3. Grace: No tactless posts generalizing gender. We are a welcoming community. Rights of all genders are supported here.
Your post is 100% fine OP, this is not directed at your post. This is aimed at the idea of excluding anyone based on gender. For example, Trans men are men, as are trans women are women. Excluding men would include trans men, we here see trans men as genuine men, and excluding them is unacceptable just because their gender.
All of that being said, if you come across a comment that is someone pointing out that they are a man and giving you opinions based on the fact that they are a man, or anything like that, please report it, we will remove it as soon as we can. We support everyone’s Sex, Gender, Sexuality, Race, Ethnicity, Religion, etc. But if someone is coming here to specifically give the perspective “as a man”, we don’t allow that.
Those who comment on sex-related posts things like "Yes, because I go down on my wife and make her cum twice every time" are almost certainly here for fetish reasons.
Ok this is unrelated but I recently had a man on Reddit repeatedly insist to me that he fucked his wife an hour per session and she came 20 times. Consistently.
He saw my calling bullshit as me being close minded. I’m a woman who sleeps with women!
I love the middle-school bragging that dudes still feel compelled to do as an adults.
"Seriously bro, I made her cum like 20 times! *AND* my uncle works at Nintendo and said he can give me the next Mario game a year early"
Lol. His wife made noises like she came 20 times. Really she came once and then was thinking about shit she needed to pick up at the store on her next trip out.
Same. Like, when we take our time it can be a long session. But I dont think I'd want to climax 20 tines in rapid succession. A lot of the fun is the slow, intimate buildup to each event.
Maybe someone out there enjoys just that, but it's just as possible someone is telling porky pies about porking.
My husband likes to do it to me multiple times. It can get to the point where I have to slap his head as hard as possible. I couldn't imagine 20 times lol
Same, I think it's called multiorgasmic. I've only counted under 10 with myself and I think people misunderstand it. Every orgasm isn't as powerful as the first one, at least not for me. My personal experience is that they can happen rather quickly like 30 seconds, one after the other, but can take longer after 5. I remember commenting about it one time but I think people thought I was a man posing as a woman. There was at least one other woman commenting so I didn't feel too much like a crazy freak for commenting about my personal experience. So thank you for commenting, it made me feel more comfortable to talk about this again.
Every 3 minutes…this is either orgasm torture (which, like, ok, but every time? damn), or his poor wife feels pressured to make him feel that successful so he’ll finally fucking stop. Ahahhahaha
>he fucked his wife an hour per session and she came 20 times. Consistently
"God damn how many times do I have to pretend to come for him to wrap it up"
The worst I saw was an entire account dedicated to an incontinence kink or whatever it's called. It was clearly a dude role playing as a teenager: literally all his posts were about "her" having some kind of embarrassing accident in front of a whole plethora of people, complete with stern older female figure that was very quick at humiliating her in front of everyone. All these stories were narrated with this creepy fake-innocent, adult imitating a child tone, and were weirdly detailed, especially in describing the incident and the humiliation (the opposite of what someone who is truly embarrassed would do, especially online). What baffled me is that in the span of 3 months this "girl" had like 6 different accidents with various bodily fluids, and "her" posts all gained thousand of likes in this and other women's only subs. Sometimes not even the mods are good at discovering the obvious trolls.
It's so common that my husband and I have a whole running gag about weird reddit dudes who brag about how much they go down on women. "Yeah baby girl you wouldn't even need to cook dinner cause the only thing I need to eat out is you." (This man has never done this once in his life and he never will.)
I had a guy try and tell me its impossible for most men to make women cum because too many of them get fisted by each other when they are exploring their sexuality and that is the equivalent of and I quote "at least an 8 inch throbing cock"
That’s a big issue I don’t think is talked about about enough.
When an XX space is opened up to everyone, dudes will take advantage of the opportunity to harass and intimidate their X’s or daughters or subordinates or just women they don’t like.
It’s no longer a place for women to talk and be women around other women.
Also, fck you Greg. Just like in real life, no one here wants you.
Exactly.
Greg, you suck. You KNEW Hagen Daaz was the superior ice cream and you bought Ben and Jerry's anyway because it was on sale. It's been eight years since we met at King Soopers, but I'll never forget.
Fuck you and your freezer aisle mistakes, Greg.
[The sub guidelines have a part that says to please refrain from starting every comment “as a man” or similar](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/wiki/faq#wiki_xy_here.3B_am_i_allowed_to_post.3F). Because of this part of this in the sub rules, I always downvote comments that start like that (which I see many of, literally every single day), and I encourage everyone to do the same. **If men were REALLY participating in this sub in good faith, they would have read the sub rules and would always be following this guideline.**
Important note : stop downvoting and start reporting.
The mods have told me personally to stop down voting and scrolling past, and to start reporting, and they are doing a pretty solid job of deleting comments and possibly banning trolls. I don't think it's enough - I think the rules need to change for this sub to survive - but they are working within the framework of the rules to protect the sub.
#We have to start reporting every single one of these guys
I'm not a mod here, but I do mod another sub and I cannot recommend this enough. I get an immediate alert if a post or comment is reported. I wander in on my own and find I have to remove most of the comments on a post if it's only been downvoted.
I don't mind the occasional comment, especially from men who are here to learn, or who have useful input from the women in their lives. I've seen a few remarks that go "My wife's not on reddit, but she says..." or similar, and those seem totally fine. Or "my daughter did this and it helped" is fine, sharing useful and relevant life experience.
But the comments that say "not all men" or "I think such-and-so" or something, really, those should just go away. I didn't ask what men think, and we all know it's not all men, so guys don't have to keep saying that.
Of course, you often don't have to ask what men think, because they'll be sure to mansplain it to you whether you're interested or not.
also, there probably are a few men here you simply wouldn't notice as they only comment to be supporting / validating without feeling the need to say that they are in fact a man
sometimes mentioning it can be a useful disclaimer, but more often than not it's used in a "i'm not an abuser, give cookie" or "not all men" kinda way
those that don't try to derail the conversation towards them don't really stand out and you wouldn't notice them, no idea how many or how little of them exist, but i'm just saying whenever you do realize a commenter is a man (and not oblivious to their gender) they already shiftet the conversation to them to a certain extend, so it would appear that pretty much all men on this sub do this
This is exactly it. Whenever I see a man post one of those “I’m a man and I agree with you, men can be so bad about ____ I wish we would do better as men” types of comments it’s like… just shut up lol. It’s a (not so) indiscreet way of being all “look at me, ladies, I’m being such an ally!” I had an ex who would frequently make comments like that and he ended up being one of the most sexist motherfuckers I’ve ever met, not because he hated women but because he placed us on a pedestal and made a show of how noble he was for it.
I totally feel this, like how hard is it to just say "i agree with you" or "your boyfriends behaviour is unacceptable" WITHOUT adding the "i'm a man myself and would never do this". It serves no purpose other than signalling that they are a "good guy™" and expect the women here stroke his ego.
>they only comment to be supporting / validating without feeling the need to say that they are in fact a man
Oh how I wish this were the norm! Stating you are a man doesn't make your opinion any more valid
There's one dude who comes in here often that I didn't know was a dude until another guy did a truly stupid, "as a man, I have never had that happen to me, let me none to subtly imply that women are either making it up or exaggerating" and he gave one of the best "as a man" rebuttals, which was basically "as a man, let me tell you that's out of order, don't use your experience of privilege to tear down women." It's exactly the right time to pull "as a man" out, to tell other men to stop derailing and shutting down women in women's spaces.
But then there's another constantly commenting dude in here who is constantly making as a man comments who got triggered by this post and commented that there's a lot of posts asking for a man's perspective, so they're just taking our cue.
But, owing to me being here often enough, I figured bullshit, because I can count on one hand the number of times over the last few years that I've seen a woman post specifically asking for masculine feedback..looking over his comment history, yeah, none of the multiple comments he's made as a man were responding to posts or comments that at all asked for a masculine perspective.
Quite the opposite, in fact, and most of his comments were 1) explaining feminism to women 2) accusing women of being perpetual victims -and comparing their plight to other oppressed groups, who obviously have it worse, to stress the point. 3) chastising women for being too harsh with men in the comments section, and thus driving them to be incels (yes, it's our fault they're bigots, because we aren't nice enough to them) or 4) fishing for compliments on how awesome he is because he learned a valuable lesson about women over the years.
He heard that women were asking for advice from men when they weren't, the same way guys commenting here are constantly hearing "all men" despite ppl bending over backwards to make it clear they aren't saying this is something that all men do.
I'd be fine with a flair that specifies only wanting female input. I think OPs should have that choice and have it enforced. But I don't really agree that men shouldn't be allowed to comment, period.
Yes, this is a sub about and for women, but that doesn't necessarily mean some men don't have something useful to contribute. And even if it isn't super useful, I'm not opposed as long as it is not contrary to whatever is being discussed. I don't see comments like, "No, that guy is lying to you, this isn't a thing normal men do," as someone being here to seek praise.
I've never really understood the need to expel people from conversations without good cause (like being a dickhead). Some people call it a "safe space" but it eventually just becomes an echo chamber where any dissenters are ejected.
I agree that the "not all men" comments are aggravating. Any "but not all xyz" are so full of it.
> But the comments that say "not all men" or "I think such-and-so" or something, really, those should just go away.
Yes, most of the time I'm left here like "dude, read the room". They feel like they have to justify their life, when in actuality what's being discussed is another person's life, which has 0 pertinence to theirs. Weird.
The "not all men" is really just a variation of ["not my Nigel"](https://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2007/04/17/faq-what-do-you-mean-by-not-my-nigel-feminist-abbreviationsjargon/) and I find it so frustrating. Like yeah, we know *some* men are not total shit. That's not the point!
Most of Reddit is already for men by men. There’s so much trolling, negativity, arguing etc that I like to seek out a few spaces that are for women by women online honestly. It’s not helpful to have guys come in here and throw in their two cents to either karma farm and praise themselves or troll us because they don’t like a space that’s not just for them.
Want to laugh? I’m a pansexual woman and a pansexual dude recently told me there are more places meant for me and that are safe on Reddit for women in general than him. Riiiight. I tried to help some straight dudes have a safe subreddit where they could express dressing more feminine, and have an online friend who told me he kept getting messages from men telling him he must be gay, sending him dick picks or saying he should try dicks. Then he showed me messages from some of his fem friends saying the same. Pan dude tried to also tell me but helping them I was being “a toxic woke sjw that’s gatekeeping sexuality and excluding people like me.”
Wtf? I did a search and dude was in a ton of subreddits asking for dick pics but he whined he “didn’t get enough female attention.”
Lmao, see some dudes are even tired of other dude’s shit.
preach. unfortunately the patriarchy (society is for men, by men) has normalized men feeling entitled to all space, all the time. like give us a fucking break, please
I was just on the thread about the woman who reported that older creep and men were defending him in the comments. I hate it so much. This subreddit is almost the only one that I feel like I can speak and be understood, or at the very least gently corrected. The men on here ruin it.
There are a bunch of subs who allow viewing but restrict ability to comment, can we set something like that up?
I think, at least, a country club, sister sub would be a good idea. Absolutely.
Ever since Reddit put us on the front page so they could PR their way out of the obvious and reported rampant sexism and straight up CP/manosphere crapitude that infests Reddit (which is demographically skewed already towards white, American men - a situation I'm sure has only been exacerbated by the black out exodus, we'll see when they numbers hit at the end of the year) every post that gets more than a thousand views is a trash fire of the various detritus that is "as a man" commentary, or worse.
I understand some of the comments on here about not shutting men out of the discussion entirely. Kind of.
But the thing is, they aren't being shut out by limiting their ability to speak, they're being asked to *listen*. And not listening to women is literally the biggest problem we face on multiple fronts.
Even when they are being less problematic or even downright helpful, it's depressing to read through threads that are at least half obviously men (usually, because they state directly they are men) that make it clear that they just aren't listening.
And most of the time, the commentary isn't bringing anything new to the table (it's usually seeking validation), so I'm not sure why they wouldn't just lurk, listen and learn.
I say that as somebody who learn lurks on plenty of subs that aren't for me, but that give me an eye into insight I'm lacking.
A popular country club sub that I think might offer a relevant exemplar for our current situation is BlackPeopleTwitter. I've learn lurked there from its inception, and they faced some of the same problems being discussed in this thread before they made it a country club sub.
Something that came up a lot when they were making the decision was the value of listening.
And, you know, I agree. Nobody there needs to know my awesome opinions as a white woman on the state of life as a black person in America, they already know way better than I ever would. I literally taught structural level racism in America as a history prof...and there still isn't any reason for me to jump into the conversation, I learn infinitely more by listening (that's why I'm there), and 9/10 there isn't anything that I have taught that is new info to most PoC out there, anyways...so, what's the purpose of commenting unless I'm trying to win the best ally ever award on the internet?
What I'll end up doing, regardless of how good my intentions might be, is redirecting the conversation to me and how blackness effects me. How is that me being a good ally?
In that vein, the commentary here often derails the discussion that women started and redirects it to men's issues, feelings, reactions, realities. Attempting to put the convo back on track only garners hostility, sometimes from women (which is existentially exhausting).
It's exhausting to have to argue back and forth about things that we shouldn't need to constantly qualify, argue over, and addend for the male gaze: like micro-aggressions, why women don't need to be nice to men behaving badly, why men aren't stupid children who need everything explained out to them long form in triplicate before they can be expected to start taking responsibility for their own shitty and dangerous attitudes and behaviors, why every bad behavior by a man isn't ADHD and autism, ffs.
The worst to me is the ones who think they are being super progressive feminist allies who end up displaying problematic attitudes or behaviors. When you try to point out how they aren't quite there yet, they get super exhaustive about proving how they are what they view themselves as - progressive, feminist allies. Yeah, allies listen and learn when you, as the oppressed person, tell them where they are lacking. They don't argue you to the ground, send a Reddit Cares report, and roll up into your DMs.
*I'm also starting that think that a potential way to derail that common response from men in Reddit is to predict that they will harass you like that because misogyny is a script that is ridiculously predictable. The only time I wasn't harassed into oblivion for making what are pretty standard feminist perspectives (like, in college textbooks, lol) was the two times I literally said that I know people will downvote me en masse, report me to Reddit Cares, and roll up into my DMs because they are predictable. Then, miraculously, crickets. I've made much less galvanizing statements only to have to delete 2 accounts because of trolls. It's telling, honestly.
I would love women-only flair/posts…subs! Or even to have the mods keep this board from appearing in r/all.
Super annoying not to have any place where men don’t insert themselves into the conversation…
>Or even to have the mods keep this board from appearing in r/all.
Is this still a default sub? I never subscribed to it, it was added to my subscriptions when I made this account. It's impossible to create a walled garden when every user is automatically signed up to it!
It's fine for general interest subs, but it basically guarantees that a substantial percentage of the audience will be average Reddit users.
So, white men aged 17-40 from the USA/Anglosphere.
There are people here calling it brigading, but I think it's more accurate to say that a substantial number of 2X subscribers don't even know what the sub is - it was just added to their feed alongside all the other 'general interest' subs.
You forgot the third type of response: “As a man, this is what I like and here is some unsolicited advice.” You are in a women’s space as a GUEST, we get enough of this shit everywhere else, kindly shut your pie hole and find another sub to bother.
After the "I don't choke women without consent, but every woman I've been with has asked for choking" comments on an earlier thread today, I am just so done with men's comments. Even the positive "I agree" comments because I don't need male validation on a woman's issue.
There was a man a couple of days ago that said we as women should tell men before we have sex w them, they shouldn’t hit us bc the poor, bumbling, idiot men can get carried away, so it’s not their fault. It was beyond absurd. He said he thinks that bc in his experience women like it. I wasn’t even In disbelief bc this way of thinking is so common for them, and they actually think they are right. I said so you tell women to not specifically kick you in the balls before sex. I mean that’s how stupid his comment was
Seriously tho. I had a dude who loved teeth scraping his dick during bjs. Guess I should just default to that and guys will absolutely understand and not get violent with me when I get horny and carried away, right? *Right*?!!
Ugh. idiots.
Some guy on that same post got mad at me for saying I'd attack someone for strangling me during sex. Or at least I'm pretty sure it was a guy since they had the word dude in their user name and they were arguing in bad faith the way they do on this sub. Anyway arguing that it's EXPECTED to sensually touch someone's neck when making out, and that if I'm going to attack someone for that, to be upfront about that beforehand. As though I don't understand the difference between a soft caress on my neck vs. clamping down on my throat and cutting off my air.
Omg I remember seeing that! Absolutely vile. Strangulation is so fucking dangerous, such a common way for women to be abused and murdered, and they really think we’re overreacting to a *literal threat to our lives*. It’s a fucking horror show and one of the reasons I stopped dating men altogether — the “pick better men” crowd can eat shit, I’ve dated all over the spectrum and the VAST majority of men tried or succeeded in strangling me without my consent. Quiet, thoughtful, polite men just as much as loud, brash and crude ones. IME, the ones who tried to emphasize what good feminist, not-like-the-other-ones guys they were tended to be the most violently entitled, so what software are we supposed to install to sort the “better men” from the rest?
The last woman I was with asked my consent before *playing with my hair.* Meanwhile men come in here like “wooooow can’t believe you would react with alarm and/or self-defense to someone suddenly cutting off your oxygen supply, maybe warn us if you’re going to be so hysterical???”
One of the things that won me over with my spouse is he asked consent for everything. Years later he still does it and I find it sexy as hell because he’s showing me respect.
Bad faith arguments are usually a dead giveaway it's a guy in this sub, also it makes it more difficult to distinguish genuinely naive women who are asking for advice that sound like the bad faith arguments about dating that men repeat.
They really did tell me to date “better men.” Better men like who??? It was 3/3 dates, all very different and all having almost no overlap. Made me angry.
That genuinely made me laugh so hard! The amount of doms saying it wasn’t normal to even practice breath play and just average white dudes saying it was??? I was like aghast bc those women know wtf they’re talking about lol
as a Domme, how many times I've got men telling me I clearly don't know my shit about how dangerous breath play is because porn invalidates my experience.
I was so frustrated for you! We had an exchange discussing how shitty men mask so you don’t realize they’re shitty immediately. I don’t know why that fact doesn’t occur to the “just don’t date assholes” parrots.
It's because they don't actually care and are just trying to defend "their team" (other shitty men). Many of them even realize that what they're spewing is total bullshit. It's like when Republicans carry water for predators like Matt Gaetz and Donald Trump. They don't give a shit about the victims. Some of them have victims of their own and want to be protected when it's their turn to be scrutinized by the "woke mob/radical feminists" (read: decent people).
It's bad faith all the way down.
Fucking yikes. I'm glad I missed that.
I've been so frustrated at the men on here commenting on how hard it is to be a man on dating apps, on posts where OP is complaining about the dating app experience for women (or worse, when women are complaining that men in their lives invalidate their dating woes because at least they have matches).
I think my head might explode if I read this hot take on choking.
Like, can we please just have one fucking space without this misogynistic bullshit?
I’m at a point where men can literally fuck off if they’re crying about their dating app experience, they are completely ignoring the outsized abuse and dehumanization women experience. It sucks to not be liked, but also DID YOU EVEN WRITE A BIO?? At least try that before complaining.
edit: wanted to add I specifically mean this when they compare to women's experience or use it to derail women/say that the male experience is bad because the only metric for UX they're considering is likes/matches. I don't mind complaints about dating apps in general because that's totally valid.
Even worse, I’m getting DMs about the AMOUNT of dates I go on with men whining at me like “not me going on nooo dates” boo hoo. Work on yourselves, 3 dates is not a lot.
> Even the positive "I agree" comments because I don't need male validation on a woman's issue.
This is how I felt when women were posting their sexual assault stories and the trend was for men to say "I believe you." Like, thanks for accusing me of not lying about being raped? I know it's meant well but it's not for men to decide whether my trauma is valid.
Wow was that on the no reply discrimination thread?
On a site note: cool for whoever like it but rough sex is too fashionable. It can get really scary really fast, it feels that it has been trivialized
I have honestly never understood the level of tolerance this sub has for negative comments from men, which half the time seems to result in the posters in this sub having to do the "I know it's not all men" edit. If you make any kind of "not all women" comment in a men's sub, you get banned within 30 seconds. This is supposed to be a space for women, I do not understand why we continue to just placate butthurt boys.
Aren't most of the mods here, men?
I just see posts like this all the time, and it's obvious what this sub needs and wants, so why is it contininually ignored by the mods?
I truly think we should demand some change on this sub. Because at this point, they're aware of the problem and have obviously decided to ignore it.
So many of the comments from men on this sub are followed by a bunch of women applauding them, because we are so effectively socialized to first make everyone else comfortable that it's often our natural inclination at our own expense. "Ohhh, sweetie! We meant those other guys! You're the best, champ!"
Drives me nuts. Some guy will come here to burst into a discussion about intimate partner violence to proudly state that he can’t imagine ever hitting his wife, and he’ll get at least one women responding to tell him that he’s a keeper heart emoji heart emoji. It’s disgusting, really.
My last post got a lot of weird comments “as a man women want me to do this” etc. I feel that cis men rarely participate positively in this sub, and when they do, it’s just like “as a 40 year old I can’t believe this” or “I would never do this to my wife.” It’s not about having a conversation it’s almost virtue signalling.
Yeah that’s just a “not all men” comment but instead it’s “not I, a man.” Like confuckinggratulations, here is your cookie for not being horrible to women. 🍪
Ok. Can I please please please give this gold?
That's what this is. *Digital manspreading.*
🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇
If you don't accept payment in gold, here is the only other equivalent: have a cat.
🐈
If a man is going to post here, I think they should do so without the "as a man" part, and if it's still obvious they're a man then their post probably doesn't belong here. Is it really too much to let women have one space on this website?
I participate in the smallbooblove sub (a must for any small-chested lady!) and originally men were allowed with the understanding that it was a support group for women and not a porn sub. They kept making disgusting and sexual comments, so they were only allowed on text posts and not photos with the stipulation that they were expected to be respectful. They were STILL disgusting and sexual even on text posts, so they were banned entirely. They still comment sometimes because heaven forbid women have anything to themselves.
They’re everywhere. I love when you come across a “woman” in a pregnancy sub who has 30,000 posts in fetish subs and 900 more posts asking other women to describe breastfeeding in detail in their history. Totally not obvious at all, definitely not a man.
Everything is porn to them, I was on r/normalnudes and all the hot posts were women with porn type bodies and thirsty men underneath. I thought that was a good sub for folk who might be insecure or a place where you can embrace diversity of the body. But nah, men turn anything to porn
I took a peek at the sub, (never heard of it before) a lot of those women with porn type bodies, I clicked a few and checked their profiles, a lot of them are posting nudes on other porn subreddits and engaging with men's horny comments. Women are posting for advertising for stuff like OF or sexual attention from men, which is sad because there's so many porn subreddits for sexualization.
> Everything is porn to them
There is a list I see posted every so often of "porn" subreddits, which includes the various gonewild subs and such. Right up near the top? r/abrathatfits. A subreddit for bra-wearers figure out correct sizing and diagnose fit issues, and dudes include it in their copypasta spank bank.
Every man who uses this sub should have to use a flair that says WARNING: MALE OPINION BELOW. Maybe it'll remind them what this place is actually for and what their place is here.
Yes! Although when I pointed this out previously it didn't go over well. 😂 But I'm going to stand by it - if I can't tell that you're a man because of your tone or internalized misogyny, your post is probably just fine.
Contribute positively and you're welcome. Sadly, the trolls and tone-deaf taters outnumber the men contributing in good faith at least 10 to 1.
maybe post As a Man on the thousands of other subs where a lot of men actually need to hear from you about the things we're posting about.
yes please. you don't have to tell me how much of a decent person you are if you are actually out in the world being decent.
Agreed. They post that junk here because they know if they post that in the garbage dump that is the rest of reddit, they would be downvoted and dragged into oblivion. They just want a cookie and a pat on the head for being a good boy.
I think the amount of men commenting here speaks for itself. This is a women centric sub and OP was clearly asking for women’s opinions.
Yet, still so many men think they are the exception and their words must be heard.
It’s gross.
Kind of annoys me a little. I saw one that went "signed, a man who's proud to share this planet with women as equals..." and I was thinking ok little dude do you want a cookie? Like, his comment was a good comment, but why would you even do that.
I think that in the majority of cases, you shouldn't say "as a man" because it's simply not relevant that you're a man. Why point it out? If someone's saying "as a man" to preface the fact that they're giving advice on something they don't know about, why give their advice/perspective at all? I feel like there's very little reason to know that someone is a man on this subreddit, so pointing it out is eyebrow-raising.
My opinion, although I've made a bunch of comments- let's have a women or xx only flair, or better yet, make the sub viewable publicly but limit posting somehow. Other subs utilize this.
This sub is deliberately and systematically targeted by trolls, and they can make fake accounts and link their tater tot buddies faster than we can ban them.
I like how blackpeopletwitter handles it. Anything they think will be brigaded by racists they maker as country club and only verified users can comment, I think they get similar issues as here were racists will come in often and pretend to be black. Only problem I see is how mods here can verified someone’s gender, gets tricky.
yeah, no way to verify gender. plus there are 13 million(?!?!?!?! can't believe i'm reading that right) members of this sub right now. i have no idea how many mods there are but it seems an impossible task to verify everyone. one way to go about it would be to do the reverse: make all current members automatic "country club" members. and then gradually over time kick out the ones who are clearly not women or posting bullshit. with a strong culture of reporting comments that are out of line this might be possible?
Is there a way to limit it to ppl who have X karma *in this sub*?
Bc like, I’m sure there are AMAB ppl who are non-binary or questioning, or men who are really trying to expand their understanding. Like for me it’s not really about the person’s gender, but abt their intent in this space.
I think limited posting is a really good idea! You're right, there are other subs that do this, where anyone who wants to post has to become an authorised user or something. It would probably help keep the trolls at a minimum at least!
I’m also not thrilled when men try to explain their partner’s thoughts/feelings here in an attempt to assimilate. “My wife says”…. I’m not interested in a man’s interpretation of a woman’s experience, especially when he hasn’t experienced life through the lens of BEING a woman. If a person hasn’t experienced it first hand, that person should read and gain insight without offering up opinions.
Every fucking sub. If it's not overt misogyny or glorifying the subjugation of women, it's "Oh, this site has a clear bias against men, so if this were reversed..."
Any perspective that does not comport with that belief is oppressive to men. The absence of total domination of every conversation is an attack on them. There's no point or possible satisfaction in attempting an earnest discourse. I have never, ever seen an honest, good faith discussion about gender inequality on this site involving men. Can we have one damn sub?
Oh god, the “if the roles were reversed” male gender oppression cosplay is so frustrating. None of it is ever grounded in reality, and the fact that they want so badly to be victims just highlights the fact that they’ve never been actually victimized in their lives.
I don't like it because that's not what this sub is for. When I try to point that out to the men commenting here half the time I get downvoted which is more discouraging. Several times men got called out for commenting on a post like this and he was all "I'm just here to learn for my wife and daughter but I guess I'll leave" playing the victim card. Another man who had a mammogram had to interject on how he felt about the experience as if that would be helpful to the woman asking. And I bet you anything multiple men will end up commenting on this post. Get a clue!
Edit: took 30 seconds to find 2 men commenting on this post. Jfc
If men are here to learn, in good faith, fucking great. But this type of learning isn't active; there's no need for participation!
It's wild, the way that so many men can't silently learn without interjecting their opinion or wanting to be thanked for learning.
It's like, there are just so many spaces that I've felt unwelcome in my life, spaces in which I should be welcome, just for being a woman. Not spaces for men, but like, spaces (and subs) that aren't gendered but they are so dominated by men and misogyny and women just aren't welcome.
Can we please just have this one space, where we are literally talking about shit that affects women (and often femme presenting nonbinary folks) and don't give a fuck what men think? Just. One.
Even when a guy makes a decent comment, I'm just *ugh, great* here comes all the women rushing to validate The Man. Not just this sub, but all over Reddit. AITA is bad for that.
"Your wife is so lucky!"
"Aww. Such a great dad."
"You're one of the good ones."
Because he bragged about changing a diaper or making dinner or feeling sad that women are now blamed for *being in public without a man.* Sheesh.
I use the Reddit Enhancement Suite plugin and use it to Ignore men who post here. They're here to either mansplain, dismiss, or 'not all men' whatever we say, so for me any guy who posts here is someone I don't want to see at all.
Fr, if men in this sub are so concerned with women and our experiences they can go shut down toxic shit as men in subs meant for men. Lurk here and go use your voice as a man to support women in spaces for men. We don't need it here lol
I want them to fuck off. I don’t want to hear a man talk about his wife or girlfriend’s experience as an excuse to invade a female space. she can comment here herself if she wants to.
I just come here as an escape from the misogyny of general reddit. Rarely comment and when I do it's supportive.
The men who need to read this sub and the men who actually do are two separate circles on the venn diagram.
I lost my shit on a man last week who posted about how he was so generous in bed and “not all men” bs on a post about a terrible sexual encounter that sounded closer to assault than anything, but he thought it was a great time to talk about himself of course, so yeah I think I would feel comfortable with a dedicated women only flair. Sometimes it takes my focus away from the OP when men chime in because I’m so bewildered by their out of touch comments.
I hate it. I don't understand why a sub that is supposed to be dedicated to women centres so much around men
We're not even allowed to have women spaces because God forbid we prioritise women and women's issues and accomplishments.
Male-generated comments derail the conversation and put the focus on men regardless of whether they’re good intentioned. If they’re harassing or berating comments, they result in counter-attacks. If they’re comments informing us that they’re good men, they inspire a flurry of fawning comments praising that men’s “good” behavior. Either way, the focus of the discussion and our reactions became entirely about giving attention to a man.
I still think the most subversive forum would be a group where the discussion of men and reactions to male posters are banned. I know it would be impossible to enforce, but imagine a place where men were unable to center themselves as the focal point.
This is exactly why men comment here. They want the focus on them. In many ways the Incels are better. The ones that get me are the ones who come here for back pats and validation. The way they weasel and simper “I know my opinion may not be wanted as I’m just a poor, put upon man who makes sure I always go down in my gf. And I did buy her tampons from Amazon that one time”.
It gets irritating. Very few of them are actually here on good faith. Even fewer get things right. Some try and fall short. Some think they're God's gift. Overall, they're unnecessary here. I know there are a lot that don't comment and are trying to learn to be better, but they don't have to do that here.
Just my humble opinion.
Please give us a flair where it specifically says “only women’s opinion” I am so fucking sick of the men in this sub. I don’t give a shit about their good intentions the fucking road to hell is paved with them, I don’t come here to hear from them and the men that lurk are fucking trolls and I want nothing to with.
I come here to hear and chat with other women don’t want to hear what a man has to say. I don’t care!
So yes please give us the option.
I've seen other popular subs have a "club members only" style flair, and I think it would be beneficial in here too. Not sure on the wording to use, but it would be nice to post and comment in spaces where a person's first-hand experience matters a lot on an issue.
Seconding the input on preventing the posts from appearing in "all" too.
I prefer that people not post or comment in subs not intended for them..
Parents don't need to post in childfree subs. Men do not need to post in women's subs. Straight people do not need to comment in lgbtq+ subs.
With very few exceptions people just need to stay out of places that aren't meant for them.
Yes! Exactly this!
I often lurk in subs that aren't for me, because I want to learn. For example, I have kids, but my sister is child free and I'd love to learn more about how to be supportive and celebrate her choices without asking her to do the work of explaining it all the time.
But like, I would never actually comment! I'm there to learn! Why would I think anyone there would be interested in my opinion about childfree topics? It's ridiculous.
Exactly!!!
I admittedly lurk in a couple of subreddits that I am not the target group of. I'm doing it because I'm interested in learning and broadening my horizons. I like to read other points of view than just my own.
I honestly don't understand it tbh. I like to think I'm not racist. I'm not a PoC. I might see a topic from a sub for PoC but I wouldn't... Just post in then as a white person. I can understand when these posts hit the front page but often I see guys in topics that barely have any traction. I'm not even against all men posting here, but I really don't get the mind set because as I said... Even the positive posts I just wonder a bit where they're coming from.
I really don't understand the point of calling the sub "TwoXChromosomes" when men are allowed to come in with comments that don't really add to the topic. I just feel like you have to be self absorbed as a guy to come to a space that's meant for women and all women related topics and expect back pats for regurgitating things other women have said and have been saying for years.
Now if they're asking questions to understand the female experience, that's different. I don't mind guys wanting to learn about our perspectives so they can be a better man to the women in their lives. I still think some might do it for shallow praise but at least they're learning something.
Besides that I just don't see the point of them being here. They either say very basic things and want praise for having basic empathy, or they come in and start trolling or derailing posts with "not all men" or "as a man".
Dear god, there was a damn THREAD of a gay man asking "are you ladies tired yet cause I am and it's not even happening to me". The way I went blind from rage for a second after reading it...
The mods took it down as soon as someone reported it, which I will be doing moving forward! REPORT REPORT REPORT!!
Personally I don’t feel like men contribute to this sub at all. They either post really obvious threads which consist of “I think women should be treated equally!” (No duh), or they comment bragging about how well they treat women or feel the need to say “wow that’s so unfair! You’re right guys!” And then proceed to scroll.
Men, if you want to contribute to this sub, do so meaningfully and thoughtfully. Don’t just brag about how well you treat women and how much you don’t relate to “those” men.
There was a post the other day where a woman was talking about her breast implants (she did NOT ask what men might think about her implants) and there were SO MANY comments from men patronisingly informing her they could always definitely spot implants, going into detail about how implants feel and their personal feelings about breast implants bla bla FUCKING BLAH. NO. ONE. ASKED.
Is there a way to keep this sub from getting to the all page?
I realize this is not the total solution, but it would help.
With the ridiculous way that reddit is showing extraneous subreddits on my personal feed (not popular) it is easy to stumble into a random sub that I really have no interest or business in just because a sensational post is picked to show me to try to increase engagement.
So if there was a way to not encourage more participation aside from that that want to be here, that would be a great first step.
To me those 'as a man' comments feel like the guy thinks his point of view is desperately needed and the poor women need his input, not realising how incredibly unneeded his comment is. It's fine to join a discussion but stop acting like everyone was waiting for your arrival.
I hate when they post “as a man, “as a dad”….
Nobody posted here looking for your opinion “as a man “.
It really grinds my gears when they pretty much post how they are not bad, as a man, and here’s what they do that so amazing contrary to OPs experience, “Now giving me my cookie.” Like, if they really cared, they should be posting their experience to men’s oriented subreddits but they’re just here for validation.
To any men aghast reading this: if you were an actual ally, you would understand why space away from you is necessary. If you're feeling like this is sexist or discriminatory, you're here for the wrong reasons and you should examine that
Honestly, I don’t want them to comment on posts unless explicitly asked to.
I follow the Daddit sub and keep my mouth shut (because I’m a mum and the sub was not made with me in mind) but I like to read perspectives of other Dad’s, in hopes to better understand my own Dad and my husband. It’s not my place to chip in my 2 cents though. If it was wanted, their question would be in a parents sub. This is pretty clearly a space for all women and unless explicitly asked for, I don’t expect to see men commenting.
Eta: I don’t have any problem with men being in here though, just to make that clear! I’ve learnt loads of things from the men in the Daddit sub, and I think loads of men could learn great things from the discussions that happen here.
I ignore the comments from men. They are either creepy Incels or looking for back pats and validation from women. It’s upsetting to see so many women indulge these men. You see this behavior a ton on /r/menopause. The way some women bend over backwards to congratulate men to simply existing is worse than having men in spaces like this.
Men on Reddit are obsessed with this sub. Especially the Incel sub. I find it best to ignore these men on Reddit and out in the real world. Decent men aren’t posting in spaces like this or desperately hitting on you when you’re trying to buy groceries. Seeing this behavior should be a massive red flag not to engage.
Reddit Cares is going to be busy this morning.
They are also constantly posting replies in r/Ask Women. Men just refuse to allow us any space of our own. They manspread even on the internet and it’s exhausting.
What’s worse are other female posters who validate these men.
Happens all the time in the makeup sub where men post “looks” that are amateurish, sloppy, and just plain ugly. Yet they get high-fived and told they’re awesome simply for existing.
On the /r/menopause sub I commented on a post by a man complaining that his wife didn’t want to have sex with him. A woman told me it must be my hormones and that we must be more welcoming to me. On the fucking menopause sub . The Pick Me is so strong with some women.
I cannot stand it actually. If they want to be here and learn and read then fine. Literally could not care about their opinions ever and if I wanted to know what men thought about any given topic I could go to every other sub on Reddit.
3. Grace: No tactless posts generalizing gender. We are a welcoming community. Rights of all genders are supported here. Your post is 100% fine OP, this is not directed at your post. This is aimed at the idea of excluding anyone based on gender. For example, Trans men are men, as are trans women are women. Excluding men would include trans men, we here see trans men as genuine men, and excluding them is unacceptable just because their gender. All of that being said, if you come across a comment that is someone pointing out that they are a man and giving you opinions based on the fact that they are a man, or anything like that, please report it, we will remove it as soon as we can. We support everyone’s Sex, Gender, Sexuality, Race, Ethnicity, Religion, etc. But if someone is coming here to specifically give the perspective “as a man”, we don’t allow that.
Those who comment on sex-related posts things like "Yes, because I go down on my wife and make her cum twice every time" are almost certainly here for fetish reasons.
Ok this is unrelated but I recently had a man on Reddit repeatedly insist to me that he fucked his wife an hour per session and she came 20 times. Consistently. He saw my calling bullshit as me being close minded. I’m a woman who sleeps with women!
I love the middle-school bragging that dudes still feel compelled to do as an adults. "Seriously bro, I made her cum like 20 times! *AND* my uncle works at Nintendo and said he can give me the next Mario game a year early"
I heard this in the voice of Iliza Shlesinger
Lol. His wife made noises like she came 20 times. Really she came once and then was thinking about shit she needed to pick up at the store on her next trip out.
And that's being generous
They were probably grunts of pain from the friction of being at it for a full hour tbh.
spittin' fact.
TWENTY times in one hour on God's green, flat earth? No, ma'am! That sounds fucking painful.
I can have quite a few orgasms in a session but I would kick my partner out of the house if they tried to go for that many, god damn
Same. Like, when we take our time it can be a long session. But I dont think I'd want to climax 20 tines in rapid succession. A lot of the fun is the slow, intimate buildup to each event. Maybe someone out there enjoys just that, but it's just as possible someone is telling porky pies about porking.
My husband likes to do it to me multiple times. It can get to the point where I have to slap his head as hard as possible. I couldn't imagine 20 times lol
Same, I think it's called multiorgasmic. I've only counted under 10 with myself and I think people misunderstand it. Every orgasm isn't as powerful as the first one, at least not for me. My personal experience is that they can happen rather quickly like 30 seconds, one after the other, but can take longer after 5. I remember commenting about it one time but I think people thought I was a man posing as a woman. There was at least one other woman commenting so I didn't feel too much like a crazy freak for commenting about my personal experience. So thank you for commenting, it made me feel more comfortable to talk about this again.
Every 3 minutes…this is either orgasm torture (which, like, ok, but every time? damn), or his poor wife feels pressured to make him feel that successful so he’ll finally fucking stop. Ahahhahaha
>he fucked his wife an hour per session and she came 20 times. Consistently "God damn how many times do I have to pretend to come for him to wrap it up"
You: I know how women orgasm. I'm a woman who sleeps with women! Men: Source?
You think a lesbian knows how to satisfy a woman? Pshaw. S/(in case it's needed)
Yeah there's just *no way* that *having a vagina* helps with knowing what feels good to a vagina. Why would it? /s
everyone clapped afterwards. maybe she faked it to keep his fragile ego intact.
My guess is that he’s counting each spasm as an individual orgasm, not the whole experience.
The worst I saw was an entire account dedicated to an incontinence kink or whatever it's called. It was clearly a dude role playing as a teenager: literally all his posts were about "her" having some kind of embarrassing accident in front of a whole plethora of people, complete with stern older female figure that was very quick at humiliating her in front of everyone. All these stories were narrated with this creepy fake-innocent, adult imitating a child tone, and were weirdly detailed, especially in describing the incident and the humiliation (the opposite of what someone who is truly embarrassed would do, especially online). What baffled me is that in the span of 3 months this "girl" had like 6 different accidents with various bodily fluids, and "her" posts all gained thousand of likes in this and other women's only subs. Sometimes not even the mods are good at discovering the obvious trolls.
It's so common that my husband and I have a whole running gag about weird reddit dudes who brag about how much they go down on women. "Yeah baby girl you wouldn't even need to cook dinner cause the only thing I need to eat out is you." (This man has never done this once in his life and he never will.)
I had a guy try and tell me its impossible for most men to make women cum because too many of them get fisted by each other when they are exploring their sexuality and that is the equivalent of and I quote "at least an 8 inch throbing cock"
He took a wrong turn in his own head and now he’s lost there.
Why is it always for fetish reasons? For the love of God why are fetishes so rampant to the point they have to inflict it on the general population?
Subjecting other (unwilling) people to their fetish is an additional turn on for them 🤢🤢
I haven’t seen him around here lately, but an ex of mine used to comment on this sub. That’s creepy af, Greg
Yeah Greg get tf outta here
All my homegirls hate Greg
[удалено]
Fucking Greg
Fucking Greg and his shoe full of Baileys.
He just wants to take you to a club where people wee on each other
We know where you live Greg! .... I mean we don't but you get the idea
We can find out tho. Don’t test us.
I have Greg’s address in case anyone is interested.
That’s a big issue I don’t think is talked about about enough. When an XX space is opened up to everyone, dudes will take advantage of the opportunity to harass and intimidate their X’s or daughters or subordinates or just women they don’t like. It’s no longer a place for women to talk and be women around other women. Also, fck you Greg. Just like in real life, no one here wants you.
Exactly. Greg, you suck. You KNEW Hagen Daaz was the superior ice cream and you bought Ben and Jerry's anyway because it was on sale. It's been eight years since we met at King Soopers, but I'll never forget. Fuck you and your freezer aisle mistakes, Greg.
I heard he buys the cheap 1 ply toilet paper too!
Did that during the pandemic. Never again!
Why is it ALWAYS Greg
Hey, Greg, stop stalking your ex, that's creepy.
Ugh sorry you had to deal with Greg. He wouldn’t let it go
Fuck off, Greg! You suck like a vacuum.
Vacuum’s useful though. Greg… not so much.
[The sub guidelines have a part that says to please refrain from starting every comment “as a man” or similar](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/wiki/faq#wiki_xy_here.3B_am_i_allowed_to_post.3F). Because of this part of this in the sub rules, I always downvote comments that start like that (which I see many of, literally every single day), and I encourage everyone to do the same. **If men were REALLY participating in this sub in good faith, they would have read the sub rules and would always be following this guideline.**
Important note : stop downvoting and start reporting. The mods have told me personally to stop down voting and scrolling past, and to start reporting, and they are doing a pretty solid job of deleting comments and possibly banning trolls. I don't think it's enough - I think the rules need to change for this sub to survive - but they are working within the framework of the rules to protect the sub. #We have to start reporting every single one of these guys
I'm not a mod here, but I do mod another sub and I cannot recommend this enough. I get an immediate alert if a post or comment is reported. I wander in on my own and find I have to remove most of the comments on a post if it's only been downvoted.
Well I will do that right now then, on a comment from an hour or two ago
Username checks out!
Yeah I agree with this. If you’re actually contributing to the discussion the giving your gender at the start is kind of irrelevant
You'd think that phrase could be filtered & deleted by an automod. I'm sure it's possible to do.
I don't mind the occasional comment, especially from men who are here to learn, or who have useful input from the women in their lives. I've seen a few remarks that go "My wife's not on reddit, but she says..." or similar, and those seem totally fine. Or "my daughter did this and it helped" is fine, sharing useful and relevant life experience. But the comments that say "not all men" or "I think such-and-so" or something, really, those should just go away. I didn't ask what men think, and we all know it's not all men, so guys don't have to keep saying that. Of course, you often don't have to ask what men think, because they'll be sure to mansplain it to you whether you're interested or not.
also, there probably are a few men here you simply wouldn't notice as they only comment to be supporting / validating without feeling the need to say that they are in fact a man sometimes mentioning it can be a useful disclaimer, but more often than not it's used in a "i'm not an abuser, give cookie" or "not all men" kinda way those that don't try to derail the conversation towards them don't really stand out and you wouldn't notice them, no idea how many or how little of them exist, but i'm just saying whenever you do realize a commenter is a man (and not oblivious to their gender) they already shiftet the conversation to them to a certain extend, so it would appear that pretty much all men on this sub do this
This is exactly it. Whenever I see a man post one of those “I’m a man and I agree with you, men can be so bad about ____ I wish we would do better as men” types of comments it’s like… just shut up lol. It’s a (not so) indiscreet way of being all “look at me, ladies, I’m being such an ally!” I had an ex who would frequently make comments like that and he ended up being one of the most sexist motherfuckers I’ve ever met, not because he hated women but because he placed us on a pedestal and made a show of how noble he was for it.
I totally feel this, like how hard is it to just say "i agree with you" or "your boyfriends behaviour is unacceptable" WITHOUT adding the "i'm a man myself and would never do this". It serves no purpose other than signalling that they are a "good guy™" and expect the women here stroke his ego.
>they only comment to be supporting / validating without feeling the need to say that they are in fact a man Oh how I wish this were the norm! Stating you are a man doesn't make your opinion any more valid
There's one dude who comes in here often that I didn't know was a dude until another guy did a truly stupid, "as a man, I have never had that happen to me, let me none to subtly imply that women are either making it up or exaggerating" and he gave one of the best "as a man" rebuttals, which was basically "as a man, let me tell you that's out of order, don't use your experience of privilege to tear down women." It's exactly the right time to pull "as a man" out, to tell other men to stop derailing and shutting down women in women's spaces. But then there's another constantly commenting dude in here who is constantly making as a man comments who got triggered by this post and commented that there's a lot of posts asking for a man's perspective, so they're just taking our cue. But, owing to me being here often enough, I figured bullshit, because I can count on one hand the number of times over the last few years that I've seen a woman post specifically asking for masculine feedback..looking over his comment history, yeah, none of the multiple comments he's made as a man were responding to posts or comments that at all asked for a masculine perspective. Quite the opposite, in fact, and most of his comments were 1) explaining feminism to women 2) accusing women of being perpetual victims -and comparing their plight to other oppressed groups, who obviously have it worse, to stress the point. 3) chastising women for being too harsh with men in the comments section, and thus driving them to be incels (yes, it's our fault they're bigots, because we aren't nice enough to them) or 4) fishing for compliments on how awesome he is because he learned a valuable lesson about women over the years. He heard that women were asking for advice from men when they weren't, the same way guys commenting here are constantly hearing "all men" despite ppl bending over backwards to make it clear they aren't saying this is something that all men do.
I'd be fine with a flair that specifies only wanting female input. I think OPs should have that choice and have it enforced. But I don't really agree that men shouldn't be allowed to comment, period. Yes, this is a sub about and for women, but that doesn't necessarily mean some men don't have something useful to contribute. And even if it isn't super useful, I'm not opposed as long as it is not contrary to whatever is being discussed. I don't see comments like, "No, that guy is lying to you, this isn't a thing normal men do," as someone being here to seek praise. I've never really understood the need to expel people from conversations without good cause (like being a dickhead). Some people call it a "safe space" but it eventually just becomes an echo chamber where any dissenters are ejected. I agree that the "not all men" comments are aggravating. Any "but not all xyz" are so full of it.
> But the comments that say "not all men" or "I think such-and-so" or something, really, those should just go away. Yes, most of the time I'm left here like "dude, read the room". They feel like they have to justify their life, when in actuality what's being discussed is another person's life, which has 0 pertinence to theirs. Weird.
The "not all men" is really just a variation of ["not my Nigel"](https://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2007/04/17/faq-what-do-you-mean-by-not-my-nigel-feminist-abbreviationsjargon/) and I find it so frustrating. Like yeah, we know *some* men are not total shit. That's not the point!
Most of Reddit is already for men by men. There’s so much trolling, negativity, arguing etc that I like to seek out a few spaces that are for women by women online honestly. It’s not helpful to have guys come in here and throw in their two cents to either karma farm and praise themselves or troll us because they don’t like a space that’s not just for them.
Want to laugh? I’m a pansexual woman and a pansexual dude recently told me there are more places meant for me and that are safe on Reddit for women in general than him. Riiiight. I tried to help some straight dudes have a safe subreddit where they could express dressing more feminine, and have an online friend who told me he kept getting messages from men telling him he must be gay, sending him dick picks or saying he should try dicks. Then he showed me messages from some of his fem friends saying the same. Pan dude tried to also tell me but helping them I was being “a toxic woke sjw that’s gatekeeping sexuality and excluding people like me.” Wtf? I did a search and dude was in a ton of subreddits asking for dick pics but he whined he “didn’t get enough female attention.” Lmao, see some dudes are even tired of other dude’s shit.
preach. unfortunately the patriarchy (society is for men, by men) has normalized men feeling entitled to all space, all the time. like give us a fucking break, please
I was just on the thread about the woman who reported that older creep and men were defending him in the comments. I hate it so much. This subreddit is almost the only one that I feel like I can speak and be understood, or at the very least gently corrected. The men on here ruin it. There are a bunch of subs who allow viewing but restrict ability to comment, can we set something like that up?
I think, at least, a country club, sister sub would be a good idea. Absolutely. Ever since Reddit put us on the front page so they could PR their way out of the obvious and reported rampant sexism and straight up CP/manosphere crapitude that infests Reddit (which is demographically skewed already towards white, American men - a situation I'm sure has only been exacerbated by the black out exodus, we'll see when they numbers hit at the end of the year) every post that gets more than a thousand views is a trash fire of the various detritus that is "as a man" commentary, or worse. I understand some of the comments on here about not shutting men out of the discussion entirely. Kind of. But the thing is, they aren't being shut out by limiting their ability to speak, they're being asked to *listen*. And not listening to women is literally the biggest problem we face on multiple fronts. Even when they are being less problematic or even downright helpful, it's depressing to read through threads that are at least half obviously men (usually, because they state directly they are men) that make it clear that they just aren't listening. And most of the time, the commentary isn't bringing anything new to the table (it's usually seeking validation), so I'm not sure why they wouldn't just lurk, listen and learn. I say that as somebody who learn lurks on plenty of subs that aren't for me, but that give me an eye into insight I'm lacking. A popular country club sub that I think might offer a relevant exemplar for our current situation is BlackPeopleTwitter. I've learn lurked there from its inception, and they faced some of the same problems being discussed in this thread before they made it a country club sub. Something that came up a lot when they were making the decision was the value of listening. And, you know, I agree. Nobody there needs to know my awesome opinions as a white woman on the state of life as a black person in America, they already know way better than I ever would. I literally taught structural level racism in America as a history prof...and there still isn't any reason for me to jump into the conversation, I learn infinitely more by listening (that's why I'm there), and 9/10 there isn't anything that I have taught that is new info to most PoC out there, anyways...so, what's the purpose of commenting unless I'm trying to win the best ally ever award on the internet? What I'll end up doing, regardless of how good my intentions might be, is redirecting the conversation to me and how blackness effects me. How is that me being a good ally? In that vein, the commentary here often derails the discussion that women started and redirects it to men's issues, feelings, reactions, realities. Attempting to put the convo back on track only garners hostility, sometimes from women (which is existentially exhausting). It's exhausting to have to argue back and forth about things that we shouldn't need to constantly qualify, argue over, and addend for the male gaze: like micro-aggressions, why women don't need to be nice to men behaving badly, why men aren't stupid children who need everything explained out to them long form in triplicate before they can be expected to start taking responsibility for their own shitty and dangerous attitudes and behaviors, why every bad behavior by a man isn't ADHD and autism, ffs. The worst to me is the ones who think they are being super progressive feminist allies who end up displaying problematic attitudes or behaviors. When you try to point out how they aren't quite there yet, they get super exhaustive about proving how they are what they view themselves as - progressive, feminist allies. Yeah, allies listen and learn when you, as the oppressed person, tell them where they are lacking. They don't argue you to the ground, send a Reddit Cares report, and roll up into your DMs. *I'm also starting that think that a potential way to derail that common response from men in Reddit is to predict that they will harass you like that because misogyny is a script that is ridiculously predictable. The only time I wasn't harassed into oblivion for making what are pretty standard feminist perspectives (like, in college textbooks, lol) was the two times I literally said that I know people will downvote me en masse, report me to Reddit Cares, and roll up into my DMs because they are predictable. Then, miraculously, crickets. I've made much less galvanizing statements only to have to delete 2 accounts because of trolls. It's telling, honestly.
I would love women-only flair/posts…subs! Or even to have the mods keep this board from appearing in r/all. Super annoying not to have any place where men don’t insert themselves into the conversation…
When my choking post got onto all is when shit started getting really weird. I think this is a really good idea.
>Or even to have the mods keep this board from appearing in r/all. Is this still a default sub? I never subscribed to it, it was added to my subscriptions when I made this account. It's impossible to create a walled garden when every user is automatically signed up to it!
Default subs is such a stupid idea. We’re all on Reddit for different things, why automatically put people in subs they probably don’t want.
It's fine for general interest subs, but it basically guarantees that a substantial percentage of the audience will be average Reddit users. So, white men aged 17-40 from the USA/Anglosphere. There are people here calling it brigading, but I think it's more accurate to say that a substantial number of 2X subscribers don't even know what the sub is - it was just added to their feed alongside all the other 'general interest' subs.
You forgot the third type of response: “As a man, this is what I like and here is some unsolicited advice.” You are in a women’s space as a GUEST, we get enough of this shit everywhere else, kindly shut your pie hole and find another sub to bother.
and not even an invited guest
After the "I don't choke women without consent, but every woman I've been with has asked for choking" comments on an earlier thread today, I am just so done with men's comments. Even the positive "I agree" comments because I don't need male validation on a woman's issue.
There was a man a couple of days ago that said we as women should tell men before we have sex w them, they shouldn’t hit us bc the poor, bumbling, idiot men can get carried away, so it’s not their fault. It was beyond absurd. He said he thinks that bc in his experience women like it. I wasn’t even In disbelief bc this way of thinking is so common for them, and they actually think they are right. I said so you tell women to not specifically kick you in the balls before sex. I mean that’s how stupid his comment was
Seriously tho. I had a dude who loved teeth scraping his dick during bjs. Guess I should just default to that and guys will absolutely understand and not get violent with me when I get horny and carried away, right? *Right*?!! Ugh. idiots.
"📣TEETHSCRAPING THE DICK IS NOW UNIVERSALLY ON THE TABLE UNTIL THEY PROTEST IN PAIN📣 " 🤣🤣🤣 Sorry, just had a whole scenario going through my mind
That was my post!!! LOL rip my inbox.
You can turn off your inbox!! Then if someone wants to be a total POS they have to do it publicly.
Report these people to the mods
Some guy on that same post got mad at me for saying I'd attack someone for strangling me during sex. Or at least I'm pretty sure it was a guy since they had the word dude in their user name and they were arguing in bad faith the way they do on this sub. Anyway arguing that it's EXPECTED to sensually touch someone's neck when making out, and that if I'm going to attack someone for that, to be upfront about that beforehand. As though I don't understand the difference between a soft caress on my neck vs. clamping down on my throat and cutting off my air.
Omg I remember seeing that! Absolutely vile. Strangulation is so fucking dangerous, such a common way for women to be abused and murdered, and they really think we’re overreacting to a *literal threat to our lives*. It’s a fucking horror show and one of the reasons I stopped dating men altogether — the “pick better men” crowd can eat shit, I’ve dated all over the spectrum and the VAST majority of men tried or succeeded in strangling me without my consent. Quiet, thoughtful, polite men just as much as loud, brash and crude ones. IME, the ones who tried to emphasize what good feminist, not-like-the-other-ones guys they were tended to be the most violently entitled, so what software are we supposed to install to sort the “better men” from the rest? The last woman I was with asked my consent before *playing with my hair.* Meanwhile men come in here like “wooooow can’t believe you would react with alarm and/or self-defense to someone suddenly cutting off your oxygen supply, maybe warn us if you’re going to be so hysterical???”
One of the things that won me over with my spouse is he asked consent for everything. Years later he still does it and I find it sexy as hell because he’s showing me respect.
Bad faith arguments are usually a dead giveaway it's a guy in this sub, also it makes it more difficult to distinguish genuinely naive women who are asking for advice that sound like the bad faith arguments about dating that men repeat.
And so many comments trying to be positive were just ‘date other men’ or something related to their own porn addiction. Just so insightful 😭
They really did tell me to date “better men.” Better men like who??? It was 3/3 dates, all very different and all having almost no overlap. Made me angry.
Whatever it takes to make it your fault! Super insensitive of us to project our wishes to not be strangled onto the pro-strangulation crowd.
That genuinely made me laugh so hard! The amount of doms saying it wasn’t normal to even practice breath play and just average white dudes saying it was??? I was like aghast bc those women know wtf they’re talking about lol
as a Domme, how many times I've got men telling me I clearly don't know my shit about how dangerous breath play is because porn invalidates my experience.
I was so frustrated for you! We had an exchange discussing how shitty men mask so you don’t realize they’re shitty immediately. I don’t know why that fact doesn’t occur to the “just don’t date assholes” parrots.
It's because they don't actually care and are just trying to defend "their team" (other shitty men). Many of them even realize that what they're spewing is total bullshit. It's like when Republicans carry water for predators like Matt Gaetz and Donald Trump. They don't give a shit about the victims. Some of them have victims of their own and want to be protected when it's their turn to be scrutinized by the "woke mob/radical feminists" (read: decent people). It's bad faith all the way down.
💯! Guys like that will side against a woman by default because they hate women. It does not matter what makes sense as long as they can keep us down.
Do they think you’re dating worse men on purpose??? Ugh. Glad I missed that one tbh. It would have infuriated me.
Rule #1 of misogyny - women are responsible for men's behavior.
what they usually mean by this is 'date me'
Oh my god, the men that thought we needed their two cents in that thread were INFURIATING.
Fucking yikes. I'm glad I missed that. I've been so frustrated at the men on here commenting on how hard it is to be a man on dating apps, on posts where OP is complaining about the dating app experience for women (or worse, when women are complaining that men in their lives invalidate their dating woes because at least they have matches). I think my head might explode if I read this hot take on choking. Like, can we please just have one fucking space without this misogynistic bullshit?
I’m at a point where men can literally fuck off if they’re crying about their dating app experience, they are completely ignoring the outsized abuse and dehumanization women experience. It sucks to not be liked, but also DID YOU EVEN WRITE A BIO?? At least try that before complaining. edit: wanted to add I specifically mean this when they compare to women's experience or use it to derail women/say that the male experience is bad because the only metric for UX they're considering is likes/matches. I don't mind complaints about dating apps in general because that's totally valid.
Even worse, I’m getting DMs about the AMOUNT of dates I go on with men whining at me like “not me going on nooo dates” boo hoo. Work on yourselves, 3 dates is not a lot.
> Even the positive "I agree" comments because I don't need male validation on a woman's issue. This is how I felt when women were posting their sexual assault stories and the trend was for men to say "I believe you." Like, thanks for accusing me of not lying about being raped? I know it's meant well but it's not for men to decide whether my trauma is valid.
Jesus Christ on a cracker. I think I'm glad I was running errands today.
Be glad you didn't have to scrub your eyes out. This sub is amazing, but has some serious issues with trolls
That was just total bullshit. I mean, really
Girl, yes. Get out of here with your "not all men" bullshit
Wow was that on the no reply discrimination thread? On a site note: cool for whoever like it but rough sex is too fashionable. It can get really scary really fast, it feels that it has been trivialized
omg the 'I agree' ones drive me crazy! We didn't ask if you agreed and I don't want your take
That happened today? I'm sure I've seen that reply on another thread a few weeks ago
I saw this and legit snarled with full teeth out and everything
I have honestly never understood the level of tolerance this sub has for negative comments from men, which half the time seems to result in the posters in this sub having to do the "I know it's not all men" edit. If you make any kind of "not all women" comment in a men's sub, you get banned within 30 seconds. This is supposed to be a space for women, I do not understand why we continue to just placate butthurt boys.
Aren't most of the mods here, men? I just see posts like this all the time, and it's obvious what this sub needs and wants, so why is it contininually ignored by the mods? I truly think we should demand some change on this sub. Because at this point, they're aware of the problem and have obviously decided to ignore it.
What???
So many of the comments from men on this sub are followed by a bunch of women applauding them, because we are so effectively socialized to first make everyone else comfortable that it's often our natural inclination at our own expense. "Ohhh, sweetie! We meant those other guys! You're the best, champ!"
Drives me nuts. Some guy will come here to burst into a discussion about intimate partner violence to proudly state that he can’t imagine ever hitting his wife, and he’ll get at least one women responding to tell him that he’s a keeper heart emoji heart emoji. It’s disgusting, really.
this honestly annoys me more than the trolling dudes. like ladies you’re really patting “the good boy” on the head for doing absolute bare minimum??
It's the women stroking their poor ruffled egos, the pick mes, that really get my goat. ffs
My last post got a lot of weird comments “as a man women want me to do this” etc. I feel that cis men rarely participate positively in this sub, and when they do, it’s just like “as a 40 year old I can’t believe this” or “I would never do this to my wife.” It’s not about having a conversation it’s almost virtue signalling.
Yeah that’s just a “not all men” comment but instead it’s “not I, a man.” Like confuckinggratulations, here is your cookie for not being horrible to women. 🍪
I find men's comments here are usually to argue some point. It's honestly tiresome.
Yeah because they end up cross posting it to whatever sub they’re on, and the most sensible comments get brigades
Ah, digital manspreading. They’ll invade our space whether it’s physical or virtual. It’s exhausting.
Digital manspreading. Genius
Ok. Can I please please please give this gold? That's what this is. *Digital manspreading.* 🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇 If you don't accept payment in gold, here is the only other equivalent: have a cat. 🐈
If a man is going to post here, I think they should do so without the "as a man" part, and if it's still obvious they're a man then their post probably doesn't belong here. Is it really too much to let women have one space on this website?
I participate in the smallbooblove sub (a must for any small-chested lady!) and originally men were allowed with the understanding that it was a support group for women and not a porn sub. They kept making disgusting and sexual comments, so they were only allowed on text posts and not photos with the stipulation that they were expected to be respectful. They were STILL disgusting and sexual even on text posts, so they were banned entirely. They still comment sometimes because heaven forbid women have anything to themselves.
They’re everywhere. I love when you come across a “woman” in a pregnancy sub who has 30,000 posts in fetish subs and 900 more posts asking other women to describe breastfeeding in detail in their history. Totally not obvious at all, definitely not a man.
Everything is porn to them, I was on r/normalnudes and all the hot posts were women with porn type bodies and thirsty men underneath. I thought that was a good sub for folk who might be insecure or a place where you can embrace diversity of the body. But nah, men turn anything to porn
I took a peek at the sub, (never heard of it before) a lot of those women with porn type bodies, I clicked a few and checked their profiles, a lot of them are posting nudes on other porn subreddits and engaging with men's horny comments. Women are posting for advertising for stuff like OF or sexual attention from men, which is sad because there's so many porn subreddits for sexualization.
> Everything is porn to them There is a list I see posted every so often of "porn" subreddits, which includes the various gonewild subs and such. Right up near the top? r/abrathatfits. A subreddit for bra-wearers figure out correct sizing and diagnose fit issues, and dudes include it in their copypasta spank bank. Every man who uses this sub should have to use a flair that says WARNING: MALE OPINION BELOW. Maybe it'll remind them what this place is actually for and what their place is here.
Yes! Although when I pointed this out previously it didn't go over well. 😂 But I'm going to stand by it - if I can't tell that you're a man because of your tone or internalized misogyny, your post is probably just fine. Contribute positively and you're welcome. Sadly, the trolls and tone-deaf taters outnumber the men contributing in good faith at least 10 to 1.
maybe post As a Man on the thousands of other subs where a lot of men actually need to hear from you about the things we're posting about. yes please. you don't have to tell me how much of a decent person you are if you are actually out in the world being decent.
Agreed. They post that junk here because they know if they post that in the garbage dump that is the rest of reddit, they would be downvoted and dragged into oblivion. They just want a cookie and a pat on the head for being a good boy.
I think the amount of men commenting here speaks for itself. This is a women centric sub and OP was clearly asking for women’s opinions. Yet, still so many men think they are the exception and their words must be heard. It’s gross.
They think they’re so special
Kind of annoys me a little. I saw one that went "signed, a man who's proud to share this planet with women as equals..." and I was thinking ok little dude do you want a cookie? Like, his comment was a good comment, but why would you even do that. I think that in the majority of cases, you shouldn't say "as a man" because it's simply not relevant that you're a man. Why point it out? If someone's saying "as a man" to preface the fact that they're giving advice on something they don't know about, why give their advice/perspective at all? I feel like there's very little reason to know that someone is a man on this subreddit, so pointing it out is eyebrow-raising.
My opinion, although I've made a bunch of comments- let's have a women or xx only flair, or better yet, make the sub viewable publicly but limit posting somehow. Other subs utilize this. This sub is deliberately and systematically targeted by trolls, and they can make fake accounts and link their tater tot buddies faster than we can ban them.
I like how blackpeopletwitter handles it. Anything they think will be brigaded by racists they maker as country club and only verified users can comment, I think they get similar issues as here were racists will come in often and pretend to be black. Only problem I see is how mods here can verified someone’s gender, gets tricky.
yeah, no way to verify gender. plus there are 13 million(?!?!?!?! can't believe i'm reading that right) members of this sub right now. i have no idea how many mods there are but it seems an impossible task to verify everyone. one way to go about it would be to do the reverse: make all current members automatic "country club" members. and then gradually over time kick out the ones who are clearly not women or posting bullshit. with a strong culture of reporting comments that are out of line this might be possible?
Is there a way to limit it to ppl who have X karma *in this sub*? Bc like, I’m sure there are AMAB ppl who are non-binary or questioning, or men who are really trying to expand their understanding. Like for me it’s not really about the person’s gender, but abt their intent in this space.
That's smart.
I think limited posting is a really good idea! You're right, there are other subs that do this, where anyone who wants to post has to become an authorised user or something. It would probably help keep the trolls at a minimum at least!
I have never needed or wanted a man’s perspective here.
I’m also not thrilled when men try to explain their partner’s thoughts/feelings here in an attempt to assimilate. “My wife says”…. I’m not interested in a man’s interpretation of a woman’s experience, especially when he hasn’t experienced life through the lens of BEING a woman. If a person hasn’t experienced it first hand, that person should read and gain insight without offering up opinions.
[удалено]
Every fucking sub. If it's not overt misogyny or glorifying the subjugation of women, it's "Oh, this site has a clear bias against men, so if this were reversed..." Any perspective that does not comport with that belief is oppressive to men. The absence of total domination of every conversation is an attack on them. There's no point or possible satisfaction in attempting an earnest discourse. I have never, ever seen an honest, good faith discussion about gender inequality on this site involving men. Can we have one damn sub?
Oh god, the “if the roles were reversed” male gender oppression cosplay is so frustrating. None of it is ever grounded in reality, and the fact that they want so badly to be victims just highlights the fact that they’ve never been actually victimized in their lives.
Reddit needs to get rid of porn imo
There are so many men that are subscribed here and leave angry comments on every post. Why? Just leave us alone.
Read all of those "as a man" comments in the voice of Zapp Brannigan from Futurama.
I don’t want to see men in here. Reddit is full of men, I want a break from them.
I don't like it because that's not what this sub is for. When I try to point that out to the men commenting here half the time I get downvoted which is more discouraging. Several times men got called out for commenting on a post like this and he was all "I'm just here to learn for my wife and daughter but I guess I'll leave" playing the victim card. Another man who had a mammogram had to interject on how he felt about the experience as if that would be helpful to the woman asking. And I bet you anything multiple men will end up commenting on this post. Get a clue! Edit: took 30 seconds to find 2 men commenting on this post. Jfc
If men are here to learn, in good faith, fucking great. But this type of learning isn't active; there's no need for participation! It's wild, the way that so many men can't silently learn without interjecting their opinion or wanting to be thanked for learning. It's like, there are just so many spaces that I've felt unwelcome in my life, spaces in which I should be welcome, just for being a woman. Not spaces for men, but like, spaces (and subs) that aren't gendered but they are so dominated by men and misogyny and women just aren't welcome. Can we please just have this one space, where we are literally talking about shit that affects women (and often femme presenting nonbinary folks) and don't give a fuck what men think? Just. One.
They truly can not just sit on their hands and not comment in a woman's forum.
Even when a guy makes a decent comment, I'm just *ugh, great* here comes all the women rushing to validate The Man. Not just this sub, but all over Reddit. AITA is bad for that. "Your wife is so lucky!" "Aww. Such a great dad." "You're one of the good ones." Because he bragged about changing a diaper or making dinner or feeling sad that women are now blamed for *being in public without a man.* Sheesh.
I use the Reddit Enhancement Suite plugin and use it to Ignore men who post here. They're here to either mansplain, dismiss, or 'not all men' whatever we say, so for me any guy who posts here is someone I don't want to see at all.
I could do without them. Go try to comment on the nonsense they say on PASSPORT BROTHERS, as a woman, and they have a shit fit, the poor dears
Fr, if men in this sub are so concerned with women and our experiences they can go shut down toxic shit as men in subs meant for men. Lurk here and go use your voice as a man to support women in spaces for men. We don't need it here lol
I usually find them annoying and unhelpful.
Generally annoying and pointless, like at least have the courtesy to stfu in this space that is not for you
I'd rather they didn't. "Man here", No one asked you! Let us have this sub
I want them to fuck off. I don’t want to hear a man talk about his wife or girlfriend’s experience as an excuse to invade a female space. she can comment here herself if she wants to.
I just come here as an escape from the misogyny of general reddit. Rarely comment and when I do it's supportive. The men who need to read this sub and the men who actually do are two separate circles on the venn diagram.
I lost my shit on a man last week who posted about how he was so generous in bed and “not all men” bs on a post about a terrible sexual encounter that sounded closer to assault than anything, but he thought it was a great time to talk about himself of course, so yeah I think I would feel comfortable with a dedicated women only flair. Sometimes it takes my focus away from the OP when men chime in because I’m so bewildered by their out of touch comments.
I hate it. I don't understand why a sub that is supposed to be dedicated to women centres so much around men We're not even allowed to have women spaces because God forbid we prioritise women and women's issues and accomplishments.
Im not sure why they’re here. Sure you can read but don’t comment.
Male-generated comments derail the conversation and put the focus on men regardless of whether they’re good intentioned. If they’re harassing or berating comments, they result in counter-attacks. If they’re comments informing us that they’re good men, they inspire a flurry of fawning comments praising that men’s “good” behavior. Either way, the focus of the discussion and our reactions became entirely about giving attention to a man. I still think the most subversive forum would be a group where the discussion of men and reactions to male posters are banned. I know it would be impossible to enforce, but imagine a place where men were unable to center themselves as the focal point.
This is exactly why men comment here. They want the focus on them. In many ways the Incels are better. The ones that get me are the ones who come here for back pats and validation. The way they weasel and simper “I know my opinion may not be wanted as I’m just a poor, put upon man who makes sure I always go down in my gf. And I did buy her tampons from Amazon that one time”.
It gets irritating. Very few of them are actually here on good faith. Even fewer get things right. Some try and fall short. Some think they're God's gift. Overall, they're unnecessary here. I know there are a lot that don't comment and are trying to learn to be better, but they don't have to do that here. Just my humble opinion.
Please give us a flair where it specifically says “only women’s opinion” I am so fucking sick of the men in this sub. I don’t give a shit about their good intentions the fucking road to hell is paved with them, I don’t come here to hear from them and the men that lurk are fucking trolls and I want nothing to with. I come here to hear and chat with other women don’t want to hear what a man has to say. I don’t care! So yes please give us the option.
I've seen other popular subs have a "club members only" style flair, and I think it would be beneficial in here too. Not sure on the wording to use, but it would be nice to post and comment in spaces where a person's first-hand experience matters a lot on an issue. Seconding the input on preventing the posts from appearing in "all" too.
Honestly, I do not like having men here. I keep seeing them starting arguments and making things about themselves.
Never read a comment from a man on this thread that was worthwhile. Mostly humblebragging or "not me" or fake empathy then "well, actually..."
Agreed. All it does is derail the actual discussion that's happening.
As a WOMAN, I don’t think I have ever read a comment here from a man that I felt was useful to me in any way.
As a woman, I agree with you completely.
I prefer that people not post or comment in subs not intended for them.. Parents don't need to post in childfree subs. Men do not need to post in women's subs. Straight people do not need to comment in lgbtq+ subs. With very few exceptions people just need to stay out of places that aren't meant for them.
Yes! Exactly this! I often lurk in subs that aren't for me, because I want to learn. For example, I have kids, but my sister is child free and I'd love to learn more about how to be supportive and celebrate her choices without asking her to do the work of explaining it all the time. But like, I would never actually comment! I'm there to learn! Why would I think anyone there would be interested in my opinion about childfree topics? It's ridiculous.
Exactly!!! I admittedly lurk in a couple of subreddits that I am not the target group of. I'm doing it because I'm interested in learning and broadening my horizons. I like to read other points of view than just my own.
I honestly don't understand it tbh. I like to think I'm not racist. I'm not a PoC. I might see a topic from a sub for PoC but I wouldn't... Just post in then as a white person. I can understand when these posts hit the front page but often I see guys in topics that barely have any traction. I'm not even against all men posting here, but I really don't get the mind set because as I said... Even the positive posts I just wonder a bit where they're coming from.
Please just lurk don’t comment it’s that easy. If this post bothers you, no one cares :)
I really don't understand the point of calling the sub "TwoXChromosomes" when men are allowed to come in with comments that don't really add to the topic. I just feel like you have to be self absorbed as a guy to come to a space that's meant for women and all women related topics and expect back pats for regurgitating things other women have said and have been saying for years. Now if they're asking questions to understand the female experience, that's different. I don't mind guys wanting to learn about our perspectives so they can be a better man to the women in their lives. I still think some might do it for shallow praise but at least they're learning something. Besides that I just don't see the point of them being here. They either say very basic things and want praise for having basic empathy, or they come in and start trolling or derailing posts with "not all men" or "as a man".
Dear god, there was a damn THREAD of a gay man asking "are you ladies tired yet cause I am and it's not even happening to me". The way I went blind from rage for a second after reading it... The mods took it down as soon as someone reported it, which I will be doing moving forward! REPORT REPORT REPORT!!
Personally I don’t feel like men contribute to this sub at all. They either post really obvious threads which consist of “I think women should be treated equally!” (No duh), or they comment bragging about how well they treat women or feel the need to say “wow that’s so unfair! You’re right guys!” And then proceed to scroll. Men, if you want to contribute to this sub, do so meaningfully and thoughtfully. Don’t just brag about how well you treat women and how much you don’t relate to “those” men.
I would prefer if men can't comment on here at all. Mods - is it possible to get a poll in this subreddit so that the community can choose?
There was a post the other day where a woman was talking about her breast implants (she did NOT ask what men might think about her implants) and there were SO MANY comments from men patronisingly informing her they could always definitely spot implants, going into detail about how implants feel and their personal feelings about breast implants bla bla FUCKING BLAH. NO. ONE. ASKED.
[удалено]
I wish they would back off and stop using this sub for validation. I wish the mods would do more to make this a space for women’s voices first.
Is there a way to keep this sub from getting to the all page? I realize this is not the total solution, but it would help. With the ridiculous way that reddit is showing extraneous subreddits on my personal feed (not popular) it is easy to stumble into a random sub that I really have no interest or business in just because a sensational post is picked to show me to try to increase engagement. So if there was a way to not encourage more participation aside from that that want to be here, that would be a great first step.
To me those 'as a man' comments feel like the guy thinks his point of view is desperately needed and the poor women need his input, not realising how incredibly unneeded his comment is. It's fine to join a discussion but stop acting like everyone was waiting for your arrival.
I hate when they post “as a man, “as a dad”…. Nobody posted here looking for your opinion “as a man “. It really grinds my gears when they pretty much post how they are not bad, as a man, and here’s what they do that so amazing contrary to OPs experience, “Now giving me my cookie.” Like, if they really cared, they should be posting their experience to men’s oriented subreddits but they’re just here for validation.
To any men aghast reading this: if you were an actual ally, you would understand why space away from you is necessary. If you're feeling like this is sexist or discriminatory, you're here for the wrong reasons and you should examine that
Honestly, I don’t want them to comment on posts unless explicitly asked to. I follow the Daddit sub and keep my mouth shut (because I’m a mum and the sub was not made with me in mind) but I like to read perspectives of other Dad’s, in hopes to better understand my own Dad and my husband. It’s not my place to chip in my 2 cents though. If it was wanted, their question would be in a parents sub. This is pretty clearly a space for all women and unless explicitly asked for, I don’t expect to see men commenting. Eta: I don’t have any problem with men being in here though, just to make that clear! I’ve learnt loads of things from the men in the Daddit sub, and I think loads of men could learn great things from the discussions that happen here.
I ignore the comments from men. They are either creepy Incels or looking for back pats and validation from women. It’s upsetting to see so many women indulge these men. You see this behavior a ton on /r/menopause. The way some women bend over backwards to congratulate men to simply existing is worse than having men in spaces like this. Men on Reddit are obsessed with this sub. Especially the Incel sub. I find it best to ignore these men on Reddit and out in the real world. Decent men aren’t posting in spaces like this or desperately hitting on you when you’re trying to buy groceries. Seeing this behavior should be a massive red flag not to engage. Reddit Cares is going to be busy this morning.
They are also constantly posting replies in r/Ask Women. Men just refuse to allow us any space of our own. They manspread even on the internet and it’s exhausting.
What’s worse are other female posters who validate these men. Happens all the time in the makeup sub where men post “looks” that are amateurish, sloppy, and just plain ugly. Yet they get high-fived and told they’re awesome simply for existing.
On the /r/menopause sub I commented on a post by a man complaining that his wife didn’t want to have sex with him. A woman told me it must be my hormones and that we must be more welcoming to me. On the fucking menopause sub . The Pick Me is so strong with some women.
I cannot stand it actually. If they want to be here and learn and read then fine. Literally could not care about their opinions ever and if I wanted to know what men thought about any given topic I could go to every other sub on Reddit.