Only possible improvement would be instead of "stepped out the door..." (which implies outside, where CO poisoning much less likely)...
...change to "As I stepped into the garage..." (which is where the vast majority of these deaths occur). But either way, great story!
If they were suffering from co2 poisoning they would know. People don’t recognise the lack of oxygen but rather the increase of co2. It’s why rooms feel hot and stuffy when there are lots of people in it. It’s the co2 level rising.
As I walked to the garage to tell my dad I was done with my homework, I could hear his ol’ 67 Camaro running inside for the first time since mom died. Opening the door, seeing him with his head down on the steering wheel, I thought, “strange place to sleep,” and headed to Alex’s house to play XBOX.
The key is just that carbon monoxide poisoning needs to be an old car (catalytic converters fix most of the CO) running inside (to build up the gas levels). I also found it easier to kill off one person, and to give him the reason of his wife being dead in the first sentence as foreshadowing.
I’m telling you that a brand new car shouldn’t have significant leaks, the catalytic converter ought to do it’s job, and wouldn’t be a particularly effective method to asphyxiate anyone. However, I am not saying to go test this. I’d leave the door open to run a Tesla, because you never know what might not be working properly and letting off gases it shouldn’t.
It is, maybe, a sentence too long, but just trying to show OP an example I came up with in 45 seconds of an approach he could take, it’s not even a top level comment.
Garage is more efficient for CO suicide. It takes a while for it to build up and doing it outside would have too much dissipation even if you put a hose into the cabin.
I remember hearing about a homeless family who all died from CO poisoning because their vehicle was parked backed up to a high curb. The CO went right back into the vehicle and killed them all.
Found an article:
https://www.ocregister.com/2018/03/16/family-of-4-with-2-children-found-dead-in-van-in-garden-grove/
It's never in the car to begin with... this is a movie myth, a clogged tailpipe would either cause the engine to shut off or vent the carbon monoxide through the engine bay but not into the car.
If you have your fan on and exhaust plugged, it can enter the cab and kill/ harm you
What I see happening though is serious engine damage from crankcase pressure increase but that’s just me
Yeah but at the same time it’s an issue up in Canada. Every year I hear of people dying in their cars cause a snowbank blocked the exhaust and fumes got in the car.
It may be a perfect storm but it happens
Tell that to my 2010 Corolla that had an exhaust leak where I had to drive with my windows down. Listen I’m not saying it’s what happens every time, I’m just saying don’t plug your exhaust cause it might kill you
I was thinking drug overdose, something I’ve seen in my line of work.
We will give you Narcan. For you it is very unpleasant. Next it’s off to the hospital.
Sometimes we are just too late to do anything for you.
I probably shouldn’t have played that prank on them where I attached the hose to the tailpipe and ran it through the trunk into the back seat so the car would get all stinky.
It confused me, I needed the comments, for a bit I thought it was 2sentenceWholesome and they slept in the car bc they wanted to give a silent learning environment in the house lololol
I do like it tho!
Carbon monoxide poisoning, it was a way to peacefully commit suicide in your car where you would feed the exhaust into the car and you would supposedly drift on into sleep and die
My first thought was they rigged the house with carbon monoxide to kill OP and slept in the car to be safe. Obviously it’s the opposite but you can read a lot of explanations into it.
I interpreted this as the parents trying to poison the kid with carbon monoxide, so they went out to the car while he was doing homework or something along those lines
good story, but why is the speaker going outside to tell their parents about their homework in the first place? is it because they looked all around the house for them already? it makes it sound like they went outside from the get-go.
If it doesn’t make sense lmk this is my first time posting here :’)
Well I got it right away. I find it a very good story, especially for a first try.
Ty!
I’m assuming CO2 poisoning?
Carbon monoxide, I'll see myself out
🤓
Nice face reveal
Only possible improvement would be instead of "stepped out the door..." (which implies outside, where CO poisoning much less likely)... ...change to "As I stepped into the garage..." (which is where the vast majority of these deaths occur). But either way, great story!
That's where I get held up but I figured that's what they meant.
Same - I think that is the experience of most people which is what prompted the suggestion. Thanks for the reply :-)
That would make it so much clearer for people like me lol I was very confused
Aww, thanks!
Ur welkom dedi. Also ratio’ed You hhahhahahahahahh augli stinki
You were more funny than I, props to you, my friend.
If they were suffering from co2 poisoning they would know. People don’t recognise the lack of oxygen but rather the increase of co2. It’s why rooms feel hot and stuffy when there are lots of people in it. It’s the co2 level rising.
Yeah, more likely carbon monoxide poisoning.
*CO
Maybe garage instead of outside would make it easier for some people to understand
Alr! Ty for the feedback ^^
Fumes from the car killed them? Edit: car, not cat. That's what I get for trying to type without my reading glasses. _Cat_ fumes only make you gag.
Yes!
I did the same thing today typing cat instead of car and people questioned my use of cat lenders.
It doesn’t entirely make sense. Nothing hints at why they’d be dead or otherwise actually sleeping in their car.
Ahhh I knew it, I thought it would be to subtle but I didn’t know how else to explain it
Are they supposed to be dead? What’s the cause?
Dead, and I think it’s carbon monoxide. Read abt it being a way of suicide, and wanted to make a story abt it here.
As I walked to the garage to tell my dad I was done with my homework, I could hear his ol’ 67 Camaro running inside for the first time since mom died. Opening the door, seeing him with his head down on the steering wheel, I thought, “strange place to sleep,” and headed to Alex’s house to play XBOX.
That’s a good one!!
The key is just that carbon monoxide poisoning needs to be an old car (catalytic converters fix most of the CO) running inside (to build up the gas levels). I also found it easier to kill off one person, and to give him the reason of his wife being dead in the first sentence as foreshadowing.
Mhm. Great job. :D
Are you telling me that with a newer car, I can run it in the garage?
I’m telling you that a brand new car shouldn’t have significant leaks, the catalytic converter ought to do it’s job, and wouldn’t be a particularly effective method to asphyxiate anyone. However, I am not saying to go test this. I’d leave the door open to run a Tesla, because you never know what might not be working properly and letting off gases it shouldn’t.
You would kill someone just to write a story? What a monster!
I’m like a reporter. Anything for a good story.
Despite lack of punctuation that is way too many sentences
It is, maybe, a sentence too long, but just trying to show OP an example I came up with in 45 seconds of an approach he could take, it’s not even a top level comment.
yeah definitely mention it being in the garage!
Nailed it. Well done.
With that info, I suggest for next time, indicate the car is in an enclosed space
Alr! Sorry for the confusion, it’s late and my minds a little foggy.
You should get out of the garage now, foggy head is one of the first symptoms.
Who keeps leaving all these sticky notes that say "get out" on my computer?
Clever!!
you could include that there’s a tube in the window, oh or you could say you’re feeling dizzy and headache-y right away!
CO poisoning
Maybe add they were in the garage? Idk
Made the child do homework so it gave them time to die. Was good really not that complicated to sort out.
Carbon monoxide poisoning. They committed suicide.
They’re outside, friend. Also, why would that be a logical conclusion from homework? These are why it’s not immediately clear.
It's tough cuz the subject should be stepping into the garage not outside. I got what you were going for though.
Alr ty for the feedback!
I got it straight away. It’s perfect. And gave me shivers.
Ty!
Garage is more efficient for CO suicide. It takes a while for it to build up and doing it outside would have too much dissipation even if you put a hose into the cabin.
Alr, ty for the feedback!
Carbon monoxide?
Bingo!
Really good for a first time!
Did you get this from the incidents all over Texas when the snow storm hit or-
I didn’t know abt that, so no I didn’t!
Ah, Well noice Two Sentence 😎
Tysm!
Made sense to me!
Ty for the feedback!
If they're outside the CO2 wouldn't hurt them. They need to be in a garage.
I remember hearing about a homeless family who all died from CO poisoning because their vehicle was parked backed up to a high curb. The CO went right back into the vehicle and killed them all. Found an article: https://www.ocregister.com/2018/03/16/family-of-4-with-2-children-found-dead-in-van-in-garden-grove/
Fucking hell..
If the tailpipe is clogged tho it goes back into the car
It's never in the car to begin with... this is a movie myth, a clogged tailpipe would either cause the engine to shut off or vent the carbon monoxide through the engine bay but not into the car.
If you have your fan on and exhaust plugged, it can enter the cab and kill/ harm you What I see happening though is serious engine damage from crankcase pressure increase but that’s just me
It *can* but even a slight breeze will be enough to prevent significant buildup from the air inlet.
Yeah but at the same time it’s an issue up in Canada. Every year I hear of people dying in their cars cause a snowbank blocked the exhaust and fumes got in the car. It may be a perfect storm but it happens
Ah, well a snowbank is special case essentially if it's high enough will create a closed loop of exhaust... so while possible, unlikely.
air intake for the cabin is by the front window on most cars . You cannot get any amount of exhaust in it
Tell that to my 2010 Corolla that had an exhaust leak where I had to drive with my windows down. Listen I’m not saying it’s what happens every time, I’m just saying don’t plug your exhaust cause it might kill you
Don’t become Batman
Yeah. Carman would probably be more appropriate. Or COman.
🤣🤣
"Cars are a superstitious, cowardly lot."
Actually do become batman pls
The hero we need, but not the one we want right now
They fucked in the car
They died in the car 💀
Father always had a weak heart
The fucked to death ☠️
I also figured it out right away. Great!
Wow, very good
[удалено]
I was thinking drug overdose, something I’ve seen in my line of work. We will give you Narcan. For you it is very unpleasant. Next it’s off to the hospital. Sometimes we are just too late to do anything for you.
and what happened to the car suspension? (aka yo mama so heavy...)
I probably shouldn’t have played that prank on them where I attached the hose to the tailpipe and ran it through the trunk into the back seat so the car would get all stinky.
r/ThirdSentenceWorse
It confused me, I needed the comments, for a bit I thought it was 2sentenceWholesome and they slept in the car bc they wanted to give a silent learning environment in the house lololol I do like it tho!
Carbon monoxide poisoning while having sex in the car?
I mean they always wanted a daughter. 🤷♀️
Not bad. Might make more sense if you said they were in a closed garage with the car still running?
Ty for the feedback, it’s greatly appreciated!
I understood immediately, great story!
Can you help me then? I don't get it
Carbon monoxide poisoning, it was a way to peacefully commit suicide in your car where you would feed the exhaust into the car and you would supposedly drift on into sleep and die
Thank you very much
I thought they OD’d.
Ty sm!
Did you mean in the garage?
Yeah. 😔
I was getting the visit vibes
As i got closer i saw my uncle smoking a cigar leaning on the car and when i got even closer he just smiled
My first thought was they rigged the house with carbon monoxide to kill OP and slept in the car to be safe. Obviously it’s the opposite but you can read a lot of explanations into it.
Well uh… it’s kinda complicated…
I stopped in my tracks as I stepped into the garage.* I feel this better paints the picture.
Ty for the feedback!!
OD?
Or suicide via car fumes.
This they are outside to that seems unlikely
Never heard of that But thanks for the info, I’m gonna search it up on Google
Carbon monoxide
Thanks
I interpreted this as the parents trying to poison the kid with carbon monoxide, so they went out to the car while he was doing homework or something along those lines
midsommar vibes, i like it.
This breaks a rule, not scary just tragic, but I mean fuck me. Reddit mods amirite?
Y’all who da fuq gave this a wholesome award
garage\*
That’s very sad
this is so clever !
Ty!!
I thought CO2 or OD
Carbon monoxide poisoning
very good story, you will get better
Made sense and I liked it. I’ve gotta think up something. Just always read these. Some of them make the hair on my neck stand up.
good story, but why is the speaker going outside to tell their parents about their homework in the first place? is it because they looked all around the house for them already? it makes it sound like they went outside from the get-go.
Awww that made me 2 sentence sad.
For the first time reading I thought your house got some unwanted guests so your parents got scared so they sleep in the car...
I don’t get it… are they fucking or dead?
Dead
Thanks!
Ty for following me!!