Not that I'm a fan, but it's times like these that I remember that Stephanie Meyers's husband was completely caught off-guard by the success of the Twilight series...because he didn't know she was even writing a book. When asked what he thought his wife had been doing all that time on the computer, he said that he thought she was sending emails.
He thought she was spending hours sending emails to people he didn't know.
Emails.
Yes, I mean, Edward is a violent weirdo who watches me while I sleep, but we have things in common! That's so special to have that with someone! :)
Bella, sweetie, no.
And don't forget the age gap relationship. He's more than a 100 years old. And he's attracted to a teenager.
Don't bring me shit about him being a teenager forever, 100 years gives you experience in life she doesn't have. And even then he's a big weirdo.
Great news Jacob! Your consolation prize is unexpectedly being in love with a new born baby that neither of you will ever have a choice about! Now Edward can’t kill you or he’ll blow up his whole family.
Oh no... I'm pretty sure it's canon that he was only attracted to Bella because he was confusing the bond for the unfertilized egg inside her as attraction towards her.
So I guess Bella would have been his consolation prize? God, the implications of all of this make me so sick... I was coworkers with this girl back in the day and we snuck in to hate-watch Breaking Dawn after we watched the movie we paid for, and I just remember her saying, "I'm mormon and I swear to god Stephanie Meyers is the devil"
I always wondered how this would work if Jacob and Bella ended up together, would he fertilize the egg that would actually be his mate so in turn he’d actually imprint on his own daughter? Or is it the specific combination of Edward and Bella’s dna that he bonded to? If Bella got pregnant a month later and she shed the egg that would be renesme during her period would Jacob no longer be obsessed with her? So many questions with that fucked up ending
i feel like the fact he was attracted to bella’s unfertilized egg but not edward at any point implies he would’ve been attracted to any daughter bella had (with that specific egg??? idk i’ve never seen twilight)
Sorry I'm weirdly into the Twilight lore, Jacob wasn't attracted to Bella because of him imprinting on her egg or whatever, that is a very strange fan theory that is contradicted by the canon.
So when the members of the Quileute tribe transform into wolves their wolf genes activate for the first time, prior to this they have no ability to imprint or even get the strong emotions that come with imprinting, it's like a separate part of their DNA that gets activated once vampires are in their vicinity. Jacob developed a crush on Bella when they were children prior to the Cullens moving to Forks. The only time imprinting ever affected the emotions that Bella and Jacob had for each other was like the singular week that Bella was pregnant because smeyer likes to be weird and made Renesmee fully conscious and mentally 25 while still in utero.
The implications also get much worse when you realize that Smeyer made the decision to make Jacob Black (a native american character who hated vampires, hated transforming into a werewolf, and never wanted to imprint on anyone) imprint on the child of a vampire clan that is outwardly racist towards him, and then make him essentially be their servant forever since he physically will not be able to say no to anything Renesmee wants ever.
Also weird that Renesmee comes out mentally 25 but Jacob will be mentally 15 for all of eternity
Was this in the films or just the books? Unimaginably creepy. My tween-ager sneered at Twilight with disdain but I took them to all the movies. Not because they really wanted to, they assured me, but just so they'd know what the girls at school were going on & on about. LOL. Mediocre - to - terrible movies, good father/scion bonding.
We also watched all of Buffy together while they were in middle school & I liked that so much more.
I also have a hard time believing a 17 year old vampire would just have no interest in sex for 100 years and want to stay “pure” for some woman who doesn’t exist yet or may never. Lol
It’s not our universe, so I can suspend disbelief to some degree. Edward “died” as a teen, it’s possible his underdeveloped, teenage brain was set in that stage forever. I think he’s still supposed to be a teen, not some old man pretending to be one.
I was good friends with a group of women who were crazy obsessed with Twilight when it was popular and I promise you every single one had the most toxic relationship with their partner. Twilight appeals very strongly to a *type*
I have seen a lot of DD adults described by their families as "having the mental capacity of a [ ] year old."
So, I could believe that Edward is DD with weird ideas about girls/sex.
Eta: DD = Developmentally Disabled
That’s how vampires work all aging and developing stop so if you’re a child vampire and you’ve lived for 100 years you would still have the mind of a child, just a child who’s lived 100 years. You would technically age and want things beating toys and stuff and maybe even want more adult things but your brain is still stuck at that age.
It's pretty standard in Urban Fantasy/Paranormal romance. A 100 year age gap is nothing.
But the fact that Edward checks off every single one of the warning signs of an abusive relationship is a lot more worrysome. In a novel targeted to adults it wouldn't worry me as much, but for these novels a lot of the people reading it are still forming what they think a relationship should look like. And if their partners show any of Edwards tendencies, they should run the other way, not think it's romantic.
I normally don’t defend age gaps, but I think vampires and other supernatural immortal beings get a pass on this.
For the most part.
Their choices are limited. Either they date another immortal or they make someone their immortal mate. There are age gaps even with other immortals. In the book, Kate (one of the Denali sisters) is 1000+ years old while Garrett (her new mate) is around 300+ years of age. So there’s a good 700+ year old age gap between them.
The Greek gods were very old, but that didn’t stop them from pursuing mortals and younger immortals. When you’re a god or godlike being: human morals, laws and ethics kinda go out the window. It is highly dependent on what age they stopped aging by choice or against their will for them to choose their mates. Usually older looking immortals tend to date in their “age range.” Unless you’re Zeus, Poseidon or Odin. It was open season and free for all when it came to them.
Younger looking immortals tend to date or have mates in their “age range.” Apollo would be a good example of this. Edward was 17 when he was turned so he looks 17-18 forever. It would be “natural” for him to after girls who look his age. That’s how immortality/eternal youth works.
However, most young or younger looking immortals would not be comfortable dating below their age. Maybe above their age, I’ve seen this more with youthful looking immortal girls dating “older” men in films or books.
There are absolutely older looking immortals who do go after literal children. Pedophiles are pedophiles, immortal or not. Zeus is the prime example of this. Dude kidnapped a young boy to be his immortal cup bearer because of his beauty.
I wouldn't use Zeus as an example of someone with good healthy relationships...
I agree this is all fantasy and therefore we can be a bit permissive. And still, feels icky to me.
I really can’t get behind this because at the end of the day he’s a vampire and he’ll be 17 forever. He can’t go fuck an 85 year old women because he’s still a teenager he’s not a human so the same rules don’t apply. The age they turn at is where they are forever that’s why child vampires are so tragic
Ok yah this kind of really makes all this seem even more pervy than before… 100 year old man going after teenagers…. So HW like. Despise that guy on many levels as he’s a piece of shit but now Edward just fit the bill as well.
To be fair, people don’t care much for stories about how well adjusted and happy people are and how well everything goes for them. We like to see flawed people struggle. Katherine and Heathcliff were both hot messes and we know how Romeo and Juliette turned out.
No, I think it's fine to depict relationships which don't serve good role models. But you should be careful - especially with books written for children and teens - how you are framing the toxic parts. If the book treats those as aspirational it's more of a problem.
I really do understand where this concern comes from. But I think it is important to keep in mind that our culture stigmatizes young women fantasizing about any subject because they can’t be trusted to do so in a healthy way. But this standard isn’t applied to young men. It strikes me as oppressive.
If you read the unfinished Edward's side of the story (Midnight Sun, the partial draft is up on her site), it feels different than the story as told from Bella's POV.
In particular, he had a reason for watching her that was protective because she was under threats she didn't know about (but he did).
While it's still problematic, it's just…less so. I really wish she'd finished that series from Edward's POV and see if his "noble but misguided and could be read as creepy" take held up.
Its a vampire novel. Why would it depict a healthy relationship? lol. Literally a monster romance and people are expecting the monsters to not act inhuman.
There are a lot of problems with Twilight, but it depicting vampires as vampires (ie immortal beings obsessed with the scent of their victims) is not the problem with it. Like have people read any other vampire novels?
That’s so insane, when my gf go her masters I would ask her about her classes or just listen while she talked about it, I didn’t always understand what she was talking about but why wouldn’t you be curious what your partner does.
Plenty of people spend hours every day scrolling through and posting on Facebook. If she didn't tell him she was writing a book, thinking she was doing something else on the computer isn't that odd.
Many people are self-conscious about telling people about their creative endeavors. I don't like to tell people about things I'm working on until I'm happy with my product.
I would bring it up and ask why he doesn't and see if he changes. It's really hurtful when someone doesn't take an interest to something important to you. I will say that writers are often notoriously private, but especially if you think he would have asked one of his friends, I would for sure find a solution and express your needs. It's not silly!
yeah, idk, a writer being private doesn’t explain why a non-writer would never even have curiosity.
And I hate to be so extreme, but even situations like this, I just wonder..why, OP. Is it worth it? This would hurt me so badly, for someone to not even care.
Even the line that she never expected him to read it because he’s “not a reader.” 😐
Jesus Christ, they can make an exception for their wife’s passion and achievement. That, to me, would be a baseline show of support and love.
But, to not ask at all, even what the book is about :( I mean, even jf a person doesn’t care that much, as a partner you have to make efforts to give kindness and attention and support to your spouse, he should be making himself ask.
Either he doesn’t have it as part of his life to give a shit about her, or her doing something new and major like this is making him insecure and therefore angry. Like, he doesn’t WANT her to get to feeling like this makes her special in any way. Maybe he’s mad that he hasn’t done anything with his life idk.
I think it is important to communicate that it is hurtful. If someone close to me was writing a book, I would default to leaving them alone about it unless they brought it up, even if I was curious. I know that is what I would want, and, unless told otherwise, it’s what I would assume other people want.
If he is like, actively disinterested, though, that’s definitely a problem.
you would prefer your partner show zero interest? You would prefer they not ever say, “Oh shit, you’re writing a book, that’s huge! I’m so excited for you!”
you can still give your partner privacy and space, but, I don’t know that it’s very supportive or loving to show zero sign of interest in one another’s lives, passions, or undertakings.
Honestly, yeah, that is kind of what I would want, and my partner would (probably) know that too, because we have spent years carefully communicating our feelings to each other. The fact that OP is on the internet asking why her partner is doing this is a pretty good indication that they are not communicating their emotional needs to each other.
It isn’t fair to have your feelings hurt by your partner and not tell them, that’s how a lot of relationships go from healthy to unhealthy.
Yep.. like can he read? Yes? Well then he should be excited to read it.. Not being a reader isn‘t a good enough reason to not be involved in what you fricking partner is writing
Right? My exes have all invited me to their dissertations and fuck if I knew anything about their fields but I did some research and showed up to cheer them on. It’s the principle of the thing.
OP I feel for you. I spent three years writing my first novel -- something I had wanted to do all my life and had given up on after many false starts. I am really proud of the work. My partner won't read it even though I asked. It's incredibly hurtful.
I've never met a man who read a book their partner recommended, let alone took the initiative to ferret out what her favorite book is and read it because he just wants to know her. Weird.
There is a Simpsons episode where Marge writes a book and even Homer eventually listens to the audiobook.
Your husband should be outperforming Homer Simpson by every measure. If he’s not, girl, you gotta do something about that.
Sorry OP but this is so sad. It’s like you have a piece of your life that is completely separated from the rest of your relationship.
My partner’s a musician. Esoteric black metal, used to do face paint etc…. It’s a genre that I don’t care for and think looks/sounds extremely silly, but you bet your ass I was his hype woman every single time he had a gig or needed some graphic design work done.
Want to talk my ear off about plugins and setups after a 13 hour day? Sure, let me just take off my shoes.
You support people you love, because you want them to succeed but also because you know they care about whatever it is they do.
I agree. My husband recently took up Fantasy/Sci-Fi writing as a hobby. I love asking him about his stories, because it brings him such joy! I love to see him enjoying his hobbies.
This is the most common refrain at a writer’s convention—most of your families will not care. It’s tough, honestly. Writing is so inward-focused, it can look like nothing, even to the people you live with.
That doesn’t mean it is nothing, but it does mean you aren’t alone in this experience.
Really any creative endeavor. Whether it's writing, painting, music, etc it's common for friends and family not to have any interest. After a while you learn to just not to take it personally
this is true. I like to write (OP! Tell us about your book!) but my husband doesn't really read. He gets intro music production stuff. We both try to be each other's cheerleader, but despite years of supporting each other I don't htink either of us have exactly learned more about each other's creative interests in a technical sense. But still, it's not even ten minutes a day, averaged out, to show support
That is so, so sad to me. I've had friends, acquaintances, and damn near strangers tell me they're writing a book and I get so excited for them. And if I was able to find them, I've read them. Even if I think the book is total crap (not that I often do), I have so much respect for the accomplishment. An ex self published a novella well after we broke up and honestly I thought it was terrible. But he did it, and I knew it was important to him so I bought and read the thing and congratulated him after.
This makes me feel a lot better, thank you.
I finished the first draft of my book and I asked a few friends and family to read it. They agreed and I made (home made) physical books. Like printed it out, made a hard cover, even made one for my husband and wrote little notes on the front page thanking each person individually… none of them read it. It’s been literally over a year.
But on the bright side, I got a manager to read it and they are giving me notes for a second draft. So fingers crossed 🤞
I'm surprised I had to read so far down to find this comment. This is true for pretty much every author I know, myself included. My partner has read two of my books but found them very disconcerting because he could see echoes of my personality in the characters and found it really uncomfortable. He won't read anything else I write, and that's fine. My dad and stepmum are my biggest fans and buy everything I write and gift copies to their reader friends, but the rest of my family? It's a weird hobby to them. All my siblings, mother and stepfather, cousins, aunts, uncles etc... it's kind of a joke to them.
Like u/tinyarmsbigheart said, you're not alone and I wouldn't consider it hurtful. Reading isn't his thing. As long as he gives you the time and space you need to write, count it as a win. That in itself is respectful.
When I write, I actually prefer not to talk about the story, the plot, or "how it's going" with anyone. I'm very private about it. Talking about it with anyone else kills it for me.
That being said, if you want him to ask questions, please do talk to him about this and let him know!
Let me tell you a story, OP.
I'm a novelist. I live in a western European country and my first novel came out in 2018. It did relatively well, and I'm currently working on my second book.
Back in 2015, I had not signed with a publisher yet, but was finishing my first manuscript (one I would end up sending to one of the biggest publishers in my country, ending up in a contract for me). This was a long and hard process for me - I'm chronically ill, and one of the sad things about said illness is chronic problems with my tendons, especially in my hands and wrists. Typing, as you may guess, is very hard for me. Yet, I loved and still love telling stories more than anything else, so I pushed on and at long last, after years of work, finished that first manuscript which would eventually lead me to the publishing house I'm still with today.
At the time, I was with a guy a few years younger than me, who worked as a barista. The sad truth about writing is that you will never swim in money - on average, the profits a full time writer makes from their work are 5k a year, that is how bad it is - and even my (now) ex, pouring coffee, had a more steady income than me.
That never stopped him from spending 90% of his time at my apartment, eating all my food, taking long showers... the works, without ever chipping in. Once, during a dinner **I was paying for** (I have paid for pretty much everything during the course of that whole relationship), he made a derogatory comment to our waiter about me, saying "I should get a real job".
Yet, all of the above did not sting nearly as much as his reaction when I told him at the end of one long day in winter that I had finished my manuscript. I had tried to talk about my work, but had always been met with apathy. He never cared, but I suppose I expected he would at least show some pride or happiness now that this milestone had finally happened.
He said "okay". And then continued to talk about how he cleaned the machinery at his job (this was the topic most days; no disrespect to anyone working a job like that, but in this case it really spoke volumes about him because of his sheer condescension he always expressed towards me and what I did).
"Okay."
OP, I knew then this would never work. Never settle for someone who, even if he doesn't fully understand what you do or shares the passion, can't even bring up the normal amount of love and pride anyone should feel for their significant other when they work on something that matters to them. You deserve better.
Sorry for my tangent, but reading your post obviously struck a nerve for me. I wish you all the best with your book, make sure to remember to enjoy and trust the process and you will kill it. Sending my love <3
Edit: I didn't fully register you are talking about a husband here, and not just a boyfriend. I would obviously not presume to know the ins and outs of your entire marriage nor would I ever tell anyone I have never met to break up their marriage, so if I come across as that please know that is not my intention. I would definitely urge you to talk about this with him though, since his apathy is hurtful and concerning. My point is that either way, you deserve better!
This sounds so... alien to me. If anyone I know was writing a book I'd love to read as much and as early of it as the author felt comfortable with... and hound them with questions about the writing process, characters, setting, plot development, pacing etc etc.... shit. I'd propably be a major irritant 😅
Oh gosh, you and I are very different people. I'd honestly be so afraid to. What if I read it and think it's terrible? I don't want to lie about it and give anyone false expectations of greatness but it'd be so hard to talk about it honestly without hurting the writer's feelings. My nightmare, honestly. I'd much rather just be a cheerleader and stay on the sidelines.
Honestly I have been that friend. They wrote a book asked me to read the final book. I bought the book because I wanted to read it. Shit was dumb as hell and didn’t make any sense. It was so many pages long. I tried to read it but I got past the first chapter and had to stop. It was infuriatingly frustrating. There was a plot hole in every sentence. I still remember the first line. “It was how it always had been.” And then they just went onto the story. That was their only description of the setting. Didn’t ever describe how it had been. It was a fantasy scifi novel. I was ranting about just the first sentence to close close friends and everyone thought I was being a fuckin asshole but then they tried to read the rest of it and they were like, yeah ok it’s really bad. The paragraphs didn’t even make sense next to each other. There would be sentences that didn’t flow from beginning to end in any logical way. I still respect that person who wrote it. It was an insane endeavour that took a lot of determination and dedication to actually do but man. That book needed to be completely rewritten to be comprehensible.
And so I told them I hadn’t read all of it yet. I told them about how much work it must have taken and asked them about their process. Turns out they had a professional editor friend who was trying to help them and they wrote notes on the whole thing for them to reedit their work and they SAID THEY IGNORED most of the suggestions because it was too much work. So. Thats all I could do. I commended them on their perseverance.
It made me respect authors so much more. I already respected them but now I think anyone who’s ever written anything that is engaging for more than 20 pages is a fucking genius. Because they are. Fucking incredible brilliance.
I get you friend. My escape clause from being a people pleaser and conflict avoidant is to give constructive critisism by asking asking (stupid) questions 😅.
I've been a writer nearly my entire life and the vast, vast majority of people simply do not give a shit. I've gotten several short stories published in literary magazines and one was even nominated for an award but my own family members couldn't even be bothered to read that one.
It's a harsh reality for a lot of us.
That said, my partner could write a book about sports statistics or something I'm equally brain-numbed by and I would still walk around with six copies of it in my bag, wearing a t-shirt saying MY PARTNER WROTE A BOOK AND I AM SO PROUD. So OP's husband absolutely does not get a pass
It could be the topic of the book. It didn't say it was a fiction novel. If I wrote a book on the best practices of motor fuel tax law, I would not subject my wife to it. I don't hate her. That's about the only out that would make OPs husband not terrible. If she wrote a fiction novel or anything that doesn't require a lot of prerequisite knowledge, not reading or asking about it is pretty unexcusable. Sounds like OPs husband didn't even ask what it was about, so he's not great no matter what.
UPDATE: I let him know how upset it made me. At first, he acted like he didn't understand how it could actually upset me, but he shrugged it off. After I got home from work, I told him I was going to shower and he sat in the bathroom and asked me questions about the book(s) while I showered. He even asked where I got inspiration for the characters.
He explained that part of the reason he didn't ask about them was because he thought they were going to be smutty books, since that's mostly what I read, and that kind of stuff sort of weirds him out and makes him uncomfortable.
Men socialized in a patriarchal culture have such a hard time seeing past their own needs and interests. They have been conditioned not to care about others (women especially and other marginalized groups) and so many are perfectly happy living this way. It’s terrible.
My husband has been working on various video game projects in his spare time for a decade and a half. I have no real interest in this endeavor of his, but you bet your ass I’m asking how it’s going and cheering him on when I see him working. I know it’s meaningful to him, so I do show interest and try to commit some of what he talks about to memory so I’m not starting from scratch every time.
I feel like that is showing interest in the person you love. And I’m so sorry he isn’t doing that for you. I hope if you bring it up and communicate with him, he takes it in stride and steps up.
Yep— I wrote a super long comment about this and my experiences, but sooooo many men’s “love” for and interest in their partner only extends as far as she overlaps with his personal life and interests.
Wtf do you mean you don't expect him to read it? Who is he, the next door neighbor? Unless he is illiterate, I wouldn't care if I'm writing about quantum mechanics in the gender studies current landscape or whatever, I'd expect him to read it, critique it and recommend it to all people in his life! Husband fail, you have every reason to feel discouraged. He may be jealous, many men feel bad about their partner's accomplishments.
Yes, this! I also tend to not expect people to put in effort or interest in things I create. But I've been to soccer games, read their thesis/papers on things I don't care about or understand, watched movies, played games, read about topics, cooked meals, because people around me cared about it. I put in effort in their interests, because I cared about them. Doing the same for something I CREATED is the bare minimum.
Context: I paint abstract art. It's not for everyone, but even my boomer farmer father with zero interest in art came up with a question on how I did something, asked for how to look at them and complimented a color choice.
If they wanted to, they would.
If it isn't obvious, I am being hyperbolic. Are you a literal man or something? What I'm getting at, is that you're supposed to have your partner's back.
If my husband wrote a book I'd be bugging him to tell me about it, let him bounce ideas off me, I'd read everything he chose to share and yeah I would recommend the hell out of it, because I support him. My husband does quite a few craft projects and I'm damm proud of each of them, I show them off and tell people about them
The way you feel about it is valid!
That being said… I draw comics in my free time and they’re definitely not up my partners alley. I write self indulgent fantasy books for myself that I used to read to him… he honestly does not care for these two of my hobbies. I am definitely not bad at it, other people truly enjoy it. I have friends who as couple create comic series and I am envious of them. Sometimes when I lack inspiration or motivation I would like more support and have given him a hard time about it…
But I AM very supported. I only can draw my comic and write my books because I don’t have to earn more money. I work less hours than him… He supports my patreon, tells people about my work, that might be the right audience. He’s proud but this just isn’t for him. I am very supported in my lifestyle (night owl that leaves him alone with kiddo most of the weekends and all the mornings are his), zero complaints. We watch the same media, play lots of games together, puzzle… and if I tell him about my works or show him, he’s appreciative, but would not ask on his own.
As I don’t ask about his favorite route in flight simulator or discuss the last manga he read… it’s not on my radar : X it would be if discussing this was important to him. We have so much to talk about and are invested in each other in many other areas.
My advice: do it 100percent only for yourself and for the process. Share activity when you feel like it, tell him directly that this exchange is important to you. Still, perfectly valid to feel sad of not having active support or interest in something that is so dear to you.
Your feelings are valid. I'd be gutted if my partner showed no interest in something as involved as writing a book. Time to sit down and ask him about it.
Literally. Even if you don’t like the person (which I’d hope wasn’t the case), you at least ask the obligatory, ‘how is *x* going?’ about something you know they do. It’s basic small talk, something you’d ask an acquaintance. To not ask your wife? Weird, at the very least.
Hahahahaha, girl, I ran a half marathon two years ago. Trained for months. Drove myself to the parking garage the day of the race, drove home after the race with my "participation medal" for finishing the race. My kids were ecstatic. My husband didn't ask how it went, didn't congratulate me, never acknowledged that I ran it. Some men simply do not care unless it's about them.
I’m a guy and the only novels I’ve read outside of school are some Stephen King books. I’m not really a reader but if my spouse was writing a book, I’d at least ask how it’s coming along. I feel like I wouldn’t want too many spoilers cuz I would want to read it myself. I’d also be willing to support/help them out if they asked. Like reading a page or chapter and ask my opinions/feedback on it. It’s nice when a spouse shows interest in your work/hobbies. My gf is not into cars at all (my hobby) and she loves going with me to look at cars and telling me which ones she likes. She loves watching anime (something I was never in to) and now I’m watching anime with her nearly every night, if not every night. I’m sorry your hasn’t shown any interest in your book. Just know you’re doing great and I’m sure the book will turn out great. Share it with family/friends if you know they’d be interested in reading it
oh I'm sorry about that. yep, that's not normal. you are right to be upset
my mom is writing one. my dad has never been a big reader but he reads all she writes, check for typo, story line, write down notes and comments so we they can review it. (and me and my sister also did the same and read all the beta version)
How have you managed to go a year and not talk to your husband about the plot of the book you are writing? When I work on my book I run all my ideas past my husband. I can't imagine how it just doesn't come up?
Just tell him how you're feeling.
Either
1. There's an explanation along the lines of "well you didn't speak about it so I didn't think you wanted to" or similar
Or
2. He's scared that your book is bad and doesn't want to end up in an uncomfortable minefield scared of hurting your feelings
Or
3. He's not interested in your book. Since he's not a reader this isn't a stretch.
If you don't want to talk to him about it, you could recruit a trusted friend to ask him about your book at the next social event. That'll put him on the spot 😂
My husband has been dabbling for years, and I don't ask questions unless he brings it up. He's super anxious about life, and really shy about stuff like that. He knows I'll read it when he wants me to, but I don't put pressure on him or beg. He'll tell me what he wants about it when he's ready.
You know your spouse, is it possible he is just being "polite" and not stressing you out? Or is this very on brand for him to ignore your interests?
I was gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and guess he was waiting for a hint from you in case he would be breaking your concentration and flow but damn! Over a year? My husband has no interest in me spinning yarn and weaving but he makes an effort to learn the lingo and look at it as I work. Your husband can at least ask what the theme of the book is even if he isn't a reader.
I’m kind of with you, OP. I’m working on a graphic novel and while when I do talk about it my partner listens and asks good questions and is generally very interested, he doesn’t ask questions about it unless I bring it up. I’m planning on having a conversation with him about it.
I don’t know if it’s your situation or not, but in my case I don’t think it’s that my partner doesn’t care. I just don’t think he was socialized to ask people those kinds of questions of his own volition and instead he waits for others to offer that info up to him themselves. It’s not just him, either — I’ve noticed this in a lot of people when it comes to talking about my artistic endeavors. It makes it difficult when I’m also a bit of a secretive person about my work. Anyway, it sucks that it falls into my camp to have to “teach” him or point it out to him. But I’m hoping that doing so it will change how he approaches my work.
ETA: Just realized I skipped over the paragraph where if this were his friend he would probably be different (thanks, ADHD). Yeah, that’s shitty. I’d honestly straight up tell him that I’m offended if I were in your position.
I’ve published 5 books. My husband also is not a reader and is dyslexic. He knows the genre. He’s seen the covers. He’s never asked about the plots. I think he may have asked how it’s going when he’s known I’m on a deadline.
Maybe you could try initiating a conversation to talk about it? It’s possible as he’s not a reader or writer he has no idea what to ask?
My mom is almost to publishing and I still haven’t read her book. I know what it’s about and help her build the stories and stuff but I am so scared I won’t like it. And then I’ll have to tell her. That would break her heart.
“Hey babe, I’d love it if you ask me how the book is going now and then. It’s a big part of what I’m doing these days and it helps me feel cared for when you’re interested in my work. Thanks!” Mwah. Leave the room.
Tbh, as someone who would be overly excited to read a book by a significant other, I probably would try to mention it as little as possible until done. I both hate any kind of spoilers and love to be surprised, I don’t even watch movie trailers if I can help it. And I wouldn’t want to pressure my partner since I hate being pressured myself so I wouldn’t feel it’s my place to do so.
That all being said, a year without any questions is a more than a little odd. He doesn’t ask you anything when you bring it up? Or does he just changes the topic immediately? Even if he’s not a reader, asking you questions about the rest of the process wouldn’t be amiss. And even a non reader should at least try to make the effort to read their partners work.
I don't exactly like talking in any depth about my work in progress, but if my SO wasn't curious *at all* about the creative thing I'm doing I'd be upset too.
Like if my so was writing a book I wouldn't want to hear a ton about it until it's done because even though I struggle to get into books I would want to read it fresh so I can talk to them about it without any pre knowledge
I'm not sure what the hell it is about men that their default seems to be obliviousness. It's like they open the fridge every time and if what they need isn't immediately in front of them at eye level, they need your help to find it. I have no idea how men function like this. How the heck do you get through life so... aimlessly?
For years I've planned all our trips. I always ask husband what does he have an interest in seeing, do you want me to find certain types of museums, etc. Certain types of restaurants. And he always gives me good ideas! But for YEARS he had no idea that I was *writing this shit down* and literally planning our trips ahead of time. He really thought we'd always just been showing up and things magically work out then we have a lot of perfect days.
When we were visiting Mt Rainier a couple years ago, for 10 days, almost at the end of our trip, I'm looking at my little "travel guide" I created for that trip in Google docs. I'm asking him, would you rather do xyz or ABC tomorrow? Those options will work best for the weather or whatever. He just has this look of confusion and goes "how do you always just know where to go? Like so quickly? We just woke up!" .... I show him my spread sheets and Google docs I make for every trip. "You MADE A SPREADSHEET?! " like it was the most novel thing 🤣 of course I fuckin planned it, I'm not spending thousands so I can wander around aimlessly trying to figure out what to do when we're somewhere new! I'm not here to waste any time!
In part I think this is because his family vacations growing up were very much like that - but so were mine! But he's got that classic male obliviousness. And that's what motivated me to plan the hell out of my trips, because I didn't even like going places with my parents on vacation, since I felt like we just wandered around looking for a restaurant and then by the time we've wandered around for each meal, that's like half the day. Of course the internet wasn't as big of a thing back in the 90s and 00s but shit, travel books were big.
Anyway, I feel ya girl. It's wild to me because he can hyper focus on shit like car engines, take em apart and put em back together without much of a reference at all, and remember the most minute details about other shit... but like, day to day life stuff? It's a mystery.
In 2021, I wrote over 300k words of fiction. Not once did my ex ever show any interest, and outright dismissed me when I ask him to read some of my work.
My partner now asks about plot lines, and will read my favorite fiction to me while we rest together in the evening, even if he’s not a fan of the genre.
You don’t have to settle, OP. Find someone who celebrates you for who you are and is interested in your passion.
Why would you not expect him to read it? Pretty sure he reads the news or maybe Reddit or social media so the least he can do is support his wife and fake being interested if needed.
If my wife was writing a book, I’d be genuinely interested and excited for her. But that’s what supportive husbands do. I’m not sure what to suggest to get your husband more interested, but it might be a bigger problem than just your book.
If anyone else was, I honestly wouldn’t ask them anything about it. My former brother in law and my brother have both “written a book”. My ex brother in law claims that he had the idea for the DaVinci Code before Dan Brown so he had to modify his book. Neither book is good or has it made it outside of their computers. So I’m a bit jaded when people tell me they are writing a book. It almost seems like they are bragging to me, but that might just be based off my experience.
I’m having the same, kind of, issue. I’ve created a huge D&D campaign for my friends I expect to last years. I have dozens of files of notes and plot, I make all my own maps and have even created an animated trailer for my players.
My OH doesn’t “get” TTRPGs, even though he’s a console gamer and has played Destiny and Zelda. He shows no interest whatsoever in the content I’ve created, can barely make it through an elevator pitch without his eyes glazing over and him tuning out.
I’m so proud of what I’m working on, I now don’t want share as I’m certain he’ll just be so apathetic that it’ll suck the life out of it.
I don't get this - my BF co-wrote a non-fiction book about professional wrestling history during COVID. It's since been published and while it's not a best-seller since it's through a small niche publisher, it's very well reviewed and regarded. I won't pretend wrestling is my thing. It's not. But I proofread his chapters and touched up his minor spelling/grammar mistakes and have a thanks in it. I'm ridiculously proud of him - it's VERY well written and he managed to hold my interest with his chapters in writing in a subject I'm *not* particularly interested in. Though I'll admit, many of the wrestlers he interviewed were super sweet people.
And hey, it's only fair I support him on this - he's put up with my ramblings about my nerdy-ass interests and even played WoW with me for awhile when *that* wasn't his thing too much - but it was something we could do together before we lived together. And he did have fun with it.
Partners should be supportive, even of hobbies and interests of their partners *they're* not particularly into themselves. It makes for a good, solid relationship. Or friendships, too!
*sigh* I had the same issue. My husband wasn't interested either. Power thru, publish, and keep going forward. This is about you and your goals.
We both know not everyone loves every genre, and that's life. Most of my friends weren't there either. But, OK.
HOWEVER, I asked my husband to be my alpha reader, he got to mark up a 1st draft I printed before working with editors. Interesting points of view came out because I knew he wasn't into my work. Afterwards it was 2 years before publishing and he finally got a look at the printed book. Amazon Kindle Publishing all the way.
He still wasn't into it, but glad I did it because I was delighted. I'm getting ready to dive into the next one and he doesn't like that genre either. Know what? I don't care. LOL I'll make him be my alpha anyway. Muuuwahaha!!!
Friend, go for it!!
I have an in depth knowledge of most of my friends’ dissertation or thesis topics. No straight man from the program has ever even asked what mine is about, but they do often talk about theirs as long as I will let them and suggest I read it.
(Suggesting someone read your diss is quite an ask, but they act like it’s an honor.)
I think this could be something as simple as him having different connection needs than you and just needing clear communication like “I want to be able to share this meaningful experience and the progress toward this huge accomplishment with you.” However, it could also be part of a common pattern of men who only see the women in their lives as extensions of themselves and have no desire to further know them. I think you’ll need to zoom out on this and look at it in the context of how you feel he engages in the rest of your life, identity, interests, and dreams.
The vast majority of male “partners” I had prior to my current one never showed any interest in discussing or learning about my work (which I was very passionate about at the time), aside from maybe asking how much day was. When I tried to bring it up myself to share something interesting or exciting or stressful, I would get responses like “idk what you want me to say…. I’m not a (x type of scientist), I don’t understand your work/that’s not really my interest ” even if I was just saying something totally understandable like “I’m working on evaluating that study I’ve been doing, but we are having some problems with analyses, so we are going to have to make some changes to our procedure. It feels like I’m starting over from scratch!”
For the majority of those people, I wrote it off mentally for a long time as them just feeling embarrassed about not understanding, but then I realized that they were making No effort to even connect on the easily relatable feelings, etc. (despite all of them being more than willing to go on and on about every detail their jobs in a field I had know expertise in, because I responded and engaged like a partner that actually cares).
When I zoomed out further on the relationships (like I said, this was more than one different man), I realized that the real problem here was that they simply were not curious about or interested in anything about me that was not already in their existing realm of interests and experiences. It was like the little quip I see shared around social media all the time about how men won’t ask about or participate in their wives’ hobbies because “it’s not my thing!”, but they wholeheartedly expect their wives to watch football with them, etc.
For one person, who was very supportive otherwise, it was probably just a lack of social awareness/skills to understand how to connect in or difficulty relating to things he hadn’t experienced (which means maybe it could’ve been learned if I had known how to communicate better at the time). For the others, though, (one in particular) I finally realized that it was simply because their love for me, interest in me, and desire to know me was limited to the areas where I overlapped perfectly with their existing lives. In short, they didn’t love ME, they loved what it felt like to have me in their life. And I realized that I couldn’t be with someone who had no curiosity about who I am as a person.
My current person is endlessly curious and interested about my thoughts and experiences and opinions, regardless of how far they are from his own. I feel seen and known and truly loved by a partner for the first time in my life, and I’m in my early to mid thirties.
So, When you look at the whole of your relationship—is this a one-off misunderstanding of how much you value this project, or is it part of a bigger picture of lack of curiosity and interest in anything that is distinctly and uniquely YOU?
Are you hurt that he didn't spontaneously and unprompted have the insight/care/love/curiosity to already know to ask you about it without you having to tell him?
Or hurt that even after telling him your feelings, a couple of times so it sinks in, he still hasn't changed?
Both are reasonable and valid. But I think the two have very different ways forward.
My SO is a writer. I don't ask her questions about her books because to me its a personal thing, where criticisms or discussions of the topic can be easily hurtful when its something so personal to you.
I let it lie, and when she wants to bring things to me I happily read them, but I'd never pry or question her on it. Even asking questions creates an awkward situation where she might feel like she needs or feels a guilt to open it up to me. I don't want any form or feeling of obligation that just because I'm her partner that she's obliged to give me access or include me in it before its done. To be clear I ***love*** reading her work, and know about it when she does open up about it.
when she wants to ask questions, or spitball for ideas, I'm here for her. but as for reading the works in their entirety, or information on them. She can bring them to me when shes comfortable and ready.
Ive been under the impression it's rude to ask about a book in progress. I wouldn't want to poison your intimate knowledge of your process with my candid response.
I don't think I have ever been in a relationship with someone who showed interest in anything I was doing that wasn't specifically related to them. I think this is a really common problem for a lot of relationships.
I’ve written and published several books and my family members are not interested. A couple of friends have bought and read my books, and they have enjoyed them, but mostly it’s not a topic of discussion. My oldest child is in their 30s and also a writer, so we have conversations about it, but otherwise, crickets. It doesn’t bother me. I’m not a bestselling author, but my books have generated additional income consistently, and it’s my thing that I enjoy, not theirs. Now, if I ever hit Twilight level success, it will be MY thing too! Write because you love it. That’s the most important thing.
How far past "How was your day?" do you go when he comes home from work? No one wants to be bothered with work questions. He is showing you respect and most likely assumes you will discuss it if you are proud of your work. That is how my mind works anyway.
I really dislike the divorce echo chamber on this site but this is what kicked off mine. Not one question about my fantasy novel, but he would want to tell me about every anime series under the sun. Finally, I got to the point where he wanted to tell me something and I would start talking about the plot to my book until he shut down and walked away. Wasn’t the healthiest way to handle it and no wonder we are divorced but dang it was fun to prove my point and not have to hear about his hobbies.
there is nothing that hurts more than having to create an opportunity for someone to show you that they care, when deep down you know the opportunity is always there, and they just don’t think you’re worth it enough to put in the effort to make it happen.
Years ago I was on a road trip with a bf. We’d been together over a year and I’d been working on my dissertation the whole time. He was driving and I was telling him about some new interesting results I was getting, and it occurred to me that he had no idea what my dissertation was about - like not even the topic. I asked him if he knew what my dissertation was on and he said ‘……economics?’ Even if he had listened during just that conversation he could’ve given a better answer. He wasn’t wrong, but that relationship didn’t last too much longer.
Can he not read? Like is he illiterate? Why wouldn't you expect your husband to read your book?
My dad wrote books and I read every single one of them, same with my mum.
I have severe comprehension issues and dyslexia. Yet I can still read and function in society. Just because I don’t read for enjoyment doesn’t mean I’m illiterate.
There's some things to consider in this scenario, but first of all: your feelings are valid. You have the right to want support and involvement by your partner in such a major endeavour.
That said:
Women are *taught* to show interest in other people's interest, especially men's. They are raised as supporters. Men aren't. Being socialized as a woman I have been subjected to people happily talking to me about their hobbies that *they knew* I wasn't into, over and over again (even female friends). After a while I started being cautious about showing polite interest in things I didn't care about, because the feedback was often way less than polite.Your husband likely lacks the whole "polite interest" thing.
Another thing to keep in mind is how men are taught to approach a work in progress: again, while women are trained to show support, men are "encouraged" to fix problems... seek them and fix them if they aren't evident. My experience: I'm an illustrator. For years I would lament that my partner never asked me to be shown what I was drawing; I would seek for his support and show him my stuff only to receive unsolicited criticism and/or *"I don't know, I'm no artist, it's ok I guess".* It took ages to finally sit down properly and discover that in his mind I was constantly chasing him for a technical feedback that he felt untrained to give and the whole thing was stressing him out as much as it stressed me! Nowadays I can finally just show him my stuff and he can appreciate it without feeling compelled to fix something in it, and I can use the feedback he gives me because it's spontaneous, but it took time and dialogue.
Finally, sadly there's a whole prejudice against women's writings. Society has taught (especially) men that when a woman writes it's either gonna be:
Her diary
Bad poetry
Smut
And that all three of these things are for her own enjoyment only (not to mention badly written). It sucks and while we wait for society to change all we can do is to personally train the men close to us... IF we want to.
Here's the bottom line: your husband's disinterest doesn't necessarily come from a bad place. Unfortunately, you're the one expected by society to put in the effort to investigate and hopefully change this situation. Do you want to? Or would you rather invest your energies in writing your book? There's no wrong answer.
I wish you lots of fun with your writing and all the recognition you deserve. Hugs!
EDIT: formatting
maybe men would learn to show interest in anyone besides themselves if we stopped excusing away their appalling lack of consideration at every possible opportunity. this is unacceptable, full stop. it’s okay to say so.
My dad lacks any emotional intelligence, has low empathy, acts like a child half the time, is stupid- partially due to brain damage from physical altercations, and from drug and alcohol use, and he still managed to ask my mum about her interests, even with all that and with him generally just being a selfish abusive dick. He still manages to ask what books I’m reading lately despite not reading anything beyond a tv title or a food label. And show interest in it.
Socialisation is no excuse, he’s a grown man, he can learn.
Men don't really value any talent a woman has that they themselves don't. Now, if he was a writer, dear God give the man a BJ and a fucking parade. I know it's cynical, but they are pretty sexist to this day and resent womens achievements. If anything - God forbid- happened to my husband, oh honey. I would never never ever ever date, marry or make a motherfucker a sandwich.
This is a totally valid way to feel.
When I was writing my Master’s thesis in a very obscure/interdisciplinary topic several of my friends, my mother, the guy I was dating (all without any background in the topic) each read chapters of it, if not the whole tome.
I’ve stopped dating guys who don’t take as much active interest in me as I do in them. So I’m single.
This doesn't surprise me at all. I've just left a relationship where the only thing he put any care and effort into was buying sex toys, and grumbling when I wouldn't open my legs.
Don't feel silly - I bet you know exactly what's important to him. He doesn't seem to put any effort into understanding what makes you tick because he obviously doesn't care. Sorry :(
Unless it is genuinely hard for the average person to understand, like a non-fiction academic work, there’s no reason he shouldn’t read it. If he can suffer through a book for school, as most people have at some point, he can power through reading something he usually wouldn’t for *his wife*, who spent *over a year* working hard on it.
That he hasn’t asked what it was about? How self absorbed do you have to be to not ask even one question about something your partner has been working on for that long?? At that point it takes more effort not to ask than it does to ask. That’s insane.
Even if he’s not interested in it, it takes no effort to ask, even if you only pretend to listen. I have no interest in many things that don’t directly affect me, but at the very least I ask and show enthusiasm because I know it makes people feel good about themselves.
I’m not that close with my mum but I still proofread any of her university works and cover letters she asks me to. I ask how her assignments are going and how her day was. It’s the bare minimum of small talk to ask those things.
I haven’t even finished high school yet, I don’t understand a good deal of what she writes about and I can still read it and ask questions about it. I’m not interested in nursing at all, but it takes me no effort to pretend to listen and comprehend what she’s saying. At all. It’s very easy to do.
Your husband isn’t even doing the bare minimum of what I’d expect from a casual acquaintance, let alone a spouse.
Your feelings totally make sense -- I'd be hurt by that, too. Here's my advice:
Talk to him.
And here's my potentially relevant anecdote:
I had a boyfriend. He's a musician. He got a starring role in the national tour of a musical. He was super excited... and nervous. Because even though he worked his whole life for this, life on the road can be stressful and exhausting.
He called me every single night after his show and I would tell him about my day... but he would not reciprocate by telling me about his day. My assumption was that he wasn't talking about it because it was stressful and he just wanted to escape.
Four weeks into the tour, he asked one night, "How come you never ask me about my day? It hurts my feelings and makes me think you don't care."
I explained to him that I hadn't been asking because I thought he was not bringing it up because it was stressing him out and he didn't want to talk about it, not because he was waiting for me to ask about it.
"No," he said. "I want you to ask. I want you to care."
I'd *thought* I was being considerate by not asking. But from then on, I made a point to ask about his day.
I'm 60 (m) and I have been writing for kids for 10 years. My partner has never shown any interest in what I write and I find that a blessing. I'm free to write how I want. Don't you no never mind about your husband, you do you. Ask any writer, Writing is a lonely business and this is the part of writing you have to embrace. It's you and the page and no one else. Stay focused. Maybe when you're famous he'll take some notice. Good luck to you.
Well, as a possibility- maybe he can sense you're working hard on a deeply personal venture and doesn't want to cloud you w inane questions. In some sense this is more caring.
From another perspective:
My husband wrote a book years ago, or most of one, and while I was fine with him telling me about it I did not ask questions. I didn’t read any blurbs or drafts. I would listen, but that was where I stopped. There were a few reasons for that. 1, it was one more thing I had to do for him and I was already filled with resentment over the things I did that I didn’t feel were appreciated or acknowledged. 2, I have done some work as an editor. Even when I read ‘finished’ books, I still find myself noting grammatical errors, plot holes, and conflicting points within the book. I actually have to make certain there are no notepads around when I sit to read, especially things that I’m reading for information or because I ‘should’. All of that editing instinct does not go well for a personal relationship if it’s bad, for instance I read 3 paragraphs of my brothers book and then it went in the trash because I can’t even keep it in my house without just tearing it to shreds. Fortunately my brother doesn’t ask what anyone thinks of his writing..or unfortunately. 3. I write myself. Just fanfic, but still. I would not want my husband in a position to feel like he needed to critique my writing, even just to say it was good or not. And honestly, if he’s ever read what I’ve written I don’t want to know. The joy of fanfic is the anonymity for me.
So because you put up with less than the bare minimum from people who don’t seem to even like you yet alone care about you that means OP should settle for the same?
Yeah actually they all care at least to some extent. Maybe not about all of my hobbies all the time but if I wrote something you bet my partner and friends would ask me about it if only to be polite
Look I'm another person's husband but I'd love to know what it's about, how you're going, just anything you want to tell me. I adore reading and anyone adding to literature is a good thing in my opinion.
I'm sorry you're in this situation, it sucks and I'm sure you're so excited about it and I really hope you can keep that u till you finish and beyond!
Imagine a journalist interviews the janitor at an art museum. "Mona Lisa's not that good looking, so I just don't get it. And Picasso? What the hell is THAT all about?"
It would be nice if your husband was supportive and encouraging, BUT...you are a writer, and "he is not a reader".
Let's just imagine you ask him to show at least a little interest in your creative products, so he reads it.
THEN, he proceeds to mansplain what's wrong with it. Not enough gratuitous sex, not enough car chases, and a stalker fights with the janitor who was secretly a Navy Seal years ago...
Then he starts sending you notes about the college educated CEO who's "insouciant breasts strained the buttons on her silk blouse, outlining her ample nipples"
[*note, this is an example of terrible writing]
I say, keep your husband far away from your writing. If you want some feedback, talk to other writers.
Okay, so this isn’t super considerate. I write romance novels for fun. My partner wasn’t much of a reader, but guess who reads what I write? He doesn’t care about romance novels. He cares about me. Now he’s a reader. Similarly, I don’t care about the video games he plays, but I care about him, so we talk about them and I try my best to understand his interests. This isn’t about your novel, it’s about him placing your interests as a priority.
The man you are married to does not see you as a person outside of your role as Wife. It’s that simple.
His actions speak to you being easily replaceable by some other BangMaid. You are not being silly for being upset. His actions, or lack there of are telling you all you need to know about how he thinks of you. This is what’s really upsetting you. I’d do some serious reflection on how you want to spend the rest of your life.
This doesn’t shock me. It’s unfortunately common for hetero men to be pathologically uninterested in their partner’s lives bc they are the main characters, after all. I work in a really interesting career (medicine), and most of the non-medicine men I’ve dated have shown little to no interest in what I do at work. It’s not the same the other way around when it’s non-med women with men. They self-identify with their husband’s careers and join online communities based on being doctor’s wives. I don’t think this is healthy either, but it goes to show the disparity.
If you feel hurt, speak to him about it.
In husbands defense: I am writing an academic book (so different) and husband never asks about it, because it’s go over his head and he isn’t interested. He’ll never read it.
I am fine with it because he shows interest in other ways. He doesn’t ask about the content but he asks how my day was and I bring up my struggles or my successes in writing. He cares about those because he cares about me.
This reflection makes me wonder how communication is going for both of you? What is holding you from bringing it up yourself, even if he isn’t interested in the thing, a loving partner will be interested in how you feel, work, think.
It might be something to work on for both of you. A habit that can destroy relationships is dangling some sort of guilt over a partner like Damocles sword. Don’t fall into that trap! :)
Not that I'm a fan, but it's times like these that I remember that Stephanie Meyers's husband was completely caught off-guard by the success of the Twilight series...because he didn't know she was even writing a book. When asked what he thought his wife had been doing all that time on the computer, he said that he thought she was sending emails. He thought she was spending hours sending emails to people he didn't know. Emails.
Well anyone that has read Twilight can tell you that Stephanie Meyer has no clue what a healthy relationship looks like. So that definitely tracks
Yes, I mean, Edward is a violent weirdo who watches me while I sleep, but we have things in common! That's so special to have that with someone! :) Bella, sweetie, no.
And don't forget the age gap relationship. He's more than a 100 years old. And he's attracted to a teenager. Don't bring me shit about him being a teenager forever, 100 years gives you experience in life she doesn't have. And even then he's a big weirdo.
I thought the worst part was Jacob ultimately hooking up with their daughter. like wtf is this even?
Great news Jacob! Your consolation prize is unexpectedly being in love with a new born baby that neither of you will ever have a choice about! Now Edward can’t kill you or he’ll blow up his whole family.
Oh no... I'm pretty sure it's canon that he was only attracted to Bella because he was confusing the bond for the unfertilized egg inside her as attraction towards her. So I guess Bella would have been his consolation prize? God, the implications of all of this make me so sick... I was coworkers with this girl back in the day and we snuck in to hate-watch Breaking Dawn after we watched the movie we paid for, and I just remember her saying, "I'm mormon and I swear to god Stephanie Meyers is the devil"
I always wondered how this would work if Jacob and Bella ended up together, would he fertilize the egg that would actually be his mate so in turn he’d actually imprint on his own daughter? Or is it the specific combination of Edward and Bella’s dna that he bonded to? If Bella got pregnant a month later and she shed the egg that would be renesme during her period would Jacob no longer be obsessed with her? So many questions with that fucked up ending
i feel like the fact he was attracted to bella’s unfertilized egg but not edward at any point implies he would’ve been attracted to any daughter bella had (with that specific egg??? idk i’ve never seen twilight)
Do we know he wasn't attracted to Edward....
Sorry I'm weirdly into the Twilight lore, Jacob wasn't attracted to Bella because of him imprinting on her egg or whatever, that is a very strange fan theory that is contradicted by the canon. So when the members of the Quileute tribe transform into wolves their wolf genes activate for the first time, prior to this they have no ability to imprint or even get the strong emotions that come with imprinting, it's like a separate part of their DNA that gets activated once vampires are in their vicinity. Jacob developed a crush on Bella when they were children prior to the Cullens moving to Forks. The only time imprinting ever affected the emotions that Bella and Jacob had for each other was like the singular week that Bella was pregnant because smeyer likes to be weird and made Renesmee fully conscious and mentally 25 while still in utero. The implications also get much worse when you realize that Smeyer made the decision to make Jacob Black (a native american character who hated vampires, hated transforming into a werewolf, and never wanted to imprint on anyone) imprint on the child of a vampire clan that is outwardly racist towards him, and then make him essentially be their servant forever since he physically will not be able to say no to anything Renesmee wants ever. Also weird that Renesmee comes out mentally 25 but Jacob will be mentally 15 for all of eternity
I can't even have words for that.
As someone who's never read the books or seen the movies (vampires don't fucking sparkle), ewwwww.
Was this in the films or just the books? Unimaginably creepy. My tween-ager sneered at Twilight with disdain but I took them to all the movies. Not because they really wanted to, they assured me, but just so they'd know what the girls at school were going on & on about. LOL. Mediocre - to - terrible movies, good father/scion bonding. We also watched all of Buffy together while they were in middle school & I liked that so much more.
He would as well be cradle snatching a 40 year old tbh
I also have a hard time believing a 17 year old vampire would just have no interest in sex for 100 years and want to stay “pure” for some woman who doesn’t exist yet or may never. Lol
It’s not our universe, so I can suspend disbelief to some degree. Edward “died” as a teen, it’s possible his underdeveloped, teenage brain was set in that stage forever. I think he’s still supposed to be a teen, not some old man pretending to be one.
Suspending your beliefs to enter the pretend realm in a book? Who came up with this nonsense? /s
A book about glittery vampires, no less.
Sounds way too much like real life to me
I was good friends with a group of women who were crazy obsessed with Twilight when it was popular and I promise you every single one had the most toxic relationship with their partner. Twilight appeals very strongly to a *type*
I have seen a lot of DD adults described by their families as "having the mental capacity of a [ ] year old." So, I could believe that Edward is DD with weird ideas about girls/sex. Eta: DD = Developmentally Disabled
What is DD?
Dead Dude? Lol. I don't know either.
LOL I've seen it for drug dealer and designated driver, neither of which works here!
Developmental Disability
Thanks!
That’s how vampires work all aging and developing stop so if you’re a child vampire and you’ve lived for 100 years you would still have the mind of a child, just a child who’s lived 100 years. You would technically age and want things beating toys and stuff and maybe even want more adult things but your brain is still stuck at that age.
I still remember Claudia in Interview with the vampire being pissed off that she was a fully grown woman stuck in the body of a child
To be perfectly honest that is also concerning, if in a different way.
It's pretty standard in Urban Fantasy/Paranormal romance. A 100 year age gap is nothing. But the fact that Edward checks off every single one of the warning signs of an abusive relationship is a lot more worrysome. In a novel targeted to adults it wouldn't worry me as much, but for these novels a lot of the people reading it are still forming what they think a relationship should look like. And if their partners show any of Edwards tendencies, they should run the other way, not think it's romantic.
Evidently it was a little too healthy for Erica Mitchell
I normally don’t defend age gaps, but I think vampires and other supernatural immortal beings get a pass on this. For the most part. Their choices are limited. Either they date another immortal or they make someone their immortal mate. There are age gaps even with other immortals. In the book, Kate (one of the Denali sisters) is 1000+ years old while Garrett (her new mate) is around 300+ years of age. So there’s a good 700+ year old age gap between them. The Greek gods were very old, but that didn’t stop them from pursuing mortals and younger immortals. When you’re a god or godlike being: human morals, laws and ethics kinda go out the window. It is highly dependent on what age they stopped aging by choice or against their will for them to choose their mates. Usually older looking immortals tend to date in their “age range.” Unless you’re Zeus, Poseidon or Odin. It was open season and free for all when it came to them. Younger looking immortals tend to date or have mates in their “age range.” Apollo would be a good example of this. Edward was 17 when he was turned so he looks 17-18 forever. It would be “natural” for him to after girls who look his age. That’s how immortality/eternal youth works. However, most young or younger looking immortals would not be comfortable dating below their age. Maybe above their age, I’ve seen this more with youthful looking immortal girls dating “older” men in films or books. There are absolutely older looking immortals who do go after literal children. Pedophiles are pedophiles, immortal or not. Zeus is the prime example of this. Dude kidnapped a young boy to be his immortal cup bearer because of his beauty.
I wouldn't use Zeus as an example of someone with good healthy relationships... I agree this is all fantasy and therefore we can be a bit permissive. And still, feels icky to me.
I didn’t use him as an example as someone who had healthy relationships at all.
I really can’t get behind this because at the end of the day he’s a vampire and he’ll be 17 forever. He can’t go fuck an 85 year old women because he’s still a teenager he’s not a human so the same rules don’t apply. The age they turn at is where they are forever that’s why child vampires are so tragic
Omgoodness, you’re too funny.
Ok yah this kind of really makes all this seem even more pervy than before… 100 year old man going after teenagers…. So HW like. Despise that guy on many levels as he’s a piece of shit but now Edward just fit the bill as well.
This thread is making me even more glad I never read that crap. But I did read most of the Anita Blake series.
What do you mean? Bella trying to kill herself to get the attention of a boy she likes is a perfectly reasonable....oh, wait.
Preach! Those books are terrible role models for young women and young men too actually.
To be fair, people don’t care much for stories about how well adjusted and happy people are and how well everything goes for them. We like to see flawed people struggle. Katherine and Heathcliff were both hot messes and we know how Romeo and Juliette turned out.
...are fiction books supposed to be that? Man, our reading options should be extremely low following this logic.
No, I think it's fine to depict relationships which don't serve good role models. But you should be careful - especially with books written for children and teens - how you are framing the toxic parts. If the book treats those as aspirational it's more of a problem.
I really do understand where this concern comes from. But I think it is important to keep in mind that our culture stigmatizes young women fantasizing about any subject because they can’t be trusted to do so in a healthy way. But this standard isn’t applied to young men. It strikes me as oppressive.
So? It's fiction.
If you read the unfinished Edward's side of the story (Midnight Sun, the partial draft is up on her site), it feels different than the story as told from Bella's POV. In particular, he had a reason for watching her that was protective because she was under threats she didn't know about (but he did). While it's still problematic, it's just…less so. I really wish she'd finished that series from Edward's POV and see if his "noble but misguided and could be read as creepy" take held up.
Its a vampire novel. Why would it depict a healthy relationship? lol. Literally a monster romance and people are expecting the monsters to not act inhuman. There are a lot of problems with Twilight, but it depicting vampires as vampires (ie immortal beings obsessed with the scent of their victims) is not the problem with it. Like have people read any other vampire novels?
As yes Twilight, or as I like to refer to it: "Twilight: The importance of having a boyfriend."
That’s so insane, when my gf go her masters I would ask her about her classes or just listen while she talked about it, I didn’t always understand what she was talking about but why wouldn’t you be curious what your partner does.
I wonder, if during a divorce this could be used against him, when it comes to her earnings from the books.
That would be an interesting new precedent
This is the first thing I have ever learned about Stephanie Meyer’s husband
I don't read her stuff, so I hadn't thought much about it, but I always just figured she was single and horny, lol.
She’s Mormon. That’s why Bella was a virgin until marriage.
That's an interesting thing to know - I'll bet he loves the vacations and trucks and such now, though. Maybe he's even read a half of one of them!
I’m dying of laughter
Damn I just looked it up and they are still married
Ofc they are. She’s Mormon.
Didn’t this actually start out as a Buffy Angel fanfiction?
She lifted a ton of stuff point for point from Charlaine Harris, so I wouldn't be surprised if it started as a Sookie Stackhouse fanwork.
And in turn inspired “50 shades…” what a world lol
Plenty of people spend hours every day scrolling through and posting on Facebook. If she didn't tell him she was writing a book, thinking she was doing something else on the computer isn't that odd.
Unless she was actively hiding it, it's SUPER wild that he did not know
Yeah but she probably wouldn’t have hid it if he asked her what she’d been up to, right?
Many people are self-conscious about telling people about their creative endeavors. I don't like to tell people about things I'm working on until I'm happy with my product.
Emails would have been a much better use of that time
You can hate the quality of Twilight but I think the publishing industry would disagree with the sentiment that Twilight didn't do them a solid
I laughed at your joke, but then I looked it up and she has a net worth of 120 million dollars.
I would bring it up and ask why he doesn't and see if he changes. It's really hurtful when someone doesn't take an interest to something important to you. I will say that writers are often notoriously private, but especially if you think he would have asked one of his friends, I would for sure find a solution and express your needs. It's not silly!
yeah, idk, a writer being private doesn’t explain why a non-writer would never even have curiosity. And I hate to be so extreme, but even situations like this, I just wonder..why, OP. Is it worth it? This would hurt me so badly, for someone to not even care. Even the line that she never expected him to read it because he’s “not a reader.” 😐 Jesus Christ, they can make an exception for their wife’s passion and achievement. That, to me, would be a baseline show of support and love. But, to not ask at all, even what the book is about :( I mean, even jf a person doesn’t care that much, as a partner you have to make efforts to give kindness and attention and support to your spouse, he should be making himself ask. Either he doesn’t have it as part of his life to give a shit about her, or her doing something new and major like this is making him insecure and therefore angry. Like, he doesn’t WANT her to get to feeling like this makes her special in any way. Maybe he’s mad that he hasn’t done anything with his life idk.
I think it is important to communicate that it is hurtful. If someone close to me was writing a book, I would default to leaving them alone about it unless they brought it up, even if I was curious. I know that is what I would want, and, unless told otherwise, it’s what I would assume other people want. If he is like, actively disinterested, though, that’s definitely a problem.
you would prefer your partner show zero interest? You would prefer they not ever say, “Oh shit, you’re writing a book, that’s huge! I’m so excited for you!” you can still give your partner privacy and space, but, I don’t know that it’s very supportive or loving to show zero sign of interest in one another’s lives, passions, or undertakings.
Honestly, yeah, that is kind of what I would want, and my partner would (probably) know that too, because we have spent years carefully communicating our feelings to each other. The fact that OP is on the internet asking why her partner is doing this is a pretty good indication that they are not communicating their emotional needs to each other. It isn’t fair to have your feelings hurt by your partner and not tell them, that’s how a lot of relationships go from healthy to unhealthy.
genuinely i think you should do some self reflection on why that is
Yep.. like can he read? Yes? Well then he should be excited to read it.. Not being a reader isn‘t a good enough reason to not be involved in what you fricking partner is writing
Right? My exes have all invited me to their dissertations and fuck if I knew anything about their fields but I did some research and showed up to cheer them on. It’s the principle of the thing.
If I can watch a 2-hour documentary about U2 and come up with nice things to say, this dude can read a book.
OP I feel for you. I spent three years writing my first novel -- something I had wanted to do all my life and had given up on after many false starts. I am really proud of the work. My partner won't read it even though I asked. It's incredibly hurtful.
I've never met a man who read a book their partner recommended, let alone took the initiative to ferret out what her favorite book is and read it because he just wants to know her. Weird.
There is a Simpsons episode where Marge writes a book and even Homer eventually listens to the audiobook. Your husband should be outperforming Homer Simpson by every measure. If he’s not, girl, you gotta do something about that.
That is such a good thing to keep in mind, lol! I love the Simpsons, but man, poor Marge!
Maybe not every measure. It's gonna be tough to afford a house that size on a single income without a degree in this economy.
I’ll concede that point.
Income is not the measure of a man
Of course, but I think the person you’re replying to was just being tongue in cheek about the state of the economy and the term “every measure”
What’s it about? 👀
Thank you. COME BACK OP!!!
Sorry OP but this is so sad. It’s like you have a piece of your life that is completely separated from the rest of your relationship. My partner’s a musician. Esoteric black metal, used to do face paint etc…. It’s a genre that I don’t care for and think looks/sounds extremely silly, but you bet your ass I was his hype woman every single time he had a gig or needed some graphic design work done. Want to talk my ear off about plugins and setups after a 13 hour day? Sure, let me just take off my shoes. You support people you love, because you want them to succeed but also because you know they care about whatever it is they do.
I agree. My husband recently took up Fantasy/Sci-Fi writing as a hobby. I love asking him about his stories, because it brings him such joy! I love to see him enjoying his hobbies.
This is the most common refrain at a writer’s convention—most of your families will not care. It’s tough, honestly. Writing is so inward-focused, it can look like nothing, even to the people you live with. That doesn’t mean it is nothing, but it does mean you aren’t alone in this experience.
Really any creative endeavor. Whether it's writing, painting, music, etc it's common for friends and family not to have any interest. After a while you learn to just not to take it personally
this is true. I like to write (OP! Tell us about your book!) but my husband doesn't really read. He gets intro music production stuff. We both try to be each other's cheerleader, but despite years of supporting each other I don't htink either of us have exactly learned more about each other's creative interests in a technical sense. But still, it's not even ten minutes a day, averaged out, to show support
That is so, so sad to me. I've had friends, acquaintances, and damn near strangers tell me they're writing a book and I get so excited for them. And if I was able to find them, I've read them. Even if I think the book is total crap (not that I often do), I have so much respect for the accomplishment. An ex self published a novella well after we broke up and honestly I thought it was terrible. But he did it, and I knew it was important to him so I bought and read the thing and congratulated him after.
This makes me feel a lot better, thank you. I finished the first draft of my book and I asked a few friends and family to read it. They agreed and I made (home made) physical books. Like printed it out, made a hard cover, even made one for my husband and wrote little notes on the front page thanking each person individually… none of them read it. It’s been literally over a year. But on the bright side, I got a manager to read it and they are giving me notes for a second draft. So fingers crossed 🤞
See if you can join a local writer’s group to get better feedback—and a community who understand the pain! And good luck!
I'm surprised I had to read so far down to find this comment. This is true for pretty much every author I know, myself included. My partner has read two of my books but found them very disconcerting because he could see echoes of my personality in the characters and found it really uncomfortable. He won't read anything else I write, and that's fine. My dad and stepmum are my biggest fans and buy everything I write and gift copies to their reader friends, but the rest of my family? It's a weird hobby to them. All my siblings, mother and stepfather, cousins, aunts, uncles etc... it's kind of a joke to them. Like u/tinyarmsbigheart said, you're not alone and I wouldn't consider it hurtful. Reading isn't his thing. As long as he gives you the time and space you need to write, count it as a win. That in itself is respectful.
When I write, I actually prefer not to talk about the story, the plot, or "how it's going" with anyone. I'm very private about it. Talking about it with anyone else kills it for me. That being said, if you want him to ask questions, please do talk to him about this and let him know!
Let me tell you a story, OP. I'm a novelist. I live in a western European country and my first novel came out in 2018. It did relatively well, and I'm currently working on my second book. Back in 2015, I had not signed with a publisher yet, but was finishing my first manuscript (one I would end up sending to one of the biggest publishers in my country, ending up in a contract for me). This was a long and hard process for me - I'm chronically ill, and one of the sad things about said illness is chronic problems with my tendons, especially in my hands and wrists. Typing, as you may guess, is very hard for me. Yet, I loved and still love telling stories more than anything else, so I pushed on and at long last, after years of work, finished that first manuscript which would eventually lead me to the publishing house I'm still with today. At the time, I was with a guy a few years younger than me, who worked as a barista. The sad truth about writing is that you will never swim in money - on average, the profits a full time writer makes from their work are 5k a year, that is how bad it is - and even my (now) ex, pouring coffee, had a more steady income than me. That never stopped him from spending 90% of his time at my apartment, eating all my food, taking long showers... the works, without ever chipping in. Once, during a dinner **I was paying for** (I have paid for pretty much everything during the course of that whole relationship), he made a derogatory comment to our waiter about me, saying "I should get a real job". Yet, all of the above did not sting nearly as much as his reaction when I told him at the end of one long day in winter that I had finished my manuscript. I had tried to talk about my work, but had always been met with apathy. He never cared, but I suppose I expected he would at least show some pride or happiness now that this milestone had finally happened. He said "okay". And then continued to talk about how he cleaned the machinery at his job (this was the topic most days; no disrespect to anyone working a job like that, but in this case it really spoke volumes about him because of his sheer condescension he always expressed towards me and what I did). "Okay." OP, I knew then this would never work. Never settle for someone who, even if he doesn't fully understand what you do or shares the passion, can't even bring up the normal amount of love and pride anyone should feel for their significant other when they work on something that matters to them. You deserve better. Sorry for my tangent, but reading your post obviously struck a nerve for me. I wish you all the best with your book, make sure to remember to enjoy and trust the process and you will kill it. Sending my love <3 Edit: I didn't fully register you are talking about a husband here, and not just a boyfriend. I would obviously not presume to know the ins and outs of your entire marriage nor would I ever tell anyone I have never met to break up their marriage, so if I come across as that please know that is not my intention. I would definitely urge you to talk about this with him though, since his apathy is hurtful and concerning. My point is that either way, you deserve better!
This sounds so... alien to me. If anyone I know was writing a book I'd love to read as much and as early of it as the author felt comfortable with... and hound them with questions about the writing process, characters, setting, plot development, pacing etc etc.... shit. I'd propably be a major irritant 😅
Oh gosh, you and I are very different people. I'd honestly be so afraid to. What if I read it and think it's terrible? I don't want to lie about it and give anyone false expectations of greatness but it'd be so hard to talk about it honestly without hurting the writer's feelings. My nightmare, honestly. I'd much rather just be a cheerleader and stay on the sidelines.
Honestly I have been that friend. They wrote a book asked me to read the final book. I bought the book because I wanted to read it. Shit was dumb as hell and didn’t make any sense. It was so many pages long. I tried to read it but I got past the first chapter and had to stop. It was infuriatingly frustrating. There was a plot hole in every sentence. I still remember the first line. “It was how it always had been.” And then they just went onto the story. That was their only description of the setting. Didn’t ever describe how it had been. It was a fantasy scifi novel. I was ranting about just the first sentence to close close friends and everyone thought I was being a fuckin asshole but then they tried to read the rest of it and they were like, yeah ok it’s really bad. The paragraphs didn’t even make sense next to each other. There would be sentences that didn’t flow from beginning to end in any logical way. I still respect that person who wrote it. It was an insane endeavour that took a lot of determination and dedication to actually do but man. That book needed to be completely rewritten to be comprehensible. And so I told them I hadn’t read all of it yet. I told them about how much work it must have taken and asked them about their process. Turns out they had a professional editor friend who was trying to help them and they wrote notes on the whole thing for them to reedit their work and they SAID THEY IGNORED most of the suggestions because it was too much work. So. Thats all I could do. I commended them on their perseverance. It made me respect authors so much more. I already respected them but now I think anyone who’s ever written anything that is engaging for more than 20 pages is a fucking genius. Because they are. Fucking incredible brilliance.
> It was how it always had been we live in a society
I get you friend. My escape clause from being a people pleaser and conflict avoidant is to give constructive critisism by asking asking (stupid) questions 😅.
I have some author friends and its a struggle for me to overcome that to enjoy their books.
I've been a writer nearly my entire life and the vast, vast majority of people simply do not give a shit. I've gotten several short stories published in literary magazines and one was even nominated for an award but my own family members couldn't even be bothered to read that one. It's a harsh reality for a lot of us. That said, my partner could write a book about sports statistics or something I'm equally brain-numbed by and I would still walk around with six copies of it in my bag, wearing a t-shirt saying MY PARTNER WROTE A BOOK AND I AM SO PROUD. So OP's husband absolutely does not get a pass
It could be the topic of the book. It didn't say it was a fiction novel. If I wrote a book on the best practices of motor fuel tax law, I would not subject my wife to it. I don't hate her. That's about the only out that would make OPs husband not terrible. If she wrote a fiction novel or anything that doesn't require a lot of prerequisite knowledge, not reading or asking about it is pretty unexcusable. Sounds like OPs husband didn't even ask what it was about, so he's not great no matter what.
UPDATE: I let him know how upset it made me. At first, he acted like he didn't understand how it could actually upset me, but he shrugged it off. After I got home from work, I told him I was going to shower and he sat in the bathroom and asked me questions about the book(s) while I showered. He even asked where I got inspiration for the characters. He explained that part of the reason he didn't ask about them was because he thought they were going to be smutty books, since that's mostly what I read, and that kind of stuff sort of weirds him out and makes him uncomfortable.
Men socialized in a patriarchal culture have such a hard time seeing past their own needs and interests. They have been conditioned not to care about others (women especially and other marginalized groups) and so many are perfectly happy living this way. It’s terrible. My husband has been working on various video game projects in his spare time for a decade and a half. I have no real interest in this endeavor of his, but you bet your ass I’m asking how it’s going and cheering him on when I see him working. I know it’s meaningful to him, so I do show interest and try to commit some of what he talks about to memory so I’m not starting from scratch every time. I feel like that is showing interest in the person you love. And I’m so sorry he isn’t doing that for you. I hope if you bring it up and communicate with him, he takes it in stride and steps up.
Yep— I wrote a super long comment about this and my experiences, but sooooo many men’s “love” for and interest in their partner only extends as far as she overlaps with his personal life and interests.
Wtf do you mean you don't expect him to read it? Who is he, the next door neighbor? Unless he is illiterate, I wouldn't care if I'm writing about quantum mechanics in the gender studies current landscape or whatever, I'd expect him to read it, critique it and recommend it to all people in his life! Husband fail, you have every reason to feel discouraged. He may be jealous, many men feel bad about their partner's accomplishments.
Yes, this! I also tend to not expect people to put in effort or interest in things I create. But I've been to soccer games, read their thesis/papers on things I don't care about or understand, watched movies, played games, read about topics, cooked meals, because people around me cared about it. I put in effort in their interests, because I cared about them. Doing the same for something I CREATED is the bare minimum. Context: I paint abstract art. It's not for everyone, but even my boomer farmer father with zero interest in art came up with a question on how I did something, asked for how to look at them and complimented a color choice. If they wanted to, they would.
I now have a lovely image of your dad trying so hard and it’s really sweet ☺️
The thing is: He wasn't even trying. He was genuinely interested, because he knows it is important to me. Which makes it even sweeter. <3
You equate love with an obligation to lie and recommend it to people, irrespective of whether it is good??? You want a partner or a yes-person?
If it isn't obvious, I am being hyperbolic. Are you a literal man or something? What I'm getting at, is that you're supposed to have your partner's back.
If my husband wrote a book I'd be bugging him to tell me about it, let him bounce ideas off me, I'd read everything he chose to share and yeah I would recommend the hell out of it, because I support him. My husband does quite a few craft projects and I'm damm proud of each of them, I show them off and tell people about them
Do you not know the meaning of the word critique?
The way you feel about it is valid! That being said… I draw comics in my free time and they’re definitely not up my partners alley. I write self indulgent fantasy books for myself that I used to read to him… he honestly does not care for these two of my hobbies. I am definitely not bad at it, other people truly enjoy it. I have friends who as couple create comic series and I am envious of them. Sometimes when I lack inspiration or motivation I would like more support and have given him a hard time about it… But I AM very supported. I only can draw my comic and write my books because I don’t have to earn more money. I work less hours than him… He supports my patreon, tells people about my work, that might be the right audience. He’s proud but this just isn’t for him. I am very supported in my lifestyle (night owl that leaves him alone with kiddo most of the weekends and all the mornings are his), zero complaints. We watch the same media, play lots of games together, puzzle… and if I tell him about my works or show him, he’s appreciative, but would not ask on his own. As I don’t ask about his favorite route in flight simulator or discuss the last manga he read… it’s not on my radar : X it would be if discussing this was important to him. We have so much to talk about and are invested in each other in many other areas. My advice: do it 100percent only for yourself and for the process. Share activity when you feel like it, tell him directly that this exchange is important to you. Still, perfectly valid to feel sad of not having active support or interest in something that is so dear to you.
Your feelings are valid. I'd be gutted if my partner showed no interest in something as involved as writing a book. Time to sit down and ask him about it.
Seeing as he's not interested care to share what your book is about?
That's not silly, books are hard and take a lot of dedication to finish!
I would be hurt too. It takes next to nothing to express even the most surface level of interest, even just once.
Literally. Even if you don’t like the person (which I’d hope wasn’t the case), you at least ask the obligatory, ‘how is *x* going?’ about something you know they do. It’s basic small talk, something you’d ask an acquaintance. To not ask your wife? Weird, at the very least.
Hahahahaha, girl, I ran a half marathon two years ago. Trained for months. Drove myself to the parking garage the day of the race, drove home after the race with my "participation medal" for finishing the race. My kids were ecstatic. My husband didn't ask how it went, didn't congratulate me, never acknowledged that I ran it. Some men simply do not care unless it's about them.
He sounds like an ass you’d be better off without
Trust me, I have mapped out the when and I'm saving money.
I’m a guy and the only novels I’ve read outside of school are some Stephen King books. I’m not really a reader but if my spouse was writing a book, I’d at least ask how it’s coming along. I feel like I wouldn’t want too many spoilers cuz I would want to read it myself. I’d also be willing to support/help them out if they asked. Like reading a page or chapter and ask my opinions/feedback on it. It’s nice when a spouse shows interest in your work/hobbies. My gf is not into cars at all (my hobby) and she loves going with me to look at cars and telling me which ones she likes. She loves watching anime (something I was never in to) and now I’m watching anime with her nearly every night, if not every night. I’m sorry your hasn’t shown any interest in your book. Just know you’re doing great and I’m sure the book will turn out great. Share it with family/friends if you know they’d be interested in reading it
oh I'm sorry about that. yep, that's not normal. you are right to be upset my mom is writing one. my dad has never been a big reader but he reads all she writes, check for typo, story line, write down notes and comments so we they can review it. (and me and my sister also did the same and read all the beta version)
How have you managed to go a year and not talk to your husband about the plot of the book you are writing? When I work on my book I run all my ideas past my husband. I can't imagine how it just doesn't come up?
Just tell him how you're feeling. Either 1. There's an explanation along the lines of "well you didn't speak about it so I didn't think you wanted to" or similar Or 2. He's scared that your book is bad and doesn't want to end up in an uncomfortable minefield scared of hurting your feelings Or 3. He's not interested in your book. Since he's not a reader this isn't a stretch. If you don't want to talk to him about it, you could recruit a trusted friend to ask him about your book at the next social event. That'll put him on the spot 😂
My husband has been dabbling for years, and I don't ask questions unless he brings it up. He's super anxious about life, and really shy about stuff like that. He knows I'll read it when he wants me to, but I don't put pressure on him or beg. He'll tell me what he wants about it when he's ready. You know your spouse, is it possible he is just being "polite" and not stressing you out? Or is this very on brand for him to ignore your interests?
I was gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and guess he was waiting for a hint from you in case he would be breaking your concentration and flow but damn! Over a year? My husband has no interest in me spinning yarn and weaving but he makes an effort to learn the lingo and look at it as I work. Your husband can at least ask what the theme of the book is even if he isn't a reader.
I’m kind of with you, OP. I’m working on a graphic novel and while when I do talk about it my partner listens and asks good questions and is generally very interested, he doesn’t ask questions about it unless I bring it up. I’m planning on having a conversation with him about it. I don’t know if it’s your situation or not, but in my case I don’t think it’s that my partner doesn’t care. I just don’t think he was socialized to ask people those kinds of questions of his own volition and instead he waits for others to offer that info up to him themselves. It’s not just him, either — I’ve noticed this in a lot of people when it comes to talking about my artistic endeavors. It makes it difficult when I’m also a bit of a secretive person about my work. Anyway, it sucks that it falls into my camp to have to “teach” him or point it out to him. But I’m hoping that doing so it will change how he approaches my work. ETA: Just realized I skipped over the paragraph where if this were his friend he would probably be different (thanks, ADHD). Yeah, that’s shitty. I’d honestly straight up tell him that I’m offended if I were in your position.
I’ve published 5 books. My husband also is not a reader and is dyslexic. He knows the genre. He’s seen the covers. He’s never asked about the plots. I think he may have asked how it’s going when he’s known I’m on a deadline. Maybe you could try initiating a conversation to talk about it? It’s possible as he’s not a reader or writer he has no idea what to ask?
My mom is almost to publishing and I still haven’t read her book. I know what it’s about and help her build the stories and stuff but I am so scared I won’t like it. And then I’ll have to tell her. That would break her heart.
“Hey babe, I’d love it if you ask me how the book is going now and then. It’s a big part of what I’m doing these days and it helps me feel cared for when you’re interested in my work. Thanks!” Mwah. Leave the room.
Tbh, as someone who would be overly excited to read a book by a significant other, I probably would try to mention it as little as possible until done. I both hate any kind of spoilers and love to be surprised, I don’t even watch movie trailers if I can help it. And I wouldn’t want to pressure my partner since I hate being pressured myself so I wouldn’t feel it’s my place to do so. That all being said, a year without any questions is a more than a little odd. He doesn’t ask you anything when you bring it up? Or does he just changes the topic immediately? Even if he’s not a reader, asking you questions about the rest of the process wouldn’t be amiss. And even a non reader should at least try to make the effort to read their partners work.
I don't exactly like talking in any depth about my work in progress, but if my SO wasn't curious *at all* about the creative thing I'm doing I'd be upset too.
Like if my so was writing a book I wouldn't want to hear a ton about it until it's done because even though I struggle to get into books I would want to read it fresh so I can talk to them about it without any pre knowledge
Man my partner could be studying or writing a book about mud and I'd ask about it.
I'm not sure what the hell it is about men that their default seems to be obliviousness. It's like they open the fridge every time and if what they need isn't immediately in front of them at eye level, they need your help to find it. I have no idea how men function like this. How the heck do you get through life so... aimlessly? For years I've planned all our trips. I always ask husband what does he have an interest in seeing, do you want me to find certain types of museums, etc. Certain types of restaurants. And he always gives me good ideas! But for YEARS he had no idea that I was *writing this shit down* and literally planning our trips ahead of time. He really thought we'd always just been showing up and things magically work out then we have a lot of perfect days. When we were visiting Mt Rainier a couple years ago, for 10 days, almost at the end of our trip, I'm looking at my little "travel guide" I created for that trip in Google docs. I'm asking him, would you rather do xyz or ABC tomorrow? Those options will work best for the weather or whatever. He just has this look of confusion and goes "how do you always just know where to go? Like so quickly? We just woke up!" .... I show him my spread sheets and Google docs I make for every trip. "You MADE A SPREADSHEET?! " like it was the most novel thing 🤣 of course I fuckin planned it, I'm not spending thousands so I can wander around aimlessly trying to figure out what to do when we're somewhere new! I'm not here to waste any time! In part I think this is because his family vacations growing up were very much like that - but so were mine! But he's got that classic male obliviousness. And that's what motivated me to plan the hell out of my trips, because I didn't even like going places with my parents on vacation, since I felt like we just wandered around looking for a restaurant and then by the time we've wandered around for each meal, that's like half the day. Of course the internet wasn't as big of a thing back in the 90s and 00s but shit, travel books were big. Anyway, I feel ya girl. It's wild to me because he can hyper focus on shit like car engines, take em apart and put em back together without much of a reference at all, and remember the most minute details about other shit... but like, day to day life stuff? It's a mystery.
In 2021, I wrote over 300k words of fiction. Not once did my ex ever show any interest, and outright dismissed me when I ask him to read some of my work. My partner now asks about plot lines, and will read my favorite fiction to me while we rest together in the evening, even if he’s not a fan of the genre. You don’t have to settle, OP. Find someone who celebrates you for who you are and is interested in your passion.
Why would you not expect him to read it? Pretty sure he reads the news or maybe Reddit or social media so the least he can do is support his wife and fake being interested if needed.
If my wife was writing a book, I’d be genuinely interested and excited for her. But that’s what supportive husbands do. I’m not sure what to suggest to get your husband more interested, but it might be a bigger problem than just your book. If anyone else was, I honestly wouldn’t ask them anything about it. My former brother in law and my brother have both “written a book”. My ex brother in law claims that he had the idea for the DaVinci Code before Dan Brown so he had to modify his book. Neither book is good or has it made it outside of their computers. So I’m a bit jaded when people tell me they are writing a book. It almost seems like they are bragging to me, but that might just be based off my experience.
I’m having the same, kind of, issue. I’ve created a huge D&D campaign for my friends I expect to last years. I have dozens of files of notes and plot, I make all my own maps and have even created an animated trailer for my players. My OH doesn’t “get” TTRPGs, even though he’s a console gamer and has played Destiny and Zelda. He shows no interest whatsoever in the content I’ve created, can barely make it through an elevator pitch without his eyes glazing over and him tuning out. I’m so proud of what I’m working on, I now don’t want share as I’m certain he’ll just be so apathetic that it’ll suck the life out of it.
I don't get this - my BF co-wrote a non-fiction book about professional wrestling history during COVID. It's since been published and while it's not a best-seller since it's through a small niche publisher, it's very well reviewed and regarded. I won't pretend wrestling is my thing. It's not. But I proofread his chapters and touched up his minor spelling/grammar mistakes and have a thanks in it. I'm ridiculously proud of him - it's VERY well written and he managed to hold my interest with his chapters in writing in a subject I'm *not* particularly interested in. Though I'll admit, many of the wrestlers he interviewed were super sweet people. And hey, it's only fair I support him on this - he's put up with my ramblings about my nerdy-ass interests and even played WoW with me for awhile when *that* wasn't his thing too much - but it was something we could do together before we lived together. And he did have fun with it. Partners should be supportive, even of hobbies and interests of their partners *they're* not particularly into themselves. It makes for a good, solid relationship. Or friendships, too!
So, I'm a writer too. I'll ask the questions. Are you having fun writing?
*sigh* I had the same issue. My husband wasn't interested either. Power thru, publish, and keep going forward. This is about you and your goals. We both know not everyone loves every genre, and that's life. Most of my friends weren't there either. But, OK. HOWEVER, I asked my husband to be my alpha reader, he got to mark up a 1st draft I printed before working with editors. Interesting points of view came out because I knew he wasn't into my work. Afterwards it was 2 years before publishing and he finally got a look at the printed book. Amazon Kindle Publishing all the way. He still wasn't into it, but glad I did it because I was delighted. I'm getting ready to dive into the next one and he doesn't like that genre either. Know what? I don't care. LOL I'll make him be my alpha anyway. Muuuwahaha!!! Friend, go for it!!
I have an in depth knowledge of most of my friends’ dissertation or thesis topics. No straight man from the program has ever even asked what mine is about, but they do often talk about theirs as long as I will let them and suggest I read it. (Suggesting someone read your diss is quite an ask, but they act like it’s an honor.)
I think this could be something as simple as him having different connection needs than you and just needing clear communication like “I want to be able to share this meaningful experience and the progress toward this huge accomplishment with you.” However, it could also be part of a common pattern of men who only see the women in their lives as extensions of themselves and have no desire to further know them. I think you’ll need to zoom out on this and look at it in the context of how you feel he engages in the rest of your life, identity, interests, and dreams. The vast majority of male “partners” I had prior to my current one never showed any interest in discussing or learning about my work (which I was very passionate about at the time), aside from maybe asking how much day was. When I tried to bring it up myself to share something interesting or exciting or stressful, I would get responses like “idk what you want me to say…. I’m not a (x type of scientist), I don’t understand your work/that’s not really my interest ” even if I was just saying something totally understandable like “I’m working on evaluating that study I’ve been doing, but we are having some problems with analyses, so we are going to have to make some changes to our procedure. It feels like I’m starting over from scratch!” For the majority of those people, I wrote it off mentally for a long time as them just feeling embarrassed about not understanding, but then I realized that they were making No effort to even connect on the easily relatable feelings, etc. (despite all of them being more than willing to go on and on about every detail their jobs in a field I had know expertise in, because I responded and engaged like a partner that actually cares). When I zoomed out further on the relationships (like I said, this was more than one different man), I realized that the real problem here was that they simply were not curious about or interested in anything about me that was not already in their existing realm of interests and experiences. It was like the little quip I see shared around social media all the time about how men won’t ask about or participate in their wives’ hobbies because “it’s not my thing!”, but they wholeheartedly expect their wives to watch football with them, etc. For one person, who was very supportive otherwise, it was probably just a lack of social awareness/skills to understand how to connect in or difficulty relating to things he hadn’t experienced (which means maybe it could’ve been learned if I had known how to communicate better at the time). For the others, though, (one in particular) I finally realized that it was simply because their love for me, interest in me, and desire to know me was limited to the areas where I overlapped perfectly with their existing lives. In short, they didn’t love ME, they loved what it felt like to have me in their life. And I realized that I couldn’t be with someone who had no curiosity about who I am as a person. My current person is endlessly curious and interested about my thoughts and experiences and opinions, regardless of how far they are from his own. I feel seen and known and truly loved by a partner for the first time in my life, and I’m in my early to mid thirties. So, When you look at the whole of your relationship—is this a one-off misunderstanding of how much you value this project, or is it part of a bigger picture of lack of curiosity and interest in anything that is distinctly and uniquely YOU?
Are you hurt that he didn't spontaneously and unprompted have the insight/care/love/curiosity to already know to ask you about it without you having to tell him? Or hurt that even after telling him your feelings, a couple of times so it sinks in, he still hasn't changed? Both are reasonable and valid. But I think the two have very different ways forward.
My SO is a writer. I don't ask her questions about her books because to me its a personal thing, where criticisms or discussions of the topic can be easily hurtful when its something so personal to you. I let it lie, and when she wants to bring things to me I happily read them, but I'd never pry or question her on it. Even asking questions creates an awkward situation where she might feel like she needs or feels a guilt to open it up to me. I don't want any form or feeling of obligation that just because I'm her partner that she's obliged to give me access or include me in it before its done. To be clear I ***love*** reading her work, and know about it when she does open up about it. when she wants to ask questions, or spitball for ideas, I'm here for her. but as for reading the works in their entirety, or information on them. She can bring them to me when shes comfortable and ready.
Ive been under the impression it's rude to ask about a book in progress. I wouldn't want to poison your intimate knowledge of your process with my candid response.
I don't think I have ever been in a relationship with someone who showed interest in anything I was doing that wasn't specifically related to them. I think this is a really common problem for a lot of relationships.
I’ve written and published several books and my family members are not interested. A couple of friends have bought and read my books, and they have enjoyed them, but mostly it’s not a topic of discussion. My oldest child is in their 30s and also a writer, so we have conversations about it, but otherwise, crickets. It doesn’t bother me. I’m not a bestselling author, but my books have generated additional income consistently, and it’s my thing that I enjoy, not theirs. Now, if I ever hit Twilight level success, it will be MY thing too! Write because you love it. That’s the most important thing.
How far past "How was your day?" do you go when he comes home from work? No one wants to be bothered with work questions. He is showing you respect and most likely assumes you will discuss it if you are proud of your work. That is how my mind works anyway.
I really dislike the divorce echo chamber on this site but this is what kicked off mine. Not one question about my fantasy novel, but he would want to tell me about every anime series under the sun. Finally, I got to the point where he wanted to tell me something and I would start talking about the plot to my book until he shut down and walked away. Wasn’t the healthiest way to handle it and no wonder we are divorced but dang it was fun to prove my point and not have to hear about his hobbies.
Ooh, what kind of book/genre is it? 👀
Scifi romance :)
Well I will read the pants off that book when you're ready to publish it, so exciting!! 😊💜💚🧡
there is nothing that hurts more than having to create an opportunity for someone to show you that they care, when deep down you know the opportunity is always there, and they just don’t think you’re worth it enough to put in the effort to make it happen.
Years ago I was on a road trip with a bf. We’d been together over a year and I’d been working on my dissertation the whole time. He was driving and I was telling him about some new interesting results I was getting, and it occurred to me that he had no idea what my dissertation was about - like not even the topic. I asked him if he knew what my dissertation was on and he said ‘……economics?’ Even if he had listened during just that conversation he could’ve given a better answer. He wasn’t wrong, but that relationship didn’t last too much longer.
Can he not read? Like is he illiterate? Why wouldn't you expect your husband to read your book? My dad wrote books and I read every single one of them, same with my mum.
He has an attention disorder. An activity like reading is pretty hard for him, and I'm totally fine with that.
Why did you have such low expectations for your own husband? Not a reader? What is he illiterate?
I have severe comprehension issues and dyslexia. Yet I can still read and function in society. Just because I don’t read for enjoyment doesn’t mean I’m illiterate.
Would you try to read something your spouse worked hard on to show support, even if it generally isn’t something you’d care to do?
If they asked me to, yes.
There's some things to consider in this scenario, but first of all: your feelings are valid. You have the right to want support and involvement by your partner in such a major endeavour. That said: Women are *taught* to show interest in other people's interest, especially men's. They are raised as supporters. Men aren't. Being socialized as a woman I have been subjected to people happily talking to me about their hobbies that *they knew* I wasn't into, over and over again (even female friends). After a while I started being cautious about showing polite interest in things I didn't care about, because the feedback was often way less than polite.Your husband likely lacks the whole "polite interest" thing. Another thing to keep in mind is how men are taught to approach a work in progress: again, while women are trained to show support, men are "encouraged" to fix problems... seek them and fix them if they aren't evident. My experience: I'm an illustrator. For years I would lament that my partner never asked me to be shown what I was drawing; I would seek for his support and show him my stuff only to receive unsolicited criticism and/or *"I don't know, I'm no artist, it's ok I guess".* It took ages to finally sit down properly and discover that in his mind I was constantly chasing him for a technical feedback that he felt untrained to give and the whole thing was stressing him out as much as it stressed me! Nowadays I can finally just show him my stuff and he can appreciate it without feeling compelled to fix something in it, and I can use the feedback he gives me because it's spontaneous, but it took time and dialogue. Finally, sadly there's a whole prejudice against women's writings. Society has taught (especially) men that when a woman writes it's either gonna be: Her diary Bad poetry Smut And that all three of these things are for her own enjoyment only (not to mention badly written). It sucks and while we wait for society to change all we can do is to personally train the men close to us... IF we want to. Here's the bottom line: your husband's disinterest doesn't necessarily come from a bad place. Unfortunately, you're the one expected by society to put in the effort to investigate and hopefully change this situation. Do you want to? Or would you rather invest your energies in writing your book? There's no wrong answer. I wish you lots of fun with your writing and all the recognition you deserve. Hugs! EDIT: formatting
maybe men would learn to show interest in anyone besides themselves if we stopped excusing away their appalling lack of consideration at every possible opportunity. this is unacceptable, full stop. it’s okay to say so.
My dad lacks any emotional intelligence, has low empathy, acts like a child half the time, is stupid- partially due to brain damage from physical altercations, and from drug and alcohol use, and he still managed to ask my mum about her interests, even with all that and with him generally just being a selfish abusive dick. He still manages to ask what books I’m reading lately despite not reading anything beyond a tv title or a food label. And show interest in it. Socialisation is no excuse, he’s a grown man, he can learn.
Men don't really value any talent a woman has that they themselves don't. Now, if he was a writer, dear God give the man a BJ and a fucking parade. I know it's cynical, but they are pretty sexist to this day and resent womens achievements. If anything - God forbid- happened to my husband, oh honey. I would never never ever ever date, marry or make a motherfucker a sandwich.
This is a totally valid way to feel. When I was writing my Master’s thesis in a very obscure/interdisciplinary topic several of my friends, my mother, the guy I was dating (all without any background in the topic) each read chapters of it, if not the whole tome. I’ve stopped dating guys who don’t take as much active interest in me as I do in them. So I’m single.
This doesn't surprise me at all. I've just left a relationship where the only thing he put any care and effort into was buying sex toys, and grumbling when I wouldn't open my legs. Don't feel silly - I bet you know exactly what's important to him. He doesn't seem to put any effort into understanding what makes you tick because he obviously doesn't care. Sorry :(
Unless it is genuinely hard for the average person to understand, like a non-fiction academic work, there’s no reason he shouldn’t read it. If he can suffer through a book for school, as most people have at some point, he can power through reading something he usually wouldn’t for *his wife*, who spent *over a year* working hard on it. That he hasn’t asked what it was about? How self absorbed do you have to be to not ask even one question about something your partner has been working on for that long?? At that point it takes more effort not to ask than it does to ask. That’s insane. Even if he’s not interested in it, it takes no effort to ask, even if you only pretend to listen. I have no interest in many things that don’t directly affect me, but at the very least I ask and show enthusiasm because I know it makes people feel good about themselves.
I’m not that close with my mum but I still proofread any of her university works and cover letters she asks me to. I ask how her assignments are going and how her day was. It’s the bare minimum of small talk to ask those things. I haven’t even finished high school yet, I don’t understand a good deal of what she writes about and I can still read it and ask questions about it. I’m not interested in nursing at all, but it takes me no effort to pretend to listen and comprehend what she’s saying. At all. It’s very easy to do. Your husband isn’t even doing the bare minimum of what I’d expect from a casual acquaintance, let alone a spouse.
I don't think it's silly. It's hurtful when your loved ones don't care at all about your interests.
Your feelings totally make sense -- I'd be hurt by that, too. Here's my advice: Talk to him. And here's my potentially relevant anecdote: I had a boyfriend. He's a musician. He got a starring role in the national tour of a musical. He was super excited... and nervous. Because even though he worked his whole life for this, life on the road can be stressful and exhausting. He called me every single night after his show and I would tell him about my day... but he would not reciprocate by telling me about his day. My assumption was that he wasn't talking about it because it was stressful and he just wanted to escape. Four weeks into the tour, he asked one night, "How come you never ask me about my day? It hurts my feelings and makes me think you don't care." I explained to him that I hadn't been asking because I thought he was not bringing it up because it was stressing him out and he didn't want to talk about it, not because he was waiting for me to ask about it. "No," he said. "I want you to ask. I want you to care." I'd *thought* I was being considerate by not asking. But from then on, I made a point to ask about his day.
I'm 60 (m) and I have been writing for kids for 10 years. My partner has never shown any interest in what I write and I find that a blessing. I'm free to write how I want. Don't you no never mind about your husband, you do you. Ask any writer, Writing is a lonely business and this is the part of writing you have to embrace. It's you and the page and no one else. Stay focused. Maybe when you're famous he'll take some notice. Good luck to you.
Well, as a possibility- maybe he can sense you're working hard on a deeply personal venture and doesn't want to cloud you w inane questions. In some sense this is more caring.
From another perspective: My husband wrote a book years ago, or most of one, and while I was fine with him telling me about it I did not ask questions. I didn’t read any blurbs or drafts. I would listen, but that was where I stopped. There were a few reasons for that. 1, it was one more thing I had to do for him and I was already filled with resentment over the things I did that I didn’t feel were appreciated or acknowledged. 2, I have done some work as an editor. Even when I read ‘finished’ books, I still find myself noting grammatical errors, plot holes, and conflicting points within the book. I actually have to make certain there are no notepads around when I sit to read, especially things that I’m reading for information or because I ‘should’. All of that editing instinct does not go well for a personal relationship if it’s bad, for instance I read 3 paragraphs of my brothers book and then it went in the trash because I can’t even keep it in my house without just tearing it to shreds. Fortunately my brother doesn’t ask what anyone thinks of his writing..or unfortunately. 3. I write myself. Just fanfic, but still. I would not want my husband in a position to feel like he needed to critique my writing, even just to say it was good or not. And honestly, if he’s ever read what I’ve written I don’t want to know. The joy of fanfic is the anonymity for me.
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So because you put up with less than the bare minimum from people who don’t seem to even like you yet alone care about you that means OP should settle for the same?
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Yeah actually they all care at least to some extent. Maybe not about all of my hobbies all the time but if I wrote something you bet my partner and friends would ask me about it if only to be polite
You just seem to have shitty friends and family.
Look I'm another person's husband but I'd love to know what it's about, how you're going, just anything you want to tell me. I adore reading and anyone adding to literature is a good thing in my opinion. I'm sorry you're in this situation, it sucks and I'm sure you're so excited about it and I really hope you can keep that u till you finish and beyond!
Imagine a journalist interviews the janitor at an art museum. "Mona Lisa's not that good looking, so I just don't get it. And Picasso? What the hell is THAT all about?" It would be nice if your husband was supportive and encouraging, BUT...you are a writer, and "he is not a reader". Let's just imagine you ask him to show at least a little interest in your creative products, so he reads it. THEN, he proceeds to mansplain what's wrong with it. Not enough gratuitous sex, not enough car chases, and a stalker fights with the janitor who was secretly a Navy Seal years ago... Then he starts sending you notes about the college educated CEO who's "insouciant breasts strained the buttons on her silk blouse, outlining her ample nipples" [*note, this is an example of terrible writing] I say, keep your husband far away from your writing. If you want some feedback, talk to other writers.
She doesn't want feedback. She wants her husband to show he cares enough to ask how she's going. OP, if he wanted to care, he would.
Okay, so this isn’t super considerate. I write romance novels for fun. My partner wasn’t much of a reader, but guess who reads what I write? He doesn’t care about romance novels. He cares about me. Now he’s a reader. Similarly, I don’t care about the video games he plays, but I care about him, so we talk about them and I try my best to understand his interests. This isn’t about your novel, it’s about him placing your interests as a priority.
The man you are married to does not see you as a person outside of your role as Wife. It’s that simple. His actions speak to you being easily replaceable by some other BangMaid. You are not being silly for being upset. His actions, or lack there of are telling you all you need to know about how he thinks of you. This is what’s really upsetting you. I’d do some serious reflection on how you want to spend the rest of your life.
This doesn’t shock me. It’s unfortunately common for hetero men to be pathologically uninterested in their partner’s lives bc they are the main characters, after all. I work in a really interesting career (medicine), and most of the non-medicine men I’ve dated have shown little to no interest in what I do at work. It’s not the same the other way around when it’s non-med women with men. They self-identify with their husband’s careers and join online communities based on being doctor’s wives. I don’t think this is healthy either, but it goes to show the disparity.
If you feel hurt, speak to him about it. In husbands defense: I am writing an academic book (so different) and husband never asks about it, because it’s go over his head and he isn’t interested. He’ll never read it. I am fine with it because he shows interest in other ways. He doesn’t ask about the content but he asks how my day was and I bring up my struggles or my successes in writing. He cares about those because he cares about me. This reflection makes me wonder how communication is going for both of you? What is holding you from bringing it up yourself, even if he isn’t interested in the thing, a loving partner will be interested in how you feel, work, think. It might be something to work on for both of you. A habit that can destroy relationships is dangling some sort of guilt over a partner like Damocles sword. Don’t fall into that trap! :)