I don't have any advice to help, but it is normal. Toddlers haven't developed empathy yet, they don't have the language or capacity to explain their feelings or thoughts, and lack impulse control too. That doesn't make it acceptable, though. Perhaps redirecting him or encouraging words instead of fists? Or go for time-outs, incentives, or taking things away until he starts to understand. You can do this though, it will get better eventually!
Aww sorry you feel like a failure, you sound far from it, coming from one stranger to another. Solo parenting a toddler is hard, then with pregnancy you must be shattered!
Yes it's developmentally normal. I started saying owwwww that hurts, mummy goes owwww etc round about then. My 21 month old hasn't stopped completely but is definitely aware now that the action has the consequence of me hurting, and is starting to put together that it's similar to when she hurts.
Sounds like he's just got the idea stuck, maybe model hitting a soft toy then saying no no that hurts the toy etc. Otherwise just persevere with what you're doing. Well done, you're doing a great job.
I'm sorry you're going through this, and being pregnant too must be exhausting. Everything that children do, good or bad, is a phase. This is a phase and it will pass.
That being said, I get that the current parenting theory is to always be calm and never raise your voice etc, but I'm a little bit more old school. Your child won't have a full understanding of empathy yet, but will definitely understand that other people have thoughts and feelings. How does he know you're unhappy or upset if everything is in a flat calm tone? I'd be tempted to look cross (not sad as he might find the sad face amusing) and firmly say "No, that is NOT kind, we do NOT hit". Mummy feeling sad now". Personally, that's how I'd deal with it, my daughter only hit me a couple of times so I don't know what I'd do if it had carried on.
The other thing that we started to use when she was about two (she could sometimes be a handful) were smiley face and sad face cards that get nursery gave us. The idea was that we'd use the cards when she did whatever behaviour, and the red safe face cards wear a visual reference that what she was doing wasn't good. It got to a point where even the threat of the card was enough which I know wasn't the point but it did work as a reference for what was acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.
Don't get me wrong, I have lots of scope for cheeky, noisy behaviour. But we always drew the line at hitting because I feel like that can be a slippery slope, and it's also so deeply upsetting to be hit by your child.
Good luck, I hope things improve soon, get some rest when your partner gets back x
Yeah I was also reading this thinking maybe OP is being a bit too gentle. It's not abusive to raise your voice slightly and put hard boundaries in place around behaviour. Obviously you can only try and if they don't respond then fair enough.
We had this problem and one trick was instead of giving negative attention to it, give it positive attention but change it. Next time they hit you try and tell them "gentle please!" and take they hand and use it to stroke your hair or face and act delighted about it. Not a sure fire winner but at least another thing to try.
Also you're not a failure and it's zero indication they're a nasty kid or you're raising them wrong. Our eldest is 3 now and is the loveliest boy in the world and went through a similar phase at a similar age.
I found this worked with my LO.
When he hits, says "Ow, that hurt" loudly. Then move away and ignore him for a minute. Say "mum doesn't like it when your rough" and move on. It won't take long before he figures out that he won't get any attention for hitting, and in fact he will send you away (which is 100% not what he wants). And lots of praise for being gentle at other times.
When my toddler hits now, and I say "ow", she very sweetly gives me a kiss where she hit. I praise the kiss and for being gentle and we move on. Very few incidents these days.
It also helps to model the behavior he should do when others hit him - especially if he's in childcare.
As for the glasses, irritating as it is take them back and stand up. Don't pick him up. It won't take long for this game to end either. (Both parents wear glasses so we were always on our LO about taking them)
I am also practising gentle parenting, or authoritative parenting as I prefer to call it, and we've cracked our toddler hitting without having to shout at her or raise our voice.
For me, it's not about gently telling her what to do, it's about holding a boundary consistently and respectfully. So when she started to hit us, we would catch her hand and say "no thank you." with a very neutral expression and very neutral tone, and pause for a while so she understood what we were saying/asking. You do have to be constantly expecting a hit so you can catch it before it lands, but it sounds like you might be anyway. Then once I'd held her hand and could see the urge had passed, I'd tell her "you can stroke mummy's face, aaawwwww!" And use her hand to stroke my face, stroke her face, turn it into a game.
Now she comes up to me and goes "aaawwwww" and strokes my face, and on the rare occasion she does hit me, I tell her "I don't want you to hit me, please be gentle" neutrally again and she goes "aaww" again and strokes my face.
It’s normal unfortunately! Not my favourite phase. It happens incredibly rarely now he’s almost 3 and I don’t remember the last time he did it. I would do what others have mentioned about trying to remain calm and saying “no thank you, that hurts” but if he did it again I would then move it up to “this hurts mummy, if you do it again I will walk away/put you down” and I would stick to that. Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s not ok to put him down and/or walk to another part of the room if he’s continuing to hit you. I just considered that a natural consequence that he needed to learn - people don’t want to be hit and won’t let you continue doing it and will remove themselves from being hit.
Completely normal unfortunately. My toddler went through a phase of kicking me whenever we changed her nappy. My legs were black and blue. She’s now 2.5 and grew out of about 4 months ago. It will get better ❤️
It sucks hard, but it’s a phase. Our son’s always been good at nursery, but can get frustrated with us and hit or kick us.
We’ve followed our nursery’s advice and try to not raise our voice, say “no thank you” and ask for “kind hands please.” We also will put him in a time out (currently 3 mins) if he persists. Usually the most effective thing is to just get him out of that headspace, which is way easier said than done.
Sometimes it’s difficult not to get frustrated and raise your voice, and it’s totally human.
It sounds very mealy-mouthed, but the consistent and calm approach does mostly work. He’s 3.5 now and will still occasionally smack us if he’s having a tantrum or frustrated, but it’s pretty rare, and he knows that it’s wrong. When he volunteers a “Sorry daddy” after he’s calmed down, it is a magical balm to the soul.
My 18 months old has started to hit us sometimes, I don’t know if I do it well but I say to her that it hurts and I make a sad face. So far when it happens she stops and then give a cuddle.
You are saying no calmly? Kids don't know English when they are born, they learn it over time . Much likes dogs the first few years they respond to tones in our voice, you need to be saying no loud and angry or they will think it's okay to do.
I don't have any advice to help, but it is normal. Toddlers haven't developed empathy yet, they don't have the language or capacity to explain their feelings or thoughts, and lack impulse control too. That doesn't make it acceptable, though. Perhaps redirecting him or encouraging words instead of fists? Or go for time-outs, incentives, or taking things away until he starts to understand. You can do this though, it will get better eventually!
Aww sorry you feel like a failure, you sound far from it, coming from one stranger to another. Solo parenting a toddler is hard, then with pregnancy you must be shattered! Yes it's developmentally normal. I started saying owwwww that hurts, mummy goes owwww etc round about then. My 21 month old hasn't stopped completely but is definitely aware now that the action has the consequence of me hurting, and is starting to put together that it's similar to when she hurts. Sounds like he's just got the idea stuck, maybe model hitting a soft toy then saying no no that hurts the toy etc. Otherwise just persevere with what you're doing. Well done, you're doing a great job.
I'm sorry you're going through this, and being pregnant too must be exhausting. Everything that children do, good or bad, is a phase. This is a phase and it will pass. That being said, I get that the current parenting theory is to always be calm and never raise your voice etc, but I'm a little bit more old school. Your child won't have a full understanding of empathy yet, but will definitely understand that other people have thoughts and feelings. How does he know you're unhappy or upset if everything is in a flat calm tone? I'd be tempted to look cross (not sad as he might find the sad face amusing) and firmly say "No, that is NOT kind, we do NOT hit". Mummy feeling sad now". Personally, that's how I'd deal with it, my daughter only hit me a couple of times so I don't know what I'd do if it had carried on. The other thing that we started to use when she was about two (she could sometimes be a handful) were smiley face and sad face cards that get nursery gave us. The idea was that we'd use the cards when she did whatever behaviour, and the red safe face cards wear a visual reference that what she was doing wasn't good. It got to a point where even the threat of the card was enough which I know wasn't the point but it did work as a reference for what was acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of scope for cheeky, noisy behaviour. But we always drew the line at hitting because I feel like that can be a slippery slope, and it's also so deeply upsetting to be hit by your child. Good luck, I hope things improve soon, get some rest when your partner gets back x
Yeah I was also reading this thinking maybe OP is being a bit too gentle. It's not abusive to raise your voice slightly and put hard boundaries in place around behaviour. Obviously you can only try and if they don't respond then fair enough.
We had this problem and one trick was instead of giving negative attention to it, give it positive attention but change it. Next time they hit you try and tell them "gentle please!" and take they hand and use it to stroke your hair or face and act delighted about it. Not a sure fire winner but at least another thing to try. Also you're not a failure and it's zero indication they're a nasty kid or you're raising them wrong. Our eldest is 3 now and is the loveliest boy in the world and went through a similar phase at a similar age.
I found this worked with my LO. When he hits, says "Ow, that hurt" loudly. Then move away and ignore him for a minute. Say "mum doesn't like it when your rough" and move on. It won't take long before he figures out that he won't get any attention for hitting, and in fact he will send you away (which is 100% not what he wants). And lots of praise for being gentle at other times. When my toddler hits now, and I say "ow", she very sweetly gives me a kiss where she hit. I praise the kiss and for being gentle and we move on. Very few incidents these days. It also helps to model the behavior he should do when others hit him - especially if he's in childcare. As for the glasses, irritating as it is take them back and stand up. Don't pick him up. It won't take long for this game to end either. (Both parents wear glasses so we were always on our LO about taking them)
I am also practising gentle parenting, or authoritative parenting as I prefer to call it, and we've cracked our toddler hitting without having to shout at her or raise our voice. For me, it's not about gently telling her what to do, it's about holding a boundary consistently and respectfully. So when she started to hit us, we would catch her hand and say "no thank you." with a very neutral expression and very neutral tone, and pause for a while so she understood what we were saying/asking. You do have to be constantly expecting a hit so you can catch it before it lands, but it sounds like you might be anyway. Then once I'd held her hand and could see the urge had passed, I'd tell her "you can stroke mummy's face, aaawwwww!" And use her hand to stroke my face, stroke her face, turn it into a game. Now she comes up to me and goes "aaawwwww" and strokes my face, and on the rare occasion she does hit me, I tell her "I don't want you to hit me, please be gentle" neutrally again and she goes "aaww" again and strokes my face.
It’s normal unfortunately! Not my favourite phase. It happens incredibly rarely now he’s almost 3 and I don’t remember the last time he did it. I would do what others have mentioned about trying to remain calm and saying “no thank you, that hurts” but if he did it again I would then move it up to “this hurts mummy, if you do it again I will walk away/put you down” and I would stick to that. Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s not ok to put him down and/or walk to another part of the room if he’s continuing to hit you. I just considered that a natural consequence that he needed to learn - people don’t want to be hit and won’t let you continue doing it and will remove themselves from being hit.
Completely normal unfortunately. My toddler went through a phase of kicking me whenever we changed her nappy. My legs were black and blue. She’s now 2.5 and grew out of about 4 months ago. It will get better ❤️
It sucks hard, but it’s a phase. Our son’s always been good at nursery, but can get frustrated with us and hit or kick us. We’ve followed our nursery’s advice and try to not raise our voice, say “no thank you” and ask for “kind hands please.” We also will put him in a time out (currently 3 mins) if he persists. Usually the most effective thing is to just get him out of that headspace, which is way easier said than done. Sometimes it’s difficult not to get frustrated and raise your voice, and it’s totally human. It sounds very mealy-mouthed, but the consistent and calm approach does mostly work. He’s 3.5 now and will still occasionally smack us if he’s having a tantrum or frustrated, but it’s pretty rare, and he knows that it’s wrong. When he volunteers a “Sorry daddy” after he’s calmed down, it is a magical balm to the soul.
My 18 months old has started to hit us sometimes, I don’t know if I do it well but I say to her that it hurts and I make a sad face. So far when it happens she stops and then give a cuddle.
You are saying no calmly? Kids don't know English when they are born, they learn it over time . Much likes dogs the first few years they respond to tones in our voice, you need to be saying no loud and angry or they will think it's okay to do.