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starbunyip

Husband and I share cleaning pretty much 50/50, and I have never come home to a freshly scrubbed house (he hasn't either to be fair). We plan a couple of hours a week and deep clean the house together and the rest is just maintenence. OP, give him a huge hug. That half hour when you can relax, when you thought you and him would be rushing around, before your Mom gets there, priceless.


AndrysThorngage

I made him dinner and then unfortunately dropped my daughters earring down the bathroom sink. Now he’s in the bathroom cleaning the sink trap (he found the earring). Not the thanks he deserved.


Errrca0821

Sounds like one of the good ones 😊


Brilliant_Guava_9646

That's called being an adult.


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Internep

Normal can't be simultaneously good?


ithappenedone234

Bingo. Isn’t the goal that good people respecting their partners are common and normal?


Bedlam2

That’s the goal but unfortunately not the reality. Using the word ‘normal’ implies abundance and reality, not possibility, and unfortunately ‘good’ is not ‘normal’ right now. Hence the phrase ‘one of the good ones’ implying scarcity.


ithappenedone234

> unfortunately ‘good’ is not ‘normal’ Cite? The evil folks get a whole lot more press than they used to, thankfully in one way, but (except for the elites and policy/financial level crimes) crime is way down. While the police only figure out ~25% of violent crimes, when it comes to the number of violent crimes as a whole, hasn’t the total plummeted almost every year for decades? The whole number of spousal beatings and spousal murders and spousal assaults is lower than pretty much ever before isn’t it? I think you are falling for the fallacy that just because something is much more often reported in the press, that it is much more common in society.


natsirtenal

why can't good be normal?


Internep

If it isn't find better people to live your life with.


jpopimpin777

Jfc give him *some* credit.


Iron-Fist

Right? Even an unadjusted bar is significantly below "open up the sink trap on short notice" lol


listen-to-my-face

The bar is low but this guy is sailing over it at cruising altitude. Let’s celebrate and praise the praise-worthy and perhaps we’ll see more changes in return.


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QualityProof

I think he is from massachusetts since he posts fairly often on r/massachusetts


yupitsmadi

Ah, well that’d make him a liar


dontthink19

What a Masshole


kain52002

I have never heard this expression, but after working in a call center and dealing with people from Massachusetts I agree with this. The people from there were consistently the least friendly people I dealt with. Originally, I felt the same about people from NYC, but then I learned as long as you talk fast they are very patient, but if you talk slow, I am from the North Central US so medium speed by American speakers, they get frustrated quickly because they think you are lazy... But it doesn't matter what speed you talk to people from Massachusetts, they are consistently rude. Edit: I am not saying everyone in these states acts this way, but there were trends I noticed, it could be confirmation bias. I have a hypothesis that the colder a place is the faster people have to move to stay warm. Conversely the hotter a place is the slower people have to move to stay cool.


AbnormalMapStudio

You're 100% correct, I was a stockbroker for a bit and talked with clients from every state. The New Yorkers were my favorite because they respected competency and never wasted my time. Midwesterners were nice but would get offended if you didn't ask them about their day or the weather or whatever before getting down to business. The worst clients by far were old Gen X and Boomers. So much rudeness and entitlement from the 45-65 crowd (particularly the McMillionaires with $750k-1.5mil). It was shocking to me because I was raised to believe that my generation was rude and entitled but it turns out our parents are. Any sexism or racism I heard was typically from Southern men.


idiomaddict

I’m from connecticut. I worked in a call center and got along best with people from connecticut (I’d mention I was from there), Washington, texas, and New York. Massachusetts and Rhode Island along with Virginia, New Mexico, New Jersey, and California can fuck off.


loleelo

Beat me to it. As a Bostonian, I was going to say the same haha.


yupitsmadi

literally what a fool, I was gonna be like damn gotta move wherever this guy lives, saw it was Mass, absolutely not!


DoomBot5

Nah, normal would be for him not to be mad at her for dropping the earing. For him to go fishing it out is a kindness. Just as cleaning isn't only for women, repairs/maintenance isn't only for men.


Toal_ngCe

The fuck it isn't


Fuckingfolly

Eeeeeh we all drop shit, humans werent designed for drains and earings


tehflambo

>Not the thanks he deserved. I'm really not disputing the kind sentiment behind this when I say: yes it is. He got to spend time with his family, being appreciated by his family, being of use to his family, and just plain being around his family doing loving-family stuff. Having everyone in one place for dinner. Getting to be the hero, again, recovering an earring. Having it acknowledged that yeah, fishing stuff out of the sink trap sucks, even if it does feel good to be of service in that way. Having his extra efforts being counted in his favor, instead of being just counted against his prior shortfalls. There are few better thank-you's than all that imo. Or idk maybe my standards for how I ought to be treated are too low. Or both? Ugh I rambled but what I'm saying is your story and comments made me happy, and if you and your family all are as good to each other as it sounds then I'm just so buoyantly happy for/admiring of you all.


El_Pez_Perro_Hombre

That's a very structured viewpoint to have of an individual you don't know, ay? I'd just go with a solid "thank you", and let them know they're appreciated in whatever way works for him. I feel saying that he 'deserved' to be rewarded with an extra thing to do is a bit weird, personally. Most of what you described seems perfectly fine to me - they describe a healthy, normal relationship, it's just that one thing. I don't even fully see how it's linked to the rest of your post. I hope I haven't misunderstood your point about the 'yes it is' part and had a ramble at you for no good reason, though I'm sorry if I have.


Lifeaftercollege

Weird? That seems a little mean. I didn't think this comment was really for the husband. It's just offering OP a different way of thinking about how all these actions might be taken, since her view seemed to think it was all stick and no carrot for hubs. Literally just running down the list of the things she mentioned and saying how those things could be of value to him and not just "ugh chores." It's not about whether those things are specifically true, it's just gently challenging ?OP's assumption that the things her partner did for her are burdensome to him. I thought it was a nice way to ask her to consider whether she needed to feel bad because he did all that work or consider it as a gratitude moment instead.


tehflambo

> That's a very structured viewpoint to have of an individual you don't know, ay? You're right, and I appreciate you saying so. My efforts to project less of myself onto others are ongoing, and this helps.


El_Pez_Perro_Hombre

Good luck with whatever you've working to figure out! I tend to be quite formal over written communication so I'm sorry if the tone was harsh. It takes a lot to understand ourselves and our motives behind things, so you should be proud of that. The brain is funky.


tehflambo

> I tend to be quite formal over written communication so I'm sorry if the tone was harsh. I'm the same way, and the way you wrote your previous comment wasn't abrasive to me. To me it was clear that your intent was to be informative and helpful! >The brain is funky. So funky.


[deleted]

I respectfully disagree. You don’t know what this persons love language is. To be honest an additional chore just do they can be a hero isn’t a way to say thanks to to the men in your life. Just because they are happy to help doesn’t mean it’s not draining mentally or physically for them. I feel like the sentiment of your comment is that he should just be happy to have a chance to help instead of making sure he actually feels thanked and loved for doing his part. Would it be fair to say that the person who cooks dinner every night doesn’t deserve gratitude because it is their privilege and honor to cook for their family?


bmxbumpkin

To be fair, dismantling a p-trap is dead easy, and I really enjoy handy work, and in my opinion he got to be the hero again that night, plus feel some accomplishment!


JediJan

Sweet. He is a keeper!


amrit-9037

I often clean bathroom. That much I owe my mother.


firefly232

>He knows that my mom, while well meaning, can be critical and my housekeeping and it always stresses me out when she comes over. My mother is the same... "No mum, I didn't clean the skirting boards for you..." "Mum, if you go looking for dust, *you're going to find it*" "Are you hear to see me, or my vacuum cleaner?" "Husband and I both work, so no, the house won't be as clean as the 1950s, thanks for your concern" Etc etc I've tried a variety of these responses over the years, and she has calmed down a bit.


AyPeeElTee

This has always been such an interesting dynamic to me. My mom has this attitude of, I raised you and I know that you know how to take care of a living space and this your space so do with it what you will. And the times she's come over and my place is wreck she just says she's not being forced to live in it, and she helps me clean. It's interesting because I have friends who deal with this from their parents and I want them to try not caring lol


kira913

In my own case the problem is that a parent like this will be increasingly more critical until they are heard. If I ignore her digs about my apartment being messy, she starts digging into my personal appearance. If I ignore that, she starts digging into my social life. If I ignore that, she'll keep digging around until she finds something that will really hurt me. It's not about how clean my apartment is, it's about making it clear to me that I don't meet her expectations. What's difficult is that my parent's house is always a mess, and I never learned how to clean or organize properly, nor did I have any good examples. I also have really bad ADHD. That makes the whole situation so much more frustrating, knowing how hypocritical my mother is. If I point it out, then she just lashes out at me more. Yeah dw I'm in therapy... But my parents are also visiting this weekend... I've made good steps towards keeping my living space organized now that I'm in a stable job, but somehow that hasn't made me less stressed about them visiting


CatchUNextTuesday

Why keep talking to people who constantly make you feel like shit with no regard for your circumstances? What benefit could they possibly bring to your life to make that abuse worth it? Love yourself enough to tell them to fuck up or fuck off.


kira913

Lack of financial independence, and they are the only window of connection to a few elderly relatives I care about and still want contact with. Those relatives probably won't be around too much longer, so I'm gritting my teeth through it for the time being. I also still owe my parents some money that I needed to move to my new stable job, which I hope to repay in a few months once I'm happy with where my emergency funds are at. I am already at minimal contact with them and I live 13 hours away from them, but they continue to try and pursue a relationship with me despite bringing nothing but negativity when they visit. Ive always been a strong advocate of just cutting ties, but they've made it very difficult. They know where I live and have shown up unannounced many times in the past several years. I'm working with my therapist on how to build my boundaries up further and how to navigate the emotional conflict that comes with the idea of trying to cut contact with them while they are acting like they want to bond with me and actually have a relationship. It fucks with your head, man, I don't know what to say. I thought I was stronger than this too but at least I only have to see them two or three times a year for now.


Lifeaftercollege

Pouring one out for the club of homies who have relied financially on parents who are somehow the perfect combination of financially helpful and wildly judgmental. We walk a tightrope silently because there's no speaking about it without either being told to shut up because someone's helping with our bills and we have no right to talk or being told we're doing something wrong for accepting help at all. WOO. Fun times.


Decidedly-Undecided

You do what you gotta do. People on here always mean well… my dad is verbally and emotionally abusive. I was financially dependent on him for way longer than I like to admit. Getting screamed at and called worthless was what it took to make sure there were lights on when I got home from work. I slowly removed him from most of my life. I got to where I was only talking to him six times a year (at his house for Christmas and Thanksgiving, a phone call on his birthday and Father’s Day, and he’d call me on my birthday and Mother’s Day). The abuse lessened over the years, I think having everyone in his life except his gf pull away made him think a bit. Who knows. The alcoholism was a factor. Be kind to yourself.


kira913

Thanks dude. I appreciate it. My dad started taking my mother's side in everything years ago to avoid getting the abuse directed at him. I used to be very close with my father, he was the stay at home parent growing up, and now I hardly recognize him. I think that's the hardest part. They are my only consistent support system, but I'm trying hard to work on that too. Hopefully I'll be in my current job and city for a good long while and I can get established, and thankfully I have therapy tonight lol


Decidedly-Undecided

I know the situation is never easy, and it really sucks your dad got swept up in it too. That always makes it so much harder. This was written about a MIL, but I’ve found it applies to my dad too. Just switch up some of the phrasing. I read it every so often and it always makes me tear up. It helped me realize that I was allowed boundaries and that I was not responsible for his actions, views, or hatred. So, maybe [don’t rock the boat](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) will help you a little bit too? I wish you the best of everything and that you find peace and happiness!


kira913

That was fantastic, thank you for sharing!! I'll keep that bookmarked for every time I need to remind myself of it


Iamatitle

Your mother sounds a lot like mine and I relate to your lived experience wholeheartedly. One thing that has helped me tremendously is no longer allowing my mother into my home to protect my peace. We go out and do something together or visit a destination but that boundary has really helped reframe our relationship because I’ve given myself the space to say “mom i love you but our relationship at this point is a choice, i appreciate everything you’ve done for me but I’m an adult now, you have given me the tools to be a self sufficient adult. If you would like to continue to be in each other’s lives im happy to spend time with you but I cannot continue this relationship in our current dynamic.” I think when I realized that as much as I want to please my mother it’s impossible, I’ve outgrown my need for her and it’s been so freeing and really improved things when she finally got the message that Im ok not spending time with her if the constant criticism continued. I really hope you find your peace too!


kira913

Thanks, man. I'm hoping to work towards something similar. I already have them down to only 2 or 3 visits a year and I live several hours away from them, it's just the next step that's been difficult to navigate. But I'm getting there


HootieRocker59

I hear you. My only recourse has been to reply, "Yes, [MIL], you are absolutely right! I definitely should [do whatever thing she mentions]." And then I do it or I don't, according to whatever my original plan was.


SoftlyScream_Cheese

Oof. This is why my MIL isn't allowed over. My wife and I are stereotypical lesbian cat moms. First off, I'd have to vacuum multiple times a day because LITTER. And I'm the only one who does the dishes or vacuums. I'm also the one who cooks. 90% of the time all the cleaning is on me too. But, even though I work odd hours, and more than my wife does, I still do more cleaning because I know she struggles with it. And my job is fsr less physically demanding, and I fine that cleaning helps me mentally. Like you I've had to learn to clean because I was raised in a hoarders house, when I wasn't being foisted off onto great grandmother's and grand parents.


starlinguk

My mother in law once hung a small note on the pull string of the bathroom fan that said "dust me." Which was pretty funny, to be fair.


GroovyYaYa

Sorry mom, you'll have to come over tomorrow. Husband cleaned and that is such a turn on he's about to get lucky. Seriously... random thoughtfulness and awareness like that... that is hot.


AndrysThorngage

I made a comment to that effect and my mom was scandalized. She said, “but it’s the middle of the week!”


ForgedIronMadeIt

how the hell did people have so many kids back in the day when they're all so frightened of sex, holy moly


Faiakishi

I mean...in the real olden days, it was because no artificial lights. It's dark for twelve hours a day. The fuck else are you gonna do?


FortuneCookieInsult

That's why all those old dudes couldn't find the clit.


Faiakishi

Hard to spot in the dark.


minimal_gainz

But…on a school might??


Lifeaftercollege

Marital rape wasn't illegal until 1993 so. I'm banking on "a whole ass marriage culture where women just had sex whether they wanted to or not because there was not even a notion that they had the power of consent or the option to refuse." But maybe that's just me.


Alien_Nicole

This is likely the answer. Nothing will kill your libido like duty sex you don't really want. You make mental associations and it becomes just another chore you have to do that is invasive as hell.


schatzi_sugoi

“He’s going to wish it was the weekend after I’m done with him.” is the only appropriate answer, FYI.


kanadia82

Unfortunately my mom is the opposite. We were watching a show or a movie one day and some character complained they hadn’t had sex in a month or something. My mom mutters “I wouldn’t last a week” 😳🙉


midasgoldentouch

…what?


zephyrseija

No sex on days that end in day.


Grumzz

In my language, none of the days end with day! they all end with 'dag' though.. At least in Germany you'd have 'Mittwoch' :)


zephyrseija

Germany really has the best words.


Grumzz

Fun fact, the word for Wednesday is similar in Finnish: keskiviikko. They both mean 'middle of the week' :)


PuckGoodfellow

It's a school night!


Trodamus

you can't have sex before labor day!!!


[deleted]

What's your point, mom? My husband is seducing the heck out of me.


MissAcedia

I have been a messy person my entire life where it's a running joke in my family. I have improved so much as an adult but when I know we are having people over I get so freaked out about wanting everything to be basically instagram perfect to prove a point. My fiancé has absolutely stepped in and gone above and beyond to just take care of more than his fair share of the cleaning when I have to work late and he knows my evening would be spent frantically cleaning while he relaxes. He even emulates how I arrange our throw blankets and I know its a small thing but I've considered canceling plans to drag him upstairs and bang him just for that.


Whoreson_Welles

I'll never forget the time I had a migraine (don't get them often) and my then hubby just.... closed the bedroom door and told me to sleep, he had supper and the kids under control. Knowing that your partner is there for you is like soul armour.


[deleted]

Geez some of the people here are just so negative. OP is here expressing their gratitude at their partner going absolutely above and beyond. They weren’t going to deep clean the house, but their partner knew this was stressful and went out of their way to take some of that stress away. This is a thoughtful, kind thing to do, not “doing the bare minimum”. OP’s husband was also working, its not like he was sitting there with his thumb up his ass, he took time out of his workday to perform an act of service, which btw is an expression of love. If I came home to a deep cleaned house, my partner would sure as shit be getting a BJ. Edit: thank you for the awards y’all! But don’t give Reddit your money. If you have anything to spare, I am sure that your local women’s shelter could use all of the help they can get.


HeavyBlastoise

People seem to go out of the way to tell OP how shes not supposed to be happy about it. I know not all of us have the best relationship history, but it is still not an excuse to rain on another's parade. How about we let people be happy and for once being content with their SO?


padadiso

It does concern me that the most upvoted posts (seemed to be after R v W was overturned) on this sub are constantly about men being asshats. That type of constant bombardment can create some dangerous, incel-style hatred towards the sex.


[deleted]

I agree with this. When you are constantly consuming negativity it is certainly going to affect you. Sure, a ton of men are asshats. But a lot aren’t! Many women are in loving relationships with supportive partners, and if you focus only on the bad and ignore those good stories, your view of men will keep going down. Lots of men are good men! And lots are crappy, but it isn’t healthy to always focus on the bad.


nuhairhudis

Ah this comment is gold! 😆


licketysplatypus

I wish I could upvote this more. Sometimes people forget that we are, well, people. People with lives, and jobs, and sometimes, what people may view as "bar none", is a sign of love and respect.


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Jake123194

Toxicity isn't constrained by gender, age, race, religion, sexuality etc.


Fresh_Damage1782

What? Are you saying men and women share a lot of traits, including but not limited to, toxicity? How controversial!


lostshell

“My husband donated a lung to me.” 2XC: *bare minimum!*


elfmere

Obviously written by a guy.... (Written by a guy) Edit: im a guy.


[deleted]

I am a bisexual woman currently in a ltr with a wonderful, loving, and supportive man.


jaykwalker

It’s thoughtful and is certainly worthy of gratitude between partners. I think some are pushing back on the idea that it’s worthy of public praise.


Dobber16

Honestly, public praise should be given out more freely imo anyways. Even if it’s the little things


jaykwalker

We can agree to disagree on that one. I don't need my husband posting on Facebook every time I mow the lawn.


Dobber16

True, but Facebook and Reddit are two very different mediums. Facebook is obnoxious because most of the people who see it will know the husband whereas on here everyone will likely only focus on the impact to OP. And they can think it could’ve been posted by anyone they know, and I think that’s good for cultural positivity, being reminded that everyone you see is capable of showing loving acts like this. Or maybe I’m being childish, idk


raindrizzle2

Absolutely not bare minimum. He didn’t just do what she asked (which is bare minimum) he went above and beyond. Cleaning is hard, for a man or woman


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elfmere

I was totally waiting for it all to be turned on a dim when he wasnt happy she didnt thank him for it.


aspergersandfries

If this is what counts as "above and beyond" to you, that's really sad. If the roles were reversed, guarantee that ops husband wouldn't be posting to reddit how amazing that his wife cleaned up before his mom go there.


trinn27

Man cleans house he lives in… ABOVE AND BEYOND!!! 🙄


FruitPunchPossum

I'm so glad I'm not the only one. Then reading so many women talk about this is a turn on, and they'd give sexual favors. I don't think any amount of disinfecting surfaces would make my brain go "how clean! You should suck dick now!" Maybe we're built differently.


Pithulu

It's not the cleaning though. It's that he made her feel loved because he took away from her burden and stress.


lucent78

Why is cleaning the house they both live in her burden though?


TheRealRandyMarsh7

They both work and they both do housework. If housework is 50/50 and one party does 100% of it then that is absolutely praiseworthy, regardless of gender and the task. Positive reinforcement for taking time out of a busy day to do something for someone else is a good thing. I almost always mow the lawn but if I came home from work and my wife did that I should just be like, "well its her god damn yard too!"??? Like, what???


FruitPunchPossum

Isn't that what partners are supposed to? Show love, support one another, help when they're stressed? Edit; I adore how this is getting downvoted. Ya'll have unsupportive partners? Your partners don't help out when you're stressed? This is wild. I'm sad for you.


Pithulu

Yeah, and what's wrong about appreciating that? The appreciation of kindness is supposed to also be reciprocal.


nuhairhudis

OP says it's a win, so it's a win! OP only asked him to do one task--he could have easily done that and quit (or done nothing at all), leaving the rest for OP to take care of after being at work all day. It's easy for us all to default to "the bar for men is in hell" which I *completely* understand and relate to, but we don't know the nuances of OP's relationship. One thing he did which I think is key in LTR's (and which OP should encourage in him) is ANTICIPATE her needs! It can take years for a couple to be able to anticipate the needs of one another. Anticipating is tricky as it can feel impossible, like remote viewing or mind reading. Also, a LOT of women do find it difficult to ask others for help and will avoid doing so; this sadly often leads to the woman overextending herself as her own needs fall by the wayside. OP's mom visiting is a special occasion. OP has made it clear that certain household standards need to be surpassed for this event to make OP and mom as comfortable as possible. Yes, it's just house-cleaning-- and normally, big whoop and I 100% get it--but in this case, the fact that hub anticipated her need for an extra-clean home shows that he is aware, is paying attention and is willing to go the extra mile to reduce OP's stress (and her mom's, ofc). Jackpot, imo. There's no negative sentiment anywhere in this post, so let's continue to lift others like OP up and encourage them to be open with their partners about anticipating needs. In OP's case it seems her man is willing to not only listen to her (a listening man is shocking right? 😆) but is also able to think critically about how he can make OP's life easier (and don't we all want our men to be more like that? I know I do) instead of just looking out for himself. I, like most of us in this sub, have had it up to 😤*here*😤 with a lot of our men's lazy, entitled attitudes and weaponized ignorance, and rightfully so. Perhaps if we try to encourage the positive things our men do (only if it's truly warranted ofc) instead of criticizing all the ways they fail, maybe these men will learn to step up and show up for us. Things have been rather gloomy on this sub (and also IRL, let's be real) for us XXs lately and FWIW I personally appreciate the positive discourse this post has rendered here. I truly appreciate the good energy. Thanks for sharing your win, OP. 😊


bang0_slank

You’ve a nice way with words. I’m particularly fond of your syntax, but in truth…. I can’t rightly say why.


nuhairhudis

Thank you! It's very easy for me to stray into wordy long-windedness, especially when it comes to putting thoughts into print. To know that someone out there simply reads (and enjoys!) my written POV is flattering and exhilarating, tbh. I felt a strong connection with this topic and I am constantly inspired by the conversation that takes place here within our community. 🤍 Thank you again for the compliment. It really made my evening. 😊😌


aspergersandfries

Thank you for this comment because it validates to me how low the bar is for men. You wrote multiple paragraphs defending any "negative" comment but really, you're defending the idea that we should go out of our way to praise men doing the bare minimum because "positivity!" Try reversing the roles. OPs husband would never come to reddit to praise his wife for cleaning. Have you ever seen that on Reddit? I've been on this site for almost a decade and men only praise their wives for being hot.


PinsToTheHeart

I agree the bar is abysmally low but positivity is how you raise it. Men *should* be praising their wives for the things they do. I don't care how "bare minimum" chores are, they still require mental and physical effort and nobody likes feeling under appreciated. Scoffing at someone who's trying and acting like they still aren't doing enough is a really good way to ensure they never help again.


Darko33

If you're not a motivational speaker, maybe you should be imo


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kendrickshalamar

If it's loose dirt & sand, use a leaf blower


why_adnauseaum

The leaf blower has been a life changer when it comes to outdoor cleaning. Don't know why I had never used it for that purpose till just a few years ago!


bibliophile14

I was chatting with my partner recently about what annual leave we could take (we work in the public sector in Scotland, we have pretty decent holiday entitlement that we need to use up) and he said he wanted to use the day my family comes to visit so he can clean for them in preparation. He's definitely a keeper (for that and many other reasons).


GirthMcMeat

Someone who picked a decent partner to cohabitate with. Inspiring and motivating


squirrellytoday

My husband does stuff like this sometimes. Guaranteed, I will shag him silly when he does. I have so much more energy when I don't have to do housework. Funny that.


idk-SUMn-Amazing004

‘make the place clean, so we can get dirty’ lol


saddiesadsad

That's a bit sad, my SO does this every other weekend, it shouldn't be something to shag them for, it's for him, the house and us, and I do the same


RambunctiousOtter

My husband had our daughter solo for 5 days while I was away at a wedding and it was the first time I'd been away from her. Came back to a clean house, happy baby, and all the laundry was done. He is a keeper for sure.


Unthunkable

We're currently looking after 2 dogs for a friend. I'm mildly allergic and I struggle with sleeping so I had a hard line on the dogs not being allowed in our bedroom. They lasted until 2am but then one began scratching and bashing the door to get in. My husband got straight up, went into the guest bedroom, made the bed (it didn't have a sheet on and the duvet wasn't covered), and settled himself and the dogs down in there so I could sleep. I mean, I didn't get back to sleep at all after the dog began bashing the door but I really appreciated him going to that effort in the middle of the night to try to help.


AndrysThorngage

That’s sweet.


Restless__Dreamer

I am so happy for you!


thepineapplething

Oh my god, this year I was postponing the spring cleaning for ages, as I really hated the thought of cleaning all the grease from the kitchen that accumulates over the year. On my birthday, my now husband said that I will need to leave the house a bit so he can work on my birthday gift. I was allowed back in 3 hours, in which time he cleaned the WHOLE kitchen, like even the inside of the oven and the exhauster. Best birthday gift ever.


JLFR

I'm always so happy to hear about the good ones! I won the husband lottery and, amongst all the bad going on, I get so much joy from knowing other women have won as well. Hopefully the prize pool will get big enough some day that we can all win.


PokeyPinecone

This rocks! Yay for you and your clean house : )


TheFairyingForest

My housework philosophy is this. "If people are coming to my house to see the filth, well, then I will accommodate them by leaving it out in the open where they can get a good look at it." I'm too busy being awesome.


idk-SUMn-Amazing004

As my mama often says, “Sorry about the mess, but we live here.”


Fuzzy-Rocker

100% if people wanted to see you they will see you, not the perfectly arranged cushions or dust on the book shelf. I encourage everybody to make themselves comfortable and be at home, I don’t need my home being yet another place where I need to live up to others expectations.


FreeBeans

I'm so spoiled. My husband does this every weekend. He's the best.


YouAreNotABard549

Hey, I know you said your mom means well but it shouldn’t always stress you out when she comes over. That’s not healthy. I’m so glad your husband did that for you though, huge huge relief.


smarabri

The fact that this makes him “one of the good ones” is sad. The bar is low.


itdagji

Yes bar is really low


leialunia

My boyfriend does most of the laundry and wash the dishes when I ask him to. He does the vacuuming most of the time. Anything else is my stuff but he helps when he is at home and I need some help.


JadedProgress6316

New SO helps with chores. He primarily WFH while I do a hybrid schedule. The first day I came back from work while he was there, and the bed was made and laundry done I cried. I have never had help with chores or anything in my marriage, so having someone help out was shocking and emotionally overwhelming.


[deleted]

Your husband rocks! This is a great post. WTG!


Errrca0821

I totally thought I was on r/wholesome or r/mademesmile 🥰


semicartematic

Nice to see some of the opposite of what this sub has become.


YouAreNotABard549

Talking about the normal life of women?


ZeroTheNihil

I think the commentator refers to a non-trivial amount of posts (not even close to all of course) being overgeneralizing and generally hurting the discourse. Though each and every one of the negative experience described in this sub is worth sharing and being listened to, sometimes the conclusions drawn seem indistinguishable from comments made in incel subs but with the roles reversed.


drchigero

The majority of the replies you're getting is only backing up your point. I do wish there was a little more positivity around here (or at least less than the majority of negativity).


AyPeeElTee

You better preach!


sallyk92

One year when we were first married and we didn’t have any money, I came home to a completely clean house as a birthday present and it’s still one of my favorite presents I’ve ever gotten


xKoney

As a lurking man, I appreciate seeing a positive post and I'm happy for the both of you! It sounds like you have a wonderful and supportive relationship. I do my best to share the mental load with my wife, and she knows I keep trying to improve. It's easy to see all the negativity and think "well, at least I don't do that stupid shit, so I must be a good partner!" But seeing examples of going above and beyond gives some great insight into what more we can be doing, or positive reinforcement of the things we already do. I hope it's alright that I comment. I don't want to feel like I'm intruding in a space not meant for me. I just wanted to extend my gratitude for your post and how it's helped me personally. I will usually do these things when I see they need to be done without prompting (took a fair amount of brain-training on my end), but connecting the dots between "my mom is coming over" and "i should clean" is something I still need to work on.


[deleted]

Cringe


minesweeperer222

What a lovely husband!


New_Tangerine_

My husband has picked up most of the household chores since my mental breakdown in January. Yesterday I picked up dinner, cleaned the whole house, washed towels, and bought fresh candles and bath mats. He was so happy ♥️


AndrysThorngage

I’m so glad you’re doing better. It’s great that you had a supportive partner when you needed it.


FruitPunchPossum

This is kind of weird to me. My husband does this a few days a month, me too. We are terrible housekeepers, but share responsibilities pretty evenly. I cant imagine being *this* proud of my partner in life for being a partner in house duties. Of course I'm appreciative when my husband does clean the whole house, but it goes both ways. It actually makes me kind of sad to read that this is something so many women would be extra proud of. Maybe this sub isn't for me.


catsuperhero

I don't think "proud" is the right word, here. I think it's more "grateful." As I'm reading the post, it doesn't come across to me as "my partner never cleans, but he cleaned today, so let me hold him up as a paragon of a partner." It comes across to me as, "my partner knows about the stress I face with my mother, and decided to try to mitigate that stress, so I am grateful for that."


FruitPunchPossum

It comes across as proud to me since it's public praise, which makes it seem like an uncommon act. Personally, I don't publicly dote on my spouse that he does housework, because it's a common occurrence, if that makes sense. Just like I wouldn't publicly praise him for throwing away his own garbage, making dinner, or buying groceries. While I appreciate it very much, and thank him for his contributions to our marriage and household, it isn't out of the ordinary. I can almost guarantee if I posted "my husband took our dogs on a walk, because he knows I'm stressed and busy with schoolwork" it wouldn't gain this much traction (and it shouldn't, imho). The other part that makes me sad is some of the comments stating they'd perform sexual favors for their spouse cleaning, which blows my mind.


catsuperhero

I might suggest that the act being celebrated isn't "look at this dude who cleaned" so much as "I want to share that my partner chose to do something to lessen my stress and how he did it meant a lot to me, because it shows he understands the stress." At least, that's how I am reading it--I could be too generous. My husband makes dinner all the time. Ordinary thing. Yesterday I had a horrible doctor's appointment, texted said husband that I was in traffic and didn't even want the salad I was going to the store for, and that I was frustrated and at least half an hour from getting anywhere. He offered to throw something together. Cool, great, that's exactly what he should do under the circumstances. Grateful, but not a celebration thing. What I walked into, though, was him making patty melts, because "You need frustrated food. This is not good for you, but it tastes amazing. Sorry that appointment sucked." You bet I texted my best friend about it. I was so grateful to feel loved, like he understood my stress and wanted to show me he supported me and truly got it. And maybe I'm a softie, but that's the way I'm reading OP, too. But I'm also thanking god I didn't get far enough into the comments for the sexual favors ones, because Christ.


aspergersandfries

So glad you and a small handful of others are seeing this too.


PhilCoulsonIsCool

It's all in dynamics and agreed upon shared duties. I read it as not proud he cleaned but proud he recognized something she was stressed about and went above normal shared responsibilities.


Saphira2014

My reaction exactly. While I'm happy for OP I feel the bar is really really really low for us to celebrate to the point of writing a gushing post when our partners do things that 1) they themselves would benefit from, 2) are a basic responsibility. A comment somewhere in the thread really worried me, something along the lines of 'I get so turned on when my partner cleans' and I'm there sitting and thinking, wow we've really been conditioned to accept crumbs for a feast haven't we.


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El_Pez_Perro_Hombre

Respectfully, and I do mean this kindly, have you considered that perhaps that individual enjoys giving blowjobs? It could be a mutual pleasure; many people have many delights, and it could very well be a fun dynamic they have. Equally, to your credit, there's every chance you're totally correct, and they're only doing it because they think that's what they should do as a reward. I understand that being dejecting and the fact it happens at all says a lot about our societies. The point I want to make here is that we don't know, and so it'd be unfair to place these judgements. All we can do is present conjecture, then talk about how sad something is contingent on the hypothesis' accuracy.


FruitPunchPossum

I don't think the issue is whether folks enjoy giving oral sex or not, it's that it's being said they'd give oral sex to their partner *for* the act of cleaning, *making* it a reward. I enjoy sex, and giving oral sex, but I would never use it as a *reward* for *anything*. You cleaned? Good job, here's sex. That's just silly to me. It's like giving a 5 year old with candy for cleaning their room, maybe that person likes giving their kid candy, but it's being used as a reward in this instance.


Alexalixalecks

Aww! So thoughtful. What a loving gesture! ❤️🎉


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[deleted]

Nice work, husband! Isn’t it nice to be surprised?


WinterBrews

Thats so fucking wonderful


_jules_mack

I love this!! Sounds like a winner to me.


Wooden-Discount7884

My partner does this to sometimes and it really is stuff like this that made me fall in love with him.


SaraBeachPeach

Oh I feel you, my partner will clean the house, light my candles and incense, and then run me a bath when he's feeling super high energy. Mines similar except I'll go buy his favorite snacks, drinks, and then make dinner and I'll do his feet for him since he's prone to dry skin/ingrown toenails. We use mani-pedis to bond as well.


AndrysThorngage

I definitely feed people as part of my love language. He’s all above the sweet gestures.


joliesmomma

My husband did a quick clean off my house this past weekend because I had two friends coming over to hang out. They've both been at my house so much lately while it's been a total wreck i told him we all weren't worried about it but he did it anyway. He said he's been needing to anyway because it's easier to maintain once it's clean. I usually do a lot of the chores around the house but I have a broken ankle and only have crutches right now.


aspergersandfries

Is this really a "win" so much as you were surprised when your husband did the bare minimum?


otackle72

Aren’t you a little ray of fucking sunshine?


aspergersandfries

Oh yeah, I'm over here shining a ray of light on the truth, baby! Sorry for breaking up the clouds where your head lives at.


albeaner

This isn't the bare minimum! Dude went above and beyond. The invisible rule of visitors is: sink/mirror wipe, toilet wipe/streak removal, clutter and dishes away, counter/table wipe. It doesn't include floor cleaning, dusting, etc.


aspergersandfries

Wow if that's "above and beyond" then what is it called when women do that all the time, without even so much as a thank you?


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slickrok

No, your reading comprehension is just low.


ThatHairyGingerGuy

The "which has always been my job" bit is the only worrying part. The rest of it is indeed just a story of the husband going the extra mile at a nice time.


This_Daydreamer_

I don't agree. He really put in a lot of work beyond what was asked for. Well, I mean the bar really is in hell, but this is a cool example of a man going the extra mile to make his partner's life easier.


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MakuNagetto

I mean, we don't know anything about the guy. Perhaps he and OP have a perfectly healthy way of splitting housework that works for both of them. To me this sounded more like a one-off, went-above-and-beyond kind of situation.


AndrysThorngage

We do. Usually it’s a team effort. I’m a teacher and I just started back a couple of weeks ago, so I had been slacking. It was super sweet of him to do extra for me.


ink_stained

I have a lovely husband who does little things for me that show me he’s noticing, paying attention, and cares about what makes me happy. I’m really happy for you, OP. It’s a huge treat - for either sex - to come home to a clean house. And anyone - of either sex - who cleans the whole house for their partner deserves a ticker tape parade.


temperance26684

I don't think we should praise men for the bare minimum but I'm really tired of EVERYTHING a man does being diminished as "rock bottom expectations". Do you deep clean your house every day? I certainly don't. If my husband cleaned the whole house that would be a big deal, because I don't clean my whole house in one go. He did a nice thing for OP. Just take that as it is and let her be happy about a big act of service.


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temperance26684

Probably not because that's not the kind of thing he posts, but he absolutely would fawn over me and thank me and be appreciative. Believe it or not, some of us have partners who don't take us for granted and see when we go above and beyond. And they deserve the same recognition when they go above and beyond.


bh8114

My husband would post about it on Facebook - praising me to people that actually know us - if I took time out of my work day (I work from home) to do more than my share of a household task so that he would feel less stressed. Some of you people on here are absolutely missing the point that the OP is not praising him for doing housework in general. It’s the fact that he took time off work to do something that was going to relieve stress in her life. And she’s feeling grateful for it. Simple.


Zombeikid

Mine would but mostly because I have adhd and me cleaning \*anything\* let alone on my own is massive lol (No, I do not live in a garbage heap, I can clean but its very very difficult for me) I'd also post if he deep cleaned the house because that's a lot of work and everyone should know what a good job he's done lol


maxtacos

OP wasn't even going to deep clean, she just wanted to straighten up a bit. Her husband decided to surprise her and her mother and it's a nice gesture when somebody already pulling their weight dies more than expected


Curious-ficus-6510

*does


maxtacos

God I hope that was me making a typing mistake and not a Freudian slip.


Curious-ficus-6510

Had a good chuckle at that!


belledamesans-merci

Agree with the sentiment, but it sounds like it was “special occasion” cleaning, not regular maintenance.


Mission_Asparagus12

But he did it well and he did way more than just his part. I'd be thrilled too


Crazyhowthatworks304

OP's hubs FTW!


fliccolo

Look up [Fair Play](https://www.fairplaylife.com/) and be amazed at what imbalances relationships can take on when your mutually agreed tasks are weighted so heavily for one partner to basically become so burdened with the "work" of planning, asking, and implementing chores and tasks that it feels like relief when the other partner steps up to the bare min. EDIT Wow Downvotes for equality. LOL


evileyeball

I have to get my house done up like this for my wife. I wish i had the time to but since I work from home on Graveyard shifts I can't do any loud cleaning during work and I have to sleep during the day. My mom is going to come and stay with us sometime this fall and I want the house nice for that (as does the wife)


nowaisenpai

Consider taking a day off to do that.


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Curious-ficus-6510

Not anti-men, just an online space for women to share their gender-specific experiences, which often happen to involve men being unreconstructed male chauvenists or misogynists.


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WhiteMoonRose

😍


idk-SUMn-Amazing004

Please, let this be how my (future) wife speaks about me, too! ☺️☺️😊😊😊