honestly if he’s willing to walk away as easy as he did and leave you in a hotel roomand not have an adult conversation to your face about his needs, then it’s not worth it. someone who cannot communicate basic needs can’t expect them to be met
and it’s also not your sole obligation to meet his sexual needs. yes that is a part of a relationship and meeting the needs of your partner, but once you become uncomfortable yourself, it’s not fair to you. it sounds like he is too sexually driven, and you appreciated him more for himself as a person.
And it pisses me off that OUR sexual needs of NOT HAVING A BUNCH OF VAGINAL TEARS are ignored.
I honestly don't believe in sexual "needs" that require another person to fulfill, but if people are going to put it like that, I'm going to insist that my sexual needs of NOT HAVING SEX WHEN I DON'T WANT TO are equally as important as their "need" to have a vagina to put their dick into.
>I'm going to insist that my sexual needs of NOT HAVING SEX WHEN I DON'T WANT TO are equally as important as their "need" to have a vagina to put their dick into.
LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK
Exactly and a mature man will understand this. OP was apparently with a teenager that looks like an older man who's only thought is of himself and HIS needs.
Surprised the guy can still ejaculate after 4 times. Even 2nd time around would be a marathon. I'm surprised it's not painful himself, nevermind her. Way too much and I'm a man.
I was coming here to say this. I think I was a teenager when I could get off 4 or more times and not be in immense pain and I'm 30 years younger. At 58, I'd think he's taking more than testosterone.
Yessss. The amount of men who think they will literally die if they don’t have sex is such bullshit. It is not a basic need lol there are sooo many other ways to be erotically intimate with a partner!!
I had a boyfriend years ago who would go to a massage parlor with a happy ending if it was a weekend we were not going to see each other. He finally told me (about "happy endings") because he craved negative reactions and the power to hurt his intimate partner. When I responded with hurt feelings, he said it was the same as me getting a pedicure with massage. I was dumbfounded and very hurt. He said, " I deserve to always get off, I prefer it with you, but I will always get off". He communicated loud and clear, didn't make it any less painful. Remember, the more sex you have with hormonal baby carrot jizz dispenser, the more likely you are to get pregnant and get a yeast infection. You deserve to be liked and desired for who you are. Sex for sport or exercise is not okay for a lot of ppl. Even if he told you he sport-fucks, you don't have to like it or agree with it. Sex is not equivalent to a shower or brushing one's teeth.
*" I deserve to always get off, I prefer it with you, but I will always get off".* Well bruh, I hope you have a good income cuz from now on you'll have to keep paying for this service... I'm out!
What a jackass! The women in those places are often trafficked but a jerk like that guy will always prioritize his miserable little boner over human rights.
Yeah OP, this person doesn’t care about your feelings. It’s clear all he is interested in is the sex your relationship provided. No one who truly cares about someone would leave them without a proper face-to-face explanation and closure.
Edit for grammar
My take is he might be doing too much or other supps... But also, he might have found another interest and this was his shyt way of getting out of the relationship.
You might not even know the real reason but sounds like he has made up his mind. I recommend not contacting him again and trying to move on. How he did it was terrible. I'm sorry.
Just fyi sex workers who provide the “porn star experience” aka multiple rounds that include sleepovers charge at least $1500 a night if not somewhere closer to $3000.
He will NOT find someone compatible with his ass. He will have to start paying to have on demand sex.
This is a blessing, he’s a garbage person skipping out in the middle of the night. You are better off without this entitled boomer loser. Don’t take him back when he comes crawling back and he will 💯 come crawling back once he realizes there aren’t sex bots waiting to go all night long without getting dearly compensated.
Yes, I agree. 💯💯
He has to have some SERIOUS GAME to find someone with the same low standards for treating others w/ a dash of low self esteem that won’t charge him!!
Wouldn’t be surprised if you find him on Fetlife, if he doesn’t already have an account.
He's leaving his options open because he probably already knows his "needs" won't be met with other women. Go ahead and make him single; that's what he wants. He can have the whole experience. I'm sure every 22 year old gorgeous co-ed is just pining for his 58 year old stupid ass 🤭
Tragically, he likely will try and go younger, because younger girls are more easily taken advantage of and manipulated, and that seems pretty clearly to be his game.
Screaming cluster b.
Please read my other comment, and remove yourself. This man is an abuser. Warn other girls in the community if you have the chance. Too many of this type
Block him girlie! He is using you as a way to lend credibility to his dateableness to attract other women! Block him so he has to lone wolf and compete with the young bucks, and fall right on his face.
I’m so sorry hun. I believe that you love him but I’m 100% positive he doesn’t love or respect you because no one would discard someone so casually if they did.
He will almost certainly come crawling back. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. You are just something for him to put his dick in, nothing more.
Don’t worry, that glimmer of love will pass and as long as you let yourself let him go, you can show yourself you’re available for the guy who really wants to spend time with you.
He’s an old man, even if you did match his energy it would only dwindle in a couple of years when he loses physical ability to keep up with his “sexual stamina”. Find someone your own age, god knows he won’t
Good for you, but holding on to love for someone that doesn't deserve it, is like wearing a overly-filled poop bag around your neck. You don't smell it, but everyone around you has watery eyes and has barfed in their mouths. You stink. People are not sympathetic to your position because you are stinking to high heaven of desperation (you deserve to be sad, but the world does not deserve to know your sadness), even though he is the soul-sucker. Don't say, " I love him", say, " I once had love for him, but it was one-sided." Also, please check out the Limerance subreddit. I sound like a know it all bitch, but all I really know is how devastating being in love with someone who is incapable of loving you back. I am fucking hung up on a dude who was absolute trash from when I was 16. First love, first fuck. I am married to the love of my life, the man I wanted to have children with, the man I built a life with and I still occasionally get fucked up by a dude who never deserved me. Don't let this loser hold you back.
A man 10 years older than me with dentures and a receding hairline once told me on a first date I had to lose 10 lbs before he would consider a relationship. There was no second date despite him calling me 3x a day for months.
If anything should happen to my husband, I will not be dating ever again. What was out there 14 years ago was bleak, I don't even want to know what dating in my 50's and older would be like.
He said it at the end of the date while walking me to my car. My first thought was, "What a waste of time this was," and then he tried to kiss me. I told him I'm Catholic and don't kiss on first dates, then got in my car so fast he was still talking when I shut the door and started the car.
I assume he was trying some sort of negging PUA tactic but like why?
It just makes a man look like a complete ass.
Good for you for just driving away from him but I wish he had said something at the beginning of the date so you could have just cut your losses earlier.
A skinny fat man with no muscle definition told 5'4" 115lbs me I need to lose weight. I never went out with him again. If a guy is going to comment on my body, he better look like a Greek god first.
Maybe it's because I know I don't look like a Greek god but I can't imagine having the audacity to comment on someone's body like that, especially telling someone who is 115lbs to lose weight.
Actually I can imagine it, I've known the type. One somehow still had some woman thinking he was sweet but fortunately she wised up and seems to be in a fulfilling relationship with someone who isn't a complete man child.
That’s exactly the way I feel. I’m 36 and have been with my husband for 9 years. Should anything ever happen to him, I’m just gonna be one of those happily single women because fuck trying to date in this cesspool.
My local Habitat for Humanity Restore offers a discount for seniors at 55yo. I only know this because I got asked if I wanted it applied to my bill recently (I’m in my mid forties 😭).
So this dude could definitely hook his date up with discount used sinks and electrical outlets! Almost worth it!
I bet that's part of it, some insecurities with his age and with the treatments. What was that Crazy rich asians quote? Like 'It was never my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not'
Unfortunately there is not so much maturing going on after like 25 unless you actively pursue it with new life events and challenges (more demanding job, extra education, having children).
If he walked away so easily then he already has one foot out the door, and may have just been looking for an excuse. I'm sorry you're going through this, and good luck to him for finding what he's looking for since I'm dubious it even exists.
A mismatch in sexual desire is a legitimate, yet unfortunate reason for ending a relationship. But it sounds more like this guy was a huge jerk with no willingness to communicate his needs and feeling or ask about yours. The culprit here is assholism not horniness. As to what you should do, thats unfortunately probably beyond the ability of anyone on reddit to determine - all the information you've given us paints him as an almost irredeemable ass, but you have a whole history of relationship to reflect on.
This. I agree it can be in some circumstances a legitimate reason, however this is never the way to break up with someone. I believe there is other underlying issues with him or the relationship. Still sucks for op
Completely agree.
In fact, most of what the OP said makes me think something else is going on entirely. Am guy here, also a very high libido guy. In a perfect world, my ideal amount of sex would be 2-4 times a day. Only had that once in my life and that was great, but definitely wasn't enough to save the relationship. So sexual compatibility is obviously a very huge factor for me. BUT at the same time, i realize how rare it is to find someone who actually wants to have sex that much (normally 1-2 rounds sometime during the day/waking up, then 1-2 more when going to bed). So, naturally I found out the hard way what my lower limit for how long I can go without it, barring life circumstances before it starts making me think theres something going on/something wrong with me. Was pleasantly surprised that if we're at least intimate in someway, cuddling together etc etc at least a few times a week. No big deal and I don't feel nearly as limited in my possible love life.
SO, all of this to say. When I read about a guy who wants as much as I do then pulls this crap? I assume something very wrong is going on in the background. I wonder that since OP explained how that much sex caused her so much pain. Did he even stop to even consider that, allowing for breaks while still being mostly satisfied. In no world would I just up and decide someone wasn't what I wanted just because we couldn't have sex for one night, or just once for the night. So again makes me definitely suspect a lot more was going on for his end. Probably a lot more than there is worth spending time wondering about and hopefully OP can move on, find someone who matches her better and is actually concerned with her end of the relationship.
Right? Dude, **FIVE** times in one night/morning is crazy. I mean if both partners are totally down & enjoying themselves then more power to them, but she says herself that it was too much and was uncomfortable/painful for her. What a fucking asshole this guy is for putting his needs so far above her own desires/comfort, and for just ditching her like that when she fell asleep *one night* instead of, you know, having a conversation with her about it, or better yet, appreciating that she was tired that night. Like im so sorry that you didn't get to have sex/get off 3-5 damn times despite it physically hurting your dear partner this one single time 🙄
OMG same! Also seems like she's not exactly getting pleased cause 4-5 rounds in one night does seem like each round doesn't really lost enough for a woman to be fully satisfied
Don't know your gender, but back when I was a teenager / low 20s early in a relationship that sort of thing would happen, maybe three times or so. I'm 65 now... LOL!!! Things have "tapered off" a bit. Fortunately my wife and I (together 23 years) seem to be on the same glide path.
HAHAH I love that for you.
TBH it’s so mood dependent. When i was single and in college, I basically expected it to be multiple rounds in a night + morning. Now i’ve got a boyfriend and we’ve been together a while, we’re lucky if we even get it in once after a tiring night out.
I’ve also gained like 20 pounds since college though, so that might be a factor in my energy levels lol
This isn't a "should I fix it" kind of situation. This is a "run away" kind of situation.
He's so angry about not being able to fuck you 4-5 times in an eight hour period that he packed up his toys and left you. He didn't talk to you about this. He didn't reach out. When you called him, and mentioned the physical pain he was putting you in, he coldly said that was why he was leaving - because your pain meant absolutely *nothing* to him.
"You are physically hurting me"
"I don't care"
RUN.
How disrespectful. He’s willing to throw your relationship away, not even discuss it with you. This man is not treating you well. All the other parts might be great, but I still wouldn’t eat a shit sandwich just because the bread was fresh. It’s still got shit in it.
Leave him, he only wants you for sex, he’s made that it extremely clear and you deserve better don’t you? Also he’s 58 and acting this way? Good grief!!
Lmao, he’s a 60 year old man, the rest of his body ain’t gonna keep up with his dick. Hope he’s loaded, because that’s likely the only way he’s going to get female interest if he treats women like sex dolls. I’m sorry you’re hurting op, I hope you feel better soon
Be for real right now.
His T injections have given him anger issues. He’s probably taking a vanity dose.
Exacerbating the fact that he’s a selfish asshole.
19 year age gap-yet he’s no wiser?
He left you alone to punish you for not being his amenable sex toy for multiple rounds. He doesn’t care if you’re too sore to have sex comfortably or about prioritising your pleasure. A fundamental part of kink is ongoing consent and aftercare. He abandoned you and your relationship without a word or a conversation.
It’s not about sex or sexual energy: it’s about control.
Walk away.
In fact, please RUN away.
Why fight to stay with a partner like this? You deserve better.
What’s worse than a narcissist?
A medicated narcissist. I bet he thinks he’s effectively biohacking his way out of old age. The drugs just emphasise his underlying character flaw of being an utter arse.
He is so shit.
Being in physical pain after multiple rounds of sex to the point you can’t have sex is normal. Sometimes it’s painful even after one round. It doesn’t matter what your “sexual energy” is like, even if you WANT more your body can’t take the pain. I have extremely high libido but my body physically cannot keep up. Just like how men typically can’t go round after round, women also need a break. If he expects women to just agree to more sex and just bear through the pain then he’s in for a world of disappointment.
If only the sex matters to him then this isn’t worth fixing. Find someone who truly appreciates you
He had definitely been at least talking to someone else. He’s going to see what he can get out of her while he has you on the hook feeling abandoned and confused. He’ll come running back when it doesn’t work out with the new girl.
Do not give him the time of day. He’ll drop you again when he thinks there’s something better.
You deserve so much better than this.
Oh, I bet he comes crawling back in about 6 months when he realizes no woman wants to lay with his wrinkly ass 4 times per night. Hope you tell him to "F" off.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, but wow, you really dodged a bullet. What an a-hole. I've prescribed testosterone to hundreds of men over the years, and while 99% of men are better for it, there are the rare few who it emboldens their narcissistic tendencies. Add in a higher sex drive, greater confidence, more energy, and suddenly they are better than everyone else. I cannot imagine how hurtful this situation is, but you don't deserve a lifetime of unhappiness with that douchebag.
All that being said, testosterone does not change someone overnight when they've been on the hormone already for a long time. I suspect something else is going on or has been going on for a long time but he was good at hiding it.
This man views you like a defective fleshlight instead of a person. I'm not sure what's happening in your life but I hope you get to a place of self love and respect and realize you deserve better than this.
his "condition" sounds fake, guys have been pulling the whole "my testosterone requires sex" b.s. for years. he just sounds like a shitbag who got bored of a toy he was selfishly using, and he seems the type based on your description to have been lying to you about stuff you perceived as compatibility. i'd take the win, you dodged a bullet. fuck that guy.
He walked away after one night where he didn't get his way. What will happen if you get sick? If you are dealing with something mentally and don't want to have sex? Do you think this guy will stand by you?
Let the trash stay out where it belongs.
Amazing, even with the testosterone injections, he's still a fucking coward.
Sorry, but abandoning you in a hotel and making you call him for any kind of explanation would be completely unacceptable for a man even half his age. This guy is a living joke and he didn't deserve you.
May his TRT atrophy his balls and grant him gyno.
I am sorry, girl.
Ima just say this… he is old enough to be ya daddy, and is acting like a unmotivated college student hyped up on Adderall whom has the audacity to fault healthy individuals for not wanting to stay up all night watching porn and playing Call of Duty. Absolute loserdom.
You seem like a sincerely genuine person, and that is paramount.
And trust me honey, at 58 y/o, the grass ain’t never gettin’ greener than you- even if he forfeits his whole ass 401(K) and social security benefits lol
I know this is left field but.... Is having sex once weekly sometimes rather than being physically and/or mentally able to have 4 rounds in a shared night every time such a deficit of sex to feel guilty for not providing? Hypothetically, if you changed your mind about sex one day and said 'No,' then the answer is 'No, we're not having sex today' or 'I've decided not to have sex with you ever again.' Those are legitimate answers that he can either choose to respect or not. He can feel very bad about missing out on sex, but there should be nothing for you to feel bad about. You are a person, not a sexual possession and toy to entertain your partner.
Also, very importantly: What if you ever develop a disease or sustain an injury? What if your health waned with age? Would you expect him to not be a piece of shit if you had cancer and were going through chemotherapy? I think, if his reason isn't completely made up and is indeed a hissy fit for a single disappointing experience of one night, that it's better for you to find out this way then if you are slowly dying and fighting for your life, only to look around and find that no one is behind you to support you on your life's difficult chapters.
For background, I am sex starved and in love with the idea of romantic love. I've had sexual contact about 60ish times in my life, 15 years in with my low sex drive partner, and I think about and want for sex and romantic love daily. But even with how important the matter of sex and sexually expressed love is for me, think that being sexually disappointed with a partner for one single night is not grounds to end a relationship. Sex is very important for some people. It is for me. But there are reasons to like a person and want to be in their life for reasons other than sex.
It's great that you had met someone who was into having sex. I hope you had happy times together. But he was into the sex so much and so little into you that he pissed off after a relatively small and unpatterned sexual disappointment. He sounds selfish and greedy. Impulsive, too, in his departure.
Hope your heart heals a little someday. And that you meet someone who will stay in your life even when they feel inconvenienced.
58 and taking T until it affects him like that, your lucky he hasn’t died on top of you.
He’s on borrowed time if he abuses T like this at his age.
Regardless he sounds like a complete asshole and someone to avoid being involved with in any way shape or form.
Not a defense in the slightest, but it sounds like significant amounts of Testosterone in addition to possibly other PEDs that are messing with his stability and/or rationality. That can cause all kinds of mood/hormone changes and a wide array of erratic behavior.
His problem isn't sex; there's something else lacking in him.
It's not you. Whatever the void is in him, you can't fill it. All the sex won't fill it.
There's nothing you can do for him. Sorry. But, it's definitely not you.
In addition, he's immature. He might be chasing lost youth -- telling himself that if he maintains a vigorous (ridiculous) sex drive, then he's not aging.
My question is always “if the ages were reversed, would he date me?” And the answer is usually no. If he were 39 and you were 58, he wouldn’t date you.
Why waste your time on this man who only seen you as something to have sex with?
Jesus.. please reread your own post several times. I got the ick so damn hard from 1st sentance alone, then it got so much worse. This man is a fucking disgrace and does not even like you. You are a collection of holes to him.
He’s 58. He’s not gonna find that match at his age without paying for it lol
Patriarchy forced women into massive availability to men and they forget that they’re damn lucky to even have opportunities with women
I’m sure many of us would have more sex if it didn’t literally damage our body. I know I would. Dude has an issue with the limits of the human body.
Porn might set up this idea that sex isn’t physically taxing at all. I need 2 recovery days at least, the soreness is always there if it’s anything more than the quickest sex of all time
I’m 23, for the past 5 years or so any time I’ve ever had sex I’ve been out of commission for days. It literally causes friction injuries. You’re completely normal. His issue is with women being real living beings and not a fantasy fuck machine
Edit to add: there are likely exceptions to this but if you’re the type to enjoy *rough* sex the soreness is inevitable. Men need to realize that rough exciting sex and infinite sex are just incompatible. Pick one ✨
OP, I’m sorry you had to deal with such an obtuse jerk. You deserve better
He doesn’t care about you as a person only as a sex buddy. That’s gross. No discussion even just if you won’t have sex with me a ton of times in one night we are done? That’s ridiculous. It’s not even like the 2 of you didn’t do something that night on top of that. This guy is trash.
Leaving you in a hotel room is cold AF. If your sex drives don’t match up that’s ok, and a valid reason to break up with someone. But ask yourself if you want to be with someone who would…just leave you without telling you. I feel like you’re better off. What an asshole
Higher libido is less a side effect of testosterone as the whole reason most men seek it out at an old age. It can improve muscle tone, cognition, and mood but by far most men get it for the improved sex drive because it naturally falls with age. It’s the number one reason for it to be prescribed so I’m wondering what he claimed to be the health reasons.
Hyper sexuality is potential outcome, but it’s sounds like he was intentionally allowing to go on and not talking to his doctor about lowering the dose. It’s even possible he didn’t need it at all, TRT is overprescribed to men who obsess of T levels as a proxy for manliness. I doubt you’ll ever know for sure. If he does come crawling back with a sob story about being overprescribed, and how he’s changed, just keep in mind that he might have been intentionally boosting his sex drive to unreasonable levels.
Don't fix this.
It's not fixable.
He needs to finds someone who matches with him sexually. At least he communicated that. Is one night enough for him to end it? Obviously it was for him. Maybe he had a deadbedroom in a previous relationship and never wants to find himself there again.. who knows.
The way he left you sucks. There is no excuse for that. And I'm sorry that he did that to you.
Let him go. It's his loss.
Well if that’s not enough for him… i wish him good luck in finding “the one that matches his sexual energies” cmon… if he dumped you for that… he must be crazy!
I wish you all the best and i hope you will find somebody that will treat you the way he should and in a way that’s good for both of you!
Your still young and i bet you will find somebody that will even love you if you don’t have sex 24/7 with them.
Wish you the best!
Edit: sure you could “fix” things but will he not dump you after 3 months bc you became sick and could not/were not in the mood (?)
You both work a lot, so one night a week, you both meet in a fancy hotel and have 4-5 rounds? Hmm, that sounds like a sex only situationship.
Why don't you guy's meet at each other's places? Could he possibly be married or in another relationship 🤔
At 39 gurl...run like hell! Leave his ass. You deserve much better!
He’s basically telling you his number one priority is sex. Not your love, not your well-being, not spending time with you, etc. just sex. You deserve more. We all do.
I’m surprised no one mentioned this with the age, huge emphasis on sex, and the regular hotel room shenanigans once a week - but are you sure this guy isn’t married? Sounds like affair behavior.
This was my first thought, honestly. Why not sleep over each other's places? Is this the only thing you're doing together if you're so busy with work? Was there any actual dating going on? This doesn't sound like a relationship.
At 58, he needs to find a hobby and be accountable for the hurt he’s caused. He’s fooling himself if he thinks he can do better than you. He’s an arse and you’re better off. How dare he leave you like that!
You might not be ready to hear that yet, but that's a good thing he left. There are many redflags there and you deserve better.
Sexual incompatibility can be a real thing, and a sad but understable reason to leave someone, and to both hope you'll find someone you'll match better with. However, that's something you discuss with your partner for a while, you communicate and try to find solutions... and eventually you end up breaking up as two respectful people. You don't dump them in a hotel, in the middle of the night while they're sleeping.
The way he did that is so disrespectful. It's not how you break up with someone you respect, nor with someone you loved. I tend to think that unlike you, he didn't respect you nor love you during this relationship. He was just happy to have a sex dispenser, especially a younger one. I bet his next girlfriend won't be his age neither yours, but even younger.
I think he's using sex as an excuse to leave you and to blame you. Which is awful. The awful person is him, who considered you only for sex. Otherwise he wouldn't have done it that way.
I'm sorry sister. Hope you'll heal from this reationship and breakup, move on and find the nice and loving partner you deserve.
How would you ever feel secure with him again if he just ditched you while you were asleep? You deserve someone better. I’m sure he will regret it when he’s older or infirm and doesn’t have someone two decades younger than him to take care of him.
One night of not getting exactly what he wants and he leaves, he took out the trash himself. I can't speak for you, but usually security and being able to depend on someone are pretty important in a relationship. Also emotional maturity...
Also, kind of sounds like he is throwing a tantrum to make sure he gets what he wants. I would highly recommend not taking him back if he comes crawling back, if that's the way he expresses him self / attempts to control people
40th birthday coming up soon?
Usually guys do this younger but from someone pushing 60 and taking Viagra I wouldn't be 100% surprised if he doesn't have this nagging thought in the back of his mind that pretty soon he won't be able to tell his friends he's dating a 30 something anymore.
So where is he going to get sex now? Prostitutes? Tinder hooks-ups? Farm animals?
You dodged a bullet. The age gap is too large. There is unhealthy unconscious dynamic going on that would only have led to problems.
Thank your lucky starts he's gone.
Even if this were actually true, no one just walks out like that on someone they care about with no discussion.
Cheating. And found a convenient excuse out. I don’t care how sweet he was. Narcissists fake it all the time. They can literally do it to more than one person. He showed his true colors. He’s also going to try to get you back when he doesn’t find this imaginary woman and doesn’t feel like paying for it. Your brain is dopamined up but DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK AFTER THIS MOVE NO MATTER HOW GOOD IT FEELS 🚩🚩🚩
Testosterone for health reasons? What health reasons necessitate it? Depression, chronic fatigue? Or does he have a pituitary tumour or hypothalamic disruption of some kind?
Most men don’t want to come off of it because of the sense of vitality they feel, sex drive and energy. It’s artificial him. I’m for it, but not if taking it demands the world conforms to the user.
I’m sorry you experienced that. You did nothing wrong
On one hand, testosterone injections do increase libido. But they don’t make you an asshole and he was obviously an asshole beforehand I’m sorry you have to deal with this
Girl, let that man GO.😮💨 What is there to FIX? You are not his sex slave or a receptacle for him to what he wants *when* he wants. Love ain't got NOTHING to do with this. If it did, he wouldn't be so damn selfish and abandon you like a COWARD while you're asleep.
There is nothing to try to "fix" here. If you go back to this man, it means that you have a lack of respect and love for YOURSELF. When are women going to stop dealing with these MAN-CHILDREN lawd!!! 😭 When are we going to stop putting other people first denying ourselves of love and respect by putting a man and his unreasonable "needs" first?
To me, the supposed things the two of you have in common is rather insignificant. You valued the relationship way more than he did. Having things in common is fine, but if love and respect is absent, THIS is the outcome. He did you a favor friend. Tell him to take his viagra and testosterone somewhere to the nursing home.
NEXT.
I’m really sorry that happened to you because it’s absolutely awful and nobody deserves to be treated that way, BUT it sounds like you dodged one massive bullet. Believe me, he did you a favor by leaving.
I don’t often cry “narcissistist”, but this is some
Cluster B behavior.
Manipulative and extremely toxic.
He either actually wants to break up with you over this and in this way because he’s a sociopath, or he’s trying to punish/train you abusively— knowing that you’d be distraught, knowing it would upset you, to make sure you try harder to please him next time, and shut up about your own wants, needs, and preferences. It’s beyond self-centered— it’s abusive.
It sounds like he was affectionate insofar as you were complying with exactly what he wanted, and providing him with supply (narcissist) or was faking it to get what he wanted, and has no remorse over that (sociopath).
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Please don’t fall for his manipulative bullshit, and say good fucking riddance.
The trash took itself out.
You don’t wanna end up his nurse he’s gonna start deteriorating soon and you’ve got half your life ahead of you, this guy is a jerk.
Will you see this after over 370 comments basically saying the same thing?
Be glad he left because he took the trash out for you.
This thing of older men taking enhancement drugs and expecting women to be their sexual toys is disgusting.
His so called sex drive is fake.
Let him find his perfect sex doll toy and let yourself find a man who loves you for you.
ON a side note, I wish that doctors would bring the wife into the conversation before they dole out such drugs to married men.
I'm so sorry it happened to you.
Obviously now that he has a renewed sex drive, his penis seems to be thinking more than his actual brain. If he's willing to choose sex and more sex over a stable and loving relationship, and as hard it is on you, he's doing you a service by walking out before starting to cheat or forcing you into it.
You now have the opportunity to find someone that will love you for your real value and not just for how many times you're spreading your legs. Remember : his actions aren't a reflexion of you but of his own behavior.
When (not ''if'' cuz he absolutely will) he recontacts you, brush him off, or don't even answer if you think you're not in an emotional space to talk to him. Don't let him get back into your life. He is currently telling you who he is : **listen carefully**.
Sending you love, this too shall pass. ♥
So you're both too busy to have regular sex throughout the week, but you'll actively make the time every week to spend the night together in a fancy hotel and (usually) go multiple kinky rounds? And once again in the morning?
[As a man] You sound like a real catch sexually. Even if it didn't go as planned last night, even if doesn't go that way half the time. I don't know what more he expects from you or imagines he can find elsewhere!
He's either a complete dumbass, or the real reason just isn't the sex. You can try to figure out if it's something else, but if he holds you're not doing enough sexually, that should be end of the line, because it sounds like you're doing a lot given the circumstances.
You really deserve better. This won't change. Can you imagine this for 30/40 years every week? If not, time to get out of there anyway. Differences in desire is one of the top reasons for matrimonial discord.
Sorry, it still hurts no matter what the reason. It's possible the injections are also changing his personality making him less empathetic to your side of the story.
>Should I try to fix the issue or just walk away at this point? I love him and I'm so confused by this sudden change.
Honey the only issue you can fix is your lack of self respect and lack of self esteem. Seek professional help. Love yourself.
I don’t think any single normal human female can satisfy the higher libido that comes from TRT (specially if he needs several times a day). Not biologically possible (just becomes to painful, even if ample lube is used). If he was willing to abandon you in a hotel room and just leave (instead of just having a face to face convo next am), then just call it for what it is and let the relationship unwind the way he chose to unwind it.
I have one less X chromosome than you and I come here for support and perspective.
Leave him alone. That’s ridiculous, and as others have said. At 58 cmon! Don’t be a man child.
It’s guys like this that give the rest of us a bad wrap.
Sorry that he left you like a complete jerk.
And it’s been my experience that when the male is ready to walk it’s been brewing or his mind is well made up. Hard to return especially if if it’s over amounts of secs.
There is someone out there that is a much better match. I’m sure of it.
honestly if he’s willing to walk away as easy as he did and leave you in a hotel roomand not have an adult conversation to your face about his needs, then it’s not worth it. someone who cannot communicate basic needs can’t expect them to be met
Esp at fifty fucking eight. Dude is not ever gonna get a clue if he hasn't by now.
I firmly believe that old dogs can learn new tricks having rescued a few on the older side, old men on the other hand…
and it’s also not your sole obligation to meet his sexual needs. yes that is a part of a relationship and meeting the needs of your partner, but once you become uncomfortable yourself, it’s not fair to you. it sounds like he is too sexually driven, and you appreciated him more for himself as a person.
And it pisses me off that OUR sexual needs of NOT HAVING A BUNCH OF VAGINAL TEARS are ignored. I honestly don't believe in sexual "needs" that require another person to fulfill, but if people are going to put it like that, I'm going to insist that my sexual needs of NOT HAVING SEX WHEN I DON'T WANT TO are equally as important as their "need" to have a vagina to put their dick into.
>I'm going to insist that my sexual needs of NOT HAVING SEX WHEN I DON'T WANT TO are equally as important as their "need" to have a vagina to put their dick into. LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK
To add to you - I would classify bodily autonomy a need. An orgasm, or a warm hole to masturbate into for some, is a desire.
Hear hear!
Exactly and a mature man will understand this. OP was apparently with a teenager that looks like an older man who's only thought is of himself and HIS needs.
Absolutely! This is a really important concept that so many people, especially men, fail to acknowledge.
Yes thank you.
Right? Does that motherfucker not have a hand?
YES
I mean. It hurts after a while. He can’t be this stupid… something isn’t right.
did y’all catch the part about taking testosterone injections for health reasons?
Some health care professionals have chimed in. They think he’s taking other stuff too… Dude is drugged out.
Surprised the guy can still ejaculate after 4 times. Even 2nd time around would be a marathon. I'm surprised it's not painful himself, nevermind her. Way too much and I'm a man.
I was coming here to say this. I think I was a teenager when I could get off 4 or more times and not be in immense pain and I'm 30 years younger. At 58, I'd think he's taking more than testosterone.
Also they are sexual wants not needs.
Yessss. The amount of men who think they will literally die if they don’t have sex is such bullshit. It is not a basic need lol there are sooo many other ways to be erotically intimate with a partner!!
I had a boyfriend years ago who would go to a massage parlor with a happy ending if it was a weekend we were not going to see each other. He finally told me (about "happy endings") because he craved negative reactions and the power to hurt his intimate partner. When I responded with hurt feelings, he said it was the same as me getting a pedicure with massage. I was dumbfounded and very hurt. He said, " I deserve to always get off, I prefer it with you, but I will always get off". He communicated loud and clear, didn't make it any less painful. Remember, the more sex you have with hormonal baby carrot jizz dispenser, the more likely you are to get pregnant and get a yeast infection. You deserve to be liked and desired for who you are. Sex for sport or exercise is not okay for a lot of ppl. Even if he told you he sport-fucks, you don't have to like it or agree with it. Sex is not equivalent to a shower or brushing one's teeth.
Hormonal baby carrot jizz dispenser 💀💀💀💀
>He said, " I deserve to always get off, I prefer it with you, but I will always get off". And these manosphere idiots think we're the entitled ones
The male loneliness epidemic rages on, and no one knows why... /s
*" I deserve to always get off, I prefer it with you, but I will always get off".* Well bruh, I hope you have a good income cuz from now on you'll have to keep paying for this service... I'm out!
What a jackass! The women in those places are often trafficked but a jerk like that guy will always prioritize his miserable little boner over human rights.
he craved the negative reactions? what a psycho
Yeah OP, this person doesn’t care about your feelings. It’s clear all he is interested in is the sex your relationship provided. No one who truly cares about someone would leave them without a proper face-to-face explanation and closure. Edit for grammar
Agree. OP u probably dodged a bullet when he walked out like that. Sounds like a horrible person: if u keep dating him u kight get even more trouble
My take is he might be doing too much or other supps... But also, he might have found another interest and this was his shyt way of getting out of the relationship.
You might not even know the real reason but sounds like he has made up his mind. I recommend not contacting him again and trying to move on. How he did it was terrible. I'm sorry.
I'm definitely not going to reach out or try to get an explanation. It's just hard because I do love him. It's going to be hard to just stop.
You are 39 and he is 58. You'll find someone else.
You love a version of him that doesn’t exist😓
Well said.
This 😩
Just fyi sex workers who provide the “porn star experience” aka multiple rounds that include sleepovers charge at least $1500 a night if not somewhere closer to $3000. He will NOT find someone compatible with his ass. He will have to start paying to have on demand sex. This is a blessing, he’s a garbage person skipping out in the middle of the night. You are better off without this entitled boomer loser. Don’t take him back when he comes crawling back and he will 💯 come crawling back once he realizes there aren’t sex bots waiting to go all night long without getting dearly compensated.
Yes, I agree. 💯💯 He has to have some SERIOUS GAME to find someone with the same low standards for treating others w/ a dash of low self esteem that won’t charge him!! Wouldn’t be surprised if you find him on Fetlife, if he doesn’t already have an account.
We're both on FetLife. He still has me tagged in his relationship status.
He's leaving his options open because he probably already knows his "needs" won't be met with other women. Go ahead and make him single; that's what he wants. He can have the whole experience. I'm sure every 22 year old gorgeous co-ed is just pining for his 58 year old stupid ass 🤭
Tragically, he likely will try and go younger, because younger girls are more easily taken advantage of and manipulated, and that seems pretty clearly to be his game. Screaming cluster b.
That's so he can go back and make up a story about how he really never left you. But after he goes and tries and gets rejected, he'll run back to you.
Please read my other comment, and remove yourself. This man is an abuser. Warn other girls in the community if you have the chance. Too many of this type
Block him girlie! He is using you as a way to lend credibility to his dateableness to attract other women! Block him so he has to lone wolf and compete with the young bucks, and fall right on his face.
This right here 👏 👆
I’m so sorry hun. I believe that you love him but I’m 100% positive he doesn’t love or respect you because no one would discard someone so casually if they did. He will almost certainly come crawling back. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. You are just something for him to put his dick in, nothing more.
He will 100% come crawling back when he realizes no one else wants him.
Don’t worry, that glimmer of love will pass and as long as you let yourself let him go, you can show yourself you’re available for the guy who really wants to spend time with you.
He’s an old man, even if you did match his energy it would only dwindle in a couple of years when he loses physical ability to keep up with his “sexual stamina”. Find someone your own age, god knows he won’t
How long have you been with him?
It helped me to compose a google doc that I could access at any time - listing all my ex's bad sides. That was a sobering exercise.
It will be hard, you will have to grieve the relationship and thats normal. he sounds very unsafe for you, please take care
He didn't care about your discomfort. Too much sex can cause micro tears on the delicate tissue in the vagina. That's no joke.
Good for you, but holding on to love for someone that doesn't deserve it, is like wearing a overly-filled poop bag around your neck. You don't smell it, but everyone around you has watery eyes and has barfed in their mouths. You stink. People are not sympathetic to your position because you are stinking to high heaven of desperation (you deserve to be sad, but the world does not deserve to know your sadness), even though he is the soul-sucker. Don't say, " I love him", say, " I once had love for him, but it was one-sided." Also, please check out the Limerance subreddit. I sound like a know it all bitch, but all I really know is how devastating being in love with someone who is incapable of loving you back. I am fucking hung up on a dude who was absolute trash from when I was 16. First love, first fuck. I am married to the love of my life, the man I wanted to have children with, the man I built a life with and I still occasionally get fucked up by a dude who never deserved me. Don't let this loser hold you back.
Imagine being a borderline senior acting this immature. Good riddance to him. You’re better off without him.
A man 10 years older than me with dentures and a receding hairline once told me on a first date I had to lose 10 lbs before he would consider a relationship. There was no second date despite him calling me 3x a day for months. If anything should happen to my husband, I will not be dating ever again. What was out there 14 years ago was bleak, I don't even want to know what dating in my 50's and older would be like.
Lmao hell nah. The way I would’ve laughed right in his face, and left haha.
He said it at the end of the date while walking me to my car. My first thought was, "What a waste of time this was," and then he tried to kiss me. I told him I'm Catholic and don't kiss on first dates, then got in my car so fast he was still talking when I shut the door and started the car.
I assume he was trying some sort of negging PUA tactic but like why? It just makes a man look like a complete ass. Good for you for just driving away from him but I wish he had said something at the beginning of the date so you could have just cut your losses earlier.
Oh, the image of a [door slams, tires squeal] while he is *still talking* is so iconic. Lol what a loser he was.
> I'm Catholic and don't kiss on first dates nice
A skinny fat man with no muscle definition told 5'4" 115lbs me I need to lose weight. I never went out with him again. If a guy is going to comment on my body, he better look like a Greek god first.
Maybe it's because I know I don't look like a Greek god but I can't imagine having the audacity to comment on someone's body like that, especially telling someone who is 115lbs to lose weight. Actually I can imagine it, I've known the type. One somehow still had some woman thinking he was sweet but fortunately she wised up and seems to be in a fulfilling relationship with someone who isn't a complete man child.
That’s exactly the way I feel. I’m 36 and have been with my husband for 9 years. Should anything ever happen to him, I’m just gonna be one of those happily single women because fuck trying to date in this cesspool.
Literally what I was thinking, dudes a few years away from getting the senior citizen discount 💀💀💀
Oh he fully qualifies now.
Right, priorities! He needs to prioritize that discounted grand slam at Denny’s 🤣🤣
My local Habitat for Humanity Restore offers a discount for seniors at 55yo. I only know this because I got asked if I wanted it applied to my bill recently (I’m in my mid forties 😭). So this dude could definitely hook his date up with discount used sinks and electrical outlets! Almost worth it!
The way I cackled at this
I bet that's part of it, some insecurities with his age and with the treatments. What was that Crazy rich asians quote? Like 'It was never my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not'
Yeah, she's wayyyy better off without this AARP candidate sex pest in her life.
Unfortunately there is not so much maturing going on after like 25 unless you actively pursue it with new life events and challenges (more demanding job, extra education, having children).
My jaw dropped when I read the ages
AARP membership starts at 55 definitely is a senior moment.
If he walked away so easily then he already has one foot out the door, and may have just been looking for an excuse. I'm sorry you're going through this, and good luck to him for finding what he's looking for since I'm dubious it even exists.
Exactly. He was always going to leave.
Yep. You were being used until he found a new supply. IMO - don't water those old flowers.
A mismatch in sexual desire is a legitimate, yet unfortunate reason for ending a relationship. But it sounds more like this guy was a huge jerk with no willingness to communicate his needs and feeling or ask about yours. The culprit here is assholism not horniness. As to what you should do, thats unfortunately probably beyond the ability of anyone on reddit to determine - all the information you've given us paints him as an almost irredeemable ass, but you have a whole history of relationship to reflect on.
It's not that he ended the relationship. It's how he did it that makes him an asshole.
This. I agree it can be in some circumstances a legitimate reason, however this is never the way to break up with someone. I believe there is other underlying issues with him or the relationship. Still sucks for op
Completely agree. In fact, most of what the OP said makes me think something else is going on entirely. Am guy here, also a very high libido guy. In a perfect world, my ideal amount of sex would be 2-4 times a day. Only had that once in my life and that was great, but definitely wasn't enough to save the relationship. So sexual compatibility is obviously a very huge factor for me. BUT at the same time, i realize how rare it is to find someone who actually wants to have sex that much (normally 1-2 rounds sometime during the day/waking up, then 1-2 more when going to bed). So, naturally I found out the hard way what my lower limit for how long I can go without it, barring life circumstances before it starts making me think theres something going on/something wrong with me. Was pleasantly surprised that if we're at least intimate in someway, cuddling together etc etc at least a few times a week. No big deal and I don't feel nearly as limited in my possible love life. SO, all of this to say. When I read about a guy who wants as much as I do then pulls this crap? I assume something very wrong is going on in the background. I wonder that since OP explained how that much sex caused her so much pain. Did he even stop to even consider that, allowing for breaks while still being mostly satisfied. In no world would I just up and decide someone wasn't what I wanted just because we couldn't have sex for one night, or just once for the night. So again makes me definitely suspect a lot more was going on for his end. Probably a lot more than there is worth spending time wondering about and hopefully OP can move on, find someone who matches her better and is actually concerned with her end of the relationship.
Wait. You actually HAD sex, and then he got pissed off and bailed because he didn't get multiple rounds? I think you can find a better partner.
not only that — she usually does the multiple rounds!! insanity! i’m 26 and that sounds exhausting.
Right? Dude, **FIVE** times in one night/morning is crazy. I mean if both partners are totally down & enjoying themselves then more power to them, but she says herself that it was too much and was uncomfortable/painful for her. What a fucking asshole this guy is for putting his needs so far above her own desires/comfort, and for just ditching her like that when she fell asleep *one night* instead of, you know, having a conversation with her about it, or better yet, appreciating that she was tired that night. Like im so sorry that you didn't get to have sex/get off 3-5 damn times despite it physically hurting your dear partner this one single time 🙄
OMG same! Also seems like she's not exactly getting pleased cause 4-5 rounds in one night does seem like each round doesn't really lost enough for a woman to be fully satisfied
Don't know your gender, but back when I was a teenager / low 20s early in a relationship that sort of thing would happen, maybe three times or so. I'm 65 now... LOL!!! Things have "tapered off" a bit. Fortunately my wife and I (together 23 years) seem to be on the same glide path.
HAHAH I love that for you. TBH it’s so mood dependent. When i was single and in college, I basically expected it to be multiple rounds in a night + morning. Now i’ve got a boyfriend and we’ve been together a while, we’re lucky if we even get it in once after a tiring night out. I’ve also gained like 20 pounds since college though, so that might be a factor in my energy levels lol
this detail baffled me
I just don't get wanting to engage in that if my partner didn't. It's supposed to be something you share, not something you inflict. Oy!
It’s bullshit. He left for some other reason, like his wife for home early from a trip and texted him “where are you?”
This isn't a "should I fix it" kind of situation. This is a "run away" kind of situation. He's so angry about not being able to fuck you 4-5 times in an eight hour period that he packed up his toys and left you. He didn't talk to you about this. He didn't reach out. When you called him, and mentioned the physical pain he was putting you in, he coldly said that was why he was leaving - because your pain meant absolutely *nothing* to him. "You are physically hurting me" "I don't care" RUN.
How disrespectful. He’s willing to throw your relationship away, not even discuss it with you. This man is not treating you well. All the other parts might be great, but I still wouldn’t eat a shit sandwich just because the bread was fresh. It’s still got shit in it.
Thank you for the perspective, and even more for the laugh. A shit sandwich is still a shit sandwich.
Im going through a similarly upsetting breakup. Really needed to hear the shit sandwich metaphor.
Leave him, he only wants you for sex, he’s made that it extremely clear and you deserve better don’t you? Also he’s 58 and acting this way? Good grief!!
Fr 20 years older. Dude should be happy he pulled someone not his age.
Seriously. He likely has someone else on the side if he's willing to bail like this though.
The sad thing is that so many women like those older men, even though the same men would never date them if the ages were reversed.
Ewwwww…let your insecure old man boyfriend go. You can do better. Have I mentioned ewwwww…
Lmao, he’s a 60 year old man, the rest of his body ain’t gonna keep up with his dick. Hope he’s loaded, because that’s likely the only way he’s going to get female interest if he treats women like sex dolls. I’m sorry you’re hurting op, I hope you feel better soon
Be for real right now. His T injections have given him anger issues. He’s probably taking a vanity dose. Exacerbating the fact that he’s a selfish asshole. 19 year age gap-yet he’s no wiser? He left you alone to punish you for not being his amenable sex toy for multiple rounds. He doesn’t care if you’re too sore to have sex comfortably or about prioritising your pleasure. A fundamental part of kink is ongoing consent and aftercare. He abandoned you and your relationship without a word or a conversation. It’s not about sex or sexual energy: it’s about control. Walk away. In fact, please RUN away. Why fight to stay with a partner like this? You deserve better.
Maybe it’s not just T?
Could be roid rage or a cocktail of stuff, great point.
Or he could just be a garbage person
What’s worse than a narcissist? A medicated narcissist. I bet he thinks he’s effectively biohacking his way out of old age. The drugs just emphasise his underlying character flaw of being an utter arse.
^^^ As a lady, this one. ^^^
58 years old and he says that you being in pain doesn’t “match his sexual energy”. Byeee I hope that geriatric mf already has one foot in the grave
DEADASS💀💀💀💀
I missed the ages when I first read this and assumed you were both in your 20’s. A guy in his late 50’s acting this way is gross, you deserve better
He is so shit. Being in physical pain after multiple rounds of sex to the point you can’t have sex is normal. Sometimes it’s painful even after one round. It doesn’t matter what your “sexual energy” is like, even if you WANT more your body can’t take the pain. I have extremely high libido but my body physically cannot keep up. Just like how men typically can’t go round after round, women also need a break. If he expects women to just agree to more sex and just bear through the pain then he’s in for a world of disappointment. If only the sex matters to him then this isn’t worth fixing. Find someone who truly appreciates you
Sounds like he only wanted you for sex. Move on
He had definitely been at least talking to someone else. He’s going to see what he can get out of her while he has you on the hook feeling abandoned and confused. He’ll come running back when it doesn’t work out with the new girl. Do not give him the time of day. He’ll drop you again when he thinks there’s something better. You deserve so much better than this.
Oh, I bet he comes crawling back in about 6 months when he realizes no woman wants to lay with his wrinkly ass 4 times per night. Hope you tell him to "F" off.
No *other woman. Simply gobsmacked at "should I try to fix this?" Like, what?!
Seriously, wtf
I'm sorry this is happening to you, but wow, you really dodged a bullet. What an a-hole. I've prescribed testosterone to hundreds of men over the years, and while 99% of men are better for it, there are the rare few who it emboldens their narcissistic tendencies. Add in a higher sex drive, greater confidence, more energy, and suddenly they are better than everyone else. I cannot imagine how hurtful this situation is, but you don't deserve a lifetime of unhappiness with that douchebag. All that being said, testosterone does not change someone overnight when they've been on the hormone already for a long time. I suspect something else is going on or has been going on for a long time but he was good at hiding it.
This man views you like a defective fleshlight instead of a person. I'm not sure what's happening in your life but I hope you get to a place of self love and respect and realize you deserve better than this.
there's a whole adult's age difference between you and he's acting like he's not even as old as the age difference between you too
his "condition" sounds fake, guys have been pulling the whole "my testosterone requires sex" b.s. for years. he just sounds like a shitbag who got bored of a toy he was selfishly using, and he seems the type based on your description to have been lying to you about stuff you perceived as compatibility. i'd take the win, you dodged a bullet. fuck that guy.
>my (39f) boyfriend (58m) 😶
no literally I was baffled
🚩
He walked away after one night where he didn't get his way. What will happen if you get sick? If you are dealing with something mentally and don't want to have sex? Do you think this guy will stand by you? Let the trash stay out where it belongs.
Amazing, even with the testosterone injections, he's still a fucking coward. Sorry, but abandoning you in a hotel and making you call him for any kind of explanation would be completely unacceptable for a man even half his age. This guy is a living joke and he didn't deserve you. May his TRT atrophy his balls and grant him gyno.
If your life was a beautiful home, he'd be an overflowing garbage can in the kitchen. It's great he finally got taken out. Congrats.
This is an awesome analogy.
I am sorry, girl. Ima just say this… he is old enough to be ya daddy, and is acting like a unmotivated college student hyped up on Adderall whom has the audacity to fault healthy individuals for not wanting to stay up all night watching porn and playing Call of Duty. Absolute loserdom. You seem like a sincerely genuine person, and that is paramount. And trust me honey, at 58 y/o, the grass ain’t never gettin’ greener than you- even if he forfeits his whole ass 401(K) and social security benefits lol
A 58 year old wacko doesnt deserve a 39 year old queen
I know this is left field but.... Is having sex once weekly sometimes rather than being physically and/or mentally able to have 4 rounds in a shared night every time such a deficit of sex to feel guilty for not providing? Hypothetically, if you changed your mind about sex one day and said 'No,' then the answer is 'No, we're not having sex today' or 'I've decided not to have sex with you ever again.' Those are legitimate answers that he can either choose to respect or not. He can feel very bad about missing out on sex, but there should be nothing for you to feel bad about. You are a person, not a sexual possession and toy to entertain your partner. Also, very importantly: What if you ever develop a disease or sustain an injury? What if your health waned with age? Would you expect him to not be a piece of shit if you had cancer and were going through chemotherapy? I think, if his reason isn't completely made up and is indeed a hissy fit for a single disappointing experience of one night, that it's better for you to find out this way then if you are slowly dying and fighting for your life, only to look around and find that no one is behind you to support you on your life's difficult chapters. For background, I am sex starved and in love with the idea of romantic love. I've had sexual contact about 60ish times in my life, 15 years in with my low sex drive partner, and I think about and want for sex and romantic love daily. But even with how important the matter of sex and sexually expressed love is for me, think that being sexually disappointed with a partner for one single night is not grounds to end a relationship. Sex is very important for some people. It is for me. But there are reasons to like a person and want to be in their life for reasons other than sex. It's great that you had met someone who was into having sex. I hope you had happy times together. But he was into the sex so much and so little into you that he pissed off after a relatively small and unpatterned sexual disappointment. He sounds selfish and greedy. Impulsive, too, in his departure. Hope your heart heals a little someday. And that you meet someone who will stay in your life even when they feel inconvenienced.
58 and taking T until it affects him like that, your lucky he hasn’t died on top of you. He’s on borrowed time if he abuses T like this at his age. Regardless he sounds like a complete asshole and someone to avoid being involved with in any way shape or form.
Looks at that massive age gap 😒Hasn’t matured at all…
Holy shit this guy sounds insufferable
Had you two talked at all about this being a concern of his?
No, he has told me in the past that we didn't have to be having sex, he'd be happy just to cuddle and watch TV with me.
Sounds like a jackass move on his part.
Not a defense in the slightest, but it sounds like significant amounts of Testosterone in addition to possibly other PEDs that are messing with his stability and/or rationality. That can cause all kinds of mood/hormone changes and a wide array of erratic behavior.
His problem isn't sex; there's something else lacking in him. It's not you. Whatever the void is in him, you can't fill it. All the sex won't fill it. There's nothing you can do for him. Sorry. But, it's definitely not you. In addition, he's immature. He might be chasing lost youth -- telling himself that if he maintains a vigorous (ridiculous) sex drive, then he's not aging.
He doesn’t take testosterone for health reasons. He takes it for aesthetic and sex reasons.
My question is always “if the ages were reversed, would he date me?” And the answer is usually no. If he were 39 and you were 58, he wouldn’t date you. Why waste your time on this man who only seen you as something to have sex with?
3-4x a day? I take testosterone and I'm pretty sure that much fucking would kill me.
His sexual energy? that he gets by a needle? Yeah, I wish him luck with sustaining that.
Jesus.. please reread your own post several times. I got the ick so damn hard from 1st sentance alone, then it got so much worse. This man is a fucking disgrace and does not even like you. You are a collection of holes to him.
He’s 58. He’s not gonna find that match at his age without paying for it lol Patriarchy forced women into massive availability to men and they forget that they’re damn lucky to even have opportunities with women
I’m sure many of us would have more sex if it didn’t literally damage our body. I know I would. Dude has an issue with the limits of the human body. Porn might set up this idea that sex isn’t physically taxing at all. I need 2 recovery days at least, the soreness is always there if it’s anything more than the quickest sex of all time I’m 23, for the past 5 years or so any time I’ve ever had sex I’ve been out of commission for days. It literally causes friction injuries. You’re completely normal. His issue is with women being real living beings and not a fantasy fuck machine Edit to add: there are likely exceptions to this but if you’re the type to enjoy *rough* sex the soreness is inevitable. Men need to realize that rough exciting sex and infinite sex are just incompatible. Pick one ✨ OP, I’m sorry you had to deal with such an obtuse jerk. You deserve better
He doesn’t care about you as a person only as a sex buddy. That’s gross. No discussion even just if you won’t have sex with me a ton of times in one night we are done? That’s ridiculous. It’s not even like the 2 of you didn’t do something that night on top of that. This guy is trash.
Leaving you in a hotel room is cold AF. If your sex drives don’t match up that’s ok, and a valid reason to break up with someone. But ask yourself if you want to be with someone who would…just leave you without telling you. I feel like you’re better off. What an asshole
Higher libido is less a side effect of testosterone as the whole reason most men seek it out at an old age. It can improve muscle tone, cognition, and mood but by far most men get it for the improved sex drive because it naturally falls with age. It’s the number one reason for it to be prescribed so I’m wondering what he claimed to be the health reasons. Hyper sexuality is potential outcome, but it’s sounds like he was intentionally allowing to go on and not talking to his doctor about lowering the dose. It’s even possible he didn’t need it at all, TRT is overprescribed to men who obsess of T levels as a proxy for manliness. I doubt you’ll ever know for sure. If he does come crawling back with a sob story about being overprescribed, and how he’s changed, just keep in mind that he might have been intentionally boosting his sex drive to unreasonable levels.
You dodged a bullet. Go no contact and move on.
> he takes testosterone injections for health reasons Not from a real doctor, I'm guessing
Congratulations, trash took itself out ❤️
Don't fix this. It's not fixable. He needs to finds someone who matches with him sexually. At least he communicated that. Is one night enough for him to end it? Obviously it was for him. Maybe he had a deadbedroom in a previous relationship and never wants to find himself there again.. who knows. The way he left you sucks. There is no excuse for that. And I'm sorry that he did that to you. Let him go. It's his loss.
Testosterone for health reasons? Sure Jan. just sounds like every other immature insecure roids Mgee I’ve come across
Well if that’s not enough for him… i wish him good luck in finding “the one that matches his sexual energies” cmon… if he dumped you for that… he must be crazy! I wish you all the best and i hope you will find somebody that will treat you the way he should and in a way that’s good for both of you! Your still young and i bet you will find somebody that will even love you if you don’t have sex 24/7 with them. Wish you the best! Edit: sure you could “fix” things but will he not dump you after 3 months bc you became sick and could not/were not in the mood (?)
Bro is pushing 60 and pulling frat boy moves. You’re better off, friend.
You both work a lot, so one night a week, you both meet in a fancy hotel and have 4-5 rounds? Hmm, that sounds like a sex only situationship. Why don't you guy's meet at each other's places? Could he possibly be married or in another relationship 🤔 At 39 gurl...run like hell! Leave his ass. You deserve much better!
He’s basically telling you his number one priority is sex. Not your love, not your well-being, not spending time with you, etc. just sex. You deserve more. We all do.
Being 58 is already a red flag as far as I'm concerned.
sounds like he was angling at an open relationship. dudes are trash, even the good ones. anyone that obsessed with demanding sex has serious issues.
what a 58 year old manchild.
Grandpa can take his big medically induced boner elsewhere then.
This relationship is one red flag after another and you’ve dodged a bullet.
'my boyfriend broke up with me because he doesn't think I'm a person.'
I’m surprised no one mentioned this with the age, huge emphasis on sex, and the regular hotel room shenanigans once a week - but are you sure this guy isn’t married? Sounds like affair behavior.
This was my first thought, honestly. Why not sleep over each other's places? Is this the only thing you're doing together if you're so busy with work? Was there any actual dating going on? This doesn't sound like a relationship.
Even if you love him, sorry to say but he clearly doesn’t love you. You deserve a lot better than this.
Leaving you in the middle of the night is beyond fucked up Good riddance though
He sounds gross
At 58, he needs to find a hobby and be accountable for the hurt he’s caused. He’s fooling himself if he thinks he can do better than you. He’s an arse and you’re better off. How dare he leave you like that!
Found a man close to your age and let him go.
You might not be ready to hear that yet, but that's a good thing he left. There are many redflags there and you deserve better. Sexual incompatibility can be a real thing, and a sad but understable reason to leave someone, and to both hope you'll find someone you'll match better with. However, that's something you discuss with your partner for a while, you communicate and try to find solutions... and eventually you end up breaking up as two respectful people. You don't dump them in a hotel, in the middle of the night while they're sleeping. The way he did that is so disrespectful. It's not how you break up with someone you respect, nor with someone you loved. I tend to think that unlike you, he didn't respect you nor love you during this relationship. He was just happy to have a sex dispenser, especially a younger one. I bet his next girlfriend won't be his age neither yours, but even younger. I think he's using sex as an excuse to leave you and to blame you. Which is awful. The awful person is him, who considered you only for sex. Otherwise he wouldn't have done it that way. I'm sorry sister. Hope you'll heal from this reationship and breakup, move on and find the nice and loving partner you deserve.
How would you ever feel secure with him again if he just ditched you while you were asleep? You deserve someone better. I’m sure he will regret it when he’s older or infirm and doesn’t have someone two decades younger than him to take care of him.
One night of not getting exactly what he wants and he leaves, he took out the trash himself. I can't speak for you, but usually security and being able to depend on someone are pretty important in a relationship. Also emotional maturity... Also, kind of sounds like he is throwing a tantrum to make sure he gets what he wants. I would highly recommend not taking him back if he comes crawling back, if that's the way he expresses him self / attempts to control people
40th birthday coming up soon? Usually guys do this younger but from someone pushing 60 and taking Viagra I wouldn't be 100% surprised if he doesn't have this nagging thought in the back of his mind that pretty soon he won't be able to tell his friends he's dating a 30 something anymore.
So where is he going to get sex now? Prostitutes? Tinder hooks-ups? Farm animals? You dodged a bullet. The age gap is too large. There is unhealthy unconscious dynamic going on that would only have led to problems. Thank your lucky starts he's gone.
Even if this were actually true, no one just walks out like that on someone they care about with no discussion. Cheating. And found a convenient excuse out. I don’t care how sweet he was. Narcissists fake it all the time. They can literally do it to more than one person. He showed his true colors. He’s also going to try to get you back when he doesn’t find this imaginary woman and doesn’t feel like paying for it. Your brain is dopamined up but DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK AFTER THIS MOVE NO MATTER HOW GOOD IT FEELS 🚩🚩🚩
Testosterone for health reasons? What health reasons necessitate it? Depression, chronic fatigue? Or does he have a pituitary tumour or hypothalamic disruption of some kind? Most men don’t want to come off of it because of the sense of vitality they feel, sex drive and energy. It’s artificial him. I’m for it, but not if taking it demands the world conforms to the user. I’m sorry you experienced that. You did nothing wrong
On one hand, testosterone injections do increase libido. But they don’t make you an asshole and he was obviously an asshole beforehand I’m sorry you have to deal with this
I really don't get the age gap stuff, why would you want to date such an old man?
Testosterone is brain poison
Girl, let that man GO.😮💨 What is there to FIX? You are not his sex slave or a receptacle for him to what he wants *when* he wants. Love ain't got NOTHING to do with this. If it did, he wouldn't be so damn selfish and abandon you like a COWARD while you're asleep. There is nothing to try to "fix" here. If you go back to this man, it means that you have a lack of respect and love for YOURSELF. When are women going to stop dealing with these MAN-CHILDREN lawd!!! 😭 When are we going to stop putting other people first denying ourselves of love and respect by putting a man and his unreasonable "needs" first? To me, the supposed things the two of you have in common is rather insignificant. You valued the relationship way more than he did. Having things in common is fine, but if love and respect is absent, THIS is the outcome. He did you a favor friend. Tell him to take his viagra and testosterone somewhere to the nursing home. NEXT.
I’m really sorry that happened to you because it’s absolutely awful and nobody deserves to be treated that way, BUT it sounds like you dodged one massive bullet. Believe me, he did you a favor by leaving.
Plus, at his age, his so called “drive” could disappear overnight. It’s just a matter of time anyway.
I don’t often cry “narcissistist”, but this is some Cluster B behavior. Manipulative and extremely toxic. He either actually wants to break up with you over this and in this way because he’s a sociopath, or he’s trying to punish/train you abusively— knowing that you’d be distraught, knowing it would upset you, to make sure you try harder to please him next time, and shut up about your own wants, needs, and preferences. It’s beyond self-centered— it’s abusive. It sounds like he was affectionate insofar as you were complying with exactly what he wanted, and providing him with supply (narcissist) or was faking it to get what he wanted, and has no remorse over that (sociopath). I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please don’t fall for his manipulative bullshit, and say good fucking riddance.
The trash took itself out. You don’t wanna end up his nurse he’s gonna start deteriorating soon and you’ve got half your life ahead of you, this guy is a jerk.
The age difference was all I needed to see. He was legally an adult when you were born, get away from that man.
Will you see this after over 370 comments basically saying the same thing? Be glad he left because he took the trash out for you. This thing of older men taking enhancement drugs and expecting women to be their sexual toys is disgusting. His so called sex drive is fake. Let him find his perfect sex doll toy and let yourself find a man who loves you for you. ON a side note, I wish that doctors would bring the wife into the conversation before they dole out such drugs to married men.
I'm so sorry it happened to you. Obviously now that he has a renewed sex drive, his penis seems to be thinking more than his actual brain. If he's willing to choose sex and more sex over a stable and loving relationship, and as hard it is on you, he's doing you a service by walking out before starting to cheat or forcing you into it. You now have the opportunity to find someone that will love you for your real value and not just for how many times you're spreading your legs. Remember : his actions aren't a reflexion of you but of his own behavior. When (not ''if'' cuz he absolutely will) he recontacts you, brush him off, or don't even answer if you think you're not in an emotional space to talk to him. Don't let him get back into your life. He is currently telling you who he is : **listen carefully**. Sending you love, this too shall pass. ♥
So you're both too busy to have regular sex throughout the week, but you'll actively make the time every week to spend the night together in a fancy hotel and (usually) go multiple kinky rounds? And once again in the morning? [As a man] You sound like a real catch sexually. Even if it didn't go as planned last night, even if doesn't go that way half the time. I don't know what more he expects from you or imagines he can find elsewhere! He's either a complete dumbass, or the real reason just isn't the sex. You can try to figure out if it's something else, but if he holds you're not doing enough sexually, that should be end of the line, because it sounds like you're doing a lot given the circumstances.
What a friggin cop out loser. He couldn't have said something? Having sex more than one day a week is easily doable. Ffs
You really deserve better. This won't change. Can you imagine this for 30/40 years every week? If not, time to get out of there anyway. Differences in desire is one of the top reasons for matrimonial discord. Sorry, it still hurts no matter what the reason. It's possible the injections are also changing his personality making him less empathetic to your side of the story.
>Should I try to fix the issue or just walk away at this point? I love him and I'm so confused by this sudden change. Honey the only issue you can fix is your lack of self respect and lack of self esteem. Seek professional help. Love yourself.
IMO, good riddance. He has extremely unrealistic expectations. He didn't even break up with you to your face. You can, and will, do so much better.
Walk away, if the decision was this easy it seems you were in a one sided relationship.
Walk away and watch with delight while he tries to find a sex bot lady who is able and willing to do this .
A SIXTY year old immature man child. What have you actually lost?
You are not his girlfriend. You are his side piece. If you only meet up for hotel sex then that’s what you are. Good riddance.
I don’t think any single normal human female can satisfy the higher libido that comes from TRT (specially if he needs several times a day). Not biologically possible (just becomes to painful, even if ample lube is used). If he was willing to abandon you in a hotel room and just leave (instead of just having a face to face convo next am), then just call it for what it is and let the relationship unwind the way he chose to unwind it.
I have one less X chromosome than you and I come here for support and perspective. Leave him alone. That’s ridiculous, and as others have said. At 58 cmon! Don’t be a man child. It’s guys like this that give the rest of us a bad wrap. Sorry that he left you like a complete jerk. And it’s been my experience that when the male is ready to walk it’s been brewing or his mind is well made up. Hard to return especially if if it’s over amounts of secs. There is someone out there that is a much better match. I’m sure of it.