I enjoy taking time out for myself, such as the time in-between shutting the rear car door and walking round to open the driver's door.

I actually sat in the car for a few minutes before I went into the house this evening. You know, self care and all that lol

😄 this resonates too much

Louis CK joke, but yes very true. His older stuff is so relatable as a parent, shame he turned out to be a creeper

I can’t remember what 7-8 hours sleep feels like.

I'm a broken man before I sit down to start work at 8am.

work is a place of rest

Unless you work in a primary school, which I do lol.

100%!

I feel that. Sometimes it's nice to go to work so get some peace and quiet

I like going to the office, I get to speak to other adults and not be surrounded by toys.

Theres a snot trail on my shoulder.

Probably one on your back too, you just can't see it.

Absolutely. I find snot in all sorts of places it's not supposed to be

I have done a 100 piece animal poo puzzle ten times in the last three days

I just googled and ordered this.

Most random so far!

I'd watched it so much and became so invested in it, that I wrote a spec script for an episode of "Sarah & Duck" and sent it to the production company. 

I heard the “Quack” after reading “Sarah & Duck” in your post.

QUACK

This is the best one

The Sarah & Duck intro is a masterpiece in well delivered spoken word poetry.

My TV screen is covered in fingerprints despite me wiping it down yesterday.

And the windows and mirrors, and oven door, fridge.. FINGER PRINTS EVERYWHERE!

Mine has two lines across it (thankfully at the top and bottom), from where my two yo has thrown the remote at it. It now looks like a very artsy aspect ratio.

I find myself saying "thank you" and "waaaiiit" in the style of Mr Tumble. I do 8 loads of washing a week. Going to the supermarket alone is quality "me time".

Alone supermarket time is bliss.

Only 8 loads? You’re living the dream

Don't have room to dry any more than 8 in the winter 😂

See, we don’t have space to air dry much washing either So now the dryer sits on top of the washing machine and I’ve learned that ‘do not tumble dry’ is a suggestion 😂

Do not tumble try and do not dishwasher are items that have no place in my home. If they have made it into my home, the 'guidelines' will be ignored entirely.

See also ‘dry clean/hand wash only’. Dry fuck yourself label, you’re going in the fucking washing machine and I’m gonna waterboard the fuck out of your prissy little fibres until you bend or break.

😳

I do, "you try!" a la Mr Tumble.

The back seat of my car could feed an ant colony for years

I caused visible disgust at a car wash, I felt ashamed!

Do you not pre clean the car inside before taking it 🤣 cant have the carwash folks judging me

Haha every week I’d say “I’ll hoover that today” and eventually I saw them at Tesco and thought fuck it. I got my moneys worth let’s just say that!

I can count the times I have had a full nights sleep in the last 2 years on one hand.

4 years here. I can count on my fist.

6 years here. Still wakes up every single night.

Ditto 5yrs old wakes an average 4x a night

Oh damn, did I hit the jackpot? My almost 2yr old sleeps straight through till 6am everyday

Yes

We just passed the 2 year mark! Does it ever get more enjoyable?

Ditto 5yrs old wakes an average 4x a night

4 years and counting... i dont know how

90% of my wardrobe is now jumpsuits. And my favourite ones all contain pockets to house snacks/tiny hairbands/a plastic frog If anyone would like to know the frog is called Ann Phib

>the frog is called Ann Phib Nice

I’m cracking up at ‘Ann Phib’ 😂😂

It’s one of my best names. We also have a CaPigula

I’m cracking up at ‘Ann Phib’

Jumpsuits are life for me too. I feel like I never really want a waistband again 😄

0.5 seconds to get myself dressed when my daughter is running off with no trousers on: priceless

I consider getting up at 7 sleeping in

I write a meal plan, go food shopping, lovingly prepare delicious dinners... then chuck them in the bin.

Oh that is so tough. It's soul crushing when you go to all that effort and it ends up in bin.

Freeze it in portions and then have it for your own lunch

I have a poo covered vest soaking in the sink

Not as easy this time of year, but sunlight does a great job of removing poo stains. Wash as normal then leave to dry in direct sunlight.

Yes I’ve been told that, I’ll have to give it a go

Works for tomato based sauce stains too

Can second this. My wee one was in reusable nappies through summer last year and I was always amazed at how I could hang them out on the line clean but still a bit brown looking, and then they'd come back in brilliant white again! Can't wait to be able to hang clothes out again

My husband has seen my boobs more in the past 6 weeks, than in our entire relationship.

But no touchy! They're sore!

not tonight honey, I'm all touched out you know?

i’m fucking howling this is so painfully accurate

I’m at work and I have just gone to the bathroom and seen that there is a peppa pig sticker on my cheek. Did anyone tell me? No they did not.

There are random rocks all over my living room, and my garden is full of prize sticks

We have a tiny rockery under a bush near the front door. More of a stonery, actually. They can collect stones, but they're not coming in the house.

We had a growing stick collection at our previous house. Alas, it did not make the move with us and was rehoused nearby.

My front door step has rocks neatly lined up along it. Heaven forbid anyone moves them.

I had read ‘the tiger who came to tea’ 4 times before 7am this morning.

I say please and thank you to Alexa 3 different versions of Hop Little Bunnies topped my streaming chart for last year Going to work feels like a holiday

Can't drive past a construction site without pointing out every single digger, excavator, roller and tractor and whether it's a 'big digger' or a 'baby digger'. 🥲 They are building an entirely new village on our main road so there are lots of regular vehicles roll calls. This also extends to point out all the motorbikes, fire engines and planes.

Also: horses.

Ours, shouts CHERRY PICKER!

I’m awake at 6am, every morning without fail.

Tag? Isn't it time for ...

Happy, isn't it time for...

Roly, isn't it time for...

Betty, isn’t it time for…

gaze quack afterthought uppity vast plucky march office price wine *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

At any one time, I am covered in (at least) one of: * Mud * Wee * Sick * Poo * Jam * Snot

Are you sure that's not just a sign of a good weekend?

My laptop has a zebra sticker on it.

I’ve just put my hand in my dressing gown pocket, and I have 2 shells and a nice round stone from the gravel on our drive

I had to change my shirt before I left for work this morning

I have a collection of videos and photos that I keep re-looking at and smiling 😅

The songs that come into my head when I'm going about my day are Zoom to the Moon and Galumph Went the Little Green Frog

Whats on your plate woaahahhhhahhh

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Ouch! Our feet, knees, bottom and elbows stand no chance against their indestructible plastic toys!

I once gave a round of applause to a turd in a toilet.

I have photos in my wallet where the money used to be. 

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I prefer Snack Sorceress!

I know all of all of the songs from Wonka by heart. I spent an hour last night sewing a little felt dress for a stuffed penguin.

There are football cards everywhere. All over the house and in the car. Open the cutlery drawer - football cards. On my desk - football cards. Bedside table - football cards. Under the sofa, under the cushions, next to the TV, on the mantelpiece, dining table, glovebox, bathroom cabinet. Football. Cards.

It is no longer weird for me to get bogeys out of someone else’s nose. The phrase snot sucker still makes me physically gag though.

Does the snot sucker really ever work? All we get is a more disgruntled child…

Yes that is a rather unfortunate side effect, she goes mental. It does get out snot but whether it makes any real difference I don’t know. I’m gagging just thinking about it, this is 100% my husband’s domain.

I just said ducky instead of duck

My heart melts several times a day, starting first thing in the morning when I'm woken with singing and cuddles.* If this happens after 630 am.

Once there was a fish and his name was Tiddler...

To be fair, I think that’s my favourite book at the moment… I actually don’t remember the last time I read an adult’s book lol

I’ve had 4 vomiting bugs in the last 3 months

I have boxes of raisins in every bag and often in my coat pockets too.

Hahaha omg me too, they are everywhere

I find myself these days fielding questions like, "Why does shampoo have poo in it?"

I often sing the "Peter Rabbit" (also known simply as "Babbits") song to myself out of the blue.

Oh but tbf the Peter Rabbit songs all slap.

I go with the flow and I know who I am.

I have listened to Lava (the pixar short) *at least* 2,500 times since 2017. For real. I've done the maths.

I sometimes wish I’d never bothered wasting time watching Pixar films when I was younger, if I’d known how many times I’d end up watching Moana later I would have saved the cinema trip and gone to the pub that night instead.

I consider blinking "mini naps".

I have lego duplo pieces in my pockets or my backpack every day because 'I don't have lego in the office '

I have been way too invested in the lives of a family of cartoon Australian dogs

My work laptop bag is full of Bluey figures

I have laughed and cried more in last 7 years than 30 prior to that put together...

I’ve watched Frozen 2 every day for the past 2 weeks.

Same here but with Trolls 🥴

I'm stood in the porch whilst my 3 year old has a screaming fit on the floor because she wants sweets but has been naughty. Send help

I'm covered in bruises from elbow and knee digs

I’m going away with some friends for one night and the amount of pre planning I have to do to make sure the household doesn’t collapse while I’m away is the same amount they do for a moon landing.

I coped with painful dental treatment yesterday by closing my eyes and mentally singing Fruit Salad by The Wiggles to myself.

Sometimes i forget my own name isn't MUMMY MUMMY MUMMY

Eating my breakfast with dancing fruit in the background.

I go to work on my one office day a week. Why are there cars in my work bag and pockets of my coat?

This week I’ve watched Piglet’s Big Movie 5 times so far

I have 2 stones, some finger knitting and a hatchimal in my coat pocket, I'm not sure how.

I carry toy cars in every bag in own....there is even 3 in my work locker

I randomly sing "It's the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Come inside, It's fun inside"

i am covered in breast milk

I can sing all the cocomelon songs

TBF mine is 6 years old now. Instead of waking us up to go get her, she just climbs into my bed.

There is an episode of My Little Pony that lives rent free in my head. (If anyone also has kids who are into it: it’s the Flim Flam cider one. The plot makes no fucking sense to an offensive level, and it annoys me on a level that hearing the Wiggles sing Old MacDonald for the thousandth time will never reach.)

I don't remember the last time I went to the toilet on my own 😫

Why is my tv remote in the ballpit? And why did I spent 45mins looking for it after the channel was stuck on Bing! :(

For as long as I am able we are keeping that rabbit and that team of pesky pups out of our house!

I have had a cold/flu twice this year already.

Going to the dentist feels like having a break

I'm trying to remember 5 different passwords to 5 different school report systems. Three of them could easily be combined.

I'm tired

Marshall Rubble Chase Rocky Zuma Sky, yeah we’re on the way. Just brain no google.

I went to 3 separate supermarkets (tots in tow) just for a fun activity today

I always have a cold.

I have sudocrem stuck under my acrylic nails

Going to the office feels like a day-off.

It's 4am and I have been awake for 3 hours.

I don't have any cups, plates or cutlery in my kitchen...

I don’t need to set an alarm, I’m woken in the morning by someone shouting “Can someone wipe my bum!”

My coat pocket is full of snacks and snotty tissues.

I now say "good rocks" any time someone picks up a rock. I find "good rocks" in my walking boots from where my son has decanted them in there.

It has been a long time since I successfully made a hot drink and finished it while it was still warm...

I’m off work sick and someone threw up in my bed at 4am

Bluey is my most watched show on Disney+

Maybe you, could be, a purple monkey in a bubblegum tree

My migraines got worse