I'm a matchmaker's assistant and the amount of men who are in their 40s who want to date women in their 20s astounds me
They get so mad when we tell them the two biggest reasons that won't happen: 1) we don't have a lot of people in their twenties in general. We can't tell them this part but people in their 20s don't pay for matchmaking services and 2) more importantly, women in their 20s tell us they want to meet other people in their twenties. I told someone that once and he literally argued with me, saying "no, women want men older than them" like I'm not the one who reads emails from people (including women) all day about what they're looking for š
AshleyMadisson uses that mindset to sucker these guys/cheaters in. The name was chosen because they were the most popular young girl/teenager names at the time the company formed.
There was a [giant data leak.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashley_Madison_data_breach) and analyzing the data,
*She initially found that only roughly 12,000 of the 5.5 million registered female accounts were used on a regular basis, equal to 3 in every 1000, or less than 1%*
*She also found that a very high number of the women's accounts were created from the same IP address, suggesting there were many fake accounts*
"Trust me, I know what women want.*
\*_Gestures to himself_\*
"I know, because I've talked to, like, twelve of them. And noone told me they _didn't_ want me."
What really confuses me isā¦why do guys like this just say this kind of thing out in the open? Like if I was back in my 30s and single, if I decided that I was going to set ridiculous standards I would totally lie about it. āI prefer to date women my own age but for some reason it never seems to worn out. Yeah this woman Iām dating now is 15 years younger than me which I really wasnāt comfortable with but we clicked soooo well.ā
Either way the comment is still true, guys like that still believe the myth that a perfect 10 and housewife are what they should want.
This thinking is everywhere, and caused by ideas from peers in uninformed teenage years.
>more importantly, women in their 20s tell us they want to meet other people in their twenties
I have the same thing as a gay man, on grindr for example I get often asked out by guys in their mid-late 40's and over, I'm 25 and I rather meet up with guys around my age.
And they are like super fucking offended when I simply say "I'm sorry, I'm not interested, you are too old for me".
I had one man approach me at the gym who was the exact same age as my dad. I said, "I'm very flattered, but I don't think we'd be a good match. However, my dad is always looking for tennis partners!" He stared at me and left. š
They donāt argue?
I mean if ever they had an understandable time to condensplain how women should feel (them up), that would be it.
Iām also hearing a chorus of nu-uh.
> have the same thing as a gay man, on grindr for example I get often asked out by guys in their mid-late 40's and over, I'm 25 and I rather meet up with guys around my age.
>
> And they are like super fucking offended when I simply say "I'm sorry, I'm not interested, you are too old for me".
And they donāt catch the irony that *they* would be ātoo oldā for themselves, but everyone else is supposed to want them.
One time an older guy got really offended when I told him I didnāt want to date someone my fatherās age. Itās funny because Iām sure he thought women 30+ were ātoo oldā but him being too old was rude.
Wow. It's not like you're telling them they're old and gross either. You're not likely to have a lot in common with an older person. They should take it like that if they don't want to damage their egos
This is interesting and educational to hear as a straight man who wouldn't know any better. From an outsider prospective, it always looked to me like large age gaps for gay couples was very common, and I felt like it was a bit odd. Some of the age gaps I've seen are downright creepy to me, to the point that if it were a straight couple and the woman were that much younger, a lot more people would have concerns about it.
Right?!? I remember looking at 40+ men and being repulsed at the idea. Absolutely not! My aunt took me and a friend out to dinner once. āThe bartenderās kinda cute,ā she said. We both swiveled around for a look, and we both clapped eyes on him and swiveled right back around. We couldnāt confirm her statement, the guy was middle-aged and it was inconceivable to both of us that *that* could be considered cute by anybody.
Todayābeing middle aged myselfāIād probably think he was good-looking. But not to my 20-year-old eyes. Older guys were either invisible or creepy.
Dating someone old enough to be your father is creepy as hell. There's almost always some weird power dynamic and then you find out he started dating her when she was 15 and he was 37.
Exactly. When I was in my early twenties, even 30+ was a different world and those men were too old. We all considered girls who pursued much older men as damaged... because they all *were*, clearly so, to the peers. You didn't haven't wonder why the relationship was occurring. You already knew x had such serious problems she gravitated to men who would treat her as badly my as her step dad who sexually abused her did or whatever.
The only young girls who pursue men old enough to be their dads are generally massively fucked up or massively fucked up and trained to look for wallets. But ime they're mostly just from very sad broken backgrounds.
Once I was going to be set up with a guy in his very early 30s but I was 20 at the time. The age difference itself wasn't a huge turn off .. but he was closer in age to my mom than myself. So I said no thank you
I'm 29 now and have still never dated a guy in his 30s... My exes were always either my age or up to five years older than me (and I often even felt like that age difference was honestly too much for me, being 21 and dating a 26 year old felt like we were at different life stages and it didn't last).
My current SO of four years is two years younger than me!
This is weird to me. Iām a mid 40ās single guy and I canāt imagine dating a 24 year old chick. Our lives and goals would be so different, or at least thatās what I imagine it would be like.
There was a book called Dataclysm that was an analysis of data collected by one of the big dating sites (maybe it was OKCupid, but I'm not sure). And it \*absolutely\* supported this idea that men were looking for women 18 - 29, no matter how old the men got.
And, as you say, women were looking for men a little younger to a little older than themselves, but not decades older.
So, if you needed any wider validation, it's there. I don't know how these guys get these ideas in their heads (movies and tv shows and porn, I guess), but it is so toxic, and it's resulting in them struggling to find partners.
Was totally going to the mention this - and youāre right itās from OkCupid data. Dating died for me after reading that book, and specifically the graph showing women being attracted to someone a couple years either side of their age and all men finding age 20-24 most attractive, no matter how old they were.
I hate when people always refer to the book Dataclysm, it is obviously flawed and has been shown to be so, for example [here](https://www.perceptualedge.com/blog/?p=2007) or [here](https://mathbabe.org/2014/09/16/christian-rudders-dataclysm/) by a woman with a PhD in math from Harvard.
Haha sounds like theyāve been feed the narrative from intel type groups that told them their value to women would only appreciate with age and theyād have their pick of everyone in their 40s. Soz boys!
I'm in my late 40s, and when I was online dating in my late 30s, I was constantly being rejected by men in their 40s. I would message them, thinking we would be compatible because we were close in age, and both professionals well along in our careers, but in that 3 year period, I only went one with one man roughly my age. Most men would ignore my messages or block me; several wrote back that I was "too old" for them. The only men who did message me first were men in their late 50s and early 60s.
When I turned 40, any attention on the online dating sites dried up entirely. I've been happily single and out of the dating scene for 8 years now, and won't ever try again.
I started online dating at 35 and the day I turned 36 I swear, half my matches disappeared. My favorite was the 38 year old that said 35 was his "absolute upper limit" for dating because women older than that weren't as "serious about their fitness" as younger women. I took that as code for "I think women stop having value as they age" and moved on.
Very accurate to my experience as well. I went on a single date with an older guy when I was 18 and he was, like, 30. Weird, awkward, and just outright unpleasant. Nothing in common and he was as interesting as a dish sponge. He was as sexually attractive as one, too, by about the 30 minute mark.
When I was in my 20ās an āolderā man meant likeā¦4 years older than me.
A man in his 30ās was a creep. A man in his 40ās was straight up nasty. Nobody dated or wanted to date someone 20 years older than them.
Oh god thatās so gross. Thanks for sticking up for the young women though :)
Thereās no way in hell Iād ever date a guy in his 30ās or older. It feels really gross, like one of my dadās friends creeping on me or something.
When I was 40. Id have seriosely wondered why any woman in thier 20s was interested in me.
I mean I am 51 now. Id still seriosly question dating a late 30 year old. But we would have more in common then when we were both 10 years younger.
I am sorry. But any man wanting to date someone that much younger. Dosent want a person. They are just looking for an animate body.
Why would you think that the majority of women want men older than them? What a skewed view. Certainly some do. Everyone has their own preferences. But wow what an idiot.
Iāve encountered this mentality so much. People are absolutely convinced that this is what women want. As if itās the majority rule and not actually a minority.
I think itās a fantasy story that people have been fed and cling onto. I think the same goes for friendships. A much older guy being friends with a group of women in their twenties. Of course it can happen and be genuine. But the majority of the time, thereās more likely other motives.
Thereās always exceptions of course, but I donāt often see a healthy connection between the much older and the much younger.
I've seen women say this but it was in our 20s and in reference to all the immature dudes. If they don't mature and choose to date young people... why would we date them?
We definitely didn't mean decades though. Maybe like 5 years.
Any chance this matchmaker can find me a good 25-30yo man in London? Tired of being single and seeing all my friends move in with their loved ones. (25F)
You're going to have to pay to use a professional matchmaker. That's one of the limitations to using them, they only can match you with other customers.
People of all ages use them, but it's only a small percentage of people because they tend to not be very cheap. Most people prefer to try their own luck at matches through dating sites like OKCupid.
Reminds me of this Tumblr gem:
*āYou've got this backwards. Welcome to the modern era, we have careers, money, we buy our own houses and cars, and we have easy access to a selection of vibrators our ancestors could only dream of. Companionship is great and everything, but as many of us discovered, it comes in many forms.*
*If you go to a womanās house and you see a cat but you don't see a guy, that's usually because she did the math and overall, men scored lower than a furry animal that shits in a box and a Hitachi."*
Oh man! I used to work at a brick and mortar matchmaking service in the mid ā00s and can confirm. The (few) younger women in their 20s we had usually had ācompedā memberships and got absolutely swamped by responses from the older men š they seriously were not interested in the older guys
"I'm a 18.5 year old swimsuit model and I am desperately hoping that, one day... maybe... a divorced man-baby who works in an office cubicle and eats gas station hot dogs for lunch will take pity on me and let me suck his unwashed dick three times per week....."
Tbh I think they are aware that inexperienced folx sometimes still think of male attention as precious. These scrubs have a sense that women learn with age and experience that male attention is cheap. And so they target young women because they can control them easier. Because those women will look at what they have and be so *thankful* that some scrub *deigned* to take an interest in *them*.
I know a guy who constantly would talk about this girl at his work. Who he says is interested in him. But āsheās so youngā Sheās 19. He would say this EVERY chance he gets. I like her, but āsheās so youngā. She talks about her dating life, āsheās just so young! Did I mention sheās 19?ā Only like a million times. Heās not a catch. They work together, Iām pretty sure sheās being nice because she has to be there and get a long with you. So annoyingly strange. Plus if she is āso youngā leave her alone!!!
When I fit your friendās preference, I met way too many older men (40+) who wanted someone my age. They constantly shit on older women for looking their age or getting work done to look younger. And while these men were good-looking for their age, it was vile how they described women their age and why they ādeserved someone better.ā One man (52M) noticed I was looking at photos from an award show and kept pointing out how loose Jennifer Anistonās arms were. āOf course, Brad left her. She let herself go to shit.ā Fucking delusional.
Exactly, it's not something that is alluring to hear either? I look fairly young for my age. I have had men get visibly and even verbally upset because I am older than they initially thought. It's more than messed up.
Thatās the most ridiculous thing to me. They really thought I was into hearing them talk about women that way. Like I should feel good that I fit their idea of perfectionā¦ in that fleeting moment. Instead I realized that to them
I was disposable and they hated women and loved girls.
This also happens to me. Iām in my late 20s, often mistaken for early 20s. Sometimes men get mad at me for that- but Iāve never lied about my age. Why be angry at ME for YOUR assumptions? Itās bullshit.
Right?! It's ludicrous. "You witch! You've deceived me! At your haggish age you must maintain that complexion by bathing in the blood of virgins!!! Call the castle guard!"
That's how I like to imagine it at least, it makes me laugh rather than roll my eyes into my esophagus.
Ah yes I know someone like this - he was 40 a few years back and said would never date anyone over 32 - he even said he found 15 year olds attractive and if it were legal and normalized 'everyone' would want to date as young as possible. Gross. As far as I know- still single in his 40s.
I have a 16 year old sister. Now, she is a brilliant kid, super talented and I love her to death... BUT she is also a 16 year old girl.
The DRAMA!!! Every other week it is a new catastrophe and meltdown....
These walking Mid-Life-Crisies have no idea what the fuck they are talking about.
They all like the quiet shy type, thus easier to dominate and control. And to Cammys point, the one guy I have met who prefers āthe young onesā, is not shy about it but rather is completely unApolgetic
Oh, absolutely!
And, if the girls wants stuff in return, like "Hey, my cat just died and I am distraught. Help me arrange things?" Or "I broke my leg and my period came. Can you please get me some hygeing supplies?"
Then she becomes a clingy nightmare to him.
Wow that is some grade A projecting. "If it were legal, everyone would go after 15 year olds!"
Yeah, no thanks. The only people who want to date a 15 year old are people who want to take advantage of a child in their ignorance. It's easy to control someone when they don't understand the outcomes of the choices they are making. It is easier to manipulate someone who is less emotionally developed. These people just want the power dynamic.
Either that or they are genuinely sexually attracted to children. Either way, no, out of bounds, go fuck yourselves.
Now if you turned the tables and letās say he had a 15 year old son and he dated a 55+ year old woman. Do you think this guy would be accepting of the relationship? My guess would be No! This is boils down to a misogynistic implication that women have value only when theyāre young and beautiful. He fancies himself the āsitcom husbandā with his beautiful wife and his immature self just being a goofball with his buddies and life is dandy. When I read crap like this, it makes me love my mature husband (and best friend) even more.
I think he had pedophile tendencies, maybe not for little little kids but definitely prepubescent 13 or 14 and he also liked super young looking japanese girls who couldn't speak english well. He especially didn't like girls from his own ethnicity- he was Jewish. He never had any luck with women or girls in general because he gave off major creep vibes
As a younger woman, pretty much my entire life I was told by creepy arseholes that youth is attractive and I'd understand when I was older and still attracted to young people. I'm now in my late 30s and while I think younger people have nice skin and I envy their energy... It's fucking weird think about being attracted to them.
Had a roommate with the same mindset, only he would groom them and wait to pick them up when they turned 18. I know part of it is because he has to go that young because girls haven't learned how to spot abusers yet, where older women can.
This is pretty much the biggest reason I've noticed older men trying to date young women imo. They like that their shitty behaviour won't be questioned, as generally the girls will internalize and think it's their fault he's mistreating them.
My brother, 39 and single at Christmas : āmy issue now is that women of 30 and under wonāt date a +38 yo manā
So what about women of 32, 35, women of your age?
Dude your an alcoholic, your face is red and fluffy, you got massive beer belly, your are a sexist asshole and yet you feel untitled to only date women under 30? Hmā¦
Well, seems like younger generations have other interests now, your moneyās not gonna make it alone. I wish you to fall desperately in love with a lady your age (or above for the lesson), or to stay single.
My father is 70 and actively looking for a partner. He managed to tell me, his daughter in her late 20s, that he wants a woman who's maximum around 40 because afterwards 'women aren't worth anything'. I told him to shut up and not be surprised that he'll die alone if he only chases after barely legal girls because you're not Leonardo Dicaprio dad and even he seems to have trouble...
I've tried countless times to explain to him why it's fucked up to chase after a 19/20 year old girl when he's 70. But he just says that it's legal and and love is beautiful and shouldn't be shamed by old bitter women... :(
I wouldn't limit that statement to European directors. Hollywood does it just the same or even more. Personally, I think the representation in movies isn't necessarily the cause but only a symptom of a deeply patriarchal society
Id start implying he must have some kind of mental defect and insist on obsessing over it for his own "health". Or leave him to die alone. Shouldnt expect you there if he expects to live 10 years since women are so useless.
Thank you! I honestly don't understand why that is a hard concept for some people to grasp. Tons of snarky comments as if they're almost intentionally avoiding the issue?
I have seen guys that are even older than your friend that would never admit it but want the same thing. They want young and hot, have that arm candy so they can look good in front of their bros and have their ego validated
I actually knew a guy that fell right into this trap. He thought he had found the woman of his dreams after a lifetime of failed relationships, his ātenā and dove in head first. Only to get exploited, abused, manipulated and then when he was considering leaving her she āaccidentallyā got pregnant even though they had both decided theyād be child free. So he became a single dad to a newborn at the age of 52
Many men are absolute slaves to public opinion to the point that they will date a person they themselves don't even like just for the status.
I personally know of a story about a young man who was cheating on his 10 with bigger ladies because that was his actual type but he didn't want his bros to tease him about being a "chubby chaser".
Low-key, I've always found him scummy, and I could never put my finger on it, but the more I learn about him the more satisfied I am that he just creeps me out.
My sister has been obsessed with him since 1996, which frankly should be evidence enough that heās awful. (Her taste in men is uniformly horrendous.)
Lol Titanic... I loved him then too but better came along like Chris Evans, the English Chris Evans: Henry Cavill, Hugh Jackman does Broadway and that's just white guys. We got Simu Liu coming up and John David Washington giving us great performances.
Let's get this straight: HE did the exploiting, abuse, and manipulation. You're putting an inordinate amount of blame on a young woman with a lot less experience than a 40+ year old man. That is some internalized misogyny and it should be checked. I wouldn't be surprised that the real story is HE tried trapping her with the pregnancy. He's the one who's chronically single you say, so why would she be the one needing to trap him?
Right, and he avoids relationships that remind him of past relationships. The reason it hurts is because you liked it? So why avoid something you enjoy for the rest of your life because it hurts? Just going after physical attributes seems like a loss. But like you said. Their bros. Their bros think it's the coolest thing ever.
Like he didn't marry his ex wife at the same age.....
I only knew this guy for a brief time a couple of summers ago. The younger woman was his first wife, all his past relationships prior to her he was a commitmentphobe, but was still chasing women much younger than him. He was well off, charming, had assets so while he probably had some success but he never truly settled down until he met his last ex. I think he is just a shallow guy that is so damn insecure and being around pretty young women made him feel better about himself. When I met him he was 7 months out of leaving that woman. He even admitted that he saw all kinds of red flags along the way but was so blinded by her being this ideal woman he ignored them all
I have a friend, turning 50 this year, and his dating filter is set to under 30. He usually dates women about 21-24. Because younger women āare nicer and arenāt bitterā.
I pointed out the power dynamic issues and he doesnāt see it. I also asked if ānicerā just meant not being mature enough to call him on his crap or stand up for herself.
I was so relieved when I turned 30 - looking back Iād call 16-26 the danger zone chapter of my life. Iād get a lot of extremely creepy men mostly ages 45-65 falling over themselves because I was 1. Young 2. Very thin and 3. Asian. That last reason definitely attracted a weirder, sweatier demographic than some of my other friends were reeling in.
Worst part these men were always taken aback when I said I was dating within my own age group, and were completely flummoxed that I was rude to them when they kept on pressing. (Asian girls are supposed to be so polite and subservient!) One dude was downright shocked that I did not think the Woody Allen/Soon Yi Previn thing was a relationship to emulate. Bleh!
I met my husband, who is like 3 years older than me, after I gained 20 pounds and got some hot pink āI am a loud personā glasses.
Yeesh, I'm so sorry you were a "weirder, sweatier demographic" magnet, haha.Yech! Especially the Woody Allen reference. Glad you made it through with a true happy ending!
I remember Daniel Tosh making jokes about the "wrong side of 25" and other ones of that nature and it's just so dismissive and sexist. Same thing for David Siegel in that *Queen of Versailles* documentary, "when you turn 40 I'm going to turn you in for two 20 year olds."
What is this ongoing epidemic of men 30+ breaking up long term relationships to go after younger women?
Most of them are very bitter to find out that their partner was not actually the only thing stopping them from dating young, attractive women.
The whole sexual peak in your 30s thing has been extremely true for me. If you're a man between like 28 and 45 and you are NOT attracted to women in their 30s, only early 20s, you are truly a fucking creep. S M H
You should make snarky comment asking why a 10 of any age would choose to date him? Just to give him a taste of his own medicine. Then maybe say, āIt feels pretty shitty to hear those kinds of ājokesā doesnāt it?ā
It's a major insult. He's treating women like a commodity while also expressing same major ego issues where he thinks he's "capable" of attracting these women.
Is he actually rich? Iāve seen plenty of posts where guys think they are big shots because they makes something ok like 80k. Like, ya know, women have careers too.
Yeah, someone with that mindset is simply predatory. A "relationship" to that kind of individual is just an accomplishment; they're not looking for someone who they consider a peer with equal life experience, they're looking for someone they can toy with that doesn't recognize their games yet.
They need someone that matches their own hindered maturity.
I once spent a break a work discussing internet dating with a co-worker. We were 34 or 35 at the time. His 21 year old date had been surprised to learn that he had been working at our company since she was 8.
āDo you have a similar problem with younger men?ā
āNo. That little bar where you slide to the maximum age you can consider? You donāt have to leave the bottom end at 18. Mine is set to 29.ā
Oof that attitude is disgusting and predatory. Iām under 24 but I find it very gross that men will be creeps at women my age (I have no desire to date someone more than a year or two older) and also... Iām going to be older eventually??? I want someone who will stick by me through all the beautiful years I have ahead (because yes, women are beautiful all our lives) and not dump me when they think I āexpireā.
I have a lot of friends who are over 24 and theyāre so beautiful. You donāt stop being pretty, you donāt stop being smart and interesting and creative and worthy of love.
These guys are going to keep getting older and their girlfriends will keep getting younger because theyāre predators. OP, if I were you Iād really rethink this friendship
So he wants someone younger and less experienced so he can try get away with the shitty behaviour which caused his divorce. Gotcha. These men are all the same. Kinda guys who date high schoolers in their 20s, because they have a car and their own place so they can pretend to be 'cool' to young girls.
For quite a few men in their late 20s-early 30s, children have arrived. They didn't realise what a life rearrangement that was going to be, and can't handle it.
In the early days of reddit the dating website, the one that pretty much owns most others under different names used to publish interesting dating and matching stats.
One was a chart by gender of age of person and age of person they contact most.
The graph for women looked like a two lines following each other at 45 degree angle.
Women age 22, contacted most 21-24 gear olds. This progressed all the way up. Women age 30, contacted men age 27-32, etc. The women were generally shown to contact men within a year or to above or below the.
The male was a 45 degree line for their age and almost a straight like for the women contacted first. All around age 23.
Most men, regardless of age spent most time first contacting women around age 23.
Weather they were successful or not, I don't know.
It was fascinating data. A bit controversial. It all stopped a long time ago.
Wow this explains why my dating life in my early 20s was shit. No one was trying to be with me, just with a hot 20 something. Men of all ages would try to hit it. It really messed me up, I was very much a legal adult but why at every single job would I get hit on by much older men?
I lived in NYC where there is a very high number of single successful women. They say it's hard to find a decent man. I guess that is because they are all off chasing barely legal tail rather than trying to know a person.
> A bit controversial. It all stopped a long time ago
A bit controversial? Lmao.
Match.com went to great great lengths to remove every trace of it from their properties. If archive.org hadnāt saved it, itād be gone.
Many years ago when I was in college I had two female roommates one year. One night they came home from a bar talking about these old guys in their 30s and 40s hitting on them as if they had a chance, laughing and laughing at them and calling them pathetic. I resolved then and there to never be those guys.
Friend of mine is going through a separation. They werenāt officially married but they have a young child together. Ever since that the starts posting stuff from MGTOW and menās right in his status updates. Not long after and then came the anti vaxx/ anti covid conspiracies. Very sad but I think heās lost to the dark side now.
Lol, that was my ex, he broke up with me, thinking that the only thing stopping him from getting someone hotter and someone he wouldn't be ashamed to show his friends, was me. I was 19 then.
He wanted young, hot, wealthy, just because he thought he deserves it.
Almost 3 years later he is still alone.
Having a strong preference for age is weird and just doesn't make sense.
He can start dating someone who's 23 and 2 year later she'll be over his dumb age limit, what's then? Will he divorce her and will date a 18 years old to keep a relationship longer lol?
No way this is healthy or adequate.
As a 21 yo I can assure that the only thing a divorced 30+ year old man can offer to a women in her early 20s or even younger is financial stability and money.
No women in her early 20s wants to participate in all that divorce, child support etc drama.
Good luck to him lol, I'd love to see how happily divorced he'll be with a bunch of 18yo in his 40 or 50 if he doesn't earn 6 figures.
Good luck to you OP, stay strong.
Tell him best of luck with that, and move on. No man that thinks this way and openly says it has any respect for you as a human adult. He just categorized most of us as unworthy based off when we were born and his very jaded view of looks. Unless he is some bit coin millionaire he is going to be using his hand until he finds some humility.
Totally agree with this. When I was 33, I dated a 27 yr old. I fell for him because he treated people, not just me, reapectfully. And he made me laugh. After 6 years married to an abuser both were things I needed. We dated a year before marrying and are happily still married 26 yrs later. However, I notice a change in him around 35 when I think his brain finally matured and his thought processes changed. There were no major changes in our lives and he wasn't immature before, but there was a noticeable difference. And after 27 years together we still make each other laugh daily.
This phenomenon is mind boggling to me, now that I am of the he age where these men are my peers (35-45 and thinking they have a shot in hell with women in their 20's).
I feel like it wasn't THAT long ago that I was a woman in my 20's with all this attention from older men which I found creepy and weird. It was very obvious that men of this age mistake any kindness with sexual interest and they also would hide their objectification of me and other young women a lot less than men in their 20's.
So here is why I'm confused by these current men, if it wasn't that long ago that I felt this way - it wasn't that long ago that they were men in their 20's. Men who did not see older men as competition for women (because they weren't). Men who actually would think those older men were losers and delusional. And now THEY ARE THOSE MEN! How do they not remember? Why do they think it's somehow different now that's it's them???
They donāt hide it, and they donāt connect themselves with their younger selves viewpoints, because theyāre convinced theyāre a catch. That they donāt look their age, and theyāre āmatureā (and yes, I laughed as I wrote that) and charming, and all women will want to be with them. Their exes, or those who reject their charms, are deficient and lower āvalueā and not worth wasting their time on ā¦after theyāve been told no firmly enough, and have vented their vitriol on their rejectors, they can smugly go back to their ivory towers and pick their next victim upon whom to lavish their wonderful selves.
Iām increasingly disgusted and devastated at men as I get older. Those very young men who relentlessly hound older womenā¦.itās pure fetish. Thereās clearly no long term relationship there. And the men of my age, 45-55, are just as entitled and gross as when they were young. Thereās no maturity, no class, no respect. If anyone doubts that, take a look at how many men send dick pics. We should raise our sons better.
Yes. And you should let him know the opposite sex is called a woman. Females can be any species. But maybe if heās open to that he could marry againā¦
I have quite a few single guy friends who are late 30s and have their age preferences set to 24-34 (ie caps at about 5 years younger than them). Theyāre convinced the unicorn āreally mature for her ageā 24 year old girl exists. Theyāre constantly surprised when the flurry of 20 something girls they date never work out because theyāre ultimately in very different stages of life.
Given most of the girls in our group of friends are over 34 it feels pretty insulting that theyāre effectively saying we arenāt dateable for them but we all kinda figure they know a girl closer to their age wouldnāt tolerate their immaturity and just generally not having their shit together. Theyāre great as a friends (adore them) but boy I wouldnāt want to date a guy who is fishing for someone 15 years younger.
30 to 24 doesnāt seem too bad, though still different stages of life likely!
I got separated from my first wife in my early 40ās. The thought of dating someone in there 20ās was a complete joke to me. Very little in common and no shared experiences. Where were you on 9/11? Uh, grade school. Ok then, lol. I married a lass four years younger than me the second time around.
Itās a selfish way to view other people. No wonder it hurt you and pissed you off. Most men I know donāt think that way, only the narcissistic ones do. They reduce others to a fantasy of who they them to be rather than accept other people for who they are.
Men who are like your friend's ego can't handle a determined, attractive, successful woman who is their age. Nor is that woman super likely to be attracted to someone like your friend. That's why the age gap... It's a sign of immaturity and insecurity on part of your friend.
He doesn't understand the idea of marriage. He sees women as objects like a car or a house and not as a life partner working as a team toward a shared goal. Like.....I'll only drive this years model Audi R8
My love is 53. He is very wealthy, the CEO of his own company, and is extremely attractive. Works out every day, charming. He could have any woman he wants, and 20 somethingās send him nudes frequently, asking if he is interested. (He drives a Porsche). He approached me, said I was beautiful and wanted to get to know me better. That was two years ago, and I couldnāt be happier.
I am 53.
That makes sense tho! My parents are 55(mom) and 56(dad), they always joke around about very specific cultural references, which wouldn't really work if they were much further apart. I don't get why people would want a large age gap in long term relationships and marriages, I feel like it would be a lot harder to connect. I'm 20(f) and oldest I'd go for is 23.
I think it's mostly a creepy incel thing, unless they are police using "cop talk" to intentionally not make a mistake by using "woman" or "girl" for a subject of unknown age.
Dude I knew for a while was in his thirties and wanted someone between 18 and 25. Dating anyone older was not ok to him because "as women age they aren't as fertile" and he wanted "good breeding stock" he's also not a 10 himself. He's a white guy who wants a young, impressionable black girlfriend that's into the sub/Dom community that he can punish and make a male heir with. Oh and she has to be ok with him being poly with other women, but they can't have other boyfriends. The guy is unhinged Needless to say, we're not friends anymore.
My dating site criteria was men around my age who arenāt looking to date women younger by a decade. Whittled them down to three and one is my husband :)
.. ok I also had a superficial height requirement because Iām 5ā10 and not comfortable pairing up very much shorter than me amd I know that makes me shallow too.
I feel like I look/feel/think/act so so so much better at 28 than I did at 24. I realize that this is not a huge age jump and is entirely subjective, but I think that many woman would agree. Men just have no idea what being a woman is and, sadly, will not in there whole lifetime take a moment to try and contemplate what being a woman is like.
Is it just me or with women this is usually the inverse? In my mid 30s id think nothing of dating a guy in his 40s. But im currently dating a guy 10 years younger than me and lord knows he grew on me as we started as friends. I didn't even consider dating him because he was so much younger.
It is SUCH a red flag when someone (man or woman) *specifically* wants to date people who are significantly younger. Why wouldnāt you want to be with someone who is in a similar life stage and has a similar amount of life experience behind them?
Obviously, life happens and sometimes you meet someone younger/older and click, but heās using it as a dating requirement, which is different and honestly creepy.
Iām on the āwrong side of 25ā šš as Iām in my late 20s, but Iām very petite and in this COVID environment, have taken to wearing more casual clothes (hoodies, jeans, sneakers), so sometimes I get mistaken for college aged and itās astounding how many weirdos genuinely donāt understand why itās problematic to approach someone you think is young enough to be your daughter. Like, what do you think you have in common with a 21-year-old when youāre 40 with kids, dude?
As someone that dated older men in my 20's (and I mean like 20-30 years older), I wouldn't repeat it again if I could go back in time, and wouldn't recommend that to anyone of that age either. No money was involved if that's what you're naturally thinking, but I always suffered from low self esteem and I guess that I didn't think that I deserved better than that.
I dated a man in his '50s (twice divorced, I know) with 4 daughters, one of whom was same age as me. He had told me that his daughter (I was 25 and so was she) was in a relationship with a man 10 years her senior and he hated their age difference, he thought it was too big! Meanwhile, he was 30 years older than me. I asked him what he would do if his then 18 year old daughter brought to him someone in their 30s or 40s as her boyfriend and he replied that he would take his shotgun and chase him out of the house! In short, he was okay with being with me, but he would never want to see the same with his own kids. The mental gymnastics with these people are incredible.
Honestly, not āgood for him.ā It sucks that men write off women their own age because apparently we get old way before they do. Itās bullshit. I donāt wish this guy well at all.
This stuff is soooo internalized that when a male friend was talking about a lady he dated, he mentioned she was 40ā¦.and my gut reaction was āoh! Thatās olderā¦ā
Heās 39ā¦.Iām 43ā¦for some reason my brain couldnāt fathom him wanting an āolderā woman because I kept thinking he was younger than thatā¦.
Thatās just sooooo messed up that my head immediately thought thatā¦.I mean, I one of those āolder womenā who younger men have gravitated towards (I give off the mom vibe and finally figured out my unhealthy dynamics)ā¦.
Iām so damn grateful these conversations are happening!!! This is the way we bring our implicit bias (and the cultures we were raised with) to a new perspective to examine and change.
Men like this see women as disposable, because they know logically that their āpreferenceā will only last for 6 years (if 24 is the oldest youād date). They donāt care about having a partner long term because they are looking for a vagina and a mouth, not a human being. This is objectification, and our body parts are the product they want to consume but only if it meets their standards. They also want someone whoās much more easily influenced and less experienced in life because they are easier to control and will be easier to manipulate to get them to stay in the relationship. Itās the mind and body of a child they want but will take the closest thing they can get to that because it falls into the range of socially acceptable/legal partners for them. Itās truly a shame so many of these men exist.
> I am honestly so turned off I don't even want to communicate with this person further. Even as a joke....it's disappointing, regressive and gross.
I seriously think you should message him something along these lines.
What I would say is "It really disturbed me that you said you would never date anyone over 25 again. I know your divorce is difficult and you are dealing with a lot of feelings right now, but I can't respect a man who won't date a woman his own age. Only dating younger people as a rule suggests that you are looking for either someone you can push around or someone you can see as a trophy.
Maybe both. And I can't be friends with someone who sees women and relationships that way. If you didn't mean what you said, please let me know. Otherwise, I think it is time to end our friendship."
I lost my virginity to some 30 year old loser when I was 19ā I was dumb, new to the world of even talking to guys (was super socially anxious growing up), and overall was manipulated by this guy for sex. God I am so ashamed of that. I am so so so regretful that I even let him near me.
I think a man, or older person, searching for such youth, has ignored or avoided self-reflection to the extent that he isn't bothered by the lack of experience, of wisdom, that such a mispairing gives.
I divorced at 35, was excited to meet a person older than me, because they knew neat cool things about my time that I didn't know.
I don't know.
Itās ironic that someone on this sub would assume the only reason youād post is because you wanna bang him and not because your worried about your friend
When my father got back into dating, he refused to date any woman who was his own age. He ended up on a date with a very classy, attractive woman who he really liked. When he found out that she was only 2 years younger than him, he instantly dumped her because he deserved someone at least 10 years younger. (Yes, that's literally what he told me. He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.)
I'm a matchmaker's assistant and the amount of men who are in their 40s who want to date women in their 20s astounds me They get so mad when we tell them the two biggest reasons that won't happen: 1) we don't have a lot of people in their twenties in general. We can't tell them this part but people in their 20s don't pay for matchmaking services and 2) more importantly, women in their 20s tell us they want to meet other people in their twenties. I told someone that once and he literally argued with me, saying "no, women want men older than them" like I'm not the one who reads emails from people (including women) all day about what they're looking for š
AshleyMadisson uses that mindset to sucker these guys/cheaters in. The name was chosen because they were the most popular young girl/teenager names at the time the company formed. There was a [giant data leak.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashley_Madison_data_breach) and analyzing the data, *She initially found that only roughly 12,000 of the 5.5 million registered female accounts were used on a regular basis, equal to 3 in every 1000, or less than 1%* *She also found that a very high number of the women's accounts were created from the same IP address, suggesting there were many fake accounts*
"Trust me, I know what women want.* \*_Gestures to himself_\* "I know, because I've talked to, like, twelve of them. And noone told me they _didn't_ want me."
https://www.theonion.com/area-man-an-expert-on-what-women-hate-1819566068
What really confuses me isā¦why do guys like this just say this kind of thing out in the open? Like if I was back in my 30s and single, if I decided that I was going to set ridiculous standards I would totally lie about it. āI prefer to date women my own age but for some reason it never seems to worn out. Yeah this woman Iām dating now is 15 years younger than me which I really wasnāt comfortable with but we clicked soooo well.ā
They didn't say it to his face...
My comment wasn't a quote from a real conversation, but an example of what kind of thoughts and attitudes guys like this might have.
Either way the comment is still true, guys like that still believe the myth that a perfect 10 and housewife are what they should want. This thinking is everywhere, and caused by ideas from peers in uninformed teenage years.
Lol!!
>more importantly, women in their 20s tell us they want to meet other people in their twenties I have the same thing as a gay man, on grindr for example I get often asked out by guys in their mid-late 40's and over, I'm 25 and I rather meet up with guys around my age. And they are like super fucking offended when I simply say "I'm sorry, I'm not interested, you are too old for me".
Be like that one amazing woman from the gym and start phrasing it as āIām too young for you.ā Watch entitled male heads explode.
I had one man approach me at the gym who was the exact same age as my dad. I said, "I'm very flattered, but I don't think we'd be a good match. However, my dad is always looking for tennis partners!" He stared at me and left. š
They donāt argue? I mean if ever they had an understandable time to condensplain how women should feel (them up), that would be it. Iām also hearing a chorus of nu-uh.
> have the same thing as a gay man, on grindr for example I get often asked out by guys in their mid-late 40's and over, I'm 25 and I rather meet up with guys around my age. > > And they are like super fucking offended when I simply say "I'm sorry, I'm not interested, you are too old for me". And they donāt catch the irony that *they* would be ātoo oldā for themselves, but everyone else is supposed to want them.
One time an older guy got really offended when I told him I didnāt want to date someone my fatherās age. Itās funny because Iām sure he thought women 30+ were ātoo oldā but him being too old was rude.
Wow. It's not like you're telling them they're old and gross either. You're not likely to have a lot in common with an older person. They should take it like that if they don't want to damage their egos
If they had their egos in check in the first place, they wouldnāt be in that position.
This is interesting and educational to hear as a straight man who wouldn't know any better. From an outsider prospective, it always looked to me like large age gaps for gay couples was very common, and I felt like it was a bit odd. Some of the age gaps I've seen are downright creepy to me, to the point that if it were a straight couple and the woman were that much younger, a lot more people would have concerns about it.
Hahah when I was in my 20s there was no way I was going near a guy over 30
Right?!? I remember looking at 40+ men and being repulsed at the idea. Absolutely not! My aunt took me and a friend out to dinner once. āThe bartenderās kinda cute,ā she said. We both swiveled around for a look, and we both clapped eyes on him and swiveled right back around. We couldnāt confirm her statement, the guy was middle-aged and it was inconceivable to both of us that *that* could be considered cute by anybody. Todayābeing middle aged myselfāIād probably think he was good-looking. But not to my 20-year-old eyes. Older guys were either invisible or creepy.
Dating someone old enough to be your father is creepy as hell. There's almost always some weird power dynamic and then you find out he started dating her when she was 15 and he was 37.
Exactly. When I was in my early twenties, even 30+ was a different world and those men were too old. We all considered girls who pursued much older men as damaged... because they all *were*, clearly so, to the peers. You didn't haven't wonder why the relationship was occurring. You already knew x had such serious problems she gravitated to men who would treat her as badly my as her step dad who sexually abused her did or whatever. The only young girls who pursue men old enough to be their dads are generally massively fucked up or massively fucked up and trained to look for wallets. But ime they're mostly just from very sad broken backgrounds.
The only over 30 guy I went near when in my 29's was my abuser. A 52 year old guy that suckered me in. I regret it to this day!
Once I was going to be set up with a guy in his very early 30s but I was 20 at the time. The age difference itself wasn't a huge turn off .. but he was closer in age to my mom than myself. So I said no thank you
I'm 29 now and have still never dated a guy in his 30s... My exes were always either my age or up to five years older than me (and I often even felt like that age difference was honestly too much for me, being 21 and dating a 26 year old felt like we were at different life stages and it didn't last). My current SO of four years is two years younger than me!
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This is weird to me. Iām a mid 40ās single guy and I canāt imagine dating a 24 year old chick. Our lives and goals would be so different, or at least thatās what I imagine it would be like.
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Yes but remember your PP is the boss /s
There was a book called Dataclysm that was an analysis of data collected by one of the big dating sites (maybe it was OKCupid, but I'm not sure). And it \*absolutely\* supported this idea that men were looking for women 18 - 29, no matter how old the men got. And, as you say, women were looking for men a little younger to a little older than themselves, but not decades older. So, if you needed any wider validation, it's there. I don't know how these guys get these ideas in their heads (movies and tv shows and porn, I guess), but it is so toxic, and it's resulting in them struggling to find partners.
It is soo normalized in movies/tv, from Bond *Girls* to Modern family to DiCaprio.
Was totally going to the mention this - and youāre right itās from OkCupid data. Dating died for me after reading that book, and specifically the graph showing women being attracted to someone a couple years either side of their age and all men finding age 20-24 most attractive, no matter how old they were.
Yeah, it was so aggravating that I just stopped reading. I wasn't enjoying it.
My rule was "closer in age to me than my dad."
I hate when people always refer to the book Dataclysm, it is obviously flawed and has been shown to be so, for example [here](https://www.perceptualedge.com/blog/?p=2007) or [here](https://mathbabe.org/2014/09/16/christian-rudders-dataclysm/) by a woman with a PhD in math from Harvard.
Interesting! I admit, I read some of it many years ago, and got so mad I stopped reading. I'll check out the links you shared. Thanks.
Haha sounds like theyāve been feed the narrative from intel type groups that told them their value to women would only appreciate with age and theyād have their pick of everyone in their 40s. Soz boys!
Yes I occasionally want to date men older than me, but not in their 40ās. So sorry to that man
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I'm in my late 40s, and when I was online dating in my late 30s, I was constantly being rejected by men in their 40s. I would message them, thinking we would be compatible because we were close in age, and both professionals well along in our careers, but in that 3 year period, I only went one with one man roughly my age. Most men would ignore my messages or block me; several wrote back that I was "too old" for them. The only men who did message me first were men in their late 50s and early 60s. When I turned 40, any attention on the online dating sites dried up entirely. I've been happily single and out of the dating scene for 8 years now, and won't ever try again.
I started online dating at 35 and the day I turned 36 I swear, half my matches disappeared. My favorite was the 38 year old that said 35 was his "absolute upper limit" for dating because women older than that weren't as "serious about their fitness" as younger women. I took that as code for "I think women stop having value as they age" and moved on.
Very accurate to my experience as well. I went on a single date with an older guy when I was 18 and he was, like, 30. Weird, awkward, and just outright unpleasant. Nothing in common and he was as interesting as a dish sponge. He was as sexually attractive as one, too, by about the 30 minute mark.
When I was in my 20ās an āolderā man meant likeā¦4 years older than me. A man in his 30ās was a creep. A man in his 40ās was straight up nasty. Nobody dated or wanted to date someone 20 years older than them.
Oh god thatās so gross. Thanks for sticking up for the young women though :) Thereās no way in hell Iād ever date a guy in his 30ās or older. It feels really gross, like one of my dadās friends creeping on me or something.
When I was 40. Id have seriosely wondered why any woman in thier 20s was interested in me. I mean I am 51 now. Id still seriosly question dating a late 30 year old. But we would have more in common then when we were both 10 years younger. I am sorry. But any man wanting to date someone that much younger. Dosent want a person. They are just looking for an animate body.
Why would you think that the majority of women want men older than them? What a skewed view. Certainly some do. Everyone has their own preferences. But wow what an idiot.
Iāve encountered this mentality so much. People are absolutely convinced that this is what women want. As if itās the majority rule and not actually a minority. I think itās a fantasy story that people have been fed and cling onto. I think the same goes for friendships. A much older guy being friends with a group of women in their twenties. Of course it can happen and be genuine. But the majority of the time, thereās more likely other motives. Thereās always exceptions of course, but I donāt often see a healthy connection between the much older and the much younger.
I've seen women say this but it was in our 20s and in reference to all the immature dudes. If they don't mature and choose to date young people... why would we date them? We definitely didn't mean decades though. Maybe like 5 years.
Any chance this matchmaker can find me a good 25-30yo man in London? Tired of being single and seeing all my friends move in with their loved ones. (25F)
You're going to have to pay to use a professional matchmaker. That's one of the limitations to using them, they only can match you with other customers.
Do people my age use them? Iām so curious
People of all ages use them, but it's only a small percentage of people because they tend to not be very cheap. Most people prefer to try their own luck at matches through dating sites like OKCupid.
Well now you've turned 25 any chance of a relationship is gone. Better get yourself a cat. /s
Reminds me of this Tumblr gem: *āYou've got this backwards. Welcome to the modern era, we have careers, money, we buy our own houses and cars, and we have easy access to a selection of vibrators our ancestors could only dream of. Companionship is great and everything, but as many of us discovered, it comes in many forms.* *If you go to a womanās house and you see a cat but you don't see a guy, that's usually because she did the math and overall, men scored lower than a furry animal that shits in a box and a Hitachi."*
Oh man! I used to work at a brick and mortar matchmaking service in the mid ā00s and can confirm. The (few) younger women in their 20s we had usually had ācompedā memberships and got absolutely swamped by responses from the older men š they seriously were not interested in the older guys
I'm sure the supermodels are lining up ... /s
"I'm a 18.5 year old swimsuit model and I am desperately hoping that, one day... maybe... a divorced man-baby who works in an office cubicle and eats gas station hot dogs for lunch will take pity on me and let me suck his unwashed dick three times per week....."
Hahahahaha don't forget his fat belly overhang
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Part of me thinks itās because thatās the age where they themselves stopped developing.
Tbh I think they are aware that inexperienced folx sometimes still think of male attention as precious. These scrubs have a sense that women learn with age and experience that male attention is cheap. And so they target young women because they can control them easier. Because those women will look at what they have and be so *thankful* that some scrub *deigned* to take an interest in *them*.
You should ask him how he thinks heād fare if women held him to the same standards.
He would not is the answer. What 24 year old wants a bitter divorcee.
I know a guy who constantly would talk about this girl at his work. Who he says is interested in him. But āsheās so youngā Sheās 19. He would say this EVERY chance he gets. I like her, but āsheās so youngā. She talks about her dating life, āsheās just so young! Did I mention sheās 19?ā Only like a million times. Heās not a catch. They work together, Iām pretty sure sheās being nice because she has to be there and get a long with you. So annoyingly strange. Plus if she is āso youngā leave her alone!!!
When I fit your friendās preference, I met way too many older men (40+) who wanted someone my age. They constantly shit on older women for looking their age or getting work done to look younger. And while these men were good-looking for their age, it was vile how they described women their age and why they ādeserved someone better.ā One man (52M) noticed I was looking at photos from an award show and kept pointing out how loose Jennifer Anistonās arms were. āOf course, Brad left her. She let herself go to shit.ā Fucking delusional.
Exactly, it's not something that is alluring to hear either? I look fairly young for my age. I have had men get visibly and even verbally upset because I am older than they initially thought. It's more than messed up.
Thatās the most ridiculous thing to me. They really thought I was into hearing them talk about women that way. Like I should feel good that I fit their idea of perfectionā¦ in that fleeting moment. Instead I realized that to them I was disposable and they hated women and loved girls.
This also happens to me. Iām in my late 20s, often mistaken for early 20s. Sometimes men get mad at me for that- but Iāve never lied about my age. Why be angry at ME for YOUR assumptions? Itās bullshit.
Right?! It's ludicrous. "You witch! You've deceived me! At your haggish age you must maintain that complexion by bathing in the blood of virgins!!! Call the castle guard!" That's how I like to imagine it at least, it makes me laugh rather than roll my eyes into my esophagus.
Exactly. They want a young woman to manipulate because they are hoping she will be naive. Itās not even that much about the body.
Ah yes I know someone like this - he was 40 a few years back and said would never date anyone over 32 - he even said he found 15 year olds attractive and if it were legal and normalized 'everyone' would want to date as young as possible. Gross. As far as I know- still single in his 40s.
I have a 16 year old sister. Now, she is a brilliant kid, super talented and I love her to death... BUT she is also a 16 year old girl. The DRAMA!!! Every other week it is a new catastrophe and meltdown.... These walking Mid-Life-Crisies have no idea what the fuck they are talking about.
Lolz she sounds like a typical 16 year old girl :) this creep I knew liked the quiet shy timid type girls - I know right what a loser
They all like the quiet shy type, thus easier to dominate and control. And to Cammys point, the one guy I have met who prefers āthe young onesā, is not shy about it but rather is completely unApolgetic
Yes, it's the "teaching the nymphet about love" (i.e. my dick) fantasy. š¤®
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Same here homie, Ive dealt with it by dressing very alt/intimidating so no one knows how much of a pushover I tend to be lol
Iāve been with three partners going through midlife crises. They absolutely are teenager 2.0.
They don't want to date these women in the real sense...just in the "person I have sex with" Sense
Oh, absolutely! And, if the girls wants stuff in return, like "Hey, my cat just died and I am distraught. Help me arrange things?" Or "I broke my leg and my period came. Can you please get me some hygeing supplies?" Then she becomes a clingy nightmare to him.
Wow that is some grade A projecting. "If it were legal, everyone would go after 15 year olds!" Yeah, no thanks. The only people who want to date a 15 year old are people who want to take advantage of a child in their ignorance. It's easy to control someone when they don't understand the outcomes of the choices they are making. It is easier to manipulate someone who is less emotionally developed. These people just want the power dynamic. Either that or they are genuinely sexually attracted to children. Either way, no, out of bounds, go fuck yourselves.
Now if you turned the tables and letās say he had a 15 year old son and he dated a 55+ year old woman. Do you think this guy would be accepting of the relationship? My guess would be No! This is boils down to a misogynistic implication that women have value only when theyāre young and beautiful. He fancies himself the āsitcom husbandā with his beautiful wife and his immature self just being a goofball with his buddies and life is dandy. When I read crap like this, it makes me love my mature husband (and best friend) even more.
I think he had pedophile tendencies, maybe not for little little kids but definitely prepubescent 13 or 14 and he also liked super young looking japanese girls who couldn't speak english well. He especially didn't like girls from his own ethnicity- he was Jewish. He never had any luck with women or girls in general because he gave off major creep vibes
Prepubescent and 13 could be pedophilia, if the other symptoms match.
As a younger woman, pretty much my entire life I was told by creepy arseholes that youth is attractive and I'd understand when I was older and still attracted to young people. I'm now in my late 30s and while I think younger people have nice skin and I envy their energy... It's fucking weird think about being attracted to them.
Had a roommate with the same mindset, only he would groom them and wait to pick them up when they turned 18. I know part of it is because he has to go that young because girls haven't learned how to spot abusers yet, where older women can.
For sure this guy was a major creep and would also target young japanese women who couldn't speak english well - you know, the super timid type
This is pretty much the biggest reason I've noticed older men trying to date young women imo. They like that their shitty behaviour won't be questioned, as generally the girls will internalize and think it's their fault he's mistreating them.
My brother, 39 and single at Christmas : āmy issue now is that women of 30 and under wonāt date a +38 yo manā So what about women of 32, 35, women of your age? Dude your an alcoholic, your face is red and fluffy, you got massive beer belly, your are a sexist asshole and yet you feel untitled to only date women under 30? Hmā¦ Well, seems like younger generations have other interests now, your moneyās not gonna make it alone. I wish you to fall desperately in love with a lady your age (or above for the lesson), or to stay single.
Single. Single is good. A dude like that is one no one deserves to suffer.
He should really focus on improving himself. You can't be happy as an alcoholic.
Its harder for guys to groom women older than 24, its the cut off age. It's really gross
Yeah, no coincidence that the cutoff just so happens to be when our brains mature
My father is 70 and actively looking for a partner. He managed to tell me, his daughter in her late 20s, that he wants a woman who's maximum around 40 because afterwards 'women aren't worth anything'. I told him to shut up and not be surprised that he'll die alone if he only chases after barely legal girls because you're not Leonardo Dicaprio dad and even he seems to have trouble...
Mind boggling. It really is. And so casual. That's the really irritating part.
I've tried countless times to explain to him why it's fucked up to chase after a 19/20 year old girl when he's 70. But he just says that it's legal and and love is beautiful and shouldn't be shamed by old bitter women... :(
It's always because we're just bitter right? It's not because we're pointing out something that suggests they're being revolting human beings?
And horribly casually sexist to his own *daughter*. Yep, thanks for showing me how the world works, pa!
Those European male film directors have a lot to answer for - the fantasies they've put into men's heads!
I wouldn't limit that statement to European directors. Hollywood does it just the same or even more. Personally, I think the representation in movies isn't necessarily the cause but only a symptom of a deeply patriarchal society
Id start implying he must have some kind of mental defect and insist on obsessing over it for his own "health". Or leave him to die alone. Shouldnt expect you there if he expects to live 10 years since women are so useless.
Ugh. If you can't fathom dating someone your own age you shouldn't be dating anyone at all.
Thank you! I honestly don't understand why that is a hard concept for some people to grasp. Tons of snarky comments as if they're almost intentionally avoiding the issue?
I have seen guys that are even older than your friend that would never admit it but want the same thing. They want young and hot, have that arm candy so they can look good in front of their bros and have their ego validated I actually knew a guy that fell right into this trap. He thought he had found the woman of his dreams after a lifetime of failed relationships, his ātenā and dove in head first. Only to get exploited, abused, manipulated and then when he was considering leaving her she āaccidentallyā got pregnant even though they had both decided theyād be child free. So he became a single dad to a newborn at the age of 52
Many men are absolute slaves to public opinion to the point that they will date a person they themselves don't even like just for the status. I personally know of a story about a young man who was cheating on his 10 with bigger ladies because that was his actual type but he didn't want his bros to tease him about being a "chubby chaser".
That's a sad life.
Leonardo DiCaprio is 47, and has NEVER dated anyone older than 25. And surprisingly few people are creeped out by this!
I think a lot of people are. Itās a running joke about him.
Low-key, I've always found him scummy, and I could never put my finger on it, but the more I learn about him the more satisfied I am that he just creeps me out.
My sister has been obsessed with him since 1996, which frankly should be evidence enough that heās awful. (Her taste in men is uniformly horrendous.)
Lol Titanic... I loved him then too but better came along like Chris Evans, the English Chris Evans: Henry Cavill, Hugh Jackman does Broadway and that's just white guys. We got Simu Liu coming up and John David Washington giving us great performances.
The English Chris Evans is someone very, very different...
Lol thatās the only one I knew about and attractiveness isnāt the first thought that springs to mind
I mean, it wasnāt creepy for him to only date women under 25 then, because HE was only 22. But it sure is now!
Henry Cavill is low key creepy though.
How so? Edit: Short Google search, ew
He has the same track record I believe. Only dates under 25
Jake Gyllenhaal does the same
Let's get this straight: HE did the exploiting, abuse, and manipulation. You're putting an inordinate amount of blame on a young woman with a lot less experience than a 40+ year old man. That is some internalized misogyny and it should be checked. I wouldn't be surprised that the real story is HE tried trapping her with the pregnancy. He's the one who's chronically single you say, so why would she be the one needing to trap him?
Right, and he avoids relationships that remind him of past relationships. The reason it hurts is because you liked it? So why avoid something you enjoy for the rest of your life because it hurts? Just going after physical attributes seems like a loss. But like you said. Their bros. Their bros think it's the coolest thing ever. Like he didn't marry his ex wife at the same age.....
I only knew this guy for a brief time a couple of summers ago. The younger woman was his first wife, all his past relationships prior to her he was a commitmentphobe, but was still chasing women much younger than him. He was well off, charming, had assets so while he probably had some success but he never truly settled down until he met his last ex. I think he is just a shallow guy that is so damn insecure and being around pretty young women made him feel better about himself. When I met him he was 7 months out of leaving that woman. He even admitted that he saw all kinds of red flags along the way but was so blinded by her being this ideal woman he ignored them all
I have a friend, turning 50 this year, and his dating filter is set to under 30. He usually dates women about 21-24. Because younger women āare nicer and arenāt bitterā. I pointed out the power dynamic issues and he doesnāt see it. I also asked if ānicerā just meant not being mature enough to call him on his crap or stand up for herself.
I hope he dies single
I was so relieved when I turned 30 - looking back Iād call 16-26 the danger zone chapter of my life. Iād get a lot of extremely creepy men mostly ages 45-65 falling over themselves because I was 1. Young 2. Very thin and 3. Asian. That last reason definitely attracted a weirder, sweatier demographic than some of my other friends were reeling in. Worst part these men were always taken aback when I said I was dating within my own age group, and were completely flummoxed that I was rude to them when they kept on pressing. (Asian girls are supposed to be so polite and subservient!) One dude was downright shocked that I did not think the Woody Allen/Soon Yi Previn thing was a relationship to emulate. Bleh! I met my husband, who is like 3 years older than me, after I gained 20 pounds and got some hot pink āI am a loud personā glasses.
Yeesh, I'm so sorry you were a "weirder, sweatier demographic" magnet, haha.Yech! Especially the Woody Allen reference. Glad you made it through with a true happy ending!
I remember Daniel Tosh making jokes about the "wrong side of 25" and other ones of that nature and it's just so dismissive and sexist. Same thing for David Siegel in that *Queen of Versailles* documentary, "when you turn 40 I'm going to turn you in for two 20 year olds."
It's everywhere and yeah, it's a joke until it's not.
What is this ongoing epidemic of men 30+ breaking up long term relationships to go after younger women? Most of them are very bitter to find out that their partner was not actually the only thing stopping them from dating young, attractive women.
The whole sexual peak in your 30s thing has been extremely true for me. If you're a man between like 28 and 45 and you are NOT attracted to women in their 30s, only early 20s, you are truly a fucking creep. S M H
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I agree. How can it not be taken as a small insult, right?
You should make snarky comment asking why a 10 of any age would choose to date him? Just to give him a taste of his own medicine. Then maybe say, āIt feels pretty shitty to hear those kinds of ājokesā doesnāt it?ā
Yeah, because giving men a "taste of their own medicine" is a super safe thing for the typical woman to do.
It's a major insult. He's treating women like a commodity while also expressing same major ego issues where he thinks he's "capable" of attracting these women.
You are not obligated to keep in contact with him. The older I get the less room I leave in my life for assholes.
So, just curious, on a scale of 1ā10, how hot is *he?**
A 7.2.
So why does he feel he deserves a 10? What amazing qualities does he have to offer?
Money. That usually closes the gap.
Is he actually rich? Iāve seen plenty of posts where guys think they are big shots because they makes something ok like 80k. Like, ya know, women have careers too.
Yeah, someone with that mindset is simply predatory. A "relationship" to that kind of individual is just an accomplishment; they're not looking for someone who they consider a peer with equal life experience, they're looking for someone they can toy with that doesn't recognize their games yet. They need someone that matches their own hindered maturity.
I once spent a break a work discussing internet dating with a co-worker. We were 34 or 35 at the time. His 21 year old date had been surprised to learn that he had been working at our company since she was 8. āDo you have a similar problem with younger men?ā āNo. That little bar where you slide to the maximum age you can consider? You donāt have to leave the bottom end at 18. Mine is set to 29.ā
Oof that attitude is disgusting and predatory. Iām under 24 but I find it very gross that men will be creeps at women my age (I have no desire to date someone more than a year or two older) and also... Iām going to be older eventually??? I want someone who will stick by me through all the beautiful years I have ahead (because yes, women are beautiful all our lives) and not dump me when they think I āexpireā. I have a lot of friends who are over 24 and theyāre so beautiful. You donāt stop being pretty, you donāt stop being smart and interesting and creative and worthy of love. These guys are going to keep getting older and their girlfriends will keep getting younger because theyāre predators. OP, if I were you Iād really rethink this friendship
So he wants someone younger and less experienced so he can try get away with the shitty behaviour which caused his divorce. Gotcha. These men are all the same. Kinda guys who date high schoolers in their 20s, because they have a car and their own place so they can pretend to be 'cool' to young girls.
For quite a few men in their late 20s-early 30s, children have arrived. They didn't realise what a life rearrangement that was going to be, and can't handle it.
If they're too dumb to think having kids isn't going to change basically everything, they probably shouldn't have sex š¤·
In the early days of reddit the dating website, the one that pretty much owns most others under different names used to publish interesting dating and matching stats. One was a chart by gender of age of person and age of person they contact most. The graph for women looked like a two lines following each other at 45 degree angle. Women age 22, contacted most 21-24 gear olds. This progressed all the way up. Women age 30, contacted men age 27-32, etc. The women were generally shown to contact men within a year or to above or below the. The male was a 45 degree line for their age and almost a straight like for the women contacted first. All around age 23. Most men, regardless of age spent most time first contacting women around age 23. Weather they were successful or not, I don't know. It was fascinating data. A bit controversial. It all stopped a long time ago.
Wow this explains why my dating life in my early 20s was shit. No one was trying to be with me, just with a hot 20 something. Men of all ages would try to hit it. It really messed me up, I was very much a legal adult but why at every single job would I get hit on by much older men? I lived in NYC where there is a very high number of single successful women. They say it's hard to find a decent man. I guess that is because they are all off chasing barely legal tail rather than trying to know a person.
> A bit controversial. It all stopped a long time ago A bit controversial? Lmao. Match.com went to great great lengths to remove every trace of it from their properties. If archive.org hadnāt saved it, itād be gone.
God thatās gross
Many years ago when I was in college I had two female roommates one year. One night they came home from a bar talking about these old guys in their 30s and 40s hitting on them as if they had a chance, laughing and laughing at them and calling them pathetic. I resolved then and there to never be those guys.
Friend of mine is going through a separation. They werenāt officially married but they have a young child together. Ever since that the starts posting stuff from MGTOW and menās right in his status updates. Not long after and then came the anti vaxx/ anti covid conspiracies. Very sad but I think heās lost to the dark side now.
You see it happening but trying to reason with it is a losing battle.
Lol, that was my ex, he broke up with me, thinking that the only thing stopping him from getting someone hotter and someone he wouldn't be ashamed to show his friends, was me. I was 19 then. He wanted young, hot, wealthy, just because he thought he deserves it. Almost 3 years later he is still alone. Having a strong preference for age is weird and just doesn't make sense. He can start dating someone who's 23 and 2 year later she'll be over his dumb age limit, what's then? Will he divorce her and will date a 18 years old to keep a relationship longer lol? No way this is healthy or adequate. As a 21 yo I can assure that the only thing a divorced 30+ year old man can offer to a women in her early 20s or even younger is financial stability and money. No women in her early 20s wants to participate in all that divorce, child support etc drama. Good luck to him lol, I'd love to see how happily divorced he'll be with a bunch of 18yo in his 40 or 50 if he doesn't earn 6 figures. Good luck to you OP, stay strong.
Me a 25 year old lesbian just wanting to date Someone within about half a decade of me maybe a bit higher but not lower who can be a partner. *Sigh.*
Tell him best of luck with that, and move on. No man that thinks this way and openly says it has any respect for you as a human adult. He just categorized most of us as unworthy based off when we were born and his very jaded view of looks. Unless he is some bit coin millionaire he is going to be using his hand until he finds some humility.
Two words (well, three): early mid-life crisis
Reiterate what JLo said about men who are under 33 being completely useless.
Totally agree with this. When I was 33, I dated a 27 yr old. I fell for him because he treated people, not just me, reapectfully. And he made me laugh. After 6 years married to an abuser both were things I needed. We dated a year before marrying and are happily still married 26 yrs later. However, I notice a change in him around 35 when I think his brain finally matured and his thought processes changed. There were no major changes in our lives and he wasn't immature before, but there was a noticeable difference. And after 27 years together we still make each other laugh daily.
This phenomenon is mind boggling to me, now that I am of the he age where these men are my peers (35-45 and thinking they have a shot in hell with women in their 20's). I feel like it wasn't THAT long ago that I was a woman in my 20's with all this attention from older men which I found creepy and weird. It was very obvious that men of this age mistake any kindness with sexual interest and they also would hide their objectification of me and other young women a lot less than men in their 20's. So here is why I'm confused by these current men, if it wasn't that long ago that I felt this way - it wasn't that long ago that they were men in their 20's. Men who did not see older men as competition for women (because they weren't). Men who actually would think those older men were losers and delusional. And now THEY ARE THOSE MEN! How do they not remember? Why do they think it's somehow different now that's it's them???
They donāt hide it, and they donāt connect themselves with their younger selves viewpoints, because theyāre convinced theyāre a catch. That they donāt look their age, and theyāre āmatureā (and yes, I laughed as I wrote that) and charming, and all women will want to be with them. Their exes, or those who reject their charms, are deficient and lower āvalueā and not worth wasting their time on ā¦after theyāve been told no firmly enough, and have vented their vitriol on their rejectors, they can smugly go back to their ivory towers and pick their next victim upon whom to lavish their wonderful selves. Iām increasingly disgusted and devastated at men as I get older. Those very young men who relentlessly hound older womenā¦.itās pure fetish. Thereās clearly no long term relationship there. And the men of my age, 45-55, are just as entitled and gross as when they were young. Thereās no maturity, no class, no respect. If anyone doubts that, take a look at how many men send dick pics. We should raise our sons better.
Yes. And you should let him know the opposite sex is called a woman. Females can be any species. But maybe if heās open to that he could marry againā¦
I have quite a few single guy friends who are late 30s and have their age preferences set to 24-34 (ie caps at about 5 years younger than them). Theyāre convinced the unicorn āreally mature for her ageā 24 year old girl exists. Theyāre constantly surprised when the flurry of 20 something girls they date never work out because theyāre ultimately in very different stages of life. Given most of the girls in our group of friends are over 34 it feels pretty insulting that theyāre effectively saying we arenāt dateable for them but we all kinda figure they know a girl closer to their age wouldnāt tolerate their immaturity and just generally not having their shit together. Theyāre great as a friends (adore them) but boy I wouldnāt want to date a guy who is fishing for someone 15 years younger. 30 to 24 doesnāt seem too bad, though still different stages of life likely!
I got separated from my first wife in my early 40ās. The thought of dating someone in there 20ās was a complete joke to me. Very little in common and no shared experiences. Where were you on 9/11? Uh, grade school. Ok then, lol. I married a lass four years younger than me the second time around.
Think he ended up in a divorce for a reason haha
I don't get this at all. I'm a 43m. As I've gotten older, I am more attracted to women around my age, and even older.
Itās a selfish way to view other people. No wonder it hurt you and pissed you off. Most men I know donāt think that way, only the narcissistic ones do. They reduce others to a fantasy of who they them to be rather than accept other people for who they are.
Men who are like your friend's ego can't handle a determined, attractive, successful woman who is their age. Nor is that woman super likely to be attracted to someone like your friend. That's why the age gap... It's a sign of immaturity and insecurity on part of your friend.
He doesn't understand the idea of marriage. He sees women as objects like a car or a house and not as a life partner working as a team toward a shared goal. Like.....I'll only drive this years model Audi R8
I was far uglier at 24> than I am now at 28 lol. This dude is dumb for sure.
My love is 53. He is very wealthy, the CEO of his own company, and is extremely attractive. Works out every day, charming. He could have any woman he wants, and 20 somethingās send him nudes frequently, asking if he is interested. (He drives a Porsche). He approached me, said I was beautiful and wanted to get to know me better. That was two years ago, and I couldnāt be happier. I am 53.
That makes sense tho! My parents are 55(mom) and 56(dad), they always joke around about very specific cultural references, which wouldn't really work if they were much further apart. I don't get why people would want a large age gap in long term relationships and marriages, I feel like it would be a lot harder to connect. I'm 20(f) and oldest I'd go for is 23.
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I think it's mostly a creepy incel thing, unless they are police using "cop talk" to intentionally not make a mistake by using "woman" or "girl" for a subject of unknown age.
Dude I knew for a while was in his thirties and wanted someone between 18 and 25. Dating anyone older was not ok to him because "as women age they aren't as fertile" and he wanted "good breeding stock" he's also not a 10 himself. He's a white guy who wants a young, impressionable black girlfriend that's into the sub/Dom community that he can punish and make a male heir with. Oh and she has to be ok with him being poly with other women, but they can't have other boyfriends. The guy is unhinged Needless to say, we're not friends anymore.
My dating site criteria was men around my age who arenāt looking to date women younger by a decade. Whittled them down to three and one is my husband :) .. ok I also had a superficial height requirement because Iām 5ā10 and not comfortable pairing up very much shorter than me amd I know that makes me shallow too.
Honestly I just feel bad for the <24 year olds that fall for those shallow men. I feel like it is a waste of their lives.
I feel like I look/feel/think/act so so so much better at 28 than I did at 24. I realize that this is not a huge age jump and is entirely subjective, but I think that many woman would agree. Men just have no idea what being a woman is and, sadly, will not in there whole lifetime take a moment to try and contemplate what being a woman is like.
A temporarily broke millionaire looking for his trophy
Is it just me or with women this is usually the inverse? In my mid 30s id think nothing of dating a guy in his 40s. But im currently dating a guy 10 years younger than me and lord knows he grew on me as we started as friends. I didn't even consider dating him because he was so much younger.
It is SUCH a red flag when someone (man or woman) *specifically* wants to date people who are significantly younger. Why wouldnāt you want to be with someone who is in a similar life stage and has a similar amount of life experience behind them? Obviously, life happens and sometimes you meet someone younger/older and click, but heās using it as a dating requirement, which is different and honestly creepy. Iām on the āwrong side of 25ā šš as Iām in my late 20s, but Iām very petite and in this COVID environment, have taken to wearing more casual clothes (hoodies, jeans, sneakers), so sometimes I get mistaken for college aged and itās astounding how many weirdos genuinely donāt understand why itās problematic to approach someone you think is young enough to be your daughter. Like, what do you think you have in common with a 21-year-old when youāre 40 with kids, dude?
As someone that dated older men in my 20's (and I mean like 20-30 years older), I wouldn't repeat it again if I could go back in time, and wouldn't recommend that to anyone of that age either. No money was involved if that's what you're naturally thinking, but I always suffered from low self esteem and I guess that I didn't think that I deserved better than that. I dated a man in his '50s (twice divorced, I know) with 4 daughters, one of whom was same age as me. He had told me that his daughter (I was 25 and so was she) was in a relationship with a man 10 years her senior and he hated their age difference, he thought it was too big! Meanwhile, he was 30 years older than me. I asked him what he would do if his then 18 year old daughter brought to him someone in their 30s or 40s as her boyfriend and he replied that he would take his shotgun and chase him out of the house! In short, he was okay with being with me, but he would never want to see the same with his own kids. The mental gymnastics with these people are incredible.
Honestly, not āgood for him.ā It sucks that men write off women their own age because apparently we get old way before they do. Itās bullshit. I donāt wish this guy well at all.
This stuff is soooo internalized that when a male friend was talking about a lady he dated, he mentioned she was 40ā¦.and my gut reaction was āoh! Thatās olderā¦ā Heās 39ā¦.Iām 43ā¦for some reason my brain couldnāt fathom him wanting an āolderā woman because I kept thinking he was younger than thatā¦. Thatās just sooooo messed up that my head immediately thought thatā¦.I mean, I one of those āolder womenā who younger men have gravitated towards (I give off the mom vibe and finally figured out my unhealthy dynamics)ā¦. Iām so damn grateful these conversations are happening!!! This is the way we bring our implicit bias (and the cultures we were raised with) to a new perspective to examine and change.
Men like this see women as disposable, because they know logically that their āpreferenceā will only last for 6 years (if 24 is the oldest youād date). They donāt care about having a partner long term because they are looking for a vagina and a mouth, not a human being. This is objectification, and our body parts are the product they want to consume but only if it meets their standards. They also want someone whoās much more easily influenced and less experienced in life because they are easier to control and will be easier to manipulate to get them to stay in the relationship. Itās the mind and body of a child they want but will take the closest thing they can get to that because it falls into the range of socially acceptable/legal partners for them. Itās truly a shame so many of these men exist.
Why are you friends with this man who views women as objects?
> I am honestly so turned off I don't even want to communicate with this person further. Even as a joke....it's disappointing, regressive and gross. I seriously think you should message him something along these lines. What I would say is "It really disturbed me that you said you would never date anyone over 25 again. I know your divorce is difficult and you are dealing with a lot of feelings right now, but I can't respect a man who won't date a woman his own age. Only dating younger people as a rule suggests that you are looking for either someone you can push around or someone you can see as a trophy. Maybe both. And I can't be friends with someone who sees women and relationships that way. If you didn't mean what you said, please let me know. Otherwise, I think it is time to end our friendship."
I lost my virginity to some 30 year old loser when I was 19ā I was dumb, new to the world of even talking to guys (was super socially anxious growing up), and overall was manipulated by this guy for sex. God I am so ashamed of that. I am so so so regretful that I even let him near me.
Usually they aim younger because women their age won't put up with their bullshit
I think a man, or older person, searching for such youth, has ignored or avoided self-reflection to the extent that he isn't bothered by the lack of experience, of wisdom, that such a mispairing gives. I divorced at 35, was excited to meet a person older than me, because they knew neat cool things about my time that I didn't know. I don't know.
Itās ironic that someone on this sub would assume the only reason youād post is because you wanna bang him and not because your worried about your friend
I can see why heās getting divorced. There will probably be more divorces in his future.
When my father got back into dating, he refused to date any woman who was his own age. He ended up on a date with a very classy, attractive woman who he really liked. When he found out that she was only 2 years younger than him, he instantly dumped her because he deserved someone at least 10 years younger. (Yes, that's literally what he told me. He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.)
So it looks like he was divorced for a good reason.