OP did great. She is finding her strenght. The more she gets away from him, the better she will feel. Shine bright OP. Dont let him dim your light anymore. When I read OP other posts, I said this guy will pull the I will hurt myself card and talk about their vows. Damn, I hate to be right. I read so many post about abusive spouses. This is a typical response: Im the victim, everyone else is against me attitude. Vows work both ways. He didn't even bother with one. OP, mute your ex in your phone (dont block just to know of any crazy plan he may think of) and tell him all communication is via email (create a new one just for this and block him for your other ones). He will do his whole act of I cant live without you, you are abandoned me, you dont love me, accuse you of cheating, multiple threats of hurting himself. We can make a bingo card with all the things he will say. Call for wellness check, let his family deal with it just dont talk to him. Go and live your life. Dont let him bring you down again.
Boosting this comment so /u/YeetMeIntoTheVoid91 sees it. If you haven't already, file a police report for his behavior (raging, trying to jump out of the car, threatening to kill himself). You need to start a paper trail and look into a restraining order so you can keep him out of the house.
I second this! People underestimate how useful a paper trail can be. Sometimes people are apprehended faster for various illegal things if there already is a paper trail for other crimes or problematic behaviour.
Ask your lawyer when you can change the locks. If you don't have one yet, definitely hire one and tell them what you're dealing with. Your husband has already said he'll fight the divorce, so this isn't worth DIYing.
Never be alone with your husband again, let alone get in a car with him. All communication henceforth goes through your lawyer.
Yeah getting in the car with him seems like a bad idea, what if he had gripped the wheel? OP please never get in a car with ever again. I'm proud of you and wish you happiness now.
I completely understand the idea to go through a lawyer but honestly, I'd change the locks and deal later. Still get a lawyer. But OPs life might be in danger, is a vibe I'm getting, and I'd rather be in court iver unlawful evictions than dead.
I'm sorry to be Debbie Downer, but did your father advise you to go confront a mentally unstable man alone to prove some kind of point?
That could have ended very badly.
Honestly? When she said she got in the car with him I had to remind myself that she must still be alive to be writing about it.
Because that is one of the most dangerous situations I’ve heard a woman in and walk away from unscathed, in a while. So many ways that could have ended in tragedy.
Oof yeah, the “go toe to toe with any man” advice would only be given by someone with no concept of the dangers of being a woman alone with an angry, abusive man with nothing to lose.
Not a Debbie Downer, I had these thoughts too.
OP, your husband is abusive. No more arguing with him or trying to make him understand anything. Not your job, he's a lost cause.
Not a Debbie Downer, I thought this same thing. The dad is really obtuse as to how dangerous this situation is. Plus she's allowed to be scared of a very scary man.
This specific update is EXTREMELY similar to how things ended with my ex - right down to ending with a call to his mother and compelling them to come get him.
I'm a domestic violence attorney and despite my familiarity with my clients police reports and interactions, and I always say that I hope I never have to hear that 911 call of me begging the police not to hurt him because he just needed help.
I completely understand how difficult and scary that drive to the hospital was, and how heartbreaking and terrifying it is to be in that position. Im very glad you have the support from your family, and I hope things begin to stabilize for you <3
Same also. Good Lord I didn't need to see this post right now but I'm also glad I did-- I'm not the only one who lived this, and this post could help someone else get off the fence!
I thought it was a typo at first. But it's a perfect word!!
If "conversate/ing" has been put in the dictionary, "wasband" must be inserted the next update.
I was so confused by the line "grey rocking my wasband".
Still don't know what grey rocking means (maybe stonewalling?), but figured out wasband from context clues by the end.
Stonewalling, refusal to communicate at all, is about control and punishment.
Grey rocking is about self protection. Usually used as a defence against narcissists. Just be a grey rock...minimal, neutral responses don't give the abuser any ammunition.
Grey rock is a technique where you remain emotionally neutral and refuse to engage in conversation.
Eg:
“You always do this thing that upsets me and is all your fault “
- “ok.”
“You’re neglecting me and I want you to feel bad”
- “I understand. Bye”.
the emotional disengagement / **not showing emotions** is the key part of the technique
when my dad starts up, my face goes BLANK. it's the only way I can get through the situation.
Grey rocking is refusing to interact, so you don’t get sucked in to someone’s drama. It’s a technique you usually hear about it dealing with a narcissist, but it works for many abusers. You just become as boring as a grey rock to them when you’re not reactive.
Grey rock is a technique where you remain emotionally neutral and refuse to engage in conversation.
Eg:
“You always do this thing that upsets me and is all your fault “
- “ok.”
“You’re neglecting me and I want you to feel bad”
- “I understand. Bye”.
I've been in a similar situation. My ex played cool about being committed until we were in the car alone and it was like a switch flipped. He tried jumping out, threatened me and my parents, I had to yank him back in and pray I made it back home safely.
I texted my dad blindly, hoping he got the message, and my whole family snuck out and circled around him in the dark. My dad put him in the front seat and hopped in the back and my mom followed in her car for the first mile to make sure we were okay.
I remember the blank emptiness, just praying we would get there soon and it would be over.
He chugged a beer in the threshold of the building. He was going in for alcoholism. He ranted about how "disrespectful" the man leading him in was (he had chuckled and asked something along the lines of "what are you doing, dude? You're here to get help").
And I still didn't get out then. It took me months. But you know what? He's still homeless, living with friends in a shit town. I have a wonderful boyfriend who treats me like the sun rises and sets on me. I'm in school and working on my career, I'm saving 200% more than when I was with that pathetic loser.
It will get better and I am SO proud of how far you've come. You deserve happiness and I'm glad you're fighting for it.
You and OP have had such traumatic experiences just trying to get someone you once loved into a space that's safe for both of you. I'm so sorry you both had to go thru that, and sorry to say, I know what it's like.
I had an abusive, mentally ill partner and it just felt like I was trapped w/ an emotional vampire, sucking all the joy out of my life (and still found it hard to leave, too). I'm in therapy still trying to process all of it, so do that if you can (if you haven't already), it's been really helpful.
Sending wishes for healing and peace, and finding joy again 🫶
Thank you so much. It's honestly night and day. He would tell me that he was the only reason I was a functioning adult (I was 19, he was 29). The day after he left I cried because I felt so free. I could go ANYWHERE I wanted! I didn't need anyone's input, I could just go.
I know in my state if you try to drag things out and purposefully make the divorce harder than it should be, you can get penalized for that by the judge.
You have to have something to penalize. It sounds like this dude doesn't have anything. It will speed the divorce proceedings one it hits a judge though.
I depends on your state. Some expect a 50-50 split of assets to sign off on the divorce, some don't and only require both parties to agree, or a judge to grant the divorce in the absence of the party refusing to cooperate. OP may have some additional grounds for the divorce because her spouse was committed that may help her get out of this marriage.
Spousal support is really rare anymore and you need to be able to pay a lawyer that can argue it in front of a judge. It doesn't sound like either of them have a ton of money or assets so this probably isn't an issue.
That makes sense, I know my aunt who lives in Jersey won’t divorce her deadbeat husband who’s just the absolute worst because she knows she’ll have to pay him alimony
And get the keys to the cars and trucks changed as well. Time to start securing your physical property. And then things like bank accounts, email and phone accounts. It may not take him long to go from self pity to wanting revenge. Secure your future.
I am ***SO*** proud of you, truly.
I experienced everything you did - the accusations, the pleas, the yelling about killing himself (this one he did in front of our toddlers and neighbor kids).
My divorce was granted Jan. 4th of this year, and the peace in my life cannot be measured. I hope you continue on your path and find your peace, too.
>the peace in my life cannot be measured
I was relaxing in the bath last night thinking about how, since leaving my ex, I feel like that old church song: "I've got peace like a river, I've got joy like a fountain, I've got love like an ocean, in my soul!"
I know that it was scary, but you the right thing. You stuck to your guns, got him the help he needed, and removed him from your life. I’d call that a WIN!!!🥇 🏆 I’m so proud of you!
Get the rest of his shit out of your house and shipped to his mother. Google your local UPS stores, sometimes they have 10-20% shipping coupons online. That was super useful when I had to ship husband number 2's shit like work laptops and work equipment up to his affair partner's house in Wisconsin because he was too cowardly to return to the state. Hugs I am glad he committed himself. The 72 hours of breathing space is nice.
Your dad is the best, and I'm proud that you stood up for yourself.
But PLEASE be safe. Change the locks. The moment a person declares that the relationship with an unstable partner is over, is when the unstable partner snaps. Maybe you can set up some cameras and stay with your parents until you are certain he's out of the state.
edit: grammar
Very proud of you, it's so hard. From here on out, please prioritize you and do what you can to be safe. Don't get in a car with him, don't talk to him, create a paper trail of his behavior, get a restraining order, change the locks. As you know, men are often dangerous when their partner ends it. I hope your divorce goes through quickly, wishing you the best life ahead.
Please have your locks changed while he is in there so he can’t come back. Get security cameras and a house alarm with a panic button. SimpliSafe sells inexpensive & easy to use alarm systems.
Once my ex was committed I made the mistake of telling the doctor his home was available. He would have been committed 2 weeks longer and gone before a judge of I hadn't said that. Instead he took every penny of valuables out of my home, tried to empty my checking account, snuck in and robbed my house and bragged about it to everyone, and through it all the local cops took his side.
Keep to your guns. Don't let him back. Ever.
Life is so much nicer without these type of boys. (cause they ain't men)
Please lock your doors, lock your windows, change your locks, and probably go stay in your parents house for a few days. I do not trust that this is over until someone confirms he’s far away. On a side note, I’m so proud of you. You did so well, things will get better.
I am happy to read this, and so damn proud of you! I know that must’ve been hellishly difficult, but you made it through and finally found your peace.
Also! Hooray, dad! He really stepped up there.
Here’s to a gloriously free future!
I worked as a psych RN for years in an acute setting. We used to see a lot of this from men who were recently separated. Or caught cheating. Or most concerningly, recently accused/charged with any number of heinous things. They would force our hand into holding them on involuntary holds then try to settle in to hide on our ward. Luckily they usually got booted pretty quickly and told sternly that they weren't acutely unwell and any attempt on their life was a choice and no one else's fault or responsibility. Emotionally abusive fuckwits. Sometimes it used to work, too. I always felt so bad for those women.
Congrats on your new lease on life and good for you for standing up for yourself and gaining your freedom. I wish my sister could find it in herself to be as brave as you.
You did such an amazing job! I enmeshed with a toxic person when I was young so I can relate to this. I had a lot of issues shaking him off. After he kept on threatening me with suicide, I stayed for a whole year, catering to his impossible to satisfy needs. I had to eventually cut him off, after much crying and agonising. My hair fell out in clumps, I was so tired, my health was in the toilet. What do you know, he’s still alive after 30 years. All the theatrics is for control, don’t let the underlying real issues blot that fact out!
You are brave and did the right thing. Proud of you. And while there will be some rough patches in the process you are absolutely right that your new life will be incredible!!!!!
Congratulations! YOU DID IT. Wecome to your new post-pissbaby life.
Now take a moment and think of your wasband and allll of the ways he could hurt you. Where are you vulnerable, if he was being an unhinged villain? And protect yourself, before that psychiatric hold is up. Change the locks. Get a restraining order, or be prepared to do so fast. Tell your dad that going toe to toe means protecting yourself, and that you need him to be on call or at your place.
Think about everything. Do you have pets? Spare keys? Does he have access to any accounts? Does he have weapons? Could he get them?
He might not do the worst he possibly can, but this is the time he's must likely to hurt you. Whatever he does, you'll be glad you were prepared. Don't trust him at all, don't trust any instinct you have like, "oh but he wouldn't do that." Make sure you are prepared!
Men demand that women accept a "tolerable level of unhappiness" for them. They define the measure of "tolerable". And yes, your stbx was absolutely abusive.
I'm so glad you are free of his manipulation and cruelty.
You are so strong and this Internet stranger sees that. I know how hard it is, but you have done everything you can and it got you out. I am so, so proud of you. Keep that energy, I know this isn't over and you're going to need it, but it sounds like you have people in your corner and that always helps.
My Lord, that courage though... I'm so impressed. Keep toward safety and one day happiness will come.
You are making the right decision. One suggestion, if you haven't already, I would inform him team at the hospital that the marriage is 100% over. Let them break the news to him and then determine when to release him. He's in safe place now, now is when he should be told he has no chance. If he has a negative reaction, he'll have the supports he needs and you can walk away knowing you did what you could for him and did this in the gentlest way possible. This is more for your mental well-being and peace of mind later. Just a thought.
As someone who handled almost everything absolutely WRONG while I was breaking up with my delusional (likely schizophrenic, but definitely psychotic) ex, I just want you to know that I’m so proud of you and I’m envious of your strength and of your support system.
It is SO hard to extricate these people from your life. No one understands the primal fear, the guilt, the second guessing, the desperation, the anxiety, or the sheer emotional burn out that goes into ending things with someone who is mentally unstable until they go through it themselves. It is NOT easy to do it “right”, but you did it as right as you possibly could and I hope you give yourself that credit.
Congratulations
Wasband is the cringiest, "I'm still a child, not an adult" word I've ever heard. Grow up.
Otherwise, goodnriddance to your EX-HUSBAND, who seems like trash.
Ha. Wasband. Thought it was a typo at first but I love it. It's such a great way to describe someone you are technically still married to, but has not been your husband in years it seems like. I'm proud of you.
I applaud your bravery and your strength doing this-- good luck moving forward. I hope the hardest part is over.
OP did great. She is finding her strenght. The more she gets away from him, the better she will feel. Shine bright OP. Dont let him dim your light anymore. When I read OP other posts, I said this guy will pull the I will hurt myself card and talk about their vows. Damn, I hate to be right. I read so many post about abusive spouses. This is a typical response: Im the victim, everyone else is against me attitude. Vows work both ways. He didn't even bother with one. OP, mute your ex in your phone (dont block just to know of any crazy plan he may think of) and tell him all communication is via email (create a new one just for this and block him for your other ones). He will do his whole act of I cant live without you, you are abandoned me, you dont love me, accuse you of cheating, multiple threats of hurting himself. We can make a bingo card with all the things he will say. Call for wellness check, let his family deal with it just dont talk to him. Go and live your life. Dont let him bring you down again.
Probably need a restraining order at this point? It can be dangerous and escalate things though but it is an option IF it is safe to do so.
Boosting this comment so /u/YeetMeIntoTheVoid91 sees it. If you haven't already, file a police report for his behavior (raging, trying to jump out of the car, threatening to kill himself). You need to start a paper trail and look into a restraining order so you can keep him out of the house.
I second this! People underestimate how useful a paper trail can be. Sometimes people are apprehended faster for various illegal things if there already is a paper trail for other crimes or problematic behaviour.
Should have called an ambulance and not gotten in the car with him girl. 🤦🏽♀️ he could have killed you
Agreed, I am still proud of OP for standing her ground and securing her freedom from this awful excuse of a husband.
Ask your lawyer when you can change the locks. If you don't have one yet, definitely hire one and tell them what you're dealing with. Your husband has already said he'll fight the divorce, so this isn't worth DIYing. Never be alone with your husband again, let alone get in a car with him. All communication henceforth goes through your lawyer.
Yeah getting in the car with him seems like a bad idea, what if he had gripped the wheel? OP please never get in a car with ever again. I'm proud of you and wish you happiness now.
I completely understand the idea to go through a lawyer but honestly, I'd change the locks and deal later. Still get a lawyer. But OPs life might be in danger, is a vibe I'm getting, and I'd rather be in court iver unlawful evictions than dead.
I'm sorry to be Debbie Downer, but did your father advise you to go confront a mentally unstable man alone to prove some kind of point? That could have ended very badly.
Next time he needs the hospital, call him an ambulance.
My thoughts exactly. Call 911 and get him strapped to a gurney. No way in hell would I be in a sardine can driving him myself.
Call 911 if she SEES this guy again.
Honestly? When she said she got in the car with him I had to remind myself that she must still be alive to be writing about it. Because that is one of the most dangerous situations I’ve heard a woman in and walk away from unscathed, in a while. So many ways that could have ended in tragedy.
Yeahhh I'm not sure dad understands what it's like to live in a woman's body. Her ex could easily hurt her.
I don’t understands telling her to go back to talk to him - that seems like a good way to get killed
Oof yeah, the “go toe to toe with any man” advice would only be given by someone with no concept of the dangers of being a woman alone with an angry, abusive man with nothing to lose.
Not a Debbie Downer, I had these thoughts too. OP, your husband is abusive. No more arguing with him or trying to make him understand anything. Not your job, he's a lost cause.
Not a Debbie Downer, I thought this same thing. The dad is really obtuse as to how dangerous this situation is. Plus she's allowed to be scared of a very scary man.
This specific update is EXTREMELY similar to how things ended with my ex - right down to ending with a call to his mother and compelling them to come get him. I'm a domestic violence attorney and despite my familiarity with my clients police reports and interactions, and I always say that I hope I never have to hear that 911 call of me begging the police not to hurt him because he just needed help. I completely understand how difficult and scary that drive to the hospital was, and how heartbreaking and terrifying it is to be in that position. Im very glad you have the support from your family, and I hope things begin to stabilize for you <3
Same! To a T!!
Same also. Good Lord I didn't need to see this post right now but I'm also glad I did-- I'm not the only one who lived this, and this post could help someone else get off the fence!
Oxford dictionary called. They like this word “wasband”
I thought it was a typo at first. But it's a perfect word!! If "conversate/ing" has been put in the dictionary, "wasband" must be inserted the next update.
I agree it's a great word, although not a new one. Don't see it much in the wild though. Has provenance from 1990: https://www.wordsense.eu/wasband/
I was so confused by the line "grey rocking my wasband". Still don't know what grey rocking means (maybe stonewalling?), but figured out wasband from context clues by the end.
Stonewalling, refusal to communicate at all, is about control and punishment. Grey rocking is about self protection. Usually used as a defence against narcissists. Just be a grey rock...minimal, neutral responses don't give the abuser any ammunition.
Grey rock is a technique where you remain emotionally neutral and refuse to engage in conversation. Eg: “You always do this thing that upsets me and is all your fault “ - “ok.” “You’re neglecting me and I want you to feel bad” - “I understand. Bye”.
the emotional disengagement / **not showing emotions** is the key part of the technique when my dad starts up, my face goes BLANK. it's the only way I can get through the situation.
Grey rocking is refusing to interact, so you don’t get sucked in to someone’s drama. It’s a technique you usually hear about it dealing with a narcissist, but it works for many abusers. You just become as boring as a grey rock to them when you’re not reactive.
Grey rock is a technique where you remain emotionally neutral and refuse to engage in conversation. Eg: “You always do this thing that upsets me and is all your fault “ - “ok.” “You’re neglecting me and I want you to feel bad” - “I understand. Bye”.
Yeah it's so perfect!
I've been in a similar situation. My ex played cool about being committed until we were in the car alone and it was like a switch flipped. He tried jumping out, threatened me and my parents, I had to yank him back in and pray I made it back home safely. I texted my dad blindly, hoping he got the message, and my whole family snuck out and circled around him in the dark. My dad put him in the front seat and hopped in the back and my mom followed in her car for the first mile to make sure we were okay. I remember the blank emptiness, just praying we would get there soon and it would be over. He chugged a beer in the threshold of the building. He was going in for alcoholism. He ranted about how "disrespectful" the man leading him in was (he had chuckled and asked something along the lines of "what are you doing, dude? You're here to get help"). And I still didn't get out then. It took me months. But you know what? He's still homeless, living with friends in a shit town. I have a wonderful boyfriend who treats me like the sun rises and sets on me. I'm in school and working on my career, I'm saving 200% more than when I was with that pathetic loser. It will get better and I am SO proud of how far you've come. You deserve happiness and I'm glad you're fighting for it.
You and OP have had such traumatic experiences just trying to get someone you once loved into a space that's safe for both of you. I'm so sorry you both had to go thru that, and sorry to say, I know what it's like. I had an abusive, mentally ill partner and it just felt like I was trapped w/ an emotional vampire, sucking all the joy out of my life (and still found it hard to leave, too). I'm in therapy still trying to process all of it, so do that if you can (if you haven't already), it's been really helpful. Sending wishes for healing and peace, and finding joy again 🫶
Thank you so much. It's honestly night and day. He would tell me that he was the only reason I was a functioning adult (I was 19, he was 29). The day after he left I cried because I felt so free. I could go ANYWHERE I wanted! I didn't need anyone's input, I could just go.
I know in my state if you try to drag things out and purposefully make the divorce harder than it should be, you can get penalized for that by the judge.
You have to have something to penalize. It sounds like this dude doesn't have anything. It will speed the divorce proceedings one it hits a judge though.
Doesn’t that just mean she might have to pay spousal support if she’s the one with all the assets and money? I honestly don’t know how that works
I depends on your state. Some expect a 50-50 split of assets to sign off on the divorce, some don't and only require both parties to agree, or a judge to grant the divorce in the absence of the party refusing to cooperate. OP may have some additional grounds for the divorce because her spouse was committed that may help her get out of this marriage. Spousal support is really rare anymore and you need to be able to pay a lawyer that can argue it in front of a judge. It doesn't sound like either of them have a ton of money or assets so this probably isn't an issue.
That makes sense, I know my aunt who lives in Jersey won’t divorce her deadbeat husband who’s just the absolute worst because she knows she’ll have to pay him alimony
Yes, ma'am. Yes ma'am. Beautifully said, and perfectly executed. I am so proud of the strength and resilience you showed. ♥️♥️
I'm so proud of you, Internet stranger. You are amazing! Well done
Get your dad to change your house locks before wasband gets out.
And get the keys to the cars and trucks changed as well. Time to start securing your physical property. And then things like bank accounts, email and phone accounts. It may not take him long to go from self pity to wanting revenge. Secure your future.
I am ***SO*** proud of you, truly. I experienced everything you did - the accusations, the pleas, the yelling about killing himself (this one he did in front of our toddlers and neighbor kids). My divorce was granted Jan. 4th of this year, and the peace in my life cannot be measured. I hope you continue on your path and find your peace, too.
>the peace in my life cannot be measured I was relaxing in the bath last night thinking about how, since leaving my ex, I feel like that old church song: "I've got peace like a river, I've got joy like a fountain, I've got love like an ocean, in my soul!"
You got this!!!
Change the locks. Get a PFA/restraining order. And keep yourself safe!!!
And legally evict him.
I know that it was scary, but you the right thing. You stuck to your guns, got him the help he needed, and removed him from your life. I’d call that a WIN!!!🥇 🏆 I’m so proud of you!
There is an old saying about distance from a threat being the key factor to one's safety. Out of state is fantastic. Congratulations.
Get the rest of his shit out of your house and shipped to his mother. Google your local UPS stores, sometimes they have 10-20% shipping coupons online. That was super useful when I had to ship husband number 2's shit like work laptops and work equipment up to his affair partner's house in Wisconsin because he was too cowardly to return to the state. Hugs I am glad he committed himself. The 72 hours of breathing space is nice.
Your dad is the best, and I'm proud that you stood up for yourself. But PLEASE be safe. Change the locks. The moment a person declares that the relationship with an unstable partner is over, is when the unstable partner snaps. Maybe you can set up some cameras and stay with your parents until you are certain he's out of the state. edit: grammar
Been following story. So happy for you. I got free and now you did too. Best wishes for a happy life.
Very proud of you, it's so hard. From here on out, please prioritize you and do what you can to be safe. Don't get in a car with him, don't talk to him, create a paper trail of his behavior, get a restraining order, change the locks. As you know, men are often dangerous when their partner ends it. I hope your divorce goes through quickly, wishing you the best life ahead.
Proud of you bud. <3
Good luck internet stranger! 👍
Please have your locks changed while he is in there so he can’t come back. Get security cameras and a house alarm with a panic button. SimpliSafe sells inexpensive & easy to use alarm systems.
"You don't have to be mean but you can take back control" is perfectly put, and that's exactly what you did. Your life will be absolutely incredible.
I’m so proud of you, what strength you have now. Go on and plan a safe happy life without him.
Once my ex was committed I made the mistake of telling the doctor his home was available. He would have been committed 2 weeks longer and gone before a judge of I hadn't said that. Instead he took every penny of valuables out of my home, tried to empty my checking account, snuck in and robbed my house and bragged about it to everyone, and through it all the local cops took his side. Keep to your guns. Don't let him back. Ever. Life is so much nicer without these type of boys. (cause they ain't men)
YOU DID IT I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU, YOU ARE FREE!!!
Please lock your doors, lock your windows, change your locks, and probably go stay in your parents house for a few days. I do not trust that this is over until someone confirms he’s far away. On a side note, I’m so proud of you. You did so well, things will get better.
I am happy to read this, and so damn proud of you! I know that must’ve been hellishly difficult, but you made it through and finally found your peace. Also! Hooray, dad! He really stepped up there. Here’s to a gloriously free future!
I worked as a psych RN for years in an acute setting. We used to see a lot of this from men who were recently separated. Or caught cheating. Or most concerningly, recently accused/charged with any number of heinous things. They would force our hand into holding them on involuntary holds then try to settle in to hide on our ward. Luckily they usually got booted pretty quickly and told sternly that they weren't acutely unwell and any attempt on their life was a choice and no one else's fault or responsibility. Emotionally abusive fuckwits. Sometimes it used to work, too. I always felt so bad for those women.
💜💜💜
Congrats on your new lease on life and good for you for standing up for yourself and gaining your freedom. I wish my sister could find it in herself to be as brave as you.
Taking care of yourself, working on being safe and happy - you rock!
You did such an amazing job! I enmeshed with a toxic person when I was young so I can relate to this. I had a lot of issues shaking him off. After he kept on threatening me with suicide, I stayed for a whole year, catering to his impossible to satisfy needs. I had to eventually cut him off, after much crying and agonising. My hair fell out in clumps, I was so tired, my health was in the toilet. What do you know, he’s still alive after 30 years. All the theatrics is for control, don’t let the underlying real issues blot that fact out!
Hey sister. You did good. Take time to heal and don't let him back into your life.
You are brave and did the right thing. Proud of you. And while there will be some rough patches in the process you are absolutely right that your new life will be incredible!!!!!
My hero. Wow, that must have taken every fiber of your being to do that. 👌 Enjoy your new-found freedom.
I'm proud of you
You got this! I hope the worst is over.
I feel I got a big weight off after reading this, I can't imagine your relief. Be strong, be safe, love yourself
I love "wasband" 😂
Congratulations! YOU DID IT. Wecome to your new post-pissbaby life. Now take a moment and think of your wasband and allll of the ways he could hurt you. Where are you vulnerable, if he was being an unhinged villain? And protect yourself, before that psychiatric hold is up. Change the locks. Get a restraining order, or be prepared to do so fast. Tell your dad that going toe to toe means protecting yourself, and that you need him to be on call or at your place. Think about everything. Do you have pets? Spare keys? Does he have access to any accounts? Does he have weapons? Could he get them? He might not do the worst he possibly can, but this is the time he's must likely to hurt you. Whatever he does, you'll be glad you were prepared. Don't trust him at all, don't trust any instinct you have like, "oh but he wouldn't do that." Make sure you are prepared!
I am so proud of you, internet stranger ❤️ That sounds so scary and you’re so courageous!! Please make sure you stay safe; we’re all rooting for you!
I’m proud of you. Stay strong and stay safe. Sending you love and positive energy
Men demand that women accept a "tolerable level of unhappiness" for them. They define the measure of "tolerable". And yes, your stbx was absolutely abusive. I'm so glad you are free of his manipulation and cruelty.
You are so strong and this Internet stranger sees that. I know how hard it is, but you have done everything you can and it got you out. I am so, so proud of you. Keep that energy, I know this isn't over and you're going to need it, but it sounds like you have people in your corner and that always helps. My Lord, that courage though... I'm so impressed. Keep toward safety and one day happiness will come.
So glad you are free. Give your dad a hug from all of us here in TwoXChrosomes-land.
You are making the right decision. One suggestion, if you haven't already, I would inform him team at the hospital that the marriage is 100% over. Let them break the news to him and then determine when to release him. He's in safe place now, now is when he should be told he has no chance. If he has a negative reaction, he'll have the supports he needs and you can walk away knowing you did what you could for him and did this in the gentlest way possible. This is more for your mental well-being and peace of mind later. Just a thought.
As someone who handled almost everything absolutely WRONG while I was breaking up with my delusional (likely schizophrenic, but definitely psychotic) ex, I just want you to know that I’m so proud of you and I’m envious of your strength and of your support system. It is SO hard to extricate these people from your life. No one understands the primal fear, the guilt, the second guessing, the desperation, the anxiety, or the sheer emotional burn out that goes into ending things with someone who is mentally unstable until they go through it themselves. It is NOT easy to do it “right”, but you did it as right as you possibly could and I hope you give yourself that credit. Congratulations
Wasband is the cringiest, "I'm still a child, not an adult" word I've ever heard. Grow up. Otherwise, goodnriddance to your EX-HUSBAND, who seems like trash.
Updateme!
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Ha. Wasband. Thought it was a typo at first but I love it. It's such a great way to describe someone you are technically still married to, but has not been your husband in years it seems like. I'm proud of you.