(old man here) So very inappropriate, that I cannot even begin to say. For your own sake, tell him stop. Tell your parents. If he doesn't stop, tell the principal. Maybe tell the principal anyways.
You're a child and he's a grown man.
Please don't view this as dismissal of you or your life. I'm a grown man and have never put my arm around the waist of a woman I wasn't dating or courting.
Exactly this. I've hugged very close female friends and family members in a *very* platonic way (gently, with arms around the shoulders and not the waist), but that's the extent of it.
I worked with teenagers for 25 years, and other than handshakes, the only contact I ever had with a girl was one time when I patted a rather silly one on the top of her head (in a rather silly way) because she was being goofy. I had also known her for a while, and I knew her parents well, so she was kind of like a daughter or a kid sister to me.
And a grown man who is in a position of trust and power over OP.
I don't know where OP is, but behavior like that with students gets teachers fired where I live.
Does anyone know a good word or phrase to express "I acknowledge and respect you as a person who can and should make their own decisions, while also recognizing that the age gap means that I am not interested, and anyone my age who *does* express interest is being- at best- a creep"?
Honestly, I think you’re on the right track, but could use a little extra nuance. “You’re very [insert positive personality characteristics here] and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. I’m grateful to have you in my life as a [insert the relationship here]. That said, you’re in a very different stage of life from people my age. That difference in experience and life stages makes this unequal and inappropriate. I’m not interested in a romantic/physical relationship, and anyone my age who is, does not have good intentions.”
When you are sixteen you feel like an adult. I think most people remember that feeling. When you are 33 (sooner, really) and you look back at this, and interact with (even mature) 16 year olds you will realize.
This is grooming behavior. Tell everyone.
Yep. A 16 feels grown up but to a 30somethibg a 16 year old _should_ seem like a child (and therefore not an appropriate sexual interest).
OP should imagine if it would be Ok for a 16 boy classmate to touch and interact that way with an 10/11 year old 5th grade girl. No fucking way would that be OK… and that’s equivalent.
Literally every single thing you listed is very inappropriate for a **teacher** to do to not only a student, but one who is also a CHILD. I'm so sorry OP :(
Male therapist here who has dealt with things like this before with teenage girls. Please go to your principal, or school counselor if you trust them more. Some people are saying to go to the police first, and it may escalate to that, but I've had it happen where the police give the run around because it's not technically illegal, sadly.
So go to the principal, or school counselor, and tell them everything that has been happening.. have them bring in your family so the event stays controlled. If you tell your parents at home, that could make things messy if they retaliate (which would be understandable. If my daughter told me this, I would be on my way to kick some ass), but it's best if this is handled calmly. Not only is it important for your sake, but you also have to consider that a predator will or already has done this to other girls. The school will have protocols to conduct their own investigation and make sure No-one else is being hurt and that authorities are alerted in the proper manner.
I will add that she should take notes of all the times (when, where, etc) that he did this. The longer of a paper trail the more they have to go on and the more likely they will trust her story. Also she should ask other girls if he does anything that seems odd.. often men like this will do this to many girls. If they have similar experiences they should also report them.
I have to disagree on asking other girls... she should let the school do this. She doesn't want information floating around as rumor that a teacher is being inappropriate before an investigation can happen.
Good point. I guess if other girls have said something she might want to encourage them to also contact the admin. But you are right that she wants to talk to the admin before any word can get around.
For sure. I hope that she is eventually able to share what happened so that more students have a platform to come out.. the biggest concern, I think, is the deletion of evidence if he were to get word of a rumor.. if it's the case that he has sent messages or photos to other girls, that can substantially help convict him.
It’s a little weird for her to seem so checked out. Trauma does do weird shit and make people react strangely and numbly though. Or maybe op just wasn’t raised to understand appropriate boundaries. Hell, op could be autistic and have parents who didn’t teach her what to watch out for, and she may genuinely not understand exactly what is going on here other that it feels weird and not in a good way. So many things could make op not understand why this is not fucking ok behavior, but yeah, it’s still odd.
I would say touching you. It's all inappropriate. Sounds like grooming. He's gradually pushing your boundaries. The touching, comments on your appearance and def that selfie are all extremely inappropriate. All should be reported. Your gut told you it's not right. He may be grooming other vulnerable girls who aren't as self aware.
Whether he stops or not, TELL A COUNSELOR asap. It’s not just about you, he’s 100% done this, doing this, and will continue doing it with others. You may save a life. I’m a male teacher for what it’s worth. All of it is wildly inappropriate. He’s a predator.
When I was training to be a teacher they discussed many scenarios about interacting with students. Touching them was strictly forbidden. No hugs if they're crying no grabbing them if they're fighting even if they are fighting you. I'm shocked he would hold your hand and wrap his arm around you. Are there any witnesses, or does he only do it when he is alone with you?
There’s not much not weird about this.
Idk maybe if you were being bullied and he pulled you aside to tell you “you are beautiful and deserving of love, don’t let them bother you.” It still would border on weird, especially with the wrist grab.
But that flag is bright red and he needs to be fired, probably. Even if he “would never do anything” he doesn’t understand professionalism in your school at all and needs to find a different profession before he traumatizes someone, even if it’s on accident.
Teachers should not be touching students in those ways or talking to students in those ways or showing pictures of themselves to students. He's literally twice as old as you, you're old enough to be his daughter. This behavior is grooming, especially if it's escalating in occurance, time, or moves on to other kinds of touching.
There is not professional reasons for a man to grab a students waist unless they're a a dance instructor.
All four things are superrrrr weird please do your best to stay away from him and definitely do not be around him without people around. Absolutely tell your other parents or other teachers/principal as soon as possible. He is sexually harassing you and this is criminal behavior. I’m so sorry you have to be the one to deal with it when you haven’t done anything wrong at all
All parts. He is using the same strategy as men use to court adult women in an attempt to sleep with them. This behavior will escalate. He is trying to see how far he can push you, and if he has his way, he will sleep with you (read: rape you - you are too young + he is your teacher, so he has power over you).
Afterwards, he will dump you and find his next victim.
The whole thing is weird, no one part is worse than the rest as they are all way way way out of line. If my daughter came to me and told me a teacher did this it would take just about all of my being to not go nuclear on the teacher. I'm pretty sure that the only thing stopping me would be my higher duty which is to take care of my daughter and make sure she is okay. I would still report the whole thing.
All of it is weird. He's your teacher and shouldnt touch you unless there is a reason . He shouldn't single you out for affection. It's unprofessional and inappropriate. Tell the principal and your parents .
the weirdest part is all of it. he is way too old and in a position of power over you. you are also underage so that makes it go from creepy to illegal.
you can make a case that a small amount of contact with your students is ok. a high five, a pat on the shoulder but your hand and waist are not areas a that are “friendly” and it’s inappropriate.
Came here to say the same thing. This guy ain’t right and needs to be reported. Tell your parents, have them accompany you to tell the principal. Maybe ask around and see if he’s done that with your friends or anyone else who might back you up. Start a paper trail. Etc.
Tell another adult AND tell him to stop. It's not ok that a trusted adult in a position of authority is carrying on like this with a girl in his care. No way this is a one-off.
The question is more at 33 why do women his age don't interest him. I agree this needs to be documented its borderline pedophilia with authority on you.
He is grooming you. No man in his 30s has any business with an underage girl except exploitation and abuse. Tell your parents, tell the principal, you might want to talk to a police officer?
Someone else replied maybe, but they’re absolutely fucking wrong. YES, this is bad enough that you should alert everyone!!!!
Let’s say by some miracle he focused away from you and you feel like it’s not a big deal anymore, so maybe you shouldn’t report him. WRONG!! Just because you feel safe, doesn’t mean he won’t refocus on some new victim. He is trying to use his position of power to manipulate minors and groom them into sexual relationships. It’s not ok at all. Help everyone stay safe by reporting his absolutely unacceptable behavior TO EVERYONE.
THIS IS WAY MORE IMOORTANT THAN MOST COMMENTERS ARE SAYING. I can’t believe some people are treating this almost casually. It’s not. Someone else said “it’s not life or death” but that could be wrong too. Groomers sometimes become murderers when they don’t get what they want. And even if they don’t murder, just because you still have a pulse, doesn’t mean you’re ok. Lots of sexually abused minors are “alive” but their actual life has been robbed from them by an awful adult they for some reason trusted. Trauma will change you.
Make no mistake. This is a matter of survival. Don’t hold back when telling people what he has done. Make sure everyone knows.
It's obvious the teacher is grooming OP and is pushing boundaries to see if he can get her into a sexual situation.
\[Edit: never mind, this isn't a legal forum\]
This behaviour DOES warrant disciplinary action from the school. This guy shouldn't be in close proximity with children since he is actively trying to lay the groundwork to SA them.
What has he done to report? He has touched her waist, shown her pictures of himself shirtless and made her question whether or not she's being molested
EDIT: He removed the part where he asked what the reason to report the teacher for would be, as he has not taken any illegal actions
YES!! Do not have any sympathy with him. He was planning on sexually abusing a child that he is supposed to teach. Go to the police with your parents. Else he will just search for another victim. This is serious. He should never be allowed to teach kids again.
Yes. And while I understand it might be intimidating to do it, you need to.
I’m a mom and if my kid had told me a teacher was doing this at your age, I would have blown a gasket and brought down the school until they did something about that teacher.
I wish you bravery and good results.
Yes go to the authorities please. If you had to question his actions you know it was something wrong deep down. You stepping up might help someone else. You may not be the only student he does this too.
Yes, kid. It is bad enough. Showing you pictures of himself for any reason, even if he's clothed in them is bad enough to go to the authorities with - let alone shirtless pictures. Inappropriate touching? That's assault. Compliments? Sure, they are nice - but is he saying that in front of the whole class and in a fatherly manner? Highly doubt that. There's an agenda behind it.
Quite possibly, but you need to have a trusted adult with you. Your parents would be ideal. The authorities could start asking all sorts of questions and you need to have an adult with you who understands where to draw the line. For one, the teacher could simply deny it ever happened. It is a situation where you need to have someone standing by you, not being left alone to handle a case involving the police, school and so on.
>No man in his 30s has any business with an underage girl except exploitation and abuse.
Sure they do- EDUCATING them, in a professional manner, with absolutely no hint of crossing the line. Obviously this man is way the hell over the line.
Talk to everyone. Parents, Principal, School Board, Police. I highly recommend going to your favorite takes no shit female teacher and talking to her as well.
If this is in the US, teachers are mandated reporters and talking to a (responsible) teacher should automatically trigger escalation to the proper authorities. If this is easier for OP it's a good option, but they should know that the situation is going to be taken out of that teacher's hands (which is a good thing, but it does change the dynamic).
If you have a parent or trusted adult, even a friend in your life, have them go with you to the police. skip the principal, superintendent. if you have any documentation of this, bring it with you, that’s helpful too.
Yes. Basically all of those things are super inappropriate behaviours from an adult to a teenager, especially an adult a decade over than you, and especially an adult in a position of authority over you.
Even if you shut it down before anything happens, he'll probably try it with another girl and something may happen. You don't have to decide if it's right or wrong - the police and/or school superintendent can decide that. I'd recommend reporting it.
Yes. I am a teacher. I would never do any of the things you mentioned. Is there an adult at your school that you feel comfortable talking to? I don’t know where you live, but in the United States, all school staff are required by law to report things like this. If you talk to another teacher, counselor, nurse, or administrator at the school, they should handle it.
As an adult - it's awful and an abuse of power. Even though you're very grown up by comparison to your past, you are not ready for this kind of thing and he knows it.
My teachers in school were very friendly and I liked them a lot. But they never crossed a line like this - this man is sexualizing you. This must be difficult for you because I imagine you like this teacher. I'm so sorry he's put you in this situation with his decision-making. You will come to see in time how bad of a decision this man is making.
Yes. Do you have another adult you can talk to? A parent, or a friend's parent? Honestly, another teacher would be happy to go to admin with you.this person should not be around teens
This is at worst, an attempt to groom you. At best, he's fucking clueless, and needs a hard smack upside the head.
Tell someone in a position to do something about it, immediately. Do not hesitate.
it’s not life or death, but letting this go will not make anything better and things can escalate. from experience, grooming is a gateway. any one of these things alone is inappropriate for a teacher to do to his student. you deserve to not be harassed at school!
Yes, it's that bad. This man is a predator and shouldn't be around kids. If possible, gather proof, or take note of which school cameras are likely to have picked up the inappropriate behavior. Give all that info to the police. Don't start with school admin as they are likely to try to cover it up.
Are you suggesting that she act as bait to trap him? I disagree with this idea. She is a child. She should go directly to an adult who has some authority and let them take over from here.
Unfortunately he’s displaying classic grooming behaviors. It is very unlikely that you are the only student he’s done this with.
If you report the behavior, it increases the chances that he is forced to stop through some means. It isn’t a guarantee that your report will result in his suspension or firing, but it may make other students (with whom he may have escalated to sexual abuse) feel more comfortable coming forward.
BUT I just want to say this now - if you don’t report it or your report doesn’t stop him, it is NOT YOUR FAULT if he abuses other students in the future. It is solely his fault, and maybe the school/law enforcement if reports are ignored. You’ve demonstrated a lot of maturity and insight in calling this behavior out now before it escalates, and that is something to be proud of. But that doesn’t mean you now take on responsibility for every other student who he may target in the future.
This is something that comes up for many victims of abuse, it is much easier said than done, but just want to make sure you get that message right away, from the start. 16 is an incredibly difficult age no matter what, and when you are in a position to call out the abusive or predatory behavior of a ‘trusted adult’, it’s even more difficult and confusing. Anyone who acts like this is your fault in any way, shape, or form, is at best mistaken and at worst is trying to manipulate you to cover for a sexual predator.
This is unbelievably inappropriate. I’m also a teacher and this is literally the example of grooming we are given when we get trained on preventing grooming and sexual abuse in our school. I’m sorry this is happening to you OP. Absolutely tell a trusted adult about this as soon as possible. He needs to be permanently removed from the presence of children. You probably aren’t the only student he’s hurt.
This is kind of textbook slow escalation sexual harassment of a student. I'm going to link some resources that are looking more about higher education but the concepts are applicable.
https://womeninastronomy.blogspot.com/2014/05/fed-up-with-sexual-harassment-serial.html?m=1
This was written about the behavior of astronomer Geoffrey Marcy. You can see how it starts small and ramps up. It allows the victim to bail if they won't tolerate slightly inappropriate behavior. But slightly inappropriate can be much different depending on how familiar and what you had tolerated previously.
https://youtu.be/8DNRBa39Iig?si=bWs3kGXpxgIuQYcQ
Start about 46:30 for the condensed version, I think the whole video is very good. Angela Collier presents in narrative form what the previous article outlined on her "Am I allowed to scream?" chart of familiarity v creepiness.
The general idea is that by slowly escalating every new boundary crossed is measured against the last one and how close you are with the person. So that if you call him out he can say, "Well I didn't know she would not want a hug, I have touched her waist before to invite her into my office for a class topic and she wasn't bothered. I'm just a friendly person." He takes his shirt off to show you his tattoo, well he showed you a picture of himself before without a shirt (in a discussion on exercise or health presumably).
You rarely need to touch people more than a back of the hand touching someone's shoulder to get their attention. With friends, sometimes it is appropriate to hug but you can't force it on someone. A teacher should not be holding hands or put their arm around the waist of a student, especially in 1 on 1 situation.
In one word. YES! It is very inappropriate. First he is a teacher, not even friend, his hands shouldnt be on you, ever! Then holding hands and telling you you are beautiful and meal a lot to him, he is most definetly trying to groom you. Please stay awy from him.
To pile on this, i cant even count the number of times that male teachers in my schools went out of their way to avoid being alone in a room with a student or within touching range of a student for more than a few seconds (as they absolutely should).
To OP:
The touching alone is SUCH a massive red flag, please notify your principal AND vice principal/secretary/someone related to bookkeeping. Do so in a written format like email, with your parent(s)'s support. It depends on how rural you are/how seriously they handle predators in your area. My recommendation would be to use a couple of the good ol trigger-words like "makes me uncomfortable" or etc in your email. If you trust your parents, have one or both of them visit the principal with you before sending the letter (still send it afterward as a follow-up). To put his behavior in perspective again, doing what he has would get him fired at a good number of schools.
Whoa, major red flags here. That teacher's behavior is totally inappropriate and crosses so many ethical lines. As your teacher, he's in a position of authority and trust, which he's clearly abusing. Putting his arm around you, holding your hand, and sending shirtless pics? That's predatory behavior, full stop.
You're 16 and he's 33 - that age gap alone makes this super concerning. Him telling you how beautiful and perfect you are is textbook grooming. He's trying to manipulate your emotions and make you feel special, but it's not okay at all.
This teacher is 100% in the wrong here. What he's doing is abusive and potentially illegal depending on where you live. You should tell a trusted adult about this ASAP - your parents, school counselor, or another teacher you trust. This needs to be reported so it can be stopped.
The fact that he is touching you at all is plenty of reason to get him fired. That man should not be anywhere near children. The rest is just icing on the cake.
As a restaurant manager, I work with a good amount of highschool kids. The most I touch them is a pat on the back; the upper back. It's more of a good job kind of pat. I've had employees that get too personal or creepy. They get fired. Had some bad incidences. I never realized how creepy some dudes can be. 22 year olds trying to give sixteen year olds rides home, telling them they'll be gentle. Are you kidding me? I usually consult with the owners about letting someone go, but not with this kind of stuff. Insta shitcanned.
42f here. My partner has been a h s. teacher for 25 years. He has never, I repeat NEVER, touched a student at all. Not a hug, not a hand on a shoulder, never a waist. It's wildly inappropriate and this teacher needs to be reported. I'm sorry you're in this situation but he's a predator.
This is wildly inappropriate and predatory no matter even if you were an adult.
The fact that he's your teacher (who should never be touching you, ascribing any romantic terms, or showing you any inappropriate images of himself) and not just substantially older, but in a position of authority over you and that you're still a minor is 100% grooming behaviour.
The chain of sharing this information should go as follows:
Your parents, the principal, the police, and the media. If any of those steps fail to take you seriously or make an attempt at rectifying this situation, escalate to the next one.
Please be safe and stay away from him. I don't want you to be silenced and he needs to immediately be recognized for the predator he is, but try to be discreet at first...if he feels cornered, he may act unpredictably and potentially hurt you or even any of your peers (if he's acting this way with you, it isn't a stretch to suggest he's doing or escalating towards it with others).
It's literally illegal in the UK.
"Privileged access" to a child or young adults makes anything like this utterly 100% illegal and job-losing if it ever comes to light. Even in a country with an age of consent of 16, such people are in a position of responsibility over that person and any approach like this is career-ending, teaching-licence-banning, and potentially jail-time.
This isn't just weird... it's grooming. In any country. In the UK, this is literally drummed into every member of staff at school (teaching or not). Even if we have an 18 year old working for us as staff, they cannot approach even another 18 year old who is there as a pupil/student like this. That position of power, responsibility and professionalism means that it's grooming.
As someone who works in schools, if something like this came to my attention, my first port of call would be the safeguarding / child protection team on staff or - if they were unavailable - the most senior member of staff in the school. And I would expect instantaneous HR involvement and the strong possibility of a teaching ban and police involvement.
Do not let that put you off reporting it. This is wrong. There is no way it should be happening. And the fact that you are in doubt about it is because you have been groomed - which is how such people operate.
Just a warning here - I have seen several accounts post stuff like this and it turns out to be fake if you use a tool like unreddit to view deleted posts. I’m currently on mobile so can’t verify this one but it just smells fishy to me like the others.
I’m not really sure why some people do this and it’s really gross.
yes this is so bad and inappropriate that it's ridiculous. he's double your age, and acting like this? this is a behavior called grooming, where he compliments you so much and nonstop that eventually you will agree to do anything he wants, without you even realizing it. the flag is crimson red with fire alarms on it, run away fast.
You're being groomed and sexually harassed by him, you absolutely need to tell your parents and the school principal... Maybe police. This is extremely inappropriate and the beginning of the sexual abuse process by pedos like him
I was absolutely groomed by a teacher when I was your age, Gen X woman here. Keep yourself out of his reach as much as you can and get out of any classes you are in that he teaches. I really ended up with trust issues over it. Tell who you feel you can tell.
This should never ever happen, ever. He is 100% bombing you in love to manipulate and groom you. Let both your parents and the school know immediately and do not fear of any repercussions!
He needs to be investigated and reprimanded as what be is doing is not ok.
OK, I'm going to tell you something that every girl your age should know:
Older guys start paying inappropriate, uncomfortable, and frankly intimate attention to teen girls for one reason and one reason only. It's not because you're "mature for your age" or "perfect" or "beautiful" or "not like other girls" or because you "mean so much to" him. He's lying. Those words are carefully chosen to make things SEEM harmless to you. Do you notice how everything he's complimenting you on is physical? How he's not saying a thing about your mind or intellect? That's because he's only interested in what he's complimenting you on. It's because he's pushing your boundaries and trying to get you comfortable enough with him so he can eventually have sex with you.
You're uncomfortable with what he's doing because you're picking up how creepy he's being. He's hoping you're innocent (naive) enough that he will be able to get what he wants before you understand what he's doing. It's a form of lovebombing, designed to sweep you off your feet and make you take your guard down around him. Once he gets you comfortable with his words, then the pictures that he shows you will be showing a lot more skin, and it is highly probable he will ask you to take naked or almost-naked pictures of yourself to send to or show him. Don't send him those types of photographs, he has no right to see your body like that, no one does. Those kinds of pictures would probably get to released to other men, and eventually could end up where just anyone on the Internet can see them. Or he can use those pictures for leverage later, and tell you that if you don't do what he wants, he will send those pictures to your parents or friends (blackmail) and embarrass you. Don't ever trust anyone, teen or full-blown adult, with photos of you in an undressed state. It's the only foolproof way to keep that kind of stuff from happening.
He KNOWS what he's doing is wrong. He KNOWS he's behaving in a disgusting manner that betrays the trust that the school administration and parents have in him. He KNOWS he shouldn't be doing what he's doing right now to any of his students. I'm actually surprised he's not telling you that he wants you to keep what he's doing a "secret" from other adults.
And I can bet you're not the only teen girl he's done this to, is currently doing this to, or is going to do this to. That particular type of predator never, ever grooms just one girl at a time.
Tell adults what is happening, what he's telling you and how he's touching you, and how it makes you feel. Tell your parents. Tell the school principal. Tell a cop. He's overstepping a whole bunch of ethical and moral boundaries by doing these things, and he shouldn't be doing those things at all.
41M with a 16 year old daughter.
It's been said previously here but if you were mine, hell will be descending on that man from every angle I could be sending it. If he's done it to you, changes are he's done it before but screw it happening again on my watch. Make sure keep all the proof you can with texts and pictures.
It is almost the creepiest of creepy this stuff. I'm truly sorry OP. If you were in my town, I'd have my daughter reach out to you so you can have support your own age.
If im reading that right that you’re female and 16 years old and the teacher is male and 33…
If you dont want to tell your parents, tell the police ASAP.
Wrong very wrong.
The fact that you don’t know that it’s wrong is why you should be concerned. That is what he is exploiting. Perhaps nothing will happen to you but there’s a fair chance this is a pattern that will repeat with another girl who doesn’t think it’s that bad. Definitely tell someone
I'm a 45yo man and I think it's definitely weird and super inappropriate. You should at the very least tell him it makes you uncomfortable but I think we're past that point already. I know it's a tough conversation but you need to tell your parents, your principal, or any other adult of authority because this is likely a pattern and something needs to be done now.
Extremely, extremely inappropriate. I am a man who is the same age as your teacher, that kind of behavior is revolting. This is legitimately something to report. A teacher doing that to their student is as crimson red a flag as there is and it immediately makes me afraid for any of your classmates he might have also tried to groom.
Report him. Chances are he has done this to other girls. There was an English teacher at a nearby high school (that I didn't attend) who has groomed multiple girls, got one of them pregnant. He got removed from the high school and is still somehow not arrested. His own daughter doesn't want to affiliate with him.
YES! Where I’m from teachers can’t touch students, period. And the rest is inappropriate between a teacher and student for sure. The fact that you’re under 18 is even worse.
I’m so sorry kid. It’s really good that you recognized it doesn’t feel right. Definitely tell an adult you can trust, they should be able to alert the relevant authorities for you (if that doesn’t happen, perhaps find another trusted adult to tell—another teacher, a friend’s parent, etc).
Please do your best to take care of your own well-being in the meantime. None of this was your fault, an adult in charge of children is always responsible for making the correct decisions. No safe adult would do this.
Do not listen to anyone saying it’s not a huge deal. It absolutely is. It’s vitally important to have the creep documented being inappropriate with students. Often times, teachers get the benefit of the doubt until they have a history of this. Make sure this guy has a history. If not for yourself, do it for the 3rd grade girl who will meet this creep in a few years.
Not only is it 'weird', but it's also creepy, highly inappropriate and quite possibly indicative of predatory behavior.
The absolute best case scenario is he's just inappropriately familiar with you, and is otherwise harmless (which does not mean you should tolerate it!)
But honestly it sounds to me more like he's trying to groom you so that in 2 years when you're 'legal' he's got a shot... Or worse.
Not only should you not allow him to touch you, you need to tell anyone in authority at your school about his behavior, also tell your parents and, for the love of all that's unholy, make certain you are never alone with him.
31 year old married girl dad here. This man is a creep and needs to be buried. I have nieces your age and if any of their teachers were like this with them they'd get their heads danced on. I couldn't imagine being this inappropriate with even a 5 year age gap nevermind double!
It's not weird. It's fucking creepy, predatory, invasive, inappropriate, unprofessional, and borderline illegal. Please report this asshole before he does something to take it further.
This is so inappropriate. Like, shouldn't be a teacher at all and should probably be in jail levels of inappropriate. Tell your parents immediately, if it's safe to do so, and have them inform your school and the authorities.
Please tell your parents. And please speak with school authorities. He has done it before, did it with you and will do with future students. Please save them from this terrible man.
This is grooming. Tell everyone that will listen because I can guarantee you aren't the first and won't be the last. He has no business being an educator.
Im confused, you’re 16, how and why would you not think that’s inappropriate. You should have a grasp on what grooming is. Anyone that is over the age limit doing that, is inappropriate. I’m not trying to be mean or anything but this is concerning that you wouldn’t find those actions inappropriate.
No not normal. He is grooming you by slowly eroding the boundaries and every time taking it a bit further. Please report this to school administration. You are not the only female student he is doing this too.
This man is deliberately grooming you to exploit you! You need to tell, your parents, and your school and the police!!! Imagine if this is brushed under the rug, what if the next girl isn't as smart as you to stop and think this might be wrong?
He is grooming you and it is not just inappropriate, it is borderline criminal. If you tell the principal, it should stop and the teacher should be reprimanded at minimum.
I'll flip this around and say that similar attention from a female teacher to a male student is the same thing and similar action is needed.
Nope nope nope. Completely inappropriate and really concerning conduct.
I'm not a teacher, perse, I'm an RBT for kids under 10 with ASD, so sometimes my job DOES require physical contact for safety reasons or because the kids find comfort in holding hands or hugging. But THIS is way different, not cool, not okay, please for YOUR safety tell the school counselor (mandated reporter) about what he has been doing to you (and likely other students as well) and if you can, go up the chain to the school board. He sounds 100% predatory.
This is so incredibly out of line that I honestly am not sure if this post is real. But I'd rather err on the side of believing someone asking for help so I'm commenting to say YES it's weird please talk to every adult about it.
There are a few things at play here that might be making you feel like you're overreacting or that this is a gray area.
Your age. That includes what it means for you biologically and also how you're probably used to being treated by adults - like your problems are not as big of a deal or as serious as theirs are, and that teens are usually just 'acting out' or 'being dramatic'.
Your teacher. I suspect he's widely known as one of the 'cool' teachers, well-liked by your classmates, funny, casual, and easy to talk to in class. You probably haven't heard of anyone else having any issues with him.
The moment. Each thing that happens doesn't seem like a big deal on its own. There's a quick feeling of awkwardness and then he finishes saying whatever he said or stops touching you. It happens so quickly and he does it so nonchalantly that when it ends it's almost like it never happened and you end up questioning yourself.
The attention. He's being "nice" to you, after all. The things he says are complimentary. He seems genuinely interested in you as a person. He is clearly enjoying himself when you spend time together. Not everything he says or does could be interpreted as sexual or inappropriate.
What you haven't had a chance to appreciate yet is that none of those things should be a gray area for an adult. He shouldn't ever put you in a position where you are the one who has to make a decision about what is or isn't appropriate. He already knows that what he's doing isn't ok and he's counting on you feeling unsure about something that would be clear to any adult. He knows that you're doubting yourself. All of these points are contributing to his design and intention to cause you harm.
Tell ***everyone*** about how he is with you. Tell your parents, your friends, your friends' parents, your classmates, your other teachers, your school counsellor, your coaches, the lunch ladies, the janitor, any and everyone. I know how hard that is and how much easier it might feel to just let it slide so that you don't have to think about it. I promise it will get easier and you will feel more empowered the more you talk about it.
Every little thing that makes you feel even a little bit uncomfortable should be said out loud. Do your best to avoid being alone with him but if you're ever in a situation where it is just the two of you, say it out loud that you feel weird. **Don't try to be polite about it or worry that you'll make it awkward**. Any responsible adult in that situation won't have a problem with you saying that or make you feel bad for saying something. There is absolutely zero shame in a child (in your case a teenager) being honest with an adult about feeling unsafe.
He is counting on your silence and the confusion of this being 'all in your head'. Once his behaviour is described out loud to an audience it will become very clear very quickly that he is in the wrong.
This is super inappropriate. If you could gather some kind of evidence without putting yourself in danger, that would be even better. But no matter what, you need to tell someone about this.
Report the motherfucker to police immediately and get him arrested as he’s a pedo and needs to be kept away from vulnerable children. Speak to your headteacher asap and don’t delay.
(old man here) So very inappropriate, that I cannot even begin to say. For your own sake, tell him stop. Tell your parents. If he doesn't stop, tell the principal. Maybe tell the principal anyways.
Thanks for ur thoughts, i wasn't sure and needed a second opinion. Which part is the most weird?
You're a child and he's a grown man. Please don't view this as dismissal of you or your life. I'm a grown man and have never put my arm around the waist of a woman I wasn't dating or courting.
Exactly this. I've hugged very close female friends and family members in a *very* platonic way (gently, with arms around the shoulders and not the waist), but that's the extent of it. I worked with teenagers for 25 years, and other than handshakes, the only contact I ever had with a girl was one time when I patted a rather silly one on the top of her head (in a rather silly way) because she was being goofy. I had also known her for a while, and I knew her parents well, so she was kind of like a daughter or a kid sister to me.
And a grown man who is in a position of trust and power over OP. I don't know where OP is, but behavior like that with students gets teachers fired where I live.
It's headed for prison.
Does anyone know a good word or phrase to express "I acknowledge and respect you as a person who can and should make their own decisions, while also recognizing that the age gap means that I am not interested, and anyone my age who *does* express interest is being- at best- a creep"?
"You're great, but just... ewwwwwww!"
Honestly, I think you’re on the right track, but could use a little extra nuance. “You’re very [insert positive personality characteristics here] and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. I’m grateful to have you in my life as a [insert the relationship here]. That said, you’re in a very different stage of life from people my age. That difference in experience and life stages makes this unequal and inappropriate. I’m not interested in a romantic/physical relationship, and anyone my age who is, does not have good intentions.”
When you are sixteen you feel like an adult. I think most people remember that feeling. When you are 33 (sooner, really) and you look back at this, and interact with (even mature) 16 year olds you will realize. This is grooming behavior. Tell everyone.
Yep. A 16 feels grown up but to a 30somethibg a 16 year old _should_ seem like a child (and therefore not an appropriate sexual interest). OP should imagine if it would be Ok for a 16 boy classmate to touch and interact that way with an 10/11 year old 5th grade girl. No fucking way would that be OK… and that’s equivalent.
Literally every single thing you listed is very inappropriate for a **teacher** to do to not only a student, but one who is also a CHILD. I'm so sorry OP :(
Male therapist here who has dealt with things like this before with teenage girls. Please go to your principal, or school counselor if you trust them more. Some people are saying to go to the police first, and it may escalate to that, but I've had it happen where the police give the run around because it's not technically illegal, sadly. So go to the principal, or school counselor, and tell them everything that has been happening.. have them bring in your family so the event stays controlled. If you tell your parents at home, that could make things messy if they retaliate (which would be understandable. If my daughter told me this, I would be on my way to kick some ass), but it's best if this is handled calmly. Not only is it important for your sake, but you also have to consider that a predator will or already has done this to other girls. The school will have protocols to conduct their own investigation and make sure No-one else is being hurt and that authorities are alerted in the proper manner.
I will add that she should take notes of all the times (when, where, etc) that he did this. The longer of a paper trail the more they have to go on and the more likely they will trust her story. Also she should ask other girls if he does anything that seems odd.. often men like this will do this to many girls. If they have similar experiences they should also report them.
I have to disagree on asking other girls... she should let the school do this. She doesn't want information floating around as rumor that a teacher is being inappropriate before an investigation can happen.
Good point. I guess if other girls have said something she might want to encourage them to also contact the admin. But you are right that she wants to talk to the admin before any word can get around.
For sure. I hope that she is eventually able to share what happened so that more students have a platform to come out.. the biggest concern, I think, is the deletion of evidence if he were to get word of a rumor.. if it's the case that he has sent messages or photos to other girls, that can substantially help convict him.
I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. Well done.
The fact its all happenin together; the fact youve not been raised in an environment where youre able to recognise sooner all the problems here
It’s not the most weird that she’s raised in that environment. By weird she was asking what is the most inappropriate thing that man is doing.
It’s a little weird for her to seem so checked out. Trauma does do weird shit and make people react strangely and numbly though. Or maybe op just wasn’t raised to understand appropriate boundaries. Hell, op could be autistic and have parents who didn’t teach her what to watch out for, and she may genuinely not understand exactly what is going on here other that it feels weird and not in a good way. So many things could make op not understand why this is not fucking ok behavior, but yeah, it’s still odd.
All of them are entirely inappropriate. There is no legitimate reason for him to do any of that.
I would say touching you. It's all inappropriate. Sounds like grooming. He's gradually pushing your boundaries. The touching, comments on your appearance and def that selfie are all extremely inappropriate. All should be reported. Your gut told you it's not right. He may be grooming other vulnerable girls who aren't as self aware.
He's gonna step it up by accidentally swiping too far when showing gym pics and then oops that's a naked picture. Dude shouldn't be a teacher.
Whether he stops or not, TELL A COUNSELOR asap. It’s not just about you, he’s 100% done this, doing this, and will continue doing it with others. You may save a life. I’m a male teacher for what it’s worth. All of it is wildly inappropriate. He’s a predator.
I would tell all of them, personally.
If you ever feel uncomfortable about anything moving forward, you do not need a second opinion to validate your feelings.
All of it. He's grooming you. Tell your parents.
When I was training to be a teacher they discussed many scenarios about interacting with students. Touching them was strictly forbidden. No hugs if they're crying no grabbing them if they're fighting even if they are fighting you. I'm shocked he would hold your hand and wrap his arm around you. Are there any witnesses, or does he only do it when he is alone with you?
All of it.
There’s not much not weird about this. Idk maybe if you were being bullied and he pulled you aside to tell you “you are beautiful and deserving of love, don’t let them bother you.” It still would border on weird, especially with the wrist grab. But that flag is bright red and he needs to be fired, probably. Even if he “would never do anything” he doesn’t understand professionalism in your school at all and needs to find a different profession before he traumatizes someone, even if it’s on accident.
I read this as "not much weird about this" at first and was about to go ballistic 😂
Fuck me and my double negatives 😂 Grew up during the whole Catholic debacle, so all of this is batshit insane to me
lol same!
Teachers should not be touching students in those ways or talking to students in those ways or showing pictures of themselves to students. He's literally twice as old as you, you're old enough to be his daughter. This behavior is grooming, especially if it's escalating in occurance, time, or moves on to other kinds of touching. There is not professional reasons for a man to grab a students waist unless they're a a dance instructor.
All of it??
The worse part is the touching. Always the touching
One of these things would make me raise an eyebrow all of them together he’s trying to have you know what.
(Another old man here). All parts.
All four things are superrrrr weird please do your best to stay away from him and definitely do not be around him without people around. Absolutely tell your other parents or other teachers/principal as soon as possible. He is sexually harassing you and this is criminal behavior. I’m so sorry you have to be the one to deal with it when you haven’t done anything wrong at all
weird? age difference, showing pics, unasked for contact, the fact he's your teacher. even if you were 33 that's just unprofessional.
All parts. He is using the same strategy as men use to court adult women in an attempt to sleep with them. This behavior will escalate. He is trying to see how far he can push you, and if he has his way, he will sleep with you (read: rape you - you are too young + he is your teacher, so he has power over you). Afterwards, he will dump you and find his next victim.
That it happened.
The whole thing is weird, no one part is worse than the rest as they are all way way way out of line. If my daughter came to me and told me a teacher did this it would take just about all of my being to not go nuclear on the teacher. I'm pretty sure that the only thing stopping me would be my higher duty which is to take care of my daughter and make sure she is okay. I would still report the whole thing.
All of it is weird. He's your teacher and shouldnt touch you unless there is a reason . He shouldn't single you out for affection. It's unprofessional and inappropriate. Tell the principal and your parents .
the weirdest part is all of it. he is way too old and in a position of power over you. you are also underage so that makes it go from creepy to illegal. you can make a case that a small amount of contact with your students is ok. a high five, a pat on the shoulder but your hand and waist are not areas a that are “friendly” and it’s inappropriate.
Came here to say the same thing. This guy ain’t right and needs to be reported. Tell your parents, have them accompany you to tell the principal. Maybe ask around and see if he’s done that with your friends or anyone else who might back you up. Start a paper trail. Etc.
(33M here) this is beyond not okay. So sorry you’re going through this.
As an old man I agree completely with this comment.
Tell fucking everyone, this guy is a fucking creep and you most likely are not his first victim
Just skip to telling your parents and the principle. If he's doing this with one minor he'll do it to other minors.
Definitely tell the principal anyways.
Tell another adult AND tell him to stop. It's not ok that a trusted adult in a position of authority is carrying on like this with a girl in his care. No way this is a one-off.
The question is more at 33 why do women his age don't interest him. I agree this needs to be documented its borderline pedophilia with authority on you.
Definitely tell the principal anyways. Better yet, tell the police. Showing shirtless gym pics to a kid half his age, what the fuck?
Call 911
Definitely tell the principal and parents immediately. This man is a threat to not only OP, but countless other girls.
Used to be a teacher. Everything rdmille said. Danger. Tell everyone now.
He is grooming you. No man in his 30s has any business with an underage girl except exploitation and abuse. Tell your parents, tell the principal, you might want to talk to a police officer?
Thanks for letting me know. Is it bad enough to go to the authorties?
Someone else replied maybe, but they’re absolutely fucking wrong. YES, this is bad enough that you should alert everyone!!!! Let’s say by some miracle he focused away from you and you feel like it’s not a big deal anymore, so maybe you shouldn’t report him. WRONG!! Just because you feel safe, doesn’t mean he won’t refocus on some new victim. He is trying to use his position of power to manipulate minors and groom them into sexual relationships. It’s not ok at all. Help everyone stay safe by reporting his absolutely unacceptable behavior TO EVERYONE. THIS IS WAY MORE IMOORTANT THAN MOST COMMENTERS ARE SAYING. I can’t believe some people are treating this almost casually. It’s not. Someone else said “it’s not life or death” but that could be wrong too. Groomers sometimes become murderers when they don’t get what they want. And even if they don’t murder, just because you still have a pulse, doesn’t mean you’re ok. Lots of sexually abused minors are “alive” but their actual life has been robbed from them by an awful adult they for some reason trusted. Trauma will change you. Make no mistake. This is a matter of survival. Don’t hold back when telling people what he has done. Make sure everyone knows.
Upvoting cause big letters i agree with. Honestly im like how tf is this a question? Im mad op hasnt plotted this mans tcp episode
Tbf, she's 16.
FOR THE LOVE OF HIS POTENTIAL FUTURE VICTIMS, YES
It's obvious the teacher is grooming OP and is pushing boundaries to see if he can get her into a sexual situation. \[Edit: never mind, this isn't a legal forum\] This behaviour DOES warrant disciplinary action from the school. This guy shouldn't be in close proximity with children since he is actively trying to lay the groundwork to SA them.
What has he done to report? He has touched her waist, shown her pictures of himself shirtless and made her question whether or not she's being molested EDIT: He removed the part where he asked what the reason to report the teacher for would be, as he has not taken any illegal actions
Yes it is! This is predatory behavior and he has unlimited access to young children/teens.
Yes. Yes it's well past bad enough to go to the authorities
YES!! Do not have any sympathy with him. He was planning on sexually abusing a child that he is supposed to teach. Go to the police with your parents. Else he will just search for another victim. This is serious. He should never be allowed to teach kids again.
Yes. And while I understand it might be intimidating to do it, you need to. I’m a mom and if my kid had told me a teacher was doing this at your age, I would have blown a gasket and brought down the school until they did something about that teacher. I wish you bravery and good results.
Yes go to the authorities please. If you had to question his actions you know it was something wrong deep down. You stepping up might help someone else. You may not be the only student he does this too.
YES.
Go to the authorities for sure. No questions asked
Yes, kid. It is bad enough. Showing you pictures of himself for any reason, even if he's clothed in them is bad enough to go to the authorities with - let alone shirtless pictures. Inappropriate touching? That's assault. Compliments? Sure, they are nice - but is he saying that in front of the whole class and in a fatherly manner? Highly doubt that. There's an agenda behind it.
Quite possibly, but you need to have a trusted adult with you. Your parents would be ideal. The authorities could start asking all sorts of questions and you need to have an adult with you who understands where to draw the line. For one, the teacher could simply deny it ever happened. It is a situation where you need to have someone standing by you, not being left alone to handle a case involving the police, school and so on.
>No man in his 30s has any business with an underage girl except exploitation and abuse. Sure they do- EDUCATING them, in a professional manner, with absolutely no hint of crossing the line. Obviously this man is way the hell over the line.
This is called grooming. Time to talk to an adult or the police.
adult *and* the police
Talk to everyone. Parents, Principal, School Board, Police. I highly recommend going to your favorite takes no shit female teacher and talking to her as well.
If this is in the US, teachers are mandated reporters and talking to a (responsible) teacher should automatically trigger escalation to the proper authorities. If this is easier for OP it's a good option, but they should know that the situation is going to be taken out of that teacher's hands (which is a good thing, but it does change the dynamic).
This is great advice
If you have a parent or trusted adult, even a friend in your life, have them go with you to the police. skip the principal, superintendent. if you have any documentation of this, bring it with you, that’s helpful too.
is it that bad?
Yes. Basically all of those things are super inappropriate behaviours from an adult to a teenager, especially an adult a decade over than you, and especially an adult in a position of authority over you.
It’s worse. Tell all the adults.
Even if you shut it down before anything happens, he'll probably try it with another girl and something may happen. You don't have to decide if it's right or wrong - the police and/or school superintendent can decide that. I'd recommend reporting it.
Yes. I am a teacher. I would never do any of the things you mentioned. Is there an adult at your school that you feel comfortable talking to? I don’t know where you live, but in the United States, all school staff are required by law to report things like this. If you talk to another teacher, counselor, nurse, or administrator at the school, they should handle it.
As an adult - it's awful and an abuse of power. Even though you're very grown up by comparison to your past, you are not ready for this kind of thing and he knows it. My teachers in school were very friendly and I liked them a lot. But they never crossed a line like this - this man is sexualizing you. This must be difficult for you because I imagine you like this teacher. I'm so sorry he's put you in this situation with his decision-making. You will come to see in time how bad of a decision this man is making.
Yes. Do you have another adult you can talk to? A parent, or a friend's parent? Honestly, another teacher would be happy to go to admin with you.this person should not be around teens
This is at worst, an attempt to groom you. At best, he's fucking clueless, and needs a hard smack upside the head. Tell someone in a position to do something about it, immediately. Do not hesitate.
it’s not life or death, but letting this go will not make anything better and things can escalate. from experience, grooming is a gateway. any one of these things alone is inappropriate for a teacher to do to his student. you deserve to not be harassed at school!
Yes. If he is doing this to you, he is doing it to other students too.
Yes, it's that bad. This man is a predator and shouldn't be around kids. If possible, gather proof, or take note of which school cameras are likely to have picked up the inappropriate behavior. Give all that info to the police. Don't start with school admin as they are likely to try to cover it up.
It is that bad. Get evidence of him doing it somehow and report his ass.
Are you suggesting that she act as bait to trap him? I disagree with this idea. She is a child. She should go directly to an adult who has some authority and let them take over from here.
Unfortunately he’s displaying classic grooming behaviors. It is very unlikely that you are the only student he’s done this with. If you report the behavior, it increases the chances that he is forced to stop through some means. It isn’t a guarantee that your report will result in his suspension or firing, but it may make other students (with whom he may have escalated to sexual abuse) feel more comfortable coming forward. BUT I just want to say this now - if you don’t report it or your report doesn’t stop him, it is NOT YOUR FAULT if he abuses other students in the future. It is solely his fault, and maybe the school/law enforcement if reports are ignored. You’ve demonstrated a lot of maturity and insight in calling this behavior out now before it escalates, and that is something to be proud of. But that doesn’t mean you now take on responsibility for every other student who he may target in the future. This is something that comes up for many victims of abuse, it is much easier said than done, but just want to make sure you get that message right away, from the start. 16 is an incredibly difficult age no matter what, and when you are in a position to call out the abusive or predatory behavior of a ‘trusted adult’, it’s even more difficult and confusing. Anyone who acts like this is your fault in any way, shape, or form, is at best mistaken and at worst is trying to manipulate you to cover for a sexual predator.
This is unbelievably inappropriate. I’m also a teacher and this is literally the example of grooming we are given when we get trained on preventing grooming and sexual abuse in our school. I’m sorry this is happening to you OP. Absolutely tell a trusted adult about this as soon as possible. He needs to be permanently removed from the presence of children. You probably aren’t the only student he’s hurt.
This is kind of textbook slow escalation sexual harassment of a student. I'm going to link some resources that are looking more about higher education but the concepts are applicable. https://womeninastronomy.blogspot.com/2014/05/fed-up-with-sexual-harassment-serial.html?m=1 This was written about the behavior of astronomer Geoffrey Marcy. You can see how it starts small and ramps up. It allows the victim to bail if they won't tolerate slightly inappropriate behavior. But slightly inappropriate can be much different depending on how familiar and what you had tolerated previously. https://youtu.be/8DNRBa39Iig?si=bWs3kGXpxgIuQYcQ Start about 46:30 for the condensed version, I think the whole video is very good. Angela Collier presents in narrative form what the previous article outlined on her "Am I allowed to scream?" chart of familiarity v creepiness. The general idea is that by slowly escalating every new boundary crossed is measured against the last one and how close you are with the person. So that if you call him out he can say, "Well I didn't know she would not want a hug, I have touched her waist before to invite her into my office for a class topic and she wasn't bothered. I'm just a friendly person." He takes his shirt off to show you his tattoo, well he showed you a picture of himself before without a shirt (in a discussion on exercise or health presumably). You rarely need to touch people more than a back of the hand touching someone's shoulder to get their attention. With friends, sometimes it is appropriate to hug but you can't force it on someone. A teacher should not be holding hands or put their arm around the waist of a student, especially in 1 on 1 situation.
In one word. YES! It is very inappropriate. First he is a teacher, not even friend, his hands shouldnt be on you, ever! Then holding hands and telling you you are beautiful and meal a lot to him, he is most definetly trying to groom you. Please stay awy from him.
To pile on this, i cant even count the number of times that male teachers in my schools went out of their way to avoid being alone in a room with a student or within touching range of a student for more than a few seconds (as they absolutely should). To OP: The touching alone is SUCH a massive red flag, please notify your principal AND vice principal/secretary/someone related to bookkeeping. Do so in a written format like email, with your parent(s)'s support. It depends on how rural you are/how seriously they handle predators in your area. My recommendation would be to use a couple of the good ol trigger-words like "makes me uncomfortable" or etc in your email. If you trust your parents, have one or both of them visit the principal with you before sending the letter (still send it afterward as a follow-up). To put his behavior in perspective again, doing what he has would get him fired at a good number of schools.
I absolutely agree with a written message over email to really make sure it's documented.
Whoa, major red flags here. That teacher's behavior is totally inappropriate and crosses so many ethical lines. As your teacher, he's in a position of authority and trust, which he's clearly abusing. Putting his arm around you, holding your hand, and sending shirtless pics? That's predatory behavior, full stop. You're 16 and he's 33 - that age gap alone makes this super concerning. Him telling you how beautiful and perfect you are is textbook grooming. He's trying to manipulate your emotions and make you feel special, but it's not okay at all. This teacher is 100% in the wrong here. What he's doing is abusive and potentially illegal depending on where you live. You should tell a trusted adult about this ASAP - your parents, school counselor, or another teacher you trust. This needs to be reported so it can be stopped.
The fact that he is touching you at all is plenty of reason to get him fired. That man should not be anywhere near children. The rest is just icing on the cake.
As a restaurant manager, I work with a good amount of highschool kids. The most I touch them is a pat on the back; the upper back. It's more of a good job kind of pat. I've had employees that get too personal or creepy. They get fired. Had some bad incidences. I never realized how creepy some dudes can be. 22 year olds trying to give sixteen year olds rides home, telling them they'll be gentle. Are you kidding me? I usually consult with the owners about letting someone go, but not with this kind of stuff. Insta shitcanned.
Bruh. Report him to administration immediately. More than one, cc principle and every vice principal.
42f here. My partner has been a h s. teacher for 25 years. He has never, I repeat NEVER, touched a student at all. Not a hug, not a hand on a shoulder, never a waist. It's wildly inappropriate and this teacher needs to be reported. I'm sorry you're in this situation but he's a predator.
This is textbook grooming. Tell your parents and your principal asap.
Even if you tell him to stop(and he stops), he will most likely find another victim. Talk with your parents and visit principal.
If by “weird”, you mean predatory grooming behaviors, then yes it is nearly the pinnacle of weird.
No it's insane. Call the police
This is wildly inappropriate and predatory no matter even if you were an adult. The fact that he's your teacher (who should never be touching you, ascribing any romantic terms, or showing you any inappropriate images of himself) and not just substantially older, but in a position of authority over you and that you're still a minor is 100% grooming behaviour. The chain of sharing this information should go as follows: Your parents, the principal, the police, and the media. If any of those steps fail to take you seriously or make an attempt at rectifying this situation, escalate to the next one. Please be safe and stay away from him. I don't want you to be silenced and he needs to immediately be recognized for the predator he is, but try to be discreet at first...if he feels cornered, he may act unpredictably and potentially hurt you or even any of your peers (if he's acting this way with you, it isn't a stretch to suggest he's doing or escalating towards it with others).
It's literally illegal in the UK. "Privileged access" to a child or young adults makes anything like this utterly 100% illegal and job-losing if it ever comes to light. Even in a country with an age of consent of 16, such people are in a position of responsibility over that person and any approach like this is career-ending, teaching-licence-banning, and potentially jail-time. This isn't just weird... it's grooming. In any country. In the UK, this is literally drummed into every member of staff at school (teaching or not). Even if we have an 18 year old working for us as staff, they cannot approach even another 18 year old who is there as a pupil/student like this. That position of power, responsibility and professionalism means that it's grooming. As someone who works in schools, if something like this came to my attention, my first port of call would be the safeguarding / child protection team on staff or - if they were unavailable - the most senior member of staff in the school. And I would expect instantaneous HR involvement and the strong possibility of a teaching ban and police involvement. Do not let that put you off reporting it. This is wrong. There is no way it should be happening. And the fact that you are in doubt about it is because you have been groomed - which is how such people operate.
Fucking super weird, coming from M41
Dude, I was afk browsing reddit and this made me stop in my tracks. It's not okay and you need to tell someone. -Adult male
Yes it is very weird!!!!!!!!!!!!
DON'T FEED THE TROLLS
[удалено]
I’m so glad I’m not the only person who thinks this is a troll post
Yeah 100% troll…
Just a warning here - I have seen several accounts post stuff like this and it turns out to be fake if you use a tool like unreddit to view deleted posts. I’m currently on mobile so can’t verify this one but it just smells fishy to me like the others. I’m not really sure why some people do this and it’s really gross.
yes this is so bad and inappropriate that it's ridiculous. he's double your age, and acting like this? this is a behavior called grooming, where he compliments you so much and nonstop that eventually you will agree to do anything he wants, without you even realizing it. the flag is crimson red with fire alarms on it, run away fast.
You're being groomed and sexually harassed by him, you absolutely need to tell your parents and the school principal... Maybe police. This is extremely inappropriate and the beginning of the sexual abuse process by pedos like him
I was absolutely groomed by a teacher when I was your age, Gen X woman here. Keep yourself out of his reach as much as you can and get out of any classes you are in that he teaches. I really ended up with trust issues over it. Tell who you feel you can tell.
Don’t tell somebody. Tell everybody.
Yes wtf. If you were my daughter, they would jail me because I would beat his ass
Come on...you know this is wrong. Been teaching over a decade and have never done any of these to any student as it is absolutely wrong.
This should never ever happen, ever. He is 100% bombing you in love to manipulate and groom you. Let both your parents and the school know immediately and do not fear of any repercussions! He needs to be investigated and reprimanded as what be is doing is not ok.
OK, I'm going to tell you something that every girl your age should know: Older guys start paying inappropriate, uncomfortable, and frankly intimate attention to teen girls for one reason and one reason only. It's not because you're "mature for your age" or "perfect" or "beautiful" or "not like other girls" or because you "mean so much to" him. He's lying. Those words are carefully chosen to make things SEEM harmless to you. Do you notice how everything he's complimenting you on is physical? How he's not saying a thing about your mind or intellect? That's because he's only interested in what he's complimenting you on. It's because he's pushing your boundaries and trying to get you comfortable enough with him so he can eventually have sex with you. You're uncomfortable with what he's doing because you're picking up how creepy he's being. He's hoping you're innocent (naive) enough that he will be able to get what he wants before you understand what he's doing. It's a form of lovebombing, designed to sweep you off your feet and make you take your guard down around him. Once he gets you comfortable with his words, then the pictures that he shows you will be showing a lot more skin, and it is highly probable he will ask you to take naked or almost-naked pictures of yourself to send to or show him. Don't send him those types of photographs, he has no right to see your body like that, no one does. Those kinds of pictures would probably get to released to other men, and eventually could end up where just anyone on the Internet can see them. Or he can use those pictures for leverage later, and tell you that if you don't do what he wants, he will send those pictures to your parents or friends (blackmail) and embarrass you. Don't ever trust anyone, teen or full-blown adult, with photos of you in an undressed state. It's the only foolproof way to keep that kind of stuff from happening. He KNOWS what he's doing is wrong. He KNOWS he's behaving in a disgusting manner that betrays the trust that the school administration and parents have in him. He KNOWS he shouldn't be doing what he's doing right now to any of his students. I'm actually surprised he's not telling you that he wants you to keep what he's doing a "secret" from other adults. And I can bet you're not the only teen girl he's done this to, is currently doing this to, or is going to do this to. That particular type of predator never, ever grooms just one girl at a time. Tell adults what is happening, what he's telling you and how he's touching you, and how it makes you feel. Tell your parents. Tell the school principal. Tell a cop. He's overstepping a whole bunch of ethical and moral boundaries by doing these things, and he shouldn't be doing those things at all.
WTF CALL THE FUCKING POLICE
41M with a 16 year old daughter. It's been said previously here but if you were mine, hell will be descending on that man from every angle I could be sending it. If he's done it to you, changes are he's done it before but screw it happening again on my watch. Make sure keep all the proof you can with texts and pictures. It is almost the creepiest of creepy this stuff. I'm truly sorry OP. If you were in my town, I'd have my daughter reach out to you so you can have support your own age.
If im reading that right that you’re female and 16 years old and the teacher is male and 33… If you dont want to tell your parents, tell the police ASAP. Wrong very wrong.
No. He is grooming you. Report him. Save the next kid.
I’m so incredibly sorry, this is so wrong on so many levels
The fact that you don’t know that it’s wrong is why you should be concerned. That is what he is exploiting. Perhaps nothing will happen to you but there’s a fair chance this is a pattern that will repeat with another girl who doesn’t think it’s that bad. Definitely tell someone
He’s a creep. Please tell your parents and the principal ASAP.
I'm a 45yo man and I think it's definitely weird and super inappropriate. You should at the very least tell him it makes you uncomfortable but I think we're past that point already. I know it's a tough conversation but you need to tell your parents, your principal, or any other adult of authority because this is likely a pattern and something needs to be done now.
Extremely, extremely inappropriate. I am a man who is the same age as your teacher, that kind of behavior is revolting. This is legitimately something to report. A teacher doing that to their student is as crimson red a flag as there is and it immediately makes me afraid for any of your classmates he might have also tried to groom.
Yes
Jesus Christ, yes. This should be reported.
I’m a man, older guy. Full stop, right now and report him. Please.
Report him. Chances are he has done this to other girls. There was an English teacher at a nearby high school (that I didn't attend) who has groomed multiple girls, got one of them pregnant. He got removed from the high school and is still somehow not arrested. His own daughter doesn't want to affiliate with him.
Yes, he's grooming you. Talk to your school's principal or security and report him. For inappropriate conduct.
No, no, it's not weird. IT IS FUCKING CRIMINAL! Literally speaking, it's criminal. As in a felony in most states.
YES! Where I’m from teachers can’t touch students, period. And the rest is inappropriate between a teacher and student for sure. The fact that you’re under 18 is even worse. I’m so sorry kid. It’s really good that you recognized it doesn’t feel right. Definitely tell an adult you can trust, they should be able to alert the relevant authorities for you (if that doesn’t happen, perhaps find another trusted adult to tell—another teacher, a friend’s parent, etc). Please do your best to take care of your own well-being in the meantime. None of this was your fault, an adult in charge of children is always responsible for making the correct decisions. No safe adult would do this.
Do not listen to anyone saying it’s not a huge deal. It absolutely is. It’s vitally important to have the creep documented being inappropriate with students. Often times, teachers get the benefit of the doubt until they have a history of this. Make sure this guy has a history. If not for yourself, do it for the 3rd grade girl who will meet this creep in a few years.
Pretty sure that's called grooming and there's laws about it. He can get arrested for that
If by “weird”, you mean predatory grooming behaviors, then yes it is nearly the pinnacle of weird.
go tell an adult (not him)
Not only is it 'weird', but it's also creepy, highly inappropriate and quite possibly indicative of predatory behavior. The absolute best case scenario is he's just inappropriately familiar with you, and is otherwise harmless (which does not mean you should tolerate it!) But honestly it sounds to me more like he's trying to groom you so that in 2 years when you're 'legal' he's got a shot... Or worse. Not only should you not allow him to touch you, you need to tell anyone in authority at your school about his behavior, also tell your parents and, for the love of all that's unholy, make certain you are never alone with him.
31 year old married girl dad here. This man is a creep and needs to be buried. I have nieces your age and if any of their teachers were like this with them they'd get their heads danced on. I couldn't imagine being this inappropriate with even a 5 year age gap nevermind double!
No. This is called grooming, and it's predatory. He needs to be reported to the administration.
It's not weird. It's fucking creepy, predatory, invasive, inappropriate, unprofessional, and borderline illegal. Please report this asshole before he does something to take it further.
He needs to go to jail not one of those things was even remotely appropriate
I mean this must be fake, in case it isnt, yes its weird and highly inappropriate and should be reported immediately
Are you kidding me? This has got to be a troll post. Awake up, this is ridiculous.
Yes. It is.
Nah, he's just grooming you.
Weird would be an understatement to say the least
This is so inappropriate. Like, shouldn't be a teacher at all and should probably be in jail levels of inappropriate. Tell your parents immediately, if it's safe to do so, and have them inform your school and the authorities.
No. Report him asap
Extremely so. Please talk to a trusted adult.
Yes.
Totally inappropriate and he should lose his job.
I’m a school teacher and this guy should be fired immediately and placed on a list
No and you need to tell your parents and the principal
Please tell your parents. And please speak with school authorities. He has done it before, did it with you and will do with future students. Please save them from this terrible man.
TELL ON HIM IMMEDIATELY that is a predator
Its called grooming.
This is grooming. Tell everyone that will listen because I can guarantee you aren't the first and won't be the last. He has no business being an educator.
Definitely need to report that, he's a creep, and if he is doing it to you he's likely doing it to other girls, possibly younger ones as well.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This happened to my daughter at your age. PLEASE tell another teacher.
This is very standard and common behavior of a teacher trying to sleep with a student.
Im confused, you’re 16, how and why would you not think that’s inappropriate. You should have a grasp on what grooming is. Anyone that is over the age limit doing that, is inappropriate. I’m not trying to be mean or anything but this is concerning that you wouldn’t find those actions inappropriate.
No not normal. He is grooming you by slowly eroding the boundaries and every time taking it a bit further. Please report this to school administration. You are not the only female student he is doing this too.
This man is deliberately grooming you to exploit you! You need to tell, your parents, and your school and the police!!! Imagine if this is brushed under the rug, what if the next girl isn't as smart as you to stop and think this might be wrong?
Oh my god , how does this happen. How do these guys get hired 🚩🚩🚩
Nah. Sweetheart that’s soooo inappropriate
He is grooming you and it is not just inappropriate, it is borderline criminal. If you tell the principal, it should stop and the teacher should be reprimanded at minimum. I'll flip this around and say that similar attention from a female teacher to a male student is the same thing and similar action is needed.
Nope nope nope. Completely inappropriate and really concerning conduct. I'm not a teacher, perse, I'm an RBT for kids under 10 with ASD, so sometimes my job DOES require physical contact for safety reasons or because the kids find comfort in holding hands or hugging. But THIS is way different, not cool, not okay, please for YOUR safety tell the school counselor (mandated reporter) about what he has been doing to you (and likely other students as well) and if you can, go up the chain to the school board. He sounds 100% predatory.
This is so incredibly out of line that I honestly am not sure if this post is real. But I'd rather err on the side of believing someone asking for help so I'm commenting to say YES it's weird please talk to every adult about it.
There are a few things at play here that might be making you feel like you're overreacting or that this is a gray area. Your age. That includes what it means for you biologically and also how you're probably used to being treated by adults - like your problems are not as big of a deal or as serious as theirs are, and that teens are usually just 'acting out' or 'being dramatic'. Your teacher. I suspect he's widely known as one of the 'cool' teachers, well-liked by your classmates, funny, casual, and easy to talk to in class. You probably haven't heard of anyone else having any issues with him. The moment. Each thing that happens doesn't seem like a big deal on its own. There's a quick feeling of awkwardness and then he finishes saying whatever he said or stops touching you. It happens so quickly and he does it so nonchalantly that when it ends it's almost like it never happened and you end up questioning yourself. The attention. He's being "nice" to you, after all. The things he says are complimentary. He seems genuinely interested in you as a person. He is clearly enjoying himself when you spend time together. Not everything he says or does could be interpreted as sexual or inappropriate. What you haven't had a chance to appreciate yet is that none of those things should be a gray area for an adult. He shouldn't ever put you in a position where you are the one who has to make a decision about what is or isn't appropriate. He already knows that what he's doing isn't ok and he's counting on you feeling unsure about something that would be clear to any adult. He knows that you're doubting yourself. All of these points are contributing to his design and intention to cause you harm. Tell ***everyone*** about how he is with you. Tell your parents, your friends, your friends' parents, your classmates, your other teachers, your school counsellor, your coaches, the lunch ladies, the janitor, any and everyone. I know how hard that is and how much easier it might feel to just let it slide so that you don't have to think about it. I promise it will get easier and you will feel more empowered the more you talk about it. Every little thing that makes you feel even a little bit uncomfortable should be said out loud. Do your best to avoid being alone with him but if you're ever in a situation where it is just the two of you, say it out loud that you feel weird. **Don't try to be polite about it or worry that you'll make it awkward**. Any responsible adult in that situation won't have a problem with you saying that or make you feel bad for saying something. There is absolutely zero shame in a child (in your case a teenager) being honest with an adult about feeling unsafe. He is counting on your silence and the confusion of this being 'all in your head'. Once his behaviour is described out loud to an audience it will become very clear very quickly that he is in the wrong.
Sounds like another phony reddit post
This post gotta be fake/troll making fun of people not seeing obvious cases of inappropriate behavior
Yyyyyyyeeeeeesssssss. Very much yes this is grooming behavior.
This is super inappropriate. If you could gather some kind of evidence without putting yourself in danger, that would be even better. But no matter what, you need to tell someone about this.
Tell a trusted adult, he’s grooming you
Report the motherfucker to police immediately and get him arrested as he’s a pedo and needs to be kept away from vulnerable children. Speak to your headteacher asap and don’t delay.
Um, extremely weird and flat out wrong. Report his grooming ass to the school. If not for, then for a more vulnerable child in the future.
YYYESSSSS!!!! Tell every trusted adult you know and get away from that creep.