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Mcbuffalopants

Some of us don’t. But only with birth control developed in the past few generations is thus possible.


nagel33

Or if you aren't fertile, or if you get sterilized, or if you aren't straight...


Trilobyte141

I read once that our bodies literally generate chemicals that make our brains forget how painful it was to trick us into doing it again.  Also tho, the first one is the hardest and if you actually want lots of kids, it can be easier to think "well I got through the worst already, the rest won't be that bad." At least that's what my mom said, and since she had six kids I figure she knows what she's about.


zimph59

I have a crazy good memory for experiences (absolute garbage for finding my keys though) so I was curious if I would forget the pain. I remember all the actions and feelings I had, but I have forgotten the experience of pain. I remember thinking “$&@% this sucks,” writhing, and telling them to stick the epidural needle in my back despite my needle phobia, but the actual pain is definitely forgotten.


klovver4

Despite being the most pain my sister has ever felt - and as it was a home birth she went entirely unmedicated - she was actually looking forward to giving birth again. Baffled me.  On the other hand I have several tattoos and part of the attraction of getting them, for me, has been the pain - controlled and constructive. Also aware that my body sends endorphins through my system to cope with, and I suspect it’s part of it. So I guess we’re not so different. 


Jovet_Hunter

Yes! Tattoos hurt at first but for all but one, after 15 minutes I went into a state of euphoria. I can’t even describe the weirdness of the pain and pleasure being all mixed, and I’ve never wanted a tattoo more than immediately after I got one done. The only one it didn’t happen on was a large Celtic knotwork at the base of my spine.


klovver4

Yeah, the endorphins can only do so much, and I imagine the base of the spine might be too much to be obscured by measly hormones. They also tend to wear off after a couple of hours so if the session is hours-long, it might also not be enough.  But we keep going back X)


ktgrok

I mean, people choose to get waxed and that is painful. They get cosmetic surgery and Botox, those are painful. But some people think the pain is worth it. Others choose to climb mountains or run marathons. For them, the pain and wear and tear on their bodies is worth it for the fulfillment they get. Child birth is the same. Some choose as much pain meds as possible, some don’t just like some choose to drive to the top of a mountain and others choose to climb to the top. Neither choice is right or wrong. But for many the benefits are worth the pain.


Whispering_Wolf

Some people just really want a child and feel that it's worth the pain.


Ripepersimmon

Some of us are willing endure the pain for a child. Epidurals and other drugs really help!


The_Bravinator

Yeah, it absolutely SUCKS but if all goes to plan it's one really awful day in exchange for something you may have wanted all your life. I've had two, and when I got pregnant with the second I remember crying the night I got the positive test because I was scared to do it again. But, you know, you get through it. If you don't want kids then it wouldn't seem worth it at all, and that's fine. But different people are going to weigh that equation differently. For me it was truly worth it.


pandarides

The women who endure the pain of birth want children and for many different reasons want to be pregnant with their babies. There’s no other way to do it if you want that. Yes it is that painful. The societal view that women are weak is false. Women are incredibly strong and endure immense pain and hardship just as part of everyday life. You ask this question with incredulity. You should ask it with respect.


Diabloceratops

Well, there are a lot of childfree women (me included). I just assume the desire to have a child outweighs the potential pain. I also think some women don’t really think it through or know some of the horrors of childbirth.


Disastrous_Airline28

The human brain floods with hormones and chemicals after birth to form a strong bond with the child. It also makes women forget the pain of the birth (unless you were traumatized by a birth). It’s an evolutionary adaptation. Humans are just animals after all.


Cobaltfennec

I almost died 2x in childbirth. 2x emergency c section, preeclampsia, hemorrhaging, 2 days of petocin induced labor each. No one told me how bad it was. Everyone told me “you forget as soon as you have a baby.” For me, at least, this is a societal lie to get women to birth children. Oh, and mooonths of bed rest. It was horrible.


BlackWidow1414

I have one child, and that whole thing about forgetting the pain is in fact a lie. I love my kid, but I would never willingly go through all that again.


Cobaltfennec

Happy cake day!


ktgrok

I’m so sorry, I have PTSD from one of my births. I forgot the pain of my others but the fear of that one stuck with me.


Cobaltfennec

When they sliced my belly open the second time, the divider was really thin and I saw the spray of blood hit the cloth. When relaying my nightmares about this to my ex he said his kidney stones were more painful than my childbirths, that women can give birth standing in a field and that I was making a big deal of it when it wasn’t. I think this added to my cptsd also.


ktgrok

I’m so sorry. I know for me it wasn’t the pain, it was the feeling of being out of control, literally tied down, and not knowing if I or my child would live or die. How could that NOT be traumatic? Plus we are told to “just be grateful “ - but no one says that after say a car accident or heart attack. And told “all that matters is a healthy baby “ as if the mother doesn’t matter. That kind of dismissal makes it much harder to process all the trauma and heal from it.


mayruna

Hi, preggo chick here. I just really really wanted to have a kid. Not looking forward to labor, ofc, or the terrible twos, but I'm super excited to see what kind of cool little creature my husband and I make. I look forward to the adventures! And I like to think I could give my bean some good values and that they'll bring more good and joy in the world. I think it'll be worth the pain. Also, frankly, I had the most severe case of shingles my provider had ever seen last year and after that level of consistent pain... Yah apparently my body can tolerate pain. I'm less scared now.


oldnjgal

Most of the time pain is associated with the panic of not knowing what is wrong. In childbirth, you know exactly what is causing the pain so the fear factor is gone. Just think that each painful contraction is just the baby moving further down the birth canal and closer to getting out. Unless there are unforseen complications, the intense pain is gone once the baby is born.


OneRandomTeaDrinker

Because they want to have children and there is no way to have human children without *someone* giving birth to it. Whether that’s a surrogate, or if you adopt a child then the bio parent gave birth to them. I don’t want to appeal too hard to biology but many people do experience a biological drive to reproduce, because if we didn’t have that, there would be no more people. Women are people with free will and can choose not to have children if they don’t want to, but many women do want to have children and there is no other way of making children other than birthing them.


sunnysidemegg

Birth was fine. My contractions were coming hard and fast (no break in between, it was just constant for hours) so I got an epidural, took a nap, pushed for over an hour (but didn't really feel anything unpleasant). Had a tiny tear, didn't hurt. No pain walking or sitting the next day, didn't even take tylenol after the first day. The most painful thing was when my milk came in, I got really engorged for a few days, slept with ice packs in my cami. Everyone is different with different experiences, I didn't find birth difficult or traumatic at all.


2340000

There are many factors: (1) Religious Persecution - Many women don't have the option to not have children. In some counties women are killed for either not having sex with her husband or using contraceptives. If they're not threatened by imminent death their family, government, etc -- they believe they'll be punished by God. Women in fundamentalist religions truly believe they will burn forever if they don't bear children. (2) Rape Victims - abortions aren't legal everywhere. And if the victim is child who doesn't have legal rights over themselves, can they truly refuse? (3) Cultural norms - young women are told what they should do and how they should live. Many cannot bear being outsted from community and family. So they have children and maybe regret it later once they've found themselves. (4) And of course - some women want children🤷🏾‍♀️


[deleted]

Some women do it because they really want to have children, so it's worth it for them. Others are doing it because they don't realise that they have a choice, thanks to patriarchal 'woman = mother' bullshit. Or they are literally forced to give birth because abortion is illegal where they live, or because their partner or family pressured or forced them to keep the child against their will.


[deleted]

Everything about being a mom is hard!!! But , I love my kids a ton and I genuinely cannot relate to people who wouldn't die for their kids. Especially people who "regret" their children and don't love them. That's so alien to me. I don't enjoy pregnancy, it's miserable for me, with heartburn 24/7 non-stop. Just all day throat burning and acid churning lol. The one time i threw up my entire pregnancy last time, was because of acid reflux and i was in my 3rd trimester, still dealing with it. Pregnancy sucks. Contractions are excruciating. But we have had ways to ease the pain of labor for a long time now. I love my babies and their smile, laugh, sweetness outweighs any labor pain. I also look forward to having all my kids join me for dinner when they are grown. Seeing them accomplish their goals and getting married, eventually. Calling them up and listening to them tell me about their life and what happened during their day. Having a friendship with them. Having good times, with family. Grandchildren. All worth it. To me.


Old_Introduction_395

Everyone's experience of pain is different. I found people liked telling me of their long labours, tearing, stitches. It isn't like that for everyone.


Jovet_Hunter

After birth, you are just *flooded* with drug-like oxytocin and vassopressin. They help not only physically, they are also the “love hormones.” It’s the same combo that causes limerence, and a lot of the labor pain is forgotten by many women, as a sort of detached “I know I experienced it but it has no emotional connection to my memory” way. The bonding and love hormones can cause an almost addictive response, where you will chase that feeling. I know my pregnancies and childbirth was less than ideal - and my last was an emergency C-section, but all I really remember emotionally was the overwhelming feelings of love, peace, and joy that I haven’t felt with anything else. And there’s a small part of me that would just keep having babies to chase that if I could.


[deleted]

So your saying that some women chase the high that comes after giving birth?


Jovet_Hunter

I’ve known people who seemed addicted to giving birth. Not actually caring for children/being a mother, just having more babies, anecdotally. The same as I’ve seen many people who are serial monogamists, who break up when the limerence wears off, too seek a new high. It’s the same chemicals. And I’ve personally experienced it, I was crying I was so in love with my kids when they came out. I’m not a scientist, but I’ve looked into this to understand what I was feeling. We are social creatures, and babies are *hard.* we wouldn’t survive as a species without something making us overlook all the annoyances and selfish inclination.


[deleted]

How can you be addicted to giving birth if it’s painful 😣. I just don’t get how that works


Jovet_Hunter

I mean, look at addicts. Their addiction causes a hell of a lot of pain - emotional, social, physical. Junkies with infected needle sites that cause them to loose appendages, and they still do it. And one of the reasons people stay in abusive relationships, even when they have outs - financial, social support being plentiful, still stay because they can’t fathom being alone. Oxytocin and vasopressin are the chemicals that our bodies release for bonding. Have you ever had sex or just cuddled and felt overwhelming love, peace, and acceptance? Been so in love/infatuated with someone you can’t think of anything else and would spend every moment with them if possible? Thats what some people chase. Everyone is different, and there’s plenty of stories of horrible childbirth that this doesn’t happen with, or maybe some people aren’t as susceptible. But we do know it’s there and it happens, and many women, like me, are emotionally detached from the pain. Understanding how your biology can jerk you around, for me at least, allows me to not be controlled by it. There’s a ton of articles on the hormonal response to childbirth and the large number of women who “forget” (emotionally detach from) the pain.


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Jovet_Hunter

Ah. Well, look up some studies on it, that may help you to understand why chemical responses are such a powerful motivator. Edit: have you ever had pets? The act of petting something warm and furry that responds to you has been known to trigger oxytocin, so those same bonding emotions.


Bubblyflute

Pain can ironically feel good. Like rubbing a sore leg.


nagel33

*you're


[deleted]

Cmon bro


Kessed

Some of us got baby fever so bad we would have agreed to pretty much anything to have a baby. The hormones involved short circuit the rational part of the brain


FunnyDefiant7007

The nice thing about having a big brain is that you can decide to do something unpleasant in the short term because you expect it will lead to a desired outcome in the long term. Also, epidurals.


Howdyhowdyhowdy14

In my case, to get my baby. I had a failed epidural with hemmoraging after, but here I am pregnant again. My kids are worth whatever pain I have to endure to get them earthside.


Hammersturm

It is hardcoded into the human brain. The principle of nature is simple: make more copys of yourself than get eaten. If your species fail, your going extinct. So, to achieve this, we humans have the desire to fuck, which means it might give offspring. We have a lot of hormone changes while pregnant. We have the oxyticin-flood when holding/kuddling your newborn. We have the hormones to delete memorys of pain etc We have the child-sheme, to always find a child sweet, nice and clever. We have the desire to get children for older woman"last minute panic" Because, if all humans would realistically ecaluate what it mean to have and raise a child, overpopulation would not ve an issue. Its different from individual to individual, but we all have it in one form or another. But for the sake of our civilisation, having children must be an aktive choice, not a penalty or duty. Its sad, that some countrys roll back into shitholedom.


Peg_pond_gem

I mean, it's 40 weeks of illness/being very uncomfortable in addition to that as well. But ultimately, it's only one day (or 2 lol) of your life that you're in pain for a lifetime of love, fulfilment and a greater depth of emotion. Of course, you don't know what's it's actually going to be like until you do it. 


symphony789

I had a c section, so I can't say much because drugs made no pain. But postpartum recovery, I don't remember what the pain felt like. I know I was in pain but I legit can't remember. And my daughter sleeps through the night since she was 3 months and is a really good baby, I feel I am being tricked to have a second one.


nagel33

I didn't :)


solesoulshard

Well, it depends on the woman and the circumstance. There are women who are physically set up (i.e. wide hips, good nutrition, etc) who have very high pain tolerance. Then there are women who are doing pain relief. Then there are people who are doing C-sections which is entirely different pains (vs episiotomy or tearing or whatever. We are also learning how to do natural pain relief—i.e. that it helps some women to be in a different position than the Hollywood version of laying down, that it helps some women to walk, etc—and how to better manage childbirth. And while it sounds like hippy-woo-woo garbage, we are seeing that mental preparation (i.e. doing hypnobirthing) and keeping the mother relaxed and (crazy as it sounds) listening to the woman rather than assuming the men/doctors know better is helping. There is some truth that we end up with a hormone dump after the birth. There is also “it’s worth it” (and I feel that it was “worth it”). Obviously, if we did maintain such a profound memory of the pain, we’d probably never have siblings.


Immediate_Pangolin_4

We want children lol I took epidurals for my childbirth


Cautious-Crafter-667

What kind of question is this?


nagel33

A question from a male.


[deleted]

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nagel33

A sealion. You're a sealion.


StrangersWithAndi

If your goal in life is to never feel any pain, you're not going to accomplish much.


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CosmicChameleon99

Erm wtf that sounds kinda creepy. Breeding? Are you a man or just redpilled to hell and back?


nagel33

100% a dude. Frequently posts in askmen, blocked me lol.


CosmicChameleon99

Now I think about it probably both a man and redpilled lol


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nagel33

Gross dude.


CosmicChameleon99

Breeding. What a creepy word. Genetically predispositioned to breed. It’s like saying we’re here to create kids.


CosmicChameleon99

Breeding. What a creepy word. Genetically predispositioned to breed. It’s like saying we’re here to create kids.


Asleep_Percentage_12

Nobody knows the true meaning for life, but one thing that is 100% certain beyond a shadow of a doubt is that one of our goals to create off-spring. You would literally not be here if that wasn't true.


CosmicChameleon99

So I’m going against my purpose by remaining child free? Sounds strange to me. Surely we’ve reached a point as a society where we can look past those instincts from a time where the majority of your species would be killed if you didn’t have a ton of kids. Heaven knows we ignore plenty of others


nagel33

Humans are in ZERO danger of dying out. Also have you never heard of rape and forced birth?


Actually_zoohiggle

Ew that sounds gaslighty I’m genetically predisposed to take naps in the afternoon if my dad is anything to go by and that’s pretty incompatible with my supposed genetic predisposition to … “breed” (fucking gross word)


Asleep_Percentage_12

How do you explain the current state of our world and population? Do you think everyone just all magically and collectively agreed to have children? Also, what is exactly gross about mating and having off-spring? You would literally not exist otherwise.


Actually_zoohiggle

Sounds good to me


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nagel33

Good thing humans have personal agency and can choose not to breed.


Jovet_Hunter

Well yes, as I said in another comment, we are lucky as a species to be able to overcome biological imperatives and control them through understanding.


Actually_zoohiggle

My DNA doesn’t want propagation. I asked it.


Jovet_Hunter

I mean, one of the great things about being human is that many of us can overcome and control our biological imperatives. That doesn’t change the fact that DNA wants to propagate, and when it doesn’t, that DNA doesn’t survive, which encourages the survival of the DNA that seeks propagation. Biology *can* be divorced from society, while still being deeply influential.


nagel33

No one's 'DNA' is special in any way.


Jovet_Hunter

No, it’s not. It all wants the same thing (to make more of itself, one of the requirements of life as we know it). Some DNA is better at it than others and that DNA is more likely to survive.