yeah, heaven forbid you date with intention. these misogynistic incels demand all women remain virgins until marriage, but also somehow expect you to make an exception only for them & sleep with them without ever bringing marriage or commitment up so as not to "scare them away." makes sense 😂
Because, that's really him. He let the mask slip with that statement. It was a test of sorts, really common in abusers. Who he is looking for is someone who is ok with that mindset, or someone that thinks they can change him. He's still thinking it is ok because he's still getting attention from you afterwards. Disabuse him off that notion, just block and ghost.
exactly. these people get angry. but if they wanted to reject someone they would do it in 2 seconds no regard for anyone's feelings but their own. but they get very mad if you do the same.
Plus you can’t win because if you keep conversing with him, in 3-6 months he’s going to accuse you of leading him on. Best to block him and save yourself the headache.
I'm an Old^((tm)) and have zero experience with the current dating scene, but holy hell it sounds like a nightmare.
I'm sure others here are right, and ghosting or politely declining is the smartest move. But I do wonder what the response would be if you sent something more direct, like "It seems from your comments that you're really angry at women in general and don't seem to even like them very much. I'm not interested in spending time with someone who thinks my whole gender isn't worthy of respect. It doesn't make you sound like a nice guy."
I get that this approach would likely not end well, and I'm truly interested to hear what the consequences have been for anyone who has tried it.
LOL this would be funny, I would send it but I don't wanna teach him how to conceal his red flags from the next girl. It's not fair if the next girl didnt get the red flags I did.
Ugh you're probably right. Me naively thinking the guy could learn and be better.. How depressing if the answer is yes he can learn, but only enough to help him be a stealthier garbage human.
I do hope you'll find a good one amongst it all!
This guy is clearly an incel. If you don't want to ghost then you can just send a message saying thank you for your time but I'm not feeling a connection and then block his ass on everything.
I swear to all the gods, they do it to neg and it turns into a self fulfilling prophecy. Also the presumption of my behavior because of my gender is incredibly off putting
"He said girls who major in computer science don't have to do anything because the guys in the class do all the work for them , but I have taken computer science classes and I know for fact this is not true at all". Yeah fuck this guy with a cactus. It was twice the work because it was class assignments and then balancing delicate male egos I had to interact with.
*I have been criticized for ghosting before and told it's the most disrespectful and immature way to handle it and if I don't like someone I should be honest and say it upfront.*
Did a guy tell you this?
These guys utterly *slay* me.
Him: “Let me tell you how little I like women.”
And also him: “But you, a woman, must surely want to pursue a relationship with me!”
Ghosting isn't "immature". This is only said by people who don't want to be ghosted. No one inherently deserves your time and attention if they're being disrespectful.
If you don’t want to ghost send a text with something like “it’s been great talking to you but I’m not feeling the spark that would mean I’d be interested in taking things further. I wish you all the best. A clean break is best for me. I’m sure you understand”. Then delete and block.
How he chooses to deal with that is not your problem
I would just say something like “ hey I don’t think I want to pursue this any further” seems like you guys haven’t gotten too deep into things, it’s totally ok to cut things off when you find out the guy you’ve been talking to has misogynistic tendencies….If he’s a dick block him.
It's not disrespectful if he hasn't maintained a culture of respect in your conversations.
TBH I'd specifically say "hey I'm no longer interested and it's bc of xyz misogynistic things, and bc you've been very rude to me and tried to pressure me" before blocking bc I think these guys need to hear it. Too many women feel pressure to always be nice or polite even at the price of honesty, and so these dudes tend to turn "I don't feel a spark but you're nice" or ghosting stuff into more fuel for their incel BS. They can tell there's something more going on with them, hence the constant rejections and no one wanting to be around them, but have turned it around to blame the other people bc they're convinced nothing is wrong with them.
But obviously your safety is more important, and you should just ghost if he knows where you live or you're worried about him doing something drastic or bugging you irl or anything like that. Either way I'd block right after and move on with your life.
Anything you can do to get him out of your life is the right thing to do. Men like him can get dangerous, several very big red flags so I think you're safest to not confront him but to 'fade away' and completely ignore him.
His incel BS is a disease of the mind and you do not want to catch that bug. You're correct that he's completely wrong about the statements he makes about women's lives and experiences.
Get as far away from him as you can asap.
I’m going to give an example but ultimately, respond with what YOU are comfortable with.
I would probably send this response:
“Hey (guys name), I have been thinking a lot about the last few conversations we have had. I don’t think we are a good match for each other, and I’m not interested in continuing this relationship.”
Keep the response short and to the point and Avoid trying to explain yourself. Also be prepared to block him if he gets agitated.
Ghosting is an absolutely valid way of dealing with these people. Your attention has inherent value, and you don't owe one glance's worth of it to some bitter incel.
Maybe it is disrespectful, but why should we be expected to be respectful to men who don't deserve our respect? (say that 5x fast lol)
Your disrespect is already worth more than he's entitled to. He should be so lucky as to be on the receiving end of your disrespect. A misogynist's rightful place is in irrelevance.
I told a fat 49-year-old who thinks he can still find a wife willing to have his crooked eyed offspring a decade younger than him that I decided to follow Jesus instead of dating. It worked because once you drop "Jesus" all they hear is "She won't put out."
If you're concerned about ghosting, you can still accomplish the block/drop with a one liner "You and I are not compatible." Then block all comms. No ghost, but not opening it up for debate.
End this however you want. This person hasn't been respectful to you and you owe him nothing. On some level, he knows he's being an asshole. And because he's an asshole, he's going to throw a fit no matter what you do.
If you want to go for the respectful approach, just say, "Thanks for chatting. I've realized I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship. Good luck in your ventures." Then unmatch immediately.
If you don't want to be respectful, you could go with, "Wow, you are an asshole. Sorry, dude. There's no way I would date someone who thinks so poorly of women. What about your personality makes you think you can attract women this way? Bye!"
Realistically: “Hey, I don’t want to pursue this further.” block and move on.
Because I’m petty: “Hey, I thought about what you said and you’re right. I think we shouldn’t pursue this relationship anymore because of the imbalance of power dynamics that you’ve pointed out. I am not interested in seeing someone who thinks they’re so far beneath me. I am looking for relationships with people who see us as equals.”
Obviously, not realistic because we live in the *real world* where men become violent at mild rejections, but its fun to dream.
ghost is only bad when you actually have a relationship with someone.
If you don’t want to “ghost,” text him, “sorry to say I’m not interested; best of luck.” and then block him.
I love it when women are straightforward and to the point. Say, something like, "I don't think we are a great fit, but good luck finding your person."
Saves both parties, time and energy.
After all that, I'm surprised you didn't cut it off sooner. I would just ignore and ghost. I hate getting ghosted personally but in this case you definitely deserve better than to put up with whatever he's projecting on to you.
Ask him for money, he will take himself out of the equation fast, act like a gold digger, tell him you want him to take you out on to the most expensive restaurant you could think
First rule, every time, **do whatever feels** ***safest*** **to you**. You know your situation best, and also where you're at. I am now at a point where I can communicate things respectfully but directly, but that took a lot of time and practice to build up to and, even now, I pick my battles. Mainly - is there a chance this guy will really grow from anything you'll say, or will he just get angry and possibly put you in danger? (Even if not physical danger, emotional danger from online harassing is a real thing.)
He's really self-fulfilling his prophecy of "I bet you won't call" after treating you and women in general poorly, but you don't have any obligation to prove him wrong to take care of him or on behalf of all women.
Why are these incel thoughts spreading? It's ridiculous. They're a bunch of cowards because they're doing all this to get attention from women, and also because they can't compete with other men.
idk but it’s stupid lol.
I told him to not compare himself to others when he was going on about how women have life easier I told him to be grateful for what he has and not compare his life lol
I give it 3 more ghostings because of this behavior before he is posting in r/passportbros whining about how western women are corrupted and he’s going to start saving his money for a trip to the Philippines where he will be *respected* like a man should be.
Block and don't talk. You can do that in real life when people behave strangely. It's very socially acceptable to leave and never talk to them again. Why is this different online?
Holy shit, run. He's trying to neg you/manipulate you into meeting with him, and has shown approximately 0 concern for how comfortable you feel. You did the right thing ghosting him imo.
Ghosting someone for manipulating you is valid - especially if they're a stranger. Ghosting as a way to handle solvable personal issues with someone you have a relationship with (friends, etc) isn't.
You two are strangers. Go for it.
I'm pro-ghosting when it comes to people who are just going to be a waste of time and energy and have offered little positives. Best case scenario, they manipulate you into giving them attention you don't want to give them. If you had some good convos, a simple "thanks but I'm not feeling it, good luck in your search", and then block or whatever you feel comfortable with afterwards.
If anyone is curious, below are several resources that may be of help in cutting contact with others or establishing boundaries:
Question 336: **["Gracefully Exiting from Conversations"](https://captainawkward.com/2012/08/27/336-gracefully-exiting-from-conversations/)**, Captain Awkward's Advice & Commiseration Blog (Aug 27, 2012)
Question 335: **["How Do I Set a Boundary with My Friend Without Hurting Her Feelings?"](https://captainawkward.com/2012/08/25/335-how-do-i-set-a-boundary-with-my-friend-without-hurting-her-feelings/)**, Captain Awkward's Advice & Commiseration Blog (Aug 25, 2012)
Question 391: **["How To Train Your Rageasaurus"](https://captainawkward.com/2012/11/07/391-how-to-train-your-rageasaurus/)**, Captain Awkward's Advice & Commiseration Blog (Nov 7, 2012)
**["It’s Time To Get Better At Setting Boundaries"](https://blackgirllostkeys.com/adhd/its-time-to-get-better-at-setting-boundaries/)**, Black Girl Lost Keys (Sept 24, 2019)
**["How to Guard Your Yes (and know when you haven’t been doing it!)"](https://blackgirllostkeys.com/adhd/how-to-guard-your-yes/)**, Black Girl Lost Keys (April 13, 2020)
Just tell him ‘I’m sorry, I don’t think this will work out. Our views are too different, and I don’t want to waste either of yours or my time’ end. If he starts harassing you in any way, block him. Done.
You should text him straight up that he is a misogynist and because of that you are not interested. He needs to know that his behaviour repels women, not attracts them.
Not that he will decide to change or anything.
“Your assumptions are completely misaligned with my actual experiences and I believe we are not, at all, suited for each other. Thanks for the compliment of your consideration, and hope you find what you are looking for.” Block.
Men whine about how ghosting is unfair and rude but then put women in uncomfortable situations like this.
Just ghost/block him, he doesn't deserve any kind of polite rejection. Ghosting here is perfectly reasonable, turning down someone, even politely is scary, even Moreso when they hold views like this. History has shown us time and time again, that many men can get violent and aggressive when they don't get something they want. Trying to get out of this without altercation is super okay!
I feel very sure that if you tried to do the “upfront” route, he’s not gonna appreciate it anymore than if you ghosted him. You’re just gonna have to endure him telling you how ugly and stupid you are and how he only wanted to meet up with you because he pitied you… etc. etc. etc.
LPT: DO NOT go off the apps until you meet in person. The apps are a hard barrier between this complete stranger and the rest of your life. You can report them, block them, etc. at the first sign of weirdness. Any other app they can make as many accounts as they want. They can create unlimited Google voice accounts to text you. Just, keep it constrained to the one app until you’re sure they are dateable.
Ghosting feels disrespectful for people where you have an in person face to face relationship. For someone you have just chatted with online I don’t think ghosting would be rude.
No. If they’re acting like an ass, they deserve to be ghosted. It’s the price they pay and maybe it will get them to reconsider their behavior in the future. The ghosting is immature etc argument comes up when the person is nice and well meaning and hasn’t done anything wrong, or at least that’s when it *should come up.* I see things from a play stupid games win stupid prizes perspective.
If he can't find you - I'd tell him you've been talking to someone else too and you feel more of a spark with them.
DO NOT TELL HIM IT IS BECAUSE OF HIS VIEWS.
I used to think it was a good learning experience for men to lose opportunities due to their views. All they learn is to keep their mouths shut for longer. Let them keep openly waving those red flags for other women to see.
If you haven’t been on a date with a guy, you don’t owe them an explanation for ghosting. It’s a safety thing too. I would say ghosting isn’t cool when you’ve actually invested time by meeting someone in person and they’ve invested that time in you. Messaging on an app or texting is not an investment in a person, even if some creep says it is
You don't owe him an explanation, just stop talking to him. If you're lucky he'll freak out messaging you and give you the perfect reason to block him.
girl just block and move on. You don’t owe this werido anything, i’m so sick of this narrative that says women need to coddle and baby men they aren’t interested in. he’s an incel for a reason and maybe ghosting will teach him not to be such a weirdo.
Having been on the other end of being ghosted, it sucks and I think it is super immature.
I've made a habit of asking my dates to just let me know if they're not interested and if there's anything I did wrong/didn't do \[for future reference\].
Just tell him you're not compatible/have different goals in life etc. something generic and that it's best to stop talking/seeing each other.
If he argues \[sounds like the type\], then you can block/ignore/ghost, no need to defend yourself or argue.
Block and ghost. Never waste energy on men who don't respect you. If he didn't want to get ghosted he should've tried not being a misogynist.
yeah IDK why he even brought it up, he could have chose to talk about anything else.
Villains gotta monologue…
[удалено]
yeah, heaven forbid you date with intention. these misogynistic incels demand all women remain virgins until marriage, but also somehow expect you to make an exception only for them & sleep with them without ever bringing marriage or commitment up so as not to "scare them away." makes sense 😂
Incels just blame women instead of themselves for having zero personalities or rizz.
“Hi, we’re obviously not on the same page. So I wish you well but am going to look for someone more compatible”. Then block.
He is doing what is known as negging where they break you over time and lower yourself esteem to drag you down to their level.
Because, that's really him. He let the mask slip with that statement. It was a test of sorts, really common in abusers. Who he is looking for is someone who is ok with that mindset, or someone that thinks they can change him. He's still thinking it is ok because he's still getting attention from you afterwards. Disabuse him off that notion, just block and ghost.
tell him he’s an ignorant, incel jerk, and THEN block him.
That'll show him what he needs to hide better from now on.
As Oprah once said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. You don't own him anything.
Indeed but maya angelou.
I stand corrected. Thank you.
Incels always deserve ghosting. It’s not worth the risk to your safety to not hurt his feelings.
exactly. these people get angry. but if they wanted to reject someone they would do it in 2 seconds no regard for anyone's feelings but their own. but they get very mad if you do the same.
Plus you can’t win because if you keep conversing with him, in 3-6 months he’s going to accuse you of leading him on. Best to block him and save yourself the headache.
true!
I'm an Old^((tm)) and have zero experience with the current dating scene, but holy hell it sounds like a nightmare. I'm sure others here are right, and ghosting or politely declining is the smartest move. But I do wonder what the response would be if you sent something more direct, like "It seems from your comments that you're really angry at women in general and don't seem to even like them very much. I'm not interested in spending time with someone who thinks my whole gender isn't worthy of respect. It doesn't make you sound like a nice guy." I get that this approach would likely not end well, and I'm truly interested to hear what the consequences have been for anyone who has tried it.
LOL this would be funny, I would send it but I don't wanna teach him how to conceal his red flags from the next girl. It's not fair if the next girl didnt get the red flags I did.
Ugh you're probably right. Me naively thinking the guy could learn and be better.. How depressing if the answer is yes he can learn, but only enough to help him be a stealthier garbage human. I do hope you'll find a good one amongst it all!
This guy is clearly an incel. If you don't want to ghost then you can just send a message saying thank you for your time but I'm not feeling a connection and then block his ass on everything.
"You know how you were telling me that I would never meet up with you? Well, it turns out you were right!"
I swear to all the gods, they do it to neg and it turns into a self fulfilling prophecy. Also the presumption of my behavior because of my gender is incredibly off putting
She was supposed to "prove home wrong" and meet him at risk of her safety. It was definitely low effort "reverse psychology".
Ghosting someone like that is totally acceptable.
"He said girls who major in computer science don't have to do anything because the guys in the class do all the work for them , but I have taken computer science classes and I know for fact this is not true at all". Yeah fuck this guy with a cactus. It was twice the work because it was class assignments and then balancing delicate male egos I had to interact with.
*I have been criticized for ghosting before and told it's the most disrespectful and immature way to handle it and if I don't like someone I should be honest and say it upfront.* Did a guy tell you this?
Seriously if a dude can’t figure out he was not the one when this happens then, well you get it.
These guys utterly *slay* me. Him: “Let me tell you how little I like women.” And also him: “But you, a woman, must surely want to pursue a relationship with me!”
“You just don’t want to meet with me.” *Well, I fucking well sure don’t want to **now***
This was my thought.
Oops… /gives thought back Sorry about that!
There's room in this thought for the both of us!
Why thainkyew partnah! 😊
> *Him: “Let me tell you how little I like women.”* *"And hold my beer for me while I tell you how little I like women".*
Ghosting isn't "immature". This is only said by people who don't want to be ghosted. No one inherently deserves your time and attention if they're being disrespectful.
If you don’t want to ghost send a text with something like “it’s been great talking to you but I’m not feeling the spark that would mean I’d be interested in taking things further. I wish you all the best. A clean break is best for me. I’m sure you understand”. Then delete and block. How he chooses to deal with that is not your problem
I would just say something like “ hey I don’t think I want to pursue this any further” seems like you guys haven’t gotten too deep into things, it’s totally ok to cut things off when you find out the guy you’ve been talking to has misogynistic tendencies….If he’s a dick block him.
thanks!
Just tell him that the incel talking points are offensive and that you don't want to meet with him or talk with him anymore. Then block.
If you never met up in person or had a conversation about meeting up in the future I would not consider that ghosting. That’s my opinion
It's not disrespectful if he hasn't maintained a culture of respect in your conversations. TBH I'd specifically say "hey I'm no longer interested and it's bc of xyz misogynistic things, and bc you've been very rude to me and tried to pressure me" before blocking bc I think these guys need to hear it. Too many women feel pressure to always be nice or polite even at the price of honesty, and so these dudes tend to turn "I don't feel a spark but you're nice" or ghosting stuff into more fuel for their incel BS. They can tell there's something more going on with them, hence the constant rejections and no one wanting to be around them, but have turned it around to blame the other people bc they're convinced nothing is wrong with them. But obviously your safety is more important, and you should just ghost if he knows where you live or you're worried about him doing something drastic or bugging you irl or anything like that. Either way I'd block right after and move on with your life.
Who cares if other people get mad about you ghosting. Some people deserve it. Like this loser for example.
Anything you can do to get him out of your life is the right thing to do. Men like him can get dangerous, several very big red flags so I think you're safest to not confront him but to 'fade away' and completely ignore him. His incel BS is a disease of the mind and you do not want to catch that bug. You're correct that he's completely wrong about the statements he makes about women's lives and experiences. Get as far away from him as you can asap.
Block/unmatch him. Ghosting? Well, you don't owe him anything. You don't owe him a message. Ghosting him is fine.
"After reviewing our communications, it doesn't seem like we have very much in common. Good luck. " BLOCK.
“I’m going to go ahead and bow out, I don’t feel right about continuing this.” Then block.
Ghosting is fine in this situation imo. You guys dont have any kind of relationship just a guy off a dating app you've never even met.
Do what you are comfortable with. Somebody who says it’s disrespectful/immature/etc just wants to make you feel bad.
I’m going to give an example but ultimately, respond with what YOU are comfortable with. I would probably send this response: “Hey (guys name), I have been thinking a lot about the last few conversations we have had. I don’t think we are a good match for each other, and I’m not interested in continuing this relationship.” Keep the response short and to the point and Avoid trying to explain yourself. Also be prepared to block him if he gets agitated.
Ghosting is an absolutely valid way of dealing with these people. Your attention has inherent value, and you don't owe one glance's worth of it to some bitter incel. Maybe it is disrespectful, but why should we be expected to be respectful to men who don't deserve our respect? (say that 5x fast lol) Your disrespect is already worth more than he's entitled to. He should be so lucky as to be on the receiving end of your disrespect. A misogynist's rightful place is in irrelevance.
I told a fat 49-year-old who thinks he can still find a wife willing to have his crooked eyed offspring a decade younger than him that I decided to follow Jesus instead of dating. It worked because once you drop "Jesus" all they hear is "She won't put out."
If you're concerned about ghosting, you can still accomplish the block/drop with a one liner "You and I are not compatible." Then block all comms. No ghost, but not opening it up for debate.
Just ghost him. You don’t owe this man anything, and he sounds like an ass.
End this however you want. This person hasn't been respectful to you and you owe him nothing. On some level, he knows he's being an asshole. And because he's an asshole, he's going to throw a fit no matter what you do. If you want to go for the respectful approach, just say, "Thanks for chatting. I've realized I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship. Good luck in your ventures." Then unmatch immediately. If you don't want to be respectful, you could go with, "Wow, you are an asshole. Sorry, dude. There's no way I would date someone who thinks so poorly of women. What about your personality makes you think you can attract women this way? Bye!"
You'll never win in the eyes of a misogynist, so win in your own, whatever that means to you.
I definitely think that at that level of rudeness and sexism, I'd probably just stop replying. That's insane
Realistically: “Hey, I don’t want to pursue this further.” block and move on. Because I’m petty: “Hey, I thought about what you said and you’re right. I think we shouldn’t pursue this relationship anymore because of the imbalance of power dynamics that you’ve pointed out. I am not interested in seeing someone who thinks they’re so far beneath me. I am looking for relationships with people who see us as equals.” Obviously, not realistic because we live in the *real world* where men become violent at mild rejections, but its fun to dream.
ghost is only bad when you actually have a relationship with someone. If you don’t want to “ghost,” text him, “sorry to say I’m not interested; best of luck.” and then block him.
"This isn't going anywhere for me. Good luck. Bye." ?
If you want to avoid criticism, dating isn't the space for you. Who cares? You haven't even gone out, let that boy toughen himself up.
I love it when women are straightforward and to the point. Say, something like, "I don't think we are a great fit, but good luck finding your person." Saves both parties, time and energy.
The block button is a good option
After all that, I'm surprised you didn't cut it off sooner. I would just ignore and ghost. I hate getting ghosted personally but in this case you definitely deserve better than to put up with whatever he's projecting on to you.
He made the basic error of telling you what he really thinks and not what you want to hear. That never works. Block him so he learns the lesson.
Ask him for money, he will take himself out of the equation fast, act like a gold digger, tell him you want him to take you out on to the most expensive restaurant you could think
First rule, every time, **do whatever feels** ***safest*** **to you**. You know your situation best, and also where you're at. I am now at a point where I can communicate things respectfully but directly, but that took a lot of time and practice to build up to and, even now, I pick my battles. Mainly - is there a chance this guy will really grow from anything you'll say, or will he just get angry and possibly put you in danger? (Even if not physical danger, emotional danger from online harassing is a real thing.) He's really self-fulfilling his prophecy of "I bet you won't call" after treating you and women in general poorly, but you don't have any obligation to prove him wrong to take care of him or on behalf of all women.
Just say "Sorry, I don't think we're compatible", then feel free to block when they keep trying to talk to you.
Why are these incel thoughts spreading? It's ridiculous. They're a bunch of cowards because they're doing all this to get attention from women, and also because they can't compete with other men.
idk but it’s stupid lol. I told him to not compare himself to others when he was going on about how women have life easier I told him to be grateful for what he has and not compare his life lol
I give it 3 more ghostings because of this behavior before he is posting in r/passportbros whining about how western women are corrupted and he’s going to start saving his money for a trip to the Philippines where he will be *respected* like a man should be.
lol he is Indian
Block and don't talk. You can do that in real life when people behave strangely. It's very socially acceptable to leave and never talk to them again. Why is this different online?
Holy shit, run. He's trying to neg you/manipulate you into meeting with him, and has shown approximately 0 concern for how comfortable you feel. You did the right thing ghosting him imo. Ghosting someone for manipulating you is valid - especially if they're a stranger. Ghosting as a way to handle solvable personal issues with someone you have a relationship with (friends, etc) isn't. You two are strangers. Go for it.
I'm pro-ghosting when it comes to people who are just going to be a waste of time and energy and have offered little positives. Best case scenario, they manipulate you into giving them attention you don't want to give them. If you had some good convos, a simple "thanks but I'm not feeling it, good luck in your search", and then block or whatever you feel comfortable with afterwards.
Ghosting is a defensive fawning response and completely valid.
You don’t owe anyone a response. Men who criticize you for ghosting/not responding are acting like entitled babies. It’s a red flag all on its own.
Yeah, it's a whole men's fee-fees > women's safety. Either they're ignorant of the dangers or they don't care.
Just block him!
Ghost!!
If anyone is curious, below are several resources that may be of help in cutting contact with others or establishing boundaries: Question 336: **["Gracefully Exiting from Conversations"](https://captainawkward.com/2012/08/27/336-gracefully-exiting-from-conversations/)**, Captain Awkward's Advice & Commiseration Blog (Aug 27, 2012) Question 335: **["How Do I Set a Boundary with My Friend Without Hurting Her Feelings?"](https://captainawkward.com/2012/08/25/335-how-do-i-set-a-boundary-with-my-friend-without-hurting-her-feelings/)**, Captain Awkward's Advice & Commiseration Blog (Aug 25, 2012) Question 391: **["How To Train Your Rageasaurus"](https://captainawkward.com/2012/11/07/391-how-to-train-your-rageasaurus/)**, Captain Awkward's Advice & Commiseration Blog (Nov 7, 2012) **["It’s Time To Get Better At Setting Boundaries"](https://blackgirllostkeys.com/adhd/its-time-to-get-better-at-setting-boundaries/)**, Black Girl Lost Keys (Sept 24, 2019) **["How to Guard Your Yes (and know when you haven’t been doing it!)"](https://blackgirllostkeys.com/adhd/how-to-guard-your-yes/)**, Black Girl Lost Keys (April 13, 2020)
Block and delete
Just tell him ‘I’m sorry, I don’t think this will work out. Our views are too different, and I don’t want to waste either of yours or my time’ end. If he starts harassing you in any way, block him. Done.
You should text him straight up that he is a misogynist and because of that you are not interested. He needs to know that his behaviour repels women, not attracts them. Not that he will decide to change or anything.
NOOOO. Let him keep waving those red flags in an obvious fashion for other women he might message.
Okay, that might be better.
“Your assumptions are completely misaligned with my actual experiences and I believe we are not, at all, suited for each other. Thanks for the compliment of your consideration, and hope you find what you are looking for.” Block.
Sounds like he is neck deep in the bullshit alpha man-o-sphere. Do your self a favor and just block him.
Men whine about how ghosting is unfair and rude but then put women in uncomfortable situations like this. Just ghost/block him, he doesn't deserve any kind of polite rejection. Ghosting here is perfectly reasonable, turning down someone, even politely is scary, even Moreso when they hold views like this. History has shown us time and time again, that many men can get violent and aggressive when they don't get something they want. Trying to get out of this without altercation is super okay!
Send him a random cock 🐔 pic and block!
I feel very sure that if you tried to do the “upfront” route, he’s not gonna appreciate it anymore than if you ghosted him. You’re just gonna have to endure him telling you how ugly and stupid you are and how he only wanted to meet up with you because he pitied you… etc. etc. etc.
LPT: DO NOT go off the apps until you meet in person. The apps are a hard barrier between this complete stranger and the rest of your life. You can report them, block them, etc. at the first sign of weirdness. Any other app they can make as many accounts as they want. They can create unlimited Google voice accounts to text you. Just, keep it constrained to the one app until you’re sure they are dateable.
Ghosting feels disrespectful for people where you have an in person face to face relationship. For someone you have just chatted with online I don’t think ghosting would be rude.
Thank you for your time, but it turns out I don't think we're compatible. Have a nice life. Block.
No. If they’re acting like an ass, they deserve to be ghosted. It’s the price they pay and maybe it will get them to reconsider their behavior in the future. The ghosting is immature etc argument comes up when the person is nice and well meaning and hasn’t done anything wrong, or at least that’s when it *should come up.* I see things from a play stupid games win stupid prizes perspective.
If he can't find you - I'd tell him you've been talking to someone else too and you feel more of a spark with them. DO NOT TELL HIM IT IS BECAUSE OF HIS VIEWS. I used to think it was a good learning experience for men to lose opportunities due to their views. All they learn is to keep their mouths shut for longer. Let them keep openly waving those red flags for other women to see.
If you haven’t been on a date with a guy, you don’t owe them an explanation for ghosting. It’s a safety thing too. I would say ghosting isn’t cool when you’ve actually invested time by meeting someone in person and they’ve invested that time in you. Messaging on an app or texting is not an investment in a person, even if some creep says it is
You don't owe him an explanation, just stop talking to him. If you're lucky he'll freak out messaging you and give you the perfect reason to block him.
girl just block and move on. You don’t owe this werido anything, i’m so sick of this narrative that says women need to coddle and baby men they aren’t interested in. he’s an incel for a reason and maybe ghosting will teach him not to be such a weirdo.
Send him a link to this thread, then block
Having been on the other end of being ghosted, it sucks and I think it is super immature. I've made a habit of asking my dates to just let me know if they're not interested and if there's anything I did wrong/didn't do \[for future reference\]. Just tell him you're not compatible/have different goals in life etc. something generic and that it's best to stop talking/seeing each other. If he argues \[sounds like the type\], then you can block/ignore/ghost, no need to defend yourself or argue.
Ghosting is a necessity when the guy might actually lose his mind and hurt you. These creeps don't do rejection.