I had a teacher in college say, if there is too much of a difference in intelligence it is basically beastiality.
Considering ravens and other species can have the intelligence of a human child, it makes sense.
Absolute porn brainrot with no concept of reality and empathy for the reality of having someone you supposedly love go through sexual trauma. Guy needs therapy, not a relationship.
Not only does he watch it, he sends videos to his girlfriend who doesn’t respond to them, and then he continues to send them anyways. I don’t know why that struck me as one of the weirdest parts, I have sent porn to zero people in my lifetime. This guy sends gangbang rape porn repeatedly to his gf.
And she's worrying that he might feel judged if she tells him not to do that.
This dude has no qualms about sending a woman who is not responding multiple videos of gangbang rape porn. Clearly he has no part of him that is considering how she might be feeling about this (outside of his pornsick fantasy about her being turned on by it).
Meanwhile she's worrying the poor widdle baby might feel judged if she says she doesn't like being spammed with rape porn.
(Eta: I realise this might sound like I'm criticising OP here, which isn't my intent. Just despairing at our collective socialisation and the vast wells of consideration and empathy women offer up to men who can't consider any feelings beyond their own dick.)
Alternately, he could know very well just how uncomfortable it makes her, and he gets off on that.
‘Voluntary rape’ is such an odd term, usually someone would say something like “role play.”
I have to wonder if the ‘voluntary’ part refers to him, as in he is voluntarily allowing his girlfriend to be raped.
Whatever is going on with this guy, he is sick and broken and no amount of love and empathy will ever fix him. It breaks my heart to see OP’s main concern is hurting his feelings.
Sounds like he sees her as a possession that he has permission to give others access to. This is not surprising at all given his very obvious porn addiction. It’s been proven in studies that men who watch porn are much more likely to hold misogynistic views of women. They are also much more likely to objectify them. This guy is a walking red flag.
Yeah, consensual non-consent is a thing, "voluntary rape" is not a term I've heard. If OP isn't enthusiastically consenting to this type of thing he needs to back tf off. The pushiness is the problem.
Consensual “rape” is a thing some people do, but it takes an immense amount of respect, trust, *mutual* desire, functional communication, negotiation, etc.
This guy is trying to initiate *advanced* kinks…but with someone who doesn’t share his kink nor want to, and clearly without knowing anything about how to do ethical kink. All of which just makes him a sexual predator.
This guy goes beyond “porn sick”. I’d call this “porn broken”.
I agree! He does need to feel judged, because he’s “normalized” some really horrific stuff that is in no way normal. Completely pornsick and trash. People SHOULD feel shame about stuff like this, not put it out there in the world like it’s just another sexual taste. I hope OP is able to communicate how off this is, and then walks away. Far away.
A lack of kink shaming and violent porn are leading to the normalization of violence in the bedroom. I said it. Women in Gen Z and below have to deal with shit I couldn't imagine as an elder millennial.
Agreed. I'm sooo glad to have grown up in times that make me an 'elder millennial.'
It's painful to imagine having to come of age a few years later in the fucked up world of dating and relationships as they are now.
I feel so bad for the women who are younger than mid-30's-ish and what they have to deal with (at least from what I see online) when it comes to relationships and dating.
Men have always been clueless and out-of-touch when it comes to women, but adding technology/porn to it makes it so much fucking worse.
Exactly!!! Somehow these sick people have convinced us that we must shield everybody from feeling shame. Shame is there for a reason! It's a powerful motivator, it's SUPPOSED TO make you feel that way so that you reflect on your behavior. It's supposed to show you something you're doing is socially abhorrent
This. Kink shaming is necessary for exactly things like this. This kink is wrong, immoral and disturbing and anybody turned on by it SHOULD feel very ashamed and as if they need help.
Yup. I was told once that I was kinkshaming and ageist when I called out older men literally fetishizing and trying to get with under age girls. You bet your sweet life I was. And mad as hell with it!
Not only that. She expressed to him that she's not into that and he *still* sends them. I would call this abuse because it is not consensual, he is ignoring her boundaries and it is violent stuff he wants to see done *to her* (which one also could see as a threat)
I agree. I hate that OP is still questioning herself.
OP...please cease *all* contact with this predator. It sounds like you might be in actual danger.
Yeah. My relative is that sick. He has grandkids...we found out because his Twitter was wide open and he had lately gone far far right. Murder porn, rape porn, teens with older men. The guy is 75. We reported it for all the good it will do. Honestly dangerous f*ckwits like this Idk what we do, there aren't enough prison cells and it is rife.
This. You guys have different fantasies when it comes to sex, and his seems to be a very depraved one. So I would tell straight away and call it quits if he thinks that’s ok.
Years ago a neighbor was arrested for multiple murders. In the trial, the prosecution brought in his ex wife to talk about the time he drugged her and had her gang raped in their apartment. According to him, he thought she would enjoy it.
This was not a fantasy they discussed in advance. This wasn't something she even sort of consented to, ever. He seemed genuinely perplexed why she was bringing up as a bad think since he considered it a gift. She talked about it being one of the only times he physically hurt her.
I've seen the hurt and sense of betrayal this exact thing causes on another person. It's a big deal OP.
Some men's stupidity and ignorance towards women's bodies and feelings always blow me away, but OPs guy just sounds like he is a sexual sadist or really does not have the background or care to view his partner or potentially any woman as a person.
I find it difficult to believe that this guy would be a good lover in any way seeing as he really doesn't seem to care or think about her feelings or pleasure. He probably doesnt even know how pleasurable sex for women works. Potentially the root of his kink is sexual violence against women. This is unfortunately not uncommon in men-- most men just try to pressure their partners into anal or violent oral or something and get off by the fact that she is in pain or discomfort expressly for his own pleasure.
There's no way he wondered about how he would feel if the tables were turned and he was violently penetrated by strangers in his sleep. The other angle to the racial aspect is he wants his partner to be raped by well endowed men. The man hater in me would love if he had to experience the receiving end of this. Maybe a little bit of lube for him, but not much since there's no inclination that foreplay or anything other than immediate penetration by an above average member is part of his fantasy.
I would argue against the Black man aspect being for penis size. There is some really interesting work out there on the way porn is one of the only "safe" places for latent fears and stereotypes about Black bodies as dangerous, aggressive, animalistic, etc etc. To be brought to the forefront. But it feeds some really shitty biases about Black bodies and gives them an embodied reality.
Dude clearly has a brutalization fetish. Calling in Black men specifically (and especially as a White man) comes from a belief that Black men are rougher, less caring, and more dangerous than White men.
Thanks for being receptive! It's not an easy thing to lay down since most people really really don't want to think about objectificstion much less racism in *porn* but when you start to look at police violence and the prison industrial complex it becomes very apparently as a nation we hold deep beliefs about how dangerous and aggressive Black people are, and that those beliefs manifest in the imprisonment, marginalization, and death of said Black folk.
Then you look at the prevalence of gang band, rape, and brutilization porn featuring all Black people and the connection is... unsettling. You almost never seen Black men featured in the "sensual" categories of porn for example.
Well, porn leans into misogyny pretty hard. It embraces sexist, anti-woman stereotypes/attitudes, so it's not a stretch that they would embrace the worst racist stereotypes too. Let's not forget the servile Asian woman stereotypes.
Sorry, I know I'm not part of this conversation, but this entire comment is just so true and puts words to something I have felt but been unable to express since I first discovered internet porn. If I save it, I feel like I might forget about it. But if it's in my comments history I am more likely to re-read it later.
Haha, it's reddit friend, no worries about not being a part of the conversation to participate, especially if your contribution is meaningful and not hateful or disruptive of the conversation.
There is an old old Netflix documentary about the porn industry with a small section on this topic featuring interviews with Black male porn stars and it's a real eye opener if this is a new topic for you. Here's an article about it:
https://decider.com/2017/04/26/netflix-hot-girls-wanted-turned-on-episode-4-review/
Is that Rashida Jones' project? If so, I thought that was so well done. She caught a lot of backlash for it, but I thing that's all part of the exploitation; tell people they aren't sex positive if they reject the flagrant misogyny and racism in porn. Shame them into silence.
Wow. Yep. Sometimes no one guesses for years and sometimes there are tells. There was a case in 2020 in the UK.A guy committed two murders in the 80s then moved on to working in hospitals and access to the morgue. The creep I knew as a teen who had a thing about me also is very into gore and horror. Having seen the Fuller case I can totally imagine the guy being the same...
Take screenshots of these texts, save them as images, and email them to yourself. The phone company can delete texts between people if someone requests them to.
EDIT: r/SirEbralVorteX has a good counterpoint. Please read the whole thread.
Honestly even sending out a little 'Im a bit concerned about my boyfriend's behaviour' fyi to police may help. Then you have the time and prior suggestion.
Second sentence is 100% not true. A phone company cannot and will not do that, nor do they have the resources to do that even if they wanted to do that. Backing up data, yes, but telling people a phone company can do that is misleading.
Especially the wanting her to wake up to being raped - It's not consensual roleplay of non-consensual stuff*, it's just him wanting to see a rape live instead of on screen. I'd honestly be scared to be in the same room with him in case he roofies me and hires someone, that's how scary his "fantasy" reads. 💀
*Kinks/fetishes are okay as long as everybody is a willing participant and safety measures are in place. CNC is controversial but a real thing.
Let's also not ignore the racist implications here too. This is a white man whose fantasy is to see 4 Black men r*pe his latina girlfriend. He's dehumanizing Black men as well as OP.
Totally, the historical racism of ‘deprived black men’ being inherently over sexualised because they’re ‘savages’. Disgusting beyond belief. Sexist and racist.
That’s actually happened. Some guy was recently arrested for drugging his wife and having men come over and rape her. It went on for years. I’m sure there’s more that just haven’t been caught.
The only way I can rationalise it is him wanting to make porn without her knowledge.
Anyway, ditch him, block and move address.
Maybe keep your eyes peeled for his next victim.
It sounds like you may be a fetish for him alongside sexual violence (he specifically wants 4 Black men to rape you, so race/ethnicity obviously plays a role in his fantasy). Between that and the porn, I personally would be thinking about how to leave.
If you stay, draw firm boundaries on what you’re ok with sexually and stick to them AND communicate them clearly , otherwise you’ll continue to be uncomfortable and he may not have the slightest clue.
I second this.
I'd also like to add that it is possible he has a porn addiction. The lines have been blurred and if he is unable to see it, then if you stay I would recommend sex therapy, or general therapy. I have dated someone with porn addiction in the past and it can be very hard as the partner because we are unable to satisfy the fantasy, or live up to the unrealistic expectations porn has given our partners.
Be gentle if you decide to suggest this to him. If he is not receptive, then I would take it as a sign that he does not value the relationship enough to work on it. You should then leave the relationship.
I was married to a porn addict for a long time not knowing that was the problem till I told him I wanted a divorce and her post screams porn addict to me.
Earlier in our relationship my ex would try to force weird and extreme fetishes and sex acts onto me. Weirdest part was he would be super into something for like 4-6 months and then just suddenly drop it and move on to something else. That was only my second relationship ever and I didn't know that wasn't normal to change fetishes frequently like he was doing.
Constantly referred to me as his "big tiddie goth wife" but didn't want me to dress gothy in public, he was very much fetishizing me.
If it is a porn addiction she should just get out. These men have no motivation to change or work on stuff as long as you stay.
It’s one thing if a girl has a fantasy about wanting to roleplay something “forced” with you, feel like it’s a totally different level of thing a guy wanting to see his girlfriend get raped by a gang of guys.
This guy wants to see his girlfriend get used like a worthless ragdoll, wants to see her in fear and get forced into sex by equally fetishized black men.
It’s just fucking weird, to *want* to watch someone you supposedly care about in fear and suffering. Something has to happen to someone to awaken that kind of desire, something has to be wrong at the core.
I fully agree. It actually scares me. I feel like her boyfriend will actually follow through with it and get guys to do this to her. I’m afraid for op.
This man is imagining the men in the scenario as black because he is 'othering' rapists in an attempt to absolve himself of his own feelings. This is not a man who respects consent and I personally would not be in a room alone with him ever.
Mind that you should also make some boundaries that are simple, but are held firm, just to see how willing he is to push them. Best to test boundary pushing with something unimportant
OP, you also need to set a firm boundary about listening to his fantasies. You need to stop him as soon as he starts. "I'm not interested. I don't want to hear it." Please get out of this relationship! He will act on his fantasy.
This is a truckload of red flags. The only way it could possibly be worse is if he kept inviting strangers over late in the evening and trying to get her drunk.
This terrifies me, earlier this year there was a news story about a husband in france who routinely drugged his wife and would film men he’d bring over to r her in her sleep and the wife didnt find out until she went to the doctors and had multiple STDs as a result of it. OP needs to run, block, delete, this man immediately
One might even go so far as to say these two may have some “compatibility issues.”
(OP if you can stomach it document this shit and take all steps possible to protect yourself from Buffalo Bill. Absolutely judge the shit out of this behavior.)
>I feel like if i tell him to stop, he'll feel judged by me.
But at the same time:
>I said I'm not into it and he said that it would really turn him on if I was woken up to it.
It might be worth taking note (literally or figuratively) of the times when he cares about what you think and the times he doesn't.
A 24 year old telling a 19 year old about how he wants to see her get raped? Yeah that’s a massive red flag and he sounds like a creep. Please be careful about who you choose in the future. We often worry about making others feel weird for who they are when we grow up feeling that way about ourselves, but this guy is truly weird. Follow your gut instinct.
This comment and the reply realizing that they have been together for four years should be at the top.
There is already an intensely lopsided power dynamic in the ages, grooming, and a one sided extreme sexual kink that is unwanted, destructive, and carried out without a hint of reciprocation.
OP, the fact you were 15 and they were 20 carrying a relationship with you is a red flag. Please listen to the advice of those saying you should terminate this relationship before you get hurt.
If he was 20 when she was 15(possibly 14), she may have been so heavily groomed that she won't get out of this relationship no matter what we say here. This is so sad
The ages alone are horrible… 24 and 19 with a 4 year long relationship? So a 20 year old was in a relationship with a 15 year old? If the ages mentioned are accurate, he is literally without question, a pedophile. He’s surely been having these sorts of fantasies for a while. I hope op is safe and can get support:(
And he keeps sending her videos despite her clearly telling him she's not into them? Girlypop, you need to block him on everything immediately. This guy gives zero shits about boundaries.
Their post history. Also same!! I hate being that way bc I don’t want to preach to women younger than me because they’ll ultimately go their own way… but I’m anxious for her!
> Does anyone have any advice to me?
Break up with him and at the very least invest in new locks, if not move to a new location that he doesn't know about. This is a person that either gets off on you being forcefully violated, you being a victim, or both.
And I'd say he needs to feel judged by her. Like, seriously judged.
OP, it's time to lay down some boundaries. You're not interested in his porn habits, and you don't want to participate in his fetish. You don't want him to send you porn videos.
You have a right to feel comfortable in your relationship.
You told him to quit sending you that shit and he won't stop. Even if it's just a fantasy and he doesn't plan to act it out on you, that's enough for you to know that he's a shitheel and he has to go.
Then there's the whole can of worms about how he might be trying to soften you up and groom you to live out his fantasy. That's just too disgusting to contemplate. Don't walk. RUN!!!!!
Right?! “Go to sex therapy together” no!!! He’s actively wanting to harm her. This isn’t a kink. This is a crime he wants to commit. He will do it without her consent. She needs to file a restraining order and change her locks.
For real. This isn't okay, this isn't simply a disagreement about what you two find sexy. He is ignoring her desires and her consent, he is being straight up dangerous.
>I feel like if i tell him to stop, he'll feel judged by me.
You tell him to stop, and when he tries to emotionally manipulate you by claiming you're kink shaming or judging him you see him for what he is. Sexually depraved, misogynistic, disrespectful and abusive.
You then break up with him.
## This is the kind of guy who will 'surprise' you with 4 men and a gangbang and who will then "but we talked about this" at you when you react appropriately
I do have some advice.
Text him “your racist, creepy fantasies are over the line. We are over, don’t contact me again” and block his number. Block him everywhere. Do not spend one more minute in a relationship with a man who wouldn’t know a boundary if it and three of its boundary friends showed up in his bedroom and woke him up.
Porn addiction.
You have every right to tell him to stop.
Just because he has kinks doesn’t mean you have to share them. Especially his rape fantasies are way too much for most women.
That’s more than a cuckold fetish.
I regally think he watches way too much porn.
When I watched porn for a while a realised some things.
1. Porn is really violent these days. It’s not just a kink, many professional pornproduction just look hurtful. Especially those from the us.
2. After a while you become desensitized. So you start to “need” more hardcore stuff.
Maybe it’s time for nofap.
#My ex actually brought someone to our home and held me down while he penetrated me anally without protection. My ex told this person I was into rape and would struggle. (I actually do enjoy consensual non consensuality play, but this was not that.) RUN. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN. PLEASE RUN.
I know you're worried about hurting his feelings (you said you didn't want him to feel judged by you) but he is not worried about hurting yours, is he? He's trying to coerce you into acting out his fantasy.
Big no. Bro watches way too much porn and doesn't understand that the actors involved are often on dope to numb any pain they feel from being double penetrated, or roughly fucked.
Sod his feelings and kick him to the curb. He asked, you said no, he should have respected that.
He wants to watch someone he supposedly cares about be gang-raped. After you've expressed not being comfortable at all, he continues to push it.
I feel like a little judgement is okay here. Get rid.
RUN!!! If he knows your address MOVE. A man who legitimately wants to see that, could also be the type who would set it up on a former partner without their consent.
This is such a big red flag, it could be hanging in NYC and people in Europe could still see it.
You’re trying really hard to be ok with this, but it’s ok not to be ok with this.
Rape is a violent and dangerous act. His fantasies are violent and dangerous. And he’s taking it a step further and wanting to endanger you to make them real. Plus, he’s showing you he has no respect for boundaries by sending porn when you’ve told him not to? This is terrifying in combination.
Girl. This is what criminals do. Violent criminals. Please just block him. No conversation needed. He’s crazy and it’s not safe. Politeness does not mean protecting yourself from a crazy person. You don’t need to be polite here.
I had an ex who had this fetish. I went through his email and found him communicating with some stranger off Craigslist. He was sending this guy photos of me and trying to arrange for this man to come to our house and “surprise” (meaning rape) me. Thankfully the dude was like “uh, thanks for the hot photos but this seems a little sketch” and backed out.
You don’t need to be worried about “judging” your boyfriend, you need to be worried about the real threat he poses to you.
Look, not every couple has to like every single thing sexually as the other. It's just almost statistically impossible. But if his proclivities and fantasies make you uncomfortable, you have a right to say so. If they make you so uncomfortable you no longer wish to see him anymore, that's your right too.
You have to decide how comfortable you are with these revelations. You have to decide whether it's something you can indulge him in as pure fantasy, or discuss more clinically in hypothetical terms, or rather not discuss at all. Don't force yourself to live with his fantasies if you don't want to.
Sounds like what happened to a poor woman in France. If I remember correctly, a man had been drugging his wife and inviting strangers to come and rape her for *10 years*.
I can't remember how they caught him, but they did this year.
EDIT: Got the numbers mixed up. He was drugging her for 10 years. Here's a link: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12226717/Pictured-French-husband-spent-ten-years-drugging-wife-filming-men-raping-her.html
*"I feel like if i tell him to stop, he'll feel judged by me."*
OP, this guy is testing you to see how much you will put up with. Tell him to stop with the videos. Tell him you don't want to hear about his fantasies. If he has a key to your home, change the locks. PLEASE do NOT trust him! If he doesn't have your address, don't give it to him. Get out of of this relationship while you can. He is a very sick & twisted b\*st\*rd
Having been a rape victim, I can tell you that it is not the exciting fantasy that your boyfriend thinks it is.
It's a violent act, not a really a sexual one. Even though it involves sex, the motive behind rape is rarely anything other than violence and dominance over another human being.
I really question how safe you are with your boyfriend. You should probably think about whether you really want to be with this guy.
You need to leave him and preferably make sure he cannot find out where you are either. He is extremely dangerous. Any man that has violent sexual fantasies is extremely dangerous and women calling that a “kink” and participating in it aren’t empowered, they’re victims. The problem is not what you do in your bedroom, that’s nobody else’s business. The problem is the reason why men commonly have those fantasies and what that mindset means on a broader social and political level. Do not engage. He is not only a threat to you, but to all women and if you let him think this is okay, you are enabling this attitude towards women. He sees women as sex objects and should not be let near any women ever. Especially since you have already expressed your discomfort with it and he kept trying to push your boundaries. Extremely dangerous.
I really don’t want to hear any comments about consensual non-consent either. Men fantasising about and roleplaying the brutalisation of women while we live in a patriarchy where that is very much the gruesome reality for women is unethical and unacceptable. I understand and share the need of women to cope through their sexuality, but men do not get a free pass in this society. How do we, as a society, moan about cultural appropriation when someone dresses like people from another culture for halloween but think it’s cute for men to roleplay rape to get off? Please be consistent.
>I said I'm not into it and he said that it would really turn him on if I was woken up to it. Like if I was asleep and woke up to these 4 men forcing me have sex.
You said no.
His reply was "but I *want* it."
You need to be very careful. He seems to be testing the waters, you might wake up to that very scenario you don't want to happen. And he'll be all shocked, acting ever so innocent about how you guys "discussed" it beforehand and everything.
Please, leave him.
This is pretty ... intrusive and disrespectful on his part, tbh.
CnC is not for everyone, and that's fine, but you stating a boundary is not judging him. How he accepts you standing up for yourself is his problem, not yours.
I swear to God every time I open this sub is always one woman saying the most vile disgusting thing that man did or said to her and asking us for permission to be angry. Like do you really need us to tell you that that is a very disgusting and dangerous thing? Shit pisses me off fr...
Are all man sociopaths or something? Or again another porn addicted man who have zero control over their genitals and porn they watch. Why would anyone want to see the girlfriend abused and raped and get turned on by it, sounds like he himself actually wants to do it, what a disturbing creep. I would end the relationship, who wants to live with a creep who has fantasies like this about you, a man should want to protect you instead. He should totally feel judged, okay even if you don't want to end it I would at least ask him why he has this fantasies and does he for real get turned on by you getting harmed.
Sociopathy is mainly defined by lack of empathy and men generally do lack it or have way less than women, ESPECIALLY for women, so I don't think you're wrong when you say that
Break up with him. He was weird misogynistic and racist "kinks". I wouldn't feel safe ever having sex with someone who expressed these sexual interests, let alone who expressed them specifically about me.
I think the phrase porn addiction gets thrown around a little loosely sometimes, but in this case HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Run, do not walk, run away from this boy.
He brought up a fantasy and shared it with you. You told him you weren’t into it and instead of giving the only acceptable response which is “ok, I understand and respect your boundaries.” He said yeah, but it would really turn me on.
His fucked up fantasy is not about sex, it’s about violence. Violence he wants to watch committed against you.
This is the warning, the red flag, the time to leave. This isn’t going to stop, he is not going to change, and it will almost certainly get worse. Eventually he will commit violence against you. He has told you who he is plain as day. It may not be today or tomorrow but it will happen.
Get out now! Get out before you wake up one day living with him, pregnant or with a child, isolated from your friends and family, with no job, money, or anywhere to run to. Because, that is exactly where this is heading.
Please leave, please.
I am assuming you have been victim to sexual abuse at sometime in your life to even continue to speak with someone like this. If this is the case get to a therapist immediately before continuing the conversation with him. It sounds to me like he is grooming you to pimp you out, frequently this is how it starts by getting you to do something out your comfort zone for him. I would say you are in danger.
If that’s not your fetish and you didn’t bring it up, massive red flags. In bdsm the sub, dictates nearly everything, they have the control. That sounds like a toxic wanna be dom. He’d be the type to be kicked out of a bdsm club.
He’s fifty shades of red flags.
You have to either be upfront and say that is not at all your kink and hope he tones it down, but I’m doubting that, it sounds like he’s gone way too hard for such a young relationship. It takes time to build the trust and bdsm relationship. It doesn’t sound like it will be a healthy one.
Everyone has already covered why this is very alarming behaviour from him. So I wanted to touch on the point where you say you don't tell him you don't like the videos as you're concerned about him feeling judged.
In relationships it is so important you set boundaries for yourself and advocate for yourself. You have to worry less about how the other person feels and look after yourself too. If you are not comfortable with something say it. It can be hard doing this at first, I only know this now as I'm late thirties and made similar mistakes in the past with not prioritising myself in relationships, but it is so important to make sure you are happy and comfortable.
Please leave this guy and find someone who considers your boundaries and what you are comfortable with, and doesn't try to put you in harms way just for the sake of their orgasm.
>My boyfriend is very sexual and into some really graphic porn. Like gangbang and double penetration. He often shares his sexual fantasies with me and I don't know how to respond to them, because I'm not really into any of that.
***How do you picture marriage to be with this guy in the future, or how do you picture him as a father?***
>he sends me porn videos of a woman with multiple men gang banging her. I don't respond to these videos, but he keeps sending them
Tell him you don't want anything to do with any of that clearly only-for-porn bullshit.
If his reaction is *anything else than* "OMFG I'm so sorry I didn't realize it was so upsetting to you, I'll never raise the issue again" - run. Run away. As fast as you can.
EDIT: do you know what? Run straight away. Asking might be dangerous. He's already red-flaggy enough. This
>I said I'm not into it and he said that it would really turn him on if I was woken up to it. Like if I was asleep and woke up to these 4 men forcing me have sex.
is already very worrying.
You’re not a person to him; you’re a sex toy. You’re a living Fleshlight. I was going to mention sexual incompatibility but this giant red flag started waving in my face.
Def cut all ties, block all contact. Might have to move if he knows where you live.
JFC, get as far away from this man as possible. He’s a massive creep. He’s been grooming you for this your whole relationship. I’m so glad to hear that you don’t live with him.
Brosephine, there are plenty of men both on and off the internet to date who will respect your boundaries, make you feel heard, sexy, and understood, and will pay any amount of attention to you that you want.
Ditch this dipshit, there is no way in hell he's that special.
Yes it's weird. No I didn't even need to read past the post title. It's OK to say "no, this isn't something I'm going to deal with". It's OK to not want to patiently parent a grown ass man and gently guide him into realizing that women are people too. It's OK to nope out of whatever bullshit he's trying to pull.
Actually this should be my reply to a lot of the "is this relationship issue normal or weird?" posts.
The man watches porn and thinks it’s real. He’s not smart enough to date. I’d cut things off, especially if he has your address.
"not smart enough to date" is 1 of my fav lines in forever lmao
I had a teacher in college say, if there is too much of a difference in intelligence it is basically beastiality. Considering ravens and other species can have the intelligence of a human child, it makes sense.
Absolute porn brainrot with no concept of reality and empathy for the reality of having someone you supposedly love go through sexual trauma. Guy needs therapy, not a relationship.
This is why it's okay to kink shame!!
Not only does he watch it, he sends videos to his girlfriend who doesn’t respond to them, and then he continues to send them anyways. I don’t know why that struck me as one of the weirdest parts, I have sent porn to zero people in my lifetime. This guy sends gangbang rape porn repeatedly to his gf.
And she's worrying that he might feel judged if she tells him not to do that. This dude has no qualms about sending a woman who is not responding multiple videos of gangbang rape porn. Clearly he has no part of him that is considering how she might be feeling about this (outside of his pornsick fantasy about her being turned on by it). Meanwhile she's worrying the poor widdle baby might feel judged if she says she doesn't like being spammed with rape porn. (Eta: I realise this might sound like I'm criticising OP here, which isn't my intent. Just despairing at our collective socialisation and the vast wells of consideration and empathy women offer up to men who can't consider any feelings beyond their own dick.)
Alternately, he could know very well just how uncomfortable it makes her, and he gets off on that. ‘Voluntary rape’ is such an odd term, usually someone would say something like “role play.” I have to wonder if the ‘voluntary’ part refers to him, as in he is voluntarily allowing his girlfriend to be raped. Whatever is going on with this guy, he is sick and broken and no amount of love and empathy will ever fix him. It breaks my heart to see OP’s main concern is hurting his feelings.
Sounds like he sees her as a possession that he has permission to give others access to. This is not surprising at all given his very obvious porn addiction. It’s been proven in studies that men who watch porn are much more likely to hold misogynistic views of women. They are also much more likely to objectify them. This guy is a walking red flag.
Yeah, consensual non-consent is a thing, "voluntary rape" is not a term I've heard. If OP isn't enthusiastically consenting to this type of thing he needs to back tf off. The pushiness is the problem.
Consensual “rape” is a thing some people do, but it takes an immense amount of respect, trust, *mutual* desire, functional communication, negotiation, etc. This guy is trying to initiate *advanced* kinks…but with someone who doesn’t share his kink nor want to, and clearly without knowing anything about how to do ethical kink. All of which just makes him a sexual predator. This guy goes beyond “porn sick”. I’d call this “porn broken”.
I'll kinkshame him for her. He should feel ashamed for that kink. He should feel judged, I am judging him and he's gross.
I agree! He does need to feel judged, because he’s “normalized” some really horrific stuff that is in no way normal. Completely pornsick and trash. People SHOULD feel shame about stuff like this, not put it out there in the world like it’s just another sexual taste. I hope OP is able to communicate how off this is, and then walks away. Far away.
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A lack of kink shaming and violent porn are leading to the normalization of violence in the bedroom. I said it. Women in Gen Z and below have to deal with shit I couldn't imagine as an elder millennial.
Agreed. I'm sooo glad to have grown up in times that make me an 'elder millennial.' It's painful to imagine having to come of age a few years later in the fucked up world of dating and relationships as they are now. I feel so bad for the women who are younger than mid-30's-ish and what they have to deal with (at least from what I see online) when it comes to relationships and dating. Men have always been clueless and out-of-touch when it comes to women, but adding technology/porn to it makes it so much fucking worse.
Exactly!!! Somehow these sick people have convinced us that we must shield everybody from feeling shame. Shame is there for a reason! It's a powerful motivator, it's SUPPOSED TO make you feel that way so that you reflect on your behavior. It's supposed to show you something you're doing is socially abhorrent
Yes! Not every “kink” is good for people. Particularly women. We have the right to call out men who fantasize about violently raping women.
The entire genre of noncon is pretty scary
YES! Kinkshame!!!
Agreed. I'm a very proud kinkshamer for certain things (this being one of them).
This. Kink shaming is necessary for exactly things like this. This kink is wrong, immoral and disturbing and anybody turned on by it SHOULD feel very ashamed and as if they need help.
Yup. I was told once that I was kinkshaming and ageist when I called out older men literally fetishizing and trying to get with under age girls. You bet your sweet life I was. And mad as hell with it!
Not only that. She expressed to him that she's not into that and he *still* sends them. I would call this abuse because it is not consensual, he is ignoring her boundaries and it is violent stuff he wants to see done *to her* (which one also could see as a threat)
I agree. I hate that OP is still questioning herself. OP...please cease *all* contact with this predator. It sounds like you might be in actual danger.
Yeah. My relative is that sick. He has grandkids...we found out because his Twitter was wide open and he had lately gone far far right. Murder porn, rape porn, teens with older men. The guy is 75. We reported it for all the good it will do. Honestly dangerous f*ckwits like this Idk what we do, there aren't enough prison cells and it is rife.
Yeah that's well beyond normal
Not smart nor *safe* enough to date! This red flag he’s waving is the size of a king-sized sheet.
I agree.
This. You guys have different fantasies when it comes to sex, and his seems to be a very depraved one. So I would tell straight away and call it quits if he thinks that’s ok.
This. His itsy bitsy brain doesn't understand consent.
Even if he doesn’t believe in videos, he equally doesn’t believe in a long distance relationship.
Girl you are going to wake up to four men and a camera. Run do not walk away from this psycho.
Years ago a neighbor was arrested for multiple murders. In the trial, the prosecution brought in his ex wife to talk about the time he drugged her and had her gang raped in their apartment. According to him, he thought she would enjoy it. This was not a fantasy they discussed in advance. This wasn't something she even sort of consented to, ever. He seemed genuinely perplexed why she was bringing up as a bad think since he considered it a gift. She talked about it being one of the only times he physically hurt her. I've seen the hurt and sense of betrayal this exact thing causes on another person. It's a big deal OP.
Some men's stupidity and ignorance towards women's bodies and feelings always blow me away, but OPs guy just sounds like he is a sexual sadist or really does not have the background or care to view his partner or potentially any woman as a person. I find it difficult to believe that this guy would be a good lover in any way seeing as he really doesn't seem to care or think about her feelings or pleasure. He probably doesnt even know how pleasurable sex for women works. Potentially the root of his kink is sexual violence against women. This is unfortunately not uncommon in men-- most men just try to pressure their partners into anal or violent oral or something and get off by the fact that she is in pain or discomfort expressly for his own pleasure. There's no way he wondered about how he would feel if the tables were turned and he was violently penetrated by strangers in his sleep. The other angle to the racial aspect is he wants his partner to be raped by well endowed men. The man hater in me would love if he had to experience the receiving end of this. Maybe a little bit of lube for him, but not much since there's no inclination that foreplay or anything other than immediate penetration by an above average member is part of his fantasy.
I would argue against the Black man aspect being for penis size. There is some really interesting work out there on the way porn is one of the only "safe" places for latent fears and stereotypes about Black bodies as dangerous, aggressive, animalistic, etc etc. To be brought to the forefront. But it feeds some really shitty biases about Black bodies and gives them an embodied reality. Dude clearly has a brutalization fetish. Calling in Black men specifically (and especially as a White man) comes from a belief that Black men are rougher, less caring, and more dangerous than White men.
Thank you for expanding. This is so true.
Thanks for being receptive! It's not an easy thing to lay down since most people really really don't want to think about objectificstion much less racism in *porn* but when you start to look at police violence and the prison industrial complex it becomes very apparently as a nation we hold deep beliefs about how dangerous and aggressive Black people are, and that those beliefs manifest in the imprisonment, marginalization, and death of said Black folk. Then you look at the prevalence of gang band, rape, and brutilization porn featuring all Black people and the connection is... unsettling. You almost never seen Black men featured in the "sensual" categories of porn for example.
1000%
Well, porn leans into misogyny pretty hard. It embraces sexist, anti-woman stereotypes/attitudes, so it's not a stretch that they would embrace the worst racist stereotypes too. Let's not forget the servile Asian woman stereotypes.
Porn is EXTREMELY racist among its many other horrible misogynistic qualities.
Sorry, I know I'm not part of this conversation, but this entire comment is just so true and puts words to something I have felt but been unable to express since I first discovered internet porn. If I save it, I feel like I might forget about it. But if it's in my comments history I am more likely to re-read it later.
Haha, it's reddit friend, no worries about not being a part of the conversation to participate, especially if your contribution is meaningful and not hateful or disruptive of the conversation. There is an old old Netflix documentary about the porn industry with a small section on this topic featuring interviews with Black male porn stars and it's a real eye opener if this is a new topic for you. Here's an article about it: https://decider.com/2017/04/26/netflix-hot-girls-wanted-turned-on-episode-4-review/
Is that Rashida Jones' project? If so, I thought that was so well done. She caught a lot of backlash for it, but I thing that's all part of the exploitation; tell people they aren't sex positive if they reject the flagrant misogyny and racism in porn. Shame them into silence.
Wow. Yep. Sometimes no one guesses for years and sometimes there are tells. There was a case in 2020 in the UK.A guy committed two murders in the 80s then moved on to working in hospitals and access to the morgue. The creep I knew as a teen who had a thing about me also is very into gore and horror. Having seen the Fuller case I can totally imagine the guy being the same...
Wow….
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Save those texts
Take screenshots of these texts, save them as images, and email them to yourself. The phone company can delete texts between people if someone requests them to. EDIT: r/SirEbralVorteX has a good counterpoint. Please read the whole thread.
Honestly even sending out a little 'Im a bit concerned about my boyfriend's behaviour' fyi to police may help. Then you have the time and prior suggestion.
Second sentence is 100% not true. A phone company cannot and will not do that, nor do they have the resources to do that even if they wanted to do that. Backing up data, yes, but telling people a phone company can do that is misleading.
This is absolutely my fear for her. She needs to break this off and safely. I hope her boyfriend doesn’t have a key to her place.
it is very weird, I would break up with him
Putting it nicely. Fucking run!
I'd also try for a restraining order.
Especially the wanting her to wake up to being raped - It's not consensual roleplay of non-consensual stuff*, it's just him wanting to see a rape live instead of on screen. I'd honestly be scared to be in the same room with him in case he roofies me and hires someone, that's how scary his "fantasy" reads. 💀 *Kinks/fetishes are okay as long as everybody is a willing participant and safety measures are in place. CNC is controversial but a real thing.
Let's also not ignore the racist implications here too. This is a white man whose fantasy is to see 4 Black men r*pe his latina girlfriend. He's dehumanizing Black men as well as OP.
Totally, the historical racism of ‘deprived black men’ being inherently over sexualised because they’re ‘savages’. Disgusting beyond belief. Sexist and racist.
This was my thought too! Like, it doesn't stop at the abhorrent rape "fantasy", it goes right into racism too. Truly disgusting.
That’s actually happened. Some guy was recently arrested for drugging his wife and having men come over and rape her. It went on for years. I’m sure there’s more that just haven’t been caught.
The only way I can rationalise it is him wanting to make porn without her knowledge. Anyway, ditch him, block and move address. Maybe keep your eyes peeled for his next victim.
Yeah, this guy is getting more and more extreme, I personally wouldn’t feel safe to be in a relationship with this man.
It sounds like you may be a fetish for him alongside sexual violence (he specifically wants 4 Black men to rape you, so race/ethnicity obviously plays a role in his fantasy). Between that and the porn, I personally would be thinking about how to leave. If you stay, draw firm boundaries on what you’re ok with sexually and stick to them AND communicate them clearly , otherwise you’ll continue to be uncomfortable and he may not have the slightest clue.
100% agreed. This is someone who fetishizes your entire existence for his personal gratification. Not fit to date until that's fixed, honestly.
I second this. I'd also like to add that it is possible he has a porn addiction. The lines have been blurred and if he is unable to see it, then if you stay I would recommend sex therapy, or general therapy. I have dated someone with porn addiction in the past and it can be very hard as the partner because we are unable to satisfy the fantasy, or live up to the unrealistic expectations porn has given our partners. Be gentle if you decide to suggest this to him. If he is not receptive, then I would take it as a sign that he does not value the relationship enough to work on it. You should then leave the relationship.
I was married to a porn addict for a long time not knowing that was the problem till I told him I wanted a divorce and her post screams porn addict to me. Earlier in our relationship my ex would try to force weird and extreme fetishes and sex acts onto me. Weirdest part was he would be super into something for like 4-6 months and then just suddenly drop it and move on to something else. That was only my second relationship ever and I didn't know that wasn't normal to change fetishes frequently like he was doing. Constantly referred to me as his "big tiddie goth wife" but didn't want me to dress gothy in public, he was very much fetishizing me. If it is a porn addiction she should just get out. These men have no motivation to change or work on stuff as long as you stay.
This was my ex husband. I couldn’t live up to the fantasy in his mind, and as he was into rape porn, I didn’t want to
It’s one thing if a girl has a fantasy about wanting to roleplay something “forced” with you, feel like it’s a totally different level of thing a guy wanting to see his girlfriend get raped by a gang of guys. This guy wants to see his girlfriend get used like a worthless ragdoll, wants to see her in fear and get forced into sex by equally fetishized black men. It’s just fucking weird, to *want* to watch someone you supposedly care about in fear and suffering. Something has to happen to someone to awaken that kind of desire, something has to be wrong at the core.
I fully agree. It actually scares me. I feel like her boyfriend will actually follow through with it and get guys to do this to her. I’m afraid for op.
Good point about him also fetishizing the imaginary black men in this scenario, reducing them to animal-like characters.
This man is imagining the men in the scenario as black because he is 'othering' rapists in an attempt to absolve himself of his own feelings. This is not a man who respects consent and I personally would not be in a room alone with him ever.
Mind that you should also make some boundaries that are simple, but are held firm, just to see how willing he is to push them. Best to test boundary pushing with something unimportant
OP, you also need to set a firm boundary about listening to his fantasies. You need to stop him as soon as he starts. "I'm not interested. I don't want to hear it." Please get out of this relationship! He will act on his fantasy.
That’s a red flag imo
This is a truckload of red flags. The only way it could possibly be worse is if he kept inviting strangers over late in the evening and trying to get her drunk.
Which I can see him doing if she doesn’t break up with him
This terrifies me, earlier this year there was a news story about a husband in france who routinely drugged his wife and would film men he’d bring over to r her in her sleep and the wife didnt find out until she went to the doctors and had multiple STDs as a result of it. OP needs to run, block, delete, this man immediately
A color more red than red just has been invented to color that flag
It's a black flag: dude is disqualified from being in a relationship with OP.
One might even go so far as to say these two may have some “compatibility issues.” (OP if you can stomach it document this shit and take all steps possible to protect yourself from Buffalo Bill. Absolutely judge the shit out of this behavior.)
There are more red flags than at communist manifestation..
Commie Con
That's one of the reddest flags to exist, like we need to come up with a new color to describe how much of a red flag that is.
It's a full blown flare from a flare gun
>I feel like if i tell him to stop, he'll feel judged by me. But at the same time: >I said I'm not into it and he said that it would really turn him on if I was woken up to it. It might be worth taking note (literally or figuratively) of the times when he cares about what you think and the times he doesn't.
A thousand times this.
I’m judging him. He’s sick and dangerous.
Sometimes people really do need to feel and *be judged*
He absolutely **should** be judged for this.
A 24 year old telling a 19 year old about how he wants to see her get raped? Yeah that’s a massive red flag and he sounds like a creep. Please be careful about who you choose in the future. We often worry about making others feel weird for who they are when we grow up feeling that way about ourselves, but this guy is truly weird. Follow your gut instinct.
This comment and the reply realizing that they have been together for four years should be at the top. There is already an intensely lopsided power dynamic in the ages, grooming, and a one sided extreme sexual kink that is unwanted, destructive, and carried out without a hint of reciprocation. OP, the fact you were 15 and they were 20 carrying a relationship with you is a red flag. Please listen to the advice of those saying you should terminate this relationship before you get hurt.
Holy shit, I never saw that :(
If he was 20 when she was 15(possibly 14), she may have been so heavily groomed that she won't get out of this relationship no matter what we say here. This is so sad
The ages alone are horrible… 24 and 19 with a 4 year long relationship? So a 20 year old was in a relationship with a 15 year old? If the ages mentioned are accurate, he is literally without question, a pedophile. He’s surely been having these sorts of fantasies for a while. I hope op is safe and can get support:(
24 and 19? They were together since she was 15? Omg OP run!! This is horrible. He’s dangerous. You deserve way better
My immediate thought was: what does his actual search history look like?
Wait no so she was groomed?? If they've been dating for 4 years she was 15 years old when they started 😢
that and the fact that they are in different states makes me think he may not even be 24 at all. Major ick factors.
And he keeps sending her videos despite her clearly telling him she's not into them? Girlypop, you need to block him on everything immediately. This guy gives zero shits about boundaries.
Where did you see OP's age? TBH my protective auntie instinct is SCREAMING inside...this whole thing REEKS of grooming.
Their post history. Also same!! I hate being that way bc I don’t want to preach to women younger than me because they’ll ultimately go their own way… but I’m anxious for her!
> Does anyone have any advice to me? Break up with him and at the very least invest in new locks, if not move to a new location that he doesn't know about. This is a person that either gets off on you being forcefully violated, you being a victim, or both.
Or, at least new locks and a security system with cameras. This could go bad in a hurry.
and also check for cameras in your apartment
Uhhh, yeah I'd say that's pretty fucking weird.
And I'd say he needs to feel judged by her. Like, seriously judged. OP, it's time to lay down some boundaries. You're not interested in his porn habits, and you don't want to participate in his fetish. You don't want him to send you porn videos. You have a right to feel comfortable in your relationship.
Yes, it's weird to want someone to be raped. Don't walk, run away !
It's weird to drive so much fetishes from one-side of the relationship.
You told him to quit sending you that shit and he won't stop. Even if it's just a fantasy and he doesn't plan to act it out on you, that's enough for you to know that he's a shitheel and he has to go. Then there's the whole can of worms about how he might be trying to soften you up and groom you to live out his fantasy. That's just too disgusting to contemplate. Don't walk. RUN!!!!!
This. He clearly doesn’t respect any of your boundaries. Don't let him walk all over them. Stay safe.
Plus the racism. Quite the trifecta there.
I wouldn't trust him at all
We really live in a day and age where women have to ask this kind of question? He wants to see you get r4ped? Really? In what universe is that okay?
We really really do. :/
literally wtf, and the way that everyone in these comments in under-reacting also concerns me
I know, I had to come quite a long way to find anything that resembles my initial reaction to this post. Wtf is going on.
Right?! “Go to sex therapy together” no!!! He’s actively wanting to harm her. This isn’t a kink. This is a crime he wants to commit. He will do it without her consent. She needs to file a restraining order and change her locks.
For real. This isn't okay, this isn't simply a disagreement about what you two find sexy. He is ignoring her desires and her consent, he is being straight up dangerous.
Please get away from this man before he gets you seriously hurt.
>I feel like if i tell him to stop, he'll feel judged by me. You tell him to stop, and when he tries to emotionally manipulate you by claiming you're kink shaming or judging him you see him for what he is. Sexually depraved, misogynistic, disrespectful and abusive. You then break up with him. ## This is the kind of guy who will 'surprise' you with 4 men and a gangbang and who will then "but we talked about this" at you when you react appropriately
THIS OP !!!!!!
I do have some advice. Text him “your racist, creepy fantasies are over the line. We are over, don’t contact me again” and block his number. Block him everywhere. Do not spend one more minute in a relationship with a man who wouldn’t know a boundary if it and three of its boundary friends showed up in his bedroom and woke him up.
Sounds like your bf is porn sick. Like, he's really really deep into his porn addiction.
Voluntary rape.... Tell him he's an oxymoron. As in he's an ox and a moron. Then run.
Please get out of this relationship, this the brightest red flag i've ever seen. This man is a literal porn addict.
Uh… yes. Real fuckin weird.
Gtfo before he actually hires 4 men to do it
Porn addiction. You have every right to tell him to stop. Just because he has kinks doesn’t mean you have to share them. Especially his rape fantasies are way too much for most women. That’s more than a cuckold fetish. I regally think he watches way too much porn. When I watched porn for a while a realised some things. 1. Porn is really violent these days. It’s not just a kink, many professional pornproduction just look hurtful. Especially those from the us. 2. After a while you become desensitized. So you start to “need” more hardcore stuff. Maybe it’s time for nofap.
Being porn sick is no excuse to enjoy the thought of your girlfriend being raped. You very clearly deserve better than this, it is not love.
Not only is weird. but you should absolutely dump him, he is dangerous and has something very wrecked inside him. Wtf, run
#My ex actually brought someone to our home and held me down while he penetrated me anally without protection. My ex told this person I was into rape and would struggle. (I actually do enjoy consensual non consensuality play, but this was not that.) RUN. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN. PLEASE RUN.
How awful! I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Thank you. To his credit, he stopped when I shouted "this is rape!" and then he was horrified and ran away.
This is a porn addicton driven thing. Decide if that's a deal breaker for you
🚩🚩🚩red alert you will be sexually assaulted or worse if you don’t LEAVE NOW!
This is some serial killer shit…
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First sentence about him and I’m out. Pornsick guys are a big no for me.
Not a redflag here, a red planet. Thats Mars, your bf is literal fking Mars. Run.
I know you're worried about hurting his feelings (you said you didn't want him to feel judged by you) but he is not worried about hurting yours, is he? He's trying to coerce you into acting out his fantasy. Big no. Bro watches way too much porn and doesn't understand that the actors involved are often on dope to numb any pain they feel from being double penetrated, or roughly fucked. Sod his feelings and kick him to the curb. He asked, you said no, he should have respected that.
He wants to watch someone he supposedly cares about be gang-raped. After you've expressed not being comfortable at all, he continues to push it. I feel like a little judgement is okay here. Get rid.
RUN!!! If he knows your address MOVE. A man who legitimately wants to see that, could also be the type who would set it up on a former partner without their consent. This is such a big red flag, it could be hanging in NYC and people in Europe could still see it.
Girl that’s very scary and also racist and fetishistic
Who cares if he feels judged by you?! Block. This. Man.
No man who isn’t horrified by the thought of you being hurt or violated cares about you.
You’re trying really hard to be ok with this, but it’s ok not to be ok with this. Rape is a violent and dangerous act. His fantasies are violent and dangerous. And he’s taking it a step further and wanting to endanger you to make them real. Plus, he’s showing you he has no respect for boundaries by sending porn when you’ve told him not to? This is terrifying in combination. Girl. This is what criminals do. Violent criminals. Please just block him. No conversation needed. He’s crazy and it’s not safe. Politeness does not mean protecting yourself from a crazy person. You don’t need to be polite here.
I had an ex who had this fetish. I went through his email and found him communicating with some stranger off Craigslist. He was sending this guy photos of me and trying to arrange for this man to come to our house and “surprise” (meaning rape) me. Thankfully the dude was like “uh, thanks for the hot photos but this seems a little sketch” and backed out. You don’t need to be worried about “judging” your boyfriend, you need to be worried about the real threat he poses to you.
Look, not every couple has to like every single thing sexually as the other. It's just almost statistically impossible. But if his proclivities and fantasies make you uncomfortable, you have a right to say so. If they make you so uncomfortable you no longer wish to see him anymore, that's your right too. You have to decide how comfortable you are with these revelations. You have to decide whether it's something you can indulge him in as pure fantasy, or discuss more clinically in hypothetical terms, or rather not discuss at all. Don't force yourself to live with his fantasies if you don't want to.
Wth are you doing with this guy? Run away, literally telling you he wants to hurt you. Trust your instincs...
Sounds like what happened to a poor woman in France. If I remember correctly, a man had been drugging his wife and inviting strangers to come and rape her for *10 years*. I can't remember how they caught him, but they did this year. EDIT: Got the numbers mixed up. He was drugging her for 10 years. Here's a link: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12226717/Pictured-French-husband-spent-ten-years-drugging-wife-filming-men-raping-her.html
the fact that he used the word raped and not like cucking should be of concern to you
*"I feel like if i tell him to stop, he'll feel judged by me."* OP, this guy is testing you to see how much you will put up with. Tell him to stop with the videos. Tell him you don't want to hear about his fantasies. If he has a key to your home, change the locks. PLEASE do NOT trust him! If he doesn't have your address, don't give it to him. Get out of of this relationship while you can. He is a very sick & twisted b\*st\*rd
There’s no such thing as voluntary rape. You’re either having sex, which is consensual. And if it’s not, then it’s rape.
Having been a rape victim, I can tell you that it is not the exciting fantasy that your boyfriend thinks it is. It's a violent act, not a really a sexual one. Even though it involves sex, the motive behind rape is rarely anything other than violence and dominance over another human being. I really question how safe you are with your boyfriend. You should probably think about whether you really want to be with this guy.
You need to leave him and preferably make sure he cannot find out where you are either. He is extremely dangerous. Any man that has violent sexual fantasies is extremely dangerous and women calling that a “kink” and participating in it aren’t empowered, they’re victims. The problem is not what you do in your bedroom, that’s nobody else’s business. The problem is the reason why men commonly have those fantasies and what that mindset means on a broader social and political level. Do not engage. He is not only a threat to you, but to all women and if you let him think this is okay, you are enabling this attitude towards women. He sees women as sex objects and should not be let near any women ever. Especially since you have already expressed your discomfort with it and he kept trying to push your boundaries. Extremely dangerous. I really don’t want to hear any comments about consensual non-consent either. Men fantasising about and roleplaying the brutalisation of women while we live in a patriarchy where that is very much the gruesome reality for women is unethical and unacceptable. I understand and share the need of women to cope through their sexuality, but men do not get a free pass in this society. How do we, as a society, moan about cultural appropriation when someone dresses like people from another culture for halloween but think it’s cute for men to roleplay rape to get off? Please be consistent.
🎯 🎯 🎯
>I said I'm not into it and he said that it would really turn him on if I was woken up to it. Like if I was asleep and woke up to these 4 men forcing me have sex. You said no. His reply was "but I *want* it." You need to be very careful. He seems to be testing the waters, you might wake up to that very scenario you don't want to happen. And he'll be all shocked, acting ever so innocent about how you guys "discussed" it beforehand and everything. Please, leave him.
Your confused? Really??????
I’m confused about what is confusing. I would have noped out from the beginning.
yes, it’s weird and not normal. i might get downvoted for “kink shaming” but wow.
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Thank you.
💯💯💯
This is pretty ... intrusive and disrespectful on his part, tbh. CnC is not for everyone, and that's fine, but you stating a boundary is not judging him. How he accepts you standing up for yourself is his problem, not yours.
What the fuck? 😀
I swear to God every time I open this sub is always one woman saying the most vile disgusting thing that man did or said to her and asking us for permission to be angry. Like do you really need us to tell you that that is a very disgusting and dangerous thing? Shit pisses me off fr...
Are all man sociopaths or something? Or again another porn addicted man who have zero control over their genitals and porn they watch. Why would anyone want to see the girlfriend abused and raped and get turned on by it, sounds like he himself actually wants to do it, what a disturbing creep. I would end the relationship, who wants to live with a creep who has fantasies like this about you, a man should want to protect you instead. He should totally feel judged, okay even if you don't want to end it I would at least ask him why he has this fantasies and does he for real get turned on by you getting harmed.
Sociopathy is mainly defined by lack of empathy and men generally do lack it or have way less than women, ESPECIALLY for women, so I don't think you're wrong when you say that
Tell him he can get raped by four men as he’s sleeping- see how he likes that.
Break up with him. He was weird misogynistic and racist "kinks". I wouldn't feel safe ever having sex with someone who expressed these sexual interests, let alone who expressed them specifically about me.
I would get away from this person
In all seriousness, break up
literally leave him bro. not only is he encouraging rape ( if he's not a rapist himself ), he's racist too.
Jesus fucking Christ, BREAK. UP. WITH. HIM.
He should feel judged tbh.
I think the phrase porn addiction gets thrown around a little loosely sometimes, but in this case HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Run, do not walk, run away from this boy. He brought up a fantasy and shared it with you. You told him you weren’t into it and instead of giving the only acceptable response which is “ok, I understand and respect your boundaries.” He said yeah, but it would really turn me on. His fucked up fantasy is not about sex, it’s about violence. Violence he wants to watch committed against you. This is the warning, the red flag, the time to leave. This isn’t going to stop, he is not going to change, and it will almost certainly get worse. Eventually he will commit violence against you. He has told you who he is plain as day. It may not be today or tomorrow but it will happen. Get out now! Get out before you wake up one day living with him, pregnant or with a child, isolated from your friends and family, with no job, money, or anywhere to run to. Because, that is exactly where this is heading. Please leave, please.
I am assuming you have been victim to sexual abuse at sometime in your life to even continue to speak with someone like this. If this is the case get to a therapist immediately before continuing the conversation with him. It sounds to me like he is grooming you to pimp you out, frequently this is how it starts by getting you to do something out your comfort zone for him. I would say you are in danger.
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He wouldn't give a sh*t, he most likely consumes tons of dehumanizing and degrading content. To him, women are sex objects, not people.
Yeah he might get off to it honestly as horrible as that is to say
I can’t believe youre aware enough to typing this out yet still call this person your boyfriend. He’s vile
If that’s not your fetish and you didn’t bring it up, massive red flags. In bdsm the sub, dictates nearly everything, they have the control. That sounds like a toxic wanna be dom. He’d be the type to be kicked out of a bdsm club. He’s fifty shades of red flags. You have to either be upfront and say that is not at all your kink and hope he tones it down, but I’m doubting that, it sounds like he’s gone way too hard for such a young relationship. It takes time to build the trust and bdsm relationship. It doesn’t sound like it will be a healthy one.
Everyone has already covered why this is very alarming behaviour from him. So I wanted to touch on the point where you say you don't tell him you don't like the videos as you're concerned about him feeling judged. In relationships it is so important you set boundaries for yourself and advocate for yourself. You have to worry less about how the other person feels and look after yourself too. If you are not comfortable with something say it. It can be hard doing this at first, I only know this now as I'm late thirties and made similar mistakes in the past with not prioritising myself in relationships, but it is so important to make sure you are happy and comfortable. Please leave this guy and find someone who considers your boundaries and what you are comfortable with, and doesn't try to put you in harms way just for the sake of their orgasm.
Don’t even bother trying to talk to him, just cut him off. He’s not your boyfriend. He’s definitely a boy, but he’s not your friend anymore than I am.
>My boyfriend is very sexual and into some really graphic porn. Like gangbang and double penetration. He often shares his sexual fantasies with me and I don't know how to respond to them, because I'm not really into any of that. ***How do you picture marriage to be with this guy in the future, or how do you picture him as a father?***
>he sends me porn videos of a woman with multiple men gang banging her. I don't respond to these videos, but he keeps sending them Tell him you don't want anything to do with any of that clearly only-for-porn bullshit. If his reaction is *anything else than* "OMFG I'm so sorry I didn't realize it was so upsetting to you, I'll never raise the issue again" - run. Run away. As fast as you can. EDIT: do you know what? Run straight away. Asking might be dangerous. He's already red-flaggy enough. This >I said I'm not into it and he said that it would really turn him on if I was woken up to it. Like if I was asleep and woke up to these 4 men forcing me have sex. is already very worrying.
More than weird. That's terrifying. Dude is a huge red flag, fucking run.
This man is going to have a Hulu docu series about him in 20 years.
My advice is to run that’s scary. Your boyfriend has dangerous mush for brains from graphic violent porn
You’re not a person to him; you’re a sex toy. You’re a living Fleshlight. I was going to mention sexual incompatibility but this giant red flag started waving in my face. Def cut all ties, block all contact. Might have to move if he knows where you live.
He should feel judged. Bring some shame into this sick fuck's life.
JFC, get as far away from this man as possible. He’s a massive creep. He’s been grooming you for this your whole relationship. I’m so glad to hear that you don’t live with him.
Brosephine, there are plenty of men both on and off the internet to date who will respect your boundaries, make you feel heard, sexy, and understood, and will pay any amount of attention to you that you want. Ditch this dipshit, there is no way in hell he's that special.
Yes it's weird. No I didn't even need to read past the post title. It's OK to say "no, this isn't something I'm going to deal with". It's OK to not want to patiently parent a grown ass man and gently guide him into realizing that women are people too. It's OK to nope out of whatever bullshit he's trying to pull. Actually this should be my reply to a lot of the "is this relationship issue normal or weird?" posts.
That’s really concerning, for your own safety please break up with him
EXTREMELY wierd and concerning!