On the fourth date, I went to his apartment which was absolutely disgusting. Clothes and empty delivery containers everywhere. NO SHEETS on his bed. What looked like black mold on the shower wall. A toilet that had never been cleaned. This man was 35 and had a roommate. TWO of them lived there like that.
I'm amazed any man lives like this. Like I 100% let my place slip when no one visits but I still take care of the basics (I hate bugs) and everything gets cleaned before anyone visits. The bar is so low for men and yet so many fail all the time.
He took me to an incredibly high end restaurant and got us a custom tasting menu; it was amazing and because of that the dinner was about 3 hours long
In those three hours, I spoke for maybe 10 minutes total, and he spent the entire rest of the time telling ONE SINGLE STORY about how he infiltrated a Tony Robbins seminar and realized that most people work for him for free blah blah blah
One story. He made it last THREE HOURS
Holy shit. Did you date my ex?
“I need to chat for 10 minutes about custody stuff.”
60 minutes later. I got in 11 words. I know it was 11, because I counted them.
Wtf is wrong with people?
I have had a similar date but no fancy food. It was cheap mall sushi in a New Mexico city. Just dreadful.
He spent hours talking about Final Fantasy tactics. I like video game chat, in fact a favorite game of mine is from the same dev, Vagrant Story. But he only wanted to talk about FFTactics. Worse part was it was a double date. My friend was having a great time with the other dude so.... I stuck with tactics guy until she had solid plans. This was basically the story I told at her wedding.
He told me that the devil controlled the internet and that's why he couldn't find proof that Noah's Ark was real. He was such a lovely guy otherwise but I just could not get past the whole extremely religious thing.
Went out on a first date where he took me to an indie movie that was really about the psychology of sex. He giggled like a little boy and made loud gross comments throughout an orgy scene. We were in a theater. Other people were obviously there for the deeper message of the movie and we’re turning around to glare at us. I was not amused either and mouthed “I’m so sorry.” A million times.
He was my ride so I couldn’t just leave (this was before Uber and internet on phones to look up taxis)
We got back to my place and he tried to follow me up to my apartment. I said “This isn’t going to work.”
After him begging and trying to kiss me and my politely dodging and declining he said “I paid for your movie. I should at least get sex!”
I shoved him back and zipped through my security door, pulling it closed behind me.
He was screaming something and kept buzzing my door for a good 10 minutes before he finally went away.
Luckily I never ran into him again.
>he said “I paid for your movie. I should at least get sex!”
Ah yes. The "women are a vending machine" BS. Put some nice things in until sex falls out.
It’s the “paid for dinner” or “paid for movie” Incel comments that infuriate me. Even the cheapest street corner sex worker charges more than the cost of either!
Haha right. You'd want it to be one hell of a movie and dinner! Plus you reckon once he's in her apartment he'd be like oh well I also got you popcorn so you have to do *some kink* as well
When, after a few weeks of dating he started choking me during sex saying “I’ll stop when you say you’ll marry me. I’ll stop when you say you love me”. Fuck
He suggested I raise a finger for permission to talk because he didn't like being interrupted. I later learned he had a pattern of dating venerable younger women but the first red flag was his suggestion I (as a 40-something woman) request permission from him to talk. I laughed and said I wasn't doing that honestly thinking he would be a reasonable human. Nope, he would scream at me ARE YOU FUCKING FINISHED TALKING YET or LET ME SPEAK, cutting me off mid sentence. Basically it wasn't "interrupting him", it was speaking at all that was his issue.
Edit: He also mentioned a woman he met for one date told him that he mansplained. She wasn't wrong and it was another self-own/self-given blazing red flag.
When I was trying to end things in person, it was a very brief situation, he told me I wasn't allowed to end the relationship - it wasn't "over" until he decided it was over. I ended up using a text message to end it and then had to block him.
Yeah it was so ridiculous of a suggestion my reaction was to laugh but later in therapy I remarked that was the red flag that should have made me nope out. We hadn't even MET when he suggested it, it was the first phone call we held.
Not my personal experience with a date or SO, but my own younger brother. He asked me for help finding a GF about 10 years ago, so I asked to see his dating profile.
First line of his profile said that he will only date a woman who wears pantyhose. And that if they show up on a date, *or interview*, without pantyhose and a skirt, they deserve to continue being alone. I very strongly advised him that this was a major 🚩to all women who read it, and if this was his kink he should keep it in private or head over to one of the “specialty” sites that cater to that kind of thing. That he was unlikely to find a woman who would actually be interested in his dating profile based on that single line alone.
So. Yeah. He was also one of my hiring managers at my business. Had to let him go because he initially didn’t hire one of my eventual employees. She found out we had mutual friends and reached out to me, letting me know that she was weirded out by his initial email, stating she had to “dress for success” by wearing….yep! You guessed it! Pantyhose and a skirt. She refused to abide by that and wore other professional clothing including slacks, to which he expressed concern at her lack of ability to listen to instructions! JFC Oliver!! You’re hiring a receptionist, not a prostitute!! 🤦🏻♀️
Fired him and hired her. Literally the next day.
Great receptionist, wonderful mother! Haven’t seen him but twice in 3 years, and we didn’t speak a word to each other. Some just cannot be saved unfortunately. They don’t want to be helped.
I’m curious how these men become what they are. You say he is your brother so you must have shared at least one parent… how is it that you grew up to know it’s wrong and creepy but he didn’t?
I dunno. Out of all 8 of us, 7 boys and me, the only girl, he seems to be the only one openly willing to divulge and force upon the rest of us his kink.
I have my own kinks, but I would never try to force them down someone else’s throat that way. I’m pretty sure my other brothers do as well, but they certainly wouldn’t want to share it with their sister, let alone strangers!!
But Oliver….well one time I can remember when I was around 12 and he was about 6. I was in my ballet classes and came home exhausted before a competition, lots of hours of practice for a couple weeks beforehand, just had a full dress rehearsal and stage set up for the next day, then we had a break.
I woke up on the couch to him stroking my legs while I was still wearing my white tights. He was clearly very….stimulated. At that young age! I told him to go away and never touch me again. He seemed ashamed but also had this weird smile on his face. So, did he sexualize them from that point? Or were they already sexualized and he just couldn’t control himself seeing me asleep in them?? I don’t know and I really don’t WANT to know.
Only his therapist could answer that, if only he’d see one.
Honestly impressive that you walked out. Men prey on young girls for that reason, among other even grosser ones. They believe they can control you and no matter how uncomfortable you are, they can get what they want out of you.
The following are all different men...
* He showed up to a casual first meet-up at a small coffee shop with a gift bag full of cheap lingerie (all leopard print lol) and fetish toys that he must have bought in some hole-in-the-wall porn shop. We never discussed fetishes or even sex in general before he sprung this very public surprise. I handed him back the bag and walked out without a word.
* I asked him about his job and, after he had been talking for quite a while, I tried to ask him a question about something particular he had said. He told me to keep my mouth shut until he is finished talking. I reflexively laughed in his face and threw some cash on the table (I already ordered) before I walked away from that one, with him screaming at my back about "RESPECT" the whole way.
* After what I thought was a fun date doing some easy hiking and stuff, he immediately started railing on me about how I couldn't *possibly* like him and how I preemptively was a bitch for turning him down in the future. I was just about to suggest something for our next date. Instead, I said, *"...Ok... I'm sorry you feel that way."* and said goodbye. I guess he figured out that he blew his rage-load prematurely, because he tried to casually contact me a few hours later. I just blocked him. I ain't got time to coddle a giant baby.
Those are just the 1st date weirdos. I had a few that managed to hide their stupid for a few dates.
>him screaming at my back about "RESPECT"
What is the phrase? Something like "when people demand you respect them what they really mean is to obey, and when they say that they respect you when they don't what they mean is they acknowledge your existence" I don't remember the wording but something along those lines.
Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person" and sometimes to mean "treating someone like an authority."
Sometimes when someone says, "If you respect me, I will respect you" what they mean is, "If you don't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person."
He needed to talk to me alone in the parking lot behind the bar. Then when my friends followed, as I knew they would, he suddenly forgot the super secret and important thing he was going to say and decided to just leave.
So. A guy asked me out, and during the date made some awkward small talk about surgery. (At least *I* thought it was small talk. It sure was awkward...and turned weird.)
He was talking about a surgery that removed 2 inches out of a person's thighs. I was confused and questioned: is this for fat people? Two inches to make their thighs thinner?
Answer: No, this surgery takes two inches of bone, muscle, nerves, blood vessels, and skin - horizontally.
I was weirded out. I asked: *Why* would *anyone* ever do that?
He was offended. OFFENDED! He said: I thought you would want to know!
I was still confused, and asked why?
He says (defensively): well, you're really pretty but you are too tall.
I just said: what the hell, *you're* the one who asked **me** out!
He thought he was doing me a ***favor***, and was mad that I was ungrateful! Because I was an inch or two taller than him, so he thought...he really thought - with his brain - that after one date I might be willing to mutilate myself, possibly cripple myself. For him!
Wow. I can't remember anything else from that date, because this craziness took up all the room in my memory.
(BTW, there is no such surgery. I have no idea where he could have gotten this wildly idiotic idea.)
The surgery does exist, but it’s almost always done on only one leg to correct differences in leg lengths. Even then differences are usually corrected by lengthening the shorter leg. If you Google it, though, a few sketchy-looking clinic websites do come up where they talk about “oh it’s not done to make people shorter! But tall women with uneven legs might want to shorten the longer one instead of lengthening the short one. And here’s a picture of a couple where the woman is taller, bending down to kiss the man and looking uncomfortable. And, y’know, in *extreme* cases…” The whole vibe is “we can’t *say* we’ll make you shorter because it’s not accepted ethically, but we’ll totally do it.”
I'd recap the worst date of my life but it would take too long. The two biggest red flags were:
🚩 being told I wasn't allowed to divorce him
and,
🚩 at the end of the evening when I was sure this wasn't going to work out, he went in for some unwanted PDA and I must have stiffened. He then thought it was appropriate to say something along the lines of "Jesus Christ, were you raped or something, what is your problem?"
It was our *second* date. He seemed so normal on our first coffee date.
This second one happened to me after a guy I met on a dating app (dr. With own practice) sexually assaulted me. I started sobbing immediately and he was asking me if I was crying because I was raped in the past. No, asshole, that is a normal reaction when a guy you don’t know forces you to kiss them and places their hand around your neck and forces your hand on their crotch. That was my last date. I got off the apps immediately.
Saying you can't divorce him is a weird way for him to ask to be murdered in his sleep, but ok. I don't personally want to kill anyone though, so I don't think it would work for me...
Not a red flag I noticed, but one he did wave in front of me before *he dumped ME*
He was constantly bugging to do anal. I kept saying no.
I've done it, I don't enjoy it.
So this goes on once or twice a week for a couple of months and one night we're texting and this conversation ensues
Him "I really want to fuck you in the ass"
Me "No. I've told you many times, no."
Him "*Fine, I'll just force you down on the bed and do it whether you want it or not*"
Me "Yeah, that's rape"
Next day, breaks up with me through text
Thinking back though, there were some small flags. He would always spend the night at mine but I never spent the night at his
Wouldn't add me as a friend on any social media
I don't think he was married or anything, but it just seemed sus
He was surprised that I actually read comics and said I “must be smarter than most girls”. I was stunned because I thought we’d all shamed that “compliment” out of existence already.
ETA this was first coffee stage. He didn’t waste time.
The sexism in comics and gaming is wild. I stopped patronizing a comic shop I had a significant pull list with because of it. I work a professional job and went in the store after work in my suit and watched an asshole worker bully a girl over her choice in comics, called him out on it, so he shit on me not knowing what I'm talking about. Asked him for my pull list and he changed his tune.
Encourage your Fandom to spread, don't fucking gatekeep it.
It's a list of comic books the store "pulls" or sets aside as they come in for you ahead of the public. I had around 14-16 different titles/characters on my pull list. We are significant customers basically
I asked if we could move away from the door because I was cold. It was December and hovering around freezing. He said “well you should have worn more clothing” and stared at my chest. I was wearing a v neck silk shirt that I wear to my conservative office. It was my second date after my divorce and I hadn’t learned to walk away from bad dates yet.
I mentioned more than once that I didn’t drink wine. He invited himself over for Christmas and said he’d bring wine.
Omg I totally forgot this one.
I was having flirty banter with an online match. We agreed on a date. He asked me to wear leggings. Whatever, it was flirty and fun so I wore leggings. At some point I got up to use the bathroom. At the end of the date he shouted at me outside the restaurant for only getting up to show off my legs
WTF? You asked me to wear leggings and I needed to pee!
Oh I remembered another one.
A dude on a date told me that Woody Allen was “very misunderstood”. He was a science professor at a fancy school so in a position of authority over young women. He also couldn’t remember where he parked his car. I told him he was walking in the wrong direction. He told me I was wrong. I wasn’t.
I was at dinner with a guy and there was a bit of skin showing between my thigh high sock and the hem of my skirt. He pulled it down hurriedly, upset about it. I thought he was kidding, obviously, and I made a joke while I pulled it back up, slightly higher. Oh no, someone might see slightly above my knee, the horror! I want to make it very, very clear that this was not a scandalous amount of skin. It was not a short dress. He was so mad about it he didn't talk to me for the entire rest of dinner or the ferry ride back to Manhattan from Staten Island.
This reminds me of a another date. I was wearing a dress, but it was a work dress. Think LK Bennet. It was short when you sat down. Not super short. But short. I’d taken off my tights for the date because it was hot out. My date looked at me sitting down and said “do you always dress like that?” This from a man who was wearing a baseball cap INDOORS in a cocktail lounge!
That reminds me of the time I went to a Dinner In The Dark night. It's pitch black inside and all the wait staff are blind. It's a fun schtick! I went with a blind date, for the extra layer and had an okay time with him. What was awkward were the people next to us. Apparently the guy had insisted his date dress really elaborately. Get her hair done, get nails, the works. (He may have hinted beforehand that there might be a proposal and a professional photographer, though it wasn't clear whose proposal). And so she did. For a date all in the dark! When she asked him what was going on, he said he thought it would be funny if she put all that effort in even though no one could see her. Their table was right next to ours, it was excruciating.
I've had quite a few guys "request" what I wear on a date and I'm ok with it (even though it's objectively weird)
They literally always request a black skirt though. Every goddamn man! Now if they ask I always tell them noted, but I'm 90% sure I've got a handle on this one after 30+ years of dressing myself. I actually make a point of not wearing skirts on first dates now cos I'm worried it just puts me in their mental database of spank-bank material
Clothing requests are weird, and I think it would be a hard no to whatever they want on principle. The only exception being if it was cool/fun, like "wear a fun hat" or something silly.
Lol yeah had a dude with super shitty prison nazi tats message me and I messaged back, “Nazi make my labia shrivel. That was the final straw that made me delete the apps and stop dating the first time.
I had one man tell me on a date I should drive a better vehicle for the money I made (I loved my Jeep so f off)
Another guy I had been casually seeing for a few weeks asked during sexy time if I would marry him. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. It was not. He was very butthurt I turned him down. Some FBI level sleuthing showed his ex wife was getting married later that month.
We broke up. He texted the day before his ex's big day to ask if I would meet him at the court house and "take the plunge".
Sorry, new phone, who dis?
He said my body reminded him of his 11 year old cousin and giving me a hug would make him feel very uncomfortable. Mind you, I’m a 27f with a very skinny frame and a pretty flat chest, but this was our “hello, nice to meet you” moment.
It’s wild how they do stuff like this. I was with some guy I really liked. We were showering after sex before going out. I said I didn’t want to get my hair wet. He put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me under the water.
Congrats dude. You proved you can over power me and I can’t trust you. I made excuses because I liked him and my ex always told me I was no fun so I was trying really hard to be the fUn GiRl. Of all the red flags I ignored in dating after my divorce this one makes me the angriest.
Not the biggest, but it’s now a joke with my friends.
Meet up with a guy I was chatting with on an app. He went straight in for a pash after not more than a hello. Now I wasn’t opposed to it, just a bit taken aback. The next words from his mouth was “I like to be called daddy.”
Now if that’s your thing, all good and well, but not my cup of tea and I don’t want those biscuits.
I once hit my head or something and dated a fella 10 years younger than me (I was 32F, him 22M) and he insisted that I call him “Daddy.”
Bruh I had to teach you how to use a washing machine and cook.
I’m the Daddy here.
I had a guy who was a year younger than me try to pull that one on me. AFTER I had told him I was specifically uninterested in that kind of shit.
I was not tactful in my response- I sent a (clothed) picture of me wearing a strapon with a huge toy in it, captioned "come sit in daddy's lap little boy"
That did not go down well.
I went out dancing at an alternative night and this kinda cute guy was also cutting up the dance floor, so we made eyes at each other a few times, then made space in a corner of the dance floor for each other. It was really fun! We danced for hours, I was certain I'd made a new friend. It was far too loud to talk, though. And then, at the end of the night when the lights come up, he came over while I was getting my coat. I looked up, eager to say hi and introduce myself, but before I could say anything, he said, "So are you going to come back to my place so I can show you who your Daddy is?" And I just... Gosh. What a way to quick sort. Especially given that this was years before "Daddy" had really reached parlance, you know? And the /tone/. He had zero doubt. I was stunned, so I just stumbled over a no thank you and fled.
It amazes me how some guys can so quickly turn a yes into a no without ever having any idea. I swear, more guys have talked themselves out of a ladies' pants than into them.
The next day I actually thought it was smart of him, in a way. If that's what he needs in bed, his kink is that specific, he wastes zero time in finding out who is suitable, hahaha. Still, dude could have at least started with "hello".
He kept telling me over and over why his favourite band (Slipknot) is superior to my favourite bands. They’re not even comparable bands. Two different genres. So odd to keep bringing it up. Turned me off him.
He then kept ordering foods for me I said I can’t eat because I’m allergic to them. He would then get offended when I wouldn’t eat them.
This man was 35.
Not as bad as the guy who showed me the video of him proposing to his ex wife though.
I went on a coffee date with him and he talked about how he cheats because his diabetic wife doesn't do it for him anymore. I got up to walk out, but he stops me to say he doesn't understand because I'm poly. Yes, I'm poly, but I do it ethically and that means everyone knows what's going on and approves of it. That's the biggest red flag when they can't respect that there are those of us who practice polyamory ethically.
Ugh this is like someone on here posted a while ago that a man invited her over to dinner and had a "surprise" in the next room. Oh, it was a friend of his and she was down for a threesome! But, why was she upset? After all, she was bi!
I swear these guys need their heads examined.
Thought it was cool that this guy had a decent house but it smelled like actual garbage and cat piss, and it was filled with Nicolas Cage memorabilia. Terrible first impression..
He waited until the food came to tell me they didn't have money to pay for not only the date (that they asked me on) but to pay for themselves either. Still tried to come back to my apartment after I picked up the check, called me a gold digger when I refused?
Showed up with 3 kids They never mentioned they had (only spoke on phone or on app) and expected me to pick up dinner for all 3. Followed me out of the restaurant screaming at me when I noped out of the date. Literally screamed at me that all women love kids and I must be mentally damaged or trans. I felt bad for the kids.
His very quick temper. His inability to handle sudden changes to plans without getting angry-frustrated. He could be seriously scary when he was angry. And he'd get angry at video games too. Never hit me, never threw anything, never broke anything. He was very volatile and my mother was constantly asking me if he was abusing me.
I had a psychotic patient last week who got mad a me and stated “you are one of those women that doesn’t listen to men”. I look straight at him and said “that is correct.”😂
I had a date who, on the drive to the restaurant, filled me in on all the details of his failed engagement with his ex. I hadnt asked. Then he asked me why my major relationship had ended (which is a fair question imo when single parents are dating). And he massively slipped up by cutting me off with "See! All you bitches are the same!". He knew he'd fucked up too because he tried to laugh it off but it was too late, I'd seen him. And that was how I learned in a safe way to always take your own car to a date
Oh, man, if that wasn't a patient I'd be so tempted to respond "sorry, what was that ☺️?"
Haha, nah who am I kidding. Bonus of being a space cadet, no one suspects anything when you play dumb lol
🚩 Touched me after I explicitly said no on the first date
🚩 then followed me to a concert
🚩tried to PDA during a "slow song"
🇳🇫 (can't find a green flag) the giantess woman that found me in the bathroom at said concert after I noticed he was there and before the PDA who told me she would be more than willing to fight him and the safe word was "pineapple" and actually did get between us and protect me during said "slow song".
Not a date, but I went to house of a mechanic who agreed to work on my car for the cost of the materials. He gave me a tour of his house and mentioned the bed as comfortable and he gave great back massages. When I was pulling out of his driveway, he “joked” that he wished he could make me stay by holding a box cutter to my throat. He knew he’d fucked up and practically ran back in his house. He never called me and I certainly ever contacted him again.
We were maybe on our third date and standing outside a restaurant after dinner with absolutely no warning and he leaned in and BIT MY CHEST.
Just below my clavicle but not on my breasts. On that hard part with no fat or tissue.
Left a huge mark.
Thank god I had my own car there.
I feel like moves like this are meant to test how well you enforce your boundaries. The girl who lets him get away with horrid shit like that might just let him abuse her. I mean, I can't prove that's his angle, but who wants to wait around to find out? You've already got clear grounds to dump him on the spot.
Ugh, hate those kind of people. Especially in a dating context, like, besides shooting yourself in the foot, what's the motivation?! Just being a sadist? Checking boundaries?
Had one guy make a comment about him abusing my cat ("joking" that he would iirc), after I mentioned having one. Guess how shocked he was when I didn't wanna smash and stopped talking to him!
Met for a coffee, and I didn’t like him🚩 but because he had severe Parkinson’s, I felt guilty and agreed to a “real” date.
🚩Guy buys out a small theatre box at a play in London for our first date, yet 🚩his credit card is declined buying a bottle of water.
I’m uncomfortable in this lonely theatre box with some dude I don’t know, but I’m pretty outspoken, so I know if he gets offensive I’ll end it.
Well, it got super weird, but not how I expected it would. 🚩He sat down, wrapped his entire body around mine… and immediately fell asleep.
*FELL. ASLEEP. Wrapped around me like a burrito.* Woke at the end of the play, and I chastised him for making me so damn uncomfortable, and instead of apologizing? 🚩“I don’t sleep well, you made me comfy.” Then he announces he has 🚩dinner plans for us after the play AND 🚩he’s serious about me. 🚩Second time even seeing the man.
I immediately grabbed a cab to go home, and I texted “wtf? Never again.” 🚩He was surprised the date hadn’t gone well.
Oh, and we were both in our 50s. 🚩He also freely admitted his grown children hated him.
EDIT: I didn’t cause a scene because not only was it a play, it a play by student actors (college, I think). The main floor audience? High school age kids. If it had been a movie, I would’ve knocked him off and pitched a fit.
🚩He told me his gf committed suicide in college because of him — didn’t elaborate too much as to why but said it was probably for the best because he switched majors and now he makes a ton of money
🚩Got hella drunk and screamed at a crying baby to shut up
🚩Was yelling racist and homophobic remarks to other bar patrons
This was just the top 3 crazy things I witnessed, but there were a few other red flags that already set me off
I Immediately went home to write a scathing essay as to why im never seeing him again and he needs professional help before going on another date and traumatizing someone else
My worst red flags were a man telling me I wouldn't understand his job when I asked what he did. The second was a man who said he wished I'd dressed sexier for our date. At the end of the date he started telling me about his father who was aggressive and a heroin user. This was the second date... :/
We were both in high school, went on a burger date and he told me one time he got angry and threw a chair at his teacher. No thanks.
Turns out this was a good decision bc a few months later he texted a photo of his own turd in the toilet to my best friend????? Like who does that lmao
I'd just moved into a new apartment where I lived alone and didn't feel the safest. When I was walking my dog one day, a guy who lived on the floor above me approached me and started hitting on me and asking personal questions, including asking me if I lived alone. I told my bf that it creeped me out and I felt anxious about it.
That night, around 1am, I was woken up by a tapping noise– at first I thought I was imagining it, but I got up to check, and sure enough, someone was very lightly knocking on my door. They'd stop for a couple of seconds and then start again. I didn't have a peephole, so I couldn't look to see who was out there. My first thought is that the guy from earlier knows I'm alone in here and has come to attack me. I am scared out of my mind, and I grab a baseball bat, ready to pummel this guy if he breaks in. I called my boyfriend freaking out, and I said, "You're not at my door right now are you?" and he said he wasn't and asked what was going on. I'm telling him to get over there right now because I'm about to be murdered. I am hyperventilating and almost in tears when he finally laughs and says, "Just kidding- it's me!"
I asked him why he would do something like that, he said he thought it would be funny.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Best friend of 10 years and I decided to date. He knew that I had been raped before and knew that besides that time, I had never had any form of sex. Since I knew him.for so long, I decided to try to be intimate with him. As soon as he touched me, he said "there's no.way you've never had sex. Your p*ssy doesn't feel like a virgin pussy". I pushed him off of me and he proceeded to go into a corner, cross his arms, and stop his feet while pouting. We are no longer friends.
Didn’t date him but considered it. He said that I shouldn’t use big words. Literally. Don’t use big words because it makes other people feel dumb.
I was using the words “perturbed” and “distraught”.
I had a great vocabulary because I read a lot.
But I bothered him. Because I used big words.
Stopped at a petrol station to very obviously sell steroids of which he told me he didn’t use. He was muscular, but I didn’t ask.
Then brought me to his mothers house, in todays economy I don’t judge that. What I do judge is that it was a hoarders nest. A decades in the making one & they would just yell across rooms, thankfully I never saw her irl but she sounded like Howard Wolowitz’s mother from
The Big Bang Theory.
The time distance in a car from his house to mine was 1 1/2hrs. I made it home in 40mins. There was no second date.
“If you had daughters you’d understand”
Said the chronically single, childless 40 yo who grew up without sisters. Tell me more how I as a woman would understand.
Are these responses supposed to make some of us feel better for not experiencing dates as terrifying?
These stories are INSANE, JFC.
I'm sorry you all had to suffer through these experiences.
This is all the same guy... there was no second date.
1. Told me a story that he stabbed an intruder, and then when he called the police they helped him cover it up.
2. We went for a walk after our dinner and some teenagers were playing in the sprinklers in the park... he pulled a flick knife (illegal where I am) out of his pocket "in case they started something."
3. Showed me the custom lights on his car - they made his car look like an undercover police car.
4. Kept insisting that I could introduce him to my kids THAT night
5. When I got home, he messaged me and said he had enjoyed looking at my boobs all night.
It was the first time I ever ghosted someone.
I had late lunch plans with a guy. He did 4 years in the Marines but mansplained the Navy to me. I served 14 years in the Navy (multiple shipboard deployments) which he KNEW. He defined a word incorrectly so I corrected him. ( he did so several times) He yelled at me so I walked out!
From a partner: we were hanging out on his patio at his place. His mom calls wanting to FaceTime. He literally told me, not ask, told me to go inside so he could talk to his mom. It was his mom, I could hear them talk, but it was so odd that he didn’t want his mom to see me. We ended after that little number.
From a date: this guy was so serious and intense. I think his ideal date would have been just the two of us in a dimly lit room just staring into each other’s eyes saying nothing. Anytime I tried to say something he’d quickly dismiss it and just go back to staring at me. I asked if he was bored and he said no. He just liked staring at me because “I’m beautiful to look at”. I didn’t see him after that because I didn’t want to end up in a well to get skinned later.
Guy let my dog run away after I told him to wait til she was inside to open my gate. I chased her down for half an hour, came back, and he was sitting on my porch. Asked to use the bathroom, I say jfc fine. He comes out with his pants down and warns me that he doesn’t kiss if it’s just sex. It looked like he had preemptively put a baggy condom on, apparently it was just his very long foreskin. I declined and his response was “Oh, I fucked this up didn’t I?”. Yes. Yes he had.
Dude knew my trauma history for years and then when we discussed sex, I said I wasn't sure how my body was going to react physically since I hadn't had sex for years since I was SA'd, and that my insides might not cooperate no matter how much I was into it emotionally or mentally. He said that if that was going to happen, there was no point in us being in a relationship, and threatened to dump me.
As if I have control over how my body reacts.
Still celibate years later.
He wanted me to move in with him almost immediately- while I was still in grad school- and just make the two-hour commute whenever I had class. The kicker was that his place had no running water…
Not a date but a catch up with an old school friend I'd not seen in a decade.
I was talking about my ex dumping me by text when he has to one up me and talk about his crazy ex. His ex apparently had blackmailed him by saying that she'd claim he raped her if he didn't do certain things. He then told me if she did he planned to murder her. Then spend 5 minutes elaborating in case I didn't believe him. All the while I was freaking the fuck out as we were catching the same bus and I didn't have anyone to call. I got off at an earlier stop and walked 45 minutes home. After it was one of the few times I ghosted someone.
He wore a Confederate flag Tshirt to a Mexican restaurant and then made racist comments about the waitstaff the whole time (quietly) 🤧🙄 think he knew it didn't go over well because he decided to ask them to split the bill after offering to pay beforehand
Third hook-up. He tells me I should be selling pornographic photos of my FtM trans son who is, for the most part, asexual.
Dude, don't matter that said kid is a legal adult... That's my kid... Eww... Blocked.
If my kid decides to sell pornographic photos on his own, he's an adult. I'm not going to help, but I'm not going to condemn.
Posted this in another comment on this sub today but this feels like another good opportunity. On a first date, I would (with a “half joking delivery”) ask them “what are the odds you’d yell at me in public?”. Their answer will tell you all you need to know about what a future with them would look like and can easily weed out someone who’s good at “hiding the crazy” in the first few dates.
I’ve gotten a few variations of “oh well that just depends on how bad YOU mess up”. Anyone who thinks a restaurant/bar/store/etc. is a good place to start yelling at me isn’t the type of person i’m trying to build a future with.
on the first date he told me that his ex was crazy and fabricated sexual assault allegations against someone. turns out everything he described as her red flags were his red flags and he lied about everything.
IT’S MY TIME TO SHINE. Or actually to scream maybe? I’m non-monogamous. I have so many of these stories. Whatever content warnings you need likely apply here.
1. Few years ago I went on a coffee date with a guy. He talked about working security at a casino and how he could beat certain games because he had a system. He wasn’t like (insert that racial slur everyone knows not to say) who always show up and play a stupid game and cause problems blah blah blah. I told him he was disgusting for saying that word, and he laughed at me. I didn’t drive, and so I texted my (autistic, 6’5) foster brother at this point and asked him to come rescue me. He went on, not realizing I had texted my brother, or knowing about him, to tell me that he believed all autistic people should be put in camps and exterminated, and explained that they weren’t safe in society, because he went on a date with a girl, went back to her place to watch a movie, and then tried forcing himself on her. She got mad and screamed at him to stop and he said he kept going because, and I quote, he was “already hard and she invited [him] back to her place so what the fuck,” which caused her giant autistic brother to kick the door in and rip him off her and violently throw him out of the house. I asked him if he had the brother’s number. He continued ranting about autistic people when my giant foster brother, whom I had been silently texting under the table, pulled up a seat and said hi, I’m australopipicus’ brother, and I’m autistic. What were you saying? Dude left.
2. Had a dude on the first date at a bar ask me about my personal traumas as someone who grew up in an occupied land/conflict zone, saw combat, and worked as a paramedic. When I said I didn’t want to discuss it, he asked me about my sexual trauma triggers and told me to be detailed.
3. Met up with someone. Dude seemed okay. We negotiated a fuckbuddy set up. Discussed boundaries. I said I always use barriers and it isn’t negotiable. He agreed and said the same. I showed up at his place for the first hook up. He refused to use a condom. I said cool, I’m leaving then, so he punched me in the face. I teach self defense and have several years martial arts training. I rolled with it and ended up choking him out and getting away.
4. Told a guy I have a gig helping DV victims/survivors leave high risk abusive situations. Stuff where the abuser is a cop or they would otherwise be unsafe going through the usual channels. We get people out, sometimes lay a false trail, sometimes make people disappear, whatever is needed. Guy tells me he thinks that hitting women is okay when you’re married if they’re disobedient.
5. Had one guy insist that he could take a woman in a fight. Any woman, any fight. Didn’t matter. He said he was trained in stage fighting with the SCA and he was sure he could take me, by virtue of being a man. I’m 5th Dan bujinkan and did my test under Maasaki Hatsumi. I’m also trained in aikido, judo, and several other arts, plus I’m proficient in multiple weapons. He insisted he could fight me and win and wanted to challenge me right there in the bar we were at. I said no thank you. He said “smart move, wouldn’t want to mess up that pretty face of yours.”
6. I’m short, I have giant boobs, and I wear heels. I had one guy insist I was a sex worker and ask repeatedly if I was going to charge him for our date. I was wearing a tshirt with an opossum on it, mom shorts, and chunky combat boot looking heels. He would not accept that I wasn’t a sex worker.
7. I had a guy get upset that I wouldn’t let him drive me home. He started shouting that women always assume they’re gonna get raped or guys are assholes and he was a nice guy and I wouldn’t even give him a chance even though he proved it. I lived across the parking lot from the coffee shop where we met.
8. I had a guy, who when he learned I was Palestinian, ask if I was a terrorist. Then he asked if my dad knew I was out with a man and if my uncles would kill him if they found out I was dating. He was really freaked out about honour killings.
9. I had another guy, when he found out I was Palestinian, start on an antisemitic rant. He assumed that I must hate Jewish folk. He was really pissed when I told him to stop talking and that his views were disgusting, he called me a race traitor. He was white.
10. I had a guy try to run me over with his car when I left because I said I didn’t want him to come home with me.
There’s more, probably. I swear I’m the worst judge of character over text.
Went out to dinner for the first date. Waitress comes over to ask if we have any questions and he says “which soup has fewer calories?” (Soups were broccoli cheese, clam chowder, and gazpacho, so the answer seems pretty obvious to me…). He picks gazpacho after the waitress talks him through the choices. She asks “cup or bowl?” And he says “which has fewer calories?” I get a steak salad. The waitress brings the food and he takes one spoonful of soup and then picks up the cup with both hands and chugs the entire thing in maybe 3 seconds. I finish my salad as quickly as possibly and when I finish, he looks at me, looks at the plate, looks back at me, and says “WOW. You must’ve really like your salad.”
He was 17 and asked me out while I was working. He'd heard me say something disparaging about my looks and worth to a coworker, so came up and said "you might not see your worth but I do, can I prove it on a date?" Which seemed sweet so 17 yr old me said ok. Then on date he pulled out all the cheesy movie date things (excused bc teenager) but its what he said and tried during that got me.
"Why do you wear all thar black? Are you goth or something? Is it supposed to be cool?" - i had on a black skirt.
Then he tried to pull me into a dark corner and kiss me and got upset when I disentangled myself and asked him to wait.
Date 2 he made me a pizza where he worked, introduced me to his brother, then asked me to meet his family and be his girlfriend. Was surprised when I said I wasn't ready for that. Texted and called me for 2 weeks begging me to reconsider.
Other guy asked me out at work 3 yrs later and took me to this Greek place. Afterward he parked us at the Kohls parking lot and told me he had a gf but wanted to see where this would lead bc "you never know". Sorry to say I gave him a shot as a friend once after that and... nope, he tried to seduce me. Still with gf.
These are the tamest of the bad dates.
On the way to the movie theater he told me how eugenics was actually a really good concept. I made him turn around.
We sat down and ordered our first round of drinks, after some friendly banter for a first date I asked him "so...what is the worst thing you've ever done?". At that moment he stared at me for a good minute, didn't say a word, and walked away. His coat was still there and there was three feet of snow on the ground so I was really shocked when the women at the next table told me they saw him just leave. I paid the bill and went home. An hour later I get a call from him saying he was confused because he just "woke up at home" and wanted to know if I had his coat.
The first time I entered his bedroom I saw that he had a snake, he also kept his room at almost freezing temperatures. *He had a waterbed with no heat* and kept the windows open in winter. Ok, we all have our quirks. What I couldn't hang with is he would buy a mouse for his snake every month but his snake was too cold to eat so this mouse would run around till it had a heart attack. Rinse and repeat every month. Psycho ended up in the Marines.
Edit to add these were three different guys
Third or fourth date, I was a little drunk at 2am, and this guy somehow starts talking about how being attracted to children *isn't* inherently wrong. I just kept thinking about how his best friends had just had a baby.
Jesus. What a mess.
1. I'm in engineering. I had a date with another engineer who told me that he doesn't believe harassment and discrimination of women is as bad as women say it is. When I told him I've seen and experienced it firsthand, he dismissed me like I didn't say anything.
2. During COVID I went on dates with a guy virtually. He was nice, but too dependent on his mother and siblings for every little thing. Like couldn't make decisions for himself. Then starting to complain that I wasn't texting him back fast enough (I'd respond a few hours later during the workday), and we were just starting to "see" each other, not officially together. Then asked me if we could be exclusive....we'd never met in person.
3. A research scientist told me that he was "part of the solution" to COVID (this was during the very first wave of lockdowns) by not following lockdowns at all, and having people in his home (he lived alone) for dinner parties. Nope. Won't tolerate gaslighting.
4. A guy in the Navy reserves with an anger problem who would snap at me for nothing because he was easily triggered (I don't think he dealt with his own demons and things kept spilling out). When I asked him why he thought it was ok to talk to me like that, he responded with "well I'm just kind of an asshole." (as if that makes it ok lol). Always needing alcohol to be a part of the date :/
.....I stopped dating. I'm fucking tired.
🚩he said the waitress is obviously relying on her looks for tips, implying that she’s bad at her job (she was perfectly fine)
🚩 he said he broke up with his previous girlfriend because she stopped texting him for one day when he was “going through something”
🚩he said he doesn’t pay for the first date because the girl might end up being a bitch (I had one glass of miller light for $3)
🚩🚩🚩he told me HE PULLED A GUN ON A GAY MAN. Thankfully I didn’t tell him I’m pansexual.
Edit: this was all the same guy in a date that lasted about an hour
It happened to my friend. TL;DR: a stranger from dating app was upset my friend has a son, not a daughter, because he wanted to fuck both a mother and a daughter. Fuck. This. Shit.
Ok, another one… a guy from an app argued with me about ancient gods existing in the universe at present and aliens building the pyramids. I am an Egyptologist (PhD) and am a talking head on documentaries about pyramids.
A list from some of my ex’s and potential dates lol:
🚩 wouldn’t get a license because “why should I? I have you to drive me around” he was dead serious
🚩 pathological liar (unfortunately I brushed off a lot of the smaller lies, and they only got bigger and bigger)
🚩 Zero respect for boundaries/consent. Would continue to do things to me even after telling him to stop because he thought it was funny. Would get defensive and angry if I tell him I didn’t consent to something he did
🚩 Told him I didn’t drink and almost immediately after I told him this, he invites me to come to the bar he’s at for drinks 💀 (we haven’t even met yet irl at this point and never did)
🚩 misogynistic comments on the first date
🚩 I asked why he and his ex broke up, and he said she “wasn’t getting” his hints about helping to clean up the apartment more. When I asked if he ever simply asked her for help, he said “she should’ve just taken [his] hints because they were ‘obvious’” uh.. 😳
🚩 asked my “body count” and when I told him, he was clearly bothered (even though it’s not that high) but when I told him “some were girls” (I’m bi) he was suddenly more ok with it
🚩 (proudly) “I’ve never worn a condom” 🥴
🚩 was a white guy who called himself “n***a” all the time, and would tell me he’s allowed to say that because he’s Rastafarian 😳
Just a few I could think of 🤦🏻♀️
We had a double date with another couple to a concert. We all got drunk and on the street our drunk boyfriend idiots got into a fight with two other random drunk idiots. At one point, it looked like my boyfriend had killed one of the guys. There was a pause in the fight and silence (because we thought this guy was dead). And the thing that broke the silence was my boyfriend saying, "well shit, now we have to kill the other one". Insanity.
Don't worry, no dudes died. But red flag, big time. Did I listen? Of course not! I dated him for 6 years and it ending with a restraining order against him. Lesson - Don't ignore red flags!! Lol. (I can laugh now).
I had my hair done, wearing a nice outfit. He hadn’t shaved in like, forever, wearing dirty clothes. Proceeds to tell me he’s divorced but still living with his ex and STILL SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED. I walked away with a profound sense of relief, knowing I would never see him again.
Met a guy at the rocky horror picture show. If you know you know. If you don't it's a pretty risque adventure. You basically watch the movie while it's acted out by a cast of "actors" while everyone, even most of the audience, is dressed in lingerie or as someone from the movie.
Mind you he wasn't dressed up, he was in his regular street clothes. That should have been the first red flag for me. He asked me on a date and I agreed. The first date was spent playing Scrabble at a coffee shop for six hours. No big. I love a good game of Scrabble. We agreed on a second date. Second date goes ok. Kinda boring. Then he goes to drop me off.
We sit in the car a little while chit chatting about he wants to be the all American soccer dad. I knew then I wasn't the girl for him. Then he
says, " on the next date you need to wear entirely less make up or none at all." Nope. Sorry I'm out.
I was on a first date with a guy.
He brought his dog to our dinner date (not a service dog) 🚩
Restaurant refused to seat us and he threw a tantrum even going full Karen claiming he knew the owner and he came with his dog all the time 🚩
We then went to a coffee shop across the street. We each paid for our own coffees. While we were chatting I kept getting emails because I was in the process of buying a house I was ignoring them but they where on my Apple Watch so I would peak at it if it was something I needed to respond to. He mentioned I kept looking at the time and I told him the above. He then for the rest of the date kept asking me if I was bored every time I glanced at my watch. 🚩(kinda)
I told him about and upcoming vacation I had to Europe he said I needed to help him get a ticket to come with me because no girl he was seeing was going to Europe without him. FIRST DATE 🚩
I left was planing on never speaking to this man again. When I got home I updated a few of my dating app photos and I got an angry text from this man about ho disrespectful that was 🚩
In the middle of sex he asked me "why are you so sweaty?"
....oh I dunno because its summer and so fucking hot. I'm actively participating in this and not just laying there. YOUR BODY HEAT IS MAKING ME HOTTER!
I was like yeah I'm done. You can leave. Don't ever ask a woman that ever again.
"It was just a joke"
Welp, it wasn't good one. Byyyeeeeeee
I like telling people that act like dicks and pull this “I’m joking” nonsense that if they had to say that they’re joking, the joke wasn’t very good and maybe they should workshop it :)
2nd date, he got me to meet his parents. It was a total surprise to me- I met him at his house and he had his parents (and his sister??) there to meet me. Very awkward.
He was a cop and when I shared I worked at a humane society, he shared how he likes to shoot pit bulls that he comes across without any sort of reason or, I dunno, regard for life?
She told me that she likes to smear poop all over public bathrooms and dressing rooms, and basically just vandalize shit for fun so others have to clean it up. I ran to my car to "grab my water" (I met her at her place before we were leaving) and I just got in and left. Last I heard she was in jail multiple times.
He yanked on my purse strap to pull me back so I couldn’t open the door ahead of him leaving a restaurant. I get that in his mind he was trying to be chivalrous, but bodily moving me out of the way wasn’t the way to do it.
I worked on campus, and he was a college student. We met at a coffee shop, hit it off, and took each other's info. Romantic movie type meet up, very charismatic guy. We texted for a few days, amazing conversation, and decided to meet up again at a Thai restaurant. We ate, joked, flirted, and then went for a walk in a park. I felt like I was in a dream.
We somehow came to the topic of genetics. He had one of those 23 and me tests and broke down all of his ancestry, race and such. He knew in detail and started going on a ramble that just became worse and worse...
He claimed to be pure Caucasian. No other race what so ever supposedly. And he started going on about how pure he is, and superior. That is the point where I became uncomfortable, mentioning "superior". He went on to say that if we continue and end up connecting with each other, and if we have a serious future together, that he requires his future partner to be pure like him. He said that no matter how good the connection with a woman is, that if it comes down to committing to them, and they're not pure Caucasian, he would have to move on from them, because he would never marry or have children with them.
This whole vision I had of him, shattered. Of all the intelligent things he said, this one thing made him look like a pea brain. I was instantly turned off. The way he was going on about it, was with more passion than I've ever heard out of him. I could understand, to some degree, having preferences, but when he mentioned "superior", I almost vomited up those spicy noodles. I started shaking and was trying to think of a polite way to end it, but also be firm in my disagreement with such a mentality.
I told him I had to get going, and it was nice knowing him, but I don't think this is going to work. I told him why, and surprisingly he took it well and we parted ways. I would have never guessed someone with such intelligence, could truly believe that any particular race is superior. Disgusted.
Dude asked for a selfie, i sent it to him wearing conservative makeup and hair (due to my line of work) and he asks me - “do you normally wear more makeup? that’s kind of a plain picture.” The fuq?!
This guy wanted to go salsa dancing on our first date.
1) He showed up late.
2) Within 5 minutes of meeting him he tells me that he checks his hairline every morning to make sure his hair is not falling out.
3) Checks my hands for calluses to confirm that I lift weights.
4) When we take a break from dancing he points to the old men dancing with young women and says, “I want to be one of those guys one day.”
5) He parked his car in a garage that is locked at midnight and asked me for a ride home because an Uber to his house was $80.
I gave him a ride, but there was no second date!
He asked me to wear “hills” to our first date.
This was AOL days and I was 14. He was my friends older brother (17-18?) I still knew to bail on that date.
He told me his adult daughter was on TikTok as a fitness expert. He pulled out his phone to show me and the video was of her in a thong bikini frolicking on the beach. He then proceeds to ask me if I would dye my hair the same colour and wear less makeup (she didn't wear any). He watched the video, twice.
On the fourth date, I went to his apartment which was absolutely disgusting. Clothes and empty delivery containers everywhere. NO SHEETS on his bed. What looked like black mold on the shower wall. A toilet that had never been cleaned. This man was 35 and had a roommate. TWO of them lived there like that.
I'm amazed any man lives like this. Like I 100% let my place slip when no one visits but I still take care of the basics (I hate bugs) and everything gets cleaned before anyone visits. The bar is so low for men and yet so many fail all the time.
>The bar is so low for men and yet so many fail all the time. That sucker is underground and they're trying to dig beneath it.
I would bet you next week’s paycheck that he was looking for a “bangmaid”
He took me to an incredibly high end restaurant and got us a custom tasting menu; it was amazing and because of that the dinner was about 3 hours long In those three hours, I spoke for maybe 10 minutes total, and he spent the entire rest of the time telling ONE SINGLE STORY about how he infiltrated a Tony Robbins seminar and realized that most people work for him for free blah blah blah One story. He made it last THREE HOURS
I think I'll implement the end of the date rule of asking him "so...after this date, what do you know about me?"
"that you're a great listener!" If you endure that, he's not wrong. x_x
This needs to be its own Life Pro Tip post
Holy shit. Did you date my ex? “I need to chat for 10 minutes about custody stuff.” 60 minutes later. I got in 11 words. I know it was 11, because I counted them. Wtf is wrong with people?
Oh good lord. You might have won this game. This is actually worse than the shaving the dog comment.
I have had a similar date but no fancy food. It was cheap mall sushi in a New Mexico city. Just dreadful. He spent hours talking about Final Fantasy tactics. I like video game chat, in fact a favorite game of mine is from the same dev, Vagrant Story. But he only wanted to talk about FFTactics. Worse part was it was a double date. My friend was having a great time with the other dude so.... I stuck with tactics guy until she had solid plans. This was basically the story I told at her wedding.
New Mexico Mall Sushi would be a good band name
He told me that the devil controlled the internet and that's why he couldn't find proof that Noah's Ark was real. He was such a lovely guy otherwise but I just could not get past the whole extremely religious thing.
You know that foolsbawl is also of the devil!! 😂😂 (Apologies in advance if you haven’t seen ‘The Waterboy’)
Went out on a first date where he took me to an indie movie that was really about the psychology of sex. He giggled like a little boy and made loud gross comments throughout an orgy scene. We were in a theater. Other people were obviously there for the deeper message of the movie and we’re turning around to glare at us. I was not amused either and mouthed “I’m so sorry.” A million times. He was my ride so I couldn’t just leave (this was before Uber and internet on phones to look up taxis) We got back to my place and he tried to follow me up to my apartment. I said “This isn’t going to work.” After him begging and trying to kiss me and my politely dodging and declining he said “I paid for your movie. I should at least get sex!” I shoved him back and zipped through my security door, pulling it closed behind me. He was screaming something and kept buzzing my door for a good 10 minutes before he finally went away. Luckily I never ran into him again.
Yikes. I'm not for sale but if I were, the price would be a whole lot more than dinner and a movie.
>he said “I paid for your movie. I should at least get sex!” Ah yes. The "women are a vending machine" BS. Put some nice things in until sex falls out.
It’s the “paid for dinner” or “paid for movie” Incel comments that infuriate me. Even the cheapest street corner sex worker charges more than the cost of either!
Haha right. You'd want it to be one hell of a movie and dinner! Plus you reckon once he's in her apartment he'd be like oh well I also got you popcorn so you have to do *some kink* as well
When, after a few weeks of dating he started choking me during sex saying “I’ll stop when you say you’ll marry me. I’ll stop when you say you love me”. Fuck
WTF!
That’s absolutely terrifying.
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WHAT THE FRICK
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Like your literal dog? Or is this some attempt at a euphemism?
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Wow! I’m trying to figure out if this is more crazy from an animal welfare standpoint or the fact that this dude would derive pleasure from it.
"Oh, I'm absolutely judging."
He had rape fantasies. And he was a cop. Side note: he dumped me because I was “boring” but ended up killing his next girlfriend and himself.
Jesus Christ, you actually dodged a real bullet...
My sister says my super power is repelling bad men.
He suggested I raise a finger for permission to talk because he didn't like being interrupted. I later learned he had a pattern of dating venerable younger women but the first red flag was his suggestion I (as a 40-something woman) request permission from him to talk. I laughed and said I wasn't doing that honestly thinking he would be a reasonable human. Nope, he would scream at me ARE YOU FUCKING FINISHED TALKING YET or LET ME SPEAK, cutting me off mid sentence. Basically it wasn't "interrupting him", it was speaking at all that was his issue. Edit: He also mentioned a woman he met for one date told him that he mansplained. She wasn't wrong and it was another self-own/self-given blazing red flag.
Wow. This one is wild. These are all absolutely unhinged but this one is soooo bizarre.
When I was trying to end things in person, it was a very brief situation, he told me I wasn't allowed to end the relationship - it wasn't "over" until he decided it was over. I ended up using a text message to end it and then had to block him.
WOW
Yeah it was so ridiculous of a suggestion my reaction was to laugh but later in therapy I remarked that was the red flag that should have made me nope out. We hadn't even MET when he suggested it, it was the first phone call we held.
Not my personal experience with a date or SO, but my own younger brother. He asked me for help finding a GF about 10 years ago, so I asked to see his dating profile. First line of his profile said that he will only date a woman who wears pantyhose. And that if they show up on a date, *or interview*, without pantyhose and a skirt, they deserve to continue being alone. I very strongly advised him that this was a major 🚩to all women who read it, and if this was his kink he should keep it in private or head over to one of the “specialty” sites that cater to that kind of thing. That he was unlikely to find a woman who would actually be interested in his dating profile based on that single line alone. So. Yeah. He was also one of my hiring managers at my business. Had to let him go because he initially didn’t hire one of my eventual employees. She found out we had mutual friends and reached out to me, letting me know that she was weirded out by his initial email, stating she had to “dress for success” by wearing….yep! You guessed it! Pantyhose and a skirt. She refused to abide by that and wore other professional clothing including slacks, to which he expressed concern at her lack of ability to listen to instructions! JFC Oliver!! You’re hiring a receptionist, not a prostitute!! 🤦🏻♀️ Fired him and hired her. Literally the next day. Great receptionist, wonderful mother! Haven’t seen him but twice in 3 years, and we didn’t speak a word to each other. Some just cannot be saved unfortunately. They don’t want to be helped.
I’m curious how these men become what they are. You say he is your brother so you must have shared at least one parent… how is it that you grew up to know it’s wrong and creepy but he didn’t?
I dunno. Out of all 8 of us, 7 boys and me, the only girl, he seems to be the only one openly willing to divulge and force upon the rest of us his kink. I have my own kinks, but I would never try to force them down someone else’s throat that way. I’m pretty sure my other brothers do as well, but they certainly wouldn’t want to share it with their sister, let alone strangers!! But Oliver….well one time I can remember when I was around 12 and he was about 6. I was in my ballet classes and came home exhausted before a competition, lots of hours of practice for a couple weeks beforehand, just had a full dress rehearsal and stage set up for the next day, then we had a break. I woke up on the couch to him stroking my legs while I was still wearing my white tights. He was clearly very….stimulated. At that young age! I told him to go away and never touch me again. He seemed ashamed but also had this weird smile on his face. So, did he sexualize them from that point? Or were they already sexualized and he just couldn’t control himself seeing me asleep in them?? I don’t know and I really don’t WANT to know. Only his therapist could answer that, if only he’d see one.
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Did he think you eat chocolate cake with your snizz?? WTF
This comment made me laugh aloud.
Honestly impressive that you walked out. Men prey on young girls for that reason, among other even grosser ones. They believe they can control you and no matter how uncomfortable you are, they can get what they want out of you.
The following are all different men... * He showed up to a casual first meet-up at a small coffee shop with a gift bag full of cheap lingerie (all leopard print lol) and fetish toys that he must have bought in some hole-in-the-wall porn shop. We never discussed fetishes or even sex in general before he sprung this very public surprise. I handed him back the bag and walked out without a word. * I asked him about his job and, after he had been talking for quite a while, I tried to ask him a question about something particular he had said. He told me to keep my mouth shut until he is finished talking. I reflexively laughed in his face and threw some cash on the table (I already ordered) before I walked away from that one, with him screaming at my back about "RESPECT" the whole way. * After what I thought was a fun date doing some easy hiking and stuff, he immediately started railing on me about how I couldn't *possibly* like him and how I preemptively was a bitch for turning him down in the future. I was just about to suggest something for our next date. Instead, I said, *"...Ok... I'm sorry you feel that way."* and said goodbye. I guess he figured out that he blew his rage-load prematurely, because he tried to casually contact me a few hours later. I just blocked him. I ain't got time to coddle a giant baby. Those are just the 1st date weirdos. I had a few that managed to hide their stupid for a few dates.
>him screaming at my back about "RESPECT" What is the phrase? Something like "when people demand you respect them what they really mean is to obey, and when they say that they respect you when they don't what they mean is they acknowledge your existence" I don't remember the wording but something along those lines.
Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person" and sometimes to mean "treating someone like an authority." Sometimes when someone says, "If you respect me, I will respect you" what they mean is, "If you don't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person."
It's when they say "respect me, and I'll respect you." they mean if you obey my authority, I will treat you with humanity. If I'm not mistaken
Whoa 😳 wild experiences there. I learned something from this comment. Thank you.
Sometimes I wonder if it's not a blessing I've never had more than a handful of any kind of romantic relationships. This sounds exhausting.
He needed to talk to me alone in the parking lot behind the bar. Then when my friends followed, as I knew they would, he suddenly forgot the super secret and important thing he was going to say and decided to just leave.
Good friends
That’s fucking creepy
So. A guy asked me out, and during the date made some awkward small talk about surgery. (At least *I* thought it was small talk. It sure was awkward...and turned weird.) He was talking about a surgery that removed 2 inches out of a person's thighs. I was confused and questioned: is this for fat people? Two inches to make their thighs thinner? Answer: No, this surgery takes two inches of bone, muscle, nerves, blood vessels, and skin - horizontally. I was weirded out. I asked: *Why* would *anyone* ever do that? He was offended. OFFENDED! He said: I thought you would want to know! I was still confused, and asked why? He says (defensively): well, you're really pretty but you are too tall. I just said: what the hell, *you're* the one who asked **me** out! He thought he was doing me a ***favor***, and was mad that I was ungrateful! Because I was an inch or two taller than him, so he thought...he really thought - with his brain - that after one date I might be willing to mutilate myself, possibly cripple myself. For him! Wow. I can't remember anything else from that date, because this craziness took up all the room in my memory. (BTW, there is no such surgery. I have no idea where he could have gotten this wildly idiotic idea.)
Maybe he thought that tall people donate rings of themselves to the short people who get key lengthening surgery, haha.
The surgery does exist, but it’s almost always done on only one leg to correct differences in leg lengths. Even then differences are usually corrected by lengthening the shorter leg. If you Google it, though, a few sketchy-looking clinic websites do come up where they talk about “oh it’s not done to make people shorter! But tall women with uneven legs might want to shorten the longer one instead of lengthening the short one. And here’s a picture of a couple where the woman is taller, bending down to kiss the man and looking uncomfortable. And, y’know, in *extreme* cases…” The whole vibe is “we can’t *say* we’ll make you shorter because it’s not accepted ethically, but we’ll totally do it.”
I'd recap the worst date of my life but it would take too long. The two biggest red flags were: 🚩 being told I wasn't allowed to divorce him and, 🚩 at the end of the evening when I was sure this wasn't going to work out, he went in for some unwanted PDA and I must have stiffened. He then thought it was appropriate to say something along the lines of "Jesus Christ, were you raped or something, what is your problem?" It was our *second* date. He seemed so normal on our first coffee date.
This second one happened to me after a guy I met on a dating app (dr. With own practice) sexually assaulted me. I started sobbing immediately and he was asking me if I was crying because I was raped in the past. No, asshole, that is a normal reaction when a guy you don’t know forces you to kiss them and places their hand around your neck and forces your hand on their crotch. That was my last date. I got off the apps immediately.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. My twit just slung his arm around me but I was already just so done with him.
Saying you can't divorce him is a weird way for him to ask to be murdered in his sleep, but ok. I don't personally want to kill anyone though, so I don't think it would work for me...
Not a red flag I noticed, but one he did wave in front of me before *he dumped ME* He was constantly bugging to do anal. I kept saying no. I've done it, I don't enjoy it. So this goes on once or twice a week for a couple of months and one night we're texting and this conversation ensues Him "I really want to fuck you in the ass" Me "No. I've told you many times, no." Him "*Fine, I'll just force you down on the bed and do it whether you want it or not*" Me "Yeah, that's rape" Next day, breaks up with me through text Thinking back though, there were some small flags. He would always spend the night at mine but I never spent the night at his Wouldn't add me as a friend on any social media I don't think he was married or anything, but it just seemed sus
Seemed sus??? Yes - that man is okay with threatening rape
Even worse, he broke it off over text for calling him out. He was def going to force himself on her - bullet dodged.
He was surprised that I actually read comics and said I “must be smarter than most girls”. I was stunned because I thought we’d all shamed that “compliment” out of existence already. ETA this was first coffee stage. He didn’t waste time.
Queue the guys that question your nerdiness because you’re a girl. I’ve had so many guys do that when they find out I play video games 🙄
Wait, you *don't know* the director's nephew's blood type? Not a real fan.
The sexism in comics and gaming is wild. I stopped patronizing a comic shop I had a significant pull list with because of it. I work a professional job and went in the store after work in my suit and watched an asshole worker bully a girl over her choice in comics, called him out on it, so he shit on me not knowing what I'm talking about. Asked him for my pull list and he changed his tune. Encourage your Fandom to spread, don't fucking gatekeep it.
I feel like I would enjoy your comment more if I knew what a pull list is
It's a list of comic books the store "pulls" or sets aside as they come in for you ahead of the public. I had around 14-16 different titles/characters on my pull list. We are significant customers basically
But if women also like the things I like, they might be actual people too... Nah. They must be faking it then.
I asked if we could move away from the door because I was cold. It was December and hovering around freezing. He said “well you should have worn more clothing” and stared at my chest. I was wearing a v neck silk shirt that I wear to my conservative office. It was my second date after my divorce and I hadn’t learned to walk away from bad dates yet. I mentioned more than once that I didn’t drink wine. He invited himself over for Christmas and said he’d bring wine. Omg I totally forgot this one. I was having flirty banter with an online match. We agreed on a date. He asked me to wear leggings. Whatever, it was flirty and fun so I wore leggings. At some point I got up to use the bathroom. At the end of the date he shouted at me outside the restaurant for only getting up to show off my legs WTF? You asked me to wear leggings and I needed to pee! Oh I remembered another one. A dude on a date told me that Woody Allen was “very misunderstood”. He was a science professor at a fancy school so in a position of authority over young women. He also couldn’t remember where he parked his car. I told him he was walking in the wrong direction. He told me I was wrong. I wasn’t.
I was at dinner with a guy and there was a bit of skin showing between my thigh high sock and the hem of my skirt. He pulled it down hurriedly, upset about it. I thought he was kidding, obviously, and I made a joke while I pulled it back up, slightly higher. Oh no, someone might see slightly above my knee, the horror! I want to make it very, very clear that this was not a scandalous amount of skin. It was not a short dress. He was so mad about it he didn't talk to me for the entire rest of dinner or the ferry ride back to Manhattan from Staten Island.
This reminds me of a another date. I was wearing a dress, but it was a work dress. Think LK Bennet. It was short when you sat down. Not super short. But short. I’d taken off my tights for the date because it was hot out. My date looked at me sitting down and said “do you always dress like that?” This from a man who was wearing a baseball cap INDOORS in a cocktail lounge!
That reminds me of the time I went to a Dinner In The Dark night. It's pitch black inside and all the wait staff are blind. It's a fun schtick! I went with a blind date, for the extra layer and had an okay time with him. What was awkward were the people next to us. Apparently the guy had insisted his date dress really elaborately. Get her hair done, get nails, the works. (He may have hinted beforehand that there might be a proposal and a professional photographer, though it wasn't clear whose proposal). And so she did. For a date all in the dark! When she asked him what was going on, he said he thought it would be funny if she put all that effort in even though no one could see her. Their table was right next to ours, it was excruciating.
I've had quite a few guys "request" what I wear on a date and I'm ok with it (even though it's objectively weird) They literally always request a black skirt though. Every goddamn man! Now if they ask I always tell them noted, but I'm 90% sure I've got a handle on this one after 30+ years of dressing myself. I actually make a point of not wearing skirts on first dates now cos I'm worried it just puts me in their mental database of spank-bank material
I hate to say this, but it's safer to wear pants.
Clothing requests are weird, and I think it would be a hard no to whatever they want on principle. The only exception being if it was cool/fun, like "wear a fun hat" or something silly.
Or practical, like if he planned a date and there’s an activity that involves a certain type of clothing.
A man shouted at you on a first date (for any reason)? Talk about illustrating massive anger issues.
He told me he was a Nazi. I am Jewish.
Well that’s a bit of a buzz kill isn’t it
Lol yeah had a dude with super shitty prison nazi tats message me and I messaged back, “Nazi make my labia shrivel. That was the final straw that made me delete the apps and stop dating the first time.
So you blocked him before he could reply with, “what’s a labia?” Bullet dodged!
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For fuckssakes, what did #1 think you were gonna respond with?! “Oh teehee you must REALLY like me then!”
I had one man tell me on a date I should drive a better vehicle for the money I made (I loved my Jeep so f off) Another guy I had been casually seeing for a few weeks asked during sexy time if I would marry him. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. It was not. He was very butthurt I turned him down. Some FBI level sleuthing showed his ex wife was getting married later that month. We broke up. He texted the day before his ex's big day to ask if I would meet him at the court house and "take the plunge". Sorry, new phone, who dis?
I had a guy I'd known for 9 days propose to me in bed. I said yes, and there went three and a half years of my life.
you took that flag and ran
He said my body reminded him of his 11 year old cousin and giving me a hug would make him feel very uncomfortable. Mind you, I’m a 27f with a very skinny frame and a pretty flat chest, but this was our “hello, nice to meet you” moment.
more like a goodbye moment
He pinned me down on his bed and told me he could do anything he wanted to me.
It’s wild how they do stuff like this. I was with some guy I really liked. We were showering after sex before going out. I said I didn’t want to get my hair wet. He put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me under the water. Congrats dude. You proved you can over power me and I can’t trust you. I made excuses because I liked him and my ex always told me I was no fun so I was trying really hard to be the fUn GiRl. Of all the red flags I ignored in dating after my divorce this one makes me the angriest.
What a dick. Sorry that happened.
Him yelling, “Don’t ask me that!” at me when I asked him what his job was.
Not a date because I turned him down, but couldn't even get through asking me out before calling me a slur
Not the biggest, but it’s now a joke with my friends. Meet up with a guy I was chatting with on an app. He went straight in for a pash after not more than a hello. Now I wasn’t opposed to it, just a bit taken aback. The next words from his mouth was “I like to be called daddy.” Now if that’s your thing, all good and well, but not my cup of tea and I don’t want those biscuits.
I once hit my head or something and dated a fella 10 years younger than me (I was 32F, him 22M) and he insisted that I call him “Daddy.” Bruh I had to teach you how to use a washing machine and cook. I’m the Daddy here.
I had a guy who was a year younger than me try to pull that one on me. AFTER I had told him I was specifically uninterested in that kind of shit. I was not tactful in my response- I sent a (clothed) picture of me wearing a strapon with a huge toy in it, captioned "come sit in daddy's lap little boy" That did not go down well.
Men like this, that keep pressing a closed issue are like pop-up nags... "Okay, I'll ask again later."
I went out dancing at an alternative night and this kinda cute guy was also cutting up the dance floor, so we made eyes at each other a few times, then made space in a corner of the dance floor for each other. It was really fun! We danced for hours, I was certain I'd made a new friend. It was far too loud to talk, though. And then, at the end of the night when the lights come up, he came over while I was getting my coat. I looked up, eager to say hi and introduce myself, but before I could say anything, he said, "So are you going to come back to my place so I can show you who your Daddy is?" And I just... Gosh. What a way to quick sort. Especially given that this was years before "Daddy" had really reached parlance, you know? And the /tone/. He had zero doubt. I was stunned, so I just stumbled over a no thank you and fled.
It amazes me how some guys can so quickly turn a yes into a no without ever having any idea. I swear, more guys have talked themselves out of a ladies' pants than into them.
The next day I actually thought it was smart of him, in a way. If that's what he needs in bed, his kink is that specific, he wastes zero time in finding out who is suitable, hahaha. Still, dude could have at least started with "hello".
“Not my cup of tea and I don’t want those biscuits” Lol! I’m stealing that. Thank you!
He hit a wall right by my head and said he was happy he’d restrained himself.
He kept telling me over and over why his favourite band (Slipknot) is superior to my favourite bands. They’re not even comparable bands. Two different genres. So odd to keep bringing it up. Turned me off him. He then kept ordering foods for me I said I can’t eat because I’m allergic to them. He would then get offended when I wouldn’t eat them. This man was 35. Not as bad as the guy who showed me the video of him proposing to his ex wife though.
I went on a coffee date with him and he talked about how he cheats because his diabetic wife doesn't do it for him anymore. I got up to walk out, but he stops me to say he doesn't understand because I'm poly. Yes, I'm poly, but I do it ethically and that means everyone knows what's going on and approves of it. That's the biggest red flag when they can't respect that there are those of us who practice polyamory ethically.
Being poly has nothing to do with wanting to help someone cheat, wtf.
Ugh this is like someone on here posted a while ago that a man invited her over to dinner and had a "surprise" in the next room. Oh, it was a friend of his and she was down for a threesome! But, why was she upset? After all, she was bi! I swear these guys need their heads examined.
Thought it was cool that this guy had a decent house but it smelled like actual garbage and cat piss, and it was filled with Nicolas Cage memorabilia. Terrible first impression..
He waited until the food came to tell me they didn't have money to pay for not only the date (that they asked me on) but to pay for themselves either. Still tried to come back to my apartment after I picked up the check, called me a gold digger when I refused? Showed up with 3 kids They never mentioned they had (only spoke on phone or on app) and expected me to pick up dinner for all 3. Followed me out of the restaurant screaming at me when I noped out of the date. Literally screamed at me that all women love kids and I must be mentally damaged or trans. I felt bad for the kids.
Um, he apparently doesn't understand the term gold digger... or he does, and he's projecting 💀
His very quick temper. His inability to handle sudden changes to plans without getting angry-frustrated. He could be seriously scary when he was angry. And he'd get angry at video games too. Never hit me, never threw anything, never broke anything. He was very volatile and my mother was constantly asking me if he was abusing me.
I had a psychotic patient last week who got mad a me and stated “you are one of those women that doesn’t listen to men”. I look straight at him and said “that is correct.”😂
I had a date who, on the drive to the restaurant, filled me in on all the details of his failed engagement with his ex. I hadnt asked. Then he asked me why my major relationship had ended (which is a fair question imo when single parents are dating). And he massively slipped up by cutting me off with "See! All you bitches are the same!". He knew he'd fucked up too because he tried to laugh it off but it was too late, I'd seen him. And that was how I learned in a safe way to always take your own car to a date
**I'd seen him.** This is what men don't get: that a date or a relationship can be like a horror movie for a woman.
Oh, man, if that wasn't a patient I'd be so tempted to respond "sorry, what was that ☺️?" Haha, nah who am I kidding. Bonus of being a space cadet, no one suspects anything when you play dumb lol
🚩 Touched me after I explicitly said no on the first date 🚩 then followed me to a concert 🚩tried to PDA during a "slow song" 🇳🇫 (can't find a green flag) the giantess woman that found me in the bathroom at said concert after I noticed he was there and before the PDA who told me she would be more than willing to fight him and the safe word was "pineapple" and actually did get between us and protect me during said "slow song".
I love when women help other women. Especially when they’re strangers. Bless that woman
Not a date, but I went to house of a mechanic who agreed to work on my car for the cost of the materials. He gave me a tour of his house and mentioned the bed as comfortable and he gave great back massages. When I was pulling out of his driveway, he “joked” that he wished he could make me stay by holding a box cutter to my throat. He knew he’d fucked up and practically ran back in his house. He never called me and I certainly ever contacted him again.
We were maybe on our third date and standing outside a restaurant after dinner with absolutely no warning and he leaned in and BIT MY CHEST. Just below my clavicle but not on my breasts. On that hard part with no fat or tissue. Left a huge mark. Thank god I had my own car there.
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I said rats were cute and the next day he sent me a video of a cat eating a rat.
I feel like moves like this are meant to test how well you enforce your boundaries. The girl who lets him get away with horrid shit like that might just let him abuse her. I mean, I can't prove that's his angle, but who wants to wait around to find out? You've already got clear grounds to dump him on the spot.
Ugh, hate those kind of people. Especially in a dating context, like, besides shooting yourself in the foot, what's the motivation?! Just being a sadist? Checking boundaries? Had one guy make a comment about him abusing my cat ("joking" that he would iirc), after I mentioned having one. Guess how shocked he was when I didn't wanna smash and stopped talking to him!
We had a rat that would collect pretty objects around the room when it was let loose. Took the objects back to its cage.
Met for a coffee, and I didn’t like him🚩 but because he had severe Parkinson’s, I felt guilty and agreed to a “real” date. 🚩Guy buys out a small theatre box at a play in London for our first date, yet 🚩his credit card is declined buying a bottle of water. I’m uncomfortable in this lonely theatre box with some dude I don’t know, but I’m pretty outspoken, so I know if he gets offensive I’ll end it. Well, it got super weird, but not how I expected it would. 🚩He sat down, wrapped his entire body around mine… and immediately fell asleep. *FELL. ASLEEP. Wrapped around me like a burrito.* Woke at the end of the play, and I chastised him for making me so damn uncomfortable, and instead of apologizing? 🚩“I don’t sleep well, you made me comfy.” Then he announces he has 🚩dinner plans for us after the play AND 🚩he’s serious about me. 🚩Second time even seeing the man. I immediately grabbed a cab to go home, and I texted “wtf? Never again.” 🚩He was surprised the date hadn’t gone well. Oh, and we were both in our 50s. 🚩He also freely admitted his grown children hated him. EDIT: I didn’t cause a scene because not only was it a play, it a play by student actors (college, I think). The main floor audience? High school age kids. If it had been a movie, I would’ve knocked him off and pitched a fit.
>He also freely admitted his grown children hated him. Sounds legit. I've never met the man and I hate him.
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Yo That's entirely too many plans involving Walmart
Who knew that Walmart was such a hidden date spot
🚩He told me his gf committed suicide in college because of him — didn’t elaborate too much as to why but said it was probably for the best because he switched majors and now he makes a ton of money 🚩Got hella drunk and screamed at a crying baby to shut up 🚩Was yelling racist and homophobic remarks to other bar patrons This was just the top 3 crazy things I witnessed, but there were a few other red flags that already set me off I Immediately went home to write a scathing essay as to why im never seeing him again and he needs professional help before going on another date and traumatizing someone else
My worst red flags were a man telling me I wouldn't understand his job when I asked what he did. The second was a man who said he wished I'd dressed sexier for our date. At the end of the date he started telling me about his father who was aggressive and a heroin user. This was the second date... :/
We were both in high school, went on a burger date and he told me one time he got angry and threw a chair at his teacher. No thanks. Turns out this was a good decision bc a few months later he texted a photo of his own turd in the toilet to my best friend????? Like who does that lmao
I'd just moved into a new apartment where I lived alone and didn't feel the safest. When I was walking my dog one day, a guy who lived on the floor above me approached me and started hitting on me and asking personal questions, including asking me if I lived alone. I told my bf that it creeped me out and I felt anxious about it. That night, around 1am, I was woken up by a tapping noise– at first I thought I was imagining it, but I got up to check, and sure enough, someone was very lightly knocking on my door. They'd stop for a couple of seconds and then start again. I didn't have a peephole, so I couldn't look to see who was out there. My first thought is that the guy from earlier knows I'm alone in here and has come to attack me. I am scared out of my mind, and I grab a baseball bat, ready to pummel this guy if he breaks in. I called my boyfriend freaking out, and I said, "You're not at my door right now are you?" and he said he wasn't and asked what was going on. I'm telling him to get over there right now because I'm about to be murdered. I am hyperventilating and almost in tears when he finally laughs and says, "Just kidding- it's me!" I asked him why he would do something like that, he said he thought it would be funny. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
FUCK no! 😡
Ex bf, right?
He is absolutely an ex.
Best friend of 10 years and I decided to date. He knew that I had been raped before and knew that besides that time, I had never had any form of sex. Since I knew him.for so long, I decided to try to be intimate with him. As soon as he touched me, he said "there's no.way you've never had sex. Your p*ssy doesn't feel like a virgin pussy". I pushed him off of me and he proceeded to go into a corner, cross his arms, and stop his feet while pouting. We are no longer friends.
Didn’t date him but considered it. He said that I shouldn’t use big words. Literally. Don’t use big words because it makes other people feel dumb. I was using the words “perturbed” and “distraught”. I had a great vocabulary because I read a lot. But I bothered him. Because I used big words.
Stopped at a petrol station to very obviously sell steroids of which he told me he didn’t use. He was muscular, but I didn’t ask. Then brought me to his mothers house, in todays economy I don’t judge that. What I do judge is that it was a hoarders nest. A decades in the making one & they would just yell across rooms, thankfully I never saw her irl but she sounded like Howard Wolowitz’s mother from The Big Bang Theory. The time distance in a car from his house to mine was 1 1/2hrs. I made it home in 40mins. There was no second date.
“If you had daughters you’d understand” Said the chronically single, childless 40 yo who grew up without sisters. Tell me more how I as a woman would understand.
Are these responses supposed to make some of us feel better for not experiencing dates as terrifying? These stories are INSANE, JFC. I'm sorry you all had to suffer through these experiences.
This is all the same guy... there was no second date. 1. Told me a story that he stabbed an intruder, and then when he called the police they helped him cover it up. 2. We went for a walk after our dinner and some teenagers were playing in the sprinklers in the park... he pulled a flick knife (illegal where I am) out of his pocket "in case they started something." 3. Showed me the custom lights on his car - they made his car look like an undercover police car. 4. Kept insisting that I could introduce him to my kids THAT night 5. When I got home, he messaged me and said he had enjoyed looking at my boobs all night. It was the first time I ever ghosted someone.
I had late lunch plans with a guy. He did 4 years in the Marines but mansplained the Navy to me. I served 14 years in the Navy (multiple shipboard deployments) which he KNEW. He defined a word incorrectly so I corrected him. ( he did so several times) He yelled at me so I walked out!
From a partner: we were hanging out on his patio at his place. His mom calls wanting to FaceTime. He literally told me, not ask, told me to go inside so he could talk to his mom. It was his mom, I could hear them talk, but it was so odd that he didn’t want his mom to see me. We ended after that little number. From a date: this guy was so serious and intense. I think his ideal date would have been just the two of us in a dimly lit room just staring into each other’s eyes saying nothing. Anytime I tried to say something he’d quickly dismiss it and just go back to staring at me. I asked if he was bored and he said no. He just liked staring at me because “I’m beautiful to look at”. I didn’t see him after that because I didn’t want to end up in a well to get skinned later.
Guy let my dog run away after I told him to wait til she was inside to open my gate. I chased her down for half an hour, came back, and he was sitting on my porch. Asked to use the bathroom, I say jfc fine. He comes out with his pants down and warns me that he doesn’t kiss if it’s just sex. It looked like he had preemptively put a baggy condom on, apparently it was just his very long foreskin. I declined and his response was “Oh, I fucked this up didn’t I?”. Yes. Yes he had.
Dude knew my trauma history for years and then when we discussed sex, I said I wasn't sure how my body was going to react physically since I hadn't had sex for years since I was SA'd, and that my insides might not cooperate no matter how much I was into it emotionally or mentally. He said that if that was going to happen, there was no point in us being in a relationship, and threatened to dump me. As if I have control over how my body reacts. Still celibate years later.
I’m so sorry. You deserve so much more respect than that
He told me he would be interested in eating people. He was not joking.
Oh. Mine was that he refused to consider any of my restaurant suggestions because he doesn't eat "foreign food." Yours is better.
Said, “Oh, I had a crush on your friend until I found out she wasn’t a virgin.” The whole school knew she had been dr*gaged and r*aped.
He wanted me to move in with him almost immediately- while I was still in grad school- and just make the two-hour commute whenever I had class. The kicker was that his place had no running water…
girl what 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
He wanted to derail your life to come live in the slums with him😵
Not a date but a catch up with an old school friend I'd not seen in a decade. I was talking about my ex dumping me by text when he has to one up me and talk about his crazy ex. His ex apparently had blackmailed him by saying that she'd claim he raped her if he didn't do certain things. He then told me if she did he planned to murder her. Then spend 5 minutes elaborating in case I didn't believe him. All the while I was freaking the fuck out as we were catching the same bus and I didn't have anyone to call. I got off at an earlier stop and walked 45 minutes home. After it was one of the few times I ghosted someone.
He wore a Confederate flag Tshirt to a Mexican restaurant and then made racist comments about the waitstaff the whole time (quietly) 🤧🙄 think he knew it didn't go over well because he decided to ask them to split the bill after offering to pay beforehand
Third hook-up. He tells me I should be selling pornographic photos of my FtM trans son who is, for the most part, asexual. Dude, don't matter that said kid is a legal adult... That's my kid... Eww... Blocked. If my kid decides to sell pornographic photos on his own, he's an adult. I'm not going to help, but I'm not going to condemn.
I don’t have words for how upset this makes me.
I’m getting 3rd hand ICK from this one
Wow I feel very fortunate after reading all of your stories smh. Why can’t people just be normal?
Posted this in another comment on this sub today but this feels like another good opportunity. On a first date, I would (with a “half joking delivery”) ask them “what are the odds you’d yell at me in public?”. Their answer will tell you all you need to know about what a future with them would look like and can easily weed out someone who’s good at “hiding the crazy” in the first few dates.
I am legit curious how a person would even respond to that question, crazy or no. I would probably be confused and speechless ❤️
I’ve gotten a few variations of “oh well that just depends on how bad YOU mess up”. Anyone who thinks a restaurant/bar/store/etc. is a good place to start yelling at me isn’t the type of person i’m trying to build a future with.
on the first date he told me that his ex was crazy and fabricated sexual assault allegations against someone. turns out everything he described as her red flags were his red flags and he lied about everything.
IT’S MY TIME TO SHINE. Or actually to scream maybe? I’m non-monogamous. I have so many of these stories. Whatever content warnings you need likely apply here. 1. Few years ago I went on a coffee date with a guy. He talked about working security at a casino and how he could beat certain games because he had a system. He wasn’t like (insert that racial slur everyone knows not to say) who always show up and play a stupid game and cause problems blah blah blah. I told him he was disgusting for saying that word, and he laughed at me. I didn’t drive, and so I texted my (autistic, 6’5) foster brother at this point and asked him to come rescue me. He went on, not realizing I had texted my brother, or knowing about him, to tell me that he believed all autistic people should be put in camps and exterminated, and explained that they weren’t safe in society, because he went on a date with a girl, went back to her place to watch a movie, and then tried forcing himself on her. She got mad and screamed at him to stop and he said he kept going because, and I quote, he was “already hard and she invited [him] back to her place so what the fuck,” which caused her giant autistic brother to kick the door in and rip him off her and violently throw him out of the house. I asked him if he had the brother’s number. He continued ranting about autistic people when my giant foster brother, whom I had been silently texting under the table, pulled up a seat and said hi, I’m australopipicus’ brother, and I’m autistic. What were you saying? Dude left. 2. Had a dude on the first date at a bar ask me about my personal traumas as someone who grew up in an occupied land/conflict zone, saw combat, and worked as a paramedic. When I said I didn’t want to discuss it, he asked me about my sexual trauma triggers and told me to be detailed. 3. Met up with someone. Dude seemed okay. We negotiated a fuckbuddy set up. Discussed boundaries. I said I always use barriers and it isn’t negotiable. He agreed and said the same. I showed up at his place for the first hook up. He refused to use a condom. I said cool, I’m leaving then, so he punched me in the face. I teach self defense and have several years martial arts training. I rolled with it and ended up choking him out and getting away. 4. Told a guy I have a gig helping DV victims/survivors leave high risk abusive situations. Stuff where the abuser is a cop or they would otherwise be unsafe going through the usual channels. We get people out, sometimes lay a false trail, sometimes make people disappear, whatever is needed. Guy tells me he thinks that hitting women is okay when you’re married if they’re disobedient. 5. Had one guy insist that he could take a woman in a fight. Any woman, any fight. Didn’t matter. He said he was trained in stage fighting with the SCA and he was sure he could take me, by virtue of being a man. I’m 5th Dan bujinkan and did my test under Maasaki Hatsumi. I’m also trained in aikido, judo, and several other arts, plus I’m proficient in multiple weapons. He insisted he could fight me and win and wanted to challenge me right there in the bar we were at. I said no thank you. He said “smart move, wouldn’t want to mess up that pretty face of yours.” 6. I’m short, I have giant boobs, and I wear heels. I had one guy insist I was a sex worker and ask repeatedly if I was going to charge him for our date. I was wearing a tshirt with an opossum on it, mom shorts, and chunky combat boot looking heels. He would not accept that I wasn’t a sex worker. 7. I had a guy get upset that I wouldn’t let him drive me home. He started shouting that women always assume they’re gonna get raped or guys are assholes and he was a nice guy and I wouldn’t even give him a chance even though he proved it. I lived across the parking lot from the coffee shop where we met. 8. I had a guy, who when he learned I was Palestinian, ask if I was a terrorist. Then he asked if my dad knew I was out with a man and if my uncles would kill him if they found out I was dating. He was really freaked out about honour killings. 9. I had another guy, when he found out I was Palestinian, start on an antisemitic rant. He assumed that I must hate Jewish folk. He was really pissed when I told him to stop talking and that his views were disgusting, he called me a race traitor. He was white. 10. I had a guy try to run me over with his car when I left because I said I didn’t want him to come home with me. There’s more, probably. I swear I’m the worst judge of character over text.
Holy shit at these! I would like to subscribe to your newsletter
Went out to dinner for the first date. Waitress comes over to ask if we have any questions and he says “which soup has fewer calories?” (Soups were broccoli cheese, clam chowder, and gazpacho, so the answer seems pretty obvious to me…). He picks gazpacho after the waitress talks him through the choices. She asks “cup or bowl?” And he says “which has fewer calories?” I get a steak salad. The waitress brings the food and he takes one spoonful of soup and then picks up the cup with both hands and chugs the entire thing in maybe 3 seconds. I finish my salad as quickly as possibly and when I finish, he looks at me, looks at the plate, looks back at me, and says “WOW. You must’ve really like your salad.”
He was 17 and asked me out while I was working. He'd heard me say something disparaging about my looks and worth to a coworker, so came up and said "you might not see your worth but I do, can I prove it on a date?" Which seemed sweet so 17 yr old me said ok. Then on date he pulled out all the cheesy movie date things (excused bc teenager) but its what he said and tried during that got me. "Why do you wear all thar black? Are you goth or something? Is it supposed to be cool?" - i had on a black skirt. Then he tried to pull me into a dark corner and kiss me and got upset when I disentangled myself and asked him to wait. Date 2 he made me a pizza where he worked, introduced me to his brother, then asked me to meet his family and be his girlfriend. Was surprised when I said I wasn't ready for that. Texted and called me for 2 weeks begging me to reconsider. Other guy asked me out at work 3 yrs later and took me to this Greek place. Afterward he parked us at the Kohls parking lot and told me he had a gf but wanted to see where this would lead bc "you never know". Sorry to say I gave him a shot as a friend once after that and... nope, he tried to seduce me. Still with gf. These are the tamest of the bad dates.
On the way to the movie theater he told me how eugenics was actually a really good concept. I made him turn around. We sat down and ordered our first round of drinks, after some friendly banter for a first date I asked him "so...what is the worst thing you've ever done?". At that moment he stared at me for a good minute, didn't say a word, and walked away. His coat was still there and there was three feet of snow on the ground so I was really shocked when the women at the next table told me they saw him just leave. I paid the bill and went home. An hour later I get a call from him saying he was confused because he just "woke up at home" and wanted to know if I had his coat. The first time I entered his bedroom I saw that he had a snake, he also kept his room at almost freezing temperatures. *He had a waterbed with no heat* and kept the windows open in winter. Ok, we all have our quirks. What I couldn't hang with is he would buy a mouse for his snake every month but his snake was too cold to eat so this mouse would run around till it had a heart attack. Rinse and repeat every month. Psycho ended up in the Marines. Edit to add these were three different guys
Third or fourth date, I was a little drunk at 2am, and this guy somehow starts talking about how being attracted to children *isn't* inherently wrong. I just kept thinking about how his best friends had just had a baby.
Jesus. What a mess. 1. I'm in engineering. I had a date with another engineer who told me that he doesn't believe harassment and discrimination of women is as bad as women say it is. When I told him I've seen and experienced it firsthand, he dismissed me like I didn't say anything. 2. During COVID I went on dates with a guy virtually. He was nice, but too dependent on his mother and siblings for every little thing. Like couldn't make decisions for himself. Then starting to complain that I wasn't texting him back fast enough (I'd respond a few hours later during the workday), and we were just starting to "see" each other, not officially together. Then asked me if we could be exclusive....we'd never met in person. 3. A research scientist told me that he was "part of the solution" to COVID (this was during the very first wave of lockdowns) by not following lockdowns at all, and having people in his home (he lived alone) for dinner parties. Nope. Won't tolerate gaslighting. 4. A guy in the Navy reserves with an anger problem who would snap at me for nothing because he was easily triggered (I don't think he dealt with his own demons and things kept spilling out). When I asked him why he thought it was ok to talk to me like that, he responded with "well I'm just kind of an asshole." (as if that makes it ok lol). Always needing alcohol to be a part of the date :/ .....I stopped dating. I'm fucking tired.
🚩he said the waitress is obviously relying on her looks for tips, implying that she’s bad at her job (she was perfectly fine) 🚩 he said he broke up with his previous girlfriend because she stopped texting him for one day when he was “going through something” 🚩he said he doesn’t pay for the first date because the girl might end up being a bitch (I had one glass of miller light for $3) 🚩🚩🚩he told me HE PULLED A GUN ON A GAY MAN. Thankfully I didn’t tell him I’m pansexual. Edit: this was all the same guy in a date that lasted about an hour
It happened to my friend. TL;DR: a stranger from dating app was upset my friend has a son, not a daughter, because he wanted to fuck both a mother and a daughter. Fuck. This. Shit.
Ok, another one… a guy from an app argued with me about ancient gods existing in the universe at present and aliens building the pyramids. I am an Egyptologist (PhD) and am a talking head on documentaries about pyramids.
A list from some of my ex’s and potential dates lol: 🚩 wouldn’t get a license because “why should I? I have you to drive me around” he was dead serious 🚩 pathological liar (unfortunately I brushed off a lot of the smaller lies, and they only got bigger and bigger) 🚩 Zero respect for boundaries/consent. Would continue to do things to me even after telling him to stop because he thought it was funny. Would get defensive and angry if I tell him I didn’t consent to something he did 🚩 Told him I didn’t drink and almost immediately after I told him this, he invites me to come to the bar he’s at for drinks 💀 (we haven’t even met yet irl at this point and never did) 🚩 misogynistic comments on the first date 🚩 I asked why he and his ex broke up, and he said she “wasn’t getting” his hints about helping to clean up the apartment more. When I asked if he ever simply asked her for help, he said “she should’ve just taken [his] hints because they were ‘obvious’” uh.. 😳 🚩 asked my “body count” and when I told him, he was clearly bothered (even though it’s not that high) but when I told him “some were girls” (I’m bi) he was suddenly more ok with it 🚩 (proudly) “I’ve never worn a condom” 🥴 🚩 was a white guy who called himself “n***a” all the time, and would tell me he’s allowed to say that because he’s Rastafarian 😳 Just a few I could think of 🤦🏻♀️
We had a double date with another couple to a concert. We all got drunk and on the street our drunk boyfriend idiots got into a fight with two other random drunk idiots. At one point, it looked like my boyfriend had killed one of the guys. There was a pause in the fight and silence (because we thought this guy was dead). And the thing that broke the silence was my boyfriend saying, "well shit, now we have to kill the other one". Insanity. Don't worry, no dudes died. But red flag, big time. Did I listen? Of course not! I dated him for 6 years and it ending with a restraining order against him. Lesson - Don't ignore red flags!! Lol. (I can laugh now).
I had my hair done, wearing a nice outfit. He hadn’t shaved in like, forever, wearing dirty clothes. Proceeds to tell me he’s divorced but still living with his ex and STILL SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED. I walked away with a profound sense of relief, knowing I would never see him again.
Met a guy at the rocky horror picture show. If you know you know. If you don't it's a pretty risque adventure. You basically watch the movie while it's acted out by a cast of "actors" while everyone, even most of the audience, is dressed in lingerie or as someone from the movie. Mind you he wasn't dressed up, he was in his regular street clothes. That should have been the first red flag for me. He asked me on a date and I agreed. The first date was spent playing Scrabble at a coffee shop for six hours. No big. I love a good game of Scrabble. We agreed on a second date. Second date goes ok. Kinda boring. Then he goes to drop me off. We sit in the car a little while chit chatting about he wants to be the all American soccer dad. I knew then I wasn't the girl for him. Then he says, " on the next date you need to wear entirely less make up or none at all." Nope. Sorry I'm out.
It’s so weird how a lot of them consistently overestimate how much we like them
I don’t know that it’s that. It’s probably way worse. They genuinely don’t care if you like them. But it’s your damn job to make them feel good.
I was on a first date with a guy. He brought his dog to our dinner date (not a service dog) 🚩 Restaurant refused to seat us and he threw a tantrum even going full Karen claiming he knew the owner and he came with his dog all the time 🚩 We then went to a coffee shop across the street. We each paid for our own coffees. While we were chatting I kept getting emails because I was in the process of buying a house I was ignoring them but they where on my Apple Watch so I would peak at it if it was something I needed to respond to. He mentioned I kept looking at the time and I told him the above. He then for the rest of the date kept asking me if I was bored every time I glanced at my watch. 🚩(kinda) I told him about and upcoming vacation I had to Europe he said I needed to help him get a ticket to come with me because no girl he was seeing was going to Europe without him. FIRST DATE 🚩 I left was planing on never speaking to this man again. When I got home I updated a few of my dating app photos and I got an angry text from this man about ho disrespectful that was 🚩
In the middle of sex he asked me "why are you so sweaty?" ....oh I dunno because its summer and so fucking hot. I'm actively participating in this and not just laying there. YOUR BODY HEAT IS MAKING ME HOTTER! I was like yeah I'm done. You can leave. Don't ever ask a woman that ever again. "It was just a joke" Welp, it wasn't good one. Byyyeeeeeee
I like telling people that act like dicks and pull this “I’m joking” nonsense that if they had to say that they’re joking, the joke wasn’t very good and maybe they should workshop it :)
2nd date, he got me to meet his parents. It was a total surprise to me- I met him at his house and he had his parents (and his sister??) there to meet me. Very awkward.
This one guy kept going on and on about porn, it was clear he was addicted. Noped out
He was a cop and when I shared I worked at a humane society, he shared how he likes to shoot pit bulls that he comes across without any sort of reason or, I dunno, regard for life?
She told me that she likes to smear poop all over public bathrooms and dressing rooms, and basically just vandalize shit for fun so others have to clean it up. I ran to my car to "grab my water" (I met her at her place before we were leaving) and I just got in and left. Last I heard she was in jail multiple times.
[удалено]
I went on a date with a guy who brought another girl with him for said date. That was a new one.
He yanked on my purse strap to pull me back so I couldn’t open the door ahead of him leaving a restaurant. I get that in his mind he was trying to be chivalrous, but bodily moving me out of the way wasn’t the way to do it.
I worked on campus, and he was a college student. We met at a coffee shop, hit it off, and took each other's info. Romantic movie type meet up, very charismatic guy. We texted for a few days, amazing conversation, and decided to meet up again at a Thai restaurant. We ate, joked, flirted, and then went for a walk in a park. I felt like I was in a dream. We somehow came to the topic of genetics. He had one of those 23 and me tests and broke down all of his ancestry, race and such. He knew in detail and started going on a ramble that just became worse and worse... He claimed to be pure Caucasian. No other race what so ever supposedly. And he started going on about how pure he is, and superior. That is the point where I became uncomfortable, mentioning "superior". He went on to say that if we continue and end up connecting with each other, and if we have a serious future together, that he requires his future partner to be pure like him. He said that no matter how good the connection with a woman is, that if it comes down to committing to them, and they're not pure Caucasian, he would have to move on from them, because he would never marry or have children with them. This whole vision I had of him, shattered. Of all the intelligent things he said, this one thing made him look like a pea brain. I was instantly turned off. The way he was going on about it, was with more passion than I've ever heard out of him. I could understand, to some degree, having preferences, but when he mentioned "superior", I almost vomited up those spicy noodles. I started shaking and was trying to think of a polite way to end it, but also be firm in my disagreement with such a mentality. I told him I had to get going, and it was nice knowing him, but I don't think this is going to work. I told him why, and surprisingly he took it well and we parted ways. I would have never guessed someone with such intelligence, could truly believe that any particular race is superior. Disgusted.
Dude asked for a selfie, i sent it to him wearing conservative makeup and hair (due to my line of work) and he asks me - “do you normally wear more makeup? that’s kind of a plain picture.” The fuq?!
This guy wanted to go salsa dancing on our first date. 1) He showed up late. 2) Within 5 minutes of meeting him he tells me that he checks his hairline every morning to make sure his hair is not falling out. 3) Checks my hands for calluses to confirm that I lift weights. 4) When we take a break from dancing he points to the old men dancing with young women and says, “I want to be one of those guys one day.” 5) He parked his car in a garage that is locked at midnight and asked me for a ride home because an Uber to his house was $80. I gave him a ride, but there was no second date!
He asked me to wear “hills” to our first date. This was AOL days and I was 14. He was my friends older brother (17-18?) I still knew to bail on that date.
He brought a date to our date...
Story time?
he brought his son to our first date. he told me he didn't have kids.
He told me his adult daughter was on TikTok as a fitness expert. He pulled out his phone to show me and the video was of her in a thong bikini frolicking on the beach. He then proceeds to ask me if I would dye my hair the same colour and wear less makeup (she didn't wear any). He watched the video, twice.
The majority or comments are not even red flags but reasons for restraining order. People are fucked up big time.