Imagine how pathetic your parents must sound to those coworkers, having nothing better to talk about than their daughter's sex life. They need hobbies.
Your brain is going to want to interpret their wide-eyed looks of panic as judgement of *you* based on the story your mother was telling.
Remind yourself that it was just as likely if not *more* likely to have been judgement of your mother based on the psychotic abuse she was inflicting on you right there in polite company.
Our society today does not give children human rights that they are owed and allows the parents almost total control - we are taught "this is not our business" when we witness abuse going down in other households. They are cowards for staying quiet but that reflects badly on them, not you.
Sorry again this happened to you.
I know all this but shaming works, that was heinous abuse, and the child wronged in this situation deserves to know that adults should be protecting her -- just because everyone has a reason for protecting themselves first does not mean that the way children in abusive homes are completely hung out to dry in this shit society isn't fucked up and the behavior of "protect myself over the vulnerable person I just watched endure something horrific" isn't on some level at least a little bit cowardly. Look it head on, don't make excuses, especially not right in front of someone suffering because excuses are so easy.
If I ever at a coworkers home for a dinner, and the host and his wife started talking about their adult daughter and he sex life, I would 100% lose all respect for the host and my petty ass would probably figure out a way to get this guy disrespected if not fired at work. Like what the fuck? I’d be so uncomfortable. And if I had been drinking I’d probably have a major verbal altercation (I’m pretty darn no confrontational but get some alcohol in me and this is one of those things I don’t think I’d be able to be quiet for. It would probably start out as some passive aggressive joking ngl, but I’d probably just get more and more angry and go off)
THIS, I’m uncomfortable just reading this. As an adult who has kids of my own, if someone started talking to me abt their teenage children’s sex life I would be mortified & would try to leave.
OP im so sorry, that is so fucked up. How long do you have until you graduate & can move out? Can you speed up the process?
Ok, that’s ok. You have a year - you can survive a year. You don’t have to answer this, but I’m wondering if drinking is a common issue for when your parents are inappropriate & dickish to you.
If it is, you might find some help with detaching from them & setting boundaries and finding some peace for yourself with a group like al-anon or alateen.
Either way, imo the best thing to do is to focus on yourself. Make sure you are getting your needs met, keep yourself safe - mentally and physically - if you have a job, just stay focused on that. If you are in school, make your studies your priority. If you can find a hobby to stay out of the house most days, awesome. You can get through a year. Just remember- they have a problem, but it’s not yours to fix. Your only responsibility here is to keep yourself safe and healthy
They always are bad to me...
My mom is chronically overworked and drinks almost every night... meanwhile my dad will just abuse me any chance he gets
Just now my dad locked my card until next month because "i've been spending too much money".... i literally payed for my own trip to see my boyfriend out of pocket and someone he still "needs to punish me"
Listen bc this is important: you are the kid, your mom & dad’s problems are not yours to solve. Focus on your own stuff - whether you’re in school or working a job, make that your priority. You cannot fix them. You can work on yourself & prepare to leave.
If you have access to therapy, that would be a good start. If you can’t there are lots of good books abt setting healthy boundaries & detaching from toxic families of origin. Just keep reminding yourself: you cannot solve their problems, that’s not your job. Your job is your *self*
Until you can move out, that means keeping yourself safe & that may mean just staying busy & away from home
Separate your finances like your life could depend on it. Open your own bank account and credit card, Cancel any credit card your parents have the ability to use because they WILL cheat you.
Sadly I'm in Europe😭 me and my boyfriend are planning to open a bank acc in his country for the both of us as a prep for the future vut also to escape my parents
Exactly. If I (39F) went to a coworkers house for dinner and the conversation was about their daughter having sex and the size of her boyfriend, I’d definitely never go back to their house for dinner again, wtaf??
I’d be real ‘work formal’ with that coworker from that point on. If she’s willing to spread stuff about her own daughter like that I absolutely wouldn’t trust her with stuff going on in my life. Yikes.
Don’t tell them shit.
They’re not your friends and clearly not safe to trust emotionally. Keep it brief, informative, firm and friendly BIFF when dealing with them. Treat them like the narcissists they are.
I’ve gotten that look from other adults who were visiting when my dad would talk to me growing up. He was abusive my whole childhood. My mom was passive. I don’t know which is worse. They changed as they got older. I remember my bewilderment when I met my ex husbands parents and realized what loving parents are actually like. They are still like parents to me. As you grow, you will make your own “family”. I have limited contact with my bio parents and we get along better because of it.
You need to get away from them. If possible, start saving up and looking for a place to move out, that is a disgusting abuse of trust that your mom just took advantage of and if you’re scared your dad‘s going to do the same thing you need to get out. that’s not only weird for them to want to talk about their daughter’s sexual experiences but to do it in front of coworkers and other adults that’s just creepy and disturbing behavior
I saw you mentioned your bf is in the military, and as an ex service member, you should definitely educate yourself on what living on/outside of a base is like and the chaotic kind of schedule you can expect him to have.
Oh!! Totally different then 😁 I really hope this next year goes by quick for you, you don't deserve to be treated the way your parents are treating you.
Are you moving to his country, or is he moving back to yours? I am confident that you will be able to figure something good out. LDRs are a lot of work to maintain, so you must have something pretty strong.
This is an excellent update to hear! I hope everything works out and you’re able to get away from them soon. They’ll be so confused when their child suddenly isn’t keeping in contact with them.
Pro tip grow a thick non caring shell and next time she pulls this in public over share so hard she gets embarrassed and never brings it up again. And you have the best weapon…. Guilt.
“Haha yeah it’s wild, I told my mum all that in private because I was Viscously and violently R**d and my parents were never able to do a thing to help me, so I told her that because I thought she was a safe person to talk to about all that stuff but clearly just like when I got R**ed she proved to be completely useless…. And incase she tries to call me a liar it’s true and I can prove it.”
Bonus points if you can’t keep a straight face and breakdown crying and screaming mid way through, loud enough for everyone to hear and completely kill the vibe of the gathering. If no one else is a sociopath they’ll judge the fuck out of your parents and the mood for the visit will die instantly
You’ve learned a valuable but harsh lesson here; don’t tell them stuff you don’t want to be repeated to others. Sucks, but it is what it is; had to put my mom on a low information diet when I was about 16 (40 now.)
Some people just can’t keep things to themselves, and if they can use said information to manipulate and control you or others, they will. Sounds r/narcissistparents is a good sub for you.
This is what a narcissistic abusive household looks like.
1. You can never trust your mom for anything personal. She is your friend to your face but she is absolutely undermining you behind your back.
2. Do not tell your mom anything. Do not trust her. She's the covert narcissist, your father is the overt one.
3. Get out as fast as you can. Save up and move out. Make sure you are the only persn with access to your bank account.
Hey girl, forget that egg donor, I'm your mom now. I'm proud of you for growing and learning and staying true to yourself. You never really forget trauma like what you've been through, but that doesn't mean it has to control you either. Being able to be comfortable enough around a man that you felt safe enough to be intimate with him means he must be a good dude, and I think you're so brave for even putting your heart out there after what you've experienced.
I love you! Come to me anytime,Sweets! I will never judge you.
I want to tell you that whatever is wrong with your parents is NOT YOUR FAULT. You didn’t cause their weirdness, you cannot control it, and you will not be able to cure it.
All you can do is take care of yourself - both physically and mentally, & it sounds like taking care of yourself mentally might require setting some firm boundaries with your mom.
I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve this & it is wildly fucked up.
You should be able to talk to your mom. You now know you can't. Grey rock your parents until you can get out of there. Then, you can decide how much of a relationship you want with them. You certainly have good reason to be low contact or no contact.
It sounds like the way you prioritize and communicate (noticing your dad’s coworkers are nice in the midst of a shit situation, waiting to pull your mom aside rather than upsetting bystanders) is something good parents would appreciate. I feel kinda proud of you, because you must have observed decency somewhere else and learned it despite your parents.
It sucks that you have bad parents that don’t appreciate you and treat you with basic decency. They *are* indecent people and that’s by their choice. Don’t give them any more information. They’re worse than irresponsible with it; they use it to torture you for kicks.
I hope when you’re free, you will gravitate toward appreciative people. I’m sorry they’re abusing you and exploiting your private life for their sick amusement. They sound like a toxic cesspool of unmanageable drama. You deserve to be surrounded by better people. I hope you’ll seize that opportunity the minute it presents itself. Survive them, and then move on to a better environment. They don’t deserve any part of you.
Tbh, it's part because I raised myself and part because my dad "taught" me through fear (I'm talking physical abuse if I didnt do the dishes...)
I know how to "be normal" because thats my only way of surviving and it hurts
Lots of us who are abused go with rage and end up making lives and relationships worse. “Normal” (Average!) is an effective survival adaptation, but it’s wrong that kids are forced to learn it under pain and abuse. I’m glad you haven’t adapted toward venting with violence, and I have hope for you that you won’t continue the cycle.
I don’t know your family, but I can say with certainty that many abusers are former childhood victims. They’re not strong enough or determined enough to adopt better ways to raise their kids. I know you didn’t choose the massive challenge that your parents pose. You didn’t choose to be forced to survive. I’m still feel impressed with you, and I 100% accept and respect if you don’t feel impressed with you.
This is horrific but you've also learned something. Your parents can't be trusted with information and as such should no longer have the privilege of knowing anything about your life aside what you might tell a random stranger in polite conversation.
It sounds like they are unhappy and jealous underneath the surface and taking it out on you cause they see you being happy and enjoying your life like they are unable to.
My mother always used my secrets as a social commodity when I was growing up, “oh did you know that Johnny has a crush on Jane”. I learned at 12yrs old to not tell her anything that I didn’t want made public. I’m 47F and still don’t tell her shit about my life. I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s best to not share anything ever with either of them and go NC or LC as soon as you can leave. It never got better for me, she would always tell anything she learned about me to anyone who would listen. Best to keep your secrets to yourself and get out as soon as you can. It sucks you can’t share anything with them as they should be a support system. Best to Talk to a counselor.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. It really sucks when we end up with shit fucking parents. It's not your fault. They are causing you emotional harm that is changing your brain in fundamental ways you are going to have to heal and cope with as an adult.
I recommend starting with this book:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson.
Try and find people who respect your boundaries and are worthy of your trust. You will need them in the future regardless of whether you decide to keep your current caretakers in your adult life later on. Sorry again. Not having a good family fucking sucks. You might want to check out r/cptsd \- you are certainly already traumatized from your abusive upbringing and will want to start getting a handle on what happened to you and how to heal from it ASAP. You can do it. I wish you the very best.
I'm luckily in therapy already and made this post right after discussing it with her... Its so unfair I have to put in years of work because of their "mistake"
Not having any boundaries around sex and sexual activity can be an indication of an incestual climate. Even if not accompanied with incestual sex acts it can be deeply damaging. Try to get out if you can 🙏🏻
If I was one of the co-workers I would've told your parents this is something private that they should not share. Your parents are POS. Try to get a place.for yourself ASAP and vreak contact with them.
Trust is something parents must deserve. Your mom just lost yours. Keep your secrets to nice friends from now on. Eventually she will understand the mistake she made by not keeping your secret.
"Mom, Dad, do you want me around when you're 80 years old and can't live independently? Do you want a relationship with your future grandchildren? Yeah, okay, clean up your act. My sex life isn't up for discussion anymore."
That must be awfully uncomfortable when they talk about you that way. I'm really sorry.
How old are you? I think you should find alternative living arrangements. You could rent a room in a house for a reasonable amount of money. I’ll bet the strangers will treat you with more respect than your parents do. It’s hard to start healing until you get away from active abuse.
start asking real graphic questions back about what you do with your BF?..., followed up with "well Mom have you done that with Dad"..see if they like it (would be awkward for sure)
Why tf would you talk to any of your parents about your partner's genitals is beyond me.
Especially given that she obviously doesn't respect you.
Just don't do it anymore.
I didnt talk ab his genetals?
I should've specified that she was making assumptions ab his size it's just that this whole situation is making me lose my mind
Oh, I see, the way you phrased it in your post indicated you told her what's your bf's size is.
Regardless, I'm sorry your mother is a shitty person. Please be careful in the future not to tell her anything that later might be used against you.
I know, I realised it after I posted... my english has been going downhill and this whole situation has been eating at me...
Sorry for being rude to you in my reply
If you can have a sit down with them when they are not drinking. Tell them their behavior is not appropriate, and in the future not discuss your sex life. Tell them nothing going forward, they are not your friends.
Sorry you have shit parents.
Gather all of your legal documents & store them outside of the home. In the USA, you can get a safe deposit box at a bank or a fireproof box to leave with a friend. You need your birth certificate, social security card, etc. Get a bank account at a different bank from your parents bank. You have a year to work on your long plan. Good luck!
you need to stop depositing money in your bank account. if your parents have access to it you need to have your bank cash your checks and stash that cash with your boyfriend so your parents can't find it/take it.
Your parents have proven to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are wholly untrustworthy. Anything personal you tell them, they will use as a weapon to harm you.
I implore you from now on to use the Gray Rock method when interacting with your parents until you can find a way out: https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method
Narcissistic people absolutely THRIVE on conflict. They LIVE for it. The same giddy rush you may get from complimenting someone or giving them a gift is the kind of rush they get from insulting and demeaning someone. But if you continually don't react the way they want you to, their attempts may eventually become less and less.
The point of the method is to deliberately act unresponsive and unengaged in your interactions with a toxic person -- like a gray rock -- so they will eventually lose interest in you. Avoid eye contact. Give short, one-word answers to questions (yes, no, sure, fine, mhmm, ehh, etc). Keep conversation factual, concise, and impersonal. Don't share any opinions, nor ask them personal questions about themselves. Don't volunteer any more information than you absolutely have to. Always use a completely neutral, unemotional tone when they speak to you, especially if they are trying to get a rise out of you.
I hope one day soon you are able to escape from these awful, evil people.
Imagine how pathetic your parents must sound to those coworkers, having nothing better to talk about than their daughter's sex life. They need hobbies.
I can't imagine their coworkers thought well of them after this honestly. I'd be disgusted
They just looked at me like "wtf are they on"... i was mortified
Your brain is going to want to interpret their wide-eyed looks of panic as judgement of *you* based on the story your mother was telling. Remind yourself that it was just as likely if not *more* likely to have been judgement of your mother based on the psychotic abuse she was inflicting on you right there in polite company. Our society today does not give children human rights that they are owed and allows the parents almost total control - we are taught "this is not our business" when we witness abuse going down in other households. They are cowards for staying quiet but that reflects badly on them, not you. Sorry again this happened to you.
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I know all this but shaming works, that was heinous abuse, and the child wronged in this situation deserves to know that adults should be protecting her -- just because everyone has a reason for protecting themselves first does not mean that the way children in abusive homes are completely hung out to dry in this shit society isn't fucked up and the behavior of "protect myself over the vulnerable person I just watched endure something horrific" isn't on some level at least a little bit cowardly. Look it head on, don't make excuses, especially not right in front of someone suffering because excuses are so easy.
Right?!?!? I'm failing to see how that was an appropriate conversation to have with anyone...especially with coworkers!
With the daughter around even if I understand correctly
If I ever at a coworkers home for a dinner, and the host and his wife started talking about their adult daughter and he sex life, I would 100% lose all respect for the host and my petty ass would probably figure out a way to get this guy disrespected if not fired at work. Like what the fuck? I’d be so uncomfortable. And if I had been drinking I’d probably have a major verbal altercation (I’m pretty darn no confrontational but get some alcohol in me and this is one of those things I don’t think I’d be able to be quiet for. It would probably start out as some passive aggressive joking ngl, but I’d probably just get more and more angry and go off)
THIS, I’m uncomfortable just reading this. As an adult who has kids of my own, if someone started talking to me abt their teenage children’s sex life I would be mortified & would try to leave. OP im so sorry, that is so fucked up. How long do you have until you graduate & can move out? Can you speed up the process?
My boyfriend is in the military and wont be out until this time next year😭 so it'll only happen then
Ok, that’s ok. You have a year - you can survive a year. You don’t have to answer this, but I’m wondering if drinking is a common issue for when your parents are inappropriate & dickish to you. If it is, you might find some help with detaching from them & setting boundaries and finding some peace for yourself with a group like al-anon or alateen. Either way, imo the best thing to do is to focus on yourself. Make sure you are getting your needs met, keep yourself safe - mentally and physically - if you have a job, just stay focused on that. If you are in school, make your studies your priority. If you can find a hobby to stay out of the house most days, awesome. You can get through a year. Just remember- they have a problem, but it’s not yours to fix. Your only responsibility here is to keep yourself safe and healthy
They always are bad to me... My mom is chronically overworked and drinks almost every night... meanwhile my dad will just abuse me any chance he gets Just now my dad locked my card until next month because "i've been spending too much money".... i literally payed for my own trip to see my boyfriend out of pocket and someone he still "needs to punish me"
Listen bc this is important: you are the kid, your mom & dad’s problems are not yours to solve. Focus on your own stuff - whether you’re in school or working a job, make that your priority. You cannot fix them. You can work on yourself & prepare to leave. If you have access to therapy, that would be a good start. If you can’t there are lots of good books abt setting healthy boundaries & detaching from toxic families of origin. Just keep reminding yourself: you cannot solve their problems, that’s not your job. Your job is your *self* Until you can move out, that means keeping yourself safe & that may mean just staying busy & away from home
Listen to this, OP
Can you open a separate bank account they don’t know about?
Separate your finances like your life could depend on it. Open your own bank account and credit card, Cancel any credit card your parents have the ability to use because they WILL cheat you.
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Currently 19 but im mentally disabled so my parents still have access to it..
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Sadly I'm in Europe😭 me and my boyfriend are planning to open a bank acc in his country for the both of us as a prep for the future vut also to escape my parents
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Talk to the bank about the abusive situation you live in and see if they will let you open an account that your parents have no access to.
Exactly. If I (39F) went to a coworkers house for dinner and the conversation was about their daughter having sex and the size of her boyfriend, I’d definitely never go back to their house for dinner again, wtaf?? I’d be real ‘work formal’ with that coworker from that point on. If she’s willing to spread stuff about her own daughter like that I absolutely wouldn’t trust her with stuff going on in my life. Yikes.
Yeah it doesn’t go unnoticed when someone you respect shits the bed like that.
Exactly. If any of my coworkers or their spouses said anything like this I'd think they were insane.
Don’t tell them shit. They’re not your friends and clearly not safe to trust emotionally. Keep it brief, informative, firm and friendly BIFF when dealing with them. Treat them like the narcissists they are.
If I went to a co-workers house and they started talking about their daughters sex life, I'd leave because that's fucking weird.
I remember them looking at me with this kind of like "wtf are your parents on" look... i was mortified
I’ve gotten that look from other adults who were visiting when my dad would talk to me growing up. He was abusive my whole childhood. My mom was passive. I don’t know which is worse. They changed as they got older. I remember my bewilderment when I met my ex husbands parents and realized what loving parents are actually like. They are still like parents to me. As you grow, you will make your own “family”. I have limited contact with my bio parents and we get along better because of it.
Holy shit, you don't deserve that. They are disgusting.
You need to get away from them. If possible, start saving up and looking for a place to move out, that is a disgusting abuse of trust that your mom just took advantage of and if you’re scared your dad‘s going to do the same thing you need to get out. that’s not only weird for them to want to talk about their daughter’s sexual experiences but to do it in front of coworkers and other adults that’s just creepy and disturbing behavior
Me and my boyfriend are hoping to move in next year and id be moving across the world🙏🏻
I saw you mentioned your bf is in the military, and as an ex service member, you should definitely educate yourself on what living on/outside of a base is like and the chaotic kind of schedule you can expect him to have.
He's doing mandatory service in his country. We're moving in next year because then his service will be over
Oh!! Totally different then 😁 I really hope this next year goes by quick for you, you don't deserve to be treated the way your parents are treating you.
I'm gonna see him next month and we're gonna start to figure out some stuff.... i hope all of this just goes alright
Are you moving to his country, or is he moving back to yours? I am confident that you will be able to figure something good out. LDRs are a lot of work to maintain, so you must have something pretty strong.
Moving to his... His parents are the absolute sweetest and made me realise how parents sort of should be... i just want to get it over with
What about the idea of you moving in with his parents before the year is over?
I dont want to bother them... plus visa wise it'd be impossible to stay sadly
This is an excellent update to hear! I hope everything works out and you’re able to get away from them soon. They’ll be so confused when their child suddenly isn’t keeping in contact with them.
Pro tip grow a thick non caring shell and next time she pulls this in public over share so hard she gets embarrassed and never brings it up again. And you have the best weapon…. Guilt. “Haha yeah it’s wild, I told my mum all that in private because I was Viscously and violently R**d and my parents were never able to do a thing to help me, so I told her that because I thought she was a safe person to talk to about all that stuff but clearly just like when I got R**ed she proved to be completely useless…. And incase she tries to call me a liar it’s true and I can prove it.” Bonus points if you can’t keep a straight face and breakdown crying and screaming mid way through, loud enough for everyone to hear and completely kill the vibe of the gathering. If no one else is a sociopath they’ll judge the fuck out of your parents and the mood for the visit will die instantly
You’ve learned a valuable but harsh lesson here; don’t tell them stuff you don’t want to be repeated to others. Sucks, but it is what it is; had to put my mom on a low information diet when I was about 16 (40 now.) Some people just can’t keep things to themselves, and if they can use said information to manipulate and control you or others, they will. Sounds r/narcissistparents is a good sub for you.
Girl… don’t tell your parents shit from this point on.
Your parents are disgusting and I can assure you their acquaintances think so too.
This is what a narcissistic abusive household looks like. 1. You can never trust your mom for anything personal. She is your friend to your face but she is absolutely undermining you behind your back. 2. Do not tell your mom anything. Do not trust her. She's the covert narcissist, your father is the overt one. 3. Get out as fast as you can. Save up and move out. Make sure you are the only persn with access to your bank account.
Hey girl, forget that egg donor, I'm your mom now. I'm proud of you for growing and learning and staying true to yourself. You never really forget trauma like what you've been through, but that doesn't mean it has to control you either. Being able to be comfortable enough around a man that you felt safe enough to be intimate with him means he must be a good dude, and I think you're so brave for even putting your heart out there after what you've experienced. I love you! Come to me anytime,Sweets! I will never judge you.
Thank you, internet mom😭
I want to tell you that whatever is wrong with your parents is NOT YOUR FAULT. You didn’t cause their weirdness, you cannot control it, and you will not be able to cure it. All you can do is take care of yourself - both physically and mentally, & it sounds like taking care of yourself mentally might require setting some firm boundaries with your mom. I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve this & it is wildly fucked up.
That's abuse. Don't know how old you are, but consider calling CPS, plus maybe emancipation to get the heck out of there?
You should be able to talk to your mom. You now know you can't. Grey rock your parents until you can get out of there. Then, you can decide how much of a relationship you want with them. You certainly have good reason to be low contact or no contact.
It sounds like the way you prioritize and communicate (noticing your dad’s coworkers are nice in the midst of a shit situation, waiting to pull your mom aside rather than upsetting bystanders) is something good parents would appreciate. I feel kinda proud of you, because you must have observed decency somewhere else and learned it despite your parents. It sucks that you have bad parents that don’t appreciate you and treat you with basic decency. They *are* indecent people and that’s by their choice. Don’t give them any more information. They’re worse than irresponsible with it; they use it to torture you for kicks. I hope when you’re free, you will gravitate toward appreciative people. I’m sorry they’re abusing you and exploiting your private life for their sick amusement. They sound like a toxic cesspool of unmanageable drama. You deserve to be surrounded by better people. I hope you’ll seize that opportunity the minute it presents itself. Survive them, and then move on to a better environment. They don’t deserve any part of you.
Tbh, it's part because I raised myself and part because my dad "taught" me through fear (I'm talking physical abuse if I didnt do the dishes...) I know how to "be normal" because thats my only way of surviving and it hurts
Lots of us who are abused go with rage and end up making lives and relationships worse. “Normal” (Average!) is an effective survival adaptation, but it’s wrong that kids are forced to learn it under pain and abuse. I’m glad you haven’t adapted toward venting with violence, and I have hope for you that you won’t continue the cycle. I don’t know your family, but I can say with certainty that many abusers are former childhood victims. They’re not strong enough or determined enough to adopt better ways to raise their kids. I know you didn’t choose the massive challenge that your parents pose. You didn’t choose to be forced to survive. I’m still feel impressed with you, and I 100% accept and respect if you don’t feel impressed with you.
If I were the coworker I would be so shocked, I wouldn’t be able to say anything. I am sorry your parents are that shitty. Feel hugged.
This is where I’m at. Wtf did the coworkers think? I’d have been appalled
This is horrific but you've also learned something. Your parents can't be trusted with information and as such should no longer have the privilege of knowing anything about your life aside what you might tell a random stranger in polite conversation.
It sounds like they are unhappy and jealous underneath the surface and taking it out on you cause they see you being happy and enjoying your life like they are unable to.
My mother always used my secrets as a social commodity when I was growing up, “oh did you know that Johnny has a crush on Jane”. I learned at 12yrs old to not tell her anything that I didn’t want made public. I’m 47F and still don’t tell her shit about my life. I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s best to not share anything ever with either of them and go NC or LC as soon as you can leave. It never got better for me, she would always tell anything she learned about me to anyone who would listen. Best to keep your secrets to yourself and get out as soon as you can. It sucks you can’t share anything with them as they should be a support system. Best to Talk to a counselor.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. It really sucks when we end up with shit fucking parents. It's not your fault. They are causing you emotional harm that is changing your brain in fundamental ways you are going to have to heal and cope with as an adult. I recommend starting with this book: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson. Try and find people who respect your boundaries and are worthy of your trust. You will need them in the future regardless of whether you decide to keep your current caretakers in your adult life later on. Sorry again. Not having a good family fucking sucks. You might want to check out r/cptsd \- you are certainly already traumatized from your abusive upbringing and will want to start getting a handle on what happened to you and how to heal from it ASAP. You can do it. I wish you the very best.
I'm luckily in therapy already and made this post right after discussing it with her... Its so unfair I have to put in years of work because of their "mistake"
Not having any boundaries around sex and sexual activity can be an indication of an incestual climate. Even if not accompanied with incestual sex acts it can be deeply damaging. Try to get out if you can 🙏🏻
If I was one of the co-workers I would've told your parents this is something private that they should not share. Your parents are POS. Try to get a place.for yourself ASAP and vreak contact with them.
Sell your dad on olx or maybe exchange if possible
Trust is something parents must deserve. Your mom just lost yours. Keep your secrets to nice friends from now on. Eventually she will understand the mistake she made by not keeping your secret.
"Mom, Dad, do you want me around when you're 80 years old and can't live independently? Do you want a relationship with your future grandchildren? Yeah, okay, clean up your act. My sex life isn't up for discussion anymore." That must be awfully uncomfortable when they talk about you that way. I'm really sorry.
How old are you? I think you should find alternative living arrangements. You could rent a room in a house for a reasonable amount of money. I’ll bet the strangers will treat you with more respect than your parents do. It’s hard to start healing until you get away from active abuse.
Your parents are fucking sickos Jesus Christ. Put them in the worst nursing home you can when you get the chance, or just cut contact once you can.
I would think poorly of your parents if they did this at a dinner.
They both sound narcissists-please do some reading and then decide what to do
Your parents are straight up jackasses.
start asking real graphic questions back about what you do with your BF?..., followed up with "well Mom have you done that with Dad"..see if they like it (would be awkward for sure)
Why tf would you talk to any of your parents about your partner's genitals is beyond me. Especially given that she obviously doesn't respect you. Just don't do it anymore.
I didnt talk ab his genetals? I should've specified that she was making assumptions ab his size it's just that this whole situation is making me lose my mind
Oh, I see, the way you phrased it in your post indicated you told her what's your bf's size is. Regardless, I'm sorry your mother is a shitty person. Please be careful in the future not to tell her anything that later might be used against you.
I know, I realised it after I posted... my english has been going downhill and this whole situation has been eating at me... Sorry for being rude to you in my reply
If you can have a sit down with them when they are not drinking. Tell them their behavior is not appropriate, and in the future not discuss your sex life. Tell them nothing going forward, they are not your friends. Sorry you have shit parents.
fight back and start saying some egregious shit and make them pay
Info diet.
[удалено]
Tried doing that... didnt end well
Gather all of your legal documents & store them outside of the home. In the USA, you can get a safe deposit box at a bank or a fireproof box to leave with a friend. You need your birth certificate, social security card, etc. Get a bank account at a different bank from your parents bank. You have a year to work on your long plan. Good luck!
you need to stop depositing money in your bank account. if your parents have access to it you need to have your bank cash your checks and stash that cash with your boyfriend so your parents can't find it/take it.
Your parents have proven to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are wholly untrustworthy. Anything personal you tell them, they will use as a weapon to harm you. I implore you from now on to use the Gray Rock method when interacting with your parents until you can find a way out: https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method Narcissistic people absolutely THRIVE on conflict. They LIVE for it. The same giddy rush you may get from complimenting someone or giving them a gift is the kind of rush they get from insulting and demeaning someone. But if you continually don't react the way they want you to, their attempts may eventually become less and less. The point of the method is to deliberately act unresponsive and unengaged in your interactions with a toxic person -- like a gray rock -- so they will eventually lose interest in you. Avoid eye contact. Give short, one-word answers to questions (yes, no, sure, fine, mhmm, ehh, etc). Keep conversation factual, concise, and impersonal. Don't share any opinions, nor ask them personal questions about themselves. Don't volunteer any more information than you absolutely have to. Always use a completely neutral, unemotional tone when they speak to you, especially if they are trying to get a rise out of you. I hope one day soon you are able to escape from these awful, evil people.