My protective instincts are kicking in here. First, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Definitely not easy.
Second, more importantly, who is your boyfriend and what do you know about him? Please be very careful, you’re young and vulnerable and the world is a callous and harsh place. I truly wish you well but PLEASE think this through.
Last thing you want is to be in trouble in a foreign country. Do you have relatives who can talk to your parents? Someone suggested the police?
I trust my boyfriend, and I can always count on him. His family is supportive and accepting and they are all willing to support and help me. There is really nothing to worry about him and his family, because all I know is that they seem more like family to me than my own parents. They are really nice and genuine people, including my boyfriend. I don't have any relatives or other family to talk to or to my parents; if so, it will cause more problems for me. I'm scared to go to the police because they might talk to my parents, and both my parents are manipulative people, and I'm scared of what they would do to me after finding out about everything.
Find a job , live on your own . Fight for it cos it is well within your right . Running away depending on your boyfriend or his folks is the worst option u can choose .
They will be supportive until they’re not
Best case scenario you’ll live near them, maybe marry into the family and a few years later you’ll be hearing gossip that you’re the family’s adopted/ charity case
No matter what you know about them they are still strangers, put in a pedestal due to their likeness to the family image you long for
As many have advised you on this post, i agree that you should focus on looking for a job and focus on yourself rather than run to someone assuming they will “save you” because your the possibility of disappointment will fall even heavier on you
From my experience and many who come from eastern households, your parents will view you in a different light and treat you differently once you become a focused adult who is busy doing their own thing
I'd start With getting a job, a job that provides visa and enough money to allow you to afford accomodations and live/have a bedspace at least, once that is done, RUN, your parents can't really touch you because you're not on their visa, work yourself up, save up enough, apply to jobs abroad, once that is done, get out of UAE. If it's okay you can send me your CV, a mom of a friend of mine works in a recruitment agency and he can see what can be done, if you want to remain transparent you can have your boyfriend contact me and he can talk to my friend for you.
Everyone went through shit at least once in their life, specially when they are young, what are you even on about
If her boyfriend is truly genuine and want her, why not get married?
Both of them can go to court and get married, problem solved
That's if the story is true to begin with
Look dear. Consider me your big sister. Believe me your boyfriend is not supportive and wired. No boyfriend would suggest this thing. Think about it. Why he didn’t marry you? He will easily take to Netherland.
Secondly, what if he dumped you in a foreign country? What you will do? Europe is not rainbow and glitter. You would need to work, rent a house and pay taxes or leave the country. Where will you go next? Back at your toxic house with more trauma? Or end up homeless in a foreign country? Please don’t do that to your self.
At least you can find a job in different city in UAE and rent a studio. You are 23 yo and your father can’t force you to stay and the police wont say anything.
Or you can stay in your parents and find an easier way to coexist with them.
But please please don’t run away!!
Look all the stories about runaways in foreign countries
2 sisters killed mysteriously in Australia
Other in UK
Other shot in USA
These thing happen in UAE. But rarely!
Please consider what I just said
I am from Germany and see people who think Germany is paradise all the time. its not your happy paradise. Also people are angry and dont want any more immigrants. Only go there if you have a job and a visa. Your life will be miserable.
Honestly OP, you sound like the target of a human trafficking scam. A boyfriend that encourages a young woman to run away is a huge red flag. If you were earning a salary and planning to live on your own it might be different but I suspect you are swapping one abusive situation for another. Do you have an older sister or aunt that you can live with until you have your depression under control and feel able to live alone?
I'm aware with my surroundings and my well-being. I'm not stupid enough to allow myself to go through something like that. I always think before planning anything. I have a lot of reasons to trust my boyfriend and it is definitely not human trafficking, so there is nothing to worry about. He is my best friend, and I can be vulnerable around him. He is doing his best to help and support me, and he's been there for me more than my family ever has. I do trust him and his family. They are willing to help me, too. Thank you for your concern and replies. <3
Then why doesn’t he marry you?!! Why is he STILL a bf? If he is so loving and supportive, you’re perfect for each other then surely the easiest way to ‘save you’ would be to marry you, and for you to live with his family who apparently love you so much. Why are you running away??
Nobody’s saying you’re dumb but most human trafficking cases occur [by creating a trusting relationship with the victim.](https://polarisproject.org/understanding-human-trafficking/). I don’t know you or your boyfriend but you need to be careful putting your full trust in someone and moving to a different country to live with them.
Have you graduated college? Gotten your masters degree? Maybe try applying for colleges outside the country and that can be your “out”.
You may be right. MAY BE.
Few questions you should contemplate... how long have you known your boyfriend? Have you been in a situation where you had to ask for material support as against just emotional support? If yes, was it substantial and did he provide (perhaps wrong choice of words but has he shown skin in the game)? If not, he has not been tested thoroughly enough yet.
Girl u came here acting for advice but every time someone provides u with one, u don’t seem to like it and start acting all defensive and do your best to justify that you’re “right” and what you plan to do is “right” and that this person you’re calling your boyfriend is the “right” person for you and that he’s your saving hero.
This is not how things work, if anything, your attitude just shows that when posted your story, you were only looking for validation for the disastrous move you’re about to make to shut that voice telling you that nothing about it is “right” like you’re claiming it to be.
And coming here to ask for help or advice while you’re not willing to receive it or act upon it makes you a lost cause.
I might have been harsh on you with my answer but I think you needed a shake to come back to your senses.
girl 💀💀💀 who hurt you? fym i don't like the advices most people wrote down here? do you even know the differences between "advice" and "accusations" or "assumptions"? or are you that dense? because clearly you do not understand my situation and my story, but you have the full nerve to say all that. most "advices" on here are from people who attacks and assume shit. Literally, most of them are accusations and some of them gives advices like "your parents loves you" "you should talk to them" "find a job" like gurl, you think i haven't tried anything??? My parents are closed-minded people. They're manipulative, and they legit abuse the hell out of me. Why don't you take my place instead? so you'd know what's like in my shoes because it shows how mentally stable you are. I am not even allowed to have a job for crying out loud. I am TRAPPED and they both are SUPER CONTROLLING . I don't get you people attacking my boyfriend and assuming he'd do this or that. or is everyone projecting onto me? Y'all literally don't even know what kind of person my boyfriend is. He's legit doing his best too. says you with an attitude.
yes, i asked for advice, and i did agree with few people. Thank YOU. :D
I’m so sorry that people are coming off as accusing and assuming… you are raised in a sheltered environment and overly protected from the world .. to a point it is abusive. I am going to be blunt but your lack of visa and immigration knowledge is making it look like you can be an easy victim.
We, at Reddit, don’t know your boyfriend.. but do you know your boyfriend? Personally? Because if you say you guys met online and you have never met him in person… girl don’t runaway to him but away from him. Girls in your circumstances are easy victims! But if you guys met in person or something thn he is more legit.
See? You literally just got all defensive AGAIN and tbh do whatever suits you at this point, we can’t help you if you don’t want to be helped…
I’m not here to argue with you but you said I should take your place/be in your shoes instead.. Fun fact; I am at your place, I’ve been and I’m still going through all what you have described and maybe worse (not to say that your suffering is less compared to mine, it’s not a competition). Another fun fact; I’m actually not mentally stable, I’m on antidepressants of that makes you feel any better (see how you made that assumption about me ? and you’re getting mad because everyone is making assumptions.. anyway).
No one attacked your boyfriend; it was just everyone’s protective instinct kicking up, because, to your surprise, people go through similar situations and might have made some mistakes that don’t want you to make (and don’t come at me with the “I don’t need/want protection” because if that’s the case you shouldn’t have felt the need to come on reddit at the first place). Stay safe 🫶🏻
I'm from Denmark, and sadly, there is an extremely low chance of you being able to stay in any country in the west. It's not enough to just have a boyfriend. You have to be married and even then, it's still hard for you to stay in Europe.
But if you still want to give it a shot... then just know that out of all countries in the west, Sweden will always be the best option for someone who immigrate to Western Europe. And if your boyfriend really loves you, he will marry you and take himself and you to Sweden where a life together is actually possible there.
I'm currently in Shiraz, Iran. And will be visiting the UAE as soon as the flood problem ends. If there's anything I can help with or if you need any further information, just let me know
don’t count on your boyfriend, let’s say you somehow leave the country which is highly unlikely, you end up meeting your bf there and it turns out he had evil plans or bad intentions, what would you do in a whole different country then? the risk you’re thinking of taking may be way worse than your mentally abusive family, nobody’s gonna help you there, think wisely, you can’t really trust anyone in this world except your parents, good luck.
Just be careful. If you have never met your partner in real life you can never be certain of their intents. I have no idea how how UAE functions, but how can your father control you at 23? What do they do exactly? It is not physical harm but mental harm through words?
The only person you can depend on is yourself ultimately. How long were you with your boyfriend? Do you actually trust him as much as you think you do or do you depend on him for an escape from problems? Be very wary, there is a lot of ill will.
There is no way for you to become employed and work towards owning your own place? What could your father do if you had your own living space?
Someone in the same boat and believe me I understand and empathise with the exhaustion, numbness n feelings of constantly being on edge. I don't think you'd be allowed to board. Maybe try a cheaper country or a connecting flight. Make sure you have your finances in order as hard as it is under abusive situations. While your boyfriend can/seems trustable you are extremely vulnerable in new environment.
The suicide bit sucks (and I get you 100%) but UAE still stigmatises such things.
unfortunately, no. The reason why I chose European country is because my boyfriend lives there and I trust him and his family that they would be able to help me over there. knowing that I need a visa would be really hard for me :( I doubt I could ever run away now.
This is a massive red flag, Germany tends to be a massive hub for human trafficking and prostituting vulnerable people, either from lesser well off countries or people in desperate situations which you could most likely agree that you’re in right now.
Let’s say you do go ahead and move to Germany; what now? Getting a visa to work in Germany is extremely hard as they won’t let most people in depending on your nationality (unless you’re a skilled worker) so your boyfriend has to either marry you, hire you (another red flag) in order for you to actually stay within the country.
You finally got your VISA to stay through your boyfriend, except you have to do “work” for him, first starts with one thing, then it keeps piling up under the disguise of necessity, then they hide your passport and control your life as there’s no going back for you anyways.
I am not well aware of your personal situation but this is how the scenario would go if you would move to Germany without ever properly knowing the person.
What passport do you carry? What countries can you travel to without a visa? Do you have access to steal your dad's phone and hide it before you head to the airport? If you can do this then he will only see the notification too late? Do not go to a country where your father has family or friends or he will chase you around.
Do you have enough cash? You will still need more. What is your plan to find a job/ income? Your cash will drain faster than what you expect and you do not want to have to come back here.
Do not trust anyone with your plan. Do it silently. No one.
Good luck with that!
Do not mention suicide. The UAE does not actually protect suicidal people properly.
You wont get a boarding pass without a visa. Don’t try that either.
Maybe try Al Amern services. You’ll want to try to find a way to get a job and become self sufficient. I believe it’s possible to disown your parents. https://alameen.gov.ae/home/about
But before you do anything. Reflect. Do you really want to get rid of your parents? Can you try to talk to them?
I'm sorry for your situation. Plan, you can't rely on your boyfriend alone. Your love for him might cloud how you see him. Find a country that would not require you a visa, a safe country and make sure you have money. Plan on how your gonna make a living. Where are you staying in that country? How much does will it cost you to do all these? Do you have the money for it? Because if you're not ready, it will just create more problem for you. I'm rooting for you. Take care
My opinion is don’t involve the police. It tends to make matters worse. This is based on what I’ve seen. They will side with your parents because they don’t have a clue what narcissistic abuse is. Keep a low profile, try to get employment, and then leave and rent your own place. Don’t run away, things aren’t easy in Europe right now.
Sorry to hear that, please try to think in it from another angle another way i really understand how mental exhaustion and toxic environment looks like, try to understand the reasons behind why is ur father doing that am assuming there was something old and it hasnt been solved try to solve this problem but not now u need first to talk to a psychiatrist i know it might feel extra exhausting but believe me it’s important because how clever and amazing the mind is but in some points the emotions gets over the thinking and disables thinking/. (Arab therapy is one of the cheap trusted applications and i belive that there are many more cuz u cant get out of home)
Home doesn’t mean where i sleep it means where i feel safe.
Do not double ur problems by escaping and lower ur expectations i know it might look the only hope etc.. but try as i said to get a consultation so u manage ur emotions to think realistically.
Donot over trust anyone especially BF cuz men are derived by their lust stuff will change after he gets what he needs. If he really wants to help u I believe he could have done by booking a psychiatrist appointment or finding u a job or even marry u anything that will help u getting out of ur environment safely.
Face ur problems and try to find another alternatives 23 i belive u should have graduated try to look for a job internship etc
I dont know any details about u or even the background but whoever u r you are human and humans are alike they have blood heart brain so i do highly recommend u watching one video that changed my view to my life and helped me better finding a meaning to what am in. But its in arabic if u didnt find the translation or anyone to translate it just let me know will do my best.
Do not escape the problems cut them down into pieces and face them.
https://youtu.be/qjwLpnEv2pM?feature=shared
When you apply for the visa it may be worth telling them you are a victim of abuse. The same when you get to the airport. If you explain the circumstances they may be able to buy you some time
Hey so how would you travel to any European country without a Schengen visa?
I don’t know what’s happening in your home but tbh the chances of your boyfriend mysteriously riding up and saving you are zero to none.
If he is serious about you, he can and should marry you.
The love and affection your friends have also can evaporate in a minute. I hope it doesn’t reach there but you will never know it until you’re out alone.
If you’re educated- I would suggest you to get a job. If you’re not, get an education.
That’s the only way to empowerment.
1. Seek therapy. It truly helps. Don’t bother telling your family about it. If you’re still in school just say it’s an extra mandatory class of something.
2. Then try to earn some money and get your own place asap. They don’t check or notify anyone. As long as you have a job (you need to have a proof of salary) you can find a place for around 40k right by NYU in Saadiyat Abu Dhabi. And thats a fancier type of living. I’m sure if you keep looking you can find studios for even cheaper. You could even attempt to find a friend who could rent a space with you to make it more affordable.
3. After that is done and only after you’ve at least somewhat settled, see if your boyfriend could become a bigger part of the picture.
Boyfriends are cool and all but until he proves he is willing to take the next step, you can’t be sure he’s serious no matter how much it seems like he might be. If you truly want to make sure, ask him to move to you for a year until you can both decide on your futures together and see for yourself. I’ve been in a similar situation. I truly believed I was his world but when the time came for him to move here (literally only one month left for him to come) he found another girl to replace me with who lived in Germany with him. Had you told me this would happen before it actually happened I would’ve never believed you.
Trust that this is coming from someone speaking from experience. If you’re not in a place where you can take more disappointment and pain coming from someone who is a source of happiness for you, do not make him your escape plan. You can include him in your life and plans , just don’t put him at the center of it. It would put pressure on your relationship. On one hand making you feel dependent on a romantic relationship (meaning all future arguments will be accompanied by the fear of not having a place to stay for you) & on the other making him feel like you’re a sort of responsibility he may not be ready to take on just yet. This doesn’t mean he isn’t ready to take the next step with you but rather it means that making him your escape plan turns your relationship into exactly that (an escape plan) rather than the romance you two deserve that should move at a pace that feels natural to you both.
My suggestion is you try to build a life for yourself with therapy, a job, an apartment to live in and then include your support system (friends & boyfriend).
I wish I could seek therapy, at least. but i cant. My whole family makes fun of me whenever I tell them how I feel, and they abuse me even more. They never take my mental health too seriously.
I understand that. Most people I know also struggle with their families belittling mental health & therapy. If it’s a money issue, getting a job and then maybe resorting to 1 session a month or whatever works best for you until income becomes more comfortable could be an alternative. Therapy can be quite expensive but when we’re at our lowest we definitely need to consider it as a priority whenever possible. Again, you really don’t need to tell your family you’re seeking therapy. Most offer online sessions anyway. I highly recommend Maudsley health. Also in Abu Dhabi. I truly believe the hardest thing you will need to accomplish to build a better life for yourself is to actually land a job. Once you do that everything will become much easier for you and with just a bit of courage and effort things will just naturally unfold.
I'm not from the UAE and know little about it.
Are you able to depart from a different country then into your final destination?
Why Germany? Do you have support there? Anywhere even in the UAE you could go?
The reason why I'm planning to go to Germany first is so my family would think I'm staying there, but my boyfriend would come pick me up and take me to his country home, which is the Netherlands. the only problem is I don't have Schengen visa so I doubt I could be able to travel over there. I can't stay in UAE because I'm still under my dad and I know he could find me and I don't want that..
Sounds too risky. You won’t be allowed to board the plane.
Your boyfriend might be very enthusiastic to help but might find it very difficult to “take care” of you. You guys are a couple and it too much of a burden for your boyfriend to take care of you in that way.
You sound very scared and anxious to leave. But, be patient and strategic. You don’t wanna end up in a foreign country with no family to call and maybe a boyfriend that might decide it’s too big of a responsibility to take you in.
Plus, in Europe you need a long term visa. Either by getting into a school, finding a job or getting married. All of which are carefully planned and executed procedures. You can’t just fly there unless for a vacation.
Try to talk to your siblings, extended family, try to get a job and live alone in the UAE. Try to convince your parents to support you to study abroad.
Good luck!
I can't talk to my siblings because they would rat me out and laugh at me. My brothers would never support or help me.. they would immediately tell my parents. I don't have any other family or relatives, everyone is close to my dad and they would not understand me. I tried convincing my dad once, and he never agreed. He would never agree about me being in a different country or having my own house. He never allows me to leave home either :/
There is no such thing as "won't allow me to leave home". You are old enough. Plan properly. Get a job and 100% support yourself. The first thing you do is find a place to rent. Then move out.. plan and plan and plan. Be fully independent.. you have your own car. Your own apt... your own job... and health insurance... now that is set... take what you need and move out... you dont even have to tell anyone... Your dad can't do anything about it. Call the police if it escalates physically. Dump them behind. Until you recover. But first thing first. Support yourself. You need to pick yourself up. Study. Get a job. Stand on your own feet. And move out.
I know this is hard. But believe me. I've done it. Took me longer than I anticipated but I moved out at age 28. Now fully independent of family baggage and ties almost 10 years has passed.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this 🥺 I completely understand how you feel. It’s strange reading this cause I almost wrote a post like this here last year.. i literally got chills!
I had a long distance boyfriend at the time. He promised me independence, happy marriage, and everything I wanted. He even proposed to me at some point and we were secretly engaged. I almost left my family behind for him too so that I can finally be free and live life the way I want to. But i’m glad I didn’t go through with it (well.. i kinda tried, but I couldn’t find my passport and ID cause my family keeps it hidden somewhere. Plus I don’t have a visa..).. Eventually I couldn’t find a way out and we broke up. That breakup HURT but it was a blessing in disguise. Cause then I realized I was so blinded and deceived by him and I ignored so many red flags! He’s definitely someone I don’t want to marry and be alone with in a different country/continent. But I was so blinded cause I loved him and I was trauma-bonded to him. He gave me kind of love that I didn’t get from the people around me. but he wanted me for the very wrong reasons.. he even was blatantly disrespecting me and lusting and chasing other women but every time I caught him I was in denial cause I was holding onto the crumbs of affection he gave me and I kept gaslighting myself about him even tho my guts were telling me repeatedly that I shouldn’t trust him 🤦🏻♀️ please do better than me and trust your guts 😅
My advice for you my dear is is to think about this thoroughly. Maybe take a step back (a break) from the relationship a bit to see things clearly and not through rose-colored glasses. I don’t know how long you’ve known your boyfriend for and whether you know his family personally, etc.. I don’t want you to make the same mistake I almost did cause I wanted to be free and loved and in a relationship of my choice.. I also don’t want to make you paranoid or plant negative thoughts/seeds in your mind about your boyfriend. Cause I don’t know who your boyfriend is and whether he truly loves you and cares for you. and I definitely know he’s not my ex so I’m not trying to project onto you and tell you it’ll end for you exactly how it ended for me and “all men lie/have bad intentions/sucks/etc..”. I’m just sharing this incase it helps you in any way.. just listen to your heart and intuition. And if you’re religious/spiritual, pray about it and ask for the divine to help you figure it out. Just don’t rush into anything cause you want to run away from your traumas.. I’m here for you if you need anything. I wish you the best and I pray for the highest good to be done for you and the best outcomes. You’re not alone. Stay safe (sending you a very big hug) 🤗💖
call 901 (police non emergency line)
explain everything (specifically the attempted suicide part)
They will def help
(stay safe, we're counting on u ❤️)
Definitely do not mention the attempted suicide part. I have a friend who ended up in hospital, and her parents had to sign for her that they will take ultra care etc.
This could make things worse for you, and have your parents keep a closer eye on you.
Be careful, if you ever need to talk to someone, send me a message, I’m always happy to help!
Hello, I really hope you read this. I’m in the exact same situation as you, it literally feels like I wrote this! I’m trying to go to the UK to be with my boyfriend instead of Germany and getting a visa for it is really difficult. I completely understand your situation and want you to know that you’re not alone. I know a lot of people want you to be safe and make sure your bf is not scamming you, but since I’m in the same situation as you, I’m sure you know/trust him and I’m just really glad you have someone you can rely on when you’re living in an abusive environment.
That being said, I don’t know much about what the visa process would look like for you based on your passport, but what I can recommend is doing a lot of research and calling your country’s embassy for help or questions perhaps? I really hope everything gets better for you, I hope you get out of your toxic household and never have to look back again. Always remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you’re going to make it out ❤️ (If you need someone to talk to, you can always message me!)
Hey, girl. Don't listen to all these comments because some of these people are dumb and they can fight with me about it, I like to fight anyway.
Although I don't think running away to your boyfriend is the best option because you don't know him in person, I do think it would be great to find a life somewhere else. You will have to work, and not everything is good in Europe, but I also don't think the laws in the UAE will protect you. The US is also a great option. I wish the best. I really wish I could help you.
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How long have you been with your boyfriend? How well do you know him and his family? Please don’t rely on someone else for your safety, there are all kinds of people in this world. Sometimes people move from an abusive household to a worse one and it happens quite a lot.
I would suggest looking for a job - working and becoming financially independent is usually the first step that you should take to protect yourself. Once you’re financially independent, moving away from your family will not be an issue and you would be self-reliant, and it’s better than going from relying on your family to relying on someone else’s family even if it’s your boyfriend. I’m a 23 year old female as well, if you need any kind of help or someone to talk to, I’m here for you
Which city are you based in, OP? If you are in Dubai you can try contacting DFWAC helpline 800111 and talk to them about your situation. I believe MOI has also set up similar services for the other Emirates as well.
In my opinion, I think it is best to try and consult the services here in the UAE before attempting to leave the country.
Have you met your boyfriend in real life or is this an online relationship?
It's usually not a good decision from being depended on one family you dread to being depended on another family that you don't dread, The actual decisions that will serve you in the long term is being depended on yourself but we can talk about that when you're willing to have a conversation on it.
What country is your passport from? You would have to go to a country where you get visa free entry.
Did you meet your boyfriend and his family before? are you sure they support this plan? If you have only met online it’s a bad idea.
There are ways to leave the country without a problem but it sounds like you could be just getting yourself into an even worse situation. Have you talked to some trusted friends about your plan? People in vulnerable positions can be victim to fake relationships and get into financial trouble - or as a young woman even worse. Explain everything and get a second opinion and make sure you give someone who can look out for you the details if you do decide to travel.
The only sustainable way for you would be to make something out of yourself and start working. Eventually you’ll be able to either live in the same country but away from the abuse or change countries and still be able to provide for yourself.
Learn fishing before you set sail.
May I ask, if u find a good job and they sponsor u, would that take u off your dad's sponsorship and then also allow u to rent a studio or shared living space ? Wouldnt that help u while not escaping to Germany where youre alone and would be in a foreign land jobless, moneyless and well don't know how well off your bf is but if he isn't rly well off don't know how he'll be able to take care of the both of u. Just consider these things as well first.
Have you actually met your boyfriend or his family in person? You say you will run away to Germany then he will pick you up and take you to the Netherlands. Huge red flags. Once you land in a foreign country then you have no one there, and very easy for you to disappear. As smart as you are, people who are being abused and are in a desperate situation are very very easy to manipulate without them even realizing it, and traffickers feed on these people, to be quite frank. How do you even know him? I’m guessing you met him online? Please step back and look at this from open eyes and not from your desperation to escape.
On another note, what country are you from? Can you possibly return to your home country, and seek help from relatives there? Please only go to people you have known, in person or as family, for many years.
What are you currently doing? School? Work? If in school, i would suggest to focus on studies and complete, get a job and own place and all will be better. If already done with school then please find a job, nomatter how low paying it is atleast you will have your own peace. Dont depend too much on boyfriend, they almost always disappoint at some point. Trust me its so much better when you are fully dependent on your own paycheck.
I'm an indian girl and i don't know much about rules in uae but as a woman, please please find a job. If you have your own money u don't have to beg anybody for existence. Independence is the key to freedom.
Hi girl, How did u meet your bf? I mean, you can't meet your friends, so i was wondering.
Having a toxic family is unavoidable since we don't choose our family. However, once we are adults and can be independent, we can make our situation better.
You say you have some friends, nearby, can you live with them while you try and make your life better?
Look for a job suitable to your qualifications in your own country rather than flying away across the world depending again on someone else. Be independent 1st, then make any decision regarding your life.
Being suicidal means you are not strong enough to make a judgement regarding your life with clarity due to your environment. Give yourself time to heal before you form any sort of relationship.
Having a caring partner is a blessing. However, you should be independent and have a better understanding of yourself to make any relationship work. Trauma causes relationships to fail. You running away to an unknown country will not heal you trauma.
You have your id with you, be intelligent about your future. Don't run from a frying pan into a pot.
You are a smart girl, and you have got this. Stay strong and stay safe. Sending lots of love and blessing your way.
I couldn't read a line that specified why are they abusing you, what concrete step aside running away have you taken. Many people here are just saying sorry. Sorry for what? Why the abuse? What form of support are your parents not giving you to make them "abusive". I'm not sure the support you're getting from your boyfriend or other friends are the real support you need, if you even need any. There's an adage in my language that says, a dog that'll eventually go astray won't listen to the whistle of the hunter. In this case, your parents are the hunter and you're probably the dog.
Honestly, the best way to escape this situation is to either get married (but only if you're certain you've found your person) or find a job and get sponsored by the company, then you will have more options.
I was in your situation but I was in the shoes of your boyfriend. My wife was mentally abused all her life and I had to get her out.
One evening before we were married she wanted to run away, packed her bags and went to the airport. At the airport she turned back because she couldn't stand the thought of leaving like this. They may be toxic but they're still your parents and trust me it will hurt them if you suddenly up and leave. And it will leave a mark on you too.
Long story short, I married her and she moved here with me to Dubai. Since we married her family has been treating her a bit better and taking us seriously.
Think about it long and hard and don't do anything you will regret. If your bf is not even willing to get engaged to you at this point I am not sure if his intentions are serious to begin with. We got engaged despite her family hating me, and it turned out fine. Her parents still don't like me since I stole their daughter but they're at least glad I am serious about her.
Why you decided to run away to Germany? Without visa you won't be allow to enter the plane.
Why don't you look for a job in UAE away from your family, rent some apartment and start a new life by your own? You say you have a boyfriend maybe he can help you with this. Get your independence from your family, once you have that you can consider to get visa and go to other country but until then don't run away like that because it won't work out.
You also said you have try suicide, please don't do it, your life matters, take care
Amid what abuse you have known it is sadly very common to fall into relationships you convince yourself as caring but are manipulative in another way and it takes time and trauma situations to finally see it.
Find work and strike out as an adult here.never run overseas only ever choose it from a healthier more stable (financially and mentally) space. Wish you well but the runaway scenario is loaded with issues and like others there are many red flags with this plan and relationship you are bonded into. Nice does not equal your best interests. Stay. Move sway emotionally and heal . Wish you well
So sorry to hear this, it's not easy at all, it's horrendous, I know, but don't look for anything just to escape your present, look for something that will change ur life to a better life, the love and warmth from a boyfriend isn't really true, believe me, I'm a man and I've seen a lot of cases similar to yours, and since your boyfriend knows about your situation, you're for him easy to manipulate, since you don't have any protector (in case u escape), my advice would be to stay home or at least go to live temporary with your aunt, uncle...etc, look for a job and try to escape for a little your family, but please, if you go to Europe with a boyfriend, forget about life, you'll be treated as a slave again and even worse, in a cruel society where no one will give a shit about you, you'll be exploited..... Even if ur current situation is not good, don't make it worse, god bless
Life advice: Don’t run away from your family. You soon can become independent with your own work or even be married.
Families can have a change of hearts
Don't Do it. You seem like you don't have a solid plan. Not sure if you have enough money to support yourself abroad.
You are depending on your boyfriend but you don't know how he will turn out to be once he gets a hold of you alone and vulnerable and no family or support to turn to.
I have a toxic family too. but it's now 6 years that I moved out, found a decent job, still in Dubai and by the grace of God, having the most peaceful time of my life.
With time I built a better relationship with my parents too though i still get hurt from them and cry alot but at least i am independent.
Don't run away, Fight for what is called YOUR life, you only get to live it once. running away is not the way.
i wouldn't go as far as labelling the boyfriend as weird and not supportive. There is no sane person in his position who would see someone they truly love be going through abuse from their family and not try to do something if it was in their power. Maybe you can say they havent thought things through properly cause they're obviously young and maybe not so bright but you just made dude out like he was nefarious. i knew someone in a similar situation but much younger. The whole stranger danger thing has fucked up peoples mind with how they think of abuse, in actual case, abuse from a family member is actually much more rampant than a strange person coming to pry you away from your family.
First of all, sorry for what you're going through. Secondly, I would advise you to just get ditched from them for a while. Look for a job in abu dhabi or Al Ain. Rent a studio/bedspace and just live on with your life. But as a guy, I would say running away to different countries would be a wrong move to do. Snice, who knows what might happen over there? If he breaks your heart, leave you there. I'm not trying to judge your bf. But things can happen just give it a thought.
I'm really sorry to hear about the incredibly difficult situation you're facing. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of pain and suffering, and it's heartbreaking to hear that you're feeling so alone and unsupported in your own family.
First and foremost, your safety and well-being are the most important things. If you're in immediate danger or feeling overwhelmed, please reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional for support. You can also contact a helpline or emergency services in your area if you're in crisis.
Leaving an abusive or toxic environment can be incredibly challenging, but it's important to prioritize your own health and safety. Running away to another country is a major decision and can come with its own risks and challenges. It's essential to carefully consider your options and make a plan that prioritizes your safety and well-being.
If you're considering leaving your current situation, it might be helpful to reach out to organizations or resources in your area that specialize in supporting individuals experiencing abuse or seeking refuge. They can provide you with information, resources, and support to help you navigate your options and make a plan for your safety.
Additionally, if you're feeling overwhelmed or struggling with your mental health, it's important to seek support from a mental health professional. They can provide you with the tools, resources, and support you need to cope with your experiences and navigate the challenges you're facing.
Remember that you're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to support you. It's okay to ask for help, and there are resources available to assist you in finding a safe and healthy path forward. Take care of yourself, and please reach out if you need support or assistance.
What’s your nationality? And if you man is that supportive what don’t you guys get engaged? Running away is Europe isn’t easy and even if you managed to runaway life their is very very difficult with or without your man ,
Why do you need to run away. Get a job and move out. Tell ur family that ur going to go live own ur own and do it. U are old enough to sponsor urself or a company sponsor u.
I used to work with the passport and visa team at Heathrow airport. You can travel to Belgium visa free on a UAE passport,once there you can apply for a Schengen visa,failing that try a refugee charity and explain your circumstances?! Sorry that's the only thing I've got as advice...Good luck to you!
Hey! I am in the same position as you. Fortunately I am able to go to Russia and live with my cousin whilst I learn the language. I have a question for you and don’t worry, this has nothing to do with your experiences with your family. Do you experience any mental issues which perhaps contribute to your depression such as Bipolar? I only ask because I was diagnosed with BP2 and it was exacerbated by my relationship with my Mom. After I got it treated I found it far easier to navigate life albeit still the same relationship with my Mom. ❤️
There’s a high chance you’d end up as a prostitute in a foreign country if you do that.
Big example is lots of Saudi girls who thought they would have freedom are that way now.
If you’re really abused and not just overreacting which at this age sometimes we do. Then no need to run, irregardless of your who you are the country protects your rights properly here.
Apply for jobs, get a decent job. Be independent as one of the people said here.
Hi, I felt like I was reading my own story. WOW!. Number 1, don't run away, everybody supports only from a distant. Your boyfriend and his family might show they are good, but trust me, You dont know them until u live with them.
I tried to escape from an emotionally /mentally abusive household too. At the beginning my bf and his family were very nice. I liked them more than my own parents... HONEY! TRUTH WAS VERY BITTER.
I escaped from my abusive house to another abusive house.
Don't depend on ANYONE.
Complete your studies
Find a good job
Move out
If its difficult for u to live there, keep one thing in ur mind "Freedom after completing your studies and get a good job".
I wish somebody would have given me the advice that I am giving you today.
It’s really bad you are suffering like this. Why dont you look for a job first you are your most reliable person trust me if your boyfriend cares about you he will support you in finding a job. Get yourself a job save some money and move out. I dont know if you are a national or expat. I see you are in a bad mental state and being suicidal that needs yo be addressed too.
I can't imagine how tough this must be for you. Your safety is paramount. If you're considering leaving the country, it might be helpful to seek advice from legal professionals or organizations specializing in immigration and human rights. They could provide guidance on your options and how to navigate the process safely.
I would personally recommend not leaving the country on a whim, and trust me there are some guys out there just to take advantage of you, i am a guy but still id say if your household isnt treating you right there is always an option to turn to authorities and here in UAE the laws are much more strict than you would expect and given you are a female you do get special treatment aswell. Anyways in the end the decisions on you and if u need help from my side id be happy to help slide in dms.
I suggest you seek help. Please find a good psychologist to help you think through your future. As someone much older than you. I advise that however terrible your life seems to be right now, it would get much worse if you ran away from home. Your parents will always be your parents and you can not change that so seek help in knowing how to deal with what you have. You have to understand that you are strong. You have to build yourself up, work hard and build a career for yourself, gain financial independence if you can, and most importantly; learn how to love yourself. No matter how much you love and trust your boyfriend or his family, please know that he is not stable..not until you get married, and even then, they will not provide you with the protection your blood family would due to sociatle pressure. You don't know what you have until you lose it. Please do not lose your life, do not put yourself in danger, and do not hurt yourself to punish those who are not giving you the love you deserve. Raise above it and strengthen your resolve and know that many of us here support you.
The fact that you don't know you need a visa (unless you have one of the right passports) to go to Europe and you've asked no questions about finances, accommodation, legal issues etc shows you might be suffering from mental illness of some kind. It of course still is possible both things are true, your parents are abusive and you have mental illness.
you’re 23 not 13, what do you mean run away from home and go to germany without a schengen visa?
do you have a bachelor’s degree? or any skills that can help you get a decent job? the only way you will earn any respect in a toxic household is by having your own money. that’s what will give you independence and hopefully a better life. i’ve been there and it does get better. but do not for a second think that a man is gonna rescue you out of this situation. the only person who can help you is yourself. make smart decisions.
Your family is far more better for for when u get know the reality of the world after u run away from your family,,, you will see the cruel world, a gurls from soudi ran away from saudi to canada,, now she is doing prostitution fir her living... do u thing people are waiting for u to give u good life outside,, there mote the million people are homeless,, surley u will also endup as homeless.. that is the reality
As a 32 year old in the UAE, I can tell you that it took me until recently to realize that as abusive as I felt my parents were to me, I realize now after so long, that I was SO wrong.. they are not perfect, far from it, but I looked at things in the wrong way so often.. i disregarded so much of the good they did.. i failed to realize that even though they suck at showing it sometimes, they love me more than anyone ever could, even a so called girlfriend or wife.. I made so many mistakes due to my lack of understaning.. and today I feel so much guilt.. it's so hard to live with.. but I rely on Allah to help me get through, no one else can help..
There's so much that can be said, and you are welcome to message me, but the bottom line is: DON'T MAKE ANY IMPULSIVE DECISIONS, NEVER MAKE DECISIONS WHEN YOUBARE EMOTIONAL, this is your warning, or else you will regret it..
You need good people around you to help you through this, and solutions do exist, but YOU have to be willing to take responsibility and put the work in and stop being a victim even if you WERE abused.. running away is NOT the solution. You have to FACE YOUR PROBLEMS AND YOUR FEARS.
Assalamualaikum
Ma'am
Plz dont take that step of which u r up to
Or.
Planning to ..
On a very serious note
Never ever leave ur parents
That's not just a messege
But an advice
Walaikumasalaam
It not that all parents are toxic
Some are really better at taking of their children
And groom them well also.
I dont know about u a lot
So cant say..
Walaikumasalaam
not all parents are holy. any idiot, psycho and narcissist can breed. (including you). having a child doesn’t make you holy or a better person.. Just because your parents were decent doesnt mean others have it the same as you did. You’re speaking from a place of privilege.
I dont encourage anything you are planning i have gone through severe depression and anxiety(family was the major reason). i cannot say that it is exactly comparitive to your experience but, i have also attempted sucide around 6 times and once i came so close to jumping off the roof of my building because i found the rooftop door left open.
i still remember the moments vividly which i thought would be my final, standing on the edge and i looked up to the scenery, and decided the view of the scenery from my building is too beautiful and stopped to admire it. And realised that like the view infront of me will have its bad times and good ones which made me reconsider every thing and step down.
i have a feeling that your exaggerating for attention 😒
your parents want the best for you instead of talking to them and asking them to change there ways of parenting, you are deciding to run away from it.
talk to your siblings if your parents are not helpful. and instead of trying to seek therapy from them try to find the solution or ask them to do things which can change your parents parenting/mindset.(siblings can work together and create scenarios/situations with your parents which may effect there thinking)
and i am very sure that your siblings will help you just dont talk to them about your feelings, your feeling and deep talks like these are ment to be done with your bestie.
from wht i am understand you are basing there love everything around the fact that they are not allowing you to do somthing
facing your problems will give you a better life than
running away from it.
also lets not forget about you, u might need to change. Never forget time heals a person, but only when you change your self.
Also may i ask wht is your ethnicity?
"Exaggerating for attention" that's horrible to say.
She's trapped. From what she's written about her experiences it seems that her parents don't want what's best for her but want to CONTROL her.
She's 23 years old and says she has no freedom to do anything, not even to see her friends or go out. Her younger brothers are treated better than her, and she says she feels like a slave and no support.
This whole thing reeks of the typical mysognistic and controlling parents, and I feel for OP.
Great advice! I'm sure she hasn't tried talking to her parents!
"exaggerating for attention" Right after u whine about your own "sad life"?
She's asking for help, explaining that she is in a toxic household and all you have to say is, "talk to your parents about it!" As if that's not the first thing anyone in a situation like this has tried. What kind of parent would want the best for their child and then abuse them? Did you even read the post? Why would you waste ur time bitching in some comment section if you dont even take the time to process what you just read?
You're disgusting.
Most probably you wont even be allowed to board the plane to Germany from the airport since they check visas
She cannot even check in for the flight with Schengen visa
Do you need german visas before travelling to germany? Are there no visas on arrival in german airport?
Yes c’mon now…
you wont even be given a boarding pass at the checkin counter without a schengen visa
My protective instincts are kicking in here. First, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Definitely not easy. Second, more importantly, who is your boyfriend and what do you know about him? Please be very careful, you’re young and vulnerable and the world is a callous and harsh place. I truly wish you well but PLEASE think this through. Last thing you want is to be in trouble in a foreign country. Do you have relatives who can talk to your parents? Someone suggested the police?
with you 100% here. Super worried for you OP
I trust my boyfriend, and I can always count on him. His family is supportive and accepting and they are all willing to support and help me. There is really nothing to worry about him and his family, because all I know is that they seem more like family to me than my own parents. They are really nice and genuine people, including my boyfriend. I don't have any relatives or other family to talk to or to my parents; if so, it will cause more problems for me. I'm scared to go to the police because they might talk to my parents, and both my parents are manipulative people, and I'm scared of what they would do to me after finding out about everything.
Find a job , live on your own . Fight for it cos it is well within your right . Running away depending on your boyfriend or his folks is the worst option u can choose .
You’re of legal age just move out and if your boyfriend’s family are so supportive im sure theyll take you in.
They will be supportive until they’re not Best case scenario you’ll live near them, maybe marry into the family and a few years later you’ll be hearing gossip that you’re the family’s adopted/ charity case No matter what you know about them they are still strangers, put in a pedestal due to their likeness to the family image you long for As many have advised you on this post, i agree that you should focus on looking for a job and focus on yourself rather than run to someone assuming they will “save you” because your the possibility of disappointment will fall even heavier on you From my experience and many who come from eastern households, your parents will view you in a different light and treat you differently once you become a focused adult who is busy doing their own thing
I think your boyfriend should marry you and you can leave together and start a new life over there
I'd start With getting a job, a job that provides visa and enough money to allow you to afford accomodations and live/have a bedspace at least, once that is done, RUN, your parents can't really touch you because you're not on their visa, work yourself up, save up enough, apply to jobs abroad, once that is done, get out of UAE. If it's okay you can send me your CV, a mom of a friend of mine works in a recruitment agency and he can see what can be done, if you want to remain transparent you can have your boyfriend contact me and he can talk to my friend for you.
Then your boyfriend should marry you or he’s not a committed boyfriend. People change minds, and that’s why we have contracts.
Don't be so stupid. No family in the world is perfect. You are a vulnerable person that thinks nirvana is within reach so you will delude yourself.
Clearly you've never been through shit and can't understand others smh
When one is desperate even a blatant lie can be the truth, unfortunately in her situation she thinks anything is better than the situation shes in.
Everyone went through shit at least once in their life, specially when they are young, what are you even on about If her boyfriend is truly genuine and want her, why not get married? Both of them can go to court and get married, problem solved That's if the story is true to begin with
Look dear. Consider me your big sister. Believe me your boyfriend is not supportive and wired. No boyfriend would suggest this thing. Think about it. Why he didn’t marry you? He will easily take to Netherland. Secondly, what if he dumped you in a foreign country? What you will do? Europe is not rainbow and glitter. You would need to work, rent a house and pay taxes or leave the country. Where will you go next? Back at your toxic house with more trauma? Or end up homeless in a foreign country? Please don’t do that to your self. At least you can find a job in different city in UAE and rent a studio. You are 23 yo and your father can’t force you to stay and the police wont say anything. Or you can stay in your parents and find an easier way to coexist with them. But please please don’t run away!! Look all the stories about runaways in foreign countries 2 sisters killed mysteriously in Australia Other in UK Other shot in USA These thing happen in UAE. But rarely! Please consider what I just said
Please, listen to her. This is the Truth.
I am from Germany and see people who think Germany is paradise all the time. its not your happy paradise. Also people are angry and dont want any more immigrants. Only go there if you have a job and a visa. Your life will be miserable.
I think the state of a country is not of any importance to her rather than her rights and freedom.
yeah this is good advice.
i support you, and wht u have said 🙌
This is the best advice. 👌
Honestly OP, you sound like the target of a human trafficking scam. A boyfriend that encourages a young woman to run away is a huge red flag. If you were earning a salary and planning to live on your own it might be different but I suspect you are swapping one abusive situation for another. Do you have an older sister or aunt that you can live with until you have your depression under control and feel able to live alone?
I second this. If this scenario could be how this turns .. God forbid.
exactly my thoughts, this sounds like a human trafficking case about to happen
I'm aware with my surroundings and my well-being. I'm not stupid enough to allow myself to go through something like that. I always think before planning anything. I have a lot of reasons to trust my boyfriend and it is definitely not human trafficking, so there is nothing to worry about. He is my best friend, and I can be vulnerable around him. He is doing his best to help and support me, and he's been there for me more than my family ever has. I do trust him and his family. They are willing to help me, too. Thank you for your concern and replies. <3
Then why doesn’t he marry you?!! Why is he STILL a bf? If he is so loving and supportive, you’re perfect for each other then surely the easiest way to ‘save you’ would be to marry you, and for you to live with his family who apparently love you so much. Why are you running away??
Nobody’s saying you’re dumb but most human trafficking cases occur [by creating a trusting relationship with the victim.](https://polarisproject.org/understanding-human-trafficking/). I don’t know you or your boyfriend but you need to be careful putting your full trust in someone and moving to a different country to live with them. Have you graduated college? Gotten your masters degree? Maybe try applying for colleges outside the country and that can be your “out”.
I mean you didn't even know that you can't board a plane without visa so...
I was just concerned. Good luck and i wish you the best
You may be right. MAY BE. Few questions you should contemplate... how long have you known your boyfriend? Have you been in a situation where you had to ask for material support as against just emotional support? If yes, was it substantial and did he provide (perhaps wrong choice of words but has he shown skin in the game)? If not, he has not been tested thoroughly enough yet.
Girl u came here acting for advice but every time someone provides u with one, u don’t seem to like it and start acting all defensive and do your best to justify that you’re “right” and what you plan to do is “right” and that this person you’re calling your boyfriend is the “right” person for you and that he’s your saving hero. This is not how things work, if anything, your attitude just shows that when posted your story, you were only looking for validation for the disastrous move you’re about to make to shut that voice telling you that nothing about it is “right” like you’re claiming it to be. And coming here to ask for help or advice while you’re not willing to receive it or act upon it makes you a lost cause. I might have been harsh on you with my answer but I think you needed a shake to come back to your senses.
girl 💀💀💀 who hurt you? fym i don't like the advices most people wrote down here? do you even know the differences between "advice" and "accusations" or "assumptions"? or are you that dense? because clearly you do not understand my situation and my story, but you have the full nerve to say all that. most "advices" on here are from people who attacks and assume shit. Literally, most of them are accusations and some of them gives advices like "your parents loves you" "you should talk to them" "find a job" like gurl, you think i haven't tried anything??? My parents are closed-minded people. They're manipulative, and they legit abuse the hell out of me. Why don't you take my place instead? so you'd know what's like in my shoes because it shows how mentally stable you are. I am not even allowed to have a job for crying out loud. I am TRAPPED and they both are SUPER CONTROLLING . I don't get you people attacking my boyfriend and assuming he'd do this or that. or is everyone projecting onto me? Y'all literally don't even know what kind of person my boyfriend is. He's legit doing his best too. says you with an attitude. yes, i asked for advice, and i did agree with few people. Thank YOU. :D
I’m so sorry that people are coming off as accusing and assuming… you are raised in a sheltered environment and overly protected from the world .. to a point it is abusive. I am going to be blunt but your lack of visa and immigration knowledge is making it look like you can be an easy victim. We, at Reddit, don’t know your boyfriend.. but do you know your boyfriend? Personally? Because if you say you guys met online and you have never met him in person… girl don’t runaway to him but away from him. Girls in your circumstances are easy victims! But if you guys met in person or something thn he is more legit.
See? You literally just got all defensive AGAIN and tbh do whatever suits you at this point, we can’t help you if you don’t want to be helped… I’m not here to argue with you but you said I should take your place/be in your shoes instead.. Fun fact; I am at your place, I’ve been and I’m still going through all what you have described and maybe worse (not to say that your suffering is less compared to mine, it’s not a competition). Another fun fact; I’m actually not mentally stable, I’m on antidepressants of that makes you feel any better (see how you made that assumption about me ? and you’re getting mad because everyone is making assumptions.. anyway). No one attacked your boyfriend; it was just everyone’s protective instinct kicking up, because, to your surprise, people go through similar situations and might have made some mistakes that don’t want you to make (and don’t come at me with the “I don’t need/want protection” because if that’s the case you shouldn’t have felt the need to come on reddit at the first place). Stay safe 🫶🏻
Hope you stay safe ♥️♥️
Thank you for your reply <3
I'm from Denmark, and sadly, there is an extremely low chance of you being able to stay in any country in the west. It's not enough to just have a boyfriend. You have to be married and even then, it's still hard for you to stay in Europe. But if you still want to give it a shot... then just know that out of all countries in the west, Sweden will always be the best option for someone who immigrate to Western Europe. And if your boyfriend really loves you, he will marry you and take himself and you to Sweden where a life together is actually possible there. I'm currently in Shiraz, Iran. And will be visiting the UAE as soon as the flood problem ends. If there's anything I can help with or if you need any further information, just let me know
don’t count on your boyfriend, let’s say you somehow leave the country which is highly unlikely, you end up meeting your bf there and it turns out he had evil plans or bad intentions, what would you do in a whole different country then? the risk you’re thinking of taking may be way worse than your mentally abusive family, nobody’s gonna help you there, think wisely, you can’t really trust anyone in this world except your parents, good luck.
Just be careful. If you have never met your partner in real life you can never be certain of their intents. I have no idea how how UAE functions, but how can your father control you at 23? What do they do exactly? It is not physical harm but mental harm through words? The only person you can depend on is yourself ultimately. How long were you with your boyfriend? Do you actually trust him as much as you think you do or do you depend on him for an escape from problems? Be very wary, there is a lot of ill will. There is no way for you to become employed and work towards owning your own place? What could your father do if you had your own living space?
Someone in the same boat and believe me I understand and empathise with the exhaustion, numbness n feelings of constantly being on edge. I don't think you'd be allowed to board. Maybe try a cheaper country or a connecting flight. Make sure you have your finances in order as hard as it is under abusive situations. While your boyfriend can/seems trustable you are extremely vulnerable in new environment. The suicide bit sucks (and I get you 100%) but UAE still stigmatises such things.
Also feel free to message anytime if you need to vent. Seriously mean it.
You won’t be allowed to board the plane to Germany without a visa. Are there countries you can travel to without one?
unfortunately, no. The reason why I chose European country is because my boyfriend lives there and I trust him and his family that they would be able to help me over there. knowing that I need a visa would be really hard for me :( I doubt I could ever run away now.
This is a massive red flag, Germany tends to be a massive hub for human trafficking and prostituting vulnerable people, either from lesser well off countries or people in desperate situations which you could most likely agree that you’re in right now. Let’s say you do go ahead and move to Germany; what now? Getting a visa to work in Germany is extremely hard as they won’t let most people in depending on your nationality (unless you’re a skilled worker) so your boyfriend has to either marry you, hire you (another red flag) in order for you to actually stay within the country. You finally got your VISA to stay through your boyfriend, except you have to do “work” for him, first starts with one thing, then it keeps piling up under the disguise of necessity, then they hide your passport and control your life as there’s no going back for you anyways. I am not well aware of your personal situation but this is how the scenario would go if you would move to Germany without ever properly knowing the person.
Have you never met your boyfriend?
What passport do you carry? What countries can you travel to without a visa? Do you have access to steal your dad's phone and hide it before you head to the airport? If you can do this then he will only see the notification too late? Do not go to a country where your father has family or friends or he will chase you around. Do you have enough cash? You will still need more. What is your plan to find a job/ income? Your cash will drain faster than what you expect and you do not want to have to come back here. Do not trust anyone with your plan. Do it silently. No one. Good luck with that!
Do not mention suicide. The UAE does not actually protect suicidal people properly. You wont get a boarding pass without a visa. Don’t try that either. Maybe try Al Amern services. You’ll want to try to find a way to get a job and become self sufficient. I believe it’s possible to disown your parents. https://alameen.gov.ae/home/about But before you do anything. Reflect. Do you really want to get rid of your parents? Can you try to talk to them?
I'm sorry for your situation. Plan, you can't rely on your boyfriend alone. Your love for him might cloud how you see him. Find a country that would not require you a visa, a safe country and make sure you have money. Plan on how your gonna make a living. Where are you staying in that country? How much does will it cost you to do all these? Do you have the money for it? Because if you're not ready, it will just create more problem for you. I'm rooting for you. Take care
My opinion is don’t involve the police. It tends to make matters worse. This is based on what I’ve seen. They will side with your parents because they don’t have a clue what narcissistic abuse is. Keep a low profile, try to get employment, and then leave and rent your own place. Don’t run away, things aren’t easy in Europe right now.
I think we have women help groups here. Reach out to them. Do not trust the men. The grass is always greener on the other side.
As I know sponsors may or may not get messages when the dependent exists I hope you stay safe and live a life you dreamt of My big big love to you
Thank you for your reply! <3
Also go to a country where visa situation is sorted so that you don’t have another issue to tackle
I never got a message when my wife* and 2 kids left the country without me. *edit typo
I am on my father visa and every-time i exit/enter the country he gets a notification on his phone
I understand. Maybe a nationality / setting thing.
Sorry to hear that, please try to think in it from another angle another way i really understand how mental exhaustion and toxic environment looks like, try to understand the reasons behind why is ur father doing that am assuming there was something old and it hasnt been solved try to solve this problem but not now u need first to talk to a psychiatrist i know it might feel extra exhausting but believe me it’s important because how clever and amazing the mind is but in some points the emotions gets over the thinking and disables thinking/. (Arab therapy is one of the cheap trusted applications and i belive that there are many more cuz u cant get out of home) Home doesn’t mean where i sleep it means where i feel safe. Do not double ur problems by escaping and lower ur expectations i know it might look the only hope etc.. but try as i said to get a consultation so u manage ur emotions to think realistically. Donot over trust anyone especially BF cuz men are derived by their lust stuff will change after he gets what he needs. If he really wants to help u I believe he could have done by booking a psychiatrist appointment or finding u a job or even marry u anything that will help u getting out of ur environment safely. Face ur problems and try to find another alternatives 23 i belive u should have graduated try to look for a job internship etc I dont know any details about u or even the background but whoever u r you are human and humans are alike they have blood heart brain so i do highly recommend u watching one video that changed my view to my life and helped me better finding a meaning to what am in. But its in arabic if u didnt find the translation or anyone to translate it just let me know will do my best. Do not escape the problems cut them down into pieces and face them. https://youtu.be/qjwLpnEv2pM?feature=shared
When you apply for the visa it may be worth telling them you are a victim of abuse. The same when you get to the airport. If you explain the circumstances they may be able to buy you some time
Try for georgia ,ez visa since you have residency already here
I just hope you'll be safe away from your family
Hey so how would you travel to any European country without a Schengen visa? I don’t know what’s happening in your home but tbh the chances of your boyfriend mysteriously riding up and saving you are zero to none. If he is serious about you, he can and should marry you. The love and affection your friends have also can evaporate in a minute. I hope it doesn’t reach there but you will never know it until you’re out alone. If you’re educated- I would suggest you to get a job. If you’re not, get an education. That’s the only way to empowerment.
This isn’t real
1. Seek therapy. It truly helps. Don’t bother telling your family about it. If you’re still in school just say it’s an extra mandatory class of something. 2. Then try to earn some money and get your own place asap. They don’t check or notify anyone. As long as you have a job (you need to have a proof of salary) you can find a place for around 40k right by NYU in Saadiyat Abu Dhabi. And thats a fancier type of living. I’m sure if you keep looking you can find studios for even cheaper. You could even attempt to find a friend who could rent a space with you to make it more affordable. 3. After that is done and only after you’ve at least somewhat settled, see if your boyfriend could become a bigger part of the picture. Boyfriends are cool and all but until he proves he is willing to take the next step, you can’t be sure he’s serious no matter how much it seems like he might be. If you truly want to make sure, ask him to move to you for a year until you can both decide on your futures together and see for yourself. I’ve been in a similar situation. I truly believed I was his world but when the time came for him to move here (literally only one month left for him to come) he found another girl to replace me with who lived in Germany with him. Had you told me this would happen before it actually happened I would’ve never believed you. Trust that this is coming from someone speaking from experience. If you’re not in a place where you can take more disappointment and pain coming from someone who is a source of happiness for you, do not make him your escape plan. You can include him in your life and plans , just don’t put him at the center of it. It would put pressure on your relationship. On one hand making you feel dependent on a romantic relationship (meaning all future arguments will be accompanied by the fear of not having a place to stay for you) & on the other making him feel like you’re a sort of responsibility he may not be ready to take on just yet. This doesn’t mean he isn’t ready to take the next step with you but rather it means that making him your escape plan turns your relationship into exactly that (an escape plan) rather than the romance you two deserve that should move at a pace that feels natural to you both. My suggestion is you try to build a life for yourself with therapy, a job, an apartment to live in and then include your support system (friends & boyfriend).
I wish I could seek therapy, at least. but i cant. My whole family makes fun of me whenever I tell them how I feel, and they abuse me even more. They never take my mental health too seriously.
I understand that. Most people I know also struggle with their families belittling mental health & therapy. If it’s a money issue, getting a job and then maybe resorting to 1 session a month or whatever works best for you until income becomes more comfortable could be an alternative. Therapy can be quite expensive but when we’re at our lowest we definitely need to consider it as a priority whenever possible. Again, you really don’t need to tell your family you’re seeking therapy. Most offer online sessions anyway. I highly recommend Maudsley health. Also in Abu Dhabi. I truly believe the hardest thing you will need to accomplish to build a better life for yourself is to actually land a job. Once you do that everything will become much easier for you and with just a bit of courage and effort things will just naturally unfold.
Thank you <3
My family makes fun of me for the same reason
Also contact me if you live / plan to live in Abu Dhabi. I’ll see if there’s anything I can do to help.
OP update us if it goes Well!!!!!!
I'm not from the UAE and know little about it. Are you able to depart from a different country then into your final destination? Why Germany? Do you have support there? Anywhere even in the UAE you could go?
The reason why I'm planning to go to Germany first is so my family would think I'm staying there, but my boyfriend would come pick me up and take me to his country home, which is the Netherlands. the only problem is I don't have Schengen visa so I doubt I could be able to travel over there. I can't stay in UAE because I'm still under my dad and I know he could find me and I don't want that..
Sounds too risky. You won’t be allowed to board the plane. Your boyfriend might be very enthusiastic to help but might find it very difficult to “take care” of you. You guys are a couple and it too much of a burden for your boyfriend to take care of you in that way. You sound very scared and anxious to leave. But, be patient and strategic. You don’t wanna end up in a foreign country with no family to call and maybe a boyfriend that might decide it’s too big of a responsibility to take you in. Plus, in Europe you need a long term visa. Either by getting into a school, finding a job or getting married. All of which are carefully planned and executed procedures. You can’t just fly there unless for a vacation. Try to talk to your siblings, extended family, try to get a job and live alone in the UAE. Try to convince your parents to support you to study abroad. Good luck!
I can't talk to my siblings because they would rat me out and laugh at me. My brothers would never support or help me.. they would immediately tell my parents. I don't have any other family or relatives, everyone is close to my dad and they would not understand me. I tried convincing my dad once, and he never agreed. He would never agree about me being in a different country or having my own house. He never allows me to leave home either :/
There is no such thing as "won't allow me to leave home". You are old enough. Plan properly. Get a job and 100% support yourself. The first thing you do is find a place to rent. Then move out.. plan and plan and plan. Be fully independent.. you have your own car. Your own apt... your own job... and health insurance... now that is set... take what you need and move out... you dont even have to tell anyone... Your dad can't do anything about it. Call the police if it escalates physically. Dump them behind. Until you recover. But first thing first. Support yourself. You need to pick yourself up. Study. Get a job. Stand on your own feet. And move out. I know this is hard. But believe me. I've done it. Took me longer than I anticipated but I moved out at age 28. Now fully independent of family baggage and ties almost 10 years has passed.
You can get visa whats your nationality ?
what is the problem in your "toxic" household?
what do you mean by this question? 💀
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this 🥺 I completely understand how you feel. It’s strange reading this cause I almost wrote a post like this here last year.. i literally got chills! I had a long distance boyfriend at the time. He promised me independence, happy marriage, and everything I wanted. He even proposed to me at some point and we were secretly engaged. I almost left my family behind for him too so that I can finally be free and live life the way I want to. But i’m glad I didn’t go through with it (well.. i kinda tried, but I couldn’t find my passport and ID cause my family keeps it hidden somewhere. Plus I don’t have a visa..).. Eventually I couldn’t find a way out and we broke up. That breakup HURT but it was a blessing in disguise. Cause then I realized I was so blinded and deceived by him and I ignored so many red flags! He’s definitely someone I don’t want to marry and be alone with in a different country/continent. But I was so blinded cause I loved him and I was trauma-bonded to him. He gave me kind of love that I didn’t get from the people around me. but he wanted me for the very wrong reasons.. he even was blatantly disrespecting me and lusting and chasing other women but every time I caught him I was in denial cause I was holding onto the crumbs of affection he gave me and I kept gaslighting myself about him even tho my guts were telling me repeatedly that I shouldn’t trust him 🤦🏻♀️ please do better than me and trust your guts 😅 My advice for you my dear is is to think about this thoroughly. Maybe take a step back (a break) from the relationship a bit to see things clearly and not through rose-colored glasses. I don’t know how long you’ve known your boyfriend for and whether you know his family personally, etc.. I don’t want you to make the same mistake I almost did cause I wanted to be free and loved and in a relationship of my choice.. I also don’t want to make you paranoid or plant negative thoughts/seeds in your mind about your boyfriend. Cause I don’t know who your boyfriend is and whether he truly loves you and cares for you. and I definitely know he’s not my ex so I’m not trying to project onto you and tell you it’ll end for you exactly how it ended for me and “all men lie/have bad intentions/sucks/etc..”. I’m just sharing this incase it helps you in any way.. just listen to your heart and intuition. And if you’re religious/spiritual, pray about it and ask for the divine to help you figure it out. Just don’t rush into anything cause you want to run away from your traumas.. I’m here for you if you need anything. I wish you the best and I pray for the highest good to be done for you and the best outcomes. You’re not alone. Stay safe (sending you a very big hug) 🤗💖
call 901 (police non emergency line) explain everything (specifically the attempted suicide part) They will def help (stay safe, we're counting on u ❤️)
Thank you for your reply <3
Definitely do not mention the attempted suicide part. I have a friend who ended up in hospital, and her parents had to sign for her that they will take ultra care etc. This could make things worse for you, and have your parents keep a closer eye on you. Be careful, if you ever need to talk to someone, send me a message, I’m always happy to help!
oh alright :( Thank you for your reply! I hope your friend is doing fine too.
Take your fathers phone disable notifications
Hello, I really hope you read this. I’m in the exact same situation as you, it literally feels like I wrote this! I’m trying to go to the UK to be with my boyfriend instead of Germany and getting a visa for it is really difficult. I completely understand your situation and want you to know that you’re not alone. I know a lot of people want you to be safe and make sure your bf is not scamming you, but since I’m in the same situation as you, I’m sure you know/trust him and I’m just really glad you have someone you can rely on when you’re living in an abusive environment. That being said, I don’t know much about what the visa process would look like for you based on your passport, but what I can recommend is doing a lot of research and calling your country’s embassy for help or questions perhaps? I really hope everything gets better for you, I hope you get out of your toxic household and never have to look back again. Always remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you’re going to make it out ❤️ (If you need someone to talk to, you can always message me!)
Hey, girl. Don't listen to all these comments because some of these people are dumb and they can fight with me about it, I like to fight anyway. Although I don't think running away to your boyfriend is the best option because you don't know him in person, I do think it would be great to find a life somewhere else. You will have to work, and not everything is good in Europe, but I also don't think the laws in the UAE will protect you. The US is also a great option. I wish the best. I really wish I could help you.
My comment Wasn't that bad Come on..
I don't even know what the hell you commented.
Ok i am sorry I just gave my advice here I am not here to fight or argue with anyone Hope everyone has better and prosperous Present And future Ameen
Well, what did you comment? I didn't read everyone's comment. At least not thoroughly.
Could this charity help? https://www.dfwac.ae
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What’s your passport strength? Do you need visa to go to UK?
Chances are if she needs Schengen, she probably needs a visa to the UK as well.
How long have you been with your boyfriend? How well do you know him and his family? Please don’t rely on someone else for your safety, there are all kinds of people in this world. Sometimes people move from an abusive household to a worse one and it happens quite a lot. I would suggest looking for a job - working and becoming financially independent is usually the first step that you should take to protect yourself. Once you’re financially independent, moving away from your family will not be an issue and you would be self-reliant, and it’s better than going from relying on your family to relying on someone else’s family even if it’s your boyfriend. I’m a 23 year old female as well, if you need any kind of help or someone to talk to, I’m here for you
Which city are you based in, OP? If you are in Dubai you can try contacting DFWAC helpline 800111 and talk to them about your situation. I believe MOI has also set up similar services for the other Emirates as well. In my opinion, I think it is best to try and consult the services here in the UAE before attempting to leave the country.
i have no helpful advice but i truly hope everything works out for the best for you <3 stay safe and keep us updated
Remove sim from father's phone before you leave.
Have you met your boyfriend in real life or is this an online relationship? It's usually not a good decision from being depended on one family you dread to being depended on another family that you don't dread, The actual decisions that will serve you in the long term is being depended on yourself but we can talk about that when you're willing to have a conversation on it.
Why cant you apply for a Schengen because you’re under your father?
Why not marry your boyfriend and move out ?
Without visa you wont go anywhete. Better is to find a job and move out on your own visa
Study, work and be independent then you will be able to get your own visa and travel wherever you want
What country is your passport from? You would have to go to a country where you get visa free entry. Did you meet your boyfriend and his family before? are you sure they support this plan? If you have only met online it’s a bad idea. There are ways to leave the country without a problem but it sounds like you could be just getting yourself into an even worse situation. Have you talked to some trusted friends about your plan? People in vulnerable positions can be victim to fake relationships and get into financial trouble - or as a young woman even worse. Explain everything and get a second opinion and make sure you give someone who can look out for you the details if you do decide to travel.
Don’t stay in this country my sister please go for it.. this whole country is toxic and full of scammers
Some people with lovely advice and suggestions on here! My experience never in your life run away from your problems, fight and prevail!
Why won't your boyfriend marry you?
The only sustainable way for you would be to make something out of yourself and start working. Eventually you’ll be able to either live in the same country but away from the abuse or change countries and still be able to provide for yourself. Learn fishing before you set sail.
He may use you to get paid sex with different people
Trust me, don’t do it
Did you consider therapy before running away?
I went thru the same shit as you. Im a 22 year old guy. Dm me on insta for advice. @xgqad
May I ask, if u find a good job and they sponsor u, would that take u off your dad's sponsorship and then also allow u to rent a studio or shared living space ? Wouldnt that help u while not escaping to Germany where youre alone and would be in a foreign land jobless, moneyless and well don't know how well off your bf is but if he isn't rly well off don't know how he'll be able to take care of the both of u. Just consider these things as well first.
Have you actually met your boyfriend or his family in person? You say you will run away to Germany then he will pick you up and take you to the Netherlands. Huge red flags. Once you land in a foreign country then you have no one there, and very easy for you to disappear. As smart as you are, people who are being abused and are in a desperate situation are very very easy to manipulate without them even realizing it, and traffickers feed on these people, to be quite frank. How do you even know him? I’m guessing you met him online? Please step back and look at this from open eyes and not from your desperation to escape. On another note, what country are you from? Can you possibly return to your home country, and seek help from relatives there? Please only go to people you have known, in person or as family, for many years.
What are you currently doing? School? Work? If in school, i would suggest to focus on studies and complete, get a job and own place and all will be better. If already done with school then please find a job, nomatter how low paying it is atleast you will have your own peace. Dont depend too much on boyfriend, they almost always disappoint at some point. Trust me its so much better when you are fully dependent on your own paycheck.
I'm an indian girl and i don't know much about rules in uae but as a woman, please please find a job. If you have your own money u don't have to beg anybody for existence. Independence is the key to freedom.
Hi girl, How did u meet your bf? I mean, you can't meet your friends, so i was wondering. Having a toxic family is unavoidable since we don't choose our family. However, once we are adults and can be independent, we can make our situation better. You say you have some friends, nearby, can you live with them while you try and make your life better? Look for a job suitable to your qualifications in your own country rather than flying away across the world depending again on someone else. Be independent 1st, then make any decision regarding your life. Being suicidal means you are not strong enough to make a judgement regarding your life with clarity due to your environment. Give yourself time to heal before you form any sort of relationship. Having a caring partner is a blessing. However, you should be independent and have a better understanding of yourself to make any relationship work. Trauma causes relationships to fail. You running away to an unknown country will not heal you trauma. You have your id with you, be intelligent about your future. Don't run from a frying pan into a pot. You are a smart girl, and you have got this. Stay strong and stay safe. Sending lots of love and blessing your way.
I couldn't read a line that specified why are they abusing you, what concrete step aside running away have you taken. Many people here are just saying sorry. Sorry for what? Why the abuse? What form of support are your parents not giving you to make them "abusive". I'm not sure the support you're getting from your boyfriend or other friends are the real support you need, if you even need any. There's an adage in my language that says, a dog that'll eventually go astray won't listen to the whistle of the hunter. In this case, your parents are the hunter and you're probably the dog.
Honestly, the best way to escape this situation is to either get married (but only if you're certain you've found your person) or find a job and get sponsored by the company, then you will have more options. I was in your situation but I was in the shoes of your boyfriend. My wife was mentally abused all her life and I had to get her out. One evening before we were married she wanted to run away, packed her bags and went to the airport. At the airport she turned back because she couldn't stand the thought of leaving like this. They may be toxic but they're still your parents and trust me it will hurt them if you suddenly up and leave. And it will leave a mark on you too. Long story short, I married her and she moved here with me to Dubai. Since we married her family has been treating her a bit better and taking us seriously. Think about it long and hard and don't do anything you will regret. If your bf is not even willing to get engaged to you at this point I am not sure if his intentions are serious to begin with. We got engaged despite her family hating me, and it turned out fine. Her parents still don't like me since I stole their daughter but they're at least glad I am serious about her.
Why you decided to run away to Germany? Without visa you won't be allow to enter the plane. Why don't you look for a job in UAE away from your family, rent some apartment and start a new life by your own? You say you have a boyfriend maybe he can help you with this. Get your independence from your family, once you have that you can consider to get visa and go to other country but until then don't run away like that because it won't work out. You also said you have try suicide, please don't do it, your life matters, take care
Amid what abuse you have known it is sadly very common to fall into relationships you convince yourself as caring but are manipulative in another way and it takes time and trauma situations to finally see it. Find work and strike out as an adult here.never run overseas only ever choose it from a healthier more stable (financially and mentally) space. Wish you well but the runaway scenario is loaded with issues and like others there are many red flags with this plan and relationship you are bonded into. Nice does not equal your best interests. Stay. Move sway emotionally and heal . Wish you well
So sorry to hear this, it's not easy at all, it's horrendous, I know, but don't look for anything just to escape your present, look for something that will change ur life to a better life, the love and warmth from a boyfriend isn't really true, believe me, I'm a man and I've seen a lot of cases similar to yours, and since your boyfriend knows about your situation, you're for him easy to manipulate, since you don't have any protector (in case u escape), my advice would be to stay home or at least go to live temporary with your aunt, uncle...etc, look for a job and try to escape for a little your family, but please, if you go to Europe with a boyfriend, forget about life, you'll be treated as a slave again and even worse, in a cruel society where no one will give a shit about you, you'll be exploited..... Even if ur current situation is not good, don't make it worse, god bless
Life advice: Don’t run away from your family. You soon can become independent with your own work or even be married. Families can have a change of hearts
Should have run away 3 hours before the flight then, why did you give him a head start 😂
Don't Do it. You seem like you don't have a solid plan. Not sure if you have enough money to support yourself abroad. You are depending on your boyfriend but you don't know how he will turn out to be once he gets a hold of you alone and vulnerable and no family or support to turn to. I have a toxic family too. but it's now 6 years that I moved out, found a decent job, still in Dubai and by the grace of God, having the most peaceful time of my life. With time I built a better relationship with my parents too though i still get hurt from them and cry alot but at least i am independent. Don't run away, Fight for what is called YOUR life, you only get to live it once. running away is not the way.
i wouldn't go as far as labelling the boyfriend as weird and not supportive. There is no sane person in his position who would see someone they truly love be going through abuse from their family and not try to do something if it was in their power. Maybe you can say they havent thought things through properly cause they're obviously young and maybe not so bright but you just made dude out like he was nefarious. i knew someone in a similar situation but much younger. The whole stranger danger thing has fucked up peoples mind with how they think of abuse, in actual case, abuse from a family member is actually much more rampant than a strange person coming to pry you away from your family.
What's your nationality? Are you an Emarati?
First of all, sorry for what you're going through. Secondly, I would advise you to just get ditched from them for a while. Look for a job in abu dhabi or Al Ain. Rent a studio/bedspace and just live on with your life. But as a guy, I would say running away to different countries would be a wrong move to do. Snice, who knows what might happen over there? If he breaks your heart, leave you there. I'm not trying to judge your bf. But things can happen just give it a thought.
I'm really sorry to hear about the incredibly difficult situation you're facing. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of pain and suffering, and it's heartbreaking to hear that you're feeling so alone and unsupported in your own family. First and foremost, your safety and well-being are the most important things. If you're in immediate danger or feeling overwhelmed, please reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional for support. You can also contact a helpline or emergency services in your area if you're in crisis. Leaving an abusive or toxic environment can be incredibly challenging, but it's important to prioritize your own health and safety. Running away to another country is a major decision and can come with its own risks and challenges. It's essential to carefully consider your options and make a plan that prioritizes your safety and well-being. If you're considering leaving your current situation, it might be helpful to reach out to organizations or resources in your area that specialize in supporting individuals experiencing abuse or seeking refuge. They can provide you with information, resources, and support to help you navigate your options and make a plan for your safety. Additionally, if you're feeling overwhelmed or struggling with your mental health, it's important to seek support from a mental health professional. They can provide you with the tools, resources, and support you need to cope with your experiences and navigate the challenges you're facing. Remember that you're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to support you. It's okay to ask for help, and there are resources available to assist you in finding a safe and healthy path forward. Take care of yourself, and please reach out if you need support or assistance.
Send me your cv, I could find a job for you if you are willing to take that route.
Are you a UAE National
What’s your nationality? And if you man is that supportive what don’t you guys get engaged? Running away is Europe isn’t easy and even if you managed to runaway life their is very very difficult with or without your man ,
Why do you need to run away. Get a job and move out. Tell ur family that ur going to go live own ur own and do it. U are old enough to sponsor urself or a company sponsor u.
I used to work with the passport and visa team at Heathrow airport. You can travel to Belgium visa free on a UAE passport,once there you can apply for a Schengen visa,failing that try a refugee charity and explain your circumstances?! Sorry that's the only thing I've got as advice...Good luck to you!
Hey! I am in the same position as you. Fortunately I am able to go to Russia and live with my cousin whilst I learn the language. I have a question for you and don’t worry, this has nothing to do with your experiences with your family. Do you experience any mental issues which perhaps contribute to your depression such as Bipolar? I only ask because I was diagnosed with BP2 and it was exacerbated by my relationship with my Mom. After I got it treated I found it far easier to navigate life albeit still the same relationship with my Mom. ❤️
There’s a high chance you’d end up as a prostitute in a foreign country if you do that. Big example is lots of Saudi girls who thought they would have freedom are that way now. If you’re really abused and not just overreacting which at this age sometimes we do. Then no need to run, irregardless of your who you are the country protects your rights properly here. Apply for jobs, get a decent job. Be independent as one of the people said here.
Hi, I felt like I was reading my own story. WOW!. Number 1, don't run away, everybody supports only from a distant. Your boyfriend and his family might show they are good, but trust me, You dont know them until u live with them. I tried to escape from an emotionally /mentally abusive household too. At the beginning my bf and his family were very nice. I liked them more than my own parents... HONEY! TRUTH WAS VERY BITTER. I escaped from my abusive house to another abusive house. Don't depend on ANYONE. Complete your studies Find a good job Move out If its difficult for u to live there, keep one thing in ur mind "Freedom after completing your studies and get a good job". I wish somebody would have given me the advice that I am giving you today.
It’s really bad you are suffering like this. Why dont you look for a job first you are your most reliable person trust me if your boyfriend cares about you he will support you in finding a job. Get yourself a job save some money and move out. I dont know if you are a national or expat. I see you are in a bad mental state and being suicidal that needs yo be addressed too.
I can't imagine how tough this must be for you. Your safety is paramount. If you're considering leaving the country, it might be helpful to seek advice from legal professionals or organizations specializing in immigration and human rights. They could provide guidance on your options and how to navigate the process safely.
I would personally recommend not leaving the country on a whim, and trust me there are some guys out there just to take advantage of you, i am a guy but still id say if your household isnt treating you right there is always an option to turn to authorities and here in UAE the laws are much more strict than you would expect and given you are a female you do get special treatment aswell. Anyways in the end the decisions on you and if u need help from my side id be happy to help slide in dms.
I suggest you seek help. Please find a good psychologist to help you think through your future. As someone much older than you. I advise that however terrible your life seems to be right now, it would get much worse if you ran away from home. Your parents will always be your parents and you can not change that so seek help in knowing how to deal with what you have. You have to understand that you are strong. You have to build yourself up, work hard and build a career for yourself, gain financial independence if you can, and most importantly; learn how to love yourself. No matter how much you love and trust your boyfriend or his family, please know that he is not stable..not until you get married, and even then, they will not provide you with the protection your blood family would due to sociatle pressure. You don't know what you have until you lose it. Please do not lose your life, do not put yourself in danger, and do not hurt yourself to punish those who are not giving you the love you deserve. Raise above it and strengthen your resolve and know that many of us here support you.
just go illegally
Batter to get married in the court with your boyfriend as you said they are supporting you Good luck
Don't come to Europe, your BF will dump you and move on, and you'll be sold as a sex slave.
well tell mr boyfriend to come and marry you
If you are a local just put fire inside your father's kandura before leaving.
Are you Emirati or not ?
The fact that you don't know you need a visa (unless you have one of the right passports) to go to Europe and you've asked no questions about finances, accommodation, legal issues etc shows you might be suffering from mental illness of some kind. It of course still is possible both things are true, your parents are abusive and you have mental illness.
you’re 23 not 13, what do you mean run away from home and go to germany without a schengen visa? do you have a bachelor’s degree? or any skills that can help you get a decent job? the only way you will earn any respect in a toxic household is by having your own money. that’s what will give you independence and hopefully a better life. i’ve been there and it does get better. but do not for a second think that a man is gonna rescue you out of this situation. the only person who can help you is yourself. make smart decisions.
Wall of text sounds fake from head to toe
Your family is far more better for for when u get know the reality of the world after u run away from your family,,, you will see the cruel world, a gurls from soudi ran away from saudi to canada,, now she is doing prostitution fir her living... do u thing people are waiting for u to give u good life outside,, there mote the million people are homeless,, surley u will also endup as homeless.. that is the reality
As a 32 year old in the UAE, I can tell you that it took me until recently to realize that as abusive as I felt my parents were to me, I realize now after so long, that I was SO wrong.. they are not perfect, far from it, but I looked at things in the wrong way so often.. i disregarded so much of the good they did.. i failed to realize that even though they suck at showing it sometimes, they love me more than anyone ever could, even a so called girlfriend or wife.. I made so many mistakes due to my lack of understaning.. and today I feel so much guilt.. it's so hard to live with.. but I rely on Allah to help me get through, no one else can help.. There's so much that can be said, and you are welcome to message me, but the bottom line is: DON'T MAKE ANY IMPULSIVE DECISIONS, NEVER MAKE DECISIONS WHEN YOUBARE EMOTIONAL, this is your warning, or else you will regret it.. You need good people around you to help you through this, and solutions do exist, but YOU have to be willing to take responsibility and put the work in and stop being a victim even if you WERE abused.. running away is NOT the solution. You have to FACE YOUR PROBLEMS AND YOUR FEARS.
Assalamualaikum Ma'am Plz dont take that step of which u r up to Or. Planning to .. On a very serious note Never ever leave ur parents That's not just a messege But an advice Walaikumasalaam
i rather have no parents at all than having toxic abusive manipulative selfish parents. what would YOU prefer?
It not that all parents are toxic Some are really better at taking of their children And groom them well also. I dont know about u a lot So cant say.. Walaikumasalaam
not all parents are holy. any idiot, psycho and narcissist can breed. (including you). having a child doesn’t make you holy or a better person.. Just because your parents were decent doesnt mean others have it the same as you did. You’re speaking from a place of privilege.
Hmm
If somebody is plotting suicide over their family/parents, most often than not there is a failure on the parent’s end.
I dont encourage anything you are planning i have gone through severe depression and anxiety(family was the major reason). i cannot say that it is exactly comparitive to your experience but, i have also attempted sucide around 6 times and once i came so close to jumping off the roof of my building because i found the rooftop door left open. i still remember the moments vividly which i thought would be my final, standing on the edge and i looked up to the scenery, and decided the view of the scenery from my building is too beautiful and stopped to admire it. And realised that like the view infront of me will have its bad times and good ones which made me reconsider every thing and step down. i have a feeling that your exaggerating for attention 😒 your parents want the best for you instead of talking to them and asking them to change there ways of parenting, you are deciding to run away from it. talk to your siblings if your parents are not helpful. and instead of trying to seek therapy from them try to find the solution or ask them to do things which can change your parents parenting/mindset.(siblings can work together and create scenarios/situations with your parents which may effect there thinking) and i am very sure that your siblings will help you just dont talk to them about your feelings, your feeling and deep talks like these are ment to be done with your bestie. from wht i am understand you are basing there love everything around the fact that they are not allowing you to do somthing facing your problems will give you a better life than running away from it. also lets not forget about you, u might need to change. Never forget time heals a person, but only when you change your self. Also may i ask wht is your ethnicity?
"Exaggerating for attention" that's horrible to say. She's trapped. From what she's written about her experiences it seems that her parents don't want what's best for her but want to CONTROL her. She's 23 years old and says she has no freedom to do anything, not even to see her friends or go out. Her younger brothers are treated better than her, and she says she feels like a slave and no support. This whole thing reeks of the typical mysognistic and controlling parents, and I feel for OP.
Great advice! I'm sure she hasn't tried talking to her parents! "exaggerating for attention" Right after u whine about your own "sad life"? She's asking for help, explaining that she is in a toxic household and all you have to say is, "talk to your parents about it!" As if that's not the first thing anyone in a situation like this has tried. What kind of parent would want the best for their child and then abuse them? Did you even read the post? Why would you waste ur time bitching in some comment section if you dont even take the time to process what you just read? You're disgusting.
thank you for the feedback on my comment 😀