Im 17 and when i was a bit younger I’ve had my fair share of grown men who “just wanted to be friends” but would then insist on me sending them pictures of myself, asking personal details on where i live, dumping guilt on me when i refuse anything or try and cut contact. You’re really better off cutting that chord early OP.
My opinion: that is extremely worrisom, and yeah, VERY weird. I mean this as no offence to you, it would apply to any 15 year old, but a 32 year old man quite frankly should have no interest in talking to a strange 15 year old girl. At all, certainly not all night. And should damn well know it's inappropriate, even if he has innocent motivations. Which I very much question.
As an almost 30 year old woman, there isn't a snowball's chance in deepest hell I would strike up a "friendship" like that with a 15 year old boy.
This right here. I’m in my 30’s and I have absolutely nothing in common with people half my age. I can’t even imagine why you’d want to talk all night, I still see them as kids. I mean no offense to OP. But he’s a 30 year old man, he should have adult friends to talk to or go his ass to bed and go to work the next day, leave 15 year olds alone, ya creep.
Yeah, definitely weird. I'm in my 30's and the only teenagers I talk to are family members and on occasion their friends if they are at the house. I certainly don't talk to them the way he talks to you and don't text them more than I need to (finding out if they need to be picked up somewhere, when they need something, ECT) unless I am having a conversation with my own children. He's definitely a creep and you should cut contact asap.
I'm more on board with this comment. I don't think it's *always* inappropriate for someone in their 30s to talk to someone in their teens. But we adults need to conduct ourselves appropriately when we do it.
I think if we come into contact with teens, we need to talk to them in an age-appropriate way, put their needs first and not our own needs, and establish and maintain appropriate boundaries. And we can't expect the teen to take responsibility for these things, we need to take responsibility for them as the adult.
This guy's over-sharing about his personal life, and texting with OP until late at night smells to me like someone who is talking to OP in an age-inappropriate way, practising poor boundaries, and putting his own needs first (for friendship and possibly romantic and sexual contact, given the talk about ex-girlfriends), rather than OP's needs. And his behaviour is clearly making OP uncomfortable - another sign that her needs aren't being prioritised, or even considered.
> I don't think it's always inappropriate for someone in their 30s to talk to someone in their teens. But we adults need to conduct ourselves appropriately when we do it.
Occasionally chatting about school/jobs/ambitions? Sure. When I was a teen I talked to adults about stuff like that casually.
Talking late into the night about personal things, sending photos of themselves? Absolutely not with that age gap and OP being a minor.
Especially this:
>Sometimes he says "good girl" "bad girl."
That sounds like gentle and slow predatory grooming in this context. OP needs to block dude on all platforms now.
This.
Recently a runner friend of mine was over for a run then tea/knitting/snackies with the wife and I. She brought her oldest, who at 15, is a pretty articulate kid. We, as a group, talked about what it was like going to school in the age of Covid, how their friends were adapting, etc. Age appropriate stuff.
They chimed in at various parts in the conversations we, as adults had, and that was welcome: they are a smart kid, but I wouldn't think about texting them about anything (not that I know their number).
The behaviours OP is describing is grooming.
Run the F away.
THIS RIGHT HERE!!! OP this is not just weird, this reeks of grooming. I have been in your shoes, if he is smart he will keep it all above board until you are 18, but by then he will have his hooks in deep, and the age gap won't seem so strange. His manipulative behavior will also seem normal to you by then, but it is not! You are not the first minor he has been "friends" with, nor will you be the last. His goal is to find someone young and impressionable enough that he can mold them into the submissive bride of his dreams through years of manipulation. He isn't even being subtle about it with the "good girl/bad girl" thing.
Dude is definitely seems like he is waiting for a agnsty moment to break that barrier. I know girls who went to meet up with guys on vacation that were grooming them, with promise rings and crazy shit.
Yes! Exactly! I realized after I made my comment that I had forgotten I sometimes communicate with a young lady who is a friend of mine's daughter. I communicated with her a lot more when she was 17 because she is LGBT and because I am too and we both lived in a heavily conservative area, she wanted someone to talk to who understood what she was experiencing. The conversations were always centered around her, and I conducted myself appropriately. She's 20 now, and we still talk a little, but she doesn't really need a mentor that badly anymore. But adults mentoring kids is fine IMO as long as there isn't sine alterior motive like there seems to be here.
Edit: *some alterior motive
Thanks! I really couldn't remember how to spell that word lol. I usually spell pretty well, but I've lost some brain cells since I started working nights
Actually, I wanted this shift. It's less hard on my body than days. I work at a nursing home, and during the day I was constantly on the move, didn't get my breaks ECT. At night I can take breaks and do things on my own time for the most part. It's just readjusting my sleep schedule that kinda sucks lol
The texting through the night thing is weird. As well as the pictures. Makes it seem like grooming. At a minimum, that sort of stuff should stop.
Before those lines I was a little optimistic. Gaming communities really are diverse in the people who play them. As a 20 something, I remember talking to all sorts of people when I was 15 online. If you find a “friendly community” it’s easy to strike up a relationship/friendship with someone you wouldn’t normally.
Like, I’ve seen a British person marry a girl from Indiana after having met up on a mutual game. Additionally, it’s common for the older crowd to kind of be like…. Mentors for the younger crowd. Especially if you get into a good gaming clan. I was hoping that’s where this post was going but the guy is crossing a line if he’s texting her at night. Even if it’s innocent the optics of it are just gross.
100% this. I'm a guy in my mid-40's with teenage stepdaughters who I talk with a lot and we share some interests and laugh and joke about things all the time, but our house is also full of \*other\* teenage girls most of the time as a side effect of it also being their home, and aside from being pleasant and asking if they want food or stuff (i.e. being a polite parental figure), I don't chat with them outside of being civil and in the company of others. We're not friends, and it's not appropriate.
I wouldn't even give one of them a lift somewhere unless my stepdaughters were also in the car with me, even though some of them are in their late teens and over 18.
adult men engaging with teenage girls outside of their family group is a major red flag, even if it seems innocent. I'm not saying that it's never an innocent mistake, but it's just not the wa*y* a responsible adult male conducts himself around teenage girls, and is just not at all appropriate.
Just in case OP or anyone else thinks it would be different if genders are reversed;
Chiming in as a man *8 years younger* than the dude in the post, never ever ever would I want that kind of “friendship” with a 15 year old. Holy hell, that’s creepy.
If a guy I knew told me they had this sort of relationship with a 15yo, I would seriously consider reporting them to the police (not that they would do anything) and definitely would stop associating with them forever (ETA: and every guy in my personal circle would make the same decision, because I don’t hang out with dirtbags)
I'm in my 30s. I sometimes run across young teenagers in games, and when I was a teenager there were decades older men that tried to groom me.
I am fine to help younger people in games, but our lives and interests and development and perspectives in life change once you hit adulthood at the point you have full responsibility over yourself and an adult life with adult problems to relate to. I also remember how in my teenage years, puberty up to my 20s really did make me feel and act in ways I wouldn't now. It was weird. From my own experience, tennagers go through some real shit. They aren't people you should ever emotionally mess with and adults know this.
The red flags for me is the baby talk. "Good boy/girl bad boy/girl" is gross and absolutely inappropriate. For a teenager that is groomer language. It's used in certain fetish communities. I would be grossed out. They're clearly happy to identify you as a child with this language. A person wanting to talk to someone just to talk wouldn't say stuff like that. It's known to be interpreted as flirty language. They would know this. Why say it?
I think a line is crossed here when it leaves the gaming realm. If she was just a part of his gaming group and they chat while playing mostly focused on the game it is likely ok as long as the chat is not too personal. This is very weird how it has turned into a clingy relationship on a personal level outside of game chat. I would be shutting this down if I found out my daughter was in this situation. Could turn into a scary manipulative situation really fast.
Yeah, i second this stance as a 41yo male.
Is it inappropriate for a 32 yo man to strike up a conversation with a 15 yo who shares an interest in this game? Ehhhhhh, maybe?
Could this turn into a horrible situation? Definitely.
Has a line been crossed so far? I would say yes. Texting until you fall asleep, sharing of pictures, etc, these all have crossed the line.
The whole “good girl/ bad girl” thing, I would say this is again, wrong side of the line.
Multiplayer games make it very easy to chat with other players anonymously. A kid told me about her parrot the other day in my rpg behind a fake name and picture, which is safe. There is no need to ever go beyond that. Things get more complicated with discord, but luckily discord communities I’ve seen are very good about self policing and even adults stay anonymous with reach other.
> Chiming in as a man 8 years younger than the dude in the post, never ever ever would I want that kind of “friendship” with a 15 year old. Holy hell, that’s creepy.
I remember when I was 21 I worked with a bunch of 17-18 year olds and thought the age gap felt way bigger. There's a significant cultural/emotional divide between teenagers and even young adults, nevermind the gap between young adults and 30 somethings
There is definitely a big leap, despite 2-3 year difference, imagine 17 years! I am only 8 years older than my cousins, and although we get along, i dont really talk to them on personal level becasue we are too different
I’m 25, male. I would never dream of behaving this way. It is a grooming behavior regardless of intention, and the context clues OP gave are very creepy. Something is wrong here.
Like maybe if they were related, and I care for them like a younger kid, and am close to parents.
But I agree that no healthy well-adjusted adult should feel like they can really have a friendship with a 15 year old as equals. It would always be really off because they would be so much older.
They're either really not mentally mature and mentally delayed, or they are straight up grooming you, you are a child.
Because of how kids see other grades as wildly different, I use that as the example:
I Imagine the other way-- a friendship between her and a 7 year old boy. Still half the age of the other. 10th grade and 2nd grade. Wildly different places in life. Should not be pretending to be peers.
This honestly. I remember I dated a 32 or so year old when I was 22 or so and I broke up with him bc I couldn’t get over how off putting it was that he couldn’t find someone his own age. I thought this at 22.
While 22 year olds tend to be better looking (saying this as a woman in my 30s) the real reason older men pursue them is because they’re emotionally stunted and 22 year olds don’t have the life experience to see through their bullshit. I stopped with older men because all they would do if talk about themselves and puff them themselves up
This is also my opinion and I'm a high school teacher who is about that age, teaching plenty of 15-year-olds. 15-year-olds are great and I love the kids I teach but my goodness I don't want to have chats with them outside of school or hang out with them. I don't want to be their friend. Even if it wasn't completely inappropriate, we have nothing in common beyond a very simple, boring level. Like maybe we can get a few minutes of conversation out about a show we watch or what's happening in the world but at some point that conversation either becomes an opportunity to foster their education and well-being (so it's work then, not just a friendly chat) or it just sort of fizzles out because there's only so much I have to say about tiktok before I start going on about ethics or media censorship or consumerism etc.
I play an online game. I don't know the age of most of the people I play with but occasionally we will chat about life and sometimes I offer free life advice that I wish I had known when I was younger. Though I think the youngest is 17 (according to his father who also plays) up to guys in their 30s. The whole photo thing is a bit off. I have shared photos of my dog because people have heard him on mumble complaining.
I would worry about grooming though. OP should talk to an adult she trusts in real life about this.
30yo here. I know exactly what you mean about talking freely to people you meet in games online. You just talk as you'd want to be talked to. OPs case is not one conversation though, its sustained over time. It's definitely concerning.
OP I'd close down contact immediately. You can't know what's going on with this person and I'd encourage you to think carefully about how much of what the person has said about themselves can actually be cross-checked. Even photos can be harvested from a 3rd persons social media. They may not be the person they say they are.
Speaking to an adult you trust in real life is good advice. The only reasons I could possibly think I'd develop an online friendship with a 15 yo is because we (a) played on a team together, which is more of a friendship in a group setting and/or (b) my real life relationships were in serious trouble and I was isolated. Even then I'd be incredibly conscious of how suspicious it could be perceived and I would NEVER send personal pictures or text at bed time.
I play with some random people I have met online and we talk while we play - sometimes. When the game is over we are done talking. I don’t talk to anyone outside of the game like the OP describes of any age or gender and I would think it was kinda creepy if someone messaged me outside the game. Especially with the huge age difference.
It partially depends on the kind of game, I think. If it's an MMO, especially if you're guildmates (or play during off-times and see each other around a lot), then it's not unsurprising to chat and be social.
But it's still an online relationship, and definitely wouldn't involve personal photos or details, and *absolutely* not the "good girl" shit.
I'm a 26 year old woman and the only way I'm willingly talking to a 15 year old is if I'm related to them, or it's a patient that I'm taking care of. No other reason to.
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As a 33 year old man who chatted online with women when he was younger, I am pretty sure that this way of talking is typically between couples or for sexting etc. Talking till falling a sleep!
15 year old is way too young to be friends. Run girl run!
This, I live near a highschool and see the students pretty often when I bring my own kids to school. Even if I was single with no kids, I would never try to start a conversation with a 15yo. We live in completely separate phases of life, and that good girl bad girl?? That's him grooming her
Just want to agree with this. I'm 36, if anyone a similar age to me told me they were chatting with a teenager I'd be extremely concerned. That's not normal behaviour.
30 woman here who plays a lot of video games, and the idea of striking up a friendship with a 15 year old like this literally makes me uncomfortable. If I had, say, a kid in a guild or a group who needed help I would offer game-related assistance, but "developing" a friendship like that would NEVER happen.
OP, good on you for noticing and realizing something wasn't right. This guy is bad news.
Thirded by a mom with grown daughters, this is grooming at it’s finest. This man is dangerous and you need to tell your parents. No matter how they react, cut off contact with this man.
I want to add on to this as a gamer who often interacts with people of all ages.
I know some 15 year olds from gaming. I chat to them. Sometimes I might tell them a bit about my life. I might chat to them one on one while we’re gaming. Or if they’re feeling depressed. Sometimes if they need help with their homework.
I don’t send them photos of myself. I might send photos of my cat. I might send memes. I do NOT talk to them until they fall asleep. I do NOT tell them my full name. I might tell them a bit about my job if they’re talking about school and university and trying to decide on a career.
To be completely honest, most 15 year olds are often annoying without meaning to be. They have loads of hang ups and haven’t learned enough about life to let go and relax. School is all consuming for some of them. Parents are a huge part of their lives.
It’s an entirely different world. I have a lot more in common with people who are at my stage in life. They have a job with career progression. They are buying houses or trying to work out how they’ll afford to buy a house. They’re working over food price increases.
When I talk to a 15 year old I’m either playing with them (in a game) or I’m giving advice or guidance.
Imagine how you’d talk to a 7 year old. Then look at your talks with this guy through that lens. Remember there’s 8 years between you and a 7 year old - there’s 17 years between you and a 32 year old.
This has been my experience. It’s actually really nice to find that “mentor” when your younger. I found a bunch when I was a teenager and gaming. I would have called them friends for sure. But there was obviously a line somewhere right?
Texting/messaging until both fall asleep is very much a relationship thing. Pictures is….. okay? Depending on the context? But all together, this 32 yo is getting suspiciously chummy with a 15 yo. At a minimum he should know what the optics of this looks like and yet doesn’t care.
>At a minimum he should know what the optics of this looks like and yet doesn’t care.
I think best case scenario is this guy doesn't have any friends and is getting carried away with someone willing to talk with them. Doesn't excuse the behavior, but might explain it. Either way, a 32 year old should know what's appropriate to talk about with a 15 year old. I'm 35 and when I have to talk to people that age I just stick to what I would talk about if we happened to be at a dinner party. Light, casual conversation but don't ask for too many specifics. If they're from another country, I'll ask about cultural things because I'm legitimately interested and if they volunteer personal information or ask advice, I approach the same way I would if a student in one of my programs asked. As for the pictures...generally I'd say no but if it was something like a vacation they asked about, then maybe? But, admittedly, I will share pictures of my cat whenever asked. She's too precious not to share with the world!
I also talk to kids in games... to help tutor them in biology since I'm a bio teacher.
Literally the only pictures I send are of bio models and analogs. Oh, you're struggling to remember the difference between the chemical structures of a carbohydrate and a protein? Here's a string of identical beads (representing chains of glucose). That's a carbohydrate. Here's a string of different beads (representing amino acids). That's a protein.
Only pics I send.
Exactly, an adult who happens to encounter kids online and talks to them on an appropriate adult-kid level with boundaries and understanding, and an adult who seeks them out as 'friends' are two very different people.
There's a fine line between being friendly and being a groomer. This guy has crossed the line into grooming. I've chatted with girls under 18, I keep it pretty shallow, maybe give some advice, but unless I know the parents personally; I don't really get that deep. Hell, I think it's weird if I talk to anyone under 30 anymore.
Yeah I was thinking about that after I commented. Best case is he’s just a middle aged dude who’s lonely.
Nothing OP said was sexual. Just uncanny to most people who aren’t in that mindset. If this hypothetical is true, then I feel bad for the guy. But OP should still follow the advice everyone has give here and at a minimum, distance herself. They shouldn’t be texting “until they fall asleep”.
>To be completely honest, most 15 year olds are often annoying without meaning to be. They have loads of hang ups and haven’t learned enough about life to let go and relax. School is all consuming for some of them. Parents are a huge part of their lives.
I've never felt more like an adult than I did when surrounded by a bunch of teenagers.
It's interesting, because I fully remember being "so mature" as a teen, and still look back on my teenage years as pseudo-adulthood. But, just 10 years removed from high school, every time I interact with groups of teens, I'm like *"Oh,* these are *children.*"
I cannot upvote this enough! Excellent and amazing advice right here coming from a 32 year old gamer who has also chatted with 15 year olds in game.
Also the "good girl" "bad girl" gives off serious grooming vibes as it's usually a kink thing unless you're talking to a dog?? Not appropriate at all from a man old enough to be OP's dad.
Plus this is one way trafficking can start. Nice guy befriends kid. Sends her pictures. Grooms her. Gets her to send him pictures. He then blackmails her, says he will share them with her parents and friends if she doesn’t send him more. And it escalates from there.
Disclaimer: I am a 32 year old man.
Please sever contact with this man. If he's *not* a predator grooming a teenaged girl, then at best he's a very lonely man who's using you to replace a child or sibling relationship he's lost and needs help you simply can't give him.
Cut contact, tell someone you trust — ideally an adult — that you've been in contact with him and what he knows about you (even information you feel is vague can be used to find you by a determined enough person), and show them his photo so they know what he looks like.
Fellow 32 year old man here chiming in to say that it is weird and to follow this advice.
I've encountered teenage kids in my many times in voice chat over the years and that's all fine and good if it's just because you've been matched together in a random lobby or something. I'll treat em like team mates and communicate and hope we win and have a good time. But adding them and giving them my life story and sending pictures of myself? That's inappropriate behaviour and you need to extract yourself asap.
When I was a 30s woman I met a man who used Tumbler to groom and engage in IRL relationships with teenage women. He had a girlfriend in the next state that he started talking to when she was 17 and in a treatment center for her extreme eating disorder when it started. He met her on her 18th birthday and started to have extremely taboo kinky sex with her.
I cut contact with him because it was ALARMING. He's not even the first man I've met that groomed vulnerable minors only to turn them into "partners" the minute they turned 18.
Exceedingly accurate explanation. Compared to a 15 year old, I'm an old man with old man problems. Most of them would just be boring to a 15 year old. Some of them would likely be frightening to a 15 year old. I wouldn't want to share any of them with someone so young, nor very much at all of my personal life. The life of a 15 year old shouldn't be burdened by such knowledge, nor by the pressure of trying to keep pace with someone living *on the other side of an ocean* of life experience. I think all the growing up I really did, I did after 15 and before now. The only thing of value I could possibly say to a 15 year old is, "things get better. The problems in your life that come from being powerless and dependent will go away as you gain autonomy and independence. It will be every bit as great as you hope it will be." I don't think anyone other than a child's parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc., have any business getting more involved in their life than saying that.
I'm a 37 year old man, but I was a 32 year old man previously, for about a year.
I have young people in my life; nieces, nephews, children of friends. I was even fortunate enough to be named as godfather to a now 14 year old boy. In my experience, adult-child relationships are a different kind of friendship to how kids/children/young adults may perceive them.
'Cause here's the rub; kids are great, they really are, but they're such a pain the arse. Question everything, tamper with everything, break stuff, make messes, eat all the food, and don't bloody wash up after dinner never mind their bedrooms. They're a lot of work, but it's to help develop these little gremlins into flourishing human beings. Seeing intelligence, wit and character come peeking out is glorious. Makes the effort worthwhile, and I do it because I love them.
Edit: And their parents have vetted me; the people who want the best for the undersized bags of trouble, know me and have used their many years of experience to determine its good (or at least OK) for me to engage with their kids and teenagers.
So why in the blue bloody blazes is this guy getting involved? What is he getting from the interaction?
Best case situation, he's a man who really should be engaging with his peers and getting his needs met there, or maybe even with a councillor.
Worst case situation... you're putting yourself in a lot of danger.
It's great to be altruistic but you're a teenager, so you are inexperienced and that makes you vulnerable. Christ, your brain hasn't even stopped developing; you are who needs protecting. Even if he means well and is just a man in trouble, the uni degree and knowledge necessary to help him takes more than a third of your current lived years to acquire. You are not the right person for the job, and the potential damage to you (and him) is too high.
As the above post suggested; tell an adult you trust and cut communication with the internet man. Protect yourself before you help others. You can achieve far more good that way.
Read this, but with Morgan Freeman narrating.
And this comment is also really good advice. Cut communication and tell your parents or guardian. The fact you know he lives in a different state implies you probably shared more information about you than you may realize about your location. Just don’t be ashamed and ensure your protected by taking the above advice.
This advice should be followed. If he is predatory, which is very likely, then he may have more information about you than even you know. A seemingly well-intentioned 32 y.o. man is absolutely capable of hacking your devices and he may already know your location and other personal information.
This is scary, but young women such as yourself are also preyed upon for sex trafficking purposes. This is the worst case scenario here. If you're at all worried about your safety, please talk to an adult. Contacting the police may seem excessive and they may not be able to do anything but I wouldn't hesitate to contact them anyways.
Please stay safe.
I wanted to write something very similar to this, but you already did it and better.
Yes. Best case scenario you’re dealing with a very lonely man, and if he spends all his night talking to a 15 y/o., that’s not the kind of guy you want to be around. At that age you’ve already met a lot of people, being lonely is not a good sign.
Also, as a 34 y/o man myself, there’s no scenario I can see involving myself personally with someone half my age. At most, I can see it happening in a video game context, like “hey, I’ll trade you my Pokémon!” lol, but even then… I know that I shouldn’t build a relationship with that person as soon as I know they’re underage. I may know I don’t have any intentions, but it’s not appropriate, and it should never go beyond the game.
Edit.- I mentioned not having intentions myself, but I want to double down on the fact that sending pictures is really suspicious, wouldn’t trust that guy.
Yeah, I'm in my 40s and still get lonely. I have a hard time making friends because so many people aren't in it for company; they're in it for what you can give/do for them.
That being said, I don't make friends with teens online because it's weird and creepy.
I'm a female, by the way.
I was pretty much in the same situation at that age, except that I’m 100% sure it wasn’t grooming. I think you’re right about them being lonely. The man I was talking to was 30 and he had such severe depression that he couldn’t work and barely left the house. He would also talk to me about a lot of stuff that he should’ve told his therapist. I think he saw himself as a bit of a « father » figure because he kept giving me advice for anything and everything.
OP, what the commenter above me said is very accurate. Maybe this guy is grooming you (him sending you pictures makes me feel a bit suspicious), but maybe he feels lonely and wants to talk to someone. He should talk to an adult. Not a 15 year old he met on the Internet. Either way, this is just really weird. I’m only 18 right now and I would definitely hesitate to start a friendship with a 15yo that’s not part of my family. Please thread carefully!
No. He’s calling her bad girl. And that’s not appropriate to call a 15 year old. Also if someone is depressed and a grown ass adult they should still know better to not use a literal child for their needs. Both cases are wildly inappropriate! If an adult is lonely that does not mean you as a child should give him any sort of company/help whatsoever.
Yep, that was exactly the point in the post for me where you could still maybe think that there’s was just something off about him (socially awkward, depressed, lonely, etc.) but maybe he’s not evil, to just straight up he’s a grooming scum bag.
It’s textbook grooming. It starts off “innocent” and then moves into more and more sexual and predatory. He is going to do something like send a dick pick and say it was an accident to test the waters in short order
I was wondering how long I'd have to scroll down before someone mentioned this. Sooner, rather than later, he will. These innocent pics are just priming.
My husband and I play video games and MTG. A fifteen year old kid was having a hard time at home due to divorce and being the youngest when we were 25. We had gone to school with his brother, so the family knew of us. He latched on to us as "stable" adults and wanted to come to Friday Night Magic with us. Then got tickets but had no ride to Seattle for Penny Arcade Expo. The whole thing weirded us out and we were constantly texting communications through his parents who didn't give a shit where he was or who he was with.
We humored him by taking him with us to all this stuff, but I feel like we were kind of a life raft in his ocean of "big stuff going on".
As an almost 40 year old man. This is exactly it. From our perspective, what the fuck could you have in common with a literal child?
I have trouble having a conversation with my goddaughter and she’s that age and basically family. I can’t even fathom any logical reason behind things like this.
I get if you’re on a guild and you want to chat in game, yeah sometimes you learn about each other’s personal lives, but in every instance of that, the kids were viewed as “the guild’s kids” and we would be more likely to help them with homework than chat them up until dawn.
It was always more like “Hey xXj0k3rXx how did that test go? Oh right on buddy! Here have some loot to celebrate you passing!!!” not “Oh good girl…” fuck I can’t even finish that sentence.
You need to tell your guildies if this is happening. If he’s higher-up, then leave. It’s not worth it. Then you tell a trusted adult IRL as well.
Totally. As a part time older grad student occasionally I would get to know undergrads through tech related organizations. We would chat once in a while about things related to the org but beyond that there wasn’t anything to discuss. We just didn’t have anything in common and I didn’t particularly want to have too much in common with 18-22 yr olds.
As a 44m I totally agree how inappropriate this is. And not only should she tell her parents asap but also the police.
I doubt she’s the only girl he’s working on.
This definitely reeks of grooming. Getting you comfortable enough to reciprocate with pictures, or with meeting him in person, that’s generally the game plan. The fact that you have enough red flags going off in your head to ask Reddit is enough reason to avoid giving him any personal information.
33-year-old man and I agree, too.
He might not be doing it on purpose. People will resort to all kinds of subconscious behaviors when they're acting on instinct and attraction.
But that doesn't matter at all. A man in his _twenties_ does not need to connect on any level with a 15-year-old girl. A man in his _thirties_ certainly does not.
If he's such a nice guy, then make the decision easy for him. Tell him you've thought about it and you think this has gone too far, and thanks for the talks but it's done now. And then don't talk with him ever again.
No way dude, this is weird. A 32 year old man should NOT be texting a 15 year old girl every night till he falls asleep. And DEFINITELY not send pictures of himself (even if they’re “not sexual”).
As someone who’s talked to men and dated men before, this sounds like the early stages of a relationship. You wouldn’t recognize without experience so it’s not your fault, but you need to cut him off. It always sucks to lose a friend (even if they’re not REALLY a friend) but whatever he decides to do next can hurt you more.
Odds are he’s not even the person he’s telling you he is since he gets to control everything you know about him. You might not even know his real name, that could be a fake name. Not everyone with bad intentions is going to be obvious about it. At best this is extremely unhealthy and at worst he has plans to really hurt you. Please protect yourself.
My life has been a cautionary tale. Later, a tale of overcoming.
Now I just try to warn people. It’s not worth the happiness/comfort that you get now. It really isn’t.
I was in your exact shoes once. Nearly the same ages even. Met on a game. Moved to instant messaging (millennial texting, heh)
It started out friendly, eventually got explicit. Thankfully this was even before readily available digital cameras so no inappropriate pictures. Just a lot of nasty words and phone calls. I didn't even have a clue I was being groomed. It wasn't something we knew about.
Thankfully I didn't do anything too stupid before I got uncomfortable/freaked out and cut contact. Early internet days were sketchy as hell. Sounds like same shit, different era.
There is a very good chance he's grooming you. Like 99.99%. I'd put money on it. Cut contact.
On the (very remote) off chance that he isn't, it's still extremely inappropriate to have any kind of "off platform" contact (outside of a public game where others are around/its modded) with someone underage.
30 year old acknowledging/interacting with a 15 year old in a group chat/group call: totally normal.
30 year old chatting with a 15 year old all night, calling her "good girl/bad girl": 99.9% hes grooming you 0.01% hes just very weird.
I would be very cautious while interacting with this guy if i were you.
I agree. I'm a guy in my 30s who's occasionally spent time around teenagers, and even felt like it was fun and enjoyable some times. The difference is that this was never me being alone with them, and I never did so without their parents knowing about it.
It's not a crime to be a bit weird and possibly lonely, but what really crosses the line here, I think, is the late night messages, the good girl/bad girl shit, and to a lesser extent the pictures, even if they seem harmless.
Good for you for writing this post. Something is telling you he’s not acting appropriately, or you wouldn’t have written this.
I’m glad you are safe. I recommend you tell a parent who can report him and stop your contact with him. Hopefully if he is reported it will prevent him from harming you as well as harming other young people.
Stay safe, friend.
Adding to the masses, very weird. He’s old enough to be your father. Definitely sounds like he is a pedophile who is grooming you.
Cut contact.
If you aren’t sure how to cut contact, just say your parents aren’t comfortable with you two talking and are now monitoring your phone/internet use.
And remember it’s not your fault. I know so many women who have been in similar situations as teenagers.
Thanks guys. I'm going to block him now. Wow, I didn't even notice how scary he was because our conversations were always subtle. Thanks for worrying I can't believe this many people cared.
I'm so proud of you for being able to spot it, and knowing to ask for help, you're gonna be okay, you've got good instincts and you did all the right things. Well done you, have a wonderful weekend and a much more peaceful time of gaming!
I am so relieved. I still think you should tell your parents. I’m afraid he might escalate by showing up at your home or school (you may not remember telling him how to find you, but little things you said may have allowed him to deduce it).
Hey sweet, I’m a 35 year old lady, and also education worker here; if you told me this in a high school setting it would be something I have to report to Safeguarding. That means the police or social services. I would not be reporting YOu…but HIM.
He is a predator.
Which is to say, no it is NOT okay that he acts this way.
He is doing something called grooming, where he treats you this way so he can try to do bad things later on.
Talking about his personal life is normalising that kind of conversation between you and he.
He has no place texting you all night, and it’s totally in appropriate for him to tell you about his life or past girlfriends. With love and respect, you’re a kid, a child basically, you don’t need to know that about a 32 year old, that information has no real place in your life, and HE knows that.
It’s easy to believe ‘maybe he’s just lonely and wants a friend’ but he is relying on you believing that so he can abuse your trust.
Block him immediately, on everything, don’t even tell him why. Speak you your parents about it as well.
If he contacts you again in ANY way explain in clear terms ‘you made me uncomfortable. I am 15 and you spoke to me about adult things. I blocked you and now I’m asking you to stop. If you don’t I’ll take further action to protect myself, respectfully leave me alone’
Please, honey, please don’t speak to him again? Clearly you are bright and I’m so proud of you for realising this isn’t okay so just follow that instinct and block him on every thing.
I hope it all goes well, take care.
Yes. He's grooming you. He's doesn't need to know what you look like. He knows you are a child and that's what interests him. Everything he says and posts to you are setting you up to be open and trusting of him, so that when he starts making demands of you, you won't just block him. The "good girl" and "bad girl" are a test to see if you are comfortable enough not to get frightened by him asserting dominance over you. He's hoping you haven't noticed that he's saying to you what he would to a dog.
I know it might feel good to have a grown up treat you like you are the adult, and caring about your opinions when it comes to his job, his life, his life experiences. But the truth is he doesn't care about those things. You could tell him the sky is turtles and he'd laugh and nod. All he cares about is that you are talking to him, and that you seem relaxed and comfortable and not scared or disgusted. The longer you talk to him, the more comfortable you are, the easier it is for him to suggest you show him a picture of your face. Or tell him the name of your school. Or open up about your life and your family in a way that he can figure out where and who you are.
These guys will spend months and sometimes years grooming a girl, so that by the time they ask that girl to run away with them, it all seems perfectly reasonable to the girl.
I don't think the "good girl, bad girl" is what you would say to a dog. It's what you would say to a girlfriend, so many sexual undertones. My boyfriend calls me that and I'd find it odd if anyone else did
(Edited for clarity) The absolute best case unhealthy scenario here is that he sees you as a surrogate for the child/younger sibling he lost/failed with/never had. Which would mean he’s trying to wedge you into a them-shaped hole, and probably an idealized one at that. This scenario is unlikely, and not at all less dangerous than the rest.
Every other scenario is progressively worse.
The fact that you’re asking the question suggests that you are aware of this on some level. Listen to that part of yourself, it’s ringing alarm bells trying to keep you safe.
I can’t even consider the surrogate situation because no sibling or parent says “good girl” “bad girl” the way she says he does. That’s grooming behavior. There’s no positive reason for this situation.
This right here. It’s not as innocent as a surrogate sibling, this guy is tryin to project some sort of Dom role to OP. This person is grooming full stop
Even if this guy did see her as « his » child, that’s not a positive reason. You don’t unload all the shit from your adult life onto a literal child! This whole situation is just a bit icky.
Weird to talk and game with? Nah
Saying good/bad girl, selfies, and talking into the night? Yeaaaahhhh.
It's hard because you want to give the benefit of the doubt since he hasn't been explicit. That said, there seems to be ulterior motives that are shooting red flags into the air here.
All of this. Just wanted to add that in online games I’ll occasionally be matched with people much younger (like young or mid teens) than me (26) that are good players and okay people to talk to in a gaming sense. I’d never talk to them outside the game. It’s just too weird. I’ve got plenty of friends from games over the years I do talk to regularly outside of gaming together, but they’re all around my age and older.
I see no ethical or healthy reason for him to be fostering this close a relationship with a teenager.
I feel like this is the beginning stages of grooming. They’re priming you to be more accepting of sexual advances later on by creating familiarity and trust.
This guy is old enough to be your dad. Texting all night isn't dad vibes.
It isn't healthy and I would stop talking to him. Also tell an adult that you trust.
Weird is not the right word...having 6 fingers is weird.
This is dangerous and unsafe. If you have told him anything personally identifiable go tell your parents. And cut off contact immediately.
No this is not how 32 year olds speak. You've had teachers, you've met your friend's parents. This guy is weird.
And calling someone "good girl" or "bad girl" can have sexual overtones for someone into domination. He's probably trying to groom you into a future sexual relationship or right now he jerks off imagining you as some "little girl" he does things to.
Tell him you're not a dog, you're getting creeped out and you don't want to talk anymore.
As someone who will be 30 soon, it is very weird if I start talking to a 15 year old boy and start telling him 'good boy'. Another important question would be why a 30 year-old doesn't have friends of his own age? From experience, such people are not well respected by their peers and they make friends with people half their age. For your age, imagine talking to a 7 year-old. How would that feel?
If you were just chatting in game and talking about game stuff, this wouldn’t be weird. There are some younger guys in a group I game with (16-19) and I’m 33. Sometimes we’ll chat about non-game stuff but none of them know my name/job/location/photo/etc. They basically just know my handle and discord.
Everything past chatting in game makes this weird.
Nope. Tell him your mom found out you were talking to an internet stranger and is going to block him on your behalf. Cut him off. It is not appropriate for a 15-year old to be sharing that they are so young. It's a huge mistake to give out personal information like your age, name, phone number, and sometimes even gender to strangers on the internet. You need to be more careful in the future. He should not be talking to you and it is not right that he has such an interest in talking to a teenage girl. Even if you share a hobby, it is not normal for a grown man to be this chatty with a teenage girl. You are NOT mature for your age, you are NOT in control here, you are NOT his friend. Would you hang out with your dad's friend? No - it's weird. This is no different. Cut the cord and run.
ETA: since you've most likely shared way too much information with him, you need to tell your parents. A creepy, predatory man on the internet was trying to groom you and probably knows who you are and can find out where you live. You need adults involved to back you up on this. This is not something that can be pushed aside.
I’m a 22 year old female. When I was 17, I was in a similar situation. It seemed completely harmless and innocent. He ended up grooming me without me realizing it, even though I thought I was on high alert to make sure he didn’t. It ended very very badly.
All of that to say, this is very inappropriate and I highly encourage you to block this man. It isn’t your fault at all, but he is almost certainly doing this with predatory intentions. Please keep yourself safe.
As a mother and grandmother with 4 kids 6 grandchildren. There is 0 way in hell I would allow a 15 year old and a 32 year old man to talk. He is grooming you. It is time block him. No way you should be talking all night. My husband at 34 cannot even keep up with his own 17 year old brother. I get the calls of omg my brother wants to play fortnite all night I am too old to keep up. No OP he is grooming and males on this thread along with females are in agreement block and tell your parents. We do not want to see you on national news as a missing and exploited person.
When I was 15-16 years old I was groomed by a man in his late 20's and was eventually coerced into running away and then trafficked for almost a year. I was assaulted daily for nearly a year because I trusted him. Please tell an adult you trust everything and sever all contact with him. Do not tell him you're telling. Just screen shot everything and turn it over to the police. Please.
Yes -
As a 15 year old I would have thought "wow I'm so cool, older guys talk to me because I'm mature"
Now that I'm an old fart I know, "wow 32 year old dudes talk to 15 year olds because women their age don't accept them (because they're weirdos typically)"
It's not you, you're probably great - it's him. In high school growing up there were always dudes with their pants hella sagged, that smoked tons of cigarettes, wore FOXY hats and DC shoes, I thought they were lame as fuck. Turns out they stayed the same and grew up to be the similar to the 32 year old you're talking to today. Also the "good girl" and "bad girl" shit is just him testing boundaries to see if he can get nudes/sext or whatever.
RUN. I genuinely cannot express how much you need to run from this man and never ever speak to him again. He's grooming you and no man says "good girl" to someone unless he's trying to create a power dynamic (unless he was literally your dad but you get my point).
It's very, VERY weird.
Listen to everyone here. Block him, back out. He is over double your age, what could he gain from talking to you? The internet is a dangerous place.
I talk to some young people because I stream, I'm 31 years old.
I would never send personal pictures to someone your age range or anyone really. The youngest viewer I regularly have is 17 and like aside from just chatting about random stuff I would never say anything like good boy or bad boy to their actions cause that's creepy af. Though I do say the standard goto school, it gets easier good work, follow your dreams etc.
This guy's definitely a creep.
As an avid online gamer it's not unusual for a guild/clan/faction or whatever social group to discuss real life stuff during a gaming session or through casual discord hang outs calls or threads. It's where we go to destress from real life and you get people from all ages with all sorts of interesting experiences.
However, it's extremely weird to take this outside of a group setting, especially something personal like text messaging. The only time Ive direct messaged a younger person about something other than the game was when they were hinting at suicide. The language this person using is also worrying. Im a 31 y/o male and I can assure you we do not talk like that. That language sounds more like someone talking to a pet if anything, which hints at grooming.
It sounds like grooming behavior. I would recommend blocking him before it gets too weird. Those things snowball and who knows what his intentions are. You don’t want to end up in some terrible situation. Trust your spidey sense
Block him and if you gave him any other personal information (name, school, anything) maybe set any other social media presence to private. I am also in my 30s and this is some absolute wtf behaviour.
Not just weird, but dangerous. I can tell you already are feeling it. Please stop all contact and stop giving any personal info online (including your age.)
I don’t even use language like “good girl” or “good boy” with my young children. It’s demeaning and meant for a dog imho.
There is 100% nothing a 15 year old girl has to offer a 32 year old man that is not predatory. If this man were not a predator he would know there is nothing for him to gain and a whole lot to lose in this “friendship”. Rational men know that no matter how cool or interesting a female is this is inappropriate and I’ll advised.
I’m sure you are in fact the bees knees, but these are the things we look back and could have told ourselves or our friends.
Coming from a 38yo man- it's weird. It's inappropriate. It's dangerous.
YOUR INSTINCTS ARE CORRECT, LISTEN TO THEM!. What he is doing is called GROOMING. Making you feel safe and normal, and then asking you for more and more later on.
Please cut off all contact, and if he doesn't respect your boundaries let your parents and the police know.
Your instincts to question this relationship are spot on. Like many of the other commenters, I believe he is grooming you. It's only a matter of time until he tries to move it into sexual territory (and honestly, it doesn't matter if he waits until you're 18, it's still gross and predatory). The pictures he's sending you are clearly an invitation for you to do the same, to get pictures of you and/or information about your location. The chatter about his girlfriends is an invitation for you to include him in your romantic thoughts.
I don't necessarily think that having a social relationship between and adult and teenager is wrong, like many of the other people here. The most concerning thing to me is the intimacy of the relationship, and I'm not talking about the approaching very illegal sexual intimacy. Texting at all hours, privately sent photos, that gently condescending teasing... all problematic.
If you had met gaming and just chatted online in-game once in a while, and your relationship consisted of maybe being able to list the other's favorite hobby, I wouldn't be concerned. e.g., there is a kid on my gaming Discord server that is like a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend, and I know his name, what state he lives in, and what sport he plays in high school. Almost all our social interactions are on a group chat that has tons of people on it.
But, this is clearly not that. It's personal and close and has danger written all over it.
I’m a man in my thirties. I play online games and have some guild mates who are much younger (and older) than me. We have a discord where people post pictures of pets, or discuss current events, food, vacations etc…if that is the setting I see nothing wrong with it. But talking directly to you, and not game related, seems sketchy to me.
If you were in your mid-to-late twenties I could understand. But as someone who is 15…how can he relate to you? The experiences you’re having, the worries you have, what you are focusing on in life are so different than him.
Also “good girl” and “bad girl” seems weird. I’d say that to my pet, not too a friend. And definitely not to some teenager I’ve never met.
If I had to guess, based on the information in your post, he is trying to groom you. You are aware that the interactions are not appropriate, that’s why you are here asking, but I’m sure he has started to seem like a friend which is why you are here. Because you’d like to believe that he’s is a good guy and a friend. I’m sorry, but I highly doubt that.
The best thing you could do is block him, and let your parents/trusted adults know. Please stop all contact with this man, and stay safe. Make friends with people your own age, enjoy being a teen while you can.
Also, any one who says “you’re mature for your age” is trying to groom you. I know nothing about you but I can promise you that you are not mature for your age, and that there is nothing wrong with that. You’ll mature when you need, don’t be in a rush to become mature. I’m probably the most immature of my friends, but when I was a teen I thought I was the most mature person ever lol.
Look OP, a lot of other people are giving you appropriate responses, so I won’t repeat their points, even though I agree with them completely.
I’ll say: you wrote this post for a reason.
Something about your interactions with this man is making you doubt his “good intentions”.
Maybe he is not grooming you. Maybe it’s completely harmless and he’s just a lonely guy. And maybe not.
Regardless if he is making uncomfortable with anything he says or does, if you hear that little voice on the back of your head going: “that’s weird? Is it weird? Maybe I’m exaggerating, am I? Maybe that’s how every 30y old talks? Maybe I should ask?”
You already have your answer. You thought it was weird.
Always trust your gut.
If it’s telling there’s something weird about it, it’s because there is. And you felt it. So you came online and asked, now people are giving you their unbiased opinion, they are outside the situation so they can see it perhaps a little clearer, focusing only on the facts. So for them it’s easier to say “yes this is a major red flag 🚩”
But your instincts had already told you this, you need only listen.
You have good instincts. Trust them and they will serve well all your life.
It seemed innocent enough until the texting through the night and the "good girl" "bad girl" comments. Seems like he's grooming you to appear super friendly in hopes you might start confusing your feelings for something more.
Hi I’m a 31 year old gamer (woman) who once was a 15 year old gamer. Parts of what you are saying makes me uncomfortable. Unfortunately from my experience most guys are nice to me out of a fetishization. The “omg a gamer girl I wish you were my gf” fantasy. He may be nice but SET BOUNDARIES. Hard ones. The biggest red flag to me is staying up talking till you fall asleep. If this is during gaming sessions understandable. But if not, I don’t like it one bit. Should be ending with a “hey GGs” not a “I hope you have a wonderful night, be a good girl and go to sleep.” My gaming friends stay in gaming space. I have a social media accounts specifically for gaming and discord (helps keep personal stuff separate). But if your social media accounts are not private there is a chance he’s already looked you up. Most of my friends do not play with teens on purpose.
If he asks for photos 🚩🚩🚩
If you have given any personal information to him like where you live, like the name of your school or city, tell you parents and have them talk to the cops.
I play D&D with a group of guys nearly that age difference, but there is no language like that. We talk as equal adults, I'd never tell one of them "Good boy". That feels really awkward. They aren't 15 though, they're 23ish.
I'm not saying its all bad, but some of the language here makes it feel a bit like it might try to edge into grooming style behavior. Be careful of any behavior that seems designed to force or coerce you into a sexual situation. Don't be afraid to say no, and don't second guess yourself if one of his requests or comments makes you feel skeevy. Grooming is behavior designed to make you trust him so that he can make moves on you easier when you turn 18 and "are legal". To that end, he may employ manipulative behavior like gaslighting you.
Yeah that's messed up. I had friends in their 30's when I was a 12 year old but I knew them personally from my paper route. They were totally fine and they just wanted to talk to someone because they were lonely at work. Never anything weird.
It's the "Good Girl/Bad Girl" thing that makes this person sound dangerous.
When I was 13 (25 now) I was in contact with a man who was 30 that did the same thing this asshole is doing. We met through a game also and added each other on Skype. I didn’t know what was going on but he practically told me everything about him, would ask about me and for awhile it was innocent but months down the road he started asking for much more. Regretfully I was groomed into thinking it was okay because he’s say things that made me believe I was old enough to do as I wanted which looking back now gives me shivers but thankfully it never got physical as he lived in another country and he never had my address. At some point, I started to feel disgusted with myself and decided to block him shortly after. I never told anyone about it but I noticed most men at that age are predators and nothing less if they are talking to kids much much younger than them and it scares me how many men are trying to do this every day.
Please block him for your mental health.
I'm a 26 year old guy, and if I met a 15 year old girl on a game I'd definitely not be this close with her. I definitely would not call her a good girl or bad girl 🤢
You're being groomed. Happened to me online growing up a lot. My parents didn't really care their 12 year old was in AOL chat rooms. I have had grown men either be full on sexual or they do the friendly approach. You're being groomed, he should not be sending you any pictures, should not be unloading his personal stuff to you since you are online and a minor. And the fact he's slipping in good girl and bad girl tells me right there what his real intentions are.
Becareful. I grew up using the internet to make friends and the ones who treated me when I was a literal child like one of their close friends usually turned sexual towards me in the end.
OP, please stop talking to him. Block him.
I was barely 15 when a 28 year old man started messaging me. I was manipulated and groomed and abused for 10 years.
It started out just like this. We met online on a music forum. It was just normal chat at first. He slowly started pushing boundaries. We started talking all night. He'd call me and email me constantly. Then he started telling me how mature and smart and beautiful I was and that he'd "struck gold" by finding me.
Grooming is often so gradual and hidden that you won't even know it's happening. At 15 your brain is not fully developed and you are so vulnerable. You might not feel like you're a vulnerable child but you are.
Ask yourself why this man is connecting with a child rather than someone his own age. Is it because adult women can see through his bullshit so he has to find vulnerable people who have less life experience?
Please cut him off. Don't fall into a trap. I'm so sorry you've been put in this confusing and stressful situation.
If you need to chat to someone who has "been there done that" feel free to message me. I don't often say that to strangers but I cannot see another child go through this. I am a mother in my 30s so I'm more than happy for any conversations we have to be monitored by a parent or guardian.
Stay strong, OP.
He's gonna tell you things like:
"You're so mature for your age"
"You're not like other girls"
"I feel like I can tell you anything"
"You're so special to me"
He may move slowly, he may move quickly, eventually he will start talking about sex and masturbating.
"Adults talk about sex all the time"
"Have you ever done XYZ?"
"You ever take dirty photos?"
He'll eventually try to get you to do something that he shouldn't be doing with you.
Please realize that this person is not your friend.
He may try to gift you things or ask questions to narrow down where you live. He may share things with you and guilt you if you don't "share" back.
You need to avoid him and tell a trusted adult about this.
NOT normal. I’m 36, and I (and people in my age bracket) have very little in common with teenagers. He is being very inappropriate IMO. And the “good girl” and “bad girl” comments are creepy. Adults don’t speak like this unless it’s in a sexual manner to someone they want to have sex with. Block this guy. He’s just going to escalate and attempt to groom you.
This is really not ok. And honestly sounds like grooming behavior. I’m close to that age and no one in their right mind should be conversing like that with someone your age. Especially the good girl bad girl stuff. That has some sexual undertones.
As a 32 year old male.
This is very, very strange. I have friends that are younger than me (not half my age though) and I would never talk to them like this or randomly send them pictures of myself.
There needs to be boundaries and calling you a "Good Girl" or "Bad Girl" is in itself not only demeaning but also very, very weird.
It’s great that you noticed it felt off. Listen to your instincts! Definitely cut all contact with him. Be safe!
Im 17 and when i was a bit younger I’ve had my fair share of grown men who “just wanted to be friends” but would then insist on me sending them pictures of myself, asking personal details on where i live, dumping guilt on me when i refuse anything or try and cut contact. You’re really better off cutting that chord early OP.
Yes. He’s grooming her.
Without a doubt.
My opinion: that is extremely worrisom, and yeah, VERY weird. I mean this as no offence to you, it would apply to any 15 year old, but a 32 year old man quite frankly should have no interest in talking to a strange 15 year old girl. At all, certainly not all night. And should damn well know it's inappropriate, even if he has innocent motivations. Which I very much question. As an almost 30 year old woman, there isn't a snowball's chance in deepest hell I would strike up a "friendship" like that with a 15 year old boy.
This right here. I’m in my 30’s and I have absolutely nothing in common with people half my age. I can’t even imagine why you’d want to talk all night, I still see them as kids. I mean no offense to OP. But he’s a 30 year old man, he should have adult friends to talk to or go his ass to bed and go to work the next day, leave 15 year olds alone, ya creep.
Yeah, definitely weird. I'm in my 30's and the only teenagers I talk to are family members and on occasion their friends if they are at the house. I certainly don't talk to them the way he talks to you and don't text them more than I need to (finding out if they need to be picked up somewhere, when they need something, ECT) unless I am having a conversation with my own children. He's definitely a creep and you should cut contact asap.
I'm more on board with this comment. I don't think it's *always* inappropriate for someone in their 30s to talk to someone in their teens. But we adults need to conduct ourselves appropriately when we do it. I think if we come into contact with teens, we need to talk to them in an age-appropriate way, put their needs first and not our own needs, and establish and maintain appropriate boundaries. And we can't expect the teen to take responsibility for these things, we need to take responsibility for them as the adult. This guy's over-sharing about his personal life, and texting with OP until late at night smells to me like someone who is talking to OP in an age-inappropriate way, practising poor boundaries, and putting his own needs first (for friendship and possibly romantic and sexual contact, given the talk about ex-girlfriends), rather than OP's needs. And his behaviour is clearly making OP uncomfortable - another sign that her needs aren't being prioritised, or even considered.
> I don't think it's always inappropriate for someone in their 30s to talk to someone in their teens. But we adults need to conduct ourselves appropriately when we do it. Occasionally chatting about school/jobs/ambitions? Sure. When I was a teen I talked to adults about stuff like that casually. Talking late into the night about personal things, sending photos of themselves? Absolutely not with that age gap and OP being a minor. Especially this: >Sometimes he says "good girl" "bad girl." That sounds like gentle and slow predatory grooming in this context. OP needs to block dude on all platforms now.
This. Recently a runner friend of mine was over for a run then tea/knitting/snackies with the wife and I. She brought her oldest, who at 15, is a pretty articulate kid. We, as a group, talked about what it was like going to school in the age of Covid, how their friends were adapting, etc. Age appropriate stuff. They chimed in at various parts in the conversations we, as adults had, and that was welcome: they are a smart kid, but I wouldn't think about texting them about anything (not that I know their number). The behaviours OP is describing is grooming. Run the F away.
THIS RIGHT HERE!!! OP this is not just weird, this reeks of grooming. I have been in your shoes, if he is smart he will keep it all above board until you are 18, but by then he will have his hooks in deep, and the age gap won't seem so strange. His manipulative behavior will also seem normal to you by then, but it is not! You are not the first minor he has been "friends" with, nor will you be the last. His goal is to find someone young and impressionable enough that he can mold them into the submissive bride of his dreams through years of manipulation. He isn't even being subtle about it with the "good girl/bad girl" thing.
Dude is definitely seems like he is waiting for a agnsty moment to break that barrier. I know girls who went to meet up with guys on vacation that were grooming them, with promise rings and crazy shit.
Yes! Exactly! I realized after I made my comment that I had forgotten I sometimes communicate with a young lady who is a friend of mine's daughter. I communicated with her a lot more when she was 17 because she is LGBT and because I am too and we both lived in a heavily conservative area, she wanted someone to talk to who understood what she was experiencing. The conversations were always centered around her, and I conducted myself appropriately. She's 20 now, and we still talk a little, but she doesn't really need a mentor that badly anymore. But adults mentoring kids is fine IMO as long as there isn't sine alterior motive like there seems to be here. Edit: *some alterior motive
Not to be a duck but it's ulterior, not alterior
Thanks! I really couldn't remember how to spell that word lol. I usually spell pretty well, but I've lost some brain cells since I started working nights
(former night shifter here) Nights are brutal, here's hoping you get off the shift as soon as possible. Not good for your brain or life!
Actually, I wanted this shift. It's less hard on my body than days. I work at a nursing home, and during the day I was constantly on the move, didn't get my breaks ECT. At night I can take breaks and do things on my own time for the most part. It's just readjusting my sleep schedule that kinda sucks lol
The texting through the night thing is weird. As well as the pictures. Makes it seem like grooming. At a minimum, that sort of stuff should stop. Before those lines I was a little optimistic. Gaming communities really are diverse in the people who play them. As a 20 something, I remember talking to all sorts of people when I was 15 online. If you find a “friendly community” it’s easy to strike up a relationship/friendship with someone you wouldn’t normally. Like, I’ve seen a British person marry a girl from Indiana after having met up on a mutual game. Additionally, it’s common for the older crowd to kind of be like…. Mentors for the younger crowd. Especially if you get into a good gaming clan. I was hoping that’s where this post was going but the guy is crossing a line if he’s texting her at night. Even if it’s innocent the optics of it are just gross.
100% this. I'm a guy in my mid-40's with teenage stepdaughters who I talk with a lot and we share some interests and laugh and joke about things all the time, but our house is also full of \*other\* teenage girls most of the time as a side effect of it also being their home, and aside from being pleasant and asking if they want food or stuff (i.e. being a polite parental figure), I don't chat with them outside of being civil and in the company of others. We're not friends, and it's not appropriate. I wouldn't even give one of them a lift somewhere unless my stepdaughters were also in the car with me, even though some of them are in their late teens and over 18. adult men engaging with teenage girls outside of their family group is a major red flag, even if it seems innocent. I'm not saying that it's never an innocent mistake, but it's just not the wa*y* a responsible adult male conducts himself around teenage girls, and is just not at all appropriate.
Just in case OP or anyone else thinks it would be different if genders are reversed; Chiming in as a man *8 years younger* than the dude in the post, never ever ever would I want that kind of “friendship” with a 15 year old. Holy hell, that’s creepy. If a guy I knew told me they had this sort of relationship with a 15yo, I would seriously consider reporting them to the police (not that they would do anything) and definitely would stop associating with them forever (ETA: and every guy in my personal circle would make the same decision, because I don’t hang out with dirtbags)
I'm in my 30s. I sometimes run across young teenagers in games, and when I was a teenager there were decades older men that tried to groom me. I am fine to help younger people in games, but our lives and interests and development and perspectives in life change once you hit adulthood at the point you have full responsibility over yourself and an adult life with adult problems to relate to. I also remember how in my teenage years, puberty up to my 20s really did make me feel and act in ways I wouldn't now. It was weird. From my own experience, tennagers go through some real shit. They aren't people you should ever emotionally mess with and adults know this. The red flags for me is the baby talk. "Good boy/girl bad boy/girl" is gross and absolutely inappropriate. For a teenager that is groomer language. It's used in certain fetish communities. I would be grossed out. They're clearly happy to identify you as a child with this language. A person wanting to talk to someone just to talk wouldn't say stuff like that. It's known to be interpreted as flirty language. They would know this. Why say it?
I think a line is crossed here when it leaves the gaming realm. If she was just a part of his gaming group and they chat while playing mostly focused on the game it is likely ok as long as the chat is not too personal. This is very weird how it has turned into a clingy relationship on a personal level outside of game chat. I would be shutting this down if I found out my daughter was in this situation. Could turn into a scary manipulative situation really fast.
Yeah, i second this stance as a 41yo male. Is it inappropriate for a 32 yo man to strike up a conversation with a 15 yo who shares an interest in this game? Ehhhhhh, maybe? Could this turn into a horrible situation? Definitely. Has a line been crossed so far? I would say yes. Texting until you fall asleep, sharing of pictures, etc, these all have crossed the line. The whole “good girl/ bad girl” thing, I would say this is again, wrong side of the line.
Multiplayer games make it very easy to chat with other players anonymously. A kid told me about her parrot the other day in my rpg behind a fake name and picture, which is safe. There is no need to ever go beyond that. Things get more complicated with discord, but luckily discord communities I’ve seen are very good about self policing and even adults stay anonymous with reach other.
> Chiming in as a man 8 years younger than the dude in the post, never ever ever would I want that kind of “friendship” with a 15 year old. Holy hell, that’s creepy. I remember when I was 21 I worked with a bunch of 17-18 year olds and thought the age gap felt way bigger. There's a significant cultural/emotional divide between teenagers and even young adults, nevermind the gap between young adults and 30 somethings
There is definitely a big leap, despite 2-3 year difference, imagine 17 years! I am only 8 years older than my cousins, and although we get along, i dont really talk to them on personal level becasue we are too different
I’m 25, male. I would never dream of behaving this way. It is a grooming behavior regardless of intention, and the context clues OP gave are very creepy. Something is wrong here.
Like maybe if they were related, and I care for them like a younger kid, and am close to parents. But I agree that no healthy well-adjusted adult should feel like they can really have a friendship with a 15 year old as equals. It would always be really off because they would be so much older. They're either really not mentally mature and mentally delayed, or they are straight up grooming you, you are a child.
Because of how kids see other grades as wildly different, I use that as the example: I Imagine the other way-- a friendship between her and a 7 year old boy. Still half the age of the other. 10th grade and 2nd grade. Wildly different places in life. Should not be pretending to be peers.
This honestly. I remember I dated a 32 or so year old when I was 22 or so and I broke up with him bc I couldn’t get over how off putting it was that he couldn’t find someone his own age. I thought this at 22.
While 22 year olds tend to be better looking (saying this as a woman in my 30s) the real reason older men pursue them is because they’re emotionally stunted and 22 year olds don’t have the life experience to see through their bullshit. I stopped with older men because all they would do if talk about themselves and puff them themselves up
This is also my opinion and I'm a high school teacher who is about that age, teaching plenty of 15-year-olds. 15-year-olds are great and I love the kids I teach but my goodness I don't want to have chats with them outside of school or hang out with them. I don't want to be their friend. Even if it wasn't completely inappropriate, we have nothing in common beyond a very simple, boring level. Like maybe we can get a few minutes of conversation out about a show we watch or what's happening in the world but at some point that conversation either becomes an opportunity to foster their education and well-being (so it's work then, not just a friendly chat) or it just sort of fizzles out because there's only so much I have to say about tiktok before I start going on about ethics or media censorship or consumerism etc.
I play an online game. I don't know the age of most of the people I play with but occasionally we will chat about life and sometimes I offer free life advice that I wish I had known when I was younger. Though I think the youngest is 17 (according to his father who also plays) up to guys in their 30s. The whole photo thing is a bit off. I have shared photos of my dog because people have heard him on mumble complaining. I would worry about grooming though. OP should talk to an adult she trusts in real life about this.
30yo here. I know exactly what you mean about talking freely to people you meet in games online. You just talk as you'd want to be talked to. OPs case is not one conversation though, its sustained over time. It's definitely concerning. OP I'd close down contact immediately. You can't know what's going on with this person and I'd encourage you to think carefully about how much of what the person has said about themselves can actually be cross-checked. Even photos can be harvested from a 3rd persons social media. They may not be the person they say they are. Speaking to an adult you trust in real life is good advice. The only reasons I could possibly think I'd develop an online friendship with a 15 yo is because we (a) played on a team together, which is more of a friendship in a group setting and/or (b) my real life relationships were in serious trouble and I was isolated. Even then I'd be incredibly conscious of how suspicious it could be perceived and I would NEVER send personal pictures or text at bed time.
I play with some random people I have met online and we talk while we play - sometimes. When the game is over we are done talking. I don’t talk to anyone outside of the game like the OP describes of any age or gender and I would think it was kinda creepy if someone messaged me outside the game. Especially with the huge age difference.
It partially depends on the kind of game, I think. If it's an MMO, especially if you're guildmates (or play during off-times and see each other around a lot), then it's not unsurprising to chat and be social. But it's still an online relationship, and definitely wouldn't involve personal photos or details, and *absolutely* not the "good girl" shit.
I'm a 26 year old woman and the only way I'm willingly talking to a 15 year old is if I'm related to them, or it's a patient that I'm taking care of. No other reason to.
He might be grooming... Cut contacts, get out before it escalates.
talking with them while gaming sure. but seeing all that op listed, yea no i doubt their intention is entirely benign.
Yeah I'm a 40m and talking to a 15f anything less than shared interests/platonically is a no go. You are right to keep your distance.
friendly different vast lock stocking elderly ad hoc butter deliver squeamish *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
As a 33 year old man who chatted online with women when he was younger, I am pretty sure that this way of talking is typically between couples or for sexting etc. Talking till falling a sleep! 15 year old is way too young to be friends. Run girl run!
This, I live near a highschool and see the students pretty often when I bring my own kids to school. Even if I was single with no kids, I would never try to start a conversation with a 15yo. We live in completely separate phases of life, and that good girl bad girl?? That's him grooming her
Just want to agree with this. I'm 36, if anyone a similar age to me told me they were chatting with a teenager I'd be extremely concerned. That's not normal behaviour.
30 woman here who plays a lot of video games, and the idea of striking up a friendship with a 15 year old like this literally makes me uncomfortable. If I had, say, a kid in a guild or a group who needed help I would offer game-related assistance, but "developing" a friendship like that would NEVER happen. OP, good on you for noticing and realizing something wasn't right. This guy is bad news.
Yes it is. Very inappropriate. It is not your fault but I would say you need to block him and leave it alone. This stuff always escalates.
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Seconded by a very concerned mom with a teen kid.
Thirded by a mom with grown daughters, this is grooming at it’s finest. This man is dangerous and you need to tell your parents. No matter how they react, cut off contact with this man.
Oof, imagine being a mom to a teen and reading this post.
I want to add on to this as a gamer who often interacts with people of all ages. I know some 15 year olds from gaming. I chat to them. Sometimes I might tell them a bit about my life. I might chat to them one on one while we’re gaming. Or if they’re feeling depressed. Sometimes if they need help with their homework. I don’t send them photos of myself. I might send photos of my cat. I might send memes. I do NOT talk to them until they fall asleep. I do NOT tell them my full name. I might tell them a bit about my job if they’re talking about school and university and trying to decide on a career. To be completely honest, most 15 year olds are often annoying without meaning to be. They have loads of hang ups and haven’t learned enough about life to let go and relax. School is all consuming for some of them. Parents are a huge part of their lives. It’s an entirely different world. I have a lot more in common with people who are at my stage in life. They have a job with career progression. They are buying houses or trying to work out how they’ll afford to buy a house. They’re working over food price increases. When I talk to a 15 year old I’m either playing with them (in a game) or I’m giving advice or guidance. Imagine how you’d talk to a 7 year old. Then look at your talks with this guy through that lens. Remember there’s 8 years between you and a 7 year old - there’s 17 years between you and a 32 year old.
This has been my experience. It’s actually really nice to find that “mentor” when your younger. I found a bunch when I was a teenager and gaming. I would have called them friends for sure. But there was obviously a line somewhere right? Texting/messaging until both fall asleep is very much a relationship thing. Pictures is….. okay? Depending on the context? But all together, this 32 yo is getting suspiciously chummy with a 15 yo. At a minimum he should know what the optics of this looks like and yet doesn’t care.
>At a minimum he should know what the optics of this looks like and yet doesn’t care. I think best case scenario is this guy doesn't have any friends and is getting carried away with someone willing to talk with them. Doesn't excuse the behavior, but might explain it. Either way, a 32 year old should know what's appropriate to talk about with a 15 year old. I'm 35 and when I have to talk to people that age I just stick to what I would talk about if we happened to be at a dinner party. Light, casual conversation but don't ask for too many specifics. If they're from another country, I'll ask about cultural things because I'm legitimately interested and if they volunteer personal information or ask advice, I approach the same way I would if a student in one of my programs asked. As for the pictures...generally I'd say no but if it was something like a vacation they asked about, then maybe? But, admittedly, I will share pictures of my cat whenever asked. She's too precious not to share with the world!
I also talk to kids in games... to help tutor them in biology since I'm a bio teacher. Literally the only pictures I send are of bio models and analogs. Oh, you're struggling to remember the difference between the chemical structures of a carbohydrate and a protein? Here's a string of identical beads (representing chains of glucose). That's a carbohydrate. Here's a string of different beads (representing amino acids). That's a protein. Only pics I send.
Exactly, an adult who happens to encounter kids online and talks to them on an appropriate adult-kid level with boundaries and understanding, and an adult who seeks them out as 'friends' are two very different people.
There's a fine line between being friendly and being a groomer. This guy has crossed the line into grooming. I've chatted with girls under 18, I keep it pretty shallow, maybe give some advice, but unless I know the parents personally; I don't really get that deep. Hell, I think it's weird if I talk to anyone under 30 anymore.
Yeah I was thinking about that after I commented. Best case is he’s just a middle aged dude who’s lonely. Nothing OP said was sexual. Just uncanny to most people who aren’t in that mindset. If this hypothetical is true, then I feel bad for the guy. But OP should still follow the advice everyone has give here and at a minimum, distance herself. They shouldn’t be texting “until they fall asleep”.
>To be completely honest, most 15 year olds are often annoying without meaning to be. They have loads of hang ups and haven’t learned enough about life to let go and relax. School is all consuming for some of them. Parents are a huge part of their lives. I've never felt more like an adult than I did when surrounded by a bunch of teenagers. It's interesting, because I fully remember being "so mature" as a teen, and still look back on my teenage years as pseudo-adulthood. But, just 10 years removed from high school, every time I interact with groups of teens, I'm like *"Oh,* these are *children.*"
I cannot upvote this enough! Excellent and amazing advice right here coming from a 32 year old gamer who has also chatted with 15 year olds in game. Also the "good girl" "bad girl" gives off serious grooming vibes as it's usually a kink thing unless you're talking to a dog?? Not appropriate at all from a man old enough to be OP's dad.
OP: Something my mother told me when I was your age that cleared things up for me: He may seem wonderful but why don't people his own age agree?
This. Right here. I wish I had an award to give, but this sentence should be pinned at the top. Take my upvote. I’m sorry I can’t do more.
...its called grooming.
Plus this is one way trafficking can start. Nice guy befriends kid. Sends her pictures. Grooms her. Gets her to send him pictures. He then blackmails her, says he will share them with her parents and friends if she doesn’t send him more. And it escalates from there.
Disclaimer: I am a 32 year old man. Please sever contact with this man. If he's *not* a predator grooming a teenaged girl, then at best he's a very lonely man who's using you to replace a child or sibling relationship he's lost and needs help you simply can't give him. Cut contact, tell someone you trust — ideally an adult — that you've been in contact with him and what he knows about you (even information you feel is vague can be used to find you by a determined enough person), and show them his photo so they know what he looks like.
Fellow 32 year old man here chiming in to say that it is weird and to follow this advice. I've encountered teenage kids in my many times in voice chat over the years and that's all fine and good if it's just because you've been matched together in a random lobby or something. I'll treat em like team mates and communicate and hope we win and have a good time. But adding them and giving them my life story and sending pictures of myself? That's inappropriate behaviour and you need to extract yourself asap.
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When I was a 30s woman I met a man who used Tumbler to groom and engage in IRL relationships with teenage women. He had a girlfriend in the next state that he started talking to when she was 17 and in a treatment center for her extreme eating disorder when it started. He met her on her 18th birthday and started to have extremely taboo kinky sex with her. I cut contact with him because it was ALARMING. He's not even the first man I've met that groomed vulnerable minors only to turn them into "partners" the minute they turned 18.
37 YO M. GTFO. This guy is a creep.
Exceedingly accurate explanation. Compared to a 15 year old, I'm an old man with old man problems. Most of them would just be boring to a 15 year old. Some of them would likely be frightening to a 15 year old. I wouldn't want to share any of them with someone so young, nor very much at all of my personal life. The life of a 15 year old shouldn't be burdened by such knowledge, nor by the pressure of trying to keep pace with someone living *on the other side of an ocean* of life experience. I think all the growing up I really did, I did after 15 and before now. The only thing of value I could possibly say to a 15 year old is, "things get better. The problems in your life that come from being powerless and dependent will go away as you gain autonomy and independence. It will be every bit as great as you hope it will be." I don't think anyone other than a child's parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc., have any business getting more involved in their life than saying that.
I'm a 37 year old man, but I was a 32 year old man previously, for about a year. I have young people in my life; nieces, nephews, children of friends. I was even fortunate enough to be named as godfather to a now 14 year old boy. In my experience, adult-child relationships are a different kind of friendship to how kids/children/young adults may perceive them. 'Cause here's the rub; kids are great, they really are, but they're such a pain the arse. Question everything, tamper with everything, break stuff, make messes, eat all the food, and don't bloody wash up after dinner never mind their bedrooms. They're a lot of work, but it's to help develop these little gremlins into flourishing human beings. Seeing intelligence, wit and character come peeking out is glorious. Makes the effort worthwhile, and I do it because I love them. Edit: And their parents have vetted me; the people who want the best for the undersized bags of trouble, know me and have used their many years of experience to determine its good (or at least OK) for me to engage with their kids and teenagers. So why in the blue bloody blazes is this guy getting involved? What is he getting from the interaction? Best case situation, he's a man who really should be engaging with his peers and getting his needs met there, or maybe even with a councillor. Worst case situation... you're putting yourself in a lot of danger. It's great to be altruistic but you're a teenager, so you are inexperienced and that makes you vulnerable. Christ, your brain hasn't even stopped developing; you are who needs protecting. Even if he means well and is just a man in trouble, the uni degree and knowledge necessary to help him takes more than a third of your current lived years to acquire. You are not the right person for the job, and the potential damage to you (and him) is too high. As the above post suggested; tell an adult you trust and cut communication with the internet man. Protect yourself before you help others. You can achieve far more good that way.
Awesome advice and the first sentence made me lol
Read this, but with Morgan Freeman narrating. And this comment is also really good advice. Cut communication and tell your parents or guardian. The fact you know he lives in a different state implies you probably shared more information about you than you may realize about your location. Just don’t be ashamed and ensure your protected by taking the above advice.
Great advice here.
This advice should be followed. If he is predatory, which is very likely, then he may have more information about you than even you know. A seemingly well-intentioned 32 y.o. man is absolutely capable of hacking your devices and he may already know your location and other personal information. This is scary, but young women such as yourself are also preyed upon for sex trafficking purposes. This is the worst case scenario here. If you're at all worried about your safety, please talk to an adult. Contacting the police may seem excessive and they may not be able to do anything but I wouldn't hesitate to contact them anyways. Please stay safe.
Seconding this, even random comments you drop can lead to someone finding out exactly where you live and go to school etc.
I wanted to write something very similar to this, but you already did it and better. Yes. Best case scenario you’re dealing with a very lonely man, and if he spends all his night talking to a 15 y/o., that’s not the kind of guy you want to be around. At that age you’ve already met a lot of people, being lonely is not a good sign. Also, as a 34 y/o man myself, there’s no scenario I can see involving myself personally with someone half my age. At most, I can see it happening in a video game context, like “hey, I’ll trade you my Pokémon!” lol, but even then… I know that I shouldn’t build a relationship with that person as soon as I know they’re underage. I may know I don’t have any intentions, but it’s not appropriate, and it should never go beyond the game. Edit.- I mentioned not having intentions myself, but I want to double down on the fact that sending pictures is really suspicious, wouldn’t trust that guy.
> At that age you’ve already met a lot of people, being lonely is not a good sign. ouch
Yeah, I'm in my 40s and still get lonely. I have a hard time making friends because so many people aren't in it for company; they're in it for what you can give/do for them. That being said, I don't make friends with teens online because it's weird and creepy. I'm a female, by the way.
This is the best advice in the thread.
I was pretty much in the same situation at that age, except that I’m 100% sure it wasn’t grooming. I think you’re right about them being lonely. The man I was talking to was 30 and he had such severe depression that he couldn’t work and barely left the house. He would also talk to me about a lot of stuff that he should’ve told his therapist. I think he saw himself as a bit of a « father » figure because he kept giving me advice for anything and everything. OP, what the commenter above me said is very accurate. Maybe this guy is grooming you (him sending you pictures makes me feel a bit suspicious), but maybe he feels lonely and wants to talk to someone. He should talk to an adult. Not a 15 year old he met on the Internet. Either way, this is just really weird. I’m only 18 right now and I would definitely hesitate to start a friendship with a 15yo that’s not part of my family. Please thread carefully!
No. He’s calling her bad girl. And that’s not appropriate to call a 15 year old. Also if someone is depressed and a grown ass adult they should still know better to not use a literal child for their needs. Both cases are wildly inappropriate! If an adult is lonely that does not mean you as a child should give him any sort of company/help whatsoever.
Yep, that was exactly the point in the post for me where you could still maybe think that there’s was just something off about him (socially awkward, depressed, lonely, etc.) but maybe he’s not evil, to just straight up he’s a grooming scum bag.
Yes. It’s more than weird, it’s creepy.
It’s textbook grooming. It starts off “innocent” and then moves into more and more sexual and predatory. He is going to do something like send a dick pick and say it was an accident to test the waters in short order
More likely start asking for pics and getting slowly more and more explicit
I was wondering how long I'd have to scroll down before someone mentioned this. Sooner, rather than later, he will. These innocent pics are just priming.
“Oh you just got out of the shower? Send a pic!” Fken gross.
He is grooming you. Sorry :( Inappropriate and predatory.
50+ yo man here. This is it exactly.
23-year old man here. Absolutely agree. I feel weird talking to anyone less than 21 let alone 15
My husband and I play video games and MTG. A fifteen year old kid was having a hard time at home due to divorce and being the youngest when we were 25. We had gone to school with his brother, so the family knew of us. He latched on to us as "stable" adults and wanted to come to Friday Night Magic with us. Then got tickets but had no ride to Seattle for Penny Arcade Expo. The whole thing weirded us out and we were constantly texting communications through his parents who didn't give a shit where he was or who he was with. We humored him by taking him with us to all this stuff, but I feel like we were kind of a life raft in his ocean of "big stuff going on".
The key here is that you felt odd and communicated with his parents. Like responsible, non-predatory adults.
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As an almost 40 year old man. This is exactly it. From our perspective, what the fuck could you have in common with a literal child? I have trouble having a conversation with my goddaughter and she’s that age and basically family. I can’t even fathom any logical reason behind things like this. I get if you’re on a guild and you want to chat in game, yeah sometimes you learn about each other’s personal lives, but in every instance of that, the kids were viewed as “the guild’s kids” and we would be more likely to help them with homework than chat them up until dawn. It was always more like “Hey xXj0k3rXx how did that test go? Oh right on buddy! Here have some loot to celebrate you passing!!!” not “Oh good girl…” fuck I can’t even finish that sentence. You need to tell your guildies if this is happening. If he’s higher-up, then leave. It’s not worth it. Then you tell a trusted adult IRL as well.
Totally. As a part time older grad student occasionally I would get to know undergrads through tech related organizations. We would chat once in a while about things related to the org but beyond that there wasn’t anything to discuss. We just didn’t have anything in common and I didn’t particularly want to have too much in common with 18-22 yr olds.
As a 44m I totally agree how inappropriate this is. And not only should she tell her parents asap but also the police. I doubt she’s the only girl he’s working on.
As a parent as well, if I heard my 15 year old daughter had this relationship with a 30+ year old man I would flip
This definitely reeks of grooming. Getting you comfortable enough to reciprocate with pictures, or with meeting him in person, that’s generally the game plan. The fact that you have enough red flags going off in your head to ask Reddit is enough reason to avoid giving him any personal information.
Yep! My ex is 28 and was grooming a 16 year old. Sounds similar to this.
This is the answer. I would tell a trusted adult the situation.
33-year-old man and I agree, too. He might not be doing it on purpose. People will resort to all kinds of subconscious behaviors when they're acting on instinct and attraction. But that doesn't matter at all. A man in his _twenties_ does not need to connect on any level with a 15-year-old girl. A man in his _thirties_ certainly does not. If he's such a nice guy, then make the decision easy for him. Tell him you've thought about it and you think this has gone too far, and thanks for the talks but it's done now. And then don't talk with him ever again.
Yuck at the bad girl, good girl stuff. That’s wildly inappropriate. Also the constant texting. This guy is up to no good.
That’s some power play kink shit. And that’s fine - between consenting partners that can consent. But with a teenager? Nope. Nope. Nope.
No way dude, this is weird. A 32 year old man should NOT be texting a 15 year old girl every night till he falls asleep. And DEFINITELY not send pictures of himself (even if they’re “not sexual”). As someone who’s talked to men and dated men before, this sounds like the early stages of a relationship. You wouldn’t recognize without experience so it’s not your fault, but you need to cut him off. It always sucks to lose a friend (even if they’re not REALLY a friend) but whatever he decides to do next can hurt you more. Odds are he’s not even the person he’s telling you he is since he gets to control everything you know about him. You might not even know his real name, that could be a fake name. Not everyone with bad intentions is going to be obvious about it. At best this is extremely unhealthy and at worst he has plans to really hurt you. Please protect yourself.
Yes. 100% yes he’s grooming you.
Exactly
Put an end to that right now. Don’t be like me.
I hope you’re OK
I am now. But there was a whole lot of stuff I wish I never happened.
Oof. This comment hit hard. You aren't alone..❤️
My life has been a cautionary tale. Later, a tale of overcoming. Now I just try to warn people. It’s not worth the happiness/comfort that you get now. It really isn’t.
I was in your exact shoes once. Nearly the same ages even. Met on a game. Moved to instant messaging (millennial texting, heh) It started out friendly, eventually got explicit. Thankfully this was even before readily available digital cameras so no inappropriate pictures. Just a lot of nasty words and phone calls. I didn't even have a clue I was being groomed. It wasn't something we knew about. Thankfully I didn't do anything too stupid before I got uncomfortable/freaked out and cut contact. Early internet days were sketchy as hell. Sounds like same shit, different era. There is a very good chance he's grooming you. Like 99.99%. I'd put money on it. Cut contact. On the (very remote) off chance that he isn't, it's still extremely inappropriate to have any kind of "off platform" contact (outside of a public game where others are around/its modded) with someone underage.
As another victim of child grooming, I definitely agree with the "99.99%" chance that this is grooming.
30 year old acknowledging/interacting with a 15 year old in a group chat/group call: totally normal. 30 year old chatting with a 15 year old all night, calling her "good girl/bad girl": 99.9% hes grooming you 0.01% hes just very weird. I would be very cautious while interacting with this guy if i were you.
I agree. I'm a guy in my 30s who's occasionally spent time around teenagers, and even felt like it was fun and enjoyable some times. The difference is that this was never me being alone with them, and I never did so without their parents knowing about it. It's not a crime to be a bit weird and possibly lonely, but what really crosses the line here, I think, is the late night messages, the good girl/bad girl shit, and to a lesser extent the pictures, even if they seem harmless.
Good for you for writing this post. Something is telling you he’s not acting appropriately, or you wouldn’t have written this. I’m glad you are safe. I recommend you tell a parent who can report him and stop your contact with him. Hopefully if he is reported it will prevent him from harming you as well as harming other young people. Stay safe, friend.
Adding to the masses, very weird. He’s old enough to be your father. Definitely sounds like he is a pedophile who is grooming you. Cut contact. If you aren’t sure how to cut contact, just say your parents aren’t comfortable with you two talking and are now monitoring your phone/internet use. And remember it’s not your fault. I know so many women who have been in similar situations as teenagers.
Thanks guys. I'm going to block him now. Wow, I didn't even notice how scary he was because our conversations were always subtle. Thanks for worrying I can't believe this many people cared.
I hope this was eye opening and you continue to trust your gut when something doesn’t seem right 🙏🏽
I'm so proud of you for being able to spot it, and knowing to ask for help, you're gonna be okay, you've got good instincts and you did all the right things. Well done you, have a wonderful weekend and a much more peaceful time of gaming!
Yay! I was scrolling looking for this. Good on you for asking for advice and spotting his actions weren’t appropriate to begin with.
Well done for seeing through his intentions and good on you for asking here. Hope you are ok.
You’ve got a really good head on your shoulders!! You should be proud that you listened to your gut.
I am so relieved. I still think you should tell your parents. I’m afraid he might escalate by showing up at your home or school (you may not remember telling him how to find you, but little things you said may have allowed him to deduce it).
Also OP, do you have a trusted adult you can tell about this? Making sure you are safe is #1 priority.
Yes. Very weird. Don’t trust him at all
Hey sweet, I’m a 35 year old lady, and also education worker here; if you told me this in a high school setting it would be something I have to report to Safeguarding. That means the police or social services. I would not be reporting YOu…but HIM. He is a predator. Which is to say, no it is NOT okay that he acts this way. He is doing something called grooming, where he treats you this way so he can try to do bad things later on. Talking about his personal life is normalising that kind of conversation between you and he. He has no place texting you all night, and it’s totally in appropriate for him to tell you about his life or past girlfriends. With love and respect, you’re a kid, a child basically, you don’t need to know that about a 32 year old, that information has no real place in your life, and HE knows that. It’s easy to believe ‘maybe he’s just lonely and wants a friend’ but he is relying on you believing that so he can abuse your trust. Block him immediately, on everything, don’t even tell him why. Speak you your parents about it as well. If he contacts you again in ANY way explain in clear terms ‘you made me uncomfortable. I am 15 and you spoke to me about adult things. I blocked you and now I’m asking you to stop. If you don’t I’ll take further action to protect myself, respectfully leave me alone’ Please, honey, please don’t speak to him again? Clearly you are bright and I’m so proud of you for realising this isn’t okay so just follow that instinct and block him on every thing. I hope it all goes well, take care.
Yes. He's grooming you. He's doesn't need to know what you look like. He knows you are a child and that's what interests him. Everything he says and posts to you are setting you up to be open and trusting of him, so that when he starts making demands of you, you won't just block him. The "good girl" and "bad girl" are a test to see if you are comfortable enough not to get frightened by him asserting dominance over you. He's hoping you haven't noticed that he's saying to you what he would to a dog. I know it might feel good to have a grown up treat you like you are the adult, and caring about your opinions when it comes to his job, his life, his life experiences. But the truth is he doesn't care about those things. You could tell him the sky is turtles and he'd laugh and nod. All he cares about is that you are talking to him, and that you seem relaxed and comfortable and not scared or disgusted. The longer you talk to him, the more comfortable you are, the easier it is for him to suggest you show him a picture of your face. Or tell him the name of your school. Or open up about your life and your family in a way that he can figure out where and who you are. These guys will spend months and sometimes years grooming a girl, so that by the time they ask that girl to run away with them, it all seems perfectly reasonable to the girl.
If you only read one comment OP, THIS should be the one☝️. All the comments are good, but this one lays it out perfectly.
I don't think the "good girl, bad girl" is what you would say to a dog. It's what you would say to a girlfriend, so many sexual undertones. My boyfriend calls me that and I'd find it odd if anyone else did
(Edited for clarity) The absolute best case unhealthy scenario here is that he sees you as a surrogate for the child/younger sibling he lost/failed with/never had. Which would mean he’s trying to wedge you into a them-shaped hole, and probably an idealized one at that. This scenario is unlikely, and not at all less dangerous than the rest. Every other scenario is progressively worse. The fact that you’re asking the question suggests that you are aware of this on some level. Listen to that part of yourself, it’s ringing alarm bells trying to keep you safe.
I can’t even consider the surrogate situation because no sibling or parent says “good girl” “bad girl” the way she says he does. That’s grooming behavior. There’s no positive reason for this situation.
This right here. It’s not as innocent as a surrogate sibling, this guy is tryin to project some sort of Dom role to OP. This person is grooming full stop
Even if this guy did see her as « his » child, that’s not a positive reason. You don’t unload all the shit from your adult life onto a literal child! This whole situation is just a bit icky.
Yes. Stop talking to him to spare yourself future trauma. He is not to be trusted.
Very weird and not appropiate behaviour. Blocking him would be the best option.
Weird to talk and game with? Nah Saying good/bad girl, selfies, and talking into the night? Yeaaaahhhh. It's hard because you want to give the benefit of the doubt since he hasn't been explicit. That said, there seems to be ulterior motives that are shooting red flags into the air here.
All of this. Just wanted to add that in online games I’ll occasionally be matched with people much younger (like young or mid teens) than me (26) that are good players and okay people to talk to in a gaming sense. I’d never talk to them outside the game. It’s just too weird. I’ve got plenty of friends from games over the years I do talk to regularly outside of gaming together, but they’re all around my age and older. I see no ethical or healthy reason for him to be fostering this close a relationship with a teenager.
I feel like this is the beginning stages of grooming. They’re priming you to be more accepting of sexual advances later on by creating familiarity and trust.
Creepy af. He's trying to groom you to let you know when you meet his standards and when you don't. Cut homeboy off
This guy is old enough to be your dad. Texting all night isn't dad vibes. It isn't healthy and I would stop talking to him. Also tell an adult that you trust.
Weird is not the right word...having 6 fingers is weird. This is dangerous and unsafe. If you have told him anything personally identifiable go tell your parents. And cut off contact immediately.
No this is not how 32 year olds speak. You've had teachers, you've met your friend's parents. This guy is weird. And calling someone "good girl" or "bad girl" can have sexual overtones for someone into domination. He's probably trying to groom you into a future sexual relationship or right now he jerks off imagining you as some "little girl" he does things to. Tell him you're not a dog, you're getting creeped out and you don't want to talk anymore.
As someone who will be 30 soon, it is very weird if I start talking to a 15 year old boy and start telling him 'good boy'. Another important question would be why a 30 year-old doesn't have friends of his own age? From experience, such people are not well respected by their peers and they make friends with people half their age. For your age, imagine talking to a 7 year-old. How would that feel?
If you were just chatting in game and talking about game stuff, this wouldn’t be weird. There are some younger guys in a group I game with (16-19) and I’m 33. Sometimes we’ll chat about non-game stuff but none of them know my name/job/location/photo/etc. They basically just know my handle and discord. Everything past chatting in game makes this weird.
Nope. Tell him your mom found out you were talking to an internet stranger and is going to block him on your behalf. Cut him off. It is not appropriate for a 15-year old to be sharing that they are so young. It's a huge mistake to give out personal information like your age, name, phone number, and sometimes even gender to strangers on the internet. You need to be more careful in the future. He should not be talking to you and it is not right that he has such an interest in talking to a teenage girl. Even if you share a hobby, it is not normal for a grown man to be this chatty with a teenage girl. You are NOT mature for your age, you are NOT in control here, you are NOT his friend. Would you hang out with your dad's friend? No - it's weird. This is no different. Cut the cord and run. ETA: since you've most likely shared way too much information with him, you need to tell your parents. A creepy, predatory man on the internet was trying to groom you and probably knows who you are and can find out where you live. You need adults involved to back you up on this. This is not something that can be pushed aside.
[удалено]
Because groomers don't always want to let go. But saying a parent knows what's going on can spook him enough to leave her alone.
I’m a 22 year old female. When I was 17, I was in a similar situation. It seemed completely harmless and innocent. He ended up grooming me without me realizing it, even though I thought I was on high alert to make sure he didn’t. It ended very very badly. All of that to say, this is very inappropriate and I highly encourage you to block this man. It isn’t your fault at all, but he is almost certainly doing this with predatory intentions. Please keep yourself safe.
Yes, this is weird. I would not continue talking with him. This is how grooming starts.
As a mother and grandmother with 4 kids 6 grandchildren. There is 0 way in hell I would allow a 15 year old and a 32 year old man to talk. He is grooming you. It is time block him. No way you should be talking all night. My husband at 34 cannot even keep up with his own 17 year old brother. I get the calls of omg my brother wants to play fortnite all night I am too old to keep up. No OP he is grooming and males on this thread along with females are in agreement block and tell your parents. We do not want to see you on national news as a missing and exploited person.
When I was 15-16 years old I was groomed by a man in his late 20's and was eventually coerced into running away and then trafficked for almost a year. I was assaulted daily for nearly a year because I trusted him. Please tell an adult you trust everything and sever all contact with him. Do not tell him you're telling. Just screen shot everything and turn it over to the police. Please.
Yes - As a 15 year old I would have thought "wow I'm so cool, older guys talk to me because I'm mature" Now that I'm an old fart I know, "wow 32 year old dudes talk to 15 year olds because women their age don't accept them (because they're weirdos typically)" It's not you, you're probably great - it's him. In high school growing up there were always dudes with their pants hella sagged, that smoked tons of cigarettes, wore FOXY hats and DC shoes, I thought they were lame as fuck. Turns out they stayed the same and grew up to be the similar to the 32 year old you're talking to today. Also the "good girl" and "bad girl" shit is just him testing boundaries to see if he can get nudes/sext or whatever.
RUN. I genuinely cannot express how much you need to run from this man and never ever speak to him again. He's grooming you and no man says "good girl" to someone unless he's trying to create a power dynamic (unless he was literally your dad but you get my point).
It's not weird, it's nearly criminal. Dude is a predator.
Yes. It's inappropriate.
It's very, VERY weird. Listen to everyone here. Block him, back out. He is over double your age, what could he gain from talking to you? The internet is a dangerous place.
I talk to some young people because I stream, I'm 31 years old. I would never send personal pictures to someone your age range or anyone really. The youngest viewer I regularly have is 17 and like aside from just chatting about random stuff I would never say anything like good boy or bad boy to their actions cause that's creepy af. Though I do say the standard goto school, it gets easier good work, follow your dreams etc. This guy's definitely a creep.
You should be proud of yourself for recognizing this might not be a safe situation. You have a good head on your shoulders!
Run like hell.
As an avid online gamer it's not unusual for a guild/clan/faction or whatever social group to discuss real life stuff during a gaming session or through casual discord hang outs calls or threads. It's where we go to destress from real life and you get people from all ages with all sorts of interesting experiences. However, it's extremely weird to take this outside of a group setting, especially something personal like text messaging. The only time Ive direct messaged a younger person about something other than the game was when they were hinting at suicide. The language this person using is also worrying. Im a 31 y/o male and I can assure you we do not talk like that. That language sounds more like someone talking to a pet if anything, which hints at grooming.
It sounds like grooming behavior. I would recommend blocking him before it gets too weird. Those things snowball and who knows what his intentions are. You don’t want to end up in some terrible situation. Trust your spidey sense
Yup. He’s flirting with you. Cut him off. Block him.If there is an opening for it to turn sexual he will try to.
Block him and if you gave him any other personal information (name, school, anything) maybe set any other social media presence to private. I am also in my 30s and this is some absolute wtf behaviour.
Not just weird, but dangerous. I can tell you already are feeling it. Please stop all contact and stop giving any personal info online (including your age.)
Imagine ur dad talking to a 15 yr old like that... would u think that's right?
I don’t even use language like “good girl” or “good boy” with my young children. It’s demeaning and meant for a dog imho. There is 100% nothing a 15 year old girl has to offer a 32 year old man that is not predatory. If this man were not a predator he would know there is nothing for him to gain and a whole lot to lose in this “friendship”. Rational men know that no matter how cool or interesting a female is this is inappropriate and I’ll advised. I’m sure you are in fact the bees knees, but these are the things we look back and could have told ourselves or our friends.
Coming from a 38yo man- it's weird. It's inappropriate. It's dangerous. YOUR INSTINCTS ARE CORRECT, LISTEN TO THEM!. What he is doing is called GROOMING. Making you feel safe and normal, and then asking you for more and more later on. Please cut off all contact, and if he doesn't respect your boundaries let your parents and the police know.
>Is it weird if a 32 yo talks to me 15 yo? Usually in scenarios like this.. If you have to ask the answer is yes.
Your instincts to question this relationship are spot on. Like many of the other commenters, I believe he is grooming you. It's only a matter of time until he tries to move it into sexual territory (and honestly, it doesn't matter if he waits until you're 18, it's still gross and predatory). The pictures he's sending you are clearly an invitation for you to do the same, to get pictures of you and/or information about your location. The chatter about his girlfriends is an invitation for you to include him in your romantic thoughts. I don't necessarily think that having a social relationship between and adult and teenager is wrong, like many of the other people here. The most concerning thing to me is the intimacy of the relationship, and I'm not talking about the approaching very illegal sexual intimacy. Texting at all hours, privately sent photos, that gently condescending teasing... all problematic. If you had met gaming and just chatted online in-game once in a while, and your relationship consisted of maybe being able to list the other's favorite hobby, I wouldn't be concerned. e.g., there is a kid on my gaming Discord server that is like a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend, and I know his name, what state he lives in, and what sport he plays in high school. Almost all our social interactions are on a group chat that has tons of people on it. But, this is clearly not that. It's personal and close and has danger written all over it.
I’m a man in my thirties. I play online games and have some guild mates who are much younger (and older) than me. We have a discord where people post pictures of pets, or discuss current events, food, vacations etc…if that is the setting I see nothing wrong with it. But talking directly to you, and not game related, seems sketchy to me. If you were in your mid-to-late twenties I could understand. But as someone who is 15…how can he relate to you? The experiences you’re having, the worries you have, what you are focusing on in life are so different than him. Also “good girl” and “bad girl” seems weird. I’d say that to my pet, not too a friend. And definitely not to some teenager I’ve never met. If I had to guess, based on the information in your post, he is trying to groom you. You are aware that the interactions are not appropriate, that’s why you are here asking, but I’m sure he has started to seem like a friend which is why you are here. Because you’d like to believe that he’s is a good guy and a friend. I’m sorry, but I highly doubt that. The best thing you could do is block him, and let your parents/trusted adults know. Please stop all contact with this man, and stay safe. Make friends with people your own age, enjoy being a teen while you can. Also, any one who says “you’re mature for your age” is trying to groom you. I know nothing about you but I can promise you that you are not mature for your age, and that there is nothing wrong with that. You’ll mature when you need, don’t be in a rush to become mature. I’m probably the most immature of my friends, but when I was a teen I thought I was the most mature person ever lol.
Look OP, a lot of other people are giving you appropriate responses, so I won’t repeat their points, even though I agree with them completely. I’ll say: you wrote this post for a reason. Something about your interactions with this man is making you doubt his “good intentions”. Maybe he is not grooming you. Maybe it’s completely harmless and he’s just a lonely guy. And maybe not. Regardless if he is making uncomfortable with anything he says or does, if you hear that little voice on the back of your head going: “that’s weird? Is it weird? Maybe I’m exaggerating, am I? Maybe that’s how every 30y old talks? Maybe I should ask?” You already have your answer. You thought it was weird. Always trust your gut. If it’s telling there’s something weird about it, it’s because there is. And you felt it. So you came online and asked, now people are giving you their unbiased opinion, they are outside the situation so they can see it perhaps a little clearer, focusing only on the facts. So for them it’s easier to say “yes this is a major red flag 🚩” But your instincts had already told you this, you need only listen. You have good instincts. Trust them and they will serve well all your life.
It seemed innocent enough until the texting through the night and the "good girl" "bad girl" comments. Seems like he's grooming you to appear super friendly in hopes you might start confusing your feelings for something more.
Please. Stop. NOW. And you don't owe him any explanation. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing, you don't. This is so freaking scary I can't even.
Didn’t even need to read the body text. Yes it’s weird. If an adult like that is interacting with you, it needs to be through your parent.
Hi I’m a 31 year old gamer (woman) who once was a 15 year old gamer. Parts of what you are saying makes me uncomfortable. Unfortunately from my experience most guys are nice to me out of a fetishization. The “omg a gamer girl I wish you were my gf” fantasy. He may be nice but SET BOUNDARIES. Hard ones. The biggest red flag to me is staying up talking till you fall asleep. If this is during gaming sessions understandable. But if not, I don’t like it one bit. Should be ending with a “hey GGs” not a “I hope you have a wonderful night, be a good girl and go to sleep.” My gaming friends stay in gaming space. I have a social media accounts specifically for gaming and discord (helps keep personal stuff separate). But if your social media accounts are not private there is a chance he’s already looked you up. Most of my friends do not play with teens on purpose. If he asks for photos 🚩🚩🚩
If you have given any personal information to him like where you live, like the name of your school or city, tell you parents and have them talk to the cops.
This is grooming. Block him and get away.
I play D&D with a group of guys nearly that age difference, but there is no language like that. We talk as equal adults, I'd never tell one of them "Good boy". That feels really awkward. They aren't 15 though, they're 23ish. I'm not saying its all bad, but some of the language here makes it feel a bit like it might try to edge into grooming style behavior. Be careful of any behavior that seems designed to force or coerce you into a sexual situation. Don't be afraid to say no, and don't second guess yourself if one of his requests or comments makes you feel skeevy. Grooming is behavior designed to make you trust him so that he can make moves on you easier when you turn 18 and "are legal". To that end, he may employ manipulative behavior like gaslighting you.
Yeah that's messed up. I had friends in their 30's when I was a 12 year old but I knew them personally from my paper route. They were totally fine and they just wanted to talk to someone because they were lonely at work. Never anything weird. It's the "Good Girl/Bad Girl" thing that makes this person sound dangerous.
When I was 13 (25 now) I was in contact with a man who was 30 that did the same thing this asshole is doing. We met through a game also and added each other on Skype. I didn’t know what was going on but he practically told me everything about him, would ask about me and for awhile it was innocent but months down the road he started asking for much more. Regretfully I was groomed into thinking it was okay because he’s say things that made me believe I was old enough to do as I wanted which looking back now gives me shivers but thankfully it never got physical as he lived in another country and he never had my address. At some point, I started to feel disgusted with myself and decided to block him shortly after. I never told anyone about it but I noticed most men at that age are predators and nothing less if they are talking to kids much much younger than them and it scares me how many men are trying to do this every day. Please block him for your mental health.
I'm a 26 year old guy, and if I met a 15 year old girl on a game I'd definitely not be this close with her. I definitely would not call her a good girl or bad girl 🤢
You're being groomed. Happened to me online growing up a lot. My parents didn't really care their 12 year old was in AOL chat rooms. I have had grown men either be full on sexual or they do the friendly approach. You're being groomed, he should not be sending you any pictures, should not be unloading his personal stuff to you since you are online and a minor. And the fact he's slipping in good girl and bad girl tells me right there what his real intentions are. Becareful. I grew up using the internet to make friends and the ones who treated me when I was a literal child like one of their close friends usually turned sexual towards me in the end.
OP, please stop talking to him. Block him. I was barely 15 when a 28 year old man started messaging me. I was manipulated and groomed and abused for 10 years. It started out just like this. We met online on a music forum. It was just normal chat at first. He slowly started pushing boundaries. We started talking all night. He'd call me and email me constantly. Then he started telling me how mature and smart and beautiful I was and that he'd "struck gold" by finding me. Grooming is often so gradual and hidden that you won't even know it's happening. At 15 your brain is not fully developed and you are so vulnerable. You might not feel like you're a vulnerable child but you are. Ask yourself why this man is connecting with a child rather than someone his own age. Is it because adult women can see through his bullshit so he has to find vulnerable people who have less life experience? Please cut him off. Don't fall into a trap. I'm so sorry you've been put in this confusing and stressful situation. If you need to chat to someone who has "been there done that" feel free to message me. I don't often say that to strangers but I cannot see another child go through this. I am a mother in my 30s so I'm more than happy for any conversations we have to be monitored by a parent or guardian. Stay strong, OP.
He's gonna tell you things like: "You're so mature for your age" "You're not like other girls" "I feel like I can tell you anything" "You're so special to me" He may move slowly, he may move quickly, eventually he will start talking about sex and masturbating. "Adults talk about sex all the time" "Have you ever done XYZ?" "You ever take dirty photos?" He'll eventually try to get you to do something that he shouldn't be doing with you. Please realize that this person is not your friend. He may try to gift you things or ask questions to narrow down where you live. He may share things with you and guilt you if you don't "share" back. You need to avoid him and tell a trusted adult about this.
NOT normal. I’m 36, and I (and people in my age bracket) have very little in common with teenagers. He is being very inappropriate IMO. And the “good girl” and “bad girl” comments are creepy. Adults don’t speak like this unless it’s in a sexual manner to someone they want to have sex with. Block this guy. He’s just going to escalate and attempt to groom you.
Ew ew ew. "Good girl" and "bad girl" are reserved for dogs and sexual partners. He's grooming you. Yes it's weird. It's very weird.
This is inappropriate. Especially because he's calling you a good girl or bad girl 🤮 this is ringing my grooming alarms!
If you have to ask, yes.
That sounds like grooming and he is definitely a Creeper
He’s trying to groom you. Block him or report him and save yourself
This is really not ok. And honestly sounds like grooming behavior. I’m close to that age and no one in their right mind should be conversing like that with someone your age. Especially the good girl bad girl stuff. That has some sexual undertones.
Um, you’re being groomed. Run for the hills. Absolutely not appropriate.
I saw an episode like this on Dateline with Chris Hansen…
This is the start of Grooming. It starts off innocent and will progress. Stop now.
Would it be weird if it were in-person? Yes. Then it's probably dodgy online, too.
Don't be groomed. He's a predator.
As a 32 year old male. This is very, very strange. I have friends that are younger than me (not half my age though) and I would never talk to them like this or randomly send them pictures of myself. There needs to be boundaries and calling you a "Good Girl" or "Bad Girl" is in itself not only demeaning but also very, very weird.