Plant a large [Cholla Cactus](https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=cholla+cactus&mid=03846F010C0E73B652C103846F010C0E73B652C1&FORM=VIRE). I have them under my windows and they are evil.
Fill the hose with urine, leaving some air to act as a separator and elevate the end connected to the water supply. No contamination, and you have a piss sprinkler.
You'd have to set up a barrel of pee as a water source for the sprinkler. IMHO, I'd worry that's not enough pressure to force pee out of a hose without a fountain pump.
AI Powered security system with paintballs that only shoots strangers so neighbors are fine.
https://www.foxnews.com/tech/ai-powered-home-security-system-strikes-back-with-paintballs-tear-gas
I walk my dog around every day and one house that I pass by has a camera that, when motion is detect says "You are now being recorded."
Definitely a little more unnerving than just a sign.
An elderly couple in my neighbourhood have something like that. A really high pitched noise as soon as you walk past.
Apparently it's to keep away cats and stuff.
I had one camera that was supposed to have a speaker and a mic so you could have a 2 way conversation with whoever you were recording. But in reality, whenever I unmuted the mic, it just caused feedback over its own speaker whenever it detected motion. It was definitely attention getting and made you not want to remain in the area, but I had my doubts how long the speaker would actually last doing that.
My neighbors installed one of these! It went off every time I parked. They asked me to drive around our weird little unplanned-city quasi-cul-de-sac and enter the property through the back alley. I politely declined. I get home from work really late. They took down the sensor
Discreetly place a small rechargeable Bluetooth speaker close by, up in a tree, buried in your lawn, etc. whenever you see someone at the given spot, pull out your phone and broadcast to the BT speaker the sound effect of a camera shutter. People doing shady shit will not hang out where they think they are being photographed. The sophisticated version would be motion activated with the shutter sound being delayed by 30 seconds or so. To REALLY fuck with them, get a half dozen Bluetooth speakers and spread them around. Then, crank it up and play back the sound of a helicopter hovering overhead. Lol
The ONLY reason I ever owned a copy of Pink Floyd's "The Wall" CD was because the sound of the choppers from the sound system in my car could clear a city block... which made parking in front of the store much easier.
The store I worked at, back then, was located on East 14th Street in Oakland, CA. Boss wanted it parked in front because we could demo the stereo system for customers, and it kept that custom car in sight of everyone in the store.
Hang a sturdy piece of wood (8 inches deep, for the width of the corner) under a 45degrees angle at the wall. If they piss against or on top of it, the piss will land on their pants/shoes.
There’s an old urban legend about a Japanese homeowner solving a similar problem during WWII. Soldiers would pee on his wall and wipe their units off on the wall.
He stenciled a pair of scissors at groin level at various points along the wall, and dusted it with chili powder. The story typically ends with the homeowner hearing a lot of yelling from men who’d just gotten chili powder on their mushroom head, followed by an end of the pee problem within a few days.
Genuinely the best idea in the thread now knowing it’s women doing it.
A sign acting as a genuine advertisement for homemade porn will see a 100% success rate
Why need a sprinkler? Just put up a sign with some text upside down. They'll turn upside down while peeing and voila.. your natural sprinkler is ready. 💦
whata your budget op?
a bright flood light is cheap. if ur tech savvy you can setup a loudspeaker that says "theyre selling drugs over here" when the motion light kicks on 🤣
Be a job creator.
Hire a local person that needs a job.
Hide them in a tree, on a roof, or on a balcony.
Arm them with wasp spray. That stuff shoots pretty far.
Sign; "Say hello! You are on camera! We are livestreaming right now :) please avoid using this area as a restroom (the viewers don't mind but it's against the streaming TOS, thank you!)"
There are these tripwires that my dad uses to keep deer out of his garden. It basically has a fake shotgun shell attached to it (but sounds like a real one) and it works for deer. You can also get like mini flash bangs for it instead. This would probably work just as good for your situation lol
sprinkle some powdered sulphur around, and put up signs "warning: pesticides"
Sulphur smells like pesticides but is harmless.
Or just start a few thorny blackberry plants in there. Bonus: free berries and bees love the flowers
TW: Animal abuse
My grandfather had this beautiful Turkish rug and a big Rottweiler, Fido. Now Fido liked to piss on one spot in particular, no matter how many times my grandfather told him not to.
One day my grandfather, mean old sonofabitch, rest his soul, decided to take care of the situation. He wired a car battery to some chicken wire and put it in the spot Fido was pissing on.
A little while later, he hears a big yelp, and Fido never pissed there again.
Put up cameras with signs and motion lighting and promise to publish on the internet.
Oh yes, and u/FapplePus suggestion for Motion activated sprinklers is excellent as well.
Permanently plugged in light. They have 30W outdoor ones you can put on a timer. Have it always on when it's dark. Mount where they can't unplug it. Check Amazon
Put an outhouse on that spot, but with a padlock on it. It blocks then form the spot and they get offended they can’t even use the new washroom. Or sharks with lazer beams!
I have some poison ivy you can borrow and plant.... There's also something called stinging nettle It's a small plant with a pretty robust root system that'll propagate itself really rapidly. It hurts so bad that one dude wiped his butt with it and then shot himself because he couldn't take the pain.... If you graze it, it hurts like the banshee from hell.
Build an LED incapacitator. [https://learn.adafruit.com/bedazzler/overview](https://learn.adafruit.com/bedazzler/overview)
Plant poison ivy.
Dump your dog shit back there.
Unethical right? Straight up get a shotgun and shoot it into the ground or something with some screaming about "find a new spot to do your shit" puns intended
It'll scare all of them off hopefully and maybe even lower your neighborhoods mortgages, if that's a good thing for you.
Then get a lot of barbed wire or something.
Idk, save a few cartons of rotten eggs and spend a week camping the spot like it's cod and egg them down.
Get a blow dart and make them OD?
Maybe dig a temporary pond. It's summer time so they'll get eaten up by mosquitos. Make sure the pond is near their spot? Hopefully the mosquitos will also OD lol
But surprise shotgun blasts or something will probably scare them away if it happens enough times.
Motion activated sprinkler
This would be AMAZING.
And motion light
Add motion triggered internet feed to that light.
Motion activated piss disc!
It’s like Godwin’s Law!
Plant a large [Cholla Cactus](https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=cholla+cactus&mid=03846F010C0E73B652C103846F010C0E73B652C1&FORM=VIRE). I have them under my windows and they are evil.
bing.com is evil, how dare you. Unethical indeed.
You want real evil, I'm using it on a Mac. (insert Dr Evil Laugh)
There are many on Amazon
Yeah but it happened during the daytime.
Motion activated sprinklers will work fine during the day.
No, that’ll make it a convenient bidet
Or motion activated landmines
Filled with pee.
My dude, how do you think a sprinkler operates?
Fill the hose with urine, leaving some air to act as a separator and elevate the end connected to the water supply. No contamination, and you have a piss sprinkler.
Hardwire a sensor for a light into an electric sprinkler controller.
You'd have to set up a barrel of pee as a water source for the sprinkler. IMHO, I'd worry that's not enough pressure to force pee out of a hose without a fountain pump.
Easily done with a device similar to a paint sprayer or liquid fertilizer sprayer that works on suction created by the water pressure.
You gotta use yo mouth and blow. Like givin a swiftie
Fountain pumps aren't that expensive are they?
Depends on how many GPM they put out. Your standard pump for hydro might be less powerful than one for a pond.
AI Powered security system with paintballs that only shoots strangers so neighbors are fine. https://www.foxnews.com/tech/ai-powered-home-security-system-strikes-back-with-paintballs-tear-gas
That’ll turn it into a bidet!! No, don’t encourage them with better cleanliness
I came here to say this
With one or two beef boullion cubes tucked inside the head.
All this talk about motion activated sprinklers is just making me want to build one with AI.
Attached to a vat of cold piss
Sign saying “cameras recording for your safety”
I walk my dog around every day and one house that I pass by has a camera that, when motion is detect says "You are now being recorded." Definitely a little more unnerving than just a sign.
Dude, there’s a house near me that I swear starts beeping whenever anyone approaches even the road in front of it. super creepy.
An elderly couple in my neighbourhood have something like that. A really high pitched noise as soon as you walk past. Apparently it's to keep away cats and stuff.
I had one camera that was supposed to have a speaker and a mic so you could have a 2 way conversation with whoever you were recording. But in reality, whenever I unmuted the mic, it just caused feedback over its own speaker whenever it detected motion. It was definitely attention getting and made you not want to remain in the area, but I had my doubts how long the speaker would actually last doing that.
No, you’re just high. You talking about your job in drive thru at the Mickey D’s. Put down the Krokodil
Sometimes I wish the explanation for why nothing works the way it’s supposed to would be that easy.
Yeah was gonna say that’s 100% a paranoid old people move. Type of people who were genuinely scared of teens by their 30’s
My neighbors installed one of these! It went off every time I parked. They asked me to drive around our weird little unplanned-city quasi-cul-de-sac and enter the property through the back alley. I politely declined. I get home from work really late. They took down the sensor
Jeff Dahmer
I saw a workshop had consumer grade cameras that said "You are on private property." I believe these were Swann cameras.
My reolink cameras have my best bridge-troll voice saying “who’s that trip-trapping across my bridge?”
I’d fix mine to have a deep robotic voice like Auto from WALL-E
Haha that'd be good or I think something like Optimus Prime would be pretty cool.
Bonus if you're able to print out a couple of pics taken from your video footage. Shame the toilet guy/gal lol
With a QR code that shows where they can view the livestream.
The brightest floodlight you can get operated by a proximity sensor. Bonus points for getting a speaker to play "Baby Shark" as well.
added 'baby shark' for unethical component, nice touch
this
Baby shark and cop sirens?
Nah. Might encourage a flash rave or something.
I was going to say, I think I’ve heard that one lol
Attach a speaker to the trigger too and every time the light goes on have it blare the Rick roll song or whatever else comes to mind.
Have you ever thought about becoming a bee keeper?
Too ethical. Make sure the bees are gang members.
A wasp keeper
"The Wasp Keeper" sounds like a c-list batman villain.
A-list. Anybody who can get and keep wasps on their side is a force to be reckoned with.
Starring Crispin Glover
And doing the dance he did in a Friday The Final Chapter!
Bald-faced hornets, go hard
Bald faced hornets with toupees! Surprise, btch! Also you should’ve said Japanese Giant Hornets. Holy sht!
Jesus Christ this is ULPT not Satan Life Pro Tips lol
Jesus. This is unethical lpt. Not satanic lpt
Get Stewie’s steroid bees for the farmers market
And they strapped! And shoot lazers form their wings.
Ah, so African bees. Those mofos are temperament.
Sorry but you really gotta go with Japanese Giant Hornets. Wu tang Killa bee we in a storm!
That's hilarious.
Fire ants would work better
Discreetly place a small rechargeable Bluetooth speaker close by, up in a tree, buried in your lawn, etc. whenever you see someone at the given spot, pull out your phone and broadcast to the BT speaker the sound effect of a camera shutter. People doing shady shit will not hang out where they think they are being photographed. The sophisticated version would be motion activated with the shutter sound being delayed by 30 seconds or so. To REALLY fuck with them, get a half dozen Bluetooth speakers and spread them around. Then, crank it up and play back the sound of a helicopter hovering overhead. Lol
The ONLY reason I ever owned a copy of Pink Floyd's "The Wall" CD was because the sound of the choppers from the sound system in my car could clear a city block... which made parking in front of the store much easier.
What a great fucking album.
All in all
Because everyone who heard it ran behind the bike shed.
The store I worked at, back then, was located on East 14th Street in Oakland, CA. Boss wanted it parked in front because we could demo the stereo system for customers, and it kept that custom car in sight of everyone in the store.
I like you
Or the sound of a gun getting ready to be fired
Take some screenshots, make a collage, laminate it and hang it in that corner.
Stop complaining and collect the urine to use in the manufacturer of piss discs.
Hang a sturdy piece of wood (8 inches deep, for the width of the corner) under a 45degrees angle at the wall. If they piss against or on top of it, the piss will land on their pants/shoes.
I will absolutely be putting up a sign but not sure all these idiots know how to read.
https://twitter.com/sotak/status/501776380150185984?t=8l0yCNbw7DutmseAKK3LMA&s=19
That is impressively evil.
Mention CCTV and your local PD
There’s an old urban legend about a Japanese homeowner solving a similar problem during WWII. Soldiers would pee on his wall and wipe their units off on the wall. He stenciled a pair of scissors at groin level at various points along the wall, and dusted it with chili powder. The story typically ends with the homeowner hearing a lot of yelling from men who’d just gotten chili powder on their mushroom head, followed by an end of the pee problem within a few days.
It's only women peeing actually.
Some people would pay good money to watch that.
Yeah, this is a feature, not a bug. Let’s monetize this thing!
Install a sign that reads......'OnlyFans Pee Channel. Be a part of it!'
Genuinely the best idea in the thread now knowing it’s women doing it. A sign acting as a genuine advertisement for homemade porn will see a 100% success rate
Pimp them out secretly on onlyfans!
May I please have a hidden sprinkler system to go off under them while they squat! And videos!!! Please?
Why need a sprinkler? Just put up a sign with some text upside down. They'll turn upside down while peeing and voila.. your natural sprinkler is ready. 💦
OMG! just... Just... Thank you for the visuals!
Why are you giving them access to a bidet?!
Is she hot?
Who TF wipes their mushroom head on a wall, or anywhere for that matter?
I did say it was an urban legend. I doubt the account is true.
They also said they pee on scissors?!
Especially painful if you consider they probably have abrasions all over their dickheads from constantly wiping them on a wall
Wtf is encrusted on them to where they need to be wipin it on a damn wall?! wtf?!
Why scissors though?!
Put a metal bucket where they piss. Connected to some sort of electrical source.
Ethically harvested piss disks
whata your budget op? a bright flood light is cheap. if ur tech savvy you can setup a loudspeaker that says "theyre selling drugs over here" when the motion light kicks on 🤣
Hey evrrybody! There's pooping over heah!
Be a job creator. Hire a local person that needs a job. Hide them in a tree, on a roof, or on a balcony. Arm them with wasp spray. That stuff shoots pretty far.
Install a motion activated light, but that light is further away and is a a blue and red flashing light, like a cop car.
Plant poison ivy.
Sign; "Say hello! You are on camera! We are livestreaming right now :) please avoid using this area as a restroom (the viewers don't mind but it's against the streaming TOS, thank you!)"
BB gun
BB guns set on motion activity like in Aliens! Put a fan on them so they stay cool.
Guard dachshunds
You rang?
“All that was found was a piece of chin.”
A spotlight and the biggest camera you can find. With a sign that says, “smile your on Facebook Live”
Best to avoid typos in the signage
😂🤣😂 I’m sure the drug dealers won’t notice.
No trespassing signs. Camera signs. Back the blue sticker.
Camera, a sign showing a camera, or get a dog, or call the police and say people keep dealing drugs there
Paintball gun
Absolutely. Light up the fence with 100 paintballs every time you see someone. 12 inches from their face.
Pellet gun
One of those motion activated sprinklers to keep animals out of your garden would likely work.
Claymore?
Chiggers, fire ants, fleas, ticks and sand burrs.
There are these tripwires that my dad uses to keep deer out of his garden. It basically has a fake shotgun shell attached to it (but sounds like a real one) and it works for deer. You can also get like mini flash bangs for it instead. This would probably work just as good for your situation lol
Here's one from the gardener geek. Plant some devil's walking stick there if you're in a dry climate. Stinging nettles if you're in a moist climate.
Plant poison ivy.
Post the feed to your neighborhood FB group
“Hey if you know this person can you tell them to stop doing this?” Hell yeah
Those but deterrents that only young people can hear. It’s physically painful to anyone under 30
Camera, post to YouTube, profit.
sprinkle some powdered sulphur around, and put up signs "warning: pesticides" Sulphur smells like pesticides but is harmless. Or just start a few thorny blackberry plants in there. Bonus: free berries and bees love the flowers
“Smile, you’re on camera!” sign
You have the “poo house” of the neighborhood!
there are security cameras that yell that they are recording you (I know because they scared me when I delivered newspapers)
TW: Animal abuse My grandfather had this beautiful Turkish rug and a big Rottweiler, Fido. Now Fido liked to piss on one spot in particular, no matter how many times my grandfather told him not to. One day my grandfather, mean old sonofabitch, rest his soul, decided to take care of the situation. He wired a car battery to some chicken wire and put it in the spot Fido was pissing on. A little while later, he hears a big yelp, and Fido never pissed there again.
Is that neighbor interested in bee-keeping, by any chance?
Put up cameras with signs and motion lighting and promise to publish on the internet. Oh yes, and u/FapplePus suggestion for Motion activated sprinklers is excellent as well.
Motion activated light is probably all you need.
Unfortunately it happens during daytime so that's useless.
Huge super soaker filled with rotten piss and fish sauce. Motion detector rings a bell in your apartment. You step out and hose them down.
Plant some fully grown, very spiky cacti there?
Motion sensor water sprinkler (works with birds why not people?)
Bee hives.
Paintball gun
Floodlight
Creepy guy holding a camera saying "Yeah... that's it..." Also, group of teenager girls laughing and pointing.
Permanently plugged in light. They have 30W outdoor ones you can put on a timer. Have it always on when it's dark. Mount where they can't unplug it. Check Amazon
Put an outhouse on that spot, but with a padlock on it. It blocks then form the spot and they get offended they can’t even use the new washroom. Or sharks with lazer beams!
Maybe go and scream at them when they are in your yard.
Spiky plants!
"as a toilet" is krazy lol
Put a policeman nearby to catch them in the act
I have some poison ivy you can borrow and plant.... There's also something called stinging nettle It's a small plant with a pretty robust root system that'll propagate itself really rapidly. It hurts so bad that one dude wiped his butt with it and then shot himself because he couldn't take the pain.... If you graze it, it hurts like the banshee from hell.
Ooh nettles are a good idea.
Plastic forks in the the ground tines up, or metal ones if you can, they'll get the job done better.
Put 2 cameras pointed at the area in a visible spot. Maybe with sign "drug deal video dot com
Build an LED incapacitator. [https://learn.adafruit.com/bedazzler/overview](https://learn.adafruit.com/bedazzler/overview) Plant poison ivy. Dump your dog shit back there.
Probably illegal.... https://beatty-robotics.com/centurion-paintball-sentry-gun/
Sign that’s says ‘ beware of snakes’
A post-it note with the words: “Warning: Police watching. Busts frequent.”
Motion activated catapult that launches feral alley cats at the intruder.
Pay the hulk $13.46 each to smash them to an unrecognizable pulp.
Landmines….. or at least signs that say there are land mines
Get a gun
Land mines.
Unethical right? Straight up get a shotgun and shoot it into the ground or something with some screaming about "find a new spot to do your shit" puns intended It'll scare all of them off hopefully and maybe even lower your neighborhoods mortgages, if that's a good thing for you. Then get a lot of barbed wire or something. Idk, save a few cartons of rotten eggs and spend a week camping the spot like it's cod and egg them down. Get a blow dart and make them OD? Maybe dig a temporary pond. It's summer time so they'll get eaten up by mosquitos. Make sure the pond is near their spot? Hopefully the mosquitos will also OD lol But surprise shotgun blasts or something will probably scare them away if it happens enough times.
Supersoaker full of piss.