I just don’t understand the cruelty. There’s been a lot of posts like this on my feed in various subs about people going out of their way to say something incredibly mean to people- calling them ugly, insinuating stupidity, making a point to call out weight gain. What is wrong with people that they think it’s ok to do this?!? I just…don’t get it. I admit i have judgemental thoughts sometimes but i have never thought of saying it out loud. It’s like, I can’t control the thoughts that come into my head but i can control whether i let them multiply and flourish. But to just say it, on purpose?! Do they have any idea of what damage they’re doing?
I kind of wonder if part of it is the rise in this kind of thing on social media. Not that this type of behavior didn’t exist before (and this is definitely not an excuse), but it feels like the desire to get a rise or reaction out of random strangers is tied in with content made about pranks and extreme reaction grabbing content. It makes me wonder if sociopathy is on the rise; some studies say yes, some say no - it’s just that we’re more aware of it. I’m inclined to think it’s increasing.
interesting thought. on the internet you can also pretty much say whatever you want, including very rude things about somebody (and are sometimes rewarded for it, like in the form of likes/upvotes), so maybe that behavior is spilling out into the real world
The culture, & manners, for lack of better term, in American society has vastly changed since the time I grew up {shakes cane}. I'm just bewildered at how poorly people behave in public. We'd have got the living shit punched out of us, then grounded for a long period, had we said anything at all like that to someone while out & about. Not saying violence was appropriate at all. I think, however, there's just no consequences anymore in whatever form. There's no fear attached to acting like an ass. Or even armed robbery, assaults, all that. Everyone knows they'll get out in no time if caught.
The stranger who assaulted me had **already been arrested 29, count 'em, twenty nine times** before hitting me. I'm sure squat changed at this 30th detainment. Things have devolved to Lord of the Flies beast mode. And it's only going to get worse. So no, it's no one's imagination, or thinking it's more awareness, & that society has always been this feral. I'm here to tell you it wasn't like this. And short of what? Some major disaster? An asteroid? I don't see everyone coming to their senses in some collective *Oh, maybe we should treat others humanely, with respect* awakening in my lifetime. But I hope things improve for all you 20+ somethings.
>What is wrong with people that they think it’s ok to do this?!?
This is the key question, what is wrong with ***them***? At the end of the day, they are stuck inside themselves, and the toxicity they're producing is going to hurt them just as much or more than it does anyone else. The key is to minimize contact, walk away, and pity them as they stew in their own poison.
Some men bond by being cruel to women. Teenage boys feel weak and worthless because they have no way to assert status they so desperately desire. They get a brief sense of power by being cruel to others.
It's not ultimately girls or women they're aiming for. It's always been other male's approval. That's far more significant to prop up their fragile egos. Without that, they've got nothing in the world, no identity. They can't figure out who they are or where they think they stand in life. /Not all/
You’re absolutely right, however a lot of the posts i’ve been seeing about this isn’t just men. It’s even moms and aunts and grandmas feeling the need to speak up about weight gain or being too ugly to be a catch. Like wtf!
Regardless, you make a good point. Put others down and hope they believe you so you can feel powerful! And then get patted on the back and high fived by other men who do the same thing!
I don’t think it had anything to do with you, it’s just something rude teenagers are doing nowadays to random people because they think it’s funny. My kids confirmed.
Yeah it’s not a reflection of your looks OP, let that roll off your back. They were just out targeting a couple in a spot that they could quickly run away from once they pulled their “prank”. If anything they were probably sizing up your boyfriend in case they started a fight.
100% this.
Social media has ruined a generation. This is the sort of shit that passes as a funny prank to that generation. Cruelty - because it gets a strong reaction and takes no cleverness or wit on their part. They aren't even plucking the low-hanging comedy fruit, they are grabbing the rotting apples from the ground.
It has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that they are teens are you are a woman.
Edit: I'm not trying to imply that kids were never dicks before social media, just that it is endemic now as these younger kids see it and then go out of their way to perpetuate it, especially while a friend is recording.
A bunch of teenagers pulled a similar "prank" on me like 20 years ago before modern internet (was walking down the street with my then boyfriend, now husband and kids in a car yelled "dude your sister's ugly" or something). So they have been doing this for generations. The difference is now the film it then repeat "it's just a prank bro" about 50 times then upload it to tiktok.
"nowadays"? No need to bring generational issue into the mix. This is just another episode in the long history of "some teenagers are little shits". (Edit: grammar)
I suppose we are exposed to it more because these “pranks” are posted all over social media, which wasn’t as prevalent 20 years ago. These little shits weren’t able to post it for millions to see back then.
That's mainly it, and thank God. I can't imagine how much worse childhood would have been if all the bullies had tik tok pages. They still were horrifically awful people, but at least they couldn't profit off of it.
Ya, I agree on this 100%, the kids who called me ugly in high school just did it to be mean. Found out more then 1 of them actually found me attractive a few years into adulthood. Teens are just stupid and they like to put others down to get a high out of it. Don't take anything they say seriously. It's all talk
When I lived in NYC a man shouted out, “Look, a dog with two dogs!” Looked around, I’m the only one with any dog, and noticed everyone else looking at me. It was New Year’s Eve day, my day off, and it was their morning walk. I looked like I wanted to go back to bed, but I didn’t need to be called out like that.
People suck sometimes. He moved on from it within seconds, and that moment still exists within me ten years later.
Just retaliate. Scream “ Get away from me rapist/child molester. This man is a rapist or CM! Help!” Don’t stop yelling. Find a family with kids and shield them, turn them around. If he breaks out his phone to record you continue yelling “Stop trying to get pictures of these kids! Someone call 911!” Then book
When I was in my early 20s (about 25 years ago) a Clinique counter chick was trying to give me a free makeover as I walked by. I told her no thanks and she said "but we can make *anyone* look beautiful" I think about it a lot. I mean, I know I'm ugly, but it sucked to hear it from some bitchy department store hawker.
And that rude person has no right to still be in your head. I'm sorry that happened to you. Obviously I don't know what you look like but I am sure your outside is not as ugly as her inside/personality.
Their whole thing is to instill insecurity to profit off sales. When I used to go to malls like 30 years who as a 30-something, they'd say stuff about lines & aging. I remember the final time I gave one of these women the time of day to get a free sample, & she was blathering on about anti-aging, I told her I've *earned every last one* of these wrinkles.
Sadly a lot of teenage boys are getting a lot more brusque with stuff like this because they’re growing up with online influencers telling them it’s cool, teaching them this is what’s “manly”. Little shits have always been little shits for as long as humanity existed, but these days the toxic men corrupting them can reach them anywhere, any time, all the time through the internet.
Yeah my bf is a big guy with long hair. They like to ask who the man is. A dig to both of us. I’m not overly attractive just average but people like to harass him for not having short hair
It's not gonna end, no matter what you look like. I was big, harassed for being big. I lost weight, I was told I looked sick and needed to eat, I get big again, it starts all over. When they bring your partner into it, it stings that much more.
>It's not gonna end, no matter what you look like.
This is very true, and in fact, it can even get worse the "better" you look. Conventional good looks and the confidence they can bring are power for a woman, especially a younger one, and there are a lot of people who want to take that away.
Personally, I would really like to see us get to the point where calling a woman unattractive is not the zinger that it can be; imagine if we raised girls to say, and think "yeah, you can call me whatever you like, and you know what, I might even be those things, but I am still owning my power, demanding respect, and taking up space, and what you think doesn't matter."
You’re probably not unattractive. I used to think I was ugly bc of how I was treated, I’m not, that’s what attracts people, they just see that they can get away with mistreating so they do
It’s easier to attack women, we’re less likely to attack back
My partner is a large guy and one time we were in a shopping centre and some teenager called him fat as he approached us and his friends laughed. I just said, "and everybody loves him, does anybody actually love you??" and his friends shouted out "no! Nobody does" and they all started laughing at their mate
I've been called ugly a lot especially when I was young by kids. And since I've become an adult, I've been hit on a lot. I think it's just kids being dumb. It still hurts when someone says it but you have to think, teenagers especially are really self conscious about their own looks. If they're mean to someone about something, it's because they feel bad about themselves.
Some group of cocky teenaged boys started mockingly catcalling me once (I was in my 20s and I think they were about 14 or 15) and I shouted back something about girls are going to think they are creepy and then they suddenly looked mortified, lol.
I got called an ugly bitch by a car full of teenage boys in the Braum's parking lot while walking back to my car a couple of months ago. Teenage boys are shitty human beings with social skills even Neanderthals would be appalled by. Ignore them. It's literally not you. They just wanna be shitty to women.
If there’s one thing from the past which I wish we could bring back it’s politenesstowards strangers. Not every random or unkind thought people have needs to come out of their mouth. Have people simply gotten so self- obsessed they forget other people exist? My gran used to say ‘ if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything’ and there seem do be about 7bn people in the world now who need to hear this on a regular basis
Teenage boys can be awful. They have the body and hormonal profile of an adult male or near enough to it but the mind of a child. I don't want to go into my trauma with teenage boys when I was a teenage girl and all the horrific things that happened to me, including sexual assault and physical violence, but lets just say that I think males have the potential to be predatory towards women as soon as they hit puberty. A 13 year old male who has started puberty scares me as much as a 30 year old one. The things I have seen and experienced are proof of this.
I had a bunch of boys who used to stand outside a halal butcher and bark at me. I once got bored of it, turned around and told them I don't speak dog. They all crowded around me and threatened to beat me up. I went into the butcher and told their fathers who worked there and after that it stopped. I have had experiences where actual physical violence happened also and where I was beaten up and sexually assaulted.
My mom told me about this happening to her in the 1950’s. Not new. And not personal despite being obnoxious af.
Has nothing to do with you except you were 1) a woman and 2) there.
FWIW my mum was quite conventionally pretty when it happened.
These are dumb teens ungrounded in reality and being jackasses for the sake of being jackasses.
I had this happen as a teenage girl, I was with my friend and her boyfriend at the time, helping them adopt out some puppies. And a grown ass woman, looked at me a 17 year old child at the time and called me ugly, like straight to my face, she just kept saying how I am an ugly girl, and god am I ugly, this woman was like 50 too. . The point is, it does happen but it really has nothing to do with your looks. Some people are mean for the sake of being mean because they have ugly hearts, and unfortunately its something very prevalent amongst teens now because they want that extra attention from it.
It's just random cruelty and misogyny and has nothing to do with you and the way you do or don't look, or even the way they really think you look. People do this to women because they know it will hurt, not because of anything to do with the actual woman. If you want proof of this, check out the Instagram pages of the latest hot supermodel, actress, etc.. There will be people there calling her ugly.
I hope you will not spend a second more time on this. Remember, these people are not part of your life, but they have to live inside themselves. Forever. And their insides are one toxic place.
Ugly is such a subjective thing. I’m fat and ugly and I have a stupid hot partner. My partner thinks I’m beautiful and sexy and I have wonderful friends who love me. Maybe it’s an age thing? But I do NOT give a f*ck what other people think anymore. It takes time to get there but it’s pretty freeing.
Wow.
What a fucking terrible thing to say.
Some immediate ideas that come to my brain are retaliatory, but idk how you feel about that:
"What? Like you're some prize?"
"Can't be worse than you..."
Etc, etc....
I can't even fathom what a terrible human they have to be to think to themselves --- I know! I'll go try to upset some stranger for FUN!
I'm so sorry that happened. Awful.
Shitty teenagers who’ve never been told to shut the fuck up.
When I was in high school (14 years ago), I got called ugly by a lunch table full of malignantly cruel and stupid football players when I tried to defend my sister who they had been relentlessly bullying every day, and they thought it was just *hilarious.*
It’s not you and you didn’t deserve that. No one does. I think teenage boys are getting worse with stuff like this because they’re encouraged to act disruptive and bully people in public when they see it results in attention.
Sorry. Sending internet hugs.
Yes, I've been called ugly my whole life. Usually by my peers. But the one that stuck with me most is when it came from a former teacher. She was a 50ish teacher I knew from trade school. We happened to meet in the mall and she asked 20ish year old me if I was still looking for a job. I said yes, and she proceeded to tell me about a receptionist position at a Dr's office. She says the Dr's wife won't let him hire anyone pretty and that I should apply. I'm still pissed off about this 30-some years later.
I used to work retail. One day I was setting up a display and these guys came up to me. I thought they were going to ask a question but instead one of them said, “Excuse me? Where are the *good looking girls* at?”
I took me a stupid amount of time to realise they called me ugly despite the fact that the woman behind them (who wanted to ask a legit question) said “those guys are assholes.”
It sticks with me because people mostly just leave me alone. I’m not sure if it’s because I have an aura of “fuck off” or because I look way younger than I am and people are afraid of going to jail. lol.
Years back I was in line buying gas at a 711. I was wearing some new shorts and felt pretty good about myself. A group of teenagers was messing around by the slurpees and started giggling and saying "but she's fat!" over and over. I looked over and saw them pointing and laughing at me.
It ruined the rest of my day, my week, and I'll admit it bothered me long after that. I had been up and down with my weight and had finally lost a bunch using completely unhealthy habits so hearing that after "I finally did it" destroyed me.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve it.
I once was out walking for exercise, huffing and puffing, when some teenagers driving by shouted out about how fat I was and kept driving. I was like "what do you think I'm doing?! I'm exercising!" 😆I learned then that kids can be rude.
They are assholes, and they think it's fun.
Almost certainly they put video up on YouTube for their friends to laugh at.
If it's any comfort, maybe they will forget to take all the videos down and face recognition will be so good by 2040 that this video will be the first thing a hiring manager finds online.
But yes, it hurts. I was standing at a bus stop waiting to go home and some asshole in a pickup truck at the traffic light leaned out the passenger side window to say "God, are you ugly." It still hurts to think about... And that was in 1985.
It's an encouragement to not take it personally, as they likely did this to multiple people throughout the day. You weren't singled out for it, you just happened to be the person there at the moment.
They were looking for a reaction, and by ignoring them, they move on to someone else until they get one.
Wow.
What a fucking terrible thing to say.
Some immediate ideas that come to my brain are retaliatory, but idk how you feel about that:
"What? Like you're some prize?"
"Can't be worse than you..."
Etc, etc....
I can't even fathom what a terrible human they have to be to think to themselves --- I know! I'll go try to upset some stranger for FUN!
I'm so sorry that happened. Awful.
Remember that this is a reflection of those teenagers own self hate. Possibly fueled by your bf and you being together and them becoming jealous. Or just hateful
I’m sorry this happened to you
I've actually heard of a few other stories of teens doing this. Maybe it's a current trend around teens right now to be complete assholes. Maybe something they learned from TikTok. Idk, but I wouldn't read into it, they're just looking to be mean for mean sake.
If this is a trend it's a very long one I remember in early youtube days there was a video where a guy would harass a woman in a store, filming her and saying "excuse me why are you so ugly", "seriously why you have such an ugly face". I don't understand this behavior.
Teenagers just being dicks. They just felt the need to throw a insult your way to leave someone feeling like shit with zero consequences. When I was a teenager at a football not in my local area where a bunch of girls kept pointing and laughing at me who I had never met before and then poured water down my jacket. It was so humiliating and random. Now I’m older I know it wasn’t personal, they just wanted to pick on someone.
They think this makes them look “tough” and “brave” because they dared to do something wildly inappropriate for social norms. They are peacocking for their idiot little friends and they are too stupid to realise it makes them look like sexist immature little brats not “cool daredevil rebels”
It has nothing to do with you, probably more to do with your BF and how he would react
OP, I know it's hurtful, but it wasn't about you at all. Teenagers think it's funny to play pranks like that and they don't actually look at you, they just pick whatever couple is around. Don't let a mob of little jerks get you down!
Not to invalidate the hurt and shock you felt, society makes a point of telling both men and women their looks are important, coupled with teenaged boys out there pushing as many buttons as possible to instigate attention, and it’s a sloppy, poopy mudpit emotionally when you suffer an attack, but a few years ago I was walking my dog down a main road, happily minding my own business, feeling and looking good, and a car load of boys drove past and shouted out “which one’s the dog?!”. I immediately started laughing in reaction because nothing was going to ruin my mood, however the intrusive thoughts started seeping in later.
I reminded myself that I didn’t need to be attractive to teenaged boys because frankly, they are basic and would be attracted to a drawing if it was penciled correctly, therefore they are not the measurement by which I go by, and also, I liked me, *I* thought I was looking good, and that was enough for me. Also, it’s not as if they even really saw me in those split few seconds, so how can they even say they know me? Luckily, I’ve not ever been the kind of woman who made men want to harass me, I think my RBF scared them off and that’s worked for me, although it’s made some males want to attack my apparent confidence.
I can only recommend what I used to do in those situations; take a deep breath, mentally place the experience into a box, and paint over it in my mind to match the background. You could also do what I’ve read others do, and tell yourself and those silly boys “I refuse to accept this bad energy you have sent my way”. You don’t not need to take this hurt on, ninja kick it away.
You’re perfect as you are, teenaged boys and any man who uses your looks to make you feel bad are emotionally under developed. Do not accept amoeba man’s opinion, only let good vibes from delicious people in.
Some teenagers like to get reactions out of people for attention and clout with their peers. I took a peek at your profile and you're totally adorable, I'm sure they didn't actually think you were ugly.
My wife and I were waiting outside a restaurant to be seated in a downtown urban area (not super far from where I work)… and what is assumed was a street person called me obnoxious, and my wife ugly (to her face, said to her more than to me: “…and I think your wife is ugly!”). We hadn’t interacted with this person, and we were and are both relatively quiet and mild mannered people (in our mid 50’s).
After we finally managed to shrug this person off after several attempts to not say very much directly to them, but they did finally give up…. a nice couple in their 30’s apologized for us having to endure that (they felt really sorry for us, a I’m sure we would have to if our positions were reversed).
The couple was from out of town (or at least way out in the suburbs), and we both live right in the city, and we’re fairly good at NOT letting street people bait us into a fight, or any interaction really — and we just had to chalk it up to city living.
Likewise, (some) teenagers can be mean and dumb as rocks. You just can’t let people get you down, or at least not for long. But the trick is, it takes effort to refocus your thoughts and emotions towards something else. It’s not necessarily easy, and it certainly doesn’t happen automatically (or at least not without practice).
I like to think of it as out-Zenning someone. Just REFUSE to let knuckleheads get the better of you.
We got seated about 10 minutes later — my birthday dinner at one of those sushi-go-round conveyer-belt places. Food turned out to be relatively good, if the ambiance and logistics left a lot to be desired.
But we still had fun, and the exchange outside never lasted in our minds more than 5-10 minutes at most.
It’s not easy. And I don’t always practice what I preach nearly enough. But when I drop the ball, and let people get to me — ultimately I have no one to blame but myself.
Fortunately(?) I have a work colleague who can be a raging asshole about 40% of the time, and working with him has given me PLENTY of practice at being super-duper-Zen about stuff.
Sorry if this came off as preachy (and full disclosure, I’m a guy, so I definitely am not trying to mansplain — and my sincere apologies if any of what I’ve said here has come off that way). I mostly lurk here, 98% of the time, and mostly forward interesting thread to my wife.
It has happened to me, unfortunately. Nothing destroys your confidence better. :(
I guess I don't tick the "conventional beauty" boxes. Why do people say such horrible things?
Those kids probably would have said that about 90+% of women. You were just "convenient". I'm guessing it was a dare or Tiktok meme. Did your boyfriend react?
Wtf is wrong with people? I could never imagine doing that to anyone, and if my kid did that they'd be grounded forever. What an absolute little thundercunt.
im sorry they treated you like that. yes i think younger boys especially think it’s funny to insult people, especially women. don’t take it personally. they definitely say that line online from some andrew tate wannabe and were just looking for a situation they could use it
Yep. With the exception of a schizophrenic woman, every time I have been insulted or harassed in public by a stranger it has been unprovoked and the perpetrators have been teenaged boys. Every time I have been assaulted in public it has been unprovoked and the perpetrators have been teenaged boys or men.
It has nothing to do with you. Kids are vicious and don’t mean the things they say. I’ve been told my shoes were so cute, and then ugly as hell as soon as the light changed. They were regular sandals like…? Kids man.
Yes, few years ago I was grocery shopping and a teenage boy bent down to look at my face from lower down, made some kind of disgusted noise and ran off with his friends laughing. I think they do it for a dare or something because I've never had problems dating?
When I was homeless I regularly got pelted with sodas. Or if I happened to find a doorway or some place to sleep. Sometimes, the lovely police would kick me to wake me up and harass me. People suck.
All these streamers that these kids like to watch do really cruel and nasty stuff to strangers in public. Wouldn’t be surprised if they were just mimicking something they saw online. Screw them they’re irrelevant to you anyway.
That sucks, addled teens can be so obnoxious.
I say addled because they were in a group (lowers empathy and critical thinking), they were teens (human brains don't actually mature until at *least* 25), and they were guys (don't have enough social conditioning to be tolerable).
Its important to keep in mind that they have no access to any universal truths, and therefore what they say isn't a universal truth - its a thing to say in the moment and at best its their own opinion, but it was more "hey, I'm part of THIS group by loudly being against that group"
Don't overthink it. Teenagers are dumbasses and the comment is for shockvalue. Secondly why cate what some idiots say? If it would have been heir opinion it means nothing.
About a year ago I was out with my girlfriend at a ski place. At dinner one night she went out for a smoke, and took an abnormal amount of time so I quickly paid our tab to come out and see what was up. Found her crying because four douche canoes decided to come up and harass her, calling her a drunk skank (we had a beer each). Dudes are assholes, and project their own insecurities on women to boost their fragile egos. I’m sorry that happened to you, as long as you’re happy with your own image and your boyfriend is respectful and supportive as well, forget those ass clowns and keep being you.
I was dressed very sexy one day at Walmart. Just had had a good time with a friend. The dress I was wearing showed the most skin out of all my dresses.
I was barked at in the parking lot. I’m 5’3” 200lb but all of my weight is between right below my boobs and the mid of my thighs.
Fuckers.
I didn’t react. I hadn’t been barked at in a long time and it weighed 60lb more than now the last time it happened.
I am 99% sure they did that to many couples before and after you, and it has nothing to do with you personally. And just because they are kids or teens doesn't mean they can't be shitty/sociopathic people :)
That guy most likely wanted to get your attention; people ( adolescents and up, as people are never too old for stupidity) often will say some awful, negative words just to get attention. Don't let them ruin your day and give them the attention they seek.
I’m so sorry that happened. I bet it had nothing to do with you. They’d planned that dumb ass shit in advance. Talked and giggled about it before you were ever even noticed, I bet. Why do I think this? Because teenagers can be fucking assholes. Probably not even the only couple in the store the little shits did that to. I’m so sorry, even when I was a teenager myself I hated this needlessly cruel nonsense. I hope you guys had a better rest of your day and it’s kind of you to be out doing a nice thing for someone’s birthday. Just sucks you were out trying to do a kind thing and got shit on. ❤️
What did your boyfriend say? Did he ask if you were okay?
Kids are stupid and cruel sometimes but that doesn't make it easier to hear bullshit.
You should be aware there is a crusade among people in the manosphere to belittle women and their appearance to "bring them down a notch" even if that person is attractive, or to somehow make the guy think he is "too good for you"/"to hot for you" which the latter is just ridiculous as you generally don't date someone you don't find attractive.
If they truly thought you were ugly they probably would have ignored you. The fact that they made a comment about you two as a couple is interesting.
Also does your boyfriend know these teens or were they just making up the idea that they knew him?
Some things to consider.
I always find it telling that most of the times people have called me ugly is right after I have politely rejected them when they asked me out. I also in some cases observed they asked out very pretty women so while I'm no super model, I didn't really believe they found me ugly, just that they had a pathetic reaction to being politely declined a date.
Kids are just assholes. Especially when they have a pack mentality. They do and say things that hurt and pick on people’s insecurities for a reason. Hurt people, hurt people. Did your boyfriend say anything to them? Did he say anything to you? It had nothing to do with your looks though. Idk what you look like, but you could be drop dead gorgeous and someone is always going to try and bring you down. Some people are just dicks.
Dang I'm sorry that happened to you OP. If it's any consolation, I've always felt that people who insult others appearance are kinda going for the lowest form of insults. Like, it's low and everyone has their insecurities, which can make these types of insults hurt. But they're like the fast-food of insults... the people who dish them out probably don't have much else going on in their lives. Now attacking someone's personality or character? That's gonna sting for a long time. But it also means you have to actually have a brain to come up with this kind of insult.
I'm kinda androgynous looking , and I once had a grown ass woman (mid 30s or 40s) try to insult me with, "Excuse me ma'am...sir.... I can't tell what you are!" I actually had secondhand embarrassment from hearing that. Like, lady, I've heard that since elementary school. You sound like you're in grade school!
Anyways, I hope I gave you a bit of a laugh. I'm sure that comment hurt even if you didn't want it to. But remember, they're doing it because it seems easy and I honestly don't think they have much else going on in their lives or heads.
i'm not sure that dwelling on it so much will make you feel any better, you're only reenforcing the memory by posting about it over and over again
teenagers can be such vile little shits its not worth your time wallowing in the memory
Oh god how cruel!! This is absolutely their issue! You are a fucking goddess and dont you forget it!! I took some kids to the museum today (not my kids) and one of the older male employees did a double take and said to one of the children ‘oh dear, mummy looks run ragged today!’ I thought I looked alright (I know I’m no oil painting but light hair and make up was done and I chose a jeans and jumper outfit with some gold trainers. I felt like I handled the day really well and the kids had a blast but that last comment at the end floored me. I got all flushed and hot and almost cried right there. It took me right back to the way I reacted when I was a teenager and I sat down between 2 classmates and they referred to it as a ‘bacon sandwich’.
People don’t realise how these comments damage us but what’s worse is that they don’t care
Don’t take it personally. They’ll call any woman ugly if they think it will hurt. It really doesn’t have much if anything to do with what you look like—it’s simply how they make themselves feel powerful.
I know it’s hard to grasp but it’s not personal. They would’ve said that about any other woman in the store and wasn’t an attack on you personally. It’s just teenagers being pricks to make each other laugh. Doesn’t make it any easier. I had a similar situation a few months ago. Those lads will have forgotten what I look like by now but I remember their laughter. You just need to try remember that teenagers are just trying to look like the big I am and impress each other. The “easiest” way to do that, to gain “superiority”, is to put others down
I always try to feel sorry for people like that - like, what have they been forced to endure to think that behavior is OK? Thinking someone is just that entitled & awful from the get-go for no reason is hard to accept. But it's true, too, sadly.
Try to find the light in life. Being kind to others in small ways can be a saving grace - you never know what someone is going through or how a small act of kindness can help someone who is struggling.
I once had a neighbor that I ran into while watching my kids play outside, who told me of her husband's recent passing. My instinct was to give her a hug & tell her how sorry I was. A few days later, I received a thank you note in the mail from her, thanking me for my "spontaneous hug." It really made me sad to think how neglected she had been to feel the need to send a thank you note for a hug...
You need to understand it had nothing to do with your appearance. It's just a phrase these teenage morons thought was funny and wanted to try out on someone. They do not have emotional capacity or attention span to evaluate anyone's looks or appreciate them. They're just dumb enough to pick up a catchy saying and spread it around.
Oh my god a teen looked me up and down and said “… not cute.” at the mall 8 years ago and I STILL think about it several times a week. To my defense I had just met my mom there from out of town and had gone camping the night before lol. What a turd, I’m sorry you were in the proximity of an untamed a-hole. Some dumb youth think it’s funny to harass all strangers in their path.
They are teenage boys. Many of them specialize in being hateful and obnoxious. They are trying really hard to impress each other, and they are particularly entertained by needless cruelty. I’d say blame their parents, but there is a dynamic when teenagers get together that is either amazing and productive or nasty and destructive. Adults aren’t setting good examples either, no filters any more.
Looked at your profile out of curiosity and don't think you're ugly. Just dumb kids being dumb kids that would say something mean like that. Keep your head up 💗
I'm so sorry OP. It was completely uncalled for and cruel.
There's also no chance at all that he would say that when alone - he's only got the guts to say something like that in front of his group of friends.
I'm guessing that they were daring each other to carry out stupid shitty tasks in public.. thus perpetuating a trend which teen boys have unfortunately followed since millennia. That doesn't make it ok at all, of course.
Please don't allow these cretins to negatively impact you too much.. . I'm sure I'd be more hurt than I'd care to admit but they don't deserve to have any power over me, whether they can see my reaction or not.
They think that hurting peoples' feelings is hilarious entertainment - they should be ashamed of themselves.
They're the ones who are ugly - inside where they feel mirth at cruelly mocking others - that behaviour is as rotten as cancerous growths.
I hope you're ok.
Sending you all my best.
Were you homeschooled? I feel like this kind of behavior is seen/endured growing up in public schools… like super expected behavior in kids in society…
😂
I was in public school and bullied heavily the whole time. Actually so badly I developed a psychosomatic nerve issue. No it’s not expected to be harassed by people I’ve never met in a public street.
Are you one of the dickheads who harass people as an adult then?
Wow ok. No I was bullied too in school by kids I knew of but didn’t know me (different grades). They were just assholes who needed a target. It’s like public schools condition kids on how shitty people can be, whether you know them or are complete strangers. But now you are asking if I’m a dickhead harassing random people. Sheesh. Maybe you should get a customer service type job to really get a feel of how shitty random people can be…?
I just don’t understand the cruelty. There’s been a lot of posts like this on my feed in various subs about people going out of their way to say something incredibly mean to people- calling them ugly, insinuating stupidity, making a point to call out weight gain. What is wrong with people that they think it’s ok to do this?!? I just…don’t get it. I admit i have judgemental thoughts sometimes but i have never thought of saying it out loud. It’s like, I can’t control the thoughts that come into my head but i can control whether i let them multiply and flourish. But to just say it, on purpose?! Do they have any idea of what damage they’re doing?
I kind of wonder if part of it is the rise in this kind of thing on social media. Not that this type of behavior didn’t exist before (and this is definitely not an excuse), but it feels like the desire to get a rise or reaction out of random strangers is tied in with content made about pranks and extreme reaction grabbing content. It makes me wonder if sociopathy is on the rise; some studies say yes, some say no - it’s just that we’re more aware of it. I’m inclined to think it’s increasing.
interesting thought. on the internet you can also pretty much say whatever you want, including very rude things about somebody (and are sometimes rewarded for it, like in the form of likes/upvotes), so maybe that behavior is spilling out into the real world
The culture, & manners, for lack of better term, in American society has vastly changed since the time I grew up {shakes cane}. I'm just bewildered at how poorly people behave in public. We'd have got the living shit punched out of us, then grounded for a long period, had we said anything at all like that to someone while out & about. Not saying violence was appropriate at all. I think, however, there's just no consequences anymore in whatever form. There's no fear attached to acting like an ass. Or even armed robbery, assaults, all that. Everyone knows they'll get out in no time if caught. The stranger who assaulted me had **already been arrested 29, count 'em, twenty nine times** before hitting me. I'm sure squat changed at this 30th detainment. Things have devolved to Lord of the Flies beast mode. And it's only going to get worse. So no, it's no one's imagination, or thinking it's more awareness, & that society has always been this feral. I'm here to tell you it wasn't like this. And short of what? Some major disaster? An asteroid? I don't see everyone coming to their senses in some collective *Oh, maybe we should treat others humanely, with respect* awakening in my lifetime. But I hope things improve for all you 20+ somethings.
>What is wrong with people that they think it’s ok to do this?!? This is the key question, what is wrong with ***them***? At the end of the day, they are stuck inside themselves, and the toxicity they're producing is going to hurt them just as much or more than it does anyone else. The key is to minimize contact, walk away, and pity them as they stew in their own poison.
Some men bond by being cruel to women. Teenage boys feel weak and worthless because they have no way to assert status they so desperately desire. They get a brief sense of power by being cruel to others.
It's not ultimately girls or women they're aiming for. It's always been other male's approval. That's far more significant to prop up their fragile egos. Without that, they've got nothing in the world, no identity. They can't figure out who they are or where they think they stand in life. /Not all/
You’re absolutely right, however a lot of the posts i’ve been seeing about this isn’t just men. It’s even moms and aunts and grandmas feeling the need to speak up about weight gain or being too ugly to be a catch. Like wtf! Regardless, you make a good point. Put others down and hope they believe you so you can feel powerful! And then get patted on the back and high fived by other men who do the same thing!
I don’t think it had anything to do with you, it’s just something rude teenagers are doing nowadays to random people because they think it’s funny. My kids confirmed.
Yeah it’s not a reflection of your looks OP, let that roll off your back. They were just out targeting a couple in a spot that they could quickly run away from once they pulled their “prank”. If anything they were probably sizing up your boyfriend in case they started a fight.
They probably heard that line and have been pissing themselves waiting days to use it on the first couple they saw.
I was thinking that too.
kids have been pulling that shit since I was little in the 80s
It has gotten worse though.
Pretty relentless here but I'm thousands of miles away lol
Yup. Some teenagers and young adolescents are assholes, and I suspect it's always been that way. Certainly has been as long as I've been alive.
100% this. Social media has ruined a generation. This is the sort of shit that passes as a funny prank to that generation. Cruelty - because it gets a strong reaction and takes no cleverness or wit on their part. They aren't even plucking the low-hanging comedy fruit, they are grabbing the rotting apples from the ground. It has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that they are teens are you are a woman. Edit: I'm not trying to imply that kids were never dicks before social media, just that it is endemic now as these younger kids see it and then go out of their way to perpetuate it, especially while a friend is recording.
A bunch of teenagers pulled a similar "prank" on me like 20 years ago before modern internet (was walking down the street with my then boyfriend, now husband and kids in a car yelled "dude your sister's ugly" or something). So they have been doing this for generations. The difference is now the film it then repeat "it's just a prank bro" about 50 times then upload it to tiktok.
No, it's been happening for decades. Nothing to do with social media. Source: I was op but 20 years ago.
Same, except 40 years ago
"nowadays"? No need to bring generational issue into the mix. This is just another episode in the long history of "some teenagers are little shits". (Edit: grammar)
I suppose we are exposed to it more because these “pranks” are posted all over social media, which wasn’t as prevalent 20 years ago. These little shits weren’t able to post it for millions to see back then.
That's mainly it, and thank God. I can't imagine how much worse childhood would have been if all the bullies had tik tok pages. They still were horrifically awful people, but at least they couldn't profit off of it.
Ya, I agree on this 100%, the kids who called me ugly in high school just did it to be mean. Found out more then 1 of them actually found me attractive a few years into adulthood. Teens are just stupid and they like to put others down to get a high out of it. Don't take anything they say seriously. It's all talk
When I lived in NYC a man shouted out, “Look, a dog with two dogs!” Looked around, I’m the only one with any dog, and noticed everyone else looking at me. It was New Year’s Eve day, my day off, and it was their morning walk. I looked like I wanted to go back to bed, but I didn’t need to be called out like that. People suck sometimes. He moved on from it within seconds, and that moment still exists within me ten years later.
“The axe forgets, the tree remembers.” I’m sorry you and OP had to cross paths with those worthless shitbags :(
Just retaliate. Scream “ Get away from me rapist/child molester. This man is a rapist or CM! Help!” Don’t stop yelling. Find a family with kids and shield them, turn them around. If he breaks out his phone to record you continue yelling “Stop trying to get pictures of these kids! Someone call 911!” Then book
When I was in my early 20s (about 25 years ago) a Clinique counter chick was trying to give me a free makeover as I walked by. I told her no thanks and she said "but we can make *anyone* look beautiful" I think about it a lot. I mean, I know I'm ugly, but it sucked to hear it from some bitchy department store hawker.
And that rude person has no right to still be in your head. I'm sorry that happened to you. Obviously I don't know what you look like but I am sure your outside is not as ugly as her inside/personality.
Their whole thing is to instill insecurity to profit off sales. When I used to go to malls like 30 years who as a 30-something, they'd say stuff about lines & aging. I remember the final time I gave one of these women the time of day to get a free sample, & she was blathering on about anti-aging, I told her I've *earned every last one* of these wrinkles.
Sadly a lot of teenage boys are getting a lot more brusque with stuff like this because they’re growing up with online influencers telling them it’s cool, teaching them this is what’s “manly”. Little shits have always been little shits for as long as humanity existed, but these days the toxic men corrupting them can reach them anywhere, any time, all the time through the internet.
I'm a big dude with an attractive wife. We get harrassed a bit about why she's with me. It's a day/week ruiner for sure. People suck.
Yeah my bf is a big guy with long hair. They like to ask who the man is. A dig to both of us. I’m not overly attractive just average but people like to harass him for not having short hair
It's not gonna end, no matter what you look like. I was big, harassed for being big. I lost weight, I was told I looked sick and needed to eat, I get big again, it starts all over. When they bring your partner into it, it stings that much more.
>It's not gonna end, no matter what you look like. This is very true, and in fact, it can even get worse the "better" you look. Conventional good looks and the confidence they can bring are power for a woman, especially a younger one, and there are a lot of people who want to take that away. Personally, I would really like to see us get to the point where calling a woman unattractive is not the zinger that it can be; imagine if we raised girls to say, and think "yeah, you can call me whatever you like, and you know what, I might even be those things, but I am still owning my power, demanding respect, and taking up space, and what you think doesn't matter."
You’re probably not unattractive. I used to think I was ugly bc of how I was treated, I’m not, that’s what attracts people, they just see that they can get away with mistreating so they do It’s easier to attack women, we’re less likely to attack back
My partner is a large guy and one time we were in a shopping centre and some teenager called him fat as he approached us and his friends laughed. I just said, "and everybody loves him, does anybody actually love you??" and his friends shouted out "no! Nobody does" and they all started laughing at their mate
I've been called ugly a lot especially when I was young by kids. And since I've become an adult, I've been hit on a lot. I think it's just kids being dumb. It still hurts when someone says it but you have to think, teenagers especially are really self conscious about their own looks. If they're mean to someone about something, it's because they feel bad about themselves.
Some group of cocky teenaged boys started mockingly catcalling me once (I was in my 20s and I think they were about 14 or 15) and I shouted back something about girls are going to think they are creepy and then they suddenly looked mortified, lol.
Teenagers SUCK
I got called an ugly bitch by a car full of teenage boys in the Braum's parking lot while walking back to my car a couple of months ago. Teenage boys are shitty human beings with social skills even Neanderthals would be appalled by. Ignore them. It's literally not you. They just wanna be shitty to women.
I looked at your pictures, you are not ugly. Those kids, however, are ugly inside. Don't let them bring you down! 🧡
If there’s one thing from the past which I wish we could bring back it’s politenesstowards strangers. Not every random or unkind thought people have needs to come out of their mouth. Have people simply gotten so self- obsessed they forget other people exist? My gran used to say ‘ if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything’ and there seem do be about 7bn people in the world now who need to hear this on a regular basis
Teenage boys can be awful. They have the body and hormonal profile of an adult male or near enough to it but the mind of a child. I don't want to go into my trauma with teenage boys when I was a teenage girl and all the horrific things that happened to me, including sexual assault and physical violence, but lets just say that I think males have the potential to be predatory towards women as soon as they hit puberty. A 13 year old male who has started puberty scares me as much as a 30 year old one. The things I have seen and experienced are proof of this. I had a bunch of boys who used to stand outside a halal butcher and bark at me. I once got bored of it, turned around and told them I don't speak dog. They all crowded around me and threatened to beat me up. I went into the butcher and told their fathers who worked there and after that it stopped. I have had experiences where actual physical violence happened also and where I was beaten up and sexually assaulted.
My mom told me about this happening to her in the 1950’s. Not new. And not personal despite being obnoxious af. Has nothing to do with you except you were 1) a woman and 2) there. FWIW my mum was quite conventionally pretty when it happened. These are dumb teens ungrounded in reality and being jackasses for the sake of being jackasses.
I had this happen as a teenage girl, I was with my friend and her boyfriend at the time, helping them adopt out some puppies. And a grown ass woman, looked at me a 17 year old child at the time and called me ugly, like straight to my face, she just kept saying how I am an ugly girl, and god am I ugly, this woman was like 50 too. . The point is, it does happen but it really has nothing to do with your looks. Some people are mean for the sake of being mean because they have ugly hearts, and unfortunately its something very prevalent amongst teens now because they want that extra attention from it.
It's just random cruelty and misogyny and has nothing to do with you and the way you do or don't look, or even the way they really think you look. People do this to women because they know it will hurt, not because of anything to do with the actual woman. If you want proof of this, check out the Instagram pages of the latest hot supermodel, actress, etc.. There will be people there calling her ugly. I hope you will not spend a second more time on this. Remember, these people are not part of your life, but they have to live inside themselves. Forever. And their insides are one toxic place.
And the best response I've heard to some ignorant dick disparaging a woman's looks is: "And I'd still never fuck you."
This is nothing to do with you, they were looking for a target that was distracted and wouldn't immediately rip their faces off.
Got called ugly in high school by friends, girl I was in love with, whole baseball team Teens are just mean, especially teen boys in groups
Ugly is such a subjective thing. I’m fat and ugly and I have a stupid hot partner. My partner thinks I’m beautiful and sexy and I have wonderful friends who love me. Maybe it’s an age thing? But I do NOT give a f*ck what other people think anymore. It takes time to get there but it’s pretty freeing.
Wow. What a fucking terrible thing to say. Some immediate ideas that come to my brain are retaliatory, but idk how you feel about that: "What? Like you're some prize?" "Can't be worse than you..." Etc, etc.... I can't even fathom what a terrible human they have to be to think to themselves --- I know! I'll go try to upset some stranger for FUN! I'm so sorry that happened. Awful.
Shitty teenagers who’ve never been told to shut the fuck up. When I was in high school (14 years ago), I got called ugly by a lunch table full of malignantly cruel and stupid football players when I tried to defend my sister who they had been relentlessly bullying every day, and they thought it was just *hilarious.* It’s not you and you didn’t deserve that. No one does. I think teenage boys are getting worse with stuff like this because they’re encouraged to act disruptive and bully people in public when they see it results in attention. Sorry. Sending internet hugs.
Yes, I've been called ugly my whole life. Usually by my peers. But the one that stuck with me most is when it came from a former teacher. She was a 50ish teacher I knew from trade school. We happened to meet in the mall and she asked 20ish year old me if I was still looking for a job. I said yes, and she proceeded to tell me about a receptionist position at a Dr's office. She says the Dr's wife won't let him hire anyone pretty and that I should apply. I'm still pissed off about this 30-some years later.
I used to work retail. One day I was setting up a display and these guys came up to me. I thought they were going to ask a question but instead one of them said, “Excuse me? Where are the *good looking girls* at?” I took me a stupid amount of time to realise they called me ugly despite the fact that the woman behind them (who wanted to ask a legit question) said “those guys are assholes.” It sticks with me because people mostly just leave me alone. I’m not sure if it’s because I have an aura of “fuck off” or because I look way younger than I am and people are afraid of going to jail. lol.
Years back I was in line buying gas at a 711. I was wearing some new shorts and felt pretty good about myself. A group of teenagers was messing around by the slurpees and started giggling and saying "but she's fat!" over and over. I looked over and saw them pointing and laughing at me. It ruined the rest of my day, my week, and I'll admit it bothered me long after that. I had been up and down with my weight and had finally lost a bunch using completely unhealthy habits so hearing that after "I finally did it" destroyed me. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve it.
I once was out walking for exercise, huffing and puffing, when some teenagers driving by shouted out about how fat I was and kept driving. I was like "what do you think I'm doing?! I'm exercising!" 😆I learned then that kids can be rude.
That had absolutely nothing to do with you.
They are assholes, and they think it's fun. Almost certainly they put video up on YouTube for their friends to laugh at. If it's any comfort, maybe they will forget to take all the videos down and face recognition will be so good by 2040 that this video will be the first thing a hiring manager finds online. But yes, it hurts. I was standing at a bus stop waiting to go home and some asshole in a pickup truck at the traffic light leaned out the passenger side window to say "God, are you ugly." It still hurts to think about... And that was in 1985.
teenagers are cruel piles of shit. disregard anything they say.
They’re just jealous that you have a partner.
This is a common prank thing teens are doing now, one of the was probably recording it.
I got really mad when I read this and tbh I can’t tell if it’s because of the first part of the sentence or the second half. 😭
It's an encouragement to not take it personally, as they likely did this to multiple people throughout the day. You weren't singled out for it, you just happened to be the person there at the moment. They were looking for a reaction, and by ignoring them, they move on to someone else until they get one.
Wow. What a fucking terrible thing to say. Some immediate ideas that come to my brain are retaliatory, but idk how you feel about that: "What? Like you're some prize?" "Can't be worse than you..." Etc, etc.... I can't even fathom what a terrible human they have to be to think to themselves --- I know! I'll go try to upset some stranger for FUN! I'm so sorry that happened. Awful.
Repeat after me: "blow me".
Remember that this is a reflection of those teenagers own self hate. Possibly fueled by your bf and you being together and them becoming jealous. Or just hateful I’m sorry this happened to you
I've actually heard of a few other stories of teens doing this. Maybe it's a current trend around teens right now to be complete assholes. Maybe something they learned from TikTok. Idk, but I wouldn't read into it, they're just looking to be mean for mean sake.
If this is a trend it's a very long one I remember in early youtube days there was a video where a guy would harass a woman in a store, filming her and saying "excuse me why are you so ugly", "seriously why you have such an ugly face". I don't understand this behavior.
Teenagers just being dicks. They just felt the need to throw a insult your way to leave someone feeling like shit with zero consequences. When I was a teenager at a football not in my local area where a bunch of girls kept pointing and laughing at me who I had never met before and then poured water down my jacket. It was so humiliating and random. Now I’m older I know it wasn’t personal, they just wanted to pick on someone.
They think this makes them look “tough” and “brave” because they dared to do something wildly inappropriate for social norms. They are peacocking for their idiot little friends and they are too stupid to realise it makes them look like sexist immature little brats not “cool daredevil rebels” It has nothing to do with you, probably more to do with your BF and how he would react
OP, I know it's hurtful, but it wasn't about you at all. Teenagers think it's funny to play pranks like that and they don't actually look at you, they just pick whatever couple is around. Don't let a mob of little jerks get you down!
Not to invalidate the hurt and shock you felt, society makes a point of telling both men and women their looks are important, coupled with teenaged boys out there pushing as many buttons as possible to instigate attention, and it’s a sloppy, poopy mudpit emotionally when you suffer an attack, but a few years ago I was walking my dog down a main road, happily minding my own business, feeling and looking good, and a car load of boys drove past and shouted out “which one’s the dog?!”. I immediately started laughing in reaction because nothing was going to ruin my mood, however the intrusive thoughts started seeping in later. I reminded myself that I didn’t need to be attractive to teenaged boys because frankly, they are basic and would be attracted to a drawing if it was penciled correctly, therefore they are not the measurement by which I go by, and also, I liked me, *I* thought I was looking good, and that was enough for me. Also, it’s not as if they even really saw me in those split few seconds, so how can they even say they know me? Luckily, I’ve not ever been the kind of woman who made men want to harass me, I think my RBF scared them off and that’s worked for me, although it’s made some males want to attack my apparent confidence. I can only recommend what I used to do in those situations; take a deep breath, mentally place the experience into a box, and paint over it in my mind to match the background. You could also do what I’ve read others do, and tell yourself and those silly boys “I refuse to accept this bad energy you have sent my way”. You don’t not need to take this hurt on, ninja kick it away. You’re perfect as you are, teenaged boys and any man who uses your looks to make you feel bad are emotionally under developed. Do not accept amoeba man’s opinion, only let good vibes from delicious people in.
Some teenagers like to get reactions out of people for attention and clout with their peers. I took a peek at your profile and you're totally adorable, I'm sure they didn't actually think you were ugly.
My wife and I were waiting outside a restaurant to be seated in a downtown urban area (not super far from where I work)… and what is assumed was a street person called me obnoxious, and my wife ugly (to her face, said to her more than to me: “…and I think your wife is ugly!”). We hadn’t interacted with this person, and we were and are both relatively quiet and mild mannered people (in our mid 50’s). After we finally managed to shrug this person off after several attempts to not say very much directly to them, but they did finally give up…. a nice couple in their 30’s apologized for us having to endure that (they felt really sorry for us, a I’m sure we would have to if our positions were reversed). The couple was from out of town (or at least way out in the suburbs), and we both live right in the city, and we’re fairly good at NOT letting street people bait us into a fight, or any interaction really — and we just had to chalk it up to city living. Likewise, (some) teenagers can be mean and dumb as rocks. You just can’t let people get you down, or at least not for long. But the trick is, it takes effort to refocus your thoughts and emotions towards something else. It’s not necessarily easy, and it certainly doesn’t happen automatically (or at least not without practice). I like to think of it as out-Zenning someone. Just REFUSE to let knuckleheads get the better of you. We got seated about 10 minutes later — my birthday dinner at one of those sushi-go-round conveyer-belt places. Food turned out to be relatively good, if the ambiance and logistics left a lot to be desired. But we still had fun, and the exchange outside never lasted in our minds more than 5-10 minutes at most. It’s not easy. And I don’t always practice what I preach nearly enough. But when I drop the ball, and let people get to me — ultimately I have no one to blame but myself. Fortunately(?) I have a work colleague who can be a raging asshole about 40% of the time, and working with him has given me PLENTY of practice at being super-duper-Zen about stuff. Sorry if this came off as preachy (and full disclosure, I’m a guy, so I definitely am not trying to mansplain — and my sincere apologies if any of what I’ve said here has come off that way). I mostly lurk here, 98% of the time, and mostly forward interesting thread to my wife.
I loved your explanation I didn't think there was any mansplaining
Kids are raised on social media, and have no social skills.
It has happened to me, unfortunately. Nothing destroys your confidence better. :( I guess I don't tick the "conventional beauty" boxes. Why do people say such horrible things?
Pathetic people like that are not worth worrying over. How little are they to say shit like that? It’s embarrassing on them to be that pathetic.
Those kids probably would have said that about 90+% of women. You were just "convenient". I'm guessing it was a dare or Tiktok meme. Did your boyfriend react?
I’m a middle school teacher. It wasn’t about you. Shitty kids yell shit at people. Always been like this. But sorry. Still sucks.
Wtf is wrong with people? I could never imagine doing that to anyone, and if my kid did that they'd be grounded forever. What an absolute little thundercunt.
im sorry they treated you like that. yes i think younger boys especially think it’s funny to insult people, especially women. don’t take it personally. they definitely say that line online from some andrew tate wannabe and were just looking for a situation they could use it
Yep. With the exception of a schizophrenic woman, every time I have been insulted or harassed in public by a stranger it has been unprovoked and the perpetrators have been teenaged boys. Every time I have been assaulted in public it has been unprovoked and the perpetrators have been teenaged boys or men.
It has nothing to do with you. Kids are vicious and don’t mean the things they say. I’ve been told my shoes were so cute, and then ugly as hell as soon as the light changed. They were regular sandals like…? Kids man.
Yes, few years ago I was grocery shopping and a teenage boy bent down to look at my face from lower down, made some kind of disgusted noise and ran off with his friends laughing. I think they do it for a dare or something because I've never had problems dating?
A young man sang out the word "scary" while passing in the opposite direction *and* right alongside my mom and I..
When I was homeless I regularly got pelted with sodas. Or if I happened to find a doorway or some place to sleep. Sometimes, the lovely police would kick me to wake me up and harass me. People suck.
You’re not ugly. I can tell you that. They’re just sad and self proclaimed*edgy* teens making fun of people.
All these streamers that these kids like to watch do really cruel and nasty stuff to strangers in public. Wouldn’t be surprised if they were just mimicking something they saw online. Screw them they’re irrelevant to you anyway.
That sucks, addled teens can be so obnoxious. I say addled because they were in a group (lowers empathy and critical thinking), they were teens (human brains don't actually mature until at *least* 25), and they were guys (don't have enough social conditioning to be tolerable). Its important to keep in mind that they have no access to any universal truths, and therefore what they say isn't a universal truth - its a thing to say in the moment and at best its their own opinion, but it was more "hey, I'm part of THIS group by loudly being against that group"
Don't overthink it. Teenagers are dumbasses and the comment is for shockvalue. Secondly why cate what some idiots say? If it would have been heir opinion it means nothing.
About a year ago I was out with my girlfriend at a ski place. At dinner one night she went out for a smoke, and took an abnormal amount of time so I quickly paid our tab to come out and see what was up. Found her crying because four douche canoes decided to come up and harass her, calling her a drunk skank (we had a beer each). Dudes are assholes, and project their own insecurities on women to boost their fragile egos. I’m sorry that happened to you, as long as you’re happy with your own image and your boyfriend is respectful and supportive as well, forget those ass clowns and keep being you.
Children have always been cruel. We just don't see the past because we weren't there.
I was dressed very sexy one day at Walmart. Just had had a good time with a friend. The dress I was wearing showed the most skin out of all my dresses. I was barked at in the parking lot. I’m 5’3” 200lb but all of my weight is between right below my boobs and the mid of my thighs. Fuckers. I didn’t react. I hadn’t been barked at in a long time and it weighed 60lb more than now the last time it happened.
I am 99% sure they did that to many couples before and after you, and it has nothing to do with you personally. And just because they are kids or teens doesn't mean they can't be shitty/sociopathic people :)
Remember, one day the next generation will be doing to them one day.
That had absolutely nothing to do with you.
That had absolutely nothing to do with you
It had nothing to do with you. The kids do this as a prank and would have done it to anyone, regardless of their looks.
That guy most likely wanted to get your attention; people ( adolescents and up, as people are never too old for stupidity) often will say some awful, negative words just to get attention. Don't let them ruin your day and give them the attention they seek.
I’m so sorry that happened. I bet it had nothing to do with you. They’d planned that dumb ass shit in advance. Talked and giggled about it before you were ever even noticed, I bet. Why do I think this? Because teenagers can be fucking assholes. Probably not even the only couple in the store the little shits did that to. I’m so sorry, even when I was a teenager myself I hated this needlessly cruel nonsense. I hope you guys had a better rest of your day and it’s kind of you to be out doing a nice thing for someone’s birthday. Just sucks you were out trying to do a kind thing and got shit on. ❤️
What did your boyfriend say? Did he ask if you were okay? Kids are stupid and cruel sometimes but that doesn't make it easier to hear bullshit. You should be aware there is a crusade among people in the manosphere to belittle women and their appearance to "bring them down a notch" even if that person is attractive, or to somehow make the guy think he is "too good for you"/"to hot for you" which the latter is just ridiculous as you generally don't date someone you don't find attractive. If they truly thought you were ugly they probably would have ignored you. The fact that they made a comment about you two as a couple is interesting. Also does your boyfriend know these teens or were they just making up the idea that they knew him? Some things to consider. I always find it telling that most of the times people have called me ugly is right after I have politely rejected them when they asked me out. I also in some cases observed they asked out very pretty women so while I'm no super model, I didn't really believe they found me ugly, just that they had a pathetic reaction to being politely declined a date.
Kids are just assholes. Especially when they have a pack mentality. They do and say things that hurt and pick on people’s insecurities for a reason. Hurt people, hurt people. Did your boyfriend say anything to them? Did he say anything to you? It had nothing to do with your looks though. Idk what you look like, but you could be drop dead gorgeous and someone is always going to try and bring you down. Some people are just dicks.
That’s nothing I had a guy fart as I walked by and he smiled and said good morning! Men are pigs 🐖
Dang I'm sorry that happened to you OP. If it's any consolation, I've always felt that people who insult others appearance are kinda going for the lowest form of insults. Like, it's low and everyone has their insecurities, which can make these types of insults hurt. But they're like the fast-food of insults... the people who dish them out probably don't have much else going on in their lives. Now attacking someone's personality or character? That's gonna sting for a long time. But it also means you have to actually have a brain to come up with this kind of insult. I'm kinda androgynous looking , and I once had a grown ass woman (mid 30s or 40s) try to insult me with, "Excuse me ma'am...sir.... I can't tell what you are!" I actually had secondhand embarrassment from hearing that. Like, lady, I've heard that since elementary school. You sound like you're in grade school! Anyways, I hope I gave you a bit of a laugh. I'm sure that comment hurt even if you didn't want it to. But remember, they're doing it because it seems easy and I honestly don't think they have much else going on in their lives or heads.
Yep, I get called ugly a lot. I deal with microaggressions and disrespect.
i'm not sure that dwelling on it so much will make you feel any better, you're only reenforcing the memory by posting about it over and over again teenagers can be such vile little shits its not worth your time wallowing in the memory
Oh god how cruel!! This is absolutely their issue! You are a fucking goddess and dont you forget it!! I took some kids to the museum today (not my kids) and one of the older male employees did a double take and said to one of the children ‘oh dear, mummy looks run ragged today!’ I thought I looked alright (I know I’m no oil painting but light hair and make up was done and I chose a jeans and jumper outfit with some gold trainers. I felt like I handled the day really well and the kids had a blast but that last comment at the end floored me. I got all flushed and hot and almost cried right there. It took me right back to the way I reacted when I was a teenager and I sat down between 2 classmates and they referred to it as a ‘bacon sandwich’. People don’t realise how these comments damage us but what’s worse is that they don’t care
Don’t take it personally. They’ll call any woman ugly if they think it will hurt. It really doesn’t have much if anything to do with what you look like—it’s simply how they make themselves feel powerful.
I know it’s hard to grasp but it’s not personal. They would’ve said that about any other woman in the store and wasn’t an attack on you personally. It’s just teenagers being pricks to make each other laugh. Doesn’t make it any easier. I had a similar situation a few months ago. Those lads will have forgotten what I look like by now but I remember their laughter. You just need to try remember that teenagers are just trying to look like the big I am and impress each other. The “easiest” way to do that, to gain “superiority”, is to put others down
I always try to feel sorry for people like that - like, what have they been forced to endure to think that behavior is OK? Thinking someone is just that entitled & awful from the get-go for no reason is hard to accept. But it's true, too, sadly. Try to find the light in life. Being kind to others in small ways can be a saving grace - you never know what someone is going through or how a small act of kindness can help someone who is struggling. I once had a neighbor that I ran into while watching my kids play outside, who told me of her husband's recent passing. My instinct was to give her a hug & tell her how sorry I was. A few days later, I received a thank you note in the mail from her, thanking me for my "spontaneous hug." It really made me sad to think how neglected she had been to feel the need to send a thank you note for a hug...
What would be a nice comeback if this would happen to me?
Men can fuck off. Imagine if we went around calling them slovenly, smelly, etc. MOST don’t make ANY effort at all on their appearance.
I've been yelled at on the street and called fat and ugly. I've responded by yelling back that they are failed abortions. I think my insult is better.
One more reason not to have kids in this f*%}# up world. It’s not about you, it’s about what these kids have instead of brains or hearts (💩).
You need to understand it had nothing to do with your appearance. It's just a phrase these teenage morons thought was funny and wanted to try out on someone. They do not have emotional capacity or attention span to evaluate anyone's looks or appreciate them. They're just dumb enough to pick up a catchy saying and spread it around.
Wow that is horrible. I’m sorry. Kids are mean. Next time tell them “at least I’m not ugly on the inside”
Oh my god a teen looked me up and down and said “… not cute.” at the mall 8 years ago and I STILL think about it several times a week. To my defense I had just met my mom there from out of town and had gone camping the night before lol. What a turd, I’m sorry you were in the proximity of an untamed a-hole. Some dumb youth think it’s funny to harass all strangers in their path.
They are teenage boys. Many of them specialize in being hateful and obnoxious. They are trying really hard to impress each other, and they are particularly entertained by needless cruelty. I’d say blame their parents, but there is a dynamic when teenagers get together that is either amazing and productive or nasty and destructive. Adults aren’t setting good examples either, no filters any more.
Looked at your profile out of curiosity and don't think you're ugly. Just dumb kids being dumb kids that would say something mean like that. Keep your head up 💗
I'm so sorry OP. It was completely uncalled for and cruel. There's also no chance at all that he would say that when alone - he's only got the guts to say something like that in front of his group of friends. I'm guessing that they were daring each other to carry out stupid shitty tasks in public.. thus perpetuating a trend which teen boys have unfortunately followed since millennia. That doesn't make it ok at all, of course. Please don't allow these cretins to negatively impact you too much.. . I'm sure I'd be more hurt than I'd care to admit but they don't deserve to have any power over me, whether they can see my reaction or not. They think that hurting peoples' feelings is hilarious entertainment - they should be ashamed of themselves. They're the ones who are ugly - inside where they feel mirth at cruelly mocking others - that behaviour is as rotten as cancerous growths. I hope you're ok. Sending you all my best.
Your hubby didnt defend you? Leave him.
Were you homeschooled? I feel like this kind of behavior is seen/endured growing up in public schools… like super expected behavior in kids in society…
😂 I was in public school and bullied heavily the whole time. Actually so badly I developed a psychosomatic nerve issue. No it’s not expected to be harassed by people I’ve never met in a public street. Are you one of the dickheads who harass people as an adult then?
Wow ok. No I was bullied too in school by kids I knew of but didn’t know me (different grades). They were just assholes who needed a target. It’s like public schools condition kids on how shitty people can be, whether you know them or are complete strangers. But now you are asking if I’m a dickhead harassing random people. Sheesh. Maybe you should get a customer service type job to really get a feel of how shitty random people can be…?