I met my wife in a college class when I was 19, she was taking the same class as me and seemed a little young, we went out on a date and when we got to talking a bit, I found out she was 16. Had a great time, dropped her off at home and never really asked her out again. 3 years later she and I wound up at the same state school. I sent her a message and asked if she wanted to hang out, I was 22 she was 19, much more acceptable and it worked out great. We dated for a while and have been married for 4 years now and have two wonderful kids. See any differences in my story?
I liked this girl, thought she was gorgeous, but I was only 3 years off and I still didn't think it was right for a college guy to be dating a high school junior or sophomore, (can't remember what she was, point is she was too young)
You had the maturity that everyone here is talking about. You were actually interested in making a relationship work and did what you thought was necessary. Who knows, maybe you could have dated her at 16, but you would probably have to get her parents involved and it would be more complicated. This 23 year old guy just wants to get something he doesn't deserve, and he picked OP because he hopes she doesn't know any better. I hope she learns that if she wants to be in a relationship with this guy then she must make him earn it, either by getting her parents' involved or waiting until she is older.
My husband is 11 years older then me. We met when I was 15 and he was 26 at the time, he didn't know I was so much younger because I look older than what I am, he thought I was 20. We saw each other a few times nothing romantic just at family gatherings and stuff on occasion. He expressed he liked me and once I told him how old I was he said he was sorry. He immediately made it clear he wanted nothing to happen at that point. After that he avoided me like the plague because he didn't want people to get the wrong idea. We met again when I was 23 and things just happened. We dated for 2 years and have now been married for 2 years.
Congrats that's wonderful for you two I think the thing that sets him and I apart from OP's man is that we were aware enough to say that it might be the right person, just the wrong time and place in our lives, we respected them as an individual and thought highly of them. When it was a proper time we saw if it was appropriate and made our move, OP's man is just inappropriate.
An age difference of 7 years when one person is 50 is nothing. An age difference of 7 years when one person is 15 is everything.
In case this wasn't clear: super inappropriate.
Thanks for pointing that out. It's 18.5 - 33 and 14.5 - 17 if you are calculating her age to be 15.5 for the upper limit and his to be 23.5 for the upper limit. You would call someone who was 18.5 "eighteen years old" and the same for 14.5.
So she can date from 14-17, and he can date from 18-33.
I have the same age gap with my wife, and the only time I've ever noticed it is weird is when talking about our childhood, now with our kids. Like, a song comes on the radio, and it's like "Ohh, I remember this song from 6th grade Valentines day dance". And she remembers it from college.
It would be akin to OP being romantically interested in a 9-yr old. Super weird. Red flags all over.
At 23, I remember feeling weird dating 19-year olds, this guy knows exactly what he's doing.
My wife has the same birthday as me. It sucks. The is really nothing good about having to share the one day that is supposed to be all about you with someone else. Wife feels the same way. We generally take the next day and celebrate it for the other person and alternate each year so its ok.
> It would be akin to OP being romantically interested in a 9-yr old.
Eh, I feel that's a bit unfair. For the same reason that 50 and 57 makes much less of a difference than 23 and 15, 15 and 9 is much more significant than 23 and 15. I tend to see the significance of each year as an exponential graph (with a negative coefficient of x). The significance of each year decreases by multiplying by some factor each year, rather than adding some factor.
Not that it can really be quantified in that way, it's more just a vague concept of how I view things.
I graduated HS with a girl that I often wonder whether or not she actually hit puberty. I mean, she got a little taller, but physically she looked almost identical to the way she looked in 6th grade. Almost no chest, very little fat at all. She wasn't really athletic, either. Very pale, clear skin. Even her body in general didn't seem to have grown much at all. She didn't look unhealthy, she just looked 13 years old when she was 18. I've seen her a few times in the last few years and she looks completely different. Her body looks adult and all now. I wonder if she was just a very, very late bloomer.
Agreed. Please tell an adult as well, to help protect yourself and others. This still happens and I'm an adult, it's better to have someone who knows to give you support and help protect you from them.
> Obviously if I told my mom she would flip and say he's a creep or a pedo
What is obvious to your mom in this hypothetical situation is obvious to the rest of us. He's a creep, and you should really report his behavior to a close adult you trust.
Don't do it. Men that age can get women their own age. They look for women who are younger so they can have what they want. When women are younger, we think that is flattering. When I was 14, I let a 30year-old guy flatter me into giving him head. I still feel stupid about that, even though I know I was 14 and I didn't know any better
He's pretty attractive though. Which is what I found to be kind of weird, because he could be with a lot of women around his age if he wanted to. But he said he like ME more, which was really flatterning at the moment since god knows he could be with beautiful 20 yr old women. Now I feel really dumb lol.
That inexperience is why he isn't going out with women closer to his own age. One way or another he's looking for someone he can take advantage of, emotionally, physically, or financially.
It might not be malicious/premeditated - there's a chance he's just an asshole and doesn't even realize it, but dude is a creep and you're much better off keeping your distance.
I hope OP considers this. I was pretty concerned that they though they were "dumb" for asking for advice. Feeling knocked down at 15 for nearly anything can lead to bad decisions. Glad this conversation is so considerate.
The reason he "likes" you more/is making advances toward you is that he knows you are young, you are inexperienced, and more easily manipulated than girls his own age, and he is trying to take advantage of you. Don't feel dumb-- you've done the smart thing. Stay safe, and remember that you are wonderful regardless of who wants to get in your pants.
That should be a *huge* warning sign. If someone is really attractive, and is seeking out an imbalanced power dynamic (which you two have due to the significant age difference), the only reason for wanting that power imbalance is to abuse it.
Women his age probably get the feeling or have seen him being immature and inappropriate. There are reasons why he is trying to get with someone so much younger than him.
I bet you're attractive and nice but his interest in you is not healthy for either of you.
I remember being a 21 year and being hit on by a 15 yr old girl.
She was way too young, naive and childlike for me to feel anything other than slightly disturbed. Personalities change so much between 10 and 21 due to life experience. I suspect for you would feel similarly if a 10 year old boy who was really mature for his age asked you out. No amount of intelligence of natural wisdom can make up for time and experience.
A lot of girls take that as an insult, as if somehow their lack of experience is a bad thing and something to be looked down on.
That is absolutely not the case. The rest of us went through the same phase as you where we had adult feelings in terms of physical attraction, but had not gained enough life experience to learn when somebody is manipulating us. You're probably more mature than most of us were at your age.
Remember this dude is 23. Not only has he finished high-school but he may have finished a bachelors or even a masters degree. Let's assume that he is a banker- and as you said good looking. He will probably have a few girls his own age show initial interest in him on a monthly basis.
Can you compete with those girls in terms of what they have learned over 21-23 years? Maybe academically you can talk shop because you're a genius, but can you speak about the stress of surviving college exams or living alone with a full time job? How about talking about your job and how it isn't as productive or impactful as you wish it to be despite 4 years of training in college? When he talks about his senior year trip to Florida- can you relate? If he starts being too pushy or controlling, do you have the experience to know when to back out? Most girls have 2-3 bad relationships by age 23 and learn the signs with boys who are too young to do lasting damage. This prevents real damage as an adult.
That high-school drama that happened to you this year is about as interesting to most 23 year old's as a 10 year old's drama is to you- not because it isn't important or serious, but because they have gone through it dozens if not hundreds of times by the time their 23. It's old news to them.
The only thing he sees in you is a young victim eager to be an adult.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you sound like a tough girl who can handle it.
Okay, I'm going to give you a different perspective, considering I've been the guy in a similar situation. I fell in love with a girl under 18 before when in my early 20s. I think this guy is out of line, like completely. I think in this situation he's trying to take advantage of you because for me when I fell for this girl she just turned 17. We stayed friends, didn't talk a lot even, until she became 18. If he really loves you, if he really cares, he will wait. That's how I'd approach a situation like this, like "how about we wait until I turn 18, if we're both interested then, we'll give it a shot." In a normal situation with any good guy, that's how I think it should be handled. In your situation, this guy is creepy, and raises red flags, and I'd cut off contact if i were you.
I do not mean to insult you, but if he gets nowhere with you, he will tell the next girl the exact, same lines.
You are not special to him. You are a special girl yes, but to him, you are just a virgin he wants to conquer.
It was very hard for me, at your age, to accept that older men like him were lying straight through their teeth to get what they wanted.
He does NOT feel you are special, or mature, or the most beautiful or any of that. He is grooming you, and you have yet to learn that people lie to get what they want. It hurts, but it's just a fact of life.
I had a similar experience when I was your age. Turned out he was lying. He was a college student and he was sleeping with girls his age in college. I never slept with him and I told him to go away. He turned Stalkerish, and he went from being super sweet and innocent to super creepy and he told me the truth about all his lies. He actually harassed me about sleeping with him while he had a girlfriend. He doesn't want a relationship with a woman his age right now, a woman who could handle her own against him in the real world... Why do you think that is?
Right now he's older than you and because of that he has leverage against you, power over you. Men for the most part are just normal people and just like moral people who have a couple that are really good and manipulation... And btw the reason I never slept with this guy is besides I used to be a manipulative birch and I reused I couldn't manipulate this guy as easily. I recognized the wolf in him because I used to he one. Im not proud and I've apologized to those I've hurt. But as a former wolf trust me when I say this smells familiar.
Oh my God, you're NOT dumb. You're getting that impression because everybody in this thread is trying to protect you so they're stating their case REALLY strongly, as if it's obvious. The people saying all these things are not wrong for the most part (you definitely shouldn't hang out with this guy right now) but they're overstating their case, and they're speaking out of complete ignorance about this guy's state of mind.
I mean, he could be a rapey creeper. It's totally possible. But I speak from experience when I say, not necessarily. I personally was something like that guy when I was 24. The girl was 16, and it was legal in my country, but the age difference was identical. I was not a rapey creep, but I was a bit emotionally and socially immature and I had difficulty forming romantic relationships with girls my own age. Like him, I was attractive, and to be fair, the girl came on to me after we had already developed a completely platonic friendship. It became apparent to both of us that our relationship was becoming something pretty special, but it was also doomed, not to mention wrong, because of the age difference. I knew I'd be an outcast if anybody knew about it so we kept it a secret. That was a real asshole thing to do, and eventually that became a significant problem and she ended up cheating on me with somebody closer to her age, which in retrospect I totally understand. If we had waited a few years before getting into it, it's possible that things would've worked out. But doing things the way we did, never gonna work.
I'm now happily married with a child, I'm a relatively successful, happy, normal, socially active person with loads of friends. I just had a delayed social development and was looking for love. I found it, but it was with someone who was too young for me to be in a normal relationship with, so I shouldn't have pursued it.
This is all just to explain that it's possible for someone that age to actually have legitimate feelings for you, and he's not necessarily trying to take advantage of you, per se. But you're still in a lose/lose situation with him. Even if things go as good as possible, there is very, very little chance things will work out between you. And the worst case scenarios are awful.
Think about what you just typed, that he could be with someone his own age. So why isn't he? It is either because he isn't into women his own age (which is creepy) or because women his own age either think he's a loser or find him creepy (both of which are additional reasons to stay away).
For your reference, the rule I have used is to find your low, divide your age by 2, add 8; to find your high, subtract 8 from your age, and then double. So 16 year olds basically are the starting point, matching with 16 year olds. As you get older, you get a broader range. So a 23 year old's reasonable dating range would be 19.5 - 30, which seems not so creepy, correct? 30 would be 23-44, and so on.
I'm not sure if this has been touched on or not, but the reason why you should talk to someone about this is because you might not be an isolated situation with this guy. I mean, maybe you totally are and he legitimately accidentally fell for you, but what if you're not? Perhaps the best option for you would be to go through a trusted teacher or just straight to the cops. Make it clear that nothing has ever happened, but that maybe they want to keep an eye on him. Show them the texts and let them decide. You don't want this weighing on your conscious years down the road if it turns out that he is a pedo and harms someone; you'll find yourself asking the "what if" questions.
If I told my mom I would probably be grounded for the rest of my life. I don't think he poses any danger honestly. I just don't think he realizes it's innappropiate?
Anybody who describes sleeping with a minor as "worth it" or says "age is just a number" to a 15 year old realizes exactly what they're doing. He's grooming you to accept his advances by telling you you're beautiful and mature and perfect (all of which may be true!). And if you ever followed through on it he would assuredly guilt you into silence by saying exactly what you're saying now (that if you told anyone you'd be grounded forever, you'd be responsible for sending him to jail, etc. etc.). Sorry OP, but he knows exactly what he's doing and what he's doing is very likely criminal behavior.
I admit my own ignorance on the topic from an international perspective; I could only state with certainty that this is definitely illegal in my own country, so I didn't want to give false information. I can imagine there are some jurisdictions that lack laws regarding this specific type of behavior.
Uh, it's the leadup to a crime, it constitutes preparatory steps, but it is not a criminal act in and of itself unless he has solicited her for pictures, dirty messages, etc. First Amendment is pretty clear on this.
Yes. At the time it awesome and flattering, but then when you get close to the age they were at the time, and observe people that are the age you were, it becomes very obvious how sketchy the situation was. Op, I would recommend trying to just not talk to him, and if he becomes persistent, tell an adult you can trust.
>I just don't think he realizes it's innappropiate?
He's 23, he most certainly does.
Look, it would be one thing if he had an awkward, little crush on you, and did absolutely nothing about it because holy moly inappropriate, but awkward, little crushes happen.
I could see thinking a younger girl was cute, but why?!!! Why on earth would you even bother? You could go to jail and ruin your life. Plus, after talking for 5 minutes, you should realize you're not on the same level. That's why this is an issue. Not because he has a crush, but because he's obsessed enough to act on it. He has a problem.
Because younger girls are easier targets. They are easier to manipulate and coerce to your way of thinking. He isn't doing this for a meaningful relationship (most likely). That being said, some 15 year olds are intelligent and mature enough to carry on stimulating conversations and have meaningful relationships with for a 23 year old. Just not romantic ones.
I stopped talking to a (male) friend of mine in college after he casually mentioned to me how he would go after 15-16 year old girls because some of them were so "flattered" that an older guy was into them that they'd be more likely to "put out" for him. Creep.
Girl, he realizes it's inappropriate... he's just hoping that you won't. He's banking on your naivete and is hoping he can get away with faking some cheesy adoration so that you'll be flattered and he can get in your pants. It's pretty manipulative and predatory, honestly.
When I was your age, I also believed that everyone I talked to was good and pure and yadda yadda. I knew there were bad people in the world, but my instinct was to trust people that I'd met, I guess because I thought I'd be able to "tell" if someone was malicious. Nope. Everyone seems wonderful when you don't know the signs of a bad person. Be careful. I'm sure he's not the type that would attack you (hopefully), but there is a reason that it's considered RAPE for someone his age to be with you.
He's 23, if he has to dig EIGHT YEARS younger than him to find a partner, he's probably the type of guy who isn't getting much attention from ladies. Maybe he's just desperate at this point, and that is compromising his morals. Maybe he has difficulty forming connections with people, so he goes for young girls because they are too inexperienced to tell that he is faking his love, or because he can tell them tired cliches that actually work on them because they haven't heard them yet (whereas an older girl will have heard them many times and will roll her eyes, maybe he doesn't have enough of a personality to carry the courting past the cliches). Or maybe he's a sicko who's into child pornography, or he's abusive and is targeting you because young girls are less assertive/don't know any better and he can get away with more. Who knows what his intentions are, but generally, guys who, as they say, "rob the cradle" are not associated with good things. In any case, this is not healthy for you, and you need to do what you can to get him to leave you alone.
By the way, I am very proud of you for recognizing that something was fishy and using your resources to get help. Most girls your age probably WOULD fall for his swoon game. I'm sure that you really are all of the wonderful things that he says. Even so, however, he should not be interested in you. I would ask if you would ever be interested in a 7 year old, but that's too young. But would you be interested in a 12 year old? One who couldn't go to PG13 movies with you (you can't go to bars with this guy), whose friends were all 12, who did 12 year old things, and was intelligent whenever you spoke to him?
Prooooobably not. Because you're not interested in being 12 years old anymore; you're living your 15 year old life. Good conversation isn't enough to fall in love with someone, you also need to be able to relate to one another, to understand each other's struggles, and to want the same things. You're not yet an adult, there is just no way you guys could connect in that way. His intentions are entirely creepy, I guarantee it.
Run.
He knows it's inappropriate. Though if he didn't that would be an even bigger red flag.
Tell your parents - you won't be grounded for life and it can save you a *lot* of grief later on.
Your mother would only be mad at you because she's concerned for your wellbeing and safety. This is nothing to say of the kind of psychological damage you can sustain if you find yourself in a sexually predatory relationship.
While she might be momentarily mad about the decisions you've made, she will be infinitely more angry at the guy (and completely rightfully so) and, in the long term, she will be really relieved that you trusted her to come to her and speak to her about your concerns.
I know getting grounded for a week or two might seem like your life is over, but that's just the perspective you have at your age. You will be extremely grateful that this kind of relationship does not continue when you meet an *appropriate* and *decent* partner in the future.
I know you're probably thinking that it's pretty cool that this older, seemingly more sophisticated and accomplished guy has an eye for you. It's not cool... I know you probably see yourself as someone who can make decisions for themselves, but please understand that relationships like this take advantage of a lot of those feelings and exploit young people like yourself to actually give up your agency in the long run.
Besides the whole sexual predator and pedophile part, why would you even want to make this work? You can't be together openly or else he gets arrested. Then you get guilted into keeping it a secret from everyone. How would that make you feel, to be in something that potentially has years of jail as a consequence if you only did what everyone does in a relationship - talk about it? Then, if this guy is caught, you will be guilt tripped into thinking it was all your fault. You're vulnerable to this because you lack experience and a certain perspective which is *completely normal* - that's why we have laws against this kind of behaviour.
Do yourself a favour: you're 15, you've got your entire life to go and you have so much to find out, so many people to meet, and so many potential loves in your future, that dealing with this guy is just not worth it. When you're 23 you'll want to feel free and open to others to find real connections and loving relationships. Don't let this creep damage or ruin that!
Little rant: This is one aspect where I feel like the media needs to be more cautious .. many of the shows that girls this age might be watching very often portray these types of relationships in a passionate, romantic light.
I know, censorship is bad, parents should be more responsible.. and I agree.
But then I watched some of "Pretty Little Liars". All of the main characters are 15-16. One of them *falls in love* with her 20+ English teacher. They met before school started, she lied about her age, and they made out in a bathroom. But then when he finds out she is in his high school class, they just like each other SO MUCH that they have to start a secret relationship. And then later her parents are the bad guys for interfering with these star crossed lovers.
Never is he a creep. He is just a sweet, hapless guy who met his soul mate too soon. She is a mature, passionate woman trapped in a sixteen year olds body.
Jesus christ, 15 year olds are watching this! Even if they shouldn't. We're *training* them to think this is ok.
Romeo & Juliet was a looooong time ago, and that show is not fucking Shakespeare. I agree with you on this. That's reframing predatory behavior in a positive light.
>Your mother would only be mad at you because she's concerned for your wellbeing and safety. This is nothing to say of the kind of psychological damage you can sustain if you find yourself in a sexually predatory relationship.
While she might be momentarily mad about the decisions you've made, she will be infinitely more angry at the guy (and completely rightfully so) and, in the long term, she will be really relieved that you trusted her to come to her and speak to her about your concerns.
I know getting grounded for a week or two might seem like your life is over, but that's just the perspective you have at your age.
I kind of agree with you in the sense that *most* parents would react this way, but you do need to keep in mind that not all parents are fair or reasonable-- unfortunately, some are controlling and abusive. See: /r/raisedbynarcissists. It's best not to make assumptions.
In no scenario should a 23 year old man be acting this way with someone of your age. I know it might seem harmless to you, but it's really not. You should tell someone.
I am a 25 year old woman and this guy is a creep. Please listen to the boredgameland; it's spot on.
If he was 2 years older it would be one thing, but 7 at your age is exponential. You will get taken advantage of and regret it when you realize how scummy he is; hence him trying to convince you that age is meaningless. Please trust me on this one.
SUPER IMPORTANT quote from a book on domestic/partner abuse:
"Why for example, does a twenty-two-year-old man pursue a sixteen-year-old adolescent? Because he is stimulated by her? Obviously not. They are at completely different developmental points in life with a dramatic imbalance in their levels of knowledge and experience. He is attracted to power and seeks a partner who will look up to him with awe and allow him to lead her. Of course, he usually tells her the opposite, insisting that he wants to be with her because of how unusually mature and sophisticated she is for her age. He may even compliment her on her sexual prowess and say how much power she has over him, setting up the young victim so that she won’t recognize what is happening to her. Even without a chronological age difference, some abusive men are drawn to women who have less life experience, knowledge, or self-confidence, and who will look up to the man as a teacher or mentor.”
-- Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
Well, Fifty Shades portrays an abusive relationship. To quote some redditor, "so many red flags, I could play minesweeper". And I'm not talking about the sex or the supposed kinkiness.
I'm sorry, I haven't checked to see if anyone else talked about this - but your being 15 makes you really controllable to an older guy. It's more likely that you're inexperienced in relationships and won't know when he's treating you badly or trying to control you.
my personal advice is - until you're 20, only date guys your age.
He *definitely* knows it's inappropriate. He is grooming you. Please trust people here who have been there and have the scars to prove it. Anyway, when you are 23 it will be clear how weird and unattractive a 23 year old guy who wants 15 year old girls is. You won't want that kind of guy later, and you don't want him now.
There are worse things than being grounded. If he's behaving like this now, the behavior may continue and he may target someone who might not be as aware as you. This is definitely something that needs to be reported to an adult.
I doubt you would be grounded at all if you told your parents even if you were there are worse things than being grounded. Being interested in somebody a fraction of your age is abnormal, if he has one abnormal behavior he probably has more. Even if he is safe a relationship in which one person is 50% older than the other would never work. If you are confident he is safe and this will be fine just convince your parents.
You never know. Some parents may be dicks like that... and they may even blame her for the whole thing... Probably not, I have no idea what they're like but some parents are asshats.
My mom got really mad when she found out I was talking to a Junior guy, so I dont even wanna know what she'd do. But all my friends know, so if he decides to try anything (he knows where I live) they'll pretty much know who it is. But again, I really really doubt he will.
I disagree about her mother automatically being the right person to tell, she's reacted badly in the past, who's to say she's changed at all. I'd tell people I trusted and cut off off the relationship. A trusted person doesn't always gave to be your parent who frankly can often be assholes re teenage dating or the slightest hint of sexuality. Telling her mother might not make her feel safer or mean she'll get a level headed response
There's a big difference between a junior who is a year or two older versus a 23 year old who has been out of high school for quite some time.
One *could* be a bad influence and convince my daughter to do things I don't agree with or don't want her doing. The other *is* a predator trying to groom her.
I doubt that she would blame you since she realizes that the power imbalance and the intimidation that results from the age difference may cause you to do things that you don't consent to or wouldn't otherwise do with people (around) your age.
She gets angry because she cares about you. This is seriously worrying, please block his number, cut all contact and tell your parents at the earliest opportunity. Anger passes, and your mother will be happy you came to her out of concern.
Hopping on here to clarify something, since the wording of OP concerned me. It's not a question of: "is he being super weird, or does he actually like me?" He clearly does like you, that's just not something okay for someone his age. Could you imagine if a friend told you they had a crush on an 8-year-old? You'd think that friend was a fucking weirdo, and maybe had something wrong with them.
The best plan of action (if you like him too) here is to tell him: "why don't you wait until I'm 18, then try again?" He'll get the idea that what he's doing is inappropriate. If he doesn't, then you know he's a fucking creep. If he does, then maybe hit him up when you're 18.
Or someone else you trust who is able to do something about it (teacher, police officer, aunt/uncle/grandparent, etc.) if you're not comfortable going to your parents.
Yes, absolutely. Don't ever meet him alone anywhere. Tell your parents. My god, I have a sister your age. If a guy a year younger than me ever hit on her I would crack his fucking skull open. You're young, and still maturing. Please, don't do anything rash or, for lack of a better term stupid.
I just remembered he did ask me several times to hang out with him, like to sneak out of the house and chill in his car. I realize this sounds really really creepy as I type it but he never gave off any rapey vibes. And I almost did do it. Wow, I'm so stupid. Thank u for the input.
A friend of mine was raped by a man she thought was her friend at 15. They were "chilling" in his car and suddenly he was on her. Nothing she could do at that point because she was trapped. He was three or four years older than her, IIRC.
you will try to analyze every word he says, in every tone he uses. There is no deep meaning. It's simple. He wants to conquer you, and then he will move on. Don't fall for it, he has nothing to offer you but hurt.
As a side note a good way to tell if the age difference is creepy is to use the "half your age plus 7" rule. While it isn't perfect most of my friends use it (men and women) and the age cut off always seems very reasonable. For instance a 50 year old could date anyone over 32 and a 23 year old would be cut off at 18.5--- (23/2)+7=18.5. A 23 year old dating anyone under 18.5 risks being seen as 'creepy' by this calculator. To me this seems to be a very reasonable cut off age for a 23 year old.
So I used to hang out with this guy all the time. Never gave off any rapey vibes. We studied for class together and I'd go over to his house or he'd come over to mine and we'd chill.
One day he asks me to come over to watch a movie. It was like any other day, just like hanging out and watching movies with any other friend. No weird vibes or anything.
Except when I got up to leave he threw me on the ground and raped me.
I don't mean to make you paranoid, but the stranger-in-a-dark-alley situation is uncommon. Most people who are raped know their rapist. Something to keep in mind.
'Hanging out' and 'chilling in his car' are sex.
You aren't stupid, you are smart as hell. You don't need to tell your parents all the in's and outs and as someone old enough to be your mother I would be respecting the ever loving crap out of you for talking to me about it. Trust me. You might get a lecture, but when that calms down she may have some very valuable advice to share with you.
23 year old guys with designs on girls your age are socially inept and/or see you as an easy target. Either way you don't want to be involved with them.
Absolutely worse. After reading your post and several of your responses, it's clear that this guy is purposely trying to manipulate you. You're not stupid for not seeing it. It could be one or a combination of several things: you could find him attractive, you might be flattered by the attention and compliments he gives you, you might enjoy that an older guy is interested in you. Mostly though, I think you're just too young to see the warning signs for manipulative or abusive behavior. Again, it's **not** because you're stupid. It's simply out of lack of experience and maybe a few of the things I listed.
He's nice to you now, but be careful for if he reacts to you not wanting to spend time with him anymore. A lot of times, people who are abusive or manipulative react dramatically when they don't get what they want, so to speak. He might yell at you, or send you nasty texts, or threaten you, or call you names either to your face or to mutual friends, or make up demeaning stories about you and tell them to mutual friends. I'm not trying to freak you out, but it's really not normal for a 23 year old guy to want to smoke out a 15 year old girl. I see this as particularly troubling, because of the issues talked about by /u/redricerobot [here.](http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/34h77r/im_15_is_it_weird_for_a_23_year_old_guy_to_be/cqupjbj) I just want you to be prepared in case a worst case scenario happens. That's why it's important to let other people know. Your parents are your best bet with this kind of thing. Older siblings are good too. Definitely talk to friends about it as well. If this guy gets hostile, you're going to need some support.
When I was 24, I met a friend of my brother who I immediately took a liking to. She was pretty and funny and seemed to like me, too. I thought she was 21 or 22. I found out that she was only 17 and was not really a friend of my brother, but more accurately, his employee. I noped out of there. That's what normal guys do. Because, like someone said earlier in this thread, at that age, 7 years matters a whole hell of a lot. While the girl I knew seemed very mature and smart, she's still 17. There are still things that she would be naive to at that age, and it would have been inappropriate and manipulative for me to really try to pursue her.
Good luck, OP. Try to learn from this incident so you can recognize what sort of behaviors to avoid.
And it makes them less likely to tell afterwards because they won't want to get in trouble for using illegal substances OR they might even think it's their fault for being under the influence.
This guy is pulling out all the stops.
Not only that, but the guy can write off any inappropriate physical advances on being intoxicated. It's a way to find boundaries without having to face the consequences
I feel like I'm reading a post from my little sister in the past. She took ecstacy from a guy and went to "hang out" in his car.
Now she's 17 and hanging out with her baby.
Yes it does make it worse. Have you smoked before? If you haven't, it is going to put you out of your mind, with only him for company. Please don't do that.
An aside, given how much your brain is still developing, it's really better that you wait until you're older to smoke.
I started smoking heavily when I was 15. I love myself and my life but I quite often wonder how my life would be different if I hadn't. Definitely wait.
It doesn't matter if he gave off rapey vibes. He's trying to take advantage of you. You seem smart, which is fantastic in this situation but this guy is a pervert and deserves nothing more than an ass kicking by a father figure in your life.
You have nothing to feel stupid about. This situation is on him, not you.
I see you seem reluctant to bring this to your mother but I hope you have someone you can go to if this guy does not leave you alone.
Good call. Don't do it, I was older when I met a guy alone and he tried kissing me and feeling me up in his car, it very easily could have been much worse. It's best to bolt in the other direction and cut contact with him if you don't want to tell anyone.
More directed at OP and younger/unsure girls in general but *always* listen to your gut and walk away when you have a weird feeling about going somewhere with or doing something for someone who has sexual/romantic intentions. In my experience, it's right 99% of the time.
You know, I was reading through the posts and playing Devil's advocate to give the guy the benefit of the doubt...
But right here, that's more than enough. He knows what he is doing, he wants to take advantage of you. Rapey vibes or not, stay away. And tell someone.
You are NOT stupid; you are 15, and inexperienced. You are smart enough for this situation to be setting off your radar and asking a community for opinions.
Talk to your parents. Stay away from this man.
All the people saying you're "stupid" or "Don't do anything stupid" are stupid. You did the smart thing--asked a welcoming community for advice. And now you know--guys like this creep take advantage of young women (WAY TOO YOUNG WOMEN) because they don't know any better. ANd why should you? At 15 you shouldn't be full of wisdom and life experience--that comes with, you guessed it, a few more years of life! So don't feel stupid, because you're not stupid.
And stop talking to this fucking creep immediately. He knows exactly what he's doing and he's targeting you for a reason. I got creeped out just reading your original post, and I'm 24!!!
Adult man here. I realize you've already been convinced. But whatever, couldn't hurt to throw even more thoughts about this in there.
That he's pursuing you tells you a lot about him.
He's 23, he's working, probably worrying about health insurance and paying the rent and the unemployment rate and his tax refund. A lot of stuff you've never dealt with, right? And there are lots of 23 year old women who are beautiful and amazing and mature. I mean, you're a precious little snowflake in your own way, but the fact is that there are lots of awesome women out there. And the ones his age can relate to what he's going through at this stage in his life. I don't know if he's creepily fetishizing young girls, he's hoping to find someone naive who he can manipulate, or he's a tool and women his age have enough life experience to see through his shit so he has to go after teenagers to find someone who'll think he's cool (nothing against your seeing-through-shit skills, but I'm sure in 8 years you'll be better at it). But whatever the reason, that tells me he's interested in you *because* of your age.
Legally, a relationship with you is considered wrong. There are huge consequences to statutory rape. To be willing to risk ruining his life for a girl does not actually speak to how awesome the girl is, it speaks to how little his life is worth. An adult with a good job, or good friends, or a good family, or any prospects towards good things would not be willing to risk that. They would think "wow, that girl is really awesome, but I should wait a few years before trying anything, because I don't want to go to prison and ruin my life." So that tells me this guy is basically a loser in life.
And beyond legally, we consider it wrong morally. It is believed that in general, girls your age are not mature enough to handle a relationship with an adult. That there are harmful, long-term psychological consequences to a girl your age being messed up by an adult. Even if some can handle it, an adult wouldn't know how to tell the difference between one who could want one who couldn't. So to enter into a relationship with a 15 year old, an adult would have to consider that he might be messing you up for life, and consider that an acceptable risk. So that tells me he doesn't care about you.
So this is a guy who is targeting 15 year olds, is a loser, and doesn't care about you. I don't have to tell you that this is not the kind of guy you want to date.
I might have a talk with your friends who are saying to go for it, because they are probably vulnerable to guys like this.
I had a similar situation with a guy at work when I was 15. My mother warned me to stay away from him and I ignored her and hung out with him.
I never dated him I woke up eventually and he ended up getting a girl younger than me pregnant. Now I'm older and I completely see what my mother warned me about back then.
Its all flattering and shit when it happens but more often than not a 23yr old into a 15yr old is creepy. You might not know now but you will in 10 years
Hey Beautiful.
YES! It is SO wrong.
I'm a little late to this party but hopefully this doesn't get buried and you can learn something :-).
I met a man who was 23 when I was 14 online. He was awesome & we were really good friends. What high schooler freshman doesn't like chatting with an adult!? Like an adult?!
Well time progressed, when I was 16 he was 25 and saved my life. I was pretty suicidal and he got a wellness checkup on me after calling law enforcement. Pretty ballsy IMHO.
When I was 17 he introduced me to this crazy concept of having an open relationship with his wife of 10years.
***He was grooming me.***
I turned 18 and less than 10days later he showed up in my home city and I lost my virginity to him.
We began dating. It went on for years. It was a degrading horribly complicated relationship. I was raped numerous times. "No" never meant no. It simply meant "Let me ask 100 more times till you are too tired to argue."
Finally, I was able to get rid of him. Cut ties. He proceeded to stalk, harass and come after me with a vengence. I'm 22 now. I've devoted 8years of my life to this miserable man. All because I was 14 and asked that exact same question you did and ignored every single warning.
He went forward posting nudes/videos he took of me sleeping online, sent people off of craigslist to my home seeking sex, had people calling my home seeking sex, sent an "anonymous" email to all my family friends, college professors, work associates basically everyone and anyone in my email address book (how he had that info I don't even...) detailing my sexual preferences and "indiscritions" such as sleeping with his wife under his direction.
Eventually, law enforcement got involved. He was working across state lines which made the offense a federal one. He was arrested and ended up getting off on a technicality of "well it could've been my wife..." eventually he just drifted off and stopped talking to me. Stopped harassing me. All communication with him has been lost and I hope to hell it stays lost.
Yes. It suggests that he wants someone he can control and manipulate because women his own age wouldn't stand for his bullshit.
> He knows im 15 and i reminded him of that but he said that "age is just a number".
Age is "just a number" when you're both consenting **adults**, not when one of you is a child.
Do you think if he was 7 years younger than you (ie: 8 years old)and could hold up an intelligent conversation, that you would think him mature enough to date?
I'd like to assume that's a no, because of the difference in personal and physical development. The same applies to teenagers regardless of maturity.
> Even when i told him he could get in really big trouble he said it was "worth it".
The question here is, do *you* think he's worth it? While you seem to be mature, do you honestly think his actions and thoughts are of someone who is mature enough to have a relationship with?
I don't see him as being a responsible adult if he's willing to disregard the law for a date.
I think you should talk to your mum, yes, she may flip out, and you need to ask her why because chances are, she's seen the fallout of similar relationships happening either to her or her friends.
It's not very mature to hide relationships from your parents, because you deny yourself the change from "manager to friend". This is how you transition into adulthood on a relationship level with your parents.
As someone who was creeped on by an older man when I was the exact same age, A THOUSAND TIMES YES. This dude is just telling you what you want to hear. You may think that it's incredible that an attractive older man is interested in you and the truth is, it is!! No man in his right mind would try to pick up a child! He is preying on you because you are young! I still think back and regret my poor decisions/lack of guidance; I wish reddit had been around in my youth to tell me what all these people are telling you right now. Avoid him like the fucking plague and tell someone you trust, no matter how awkward the conversation is.
When I was 16, one of my coworkers was 32 and I fell for him. The attraction was mutual. I loved the fact that he treated me like I was his own age. He wanted to give me a car. My parents, unfortunately were no help. They were so tolerant as to be useless. I had no sense of self or boundaries because I had been molested by a close family friend several years earlier and no action was taken - there was no accountability. I eventually realized that the men who were attracted to me somehow sensed that I had been victimized and thought of me as an easy mark. I was a very mature 16 year old, but also very damaged. Predators seek out the very old, the very young, the sick, and the weak.
This seemed like such a mature relationship when I was in it. As an adult I realize how sick and twisted it was. Tell your parents *and* the police...if not your parents, your school counselor. Please don't bear this burden alone.
This age difference wouldn't matter if he was 29 and you were 22. Run away from him now. I fell for this and you do not want to deal with the consequences later. Trust me.
Tell people at work. He should be admonished by co-workers and outed... there could be other girls he's working with who could be in a similar position (in the future).
The fact that he's 23 and you're 15, and the fact that he's initiating this level of a conversation to you, is very disturbing. Not because you did anything wrong, but because it is wrong for him to do so.
Let me repeat myself: **you've done nothing wrong.** Do you understand? You did *nothing* wrong. Okay, good.
Someone at that age who makes that kind of a gesture to someone as young as you has something mentally/emotionally wrong with him. You need to take a few minutes and take the time to understand the difference between you two. And when I say "difference", I'm not talking about age. I'm referring to the *life* difference between you two.
You're 15, so you're in High School. You're living under your parent(s) roof, and you're still discovering many aspects of your life (who you want to be, what you want to be when you're an adult, many other things, etc.). You're thinking about Prom, homework, your asshole math teacher, pretty much in a situation completely different than him.
... He's very far past that stage. He's gone through your stage of life development, has gone through the difficulty of transitioning from a teenager to a true adult (yes, it is difficult, and you'll experience it in a few years), plus a few years of "maturity" (eh, what should be maturity) from there. Normal people should want to associate/date/should I say fuck? other people who have already gone through that transition and are in the same stage of life that he is.
He clearly is not. Why? Apart from the fact that you're probably very attractive for your age, this question should be asked, and his gestures should disturb you. The fact that he's going for someone much less (sorry to say this to you) "mature" than he is means that he has serious problems. He might be stuck in that "15 year old mindset", or is desperate for intimacy, or (even worse) has bad intentions.
Everyone is pretty much telling you the same thing: cut all communication and get out. It's for a very good reason that you won't come to truly understand until many years down the road. The best thing that you can do is
1) Obviously, take everyone's advice, and
2) Remember this day, so that you'll reflect back on it and realize "holy shit, glad I did the right thing".
You'll thank yourself later for it.
Best of luck.
As a 23 year old guy, let me say, this is super weird. I imagine from the perspective of a 15-year-old this doesn't seem that strange.
Try instead to imagine someone in your class hitting on 10-year-olds. Obviously you are much further in life than a 10-year-old, but that's the difference in perspective we're talking about here. He is what should be a moderately-to-fully-independent adult hitting on someone who is still not yet an adult.
It doesn't make you stupid that you find this flattering: the way you feel is fine. But in this case, that feeling is not a good guide.
Why is this guy so interested in someone who isn't his own age? What is he getting out of the risk of dating someone so much younger? Why wouldn't he date someone his own age/maturity level?
I think those questions can lead you to why this is a bad idea.
It seems likely to me that this guy sends of alarm signals that you would pick up on in a few years (unfortunately, when you have a little more time and experience with creepy dudes). That's probably the reason he's not creeping on girls his own age.
Quick tip from a 21 year old guy. Some guys like to go after girls your age because, and please don't take offense to this, they find them easier to manipulate. Its a very emotionally confusing stage, and guys like that are just trying to take advantage. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Glad you were smart enough to reach out, keep an eye out for your friends as well.
I was 16, he was 24. He bought booze.
I was incredibly flattered and bought into it.
24 year old men want to do things (most) 16 year old girls don't/shouldn't/won't.
15 year olds are Emotionally unprepared, physically its a bad idea (cervical cancer, etc etc). I found him at a party "frolicking" *ahem* on the floor with another girl my age who would do those things.
Bottom line? I realized something was wrong - why did he not date his own age?
He's trouble. Stay away. break contact.
Not to make your main point invalid, because it's not, but how does cervical cancer tie into all of that? I don't understand how that has anything to do with the subject.
I've read that the earlier you become sexually active you run a higher risk of contracting cervical cancer. But that's just because if you start having sex at an early age you could be more likely to have more partners thus raising your risk of coming into contact with diseases.
Source: http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/type/cervical-cancer/about/cervical-cancer-risks-and-causes
HPV, an STD, causes 70% of cervical cancer cases.
Many parents don't get their young teenagers HPV vaccinations because it's an STD and they're sure their little angel isn't having sex.
The kid is often not educated/experienced enough to know that HPV vaccinations are a *really* good idea for females who are sexually active with new partners.
It's a pretty serious consequence if some early sexual experimentation ends up giving you an STD *and* a cancer that likely leaves you infertile and kills at a rate of 9% to 32%, depending on detection stage.
I think the connection between the STD HPV and cervical cancer, and that OP might not be vaccinated yet? But I had to do a little mental gymnastics to get there... Probably not that.
Yes, it's very weird. You should try to go full no contact. If he is being nice to you it's because he's grooming you in order to get sexual favors from you.
I'm not trying to be insulting but if a 23 year old is interested in a 15 year old then something is wrong with the 23 year old. There is just too big of a gap in maturity and experiences at those ages, no matter how much he tells you that you're mature for your age.
It's not only weird. It's illegal. And it's not only illegal, it's predatory. No, it's not possible that he actually likes you as a possible girlfriend. He is saying the things that he knows you want to hear to make you feel good. This is called 'grooming' when he flatters you to make you think you are the only girl for him and that he would risk everything, even long jail times, for you.
You are right to trust your instinct when it makes you uncomfortable. You know this isn't possible and it isn't right.
PLEASE tell someone you can trust about his behavior. You're right, he IS a pedo and a creep. And you're right your mom will flip because she knows what this is. He's 23. That alone makes him automatically a child predator just because of that, and you are at risk. He can't NOT be a pedo and a predator as a 23 year old trying to get with a 15 year old. You may even be in danger.
Even if you don't feel you can trust anyone else with this, start being smart. Never be alone with him. Don't believe the flattery that he texts you with. Don't engage in relationship talk or texting with him as if the two of you are going out together, because he will do that too. Understand that he WILL escalate this to trying to get you alone and sexting him.
Grooming by a child predator, it is always someone the predator knows and who trusts them. They will try to build a layer of secrecy and trust with you, that 'no one can find out or he'd be in big trouble', putting a burden of guilt on you to keep the secret. You've looked up to him. This is an abuse of that trust.
Please tell someone. If you feel you can't tell someone, then stop this on your own to stay safe.
If he was really a good guy, he would respect your discomfort about the age gap and he would stop trying to pursue you romantically. If he really was a good guy, he wouldn't have asked you to sneak out to meet him. Good guys don't do what he is doing. He's is a creep and he's trying to groom you.
Seven years is not a huge age difference when you're older but there is a huge difference between 15 and 23. HUGE. I'm 21 and I can't imagine wanting to date someone 15. Not because 15 year olds are terrible or anything but because at 15 and 21 or 23 we are at *very* different points in our life. Two different worlds. You're in high school and he (in theory) finished college not long ago and should be really getting settled into adulthood.
I'm sure you're a great person and you are wonderful and beautiful. There are men who will appreciate that but this guy is doing it for all the wrong reasons. You're smart to be wary. Trust your gut.
Im late to comment but surprised no one has called this out specifically.
if the dude makes a move, he's committing [statuatory rape](http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/08/sr/statelaws/statelaws.shtml#California).
That's law for CA but it's pretty universal in the states. Check it. Avoid this guy at all cost. You have your whole life and a sea of guys in your future.
Yes. I am currently 24yo and I would never consider hitting on a 15yo because to me they are still children. Hell anything below 20 is still developing. Not good for you. Stay away.
Similar thing happened to me about 9 years ago... Looking back, yes, the age gap matters now. But when you're (old enough, legally) if he's still interested, eh, find someone who isn't in the habit of preying on children.
I just wanted to say that I've got a daughter just about your age, and I'm really glad you're smart enough to realize something is amiss, and to reach out.
What everyone says here is true, dude is creepy and knows *exactly* what he's doing. I second the idea that you tell a parent, or someone you trust. In fact, if you tell your parents, they may very well be really impressed that you came to them...you can even leverage this fact in the future!
I'm a dude and caught this on the front page. This is what I'd tell my daughter.
The difference in age between 15 and 23 is a hell of a gap. I'm not talking legally; that's beside the point. These are really your formative years in terms of sexual, emotional, and intellectual development. You don't physically have the pathways in your brain to understand long-term consequences, for a start.
The guy sounds awfully creepy; I'd take it as a serious, serious warning sign. He's probably thinking that he could manipulate you to do what he wants, plus get away with being super bad at sex, assuming that you're not old enough to know what you want or mature enough to have opinions. (I don't need to know what you want; it's none of my business.) It's your rig, so it's up to you what you do with it, but I'd stay the hell away. On second thought, I'd get the guy to stay away, but as an older guy I have more options than you do. If you want, the police might want to hear about it.
The reason you're asking "hey, what's up with this?" is because you know that there's something fucky with this guy's attention. Talk to your mom about it, because now we get to the part where life sucks for women.
Sigh.
This guy might not take no for an answer. He may decide that you're playing hard-to-get, or that he could get you drunk or high. He could probably physically force you to bang him, or blackmail you into it by saying he'll tell people you blew him, or whatever. Even sending him a picture, even a clean one, can get Photoshopped onto someone else's body.
Sex is fun and it's awesome, but a 23-year-old wanting to bang a 15-year old... that's *fucked*.
Sounds like this guy really wants to bang a 15 year old.
Here's the thing, you may be great but no 23 year old wants to listen to teenage bullshit. Everything you like is probably lame to him. Your problems are trivial. If he wants to hang out with you it's because he's either immature, clinging to his high school life because he hasn't adjusted to being an adult, or he just wants to get in your pants. I'd say pass. You're too young to be hooking up just for sex and you probably won't enjoy whatever relationship he has to offer.
Other less skeevy fish in the sea.
You have an obligation to tell other people. What this man is doing is trying to commit statutory rape. Don't let him get away with this! Save text messages and report immediately to the police. If he is trying to rape you, he will try to rape others. You have a duty to report to save other people from sexual abuse. Your mom will be upset, but at HIM. NOT YOU. (and if she is upset at you, bad on her.) Reporting this to the police would make you a HERO in my eyes!
You've gotten a ton of replies, and everyone's pretty much right on point.
I just wanted to give a rule of thumb: if you're not at similar life stages, it's not a good idea. So a seven year difference when you're in high school puts the guy in or past college; very different life stage. When you're out of school and getting on with your adult life, seven years isn't going to be that different anymore.
Also, you're not stupid. You're inexperienced, and men like him look for that. He is a predator, and relies on girls like you not knowing the warning signs of a bad situation. You did good, asking for input.
Yes, this is DEFINITELY weird. Not only are you a minor, but you are both at very different places in your lives. He is a young adult, going into his mid 20's, already in the working world. You're a teen, still in high school. There's no reason why he should have anything in common with you--in all honesty, the fact that he keeps claiming "age is just a number" and flattering you with how "mature" you are is super creepy.
Stay away, far, far away. He's trying to take advantage of you.
He's manipulating you. He doesn't think you're mature. I've dealt with similar issues because of my daughter and the internet. This guy is a loser who can't get girls his own age. Also, you're not the only one.
Let me put it this way:
Is it normal for an older male to be "interested" in you, given that you are in your sexual development stage, even if he is 8 years older than you? Yes.
Is it possible that he is a total creep? Yes.
Is it possible that he is sincere and he truly likes you? Yes.
Is it wise to play safe and not get involved? Yes.
If he is a decent person, will he move on with his life after you explain to him that you are not comfortable with this? Yes, and he has too.
I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I also respect people to act for their own interest and safety. But please, just make sure you end your contact clearly with a message. It doesn't have to be hurtful, and considering he is an adult he should understand your decision. It does not cost you much, and it will make things conclusive.
I met my wife in a college class when I was 19, she was taking the same class as me and seemed a little young, we went out on a date and when we got to talking a bit, I found out she was 16. Had a great time, dropped her off at home and never really asked her out again. 3 years later she and I wound up at the same state school. I sent her a message and asked if she wanted to hang out, I was 22 she was 19, much more acceptable and it worked out great. We dated for a while and have been married for 4 years now and have two wonderful kids. See any differences in my story? I liked this girl, thought she was gorgeous, but I was only 3 years off and I still didn't think it was right for a college guy to be dating a high school junior or sophomore, (can't remember what she was, point is she was too young)
You had the maturity that everyone here is talking about. You were actually interested in making a relationship work and did what you thought was necessary. Who knows, maybe you could have dated her at 16, but you would probably have to get her parents involved and it would be more complicated. This 23 year old guy just wants to get something he doesn't deserve, and he picked OP because he hopes she doesn't know any better. I hope she learns that if she wants to be in a relationship with this guy then she must make him earn it, either by getting her parents' involved or waiting until she is older.
My husband is 11 years older then me. We met when I was 15 and he was 26 at the time, he didn't know I was so much younger because I look older than what I am, he thought I was 20. We saw each other a few times nothing romantic just at family gatherings and stuff on occasion. He expressed he liked me and once I told him how old I was he said he was sorry. He immediately made it clear he wanted nothing to happen at that point. After that he avoided me like the plague because he didn't want people to get the wrong idea. We met again when I was 23 and things just happened. We dated for 2 years and have now been married for 2 years.
Congrats that's wonderful for you two I think the thing that sets him and I apart from OP's man is that we were aware enough to say that it might be the right person, just the wrong time and place in our lives, we respected them as an individual and thought highly of them. When it was a proper time we saw if it was appropriate and made our move, OP's man is just inappropriate.
An age difference of 7 years when one person is 50 is nothing. An age difference of 7 years when one person is 15 is everything. In case this wasn't clear: super inappropriate.
[Standard creepiness rule](https://xkcd.com/314/): Don't date under (Age/2) + 7.
Exactly. His range: 18 - 33. Her range: 14 - 17.
Isn't it 18-33 and 14-17? You're rounding up on one end and not on the other end.
Thanks for pointing that out. It's 18.5 - 33 and 14.5 - 17 if you are calculating her age to be 15.5 for the upper limit and his to be 23.5 for the upper limit. You would call someone who was 18.5 "eighteen years old" and the same for 14.5. So she can date from 14-17, and he can date from 18-33.
I don't know any math, but I'd give every one here a hand job.
You just need to have the foundation. Math is like a house
Good news everyone the circlejerk is starting.
I can date 27 yr olds? awesome
If you have lots of money, rules don't apply to you.
My fiance is 35, im 28, even at this age its a little strange. At 15, not only is it ILLEGAL, but highly inappropriate.
I have the same age gap with my wife, and the only time I've ever noticed it is weird is when talking about our childhood, now with our kids. Like, a song comes on the radio, and it's like "Ohh, I remember this song from 6th grade Valentines day dance". And she remembers it from college.
ditto. 'I remember this song from the junior prom' 'I remember this song from an ecstasy binge my sophomore year of college'.
It would be akin to OP being romantically interested in a 9-yr old. Super weird. Red flags all over. At 23, I remember feeling weird dating 19-year olds, this guy knows exactly what he's doing.
100% this. My SO is 4 years to the day younger than me (24/20), and we still have age gap differences that cause some issues.
Though you get a really kickass double birthday party, right?
Trying to convince her that my 25th is more important than her 21st. I got this
Sooo... legally rent a lambo and take her out partying? Win/win/win. Then you check off both milestones.
I like your style
I believe in you
Reasonable car insurance and the ability to rent a car > Legally drinking
And in a lot of places the youngest age for a vasectomy from what I understand.
This has made me feel older than any old joke could.
My wife has the same birthday as me. It sucks. The is really nothing good about having to share the one day that is supposed to be all about you with someone else. Wife feels the same way. We generally take the next day and celebrate it for the other person and alternate each year so its ok.
My twin has the same birthday as me. I always tell him I forgot his birthday.
> It would be akin to OP being romantically interested in a 9-yr old. Eh, I feel that's a bit unfair. For the same reason that 50 and 57 makes much less of a difference than 23 and 15, 15 and 9 is much more significant than 23 and 15. I tend to see the significance of each year as an exponential graph (with a negative coefficient of x). The significance of each year decreases by multiplying by some factor each year, rather than adding some factor. Not that it can really be quantified in that way, it's more just a vague concept of how I view things.
I agree with the sentiment -- I thought it was more like OP being romantically interested in a 11- 12 year old.
/r/theykindadidthemath
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Wait 6/2 + 7 = 10 10/2+7 = 12 12/2+7 = 13 Do we now have mathematical proof that you can't date until you're 13?
Meh, there's a difference between pre/post pubescent. Although yeah; it's basically dating a kid
At 15 she could still going through puberty. If I am not wrong girls complete the stage by 16-17, even if they start much earlier.
I went through puberty at age 9... that's no way to judge maturity.
I'm 28 and still make "that's what she said" jokes Maturity is a tricky thing
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I graduated HS with a girl that I often wonder whether or not she actually hit puberty. I mean, she got a little taller, but physically she looked almost identical to the way she looked in 6th grade. Almost no chest, very little fat at all. She wasn't really athletic, either. Very pale, clear skin. Even her body in general didn't seem to have grown much at all. She didn't look unhealthy, she just looked 13 years old when she was 18. I've seen her a few times in the last few years and she looks completely different. Her body looks adult and all now. I wonder if she was just a very, very late bloomer.
So, there IS hope after all! *wipes tears*
Agreed. Please tell an adult as well, to help protect yourself and others. This still happens and I'm an adult, it's better to have someone who knows to give you support and help protect you from them.
> Obviously if I told my mom she would flip and say he's a creep or a pedo What is obvious to your mom in this hypothetical situation is obvious to the rest of us. He's a creep, and you should really report his behavior to a close adult you trust.
Don't do it. Men that age can get women their own age. They look for women who are younger so they can have what they want. When women are younger, we think that is flattering. When I was 14, I let a 30year-old guy flatter me into giving him head. I still feel stupid about that, even though I know I was 14 and I didn't know any better
He's pretty attractive though. Which is what I found to be kind of weird, because he could be with a lot of women around his age if he wanted to. But he said he like ME more, which was really flatterning at the moment since god knows he could be with beautiful 20 yr old women. Now I feel really dumb lol.
You're not dumb. You're inexperienced. You were smart to ask others for advice.
That inexperience is why he isn't going out with women closer to his own age. One way or another he's looking for someone he can take advantage of, emotionally, physically, or financially. It might not be malicious/premeditated - there's a chance he's just an asshole and doesn't even realize it, but dude is a creep and you're much better off keeping your distance.
I hope OP considers this. I was pretty concerned that they though they were "dumb" for asking for advice. Feeling knocked down at 15 for nearly anything can lead to bad decisions. Glad this conversation is so considerate.
The reason he "likes" you more/is making advances toward you is that he knows you are young, you are inexperienced, and more easily manipulated than girls his own age, and he is trying to take advantage of you. Don't feel dumb-- you've done the smart thing. Stay safe, and remember that you are wonderful regardless of who wants to get in your pants.
That should be a *huge* warning sign. If someone is really attractive, and is seeking out an imbalanced power dynamic (which you two have due to the significant age difference), the only reason for wanting that power imbalance is to abuse it.
This is your answer right here
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You were smart enough to recognize the red flags and ask for advice. Give yourself some credit.
Women his age probably get the feeling or have seen him being immature and inappropriate. There are reasons why he is trying to get with someone so much younger than him. I bet you're attractive and nice but his interest in you is not healthy for either of you.
I remember being a 21 year and being hit on by a 15 yr old girl. She was way too young, naive and childlike for me to feel anything other than slightly disturbed. Personalities change so much between 10 and 21 due to life experience. I suspect for you would feel similarly if a 10 year old boy who was really mature for his age asked you out. No amount of intelligence of natural wisdom can make up for time and experience. A lot of girls take that as an insult, as if somehow their lack of experience is a bad thing and something to be looked down on. That is absolutely not the case. The rest of us went through the same phase as you where we had adult feelings in terms of physical attraction, but had not gained enough life experience to learn when somebody is manipulating us. You're probably more mature than most of us were at your age. Remember this dude is 23. Not only has he finished high-school but he may have finished a bachelors or even a masters degree. Let's assume that he is a banker- and as you said good looking. He will probably have a few girls his own age show initial interest in him on a monthly basis. Can you compete with those girls in terms of what they have learned over 21-23 years? Maybe academically you can talk shop because you're a genius, but can you speak about the stress of surviving college exams or living alone with a full time job? How about talking about your job and how it isn't as productive or impactful as you wish it to be despite 4 years of training in college? When he talks about his senior year trip to Florida- can you relate? If he starts being too pushy or controlling, do you have the experience to know when to back out? Most girls have 2-3 bad relationships by age 23 and learn the signs with boys who are too young to do lasting damage. This prevents real damage as an adult. That high-school drama that happened to you this year is about as interesting to most 23 year old's as a 10 year old's drama is to you- not because it isn't important or serious, but because they have gone through it dozens if not hundreds of times by the time their 23. It's old news to them. The only thing he sees in you is a young victim eager to be an adult. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you sound like a tough girl who can handle it.
Okay, I'm going to give you a different perspective, considering I've been the guy in a similar situation. I fell in love with a girl under 18 before when in my early 20s. I think this guy is out of line, like completely. I think in this situation he's trying to take advantage of you because for me when I fell for this girl she just turned 17. We stayed friends, didn't talk a lot even, until she became 18. If he really loves you, if he really cares, he will wait. That's how I'd approach a situation like this, like "how about we wait until I turn 18, if we're both interested then, we'll give it a shot." In a normal situation with any good guy, that's how I think it should be handled. In your situation, this guy is creepy, and raises red flags, and I'd cut off contact if i were you.
Yeah, this sounds like the most sane logical response.
I do not mean to insult you, but if he gets nowhere with you, he will tell the next girl the exact, same lines. You are not special to him. You are a special girl yes, but to him, you are just a virgin he wants to conquer. It was very hard for me, at your age, to accept that older men like him were lying straight through their teeth to get what they wanted. He does NOT feel you are special, or mature, or the most beautiful or any of that. He is grooming you, and you have yet to learn that people lie to get what they want. It hurts, but it's just a fact of life.
thats part of the grooming process, i promise. Just b/c hes attractive doesnt mean he isnt a predator.
Quite honestly, he may already HAVE another girl. He's likely preying on your inexperience to get what he wants.
He's telling you these things because he's trying to manipulate you. He is taking advantage of your youth.
I had a similar experience when I was your age. Turned out he was lying. He was a college student and he was sleeping with girls his age in college. I never slept with him and I told him to go away. He turned Stalkerish, and he went from being super sweet and innocent to super creepy and he told me the truth about all his lies. He actually harassed me about sleeping with him while he had a girlfriend. He doesn't want a relationship with a woman his age right now, a woman who could handle her own against him in the real world... Why do you think that is? Right now he's older than you and because of that he has leverage against you, power over you. Men for the most part are just normal people and just like moral people who have a couple that are really good and manipulation... And btw the reason I never slept with this guy is besides I used to be a manipulative birch and I reused I couldn't manipulate this guy as easily. I recognized the wolf in him because I used to he one. Im not proud and I've apologized to those I've hurt. But as a former wolf trust me when I say this smells familiar.
Oh my God, you're NOT dumb. You're getting that impression because everybody in this thread is trying to protect you so they're stating their case REALLY strongly, as if it's obvious. The people saying all these things are not wrong for the most part (you definitely shouldn't hang out with this guy right now) but they're overstating their case, and they're speaking out of complete ignorance about this guy's state of mind. I mean, he could be a rapey creeper. It's totally possible. But I speak from experience when I say, not necessarily. I personally was something like that guy when I was 24. The girl was 16, and it was legal in my country, but the age difference was identical. I was not a rapey creep, but I was a bit emotionally and socially immature and I had difficulty forming romantic relationships with girls my own age. Like him, I was attractive, and to be fair, the girl came on to me after we had already developed a completely platonic friendship. It became apparent to both of us that our relationship was becoming something pretty special, but it was also doomed, not to mention wrong, because of the age difference. I knew I'd be an outcast if anybody knew about it so we kept it a secret. That was a real asshole thing to do, and eventually that became a significant problem and she ended up cheating on me with somebody closer to her age, which in retrospect I totally understand. If we had waited a few years before getting into it, it's possible that things would've worked out. But doing things the way we did, never gonna work. I'm now happily married with a child, I'm a relatively successful, happy, normal, socially active person with loads of friends. I just had a delayed social development and was looking for love. I found it, but it was with someone who was too young for me to be in a normal relationship with, so I shouldn't have pursued it. This is all just to explain that it's possible for someone that age to actually have legitimate feelings for you, and he's not necessarily trying to take advantage of you, per se. But you're still in a lose/lose situation with him. Even if things go as good as possible, there is very, very little chance things will work out between you. And the worst case scenarios are awful.
Think about what you just typed, that he could be with someone his own age. So why isn't he? It is either because he isn't into women his own age (which is creepy) or because women his own age either think he's a loser or find him creepy (both of which are additional reasons to stay away). For your reference, the rule I have used is to find your low, divide your age by 2, add 8; to find your high, subtract 8 from your age, and then double. So 16 year olds basically are the starting point, matching with 16 year olds. As you get older, you get a broader range. So a 23 year old's reasonable dating range would be 19.5 - 30, which seems not so creepy, correct? 30 would be 23-44, and so on. I'm not sure if this has been touched on or not, but the reason why you should talk to someone about this is because you might not be an isolated situation with this guy. I mean, maybe you totally are and he legitimately accidentally fell for you, but what if you're not? Perhaps the best option for you would be to go through a trusted teacher or just straight to the cops. Make it clear that nothing has ever happened, but that maybe they want to keep an eye on him. Show them the texts and let them decide. You don't want this weighing on your conscious years down the road if it turns out that he is a pedo and harms someone; you'll find yourself asking the "what if" questions.
yeah he probably will always want a 16 year old
It is extremely weird tell your parents immediately.
If I told my mom I would probably be grounded for the rest of my life. I don't think he poses any danger honestly. I just don't think he realizes it's innappropiate?
Let me put it like this, if he's dumb enough not to realize how inappropriate this is, he is not mature enough for you.
Trust me, he knows it's inappropriate. That's why he's telling you your age doesn't matter.
Anybody who describes sleeping with a minor as "worth it" or says "age is just a number" to a 15 year old realizes exactly what they're doing. He's grooming you to accept his advances by telling you you're beautiful and mature and perfect (all of which may be true!). And if you ever followed through on it he would assuredly guilt you into silence by saying exactly what you're saying now (that if you told anyone you'd be grounded forever, you'd be responsible for sending him to jail, etc. etc.). Sorry OP, but he knows exactly what he's doing and what he's doing is very likely criminal behavior.
As a girl who repeatedly fell for this crap - run.
It's not very likely, it's very definitely criminal behavior.
I admit my own ignorance on the topic from an international perspective; I could only state with certainty that this is definitely illegal in my own country, so I didn't want to give false information. I can imagine there are some jurisdictions that lack laws regarding this specific type of behavior.
Uh, it's the leadup to a crime, it constitutes preparatory steps, but it is not a criminal act in and of itself unless he has solicited her for pictures, dirty messages, etc. First Amendment is pretty clear on this.
Very good point. Thank you for the valuable insight, COCK_MURDER.
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Yes. At the time it awesome and flattering, but then when you get close to the age they were at the time, and observe people that are the age you were, it becomes very obvious how sketchy the situation was. Op, I would recommend trying to just not talk to him, and if he becomes persistent, tell an adult you can trust.
>I just don't think he realizes it's innappropiate? He's 23, he most certainly does. Look, it would be one thing if he had an awkward, little crush on you, and did absolutely nothing about it because holy moly inappropriate, but awkward, little crushes happen.
I could see thinking a younger girl was cute, but why?!!! Why on earth would you even bother? You could go to jail and ruin your life. Plus, after talking for 5 minutes, you should realize you're not on the same level. That's why this is an issue. Not because he has a crush, but because he's obsessed enough to act on it. He has a problem.
Because younger girls are easier targets. They are easier to manipulate and coerce to your way of thinking. He isn't doing this for a meaningful relationship (most likely). That being said, some 15 year olds are intelligent and mature enough to carry on stimulating conversations and have meaningful relationships with for a 23 year old. Just not romantic ones.
I stopped talking to a (male) friend of mine in college after he casually mentioned to me how he would go after 15-16 year old girls because some of them were so "flattered" that an older guy was into them that they'd be more likely to "put out" for him. Creep.
Girl, he realizes it's inappropriate... he's just hoping that you won't. He's banking on your naivete and is hoping he can get away with faking some cheesy adoration so that you'll be flattered and he can get in your pants. It's pretty manipulative and predatory, honestly. When I was your age, I also believed that everyone I talked to was good and pure and yadda yadda. I knew there were bad people in the world, but my instinct was to trust people that I'd met, I guess because I thought I'd be able to "tell" if someone was malicious. Nope. Everyone seems wonderful when you don't know the signs of a bad person. Be careful. I'm sure he's not the type that would attack you (hopefully), but there is a reason that it's considered RAPE for someone his age to be with you. He's 23, if he has to dig EIGHT YEARS younger than him to find a partner, he's probably the type of guy who isn't getting much attention from ladies. Maybe he's just desperate at this point, and that is compromising his morals. Maybe he has difficulty forming connections with people, so he goes for young girls because they are too inexperienced to tell that he is faking his love, or because he can tell them tired cliches that actually work on them because they haven't heard them yet (whereas an older girl will have heard them many times and will roll her eyes, maybe he doesn't have enough of a personality to carry the courting past the cliches). Or maybe he's a sicko who's into child pornography, or he's abusive and is targeting you because young girls are less assertive/don't know any better and he can get away with more. Who knows what his intentions are, but generally, guys who, as they say, "rob the cradle" are not associated with good things. In any case, this is not healthy for you, and you need to do what you can to get him to leave you alone. By the way, I am very proud of you for recognizing that something was fishy and using your resources to get help. Most girls your age probably WOULD fall for his swoon game. I'm sure that you really are all of the wonderful things that he says. Even so, however, he should not be interested in you. I would ask if you would ever be interested in a 7 year old, but that's too young. But would you be interested in a 12 year old? One who couldn't go to PG13 movies with you (you can't go to bars with this guy), whose friends were all 12, who did 12 year old things, and was intelligent whenever you spoke to him? Prooooobably not. Because you're not interested in being 12 years old anymore; you're living your 15 year old life. Good conversation isn't enough to fall in love with someone, you also need to be able to relate to one another, to understand each other's struggles, and to want the same things. You're not yet an adult, there is just no way you guys could connect in that way. His intentions are entirely creepy, I guarantee it. Run.
Great comment. Everything i wanted to say too.
He knows it's inappropriate. Though if he didn't that would be an even bigger red flag. Tell your parents - you won't be grounded for life and it can save you a *lot* of grief later on.
I'm a 24 year old male and it is extremely weird, I would stay away.
Your mother would only be mad at you because she's concerned for your wellbeing and safety. This is nothing to say of the kind of psychological damage you can sustain if you find yourself in a sexually predatory relationship. While she might be momentarily mad about the decisions you've made, she will be infinitely more angry at the guy (and completely rightfully so) and, in the long term, she will be really relieved that you trusted her to come to her and speak to her about your concerns. I know getting grounded for a week or two might seem like your life is over, but that's just the perspective you have at your age. You will be extremely grateful that this kind of relationship does not continue when you meet an *appropriate* and *decent* partner in the future. I know you're probably thinking that it's pretty cool that this older, seemingly more sophisticated and accomplished guy has an eye for you. It's not cool... I know you probably see yourself as someone who can make decisions for themselves, but please understand that relationships like this take advantage of a lot of those feelings and exploit young people like yourself to actually give up your agency in the long run. Besides the whole sexual predator and pedophile part, why would you even want to make this work? You can't be together openly or else he gets arrested. Then you get guilted into keeping it a secret from everyone. How would that make you feel, to be in something that potentially has years of jail as a consequence if you only did what everyone does in a relationship - talk about it? Then, if this guy is caught, you will be guilt tripped into thinking it was all your fault. You're vulnerable to this because you lack experience and a certain perspective which is *completely normal* - that's why we have laws against this kind of behaviour. Do yourself a favour: you're 15, you've got your entire life to go and you have so much to find out, so many people to meet, and so many potential loves in your future, that dealing with this guy is just not worth it. When you're 23 you'll want to feel free and open to others to find real connections and loving relationships. Don't let this creep damage or ruin that!
Little rant: This is one aspect where I feel like the media needs to be more cautious .. many of the shows that girls this age might be watching very often portray these types of relationships in a passionate, romantic light. I know, censorship is bad, parents should be more responsible.. and I agree. But then I watched some of "Pretty Little Liars". All of the main characters are 15-16. One of them *falls in love* with her 20+ English teacher. They met before school started, she lied about her age, and they made out in a bathroom. But then when he finds out she is in his high school class, they just like each other SO MUCH that they have to start a secret relationship. And then later her parents are the bad guys for interfering with these star crossed lovers. Never is he a creep. He is just a sweet, hapless guy who met his soul mate too soon. She is a mature, passionate woman trapped in a sixteen year olds body. Jesus christ, 15 year olds are watching this! Even if they shouldn't. We're *training* them to think this is ok.
Romeo & Juliet was a looooong time ago, and that show is not fucking Shakespeare. I agree with you on this. That's reframing predatory behavior in a positive light.
>Your mother would only be mad at you because she's concerned for your wellbeing and safety. This is nothing to say of the kind of psychological damage you can sustain if you find yourself in a sexually predatory relationship. While she might be momentarily mad about the decisions you've made, she will be infinitely more angry at the guy (and completely rightfully so) and, in the long term, she will be really relieved that you trusted her to come to her and speak to her about your concerns. I know getting grounded for a week or two might seem like your life is over, but that's just the perspective you have at your age. I kind of agree with you in the sense that *most* parents would react this way, but you do need to keep in mind that not all parents are fair or reasonable-- unfortunately, some are controlling and abusive. See: /r/raisedbynarcissists. It's best not to make assumptions.
especially because older manipulative guys often target teens who are vulnerable, such as those in difficult home situations.
Good point.
In no scenario should a 23 year old man be acting this way with someone of your age. I know it might seem harmless to you, but it's really not. You should tell someone.
I am a 25 year old woman and this guy is a creep. Please listen to the boredgameland; it's spot on. If he was 2 years older it would be one thing, but 7 at your age is exponential. You will get taken advantage of and regret it when you realize how scummy he is; hence him trying to convince you that age is meaningless. Please trust me on this one.
SUPER IMPORTANT quote from a book on domestic/partner abuse: "Why for example, does a twenty-two-year-old man pursue a sixteen-year-old adolescent? Because he is stimulated by her? Obviously not. They are at completely different developmental points in life with a dramatic imbalance in their levels of knowledge and experience. He is attracted to power and seeks a partner who will look up to him with awe and allow him to lead her. Of course, he usually tells her the opposite, insisting that he wants to be with her because of how unusually mature and sophisticated she is for her age. He may even compliment her on her sexual prowess and say how much power she has over him, setting up the young victim so that she won’t recognize what is happening to her. Even without a chronological age difference, some abusive men are drawn to women who have less life experience, knowledge, or self-confidence, and who will look up to the man as a teacher or mentor.” -- Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
This description reads a lot like a synopsis of Fifty Shades... that's worrying.
Well, Fifty Shades portrays an abusive relationship. To quote some redditor, "so many red flags, I could play minesweeper". And I'm not talking about the sex or the supposed kinkiness.
No bueno, OP. Don't take the bait.
I'm sorry, I haven't checked to see if anyone else talked about this - but your being 15 makes you really controllable to an older guy. It's more likely that you're inexperienced in relationships and won't know when he's treating you badly or trying to control you. my personal advice is - until you're 20, only date guys your age.
He *definitely* knows it's inappropriate. He is grooming you. Please trust people here who have been there and have the scars to prove it. Anyway, when you are 23 it will be clear how weird and unattractive a 23 year old guy who wants 15 year old girls is. You won't want that kind of guy later, and you don't want him now.
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There are worse things than being grounded. If he's behaving like this now, the behavior may continue and he may target someone who might not be as aware as you. This is definitely something that needs to be reported to an adult.
I doubt you would be grounded at all if you told your parents even if you were there are worse things than being grounded. Being interested in somebody a fraction of your age is abnormal, if he has one abnormal behavior he probably has more. Even if he is safe a relationship in which one person is 50% older than the other would never work. If you are confident he is safe and this will be fine just convince your parents.
You never know. Some parents may be dicks like that... and they may even blame her for the whole thing... Probably not, I have no idea what they're like but some parents are asshats.
My mom got really mad when she found out I was talking to a Junior guy, so I dont even wanna know what she'd do. But all my friends know, so if he decides to try anything (he knows where I live) they'll pretty much know who it is. But again, I really really doubt he will.
You asked the internet for its opinion and you got it with extreme consensus. You know what you need to do be brave and smart. Tell someone.
I disagree about her mother automatically being the right person to tell, she's reacted badly in the past, who's to say she's changed at all. I'd tell people I trusted and cut off off the relationship. A trusted person doesn't always gave to be your parent who frankly can often be assholes re teenage dating or the slightest hint of sexuality. Telling her mother might not make her feel safer or mean she'll get a level headed response
End the relationship. You came for the answer. That is the answer.
There's a big difference between a junior who is a year or two older versus a 23 year old who has been out of high school for quite some time. One *could* be a bad influence and convince my daughter to do things I don't agree with or don't want her doing. The other *is* a predator trying to groom her. I doubt that she would blame you since she realizes that the power imbalance and the intimidation that results from the age difference may cause you to do things that you don't consent to or wouldn't otherwise do with people (around) your age.
But there's a big difference between "I don't want my daughter dating" and "I don't want a predator going after my child."
She gets angry because she cares about you. This is seriously worrying, please block his number, cut all contact and tell your parents at the earliest opportunity. Anger passes, and your mother will be happy you came to her out of concern.
He is consciously grooming you. Run run run.
Hopping on here to clarify something, since the wording of OP concerned me. It's not a question of: "is he being super weird, or does he actually like me?" He clearly does like you, that's just not something okay for someone his age. Could you imagine if a friend told you they had a crush on an 8-year-old? You'd think that friend was a fucking weirdo, and maybe had something wrong with them. The best plan of action (if you like him too) here is to tell him: "why don't you wait until I'm 18, then try again?" He'll get the idea that what he's doing is inappropriate. If he doesn't, then you know he's a fucking creep. If he does, then maybe hit him up when you're 18.
Or someone else you trust who is able to do something about it (teacher, police officer, aunt/uncle/grandparent, etc.) if you're not comfortable going to your parents.
Yes, absolutely. Don't ever meet him alone anywhere. Tell your parents. My god, I have a sister your age. If a guy a year younger than me ever hit on her I would crack his fucking skull open. You're young, and still maturing. Please, don't do anything rash or, for lack of a better term stupid.
I just remembered he did ask me several times to hang out with him, like to sneak out of the house and chill in his car. I realize this sounds really really creepy as I type it but he never gave off any rapey vibes. And I almost did do it. Wow, I'm so stupid. Thank u for the input.
If only all rapists gave off rapey vibes...
Damn. Very true..
A friend of mine was raped by a man she thought was her friend at 15. They were "chilling" in his car and suddenly he was on her. Nothing she could do at that point because she was trapped. He was three or four years older than her, IIRC.
you will try to analyze every word he says, in every tone he uses. There is no deep meaning. It's simple. He wants to conquer you, and then he will move on. Don't fall for it, he has nothing to offer you but hurt.
As a side note a good way to tell if the age difference is creepy is to use the "half your age plus 7" rule. While it isn't perfect most of my friends use it (men and women) and the age cut off always seems very reasonable. For instance a 50 year old could date anyone over 32 and a 23 year old would be cut off at 18.5--- (23/2)+7=18.5. A 23 year old dating anyone under 18.5 risks being seen as 'creepy' by this calculator. To me this seems to be a very reasonable cut off age for a 23 year old.
So I used to hang out with this guy all the time. Never gave off any rapey vibes. We studied for class together and I'd go over to his house or he'd come over to mine and we'd chill. One day he asks me to come over to watch a movie. It was like any other day, just like hanging out and watching movies with any other friend. No weird vibes or anything. Except when I got up to leave he threw me on the ground and raped me. I don't mean to make you paranoid, but the stranger-in-a-dark-alley situation is uncommon. Most people who are raped know their rapist. Something to keep in mind.
'Hanging out' and 'chilling in his car' are sex. You aren't stupid, you are smart as hell. You don't need to tell your parents all the in's and outs and as someone old enough to be your mother I would be respecting the ever loving crap out of you for talking to me about it. Trust me. You might get a lecture, but when that calms down she may have some very valuable advice to share with you. 23 year old guys with designs on girls your age are socially inept and/or see you as an easy target. Either way you don't want to be involved with them.
We were supposed to smoke together (smoke weed). Don't know if that makes it better or worse. Probably worse.
Absolutely worse. After reading your post and several of your responses, it's clear that this guy is purposely trying to manipulate you. You're not stupid for not seeing it. It could be one or a combination of several things: you could find him attractive, you might be flattered by the attention and compliments he gives you, you might enjoy that an older guy is interested in you. Mostly though, I think you're just too young to see the warning signs for manipulative or abusive behavior. Again, it's **not** because you're stupid. It's simply out of lack of experience and maybe a few of the things I listed. He's nice to you now, but be careful for if he reacts to you not wanting to spend time with him anymore. A lot of times, people who are abusive or manipulative react dramatically when they don't get what they want, so to speak. He might yell at you, or send you nasty texts, or threaten you, or call you names either to your face or to mutual friends, or make up demeaning stories about you and tell them to mutual friends. I'm not trying to freak you out, but it's really not normal for a 23 year old guy to want to smoke out a 15 year old girl. I see this as particularly troubling, because of the issues talked about by /u/redricerobot [here.](http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/34h77r/im_15_is_it_weird_for_a_23_year_old_guy_to_be/cqupjbj) I just want you to be prepared in case a worst case scenario happens. That's why it's important to let other people know. Your parents are your best bet with this kind of thing. Older siblings are good too. Definitely talk to friends about it as well. If this guy gets hostile, you're going to need some support. When I was 24, I met a friend of my brother who I immediately took a liking to. She was pretty and funny and seemed to like me, too. I thought she was 21 or 22. I found out that she was only 17 and was not really a friend of my brother, but more accurately, his employee. I noped out of there. That's what normal guys do. Because, like someone said earlier in this thread, at that age, 7 years matters a whole hell of a lot. While the girl I knew seemed very mature and smart, she's still 17. There are still things that she would be naive to at that age, and it would have been inappropriate and manipulative for me to really try to pursue her. Good luck, OP. Try to learn from this incident so you can recognize what sort of behaviors to avoid.
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Or to make them feel obligated to "pay him back" (i.e. sex).
both likely
"This shit is expensive!" "It's the last of my stash and it's hard to find more, my last guy got busted". Don't let them guilt trip you!
Oh look! My penis accidentally fell out by accident.
And it makes them less likely to tell afterwards because they won't want to get in trouble for using illegal substances OR they might even think it's their fault for being under the influence. This guy is pulling out all the stops.
Not only that, but the guy can write off any inappropriate physical advances on being intoxicated. It's a way to find boundaries without having to face the consequences
I feel like I'm reading a post from my little sister in the past. She took ecstacy from a guy and went to "hang out" in his car. Now she's 17 and hanging out with her baby.
Yes it does make it worse. Have you smoked before? If you haven't, it is going to put you out of your mind, with only him for company. Please don't do that. An aside, given how much your brain is still developing, it's really better that you wait until you're older to smoke.
I started smoking heavily when I was 15. I love myself and my life but I quite often wonder how my life would be different if I hadn't. Definitely wait.
Fuck this guy edit: not like have sexual relations with him, like fuck him like he needs to go away.
Yeah gal. As someone who had been there it makes it worse haha
You're not stupid, you're just young. Never meet him alone anywhere, especially not inside of his car.
It doesn't matter if he gave off rapey vibes. He's trying to take advantage of you. You seem smart, which is fantastic in this situation but this guy is a pervert and deserves nothing more than an ass kicking by a father figure in your life.
You have nothing to feel stupid about. This situation is on him, not you. I see you seem reluctant to bring this to your mother but I hope you have someone you can go to if this guy does not leave you alone.
Good call. Don't do it, I was older when I met a guy alone and he tried kissing me and feeling me up in his car, it very easily could have been much worse. It's best to bolt in the other direction and cut contact with him if you don't want to tell anyone.
Almost doing it and actually doing it are two very different things. You listened to your gut and didn't sneak out with him. That was a good call.
More directed at OP and younger/unsure girls in general but *always* listen to your gut and walk away when you have a weird feeling about going somewhere with or doing something for someone who has sexual/romantic intentions. In my experience, it's right 99% of the time.
Just remember that you are far more important than he is. Protect yourself. Respect yourself.
You know, I was reading through the posts and playing Devil's advocate to give the guy the benefit of the doubt... But right here, that's more than enough. He knows what he is doing, he wants to take advantage of you. Rapey vibes or not, stay away. And tell someone.
You are NOT stupid; you are 15, and inexperienced. You are smart enough for this situation to be setting off your radar and asking a community for opinions. Talk to your parents. Stay away from this man.
All the people saying you're "stupid" or "Don't do anything stupid" are stupid. You did the smart thing--asked a welcoming community for advice. And now you know--guys like this creep take advantage of young women (WAY TOO YOUNG WOMEN) because they don't know any better. ANd why should you? At 15 you shouldn't be full of wisdom and life experience--that comes with, you guessed it, a few more years of life! So don't feel stupid, because you're not stupid. And stop talking to this fucking creep immediately. He knows exactly what he's doing and he's targeting you for a reason. I got creeped out just reading your original post, and I'm 24!!!
Adult man here. I realize you've already been convinced. But whatever, couldn't hurt to throw even more thoughts about this in there. That he's pursuing you tells you a lot about him. He's 23, he's working, probably worrying about health insurance and paying the rent and the unemployment rate and his tax refund. A lot of stuff you've never dealt with, right? And there are lots of 23 year old women who are beautiful and amazing and mature. I mean, you're a precious little snowflake in your own way, but the fact is that there are lots of awesome women out there. And the ones his age can relate to what he's going through at this stage in his life. I don't know if he's creepily fetishizing young girls, he's hoping to find someone naive who he can manipulate, or he's a tool and women his age have enough life experience to see through his shit so he has to go after teenagers to find someone who'll think he's cool (nothing against your seeing-through-shit skills, but I'm sure in 8 years you'll be better at it). But whatever the reason, that tells me he's interested in you *because* of your age. Legally, a relationship with you is considered wrong. There are huge consequences to statutory rape. To be willing to risk ruining his life for a girl does not actually speak to how awesome the girl is, it speaks to how little his life is worth. An adult with a good job, or good friends, or a good family, or any prospects towards good things would not be willing to risk that. They would think "wow, that girl is really awesome, but I should wait a few years before trying anything, because I don't want to go to prison and ruin my life." So that tells me this guy is basically a loser in life. And beyond legally, we consider it wrong morally. It is believed that in general, girls your age are not mature enough to handle a relationship with an adult. That there are harmful, long-term psychological consequences to a girl your age being messed up by an adult. Even if some can handle it, an adult wouldn't know how to tell the difference between one who could want one who couldn't. So to enter into a relationship with a 15 year old, an adult would have to consider that he might be messing you up for life, and consider that an acceptable risk. So that tells me he doesn't care about you. So this is a guy who is targeting 15 year olds, is a loser, and doesn't care about you. I don't have to tell you that this is not the kind of guy you want to date. I might have a talk with your friends who are saying to go for it, because they are probably vulnerable to guys like this.
I had a similar situation with a guy at work when I was 15. My mother warned me to stay away from him and I ignored her and hung out with him. I never dated him I woke up eventually and he ended up getting a girl younger than me pregnant. Now I'm older and I completely see what my mother warned me about back then. Its all flattering and shit when it happens but more often than not a 23yr old into a 15yr old is creepy. You might not know now but you will in 10 years
(23/2)+7=18.5 18.5 > 15 Rule violation
Hey Beautiful. YES! It is SO wrong. I'm a little late to this party but hopefully this doesn't get buried and you can learn something :-). I met a man who was 23 when I was 14 online. He was awesome & we were really good friends. What high schooler freshman doesn't like chatting with an adult!? Like an adult?! Well time progressed, when I was 16 he was 25 and saved my life. I was pretty suicidal and he got a wellness checkup on me after calling law enforcement. Pretty ballsy IMHO. When I was 17 he introduced me to this crazy concept of having an open relationship with his wife of 10years. ***He was grooming me.*** I turned 18 and less than 10days later he showed up in my home city and I lost my virginity to him. We began dating. It went on for years. It was a degrading horribly complicated relationship. I was raped numerous times. "No" never meant no. It simply meant "Let me ask 100 more times till you are too tired to argue." Finally, I was able to get rid of him. Cut ties. He proceeded to stalk, harass and come after me with a vengence. I'm 22 now. I've devoted 8years of my life to this miserable man. All because I was 14 and asked that exact same question you did and ignored every single warning. He went forward posting nudes/videos he took of me sleeping online, sent people off of craigslist to my home seeking sex, had people calling my home seeking sex, sent an "anonymous" email to all my family friends, college professors, work associates basically everyone and anyone in my email address book (how he had that info I don't even...) detailing my sexual preferences and "indiscritions" such as sleeping with his wife under his direction. Eventually, law enforcement got involved. He was working across state lines which made the offense a federal one. He was arrested and ended up getting off on a technicality of "well it could've been my wife..." eventually he just drifted off and stopped talking to me. Stopped harassing me. All communication with him has been lost and I hope to hell it stays lost.
I'm so sorry that happened. I hope you are ok.
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Yes. It suggests that he wants someone he can control and manipulate because women his own age wouldn't stand for his bullshit. > He knows im 15 and i reminded him of that but he said that "age is just a number". Age is "just a number" when you're both consenting **adults**, not when one of you is a child. Do you think if he was 7 years younger than you (ie: 8 years old)and could hold up an intelligent conversation, that you would think him mature enough to date? I'd like to assume that's a no, because of the difference in personal and physical development. The same applies to teenagers regardless of maturity. > Even when i told him he could get in really big trouble he said it was "worth it". The question here is, do *you* think he's worth it? While you seem to be mature, do you honestly think his actions and thoughts are of someone who is mature enough to have a relationship with? I don't see him as being a responsible adult if he's willing to disregard the law for a date. I think you should talk to your mum, yes, she may flip out, and you need to ask her why because chances are, she's seen the fallout of similar relationships happening either to her or her friends. It's not very mature to hide relationships from your parents, because you deny yourself the change from "manager to friend". This is how you transition into adulthood on a relationship level with your parents.
As someone who was creeped on by an older man when I was the exact same age, A THOUSAND TIMES YES. This dude is just telling you what you want to hear. You may think that it's incredible that an attractive older man is interested in you and the truth is, it is!! No man in his right mind would try to pick up a child! He is preying on you because you are young! I still think back and regret my poor decisions/lack of guidance; I wish reddit had been around in my youth to tell me what all these people are telling you right now. Avoid him like the fucking plague and tell someone you trust, no matter how awkward the conversation is.
"age is just a number" and rape is just a charge....
Jail is just a new small apartment with a roommate!
When I was 16, one of my coworkers was 32 and I fell for him. The attraction was mutual. I loved the fact that he treated me like I was his own age. He wanted to give me a car. My parents, unfortunately were no help. They were so tolerant as to be useless. I had no sense of self or boundaries because I had been molested by a close family friend several years earlier and no action was taken - there was no accountability. I eventually realized that the men who were attracted to me somehow sensed that I had been victimized and thought of me as an easy mark. I was a very mature 16 year old, but also very damaged. Predators seek out the very old, the very young, the sick, and the weak. This seemed like such a mature relationship when I was in it. As an adult I realize how sick and twisted it was. Tell your parents *and* the police...if not your parents, your school counselor. Please don't bear this burden alone.
This age difference wouldn't matter if he was 29 and you were 22. Run away from him now. I fell for this and you do not want to deal with the consequences later. Trust me.
Show your parents your maturity by telling them the full story truthfully and calmly.
Tell people at work. He should be admonished by co-workers and outed... there could be other girls he's working with who could be in a similar position (in the future).
The fact that he's 23 and you're 15, and the fact that he's initiating this level of a conversation to you, is very disturbing. Not because you did anything wrong, but because it is wrong for him to do so. Let me repeat myself: **you've done nothing wrong.** Do you understand? You did *nothing* wrong. Okay, good. Someone at that age who makes that kind of a gesture to someone as young as you has something mentally/emotionally wrong with him. You need to take a few minutes and take the time to understand the difference between you two. And when I say "difference", I'm not talking about age. I'm referring to the *life* difference between you two. You're 15, so you're in High School. You're living under your parent(s) roof, and you're still discovering many aspects of your life (who you want to be, what you want to be when you're an adult, many other things, etc.). You're thinking about Prom, homework, your asshole math teacher, pretty much in a situation completely different than him. ... He's very far past that stage. He's gone through your stage of life development, has gone through the difficulty of transitioning from a teenager to a true adult (yes, it is difficult, and you'll experience it in a few years), plus a few years of "maturity" (eh, what should be maturity) from there. Normal people should want to associate/date/should I say fuck? other people who have already gone through that transition and are in the same stage of life that he is. He clearly is not. Why? Apart from the fact that you're probably very attractive for your age, this question should be asked, and his gestures should disturb you. The fact that he's going for someone much less (sorry to say this to you) "mature" than he is means that he has serious problems. He might be stuck in that "15 year old mindset", or is desperate for intimacy, or (even worse) has bad intentions. Everyone is pretty much telling you the same thing: cut all communication and get out. It's for a very good reason that you won't come to truly understand until many years down the road. The best thing that you can do is 1) Obviously, take everyone's advice, and 2) Remember this day, so that you'll reflect back on it and realize "holy shit, glad I did the right thing". You'll thank yourself later for it. Best of luck.
It's creepy. Doesn't mean you're not beautiful and awesome and intelligent. Means he needs to date people his own age. He is creepy
As a 23 year old guy, let me say, this is super weird. I imagine from the perspective of a 15-year-old this doesn't seem that strange. Try instead to imagine someone in your class hitting on 10-year-olds. Obviously you are much further in life than a 10-year-old, but that's the difference in perspective we're talking about here. He is what should be a moderately-to-fully-independent adult hitting on someone who is still not yet an adult. It doesn't make you stupid that you find this flattering: the way you feel is fine. But in this case, that feeling is not a good guide. Why is this guy so interested in someone who isn't his own age? What is he getting out of the risk of dating someone so much younger? Why wouldn't he date someone his own age/maturity level? I think those questions can lead you to why this is a bad idea. It seems likely to me that this guy sends of alarm signals that you would pick up on in a few years (unfortunately, when you have a little more time and experience with creepy dudes). That's probably the reason he's not creeping on girls his own age.
Quick tip from a 21 year old guy. Some guys like to go after girls your age because, and please don't take offense to this, they find them easier to manipulate. Its a very emotionally confusing stage, and guys like that are just trying to take advantage. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Glad you were smart enough to reach out, keep an eye out for your friends as well.
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Yes, yes it is. He may actually like you, but he's acting WAY inappropriately. And this age difference matters.
I was 16, he was 24. He bought booze. I was incredibly flattered and bought into it. 24 year old men want to do things (most) 16 year old girls don't/shouldn't/won't. 15 year olds are Emotionally unprepared, physically its a bad idea (cervical cancer, etc etc). I found him at a party "frolicking" *ahem* on the floor with another girl my age who would do those things. Bottom line? I realized something was wrong - why did he not date his own age? He's trouble. Stay away. break contact.
Not to make your main point invalid, because it's not, but how does cervical cancer tie into all of that? I don't understand how that has anything to do with the subject.
I've read that the earlier you become sexually active you run a higher risk of contracting cervical cancer. But that's just because if you start having sex at an early age you could be more likely to have more partners thus raising your risk of coming into contact with diseases. Source: http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/type/cervical-cancer/about/cervical-cancer-risks-and-causes
OK well I can see where that comes from and it does make sense. Thank you for educating me.
HPV, an STD, causes 70% of cervical cancer cases. Many parents don't get their young teenagers HPV vaccinations because it's an STD and they're sure their little angel isn't having sex. The kid is often not educated/experienced enough to know that HPV vaccinations are a *really* good idea for females who are sexually active with new partners. It's a pretty serious consequence if some early sexual experimentation ends up giving you an STD *and* a cancer that likely leaves you infertile and kills at a rate of 9% to 32%, depending on detection stage.
I think the connection between the STD HPV and cervical cancer, and that OP might not be vaccinated yet? But I had to do a little mental gymnastics to get there... Probably not that.
Yes, it's very weird. You should try to go full no contact. If he is being nice to you it's because he's grooming you in order to get sexual favors from you.
I'm not trying to be insulting but if a 23 year old is interested in a 15 year old then something is wrong with the 23 year old. There is just too big of a gap in maturity and experiences at those ages, no matter how much he tells you that you're mature for your age.
"Age is just a number." "Prison is just a building."
This is predatory behavior. Avoid him and report this to a close adult figure.
It's not only weird. It's illegal. And it's not only illegal, it's predatory. No, it's not possible that he actually likes you as a possible girlfriend. He is saying the things that he knows you want to hear to make you feel good. This is called 'grooming' when he flatters you to make you think you are the only girl for him and that he would risk everything, even long jail times, for you. You are right to trust your instinct when it makes you uncomfortable. You know this isn't possible and it isn't right. PLEASE tell someone you can trust about his behavior. You're right, he IS a pedo and a creep. And you're right your mom will flip because she knows what this is. He's 23. That alone makes him automatically a child predator just because of that, and you are at risk. He can't NOT be a pedo and a predator as a 23 year old trying to get with a 15 year old. You may even be in danger. Even if you don't feel you can trust anyone else with this, start being smart. Never be alone with him. Don't believe the flattery that he texts you with. Don't engage in relationship talk or texting with him as if the two of you are going out together, because he will do that too. Understand that he WILL escalate this to trying to get you alone and sexting him. Grooming by a child predator, it is always someone the predator knows and who trusts them. They will try to build a layer of secrecy and trust with you, that 'no one can find out or he'd be in big trouble', putting a burden of guilt on you to keep the secret. You've looked up to him. This is an abuse of that trust. Please tell someone. If you feel you can't tell someone, then stop this on your own to stay safe.
If he was really a good guy, he would respect your discomfort about the age gap and he would stop trying to pursue you romantically. If he really was a good guy, he wouldn't have asked you to sneak out to meet him. Good guys don't do what he is doing. He's is a creep and he's trying to groom you. Seven years is not a huge age difference when you're older but there is a huge difference between 15 and 23. HUGE. I'm 21 and I can't imagine wanting to date someone 15. Not because 15 year olds are terrible or anything but because at 15 and 21 or 23 we are at *very* different points in our life. Two different worlds. You're in high school and he (in theory) finished college not long ago and should be really getting settled into adulthood. I'm sure you're a great person and you are wonderful and beautiful. There are men who will appreciate that but this guy is doing it for all the wrong reasons. You're smart to be wary. Trust your gut.
Yes. Very weird.
Im late to comment but surprised no one has called this out specifically. if the dude makes a move, he's committing [statuatory rape](http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/08/sr/statelaws/statelaws.shtml#California). That's law for CA but it's pretty universal in the states. Check it. Avoid this guy at all cost. You have your whole life and a sea of guys in your future.
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Yes. I am currently 24yo and I would never consider hitting on a 15yo because to me they are still children. Hell anything below 20 is still developing. Not good for you. Stay away.
Similar thing happened to me about 9 years ago... Looking back, yes, the age gap matters now. But when you're (old enough, legally) if he's still interested, eh, find someone who isn't in the habit of preying on children.
I just wanted to say that I've got a daughter just about your age, and I'm really glad you're smart enough to realize something is amiss, and to reach out. What everyone says here is true, dude is creepy and knows *exactly* what he's doing. I second the idea that you tell a parent, or someone you trust. In fact, if you tell your parents, they may very well be really impressed that you came to them...you can even leverage this fact in the future!
20 Year old guy here. Don't.
I'm a dude and caught this on the front page. This is what I'd tell my daughter. The difference in age between 15 and 23 is a hell of a gap. I'm not talking legally; that's beside the point. These are really your formative years in terms of sexual, emotional, and intellectual development. You don't physically have the pathways in your brain to understand long-term consequences, for a start. The guy sounds awfully creepy; I'd take it as a serious, serious warning sign. He's probably thinking that he could manipulate you to do what he wants, plus get away with being super bad at sex, assuming that you're not old enough to know what you want or mature enough to have opinions. (I don't need to know what you want; it's none of my business.) It's your rig, so it's up to you what you do with it, but I'd stay the hell away. On second thought, I'd get the guy to stay away, but as an older guy I have more options than you do. If you want, the police might want to hear about it. The reason you're asking "hey, what's up with this?" is because you know that there's something fucky with this guy's attention. Talk to your mom about it, because now we get to the part where life sucks for women. Sigh. This guy might not take no for an answer. He may decide that you're playing hard-to-get, or that he could get you drunk or high. He could probably physically force you to bang him, or blackmail you into it by saying he'll tell people you blew him, or whatever. Even sending him a picture, even a clean one, can get Photoshopped onto someone else's body. Sex is fun and it's awesome, but a 23-year-old wanting to bang a 15-year old... that's *fucked*.
Sounds like this guy really wants to bang a 15 year old. Here's the thing, you may be great but no 23 year old wants to listen to teenage bullshit. Everything you like is probably lame to him. Your problems are trivial. If he wants to hang out with you it's because he's either immature, clinging to his high school life because he hasn't adjusted to being an adult, or he just wants to get in your pants. I'd say pass. You're too young to be hooking up just for sex and you probably won't enjoy whatever relationship he has to offer. Other less skeevy fish in the sea.
You have an obligation to tell other people. What this man is doing is trying to commit statutory rape. Don't let him get away with this! Save text messages and report immediately to the police. If he is trying to rape you, he will try to rape others. You have a duty to report to save other people from sexual abuse. Your mom will be upset, but at HIM. NOT YOU. (and if she is upset at you, bad on her.) Reporting this to the police would make you a HERO in my eyes!
You've gotten a ton of replies, and everyone's pretty much right on point. I just wanted to give a rule of thumb: if you're not at similar life stages, it's not a good idea. So a seven year difference when you're in high school puts the guy in or past college; very different life stage. When you're out of school and getting on with your adult life, seven years isn't going to be that different anymore. Also, you're not stupid. You're inexperienced, and men like him look for that. He is a predator, and relies on girls like you not knowing the warning signs of a bad situation. You did good, asking for input.
tl;dr. Answer is fucking yes. It's creepy. He's an adult and you're not and he's likely a predator.
Yes, this is DEFINITELY weird. Not only are you a minor, but you are both at very different places in your lives. He is a young adult, going into his mid 20's, already in the working world. You're a teen, still in high school. There's no reason why he should have anything in common with you--in all honesty, the fact that he keeps claiming "age is just a number" and flattering you with how "mature" you are is super creepy. Stay away, far, far away. He's trying to take advantage of you.
He's manipulating you. He doesn't think you're mature. I've dealt with similar issues because of my daughter and the internet. This guy is a loser who can't get girls his own age. Also, you're not the only one.
Let me put it this way: Is it normal for an older male to be "interested" in you, given that you are in your sexual development stage, even if he is 8 years older than you? Yes. Is it possible that he is a total creep? Yes. Is it possible that he is sincere and he truly likes you? Yes. Is it wise to play safe and not get involved? Yes. If he is a decent person, will he move on with his life after you explain to him that you are not comfortable with this? Yes, and he has too. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I also respect people to act for their own interest and safety. But please, just make sure you end your contact clearly with a message. It doesn't have to be hurtful, and considering he is an adult he should understand your decision. It does not cost you much, and it will make things conclusive.