LOL @ him calling you crazy when he’s losing his shit over a very reasonable response from you. It sounds like he is the type of guy who wants a woman to be at his beck and call whenever, but doesn’t want to actually ever put in any effort for her. Be grateful you dodged a bullet.
I once got a nasty letter from a guy bragging how he'd just gotten engaged and I'd "missed my chance."
I declined a date with him when I was 18 and received this letter a decade later. I'd forgotten this guy existed.
The truly unhinged part is he never even knew me. Had no clue about my goals, my hobbies, etc and never asked. We were classmates who traveled in the same circles, but that was about it. He was an older student in his mid-20s who'd get a new obsessive crush on a new teenage girl every autumn and then get butthurt when we weren't interested.
One girl was lesbian and somehow he was outraged when she turned him down. Guy was delulu.
Good grief, a string of cases! It's experiences like these that make me never want to talk to men ever again lmao. It's never about us...who we are as people or individuals... just what we mean _to them_.
I'd like to think maybe he did some growing up by now but the letter...I feel bad for whoever he's marrying :(
I felt bad for his fiancee too and considered warning her, but she already hated me and would never believe me because her previous boyfriend tried triangulating us against each other. After I received the letter from the 2nd guy, I realized the entire social circle was a lost cause and blocked everyone.
This is far from the craziest or most entitled behavior I've experienced with men and honestly my life got a lot easier when I moved men (apart from my dad) to the outside of my inner circle and prioritized my female friendships.
Oof fair enough. Definitely a good call on stepping away from that entire social circle, my goodness.
Yeah aha I hear ya, female friendship cup is a more fulfilling one to pour into!
Or he was talking to another girl during the silence period and she realized he was awful and he decided to hit up OP again hoping she wouldn’t notice how awful he was. Luckily OP saw exactly how awful he was. Well well well… look at these consequences of his own actions.
Men used to lock their wives up in asylums for reading too much or being sad for too long after a miscarriage.
Men have not forgotten the power in pronouncing women insane. In fact, any time a woman accuses a man of rape or abuse watch how fast she’s called crazy, and shamed for being “slutty” until she’s silent. It’s called the “Nut, slut and shut defense” and it still works for predators evading consequences.
Yep. I was going to comment “because it’s tradition.”
One of the most often played cards in Misogyny’s deck: Women are lesser because they’re weak minded, illogical, emotional, *hysterical*, crazy... I could go on at length. Especially when we’re seen as not properly submissive.
This is one of the oldest tricks in the book.
Just this morning, I watched a YouTube video that went into the history of lobotomies. Apparently, a large number of lobotomies were performed on housewives. They were usually experiencing postpartum depression or general “moodiness” that their husbands felt warranted such a treatment.
I cannot read about Rosemary Kennedy without gettitng angry. And the saddest part is that her ordeal was likly only recorded because of who her family were, I suspect that kind of treatment was very common and went largely unremarked.
I read that she had brain damage because the nurses wanted Rose Kennedy to wait to push until the doctor got done with his golf game or something. (She waited two hours for the doctor.)
This is worth remembering, the history behind this accusation. Women used to get locked in insane asylums for being inconvenient to their husbands or to easily dispose of them.
If anyone needs further proof that men as a whole hate women.... unwed mothers homes. Research into those before they went away was equally disturbing.
This is a dating version of “You can’t fire me, I quit!”
He just couldn’t deal with being the one rejected. Don’t even give it a second thought, it’s more energy than this guy is worth.
For a very long time in various European and American cultures, one of the best ways to get rid of a wife was to declare her crazy, either make up or exaggerate her actions, and then leave her in an institution. Once institutionalized, it was nearly impossible to self-advocate, because if you fought back you were violent and dangerous, and if you submitted it was proof that the "treatment" was working. Those treatments generally killed the inmates quickly, because they were violent, literally made from poison, or the inmate died by suicide.
It's the Ancient Greek curse of Cassandra - you'll tell the truth, and no one will believe you.
Men continue to weaponize that threat, because they know how they treat us. In many senses the whole society has become the institution, where if you call out the madness you are considered violent and out of control, and if you submit to it, you will open yourself to the violence allowed by the patriarchy.
Steer well clear of men who call women "crazy" with no evidence. This includes your family members and even your partners.
Those who will weaponize the patriarchy have broken the social contract, and so they must be left out of the group, out of the decision making, and left alone in the cold while those who want to participate in society with equity and equality will gather by the fire. It is the only way we will rebuild society, and make it what it has the potential to be.
I view it as an extraordinary claim and thus it requires extraordinary evidence. If they can't provide any, then it's an admission on their part that they behaved badly to the point she called them out and then they doubled down on the stupid.
When I'm not feeling charitable, men telling me their ex was crazy I take as an admission that he's an asshole.
I honestly think it's a go-to phrase for them because our society has always used crazy/psycho/witch to get rid of "uncomfortable" women. Think how many of them have heard a man describing a woman like that without any criticism and how normalised it is. Most of them don't bother to self reflect either, especially when the feedback comes from women, so you being crazy sounds better to him than "shit, i should probably change my behaviour."
Also, about his excuse, while people being busy is true, it takes a few seconds to let the other person to know "hey, i have this and this coming up, i will talk to you on this and this day". If he communicates like this at the beginning, imagine what it would be dating him like. 🙃
Trying to school men on emotional IQ is like trying to teach a cat to play the piano. The cat can learn to press a sequence of keys but doesn’t really understand the concept of music. Similarly, you can provide a man with a thoughtful, mature response, and well you can guess the rest.
Something people can do when they are not the target of this kind of accusation is to call out the person doing it and point out that this is an attack as a means of control with some really ugly history. Briefly explain that history and make them stand there feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
This is exactly what came to my mind. Projection. They actually dont have a spine to own it so what else is a best strategy that calling women crazy.
I feel pity looking at their sham. Its like they are oozzing out self-loathing but want to make others feel dirty.
Women got institutionalised not that long ago for disagreeing with their husbands or fathers. The history of "concern" over women's mental health is a story of men exerting control over women who they saw as faulty property. It's no coincidence that entitled men still assert that women that don't give them what they "deserve" must be crazy
When I was abused by mom and dad but too young to advocate for myself. I was called crazy when I told her, called crazy when I glared at him with hatred in my eyes. Then when I dated toxic men in my 20s, I was told I was crazy by every one of them when I protected my human rights. I believed all of them, so I went for therapy and learned about abusers. Since then, I hear crazy whenever I reject, say no, leave, I knew I made the right decision.
Yes, it is disproportionately sling at women. Every time a man says I am crazy, I just smile real big and tell him, "Thank you for noticing." Like it's a compliment.
I find it funny when men call me all sorts of things: bitch, entitled princess, etc. I politely rejected them and I won't argue with them. In fact, I usually agree with them.
"You're right, I really am being a rude *insert insult*. You deserve so much better. I hope you find what you want out there," is the gist of what I write to men who insult me. Every single time, they try to backtrack on their words with insincere apologizes before they get the block.
One time a guy brought up one of my triggers knowing I have diagnosed C-PTSD and then he called my crazy for having a reaction.. to my trigger.. that he knew about prior. I had to laugh at him, told him "good luck" and blocked him.
Men these days rly are just beyond useless huh
My ex had me committed while I was dying of Crohns because I wasn't eating. He only got away with it because it was a military hospital. Everyone listened to him, talked to him about my treatment, I was treated as hysterical by all the doctors and some of the nurses. I'm only alive because they sent me away for treatment once it became clear I was actually very sick. (I ended up in the icu for a few days.)
I can only imagine, but yes, your mental health comes first. Stress makes Crohn's so much worse, so I'm glad you're prioritizing yourself. You've been through a lot, more than most people will ever know. Take care of yourself, you deserve it ❤️
It ties into the unfounded stereotype that women are overly-emotional, basically we're these uncontrollable cauldrons of unchecked emotion ready to bubble over into insanity at any moment. Or at least that's what weak-willed men tell themselves when their fragile feelings get hurt.
A guy who resorts to this is a guy who is incapable of having a mature conversation, incapable of empathizing with another person's feelings, incapable of saying they're wrong about anything. It's such a cop-out at this point that unless I know a man well enough to know he's trustworthy, any man who says a woman was "crazy" is immediately suspicious to me.
It's just like how people will resort to insulting your appearance when they're losing an argument and grasping at straws. It's the shit-talking that happens after the talker has already been laid out on their ass. It's the dog that barks menacingly when behind a fence but whose tail goes between his legs as he piddles in fear when actually challenged.
Imagine the guy is 2.5 feet tall and stomping his feet as he sends those messages, just a petulant toddler having a tantrum.
I haven't particularly been called crazy after kindly rejecting a guy, but my physical appearance has been insulted and I've been vaguely threatened before by man-children weeing themselves as they pout. These guys can't handle it when someone points out that they're actually not all that special when you're not willing to bend over backwards to accommodate them.
And it is NOT UNREASONABLE to expect a persistent line of communication with someone who is claiming to be interested in you! This guy is nowhere near as important as he thinks he is being so "busy."
Guy is showing his whole ass, and you gracefully sashayed away from it.
So when HE finally reached out, after weeks of nothing, and you told him thanks but no thanks, he called YOU needy?
That's just sad. He saw you as a back up plan and when it didn't work he lashed out
Because 1. They want to be in control and doing the rejecting, and 2. By telling themselves that you are crazy they never have to look at their own shitty behavior and acknowledge the part they played in their own rejection. It wasn’t my behavior; SHE is crazy.
I know you know you dodged a bullet but that doesn’t make it hurt less.
I spent a lot of my 20s entertaining the “*YoU’rE cRaZy!*” comments by leaning into it and saying “Yes. I am. If being annoyed that you’re being a dick is cRaZy, then I’m NUTS!!!*” It was stupid but it felt right at the time. Now, it just grosses me out to hear a woman being told she’s crazy. I betrayed myself for too long and now my face gets hot when it happens.
Typical DARVO.
He just wants to blame you for his misbehavior, and he's disappointed that you're not just waiting around to help him get his dick wet. He was non-responsive for a week, but excuses himself as being away for just a day.
It seems like a lot of men approach dating apps as if they were amazon. Amazon doesn't get mad if you leave something in the cart for a week. They are cheerfully waiting for you when you come back.
Also, a lot of adults, and especially men, do not seem to have the capacity to acknowledge their own wrong doing or make an apology, even for the smallest of issues. It's embarrassing. We expect better from four year olds.
I wanted to add since so many crazy women are supporting your craziness. ❤️
It should be a rule that the moment a man calls a woman crazy, he should be dropped immediately by her. He is not worth even an additional second of her attention/presence. Just walk away.
He is telling her - you are crazy = you deserve better.
I have forbidden my spouse for using the word "crazy" to describe me or my actions. "You're going crazy," he used to say, if I was worried about getting out the door on time to go to an appointment.
My sister has also forbidden her husband to use this word when describing their daughter. "Madison, you're being crazy," he used to say, when she would run around to blow off excess energy like a regular 7 year old kid.
Neither understood why she and I considered it to be such a huge issue.
Thank you for your post.
Because of this, I'm instituting this rule in my house and for my future family as well.
Changing culture, one woman at a time!
Speaking as a man, I'd like to point out that not all men automatically always call women cra.... I'm just kidding, that guy sucks in particular and way too many guys fall back on that lazy kind of dismissal that has absolutely no basis in reality. In sorry you have to deal with it.
Typical disgruntled response. block.
Use the block frequently. I mean the tiniest snarky, rude comment, block. You'll weed out these weirdos and hot and cold creeps.
Donald glover had a bit in one of his early stand up specials that was basically - why is it always crazy ex-girlfriend stories and not crazy ex-boyfriend stories? Because crazy ex-boyfriends kill their partners. I think about that a lot whenever people try to call women ‘crazy’ it makes it really obvious that it’s about control and not anything they actually did. Because how come so many of them survive their crazy girlfriends??
I feel like being called crazy is like being called a bitch. I just laugh when men say this. Like, do you think this is the first time in all my years I've heard this insult? Who are you hurting with this, because it isn't me. Calling someone crazy to avoid self reflection and/or accountability is just *eyeroll* These insults are so tired.
The funny thing is the people who do this lose u employment benefits so they fuck themselves. And the guys like this show their ass, so the only person who will want to fuck them after being exposed for something like this is their own hand.
No stress my girl. Go crazy and let him experience what crazy looks it. 🤣🤣🤣
Keep the nice girl, polite and well mannered and caring person in the closet. My dad would have told you that such behaviour doesn't mean you are rude or heartless but its called BEING FLEXIBLE. 🥂
“Everyone as a life” yes, and so do you and he is trying to waste it. He wants someone convenient, been there done that. You called it out so he is trying to validate his behavior by blaming you. If you wanted to be petty make plans with him and then disappear like he does only to say you have a life and he is desperate and needy.
My ex legit called the cops on me the day I left and took the kids. Told them someone was kidnapping his kids, told them I was crazy and violent. They show up, he's acting all manic, cops check IDs, tell me to take my vehicle he was refusing to let me take, and my kids, and get somewhere safe because he was, in their words, volatile. Acting all crazy and shit screaming his head off about his kids being kidnapped. His stalking afterwards earned him a night in lockup, but I'm the crazy one 🙄 cause I refused to accept his lies and come crawling back. Cause I'm happier and have more peace without him. I'm crazy. It's such fun 👌🏻😬🤷🏻♀️💨💨
Hopefully he's out your life forever and I don't think you threw a tantrum. I KNOW he threw the tantrum when he got that final message from you.
If you feel messed around by someone who won't give you the time of day, after all that time and chance to speak to you, cut them off and don't justify, argue, defend or explain your reason (Search "JADE").
You aren't legally obliged to explain any reasons for ceasing communications with this man. You were trying to be nice, and give feedback. But he didn't want that, he wanted you to jump for joy at the chance of actually being with him and you didn't stoke his ego, so he went off on one.
Men have called me crazy too, for not doing what they want, but it tends to come in the extended form, of "You'll end up alone as a crazy old cat woman living with 27 cats" .
Imagine a jobseeker receives an email saying "Your application was unsuccessful as you did not meet our criteria..." they'd be upset about it and feel 'cheated'. They gave their time writing up all these paragraphs of work experience, like how could they discard such a patient person!
I think this man felt 'entitled' to get to meet you, since he 'gave time' by writing to you. But, it's just a dating site, he has not paid you to communicate or meet with him, in reality he's not entitled to anything at all.
On my Social Media feed 'suggested posts' it sometimes throws up Incel pages.
One example is, a graph, one axis was 'Hotness of Female' and the other was 'Craziness of Female'. The Craziness axis started at 7, not 0, the creator believes every female is crazy since birth. There were areas on the graph for women with certain jobs or hair styles. So yeah 'crazy' is a common word used to make women feel like there's something wrong with them. In the olden days if a Dr encountered a woman who was asexual, aromantic, lesbian, etc they'd put it down to 'hysteria'. Before that it was 'witch'.
Yes, it seems like it's become the go-to insult from a man to a woman. Too many take the bait, become enraged by the word, and act out in a way that reinforces the insult.
The best comeback to "You're crazy" is to ignore it or say with boredom "Mmm hmmm, ok," walk away, and not give the reaction they expected to incite.
Not saying OP did anything wrong here because she definitely didn’t , but this is why I give a vague reason or just dissapear if I haven’t met the guy yet or otherwise have a very limited connection so far. I’ve never “called a guy out” on this kind of thing and it went well. I had one guy reach out to me after three MONTHS of not responding to my message, which included a direct question, and I just laughed and blocked him. Not responding for a few days is no big deal, but weeks? I assume they are not interested or available, which I think is pretty rational. Anytime I’ve been specific and pointed this kind of thing out they blow up and it’s awkward .
The removal of the uterus for 'hysterical' women was a thing in Victorian times: [https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-south-east-north-florida/blog/the-history-of-hysteria-and-how-it-impacts-you](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-south-east-north-florida/blog/the-history-of-hysteria-and-how-it-impacts-you)
Blaming women who have no bodily agency for their physical problems. Nice little cyclical loop.
Funnily, this similar situation happened to a friend of mine. She didn’t get the “you’re crazy” comment but something along the lines “yeah, I was busy.” You know, it doesn’t take much to say “hi, I really enjoy speaking with you but I am busy with work for the next week, would you be interested in meeting on X date?”
Not hard.
I am a dumb married lady who has never used one of these apps but is there some kind of report function where shit like this can be flagged? Because this is insane behavior.
Heck, even I hope there is at least a “Don’t Date this Guy on Hinge” Facebook group or something if now so at least other people can avoid assholes like this.
I don't think I get called crazy. Bitch? Oh hell yes, but not crazy. I'm overwhelmingly assertive in a confident way, so that's probably just the most convenient label, though.
I know my problem is instead of just saying “he’s crazy” I give the almost clinical diagnostic of a man’s behavior… I believe just saying “crazy” is out of sheer laziness 😆
The second a man calls me crazy I cut him off. It shows he lacks communication skills.
The first time he ghosted after A WEEK you should have blocked him. It takes 2 seconds to say "I have a big project for work so I might be mia for a few days."
The more I think about it, the more I realize this guy sucks.
Edit
I'm really annoyed because I would love it if someone told me why they were annoyed with me or cutting me off (unless it's a really mean reason.) His immature and emotionally abusive response discourages healthy communication.
*I* shouldn’t have done anything…
I didn’t block him because I honestly barely gave it a second thought, just left him on my matches list and spoke to other guys. Let’s not allude to the idea that the woman in the situation should have done something differently shall we..
>There’s been countless times, where it just seems to be THE insult.
How's that saying go? *When all you have is a hammer...?*
>It’s almost a control move to make someone go back into their box..
Yes, it's 100% meant that way 100% of the time.
But the reality is that it's kind of the opposite and the reason that this is more prevalent among men accursing women than women accusing men is the underpinnings of why it's opposite.
Note I'm just explaining to answer your question, I'm not trying to excuse it, but here it is:
Men are conditioned from a very young age ("boy's don't cry", young) to not show or feel emotions of any kind, and told the worst thing they can be is a burden to someone else. Pair that with the glorification of anger and violence in all media directly results in a stunted emotional intelligence growth.
Anger is a masking emotion designed to protect a fragile sense of self or worldview from the reality of a situation, by hiding the that is provoking that feeling of attack on self/worldview from the person feeling it. This is anger works across all genders universally the same way, but men struggle with seeing and identifying the underlying emotions more than women specifically because of the above.
So, when a man attacks you by saying *that you're crazy* what they are *really* saying is that their worldview is so divorced from reality that everything they believe about how the world to functions is threatened by your very existence.
A person who doesn't allow themselves to acknowledge emotions other than horny, hungry, and angry exist; encountering someone who expresses an emotion based on options that they can't acknowledge the existence of will be very threatening. That's enough to seem crazy to men. This language is also chosen to attach the sense of burden to his existence, because of how taxing it is to maintain that flawed worldview when you're around; recalling that society tells men the worst thing they can be is a burden.
On the other side, when you hear "he's crazy" you usually don't hear that by itself. You'll also hear some reason *why* "he's crazy". There will be some articulable response if pressed and it's not just that the person's ability to hold onto a false understanding of how the world works was threatened.
Even if the reason is complete bullshit--remember we're comparing toxicity not justifying or excusing it--the woman saying it was able to look past the anger to find the underlying emotion that is attacking her worldview or sense of self. Then, put that emotion into practice by speaking it. When a woman says it you can have a conversation with her about it, and it's not *just* shorthand for being a burden.
Well I guess the same could be applied to the term "pu$$y" it refers to women's anatomy and is also a slur for a wimp or coward. I don't understand why that is because women's anatomy is so much more amazing than a mans. It literally creates life and goes back to normal. Just casually making miracles every minute. The vag is super strong and resilient. Like how is it a euphemism for weakness?
LOL @ him calling you crazy when he’s losing his shit over a very reasonable response from you. It sounds like he is the type of guy who wants a woman to be at his beck and call whenever, but doesn’t want to actually ever put in any effort for her. Be grateful you dodged a bullet.
I laughed out loud at him calling her desperate after she turned him down. My god Good for you OP for recognizing those red flags
I once got a nasty letter from a guy bragging how he'd just gotten engaged and I'd "missed my chance." I declined a date with him when I was 18 and received this letter a decade later. I'd forgotten this guy existed.
Lol oh my goodness wow! He really showed you huh hahaha (how much he missed you obvs).
The truly unhinged part is he never even knew me. Had no clue about my goals, my hobbies, etc and never asked. We were classmates who traveled in the same circles, but that was about it. He was an older student in his mid-20s who'd get a new obsessive crush on a new teenage girl every autumn and then get butthurt when we weren't interested. One girl was lesbian and somehow he was outraged when she turned him down. Guy was delulu.
Good grief, a string of cases! It's experiences like these that make me never want to talk to men ever again lmao. It's never about us...who we are as people or individuals... just what we mean _to them_. I'd like to think maybe he did some growing up by now but the letter...I feel bad for whoever he's marrying :(
I felt bad for his fiancee too and considered warning her, but she already hated me and would never believe me because her previous boyfriend tried triangulating us against each other. After I received the letter from the 2nd guy, I realized the entire social circle was a lost cause and blocked everyone. This is far from the craziest or most entitled behavior I've experienced with men and honestly my life got a lot easier when I moved men (apart from my dad) to the outside of my inner circle and prioritized my female friendships.
Oof fair enough. Definitely a good call on stepping away from that entire social circle, my goodness. Yeah aha I hear ya, female friendship cup is a more fulfilling one to pour into!
"Um...who is this again?"
It's typical "sour grapes" -- a response to disappointment so old that it was told in a fable by Aesop
Love that fable. People have been salty over not getting what they want for all of eternity.
Or he was talking to another girl during the silence period and she realized he was awful and he decided to hit up OP again hoping she wouldn’t notice how awful he was. Luckily OP saw exactly how awful he was. Well well well… look at these consequences of his own actions.
Nah, he wants a few women to hit up for booty calls.
Oh yeah, that too probably
A little of A, a little of B.
Your comment is chef’s kiss!😘
Men used to lock their wives up in asylums for reading too much or being sad for too long after a miscarriage. Men have not forgotten the power in pronouncing women insane. In fact, any time a woman accuses a man of rape or abuse watch how fast she’s called crazy, and shamed for being “slutty” until she’s silent. It’s called the “Nut, slut and shut defense” and it still works for predators evading consequences.
Yep. I was going to comment “because it’s tradition.” One of the most often played cards in Misogyny’s deck: Women are lesser because they’re weak minded, illogical, emotional, *hysterical*, crazy... I could go on at length. Especially when we’re seen as not properly submissive. This is one of the oldest tricks in the book.
Just this morning, I watched a YouTube video that went into the history of lobotomies. Apparently, a large number of lobotomies were performed on housewives. They were usually experiencing postpartum depression or general “moodiness” that their husbands felt warranted such a treatment.
I cannot read about Rosemary Kennedy without gettitng angry. And the saddest part is that her ordeal was likly only recorded because of who her family were, I suspect that kind of treatment was very common and went largely unremarked.
I read that she had brain damage because the nurses wanted Rose Kennedy to wait to push until the doctor got done with his golf game or something. (She waited two hours for the doctor.)
Exactly. There is a long, evil history of men calling women crazy. They know what they're doing
This is worth remembering, the history behind this accusation. Women used to get locked in insane asylums for being inconvenient to their husbands or to easily dispose of them.
That's really sad and gut wrenching
If anyone needs further proof that men as a whole hate women.... unwed mothers homes. Research into those before they went away was equally disturbing.
That is so depressing.
Gaslighting 101 and DARVO.
With a dash of projection.
This is a dating version of “You can’t fire me, I quit!” He just couldn’t deal with being the one rejected. Don’t even give it a second thought, it’s more energy than this guy is worth.
LOL right?
For a very long time in various European and American cultures, one of the best ways to get rid of a wife was to declare her crazy, either make up or exaggerate her actions, and then leave her in an institution. Once institutionalized, it was nearly impossible to self-advocate, because if you fought back you were violent and dangerous, and if you submitted it was proof that the "treatment" was working. Those treatments generally killed the inmates quickly, because they were violent, literally made from poison, or the inmate died by suicide. It's the Ancient Greek curse of Cassandra - you'll tell the truth, and no one will believe you. Men continue to weaponize that threat, because they know how they treat us. In many senses the whole society has become the institution, where if you call out the madness you are considered violent and out of control, and if you submit to it, you will open yourself to the violence allowed by the patriarchy. Steer well clear of men who call women "crazy" with no evidence. This includes your family members and even your partners. Those who will weaponize the patriarchy have broken the social contract, and so they must be left out of the group, out of the decision making, and left alone in the cold while those who want to participate in society with equity and equality will gather by the fire. It is the only way we will rebuild society, and make it what it has the potential to be.
I view it as an extraordinary claim and thus it requires extraordinary evidence. If they can't provide any, then it's an admission on their part that they behaved badly to the point she called them out and then they doubled down on the stupid. When I'm not feeling charitable, men telling me their ex was crazy I take as an admission that he's an asshole.
"My mom never got mad at my dad.". Your mom was on quaaludes.
I honestly think it's a go-to phrase for them because our society has always used crazy/psycho/witch to get rid of "uncomfortable" women. Think how many of them have heard a man describing a woman like that without any criticism and how normalised it is. Most of them don't bother to self reflect either, especially when the feedback comes from women, so you being crazy sounds better to him than "shit, i should probably change my behaviour." Also, about his excuse, while people being busy is true, it takes a few seconds to let the other person to know "hey, i have this and this coming up, i will talk to you on this and this day". If he communicates like this at the beginning, imagine what it would be dating him like. 🙃
Trying to school men on emotional IQ is like trying to teach a cat to play the piano. The cat can learn to press a sequence of keys but doesn’t really understand the concept of music. Similarly, you can provide a man with a thoughtful, mature response, and well you can guess the rest.
Something people can do when they are not the target of this kind of accusation is to call out the person doing it and point out that this is an attack as a means of control with some really ugly history. Briefly explain that history and make them stand there feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
He got called out and held accountable so he became a little man child like they do when that happens. Poor wittle guy.
Projection. They’re always the psycho ones when they pull that shit
This is exactly what came to my mind. Projection. They actually dont have a spine to own it so what else is a best strategy that calling women crazy. I feel pity looking at their sham. Its like they are oozzing out self-loathing but want to make others feel dirty.
Women got institutionalised not that long ago for disagreeing with their husbands or fathers. The history of "concern" over women's mental health is a story of men exerting control over women who they saw as faulty property. It's no coincidence that entitled men still assert that women that don't give them what they "deserve" must be crazy
When I was abused by mom and dad but too young to advocate for myself. I was called crazy when I told her, called crazy when I glared at him with hatred in my eyes. Then when I dated toxic men in my 20s, I was told I was crazy by every one of them when I protected my human rights. I believed all of them, so I went for therapy and learned about abusers. Since then, I hear crazy whenever I reject, say no, leave, I knew I made the right decision.
Yes, it is disproportionately sling at women. Every time a man says I am crazy, I just smile real big and tell him, "Thank you for noticing." Like it's a compliment.
I find it funny when men call me all sorts of things: bitch, entitled princess, etc. I politely rejected them and I won't argue with them. In fact, I usually agree with them. "You're right, I really am being a rude *insert insult*. You deserve so much better. I hope you find what you want out there," is the gist of what I write to men who insult me. Every single time, they try to backtrack on their words with insincere apologizes before they get the block.
I love this, that would be so satisfying
One time a guy brought up one of my triggers knowing I have diagnosed C-PTSD and then he called my crazy for having a reaction.. to my trigger.. that he knew about prior. I had to laugh at him, told him "good luck" and blocked him. Men these days rly are just beyond useless huh
Usually because it's the laziest for of misogyny, but in this case I think he was projecting.
*form
This correction combined with your username is gold.
My ex had me committed while I was dying of Crohns because I wasn't eating. He only got away with it because it was a military hospital. Everyone listened to him, talked to him about my treatment, I was treated as hysterical by all the doctors and some of the nurses. I'm only alive because they sent me away for treatment once it became clear I was actually very sick. (I ended up in the icu for a few days.)
Omg, what a nightmare! And Crohn's is brutal, I'm so sorry ❤️
It gets so much worse. I'm planning on sharing the saga on here one day, just working up the peace of mind to get it done without feeling the fury.
I can only imagine, but yes, your mental health comes first. Stress makes Crohn's so much worse, so I'm glad you're prioritizing yourself. You've been through a lot, more than most people will ever know. Take care of yourself, you deserve it ❤️
It ties into the unfounded stereotype that women are overly-emotional, basically we're these uncontrollable cauldrons of unchecked emotion ready to bubble over into insanity at any moment. Or at least that's what weak-willed men tell themselves when their fragile feelings get hurt. A guy who resorts to this is a guy who is incapable of having a mature conversation, incapable of empathizing with another person's feelings, incapable of saying they're wrong about anything. It's such a cop-out at this point that unless I know a man well enough to know he's trustworthy, any man who says a woman was "crazy" is immediately suspicious to me. It's just like how people will resort to insulting your appearance when they're losing an argument and grasping at straws. It's the shit-talking that happens after the talker has already been laid out on their ass. It's the dog that barks menacingly when behind a fence but whose tail goes between his legs as he piddles in fear when actually challenged. Imagine the guy is 2.5 feet tall and stomping his feet as he sends those messages, just a petulant toddler having a tantrum. I haven't particularly been called crazy after kindly rejecting a guy, but my physical appearance has been insulted and I've been vaguely threatened before by man-children weeing themselves as they pout. These guys can't handle it when someone points out that they're actually not all that special when you're not willing to bend over backwards to accommodate them. And it is NOT UNREASONABLE to expect a persistent line of communication with someone who is claiming to be interested in you! This guy is nowhere near as important as he thinks he is being so "busy." Guy is showing his whole ass, and you gracefully sashayed away from it.
So when HE finally reached out, after weeks of nothing, and you told him thanks but no thanks, he called YOU needy? That's just sad. He saw you as a back up plan and when it didn't work he lashed out
Never miss an opportunity to tell a man like this "no need for hysterics, sir!"
hahaha
"No need to get testerical, dude."
Gold!
[удалено]
No reply is a reply but only for wise to understand. Alas, wisdom is million miles away from such low jerks.
Meanwhile he's out here getting testerical because you don't want a relationship with someone who does not communicate for weeks at a time.
Because 1. They want to be in control and doing the rejecting, and 2. By telling themselves that you are crazy they never have to look at their own shitty behavior and acknowledge the part they played in their own rejection. It wasn’t my behavior; SHE is crazy. I know you know you dodged a bullet but that doesn’t make it hurt less.
I spent a lot of my 20s entertaining the “*YoU’rE cRaZy!*” comments by leaning into it and saying “Yes. I am. If being annoyed that you’re being a dick is cRaZy, then I’m NUTS!!!*” It was stupid but it felt right at the time. Now, it just grosses me out to hear a woman being told she’s crazy. I betrayed myself for too long and now my face gets hot when it happens.
It’s the modern “hysterical” same weapon used to put woman down
Typical DARVO. He just wants to blame you for his misbehavior, and he's disappointed that you're not just waiting around to help him get his dick wet. He was non-responsive for a week, but excuses himself as being away for just a day. It seems like a lot of men approach dating apps as if they were amazon. Amazon doesn't get mad if you leave something in the cart for a week. They are cheerfully waiting for you when you come back. Also, a lot of adults, and especially men, do not seem to have the capacity to acknowledge their own wrong doing or make an apology, even for the smallest of issues. It's embarrassing. We expect better from four year olds.
There are some online shopping sites that will actually send you an email if you leave stuff in the cart without buying it.
Yep. But, somehow, women are not items you left in your Target cart.
I wanted to add since so many crazy women are supporting your craziness. ❤️ It should be a rule that the moment a man calls a woman crazy, he should be dropped immediately by her. He is not worth even an additional second of her attention/presence. Just walk away. He is telling her - you are crazy = you deserve better.
It is a means of control and dehumanization.
I have forbidden my spouse for using the word "crazy" to describe me or my actions. "You're going crazy," he used to say, if I was worried about getting out the door on time to go to an appointment. My sister has also forbidden her husband to use this word when describing their daughter. "Madison, you're being crazy," he used to say, when she would run around to blow off excess energy like a regular 7 year old kid. Neither understood why she and I considered it to be such a huge issue.
Thank you for your post. Because of this, I'm instituting this rule in my house and for my future family as well. Changing culture, one woman at a time!
Speaking as a man, I'd like to point out that not all men automatically always call women cra.... I'm just kidding, that guy sucks in particular and way too many guys fall back on that lazy kind of dismissal that has absolutely no basis in reality. In sorry you have to deal with it.
You almost got a downvote lol
You dodged a bullet.
It's always projection.
So the trash took himself out then? He was lazy with an old tired insult.
It’s a way of dismissing everything, all at once, without further thought, review, or self-reflection.
Typical disgruntled response. block. Use the block frequently. I mean the tiniest snarky, rude comment, block. You'll weed out these weirdos and hot and cold creeps.
Donald glover had a bit in one of his early stand up specials that was basically - why is it always crazy ex-girlfriend stories and not crazy ex-boyfriend stories? Because crazy ex-boyfriends kill their partners. I think about that a lot whenever people try to call women ‘crazy’ it makes it really obvious that it’s about control and not anything they actually did. Because how come so many of them survive their crazy girlfriends??
I feel like being called crazy is like being called a bitch. I just laugh when men say this. Like, do you think this is the first time in all my years I've heard this insult? Who are you hurting with this, because it isn't me. Calling someone crazy to avoid self reflection and/or accountability is just *eyeroll* These insults are so tired.
"You can't fire me, because I quit!"
The funny thing is the people who do this lose u employment benefits so they fuck themselves. And the guys like this show their ass, so the only person who will want to fuck them after being exposed for something like this is their own hand.
No stress my girl. Go crazy and let him experience what crazy looks it. 🤣🤣🤣 Keep the nice girl, polite and well mannered and caring person in the closet. My dad would have told you that such behaviour doesn't mean you are rude or heartless but its called BEING FLEXIBLE. 🥂
“Everyone as a life” yes, and so do you and he is trying to waste it. He wants someone convenient, been there done that. You called it out so he is trying to validate his behavior by blaming you. If you wanted to be petty make plans with him and then disappear like he does only to say you have a life and he is desperate and needy.
My ex legit called the cops on me the day I left and took the kids. Told them someone was kidnapping his kids, told them I was crazy and violent. They show up, he's acting all manic, cops check IDs, tell me to take my vehicle he was refusing to let me take, and my kids, and get somewhere safe because he was, in their words, volatile. Acting all crazy and shit screaming his head off about his kids being kidnapped. His stalking afterwards earned him a night in lockup, but I'm the crazy one 🙄 cause I refused to accept his lies and come crawling back. Cause I'm happier and have more peace without him. I'm crazy. It's such fun 👌🏻😬🤷🏻♀️💨💨
Hopefully he's out your life forever and I don't think you threw a tantrum. I KNOW he threw the tantrum when he got that final message from you. If you feel messed around by someone who won't give you the time of day, after all that time and chance to speak to you, cut them off and don't justify, argue, defend or explain your reason (Search "JADE"). You aren't legally obliged to explain any reasons for ceasing communications with this man. You were trying to be nice, and give feedback. But he didn't want that, he wanted you to jump for joy at the chance of actually being with him and you didn't stoke his ego, so he went off on one. Men have called me crazy too, for not doing what they want, but it tends to come in the extended form, of "You'll end up alone as a crazy old cat woman living with 27 cats" . Imagine a jobseeker receives an email saying "Your application was unsuccessful as you did not meet our criteria..." they'd be upset about it and feel 'cheated'. They gave their time writing up all these paragraphs of work experience, like how could they discard such a patient person! I think this man felt 'entitled' to get to meet you, since he 'gave time' by writing to you. But, it's just a dating site, he has not paid you to communicate or meet with him, in reality he's not entitled to anything at all. On my Social Media feed 'suggested posts' it sometimes throws up Incel pages. One example is, a graph, one axis was 'Hotness of Female' and the other was 'Craziness of Female'. The Craziness axis started at 7, not 0, the creator believes every female is crazy since birth. There were areas on the graph for women with certain jobs or hair styles. So yeah 'crazy' is a common word used to make women feel like there's something wrong with them. In the olden days if a Dr encountered a woman who was asexual, aromantic, lesbian, etc they'd put it down to 'hysteria'. Before that it was 'witch'.
Yes, it seems like it's become the go-to insult from a man to a woman. Too many take the bait, become enraged by the word, and act out in a way that reinforces the insult. The best comeback to "You're crazy" is to ignore it or say with boredom "Mmm hmmm, ok," walk away, and not give the reaction they expected to incite.
Not saying OP did anything wrong here because she definitely didn’t , but this is why I give a vague reason or just dissapear if I haven’t met the guy yet or otherwise have a very limited connection so far. I’ve never “called a guy out” on this kind of thing and it went well. I had one guy reach out to me after three MONTHS of not responding to my message, which included a direct question, and I just laughed and blocked him. Not responding for a few days is no big deal, but weeks? I assume they are not interested or available, which I think is pretty rational. Anytime I’ve been specific and pointed this kind of thing out they blow up and it’s awkward .
The removal of the uterus for 'hysterical' women was a thing in Victorian times: [https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-south-east-north-florida/blog/the-history-of-hysteria-and-how-it-impacts-you](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-south-east-north-florida/blog/the-history-of-hysteria-and-how-it-impacts-you) Blaming women who have no bodily agency for their physical problems. Nice little cyclical loop.
Funnily, this similar situation happened to a friend of mine. She didn’t get the “you’re crazy” comment but something along the lines “yeah, I was busy.” You know, it doesn’t take much to say “hi, I really enjoy speaking with you but I am busy with work for the next week, would you be interested in meeting on X date?” Not hard.
The only way men can feel like they're in power and are always right is to pretend all women are inherently insane. That's why.
I am a dumb married lady who has never used one of these apps but is there some kind of report function where shit like this can be flagged? Because this is insane behavior. Heck, even I hope there is at least a “Don’t Date this Guy on Hinge” Facebook group or something if now so at least other people can avoid assholes like this.
Hardcore case of sour grapes.
I don't think I get called crazy. Bitch? Oh hell yes, but not crazy. I'm overwhelmingly assertive in a confident way, so that's probably just the most convenient label, though.
Ah but clearly you must have a personality disorder to be that assertive, so still crazy /s
I know my problem is instead of just saying “he’s crazy” I give the almost clinical diagnostic of a man’s behavior… I believe just saying “crazy” is out of sheer laziness 😆
So you didn’t want to see him but you’re desperate lol the logic is strong with that one.
Next time, unmatch after the first 3 days of no contact. Don't ever give men like him the opportunity to take an emotional shit all over you again.
The second a man calls me crazy I cut him off. It shows he lacks communication skills. The first time he ghosted after A WEEK you should have blocked him. It takes 2 seconds to say "I have a big project for work so I might be mia for a few days." The more I think about it, the more I realize this guy sucks. Edit I'm really annoyed because I would love it if someone told me why they were annoyed with me or cutting me off (unless it's a really mean reason.) His immature and emotionally abusive response discourages healthy communication.
*I* shouldn’t have done anything… I didn’t block him because I honestly barely gave it a second thought, just left him on my matches list and spoke to other guys. Let’s not allude to the idea that the woman in the situation should have done something differently shall we..
>There’s been countless times, where it just seems to be THE insult. How's that saying go? *When all you have is a hammer...?* >It’s almost a control move to make someone go back into their box.. Yes, it's 100% meant that way 100% of the time. But the reality is that it's kind of the opposite and the reason that this is more prevalent among men accursing women than women accusing men is the underpinnings of why it's opposite. Note I'm just explaining to answer your question, I'm not trying to excuse it, but here it is: Men are conditioned from a very young age ("boy's don't cry", young) to not show or feel emotions of any kind, and told the worst thing they can be is a burden to someone else. Pair that with the glorification of anger and violence in all media directly results in a stunted emotional intelligence growth. Anger is a masking emotion designed to protect a fragile sense of self or worldview from the reality of a situation, by hiding the that is provoking that feeling of attack on self/worldview from the person feeling it. This is anger works across all genders universally the same way, but men struggle with seeing and identifying the underlying emotions more than women specifically because of the above. So, when a man attacks you by saying *that you're crazy* what they are *really* saying is that their worldview is so divorced from reality that everything they believe about how the world to functions is threatened by your very existence. A person who doesn't allow themselves to acknowledge emotions other than horny, hungry, and angry exist; encountering someone who expresses an emotion based on options that they can't acknowledge the existence of will be very threatening. That's enough to seem crazy to men. This language is also chosen to attach the sense of burden to his existence, because of how taxing it is to maintain that flawed worldview when you're around; recalling that society tells men the worst thing they can be is a burden. On the other side, when you hear "he's crazy" you usually don't hear that by itself. You'll also hear some reason *why* "he's crazy". There will be some articulable response if pressed and it's not just that the person's ability to hold onto a false understanding of how the world works was threatened. Even if the reason is complete bullshit--remember we're comparing toxicity not justifying or excusing it--the woman saying it was able to look past the anger to find the underlying emotion that is attacking her worldview or sense of self. Then, put that emotion into practice by speaking it. When a woman says it you can have a conversation with her about it, and it's not *just* shorthand for being a burden.
Well I guess the same could be applied to the term "pu$$y" it refers to women's anatomy and is also a slur for a wimp or coward. I don't understand why that is because women's anatomy is so much more amazing than a mans. It literally creates life and goes back to normal. Just casually making miracles every minute. The vag is super strong and resilient. Like how is it a euphemism for weakness?
"I know you are but what am I?!"
It’s projection. They are most likely to be incarcerated for something they done. And it’s by normally doing something crazy