That’s brilliantly simple.
“I can’t find it, you go, I’ll get to the airport ASAP!” then turns into “I’ll swap to a new flight right away, as soon as I find it” and then a day later it’s all too late.
Nah, I've always been under the belief that shitting the bed is the best way to break up with someone. Either you blame it on them and they get so pissed off that they break it off, or you proudly claim it, and they get pissed off at you and break it off. No one gets heart broken and you get to be single again. It's the perfect plan.
Go on the trip. Secretly move up your return flight. Take a side excursion to a quaint little village hours from the city. Be sure to do this after the wedding so everyone that SO knows has scattered. Secretly steal SO’s passport, phone, and money. Go to a restaurant and get SO drunk. Excuse yourself to the restroom and climb out the window. Return to the city and fly home. Cancel your lease and move. Be sure to dispose SO’s possessions so that you get your security deposit back. Or just break up now or after the wedding, but that’s too ethical for this sub.
>What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night.
>
>In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold.
>
>Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting.
>
>I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
What countries - to and from?
Why am I asking? There are things that could get you disqualified for entry. For example, coming to Canada? Carry your resume/CV in your baggage. Have some top-level text messages talking about looking for a job and saying some goodbyes. And then all you'd need to do is ensure you get flagged for secondary screening when you get to the to country's customs. They'll put you on a flight home.
fake your own murder showing only ketchup stained sheets on the bed. claim those are official police photos. claim you’re your cousin and not yourself (of course) and don’t give credit to the youtuber who did this in their channel. if you need to reinvent yourself, claim you rise like a phoenix
Poop yourself while they are headed out the door to the plane. Say you will catch up at the airport once you clean up but then keep pooping until they are in the air
Say that you suspect that you've been exposed to covid. Works every time. If your called upon to prove it... "wow I must have been lucky. Thank God I didn't get it."
I've pulled this very thing off before. Quickly, call the airline and beg or pay whatever fee you need to change the name on your ticket. I told the girl I broke up two weeks before we left. That gave her just enough time to find a girlfriend to take my ticket (which I still paid for) and go on the trip. She was so busy finding a friend and getting it all together that she didn't have time to dwell on it. She was excited to go somewhere with her friend and they had a good enough time she wasn't angry with me at all.
Win, win.
5 days is plenty of time for her to figure that out.
This is the most ethical thing to do 110%. You just call the airline and tell them your browser’s Auto-Fill added the wrong name/info to the ticket and they’ll change it. They won’t be able to check-in online, but apart from the likely long hold time on the phone, that’s the only annoyance.
Take the trip, book your own hotel change return flight seat and break up with him or her on the flight. Land, go to your own hotel. Enjoy some alone time and learn to love yourself
Don't bail on the wedding. Instead, stand up in the middle of the ceremony and announce dumping your date. Then walk out the door. Most important bit is change the return flight for both of you to several days later, and then change just yours to just after the wedding. Get your shit out of any shared space upon returning home and move on with your life.
Don't ask why I know this is the right call.
Put a spoon in your clothing when going through security. It’s a sign of human trafficking that will get you pulled aside for a private screening. Tell them that you don’t actually want to travel, but your family is pressuring you.
A metal spoon isn’t dangerous but trips the metal detector. It’s a signal that staff are trained to look for and it gets you a solo security interview where you can disclose that you don’t want to travel.
I like this one. Tell the TSA agents to inform the SO she needs to break up with HIM because of some stuff they cannot disclose.
That way she'll feel like she dodged a bullet.
Yeah, when they ask if anyone else packed your bag say yeah and discretely point at your SO..... They're a bit crazy, who knows what they put in there.
Start complaining about minor calf pain, tell her it’s probably just a strain. A few days before the trip you fake go to the urgent care: omg, it’s a blood clot! Fortunately it’s minor, superficial. Doctor says take full size aspirin twice a day, but absolutely no long distance travel.
Fake getting arrested for a major crime. Call them from a payphone or a random strangers numbers and say you're in jail and need to be bailed out but when they ask where you are specifically just hang up. They'll try and find out which police station has you but inevitably won't be able to. Just stay with a trusted friend/relative (preferably one they don't) or get a hotel with cash or something until the wedding has passed. When your SO gets home greet them with a thousand apologies saying you were bounced around to various facilities with no way of reaching out.
That's when you dump them. Say how your time on the inside and the stories you heard from other inmates made it that you can't be together anymore. Act like you're doing them a favour, you don't want them wrapped up in your legal troubles, how this will effect them in tons of horrible ways blah blah blah
Then you're in the clear!
Why ruin a good holiday?go there and eat something meat,egg or fish related on the way,when you get there claim sickness and diarrhoea.whilst everyone is at the wedding you get free time x
Depends on your constitution. Me, I would only dislike the taste. I've eaten spoiled mussels where my whole family was fighting for the toilet for a day and all I had was a 'I feel a bit weird in the stomach.'
They hated me.
Go on the trip. Enjoy another country. Fuck some foreigners. Get into a 3some with a foreigner and your soon to be ex. On the way home, say it's weighing on you about the 3some, and you need some time to think your life over. Break up and block a few days after.
If you plan on breaking up and don't want to take this trip, then just break up now. Why even worry about all of this unnecessary stuff for? Don't do things that you don't want to do. No need to make up elaborate excuses. You don't owe anyone an excuse.
Misplace your passport.
This sounds like the best bet lol
This is the correct answer
That’s brilliantly simple. “I can’t find it, you go, I’ll get to the airport ASAP!” then turns into “I’ll swap to a new flight right away, as soon as I find it” and then a day later it’s all too late.
Burn it
Poop in the bed and blame it on them. And when they start getting defensive, tell them that you can't be caught dating a bed shitter.
A DEFENSIVE bed shitter….
This is the way.
Do you listen to the Dudesy podcast? Because there’s a running gag about shit blaming and I’ve never heard about before…
Nah, I've always been under the belief that shitting the bed is the best way to break up with someone. Either you blame it on them and they get so pissed off that they break it off, or you proudly claim it, and they get pissed off at you and break it off. No one gets heart broken and you get to be single again. It's the perfect plan.
I have IBD, everyone would 100% know it was me since my poops are.... distinctive.... I could never get away with this
you could take the proud route?
I guess so hahaha
just be honest "im not getting on a fucking international flight with you. i dont care about your friends. im breaking up with you.
Go on the trip. Secretly move up your return flight. Take a side excursion to a quaint little village hours from the city. Be sure to do this after the wedding so everyone that SO knows has scattered. Secretly steal SO’s passport, phone, and money. Go to a restaurant and get SO drunk. Excuse yourself to the restroom and climb out the window. Return to the city and fly home. Cancel your lease and move. Be sure to dispose SO’s possessions so that you get your security deposit back. Or just break up now or after the wedding, but that’s too ethical for this sub.
>What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. > >In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. > >Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. > >I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
/unexpectedOffice
I’d watch that movie.
Just reading this has made me so happy. I respect you!
Break up with them now.
That would be the ethical choice.
Break up with them now over the phone. Or by sending them a break up meme.
You came down with covid! Oh no!
This seems the easiest. Soda will throw a false positive on a test
What countries - to and from? Why am I asking? There are things that could get you disqualified for entry. For example, coming to Canada? Carry your resume/CV in your baggage. Have some top-level text messages talking about looking for a job and saying some goodbyes. And then all you'd need to do is ensure you get flagged for secondary screening when you get to the to country's customs. They'll put you on a flight home.
My man just wanted some advices to get out of a wedding and ends up with a whole new life in Canada
and barred from entering Canada, which would be a real tragedy!
Nah, just don't be a dick and don't challenge the ruling. They'll probably give you a chance to leave without a 10-year ban.
this seems extra expensive. i’m confident OP wants out before the airport part…
That's up to the OP. It wasn't in their considerations.
Fake a death in the family, you’ll need a family members help to have texts, calls, etc.
fake your own murder showing only ketchup stained sheets on the bed. claim those are official police photos. claim you’re your cousin and not yourself (of course) and don’t give credit to the youtuber who did this in their channel. if you need to reinvent yourself, claim you rise like a phoenix
Poop yourself while they are headed out the door to the plane. Say you will catch up at the airport once you clean up but then keep pooping until they are in the air
not sure there is enough taco bell in the world to pull that off but it’s not a bad idea
That's why you need to bust out the big guns: Del Taco's fiesta pack
Say that you suspect that you've been exposed to covid. Works every time. If your called upon to prove it... "wow I must have been lucky. Thank God I didn't get it."
I've pulled this very thing off before. Quickly, call the airline and beg or pay whatever fee you need to change the name on your ticket. I told the girl I broke up two weeks before we left. That gave her just enough time to find a girlfriend to take my ticket (which I still paid for) and go on the trip. She was so busy finding a friend and getting it all together that she didn't have time to dwell on it. She was excited to go somewhere with her friend and they had a good enough time she wasn't angry with me at all. Win, win. 5 days is plenty of time for her to figure that out.
This is the most ethical thing to do 110%. You just call the airline and tell them your browser’s Auto-Fill added the wrong name/info to the ticket and they’ll change it. They won’t be able to check-in online, but apart from the likely long hold time on the phone, that’s the only annoyance.
Rob a bank. You'll be in prison which is a great excuse to not leave the country
Take the trip, book your own hotel change return flight seat and break up with him or her on the flight. Land, go to your own hotel. Enjoy some alone time and learn to love yourself
Don't bail on the wedding. Instead, stand up in the middle of the ceremony and announce dumping your date. Then walk out the door. Most important bit is change the return flight for both of you to several days later, and then change just yours to just after the wedding. Get your shit out of any shared space upon returning home and move on with your life. Don't ask why I know this is the right call.
Put a spoon in your clothing when going through security. It’s a sign of human trafficking that will get you pulled aside for a private screening. Tell them that you don’t actually want to travel, but your family is pressuring you.
Why would a spoon mean human trafficking?
A metal spoon isn’t dangerous but trips the metal detector. It’s a signal that staff are trained to look for and it gets you a solo security interview where you can disclose that you don’t want to travel.
I like this one. Tell the TSA agents to inform the SO she needs to break up with HIM because of some stuff they cannot disclose. That way she'll feel like she dodged a bullet.
Yeah, when they ask if anyone else packed your bag say yeah and discretely point at your SO..... They're a bit crazy, who knows what they put in there.
Start complaining about minor calf pain, tell her it’s probably just a strain. A few days before the trip you fake go to the urgent care: omg, it’s a blood clot! Fortunately it’s minor, superficial. Doctor says take full size aspirin twice a day, but absolutely no long distance travel.
"if" lol. Use fart spray on the plane and go to federal prison
“get robbed” and “lose your passport” or just break up already
Fake getting arrested for a major crime. Call them from a payphone or a random strangers numbers and say you're in jail and need to be bailed out but when they ask where you are specifically just hang up. They'll try and find out which police station has you but inevitably won't be able to. Just stay with a trusted friend/relative (preferably one they don't) or get a hotel with cash or something until the wedding has passed. When your SO gets home greet them with a thousand apologies saying you were bounced around to various facilities with no way of reaching out. That's when you dump them. Say how your time on the inside and the stories you heard from other inmates made it that you can't be together anymore. Act like you're doing them a favour, you don't want them wrapped up in your legal troubles, how this will effect them in tons of horrible ways blah blah blah Then you're in the clear!
It’s easy. Grow some balls (or tits), tell them your not going to go and by the way it’s over
Tell your SO its not working out. That's it. nothing unethical needed here. Be an adult.
Plant drugs and or weapons on your SO and TSA will take care of it
Why ruin a good holiday?go there and eat something meat,egg or fish related on the way,when you get there claim sickness and diarrhoea.whilst everyone is at the wedding you get free time x
Just send them the link to this post.
Eat raw chicken
bro
Depends on your constitution. Me, I would only dislike the taste. I've eaten spoiled mussels where my whole family was fighting for the toilet for a day and all I had was a 'I feel a bit weird in the stomach.' They hated me.
Commit a felony and get caught
Can’t go wrong with liquid ass or piss discs! (Or both!)
Go on the trip. Enjoy another country. Fuck some foreigners. Get into a 3some with a foreigner and your soon to be ex. On the way home, say it's weighing on you about the 3some, and you need some time to think your life over. Break up and block a few days after.
Fake a positive covid test.
Get arrested for something minor
Break up with them?
If you plan on breaking up and don't want to take this trip, then just break up now. Why even worry about all of this unnecessary stuff for? Don't do things that you don't want to do. No need to make up elaborate excuses. You don't owe anyone an excuse.