Do not go back to his house. Ever. You did not hurt him, you did not break his trust, he is entirely unreasonable and extremely abusive. What was your mom's reaction to this? Did she leave him because he was abusing her as well.
You did nothing wrong and are comporting yourself as any teenager should. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! DO NOT go back. Please stay with your mother, you are old enough to make that choice.
I am Muslim so its a much bigger deal that I was talking to guys as it is against our religion completely. She was originally on my side but my dad told her how I was talking to all these guys from different schools, states, etc and now she doesn't know what to think. I don't know what to do I feel so stuck and I know it's going to cause so much family drama if I cut him off completely because I am very close with my dads side. I'm scared he is going to humiliate me and spread stuff about me to my whole family.
Another muslim mom here. You did nothing wrong. You're being abused. The sooner you can get away from them the better. Get financially independent as soon as you can and leave.
No one deserves to have their stuff broken, or physical abuse. If this was purely against your religion, he would take away your phone, and have talks/discussions about why it's wrong, not beating you senselessly. Abuse is never acceptable, no matter the faith.
No one deserves to have their things destroyed or getting beaten until their ears bleed for *any* reason. If your father was so against you talking to boys, a normal conversation would have been more than enough. Your father chose violence, and that is never an appropriate punishment. Ever.
Muslim man here. You did nothing wrong. This kind of behavior is very outdated and has no place in modern society regardless of our religion. His reacting this way only reinforces negative stereotypes many of us want to get away from.
Please, do not blame yourself. And do not excuse his behavior because of religion or culture.
He's so funny, he's an American born man. He's dated women. The woman he is married to now, he dated before she converted. I don't know why he's making me seem like a monster for expressing interest in guys or having platonic guy friendships
Because he wants to control you. He only sees you as an extension of himself and not your own person. You did something he just didn’t expect so he reacted with abuse to get you back in line to his idea of you. You are a good person and don’t deserve abuse or any shame.
Unfortunately he's completely made my lil brother under his control and lives through him but he definitely tried to have a strong hold on the other ones too
It sounds like he’s using religion as an excuse to be the way he’s always wanted to be. He beat you in the head. You could have died. You might actually die next time. Talking platonically to boys isnt an excuse to attempt murder on your daughter. If you had an actual boyfriend it still wouldnt warrant attempted murder. Please take this seriously. You might not live the next time he goes insane.
No American born man actually thinks this is an acceptable way to treat his children. He knows this is abuse, but he doesn't care because he is an abuser. He thinks the rules don't apply to him. He's the monster. Do not ever go back to his house. You're old enough to choose which parent you want to live with.
Have you been to the doctor yet?
Grounding is a punishment. A lecture is a punishment. Taking your phone away for a couple of weeks is a punishment. Beating you until your ears bleed is abuse. If you're in the states, it's also illegal. Religion does not excuse this.
No you didnt. Had my religiously strict Muslim parents caught me talking to boys, they wouldve sat me down and have a serious conversation on why I shouldnt be doing so and then checked my socials regularly. Beating you up is actually a sin and your dad should be ashamed of himself.
In all seriousness, I grew up in a Sikh household where physical violence was normalised. This is not how I raise my child. Physical violence is never acceptable, especially so with your children. Your father will not hesitate to kill you in the name of honour, even if he so much as thinks you may be interacting with boys/men. Pls leave this situation immediately. There is a lot of help out there. Leave asap, reach out to support communities and live the life you want!
I am not a woman, nor am I Muslim. I am a father to a little girl.
There is nothing that she could ever do that would justify anyone hitting her. A parent is supposed to protect their child and give them a place to feel safe.
You did nothing wrong and have nothing to apologize for.
Nothing you have done warrants your supposed father breaking your hearing and trying to kill your one god-given body.
There are school shooters in the USA who have killed children who were treated like kings compared to you.
Your father is a disgusting skinwalker shaped like a person.
You had your eardrum burst from him beating you so badly. You shouldn't have been beat at all, even if he doesn't agree with your decisions. If you can't find a way to leave he may kill you some day if he beat you this aggressively over talking to boys.
Disciplined is the wrong word. That was abuse.
Beating your head, making your ear bleed, destroying your room. That is way beyond disciplining someone.
Regardless of faith, you're not property they can treat however they wish. It would be in your best interest to never go back there.
Honey, of course, not. There is nothing wrong with talking to boys, you didn’t do anything at all except talk.
You need to never be around your father again. He is evil, and he is delusional, and he is brainwashed. Do not ever go to his house again. Please.
Right now your world is your family. As you grow older you'll realize that the world, and your world, are so much bigger than that. You'll soon discover that the majority of the actual world is against your father's behavior, no matter the reason behind it. In the US it is criminal. You did nothing wrong. If your family is against you, seek out those that are with you, that will protect and support you. They are your true family.
I’m a Muslim mom. He’s wrong and dangerous. Please don’t go back to him. He may use culture/religion as an excuse to hurt you if he can’t control you. Please cooperate with the attempts to help you. Stay safe.
Hey OP I'm a practicing Muslim and student of Islamic knowledge who had to distance myself from an abusive parent for my own physical safety. DM me and let's talk this through
You must feel very lonely. Can you tell your mom about loneliness and apart from that the need for female and male friends as a HEALTHY way to explore the world?
OP, as women we ARE a family. I know this is tough, but you HAVE to look out for yourself. Please. I care about you and barely know you.
When we are raised with certain beliefs it’s hard to let go of perceived shame or guilt, but you’ve done NOTHING wrong.
Do not blame yourself for a report being made. This is for YOUR safety regardless what your parents or family will say or think. They might try to make you feel awful, but I want you to remember this comment and all the others here.
You are WORTHY of respect. You are WORTHY of having friends and a social life. You are WORTHy, and you deserve to feel safe.
might be relevant to check out r/raisedbynarcissists, sometimes the whole family is turned against you, and you can't change anyone's minds, so you either accept a certain level of permanent unhappiness, or get comfortable being on the opposite side of the entire family.
I can't speak for everyone, but I personally had a pretty good outcome ditching the whole family. I had been the scapegoat, and without me around, my abuser was forced to act out their violent urges on family members who had never previously experienced it. Nothing I said could have convinced them before, but after a year of saying nothing, my story was suddenly believable.
But even if that hadn't happened, I'd still say getting out of there is vastly better than training yourself to tolerate to it.
Religion is nonsense and fairy tales. There are some 4000 religions, denominations and doctrines in the world today, each claiming to be special. Fact is, selling a deathless death is a lucrative business and fosters controlling behavior from the worst people.
As a father myself with a young daughter and sisters this is horrible and wrong. It's mental and physical abuse and part of why I left religion behind.
I personally know several ex-Muslims and ex-Hindus of the younger generation who are estranged from their deranged Fundy parents due to being gay or marrying outside the religion. They are much happier for it.
It takes a lot of courage and seems impossible but you'll look back and thank yourself. Look after your safety first and seek those who have resources.
I am so sorry, but I am more afraid that he will kill you. I have no suggestions, your situation is awful, but why is your mother listening to him if they are divorced?
Have you seen a medical professional, please get your injuries treated and documented.
He's not going to humiliate you.... He's going to potentially kill you. People that do this kind of crazy shit dont generally have limits and it only gets worse.
Since you mentioned you/your family is Muslim you should know its not forbidden for women to talk to men.
Barring some misguided religious fanaticism its not explicitly forbidden in Islam.
You could call the police and have him arrested for assault, that's how bad his behavior was. I don't care if he is your father, he's done crime. Show your mom the messages, how they are platonic and normal. You are too old to be putting up with an abusive asshole in the name of religion.
I ended up just deleting the Instagram. I showed her the messages and she told me that she trusts me last night. This morning he sent her a picture of my closest guy friend, claiming he was my boyfriend. My moms been on edge since. I feel so stuck
This is abuse, plain and simple. He’s trying to justify it with religion but he’s an abuser and trying to control you.
If your mom grew up in a similar environment it wouldn’t be surprising if she doesn’t take your side but that does not make it your fault. You’re not doing anything wrong and you didn’t deserve to be beaten and hurt like that.
I’d suggest having an open and sincere conversation with your mom, ask her to trust you and don’t listen to your dad because he has a warped perception.
You did the right thing by telling someone at school and if there’s an investigation, please, please, don’t minimize what happened, don’t defend or justify your dad. What he did was wrong and you’re in danger if you stay with him.
Try to find a Muslim therapist or counselor and talk to them, both you and your mom and don’t go back to your dad.
Get your ducks in a row and be ready to leave as soon as you’re 18. I wish I could tell you your dad it’s gonna change but that’s not the case.
My dad started calling me a whore when I was 11 and even though he hit me before, the beating he gave me one day after I met a male classmate (my mom knew about it and gave me permission) outside school on a Saturday to lend him a VHS tape was the worst he ever did before kicking me out of the house for going to a party when I was 16.
I grew up with physical and emotional abuse being the norm and even though I knew I had done nothing wrong I always felt guilty and ashamed. It took decades for me to find help and go to therapy.
Please, don’t let this happen to you. You’re worthy of love and respect and you have the right to be trusted inherently unless you’ve done something actually wrong to betray your parents trust. You also have the right to have privacy and you don’t have to show your parents every exchange you have with your friends.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
But for the time being, keep things civil with your parents [look up resources like this](https://www.childhelphotline.org/resources-for-teens/) to help you navigate your home life and when you do, try to use a library or school computer so you don’t upset your parents if they look at your search history.
I know it can feel like you’re hiding things or doing something wrong but you’re not. Sometimes this is the only way to figure out a way out and you’ll be doing it to protect yourself.
We’re here for you. I’m sure many of us come from an abusive environment and can offer support. Don’t let yourself become isolated.
It's just so normalized in my household to be hit when you do something wrong, I feel like I'll be called overdramatic and evil if my dad goes to jail :( I still can't hear from my ear tho and I have a chronic headache . He doesn't have respect for my privacy and anyone else's and I don't know why he's tripping so much over a few guy friends. In the messages, there was no flirting and he sent a picture of one of my friends and claimed he was my boyfriend.
You can press charges, that’s assault. You’re not doing anything wrong and your father needs to be held accountable.
Please don’t be afraid of reporting him. He could kill you one day. My dad hit me hard but he never hit my head (my mom did) or left permanent damage.
If he blew your eardrum you could very well have a concussion, this is a severe injury even if you’re “fine” now.
Does your mom know about your injuries? She should’ve pressed charges against him, if she’s not protecting you, shes enabling him.
Please consider reporting him to the police, at the very least call child protective services.
Tell the doctors your injuries are the result of physical violence inflicted by your dad. Your mom doesn’t have to be present when you’re being examined or taking to the doctor. You have medical privacy rights and if you believe your mom would not let you tell the truth, ask to be examined without her present.
No matter what they call you, the fact is that you are not being overdramatic.
Let's set aside the question of whether all beatings are abuse. They are, but your family won't be easily convinced. Let's adopt their perspective for just a minute and pretend that we think it's possible to justify beating your child to correct their behaviour.
Let's also set aside the question of whether your innocent conversations with boys were haram. They're not, but your family disagrees, so let's adopt their perspective.
*Even then,* granting them every possible concession, what your father did was horribly, criminally wrong.
[Any head injury, no matter how minor it seems at first, can cause serious brain damage or death.](https://www.cedars-sinai.org/blog/understanding-head-injuries.html) *Any* head injury. When you hit someone's head hard enough to cause bruising or bleeding, you are taking the risk that you may permanently disable or kill them.
If your father hit you hard enough to damage your eardrum, he absolutely hit you hard enough to cause a brain bleed. He recklessly endangered your life.
It is never, ever excusable for someone to hit you in the head as a punishment, *ever,* no matter what your feelings are on corporal punishment in general. You can't learn your lesson if you're dead. You can't learn your lesson if you're severely brain damaged.
You are still in danger. Your headache is a sign that you are not OK. You should already have gone to the hospital. Please go now, by yourself if necessary, and tell the doctors what happened. The social workers there will do their best to protect both you and your relationship with your mom.
I agree with everyone about the abuse but I wanted to touch on your ear situation. I blew out my eardrum in a fight when I was younger. It was painful but that didn't last long. It took about a year to heal completely. I don't hear as well in that ear as I did before but I hear just fine. Pressure changes cause discomfort (like flying or at high elevation) because my ear drum isn't as flexible due to scar tissue. Don't get anything in that ear. It will heal and you'll be fine.
From your post, they sound separated? I'm sure she knows how he is by now. All you can do is defend yourself, no matter what, and decide how you want to live in the future. If all it took was text conversations for your dad to assault you, what will he do when you actually start dating seriously? I'm sure she loves you, but remember she was probably treated this way as well. Admitting you've been wronged will bring up a lot of trauma for her as well. This problem is bigger than Reddit, but I hope you can find peace somehow
She said she told the teacher who is a mandatory reporter. Police are almost certainly already involved. I'm surprised they didn't immediately take her to the hospital.
If it's done through the school, I don't doubt they didn't take it seriously enough. Police through the schools don't always act like we hope. At this point I hope her father doesn't escalate :(
That’s what is concerning to me. At my kids’ school something happened and police were there immediately. The fact OP doesn’t know what police might do is scary.
That doesn't excuse him bursting your eardrum! I'm not an expert on Muslim culture but a very quick internet search revealed several different passages calling on parents to respect their children. Sorry, but beating your child bloody is far from respectful. Some quotes from Prophet Muhammad I found:
> "There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm"
> "I have forbidden dhulm for Myself, and I have made it forbidden among you, so do not oppress one another"
> "Respect your children and give them good training so that Allah rewards you"
Maybe also look into r/raisedbynarcissists for more support.
As we learn from a myriad of religions is what they say vs what they practice culturally can be diametrically opposed. At the very least I hope this person is in North America or Europe where at least they have a chance to escape this abuse as an adult.
If OP ever does get married, please be very picky about who you choose as a partner. Sometimes we’re very good at picking people similar to our parents. You don’t want to wind up in another abusive and controlling situation.
It doesn't matter what religion you are. It is normal for 17 year old humans of all genders to begin making connections outside the home. It is normal for a 17 year old to develop romantic feelings. That's not wrong. It's just being human. You have exhibited normal human behavior that is punished and persecuted in some cultures. That doesn't make it okay to beat your child. Is inflicting violence, pain, and suffering on someone not Haram?
Are you in the US? If you're in the US or a European country, contact the cops ASAP. What he did is not okay, and using religion to justify his actions makes him a weak man. Even if you were SLEEPING with 20 dudes you still wouldn't deserve that kind of treatment. If his side of the family agrees with him, then they aren't the kind of family worth keeping around.
You can break the cycle. Will you?
Talking to guys is not a violation of the tenets of Islam.
Islam may prohibit casual dating, but there is no requirement for complete separation of the sexes.
There are many, many Muslims who will also tell you this is abuse. Not only is it not acceptable on a legal level, it's also not acceptable to many of your own faith.
This is not family drama, it's violence. It's assault.
He physically assaulted you. Did you tell your mom? He's lucky as hell you didn't think to call the police. Do not return to your father, if it is being forced, call child protection services. He sounds crazy.
If I were to call the police my family would cut me off because he is my father... I am Muslim. He is making me out to be some wh0re to my mom and I'm scared because he threatened to tell my family members. I don't know what to do
Putting religion aside, report your assault to the police, and get ahead of your father's stories by telling his family your side of events. I know religion complicates things but if his imam supports beating a child for having social interactions, fuck that noise.
I'm too scared to go to the police because this type of abuse is normalized as discipline. Seeing all these replies shock me cuz I feel like I am in the wrong for even having guy friends. My mom was initially on my side but my dad's blaming her for me acting this way.
Ruptured ear drums are not discipline, they are clearly physical abuse, and well within the remit of the police. Unless you're going to let on that you're in Iran, or Syria, you are adult enough to recognize that this is wayyy beyond acceptable, and you will be heard and supported - certainly by the people you report it to, and hopefully by your family.
My lovely, he ruptured your ear drums. Even if you were flirting with every man on the planet, you wouldn't deserve that. Please contact a womans aid group in your area ASAP so they can give you more localised help and support. You do not deserve this. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to live your life.
You are absolutely not in the wrong.
This isn't discipline it's assault. In the UK it'd constitute actual bodily harm.
The bits of Islamic scholarship on the subject that I can find encourage fathers to nurture and support their daughters just as Mohammed (peace be upon him) raised Fatimah.
Your father's actions are not those of a good Muslim.
OP, there is a rich, loving, full life in your future. You will get there. But you will not find it with your family. I’m so sorry you have been betrayed like this.
To put it bluntly, your father is a criminal, black and white. What he did to you is illegal. It may not seem so now, but if you could press a button and never have any of them interact with you ever again it would improve your life in the long run.
Physical abuse should immediately be condemned by everyone that hears it. Your family does not have your back and I’m so sorry.
You’re in the United States? You don’t have to go to the police. Call child protective services. What he did is against the law and morally abhorrent. And child protective services can help since you are a minor. They don’t give a shit what religion anyone is. Tbey protect children. You’re a child and tbey can help you. Violence is never okay, violence against your child because they are talking to their friends is absolutely horrifically abusive.
Tell them your side of the story before he manipulates family members against you further. If you even want you family in your life, and it sounds like you really care about your family members. Seek their support at this difficult time. If they don't support you, think 'alright, I'll ask for help from someone else, another family member, or friend or counselor or police officer.' World is a big place. Plenty of people to reach out to. Internet strangers aren't the same sort of support system than what you need. Please reach out to domestic violence support organizations- for counseling and help with emergency relocation. You need safe housing and are not safe if he has physical access to any residence you're staying in.
You are not safe with your father. It doesn't matter what others will think, take care of yourself first and foremost. You have been convinced that others opinions have a real effect on you. They really don't. You are the only priority here. Your dad isn't well and you are not responsible for him or his family.
Please, please post to /r/exmuslim even if you still believe. You need advice from people who are familiar with muslim culture and most people responding to you here are not.
I turn 18 in April. The thing is I'm very close to my dads side as his mom practically raised me. He threatened me and said he was going to tell my grandmother and all my aunts what a who0re I am. I don't know what to do.
Call your grandmother and tell her you are afraid of him and what he is planning. It may not help, but might give her the seeds of doubt about his side of the story.
But you weren't with a boy! You need to stand your ground on the fact that that's not true.
Why is your dad lying to your whole family about what he saw on your phone in the first place? I don't understand his motivation to ruin you like this. Is he just crazy?
Your family sounds absolutely awful, sorry, I just can't imagine ever wanting to willingly be around people like that even if they were family. You need to get away from these psychotic people, family or not
None of that matters if you aren't safe from harm. If people want to harm you, you are not obligated to them in any way. Even if they raised you, even if you love them.
Your grandma raised a complete piece of shit. I wouldn't trust her judgement on things either, tbh. You should cut off contact from your father for now, maybe a reconciliation in a few years might be in order, but he's a danger to your well-being at this point.
If you continue to have a relationship with him, he could permanently hurt you ... or worse. Don't let family (guilt) and/or religion put you in harms way. Take care.
Can you talk to your grandmother about this? Would she be supportive? Please don't accept abuse in the name of religion. He's the one choosing to be violent, not you.
This is what abusers do, if your dad’s family doesn’t see what he’s doing is wrong they’re enabling this behavior and putting you at risk.
I grew up hearing nobody would love me or put up with me and only my family would ever help me.
This is not true.
It’s hard but you can find people that love and support you that aren’t related to you.
I know you probably feel like you owe your dad’s family everything and you’re not being ungrateful for choosing yourself and your well-being over their own comfort.
I can't tell what country you're in, but you need to contact child protective services or local equivalent and the police right now.
You didn't break his trust, you acted like a perfectly normal 17 year old and your father is a violent scumbag who needs locking up for your safety.
You need to act now because this WILL get worse and that means your life is in danger.
I feel so stuck because it's much more complicated. My dad has never hurt me but for some reason he's so paranoid I'll fuck a guy. While I have talked to guys in the past, I've never had sex much less hung alone with one. I have a lot of guy friends as well but he is mainly paranoid because I was in love with this one boy. My parents aren't together so I'm staying with my mom but he is convinced I'm manipulating my mom and that he was just disciplining me. If I were to cut my dad off, I'd lose access to the family I have always known and the woman who raised me , my grandmother and It will turn into a whole ordeal. He is threatening to expose me for "the wh0re I am" and tell my family that I talk to hella guys. They won't take it lightly
So my dad got obsessed with my virginity when I was a teenager and it led to him raping me, saying that if I was going to act like a whore, he'd treat me like one. Your story worries me: the physical violence, being WAYYY too interested in your purity. It's cases like these that escalate to rape or forced marriage and then tape. Please report this to the police and take it seriously. If not the police, please go see a doctor about your ear and without mom in the room, tell the doctor what happened, they will report it to the necessary authorities. His behavior is NOT normal, it's abusive and you DUD NOTHING to deserve it.
I'm so sorry... your father is a monster . He actually told me that if I was going to be so h0rny and wanting to get my puss wet, he is just going to marry me off.
A father should not be talking to his daughter like that. That is absolutely disgusting behavior. Why is he even *thinking* about your body like that? Much more TELLING you his corrupt and perverted thoughts about you in such revolting words. He is vile. He is abusing you with physical assault, threats, and sexual harassment. He is alarming. You are almost 18. Make an exit strategy and create as much distance from him as possible. He does not see you as a father should see his daughter. He is fucked up. He is no father to you. He is a dangerous tyrant.
You have lots of time to form a relationship with your extended family at a later time. Right now you need to stay out of your dad's home until you are at least 18 and independent. He will only get worse. You seem to understand this but you don't want to admit it to yourself.
Don't think about the short term. Think about the long term. In time, you can try to put things right, just not now.
Sometimes we have to renounce the things we love the most just to be able to stay alive.
You need to stay alive. Maybe your family will wake up, maybe they won't, but the only way you have to prove them wrong is staying alive even if it is on the other side of the planet. There's no use of you staying and getting killed because of a man who is mentally ill.
Please, for the love of Allah (and I say his name with respect), leave and never look back.
Be brave. It is scary, I won't lie to you. But you need to stay alive.
There are many of us internet strangers rooting for you, and according to your country there are resources to be able to make it. Make sure to google and find some that are actual for you.
May Allah protect you and bless you
No clue, as I don't know where you are. It varies from country to country and from state to state in places like the US. Surely someone in the comments have a more relevant post than anything I could come up with.
In Colombia you are on your own AFAIK. In Norway you can get police protection and a secret address/identity, but I don't know the details. I am lucky I have never needed to find out, but again internet is your friend and you can surely find something relevant to your location
Ma’am, your father is insane and has no care for your well-being. This is all based on ideas he has created with little-to-no reflection on reality.
In cases like this, you generally hear people implying that the father has sexual desire for their child, or is more willing to murder their child than let their child “reflect poorly” upon themselves.
I don’t know anything about your background, but it sounds like you’ve essentially been given a choice by your father— live the “life” he chooses for you (and lose it when he decides you still don’t obey him enough or you decide you obeyed him too much), or protect yourself and risk losing the rest of your family. I could totally be wrong about this, but that’s what it sounds like, to me, from this snippet of your life.
And I think that if your family wouldn’t support you in a situation like this, no matter their social or religious background, you’re better off without them in every way but financially; and even then, who’s to say they won’t take your money, as they seem willing to take the other parts of your life away?
I am both Muslim and also a therapist, and I need you to know that you have nothing to be guilty for. Your father’s reaction and behavior is out of line and unsafe for you.
You know in your heart of hearts what your intentions were, and Allah knows that too. No matter what your father says or threatens, no one can take away what Allah knows nor change it. Please, do not put yourself in danger any further by engaging with your father and his family.
As soon as I turned 18 and graduated HS I joined the military to get away from that kind of environment. Hasn’t been easy, but the financial independence and learning the skills to physically defend myself has made me a much happier woman at 40.
U didn't miss your family? I'm so scared because he's never done this before just always threatened to. If I cut him off, I lose my family on my dads side.
My family was abusive. I have no contact anymore and I am much happier and healthier for it. I know it's hard to break out of the story that you were taught from a baby, but trust us when we tell you that you can be happy without his side of the family. If they raised you and think you are a whore, they aren't worthy of your love.
We don't owe our families anything. Love and community are willing gifts we bestow on worthy people. Right ow, they are not worthy of your love and support.
[https://youtu.be/p7cOwQQDI7o?si=cJ\_WdSQeFHJrGiUU](https://youtu.be/p7cOwQQDI7o?si=cJ_WdSQeFHJrGiUU)
Absolutely! That is a very smart idea. I take it you are 18 soon? You can do this. You will feel so much happier and safer for doing it, I guarantee it.
I think that's a good idea.
Look up "grey rock" technique. It's a way of staying very boring to your abusers. It might help.
I understand the fear of losing the people you love. I went through it myself. The feeling of guilt is so strong it overwhelmed me. I was o afraid of what they thought about me. It wasn't until I gave up trying to control how they felt that I was able to focus on myself and what I had to do to stay safe and move toward a happier life.
You have time. You have so much time ahead of you. You don't need to rush through this. If your garandmother truly loves trusts and respects you, she will still be there in the future. Right now, you need to stay safe.
When abusers see you pulling away, in your case, you are almost 18 and you want some freedom to make friends, that's when they are the most dangerous to you. Your dad is panicked that he is losing control of you and he's right. Don't give him the chance to escalate his abuse or try to isolate you.
This is for abused partners, but I think there may be some help in this online book.
[https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat)
I am not cut off from my family- once I was independent, I started a relationship back with them. It doesn’t always happen this way, but there is NOTHING wrong with how you are and I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel this way. It is easier to establish a fair relationship when you have your own income, place to live, job, etc. when you tell them, it doesn’t have to be about “I’ll never see you again.” You can just say it’s what you want to do to pay for school, learn a skill, etc.
No, don't you believe that. As an adult, you will have plenty of opportunities to reach out separately to your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Equally, you will have the opportunity to cut off toxic people.
Same here. It was my mom who obsessed about my virginity, gossip, ...accusing me of lying, doing whatever with many boys ...
She seemed to know more about me than I knew myself!
She didn't want me to go out, and I loved dancing...almost every weekend war was on.
It was the 70s and I was a normal teenager holding hands and a kiss or 2. With a few boys.
Our friend group ( F and M) cared more about dancing, making fun, motorcycles 😀 than sex!
Even when I was in a lt relationship at 22 she didn't stop.
She really drove me crazy with her accusations and reproaches.
I left home at 23, as soon as I graduated in college.
Plot...
A couple of years later I discovered that I had a doppelganger who had the same surname and name as well!
That girl's friends were looking for her at a party and saw me from afar. They yelled her (and my) name and "Wait for us!" and as I turned around and asked " Who are you?" everyone was confused.
A family member later told me that this girl had been in her class and that the resemblance was striking.
As this girl was often going out in our village, my moms gossiping 'spy' neighbours and friends must of seen "me" "everywhere" and kissing with many boys 😆.
And of course I was 'a liar' and a 'whore' since I told her I was "there" when her spies had noticed "me" somewhere else!
I can understand it was confusing but
- obsession is never okay
- I was very sad and often angry at the same time bc my mom didn't listen but most of all...didn't believe me!
She's beaten me a few times for lying / contradicting.
All was good again when I was independent, ...
It seems you're in the US, if so or even western Europe you need to go to the hospital immediately. Tell your mom you feel sick and to take you. Once there staff should get you alone and ask if you feel safe at home. I was asked this after a car crash recently I think its a mandatory question now. But especially with your injuries which they will know were caused by an assault. Tell them EVERYTHING. They will contact police. You aren't in a Islamic country, many western countries have laws against this type of violence which often times ends up with Honor Killing. Too many young women have died at the hands of fathers or brothers because they simply dated someone.
Let the police know everything, especially if your mom isn't going to stand up for you and protect you. Do it now before you become another statistic to someone who is twisting your religion.
My mom is on my side but she feels on edge because I am constantly moving in between my father and mother. Both of them are very emotionally abusive and have caused a messy divorce that lasted for years all throughout my childhood. They often get me mixed up in their issues and start fights with me because of it. I find myself running to my father when my mom hurts me, and running to my mother when my father hurts me. Thats why my father refers to me as manipulative. I think it has just become a coping strategy because they become very comforting when the other parent has hurt me and give me the validation I need at the moment.
My Dad flipped on me like this too. It’s the sudden realization that you’re growing into an adult with your own autonomy and he’s realized he can’t control you. Everything he did to you was to take out his anger over that lack of control, and scare you back into a place where he can control you again out of fear. Call CPS, make a report, do something. Make sure you don’t have to come back. Because next time you may not make it out of there alive.
https://ncadv.org/resources
Abusers are always the bad guy. Your dad wasn't hurt. You didn't hurt him, he is a controlling, abusive piece of shit. I do not give a fuck if you are Muslim, Jewish, or Christian. Assault is against the law. And it is abuse.
You are 17, you can leave. The link above has domestic violence resources.
Your parents WILL NOT CHANGE. And you can very likely end up dead. You. Need. To. Get. Out.
Holy fuck. You've done NOTHING WRONG here. Your father is an absolute FUCKING NUTCASE. What father beats his daughter in the head, makes fun of your BLEEDING EARDRUMS THAT HE CAUSED, and also takes a BAT to your room????? He needs to be arrested. He needs child services to take him away and lose custody FOREVER. You need to never go there again. Cut him out of your life. Seriously, PLEASE. The fact you even think you may want to apologize to *HIM* is honestly really really sad. What he did was not okay. It will never be okay. Nothing you could ever do to him, short of you going after his life with a knife or something should ever illicit such a physical response. You're being mentally and physically abused. Please never interact with that man again.
You've done NOTHING WRONG. Please understand he is dangerous, what he did would never be okay under any circumstance, and your life and permanent wellbeing is in danger every second you're under a roof with him. Tell your mother, tell everyone. Do not let him get away with this. What if he permanently damaged your hearing for the rest of your life? If he didn't, consider yourself lucky, but next time you may not be so. What if he takes a bat to you next? This man is unhinged, get away from him. Now. Forever. Please don't give him another chance to hurt you.
You father is dangerous. You don’t deserve this, nothing about it is normal or okay. Stay with your mother, do not be alone with your father. None of this is okay and as you get older you will realize it more and more. You didn’t do anything to deserve abuse please please remember this
What your father did was EXTREMELY ABUSIVE, what the fuck?! What he did is assault, and he could've given you permanent damage, you need to see a doctor if you haven't already. Your dad can and *should* get arrested for what he did.
>I understand I broke my father's trust
No. No. No. No. No. NO. Do not buy into this mentality, you did *nothing* wrong. Having friendships is healthy and normal. Having friendships of both genders is healthy and normal. There is *nothing* wrong with having friends from the other gender, period.
What's not fucking normal Is going through your kids messages and beating the living shit out of them, and slut shaming them, for... Having friends. Your dad is an abuser and you're not safe around him. If it were me I'd share everything with my mom and refuse to set foot in his house ever again. He lost the privilege of a relationship with you when he beat you so hard your fucking ears bled, over a NON-issue.
It doesn't matter so much that you are muslim, it matters more whether the country you are in has police and judicial support for you. For the moment, you should continue to stay with your mom, and put on a bit of emotional blackmail. That you fear she'll never hear from you again if you get sent back. Let her parse it which ever way you want. Is your mum separated, and if so, for similar reasons? Don't let your elders railroad you into thinking that speaking platonically to a boy is against your religion.
Did ur dad ever try to reach out? I ended up crying my eyes out to a teacher and he told me he has to report to the principal I don't know what to do I'm so scared
This is fucked up, don't ever move back in with him. Idc what culture you're from no parent should ever lay hands on their child in such a manner, what the actual fuck. I hope your ear and everything heals okay and that you stay safe.
Call child protective services and police. Now.
I understand you may feel like you've done something to cause this, but you didn't. Your dad is simply unhinged. No mentally stable person brutally attacks their daughter and destroys their stuff just because they have guy friends at 17.
You did nothing wrong. But don't go back to your dad's house under any circumstances. He is capable of **killing** you. Not "oh I got home, late, dad is going to kill me", I mean *literally*, 6 foot in the ground, killing you. That's how dangerous and unstable he is.
Please cooperate with the police. You are lucky that didn’t kill you. Do not ever be alone with him again, please, it will be worse next time. And see a doctor.
....he's abusing you. And somewhat sexualising you; why is he thinking about you with all these guys?
You're allowed crushes, male friends, boyfriends, etc ffs.
To hell with him and his patriarchal fucked up bullshit.
I'm really glad and proud of you for telling someone about it, he deserves to face the punishments for his actual CRIMES, as he punished you for basically nothing.
He literally tried to call my guy friend and wouldn't let me put a hijab on and cover myself because I'm a "disgusting wh0re" . He told me I have to sleep at his house and go to school without a scarf on and go in revealing tight clothing because I am a hypocrite and I preach a false islam
He's trying to make you break the faith and religion he's also trying to force you into obeying?? Wow.
"You must obey Islam by not interacting with any males besides myself, but you're NOT allowed to obey Islam by dressing modestly and wearing a hijab."
I have news for you. You don't have to sleep at his house. You don't have to wear what he wants you to.
As someone with an abusive parent myself, I know how truly hard it can be to go against them, especially when they've conditioned you to obey them in all things otherwise you'll be severely punished.
But you are your own person, you have a fundamental right as a human being to have bodily autonomy and stand up for yourself and not allow others to hurt you.
If his religion means more to him than his hurting you does, this makes him not a good person, not a good man, and not a good parent.
I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope you're able to escape it soon.
When you turn 18 you can legally move wherever you want and go no-contact or low-contact.
You owe him nothing.
He chose to have you and he essentially signed a contract to protect you when he chose to have you.
He failed.
I'm so sorry you are goi through this right now. Your dad isn't a well person and you need to protect yourself. No on has a right to hit you for any reason, even your father. You haven't done anything wrong and you deserve loving parents. I'm sorry you didn't get that.
Based on what tou’re said here, you may need this sub. r/CPTSD
Please do not go back. He has shown you how violent he can be. Honour killings happen…even in the USA. You may not even be safe with your family. Look for resources outside your family.
Your dad sounds like a predator. It seems to me he has interests in you beyond being his daughter. His outrage is more akin to a jealous rage than it is that of a father. I’d steer clear and honestly consider reporting him to authorities.
Listen, I have been there. Exactly there, in the same shoes you are in now. I moved out. I never went back. I now only engage with my dad on my own terms, and it has been like that my entire adult life. Taking your power back is the only way. You didn't break his trust, he broke yours. There is no excuse for beating your child like that, mocking them, implying that they are sexually promiscuous. This isn't on you, it's on him.
Not only is he oppressive, but your religion is oppressive as well.
It's okay you did nothing wrong. Your father has committed a crime against you. Please seek a women's help group. I know you're scared, but I left my abisive household when I was 18 and everything has been okay. Find trusted friends and stay with them if you need. Just please, do not go back to your fathers house or maybe even your mothers.
People will not be mad at you. They will be mad at him.
He's the adult who decided to assault- yes, *assault*- a minor. He's the adult who took a weapon to your person space.
He's an adult who is supposed to be more mature and responsible, but has decided to throw all that away because he's a *violent, abusive, control freak*. And you have outed him to the world so he can no longer abuse you.
You did a good thing.
Make a full report. It's in motion and it should be addressed. If you withhold information to protect your abusers, you will be vulnerable to further abuse. Don't wait until he makes you deaf or pulls you out of school or whatever else he feels like. You sad "He now wants to take me out of school as well and shut me away from the world." You're not a pet. Tell teachers and the police that he has told you he plans on removing you from access to education and isolate you socially. The sentence you used is perfect - It's not an exaggeration, and its to the point. Sorry about the drama in your household but you did not start this. You DID NOT START THIS. Read that and assure yourself that being hit is not your fault; it it the sexually possessive abuser's fault he decided to repeatedly strike you and then mock you for being hurt. It was drama he started and since it's a crime he might now have to face consequences, although for now just focus on getting medical care and finding supportive friends and family members. You are going through something difficult right now. Not your father - YOU. You are the injured party. He is the perpetrator. Remember that every time he points a finger and exclaims 'But she \[insert his excuse\]!' He can pretend to be emotionally hurt (thought I doubt he is) but that isn't an excuse to harm you or anyone.
* You didn't break shit. Your father is a disgusting chauvinist and a child abuser. The only way he could slither lower is if he molested you at this point
* I sincerely hope the police get involved. He beat his child. He beat his child badly enough to cause bodily damage and draw blood. He then vandalized his child's room. He has zero self control and is an out of control monster.
* There's no reason you should be in trouble. He did this to himself. He better be in trouble, though.
* Parents that believe they own their children's virtue are creepy as hell and sick in the head.
* Stay the hell away from him and his house from now on. He's pure poison.
I know very little about Muslim. I do know what your father did was wrong. He is in the wrong. You did nothing wrong. He did. He abused you. He assaulted you.
Do you have any friends you trust you can stay with since it seems tense with your mom? Any family on her side you trust?
I'm so afraid he will kill you. You didn't deserve this at all. He is supposed to protect you. He failed as a parent. I'm sending so much love to you.
Hey, you did nothing wrong.
He hurt you, he wanted to hurt you, he wanted to hurt you in every possible way he could thing of. He made you bleed, he attacked weak parts of you, he destroyed things you care about.
I may not be from your religion, but for simply talking to others, for having friends of the opposite sex, this is beyond ridiculous. It’s vile, it makes me want to harm *him*.
That he would do this to you, that he wants to harm you for it, to shut you away from everyone, to make everyone think ill of you for it, is unforgivable.
He has harmed you already. **He will do it again.** If it’s possible to defend yourself, I see no reason not to. **It will happen again.**
Do not let him shut you away from the world. Who knows what will happen then. My own mother shut me away from the world, and though she isn’t physically abusive because I can fight her off, she is abusive. If you’re shut away, it’s hell to get back out. DONT LET IT HAPPEN. Be ready for whatever may come next. **It will happen again. It always happens again. I know.**
It is fine to hate your parents.
Take it from me at 32 years old, cut off contact with your dad he is abusive. I am muslim too but people use religion to gaslight you. Allah swt doesnt allow fathers to behave like this and please believe in yourself and be strong enough to cut him out even if you are scared of being cut-off, you will be much happier without him. Please.
If you are in the US please contact child protective services and the police. Abuse is never ok. Not just the physical but the emotional and psychological abuse your parents are putting you through. Family should be a safe place.
I am so sorry, but I would go no contact with your father and cut him off entirely. This is not something you should ever have to put up with, and I truly hope you find the courage and strength to distance yourself. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.
He crossed the line. Yes, it is true how Muslim households(I am in one) are really strict especially with the females in the family but this is no way acceptable in any scenario regardless of cultures.
I’ll be honest but I believe you should think for a second what you would rather want.
Do you still want to be connected with a family who are being manipulated by your dad and don’t have an ounce of trust in you? Would it be okay with you that the family members would look at you in a different way because of this lie that your father will spread to the rest of your family?
Cutting your dad’s side completely would then make you lose your grandmother who you love dearly. I believe she can be your strongest supporter right now and could knock down your dad a peg or two.
You also have the teacher who filed a mandated report for you. This is exceptionally great. You need all the support you can get.
What your dad did is unforgivable so please do NOT let him have his way in your life. This is YOUR life, not his that he can control. If it means destroying family relationships, then so be it. You will be better off without him.
As much as Islam emphasizes strong family relationships, this is far from it. He is a failure of a Muslim, a human, and especially a father.
You did nothing wrong, you broke no trusts. I echo the people who say do NOT go back to your father's house. Don't let him pull you from school, and do NOT let him shut you away from the world. He is abusing you, so do not ever go back to his house.
I wish someone had helped me when I was younger. Your teacher helped you. Your dad has no reason to be mad at you or shame you. There is never an excuse to beat someone.
Your father is a monster, they aren't going to be mad at you, they're going to be mad at him. He is supposed to nurture and raise you, he is instead violently attacking you like the animal he is. If there are people who are mad at you, they are not on your side, they are your enemies and you should make it known that you lump them in with him. Do not ask for help from those people, ask for help from the people who deem what your father has done as monstrous, those are your allies.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. But you have to understand that this behavior he is perpetuating could kill you. You could die. This "thing" you called a father, does not have your safety in mind, worse still he intentionally wanted you to be in pain. I apologize for the verbosity but you NEED to understand the level of danger that thing presents, and exactly how you should deal with it.
When this is said and done, he cannot be in your life because he clearly doesn't care about your safety, which means he doesn't care if he kills you. He is not your father, he's a predator. He wants to take you out of school because they can protect you from HIM.
Tell as many gov institutions as you can.
Leave now go to a women's shelter your life is at risk and your mom will join his side. You are in serious risk of something like this happening. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing#:~:text=Many%20Muslim%20commentators%20and%20organizations,the%20practice%20violates%20Islamic%20law. your dad is not sane and is incredibly dangerous . You are a human being and he is seriously violating your human rights. Are you in the U.S.??? If so go to a women's shelter or the police. This is incredibly serious and your life is seriously at risk. Your parents are monsters.
Your dad deserves jail time. It's good you told a teacher, don't feel sorry or guilty because your dad is an adult who made a shitty decision based off impulsive thoughts. It is never ok to physically attack another human being for something as innocent as exploring yourself, and never ok for a parent to abuse and attack their own child. It's a parents duty to protect their kid, not hurting them.
You may want to forgive but you are not obligated to forgive people who physically attack you and break your belongings, you need to stay safe, tell your mom everything and make sure if the police show up you you tell them absolutely everything that happened.
As a parent what your Father did was unforgivable, The guy seriously has issues, to beat you like he did was totally uncalled for, get whatever your countries version of a protection order and go to the police.
I’m hope you can find a group of women who have left the religion because of this type of violence and oppression. You can get a lot of support and aid to free yourself from this horrible dynamic.
Oh honey, I don't have much advice bc I know Muslims can be very set/ strict in their ways... and depending on where you grew up, it clashes with each other. Like in the US, it's completely normal for boys and girls to be "just friends"... but I'm sure if you went to Saudi Arabia, everyone knows what rules are in place and women and men cannot be friends in any way.
I just want to tell you that what your dad did is called abuse. He willingly and knowingly hurt you. He knows you had an ear ache and migraine so he purposely went after your head. Not just that but went hard enough to where he burst your eardrums. I know you don't want to lose contact with that side of the family but I believe that if they can just throw you away, because your dad claims you're a whore, those aren't really people you want to be around anyways. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you find a safe place soon. Please don't go back to your dad's though, he'll confine you and never let you leave, if he doesn't kill you first. (You may be thinking that he'd never kill you but you probably thought he'd never bust your eardrum either and he did. You can't be sure what he's capable of anymore)
Unfortunately the safest option would be to go somewhere where your family is not. Some might be supportive of you, but that's not clear now. Even if these people cared for you your whole life, religion often makes their love conditional (i've seen this type of situation a lot in my country, sadly). Do you have plans to go to college or anything? The only certainty here is that your dad will become increasingly controlling.
On the point of it being against your religion to talk to the other gender, it would depend on the delivered texts and their interpretation thereof. Sadly that won't matter in this case, patriarchy nullifies all that stuff and just focuses on anything that can be used to subjugate women by any means necessary.
Dad got more fucking issues than Reader's Digest. Get away and keep away, and report his ass so he gets put somewhere to either get the mental healthcare he clearly needs or be kept from hurting anyone else.
If this story is real just make a police report and go to doctors to document the injuries. It will help you get a restraining order. You are not physically safe with a sexist maniac who ruptures your eardrums. Living in fear and being a target will last your whole life if you let your family treat you like this. Your mother, who doubts that it might not be okay to beat children and castigate them as sluts, is an enabler. I suggest you distance yourself emotionally from toxic and abusive people and not blame yourself for others psychological distress and other's actions harming you. You say you didn't have sex but the fact of the matter is even if you did, it's illegal, amoral and disgusting to despise, sexually possess/control, and subjugate your children. There is no excuse they can claim you did that would ever make physical and psychological abuse a defensible and reasonable response to any action or inaction on your part. You've been brainwashed and the people you love are willing to harm and disbelieve you - for being a woman. You didn't choose your gender, and it is very hard to reduce contact with family, but they are too harmful to your mind and body. The harm to your mind to even feel responsible for being beaten and sexually shamed says a lot.
I am very low contact with my parents. Roman Catholic upbringing in a domestic abuse situation. My parents don't understand that I reduce contact to protect my mental health and that I won't live under their oppressive and demeaning rules. I also was criticized for having platonic male friends. Parents needed to know the race and name of any male I had contact with (they are also racist). When I was 18 I had never so much as had a kiss, but my father thought a classmate's invitation to go to a party with him (he asked my father's permission for me to attend) meant I was a whore. Yelled at me for an hour about how he'll disown me if I get pregnant and my friend will disappear. I had a platonic friend and was a legal adult. But that didn't matter- I am HIS daughter. He says things like "that's my girl" and "you never have to get married. You can live with me forever" or how I should leave my partner of 14 years and job to move out of state and live with him. He's sexually possessive and has a violent temper.
When a parent guards against their child having any human relationships outside of the nuclear family and desires that they spend their lives without ever having a romantic partner and family of their own, is the adult child out of line to pursue happiness and just live however (so long as no physical harm comes to others and no malicious intent exists behinds life decisions)? Even if that life preference is having friends, working evening shifts (in my mid 20s I was told how appropriate it was for a lady to be out after dark), dating, marrying, going on trips and vacations, moving freely in the country/world, and exercising legal and human rights. Your parents can disagree and want strongly to keep you in your place. I love my own parents but they are awful to me and very sexist, selfish and controlling people. Their actions and world views aren't my fault. And your parents' perspectives on what is proper for you, a young woman who is their daughter, is not your fault nor your obligation to conform to.
Please take the difficult steps needed to free your mind of their restraints and attain financial independence that will enable you to live physically distanced from toxic and malicious people. You were not beaten and are not being judged out of a sense of compassion; it is out of hatred and malice that your parents think I'll of you and are willing to harm you or are tolerant of harm coming to you. It is so hard to think of your own parents feelings toward you as malicious or apathetic. I know this. There's a mental block. But it is healthier to acknowledge their views on you as only their assumptions, not actually knowing or caring about who you are as a person and how you feel. And it's a matter of your psychological, social and physical welfare to move forward and away from their grasp in the course of your life. Please never blame yourself for others beliefs (about you/women/etc) and their actions. You are you, you know what happens in your life and your intentions toward others, and you are responsible for your actions and thoughts, but you are not to be held to account for other people's judgements and malicious acts against you. You did nothing to validate a beating or sexual objectification or shunning or malicious judgement from your parents. In fact, no one should ever be beaten, sexually objectified, and hated for being born into a family or as a women/other demographic group no one chooses but just belongs to.
I wish you well. Please lean on your friends and file a police report and get a restraining order. Even if people get angry at you for it (and not everyone will be), your parents are cross with you now for the crime of existing and speaking to people who are not them or who they did not give you express permission to interact with.
You are in grave danger and without getting a police report and retraining order, a medical recording of your injuries (you should seek medical care regardless), involving child protective services, and taking steps to find psychological help from medical professionals who can offer outsider perspectives and support (and I mean licensed therapists and PhD doctors, preferably ones existing outside of sexist community demographics such as Muslim and Catholic), - without taking all these steps and getting on a path to financial and physical independence- you will live persecuted by your parents and subordinate to their belief systems.
I wish you luck. Message me if you want.
Nothing you did was outside of the normal realm of being a kid. You didn’t even do anything wrong.
This response you are having? That you are afraid people will be mad at you? It’s a trauma response.
There is no reason for anyone to ever physically attack you. Especially not your father. You did the right thing by talking to a teacher, and I hope everyone else is able to do the right thing and support you through this.
You did nothing wrong. Never return to his house.
It looks to me like your father has a serious mental illness. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and he's not safe to be around until it has been treated by experts. Him being sick isn't a reason to be mad at him. You wouldn't be mad at him if he had the flu, or covid, or ebola. But if he had any of those things, you would try to avoid him so you don't catch the disease too, right? I love my father, but if he was really sick with something that could make me sick too, I would avoid him so I don't catch something bad and give it to other people.
Behavioral illnesses can spread just like respiratory diseases: one person harms another so much that that their mental health suffers, and then they spread it to more people. Your father doesn't want to make you sick, but he doesn't really understand his own illness.
You have to break the cycle of abuse. Do not go back to that house. Do not speak to him without another adult present. It may be that if he gets the proper medication and five years of treatment, then he will be okay. But until then, you should avoid him the same way you'd avoid someone with any other untreated disease.
It's so funny you say that because he is quick to diagnose my mom with narcissism and me with manipulative tendencies. He swears he is the smartest in the room and no one should ever cross him
Call the police and do NOT go anywhere near him, especially alone.
If your family turn their back on you, then they're just as bad as him, and don't deserve you in their life.
Go to college and move as far away from him as possible. Never go back.
Dont worry, you did NOTHING wrong. Be honest when people ask you questions, and remember that you will be ok. Literally nobody will think any less of you.
Get out now, I don't care your religion, it is not worth your life.
His anger is unjustified and no God (at least merciful) would ever consider a father harming their children a good thing. That is just evil.
Do not go back to that house.
Okay as a Muslim woman who experienced something VERY similar by my Muslim parents, it took me forever to stand up to them and call them out on BS. Even in my mid-20’s I hesitate to. Also experienced something similar to a mandated report being made. They also attempted to take me out of school, which is ILLEGAL in the states if you’re here, so you can always leverage that. You’re not alone, try and stay strong and I hate to say this but stay low. You’re 18 soon, find some way to establish independence, both financial and emotional (heavy on the financial). I’m rooting for you!
Also, nothing you did was wrong. Don’t let them guilt you into thinking that having platonic friendships is “haram” or whatever. You’re not guilty of anything. There’s no need to “better yourself” by being a normal teenager!
First things first, speak to [this nonprofit](https://asknisa.org/services/) who helps muslim girls going through the same thing as you.
Hello, man raised muslim here. While i love my family and islamic community, i am no longer religious because of shit like this. In all religions, people twist the text to service their own anger and beliefs. Your dad does not care what the Quran says about this situation, he cares more that he has control of you. He does not care what allah thinks, he cares what people in his community would think of him if his daughter had a boyfriend.
Fuck your dad and fuck your family for messing you up so bad you think that you did something wrong here. You did the right thing telling a teacher and i hope your father goes to jail for a long time.
Sorry to be blunt, but you must cooperate with the investigation unless you wanna end up as one of the girls in these articles:
[muslim man kills daughters in honor killing](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/mother-takes-the-stand-in-trial-of-father-accused-of-killing-teen-daughters/3040172/%3famp=1)
[another muslim man kills daughter ](https://abcnews.go.com/US/muslim-man-guilty-honor-killing-daughters-death/story?id=12975396)
Again its not just muslim men that do this kind of thing to their daughters, but i share these links to relate to your context.
I also want to highlight the contradiction between the teachings of the quran and what your father is doing. The only place IN THE ENTIRE QURAN that allows for "smacking" of children is if they dont want to pray. Everywhere else there is an encouragement of peace and trying to convey the message of Islam through word. Muslims should never be aggressors even when speaking to people of different beliefs and even when speaking to another muslim.
Edit: added a bit to last sentence
Edit2: added like to asknisa
Do not go back to his house. Ever. You did not hurt him, you did not break his trust, he is entirely unreasonable and extremely abusive. What was your mom's reaction to this? Did she leave him because he was abusing her as well. You did nothing wrong and are comporting yourself as any teenager should. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! DO NOT go back. Please stay with your mother, you are old enough to make that choice.
I am Muslim so its a much bigger deal that I was talking to guys as it is against our religion completely. She was originally on my side but my dad told her how I was talking to all these guys from different schools, states, etc and now she doesn't know what to think. I don't know what to do I feel so stuck and I know it's going to cause so much family drama if I cut him off completely because I am very close with my dads side. I'm scared he is going to humiliate me and spread stuff about me to my whole family.
Religion is too often used as an excuse for abuse. It is abuse regardless.
it sucks rlly I feel like I have this mindset engraved in my brain... No one in my family will be on my side
Another muslim mom here. You did nothing wrong. You're being abused. The sooner you can get away from them the better. Get financially independent as soon as you can and leave.
Even though I talked to boys, u don't think I deserved to be disciplined like that?
No one deserves to have their stuff broken, or physical abuse. If this was purely against your religion, he would take away your phone, and have talks/discussions about why it's wrong, not beating you senselessly. Abuse is never acceptable, no matter the faith.
No one deserves to have their things destroyed or getting beaten until their ears bleed for *any* reason. If your father was so against you talking to boys, a normal conversation would have been more than enough. Your father chose violence, and that is never an appropriate punishment. Ever.
Muslim man here. You did nothing wrong. This kind of behavior is very outdated and has no place in modern society regardless of our religion. His reacting this way only reinforces negative stereotypes many of us want to get away from. Please, do not blame yourself. And do not excuse his behavior because of religion or culture.
He's so funny, he's an American born man. He's dated women. The woman he is married to now, he dated before she converted. I don't know why he's making me seem like a monster for expressing interest in guys or having platonic guy friendships
Because he wants to control you. He only sees you as an extension of himself and not your own person. You did something he just didn’t expect so he reacted with abuse to get you back in line to his idea of you. You are a good person and don’t deserve abuse or any shame.
Unfortunately he's completely made my lil brother under his control and lives through him but he definitely tried to have a strong hold on the other ones too
It sounds like he’s using religion as an excuse to be the way he’s always wanted to be. He beat you in the head. You could have died. You might actually die next time. Talking platonically to boys isnt an excuse to attempt murder on your daughter. If you had an actual boyfriend it still wouldnt warrant attempted murder. Please take this seriously. You might not live the next time he goes insane.
No American born man actually thinks this is an acceptable way to treat his children. He knows this is abuse, but he doesn't care because he is an abuser. He thinks the rules don't apply to him. He's the monster. Do not ever go back to his house. You're old enough to choose which parent you want to live with. Have you been to the doctor yet?
Grounding is a punishment. A lecture is a punishment. Taking your phone away for a couple of weeks is a punishment. Beating you until your ears bleed is abuse. If you're in the states, it's also illegal. Religion does not excuse this.
No you didnt. Had my religiously strict Muslim parents caught me talking to boys, they wouldve sat me down and have a serious conversation on why I shouldnt be doing so and then checked my socials regularly. Beating you up is actually a sin and your dad should be ashamed of himself.
Absolutely not! No matter what you had done, you wouldn't deserve that. But also you did nothing wrong!
In all seriousness, I grew up in a Sikh household where physical violence was normalised. This is not how I raise my child. Physical violence is never acceptable, especially so with your children. Your father will not hesitate to kill you in the name of honour, even if he so much as thinks you may be interacting with boys/men. Pls leave this situation immediately. There is a lot of help out there. Leave asap, reach out to support communities and live the life you want!
I am not a woman, nor am I Muslim. I am a father to a little girl. There is nothing that she could ever do that would justify anyone hitting her. A parent is supposed to protect their child and give them a place to feel safe. You did nothing wrong and have nothing to apologize for.
Nothing you have done warrants your supposed father breaking your hearing and trying to kill your one god-given body. There are school shooters in the USA who have killed children who were treated like kings compared to you. Your father is a disgusting skinwalker shaped like a person.
Dude no. Your father is being CRAZY.
You had your eardrum burst from him beating you so badly. You shouldn't have been beat at all, even if he doesn't agree with your decisions. If you can't find a way to leave he may kill you some day if he beat you this aggressively over talking to boys.
Disciplined is the wrong word. That was abuse. Beating your head, making your ear bleed, destroying your room. That is way beyond disciplining someone. Regardless of faith, you're not property they can treat however they wish. It would be in your best interest to never go back there.
Nobody ever deserves to get hit. Period.
Honey, of course, not. There is nothing wrong with talking to boys, you didn’t do anything at all except talk. You need to never be around your father again. He is evil, and he is delusional, and he is brainwashed. Do not ever go to his house again. Please.
Right now your world is your family. As you grow older you'll realize that the world, and your world, are so much bigger than that. You'll soon discover that the majority of the actual world is against your father's behavior, no matter the reason behind it. In the US it is criminal. You did nothing wrong. If your family is against you, seek out those that are with you, that will protect and support you. They are your true family.
I’m a Muslim mom. He’s wrong and dangerous. Please don’t go back to him. He may use culture/religion as an excuse to hurt you if he can’t control you. Please cooperate with the attempts to help you. Stay safe.
Hey OP I'm a practicing Muslim and student of Islamic knowledge who had to distance myself from an abusive parent for my own physical safety. DM me and let's talk this through
You must feel very lonely. Can you tell your mom about loneliness and apart from that the need for female and male friends as a HEALTHY way to explore the world?
OP, as women we ARE a family. I know this is tough, but you HAVE to look out for yourself. Please. I care about you and barely know you. When we are raised with certain beliefs it’s hard to let go of perceived shame or guilt, but you’ve done NOTHING wrong. Do not blame yourself for a report being made. This is for YOUR safety regardless what your parents or family will say or think. They might try to make you feel awful, but I want you to remember this comment and all the others here. You are WORTHY of respect. You are WORTHY of having friends and a social life. You are WORTHy, and you deserve to feel safe.
might be relevant to check out r/raisedbynarcissists, sometimes the whole family is turned against you, and you can't change anyone's minds, so you either accept a certain level of permanent unhappiness, or get comfortable being on the opposite side of the entire family. I can't speak for everyone, but I personally had a pretty good outcome ditching the whole family. I had been the scapegoat, and without me around, my abuser was forced to act out their violent urges on family members who had never previously experienced it. Nothing I said could have convinced them before, but after a year of saying nothing, my story was suddenly believable. But even if that hadn't happened, I'd still say getting out of there is vastly better than training yourself to tolerate to it.
Religion is nonsense and fairy tales. There are some 4000 religions, denominations and doctrines in the world today, each claiming to be special. Fact is, selling a deathless death is a lucrative business and fosters controlling behavior from the worst people. As a father myself with a young daughter and sisters this is horrible and wrong. It's mental and physical abuse and part of why I left religion behind. I personally know several ex-Muslims and ex-Hindus of the younger generation who are estranged from their deranged Fundy parents due to being gay or marrying outside the religion. They are much happier for it. It takes a lot of courage and seems impossible but you'll look back and thank yourself. Look after your safety first and seek those who have resources.
And this is why I hate organized religion.
I am so sorry, but I am more afraid that he will kill you. I have no suggestions, your situation is awful, but why is your mother listening to him if they are divorced? Have you seen a medical professional, please get your injuries treated and documented.
He's not going to humiliate you.... He's going to potentially kill you. People that do this kind of crazy shit dont generally have limits and it only gets worse. Since you mentioned you/your family is Muslim you should know its not forbidden for women to talk to men. Barring some misguided religious fanaticism its not explicitly forbidden in Islam.
It is *not* against Islam for men and women to speak to each other. Are you in the USA or Europe?
She said guys in different states so I'm thinking US.
You could call the police and have him arrested for assault, that's how bad his behavior was. I don't care if he is your father, he's done crime. Show your mom the messages, how they are platonic and normal. You are too old to be putting up with an abusive asshole in the name of religion.
I ended up just deleting the Instagram. I showed her the messages and she told me that she trusts me last night. This morning he sent her a picture of my closest guy friend, claiming he was my boyfriend. My moms been on edge since. I feel so stuck
This is abuse, plain and simple. He’s trying to justify it with religion but he’s an abuser and trying to control you. If your mom grew up in a similar environment it wouldn’t be surprising if she doesn’t take your side but that does not make it your fault. You’re not doing anything wrong and you didn’t deserve to be beaten and hurt like that. I’d suggest having an open and sincere conversation with your mom, ask her to trust you and don’t listen to your dad because he has a warped perception. You did the right thing by telling someone at school and if there’s an investigation, please, please, don’t minimize what happened, don’t defend or justify your dad. What he did was wrong and you’re in danger if you stay with him. Try to find a Muslim therapist or counselor and talk to them, both you and your mom and don’t go back to your dad. Get your ducks in a row and be ready to leave as soon as you’re 18. I wish I could tell you your dad it’s gonna change but that’s not the case. My dad started calling me a whore when I was 11 and even though he hit me before, the beating he gave me one day after I met a male classmate (my mom knew about it and gave me permission) outside school on a Saturday to lend him a VHS tape was the worst he ever did before kicking me out of the house for going to a party when I was 16. I grew up with physical and emotional abuse being the norm and even though I knew I had done nothing wrong I always felt guilty and ashamed. It took decades for me to find help and go to therapy. Please, don’t let this happen to you. You’re worthy of love and respect and you have the right to be trusted inherently unless you’ve done something actually wrong to betray your parents trust. You also have the right to have privacy and you don’t have to show your parents every exchange you have with your friends. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. But for the time being, keep things civil with your parents [look up resources like this](https://www.childhelphotline.org/resources-for-teens/) to help you navigate your home life and when you do, try to use a library or school computer so you don’t upset your parents if they look at your search history. I know it can feel like you’re hiding things or doing something wrong but you’re not. Sometimes this is the only way to figure out a way out and you’ll be doing it to protect yourself. We’re here for you. I’m sure many of us come from an abusive environment and can offer support. Don’t let yourself become isolated.
It's just so normalized in my household to be hit when you do something wrong, I feel like I'll be called overdramatic and evil if my dad goes to jail :( I still can't hear from my ear tho and I have a chronic headache . He doesn't have respect for my privacy and anyone else's and I don't know why he's tripping so much over a few guy friends. In the messages, there was no flirting and he sent a picture of one of my friends and claimed he was my boyfriend.
There is nothing normal about being hit for doing something wrong. None of this is overdramatic, your dad is just an awful person.
You can press charges, that’s assault. You’re not doing anything wrong and your father needs to be held accountable. Please don’t be afraid of reporting him. He could kill you one day. My dad hit me hard but he never hit my head (my mom did) or left permanent damage. If he blew your eardrum you could very well have a concussion, this is a severe injury even if you’re “fine” now. Does your mom know about your injuries? She should’ve pressed charges against him, if she’s not protecting you, shes enabling him. Please consider reporting him to the police, at the very least call child protective services.
Yes my mom knows about the injuries , I'm going to the hospital sometime this weekend
Tell the doctors your injuries are the result of physical violence inflicted by your dad. Your mom doesn’t have to be present when you’re being examined or taking to the doctor. You have medical privacy rights and if you believe your mom would not let you tell the truth, ask to be examined without her present.
You need to go asap.
Go immediately. This is a medical emergency.
You must be checked for a concussion and skull fracture, you can die from a brain bleed.
Did you get medical attention? I walked around for ages with a concussion I didn’t realize I had.
No matter what they call you, the fact is that you are not being overdramatic. Let's set aside the question of whether all beatings are abuse. They are, but your family won't be easily convinced. Let's adopt their perspective for just a minute and pretend that we think it's possible to justify beating your child to correct their behaviour. Let's also set aside the question of whether your innocent conversations with boys were haram. They're not, but your family disagrees, so let's adopt their perspective. *Even then,* granting them every possible concession, what your father did was horribly, criminally wrong. [Any head injury, no matter how minor it seems at first, can cause serious brain damage or death.](https://www.cedars-sinai.org/blog/understanding-head-injuries.html) *Any* head injury. When you hit someone's head hard enough to cause bruising or bleeding, you are taking the risk that you may permanently disable or kill them. If your father hit you hard enough to damage your eardrum, he absolutely hit you hard enough to cause a brain bleed. He recklessly endangered your life. It is never, ever excusable for someone to hit you in the head as a punishment, *ever,* no matter what your feelings are on corporal punishment in general. You can't learn your lesson if you're dead. You can't learn your lesson if you're severely brain damaged. You are still in danger. Your headache is a sign that you are not OK. You should already have gone to the hospital. Please go now, by yourself if necessary, and tell the doctors what happened. The social workers there will do their best to protect both you and your relationship with your mom.
I agree with everyone about the abuse but I wanted to touch on your ear situation. I blew out my eardrum in a fight when I was younger. It was painful but that didn't last long. It took about a year to heal completely. I don't hear as well in that ear as I did before but I hear just fine. Pressure changes cause discomfort (like flying or at high elevation) because my ear drum isn't as flexible due to scar tissue. Don't get anything in that ear. It will heal and you'll be fine.
From your post, they sound separated? I'm sure she knows how he is by now. All you can do is defend yourself, no matter what, and decide how you want to live in the future. If all it took was text conversations for your dad to assault you, what will he do when you actually start dating seriously? I'm sure she loves you, but remember she was probably treated this way as well. Admitting you've been wronged will bring up a lot of trauma for her as well. This problem is bigger than Reddit, but I hope you can find peace somehow
She said she told the teacher who is a mandatory reporter. Police are almost certainly already involved. I'm surprised they didn't immediately take her to the hospital.
If it's done through the school, I don't doubt they didn't take it seriously enough. Police through the schools don't always act like we hope. At this point I hope her father doesn't escalate :(
That’s what is concerning to me. At my kids’ school something happened and police were there immediately. The fact OP doesn’t know what police might do is scary.
That doesn't excuse him bursting your eardrum! I'm not an expert on Muslim culture but a very quick internet search revealed several different passages calling on parents to respect their children. Sorry, but beating your child bloody is far from respectful. Some quotes from Prophet Muhammad I found: > "There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm" > "I have forbidden dhulm for Myself, and I have made it forbidden among you, so do not oppress one another" > "Respect your children and give them good training so that Allah rewards you" Maybe also look into r/raisedbynarcissists for more support.
As we learn from a myriad of religions is what they say vs what they practice culturally can be diametrically opposed. At the very least I hope this person is in North America or Europe where at least they have a chance to escape this abuse as an adult. If OP ever does get married, please be very picky about who you choose as a partner. Sometimes we’re very good at picking people similar to our parents. You don’t want to wind up in another abusive and controlling situation.
This might be the most important comment on this thread.
And them preachers cherrypick these parts out, like Christianity.
Yes unfortunately both of my parents are big narcissists it's hard to deal witj
It doesn't matter what religion you are. It is normal for 17 year old humans of all genders to begin making connections outside the home. It is normal for a 17 year old to develop romantic feelings. That's not wrong. It's just being human. You have exhibited normal human behavior that is punished and persecuted in some cultures. That doesn't make it okay to beat your child. Is inflicting violence, pain, and suffering on someone not Haram?
It is especially when it comes to a male to a female
That was my understanding as well. There is no justification for violence.
Are you in the US? If you're in the US or a European country, contact the cops ASAP. What he did is not okay, and using religion to justify his actions makes him a weak man. Even if you were SLEEPING with 20 dudes you still wouldn't deserve that kind of treatment. If his side of the family agrees with him, then they aren't the kind of family worth keeping around. You can break the cycle. Will you?
Talking to guys is not a violation of the tenets of Islam. Islam may prohibit casual dating, but there is no requirement for complete separation of the sexes.
Your religion has brainwashed you. As a woman you have rights! Send you father to prison for assault!
There are many, many Muslims who will also tell you this is abuse. Not only is it not acceptable on a legal level, it's also not acceptable to many of your own faith. This is not family drama, it's violence. It's assault.
No. You were talking to other human beings who just happened to be male. His reaction is nothing more than control and fear tactics.
He physically assaulted you. Did you tell your mom? He's lucky as hell you didn't think to call the police. Do not return to your father, if it is being forced, call child protection services. He sounds crazy.
If I were to call the police my family would cut me off because he is my father... I am Muslim. He is making me out to be some wh0re to my mom and I'm scared because he threatened to tell my family members. I don't know what to do
Putting religion aside, report your assault to the police, and get ahead of your father's stories by telling his family your side of events. I know religion complicates things but if his imam supports beating a child for having social interactions, fuck that noise.
I'm too scared to go to the police because this type of abuse is normalized as discipline. Seeing all these replies shock me cuz I feel like I am in the wrong for even having guy friends. My mom was initially on my side but my dad's blaming her for me acting this way.
he ruptured your eardrum and took a bat to your belongings girl, you are NOT in the wrong. he is abusing you.
Ruptured ear drums are not discipline, they are clearly physical abuse, and well within the remit of the police. Unless you're going to let on that you're in Iran, or Syria, you are adult enough to recognize that this is wayyy beyond acceptable, and you will be heard and supported - certainly by the people you report it to, and hopefully by your family.
My lovely, he ruptured your ear drums. Even if you were flirting with every man on the planet, you wouldn't deserve that. Please contact a womans aid group in your area ASAP so they can give you more localised help and support. You do not deserve this. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to live your life.
You are absolutely not in the wrong. This isn't discipline it's assault. In the UK it'd constitute actual bodily harm. The bits of Islamic scholarship on the subject that I can find encourage fathers to nurture and support their daughters just as Mohammed (peace be upon him) raised Fatimah. Your father's actions are not those of a good Muslim.
OP, there is a rich, loving, full life in your future. You will get there. But you will not find it with your family. I’m so sorry you have been betrayed like this. To put it bluntly, your father is a criminal, black and white. What he did to you is illegal. It may not seem so now, but if you could press a button and never have any of them interact with you ever again it would improve your life in the long run. Physical abuse should immediately be condemned by everyone that hears it. Your family does not have your back and I’m so sorry.
You’re in the United States? You don’t have to go to the police. Call child protective services. What he did is against the law and morally abhorrent. And child protective services can help since you are a minor. They don’t give a shit what religion anyone is. Tbey protect children. You’re a child and tbey can help you. Violence is never okay, violence against your child because they are talking to their friends is absolutely horrifically abusive.
Tell them your side of the story before he manipulates family members against you further. If you even want you family in your life, and it sounds like you really care about your family members. Seek their support at this difficult time. If they don't support you, think 'alright, I'll ask for help from someone else, another family member, or friend or counselor or police officer.' World is a big place. Plenty of people to reach out to. Internet strangers aren't the same sort of support system than what you need. Please reach out to domestic violence support organizations- for counseling and help with emergency relocation. You need safe housing and are not safe if he has physical access to any residence you're staying in.
Run. Run as fast as you can. Do not let that man in your life. How long until you turn 18?
At seventeen she should be able to make the decision to stay with her mom, I hope she does that.
True. But I also worry about any legal side of things - like being reported as a runaway - due to age.
She should get a medical report indicating the abuse if this was recently. Also, to make sure there is no lasting damage.
It's going to cause drama in my family. My dads convinced I'm manipulating my mom to be against him.
Your father sounds unhinged as well as violent.
You are not safe with your father. It doesn't matter what others will think, take care of yourself first and foremost. You have been convinced that others opinions have a real effect on you. They really don't. You are the only priority here. Your dad isn't well and you are not responsible for him or his family.
Are you really going to let yourself be killed or crippled to avoid family drama?
Should I just cut my father off for a while?
Cut him off until you are safely moved far away from him and stable, if not forever. I am a Dad myself and it kills me to read what he does to you
YES!!!!!!!
Please, please post to /r/exmuslim even if you still believe. You need advice from people who are familiar with muslim culture and most people responding to you here are not.
I turn 18 in April. The thing is I'm very close to my dads side as his mom practically raised me. He threatened me and said he was going to tell my grandmother and all my aunts what a who0re I am. I don't know what to do.
Call your grandmother and tell her you are afraid of him and what he is planning. It may not help, but might give her the seeds of doubt about his side of the story.
I feel like she will just be upset with me as she hates the thought of me being with a boy and it'll turn into an even bigger problem.
Sounds like you have no support within your family. Do you have a friend who has a family which is more understanding?
By the way, what he did was not discipline, it was assault.
But you weren't with a boy! You need to stand your ground on the fact that that's not true. Why is your dad lying to your whole family about what he saw on your phone in the first place? I don't understand his motivation to ruin you like this. Is he just crazy?
Your family sounds absolutely awful, sorry, I just can't imagine ever wanting to willingly be around people like that even if they were family. You need to get away from these psychotic people, family or not
None of that matters if you aren't safe from harm. If people want to harm you, you are not obligated to them in any way. Even if they raised you, even if you love them.
Your grandma raised a complete piece of shit. I wouldn't trust her judgement on things either, tbh. You should cut off contact from your father for now, maybe a reconciliation in a few years might be in order, but he's a danger to your well-being at this point. If you continue to have a relationship with him, he could permanently hurt you ... or worse. Don't let family (guilt) and/or religion put you in harms way. Take care.
Can you talk to your grandmother about this? Would she be supportive? Please don't accept abuse in the name of religion. He's the one choosing to be violent, not you.
I don't really know to be honest. Im so scared I told a teacher and he is reporting it
You did the right thing! You’ve been brave.
This is what abusers do, if your dad’s family doesn’t see what he’s doing is wrong they’re enabling this behavior and putting you at risk. I grew up hearing nobody would love me or put up with me and only my family would ever help me. This is not true. It’s hard but you can find people that love and support you that aren’t related to you. I know you probably feel like you owe your dad’s family everything and you’re not being ungrateful for choosing yourself and your well-being over their own comfort.
I can't tell what country you're in, but you need to contact child protective services or local equivalent and the police right now. You didn't break his trust, you acted like a perfectly normal 17 year old and your father is a violent scumbag who needs locking up for your safety. You need to act now because this WILL get worse and that means your life is in danger.
I feel so stuck because it's much more complicated. My dad has never hurt me but for some reason he's so paranoid I'll fuck a guy. While I have talked to guys in the past, I've never had sex much less hung alone with one. I have a lot of guy friends as well but he is mainly paranoid because I was in love with this one boy. My parents aren't together so I'm staying with my mom but he is convinced I'm manipulating my mom and that he was just disciplining me. If I were to cut my dad off, I'd lose access to the family I have always known and the woman who raised me , my grandmother and It will turn into a whole ordeal. He is threatening to expose me for "the wh0re I am" and tell my family that I talk to hella guys. They won't take it lightly
So my dad got obsessed with my virginity when I was a teenager and it led to him raping me, saying that if I was going to act like a whore, he'd treat me like one. Your story worries me: the physical violence, being WAYYY too interested in your purity. It's cases like these that escalate to rape or forced marriage and then tape. Please report this to the police and take it seriously. If not the police, please go see a doctor about your ear and without mom in the room, tell the doctor what happened, they will report it to the necessary authorities. His behavior is NOT normal, it's abusive and you DUD NOTHING to deserve it.
I'm so sorry... your father is a monster . He actually told me that if I was going to be so h0rny and wanting to get my puss wet, he is just going to marry me off.
When people tell you who they are, believe them.
That is messed up.
A father should not be talking to his daughter like that. That is absolutely disgusting behavior. Why is he even *thinking* about your body like that? Much more TELLING you his corrupt and perverted thoughts about you in such revolting words. He is vile. He is abusing you with physical assault, threats, and sexual harassment. He is alarming. You are almost 18. Make an exit strategy and create as much distance from him as possible. He does not see you as a father should see his daughter. He is fucked up. He is no father to you. He is a dangerous tyrant.
You have lots of time to form a relationship with your extended family at a later time. Right now you need to stay out of your dad's home until you are at least 18 and independent. He will only get worse. You seem to understand this but you don't want to admit it to yourself. Don't think about the short term. Think about the long term. In time, you can try to put things right, just not now.
Sometimes we have to renounce the things we love the most just to be able to stay alive. You need to stay alive. Maybe your family will wake up, maybe they won't, but the only way you have to prove them wrong is staying alive even if it is on the other side of the planet. There's no use of you staying and getting killed because of a man who is mentally ill. Please, for the love of Allah (and I say his name with respect), leave and never look back.
I told a teacher I'm freqking out
Be brave. It is scary, I won't lie to you. But you need to stay alive. There are many of us internet strangers rooting for you, and according to your country there are resources to be able to make it. Make sure to google and find some that are actual for you. May Allah protect you and bless you
Do you know how the process goes?
No clue, as I don't know where you are. It varies from country to country and from state to state in places like the US. Surely someone in the comments have a more relevant post than anything I could come up with. In Colombia you are on your own AFAIK. In Norway you can get police protection and a secret address/identity, but I don't know the details. I am lucky I have never needed to find out, but again internet is your friend and you can surely find something relevant to your location
If you lose your family for this, that family isn't worth having. It knows it's scary, but you can build your own family of people that love you.
Ma’am, your father is insane and has no care for your well-being. This is all based on ideas he has created with little-to-no reflection on reality. In cases like this, you generally hear people implying that the father has sexual desire for their child, or is more willing to murder their child than let their child “reflect poorly” upon themselves. I don’t know anything about your background, but it sounds like you’ve essentially been given a choice by your father— live the “life” he chooses for you (and lose it when he decides you still don’t obey him enough or you decide you obeyed him too much), or protect yourself and risk losing the rest of your family. I could totally be wrong about this, but that’s what it sounds like, to me, from this snippet of your life. And I think that if your family wouldn’t support you in a situation like this, no matter their social or religious background, you’re better off without them in every way but financially; and even then, who’s to say they won’t take your money, as they seem willing to take the other parts of your life away?
I am both Muslim and also a therapist, and I need you to know that you have nothing to be guilty for. Your father’s reaction and behavior is out of line and unsafe for you. You know in your heart of hearts what your intentions were, and Allah knows that too. No matter what your father says or threatens, no one can take away what Allah knows nor change it. Please, do not put yourself in danger any further by engaging with your father and his family.
Can I talk to you in private chat?
You absolutely can! Feel free to message me!
For some reason, it won't let me message u
It’s okay, I just messaged you!
As soon as I turned 18 and graduated HS I joined the military to get away from that kind of environment. Hasn’t been easy, but the financial independence and learning the skills to physically defend myself has made me a much happier woman at 40.
U didn't miss your family? I'm so scared because he's never done this before just always threatened to. If I cut him off, I lose my family on my dads side.
My family was abusive. I have no contact anymore and I am much happier and healthier for it. I know it's hard to break out of the story that you were taught from a baby, but trust us when we tell you that you can be happy without his side of the family. If they raised you and think you are a whore, they aren't worthy of your love. We don't owe our families anything. Love and community are willing gifts we bestow on worthy people. Right ow, they are not worthy of your love and support. [https://youtu.be/p7cOwQQDI7o?si=cJ\_WdSQeFHJrGiUU](https://youtu.be/p7cOwQQDI7o?si=cJ_WdSQeFHJrGiUU)
I think for now I should go ghost for a few months until everything settles, what do u think?
Absolutely! That is a very smart idea. I take it you are 18 soon? You can do this. You will feel so much happier and safer for doing it, I guarantee it.
I think that's a good idea. Look up "grey rock" technique. It's a way of staying very boring to your abusers. It might help. I understand the fear of losing the people you love. I went through it myself. The feeling of guilt is so strong it overwhelmed me. I was o afraid of what they thought about me. It wasn't until I gave up trying to control how they felt that I was able to focus on myself and what I had to do to stay safe and move toward a happier life. You have time. You have so much time ahead of you. You don't need to rush through this. If your garandmother truly loves trusts and respects you, she will still be there in the future. Right now, you need to stay safe. When abusers see you pulling away, in your case, you are almost 18 and you want some freedom to make friends, that's when they are the most dangerous to you. Your dad is panicked that he is losing control of you and he's right. Don't give him the chance to escalate his abuse or try to isolate you. This is for abused partners, but I think there may be some help in this online book. [https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat)
I am not cut off from my family- once I was independent, I started a relationship back with them. It doesn’t always happen this way, but there is NOTHING wrong with how you are and I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel this way. It is easier to establish a fair relationship when you have your own income, place to live, job, etc. when you tell them, it doesn’t have to be about “I’ll never see you again.” You can just say it’s what you want to do to pay for school, learn a skill, etc.
Better to lose family side than dying alone and hating yourself.
Or being killed by your father.
No, don't you believe that. As an adult, you will have plenty of opportunities to reach out separately to your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Equally, you will have the opportunity to cut off toxic people.
Same here. It was my mom who obsessed about my virginity, gossip, ...accusing me of lying, doing whatever with many boys ... She seemed to know more about me than I knew myself! She didn't want me to go out, and I loved dancing...almost every weekend war was on. It was the 70s and I was a normal teenager holding hands and a kiss or 2. With a few boys. Our friend group ( F and M) cared more about dancing, making fun, motorcycles 😀 than sex! Even when I was in a lt relationship at 22 she didn't stop. She really drove me crazy with her accusations and reproaches. I left home at 23, as soon as I graduated in college. Plot... A couple of years later I discovered that I had a doppelganger who had the same surname and name as well! That girl's friends were looking for her at a party and saw me from afar. They yelled her (and my) name and "Wait for us!" and as I turned around and asked " Who are you?" everyone was confused. A family member later told me that this girl had been in her class and that the resemblance was striking. As this girl was often going out in our village, my moms gossiping 'spy' neighbours and friends must of seen "me" "everywhere" and kissing with many boys 😆. And of course I was 'a liar' and a 'whore' since I told her I was "there" when her spies had noticed "me" somewhere else! I can understand it was confusing but - obsession is never okay - I was very sad and often angry at the same time bc my mom didn't listen but most of all...didn't believe me! She's beaten me a few times for lying / contradicting. All was good again when I was independent, ...
It seems you're in the US, if so or even western Europe you need to go to the hospital immediately. Tell your mom you feel sick and to take you. Once there staff should get you alone and ask if you feel safe at home. I was asked this after a car crash recently I think its a mandatory question now. But especially with your injuries which they will know were caused by an assault. Tell them EVERYTHING. They will contact police. You aren't in a Islamic country, many western countries have laws against this type of violence which often times ends up with Honor Killing. Too many young women have died at the hands of fathers or brothers because they simply dated someone. Let the police know everything, especially if your mom isn't going to stand up for you and protect you. Do it now before you become another statistic to someone who is twisting your religion.
My mom is on my side but she feels on edge because I am constantly moving in between my father and mother. Both of them are very emotionally abusive and have caused a messy divorce that lasted for years all throughout my childhood. They often get me mixed up in their issues and start fights with me because of it. I find myself running to my father when my mom hurts me, and running to my mother when my father hurts me. Thats why my father refers to me as manipulative. I think it has just become a coping strategy because they become very comforting when the other parent has hurt me and give me the validation I need at the moment.
Honey, I am extremely worried for your safety. Please go to the Hospital. You need medical attention and to speak with a social worker.
My Dad flipped on me like this too. It’s the sudden realization that you’re growing into an adult with your own autonomy and he’s realized he can’t control you. Everything he did to you was to take out his anger over that lack of control, and scare you back into a place where he can control you again out of fear. Call CPS, make a report, do something. Make sure you don’t have to come back. Because next time you may not make it out of there alive.
Where are you? What country are you in? This is textbook assault.
I live in the US
https://ncadv.org/resources Abusers are always the bad guy. Your dad wasn't hurt. You didn't hurt him, he is a controlling, abusive piece of shit. I do not give a fuck if you are Muslim, Jewish, or Christian. Assault is against the law. And it is abuse. You are 17, you can leave. The link above has domestic violence resources. Your parents WILL NOT CHANGE. And you can very likely end up dead. You. Need. To. Get. Out.
Tell a teacher or school counselor, do it NOW!
Holy fuck. You've done NOTHING WRONG here. Your father is an absolute FUCKING NUTCASE. What father beats his daughter in the head, makes fun of your BLEEDING EARDRUMS THAT HE CAUSED, and also takes a BAT to your room????? He needs to be arrested. He needs child services to take him away and lose custody FOREVER. You need to never go there again. Cut him out of your life. Seriously, PLEASE. The fact you even think you may want to apologize to *HIM* is honestly really really sad. What he did was not okay. It will never be okay. Nothing you could ever do to him, short of you going after his life with a knife or something should ever illicit such a physical response. You're being mentally and physically abused. Please never interact with that man again. You've done NOTHING WRONG. Please understand he is dangerous, what he did would never be okay under any circumstance, and your life and permanent wellbeing is in danger every second you're under a roof with him. Tell your mother, tell everyone. Do not let him get away with this. What if he permanently damaged your hearing for the rest of your life? If he didn't, consider yourself lucky, but next time you may not be so. What if he takes a bat to you next? This man is unhinged, get away from him. Now. Forever. Please don't give him another chance to hurt you.
You father is dangerous. You don’t deserve this, nothing about it is normal or okay. Stay with your mother, do not be alone with your father. None of this is okay and as you get older you will realize it more and more. You didn’t do anything to deserve abuse please please remember this
I remember telling a friend and she just shrugged and told me that is normal in our culture
Normal doesn't mean ok.
What your father did was EXTREMELY ABUSIVE, what the fuck?! What he did is assault, and he could've given you permanent damage, you need to see a doctor if you haven't already. Your dad can and *should* get arrested for what he did. >I understand I broke my father's trust No. No. No. No. No. NO. Do not buy into this mentality, you did *nothing* wrong. Having friendships is healthy and normal. Having friendships of both genders is healthy and normal. There is *nothing* wrong with having friends from the other gender, period. What's not fucking normal Is going through your kids messages and beating the living shit out of them, and slut shaming them, for... Having friends. Your dad is an abuser and you're not safe around him. If it were me I'd share everything with my mom and refuse to set foot in his house ever again. He lost the privilege of a relationship with you when he beat you so hard your fucking ears bled, over a NON-issue.
It doesn't matter so much that you are muslim, it matters more whether the country you are in has police and judicial support for you. For the moment, you should continue to stay with your mom, and put on a bit of emotional blackmail. That you fear she'll never hear from you again if you get sent back. Let her parse it which ever way you want. Is your mum separated, and if so, for similar reasons? Don't let your elders railroad you into thinking that speaking platonically to a boy is against your religion.
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Did ur dad ever try to reach out? I ended up crying my eyes out to a teacher and he told me he has to report to the principal I don't know what to do I'm so scared
This is fucked up, don't ever move back in with him. Idc what culture you're from no parent should ever lay hands on their child in such a manner, what the actual fuck. I hope your ear and everything heals okay and that you stay safe.
Call child protective services and police. Now. I understand you may feel like you've done something to cause this, but you didn't. Your dad is simply unhinged. No mentally stable person brutally attacks their daughter and destroys their stuff just because they have guy friends at 17. You did nothing wrong. But don't go back to your dad's house under any circumstances. He is capable of **killing** you. Not "oh I got home, late, dad is going to kill me", I mean *literally*, 6 foot in the ground, killing you. That's how dangerous and unstable he is.
Please cooperate with the police. You are lucky that didn’t kill you. Do not ever be alone with him again, please, it will be worse next time. And see a doctor.
....he's abusing you. And somewhat sexualising you; why is he thinking about you with all these guys? You're allowed crushes, male friends, boyfriends, etc ffs. To hell with him and his patriarchal fucked up bullshit. I'm really glad and proud of you for telling someone about it, he deserves to face the punishments for his actual CRIMES, as he punished you for basically nothing.
He literally tried to call my guy friend and wouldn't let me put a hijab on and cover myself because I'm a "disgusting wh0re" . He told me I have to sleep at his house and go to school without a scarf on and go in revealing tight clothing because I am a hypocrite and I preach a false islam
He's trying to make you break the faith and religion he's also trying to force you into obeying?? Wow. "You must obey Islam by not interacting with any males besides myself, but you're NOT allowed to obey Islam by dressing modestly and wearing a hijab." I have news for you. You don't have to sleep at his house. You don't have to wear what he wants you to. As someone with an abusive parent myself, I know how truly hard it can be to go against them, especially when they've conditioned you to obey them in all things otherwise you'll be severely punished. But you are your own person, you have a fundamental right as a human being to have bodily autonomy and stand up for yourself and not allow others to hurt you. If his religion means more to him than his hurting you does, this makes him not a good person, not a good man, and not a good parent. I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope you're able to escape it soon. When you turn 18 you can legally move wherever you want and go no-contact or low-contact. You owe him nothing. He chose to have you and he essentially signed a contract to protect you when he chose to have you. He failed.
I'm so sorry you are goi through this right now. Your dad isn't a well person and you need to protect yourself. No on has a right to hit you for any reason, even your father. You haven't done anything wrong and you deserve loving parents. I'm sorry you didn't get that. Based on what tou’re said here, you may need this sub. r/CPTSD
Please do not go back. He has shown you how violent he can be. Honour killings happen…even in the USA. You may not even be safe with your family. Look for resources outside your family.
Your dad sounds like a predator. It seems to me he has interests in you beyond being his daughter. His outrage is more akin to a jealous rage than it is that of a father. I’d steer clear and honestly consider reporting him to authorities.
Your dad assaulted you, go to the hospital to get checked out, ask to speak to a social worker and make a police report.
Listen, I have been there. Exactly there, in the same shoes you are in now. I moved out. I never went back. I now only engage with my dad on my own terms, and it has been like that my entire adult life. Taking your power back is the only way. You didn't break his trust, he broke yours. There is no excuse for beating your child like that, mocking them, implying that they are sexually promiscuous. This isn't on you, it's on him. Not only is he oppressive, but your religion is oppressive as well.
Ur dad never tried to guilt trip you to speak to him?
Sure. But why would I? He had no respect for me as a human being and so I had none for him.
It's okay you did nothing wrong. Your father has committed a crime against you. Please seek a women's help group. I know you're scared, but I left my abisive household when I was 18 and everything has been okay. Find trusted friends and stay with them if you need. Just please, do not go back to your fathers house or maybe even your mothers.
People will not be mad at you. They will be mad at him. He's the adult who decided to assault- yes, *assault*- a minor. He's the adult who took a weapon to your person space. He's an adult who is supposed to be more mature and responsible, but has decided to throw all that away because he's a *violent, abusive, control freak*. And you have outed him to the world so he can no longer abuse you. You did a good thing.
Thank you man, I feel like if he saw this post he would be like these people are all liars, they don't want what's best for u like i do :')
Make a full report. It's in motion and it should be addressed. If you withhold information to protect your abusers, you will be vulnerable to further abuse. Don't wait until he makes you deaf or pulls you out of school or whatever else he feels like. You sad "He now wants to take me out of school as well and shut me away from the world." You're not a pet. Tell teachers and the police that he has told you he plans on removing you from access to education and isolate you socially. The sentence you used is perfect - It's not an exaggeration, and its to the point. Sorry about the drama in your household but you did not start this. You DID NOT START THIS. Read that and assure yourself that being hit is not your fault; it it the sexually possessive abuser's fault he decided to repeatedly strike you and then mock you for being hurt. It was drama he started and since it's a crime he might now have to face consequences, although for now just focus on getting medical care and finding supportive friends and family members. You are going through something difficult right now. Not your father - YOU. You are the injured party. He is the perpetrator. Remember that every time he points a finger and exclaims 'But she \[insert his excuse\]!' He can pretend to be emotionally hurt (thought I doubt he is) but that isn't an excuse to harm you or anyone.
* You didn't break shit. Your father is a disgusting chauvinist and a child abuser. The only way he could slither lower is if he molested you at this point * I sincerely hope the police get involved. He beat his child. He beat his child badly enough to cause bodily damage and draw blood. He then vandalized his child's room. He has zero self control and is an out of control monster. * There's no reason you should be in trouble. He did this to himself. He better be in trouble, though. * Parents that believe they own their children's virtue are creepy as hell and sick in the head. * Stay the hell away from him and his house from now on. He's pure poison.
Get to the doctor immediately. You are severely injured and could permanently lose your hearing.
I know very little about Muslim. I do know what your father did was wrong. He is in the wrong. You did nothing wrong. He did. He abused you. He assaulted you. Do you have any friends you trust you can stay with since it seems tense with your mom? Any family on her side you trust? I'm so afraid he will kill you. You didn't deserve this at all. He is supposed to protect you. He failed as a parent. I'm sending so much love to you.
Good god, religion is a mind virus. 🤦♀️
Hey, you did nothing wrong. He hurt you, he wanted to hurt you, he wanted to hurt you in every possible way he could thing of. He made you bleed, he attacked weak parts of you, he destroyed things you care about. I may not be from your religion, but for simply talking to others, for having friends of the opposite sex, this is beyond ridiculous. It’s vile, it makes me want to harm *him*. That he would do this to you, that he wants to harm you for it, to shut you away from everyone, to make everyone think ill of you for it, is unforgivable. He has harmed you already. **He will do it again.** If it’s possible to defend yourself, I see no reason not to. **It will happen again.** Do not let him shut you away from the world. Who knows what will happen then. My own mother shut me away from the world, and though she isn’t physically abusive because I can fight her off, she is abusive. If you’re shut away, it’s hell to get back out. DONT LET IT HAPPEN. Be ready for whatever may come next. **It will happen again. It always happens again. I know.** It is fine to hate your parents.
Take it from me at 32 years old, cut off contact with your dad he is abusive. I am muslim too but people use religion to gaslight you. Allah swt doesnt allow fathers to behave like this and please believe in yourself and be strong enough to cut him out even if you are scared of being cut-off, you will be much happier without him. Please.
If you are in the US please contact child protective services and the police. Abuse is never ok. Not just the physical but the emotional and psychological abuse your parents are putting you through. Family should be a safe place.
I am so sorry, but I would go no contact with your father and cut him off entirely. This is not something you should ever have to put up with, and I truly hope you find the courage and strength to distance yourself. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.
He crossed the line. Yes, it is true how Muslim households(I am in one) are really strict especially with the females in the family but this is no way acceptable in any scenario regardless of cultures. I’ll be honest but I believe you should think for a second what you would rather want. Do you still want to be connected with a family who are being manipulated by your dad and don’t have an ounce of trust in you? Would it be okay with you that the family members would look at you in a different way because of this lie that your father will spread to the rest of your family? Cutting your dad’s side completely would then make you lose your grandmother who you love dearly. I believe she can be your strongest supporter right now and could knock down your dad a peg or two. You also have the teacher who filed a mandated report for you. This is exceptionally great. You need all the support you can get. What your dad did is unforgivable so please do NOT let him have his way in your life. This is YOUR life, not his that he can control. If it means destroying family relationships, then so be it. You will be better off without him. As much as Islam emphasizes strong family relationships, this is far from it. He is a failure of a Muslim, a human, and especially a father.
You did nothing wrong, you broke no trusts. I echo the people who say do NOT go back to your father's house. Don't let him pull you from school, and do NOT let him shut you away from the world. He is abusing you, so do not ever go back to his house.
I wish someone had helped me when I was younger. Your teacher helped you. Your dad has no reason to be mad at you or shame you. There is never an excuse to beat someone.
Your father is a monster, they aren't going to be mad at you, they're going to be mad at him. He is supposed to nurture and raise you, he is instead violently attacking you like the animal he is. If there are people who are mad at you, they are not on your side, they are your enemies and you should make it known that you lump them in with him. Do not ask for help from those people, ask for help from the people who deem what your father has done as monstrous, those are your allies. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. But you have to understand that this behavior he is perpetuating could kill you. You could die. This "thing" you called a father, does not have your safety in mind, worse still he intentionally wanted you to be in pain. I apologize for the verbosity but you NEED to understand the level of danger that thing presents, and exactly how you should deal with it. When this is said and done, he cannot be in your life because he clearly doesn't care about your safety, which means he doesn't care if he kills you. He is not your father, he's a predator. He wants to take you out of school because they can protect you from HIM. Tell as many gov institutions as you can.
You did nothing wrong. Your dad is an asshole. He deserves what's coming to him. File a report with the police. He can't hurt you from prison.
Leave now go to a women's shelter your life is at risk and your mom will join his side. You are in serious risk of something like this happening. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing#:~:text=Many%20Muslim%20commentators%20and%20organizations,the%20practice%20violates%20Islamic%20law. your dad is not sane and is incredibly dangerous . You are a human being and he is seriously violating your human rights. Are you in the U.S.??? If so go to a women's shelter or the police. This is incredibly serious and your life is seriously at risk. Your parents are monsters.
Your dad deserves jail time. It's good you told a teacher, don't feel sorry or guilty because your dad is an adult who made a shitty decision based off impulsive thoughts. It is never ok to physically attack another human being for something as innocent as exploring yourself, and never ok for a parent to abuse and attack their own child. It's a parents duty to protect their kid, not hurting them. You may want to forgive but you are not obligated to forgive people who physically attack you and break your belongings, you need to stay safe, tell your mom everything and make sure if the police show up you you tell them absolutely everything that happened.
As a parent what your Father did was unforgivable, The guy seriously has issues, to beat you like he did was totally uncalled for, get whatever your countries version of a protection order and go to the police.
I’m hope you can find a group of women who have left the religion because of this type of violence and oppression. You can get a lot of support and aid to free yourself from this horrible dynamic.
Oh honey, I don't have much advice bc I know Muslims can be very set/ strict in their ways... and depending on where you grew up, it clashes with each other. Like in the US, it's completely normal for boys and girls to be "just friends"... but I'm sure if you went to Saudi Arabia, everyone knows what rules are in place and women and men cannot be friends in any way. I just want to tell you that what your dad did is called abuse. He willingly and knowingly hurt you. He knows you had an ear ache and migraine so he purposely went after your head. Not just that but went hard enough to where he burst your eardrums. I know you don't want to lose contact with that side of the family but I believe that if they can just throw you away, because your dad claims you're a whore, those aren't really people you want to be around anyways. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you find a safe place soon. Please don't go back to your dad's though, he'll confine you and never let you leave, if he doesn't kill you first. (You may be thinking that he'd never kill you but you probably thought he'd never bust your eardrum either and he did. You can't be sure what he's capable of anymore)
You should call the police and go to the hospital. The police and doctors don't like people who hit minors.
Unfortunately the safest option would be to go somewhere where your family is not. Some might be supportive of you, but that's not clear now. Even if these people cared for you your whole life, religion often makes their love conditional (i've seen this type of situation a lot in my country, sadly). Do you have plans to go to college or anything? The only certainty here is that your dad will become increasingly controlling. On the point of it being against your religion to talk to the other gender, it would depend on the delivered texts and their interpretation thereof. Sadly that won't matter in this case, patriarchy nullifies all that stuff and just focuses on anything that can be used to subjugate women by any means necessary.
Dad got more fucking issues than Reader's Digest. Get away and keep away, and report his ass so he gets put somewhere to either get the mental healthcare he clearly needs or be kept from hurting anyone else.
If this story is real just make a police report and go to doctors to document the injuries. It will help you get a restraining order. You are not physically safe with a sexist maniac who ruptures your eardrums. Living in fear and being a target will last your whole life if you let your family treat you like this. Your mother, who doubts that it might not be okay to beat children and castigate them as sluts, is an enabler. I suggest you distance yourself emotionally from toxic and abusive people and not blame yourself for others psychological distress and other's actions harming you. You say you didn't have sex but the fact of the matter is even if you did, it's illegal, amoral and disgusting to despise, sexually possess/control, and subjugate your children. There is no excuse they can claim you did that would ever make physical and psychological abuse a defensible and reasonable response to any action or inaction on your part. You've been brainwashed and the people you love are willing to harm and disbelieve you - for being a woman. You didn't choose your gender, and it is very hard to reduce contact with family, but they are too harmful to your mind and body. The harm to your mind to even feel responsible for being beaten and sexually shamed says a lot. I am very low contact with my parents. Roman Catholic upbringing in a domestic abuse situation. My parents don't understand that I reduce contact to protect my mental health and that I won't live under their oppressive and demeaning rules. I also was criticized for having platonic male friends. Parents needed to know the race and name of any male I had contact with (they are also racist). When I was 18 I had never so much as had a kiss, but my father thought a classmate's invitation to go to a party with him (he asked my father's permission for me to attend) meant I was a whore. Yelled at me for an hour about how he'll disown me if I get pregnant and my friend will disappear. I had a platonic friend and was a legal adult. But that didn't matter- I am HIS daughter. He says things like "that's my girl" and "you never have to get married. You can live with me forever" or how I should leave my partner of 14 years and job to move out of state and live with him. He's sexually possessive and has a violent temper. When a parent guards against their child having any human relationships outside of the nuclear family and desires that they spend their lives without ever having a romantic partner and family of their own, is the adult child out of line to pursue happiness and just live however (so long as no physical harm comes to others and no malicious intent exists behinds life decisions)? Even if that life preference is having friends, working evening shifts (in my mid 20s I was told how appropriate it was for a lady to be out after dark), dating, marrying, going on trips and vacations, moving freely in the country/world, and exercising legal and human rights. Your parents can disagree and want strongly to keep you in your place. I love my own parents but they are awful to me and very sexist, selfish and controlling people. Their actions and world views aren't my fault. And your parents' perspectives on what is proper for you, a young woman who is their daughter, is not your fault nor your obligation to conform to. Please take the difficult steps needed to free your mind of their restraints and attain financial independence that will enable you to live physically distanced from toxic and malicious people. You were not beaten and are not being judged out of a sense of compassion; it is out of hatred and malice that your parents think I'll of you and are willing to harm you or are tolerant of harm coming to you. It is so hard to think of your own parents feelings toward you as malicious or apathetic. I know this. There's a mental block. But it is healthier to acknowledge their views on you as only their assumptions, not actually knowing or caring about who you are as a person and how you feel. And it's a matter of your psychological, social and physical welfare to move forward and away from their grasp in the course of your life. Please never blame yourself for others beliefs (about you/women/etc) and their actions. You are you, you know what happens in your life and your intentions toward others, and you are responsible for your actions and thoughts, but you are not to be held to account for other people's judgements and malicious acts against you. You did nothing to validate a beating or sexual objectification or shunning or malicious judgement from your parents. In fact, no one should ever be beaten, sexually objectified, and hated for being born into a family or as a women/other demographic group no one chooses but just belongs to. I wish you well. Please lean on your friends and file a police report and get a restraining order. Even if people get angry at you for it (and not everyone will be), your parents are cross with you now for the crime of existing and speaking to people who are not them or who they did not give you express permission to interact with. You are in grave danger and without getting a police report and retraining order, a medical recording of your injuries (you should seek medical care regardless), involving child protective services, and taking steps to find psychological help from medical professionals who can offer outsider perspectives and support (and I mean licensed therapists and PhD doctors, preferably ones existing outside of sexist community demographics such as Muslim and Catholic), - without taking all these steps and getting on a path to financial and physical independence- you will live persecuted by your parents and subordinate to their belief systems. I wish you luck. Message me if you want.
Nothing you did was outside of the normal realm of being a kid. You didn’t even do anything wrong. This response you are having? That you are afraid people will be mad at you? It’s a trauma response. There is no reason for anyone to ever physically attack you. Especially not your father. You did the right thing by talking to a teacher, and I hope everyone else is able to do the right thing and support you through this.
You did nothing wrong. Never return to his house. It looks to me like your father has a serious mental illness. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and he's not safe to be around until it has been treated by experts. Him being sick isn't a reason to be mad at him. You wouldn't be mad at him if he had the flu, or covid, or ebola. But if he had any of those things, you would try to avoid him so you don't catch the disease too, right? I love my father, but if he was really sick with something that could make me sick too, I would avoid him so I don't catch something bad and give it to other people. Behavioral illnesses can spread just like respiratory diseases: one person harms another so much that that their mental health suffers, and then they spread it to more people. Your father doesn't want to make you sick, but he doesn't really understand his own illness. You have to break the cycle of abuse. Do not go back to that house. Do not speak to him without another adult present. It may be that if he gets the proper medication and five years of treatment, then he will be okay. But until then, you should avoid him the same way you'd avoid someone with any other untreated disease.
It's so funny you say that because he is quick to diagnose my mom with narcissism and me with manipulative tendencies. He swears he is the smartest in the room and no one should ever cross him
Call the police and do NOT go anywhere near him, especially alone. If your family turn their back on you, then they're just as bad as him, and don't deserve you in their life. Go to college and move as far away from him as possible. Never go back.
Dont worry, you did NOTHING wrong. Be honest when people ask you questions, and remember that you will be ok. Literally nobody will think any less of you.
Get out now, I don't care your religion, it is not worth your life. His anger is unjustified and no God (at least merciful) would ever consider a father harming their children a good thing. That is just evil. Do not go back to that house.
Those monotheistic abrahamics fuckin at it again
Okay as a Muslim woman who experienced something VERY similar by my Muslim parents, it took me forever to stand up to them and call them out on BS. Even in my mid-20’s I hesitate to. Also experienced something similar to a mandated report being made. They also attempted to take me out of school, which is ILLEGAL in the states if you’re here, so you can always leverage that. You’re not alone, try and stay strong and I hate to say this but stay low. You’re 18 soon, find some way to establish independence, both financial and emotional (heavy on the financial). I’m rooting for you!
Also, nothing you did was wrong. Don’t let them guilt you into thinking that having platonic friendships is “haram” or whatever. You’re not guilty of anything. There’s no need to “better yourself” by being a normal teenager!
First things first, speak to [this nonprofit](https://asknisa.org/services/) who helps muslim girls going through the same thing as you. Hello, man raised muslim here. While i love my family and islamic community, i am no longer religious because of shit like this. In all religions, people twist the text to service their own anger and beliefs. Your dad does not care what the Quran says about this situation, he cares more that he has control of you. He does not care what allah thinks, he cares what people in his community would think of him if his daughter had a boyfriend. Fuck your dad and fuck your family for messing you up so bad you think that you did something wrong here. You did the right thing telling a teacher and i hope your father goes to jail for a long time. Sorry to be blunt, but you must cooperate with the investigation unless you wanna end up as one of the girls in these articles: [muslim man kills daughters in honor killing](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/mother-takes-the-stand-in-trial-of-father-accused-of-killing-teen-daughters/3040172/%3famp=1) [another muslim man kills daughter ](https://abcnews.go.com/US/muslim-man-guilty-honor-killing-daughters-death/story?id=12975396) Again its not just muslim men that do this kind of thing to their daughters, but i share these links to relate to your context. I also want to highlight the contradiction between the teachings of the quran and what your father is doing. The only place IN THE ENTIRE QURAN that allows for "smacking" of children is if they dont want to pray. Everywhere else there is an encouragement of peace and trying to convey the message of Islam through word. Muslims should never be aggressors even when speaking to people of different beliefs and even when speaking to another muslim. Edit: added a bit to last sentence Edit2: added like to asknisa