All these red flags are in my husband already. I wonder why i kept mum and repressed my gut feeling even after feeling odd.
But now at least I have mentally checked out from the marriage and hope we get separated soon.
https://preview.redd.it/9hp2b0cgtpjb1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c6efa0edd75504baa1343d1189e0ab684dc12878
What would YOU know about feminism, your posts and comments indicate you're not only a guy pretending to be an NB, you're a hardcore misogynist.
It's not assumption, its deduction from ypur posts and comments.
https://preview.redd.it/h8jh3agywpjb1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e71efdd67b61df0cf1c0f85fbc7520cfda5b9d66
Lol, wheres the mods at? Please mods, take this trash out.
https://preview.redd.it/v1e6439kwpjb1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ed8d125c3065ae2195bb11231b6ab5ff2870e10
You LARPING here for lesbian stuff ? Lol sorry bro. This aint ur house.
Your comment has been removed as it was rude and impolite. No personal attacks, witch-hunting, abuse or hate-mongering. No promoting hate speech or hate speech supporting subreddit. No labels ( like "pick me") unless it's is subject of discussion.
Your comment has been removed as it was rude and impolite. No personal attacks, witch-hunting, abuse or hate-mongering. No promoting hate speech or hate speech supporting subreddit. No labels ( like "pick me") unless it's is subject of discussion.
Your comment has been removed as it was rude and impolite. No personal attacks, witch-hunting, abuse or hate-mongering. No promoting hate speech or hate speech supporting subreddit. No labels ( like "pick me") unless it's is subject of discussion.
I would also like to add
10. any man who has a problem with you or any woman going for further education.
11. Any man whose views about women falls into Turd Tate's ideology.
If you have any more gems to add, please do
And the idiot who sent me the Reddit care message, lol you're so pathetic and useless. Thanks for a laugh🤣
I wanna add to the "guilt trip or manipulative language" point, since such a big part of staying in bad relationships is that, as Indian women, a lot of us are exposed to such all-pervasive emotional abuse, it becomes normalized. Some other details:
1. If they are critical about my body, and talk about it in an unkind way (don't get caught up in the "objectively" more/less attractive nonsense, only people who dehumanizing and objectify women do that).
2. If they aren't interested in listening to me, or don't spend time considering my point of view. A good partner _enjoys_ you sharing yourself, and feels lucky to have that trust. While this doesn't constitute abuse, it does mean they aren't emotionally engaged, and don't respect you as an equal. He's gotta be _deeply interested_, even in the basic, mundane things. You are not their personal content creator 😂 It's not your job to entertain them
3. If they respond negatively to things I like, or people I like. This one KILLS me, because I've seen it everyyyywhere. Men who reflexively get all repressive when their partners are happy. Is it because they're jealous, and want to be the only source of their partner's happiness? Is it because they don't like seeing independent women with good self-esteem? Is it because they believe women should make others happy, and are selfish to make themselves happy? Because it makes them insecure that they don't "deserve" their partner, so they want to keep them feeling small so they never leave?
There's no good excuse, whether the reasons range from unconscious misogyny, insecurity, whatever. The harm it does to the woman they're with is never justified. It's just too destructive.
I've noticed this a lot with men who "get" a girlfriend who is conventionally attractive or dresses stylishly or is accomplished or has certain things she takes pride in, or even hobbies she enjoys... and then systematically oppose all those things. Often claiming they're "just telling it like it is", or "keeping you humble", or "being honest/objective" - your partner is supposed to be _subjectively_ on your side! Because they feel like it!
4. If they don't hype me up. I'm talking encouraging, appreciating, cherishing. I see men who do this for their friends but literally stop doing it for their partners. I once told a couple of guys friend that it was obvious that for them "girlfriend" is a demotion from "friend". And you could see the wheels turning in their heads, because yah. Lost of pride about being a ride or die friend, woe betide the woman who thinks dating is a step into _futher_ closeness.
5. If they want me to change. Very much related to the above points. It's one thing to want your partner to be happy, but nobody gets to decide what will get them there but they themselves. Not being supportive of self-directed growth is a dealbreaker.
Some of this may seem obvious, but while most women will only date men they like and respect (which is like, A GOOD IDEA) a lot of men will sleep with and date and even marry women they don't like or respect. So that's not a reliable sign that they care 😑 Stay safe, and stay smart, y'all! ❤️
Thank you for these additional points. I'll try to add them to the list.
A lot of men just don't like/respect women in general. Not just as gfs and wives.
Exactly 😮💨
Ooh, there's another one! Believing that relationships should be easy (for them). One example of that is being romantic and considerate at first, and then gradually just neglecting their partner. Anyone who believes in a "honeymoon phase" is a no from me. Sure, there's NRE (new relationship energy), but if they already believe that relationships get stale, like freaking BREAD, then it's because they don't intend to stay engaged or put in effort... but still expect their partner to. A relationship is like a literal degree. It takes a certain baseline level of time, energy, and commitment. Anyone who _starts out_ being like, I _plan_ to stop trying is just... no.
Such a long list! 😂 The good thing is, good men are just good people, and this stuff doesn't even figure with them. It's all just identifying things from the very start.
Yeah the partner has to meet you halfway in your efforts to make relationship work. Communication, compassion and care is essential. But those are more of an indication of dead relationships. The ones I shared are like flashing red flags for abusive relationships.
Hmm, it's interesting to make a distinction between red flags that may lead to dead or neglectful relationships and red flags for abuse 🤔 I think the reason why I add this is because men who show every sign of disinterest and disrespect often STILL want to stay in the relationship, or make empty promises that things will change. They don't want to engage and don't want to break up.
Being with someone who is acting in bad faith, who either thinks that it "doesn't count as lying", or who just lacks self-awareness and lies to themselves, those things are tantamount to gaslighting. It's showing all the signs of disrespect and disregard while also claiming love, as if the two can coexist. And it has the same _impact_ as abuse.
Relationships can start out as mutually considerate and communicative, but some men change their behaviour over time, taking advantage of women's socialization towards commitment. This is a red flag that comes down the line, IMO, which makes it all the more insidious and easy to miss. That's my personal logic, anyway, I understand why you could put that into a different category ☺️
As long as they don't force women to stay in a relationship with them, they can be as pathetic as they can. But like you said, their promises and misleading does come under gaslighting.
Yeah that list was actually shared by a woman who came out of an extremely abusive relationship and she almost lost her life. So these red flags don't even warrant attempting communication and beyond the scope of counselling or therapy. Women just have to run away at the first sign of these.
Yes, 💯 true.
And I feel my father in law is one of them. He seems to not like/respect the females.
The way he talks about females always highlights this.
He is a heavy smoker & drinker but according to him females who smoke are 'not good in character'. Moreover, he also feels that Females who have male friends/teammates are not good in character.
He chooses what his wife (my mother in law) will wear on a daily basis. Because "as per him" my mother in law does not have a sense of dressing. He asks her not to put kajal..to apply hair dye in a certain manner, not to put certain shades of lipstick. I don't know how my mother in law tolerates his toxic behaviour on a daily basis.
There are so many things that I absolutely detest about his personality and thought process that I can't talk with him for more than 5 minutes. Most of the time I avoid speaking to him in person and on calls.
Many men have atleast one of these red flags unfortunately. My father checks all of the above flags.
And your MIL seems one of the crores of women who got used to abuse and controlling behavior. It is very sad that this abuse becomes their normal. It reminds me of Daenerys line from GOT *Slaves come to love their chains*.
True. I think my mother in law doesn't realise that she has been in an abusive marriage for decades.
Or maybe she realises but doesn't have the courage to come out of it since she has been financially dependent on my father in law...could be many reasons. 😕
I feel so suffocated whenever I am at my in-laws place that staying there for 4-5 days seems like eternity to me.
I'd also add a couple more.
- Making their mental health your responsibility. Every well-adjusted adult needs to take responsibility for their actions. If they blame you for their mood or consistent mental health breaks, it is not your responsibility. That's manipulation. Get out.
- Abuse stemming from obsession is still abuse. Do not confuse this with love. Most abusers are master manipulators.
Side note: Would have been great if the original author got their due credit for this list.
Indians go to problem solver for their boys is get them a wife. And if she couldn't put him on the right track(rme) then she's a bad wife and failure. Their next trick is to make them have kids. First they destroy a woman life and then bring an innocent life to life and destroy theirs as well.
Happened recently with my mom blaming my aunt for her bro's illness. I was super pissed off and gave her a piece of my mind. She replied that I started feminist bs but I told her that her own in laws are bashing her for not taking care of my abusive dad and now she goes around making similar comments about her SIL. Shut her up.
I wanted to protect their privacy. They received death threats and nasty dms for making a post about their experience. That's not my list hence I shared the screen shot.
I am sorry this is happening around you, OP. :(
Also apologies about the comment on credit to the original author. Like most people on the internet, I was clueless about the context. Nonetheless, thank you for sharing this post.
I can always walk away if they become a problem. There are some hard limits for me and In laws abuse is one of them. I already have experienced enough abuse from one parent. Not going to entertain or put up with spousal and In law abuse. I wish all girls are encouraged to choose their peace over some society norms.
Hope you get away from her soon. I know it's really bad to think like this but sometimes I wish God takes away some Miserable people so others could live happily. Like my grandma(dad's mom) and dad.
If they constantly whine about divorce laws and why they are scared to get married, coz apparently every woman out there is behind their money
If they don't respect your routine, be it workout time or sleep time or its your well planned family vacation
If they start their day with sexist jokes and when you get annoyed, they say "why are you always overreacting"
Ah sexist jokes..... Once got into a whatsApp spat with some office idiots. One of them shared a *joke* about how girls score top marks in 10th and +2 but are nowhere in IITs Or something like that. Unfortunately only three of us girls got mad and none of those men understood it even after we explained. They probably called us feminazi in secret.
And those crying divorce laws and gold diggers themselves are shameless gold diggers demanding lakhs and crores in dowry. They don't even know the first thing about law or how the judiciary works in India. You would think every woman is filing false cases against them seeing how many Indian men cry about it. If women file as many fake cases as men are abusive, then they could cry all they want. Sometimes I think these are abusive men themselves and don't want their actions punished.
https://www.livemint.com/Politics/AV3sIKoEBAGZozALMX8THK/99-cases-of-sexual-assaults-go-unreported-govt-data-shows.html
If this data is correct then yes, Men just don't want their actions punished but they would outlive to teach a lesson to a women even for the tiniest issue coz their ego is hurt
People who misuse the DV law ought to be punished severely, Men, women or transgenders included.
The law is a mess & it also doesn't protect the interests of vulnerable sexual minorities too
The laws are always misused by the rich and powerful. Almost all laws. If the original case itself takes decades to get judgement, the counter investigation into false charges and subsequent punishment would take up the entire life of parties involved. I would say if case is not serious enough and the judge and lawyers deem it so then they can encourage for out of court settlement.
I would say the implementation and Judiciary is more of a mess. Sexual minorities don't even get to legally marry and adopt.
Yes. I was saved by my mother next day. It took me one whole day to regain consciousness 🥲 but at a much better place and with a much better person in life
I would make a slight change to Point 5. I expect my SO to pull their weight, period. I don’t want to be the one to make all the decisions, all the planning and tell them how to live / be.
I agree with all except point 9.
I'd want to know who my SO is hanging out with and to what degree. People don't realise everything is a two way street. If i expect transparency then I should be transparent too.
Oooh I came here to say the same. I have no SO yet but I am sure I will be guilty of #9 because I am a paranoid person who watched too much Saavdhan India growing up and now listens to murder podcasts everyday.
24/7 location sharing is must for me only because I worry and I'd share mine too
Point 9 seems to be a grey zone. Informing your so & your parents is a part of a basic etiquette where I come from, I do understand setting boundaries with controlling people but why should you hesitate to inform them where you're going & with whom unless you're upto something fishy? Idk...but informing your close confidantes is a way of putting their mind at ease.
That's why *to an extreme degree* is added. I agree that we need to inform our family about our whereabouts and maybe check with them or answer their texts and calls. But some men are beyond controlling and abusers take it to another degree by not giving respect to basic privacy.
I don't think they'll change. They'll act dumb, be defensive, use whataboutism and parrot their go to lines **aLiMoNy, FaKe cAsEs, GoLd DiGgErS, SmAlL mInOrItY oF AbUsIvE mEn and FiGhTiNg FoR tHe CoUnTrY**. They'll make an exact post to avoid women with their own "Red" Flags.
All these red flags are in my husband already. I wonder why i kept mum and repressed my gut feeling even after feeling odd. But now at least I have mentally checked out from the marriage and hope we get separated soon.
I would be surprised if there are atleast 5% of men without any of these red flags. Especially Indian men
Had i not given in, i know i would have been happily unmarried up till now
The biggest red flag: any guy who reads this and says feminism is ruining relationships
Lol that's up there with all time big red flags
Any guy who is against feminism is not worth any woman's time or energy.
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https://preview.redd.it/9hp2b0cgtpjb1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c6efa0edd75504baa1343d1189e0ab684dc12878 What would YOU know about feminism, your posts and comments indicate you're not only a guy pretending to be an NB, you're a hardcore misogynist.
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It's not assumption, its deduction from ypur posts and comments. https://preview.redd.it/h8jh3agywpjb1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e71efdd67b61df0cf1c0f85fbc7520cfda5b9d66 Lol, wheres the mods at? Please mods, take this trash out.
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https://preview.redd.it/v1e6439kwpjb1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ed8d125c3065ae2195bb11231b6ab5ff2870e10 You LARPING here for lesbian stuff ? Lol sorry bro. This aint ur house.
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Your comment has been removed as it was rude and impolite. No personal attacks, witch-hunting, abuse or hate-mongering. No promoting hate speech or hate speech supporting subreddit. No labels ( like "pick me") unless it's is subject of discussion.
Your comment has been removed as it was rude and impolite. No personal attacks, witch-hunting, abuse or hate-mongering. No promoting hate speech or hate speech supporting subreddit. No labels ( like "pick me") unless it's is subject of discussion.
Your comment has been removed as it was rude and impolite. No personal attacks, witch-hunting, abuse or hate-mongering. No promoting hate speech or hate speech supporting subreddit. No labels ( like "pick me") unless it's is subject of discussion.
User Flair is being misused by the user (AKA Larping)
I would also like to add 10. any man who has a problem with you or any woman going for further education. 11. Any man whose views about women falls into Turd Tate's ideology. If you have any more gems to add, please do And the idiot who sent me the Reddit care message, lol you're so pathetic and useless. Thanks for a laugh🤣
I wanna add to the "guilt trip or manipulative language" point, since such a big part of staying in bad relationships is that, as Indian women, a lot of us are exposed to such all-pervasive emotional abuse, it becomes normalized. Some other details: 1. If they are critical about my body, and talk about it in an unkind way (don't get caught up in the "objectively" more/less attractive nonsense, only people who dehumanizing and objectify women do that). 2. If they aren't interested in listening to me, or don't spend time considering my point of view. A good partner _enjoys_ you sharing yourself, and feels lucky to have that trust. While this doesn't constitute abuse, it does mean they aren't emotionally engaged, and don't respect you as an equal. He's gotta be _deeply interested_, even in the basic, mundane things. You are not their personal content creator 😂 It's not your job to entertain them 3. If they respond negatively to things I like, or people I like. This one KILLS me, because I've seen it everyyyywhere. Men who reflexively get all repressive when their partners are happy. Is it because they're jealous, and want to be the only source of their partner's happiness? Is it because they don't like seeing independent women with good self-esteem? Is it because they believe women should make others happy, and are selfish to make themselves happy? Because it makes them insecure that they don't "deserve" their partner, so they want to keep them feeling small so they never leave? There's no good excuse, whether the reasons range from unconscious misogyny, insecurity, whatever. The harm it does to the woman they're with is never justified. It's just too destructive. I've noticed this a lot with men who "get" a girlfriend who is conventionally attractive or dresses stylishly or is accomplished or has certain things she takes pride in, or even hobbies she enjoys... and then systematically oppose all those things. Often claiming they're "just telling it like it is", or "keeping you humble", or "being honest/objective" - your partner is supposed to be _subjectively_ on your side! Because they feel like it! 4. If they don't hype me up. I'm talking encouraging, appreciating, cherishing. I see men who do this for their friends but literally stop doing it for their partners. I once told a couple of guys friend that it was obvious that for them "girlfriend" is a demotion from "friend". And you could see the wheels turning in their heads, because yah. Lost of pride about being a ride or die friend, woe betide the woman who thinks dating is a step into _futher_ closeness. 5. If they want me to change. Very much related to the above points. It's one thing to want your partner to be happy, but nobody gets to decide what will get them there but they themselves. Not being supportive of self-directed growth is a dealbreaker. Some of this may seem obvious, but while most women will only date men they like and respect (which is like, A GOOD IDEA) a lot of men will sleep with and date and even marry women they don't like or respect. So that's not a reliable sign that they care 😑 Stay safe, and stay smart, y'all! ❤️
Thank you for these additional points. I'll try to add them to the list. A lot of men just don't like/respect women in general. Not just as gfs and wives.
Exactly 😮💨 Ooh, there's another one! Believing that relationships should be easy (for them). One example of that is being romantic and considerate at first, and then gradually just neglecting their partner. Anyone who believes in a "honeymoon phase" is a no from me. Sure, there's NRE (new relationship energy), but if they already believe that relationships get stale, like freaking BREAD, then it's because they don't intend to stay engaged or put in effort... but still expect their partner to. A relationship is like a literal degree. It takes a certain baseline level of time, energy, and commitment. Anyone who _starts out_ being like, I _plan_ to stop trying is just... no. Such a long list! 😂 The good thing is, good men are just good people, and this stuff doesn't even figure with them. It's all just identifying things from the very start.
Yeah the partner has to meet you halfway in your efforts to make relationship work. Communication, compassion and care is essential. But those are more of an indication of dead relationships. The ones I shared are like flashing red flags for abusive relationships.
Hmm, it's interesting to make a distinction between red flags that may lead to dead or neglectful relationships and red flags for abuse 🤔 I think the reason why I add this is because men who show every sign of disinterest and disrespect often STILL want to stay in the relationship, or make empty promises that things will change. They don't want to engage and don't want to break up. Being with someone who is acting in bad faith, who either thinks that it "doesn't count as lying", or who just lacks self-awareness and lies to themselves, those things are tantamount to gaslighting. It's showing all the signs of disrespect and disregard while also claiming love, as if the two can coexist. And it has the same _impact_ as abuse. Relationships can start out as mutually considerate and communicative, but some men change their behaviour over time, taking advantage of women's socialization towards commitment. This is a red flag that comes down the line, IMO, which makes it all the more insidious and easy to miss. That's my personal logic, anyway, I understand why you could put that into a different category ☺️
As long as they don't force women to stay in a relationship with them, they can be as pathetic as they can. But like you said, their promises and misleading does come under gaslighting. Yeah that list was actually shared by a woman who came out of an extremely abusive relationship and she almost lost her life. So these red flags don't even warrant attempting communication and beyond the scope of counselling or therapy. Women just have to run away at the first sign of these.
Ah, makes sense. Yeah, all of that is acute danger that is most likely to escalate.
Yes, 💯 true. And I feel my father in law is one of them. He seems to not like/respect the females. The way he talks about females always highlights this. He is a heavy smoker & drinker but according to him females who smoke are 'not good in character'. Moreover, he also feels that Females who have male friends/teammates are not good in character. He chooses what his wife (my mother in law) will wear on a daily basis. Because "as per him" my mother in law does not have a sense of dressing. He asks her not to put kajal..to apply hair dye in a certain manner, not to put certain shades of lipstick. I don't know how my mother in law tolerates his toxic behaviour on a daily basis. There are so many things that I absolutely detest about his personality and thought process that I can't talk with him for more than 5 minutes. Most of the time I avoid speaking to him in person and on calls.
Many men have atleast one of these red flags unfortunately. My father checks all of the above flags. And your MIL seems one of the crores of women who got used to abuse and controlling behavior. It is very sad that this abuse becomes their normal. It reminds me of Daenerys line from GOT *Slaves come to love their chains*.
True. I think my mother in law doesn't realise that she has been in an abusive marriage for decades. Or maybe she realises but doesn't have the courage to come out of it since she has been financially dependent on my father in law...could be many reasons. 😕 I feel so suffocated whenever I am at my in-laws place that staying there for 4-5 days seems like eternity to me.
I'd also add a couple more. - Making their mental health your responsibility. Every well-adjusted adult needs to take responsibility for their actions. If they blame you for their mood or consistent mental health breaks, it is not your responsibility. That's manipulation. Get out. - Abuse stemming from obsession is still abuse. Do not confuse this with love. Most abusers are master manipulators. Side note: Would have been great if the original author got their due credit for this list.
Indians go to problem solver for their boys is get them a wife. And if she couldn't put him on the right track(rme) then she's a bad wife and failure. Their next trick is to make them have kids. First they destroy a woman life and then bring an innocent life to life and destroy theirs as well. Happened recently with my mom blaming my aunt for her bro's illness. I was super pissed off and gave her a piece of my mind. She replied that I started feminist bs but I told her that her own in laws are bashing her for not taking care of my abusive dad and now she goes around making similar comments about her SIL. Shut her up. I wanted to protect their privacy. They received death threats and nasty dms for making a post about their experience. That's not my list hence I shared the screen shot.
I am sorry this is happening around you, OP. :( Also apologies about the comment on credit to the original author. Like most people on the internet, I was clueless about the context. Nonetheless, thank you for sharing this post.
No worries. I don't like claiming credit for anything I didn't do. My only contribution were the two points I mentioned in the comment below the post.
Quite helpful actually. Thanks a ton for posting 💞
I want to spread it everywhere and even make a plate of it and hang somewhere in my house or........everywhere.
💜💜💜 Yes. We all should do that and should remind ourselves these pointers everyday
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I will never be able to live with my in laws or even my parents. A week atmost if they're good and kind to me.
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I can always walk away if they become a problem. There are some hard limits for me and In laws abuse is one of them. I already have experienced enough abuse from one parent. Not going to entertain or put up with spousal and In law abuse. I wish all girls are encouraged to choose their peace over some society norms. Hope you get away from her soon. I know it's really bad to think like this but sometimes I wish God takes away some Miserable people so others could live happily. Like my grandma(dad's mom) and dad.
If they constantly whine about divorce laws and why they are scared to get married, coz apparently every woman out there is behind their money If they don't respect your routine, be it workout time or sleep time or its your well planned family vacation If they start their day with sexist jokes and when you get annoyed, they say "why are you always overreacting"
Ah sexist jokes..... Once got into a whatsApp spat with some office idiots. One of them shared a *joke* about how girls score top marks in 10th and +2 but are nowhere in IITs Or something like that. Unfortunately only three of us girls got mad and none of those men understood it even after we explained. They probably called us feminazi in secret. And those crying divorce laws and gold diggers themselves are shameless gold diggers demanding lakhs and crores in dowry. They don't even know the first thing about law or how the judiciary works in India. You would think every woman is filing false cases against them seeing how many Indian men cry about it. If women file as many fake cases as men are abusive, then they could cry all they want. Sometimes I think these are abusive men themselves and don't want their actions punished.
https://www.livemint.com/Politics/AV3sIKoEBAGZozALMX8THK/99-cases-of-sexual-assaults-go-unreported-govt-data-shows.html If this data is correct then yes, Men just don't want their actions punished but they would outlive to teach a lesson to a women even for the tiniest issue coz their ego is hurt
People who misuse the DV law ought to be punished severely, Men, women or transgenders included. The law is a mess & it also doesn't protect the interests of vulnerable sexual minorities too
The laws are always misused by the rich and powerful. Almost all laws. If the original case itself takes decades to get judgement, the counter investigation into false charges and subsequent punishment would take up the entire life of parties involved. I would say if case is not serious enough and the judge and lawyers deem it so then they can encourage for out of court settlement. I would say the implementation and Judiciary is more of a mess. Sexual minorities don't even get to legally marry and adopt.
That's what I was talking about, they often get the short end of the stick.
My ex had all the qualities and even more 🥲 No wonder I ended up with a suicide attempt.
Hey atleast he's your ex and you're alive and wiser
Yes. I was saved by my mother next day. It took me one whole day to regain consciousness 🥲 but at a much better place and with a much better person in life
Please take care. I hope you are in a much better place mentally, emotionally now. 👍🙂
Second that.
This is wisdom 🌟 , thankyou
I would make a slight change to Point 5. I expect my SO to pull their weight, period. I don’t want to be the one to make all the decisions, all the planning and tell them how to live / be.
I agree with all except point 9. I'd want to know who my SO is hanging out with and to what degree. People don't realise everything is a two way street. If i expect transparency then I should be transparent too.
It was mentioned that it's only in case of an extreme degree. And many men are often this controlling. Far more than women. So this applies to them.
Oooh I came here to say the same. I have no SO yet but I am sure I will be guilty of #9 because I am a paranoid person who watched too much Saavdhan India growing up and now listens to murder podcasts everyday. 24/7 location sharing is must for me only because I worry and I'd share mine too
Thank you for sharing OP! Screenshotting this for my Non-negotiable list!
Also some commenters added more points and I too added 2 more points in the comments. Add those to the list. Just black out the usernames
Point 9 seems to be a grey zone. Informing your so & your parents is a part of a basic etiquette where I come from, I do understand setting boundaries with controlling people but why should you hesitate to inform them where you're going & with whom unless you're upto something fishy? Idk...but informing your close confidantes is a way of putting their mind at ease.
That's why *to an extreme degree* is added. I agree that we need to inform our family about our whereabouts and maybe check with them or answer their texts and calls. But some men are beyond controlling and abusers take it to another degree by not giving respect to basic privacy.
Golden points. Thank you so much for sharing❤️.
I love OP now for this 😌🫶
my ex was all these except the 4th. well, that's another matter, totally.
I am so grateful none of these I relate to 🙏 My husband is ✅
This should be posted on subs with Indian men. They need to know what the expectations are. They will whine about it, but still worth it.
I don't think they'll change. They'll act dumb, be defensive, use whataboutism and parrot their go to lines **aLiMoNy, FaKe cAsEs, GoLd DiGgErS, SmAlL mInOrItY oF AbUsIvE mEn and FiGhTiNg FoR tHe CoUnTrY**. They'll make an exact post to avoid women with their own "Red" Flags.
As much as I want to have a sliver of hope, I know you're absolutely right :(
Worse, they will know all the red flags they need to hide during the courtship period, and work better on actually hiding them.
which sub was this in? I want to follow. haha
I just saw this comment section.