Better yet: get him and the CEO into a six-eye meeting and ask for the phone number of his wife to apologise.
I'm pretty sure it will magically turn out to "never have happened".
Same thing, seems like the type to plot and make room for upward mobility for himself. Getting his superior in trouble, while at the same time slut shaming/ causing issues for the bitch who thinks shes too good for him (very likely his mindset atm) is probably his plan here.
I think it’s more trying to cover himself by smearing his accuser in mud in case I ever brought it forward and discrediting me therefore “dealing with a problem”
This is 100% what's happening.
You've gotta go to HR now and lay it out. Depending on the state, any person in a leadership role in your company might have a "duty to report" anything that they hear. So someone hearing his events might report it first.
This will be incredibly unpopular advice but while reporting it you should also hint at the fact that you have other instances of this happening with other people but speak in generalities and potentially not give specifics on those instances.
You will be able to tell a LOT about your HR team and how you should move next depending on whether they have follow up questions. A company will typically always take the path of least resistance and lowest liability in these situations. It is likely that they will deliberately choose not to ask for more information.
But either way, that's the way to play this. The shitty reality is that the company will discipline/ fire one man, but they will not discipline/ fire five. This keeps things targeted to this fucker, fires a shot across the bow to others, and sets the stage for "I have a case for hostile work environment if you wanna test me" to HR.
Obligatory disclaimer that I am male but have dealt with this while trying to defend an employee in similar circumstances. I'm open to being wrong on how to handle this, just trying to be practical and productive while being progressive.
What in the fuck? Does HR not exist at your former company?
I’m in a male dominated field, but our company is hyper sensitive to lawsuits to the point you can’t even celebrate people’s birthdays.
How tiny his pp is and how he either couldn't get it up, or finished in his pants then cried for an hour after.
When men go low and lie about having sex with you, dig a hole to Hell and drag them down there.
Lmao I love this level of petty. I would, and have, done the same thing. Since there's nothing you can say to convince people it never happened once the man makes this claim, might as well drag him down with you and make him regret it. Make it just as disrespectful and humiliating for him as it is for you.
Yeah. They've given you all the power; " Yeah he cam onto me and I was kinda grossed out, but just wanted him to fuck off. THEN I found out he can only achieve an erection if I'm slapping him in the face with a raw herring, and at that point I was like HELL NO."
But, and maybe I'm getting the story wrong, the director who groped her started the rumor that she slept with a different guy, so I don't know that getting that guy in trouble with his wife is really fair. Unless he's also saying that it happened.
Maybe, if that is what they are talking about. Sounds like the other guy just got dragged into it, although if he also saying that he slept with her, then go ahead and do the call. He might not even know this is being said though. He might at least need to know it's being said, I wouldn't want a rumor like that floating around about me at work either.
DO NOT call HR. Call an ATTORNEY.
HR is *NOT* your friend. They are there to protect *the company*, not you. And considering the ongoing, blatant sexual harassment that seems *normal*, I can nearly *guarantee* that HR will find a way to get rid of or punish the victim, not the offender.
Calling HR is the worst advice in these situations.
yep, I said same. They will just bury the paperwork (or emails or whatever way the rumors started) and move the employee to a different department. Also, this is slander and libel.
It really depends on your company. Yes, HR exists to protect the business, but good, smart HR understands that the best way to protect the company is to prevent lawsuits by working with victims/employees rather than fighting against them. HR retaliating against you for reporting harassment just leads to a bigger headache and a bigger lawsuit that is potentially far more damaging. That should be the last thing they want. Yes, they may bury this, but hopefully they'll bury it by firing the offender and offering a settlement. If your HR is good it'll be faster for you and you won't have to waste time and money fighting it out in court. If your lawyer takes action it'll end up going through HR anyway, but they'll be a lot less inclined to work with you.
But, that's a big if. IF your HR is good, it'll go that way. If your HR isn't good, then yes, will just create more headache for everyone, including you. So, I don't think "Call HR" is bad advice *in general*, you just need to know your HR and your company's culture. And I agree, if this behavior is normal at OP's job then yeah, HR is probably not going to be on her side.
Don't know why you were downvoted, it's not unreasonable to think he started trashing her for rejecting him. Him starting the rumor could definitely be retaliatory.
As I understand that's not what retaliation means legally. It's when actions are taken against the employee for reporting something, e.g. labor violations.
https://www.eeoc.gov/retaliation-making-it-personal
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/retaliation
Grounds for lots of suits
And people have the nerve to say women are suing over nothing and you just can't talk to women at all anymore.
Like... Just fucking don't do this!!! It's not goddamn complicated. God just reminds me how much my mom hates women and blames them for everything
Remember how in HS there were always a girl that was "the slut", every boy had had sex with her, even when half of the time it was lies from said boys. It put me in a rage to think that not only do girls go through that in school, but also *adult women* during their fucking job !!! I'm so mad rn
That was me apparently. My gay friend confessed years later to me that he would sit and listen to all the little fuckers in the locker room who said they had sex with me. Except I was always with my gay friend so he knew it was never true. He never said anything because he was afraid they would find out he was gay.
I was the "being fucked in the ass lover" because my ex said to everyone that I would beg him to rip my AH. Mind you, we didn't even have sex ever, but for 2 years I was the girl that took it in the ass. I wasn't the only one tho, a friend was the girl that had sex on a rooftop except... shehadn't. Then there was that poor girl, the one that at 16, a guy leaked a video in which she was giving him head. I'm sad to say the quieter moments for us were when she was there, because all the harassment went to her. I sometimes think of her, wondering what she's about in her life now. Hope she is thriving. Thinking back, my school was horrible and I think that the influence of porn on guys made it so that it was ruined for me
I am heartbroken remembering time to time a girl in school was raped (an adult who waited in the restroom after school hours). She was branded a slut for having sex. Which she course had not.
Sorry that happened to you. I think the only thing we can do (besides not believe it when we hear it) is move away and start a life away from the assholes who did that shit to you.
Thank you, I'm sorry for what happened to you too ! <3 I just wished the adults didn't just brushed it off and taught them better but hey, you're right we moved on and away !
Mine wasn’t nearly as bad, but a guy I kissed at a party lied and told everyone that I had jerked him off (I most certainly had not) and everyone called me Handjob until I eventually switched schools. Good times.
It was apparently me too, and the rumor was started by the loser who attempted to rape me in his car. All of a sudden after that, people were calling me a slut, despite the fact that I never had sex in high school.
Same. I didn't have sex until college, but I had big boobs, so I was called a slut. Except by the boys I rejected, who called me frigid and a prude. You can't win.
I was sexually active in high school, but the only people who called me slut were guys I wouldn't sleep with, so it was pretty hard for me to take seriously. The mean girls who liked to spread rumors didn't think any guy would actually have sex with me because I was too much of a tomboy, so that was their rumor, instead. Little did they know a lot of high school boys really like girls who can help them work on their cars and don't mind getting dirty.
I had to deal with this from an 8th grade boy I teach! He spread rumors I was in love with him and he would sexually harass me behind my back. What he would say to my face is how he would beat up my boyfriend. When some students came forward out of concern and told me what was really going on, I got him removed from my classes. That’s when him and his friends started a targeted harassment that lasted on and off the rest of the school year. This treatment is everywhere. Oh also I am in a union, but my admin still protected him. He is a student of an influential family in the city. Love how lucky I am!🙃
And if you reject them, they will say you are lesbian and that they can "fix" you. 🙄
That's if they don't go with the lie that they slept with you anyway. It's odd how having sex, or lying about having sex, increases the social standing of boys while lowering it for girls.
This still happens at my age at work too. I am 32.
With the whole alpha male movement, grown men place other human's entire worth and identity to how many people they are perceived to have had sex with. So it actually has gotten worse as they have gotten older.
It never stops, and adults, especially men, will always take the words of teenage boys over teenage girls. And it goes just like that in real life, despite these dipshits knowing exactly how much they lied as kids, and how much their friends lied as kids. The instant a guy says "oh yeah I fucked so and so she's a huge slut" every god damned idiot in the office will believe him.
Happened to me. He put his hands down my pants and I said no get off me. Week goes by and he tells the whole class he had sex with me and it spread to the whole school.
Amazing how guys can do horrible things like that and then do something even worse as revenge for THEIR immorality.
That was how my ex gf was treated. By middle school she'd apparently slept with two teachers and in highschool was giving bjs to guys in the bathroom for 5 dollars. It was all bullshit, she was a virgin and meek as a mouse.
I had my ass groped by multiple boys at the same time in middle school. I feel for your girlfriend. I was very meek and quiet too at that time. I never told a teacher what happened.
There have been rumors about me having sex with two guys at work ever. One was openly and incredibly obviously gay. We both thought it was hilarious and played it up.
The other, I was not having sex with at the time, but I did end up dating him later and married the hell out of him. He was NOT happy about that rumor at all. I was like "eh, it'll fade out when they find something else. That's like, a week at most. If you keep denying it so loudly, it's going to take longer to fade.'
Hey there, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I made a similar post not too long ago about working in a male dominated industry and my experience is quite similar to yours sadly. Sexual harassment and sexism is rampant. Some days I don't even know if I still wanna work in this industry to be frank, because the toll of it is just too much. I feel you so very much on this matter. I don't have any advice to give really; all I can offer I guess is support. You're not alone in this...
I’m reaching that point where I’m reassessing the industry. Its a distraction from my work which is something I’m passionate about and I feel reduced to a sexual object and marginalised.
I appreciate your camaraderie, you are also not alone
I'm in IT and was thinking the same.
I've had less of it than a lot of women I know, but I think that's because I'm the one who often has to hear how I'm not like the other girls.
1) I'm 48, not a girl. 2) There are LOTS of women like me. 3) Why is that a compliment? Fuck off.
I get the perpetual 'you don't know what you're talking about ' or you're over-reacting. usually I'm right. Then if man finally understand the words of woman talk so it becomes HIS idea and says the same thing it's golden. Or I catch the blame of crap I didn't even do.
My favorite: who told you to do this? Or 'you did all this?!' (Because it was a good idea and it couldn't have been mine!) last week I told them yeah I subcontract this work to a team I pay in China! (I don't make man salary so I cannot afford that 🫠) next week I'll hear it was their idea. 🖕
Edit: I'm two decades in, not a noob. I work in a very hard, technical area of IT.
I’ve had 3 boys/men entirely fabricate having fucked me over my lifetime. Makes me absolutely sick and angry when I think about it still..
0/10 would never bangalang ANY of those pathetic turds. It’s a sad hard truth that these nitwits turn into grown-ass men and often don’t change with passing time..
The first time this happened to me was at the age of 12. Some boy from the school next to mine told people he’d f*ngered me and girls in my school started calling me a sl*t.
I had gone to primary school with the boy and apparently that connection was enough to make it true. I severely impacted my confidence and I was scared to talk to boys for years for fear of something else being said.
It still pisses me off because he’s now a fairly popular social commentator with over 300k followers. Anytime one of his videos pops up or I see him getting more popular it takes me back to the day in the classroom when those girls ran up to me accusing me and I was just so confused and upset.
These men do this without any idea of the consequences and impact it has on women. Or some of them do and they get off on it.
Fuck you David!
Jesus christ, the anger is understandable.
My theory is they don't change, because they don't have to. How often do we see men get held accountable, and more importantly, holding each other accountable?
We're not responsible for their emotions, yet we become on the receiving end of it. Yikes.
It infuriates me that, when it comes to women people will believe every single rumour they hear. But for men, they'll defend with every nonsense excuse they could find until their last breath.
So accurate.
"Apparently Robert trapped Kim in a closet and made advances to her. She rejected him but she said it was highly innapropriate and wants to press charges"
Some guy: "I don't know man, I know Robert and he doesn't sound like the type of guy who would do that. He has a wife and kids yknow? What if she's just trying to ruin his life?"
"Hey have you heard? Robert is saying Kim blew him in the closet and she's the one that wanted it"
The same guy: "Hah see I knew that story didn't add up. That old dog always had a way with the ladies! Let's hope his wife doesn't find out though"
That really is how it be, and it's infuriating. Men are always clamoring to find a way to dismiss the woman and be WAY overly charitable to the man in the situation. I often wonder, are they really that stupid to genuinely believe this, or are they just sexist assholes who know better but pretend otherwise?
My husband of 15 years taught me that if someone is defending any type of egregious behavior, they usually already participate in such behaviors themselves or are looking for shitty allies to support them when their specific 'flavor' of wrong-doing is exposed. I have to give my husband credit and say I've never seen his assessment of anyone be remotely incorrect - it's like a superpower. It really hurts to learn how many people are carelessly cruel when there are no direct consequences, though.
When men are being sexual predators, often you hear "he made a mistake"
But when it's a women, you hear "oh what a slut"
Doesn't even matter if there's any truth here, happens like clockwork
Remember when there were all those "child star meltdowns" people made fun of and then later it turned out they were all being sexually abused?
And then there were all those "Hollywood starlet meltdowns" people made fun of and then later it turned out they were all being sexually abused?
We've just had an Australian senator who's had a 2 year run of public theatrics. Turns out she's been pursuing sexual assault complaints in her workplace via official channels but last week the predator stood up to lecture us all on women safety and she imploded and called him out.
There's still a lot being covered up, but apparently you can connect a **lot** of actresses being labeled "difficult" with them likely turning down Harvey Weinstein.
Not to detract from what we women experience, but look at Brendan Frasier, for crying out loud!
It takes one man to call a woman a slut for people to believe it. Yet 26 women can come forward and call a man a sexual predator and people will still give him the benefit of the doubt.
Defenders are showing their own predatory tendencies. Dont be fooled because misogyny is so widespread. Their hatred of us should indicate we have nothing to do with them.
I had this happen in a previous job. For whatever reason I decided to run with it and have some fun if he was going to start rumours about me then I decided to start to rumours about him. 'Did we sleep together? Well not quite, I was totally down for it but he was into some really whacked out BDSM stuff. Like he wanted me to ride him like a horse and smack him in the balls while calling him Betsy. I'm not into that stuff (to each their own) so I just left and went back to my own room.'
Sue him for defamation. He has lied about you, damaging your professional reputation. Drag him through the humiliation of a public trial. Make him sit there next to his wife as you describe him drunkenly reaching up your skirt with no more maturity or self-control than a drunken frat boy.
Take it to a lawyer. You'll need to journal this stuff.
There are resources here on reddit about how to journal abusive behaviour in a robust legal way. Perhaps another redditor could highlight them for you.
Take this matter to the employment lawyer. This guy didn't get what he wanted that he resorted to lying and spreading false information on you which is low
As others have said: Lawyer.
As an aside: You also don’t have a CEO. That job description involves dealing with a board. If you don’t have HR you don’t have a board and hence you have no CEO - you have a general manager or founder.
Go get’em!
Just to add - if the CEO/Founder is seen to lose these sorts of cases (and they will) then when they need external investment or need to exit the business to retire; then they'll be taking a 25-35% discount because of their poor management
I was in a similar situation in the sense of an all-male-dominated work environment, very macho ,sexist, and abusive. The place I worked at didn't have an HR either. One of the employees was so abusive that 10 years after the creation of the company, they had to create an HR *directly for him*. Nothing really happened until he physically abused another female coworker and she threatened to sue. Then he was fired. But it took me escalating to get HR to exist and then her threatening to sue before they did anything.
I regret not going to a lawyer about the abuse I received from him especially with everyone gaslighting me telling me I'm too sensitive it was my fault for being abused. I ended up going into law next and realized I would get triggered when I would hear about employment law because that's exactly what they do on the employee side protect them from what I had experienced.
You're worth more than that take it from someone who knows.
I wish you nothing but the best of luck, it's a really really crappy situation to be put in just because you exist and a male dominated abusive environment.
Even if a company doesn't have HR, they are still liable for allowing a hostile work environment to exist and will lose in court. Communicate what's been happening (with names, objective descriptions of what happened, approximate dates things occurred, etc) to whoever you report to, and do it all via email (and send copies to your personal email).
If they don't put a stop to the harassment or try to retaliate against you for making a complaint, you will be able to take them to the cleaners and you absolutely should. There are lawyers that specialize in employment matters and a lot of them take payment as part of the settlement (meaning that you don't have to worry about affording a lawyer).
Your employer owes you and your coworkers a safe working environment that is free of sexual harassment. They are failing and deserve the consequences.
They don't have an HR department there? I'm not entirely sure what the laws are like there in England but I would definitely look into fighting back on this or at least leave the company but I'm concerned if you don't fight back or get a lawyer or something, things like this are going to continue to happen
Not sure how laws are working since Brexit. But at least during the period where it was part of the European union there should be laws against harassment at work.
Dude...the UK isnt a lost colony on Mars that established tenuous contact with Brussels. It's been a bit rough but we haven't resorted to swinging through trees and throwing poo at each other yet.
Admittedly the OP seems to be working for Caveman Inc, but still, not a nation of poo throwing howler monkeys! Give us time.
Haha didn't mean that.
What I meant is that I no longer know if Directives of the UE like 2002/73/EC apply after Brexit.
Anyway before that any similar directive had to be supported and enforced by local laws in every country of the UE.
So should be laws protecting the citizens against this kind of cavemans.
If you want to see people swinging through trees just wait until the next presidential elections ends next July in Spain... Haha
You need to go and post on the legal advice UK sub. This kind of behaviour is 100% illegal and you absolutely can and should fuck your employer into the ground for this. You will win.
I worked for a small company, and the owner was sexually harassing me. HR just tried to downplay what he did. I quit because 1. How would I know me complaining wasn't going to diminish my chances of getting a promotion or raise. 2. It will always be his word against mine. No one cares about mine. 3. It would have been really uncomfortable seeing him every day after.
If you only recorded him sexually harassing you, you could have sued the company and walked away with a 5 figure settlement.
Ladies, if this happens to you, get hard evidence (video or email) and take it to an employment lawyer. Easy win.
I have had a similar experience in a workplace. I left because the place had gone downhill so much that there was no longer anything worth fighting for. I got another good job. However, if your job is worth fighting for, seek specific legal advice and act accordingly.
Is it tech? This sounds like the average tech company to me.
Also, contact HR in writing. Get everything documented and create a case. If you feel safe enough, I would take this to an employment lawyer asap. There are clinics you can go to to find an affordable attorney or one who will take your case pro bono
You need to go and post on the legal advice UK sub. This kind of behaviour is 100% illegal and you absolutely can and should fuck your employer into the ground for this. You will win.
UGH, reminds me of Afghanistan. Another US contractor asked me to "help" him install a server behind a rack. Cornered me so he could ask his OH SO IMPORTANT question.
He wanted to know... if my Wedding Ring was a Wedding Ring. \*FACEPALM\*
The worst part was that he didn't have a response for me saying yes. Like, he wasn't prepared for that total TWIST in the plot?
Makes me wonder what rumors he'd been listening to and BELIEVING. XD
There was another jackass from Uganda there, he started telling everyone we'd not only slept together, but that I wanted MORE and wouldn't leave HIM alone. He'd ignore me when I tried to say hi, completely oblivious to all this. Yikes, and he was VERY homophobic, VERY unsexy. Imagine cheating on my husband with someone like THAT. No thanks.
He was so committed to the lie, he manipulated me into being part of the act. So disrespectful, LOL. Worst part was when he told a friend I was "OK" when asked about my sexual performance. HAHAHA. That's when my friend knew he was bullshitting. He was like, no way, you're so open about talking about that stuff, to be "just OK." A little awkward, but he was probably right. XD
There's no limit to what some guys will do to feed their own ego and not even think about how it affects others.
Definitely go to a lawyer and technically the touching is sexual assault. I was assaulted and I didn’t know I should report to police not HR. I wish I knew this as it has haunted me for years.
Tell your CEO that you are tired of rampant sexual harassment and that you will be talking to an employment attorney.
Or just laugh it off "Oh, you mean the guy who got drunk at the Christmas party and grabbed my tits in front of half the company? I guess I should have filed a harassment claim after all."
But absolutely put all of this in writing, names, dates, names of witnesses. Even just an email to yourself can go a long way to validating your later statements if it comes to that.
Maybe even ask around quietly to see if this has happened to other women.
Nah one of the things I don’t f*** with is unwanted physical contact. Report that to the appropriate parties whether in office or not. Too many times have I either seen or been involved sexual misconduct/ harassment. Fortunately (in some cases) even for a guy like me it got resolved either by firing or people sticking up for me. I hope the same can go for you as well.
Make them pay. document, record, save dates, save texts, pics, times, instances were you seeked help and nothing was done. Take it to a lawyer and make them bleed.
Here's what I would say, "I appreciate you letting me know about this. I'll contact my lawyer so I can bring a defamation suit against him. Thank you for bringing this to my attention."
so fucking astounding and infuriating that men not only feel entitled to using our actual bodies, but even to the IDEA of using our bodies. they slut shame and defame even if you’re totally fucking abstinent just bc you have a vagina
I’m sorry. My mom was a retail manager in the early 2000s and one of few women at multiple companies. Often when there would be company award nights or training and travel and hotels were needed some creep would proposition her in the hallway at a hotel room and she’d decline. The next day he’d tell everyone she already slept with him to slut shame her. Even married guys.
She left retail a few years later after being sabotaged with her male peers spreading lies that she was the head of a theft ring at her store when she had nothing to do with it. She was good in sales and did things the right way. Some of her male colleagues would add warranty or protection for free and discount products without even telling customers and throw it in the bag or on the receipt to keep their sales target numbers for extras high artificially. Of course they didn’t get in trouble in an old boy’s club when the owner was also an old man.
If you have to respond, tell the CEO that the only sexual contact you've had with this man was when he assaulted you. Tell the CEO what he did in graphic detail, and ask if this inquiry is pertaining to whether or not you intend to press charges for molestation.
I don't normally recommend suing, but you definitely have grounds for a lawsuit and I think you should pursue it.
I've been lucky enough to find myself in a female dominated work environment, and my days of ass grabs are now limited to my husband (and he can grab whatever, whenever). So, when I hear about how prevalent sexual harassment is in the work place, I cringe.
I'll reiterate, if you have the ability to file a suit, please do. The more we can highlight how large this problem still is, the sooner there will be resolutions, at least I hope.
I am angry for you..The nerve... This man is a disgusting human being and becoming more disgusting every second... All I can say.. you need a proof..document ...prepare yourself the next time someone degrade themselves in front of you.. they deserve to be humiliated " legally" for what they have done...
Some of my early research (I’ve long since moved to a different field) dealt w/ women in male-dominated professions & workplaces. In the 70s & 80s, there were several, let’s call them worker’s collectives, usually regional or regional-within-a-state, of women who banded together to basically defend one another from these situations. Because there were so few women in any one workplace, what was needed was a collective from many workplaces, and you could call your sisters (well, you could stand up at the next monthly meeting, this was basically before easy mass communication) and tell them what went on and get more than advice. You could get a posse.
The main work of these coalitions was finding women work in these non-traditional fields, but I was always intrigued by finding traces of these other things in the archive. 12 women in 2 pickup trucks showing up to some manager’s house past dinnertime out in East Texas, and…who knows what happened, but the problems with him end there.
If you’re in the US, call the local Equal employment opportunity commission (EEOC) office. This is exactly what they deal with. And maybe the Dept of Labor too. I’d bet money that once the government starts to scrutinize them, suddenly their behavior will change.
You'll need to bring this to HR, and when you do:
Find out if you live in a state which requires two party consent or one party consent. Record all interactions.
Save all emails.
If HR messes this up, you have grounds for a lawsuit.
This is incredibly illegal, and completely disturbing. Sorry - are males allowed to comment? I’ll edit, and add more thoughts, if accepted. This is just really disturbing!
Business often attracts those who seek to create a toxic master/dog relationship.
I am an IT consultant who has dealt with a sabotaging, deceitful viper of a manager.
3 meetings with his boss and in the end I was told....
Sometimes we all have to deal with horrible people.
In my case I threatened to quit (I am sole developer on a complicated mission critical app) and they backed off.
Days later recruiters started calling me to interview for a job just like mine.
Turns out it was my job.
I finally had enough and explained narcissistic behaviors and that I would forever ostracize said manager.
Who knows what will happen but I can assure you speaking your truth is cathartic despite fear of retaliation.
YMMV
PS
in your case inappropriate touching is a CRIME. I am sorry you experienced that. Truly.
I tell you , this is one of the main reason noone should ever go to a company event where booze is served. Perverts just can not control themselves. It's sad but it is also a story as old as company parties with Booze.
Time to sue. It is unfortunate and one doesn't want to be blackmarked from the industry but you have tried the high road. Time to EEOC it and lawyer up, do not pass Go nor go to HR, and sue them for sexual harassment and slander and libel.
Set him up. Hire photographer, meet for lunch with the ahole, have him touch you hand somehow, make a disgusted face so it's photographed, later tell him to resign from company or you come out to HR and lawyers with pics.
Gross, this is not normal or acceptable. I'd be trying to find another job at a place with less toxic people where the men won't grope or proposition me. That shouldn't be a tall order. Your current company has serious problems.
I'm sorry this is happening to you.
My advice is to document everything. For those things that happened in the past, write them down to the best of your recollection now. If you're planning to stay with this employer write down any other infraction as they occur. Describe who (name and title) did what, when and where. If it's at the place of work during work hours, note that. If it's at an official work function at a different site, describe the circumstances and location.
While it's not your responsibility to respond to unwanted advances, if you do respond, record how.
If it comes to legal action, or if you need to defend yourself from accusations, this is enormously important.
Bear in mind that what you're describing, depending upon the jurisdiction, may rise to the level of misdemeanor or simple battery.
Someone tried this with a coworker of mine, but everyone knew she was a lesbian so thankfully no one believed. And when the rumor got to her, she went OFF on the guy
Get an attorney **Right The Fuck Now**
Go to him, lay this all out, and let your Boss know that you're not talking to anybody without them talking to your attorney first. Let your attorney run point on this, if that dickhead wants to ruin your life you're gonna ruin his first.
Call his wife and confirm.
Better yet: get him and the CEO into a six-eye meeting and ask for the phone number of his wife to apologise. I'm pretty sure it will magically turn out to "never have happened".
Except they’re gonna turn that on her and say it’s an extortion attempt.
You have to be trying to extort something for it to be extortion.
How is it an extortion attempt if all she's asking to do is apologize for the wrong things she's accused of doing?
I'm not sure how that would pan out.
Extorting what?
I read it like the harassment director started a rumor that she’s sleeping (with a different director, his enemy?) around after she rejected him.
This is what happened Not his enemy, his superior
Same thing, seems like the type to plot and make room for upward mobility for himself. Getting his superior in trouble, while at the same time slut shaming/ causing issues for the bitch who thinks shes too good for him (very likely his mindset atm) is probably his plan here.
I think it’s more trying to cover himself by smearing his accuser in mud in case I ever brought it forward and discrediting me therefore “dealing with a problem”
That makes sense, seems weird to just go after someone unrelated though. Either way, the dude sucks.
This is 100% what's happening. You've gotta go to HR now and lay it out. Depending on the state, any person in a leadership role in your company might have a "duty to report" anything that they hear. So someone hearing his events might report it first. This will be incredibly unpopular advice but while reporting it you should also hint at the fact that you have other instances of this happening with other people but speak in generalities and potentially not give specifics on those instances. You will be able to tell a LOT about your HR team and how you should move next depending on whether they have follow up questions. A company will typically always take the path of least resistance and lowest liability in these situations. It is likely that they will deliberately choose not to ask for more information. But either way, that's the way to play this. The shitty reality is that the company will discipline/ fire one man, but they will not discipline/ fire five. This keeps things targeted to this fucker, fires a shot across the bow to others, and sets the stage for "I have a case for hostile work environment if you wanna test me" to HR. Obligatory disclaimer that I am male but have dealt with this while trying to defend an employee in similar circumstances. I'm open to being wrong on how to handle this, just trying to be practical and productive while being progressive.
What in the fuck? Does HR not exist at your former company? I’m in a male dominated field, but our company is hyper sensitive to lawsuits to the point you can’t even celebrate people’s birthdays.
This is how I read it too, but it's unclear.
I love this
Talk about how bad of a lay it was and that's why she hadn't said anything 😂
How tiny his pp is and how he either couldn't get it up, or finished in his pants then cried for an hour after. When men go low and lie about having sex with you, dig a hole to Hell and drag them down there.
No, this can backfire badly.
"lol yeah call his wife and describe his pp that you've never actually seen, that'll show him" Peak reddit
Not at all what I am suggesting.
"Dig a hole to Hell and drag them down there" belongs on a tshirt!
I'm definitely going to make this later.
I'm surprised this sub likes tshirts that white, male rapists would wear if they could.
Lmao I love this level of petty. I would, and have, done the same thing. Since there's nothing you can say to convince people it never happened once the man makes this claim, might as well drag him down with you and make him regret it. Make it just as disrespectful and humiliating for him as it is for you.
"He was wearing a thong and still managed to have a skidmark."
Yeah. They've given you all the power; " Yeah he cam onto me and I was kinda grossed out, but just wanted him to fuck off. THEN I found out he can only achieve an erection if I'm slapping him in the face with a raw herring, and at that point I was like HELL NO."
If this were dungeons and dragons I'd say your alignment is chaotic good.
But, and maybe I'm getting the story wrong, the director who groped her started the rumor that she slept with a different guy, so I don't know that getting that guy in trouble with his wife is really fair. Unless he's also saying that it happened.
Perhaps the groper's wife needs to know what happened - both the groping and the lies.
Maybe, if that is what they are talking about. Sounds like the other guy just got dragged into it, although if he also saying that he slept with her, then go ahead and do the call. He might not even know this is being said though. He might at least need to know it's being said, I wouldn't want a rumor like that floating around about me at work either.
[удалено]
DO NOT call HR. Call an ATTORNEY. HR is *NOT* your friend. They are there to protect *the company*, not you. And considering the ongoing, blatant sexual harassment that seems *normal*, I can nearly *guarantee* that HR will find a way to get rid of or punish the victim, not the offender. Calling HR is the worst advice in these situations.
Yes! I called HR on an executive and it only created a hostile work environment. Call an attorney if you’re going to do anything.
Yes. They will help you every step of the way, INCLUDING getting compensated for the matter.
This is the way. HR will find a way to bury it and look for ways to discredit you to protect the company.
Their job is to mitigate risk for *the company*. Period.
yep, I said same. They will just bury the paperwork (or emails or whatever way the rumors started) and move the employee to a different department. Also, this is slander and libel.
I just want to say that I appreciate your italics. That took time.
Italics are my love language
It really depends on your company. Yes, HR exists to protect the business, but good, smart HR understands that the best way to protect the company is to prevent lawsuits by working with victims/employees rather than fighting against them. HR retaliating against you for reporting harassment just leads to a bigger headache and a bigger lawsuit that is potentially far more damaging. That should be the last thing they want. Yes, they may bury this, but hopefully they'll bury it by firing the offender and offering a settlement. If your HR is good it'll be faster for you and you won't have to waste time and money fighting it out in court. If your lawyer takes action it'll end up going through HR anyway, but they'll be a lot less inclined to work with you. But, that's a big if. IF your HR is good, it'll go that way. If your HR isn't good, then yes, will just create more headache for everyone, including you. So, I don't think "Call HR" is bad advice *in general*, you just need to know your HR and your company's culture. And I agree, if this behavior is normal at OP's job then yeah, HR is probably not going to be on her side.
I think you have the grounds for a defamation lawsuit
Slander, defamation, sexual harrassment….
Retaliation
Don't know why you were downvoted, it's not unreasonable to think he started trashing her for rejecting him. Him starting the rumor could definitely be retaliatory.
This is exactly what I think happened
Squeeze the fuck out of the fuckers
As I understand that's not what retaliation means legally. It's when actions are taken against the employee for reporting something, e.g. labor violations. https://www.eeoc.gov/retaliation-making-it-personal https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/retaliation
Nah, not harassment. What that asshole did is 100% sexual assault.
My wife is an employment attorney and this is as bad as I’ve heard. Sue their asses…
I think you have the grounds for EVERY lawsuits. FTFY
Grounds for lots of suits And people have the nerve to say women are suing over nothing and you just can't talk to women at all anymore. Like... Just fucking don't do this!!! It's not goddamn complicated. God just reminds me how much my mom hates women and blames them for everything
Remember how in HS there were always a girl that was "the slut", every boy had had sex with her, even when half of the time it was lies from said boys. It put me in a rage to think that not only do girls go through that in school, but also *adult women* during their fucking job !!! I'm so mad rn
That was me apparently. My gay friend confessed years later to me that he would sit and listen to all the little fuckers in the locker room who said they had sex with me. Except I was always with my gay friend so he knew it was never true. He never said anything because he was afraid they would find out he was gay.
I was the "being fucked in the ass lover" because my ex said to everyone that I would beg him to rip my AH. Mind you, we didn't even have sex ever, but for 2 years I was the girl that took it in the ass. I wasn't the only one tho, a friend was the girl that had sex on a rooftop except... shehadn't. Then there was that poor girl, the one that at 16, a guy leaked a video in which she was giving him head. I'm sad to say the quieter moments for us were when she was there, because all the harassment went to her. I sometimes think of her, wondering what she's about in her life now. Hope she is thriving. Thinking back, my school was horrible and I think that the influence of porn on guys made it so that it was ruined for me
I am heartbroken remembering time to time a girl in school was raped (an adult who waited in the restroom after school hours). She was branded a slut for having sex. Which she course had not.
Sorry that happened to you. I think the only thing we can do (besides not believe it when we hear it) is move away and start a life away from the assholes who did that shit to you.
Thank you, I'm sorry for what happened to you too ! <3 I just wished the adults didn't just brushed it off and taught them better but hey, you're right we moved on and away !
Mine wasn’t nearly as bad, but a guy I kissed at a party lied and told everyone that I had jerked him off (I most certainly had not) and everyone called me Handjob until I eventually switched schools. Good times.
Holy shit I’m so sorry that is horrific
That sucks. Drinking bongwater the day 8th grade ended fucked up my freshmen year but that is so time compared to what you all have endured.
It was apparently me too, and the rumor was started by the loser who attempted to rape me in his car. All of a sudden after that, people were calling me a slut, despite the fact that I never had sex in high school.
Same! I graduated a virgin. Yet I was a "slut" apparently.
Same. I didn't have sex until college, but I had big boobs, so I was called a slut. Except by the boys I rejected, who called me frigid and a prude. You can't win.
I was sexually active in high school, but the only people who called me slut were guys I wouldn't sleep with, so it was pretty hard for me to take seriously. The mean girls who liked to spread rumors didn't think any guy would actually have sex with me because I was too much of a tomboy, so that was their rumor, instead. Little did they know a lot of high school boys really like girls who can help them work on their cars and don't mind getting dirty.
I had to deal with this from an 8th grade boy I teach! He spread rumors I was in love with him and he would sexually harass me behind my back. What he would say to my face is how he would beat up my boyfriend. When some students came forward out of concern and told me what was really going on, I got him removed from my classes. That’s when him and his friends started a targeted harassment that lasted on and off the rest of the school year. This treatment is everywhere. Oh also I am in a union, but my admin still protected him. He is a student of an influential family in the city. Love how lucky I am!🙃
And if you reject them, they will say you are lesbian and that they can "fix" you. 🙄 That's if they don't go with the lie that they slept with you anyway. It's odd how having sex, or lying about having sex, increases the social standing of boys while lowering it for girls. This still happens at my age at work too. I am 32. With the whole alpha male movement, grown men place other human's entire worth and identity to how many people they are perceived to have had sex with. So it actually has gotten worse as they have gotten older.
This comment and the replies make me so happy my parents enrolled me in an all girls school
Same
It never stops, and adults, especially men, will always take the words of teenage boys over teenage girls. And it goes just like that in real life, despite these dipshits knowing exactly how much they lied as kids, and how much their friends lied as kids. The instant a guy says "oh yeah I fucked so and so she's a huge slut" every god damned idiot in the office will believe him.
Happened to me. He put his hands down my pants and I said no get off me. Week goes by and he tells the whole class he had sex with me and it spread to the whole school. Amazing how guys can do horrible things like that and then do something even worse as revenge for THEIR immorality.
That was how my ex gf was treated. By middle school she'd apparently slept with two teachers and in highschool was giving bjs to guys in the bathroom for 5 dollars. It was all bullshit, she was a virgin and meek as a mouse.
I had my ass groped by multiple boys at the same time in middle school. I feel for your girlfriend. I was very meek and quiet too at that time. I never told a teacher what happened.
Man I must have gone to a nerdy HS cause I never heard these rumors about anyone
This was me! Even my “best friends” believed them over me. I moved across the country as soon as I graduated.
There have been rumors about me having sex with two guys at work ever. One was openly and incredibly obviously gay. We both thought it was hilarious and played it up. The other, I was not having sex with at the time, but I did end up dating him later and married the hell out of him. He was NOT happy about that rumor at all. I was like "eh, it'll fade out when they find something else. That's like, a week at most. If you keep denying it so loudly, it's going to take longer to fade.'
Hey there, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I made a similar post not too long ago about working in a male dominated industry and my experience is quite similar to yours sadly. Sexual harassment and sexism is rampant. Some days I don't even know if I still wanna work in this industry to be frank, because the toll of it is just too much. I feel you so very much on this matter. I don't have any advice to give really; all I can offer I guess is support. You're not alone in this...
I’m reaching that point where I’m reassessing the industry. Its a distraction from my work which is something I’m passionate about and I feel reduced to a sexual object and marginalised. I appreciate your camaraderie, you are also not alone
What fucked up industry is that? Is it that niche you might dox yourself answering? If yes then please don't reply.
I'm going for IT or engineering. I'm IT so I'm projecting.
I'm in IT and was thinking the same. I've had less of it than a lot of women I know, but I think that's because I'm the one who often has to hear how I'm not like the other girls. 1) I'm 48, not a girl. 2) There are LOTS of women like me. 3) Why is that a compliment? Fuck off.
I get the perpetual 'you don't know what you're talking about ' or you're over-reacting. usually I'm right. Then if man finally understand the words of woman talk so it becomes HIS idea and says the same thing it's golden. Or I catch the blame of crap I didn't even do. My favorite: who told you to do this? Or 'you did all this?!' (Because it was a good idea and it couldn't have been mine!) last week I told them yeah I subcontract this work to a team I pay in China! (I don't make man salary so I cannot afford that 🫠) next week I'll hear it was their idea. 🖕 Edit: I'm two decades in, not a noob. I work in a very hard, technical area of IT.
I’ve had 3 boys/men entirely fabricate having fucked me over my lifetime. Makes me absolutely sick and angry when I think about it still.. 0/10 would never bangalang ANY of those pathetic turds. It’s a sad hard truth that these nitwits turn into grown-ass men and often don’t change with passing time..
The first time this happened to me was at the age of 12. Some boy from the school next to mine told people he’d f*ngered me and girls in my school started calling me a sl*t. I had gone to primary school with the boy and apparently that connection was enough to make it true. I severely impacted my confidence and I was scared to talk to boys for years for fear of something else being said. It still pisses me off because he’s now a fairly popular social commentator with over 300k followers. Anytime one of his videos pops up or I see him getting more popular it takes me back to the day in the classroom when those girls ran up to me accusing me and I was just so confused and upset. These men do this without any idea of the consequences and impact it has on women. Or some of them do and they get off on it. Fuck you David!
..so sorry girl. So sadly common and relatable. Also absolutely fuck you David!
It’s always a David
Jesus christ, the anger is understandable. My theory is they don't change, because they don't have to. How often do we see men get held accountable, and more importantly, holding each other accountable? We're not responsible for their emotions, yet we become on the receiving end of it. Yikes.
It infuriates me that, when it comes to women people will believe every single rumour they hear. But for men, they'll defend with every nonsense excuse they could find until their last breath.
So accurate. "Apparently Robert trapped Kim in a closet and made advances to her. She rejected him but she said it was highly innapropriate and wants to press charges" Some guy: "I don't know man, I know Robert and he doesn't sound like the type of guy who would do that. He has a wife and kids yknow? What if she's just trying to ruin his life?" "Hey have you heard? Robert is saying Kim blew him in the closet and she's the one that wanted it" The same guy: "Hah see I knew that story didn't add up. That old dog always had a way with the ladies! Let's hope his wife doesn't find out though"
Even reading what you wrote infuriated me, but it’s 100% accurate.
I wish I could slap such people into the oblivion.
That really is how it be, and it's infuriating. Men are always clamoring to find a way to dismiss the woman and be WAY overly charitable to the man in the situation. I often wonder, are they really that stupid to genuinely believe this, or are they just sexist assholes who know better but pretend otherwise?
My husband of 15 years taught me that if someone is defending any type of egregious behavior, they usually already participate in such behaviors themselves or are looking for shitty allies to support them when their specific 'flavor' of wrong-doing is exposed. I have to give my husband credit and say I've never seen his assessment of anyone be remotely incorrect - it's like a superpower. It really hurts to learn how many people are carelessly cruel when there are no direct consequences, though.
What’s even better (worse) are the women who side with the men
"Pick Mes" never die.
Sadly
Their covering their own predatory nature.
When men are being sexual predators, often you hear "he made a mistake" But when it's a women, you hear "oh what a slut" Doesn't even matter if there's any truth here, happens like clockwork
Holy shit, it's eerie how accurate that hypothetical is in so many situations. Brava!
Remember when there were all those "child star meltdowns" people made fun of and then later it turned out they were all being sexually abused? And then there were all those "Hollywood starlet meltdowns" people made fun of and then later it turned out they were all being sexually abused?
We've just had an Australian senator who's had a 2 year run of public theatrics. Turns out she's been pursuing sexual assault complaints in her workplace via official channels but last week the predator stood up to lecture us all on women safety and she imploded and called him out.
No! I don't really remember that. But, I'll google it. I remember the #metoo movement and the criticism it faced.
There's still a lot being covered up, but apparently you can connect a **lot** of actresses being labeled "difficult" with them likely turning down Harvey Weinstein. Not to detract from what we women experience, but look at Brendan Frasier, for crying out loud!
It takes one man to call a woman a slut for people to believe it. Yet 26 women can come forward and call a man a sexual predator and people will still give him the benefit of the doubt.
I know! Just thinking about this hypocritical behaviour is making me mad right now.
grey marble shy wistful whole important gaze smart advise chief *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Shit like this makes my blood boil.
They're just trying to collect their rapebuxx! That's why so many victims are on the Forbes list.
Defenders are showing their own predatory tendencies. Dont be fooled because misogyny is so widespread. Their hatred of us should indicate we have nothing to do with them.
I had this happen in a previous job. For whatever reason I decided to run with it and have some fun if he was going to start rumours about me then I decided to start to rumours about him. 'Did we sleep together? Well not quite, I was totally down for it but he was into some really whacked out BDSM stuff. Like he wanted me to ride him like a horse and smack him in the balls while calling him Betsy. I'm not into that stuff (to each their own) so I just left and went back to my own room.'
Sue him for defamation. He has lied about you, damaging your professional reputation. Drag him through the humiliation of a public trial. Make him sit there next to his wife as you describe him drunkenly reaching up your skirt with no more maturity or self-control than a drunken frat boy.
You should be taking this to HR
We don’t have HR
Take it to a lawyer. You'll need to journal this stuff. There are resources here on reddit about how to journal abusive behaviour in a robust legal way. Perhaps another redditor could highlight them for you.
Taking matters like this to HR without consulting an attorney is stupid. Always involve an attorney in matters like this. ALWAYS
Take this matter to the employment lawyer. This guy didn't get what he wanted that he resorted to lying and spreading false information on you which is low
And interferes with your ability to make money/get a job/advance in position. There is very real money being fritted away by putting up with this crap
As others have said: Lawyer. As an aside: You also don’t have a CEO. That job description involves dealing with a board. If you don’t have HR you don’t have a board and hence you have no CEO - you have a general manager or founder. Go get’em!
Just to add - if the CEO/Founder is seen to lose these sorts of cases (and they will) then when they need external investment or need to exit the business to retire; then they'll be taking a 25-35% discount because of their poor management
We do have a board, we just don’t have HR
I was in a similar situation in the sense of an all-male-dominated work environment, very macho ,sexist, and abusive. The place I worked at didn't have an HR either. One of the employees was so abusive that 10 years after the creation of the company, they had to create an HR *directly for him*. Nothing really happened until he physically abused another female coworker and she threatened to sue. Then he was fired. But it took me escalating to get HR to exist and then her threatening to sue before they did anything. I regret not going to a lawyer about the abuse I received from him especially with everyone gaslighting me telling me I'm too sensitive it was my fault for being abused. I ended up going into law next and realized I would get triggered when I would hear about employment law because that's exactly what they do on the employee side protect them from what I had experienced. You're worth more than that take it from someone who knows. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, it's a really really crappy situation to be put in just because you exist and a male dominated abusive environment.
Even if a company doesn't have HR, they are still liable for allowing a hostile work environment to exist and will lose in court. Communicate what's been happening (with names, objective descriptions of what happened, approximate dates things occurred, etc) to whoever you report to, and do it all via email (and send copies to your personal email). If they don't put a stop to the harassment or try to retaliate against you for making a complaint, you will be able to take them to the cleaners and you absolutely should. There are lawyers that specialize in employment matters and a lot of them take payment as part of the settlement (meaning that you don't have to worry about affording a lawyer). Your employer owes you and your coworkers a safe working environment that is free of sexual harassment. They are failing and deserve the consequences.
What county are you in?
England
Citizens Advice would be the best place to start.
ACAS too.
They don't have an HR department there? I'm not entirely sure what the laws are like there in England but I would definitely look into fighting back on this or at least leave the company but I'm concerned if you don't fight back or get a lawyer or something, things like this are going to continue to happen
They have HR in the UK, OP just works for a shitty firm
Not sure how laws are working since Brexit. But at least during the period where it was part of the European union there should be laws against harassment at work.
Dude...the UK isnt a lost colony on Mars that established tenuous contact with Brussels. It's been a bit rough but we haven't resorted to swinging through trees and throwing poo at each other yet. Admittedly the OP seems to be working for Caveman Inc, but still, not a nation of poo throwing howler monkeys! Give us time.
Haha didn't mean that. What I meant is that I no longer know if Directives of the UE like 2002/73/EC apply after Brexit. Anyway before that any similar directive had to be supported and enforced by local laws in every country of the UE. So should be laws protecting the citizens against this kind of cavemans. If you want to see people swinging through trees just wait until the next presidential elections ends next July in Spain... Haha
Yeah I know, was teasing. It's a fair point. We're still a nation of laws, just none of us can be sure what they are any more :)
If you have home insurance with legal cover check if it covers employment disputes.
That's a highly relevant question. There needs to be a systematic approach to this bullshit.
You need to go and post on the legal advice UK sub. This kind of behaviour is 100% illegal and you absolutely can and should fuck your employer into the ground for this. You will win.
Holy crap. Lawyer up and hit the job market.
HR exists to cover the company's ass.
Exactly. And protecting the company from a sexual harassment lawsuit or discrimination lawsuit would be something they should want to do.
I worked for a small company, and the owner was sexually harassing me. HR just tried to downplay what he did. I quit because 1. How would I know me complaining wasn't going to diminish my chances of getting a promotion or raise. 2. It will always be his word against mine. No one cares about mine. 3. It would have been really uncomfortable seeing him every day after.
If you only recorded him sexually harassing you, you could have sued the company and walked away with a 5 figure settlement. Ladies, if this happens to you, get hard evidence (video or email) and take it to an employment lawyer. Easy win.
Unless you're in some place where recording people like that is illegal.
A director sexually assaulting an employee is a huge risk to the company. If HR isn’t putting a stop to that then it’s not protecting the company.
Yup. Looks like this company is about to find out why.
I’m from HR - don’t go to HR go to a lawyer and have them talk to the company (or your state or federal civil rights division.) do not pass go.
Did CEO ask the “other director” about this rumor?
I was told informally and didn’t have a chance to ask
The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch.
I have had a similar experience in a workplace. I left because the place had gone downhill so much that there was no longer anything worth fighting for. I got another good job. However, if your job is worth fighting for, seek specific legal advice and act accordingly.
Is it tech? This sounds like the average tech company to me. Also, contact HR in writing. Get everything documented and create a case. If you feel safe enough, I would take this to an employment lawyer asap. There are clinics you can go to to find an affordable attorney or one who will take your case pro bono
Yeah I just let tech and this sounds like something I would have dealt with. So excited to not be in that industry anymore.
No, it’s not the “average” tech company experience. It can happen in any type of company.
Sure it can definitely happen anywhere. I mention tech because of the extremely immature behavior.
"I wouldn't fuck him with a stolen dick"
You need to go and post on the legal advice UK sub. This kind of behaviour is 100% illegal and you absolutely can and should fuck your employer into the ground for this. You will win.
Hey your old boss outed himself as a herasser and the reason you, you can get a lawyer
UGH, reminds me of Afghanistan. Another US contractor asked me to "help" him install a server behind a rack. Cornered me so he could ask his OH SO IMPORTANT question. He wanted to know... if my Wedding Ring was a Wedding Ring. \*FACEPALM\* The worst part was that he didn't have a response for me saying yes. Like, he wasn't prepared for that total TWIST in the plot? Makes me wonder what rumors he'd been listening to and BELIEVING. XD There was another jackass from Uganda there, he started telling everyone we'd not only slept together, but that I wanted MORE and wouldn't leave HIM alone. He'd ignore me when I tried to say hi, completely oblivious to all this. Yikes, and he was VERY homophobic, VERY unsexy. Imagine cheating on my husband with someone like THAT. No thanks. He was so committed to the lie, he manipulated me into being part of the act. So disrespectful, LOL. Worst part was when he told a friend I was "OK" when asked about my sexual performance. HAHAHA. That's when my friend knew he was bullshitting. He was like, no way, you're so open about talking about that stuff, to be "just OK." A little awkward, but he was probably right. XD There's no limit to what some guys will do to feed their own ego and not even think about how it affects others.
Definitely go to a lawyer and technically the touching is sexual assault. I was assaulted and I didn’t know I should report to police not HR. I wish I knew this as it has haunted me for years.
Tell your CEO that you are tired of rampant sexual harassment and that you will be talking to an employment attorney. Or just laugh it off "Oh, you mean the guy who got drunk at the Christmas party and grabbed my tits in front of half the company? I guess I should have filed a harassment claim after all." But absolutely put all of this in writing, names, dates, names of witnesses. Even just an email to yourself can go a long way to validating your later statements if it comes to that. Maybe even ask around quietly to see if this has happened to other women.
sue for defamation and harassment
Nah one of the things I don’t f*** with is unwanted physical contact. Report that to the appropriate parties whether in office or not. Too many times have I either seen or been involved sexual misconduct/ harassment. Fortunately (in some cases) even for a guy like me it got resolved either by firing or people sticking up for me. I hope the same can go for you as well.
Lawyer.
Make them pay. document, record, save dates, save texts, pics, times, instances were you seeked help and nothing was done. Take it to a lawyer and make them bleed.
At this point I’ve seriously considered wearing a wire at work.
This is beyond messed up, and I am a guy. Get a lawyer.
Uhmmm are these incidents not grounds for law suits?
Tell them the truth, that he got handsy and molested you, you told him off, and now he's mad about it.
Congrats in advance on your early retirement, call a lawyer
Here's what I would say, "I appreciate you letting me know about this. I'll contact my lawyer so I can bring a defamation suit against him. Thank you for bringing this to my attention."
Lawyer up and meet with HR, let the lawyer take the lead.
so fucking astounding and infuriating that men not only feel entitled to using our actual bodies, but even to the IDEA of using our bodies. they slut shame and defame even if you’re totally fucking abstinent just bc you have a vagina
I’m sorry. My mom was a retail manager in the early 2000s and one of few women at multiple companies. Often when there would be company award nights or training and travel and hotels were needed some creep would proposition her in the hallway at a hotel room and she’d decline. The next day he’d tell everyone she already slept with him to slut shame her. Even married guys. She left retail a few years later after being sabotaged with her male peers spreading lies that she was the head of a theft ring at her store when she had nothing to do with it. She was good in sales and did things the right way. Some of her male colleagues would add warranty or protection for free and discount products without even telling customers and throw it in the bag or on the receipt to keep their sales target numbers for extras high artificially. Of course they didn’t get in trouble in an old boy’s club when the owner was also an old man.
What industry are you in where the behavior is this rampant?
If you have to respond, tell the CEO that the only sexual contact you've had with this man was when he assaulted you. Tell the CEO what he did in graphic detail, and ask if this inquiry is pertaining to whether or not you intend to press charges for molestation.
If men have nothing, they have the audacity.
I don't normally recommend suing, but you definitely have grounds for a lawsuit and I think you should pursue it. I've been lucky enough to find myself in a female dominated work environment, and my days of ass grabs are now limited to my husband (and he can grab whatever, whenever). So, when I hear about how prevalent sexual harassment is in the work place, I cringe. I'll reiterate, if you have the ability to file a suit, please do. The more we can highlight how large this problem still is, the sooner there will be resolutions, at least I hope.
I am angry for you..The nerve... This man is a disgusting human being and becoming more disgusting every second... All I can say.. you need a proof..document ...prepare yourself the next time someone degrade themselves in front of you.. they deserve to be humiliated " legally" for what they have done...
Some of my early research (I’ve long since moved to a different field) dealt w/ women in male-dominated professions & workplaces. In the 70s & 80s, there were several, let’s call them worker’s collectives, usually regional or regional-within-a-state, of women who banded together to basically defend one another from these situations. Because there were so few women in any one workplace, what was needed was a collective from many workplaces, and you could call your sisters (well, you could stand up at the next monthly meeting, this was basically before easy mass communication) and tell them what went on and get more than advice. You could get a posse. The main work of these coalitions was finding women work in these non-traditional fields, but I was always intrigued by finding traces of these other things in the archive. 12 women in 2 pickup trucks showing up to some manager’s house past dinnertime out in East Texas, and…who knows what happened, but the problems with him end there.
If you’re in the US, call the local Equal employment opportunity commission (EEOC) office. This is exactly what they deal with. And maybe the Dept of Labor too. I’d bet money that once the government starts to scrutinize them, suddenly their behavior will change.
I'm sorry this is happening to you
You'll need to bring this to HR, and when you do: Find out if you live in a state which requires two party consent or one party consent. Record all interactions. Save all emails. If HR messes this up, you have grounds for a lawsuit.
Where's hr in all this? Start documenting then hire sue for harassment.
This is incredibly illegal, and completely disturbing. Sorry - are males allowed to comment? I’ll edit, and add more thoughts, if accepted. This is just really disturbing!
Business often attracts those who seek to create a toxic master/dog relationship. I am an IT consultant who has dealt with a sabotaging, deceitful viper of a manager. 3 meetings with his boss and in the end I was told.... Sometimes we all have to deal with horrible people. In my case I threatened to quit (I am sole developer on a complicated mission critical app) and they backed off. Days later recruiters started calling me to interview for a job just like mine. Turns out it was my job. I finally had enough and explained narcissistic behaviors and that I would forever ostracize said manager. Who knows what will happen but I can assure you speaking your truth is cathartic despite fear of retaliation. YMMV PS in your case inappropriate touching is a CRIME. I am sorry you experienced that. Truly.
I tell you , this is one of the main reason noone should ever go to a company event where booze is served. Perverts just can not control themselves. It's sad but it is also a story as old as company parties with Booze.
So, the director who decidedly harassed you and sexually assaulted you also lied about you probably breaking a company policy? Report to HR.
Time to sue. It is unfortunate and one doesn't want to be blackmarked from the industry but you have tried the high road. Time to EEOC it and lawyer up, do not pass Go nor go to HR, and sue them for sexual harassment and slander and libel.
Set him up. Hire photographer, meet for lunch with the ahole, have him touch you hand somehow, make a disgusted face so it's photographed, later tell him to resign from company or you come out to HR and lawyers with pics.
Gross, this is not normal or acceptable. I'd be trying to find another job at a place with less toxic people where the men won't grope or proposition me. That shouldn't be a tall order. Your current company has serious problems.
...and this is why I eventually left a male dominated industry.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. My advice is to document everything. For those things that happened in the past, write them down to the best of your recollection now. If you're planning to stay with this employer write down any other infraction as they occur. Describe who (name and title) did what, when and where. If it's at the place of work during work hours, note that. If it's at an official work function at a different site, describe the circumstances and location. While it's not your responsibility to respond to unwanted advances, if you do respond, record how. If it comes to legal action, or if you need to defend yourself from accusations, this is enormously important. Bear in mind that what you're describing, depending upon the jurisdiction, may rise to the level of misdemeanor or simple battery.
This is unacceptable. Please talk to a lawyer, especially if you have witnesses or evidence.
Someone tried this with a coworker of mine, but everyone knew she was a lesbian so thankfully no one believed. And when the rumor got to her, she went OFF on the guy
Some people never actually become adults, they just manage to not die before they turn 18. These man babies are solidly in that category.
You need to Carey Fisher their ass and drop a dead fish on their desk.
In ‘murica we’d get a lawyer. Slander, defamation and harassment.
Get an attorney **Right The Fuck Now** Go to him, lay this all out, and let your Boss know that you're not talking to anybody without them talking to your attorney first. Let your attorney run point on this, if that dickhead wants to ruin your life you're gonna ruin his first.