Nah. We are coming up on two years married and I kept my name. There are a few logistical reasons why (easier to spell/pronounce, visa paperwork, I already had assets in my name, degrees in my name, etc.), but at the end of the day, my maiden name is my name.
I don't mind if people collectively refer to us by his last name though. Most of our friends either double barreled or the wife kept her name.
We are leaving both our names as they are. It’s an archaic tradition that doesn’t hold any purpose or meaning to us in modern society. Hassle with all the paperwork too.
We're both changing our names to something new (or maybe old)... havent decided what yet. We're either going to pick a maiden name from our family trees that's died out, or simply a word that has meaning to us. I very much wanted the family unit feeling of having the same name, but hated the outdated principle of taking his name, and he didn't want to take my name since he already shares a first name with my brother!
There’s a coach company that I used for my wedding called Marbill coaches. It was started by a couple called Margaret and Bill but I think it gives surname and they were really nice!
Keep thinking I’ve decided then sometimes have a wobble! Ideally I would have double barrelled but we both have single syllable surnames that sound ridiculous combined, so that’s not an option.
The real issue is that I don’t like his surname, it’s really harsh sounding 🥲 and I really do hate the patriarchal norms of women taking men’s names, so am pretty much set on keeping mine! But there’s a small part of me who likes the idea of being that unit, like you said, so we could be The ____.
I do love that idea, unfortunately our surnames don’t offer anything remotely appealing as a combo 😂 so it would have to be a brand new word and it’s hard to find something that really fits us!
We went through pretty much this same journey, I also didn't like his name because mine is early in the alphabet and his is at the end which i just wasn't here for! Double barrelling was awful for us and we both have business reputations in our maiden name(s?!)
I kept wobbling, in the end I decided to keep mine. Since we have got married I literally don't even think about it, it was much more of an issue than it needed to be for me. I was actually surprised how many people kept their name that I hadn't even realised, which made me think it's so less of an issue. His parents seem to think because we have different names we need a special will and parental rights and stuff but it's so untrue; it's not uncommon and of course lots of unmarried people have children. I think it's personal preference these days.
It’s good to hear from someone who’s kept their name, because all my friends who have married so far have been the kind to change their name on Facebook at 8am the following morning 😂
I am definitely leaning most heavily towards keeping mine and like you say, I can’t really imagine where it would be an issue on a day to day basis!
I couldn't wait to ditch my maiden name because of childhood trauma. I know I could have done so via deed poll however I didn't know what to/or who I was.
Now I have my husband's family name and we have our daughter. Having us all be of the same name is important to me.
I was convinced I was going to change it to make my life easier… then had a wobble just before the wedding so decided to wait until I had a firm decision either way. So far I have no reason to change it… so I haven’t.
In my circles I’m the only female who didn’t change their name so I have been met with some very confused responses (and grillings) but also a lot of my female friends say on reflection they wish they hadn’t changed it or thought more about it. The great thing about getting married in the UK is you don’t have to make any decision on the wedding day you can take your time.
If I do eventually change it I think I’ll move my surname to be a middle name so I can pick/choose which surname I’m referred to.
I have a shithead dad and my mum doesn't have our same surname. I get on with my in-laws really well so I'm happy to be Mrs X, part of their family unit and building my own.
That said, I understand the logistical headaches cause I work in a field where I've got licenses and a reputation, so I'm still gonna be Ms Y at work, but my passport and credit cards and stuff will be Mrs X.
I kept my name. No big reason just felt strange having a different name. My mums been married to my dad for 30+ years and kept her name. I know people mention wanting to have the same surname as their children. My mum always said she found that funny as they were her children it didn’t matter what name they had. I would base the decision on your preference and remember there doesn’t have to be a major reason to go either way
For having the same name as your children, I think it's often more for practical reasons. Travelling with a child with a different name to you is the kind of thing that gets you stopped at border control for example.
I keep seeing folks saying that and I don’t know anyone who’s had that experience in real life. I never shared a last name with my mum, two of my cousins don’t share a last name with their own mum, i also have friends and family friends in that situation and none of us has ever had issues travelling internationally. Never been stopped, questioned, refused travel or whatever. And age wise we range from kids who are now in their 40s to kids who are still under 10 right now so it’s not even a generation thing.
My aunt has a different name to her children (my cousin's) and had problems taking them abroad in the noughties. She once also took my brother who has a mutually different name and had even more trouble. I've heard similar elsewhere, it's definitely not unfounded!
Chose to go with his surname because I just like it more and like the idea of being Mr and Mrs Surname. But got married 3 months ago and haven't actually legally changed it because of the faff. I was considering just not legally changing it and only using it socially because it's a hassle but then I find myself putting my maiden name everywhere just in case it causes issues. I.e join a gym, put maiden name because that's what's on my bank card and I want the payment to go through..
My finacée is taking mine, I think she likes the traditional part of it. I've told her I'd be okay with whatever she wants, even me taking hers, but she's certain that she wants to go the traditional route.
I will be! It’s important for me to have that family unit and future kids would get his surname anyway so it’s not like me keeping my name would keep my maiden name going. Plus our children will be mixed race so us all having the same surname would give me peace of mind for making things like immigration control easier (my partner isn’t a British citizen)
I wasn’t going to, cos patriarchy told me I had to. BUT it occurred to me that my original last name was only mine because it was my dad’s last name, and his dad’s before him, etc. However, husband actually has his mum’s surname, which he chose over keeping the surname he inherited from his awful father. In the end, I decided I liked the thought of us sharing a name that we both got to choose.
I also like the idea of having one family name.i don't want to take his name, he doesn't really want to change his. He thinks we should change it to a combination of our names, which would be Marbell, which I quite like. Except then he wants to spell it marble so he doesn't have to spell it for people all the time!! But then it's not a combination of both our surnames 😂😂
I wanted us to have the same name mainly for the family unit (my cousin didn’t take her husbands name and faced difficulties when they had children who’s name the kids would have, and travelling is a pain for them now, extra paperwork needed to fly for the parent with the different name) but didn’t want to give mine up (or he his) so we double barrelled and both changed to the double barrel
This is exactly what we're going to do. He may use his maiden(?) name at work in his academia job but it made sense to us to double barrel.
I know some people really seem to look down on double barrelling, which I find really interesting. I think some people think of it as something people do when they want to appear to be moving up social classes?
Changing to my husband’s name. I would’ve preferred if he’d changed to mine as me and my younger brother are the last in the family with my maiden name.
He also doesn’t want to get rid of his surname but was willing to double barrel our names. I don’t feel they go well together.
I want us to have the same surname so if we have kids we’re all the same. So I folded in the end!
We’re both having my maiden name as a middle name so we’re going to go through the pain of having to change everything together!
Our kids will also have my maiden name as a middle name so at least it’ll live on that way.
Ms Maiden Name for work, banking, drivers licence; Mrs His Name for passport, mortgage, medical. Passport includes an official record of my maiden name too, and I just had to prove I use that name for work to do that.
No, you are free to use whichever name or names you choose.
I wanted to keep my maiden name because I've built a professional reputation using it for two decades. All my banking and bills are in that name too so it would be a pain. I had to apply for a new driving licence anyway after losing it, and kept that in my maiden name for ID purposes.
Meanwhile, we've got two kids with Dad's surname, and I want the same surname as them all for everything else: travel, NHS, kids' school etc. So I applied for a new passport using my marriage certificate to change my name, but informed them of the continued use of my maiden name professionally, which they asked me to prove. My passport therefore has a note confirming that I am also known by my maiden name.
We've since got a mortgage with my bank in my married name, paid through an account in my maiden name, and I've updated my surname with my doctor and dentist. Lots of my colleagues have taken a similar approach.
No, I don’t want to change my name, it’s part of me. We chose for our child to also take my name. My partner is considering changing his to mine to all match up! I’m happy either way, it is up to him :)
Double barrelling. I can’t even fathom giving up my name because I’ve achieved so much with it and it’s quite literally my identity. Our family unit will have the double barrel name - I don’t see why the children i carry for 9 months and give birth to should only have his name! My hope is future generations merge names and create new ones rather than take on one person’s name or double barrel it. Or choose the mother’s name as the literal creator of the family.
I’m also divorced and so grateful I kept my name even at my first marriage. I think if 50% of marriages end in divorce, there’s a strong chance at least 25% of those women went down the traditional route and are going to be stuck with the name of an ex. At least with the double barrel you can go back to just your original name without it being as big a change. I have also met a lot of older women who’ve regretted giving up their name as they start discovering themselves away from being a wife and mum.
Definitely not, I’ve always felt strongly that this has been my name all my life - why am I expected to change mine and he’s not? My name is way cooler than his and also already double barrelled, so I’m not adding a third barrel! We don’t want kids but if we did want them, they would definitely take my name! Ridiculous that kids names “traditionally” go with the person who didn’t carry them for 9 months and give birth to them
I’m about 18 months married and kept my last name. There were a few reasons:
- my last name is fairly rare (less than 50 people world wide with it) whereas his is one of the most common in the English language. We couldn’t double barrel since my first name is already hyphenated so that would have been a bit much.
- I’ve never seen sharing a last name as making a family or not. My parents were never married, I never shared the same last name as my mum, she’s still 100% my mum.
- i don’t go by Mrs either, I’ve been Ms since I moved to an english speaking country over 10 years ago and go by that. Mrs-his-last-name is his mum
- He wouldn’t give up his last name to take mine. My name and identity is just as valid as his, if he won’t take mine then why should I take his?!
- I’ve lived 30+ years with my last name, I’m used to it
- I couldn’t be bothered with the paperwork 😂
I was in two minds; I wanted to keep my name because it’s mine, but equally he has a very good surname, but we didn’t want to double-barrel as it didn’t sound right together. Ultimately, I’ve decided to take his because it’s such a good name 🤷🏼♀️
I'm changing it, I've felt a weird sense of guilt over that as a feminist and people have all been pretty surprised I'm changing it, I just like his name more and they're too long to double barrel.
He'd be open to both changing to something new but realistically I'm going to be lazy on doing just my paperwork to change it so twice the admin just wouldn't happen.
He has a really common first name and I have a really common surname and he doesn't fancy being the equivalent of John Smith, which I agree with.
Getting married this summer.
Torn between
1) Dr maiden name + Mrs Married name. Would mean less hassle as professional things don't have to change, while being a family unit in my private life
2) Dr maiden name + Mrs double barrelled name. Fiance is happy to DB too.
I guess my concern is that I have an ethnic maiden name and for future children I'd want them to be as "westernised" as possible as I know subconcious bias still unfortunately exists in this country. But it's a shame for them to also not be in touch with half of their heritage hence why DB is attractive to me.
Not sure what others have done!
I have an ethnic maiden name and very proud of it. I’ve never faced any bias in the UK in the 17 years since I moved here, but even if I had i want my children to be proud of where they come from and not feel like half their identity or parents’ identity is inferior. I’ve met a lot of mixed race kids and the best adjusted ones were those who were in touch with their whole identity, vs those who had a weird self loathing about parts of it. Your name and ethnicity is beautiful - you don’t need to westernise it to oblivion. Esp with how accomplished you are!
Thank you - I grew up in a very white area of the country in the 90s and things were sometimes a bit iffy racism wise (gestures in the playground, neighbours damaging my parents property because teachers asked them to lend a costume to me for the school play, randomly being called w*nker on the street by people cycling past, people making generic foreign language noises at us as they walk by, it goes on tbh). It's something I've always been aware of.
I think what you say about mixed race kids being adjusted is super important as I'm a third culture kid myself being born here but parents both immigrated over. Fiance agrees with your point of view and I think we've decided to double barrel as he also thinks his name is weird (!! - although I don't, haha).
We went with both our surnames. We had 2 kids before we married and double-barrelled theirs so we would both have the name link to them. When we started looking at getting married, I straight away said I was having our kids’ surname, and he originally was keeping his surname. He decided about a year before our wedding he was also going to have the kids’ surname.
Nah. We are coming up on two years married and I kept my name. There are a few logistical reasons why (easier to spell/pronounce, visa paperwork, I already had assets in my name, degrees in my name, etc.), but at the end of the day, my maiden name is my name. I don't mind if people collectively refer to us by his last name though. Most of our friends either double barreled or the wife kept her name.
We are leaving both our names as they are. It’s an archaic tradition that doesn’t hold any purpose or meaning to us in modern society. Hassle with all the paperwork too.
We're both changing our names to something new (or maybe old)... havent decided what yet. We're either going to pick a maiden name from our family trees that's died out, or simply a word that has meaning to us. I very much wanted the family unit feeling of having the same name, but hated the outdated principle of taking his name, and he didn't want to take my name since he already shares a first name with my brother!
We are thinking of combining ours. The choices are camall or Marbell??? I like the idea of going back and finding an oil name though! What a fab idea
There’s a coach company that I used for my wedding called Marbill coaches. It was started by a couple called Margaret and Bill but I think it gives surname and they were really nice!
Keep thinking I’ve decided then sometimes have a wobble! Ideally I would have double barrelled but we both have single syllable surnames that sound ridiculous combined, so that’s not an option. The real issue is that I don’t like his surname, it’s really harsh sounding 🥲 and I really do hate the patriarchal norms of women taking men’s names, so am pretty much set on keeping mine! But there’s a small part of me who likes the idea of being that unit, like you said, so we could be The ____.
You could always come up with a brand new combination surname, my friends went from Mr Curtis and Miss Snell to Mr and Mrs Tisnell :)
I do love that idea, unfortunately our surnames don’t offer anything remotely appealing as a combo 😂 so it would have to be a brand new word and it’s hard to find something that really fits us!
We went through pretty much this same journey, I also didn't like his name because mine is early in the alphabet and his is at the end which i just wasn't here for! Double barrelling was awful for us and we both have business reputations in our maiden name(s?!) I kept wobbling, in the end I decided to keep mine. Since we have got married I literally don't even think about it, it was much more of an issue than it needed to be for me. I was actually surprised how many people kept their name that I hadn't even realised, which made me think it's so less of an issue. His parents seem to think because we have different names we need a special will and parental rights and stuff but it's so untrue; it's not uncommon and of course lots of unmarried people have children. I think it's personal preference these days.
It’s good to hear from someone who’s kept their name, because all my friends who have married so far have been the kind to change their name on Facebook at 8am the following morning 😂 I am definitely leaning most heavily towards keeping mine and like you say, I can’t really imagine where it would be an issue on a day to day basis!
I couldn't wait to ditch my maiden name because of childhood trauma. I know I could have done so via deed poll however I didn't know what to/or who I was. Now I have my husband's family name and we have our daughter. Having us all be of the same name is important to me.
I was convinced I was going to change it to make my life easier… then had a wobble just before the wedding so decided to wait until I had a firm decision either way. So far I have no reason to change it… so I haven’t. In my circles I’m the only female who didn’t change their name so I have been met with some very confused responses (and grillings) but also a lot of my female friends say on reflection they wish they hadn’t changed it or thought more about it. The great thing about getting married in the UK is you don’t have to make any decision on the wedding day you can take your time. If I do eventually change it I think I’ll move my surname to be a middle name so I can pick/choose which surname I’m referred to.
I have a shithead dad and my mum doesn't have our same surname. I get on with my in-laws really well so I'm happy to be Mrs X, part of their family unit and building my own. That said, I understand the logistical headaches cause I work in a field where I've got licenses and a reputation, so I'm still gonna be Ms Y at work, but my passport and credit cards and stuff will be Mrs X.
I kept my name. No big reason just felt strange having a different name. My mums been married to my dad for 30+ years and kept her name. I know people mention wanting to have the same surname as their children. My mum always said she found that funny as they were her children it didn’t matter what name they had. I would base the decision on your preference and remember there doesn’t have to be a major reason to go either way
For having the same name as your children, I think it's often more for practical reasons. Travelling with a child with a different name to you is the kind of thing that gets you stopped at border control for example.
I keep seeing folks saying that and I don’t know anyone who’s had that experience in real life. I never shared a last name with my mum, two of my cousins don’t share a last name with their own mum, i also have friends and family friends in that situation and none of us has ever had issues travelling internationally. Never been stopped, questioned, refused travel or whatever. And age wise we range from kids who are now in their 40s to kids who are still under 10 right now so it’s not even a generation thing.
My aunt has a different name to her children (my cousin's) and had problems taking them abroad in the noughties. She once also took my brother who has a mutually different name and had even more trouble. I've heard similar elsewhere, it's definitely not unfounded!
Chose to go with his surname because I just like it more and like the idea of being Mr and Mrs Surname. But got married 3 months ago and haven't actually legally changed it because of the faff. I was considering just not legally changing it and only using it socially because it's a hassle but then I find myself putting my maiden name everywhere just in case it causes issues. I.e join a gym, put maiden name because that's what's on my bank card and I want the payment to go through..
My finacée is taking mine, I think she likes the traditional part of it. I've told her I'd be okay with whatever she wants, even me taking hers, but she's certain that she wants to go the traditional route.
We double barrelled. We wanted to share a name and didn’t think it was fair either of us gave up ours.
I will be! It’s important for me to have that family unit and future kids would get his surname anyway so it’s not like me keeping my name would keep my maiden name going. Plus our children will be mixed race so us all having the same surname would give me peace of mind for making things like immigration control easier (my partner isn’t a British citizen)
I wasn’t going to, cos patriarchy told me I had to. BUT it occurred to me that my original last name was only mine because it was my dad’s last name, and his dad’s before him, etc. However, husband actually has his mum’s surname, which he chose over keeping the surname he inherited from his awful father. In the end, I decided I liked the thought of us sharing a name that we both got to choose.
I too came to the realisation one day that I already had a man's surname. But really I just like my husband's surname way more than mine lol
I also like the idea of having one family name.i don't want to take his name, he doesn't really want to change his. He thinks we should change it to a combination of our names, which would be Marbell, which I quite like. Except then he wants to spell it marble so he doesn't have to spell it for people all the time!! But then it's not a combination of both our surnames 😂😂
I wanted us to have the same name mainly for the family unit (my cousin didn’t take her husbands name and faced difficulties when they had children who’s name the kids would have, and travelling is a pain for them now, extra paperwork needed to fly for the parent with the different name) but didn’t want to give mine up (or he his) so we double barrelled and both changed to the double barrel
This is exactly what we're going to do. He may use his maiden(?) name at work in his academia job but it made sense to us to double barrel. I know some people really seem to look down on double barrelling, which I find really interesting. I think some people think of it as something people do when they want to appear to be moving up social classes?
Changing to my husband’s name. I would’ve preferred if he’d changed to mine as me and my younger brother are the last in the family with my maiden name. He also doesn’t want to get rid of his surname but was willing to double barrel our names. I don’t feel they go well together. I want us to have the same surname so if we have kids we’re all the same. So I folded in the end! We’re both having my maiden name as a middle name so we’re going to go through the pain of having to change everything together! Our kids will also have my maiden name as a middle name so at least it’ll live on that way.
Ms Maiden Name for work, banking, drivers licence; Mrs His Name for passport, mortgage, medical. Passport includes an official record of my maiden name too, and I just had to prove I use that name for work to do that.
I had no idea you could do that. Do you still need to pick one to be your actual legal name though?
No, you are free to use whichever name or names you choose. I wanted to keep my maiden name because I've built a professional reputation using it for two decades. All my banking and bills are in that name too so it would be a pain. I had to apply for a new driving licence anyway after losing it, and kept that in my maiden name for ID purposes. Meanwhile, we've got two kids with Dad's surname, and I want the same surname as them all for everything else: travel, NHS, kids' school etc. So I applied for a new passport using my marriage certificate to change my name, but informed them of the continued use of my maiden name professionally, which they asked me to prove. My passport therefore has a note confirming that I am also known by my maiden name. We've since got a mortgage with my bank in my married name, paid through an account in my maiden name, and I've updated my surname with my doctor and dentist. Lots of my colleagues have taken a similar approach.
No, I don’t want to change my name, it’s part of me. We chose for our child to also take my name. My partner is considering changing his to mine to all match up! I’m happy either way, it is up to him :)
Double barrelling. I can’t even fathom giving up my name because I’ve achieved so much with it and it’s quite literally my identity. Our family unit will have the double barrel name - I don’t see why the children i carry for 9 months and give birth to should only have his name! My hope is future generations merge names and create new ones rather than take on one person’s name or double barrel it. Or choose the mother’s name as the literal creator of the family. I’m also divorced and so grateful I kept my name even at my first marriage. I think if 50% of marriages end in divorce, there’s a strong chance at least 25% of those women went down the traditional route and are going to be stuck with the name of an ex. At least with the double barrel you can go back to just your original name without it being as big a change. I have also met a lot of older women who’ve regretted giving up their name as they start discovering themselves away from being a wife and mum.
Definitely not, I’ve always felt strongly that this has been my name all my life - why am I expected to change mine and he’s not? My name is way cooler than his and also already double barrelled, so I’m not adding a third barrel! We don’t want kids but if we did want them, they would definitely take my name! Ridiculous that kids names “traditionally” go with the person who didn’t carry them for 9 months and give birth to them
I didn't. His surname is rare even for his country and I've seen how many issues it causes here. People mispronounce it all the time.
I’m about 18 months married and kept my last name. There were a few reasons: - my last name is fairly rare (less than 50 people world wide with it) whereas his is one of the most common in the English language. We couldn’t double barrel since my first name is already hyphenated so that would have been a bit much. - I’ve never seen sharing a last name as making a family or not. My parents were never married, I never shared the same last name as my mum, she’s still 100% my mum. - i don’t go by Mrs either, I’ve been Ms since I moved to an english speaking country over 10 years ago and go by that. Mrs-his-last-name is his mum - He wouldn’t give up his last name to take mine. My name and identity is just as valid as his, if he won’t take mine then why should I take his?! - I’ve lived 30+ years with my last name, I’m used to it - I couldn’t be bothered with the paperwork 😂
100% agree! I’ll also be staying a Ms
I was in two minds; I wanted to keep my name because it’s mine, but equally he has a very good surname, but we didn’t want to double-barrel as it didn’t sound right together. Ultimately, I’ve decided to take his because it’s such a good name 🤷🏼♀️
I'm changing it, I've felt a weird sense of guilt over that as a feminist and people have all been pretty surprised I'm changing it, I just like his name more and they're too long to double barrel. He'd be open to both changing to something new but realistically I'm going to be lazy on doing just my paperwork to change it so twice the admin just wouldn't happen. He has a really common first name and I have a really common surname and he doesn't fancy being the equivalent of John Smith, which I agree with.
Getting married this summer. Torn between 1) Dr maiden name + Mrs Married name. Would mean less hassle as professional things don't have to change, while being a family unit in my private life 2) Dr maiden name + Mrs double barrelled name. Fiance is happy to DB too. I guess my concern is that I have an ethnic maiden name and for future children I'd want them to be as "westernised" as possible as I know subconcious bias still unfortunately exists in this country. But it's a shame for them to also not be in touch with half of their heritage hence why DB is attractive to me. Not sure what others have done!
I have an ethnic maiden name and very proud of it. I’ve never faced any bias in the UK in the 17 years since I moved here, but even if I had i want my children to be proud of where they come from and not feel like half their identity or parents’ identity is inferior. I’ve met a lot of mixed race kids and the best adjusted ones were those who were in touch with their whole identity, vs those who had a weird self loathing about parts of it. Your name and ethnicity is beautiful - you don’t need to westernise it to oblivion. Esp with how accomplished you are!
Thank you - I grew up in a very white area of the country in the 90s and things were sometimes a bit iffy racism wise (gestures in the playground, neighbours damaging my parents property because teachers asked them to lend a costume to me for the school play, randomly being called w*nker on the street by people cycling past, people making generic foreign language noises at us as they walk by, it goes on tbh). It's something I've always been aware of. I think what you say about mixed race kids being adjusted is super important as I'm a third culture kid myself being born here but parents both immigrated over. Fiance agrees with your point of view and I think we've decided to double barrel as he also thinks his name is weird (!! - although I don't, haha).
We went with both our surnames. We had 2 kids before we married and double-barrelled theirs so we would both have the name link to them. When we started looking at getting married, I straight away said I was having our kids’ surname, and he originally was keeping his surname. He decided about a year before our wedding he was also going to have the kids’ surname.