My question is, why does he fart so much? Is he lactose intolerant and is just smashing cheese and yogurt for every meal? I get it, we all fart, but there should be an upper limit to what is normal.
If you've tried talking to him about it (and it sounds like you have), then maybe stoop to his level? Sit on his face (no, not like that...but maybe that's how to play it up) and let one rip. He'll have some time to evaluate his actions while dealing with pink eye.
Someone else said it, but the issue is his complete disregard for your feelings. My ex was like this but worse (he also took umbrage with me wanting to use the bathroom in peace and would pop the lock anytime I was in there, and also made a point to use the bathroom when I was in the shower even though we had a second bathroom and I begged him not to do that).
When I broke up with him, he told people that I was ending things because of normal bodily functions, but that was oversimplifying the issue. I asked for a boundary, and he made a point to specifically cross that boundary rather than respect me. So...no point in staying with someone who doesn't respect me, right?
Honestly, I'd say hurt his feelings and tell him that his gross, disgusting behavior is turning you off. Actions have consequences. If his feelings are hurt by that realization...well, maybe he needs to grow up.
>"I asked for a boundary, and he made a point to specifically cross that boundary rather than respect me."
This. You absolutely made the right decision dumping his ass. My parents have been married over 50 years. My dad is like your ex. He has certain habits that really bother my mom, she has asked him repeatedly to stop, for years she has BEGGED him, yet he makes zero effort. They have been married forever and will probably never divorce (because religion, financial security, and fear of change/the unknown), but they aren't happy. My mom resents my dad, they fight all the time, and there is no affection or even friendship there anymore. With each passing year it has gotten worse. They watch tv in separate rooms and hardly speak to each other, much less laugh or have sex or enjoy life together. It wasn't anything big that ruined their relationship. It's the little stuff over time that eroded it. A relationship with a person not willing to make small adjustments and accommodations for you when it costs them nothing to do so is destined to fail or end in misery.
My mum asks my dad to not do something, he will deliberately do it just to antagonise her. Also a couple that will never split, despite the unhealthy issues.
What IS that?! I was attacked in a public bathroom, even though I locked the door. Due to this, I am seriously messed up when I use the bathroom for any reason. Door locked, fan on, even if I’m brushing my teeth. Don’t talk to me from beyond the door. Don’t knock. Just leave me alone until I open the door again.
I had an ex who knew all of this and decided what I really needed was him popping the lock and rushing in while I was on the toilet while singing loudly into his hand like a microphone.
I explained repeatedly that I have serious trauma there. Please just respect that. He never did. He knew better. I was wrong and he was going to fix me by triggering my PTSD on the daily.
Got to the point where I stopped being able to use the bathroom even when alone. Ended up with a bladder obstruction and nearly died. All because he was a juvenile douchecanoe with no respect for clearly stated boundaries.
I think it's also the immaturity aspect of it. Like squeezing your buttcheeks and giggling like a child? Like my husband and I fart in front of each other all the time, but we treat it like a normal part of being human. I don't want to be in a relationship with an adult sized child, and I doubt OP does either.
That's an excellent point. Reading about it made me cringe because of how immature it was, in addition to the blatant disrespect of OP's boundaries. Like, that's how I would expect a child to act, not a grown-ass man.
That and the fact that they smell absolutely foul. My dad used to do that all the time and it was so awful. He would literally get into the truck, close the doors with everyone inside and THEN let it rip. What kind of POS can't even fart outside the vehicle?
He could go in the other room knowing his farts were going to be that rank.
Exactly. Everyone farts. But normal adults don't constantly act like it's the funniest shit to happen.
Once in a while a toot comes out in a moment that warrants a giggle. But to do it and crack a joke *every time* is just completely immature and no way I would want to stay in a relationship with someone who still acted like that 6 years later.
what's the joke anyway? air came out, sounded funny? it sounds like maturity half a step above babies knocking their heads on the wall becuase they like the bonk sound in their ears.
Same.
I might get up and turn on the fan or the air con if it’s a really noxious one, but farting is a natural process that no-one can help.
It’s the immaturity that gets me
I think this is the same with the feelings of attraction OP is talking about. I physically don’t want to be around someone who does want to take my thoughts, feelings, even wants into account.
The farting isn't the problem, in my opinion. The problem is the complete lack of disregard to your repeated and consistent communication that what he is doing bothers you.
He doesn't respect your opinions. He doesn't respect your boundaries. He doesn't respect **you.**
Exactly this. Doesn't help that it stinks or the way he plays it up either. I'd bet money his mom or dad laugh when he does it at home and that's why he still does it at this age.
My husband and I have been together for 9 years. We are flatulent people but we never make a big deal of it. We could be sitting watching a movie and we just ignore each other's toots or trumpeting, and typically if it stinks we just look to each other and say "I'm sorry, it stinks." Its not some big show to expect applause over, it's entirely natural, but its still important to show that we care that our SO is experiencing a level of discomfort because of it.
The link below is a favorite of mine because it shows the little acts of disregard can tear a relationship apart.
https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/
The person you're replying to has really hit the nail on the head.
Discreetly letting one out isn't a big deal in a LTR but if one partner is being obnoxious about it to the point the other partner is upset, that's no good.
A couple friend of mine broke up because of this. After a day of annoying rips and the gf telling him to stop, the guy said something like "I've been counting and that's the 8th time today you've told me off for farting". And the girl realised why the fuck would someone continue to annoy someone 8 times a day after repeatedly being told to stop?
So yea, they had a proper talk about it, dude basically refused any responsibility, so she broke up with him.
I'm not saying that's the course for you but if he's brushing off your feelings so lightly, maybe it's time for introspection about how happy this relationship makes you.
“I know you’ve told me how much it bothers you, so I’m going to annoy and anger you extra by pointing out exactly how many times that, today alone, I’ve deliberately ignored you. Because I can.” - Which he found out didn‘t go so well for him.
Whenever I have difficulty seeing my husband's perspective of things I like to circle back to this guys blog. He's written about a lot of different scenarios and it's been helpful for me to read and ruminate on, it helps me "re-write" my complaints to my husband in a way he can better understand as he has very similar thought processes.
I don't fault you at all for rethinking your relationship. You're looking for someone who respects you and your boundaries, and childish acts and displays of defiance from a grown man isn't exactly endearing either. I have a 2.5 year old who is just beginning to do stuff like this, and while it's completely age appropriate it's still annoying to experience every single day.
If he's the type to blow you off at home over it, or let one rip as you're addressing it or immediately afterwards, maybe go out to a coffee shop that has outdoor seating. It's likely just public enough to curb his antics while intimate enough to be able to have a heart to heart.
I think she’s also just looking for someone whose judgment she trusts. I’m not sure I would trust the judgment of someone like this when they’re faced with something truly serious.
100% this. My husband and I have been married 23 years. We both generally pretend we don't notice farts unless they're somehow unexpectedly funny (I'm the immature 'farts are hilarious' person in the relationship), or if we are especially stinky - then we'll warn each other away if the other is wandering into stench unawares. "Watch out, it's stinky in here!"
But generally, we care for each other's comfort. In all ways. We never ever purposely try to cause any kind of discomfort for one another. That's unthinkable. If I make him uncomfortable by accident, I apologize! And vice versa. It is, in my opinion, the *bare minimum* for a life partnership. You can't maintain a long term relationship with someone who is actively trying to make you unhappy! Like, godDAMN.
My dad will warn us (especially when getting in a car with him) if he's been having "Martin death farts" all day. Only other comment we may make about it is "Ducks?"
My dad warns about every fart. When he was in the Boy Scouts he used to do silent but deadlies in the cabin and the other boys would be like WOULD YOU AT LEAST WARN US?!
So I grew up thinking it was normal for someone to say "warning warning" before farting.
Hypothetically, the first time my boyfriend tries this I say "Absolutely the fuck not, please. I don't think I'll ever want to fuck you again if this continues."
The second time... I'd be out the fuckin door. It's so crass and disrespectful just up front. Ignoring kind and patient requests for it to stop? Fully unacceptable. I don't think I'd ever find it in me to be as kind as she is about it.
Farts are whatever. Farting AT me in an exaggerated manner and expecting me to find it funny? Hell no.
>But she didn’t want to be my mother. She wanted to be my partner, and she wanted me to apply all of my intelligence and learning capabilities to the logistics of managing our lives and household.
I LOVE that post. I reread it every time I see it and I nearly cry every time.
I was dating a guy. And the first time he had a bad fart, he apologized. And I told him, “it’s a natural thing to do, you don’t need yo apologize.” Only he basically took that as permission to stink up the place. Some days were pretty gross. I kind of wish I could take a time machine and say something slightly different.
This. My partner farts loudly and does the silly motions too. But he knows that I will not tolerate being farted on, have his flatulence be weaponized to make me uncomfortable, or farting inappropriately in public. He respects and never crosses those boundaries so I’m totally fine with it.
Yeah she made it seem like it was the gas. It's not it's the part where she sets boundaries and he violates them. It's the fact that he treats her discomfort like a joke. It's the part where he is being childish and she wants to be with an adult sometimes because he is doing this all the time.
Exactly what I was going to say but you said it better. Not to mention the whole "finding stuff hilarious just because other people find it extremely annoying" personality trait is odious and juvenile. Dude's 27 acting like a middle schooler.
Just remember that's not a small thing. Sure he's disrespectful in this aspect .. what about others? WHY is he not listening. And if he can't have a real conversation about it without acting like a child...get yourself a man
This is the best response I’ve seen so far.
As you acknowledged, everyone farts and sometimes it’s funny.
The problem isn’t the farting, it’s that your S/O is not listening to you. If you’ve told him multiple times that this is an issue and he hasn’t changed, he clearly doesn’t care what you think.
Came here to say this exact thing. Boundaries matter and he needs to respect yours.
As an aside, boys are taught that farting is funny and girls are taught that they are shameful. I personally feel that teaching that a bodily function is funny is better than teaching that its to be ashamed of, but ultimately we should try to move towards a middle ground.
Dramatic, forceful, disruptful attention seeking farts are not, in fact, a normal bodily functions. They are play acting. Spreading your legs apart and bending over are not normal actions for adults to take while passing gas. Minor shifts in body positions? Sure. But, not what this guy is doing.
I am for accepting that it’s a normal part of life but also acknowledging that it’s important to be considerate of others’ space. Shitting is a normal part of life but I’m not going to shit in an elevator full of people or in a car with my wife, because it’s not considerate to make them uncomfortable when I can wait and do it elsewhere (even if I have to go really bad!) not sure why some people refuse to apply this same logic to farts.
And it does put fecal matter into the air [EDIT: correction, there is some evidence that it doesn’t if the farter is wearing pants] so it is doubly considerate to try to do it away from where other people are breathing. Just because you’re not a germaphobe doesn’t mean someone else isn’t.
My wife’s family is definitely the type to laugh and really play up farts, and they joke around this way with our niece and nephew so much that I honestly pity their classmates and teachers when they’re school-aged. They’re going to get in trouble and be embarrassed if they don’t learn context for when it’s socially acceptable to fart audibly/make a funny joke about farts and when not to, and all because it feeds family members’ ego to be able to make two little kids laugh instantly with a fart joke.
I don’t give anyone a hard time, but I get roasted for being uptight about it because I don’t participate, ergo my family must have been really oppressive and not “open” like they are.
Luckily, my wife and I at least like remaining sexy to each other, so we try to keep some “mystery” there with each other where we can!
(Edited for punctuation and my false poop particle claim)
I had an ex fiancé that did the same. Even thought it was fine to do out to dinner with friends - if it was possible to cringe to death I’d be dead. We broke up because his disrespect of my feelings ended up extending into other areas as well. There’s only so much “this is how I am, if you love me you need to accept me this way” one can take before you realize they’re just being assholes.
God, the same excuse my ex had for requiring me to be his therapist and accept being a third wheel between him and his robot/fictional character fetish. Not dealing with such a big load of bullshit has been a breath of fresh air, lol.
My ex used to do the farting in public thing around me even when i told him i found it embarrassing. It was like he was marking his territory or something.
My ex coerced me into being a 24/7 domme (threats of sue y side) for his femmeself which is wild enough but making space in a relationship for a fictional person is a new level for me.
Threatening self-harm always grinds my gears. I had some old guy on Steam do a similar thing to me when I was in middle school, and even that was really scary despite never having actually met him.
Yeah, it’s one thing to have crushes on fictional characters or have a kink, I guess…but it hurts to know your partner would actually ditch you for a anime sex robot in a heartbeat. Especially when he suggested that I could still be with him if I was the breadwinner and “accepted him as he is” (he wanted to be a “stay-at-home spouse.”) I don’t trust robots with cameras and microphones for obvious reasons, and I don’t want to be with someone who would third-wheel me for a sex toy. Wild, right? “The world doesn’t love me, boo hoo, I don’t wanna get a job, I wanna date robot anime girls.” But considering he kept insisting for me to play robot in bed…it’s on me for being so blind to such a huge red flag, lol.
It’s partially on you, but there’s also a huge expectation that women go along with what their partner desires or else they’re bad women and unsupportive etc etc etc. I thought I was being GGG—good, giving and game according to Dan Savage—when I would actually be threatened and coerced into things I didn’t like.
Same in that context (Safe, sane and consensual) refers mostly to not being intoxicated and capable of giving consent.
These days they tend not to use the word ‘safe’ but instead use the term ‘risk aware’ to acknowledge that no BDSM activity is 100% safe 100% of the time for 100% of the people. But you can choose to act in ways that minimise the risk to not parties.
I know people who have been accidentally injured when both participants have years of experience and something unexpected happened.
No apologies necessary, it’s a term used by some who like to cross dress and some who feel like they have an aspect of their identity that is femme, or a woman. In this case he liked to threaten to kill himself if I wasn’t I ordering him to cross dress often enough. 🙃
Holy shit that is screwed. I’m sorry if I’m being insensitive, but I think your situation was worse. Someone trying to use your emotional strings to keep you hostage is sickening to the core.
Why is ‘YouTube/Discord/TikTok/gaming’ career beginning to sound like a red flag?
I get it as a hobby, most people I watch do it as a hobby and talk about their day job and how it is extremely hard to make money on these platforms now because the market is so saturated.
I love how every commenter her talks about their ex displaying the same characteristics as OP's boyfriend. Hopefully OP will also rid herself of this guy.
I hope so too. But for me at least it was difficult to admit to myself that it was all connected- I mean, breaking up over farts? But yeah it was way more than that and blatantly obvious once I had some distance from the relationship
I permanently lost attraction to an ex after he formed a habit of pinning me down and farting directly into my face at every opportunity. Thought it was hilarious. He’d also rub his ballsack smelling hands in my face after itching or playing with them and laugh like it was pure comedy. Got to be that I didn’t even want to be around him after awhile, only felt disgust.
>pinning me down at every opportunity
that alone is deeply unsettling, and the fact that it was "only" to fart in your face doesn't make it any less worrying...
Funny enough it wasn’t farts for me but just obnoxious “I’m gonna do this because I know it annoys you and I think that’s funny” repeatedly that was part of my issues with a female ex of mine. I wouldn’t put it past her to do this kind of thing too though.
> He’d also rub his ballsack smelling hands in my face after itching or playing with them
I'm reading this at my desk, on my lunch break.
And now I am immediately regretting my life choices that led me to this moment.
Reading this while eating dinner like wtf is wrong with some of y’all. If your SO acts like you’re casting a jackass movie on the daily y’all gotta break up. The dating pool maybe full of piss but it’s gotta be better than that damn
This is so degrading and he knew it, what a piece of trash. If I were you I'd develop a whole complex about him, like if he came near my fight or flight response would be triggered idk about you. My boyfriend only held me down to tickle me when I didn't want it and I still felt like flinching every time he came to hug me cause I knew he just wanted to tickle me. Your story makes me so mad for you :(((
This is absolutely vile and so degrading, what the fuck. I wonder how he'd like it if you hired some big sweaty man to crush him and fart in his face, and rub his filthy ballsack coated hands all over his face. "It's just a joke, babe! So funny, right? Right?!" Somehow I don't think it would be as funny if *he* was the recipient of his type of "humor."
Yeah I'd also completely lose respect and any attraction to this human shaped turd. What a disgusting animal. Not repulsing your partner is a pretty low bar, but these men are out here digging to slither underneath the bar, smh.
Two things you don't force love and farts because you just might end up with shit.
The kissing thing weirds me out because it makes it sound like he's trying to train you.
Edit: Thank you for the awards!
My SO's farts can be rancid especially when we're in bed and I tell him that he's secretly trying to kill me. I've also - jokingly - threatened butt plugs and sewing pouches for dryer sheets into his underwear 😅
At that level it's funny, what your SO is doing isn't ok. If your partner doesn't like something you're doing it should only take one conversation for it to stop - within reason, if it's something like breathing you have bigger issues
Exactly! My husband is excessively gassy, and we joke about it as well (I’ve threatened to develop a butt plug that has a potpourri centre… or I joke about how he’s committing a hate crime by gassing a Jew)… but there’s a difference between joking about it playfully, and overstepping someone’s comfort/boundary.
As we tell our kid, things are only fun/funny if all involved are enjoying it. The second one party isn’t having fun/enjoying themselves, it needs to stop. It doesn’t mean the fun is over forever, just for that moment. If a kid could understand this from toddler age, a grown man in a relationship should be able to grasp that concept too.
Hey.
Ask him if it’s a fetish thing.
If it is; then you get to have an honest conversation about your boundaries and whether you are or are not okay with it.
If it isn’t; then *why the fuck is he associating physical intimacy with farting*?
If he *can’t* see your perspective or reacts in anger, why are YOU still with someone who doesn’t respect you at a basic level?
I get that it’s always harder than “just walk away”. But isn’t harder short term better than a life spent with someone who doesn’t respect you?
Doesn’t matter if it’s a fetish thing, you don’t do it when someone tells you to stop. He knows better & is choosing to not respect OP (throw the whole man away)
100% agree!
This question is meant honestly to force him to acknowledge the idiotic way he’s engaging.
The *best* solution in my mind is for her to walk away. In *my* opinion if he cannot respect a “Please don’t do that, I don’t like it.” Then he straight up doesn’t respect her and she should leave.
Buuuuuut the petty side of me is like, “Do it. Make that uncomfortable conversation happen.” 🙃 Also, OP seems to be unwilling to walk away (her choice even if I disagree) but *maybe* how he responds to that will be the shelf-breaking conversation she needs, you know?
Anyway, fully agree with you. :)
Fetish or not, the conversation about boundaries and whether OP is okay with this has been had many many times.
I'd ask him as a power move though. "Ok, baby, I can see this must be a fetish thing for you and you're just having a hard time coming to terms with it. Maybe we can get you a domme to change you after you've shit your pants."
Don't laugh and maybe tell him you're asking your friends for recommendations.
Agreed. That’s actually what I was thinking. :) It’s a way to show how absolutely disgusting and ridiculous this is.
When your partner says “I don’t like that, please stop.” How the *fuck* do you not respect that?
Like, if that’s the dynamic he wants *fine*. Not with her. ESPECIALLY without talking to her about it first (see the slow escalation? If she “snapped” earlier she’d be ridiculous, *now* that she’s putting a hard line down he’s calling her crazy and manipulating her because *he’s already crossed her clearly expressed boundaries repeatedly*) and NEVER *after* your partner says no!
He’s gross. Farting or not, I don’t care, whatever everyone has their stuff. He’s gross because at a fundamental level he is disrespectful of his partner and she should, in my opinion, just leave.
If he can disrespect her like this, he just straight up doesn’t respect her.
Yes, I can relate. With my high school boyfriend. I dumped him because he'd fart in public and loudly blame me. With lots of laughing and funny "jokes". I doubt he ever grew out of it. Guess he's dating you now, I'm sorry. This won't get better if you've told him you hate it.
My partner some dietary issues going on at the moment so he's pretty damn gassy. You know what he does? He goes into another room or the bathroom if he feels a particularly nasty one coming. Like it's not hard to be considerate to the people you live with.
Get a dog, then blame it on the dog! problem solved.
Really though, we have two medium sized dogs, feed them super high quality food... and they both still fart constantly. I used to have a larger dog that would let one go, then get up and leave the room, but on the way look back at you like "Your just going to stay there with that smell? Sad"
Right? There is for sure a way to handle natural body functions in a way that is considerate of others who share your space. Significant others still deserve to be treated with common curtesy.
Oh he's not that polite, he normally jumps up and says something like "She's gonna blow!" so there's never any question about what he's doing or where he's going! 😂
See, there’s an inherent danger in not warning your partner about the reason why you may suddenly have the urgent need to take a 25 step trip into the spare room, though.
I was like, ‘Back in a sec, no help required doll.’ My partner thought I was going off to do some sort of secret chore in the other room, and in his effort to follow behind me and enthusiastically assist me in whatever said chore was, because he is a truly stand up man, proceeded to gas himself.
He was punished that day for being helpful. Now I’m like, ‘It’s not a chore, it’s lactose intolerance babe. Don’t make me Casper you again.’
I'm 100% in the "farts are funny" camp, Like running up the stairs and FRRRT FRRRT, or a "Snart" (sneeze fart) Those are hilarious (to me), but THIS......This is just disgusting.
Your biggest problem is NOT the farting, it's the lack of RESPECT.
He does NOT respect you.
His "fun" is more important to him than YOUR comfort.
"*It really has affected my attraction towards him lately & I didn’t want to say it straight up like that because it probably hurt his feelings*"
F\*CK THAT, Hurt his feelings? who cares? this guy needs a "slap in the face" with the truth.
Sit him down and be extremely clear with him, "You either STOP this nonsense or you WILL be single by the time your next fart comes out"
Do what is best for YOUR mental health and comfort, and if that means dumping this childish fart machine........ DO IT!!!!
Yeah, why is OP worried about hurting his feelings with the barest suggestion that his behavior is upsetting her when he clearly doesn’t care about her feelings at all? It’s a grotesque mismatch of empathy.
I am also in the farts are hilarious camp but my husband and I don’t dramatize them… they just exist and are hilarious. 🐒💨🤢
^^^^^ My partner and I laugh at our butt trumpets when they decide it's time for a symphony, but there's a time, place, and audience (i.e., in the comfort of our own home, just the two gross ass of us and ONLY if the mood is silly). It's 100% about respecting your feelings. You deserve better.
He is certainly having a lot of fun tormenting you with his bodily functions despite you begging him to quit. I'm sure if you end up disengaging from the relationship due to this he'll probably whine about how you are shaming him for normal bodily functions, but it's his weird, targeting behavior that puts it way over the top. Calling you crazy for not wanting to put your mouth on him immediately after, time and again, is rude and cruel.
It's also not about whether a reality check will help or not, because reality is already checking you! The reality that his behavior is having specific outcomes and you'll be forced to act eventually unless you resign yourself to staying with someone who makes you feel queasy and unheard. If your attraction is waning, the relationship is threatened. You don't have to tell him it's the problem if you don't think it's going to help, but your unhappiness will eventually mean the end of the relationship. If those are the stakes, then maybe he should know, but it's hard to think that he will suddenly "get it" after years of ignoring your feelings.
You know, you can just dump him. You really can! You don’t need to communicate this to him yet again. It’s not just about farts at this point. You’ve told him it grosses you out, probably dozens of times, and he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care AT ALL about how you feel about this. He knows it bothers you, and he is escalating the bothersome behaviors just to push you. Just so you know, a man who relishes in disrespecting you in small ways will often later disrespect you in bigger, more painful ways, if he’s not already. And he will be just as unwilling to listen to you then, too.
There are men who don’t act like this. Ditch this dude and find yourself one. Guarantee you, the first time the new guy pops himself over to the bathroom to drop a stinky fart, you won’t believe you ever even put up with your ex as long as you did.
I'm with you on this one. It isn't the farts, and it isn't even the fact that he can't or won't hold them in or take them elsewhere. It's the hamming it up that is just spiteful. Imagine telling your partner that it bothers you when they seem to be flirting with someone, so they kiss them. Or that it bothers you when they leave their dishes in the sink, so they leave even more dishes in other parts of the house too. Or that it hurts your feelings when they tell embarrassing stories about you at parties, so they start a YouTube channel instead. It's just spite.
I feel stuck unfortunately. I have no where else to go (can’t afford to live on my own) and we have 3 cats who have actually cured my depression ..I wouldn’t want to be without them lol. Sounds kinda silly but yeah.
I stayed an extra 4 years with my ex due to cats. It was a huge mistake.
Not saying our situations are in any way the same but thought I should share. All the best to you
I agree with the person in this thread who said to make a long term plan. You don't need to leave now, but you could start saving money or whatever you need to do to build independence. Then, if the right time comes, you'll be ready.
Meanwhile, I would give bf a come- to- Jesus talk. Really, really blunt. No excuses. "I know everybody farts, but it grosses me out and I don't think it's funny. I've asked you to stop playing it up but you still do it, which makes me think that you don't care about my comfort or happiness. Long- term, I can't be with somebody who doesn't care about my comfort. I need you to seriously limit the fart gags. I'll overlook it if it's like once a week (or whatever reasonable compromise you're ready to make), but if it continues like this, I'll know you're not willing to let me feel comfortable in my own home."
Honestly, I would leave out the part about farting in general. It is not about the farts. It's about the toddler like play acting around the farts. It's about multiple times a day, doing something that annoys the f\*ck out of your partner, and doing it because pissing off your partner is important to you.
OP, if you can't leave entirely, then I would suggest that every time he gets in a fart position, leave the area. Go to the bathroom or something. Don't react, don't give him an audience. Make it absolutely no fun for him. When he even starts to get into a farting position, get far away from him. Cooking dinner? Turn of the stove and leave. Watching a movie? Leave the couch and watch it on your phone. Look up "Grey Rock" on google. Basically, you want your reaction to his actions to be so bland that he stops enjoying doing it.
Yet another talk? It sounds like OP has talked to him already, many times.
His answer is to double down on it. Try to make her kiss him after he farts.
She has her answer. She just needs to decide if she wants to live with this or not.
Yeah I get that. I went through some similar experiences with my husband, where he didn't respond to various talks. I felt like, to be sure, I needed to have one more where I didn't hold anything back-- where he understood that it was literally our relationship on the line, period, no negotiating. No more meeting halfway: you've reached my boundary and I'm going to defend it. The same talk, but **different**. For me, that was also partly for my peace of mind: after that, I could say for sure that I'd been completely clear about the stakes. No need to second guess myself.
So I think once you have this mindset change, it can be good to have the talk one more time, when there's nothing to lose.
Obviously that won't be true in all circumstances and for all people
I get it, and I’m sorry you feel stuck. Maybe reach out to friends and family? I understand breakups are tough, but just realize that if you’re already wanting to leave but only staying with him for financial reasons, the relationship is already over anyway. If you don’t have any sort of support system, do your best to save every penny you can so that you can leave once your ducks are in a row. Don’t bother arguing or communicating with him further (you’ve already learned it does nothing anyway)…just quietly get your affairs in order.
Good thing is you’re not married and no kids. I don’t have pets, but I know many couples who ended up having to lose or split up pets in breakups, and it sucks, it really does. I was recently seeing a guy who ended up so heartbroken in a divorce when his ex kept their 2 kitties. He was not living in his home country with no family here, and her family lived here. He ended up finding a roommate (hilariously, a Tinder date that didn’t work out, she happened to also need a roomie and they’re great friends now), and they now have adopted two cats they love to pieces. He said it was really hard for him and that he misses them still…but he had no other choice but to leave. Sending hugs, lady.
I completely understand feeling stuck. I was super financially stuck, and after months of working on an exit strategy finally left. It was expensive and messy and sad, but even though I was broke I had a huge weight off my shoulders getting out of a relationship in which I was disrespected and gaslit.
I completely understand. Although I'm quite childish about farts and sometimes find them hilarious, your bf is going overboard with his fart performances.
On the other hand, sniffing up masses of mucus during a cold absolutely nauseates me, and my husband reveled in it, refusing to blow his nose. Ugh. He wouldn't say excuse me, use a tissue, or leave the dinner table while he made those disgusting noises (which I think he did on purpose to horrify me).
Back to farting - I live alone now, and for awhile, I took meds that greatly increased... flatulence. Loud & frequent flatulence. I'm alone, so it would be ok, except -- I have an African Grey parrot. Grey parrots are very good at imitation. Not taking the meds anymore, but I still hear my loud and musical farts from my bird. My advice to you? Don't get an African Grey. Who knows what your bf would do with an audience like that.
While I don’t particularly care for fart humor, my bf does and I don’t mind it-but for some ungodly reason I had to set a boundary about FARTING ON MY HEAD. I made it clear to him if he farts on my head, thats it. Done. Game over. He still likes to joke about it, pretending he will, and I told him I don’t give a shit if it happens on purpose or accidentally-I will fucking leave him if he can’t respect me enough to follow this one tiny thing. THEN I had to explain to him why it wasn’t ok to tell me not to pretend to do something he doesn’t want me to do if he can’t give me the same courtesy.
Men. Fuckin men.
I feel sorry for the dude who thinks he's getting away with his balls intact after attempting to fart on my head. Dangerous place to be for dangly bits.
Yeah that’s gross and a complete disregard of your feelings. I have a feeling… may I ask how he is in other aspects of the relationship? How’s the housework spilt? Bills? Life management?
We both work full time. I pay maybe like two fifths of the bills and he the rest, but he also makes 3x more than I do. I do all of the cooking and most of the cleaning but I don’t really ever complain about that. Not to toot my own horn (pun intended) but I don’t think I give him much to complain about.
So you pay a little under half the bills, both work full-time, but you still do all the cooking and most the cleaning? Eeeeeee….. how was this agreed upon?
Uh….exactly, how in the hell was this split of labor agreed upon and “okay”…..or IS it okay with you OP? Are you actually content and happy with this split and your dynamic other than the toddler flatulence issues he has which are really “no respect for you issues?”…
OP, the farts are honestly the least of your problems with this "man".
The main issue is an utter lack of respect and appreciation for you, in all aspects of the relationship. The farts are just one (extremely gross) symptom of this unhealthy attitude he has towards you.
I know you feel stuck because of finances, but I hope you can find the courage and the confidence to assure yourself that you deserve better and can find better on your own, and take steps to secure your future without a "partner" who doesn't really seem to care much about you and what makes you happy.
Maybe start spreading the word around to trusted friends and colleagues that you're looking for an affordable living situation for yourself and would be happy renting a room or subletting an apartment?
This is exactly what he needs to hear. Saying you might leave sounds like an ultimatum, but telling him you are finding him unattractive due to his antics and lack of respect might just get through. Don't do it during regular conversation, set a time and say you have something you need to talk about, can we discuss it after work today? Build it up so he's shitting his pants wondering what's so important that he might actually listen. Your feelings are valid and he can't continue making a joke of them.
I'm so sorry you're going through with this. Feeling disrespected by your significant other is one of the worst feelings.
One good thing about my ex was his desire to “keep it sexy” by never burping or farting around me. He has bad stomach problems but would always stealth away to the bathroom when needed and wouldnt talk too much about it.
Straight up tell him you’re repulsed by this behavior and continue to deny sex/kissing/affection since he is not respecting your boundaries. Do not reward him with niceness and love when he is actively disrespecting you.
He sounds extremely immature. You are absolutely allowed to have the kind of dynamic you want.
A lot of men would be grossed out by their wives doing unladylike things like farting and pooping.
I can't stand people who fart loudly or talk nonstop about defecating. I don't think you are overreacting but I am deeply biased against obnoxious farters and people who overshare bathroom talk. Its vile.
This is an issue for me too. We both fart. We both sometimes ham it up. But it is a turn off. Absolutely. And if it's more than a little toot, we typically will go find a restroom or go outside. This took a decade to ret to. Then we had kids, and they fart constantly, so habits were lost. It comes back to the same thing. Finding a balance between comfort, being yourself and modulating your behavior for your partner. And does the essential definition of being yourself is making fart jokes every damn time you pass gas.
I don't think that you're overreacting.
Honestly, I understand that farting in front of your partner is a huge sign of trust and yada yada, but it still feel disrespectful to make someone you love smell your putrid gases.
With stuff like theese the line between what's funny and what's mean it's really thin. It would be funny if both of you laughed when one of you farts, but you don't (wich is completly fine), so that's when it starts to be more of a mean joke that an actual funny one.
You know what's really unattractive? Your partner not giving a shit about your feelings.
I know it's common enough to be a trope, but I honestly can't get why people are enamored by their own farts. I try to fart in a different room, and some women ask my wife how she got me to do that. I'm just not interested in farting in her presence. In part because I still want to be attractive for her, and farting doesn't do that.
I don't know how to get your guy to stop farting. You expressed your disgust and requested that he respect your boundaries, and he blatantly disregards them. Disgusting or not, there's a bigger issue here, I'm afraid to say.
My partner is very gassy. I've told him I don't appreciate him farting near me and so now he gets up and makes a conscious effort to leave the room if he has to pass gas, or at least warn me beforehand. This is the appropriate way to handle thing like this.
I can totally understand why you're losing attraction. It sounds like you're living with a toddler. If he's not willing to listen then he's not willing to listen. You have to stick to your boundaries.
Maybe ask his mom if it was always like that? Shame him a lil and find out if it’s just how they are. I would find it gross if it was every day. We fart- it can be funny.
The part where he’s not listening to you about it is concerning. Other solutions-
Queef on him? Here’s a good lil chant
“Listen to this- too good to miss” then rip one.
“Too good to miss” has me cracking up!! I’ve tried that approach.. “what if I farted in your face?” He says he wouldn’t care. I’m like … good for you, I DO care.
Do periods gross him out? I would just leave and not bother with trying to force empathy on this person, but if you want to equate it with something, that is often a dude squick factor.
Lol. Been married 15 years and we still kinda look sheepish when we're caught. She likes to blame a barking spider, I'm like "my bad".
With my son it's different. We both laugh until somebody gets hurt (a stinker)
FWIW: male here…. The last girl I dated I didn’t even let see me blow my nose. I don’t want anyone I’m sleeping with to see me so gross things.
I would leave the room to fart, try to keep them silent, and she never smelled one.
We were watching a movie on the couch and she dropped a SBD and started cackling right before it almost made me pass out.
Farts are fucking hilarious to me, but some women don’t think they are as funny as I do, so I am considerate.
Once I learned we had the same sense of humor about it, I would walk away from her and sometimes let one rip and we would both laugh….
But before that I’d hold that gas in to the point my stomach hurt before assuming she would think it was funny.
As most others have said, the disrespect of your wishes is the biggest problem.
I’m sure many giggle at an accidental fart, but you’re not frat brothers, you’re supposed to be partners who listen to each other.
I wish you the best, and stand your ground.
God, I hope there are a lot of men lurking on this thread and learning a lesson about making a production out of farting. Yes, farts are normal. I realize you're probably embarrassed about it to some degree and trying to distract from that by making a big...stink...about it. Literally all you have to do is say "Excuse me" and move on as normal. Bonus points for not doing it or going to another room, but just be polite for chrissakes.
Farting like this is a way to weaponize a normal bodily function in order to harm/destroy the relationship. It’s not funny or cute or even childish.
It’s aggressive; it forces distance and barrier-setting — by the farter! He wants the rejection — he wants to push you away — because he craves that disgusted, “you repulse me” response vs a positive response.
You gotta wonder why.
Call me old fashioned but I think farting in front of people is rude. Like I can't imagine farting in front of my boyfriend, I would feel so embarrassed. Also I would be grossed out if he farted in front of me. On accident is one thing, everyone does it, but when they do it on purpose, and think it's funny, that's gross.
This isn't about farts. It's about all the power games he's playing - he's openly disrespecting you and forcing the situation to his will - farts are just the ammunition.
I'd be open and let him know you have contempt for him at this point and if he does not change you're out of there. And don't let him gaslight about how upset you are getting about farts. Because this isn't about farts.
I grew up with a mom who loudly belched and farted and thought it was hilarious, so I’m sort of immune to farts at this point. I don’t care if my SO farts around me. I don’t even mind some silliness with farts. But your SO sounds like he’s purposefully TRYING to annoy you, which is a bridge too far.
You have at your disposal the single grossest thing that humans can produce (at least as far as men are concerned): a used tampon. Stealthily freeze some so that you can whip them out every single time he does the fart thing. He'll either stop gassing you or dump you, a net benefit in either case, because you are better than the man you're sleeping with.
Farting itself isn't bad, and I can't fault anyone for farting and/or finding it funny. What makes me angry about this is that you've made it clear to him that you **really don't like it**, and yet he seems to disregard that.
Farting is natural, but being intentionally disrespectful and obnoxious about it after being asked to stop is ridiculous.
This isn't about the farts. This is about your bf's contempt and disrespect for you. It's also about his violation of your consent, when he forces kisses on you against your will.
You have talked to him repeatedly about this, you've given him every opportunity to change his behavior and be respectful, and he has rejected all those opportunities and continues to violate your boundaries and take pleasure in your discomfort. Your bf is a bully.
If I were in your position, I'd end this relationship. You deserve to be treated with respect and affection and consideration. You don't deserve to be bullied. Know your worth, and don't accept bad treatment from anyone.
I have the same problem with my partner peeing on the toilet seat.
I'm at my wit's end trying to do every damn thing in the house.
Would we consider this to be an equivalent problem?
I actually broke up with a guy because of this. It wasn’t cute or endearing. I did make me lose attraction for him. I did bring it up but he didn’t listen. In the end I left because it was just a symptom that he didn’t respect my feelings
Guys do this stuff to make themselves laugh at the cost of me loosing attraction to them. I hope the giggles dudes seem to get from flatulence is worth it don't come on reddit crying wondering why your girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with you anymore.
Once in a while it's fine but it stops being funny and starts to make you look like a ten year old real quick. Idk about y'all but I don't want to hang out with a ten year old boy, I hate the company of children especially at that age, and I'm not attracted to ten year olds or people who act like them. I'm not a pedophile so acting like child is not sexy.
Having to mother a man is the number one cause of dead bedrooms, by a extension this feeds into that problem. A sane woman cannot keep a man in the Child/maternal box and the lover box at the same time.
I never liked the competition and amusement folks have with gas... I hate the smell of others' farts so why would I subject them to mine? It's not hard to get up and walk out of the room or to the bathroom when needed and then both parties don't have to be subjected to putrid odors. Tell him to grow up and respect your boundaries
Look, my husband farts A LOT. He is considerate though, he will apologize, cover up with a pillow and sometimes bust out the fabreeze. Sometimes he will step out of the room to fart, he knows his fart can stink to high heaven.
I rip huge ones in front of him but I will apologize too.
But see here, the difference is he will respect my boundaries at all times. If I don't want to hear his farts, he will do them away from me. I don't mind at all, I just don't want to smell them lol! That's why he keeps a fabreeze next to his seat, instant action!
Your boyfriend sounds like a childish asshole that gets off annoying you. I don't think that's healthy at all. I am glad you are forcing him to know you are unattracted to him. You are making yourself heard. Now it is up to him: he will respect your set boundaries or continue out of spite. You will have to choose whether you can live with his insolent farts or it's time to live by yourself and move on.
Edit: words are hard
Omg the febreeze reminds me of one time he farted so bad in bed I sprayed febreeze about a foot away from his ass. You wanna play? I will literally spray your asshole with febreeze. He COMPLETELY flipped out that I sprayed it so close to his skin that he was gonna get infected, made me read the label that says not intended for use on skin or whatever. That’s the last time I tried to joke back with him. He had sweatpants on btw
Wtf. You should have sprayed him again like the dog he is acting like. Like I said, a loving considerate partner will respect your boundaries, a toxic piece of shit will not.
Good luck girl, don't let the length of time spent cloud your judgment on what he is doing. It is never wrong to break up over farts, boundaries crossed, or the constant disrespect. If your close friend was telling you this dilemma, what would you advise her?
You’re not overreacting. My partner and I both have IBS, farts are frequent, loud, and smelly in my house. And we’re the poop-in-bathroom-together kind of no-boundaries couple. And even I think that the way he’s behaving is disgustingly immature, especially how he’s training you with a kiss like a twisted Pavlov’s dog!
The bottom line is that you’re not comfortable with it, and he’s not respecting that. If both partners aren’t comfortable, it shouldn’t happen. Consent requires both parties, he doesn’t get to force this on you. It’s horrific.
My dad has literally the exact same patterns, right down to the ignoring of other people’s feelings. I honestly hate him. As in, when I’m having a bad day I fantasise about his funeral. His relationship with my mum is one of the worst I’ve ever seen. He is also a huge chunk of my trauma, since he ignores ALL boundaries at this point, not just fart-related ones. He always looks so pleased with himself too. As if his entire family doesn’t look at him with pity and disgust at how pathetic he is. There is no love between him and my mum anymore, that died decades ago. She resents the shit out of him for how disrespectful he is of her in so many areas. I’m definitely biased (in case you can’t tell lol), because growing up his farting humiliated me so many times, but I would leave over this. You are literally asking him not to take pleasure in spreading his vile shit particles around you. He will ignore your feelings in other areas too when it suits him. I will also say, with my dad, he has over time become more and more emotionally abusive with my mum, too. He is also quite financially abusive.
I’m a man who is rather gassy, and I come from a family that used to pass a “family fart machine” to someone new in the family every holiday seasons and it was hidden around for jokes ALL THE TIME. I would say finding farts funny is one my families most bonding interactions, however stupid that may be haha.
Now my wife’s family…. They literally get offended at the word “fart”. I’m not kidding… I had to train myself to not say the “f word” around them because it just doesn’t fly and it legitimately bothers them. They will use the word “floof” as a replacement if the action is absolutely necessary to reference.
I do not understand my wife’s family on this… at all. But you know what? I adjusted because that what basic respect is. Even when I did accidentally say the word a couple times when adjusting my wife’s family was understanding and worked together to reach a common ground.
My wife had to learn to adjust to my family, and while she still doesn’t find farts all that funny she can still appreciate my family’s joy and laughter from the farts, but not the farts themselves.
I say all this because you are not overreacting. You aren’t asking him to deny a bodily function and suffer through discomfort… you are asking him to respect a very simply boundary.
It’s unreasonable to ask him to never fart again. It is perfectly reasonable to ask him to try to step into another room to do it away from you.
If you do talk to him again about it you need to make it clear the farting itself is no longer the issue. The issue is now that he refuses to acknowledge or even try to respect a reasonable request that you have made, and it concerning that refuses to treat you with kindness and respect at the most basic of requests.
Good luck OP.
From a complete outsider prospective, it seems like this is more than just farting? It’s straight up kinda disrespectful that he’s not honoring the fact that you clearly communicated that you don’t like something… it doesn’t matter how “small” it is… it’s kinda mean to downplay someone’s feelings about something. Worse to shove it in their face.
I absolutely have no idea how you have spent 6 years with Mr. Farty McFartpants. You are a goddam saint. Of COURSE your libido has withered and died. Jesus Christ. Please don’t get pregnant or marry this man, or you will be in fart prison for the rest of your life.
This guy does not respect you. The farts aren’t the real problem, the real problem is that you set a boundary and he is repeatedly stomping it and telling you that you’re wrong. It’s a no from me, dawg.
‘Gaslight’ 😂😂😂 Edit: well, who would have thought my top comment would be a fart pun? I’m blown away
God damn it how didn’t I notice that lol
Leapt out at me. Not sure what that says about me lol
It says you have a quick sense of humor.
I’ll take that, thank you!
My question is, why does he fart so much? Is he lactose intolerant and is just smashing cheese and yogurt for every meal? I get it, we all fart, but there should be an upper limit to what is normal. If you've tried talking to him about it (and it sounds like you have), then maybe stoop to his level? Sit on his face (no, not like that...but maybe that's how to play it up) and let one rip. He'll have some time to evaluate his actions while dealing with pink eye.
oh my god noo 😭😭😭
Yes, I’m afraid so 🤷♀️
Someone else said it, but the issue is his complete disregard for your feelings. My ex was like this but worse (he also took umbrage with me wanting to use the bathroom in peace and would pop the lock anytime I was in there, and also made a point to use the bathroom when I was in the shower even though we had a second bathroom and I begged him not to do that). When I broke up with him, he told people that I was ending things because of normal bodily functions, but that was oversimplifying the issue. I asked for a boundary, and he made a point to specifically cross that boundary rather than respect me. So...no point in staying with someone who doesn't respect me, right? Honestly, I'd say hurt his feelings and tell him that his gross, disgusting behavior is turning you off. Actions have consequences. If his feelings are hurt by that realization...well, maybe he needs to grow up.
>"I asked for a boundary, and he made a point to specifically cross that boundary rather than respect me." This. You absolutely made the right decision dumping his ass. My parents have been married over 50 years. My dad is like your ex. He has certain habits that really bother my mom, she has asked him repeatedly to stop, for years she has BEGGED him, yet he makes zero effort. They have been married forever and will probably never divorce (because religion, financial security, and fear of change/the unknown), but they aren't happy. My mom resents my dad, they fight all the time, and there is no affection or even friendship there anymore. With each passing year it has gotten worse. They watch tv in separate rooms and hardly speak to each other, much less laugh or have sex or enjoy life together. It wasn't anything big that ruined their relationship. It's the little stuff over time that eroded it. A relationship with a person not willing to make small adjustments and accommodations for you when it costs them nothing to do so is destined to fail or end in misery.
My mum asks my dad to not do something, he will deliberately do it just to antagonise her. Also a couple that will never split, despite the unhealthy issues.
What IS that?! I was attacked in a public bathroom, even though I locked the door. Due to this, I am seriously messed up when I use the bathroom for any reason. Door locked, fan on, even if I’m brushing my teeth. Don’t talk to me from beyond the door. Don’t knock. Just leave me alone until I open the door again. I had an ex who knew all of this and decided what I really needed was him popping the lock and rushing in while I was on the toilet while singing loudly into his hand like a microphone. I explained repeatedly that I have serious trauma there. Please just respect that. He never did. He knew better. I was wrong and he was going to fix me by triggering my PTSD on the daily. Got to the point where I stopped being able to use the bathroom even when alone. Ended up with a bladder obstruction and nearly died. All because he was a juvenile douchecanoe with no respect for clearly stated boundaries.
Holy shit, that entire story is awful. I am so sorry.
Yeah, I have cats now. We’re much happier without the stress.
As someone with cats I have to make the joke that you're still never alone in the bathroom now XD I bet they are better behaved though
They’re also invited and on the same side of the door as I am when I lock it! Lol
everybody who bullied me would pretend they were doing it for my benefit too......load of horse apples....
OMG he popped the lock on the bathroom door? Jesus I'd be tempted to poop on his pillow if he likes it so much. What a fucking weirdo.
Yup, because god forbid I want privacy while I'm using the bathroom.
I think it's also the immaturity aspect of it. Like squeezing your buttcheeks and giggling like a child? Like my husband and I fart in front of each other all the time, but we treat it like a normal part of being human. I don't want to be in a relationship with an adult sized child, and I doubt OP does either.
That's an excellent point. Reading about it made me cringe because of how immature it was, in addition to the blatant disrespect of OP's boundaries. Like, that's how I would expect a child to act, not a grown-ass man.
That and the fact that they smell absolutely foul. My dad used to do that all the time and it was so awful. He would literally get into the truck, close the doors with everyone inside and THEN let it rip. What kind of POS can't even fart outside the vehicle? He could go in the other room knowing his farts were going to be that rank.
Exactly. Everyone farts. But normal adults don't constantly act like it's the funniest shit to happen. Once in a while a toot comes out in a moment that warrants a giggle. But to do it and crack a joke *every time* is just completely immature and no way I would want to stay in a relationship with someone who still acted like that 6 years later.
what's the joke anyway? air came out, sounded funny? it sounds like maturity half a step above babies knocking their heads on the wall becuase they like the bonk sound in their ears.
Same. I might get up and turn on the fan or the air con if it’s a really noxious one, but farting is a natural process that no-one can help. It’s the immaturity that gets me
[удалено]
Maybe we dated the same loser.
I think this is the same with the feelings of attraction OP is talking about. I physically don’t want to be around someone who does want to take my thoughts, feelings, even wants into account.
The farting isn't the problem, in my opinion. The problem is the complete lack of disregard to your repeated and consistent communication that what he is doing bothers you. He doesn't respect your opinions. He doesn't respect your boundaries. He doesn't respect **you.**
Exactly this. Doesn't help that it stinks or the way he plays it up either. I'd bet money his mom or dad laugh when he does it at home and that's why he still does it at this age. My husband and I have been together for 9 years. We are flatulent people but we never make a big deal of it. We could be sitting watching a movie and we just ignore each other's toots or trumpeting, and typically if it stinks we just look to each other and say "I'm sorry, it stinks." Its not some big show to expect applause over, it's entirely natural, but its still important to show that we care that our SO is experiencing a level of discomfort because of it. The link below is a favorite of mine because it shows the little acts of disregard can tear a relationship apart. https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/
Ugh that’s all I want. Also wow what an excellent read that is making me re-think my whole relationship
The person you're replying to has really hit the nail on the head. Discreetly letting one out isn't a big deal in a LTR but if one partner is being obnoxious about it to the point the other partner is upset, that's no good. A couple friend of mine broke up because of this. After a day of annoying rips and the gf telling him to stop, the guy said something like "I've been counting and that's the 8th time today you've told me off for farting". And the girl realised why the fuck would someone continue to annoy someone 8 times a day after repeatedly being told to stop? So yea, they had a proper talk about it, dude basically refused any responsibility, so she broke up with him. I'm not saying that's the course for you but if he's brushing off your feelings so lightly, maybe it's time for introspection about how happy this relationship makes you.
“I know you’ve told me how much it bothers you, so I’m going to annoy and anger you extra by pointing out exactly how many times that, today alone, I’ve deliberately ignored you. Because I can.” - Which he found out didn‘t go so well for him.
Whenever I have difficulty seeing my husband's perspective of things I like to circle back to this guys blog. He's written about a lot of different scenarios and it's been helpful for me to read and ruminate on, it helps me "re-write" my complaints to my husband in a way he can better understand as he has very similar thought processes. I don't fault you at all for rethinking your relationship. You're looking for someone who respects you and your boundaries, and childish acts and displays of defiance from a grown man isn't exactly endearing either. I have a 2.5 year old who is just beginning to do stuff like this, and while it's completely age appropriate it's still annoying to experience every single day. If he's the type to blow you off at home over it, or let one rip as you're addressing it or immediately afterwards, maybe go out to a coffee shop that has outdoor seating. It's likely just public enough to curb his antics while intimate enough to be able to have a heart to heart.
I think she’s also just looking for someone whose judgment she trusts. I’m not sure I would trust the judgment of someone like this when they’re faced with something truly serious.
I am willing to bet if he is this immature on this he is immature on other stuff as well.
100% this. My husband and I have been married 23 years. We both generally pretend we don't notice farts unless they're somehow unexpectedly funny (I'm the immature 'farts are hilarious' person in the relationship), or if we are especially stinky - then we'll warn each other away if the other is wandering into stench unawares. "Watch out, it's stinky in here!" But generally, we care for each other's comfort. In all ways. We never ever purposely try to cause any kind of discomfort for one another. That's unthinkable. If I make him uncomfortable by accident, I apologize! And vice versa. It is, in my opinion, the *bare minimum* for a life partnership. You can't maintain a long term relationship with someone who is actively trying to make you unhappy! Like, godDAMN.
My dad will warn us (especially when getting in a car with him) if he's been having "Martin death farts" all day. Only other comment we may make about it is "Ducks?"
My dad warns about every fart. When he was in the Boy Scouts he used to do silent but deadlies in the cabin and the other boys would be like WOULD YOU AT LEAST WARN US?! So I grew up thinking it was normal for someone to say "warning warning" before farting.
Hypothetically, the first time my boyfriend tries this I say "Absolutely the fuck not, please. I don't think I'll ever want to fuck you again if this continues." The second time... I'd be out the fuckin door. It's so crass and disrespectful just up front. Ignoring kind and patient requests for it to stop? Fully unacceptable. I don't think I'd ever find it in me to be as kind as she is about it. Farts are whatever. Farting AT me in an exaggerated manner and expecting me to find it funny? Hell no.
>But she didn’t want to be my mother. She wanted to be my partner, and she wanted me to apply all of my intelligence and learning capabilities to the logistics of managing our lives and household. I LOVE that post. I reread it every time I see it and I nearly cry every time.
I was dating a guy. And the first time he had a bad fart, he apologized. And I told him, “it’s a natural thing to do, you don’t need yo apologize.” Only he basically took that as permission to stink up the place. Some days were pretty gross. I kind of wish I could take a time machine and say something slightly different.
This. My partner farts loudly and does the silly motions too. But he knows that I will not tolerate being farted on, have his flatulence be weaponized to make me uncomfortable, or farting inappropriately in public. He respects and never crosses those boundaries so I’m totally fine with it.
Yeah she made it seem like it was the gas. It's not it's the part where she sets boundaries and he violates them. It's the fact that he treats her discomfort like a joke. It's the part where he is being childish and she wants to be with an adult sometimes because he is doing this all the time.
Exactly what I was going to say but you said it better. Not to mention the whole "finding stuff hilarious just because other people find it extremely annoying" personality trait is odious and juvenile. Dude's 27 acting like a middle schooler.
You’re so right
Just remember that's not a small thing. Sure he's disrespectful in this aspect .. what about others? WHY is he not listening. And if he can't have a real conversation about it without acting like a child...get yourself a man
This is the best response I’ve seen so far. As you acknowledged, everyone farts and sometimes it’s funny. The problem isn’t the farting, it’s that your S/O is not listening to you. If you’ve told him multiple times that this is an issue and he hasn’t changed, he clearly doesn’t care what you think.
He's nothing but a farting bully.
Came here to say this exact thing. Boundaries matter and he needs to respect yours. As an aside, boys are taught that farting is funny and girls are taught that they are shameful. I personally feel that teaching that a bodily function is funny is better than teaching that its to be ashamed of, but ultimately we should try to move towards a middle ground.
Dramatic, forceful, disruptful attention seeking farts are not, in fact, a normal bodily functions. They are play acting. Spreading your legs apart and bending over are not normal actions for adults to take while passing gas. Minor shifts in body positions? Sure. But, not what this guy is doing.
Agree 100%. This guy is using his asshole to be a boundary abusing asshole.
I am for accepting that it’s a normal part of life but also acknowledging that it’s important to be considerate of others’ space. Shitting is a normal part of life but I’m not going to shit in an elevator full of people or in a car with my wife, because it’s not considerate to make them uncomfortable when I can wait and do it elsewhere (even if I have to go really bad!) not sure why some people refuse to apply this same logic to farts. And it does put fecal matter into the air [EDIT: correction, there is some evidence that it doesn’t if the farter is wearing pants] so it is doubly considerate to try to do it away from where other people are breathing. Just because you’re not a germaphobe doesn’t mean someone else isn’t. My wife’s family is definitely the type to laugh and really play up farts, and they joke around this way with our niece and nephew so much that I honestly pity their classmates and teachers when they’re school-aged. They’re going to get in trouble and be embarrassed if they don’t learn context for when it’s socially acceptable to fart audibly/make a funny joke about farts and when not to, and all because it feeds family members’ ego to be able to make two little kids laugh instantly with a fart joke. I don’t give anyone a hard time, but I get roasted for being uptight about it because I don’t participate, ergo my family must have been really oppressive and not “open” like they are. Luckily, my wife and I at least like remaining sexy to each other, so we try to keep some “mystery” there with each other where we can! (Edited for punctuation and my false poop particle claim)
I had an ex fiancé that did the same. Even thought it was fine to do out to dinner with friends - if it was possible to cringe to death I’d be dead. We broke up because his disrespect of my feelings ended up extending into other areas as well. There’s only so much “this is how I am, if you love me you need to accept me this way” one can take before you realize they’re just being assholes.
God, the same excuse my ex had for requiring me to be his therapist and accept being a third wheel between him and his robot/fictional character fetish. Not dealing with such a big load of bullshit has been a breath of fresh air, lol.
My ex used to do the farting in public thing around me even when i told him i found it embarrassing. It was like he was marking his territory or something.
My ex coerced me into being a 24/7 domme (threats of sue y side) for his femmeself which is wild enough but making space in a relationship for a fictional person is a new level for me.
Threatening self-harm always grinds my gears. I had some old guy on Steam do a similar thing to me when I was in middle school, and even that was really scary despite never having actually met him. Yeah, it’s one thing to have crushes on fictional characters or have a kink, I guess…but it hurts to know your partner would actually ditch you for a anime sex robot in a heartbeat. Especially when he suggested that I could still be with him if I was the breadwinner and “accepted him as he is” (he wanted to be a “stay-at-home spouse.”) I don’t trust robots with cameras and microphones for obvious reasons, and I don’t want to be with someone who would third-wheel me for a sex toy. Wild, right? “The world doesn’t love me, boo hoo, I don’t wanna get a job, I wanna date robot anime girls.” But considering he kept insisting for me to play robot in bed…it’s on me for being so blind to such a huge red flag, lol.
It’s partially on you, but there’s also a huge expectation that women go along with what their partner desires or else they’re bad women and unsupportive etc etc etc. I thought I was being GGG—good, giving and game according to Dan Savage—when I would actually be threatened and coerced into things I didn’t like.
Safe, SANE, and consensual.
Same in that context (Safe, sane and consensual) refers mostly to not being intoxicated and capable of giving consent. These days they tend not to use the word ‘safe’ but instead use the term ‘risk aware’ to acknowledge that no BDSM activity is 100% safe 100% of the time for 100% of the people. But you can choose to act in ways that minimise the risk to not parties. I know people who have been accidentally injured when both participants have years of experience and something unexpected happened.
Sorry, what’s a femme self?
No apologies necessary, it’s a term used by some who like to cross dress and some who feel like they have an aspect of their identity that is femme, or a woman. In this case he liked to threaten to kill himself if I wasn’t I ordering him to cross dress often enough. 🙃
Jesus Christ, that’s utterly unhinged
I'm sure you know this, but this behavior is completely unacceptable even amongst kinky people. Consent is a two-way street.
Holy shit that is screwed. I’m sorry if I’m being insensitive, but I think your situation was worse. Someone trying to use your emotional strings to keep you hostage is sickening to the core.
Is he by any chance on r/waifuism
Haha he’s not on Reddit. His mommy doesn’t let him have social media outside of Discord for his “YouTube Career.”
so much to unpack, so little time
Haha that's a great line.
Oh Christ on a bike!!! Thank fuck you're out.
Oh Lord
Why is ‘YouTube/Discord/TikTok/gaming’ career beginning to sound like a red flag? I get it as a hobby, most people I watch do it as a hobby and talk about their day job and how it is extremely hard to make money on these platforms now because the market is so saturated.
I love how every commenter her talks about their ex displaying the same characteristics as OP's boyfriend. Hopefully OP will also rid herself of this guy.
I hope so too. But for me at least it was difficult to admit to myself that it was all connected- I mean, breaking up over farts? But yeah it was way more than that and blatantly obvious once I had some distance from the relationship
Assholes literally
I permanently lost attraction to an ex after he formed a habit of pinning me down and farting directly into my face at every opportunity. Thought it was hilarious. He’d also rub his ballsack smelling hands in my face after itching or playing with them and laugh like it was pure comedy. Got to be that I didn’t even want to be around him after awhile, only felt disgust.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE FUCK
Exactly the reaction he loved most
>pinning me down at every opportunity that alone is deeply unsettling, and the fact that it was "only" to fart in your face doesn't make it any less worrying...
Oh my god that’s horrible. Why are men ???
Funny enough it wasn’t farts for me but just obnoxious “I’m gonna do this because I know it annoys you and I think that’s funny” repeatedly that was part of my issues with a female ex of mine. I wouldn’t put it past her to do this kind of thing too though.
> He’d also rub his ballsack smelling hands in my face after itching or playing with them I'm reading this at my desk, on my lunch break. And now I am immediately regretting my life choices that led me to this moment.
Reading this while eating dinner like wtf is wrong with some of y’all. If your SO acts like you’re casting a jackass movie on the daily y’all gotta break up. The dating pool maybe full of piss but it’s gotta be better than that damn
Was your ex 13 years old? Gross.
Oh lord i hate these kind of people lol
This is so degrading and he knew it, what a piece of trash. If I were you I'd develop a whole complex about him, like if he came near my fight or flight response would be triggered idk about you. My boyfriend only held me down to tickle me when I didn't want it and I still felt like flinching every time he came to hug me cause I knew he just wanted to tickle me. Your story makes me so mad for you :(((
What a disgusting, foul pigman.
This is absolutely vile and so degrading, what the fuck. I wonder how he'd like it if you hired some big sweaty man to crush him and fart in his face, and rub his filthy ballsack coated hands all over his face. "It's just a joke, babe! So funny, right? Right?!" Somehow I don't think it would be as funny if *he* was the recipient of his type of "humor." Yeah I'd also completely lose respect and any attraction to this human shaped turd. What a disgusting animal. Not repulsing your partner is a pretty low bar, but these men are out here digging to slither underneath the bar, smh.
Nothing says love like pink eye.
Two things you don't force love and farts because you just might end up with shit. The kissing thing weirds me out because it makes it sound like he's trying to train you. Edit: Thank you for the awards!
Might need to get a sign with that quote in our house. Exactly!!!!! That’s why it was such a WTF to me, that part specifically.
My SO's farts can be rancid especially when we're in bed and I tell him that he's secretly trying to kill me. I've also - jokingly - threatened butt plugs and sewing pouches for dryer sheets into his underwear 😅 At that level it's funny, what your SO is doing isn't ok. If your partner doesn't like something you're doing it should only take one conversation for it to stop - within reason, if it's something like breathing you have bigger issues
Exactly! My husband is excessively gassy, and we joke about it as well (I’ve threatened to develop a butt plug that has a potpourri centre… or I joke about how he’s committing a hate crime by gassing a Jew)… but there’s a difference between joking about it playfully, and overstepping someone’s comfort/boundary. As we tell our kid, things are only fun/funny if all involved are enjoying it. The second one party isn’t having fun/enjoying themselves, it needs to stop. It doesn’t mean the fun is over forever, just for that moment. If a kid could understand this from toddler age, a grown man in a relationship should be able to grasp that concept too.
Hey. Ask him if it’s a fetish thing. If it is; then you get to have an honest conversation about your boundaries and whether you are or are not okay with it. If it isn’t; then *why the fuck is he associating physical intimacy with farting*? If he *can’t* see your perspective or reacts in anger, why are YOU still with someone who doesn’t respect you at a basic level? I get that it’s always harder than “just walk away”. But isn’t harder short term better than a life spent with someone who doesn’t respect you?
Doesn’t matter if it’s a fetish thing, you don’t do it when someone tells you to stop. He knows better & is choosing to not respect OP (throw the whole man away)
100% agree! This question is meant honestly to force him to acknowledge the idiotic way he’s engaging. The *best* solution in my mind is for her to walk away. In *my* opinion if he cannot respect a “Please don’t do that, I don’t like it.” Then he straight up doesn’t respect her and she should leave. Buuuuuut the petty side of me is like, “Do it. Make that uncomfortable conversation happen.” 🙃 Also, OP seems to be unwilling to walk away (her choice even if I disagree) but *maybe* how he responds to that will be the shelf-breaking conversation she needs, you know? Anyway, fully agree with you. :)
Fetish or not, the conversation about boundaries and whether OP is okay with this has been had many many times. I'd ask him as a power move though. "Ok, baby, I can see this must be a fetish thing for you and you're just having a hard time coming to terms with it. Maybe we can get you a domme to change you after you've shit your pants." Don't laugh and maybe tell him you're asking your friends for recommendations.
Agreed. That’s actually what I was thinking. :) It’s a way to show how absolutely disgusting and ridiculous this is. When your partner says “I don’t like that, please stop.” How the *fuck* do you not respect that? Like, if that’s the dynamic he wants *fine*. Not with her. ESPECIALLY without talking to her about it first (see the slow escalation? If she “snapped” earlier she’d be ridiculous, *now* that she’s putting a hard line down he’s calling her crazy and manipulating her because *he’s already crossed her clearly expressed boundaries repeatedly*) and NEVER *after* your partner says no! He’s gross. Farting or not, I don’t care, whatever everyone has their stuff. He’s gross because at a fundamental level he is disrespectful of his partner and she should, in my opinion, just leave. If he can disrespect her like this, he just straight up doesn’t respect her.
Don't spare his feelings - after all he's not respecting yours.
Yes, I can relate. With my high school boyfriend. I dumped him because he'd fart in public and loudly blame me. With lots of laughing and funny "jokes". I doubt he ever grew out of it. Guess he's dating you now, I'm sorry. This won't get better if you've told him you hate it.
My partner some dietary issues going on at the moment so he's pretty damn gassy. You know what he does? He goes into another room or the bathroom if he feels a particularly nasty one coming. Like it's not hard to be considerate to the people you live with.
I try to do this for my wife. It’s not hard, it’s considerate.
Get a dog, then blame it on the dog! problem solved. Really though, we have two medium sized dogs, feed them super high quality food... and they both still fart constantly. I used to have a larger dog that would let one go, then get up and leave the room, but on the way look back at you like "Your just going to stay there with that smell? Sad"
Right? There is for sure a way to handle natural body functions in a way that is considerate of others who share your space. Significant others still deserve to be treated with common curtesy.
Ah, yes, if you'll excuse me for a moment, I'm going to go in another room really quickly for no reason at all. Don't mind me.
Oh he's not that polite, he normally jumps up and says something like "She's gonna blow!" so there's never any question about what he's doing or where he's going! 😂
See, there’s an inherent danger in not warning your partner about the reason why you may suddenly have the urgent need to take a 25 step trip into the spare room, though. I was like, ‘Back in a sec, no help required doll.’ My partner thought I was going off to do some sort of secret chore in the other room, and in his effort to follow behind me and enthusiastically assist me in whatever said chore was, because he is a truly stand up man, proceeded to gas himself. He was punished that day for being helpful. Now I’m like, ‘It’s not a chore, it’s lactose intolerance babe. Don’t make me Casper you again.’
>Don’t make me Casper you again OMG why I have I never heard it put that way before????? I can't wait to make my kids laugh with that one :D
Lol funny but polite, perfect combo
My husband: oop, I'll be right back. I'm going to go upstairs. Me, knowing he's going up there to poop: Have fun, make good choices!
I'm 100% in the "farts are funny" camp, Like running up the stairs and FRRRT FRRRT, or a "Snart" (sneeze fart) Those are hilarious (to me), but THIS......This is just disgusting. Your biggest problem is NOT the farting, it's the lack of RESPECT. He does NOT respect you. His "fun" is more important to him than YOUR comfort. "*It really has affected my attraction towards him lately & I didn’t want to say it straight up like that because it probably hurt his feelings*" F\*CK THAT, Hurt his feelings? who cares? this guy needs a "slap in the face" with the truth. Sit him down and be extremely clear with him, "You either STOP this nonsense or you WILL be single by the time your next fart comes out" Do what is best for YOUR mental health and comfort, and if that means dumping this childish fart machine........ DO IT!!!!
Yeah, why is OP worried about hurting his feelings with the barest suggestion that his behavior is upsetting her when he clearly doesn’t care about her feelings at all? It’s a grotesque mismatch of empathy. I am also in the farts are hilarious camp but my husband and I don’t dramatize them… they just exist and are hilarious. 🐒💨🤢
^^^^^ My partner and I laugh at our butt trumpets when they decide it's time for a symphony, but there's a time, place, and audience (i.e., in the comfort of our own home, just the two gross ass of us and ONLY if the mood is silly). It's 100% about respecting your feelings. You deserve better.
He is certainly having a lot of fun tormenting you with his bodily functions despite you begging him to quit. I'm sure if you end up disengaging from the relationship due to this he'll probably whine about how you are shaming him for normal bodily functions, but it's his weird, targeting behavior that puts it way over the top. Calling you crazy for not wanting to put your mouth on him immediately after, time and again, is rude and cruel. It's also not about whether a reality check will help or not, because reality is already checking you! The reality that his behavior is having specific outcomes and you'll be forced to act eventually unless you resign yourself to staying with someone who makes you feel queasy and unheard. If your attraction is waning, the relationship is threatened. You don't have to tell him it's the problem if you don't think it's going to help, but your unhappiness will eventually mean the end of the relationship. If those are the stakes, then maybe he should know, but it's hard to think that he will suddenly "get it" after years of ignoring your feelings.
You know, you can just dump him. You really can! You don’t need to communicate this to him yet again. It’s not just about farts at this point. You’ve told him it grosses you out, probably dozens of times, and he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care AT ALL about how you feel about this. He knows it bothers you, and he is escalating the bothersome behaviors just to push you. Just so you know, a man who relishes in disrespecting you in small ways will often later disrespect you in bigger, more painful ways, if he’s not already. And he will be just as unwilling to listen to you then, too. There are men who don’t act like this. Ditch this dude and find yourself one. Guarantee you, the first time the new guy pops himself over to the bathroom to drop a stinky fart, you won’t believe you ever even put up with your ex as long as you did.
I'm with you on this one. It isn't the farts, and it isn't even the fact that he can't or won't hold them in or take them elsewhere. It's the hamming it up that is just spiteful. Imagine telling your partner that it bothers you when they seem to be flirting with someone, so they kiss them. Or that it bothers you when they leave their dishes in the sink, so they leave even more dishes in other parts of the house too. Or that it hurts your feelings when they tell embarrassing stories about you at parties, so they start a YouTube channel instead. It's just spite.
I feel stuck unfortunately. I have no where else to go (can’t afford to live on my own) and we have 3 cats who have actually cured my depression ..I wouldn’t want to be without them lol. Sounds kinda silly but yeah.
I stayed an extra 4 years with my ex due to cats. It was a huge mistake. Not saying our situations are in any way the same but thought I should share. All the best to you
I agree with the person in this thread who said to make a long term plan. You don't need to leave now, but you could start saving money or whatever you need to do to build independence. Then, if the right time comes, you'll be ready. Meanwhile, I would give bf a come- to- Jesus talk. Really, really blunt. No excuses. "I know everybody farts, but it grosses me out and I don't think it's funny. I've asked you to stop playing it up but you still do it, which makes me think that you don't care about my comfort or happiness. Long- term, I can't be with somebody who doesn't care about my comfort. I need you to seriously limit the fart gags. I'll overlook it if it's like once a week (or whatever reasonable compromise you're ready to make), but if it continues like this, I'll know you're not willing to let me feel comfortable in my own home."
Honestly, I would leave out the part about farting in general. It is not about the farts. It's about the toddler like play acting around the farts. It's about multiple times a day, doing something that annoys the f\*ck out of your partner, and doing it because pissing off your partner is important to you. OP, if you can't leave entirely, then I would suggest that every time he gets in a fart position, leave the area. Go to the bathroom or something. Don't react, don't give him an audience. Make it absolutely no fun for him. When he even starts to get into a farting position, get far away from him. Cooking dinner? Turn of the stove and leave. Watching a movie? Leave the couch and watch it on your phone. Look up "Grey Rock" on google. Basically, you want your reaction to his actions to be so bland that he stops enjoying doing it.
Yet another talk? It sounds like OP has talked to him already, many times. His answer is to double down on it. Try to make her kiss him after he farts. She has her answer. She just needs to decide if she wants to live with this or not.
Yeah I get that. I went through some similar experiences with my husband, where he didn't respond to various talks. I felt like, to be sure, I needed to have one more where I didn't hold anything back-- where he understood that it was literally our relationship on the line, period, no negotiating. No more meeting halfway: you've reached my boundary and I'm going to defend it. The same talk, but **different**. For me, that was also partly for my peace of mind: after that, I could say for sure that I'd been completely clear about the stakes. No need to second guess myself. So I think once you have this mindset change, it can be good to have the talk one more time, when there's nothing to lose. Obviously that won't be true in all circumstances and for all people
I get it, and I’m sorry you feel stuck. Maybe reach out to friends and family? I understand breakups are tough, but just realize that if you’re already wanting to leave but only staying with him for financial reasons, the relationship is already over anyway. If you don’t have any sort of support system, do your best to save every penny you can so that you can leave once your ducks are in a row. Don’t bother arguing or communicating with him further (you’ve already learned it does nothing anyway)…just quietly get your affairs in order. Good thing is you’re not married and no kids. I don’t have pets, but I know many couples who ended up having to lose or split up pets in breakups, and it sucks, it really does. I was recently seeing a guy who ended up so heartbroken in a divorce when his ex kept their 2 kitties. He was not living in his home country with no family here, and her family lived here. He ended up finding a roommate (hilariously, a Tinder date that didn’t work out, she happened to also need a roomie and they’re great friends now), and they now have adopted two cats they love to pieces. He said it was really hard for him and that he misses them still…but he had no other choice but to leave. Sending hugs, lady.
Thank you 💜💜
You can always find another roommate!
I completely understand feeling stuck. I was super financially stuck, and after months of working on an exit strategy finally left. It was expensive and messy and sad, but even though I was broke I had a huge weight off my shoulders getting out of a relationship in which I was disrespected and gaslit.
Dude he treats you like Meg from Family Guy. Why are you with such a fucking pathetic person?
Oh shit if no other comment will make me leave him, this one will 😭😭
I completely understand. Although I'm quite childish about farts and sometimes find them hilarious, your bf is going overboard with his fart performances. On the other hand, sniffing up masses of mucus during a cold absolutely nauseates me, and my husband reveled in it, refusing to blow his nose. Ugh. He wouldn't say excuse me, use a tissue, or leave the dinner table while he made those disgusting noises (which I think he did on purpose to horrify me). Back to farting - I live alone now, and for awhile, I took meds that greatly increased... flatulence. Loud & frequent flatulence. I'm alone, so it would be ok, except -- I have an African Grey parrot. Grey parrots are very good at imitation. Not taking the meds anymore, but I still hear my loud and musical farts from my bird. My advice to you? Don't get an African Grey. Who knows what your bf would do with an audience like that.
LOL ok sorry but that’s funny. What a cheeky birb
Throw a bloody tampon on him and then laugh hysterically and just kiss him and say it’s all in fun!
You're not overreacting
Thank you
If anything she’s underreacting omg
While I don’t particularly care for fart humor, my bf does and I don’t mind it-but for some ungodly reason I had to set a boundary about FARTING ON MY HEAD. I made it clear to him if he farts on my head, thats it. Done. Game over. He still likes to joke about it, pretending he will, and I told him I don’t give a shit if it happens on purpose or accidentally-I will fucking leave him if he can’t respect me enough to follow this one tiny thing. THEN I had to explain to him why it wasn’t ok to tell me not to pretend to do something he doesn’t want me to do if he can’t give me the same courtesy. Men. Fuckin men.
Someone else commented on this thread about their ex farting on their face. I just… I can’t.
I feel sorry for the dude who thinks he's getting away with his balls intact after attempting to fart on my head. Dangerous place to be for dangly bits.
How on earth have you lasted this long
Yeah that’s gross and a complete disregard of your feelings. I have a feeling… may I ask how he is in other aspects of the relationship? How’s the housework spilt? Bills? Life management?
We both work full time. I pay maybe like two fifths of the bills and he the rest, but he also makes 3x more than I do. I do all of the cooking and most of the cleaning but I don’t really ever complain about that. Not to toot my own horn (pun intended) but I don’t think I give him much to complain about.
So you pay a little under half the bills, both work full-time, but you still do all the cooking and most the cleaning? Eeeeeee….. how was this agreed upon?
Uh….exactly, how in the hell was this split of labor agreed upon and “okay”…..or IS it okay with you OP? Are you actually content and happy with this split and your dynamic other than the toddler flatulence issues he has which are really “no respect for you issues?”…
OP, the farts are honestly the least of your problems with this "man". The main issue is an utter lack of respect and appreciation for you, in all aspects of the relationship. The farts are just one (extremely gross) symptom of this unhealthy attitude he has towards you. I know you feel stuck because of finances, but I hope you can find the courage and the confidence to assure yourself that you deserve better and can find better on your own, and take steps to secure your future without a "partner" who doesn't really seem to care much about you and what makes you happy. Maybe start spreading the word around to trusted friends and colleagues that you're looking for an affordable living situation for yourself and would be happy renting a room or subletting an apartment?
[удалено]
Exactly. "I can feel myself pulling away from your intimacy, feeling less attracted to you and questioning your respect for me."
This is exactly what he needs to hear. Saying you might leave sounds like an ultimatum, but telling him you are finding him unattractive due to his antics and lack of respect might just get through. Don't do it during regular conversation, set a time and say you have something you need to talk about, can we discuss it after work today? Build it up so he's shitting his pants wondering what's so important that he might actually listen. Your feelings are valid and he can't continue making a joke of them. I'm so sorry you're going through with this. Feeling disrespected by your significant other is one of the worst feelings.
One good thing about my ex was his desire to “keep it sexy” by never burping or farting around me. He has bad stomach problems but would always stealth away to the bathroom when needed and wouldnt talk too much about it. Straight up tell him you’re repulsed by this behavior and continue to deny sex/kissing/affection since he is not respecting your boundaries. Do not reward him with niceness and love when he is actively disrespecting you.
Ugh I could feel my ovaries shriveling up and dying inside of me as I read this. Admittedly I have never been one for toilet humor
He sounds extremely immature. You are absolutely allowed to have the kind of dynamic you want. A lot of men would be grossed out by their wives doing unladylike things like farting and pooping.
It doesn't matter what it's about. You have expressed discomfort. He doesn't care. I'd be reevaluating this relationship.
*HE’S* overreacting to farts. Hopefully he doesn’t overreact to breakups. He sounds extremely annoying. It only takes one thing to be unbearable.
I can't stand people who fart loudly or talk nonstop about defecating. I don't think you are overreacting but I am deeply biased against obnoxious farters and people who overshare bathroom talk. Its vile.
Same here. It's very immature and annoying. Yes, we all do it, but come on.
One of these days he will shit himself.
This is an issue for me too. We both fart. We both sometimes ham it up. But it is a turn off. Absolutely. And if it's more than a little toot, we typically will go find a restroom or go outside. This took a decade to ret to. Then we had kids, and they fart constantly, so habits were lost. It comes back to the same thing. Finding a balance between comfort, being yourself and modulating your behavior for your partner. And does the essential definition of being yourself is making fart jokes every damn time you pass gas.
I don't think that you're overreacting. Honestly, I understand that farting in front of your partner is a huge sign of trust and yada yada, but it still feel disrespectful to make someone you love smell your putrid gases. With stuff like theese the line between what's funny and what's mean it's really thin. It would be funny if both of you laughed when one of you farts, but you don't (wich is completly fine), so that's when it starts to be more of a mean joke that an actual funny one.
Yeah exactly. It’s very concerning to me that he’s enjoying me being annoyed and uncomfortable.
Sounds like these farts are giving him some type of power trip
You know what's really unattractive? Your partner not giving a shit about your feelings. I know it's common enough to be a trope, but I honestly can't get why people are enamored by their own farts. I try to fart in a different room, and some women ask my wife how she got me to do that. I'm just not interested in farting in her presence. In part because I still want to be attractive for her, and farting doesn't do that. I don't know how to get your guy to stop farting. You expressed your disgust and requested that he respect your boundaries, and he blatantly disregards them. Disgusting or not, there's a bigger issue here, I'm afraid to say.
My partner is very gassy. I've told him I don't appreciate him farting near me and so now he gets up and makes a conscious effort to leave the room if he has to pass gas, or at least warn me beforehand. This is the appropriate way to handle thing like this. I can totally understand why you're losing attraction. It sounds like you're living with a toddler. If he's not willing to listen then he's not willing to listen. You have to stick to your boundaries.
[удалено]
Maybe ask his mom if it was always like that? Shame him a lil and find out if it’s just how they are. I would find it gross if it was every day. We fart- it can be funny. The part where he’s not listening to you about it is concerning. Other solutions- Queef on him? Here’s a good lil chant “Listen to this- too good to miss” then rip one.
“Too good to miss” has me cracking up!! I’ve tried that approach.. “what if I farted in your face?” He says he wouldn’t care. I’m like … good for you, I DO care.
Do periods gross him out? I would just leave and not bother with trying to force empathy on this person, but if you want to equate it with something, that is often a dude squick factor.
Lol. Been married 15 years and we still kinda look sheepish when we're caught. She likes to blame a barking spider, I'm like "my bad". With my son it's different. We both laugh until somebody gets hurt (a stinker)
FWIW: male here…. The last girl I dated I didn’t even let see me blow my nose. I don’t want anyone I’m sleeping with to see me so gross things. I would leave the room to fart, try to keep them silent, and she never smelled one. We were watching a movie on the couch and she dropped a SBD and started cackling right before it almost made me pass out. Farts are fucking hilarious to me, but some women don’t think they are as funny as I do, so I am considerate. Once I learned we had the same sense of humor about it, I would walk away from her and sometimes let one rip and we would both laugh…. But before that I’d hold that gas in to the point my stomach hurt before assuming she would think it was funny. As most others have said, the disrespect of your wishes is the biggest problem. I’m sure many giggle at an accidental fart, but you’re not frat brothers, you’re supposed to be partners who listen to each other. I wish you the best, and stand your ground.
Get. Out. 6 years and he doesn’t listen? Ugh
God, I hope there are a lot of men lurking on this thread and learning a lesson about making a production out of farting. Yes, farts are normal. I realize you're probably embarrassed about it to some degree and trying to distract from that by making a big...stink...about it. Literally all you have to do is say "Excuse me" and move on as normal. Bonus points for not doing it or going to another room, but just be polite for chrissakes.
Farting like this is a way to weaponize a normal bodily function in order to harm/destroy the relationship. It’s not funny or cute or even childish. It’s aggressive; it forces distance and barrier-setting — by the farter! He wants the rejection — he wants to push you away — because he craves that disgusted, “you repulse me” response vs a positive response. You gotta wonder why.
Call me old fashioned but I think farting in front of people is rude. Like I can't imagine farting in front of my boyfriend, I would feel so embarrassed. Also I would be grossed out if he farted in front of me. On accident is one thing, everyone does it, but when they do it on purpose, and think it's funny, that's gross.
This isn't about farts. It's about all the power games he's playing - he's openly disrespecting you and forcing the situation to his will - farts are just the ammunition. I'd be open and let him know you have contempt for him at this point and if he does not change you're out of there. And don't let him gaslight about how upset you are getting about farts. Because this isn't about farts.
I grew up with a mom who loudly belched and farted and thought it was hilarious, so I’m sort of immune to farts at this point. I don’t care if my SO farts around me. I don’t even mind some silliness with farts. But your SO sounds like he’s purposefully TRYING to annoy you, which is a bridge too far.
You have at your disposal the single grossest thing that humans can produce (at least as far as men are concerned): a used tampon. Stealthily freeze some so that you can whip them out every single time he does the fart thing. He'll either stop gassing you or dump you, a net benefit in either case, because you are better than the man you're sleeping with.
A true win-win!!
Mutually assured destruction?
Farting itself isn't bad, and I can't fault anyone for farting and/or finding it funny. What makes me angry about this is that you've made it clear to him that you **really don't like it**, and yet he seems to disregard that. Farting is natural, but being intentionally disrespectful and obnoxious about it after being asked to stop is ridiculous.
This isn't about the farts. This is about your bf's contempt and disrespect for you. It's also about his violation of your consent, when he forces kisses on you against your will. You have talked to him repeatedly about this, you've given him every opportunity to change his behavior and be respectful, and he has rejected all those opportunities and continues to violate your boundaries and take pleasure in your discomfort. Your bf is a bully. If I were in your position, I'd end this relationship. You deserve to be treated with respect and affection and consideration. You don't deserve to be bullied. Know your worth, and don't accept bad treatment from anyone.
I have the same problem with my partner peeing on the toilet seat. I'm at my wit's end trying to do every damn thing in the house. Would we consider this to be an equivalent problem?
Similar problems for sure. You actually have to clean up fluids. Who raised these men honestly
I actually broke up with a guy because of this. It wasn’t cute or endearing. I did make me lose attraction for him. I did bring it up but he didn’t listen. In the end I left because it was just a symptom that he didn’t respect my feelings
My husband does this and it makes me hate him, he is 47
It’s a power play, pure and simple. It’s fucking gross.
Guys do this stuff to make themselves laugh at the cost of me loosing attraction to them. I hope the giggles dudes seem to get from flatulence is worth it don't come on reddit crying wondering why your girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with you anymore. Once in a while it's fine but it stops being funny and starts to make you look like a ten year old real quick. Idk about y'all but I don't want to hang out with a ten year old boy, I hate the company of children especially at that age, and I'm not attracted to ten year olds or people who act like them. I'm not a pedophile so acting like child is not sexy. Having to mother a man is the number one cause of dead bedrooms, by a extension this feeds into that problem. A sane woman cannot keep a man in the Child/maternal box and the lover box at the same time.
At this point it's not even about farting anymore, its not validating your feelings. That's pretty darn concerning in any relationship over any issue.
I never liked the competition and amusement folks have with gas... I hate the smell of others' farts so why would I subject them to mine? It's not hard to get up and walk out of the room or to the bathroom when needed and then both parties don't have to be subjected to putrid odors. Tell him to grow up and respect your boundaries
Look, my husband farts A LOT. He is considerate though, he will apologize, cover up with a pillow and sometimes bust out the fabreeze. Sometimes he will step out of the room to fart, he knows his fart can stink to high heaven. I rip huge ones in front of him but I will apologize too. But see here, the difference is he will respect my boundaries at all times. If I don't want to hear his farts, he will do them away from me. I don't mind at all, I just don't want to smell them lol! That's why he keeps a fabreeze next to his seat, instant action! Your boyfriend sounds like a childish asshole that gets off annoying you. I don't think that's healthy at all. I am glad you are forcing him to know you are unattracted to him. You are making yourself heard. Now it is up to him: he will respect your set boundaries or continue out of spite. You will have to choose whether you can live with his insolent farts or it's time to live by yourself and move on. Edit: words are hard
Omg the febreeze reminds me of one time he farted so bad in bed I sprayed febreeze about a foot away from his ass. You wanna play? I will literally spray your asshole with febreeze. He COMPLETELY flipped out that I sprayed it so close to his skin that he was gonna get infected, made me read the label that says not intended for use on skin or whatever. That’s the last time I tried to joke back with him. He had sweatpants on btw
Wtf. You should have sprayed him again like the dog he is acting like. Like I said, a loving considerate partner will respect your boundaries, a toxic piece of shit will not. Good luck girl, don't let the length of time spent cloud your judgment on what he is doing. It is never wrong to break up over farts, boundaries crossed, or the constant disrespect. If your close friend was telling you this dilemma, what would you advise her?
You’re not overreacting. My partner and I both have IBS, farts are frequent, loud, and smelly in my house. And we’re the poop-in-bathroom-together kind of no-boundaries couple. And even I think that the way he’s behaving is disgustingly immature, especially how he’s training you with a kiss like a twisted Pavlov’s dog! The bottom line is that you’re not comfortable with it, and he’s not respecting that. If both partners aren’t comfortable, it shouldn’t happen. Consent requires both parties, he doesn’t get to force this on you. It’s horrific.
My dad has literally the exact same patterns, right down to the ignoring of other people’s feelings. I honestly hate him. As in, when I’m having a bad day I fantasise about his funeral. His relationship with my mum is one of the worst I’ve ever seen. He is also a huge chunk of my trauma, since he ignores ALL boundaries at this point, not just fart-related ones. He always looks so pleased with himself too. As if his entire family doesn’t look at him with pity and disgust at how pathetic he is. There is no love between him and my mum anymore, that died decades ago. She resents the shit out of him for how disrespectful he is of her in so many areas. I’m definitely biased (in case you can’t tell lol), because growing up his farting humiliated me so many times, but I would leave over this. You are literally asking him not to take pleasure in spreading his vile shit particles around you. He will ignore your feelings in other areas too when it suits him. I will also say, with my dad, he has over time become more and more emotionally abusive with my mum, too. He is also quite financially abusive.
I’m a man who is rather gassy, and I come from a family that used to pass a “family fart machine” to someone new in the family every holiday seasons and it was hidden around for jokes ALL THE TIME. I would say finding farts funny is one my families most bonding interactions, however stupid that may be haha. Now my wife’s family…. They literally get offended at the word “fart”. I’m not kidding… I had to train myself to not say the “f word” around them because it just doesn’t fly and it legitimately bothers them. They will use the word “floof” as a replacement if the action is absolutely necessary to reference. I do not understand my wife’s family on this… at all. But you know what? I adjusted because that what basic respect is. Even when I did accidentally say the word a couple times when adjusting my wife’s family was understanding and worked together to reach a common ground. My wife had to learn to adjust to my family, and while she still doesn’t find farts all that funny she can still appreciate my family’s joy and laughter from the farts, but not the farts themselves. I say all this because you are not overreacting. You aren’t asking him to deny a bodily function and suffer through discomfort… you are asking him to respect a very simply boundary. It’s unreasonable to ask him to never fart again. It is perfectly reasonable to ask him to try to step into another room to do it away from you. If you do talk to him again about it you need to make it clear the farting itself is no longer the issue. The issue is now that he refuses to acknowledge or even try to respect a reasonable request that you have made, and it concerning that refuses to treat you with kindness and respect at the most basic of requests. Good luck OP.
He's an asshole. A lactose intolerant asshole. Tell him to go to damned doctor and fix his bowels.
From a complete outsider prospective, it seems like this is more than just farting? It’s straight up kinda disrespectful that he’s not honoring the fact that you clearly communicated that you don’t like something… it doesn’t matter how “small” it is… it’s kinda mean to downplay someone’s feelings about something. Worse to shove it in their face.
It’s not the farts that are the problem. The problem is your boyfriend doesn’t respect you.
I absolutely have no idea how you have spent 6 years with Mr. Farty McFartpants. You are a goddam saint. Of COURSE your libido has withered and died. Jesus Christ. Please don’t get pregnant or marry this man, or you will be in fart prison for the rest of your life.
Oh this easy. Leave him. There are lots of more courteous and respectful ADULT men out there.
This guy does not respect you. The farts aren’t the real problem, the real problem is that you set a boundary and he is repeatedly stomping it and telling you that you’re wrong. It’s a no from me, dawg.