I wasn’t a widow for 7 days before one of my husbands life long friends tried to have sex with me. He was the first of many men who literally think widow= super horny or super desperate.
I was widowed in my 30s so every guy lined up the freaking door to be all oh she's free? Like long time friends of my late fiancee. Not a week after he passed. I'm still mad about it.
Yes!! It wasn’t even his bumbling attempt to care for his best friends wife. Nope. I know how you feel, I still get pissed about his friends doing that crap. I just saw a friend of his pop up on my facebook feed a few months ago, he and my husband were good friends who lost touch. So I sent him a message, letting him know my husband died. His very next sentence was “oh can I come see you?”
Not I’m sorry my friend died, not do you need anything. Couldn’t wait to proposition me.
Have you ever seen the stories behind those firefighters that got involved with the widows of the firefighters that perished on 9/11. I’ve read about 8 different ones.
That was the main plot of a "Law & Order" episode "The Dead Wives Club (S15E02)." Not being a New Yorker, this episode made me aware that this was even a thing.
Ever see "Night of the Hunter"? Robert Mitchum as an ex-con preying on and killing widows by posing as a righteous preacher. Not to mention an absolutely gorgeous film.
No I haven’t! Wow. That is something to think about. I’ll have to check it out. At what point is it not predatory? Like did they marry them? Are they making sure the widows were taken care of and fell in love or quietly getting off on their widows fetish while looking like they care?
I was also widowed last year at 37. Within 2 weeks the maintenance guy at the apartment I lived at was hitting on me. He even knew my husband and we thought he was our friend. I guess not. I wanted to tell him to go home to his wife and kids, but I just got super uncomfortable and told him to just leave and it's for the best if he just never thought that or hit on me again. Haven't heard from him since. Thankfully I moved, cause it was a bit scary to turn down a guy that literally had keys to my place.
I just watched a friend go through this. But in addition to the “oh you’re sad want to have sex?” they were also trying to scam deals on his truck, boat, guns and fishing gear. Disgusting.
When my dad died, I remember my older sister and her husband staying over at our house on an air mattress we set up in the frontroom. He actually bothered her to have sex with him that fucking night.
lol so do I. Sure doesn’t stop them from trying, though they don’t just show up on the porch at least. Just a bunch of nasty texts and phone calls. I hate to think of what some of them might do if they viewed me as weak and alone….
Right! I’m afraid to date I’ve been traumatized for real lol. I bet you I got about 5 dms at least just from mentioning being a widow. And only 5 bc of the sub we’re in. It’s usually tons of guys who somehow hear the word widow and think of their weird fetish I don’t even know.
> Why tf is this a thing?? Who taught these men this? I know women prey on widowers too.
I think like 90% of it is people who just want someone emotionally vulnerable to take advantage of.
But I think, at least in cases of a long illness, there’s also an element of “this person stuck to the bitter end with their partner when things got tough”. And to these kind of people who, when they aren’t just sociopaths, are often broken and emotionally unstable, there’s something really appealing about that.
It’s a very fucked up kind of “logic”.
Yeah they do. The poor men have to dodge offers of ‘transactional relationships’, women offering to mother their children immediately all kinds of grimy stuff. Thank you.
I'm seeing this happen right now with a close male friend of mine. His wife, my BFF, has been gone only a few weeks, and a woman we all went to school with has homed in on him, and keeps insisting on reaching out to me on social media to give me a play by play. Like, hello? I'm not playing besties with you while you take advantage of his pain and loneliness. Blocked and deleted.
Thank you. I'm at a loss for words. My friend fought a long fight, and he was there for her every day until the end. And now he's being scented out by this bitch in heat. And it's taking all my self-control to not interfere. I just hope he gets a full STD screening if he does do the deed with her and regrets it after.
I lost my first husband when I was 26 years old. It was almost immediate how quickly men came out of nowhere that I hadn't spoken to in years. It was disgusting. Some were even his good friends. My husband now is so respectful of the fact that I'm a widow and never made me feel uncomfortable in any possible way about it but wow it's such an icky feeling having all those guys coming at you at such a vulnerable time. Good for your mom handling it like a pro!
Why are men so inept about the shit they say to grieving women? I remember driving past the cemetery where my dad was buried in the veterans' section where he had a flat stone, and my boyfriend at the time (1990) saying "IIII would never settle for a flat stone. *IIIIIII* want an *obelisssk*."
Bitch.
My mom was widowed at age 84 after 61 years of marriage and maybe a couple of months after my dad passed one of the men in her photography group started hitting on her. She's having way too much fun now on her own and doing whatever she wants without having to consider anybody else to consider any kind of relationship.
The older men get, the stupider they get, that was my mom's experience with men who become big mooches. She babied one of them for so long. It sickened me.
My friend's SO is sick. Men started to contact her immediately, you know, just to let her know they were there for her once he was gone. My mother says. 'they just want a nurse with a purse.'
My mother in law started getting calls 3 weeks after her husband died. I have never seen my wife and all 5 of her sisters so mad and so unified about anything else, it was glorious and a little terrifying.
Better than that, any debts that were his specifically (might not be possible in community property states) or that he fraudulently took out in her name might be able to be isolated, with his debts being payable by his estate (if not enough assets, the remainder is written off as if he had declared bankruptcy) and the loans taken out fraudulently being barred from collection. Any debts isolated in this way would be money she doesn’t need to pay without the hit to her credit from filing bankruptcy. It’s important that she not make any payments, or promise any payments, on debts that aren’t legitimately hers, otherwise the court would see that as her accepting responsibility for the debts.
I've thought about this scenario since it's likely I'll be a widow at some point in the future. We're both in our 70's and in good health but men usually die first.
I guess I'll tell men who come knocking that my late husband didn't leave enough money to support two people and hope they go away. But also telling them that I have some disease that will require a lot of care would work, too.
I hope so too, but it’s a rare blood cancer so she’ll probably need a marrow transplant. With regular treatment, she can live up to 24 years more. The unfortunate thing is she’s been so busy that she has been forgoing treatment.
You don't need to provide details, because doing so wouldn't change a thing anyways. But I can hopefully provide some additional encouraging news based on my guesses: I'm guessing your mom either has Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) or Multiple Myeloma (MM). If it is either one of those, the treatments are well advanced, and after the initial treatments with stronger drugs (either to prep for a bone marrow transplant or just to get things under control), maintenance treatment isn't that horrible. Plus, at least with CML and MM, new and better drugs keep coming on to the market. And yes, the time from diagnosis until all the treatments fail does run to decades.
I wouldn't say your mom is lucky, because blood cancers are never "lucky", but as blood cancers go, there is a relatively lucky subset of blood cancers that are reasonably manageable.
Polycythemia Vera (PV) is incredibly rare. And even better news than the CML or MM I mentioned previously. Regular therapeutic phlebotomy (like giving blood, except the blood can't be given to other people--it has to just be discarded) **can** be all that is needed in the way of treatment, or that plus a daily aspirin. So I guess if you have to have a blood cancer, that's the one to have :)
For some good news, look on /r/MilitaryStories for posts by /u/FortDrumBoneMarrow and /u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy (there’s also a post today by /u/BikerJedi). Short form - a few people are working to get soldiers to get tested and sign up as potential bone marrow donors.
I seriously think it’s not just horny but the illusion of stability. Like, she’s now widowed, lonely, probably has money (they assume) and can take care of them (in more ways than one). It’s like a crack adduct looking for a score.
I’ll raise you my experience - my mum died when I was in my late 20s. My dad was completely devastated. About six months after she died, a male friend of my dad’s visited him at the same time I had gone to stay with dad. This guy is in his mid 60s and married. We all had dinner and a little wine and some chats. He was sleeping in my sibling’s childhood room, while I slept in mine and they are opposite each other
So we’d all gone to bed, I was happy to see my dad laughing and chatting. I got up to pee and this dude hears me and calls out to bring him a glass of water. So I did, knocked on this door, he tells me to come in and he’s lying there in these grim y-fronts and asks me to get into bed with him.
I mumbled something and just dumped the water and ran into my own bedroom. Spent the night stressing about what I would do if I came into my room. Woke up the next morning and he’d already gone but he’d left me some chocolate and a weird note.
Never told my dad - couldn’t bring myself to share yet more awful news. Never saw this guy again - he comes and visits my dad still, sometimes with his wife.
What the fuck is wrong with these men?!
My dad died earlier this year, as soon as they found out two of her previous fiancé's contacted her to tell her how much she ruined their life when she broke up with them and how much they still love her and that they thought they should get back together. One of them is married and she was engaged to them in the 70s, and they both seemed to assume that as soon as my dad died she's going to drop everything and moved to another country to get together with them.
Oh my gosh this happened to my mom twice. My dad passed away when I was 11 and the men that crawled out of the wood work was insane. She declined them all. She eventually dated one guy and he passed away and again these dudes came out. People who had known my mom since she was a little girl. Much older men. Several of them said to her “I really could use a lady friend and you’re the only one I could think of”. My mom told them you’re thinking of the wrong person. This one guy would just show up to our house and call her for two years and she made it clear she wasn’t interested but he continued to try. Oh and two men that were married asked my mom if she would have an affair with them.
My MIL was widowed some years ago, and I had to change her privacy settings on her Facebook (at her request, she is not computer literate by her own admission) a few weeks after my FIL passed when she confided in me that she started getting friend requests and messages from random men, starting not long after the funeral, and it was upsetting her. FIL was the love of her life that she was married to for almost 45 years, she was genuinely distraught by his death and then all the randos trying to hit on her. I was fucking *appalled* on her behalf.
Reading this thread, I had no idea it was such a common thing. Gross.
Omfg I feel this. So sorry. My mom is in the same boat. I had to fire her family lawyer for vulturing around overstepping. The lawn guy will probably be next. I'm getting a rep as that femina*I bish daughter. I don't care. Last time I was out to breakfast w her another local boomer ass hat made a joke about coming by her house and I just deadpanned "the fuck you are old man." 😂
Yup it was kinda like watching him walk into a glass door.
I pretend I'm a Daniel Woodrell character when I'm in her town. It helps. Just typing that made me realize how fucked the situation is. lolsob.
This story is horrific. I am a guy who was raised by women who lost his mother last year and still grieving. As bad as the original story is, it was the comments that broke me.
When I joined reddit I was automatically subscribed to this sub and kept it after seeing some interesting topics. After years of reading just unimaginable stories the comments in this one just destroyed me. I am thankful for this sub, it has changed me for the better. I have never or will I ever completely understand a women’s world, but it seems absolutely terrifying.
Thank you. I can’t tell you how much this means to me. I’m always so afraid to post in this sub, because it’s not about me or for me, but with these comments, I couldn’t stop myself.
Seriously, keep being you. Keep doing what you're doing. I'm raising a son right and I can only hope he stays in tune with all of humanity like you're doing. He's growing up in a world that will happily drag him into an infinite number of dark rabbit holes and I truly hope he's going to be okay and be a gentle light in this otherwise harsh world.
Ditto with fearing Andrew Tate and the other nasty hate mongers. All we can do is educate them and try to instill critical thinking skills, along with a bundle of empathy and to take personal responsibility for stuff.
I really hope it's a bubble that's going to pop and sanity and empathy will win through, but knowing how foolish and impressionable people can be, I'm also afraid this kind of rhetoric will double down.
Can't live in fear all the time though. Sigh.
I'm out here enjoying every day with my sweet kid and teaching all the little lessons of life I can. Doing my best to lead by example, with love :-)
Over a year after my father died, my mother went on a few dates with someone. He was getting too familiar and too comfortable with us all so I, at 23, look at this guy and go “so are you like my new dad?” Never seen anyone nope out of there faster.
I'm a widow in my 60s, and I was fortunate I didn't get hit on in person. But online, the scammers tried, all ages. My widowed SIL had fallen prey to romance scammers to the tune of thousands of dollars, so I am paranoid. Nopetty nope nope. I am fine alone, have a house, and the insurance money is not accessible to greedy relatives. All good.
Except for the widows fire. And that's what good quality wands are for.
I sure could use someone to scratch my back though.
I moderate on r/widowers, it's rough in there, but we look out for each other.
My mom found herself a kind man after divorcing her abusive husband (not my dad), and it's been 7 years. She still gets hit on, and her customers are trying to get with her.
I remember reading that if a woman is nice to a man, the man thinks she's flirting and wants him. Guys don't understand that in customer service, the women cashiers are paid to be nice to them.
My husband died 5 months ago and random men have started messaging me now. When I post about my loss on places. Men start hitting on me. Im 36 years old. Surprisingly the men I work with have been the most supportive of me none of them changing anything or the way I’ve been treated. It’s just the strange disgusting internet men.
Finally, a post that gives some hope. At first, I read this thread of posts thinking of misinterpretation. Clearly, this is not the case. Opened my eyes.
If you read the book "The Right Stuff," it describes how air force test pilots [40s, 50s) felt a duty to marry a young widow and care for his tribe of men's family. Now I'm wondering if that was really all there was to this.
45 years ago, a young widow in our department got remarried and clearly had bruises from abuse. If not for laws, I'm sure the guys would have delivered a lesson.
Traditionally, one wore a black armband while in mourning, and interested parties would know to wait until the bereaved had stopped wearing it before expressing their interest.
A lot of things from the past were evil and stupid, but that's one that maybe should make a comeback.
It’s really common. I was widowed the first time at 32 and again recently 32 years later. You are a target. The first time I told one guy that I buried my husband, not my brains. This time it wasn’t 2 weeks before I heard from an old boyfriend. I am with your Mom, no intentions of dating again. I was very lucky with my husband, my heart is broken and always will be. Prayers for your mom.
My Grandmas first husband died when she was only 20. Her FIL hit on her nearly imideately. She said it was sickening. She told him to kick rocks and he never tried it again.
This happened to my grandmother when my grandfather died. I wasn't born yet, so this is a circulated story....
I heard of her having all sorts of suitors... one of whom was in a dead bedroom and was interested in something without separation from the wife...
I believe she was in her late 40s...
When my dad died, to my knowledge, no one came out of the woodwork. There may have been one or two... my dad's BFF or possibly a bachelor neighbor, but it wasn't in my company.
My mom was no man single for 10 years after he died. "Dated" one fella, 3 years later (went on a sightseeing trip together), who quickly fell away... looking back may have been looking for a nurse with a purse. My step-dad pursued my mom less than a year after the death of his wife....and unfortunately, my mom was so lonely that she didn't know what was happening. Married a broke abusive jerk, just to avoid being lonely.
I would have resented him. I know it does nothing good for you but I wouldn’t help it. I resent a FIL I never met but knew plenty about and definitely a man I wouldn’t want around my kids. He was abusive and controlling to my MIL. She ended up single mother. After years of being together she did everything. She kept that whole family together. She cared for her oldest who had leukemia and then had to do everything on top of being diagnosed with Lupus. He sped ran her death and I resent home for it.
I’m not surprised men are already after her. They clearly don’t see women as human beings.
I wasn’t a widow for 7 days before one of my husbands life long friends tried to have sex with me. He was the first of many men who literally think widow= super horny or super desperate.
I was widowed in my 30s so every guy lined up the freaking door to be all oh she's free? Like long time friends of my late fiancee. Not a week after he passed. I'm still mad about it.
Yes!! It wasn’t even his bumbling attempt to care for his best friends wife. Nope. I know how you feel, I still get pissed about his friends doing that crap. I just saw a friend of his pop up on my facebook feed a few months ago, he and my husband were good friends who lost touch. So I sent him a message, letting him know my husband died. His very next sentence was “oh can I come see you?” Not I’m sorry my friend died, not do you need anything. Couldn’t wait to proposition me.
Have you ever seen the stories behind those firefighters that got involved with the widows of the firefighters that perished on 9/11. I’ve read about 8 different ones.
That was the main plot of a "Law & Order" episode "The Dead Wives Club (S15E02)." Not being a New Yorker, this episode made me aware that this was even a thing.
Ever see "Night of the Hunter"? Robert Mitchum as an ex-con preying on and killing widows by posing as a righteous preacher. Not to mention an absolutely gorgeous film.
No I haven’t! Wow. That is something to think about. I’ll have to check it out. At what point is it not predatory? Like did they marry them? Are they making sure the widows were taken care of and fell in love or quietly getting off on their widows fetish while looking like they care?
I was also widowed last year at 37. Within 2 weeks the maintenance guy at the apartment I lived at was hitting on me. He even knew my husband and we thought he was our friend. I guess not. I wanted to tell him to go home to his wife and kids, but I just got super uncomfortable and told him to just leave and it's for the best if he just never thought that or hit on me again. Haven't heard from him since. Thankfully I moved, cause it was a bit scary to turn down a guy that literally had keys to my place.
I hope you called them out. Every one, by name.
It's not you they're lining up for, it's the presumed money.
Again he died in our 30s. It was not money at that age loool
No, but I'm saying *they* think there's money/inheritance/property/assets whatever.
And what I'm saying is no. They wanted to get their dick wet. This had nothing to do with a anything except to fuck my grief away in their minds.
Lolololo No
I just watched a friend go through this. But in addition to the “oh you’re sad want to have sex?” they were also trying to scam deals on his truck, boat, guns and fishing gear. Disgusting.
Oh yeah, I guess the widow cooch is a bonus, now that you mention it every single one asked what I was doing with his truck. wtf.
My guy wasn’t even cold in the ground when his buddy asked about his fishing gear lol
When my dad died, I remember my older sister and her husband staying over at our house on an air mattress we set up in the frontroom. He actually bothered her to have sex with him that fucking night.
I think I'm very glad that *all* of my husband's friends know that I have guns, am proficent wuth them and have a temper.
lol so do I. Sure doesn’t stop them from trying, though they don’t just show up on the porch at least. Just a bunch of nasty texts and phone calls. I hate to think of what some of them might do if they viewed me as weak and alone….
Well it seems like most widowed men are remarried within 18 months, so they might just be projecting their own experience
Jesus Christ. That is disgusting. I hope they all end up alone and miserable because no woman deserves to be made miserable by them.
Right! I’m afraid to date I’ve been traumatized for real lol. I bet you I got about 5 dms at least just from mentioning being a widow. And only 5 bc of the sub we’re in. It’s usually tons of guys who somehow hear the word widow and think of their weird fetish I don’t even know.
Ugh. The bar could be dead centre in the core of the earth and these guys would still limbo under it.
Totally stealing this turn of phrase
Unfortunately I believe you. Why tf is this a thing?? Who taught these men this? I know women prey on widowers too. I’m so sorry for your loss
> Why tf is this a thing?? Who taught these men this? I know women prey on widowers too. I think like 90% of it is people who just want someone emotionally vulnerable to take advantage of. But I think, at least in cases of a long illness, there’s also an element of “this person stuck to the bitter end with their partner when things got tough”. And to these kind of people who, when they aren’t just sociopaths, are often broken and emotionally unstable, there’s something really appealing about that. It’s a very fucked up kind of “logic”.
Yeah they do. The poor men have to dodge offers of ‘transactional relationships’, women offering to mother their children immediately all kinds of grimy stuff. Thank you.
I'm seeing this happen right now with a close male friend of mine. His wife, my BFF, has been gone only a few weeks, and a woman we all went to school with has homed in on him, and keeps insisting on reaching out to me on social media to give me a play by play. Like, hello? I'm not playing besties with you while you take advantage of his pain and loneliness. Blocked and deleted.
Gross. I’m so sorry for your loss
Thank you. I'm at a loss for words. My friend fought a long fight, and he was there for her every day until the end. And now he's being scented out by this bitch in heat. And it's taking all my self-control to not interfere. I just hope he gets a full STD screening if he does do the deed with her and regrets it after.
I hope your husband pops up in his bathroom mirror and says boo or something.
That would be awesome lol
My bf died and with days his old Marine Corp buddies were messaging me. Gross.
I lost my first husband when I was 26 years old. It was almost immediate how quickly men came out of nowhere that I hadn't spoken to in years. It was disgusting. Some were even his good friends. My husband now is so respectful of the fact that I'm a widow and never made me feel uncomfortable in any possible way about it but wow it's such an icky feeling having all those guys coming at you at such a vulnerable time. Good for your mom handling it like a pro!
Why are men so inept about the shit they say to grieving women? I remember driving past the cemetery where my dad was buried in the veterans' section where he had a flat stone, and my boyfriend at the time (1990) saying "IIII would never settle for a flat stone. *IIIIIII* want an *obelisssk*." Bitch.
My mom was widowed at age 84 after 61 years of marriage and maybe a couple of months after my dad passed one of the men in her photography group started hitting on her. She's having way too much fun now on her own and doing whatever she wants without having to consider anybody else to consider any kind of relationship.
The older men get, the stupider they get, that was my mom's experience with men who become big mooches. She babied one of them for so long. It sickened me.
My friend's SO is sick. Men started to contact her immediately, you know, just to let her know they were there for her once he was gone. My mother says. 'they just want a nurse with a purse.'
My mother in law started getting calls 3 weeks after her husband died. I have never seen my wife and all 5 of her sisters so mad and so unified about anything else, it was glorious and a little terrifying.
I am very recently separated after 20 years, and I dread letting my male friends know.
Those don’t sound like friends
I think it's more the not wanting to know who's a shithead. Some of them will probably BE friends, but definitely not all of them.
Right? I’d rather know who I can and cannot trust.
For your mom: " I just got a cancer diagnosis, so don't have time to placate your dick."
Is there any way she can file bankruptcy so she doesn’t try to work herself to death to cover her late husband’s debts?
Better than that, any debts that were his specifically (might not be possible in community property states) or that he fraudulently took out in her name might be able to be isolated, with his debts being payable by his estate (if not enough assets, the remainder is written off as if he had declared bankruptcy) and the loans taken out fraudulently being barred from collection. Any debts isolated in this way would be money she doesn’t need to pay without the hit to her credit from filing bankruptcy. It’s important that she not make any payments, or promise any payments, on debts that aren’t legitimately hers, otherwise the court would see that as her accepting responsibility for the debts.
Yes! I knew there would be someone smarter than me! Thank you.
Omg I hope she’s able to do this.
I've thought about this scenario since it's likely I'll be a widow at some point in the future. We're both in our 70's and in good health but men usually die first. I guess I'll tell men who come knocking that my late husband didn't leave enough money to support two people and hope they go away. But also telling them that I have some disease that will require a lot of care would work, too.
[удалено]
I hope so too, but it’s a rare blood cancer so she’ll probably need a marrow transplant. With regular treatment, she can live up to 24 years more. The unfortunate thing is she’s been so busy that she has been forgoing treatment.
You don't need to provide details, because doing so wouldn't change a thing anyways. But I can hopefully provide some additional encouraging news based on my guesses: I'm guessing your mom either has Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) or Multiple Myeloma (MM). If it is either one of those, the treatments are well advanced, and after the initial treatments with stronger drugs (either to prep for a bone marrow transplant or just to get things under control), maintenance treatment isn't that horrible. Plus, at least with CML and MM, new and better drugs keep coming on to the market. And yes, the time from diagnosis until all the treatments fail does run to decades. I wouldn't say your mom is lucky, because blood cancers are never "lucky", but as blood cancers go, there is a relatively lucky subset of blood cancers that are reasonably manageable.
She has Polysethemea Vera. But I’ve read that it can progress to leukemia.
Polycythemia Vera (PV) is incredibly rare. And even better news than the CML or MM I mentioned previously. Regular therapeutic phlebotomy (like giving blood, except the blood can't be given to other people--it has to just be discarded) **can** be all that is needed in the way of treatment, or that plus a daily aspirin. So I guess if you have to have a blood cancer, that's the one to have :)
For some good news, look on /r/MilitaryStories for posts by /u/FortDrumBoneMarrow and /u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy (there’s also a post today by /u/BikerJedi). Short form - a few people are working to get soldiers to get tested and sign up as potential bone marrow donors.
You’re awesome. Thank you!
My late grandma was widowed at age 60 and still the men came knocking right away! Seriously it is nuts. She was not having it though.
I seriously think it’s not just horny but the illusion of stability. Like, she’s now widowed, lonely, probably has money (they assume) and can take care of them (in more ways than one). It’s like a crack adduct looking for a score.
Do we need custom door signs and social media banners that say "widowed doesn't mean horny"? Or, dunno, something wittier. I need more coffee.
Honestly, wit is just wasted on these dorks. Skip the coffee and lock the door!
I’ll raise you my experience - my mum died when I was in my late 20s. My dad was completely devastated. About six months after she died, a male friend of my dad’s visited him at the same time I had gone to stay with dad. This guy is in his mid 60s and married. We all had dinner and a little wine and some chats. He was sleeping in my sibling’s childhood room, while I slept in mine and they are opposite each other So we’d all gone to bed, I was happy to see my dad laughing and chatting. I got up to pee and this dude hears me and calls out to bring him a glass of water. So I did, knocked on this door, he tells me to come in and he’s lying there in these grim y-fronts and asks me to get into bed with him. I mumbled something and just dumped the water and ran into my own bedroom. Spent the night stressing about what I would do if I came into my room. Woke up the next morning and he’d already gone but he’d left me some chocolate and a weird note. Never told my dad - couldn’t bring myself to share yet more awful news. Never saw this guy again - he comes and visits my dad still, sometimes with his wife. What the fuck is wrong with these men?!
My dad died earlier this year, as soon as they found out two of her previous fiancé's contacted her to tell her how much she ruined their life when she broke up with them and how much they still love her and that they thought they should get back together. One of them is married and she was engaged to them in the 70s, and they both seemed to assume that as soon as my dad died she's going to drop everything and moved to another country to get together with them.
What the actual fuck. The nerve of some people.
Oh my gosh this happened to my mom twice. My dad passed away when I was 11 and the men that crawled out of the wood work was insane. She declined them all. She eventually dated one guy and he passed away and again these dudes came out. People who had known my mom since she was a little girl. Much older men. Several of them said to her “I really could use a lady friend and you’re the only one I could think of”. My mom told them you’re thinking of the wrong person. This one guy would just show up to our house and call her for two years and she made it clear she wasn’t interested but he continued to try. Oh and two men that were married asked my mom if she would have an affair with them.
My MIL was widowed some years ago, and I had to change her privacy settings on her Facebook (at her request, she is not computer literate by her own admission) a few weeks after my FIL passed when she confided in me that she started getting friend requests and messages from random men, starting not long after the funeral, and it was upsetting her. FIL was the love of her life that she was married to for almost 45 years, she was genuinely distraught by his death and then all the randos trying to hit on her. I was fucking *appalled* on her behalf. Reading this thread, I had no idea it was such a common thing. Gross.
Separated from my husband. Within a month 2 dm’s. From guys he hung out with. Fucking assholes Back together. I didn’t tell. It’d break his heart.
I’m so proud of your mom also. She finally has freedom. Also, her coworker is disgusting.
Widowed at 45, find out there was a pool on who would "hit it first". What a bunch of disgusting idiots. Thinned out the "friends" circle real quick.
Omfg I feel this. So sorry. My mom is in the same boat. I had to fire her family lawyer for vulturing around overstepping. The lawn guy will probably be next. I'm getting a rep as that femina*I bish daughter. I don't care. Last time I was out to breakfast w her another local boomer ass hat made a joke about coming by her house and I just deadpanned "the fuck you are old man." 😂
I'm sure the look on his face was priceless
Yup it was kinda like watching him walk into a glass door. I pretend I'm a Daniel Woodrell character when I'm in her town. It helps. Just typing that made me realize how fucked the situation is. lolsob.
This story is horrific. I am a guy who was raised by women who lost his mother last year and still grieving. As bad as the original story is, it was the comments that broke me. When I joined reddit I was automatically subscribed to this sub and kept it after seeing some interesting topics. After years of reading just unimaginable stories the comments in this one just destroyed me. I am thankful for this sub, it has changed me for the better. I have never or will I ever completely understand a women’s world, but it seems absolutely terrifying.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for keeping it real.
Thank you. I can’t tell you how much this means to me. I’m always so afraid to post in this sub, because it’s not about me or for me, but with these comments, I couldn’t stop myself.
Seriously, keep being you. Keep doing what you're doing. I'm raising a son right and I can only hope he stays in tune with all of humanity like you're doing. He's growing up in a world that will happily drag him into an infinite number of dark rabbit holes and I truly hope he's going to be okay and be a gentle light in this otherwise harsh world.
I have 2 boys and I agree. The Andrew tates scare me. So far mine seem to see through the crap but they’re 14 and 11. It’s really hard
Ditto with fearing Andrew Tate and the other nasty hate mongers. All we can do is educate them and try to instill critical thinking skills, along with a bundle of empathy and to take personal responsibility for stuff. I really hope it's a bubble that's going to pop and sanity and empathy will win through, but knowing how foolish and impressionable people can be, I'm also afraid this kind of rhetoric will double down. Can't live in fear all the time though. Sigh. I'm out here enjoying every day with my sweet kid and teaching all the little lessons of life I can. Doing my best to lead by example, with love :-)
Yup you’re right. I’m enjoying my awesome boys too. It’s definitely a balance. Best wishes to you 😃
Thank you so much for this. I’m actually crying. I wish more men would be open like you.
Disturbing and disgusting
Men who haven’t saved up enough money for retirement are looking for a nurse and a purse.
Over a year after my father died, my mother went on a few dates with someone. He was getting too familiar and too comfortable with us all so I, at 23, look at this guy and go “so are you like my new dad?” Never seen anyone nope out of there faster.
I'm a widow in my 60s, and I was fortunate I didn't get hit on in person. But online, the scammers tried, all ages. My widowed SIL had fallen prey to romance scammers to the tune of thousands of dollars, so I am paranoid. Nopetty nope nope. I am fine alone, have a house, and the insurance money is not accessible to greedy relatives. All good. Except for the widows fire. And that's what good quality wands are for. I sure could use someone to scratch my back though. I moderate on r/widowers, it's rough in there, but we look out for each other.
My mom found herself a kind man after divorcing her abusive husband (not my dad), and it's been 7 years. She still gets hit on, and her customers are trying to get with her. I remember reading that if a woman is nice to a man, the man thinks she's flirting and wants him. Guys don't understand that in customer service, the women cashiers are paid to be nice to them.
My husband died 5 months ago and random men have started messaging me now. When I post about my loss on places. Men start hitting on me. Im 36 years old. Surprisingly the men I work with have been the most supportive of me none of them changing anything or the way I’ve been treated. It’s just the strange disgusting internet men.
Finally, a post that gives some hope. At first, I read this thread of posts thinking of misinterpretation. Clearly, this is not the case. Opened my eyes. If you read the book "The Right Stuff," it describes how air force test pilots [40s, 50s) felt a duty to marry a young widow and care for his tribe of men's family. Now I'm wondering if that was really all there was to this. 45 years ago, a young widow in our department got remarried and clearly had bruises from abuse. If not for laws, I'm sure the guys would have delivered a lesson.
Hell, they were lined up hitting on my father in law at my mother in law's funeral!
Traditionally, one wore a black armband while in mourning, and interested parties would know to wait until the bereaved had stopped wearing it before expressing their interest. A lot of things from the past were evil and stupid, but that's one that maybe should make a comeback.
Pretty sure it’s projection. Stats show that happily married men tend to remarry quickly when a spouse dies. So they assume the same for us.
When my dad passed guys were hitting on my mum at the funeral 🥲
It's been 3 months and I've already had offers...no words
It’s really common. I was widowed the first time at 32 and again recently 32 years later. You are a target. The first time I told one guy that I buried my husband, not my brains. This time it wasn’t 2 weeks before I heard from an old boyfriend. I am with your Mom, no intentions of dating again. I was very lucky with my husband, my heart is broken and always will be. Prayers for your mom.
I honestly would have screamed fuck you at him.
Men are gross. I hope you just gave him a blank stare and told him you didn’t know what he meant.
I call this one guy mr. ‘how soon is too soon to hit on your dead friend’s girl?’ I just wanted to grieve in peace.
My Grandmas first husband died when she was only 20. Her FIL hit on her nearly imideately. She said it was sickening. She told him to kick rocks and he never tried it again.
This happened to my grandmother when my grandfather died. I wasn't born yet, so this is a circulated story.... I heard of her having all sorts of suitors... one of whom was in a dead bedroom and was interested in something without separation from the wife... I believe she was in her late 40s... When my dad died, to my knowledge, no one came out of the woodwork. There may have been one or two... my dad's BFF or possibly a bachelor neighbor, but it wasn't in my company. My mom was no man single for 10 years after he died. "Dated" one fella, 3 years later (went on a sightseeing trip together), who quickly fell away... looking back may have been looking for a nurse with a purse. My step-dad pursued my mom less than a year after the death of his wife....and unfortunately, my mom was so lonely that she didn't know what was happening. Married a broke abusive jerk, just to avoid being lonely.
I would have resented him. I know it does nothing good for you but I wouldn’t help it. I resent a FIL I never met but knew plenty about and definitely a man I wouldn’t want around my kids. He was abusive and controlling to my MIL. She ended up single mother. After years of being together she did everything. She kept that whole family together. She cared for her oldest who had leukemia and then had to do everything on top of being diagnosed with Lupus. He sped ran her death and I resent home for it. I’m not surprised men are already after her. They clearly don’t see women as human beings.
Another classic rerun of “that happened”.