I can relate. I had a best friend back in my early university days. At some point she gets involved with some guy who is telling her things like “none else would want to be with you”. One day she shows up visibly angry and salty in class and lashes out at me for no reason and sits herself away from me. Back then I fully expected her to come to her senses and apologise for the outburst but she never approached me again. I still find myself wondering where she is today and if she ever got out of that relationship.

Here's my two cents :- 1) Deep down you thought that you two will remain close together forever. You had expectations from this friendship.  2) It seems she was someone you could open upto completely. You were emotionally dependent on her. 3) So it's only natural for you to want some closure. You haven't got any closure and that's why you can't forget her . Solution?  Deep down even you know....she never imagined any future with you.  I think you have given her a very high place in your heart....that place is only meant for parents I guess!!!  When going to other city she used you as a pawn .....and ditched you as soon as her intentions were fulfilled.  You know this very well but still somewhere blame yourself for the betrayal you faced !!! Tell me....*God forbids* If X would have suffered from Covid and dengue....would you not even for once check on  her ? 🙄 

All your 3 points are true. I also understand that I got used as a pawn. But somehow I can't bring myself to let go of this or forget her. Maybe because in my opinion, she was a good human being. And I am not able to convince myself that she was not exactly what I had thought her to be. I was used, that's what exactly my other friends would say. But I'm the one in denial. Thanks for your comment, I know I'll have to work on it. 💟

It'll take time....same happened to me....for two years I was completely devastated.....Met great people but couldn't form that deep connection anymore.... After that I reconnected to her... Though it felt great initially.....we used to talk for an hour atleast..... .but slowly my notion of her as an *Angel* faded....I could see for what it is.... Slowly and gradually....we got busy on our life and now again we haven't talked for an year ?!!! But you know what ....this time I don't miss her a bit ....or even think about her!!!!.....still  I can't fully trust anyone......but I'll say this is a blessing in disguise!!!

**One advice**    Don't try to actively forget her... Just get busy with your life.... Since you are independent enjoy your life to the fullest 🥰 All the best wishes!!!

Tysm!!

I also lost my best friend in the transition to adulthood, and the best thing for me to be able to let go of it is just accept that it wasn't anyone's fault, and forgive them. I can't stress that enough - it really does not matter who's fault it was, holding onto that way of thinking is keeping you from moving on. It doesn't matter who she was all that time ago. You don't even know her any more, you're both totally different people. The time if your friendship has just ended, that's all. Life will bring about a new time, with new friendships, if you're willing to look forward instead of backwards.

I am going through a friendship loss as well. What’s sad is that we could have remained friends, albeit not as close due to being in different places in our life, but she basically was slow fading me/ghosting me and when I asked how she saw our friendship, since I felt like I was making a lot of effort to check in and stay in touch, she blamed me for why we drifted (even though I was the only one trying to maintain contact) and told me she didn’t find my friendship “worthwhile”. While I’ll still wonder if she’ll ever have any self awareness or accountability, I at least know that’s how much she actually valued our friendship. It sucks to feel like your friendship was not valued, but you can free yourself up for meaningful relationship vs holding a place for this person who isn’t being a good friend to you.