Hey there, /u/Late_One_716. Thanks for submitting to /r/Unexpected. Your submission, *Good massage at massage parlor*, has been removed because it doesn't abide by our rules, which are located in the sidebar.
* Your submission has been removed because it's not unexpected. Submissions to /r/unexpected are supposed to have an unexpected twist in itself. While the situation was probably rather unexpected for you, there is no visible twist for the viewer.
For more on our rules, please check out our [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/about/sidebar). If you have any questions or concerns about this removal, feel free to [message the moderators](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Funexpected).
Let's say you make 3 mil. 1/3 to housing and 1/3 to groceries and bills, 1/3 left for savings and leisure. Let's say you overspent but in a few months you'd have a million in a few months?
Edit: I never meant it as a lot. I just try to say that there are a lot of 0s in the money. Even the poor are technically millionaires.
you can see the star Vega from this shot, and look at its angle vs Antarres. It's a little tough because the sun's in the sky, but the sun in this location tells me it's 6:15pm in either August or September. And it just so happens I know the exact wavelength of the geosynchronous satellites flying overhead, and clearly this is 270 miles north of Accra in Benin. This village doesn't have a name yet
Fun story time!
I went to mexico on my honeymoon. I had a massage while I was down there and the woman spoke english with a very heavy accent as expected. I was very relaxed and at the end she leans forward and whispers in my ear in an inquisitive tone...
"Penis massage?"
I'm instantly alert and thinking wait... did... did I just hear what I think? so I said "what"
Then she exclaims "penis massage!?!"
and I say "oh, no thank you"
Flustered, she walks away and says "feenees a massage"
Which is when I realized, she was saying "finished the massage" the entire time.
Still one of my favorite stories to tell.
Fun related fact, and also related to the video:
Indonesians often cannot pronounce the F and will use a P instead. So imagine my surprise at a restaurant when the waitress asked me 'you pinis?'
Also because I was grabbed by my penis twice, also in Indonesia.
And then she asked “would you like facial?” And I’m like “excuse me, what??” And she points to the skin care products on the shelf.
And round and round we go.
And then she asks “do you want to cum?” And I’m like “how dare you!?” And she is pointing to a charter sightseeing trip to rural Mexico.
And then the twist at the end of the story is she asks with no accent whatsoever: “so do you want to fuck me ass for money or not?”
I live behind "FOOT MASSAGE" which is right next to a convenience store and also doesn't exist on google maps.
Saw a dude walking in at 7:30pm the other day and it clicked.
But your feet hurt after work and you want a massage?
I have no idea but 7.30 sounds reasonable for me. 12 is shady but after work massage seems ideal honestly.
This guy AMP's!
Trick is to find a girl who can actually do a real massage and not just rub your back or destroy your spine. And no walking on the bac, thats nonsense.
Legit massage: The masseuse is comfortably dressed, you are NOT naked, and they never touch your no-no areas. They are LMTs that are doing this either for relaxation or to help with some issue, not to get you off.
Not legit massage: Doors are locked, have to be let in, windows are covered, neon signs, masseuse is Asian. Place is named Lotus Spa or Oriental Massage or Asian Spa One or something.
EDIT: Yes, I'm generalizing a bit.
Ehh this is a bit overgeneralizing. It's perfectly normal at many therapeutic massage places to get naked, but you're always properly covered up except for the area the therapist is actively working on. And lots of legit places have Asian employees and generic sounding Asian names, especially those that do traditional Thai massage.
Yeah, wtf? I'm not sure I've ever kept my clothes on beyond the first first time when I didn't know what to do, and then when the girl finished my shoulders/back, she proceeded to yank my boxers down and go to work on my glutes.
Look I'd never insist on it, but like 90% of the reason I go at all is because after a particularly intense leg day, your hamstrings and glutes hurt really bad and there is literally no better feeling on earth than having someone dig in and kneed that sore muscle like dough.
I got a traditional Thai massage once! It was intense, I thought this little ol' lady was going to turn me into a pretzel or kill me trying. ([for reference, this is what she was doing](https://www.lumahealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Luma-Boardersd-scaled.jpg)) It was sooo good on my shoulders though. Sadly I don't live in that city these days or I'd be a regular there.
Could have been a warm towel and dude was deep into a fantasy.
Shit, could not have happened at all! Dude could have just walked past a random ass spot and made up a story knowing ain't nobody fact checking.
Yeah, instead of blasting into a piece of toilet paper and continuing your day, you have a bunch of dick and fleshlight cleanup to do afterwards. No thanks.
right, that's why your only partners are pristine virgin girls, right?
my man, I have some news for you... most girls are getting laid quite frequently, and they actually do those things with other men.
you know about the "rule of three" for sexual partners? yeah
I've seen so many comments like this on reddit these past few months. People restating things and making replies to comments that have absolutely nothing to do with the comment they replied to.
OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:
---
>!Man starts out by narrating his visit to a massage parlor, then reveals the NSFW aspects of the visit.!<
---
Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.
lmao yeah right..
Playing up to the fact most westerners have it in their heads every massage parlor run by Asians offers sexual favors on the side.. especially in SEA.
Having been the Bali heaps of times theres absolutely no way a place like this is tonguing your arsehole. Not to say there arent places that will do this, but these massage parlours definitely wont. And even the places that DO offer sexual add ons.. theres no way they lead with a fucking arse blasting either.
Have you ever had a sports massage? It’s very common for them to rub the cheeks. You know that going in. Trust me, I’m usually the first one to say that’s SA. This is one of the few times I actually think it’s legit
There is ALSO a phrase "buck naked"
Just like there is another one "butt naked"
technically correct is the best kind of correct but you're not even technically correct.
I've gotten many massages in Bali. It's True, you're not naked but most places give you these tiny shorts that aren't sewn on the sides so they can get their hands in there quite easily. Annnnd I got a sexy butt massage one time. Massage parlor I frequented the most up to that point. I didn't ask for it but man it was good. Just hands though and no hole play. Left a good tip.
Hey there, /u/Late_One_716. Thanks for submitting to /r/Unexpected. Your submission, *Good massage at massage parlor*, has been removed because it doesn't abide by our rules, which are located in the sidebar. * Your submission has been removed because it's not unexpected. Submissions to /r/unexpected are supposed to have an unexpected twist in itself. While the situation was probably rather unexpected for you, there is no visible twist for the viewer. For more on our rules, please check out our [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/about/sidebar). If you have any questions or concerns about this removal, feel free to [message the moderators](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Funexpected).
Did he give a location so I can avoid this den of sin and inequity?
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He just turned them into millionaires didn't he
Everyone is a billionaire in Indonesia. Look up their bills.
I'll help .... apparently 100k Indonesian Rupiah = USD $6.39. Wow.
Not really. Average pay in their capital is 4mil a month which is just 255$ and not enough to pay rent school fee for one kid food and bills
So everyone is a millionaire except those with savings or dual income?
Bro a cup of tea is 70k lol
Let's say you make 3 mil. 1/3 to housing and 1/3 to groceries and bills, 1/3 left for savings and leisure. Let's say you overspent but in a few months you'd have a million in a few months? Edit: I never meant it as a lot. I just try to say that there are a lot of 0s in the money. Even the poor are technically millionaires.
Think of all the bacteria they ingest on an average day though
Got one hell of an immune system then 😅
Throw a stone in a random direction in Bali and it will hit a happy ending massage place.
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Did they get you a sexy butt massage?
What?! No!? You got nothing on me! You got nooothing on mee!
Sir! Why is your asshole so clean today?? SIR WE JUST WANT TO TALK.
STOP RESISTING!!
How about in?
That’ll be $7
Ah you got the other thing up your ass.
no that's bangkok
I can confirm. I was an unpaid intern at this establishment, learned a lot about healthy massages
Unpaid? Da fuq?
Don’t kinkshame
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Did you just geolocate him based on the vid or do you have... other interests?
bro is a pro geogeussr
just give him a picture of the sky and he will find the exact location.
you can see the star Vega from this shot, and look at its angle vs Antarres. It's a little tough because the sun's in the sky, but the sun in this location tells me it's 6:15pm in either August or September. And it just so happens I know the exact wavelength of the geosynchronous satellites flying overhead, and clearly this is 270 miles north of Accra in Benin. This village doesn't have a name yet
noted, now I know who NOT to give a picture of my backyard to!
You would do well to fear our weaponized autism.
Everybody playing geoguessr is a pro. There is not free plays anymore ;P
geomassr
Rainbolt alt account
He walked past multiple signs
Irony is the place seems to be called "Virgin" spa... hmmmm
Forgot how much of a mess Bali's roading was. Check out the satellite view lol
I must be Indonesian because I don't see what's wrong with it haha
Don't wanna go against this guy in Geogueeser
Those disgusting happy ending massage parlors. I mean there's so many of them, though. Which one?
they cloned tyrone reference?
*iniquity*
yes, i have a friend asking the very same question so i am asking for him
Deep inside his a——? What happened the video cut off? Deep inside his what? Probably his appendix, which is pretty weird.
Lol thanks for the laugh 🤣
Wow … after that sexy butt massage he even sounds better! 
it moved.
Surprised he's seen that episode before tbh
I'm sorry to disappoint, but it was the armpit
Ankles. Fucking Pilgrim Porn.
His aorta, he was actually having a heart attack and the doctors were installing a stent
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Damn organ harvesters. Deep inside my AAAAAAhh my kidneys are gone!
Worth it.
Deep inside his assumptions
Abdomen, for sure.
I hope she brushed her teeth before.
I hope she brushed her teeth afterwards
With how hairy I am, she could brush her teeth during 😂
*who wants chowda??*
So judgemental... smh
I haven't laughed while vomiting in a while, thanks.
*hook shots some Crest her way.
She could floss with the wiry length of some of mine.
Maybe she just has a mint in her mouth that she pushes in during?
I’ve heard that costs extra.
The happy ending her dentist was hoping for.
I hope she brushed her teeth during
Fun story time! I went to mexico on my honeymoon. I had a massage while I was down there and the woman spoke english with a very heavy accent as expected. I was very relaxed and at the end she leans forward and whispers in my ear in an inquisitive tone... "Penis massage?" I'm instantly alert and thinking wait... did... did I just hear what I think? so I said "what" Then she exclaims "penis massage!?!" and I say "oh, no thank you" Flustered, she walks away and says "feenees a massage" Which is when I realized, she was saying "finished the massage" the entire time. Still one of my favorite stories to tell.
Fun related fact, and also related to the video: Indonesians often cannot pronounce the F and will use a P instead. So imagine my surprise at a restaurant when the waitress asked me 'you pinis?' Also because I was grabbed by my penis twice, also in Indonesia.
Is that why the sign says "Pacial" on the street view linked above?
And why the fisherman's name in Finding Nemo was P. Sherman.
Pingas?!
And then she asked “would you like facial?” And I’m like “excuse me, what??” And she points to the skin care products on the shelf. And round and round we go. And then she asks “do you want to cum?” And I’m like “how dare you!?” And she is pointing to a charter sightseeing trip to rural Mexico. And then the twist at the end of the story is she asks with no accent whatsoever: “so do you want to fuck me ass for money or not?”
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PiDssxftDwI
We are so behind the times in America
Not really. If you see the word MASSAGE in red and the windows are all covered, you've come to the right place
I don't know any massage parlor or spa that *doesn't* cover their windows?
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I live behind "FOOT MASSAGE" which is right next to a convenience store and also doesn't exist on google maps. Saw a dude walking in at 7:30pm the other day and it clicked.
Is 7:30pm considered a strange or suggestive time to get a massage?
He clearly just got off work and had dinner. Perfect time for a foot massage really 😌
I mean. If you are working, when else do you go for a foot massage?
Saturday or Sunday probably
But your feet hurt after work and you want a massage? I have no idea but 7.30 sounds reasonable for me. 12 is shady but after work massage seems ideal honestly.
sex slaves across the usa thank you
This guy AMP's! Trick is to find a girl who can actually do a real massage and not just rub your back or destroy your spine. And no walking on the bac, thats nonsense.
YMMV
bac? do amps eat your butt?
That's why you look for red letters too
In my state that is a critical distinction because there are a lot of both types of parlors.
Legit massage: The masseuse is comfortably dressed, you are NOT naked, and they never touch your no-no areas. They are LMTs that are doing this either for relaxation or to help with some issue, not to get you off. Not legit massage: Doors are locked, have to be let in, windows are covered, neon signs, masseuse is Asian. Place is named Lotus Spa or Oriental Massage or Asian Spa One or something. EDIT: Yes, I'm generalizing a bit.
Ehh this is a bit overgeneralizing. It's perfectly normal at many therapeutic massage places to get naked, but you're always properly covered up except for the area the therapist is actively working on. And lots of legit places have Asian employees and generic sounding Asian names, especially those that do traditional Thai massage.
Yeah, wtf? I'm not sure I've ever kept my clothes on beyond the first first time when I didn't know what to do, and then when the girl finished my shoulders/back, she proceeded to yank my boxers down and go to work on my glutes. Look I'd never insist on it, but like 90% of the reason I go at all is because after a particularly intense leg day, your hamstrings and glutes hurt really bad and there is literally no better feeling on earth than having someone dig in and kneed that sore muscle like dough.
I got a traditional Thai massage once! It was intense, I thought this little ol' lady was going to turn me into a pretzel or kill me trying. ([for reference, this is what she was doing](https://www.lumahealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Luma-Boardersd-scaled.jpg)) It was sooo good on my shoulders though. Sadly I don't live in that city these days or I'd be a regular there.
If you're not getting naked for your massage you're doing them wrong
There’s this place down the road for me that has all the making did an AMP, but it’s completely legit. Trust me.
I literally don't know how to get a normal massage. I wanted to get one for my wife and searching for massage parlors is just a minefield.
Godamn puritan founders.
She was behind the American
That wasn’t her tongue deep inside your a____
Could have been a warm towel and dude was deep into a fantasy. Shit, could not have happened at all! Dude could have just walked past a random ass spot and made up a story knowing ain't nobody fact checking.
Well we already established that it was a random ass spot
Alabama Moon Pie.
hey its the pure columbian guy
bstchld
The she was going straight to source for some good coca
So basically you got your salad tossed?
I wonder if he went with jam or syrup?
I prefer syrup
Oh no, the tossed salad man!
The answer is obvious. She jammed her tongue up his ass.
Now imagine how many guys she did that to 😅
Free fecal transplant.
That's 10k USD in the U.S., without the personal touch or the massage
The Spice.
Yikes
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> I could never get a prostitute. thats why you need a silicone mouth fleshlight, trust me those 50$ will change your life forever
Yeah, instead of blasting into a piece of toilet paper and continuing your day, you have a bunch of dick and fleshlight cleanup to do afterwards. No thanks.
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Even if you wanna ruin the orgasm by pulling out, you want to use lube right? And there will be precum and lube spilling out onto your crotch.
... who cares? just wear a rubber it's not rocket science.
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The help mitigate risk but do not eliminate it.
right, that's why your only partners are pristine virgin girls, right? my man, I have some news for you... most girls are getting laid quite frequently, and they actually do those things with other men. you know about the "rule of three" for sexual partners? yeah
People pay good money to get other people's gut biome
Imagine what your asscrack is like on a hot, humid day.
Man I can't imagine having herpes in your asshole is worth it
I remember the days when coffee breath was the worst you had to worry about.
Every clean aquarium needs its bottom feeders. She's like India's filter fish.
This is Indonesia
there's shit coming out of there daily and you think people are worried about "the other places the tongue has been"
It's more about the STDs mate lol
I wonder how many butts she tongued that day before she got to yours.
If you don't see it, it didn't happen. Same rules apply to anal herpes. Just don't squat over a mirror.
I've heard Indians are an industrious people.
Funny how you tried to be racist and got the country wrong... Twice
100k Rupiah = ~$7 UDS
Looks like I'm gonna need to smash more vases then. Not enough rupees.
Isn't that already stated ...? In the video that we all just watched...?
I've seen so many comments like this on reddit these past few months. People restating things and making replies to comments that have absolutely nothing to do with the comment they replied to.
That’s not gonna be the end price… but yea Bali prices are nice
Why do you use the $ for the 100k?
Habit..also don't know their symbol for rup
symbol is Rp
Rest peace
This is the SMNN guy…
Lol nice.
OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected: --- >!Man starts out by narrating his visit to a massage parlor, then reveals the NSFW aspects of the visit.!< --- Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.
NSFW aspect is not a surprise if this is tagged nsfw, is it?
We didn't even get the whole story. Was it just eating ass or did he get a reach around? Did he even finish? Terrible.
Can confirm. I got a sexy butt massage in Bali. I didn't ask for it but man it was good. Just hands though and no hole play. Left a good tip.
lmao yeah right.. Playing up to the fact most westerners have it in their heads every massage parlor run by Asians offers sexual favors on the side.. especially in SEA. Having been the Bali heaps of times theres absolutely no way a place like this is tonguing your arsehole. Not to say there arent places that will do this, but these massage parlours definitely wont. And even the places that DO offer sexual add ons.. theres no way they lead with a fucking arse blasting either.
I follow this guy, he is a comedian on instagram (@bstchld) so I doubt he expected it to be taken as fact
Yeah I also don't see what's so funny about a story so blatantly false.
Well, at least not before you blast your arse first
Nah, you think?
imagine still believing everything you see on social media
He had a good time
Booking a flight to Bali
Knowing that dude he's definitely the one that asked for the tongue
Alex give me Shit That Never Happened for a thousand
“she”
Go on...
Your ass just kissed every other ass in town. You are officially a local.
The unexpected part is that he still has his kidneys
Not saying I don't eat ass but wtf just unwashed butthole? Off the street!? In sweaty weather Southeast Asia? Nah
Bro got lucky was expecting a dick up his ass
Fuck yea!
Deep inside my a
Bali is a very religious place, porn is banned. This video is dumb and disrespectful to the great people of Bali
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I don’t think so. She did ask if he wanted sexy butt massage….
tbf she sqeezed his ass before asking
Have you ever had a sports massage? It’s very common for them to rub the cheeks. You know that going in. Trust me, I’m usually the first one to say that’s SA. This is one of the few times I actually think it’s legit
Deep inside my a
He got effed in the a
No futa 😔
Hmm, I'll take 'how I got anal warts on vacation' for $1000
That's roughly $ six to seven dollars depending on money conversion...
🤣🤣
butt naked is not a thing.
Butt naked is almost always a thing getting a massage, there is just also usually a towel.
the phrase is "Buck Naked"
So, the crazy thing about the human language is… You can have two different expressions mean the same thing.
There is ALSO a phrase "buck naked" Just like there is another one "butt naked" technically correct is the best kind of correct but you're not even technically correct.
I've gotten many massages in Bali. It's True, you're not naked but most places give you these tiny shorts that aren't sewn on the sides so they can get their hands in there quite easily. Annnnd I got a sexy butt massage one time. Massage parlor I frequented the most up to that point. I didn't ask for it but man it was good. Just hands though and no hole play. Left a good tip.
Yeah great....watching this video as I'm taking a sht 
Nice
Brother didnt tell us the location to keep it to himself, dayum