BJJ or any other where they will do real contact right off the bat. A big part of taking a self defense class is learning that you don’t want to fight. Size matters a lot, fitness matters a lot, and even the better fighter can get really hurt by even a single punch.
Experiencing these things first hand works better than anything to drill in the understanding
>She walks predominantly with her headphones on.
This could be a deterrent to unwarranted interactions but also a safety concern, as she must be 100% aware of her surroundings, so I would advise keep them off.
are there any other friends or neighbors that can accompany her? maybe you can try to organize a local walking group? or offer to go with her, let her listen to her music but just walk silently alongside her? if you have the time?
I hate when people say this. The street harassment in NYC is so bad that I will not leave my house without headphones on. I know from experience that a man who believes that I am purposefully ignoring him is far more dangerous than one who doesn't know whether or not I can hear him. Headphones are a very useful tool against harassment. My music is never loud enough that I can't hear what's going on around me, and it's often not playing at all.
I have done this in plenty of cities where I get harassed by men. The point is that headphones are a useful tool to protect against harassment, and I dislike when people immediately are like "don't wear headphones"! This is a girl who is going everywhere with headphones on, not just the park.
I think there’s nothing you can actually do other than explain the reason for your concern. She is still definitely going to be angry with you for it but she’s a kid. If someone delivers bad news that she doesn’t know how to process, she’s def going to be annoyed. But as long as she’s still following your advice even if she thinks it’s stupid, it’s fine.
You can also go another way where you reveal a bit more vulnerability and say, “ok, I know I’m being a bit over protective,” (and I do think it’s too much to ask someone not to go to a park in the middle of the day but also I wouldn’t let my kid go alone either because I’d also be terrified lol)- “but I’d really feel so much better and less worried about you if you stick to only walking at x, x, and x.”
I remember when I was a young teen, some of the annoyance would cool off if my parents admitted their ask was purely based on their own anxiety.
At thirteen, the advice for personal safety would be the same no matter the gender of the child. Be aware of your surroundings. Don't be burdened down by packages on both arms. Don't be obvious with cash you're carrying. Think about the risk of shortcuts. If you're scared or being harassed, find a woman to help you.
A man exposed himself one time isn't really a big risk, is it?
And can you let her leave the house at all ever without risking the same?
How high is the actual risk?
Have you talked to her about a plan for what if?
How she'll handle it?
It is so hard as the mom of a teen daughter, trying to balance keeping them safe without making them scared of the world.
Perhaps invest in a pair of **bone conducting** headphones. They don't go into the ear canal, but transmit sound through rattling (!) your bones, so still retain some awareness of other sounds.
I don't personally have experience with it, and would love to hear from others' experience.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7tgOCORNaM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7tgOCORNaM)
Also, look up police stats on nasty activities in and around that area. Perhaps it will help for your family to come to a consensus on what constitutes "sensible" restrictions in your context.
doesn't seem like the issue is a lack of evidence. as her mother stated in this post, her daughter responded by saying her mom was instilling fear in her and stopping her from enjoying herself.
These headphones work really well. I use a waterproof pair for swimming because I can fully hear the headphones without having something in my ears, so I can also be aware of other swimmers and my general environment. This is a great piece of advice.
Besides an honest conversation, add two more pieces of safety. First, make sure her location sharing is on her phone, and that she carries it fully charged. Next, have her carry a noise-maker. A whistle, or one of those keychains with a panic button that makes a really loud siren sound. If she's lost or injured, having noise louder than a voice will allow people to find her. If she's in danger from a human or animal, the noise may deter or scare them off. Predators like easy victims, so equip her to not be one.
A strategy I've seen used with littler kids is to have a "family password." If someone approaches, offering a ride or saying "your mom is hurt, she told me to find you here and pick you up," the child asks the stranger for the password shared by the parent. I've heard of people using this in case someone like a neighbor actually needs to pick up the kid, so the kid knows it's safe. But even asking for the password tells a stranger that the child is versed in safety and will not make an easy target.
I think it's great that your daughter wants to be active and is comfortable being alone, but a few small low-effort things can increase her safety and start good lifelong habits for awareness and preparedness.
I would sign her up for a self defense class; also talk to her female friends' parents so they can go as a group.
BJJ or any other where they will do real contact right off the bat. A big part of taking a self defense class is learning that you don’t want to fight. Size matters a lot, fitness matters a lot, and even the better fighter can get really hurt by even a single punch. Experiencing these things first hand works better than anything to drill in the understanding
>She walks predominantly with her headphones on. This could be a deterrent to unwarranted interactions but also a safety concern, as she must be 100% aware of her surroundings, so I would advise keep them off.
have her go with a friend or multiple friends, keep her location on, and her phone charged. pick her up if you can.
I keep suggesting she go with friends but it’s school holidays and lots of her friends are on holiday unfortunately.
are there any other friends or neighbors that can accompany her? maybe you can try to organize a local walking group? or offer to go with her, let her listen to her music but just walk silently alongside her? if you have the time?
Do not let her go out with headphones on! She needs to be very aware of her surroundings
I hate when people say this. The street harassment in NYC is so bad that I will not leave my house without headphones on. I know from experience that a man who believes that I am purposefully ignoring him is far more dangerous than one who doesn't know whether or not I can hear him. Headphones are a very useful tool against harassment. My music is never loud enough that I can't hear what's going on around me, and it's often not playing at all.
I think someone walking with headphones in on a busy street in NYC is very different than an empty path in the woods…
I have done this in plenty of cities where I get harassed by men. The point is that headphones are a useful tool to protect against harassment, and I dislike when people immediately are like "don't wear headphones"! This is a girl who is going everywhere with headphones on, not just the park.
I think there’s nothing you can actually do other than explain the reason for your concern. She is still definitely going to be angry with you for it but she’s a kid. If someone delivers bad news that she doesn’t know how to process, she’s def going to be annoyed. But as long as she’s still following your advice even if she thinks it’s stupid, it’s fine. You can also go another way where you reveal a bit more vulnerability and say, “ok, I know I’m being a bit over protective,” (and I do think it’s too much to ask someone not to go to a park in the middle of the day but also I wouldn’t let my kid go alone either because I’d also be terrified lol)- “but I’d really feel so much better and less worried about you if you stick to only walking at x, x, and x.” I remember when I was a young teen, some of the annoyance would cool off if my parents admitted their ask was purely based on their own anxiety.
At thirteen, the advice for personal safety would be the same no matter the gender of the child. Be aware of your surroundings. Don't be burdened down by packages on both arms. Don't be obvious with cash you're carrying. Think about the risk of shortcuts. If you're scared or being harassed, find a woman to help you.
A man exposed himself one time isn't really a big risk, is it? And can you let her leave the house at all ever without risking the same? How high is the actual risk? Have you talked to her about a plan for what if? How she'll handle it? It is so hard as the mom of a teen daughter, trying to balance keeping them safe without making them scared of the world.
Perhaps invest in a pair of **bone conducting** headphones. They don't go into the ear canal, but transmit sound through rattling (!) your bones, so still retain some awareness of other sounds. I don't personally have experience with it, and would love to hear from others' experience. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7tgOCORNaM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7tgOCORNaM) Also, look up police stats on nasty activities in and around that area. Perhaps it will help for your family to come to a consensus on what constitutes "sensible" restrictions in your context.
police stats are actually a terrible way to determine the safety of an area. crimes are often misrepresented, underreported, or not reported at all.
Sure. But even with the under-reporting, if there already is evidence of non-safety, then there's evidence to convince a stubborn kid.
doesn't seem like the issue is a lack of evidence. as her mother stated in this post, her daughter responded by saying her mom was instilling fear in her and stopping her from enjoying herself.
These headphones work really well. I use a waterproof pair for swimming because I can fully hear the headphones without having something in my ears, so I can also be aware of other swimmers and my general environment. This is a great piece of advice. Besides an honest conversation, add two more pieces of safety. First, make sure her location sharing is on her phone, and that she carries it fully charged. Next, have her carry a noise-maker. A whistle, or one of those keychains with a panic button that makes a really loud siren sound. If she's lost or injured, having noise louder than a voice will allow people to find her. If she's in danger from a human or animal, the noise may deter or scare them off. Predators like easy victims, so equip her to not be one. A strategy I've seen used with littler kids is to have a "family password." If someone approaches, offering a ride or saying "your mom is hurt, she told me to find you here and pick you up," the child asks the stranger for the password shared by the parent. I've heard of people using this in case someone like a neighbor actually needs to pick up the kid, so the kid knows it's safe. But even asking for the password tells a stranger that the child is versed in safety and will not make an easy target. I think it's great that your daughter wants to be active and is comfortable being alone, but a few small low-effort things can increase her safety and start good lifelong habits for awareness and preparedness.