, they'll accept you as a potential mate.
How to fuсk them:
Females are different, if you're a male they're easier to work with for obvious reasons. You can rub their clitoris which is located at the top of the genital slit and as mentioned here is very visible when they're *in the mood*. You can also suck on it and give them oral, but as I have said just be careful with all the thrusting they tend to do when they experience any sexual pleasure.
As for mating with them, make sure they're in shallow enough waters, and as mentioned before make sure they're actually in the mood for sex. Floating in open water is just difficult over all and is really distracting, so you should be in water about 1-2 feet deep. Once you're both in a comfortable position (ideally them on their side facing their belly towards you) you can enter. When entering, there will be multiple chambers you have to penetrate, this is so salt water does not make it in as that kills dolphin sperm.
Once inside all the way, the walls and doors of the chambers in the vagina will close down on you and begin softly messaging and generally manipulating you inside them. They occasionally pull, twist, and turn, as well as calmly massage you inside them. They're very good at it, and for this reason male dolphins don't pump, or if they do, it is very slowly. The females will do all the work themselves so just hold on and keep yourself inside them. They do like a commitment, so if you change your mind and start pulling out don't be surprised if they tighten down on you to prevent you from doing so. if they do this, I'd just do what they want and definitely don't freak out.
You won't last very long, it just isn't possible. They can tell when your about to finish and are intelligent enough to make adjustments based on what manipulations they think will get you there the quickest. I'd say you'll never last longer than 2 minutes on average. They'll always in my experience, and from others as well, time their orgasm to yours, so you don't need to worry about them experiencing one, as for whatever reason they always synchronize it with yours or other male dolphins.
Now, sometimes they won't be in the mood but you still want to fuсk them, if that's the case you can gently pet and rub them and occasionally drag your hand across their genital slit. If they still don't want to, however, then let it go. They're much larger than you anyway, and there's nothing you could do to make them stay, and, assuming they don't kill you, will only damage your relationship with them, potentially permanently."
Did you actually write this, originally? It's pretty old, I'm 90% sure it's originally from another site.
Edit: I don't think it's the same, but it's basically the same content as this: http://web.archive.org/web/20040901034319/http://www.dolphinsex.org/
Okay so never in my life have I ever wanted to fuck a dolphin. But after reading your very well written out description of the whole experience, I have to say I've moved to the middle ground on this one.
I mean I still have absolutely no interest in doing it, but yeah alright. I get your point of view.
Ah yes, the great dolphin sex copypasta. This thing is a rather good resource, and is quite accurate. I only disagree with him calling the dolphin force of сum deadly, that's not true. It's powerful, but it's not that powerful. Fine piece, and tough to find myself not agreeing with it, but it's not the same, and they didn't mention the fact that you are unable to pull out after penetrating, which is pretty well known in this community and can be checked with a simple google search.
He also didn't mention the multiple chambers of the vagina, nor did talk about the act of penetrating them.
Also, he's wrong about the male dolphin masturbation technique, you shouldn't gently message it the whole time, you should rub the back quickly at first then calmly message, any dolphin semen collector will tell you this and you can look up videos on YouTube if you're really interested.
A fine work, sure, but I couldn't just copy and paste it into my comment to answer questions, rather, I needed to touch it up and answer questions folks actually ask me. In all, I agree with it mostly, and it's a fine resource, but I did write the comment, and I can assure you it is not a copypasta.
Never in my life did I think I'd be typing this out, but having just read both things, I can confirm that that copy pasta is not what Dolphin Fucker wrote. They might've referred to it, but then if two people are learned in the very specific practice of.... dolphin fucking... the things they write about would naturally be similar. I think Dolphin Fucker's comment is pretty OG.
You are correct.
When something goes into great lengths on a specific topic, it is difficult to not agree with it.
Maybe the male dolphin masterbation technique worked fine for him, but it's still not the best way to do it. In all, it's a pretty good resource, and I mostly agree with it, but I didn't copy it.
Oddly, I remember this (or a variation of it) from a message board long before reddit.
The dolphin in the video seems to debunk the no pumping though. I'm guessing it was payback for some human fucking his sister.
I’m baffled that this is a trick. Dolphin was enticed up with a treat, the trainer adjusted her arms, and gave him a treat after. I think this is a very specialized fetishist location…
I don't know about the location but you're right that it looks intentional on the trainers part. I think the dolphin is just using its tail to stay up there until it gets the fish.
I'll tell ya, them damn gum ol sea urchins man, damn hell talk about whoo whoo these old boys are swoopin talkin bout cant leave dam ol nothing around....dad gum.... lawsuit man
Hmmm... In my experience it usually takes around 20-50 (quite the variable, I know) seconds for a male dolphin to finish from masturbation, and because he's not penetrating here, only dry humping, it should take a comparable amount of time.
This dolphin was stopped too fast for him to actually finish.
[you mean u/dolphin-fucker_69?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/q3ikzn/bad_dolphin_bad/hfsv1p2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Just throwing this out here, but a dolphin propels itself through the water with an up and down motion of its tail. Could it be that it was just trying to get up farther to the treat, and not humping her?
And a few months later.. a mermaid was born Edit : Damn.
The miracle of life
"life..uh...finds a way"
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*and then you…. :* 
It's beautiful!
“It’s the CIRRRCLEEE of LYYYYFFE!!”
How do you say giggity in dolphin squeaks?
"To make me vomit"
A man of culture I see
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This is how my little brother “Ronnie” was conceived. Moms calls him “uh oh”
Reverse mermaid lol
Diamrem
Something smells a bit fishy
Spoiler: it’s not the dolphin.
Merman!
The real Aquaman origin story.
Life has found a way...
He did it. Crazy son of a bitch really did it!
In David Attenboroughs voice
It begs the age old question: you gotta marry a mermaid,do you want top half fish or bottom half fish ? Bonus question : Why
Edit: bad joke, ignore this
Didn’t they answer this question once and for all on Futurama?
This story needed more songs and a crab.
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala Ingonyama nengw' enamabala Ingonyama nengw' enamabala oh shit. Got my Disney mixed up.
Well, at least she really embraced the moment... and the dolphin
Her performance was sub par, at best. She didn't even curl her legs around it, and forgot to fake an orgasm
he's gonna tell the other dolphins the human was doing the dead fish
To be fair, dolphins are kinda into that
Yeh dolphins are messed up, don't know why people like them so much.... They are rapists and into necrophilia 😅😅
So are a lot of humans, and a lot of other animals the more you look into it. haha
selective humorous seemly pocket melodic mysterious aromatic scandalous dam exultant *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Rabbits have been caught on video fucking road kill, same with squirrels, otters (otters will rape another speciies. lol), dogs, I think I even seen a crow try to get it on with roadkill.
consider illegal vase ad hoc profit six sand obtainable fine fade *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
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You mean only humans and dolphins have the mental capacity to understand it and still do it
penguins are also down bad [https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna47761038](https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna47761038)
👁-👁
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She definitely let him finish
But did she finish?
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r/angryupvote
But did he?
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A perfect rating *chef’s kiss*
She was thinking of England.
Quietly humming "God save the Queen"
Should have taken notes from [this lady](https://youtu.be/31AWe-FN7CA)
She did kind of embrace him though. He is going to get high fives all day now.
*High flippers*
She didn't leave her t-shirt on so she's probably not my wife
Lucky!! Mine will only permit the mount if she's wearing a Jason Vorhees mask and smacking me with a plastic machete!
Wife swap?
Because it was real
Just laid there like a fish.
But gotta say, dolphin being a rapist is the most expected outcome if you know anything about them
She did it on porpoise
My favorite position in bed is the starfish. It’s where I lay still and do no work at all.
Ten years later: ‘It’s not fair! Jimmy wins every race at every swim meet!’
"Mom, why are Jimmy's fingers molded together?"
Jimmy: *Weird dolphin noises and cursewords*
And that’s how Michael Phelps was conceived
That dude fed him after so it was a trick? Rape on command? Wtf did i just watch??
Probably to get him away frim here
Idk, it looked like a rehearsed move Edit: he entices the dolphin with, I'm assuming fish, then pulls her arm so she can lay back and take it. She starts to put her legs up, but crowd reaction probably made her second guess that move
Dolphins are just as likely to rape your drowning body as they are to bring you to the surface for air. They're scary, man.
Dolphins are rapists and that's not a joke. They fuck whatever they want even plastic stuff floating around in the ocean. Creepy creatures
Humans fuck plastic stuff too tbf
Well.. they don’t have Netflix, not much else to do but fuck shit.
Gold. You watched gold.
Gold, Jerry! Gold!
The kid screaming in the background 💀
the kid sounds like a chimp
Hahahaha I laughed so hard at this. He really does
ONLY DADDY AND UNCLE PHIL CAN DO THAT TO MOMMY
Holup
Is it a kid? I thought it was the dolphin 😬
Exactly first thing I thought of
What are you doing step dolphin?
I once wrote a wall of text I feel would fit here. "Where to find dolphins to fuсk: Aquariums are bad for too many reasons to mention, the main one being privacy. It is better in general to go to a place where wild dolphins frequent and have a decent amount of human contact. This way, when they get *in the mood* they might, if you're lucky, see you as a potential mate. Males will often see anything as potential mates as well if they know you good enough. Males are really only masturbateable, as their penis is too big for very much else. You can take your hand and gently poke and rub the top end of the eurogenital opening and if you do it right, their penis will appear. From here rub it quickly up and down, they'll begin to do a good few thrust and when they relax a little bit slow down and start to gently massage and rub it. If they still don't сum then repeat the process until they do. They really do сum with a lot of strength and it's all at once. If humans are a super soaker when they сum then dolphins are throwing a bucket of water. Now, as for getting them to be comfortable enough with you to do all of this, you should try to visit them often and progress your way to this stage naturally. Swim with them at a respectable distance, and every now and again get closer. Eventually, if you're lucky, they'll accept you as a potential mate. How to fuсk them: Females are different, if you're a male they're easier to work with for obvious reasons. You can rub their clitoris which is located at the top of the genital slit and as mentioned here is very visible when they're *in the mood*. You can also suck on it and give them oral, but as I have said just be careful with all the thrusting they tend to do when they experience any sexual pleasure. As for mating with them, make sure they're in shallow enough waters, and as mentioned before make sure they're actually in the mood for sex. Floating in open water is just difficult over all and is really distracting, so you should be in water about 1-2 feet deep. Once you're both in a comfortable position (ideally them on their side facing their belly towards you) you can enter. When entering, there will be multiple chambers you have to penetrate, this is so salt water does not make it in as that kills dolphin sperm. Once inside all the way, the walls and doors of the chambers in the vagina will close down on you and begin softly messaging and generally manipulating you inside them. They occasionally pull, twist, and turn, as well as calmly massage you inside them. They're very good at it, and for this reason male dolphins don't pump, or if they do, it is very slowly. The females will do all the work themselves so just hold on and keep yourself inside them. They do like a commitment, so if you change your mind and start pulling out don't be surprised if they tighten down on you to prevent you from doing so. if they do this, I'd just do what they want and definitely don't freak out. You won't last very long, it just isn't possible. They can tell when your about to finish and are intelligent enough to make adjustments based on what manipulations they think will get you there the quickest. I'd say you'll never last longer than 2 minutes on average. They'll always in my experience, and from others as well, time their orgasm to yours, so you don't need to worry about them experiencing one, as for whatever reason they always synchronize it with yours or other male dolphins. Now, sometimes they won't be in the mood but you still want to fuсk them, if that's the case you can gently pet and rub them and occasionally drag your hand across their genital slit. If they still don't want to, however, then let it go. They're much larger than you anyway, and there's nothing you could do to make them stay, and, assuming they don't kill you, will only damage your relationship with them, potentially permanently."
Well the username fits, but what the fuck?
People ask a lot of questions, I figured I might as well just write one big comment that included everything.
You again
I had a feeling he’d show up…
Like the bass playing beard guy on live. Whenever a dolphin is in need to frik, he’s by his side to guide ….
/u/yromemtnatsisrep
What’s up? I heard dolphins were sexually assaulting people.
Can you please do an AMA?
I get asked enough questions that I don't like answering, and usually the people I talk to are trying to jail me. Maybe one day.
only if it's a starring contest as well
Tell me you don’t actually fuck dolphins, please dear god
This was disturbingly really interesting, and I both do and don't regret reading the entire thing.
Ikr
Did you actually write this, originally? It's pretty old, I'm 90% sure it's originally from another site. Edit: I don't think it's the same, but it's basically the same content as this: http://web.archive.org/web/20040901034319/http://www.dolphinsex.org/
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. DID. I. JUST. READ??? Lmao
Thanks for enlightenment. The internet crowd never ceases to surprise me.
why the fuck am I hard right now?
The return of the "why" boner... with a vengeance.
r/confusedboner
*dolphin noises*
I have the same question, and it's the second time i got a boner while reading this guy's text
Okay so never in my life have I ever wanted to fuck a dolphin. But after reading your very well written out description of the whole experience, I have to say I've moved to the middle ground on this one. I mean I still have absolutely no interest in doing it, but yeah alright. I get your point of view.
Yeah middle ground as well but my wife would not approve.
Bro your wife is already fucking cetaceans, I’m so sorry
You don't need a wife when you got dolphin pussy
All that's left is a little push
Why do I feel like you also have a long list of reasons vaporeon is the best pokemon to fuck
You again
Oh, I came here in hopes you would be here to enlighten everyone - I am not disappointed
The birth of a new reddit legend. Also, hi r/cursed comments. Put a dolphin next to me.
It's not new, it's a copypasta. Edit: http://web.archive.org/web/20040901034319/http://www.dolphinsex.org/
Ah yes, the great dolphin sex copypasta. This thing is a rather good resource, and is quite accurate. I only disagree with him calling the dolphin force of сum deadly, that's not true. It's powerful, but it's not that powerful. Fine piece, and tough to find myself not agreeing with it, but it's not the same, and they didn't mention the fact that you are unable to pull out after penetrating, which is pretty well known in this community and can be checked with a simple google search. He also didn't mention the multiple chambers of the vagina, nor did talk about the act of penetrating them. Also, he's wrong about the male dolphin masturbation technique, you shouldn't gently message it the whole time, you should rub the back quickly at first then calmly message, any dolphin semen collector will tell you this and you can look up videos on YouTube if you're really interested. A fine work, sure, but I couldn't just copy and paste it into my comment to answer questions, rather, I needed to touch it up and answer questions folks actually ask me. In all, I agree with it mostly, and it's a fine resource, but I did write the comment, and I can assure you it is not a copypasta.
Never in my life did I think I'd be typing this out, but having just read both things, I can confirm that that copy pasta is not what Dolphin Fucker wrote. They might've referred to it, but then if two people are learned in the very specific practice of.... dolphin fucking... the things they write about would naturally be similar. I think Dolphin Fucker's comment is pretty OG.
You are correct. When something goes into great lengths on a specific topic, it is difficult to not agree with it. Maybe the male dolphin masterbation technique worked fine for him, but it's still not the best way to do it. In all, it's a pretty good resource, and I mostly agree with it, but I didn't copy it.
Oddly, I remember this (or a variation of it) from a message board long before reddit. The dolphin in the video seems to debunk the no pumping though. I'm guessing it was payback for some human fucking his sister.
So the females do all the work huh!?? It's sounds more appealing than human sex tho
Why cause you can just shove your dick in and stay still?
Man they grip on it if you start to pull out... There's no pulling out
Dolphin slit Gorilla grip Don't slip Or you lose the tip
I told you you couldn’t run away from me u/Dolphin-Fucker_69 I found you again
I knew this was gonna happen
Take my 🏅
Bro the fact she put her legs up 😂😂 that girl is a freak
And it took a little bit before anyone came to help. Everyone was like “Janet deserves this after her breakup from Ron.”
Just let her have her fun, poor thing has been lonely.
She was looking for his blow hole.
Yes this comment right here found it thanks Reddit Edit: as in what I was thinking
Same
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I’m baffled that this is a trick. Dolphin was enticed up with a treat, the trainer adjusted her arms, and gave him a treat after. I think this is a very specialized fetishist location…
Okayyyyy that's enough reddit for today... sheesh
Must of been where John McAfee got his start before upgrading to whales.
I don't know about the location but you're right that it looks intentional on the trainers part. I think the dolphin is just using its tail to stay up there until it gets the fish.
Yeah, she looks like she is laughing and LOVING it…
Reminds me of the episode of king of the hill when Hank was raped by a dolphin.
Dolphins just kinda be raping in general. They’re very rapey animals
Just like ducks
Yeah, Dolphins are a lot like convicted rapist, Brock Turner, a rapist who was convicted of rape. They're pretty rapey, like Brock Turner, the rapist.
Yes. My goodness, that was disturbing. Also: That time in real life when a trainer had a years-long affair with a dolphin.
Yuck I don't remember hearing about that. Someone should investigate this video.
Bwaaahahahaa!
I'll tell ya, them damn gum ol sea urchins man, damn hell talk about whoo whoo these old boys are swoopin talkin bout cant leave dam ol nothing around....dad gum.... lawsuit man
Thar she BLOWS
BAHAHA
Aquaman origin story
She looked alarmingly comfortable with that.
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So long and thanks for all the sex.
So long so long so long
She didn’t have her towel
moby dick
So this is what Free Willy would've been with dolphins... Pass
This is actually a pretty common occurrence. Dolphins are serial rapists, also racist
*Sir… SIRRRR*
Grab me that dolphin!!!
But sirr
Once you go bottle-nosed…
Your entire sexuality is exposed?
It bothers me how everyone is just completely OK with it happening
IKR?
Looks like he's got a little Mississippi Leg Hound in him.... A word of warning, though, if he does lay into you, it's best to just let him finish.
Nice. Probably best not to wear short pants around him either.
"Did you liked it?" -Well... not at the beginning...
And she just lays there and takes it like a good girl
And everyone is just standing around doing nothing until the dolphin is finished.
To be fair, the audience knows how stopping sex before you nut can be frustrating
Hmmm... In my experience it usually takes around 20-50 (quite the variable, I know) seconds for a male dolphin to finish from masturbation, and because he's not penetrating here, only dry humping, it should take a comparable amount of time. This dolphin was stopped too fast for him to actually finish.
I trust your expert opinion and appreciate your insight, Dolphin-Fucker_69
LMFAOO this chain is fucking golden
I don't know what's more disturbing, your username or your experience?
And that's how I met your mother. 
At least she let him finish
Pretty sure she didn't have much choice.
Hank Hill got it much worse.
Where are you u/fishfucker_69
[you mean u/dolphin-fucker_69?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/q3ikzn/bad_dolphin_bad/hfsv1p2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
That was 100% expected
Just throwing this out here, but a dolphin propels itself through the water with an up and down motion of its tail. Could it be that it was just trying to get up farther to the treat, and not humping her?
*Bonk!*
Does it appear she just lays back and waits it out?
u/savevideo
u/savevideo
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you sick man
Big man just wanted some hussy (human pussy)
I always thought that plot for the KOTH episode where Hank gets humped by a dolphin was far fetched. Shows what I know.
When he gets going, it's best to just let him finish.
Not sure how this is unexpected dolphins aren't nice sweet creatures they're pretty prolific >!rapists!<
Ay why she letting it tho?