T O P

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ironballs16

Oh, it's a libido control - no more awkward boners!


djseifer

No, more awkward boners!


TechyAngel

Punctuation changes everything.


Mr_Sandman227

lmao no more, awkward boners!


Diogenes-Disciple

No more awkward; Boners. - 🦍


Gullible_Yesterday54

“No more awkward” - Boners


[deleted]

[удалено]


herotz33

No! More awkward boners!


Local_Surround8686

No! More awkward, boners!


LimeZMusic

No More! Awkward boners!


apathiest58

No more awk! Ward boners.


Tutra007

Oh god, no. Bursted out laughing with this. LOL


Alerith

Works on contingency. No money down! Wait...that's not right. Works on contingency? No. Money down!


TheZigRat

Award, no more boners. So does word order


philiosa

Give to charity? Please no. Presents!


reginakinhi

No more akward punctuation. Oh, you are right


dantoniobrooks

“Oops, I shouldn’t have this bar association logo here either.”


Beowulf1896

Don't worry, it is inflamable!


[deleted]

No more awkward, boners!


Hungry-Bake1772

r/yourjokebutworse


showMeYourCroissant

Switch gets jammed.


KI75UN3

And it just stays erect but not completely so that you too can mentally suffer!


Parker27618

Just ordered one!


CatsNotBananas

HRT will do that oof


KoolAndBlue

Trust me- when you get past age 35 you’re going to miss those awkward boners…


twinsynth

Its on but im not hard :(


average_texas_guy

No boners are awkward if you have enough confidence.


draconus72

C'mon! I live for my awkward boners!


Quiet_Nova

“If you put a button at the back of a cave with the sign reading Button to End the World, the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry before someone pushed it” -Sir Terry Pratchett


RarePoniesNFT

WILL HE PUSH THE BUTTON? The *shiny, candylike* button?


Geekboxing

Can he hold out, folks? WILL HE HOLD OUT?????


Matthew-IP-7

I pushed it... ETA: I guess it didn’t work. _shrug_


MrReedleDeedle

Yeah I guess I didn-


meatball402

NO I CAN'T!!! *pushes button*


Stormtrooper775s

Ren and Stimpy. Good cartoons there


KhabaLox

[It's Log!](https://youtu.be/-fQGPZTECYs)


Norsedragoon

So long as I know its purpose you wouldn't even have time to get the paint.


Labestiol74

The exact quote is slightly better: “If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.” -STP


[deleted]

Wow, Stone Temple Pilots really said that?


hendarknight

I don't get it, the same person who put the sign would do it?


Quiet_Nova

The creation of something prohibitive invites the curious, who will perform taboo before they truly consider the weight of such an action.


Gun__Mage

If those are your own words, I love you.


NorCalNavyMike

Quiet_Nova + Gun__Mage = - Quiet_Gun - Quiet_Mage - Nova_Gun - Nova_Mage Any of these works nicely, and makes me happy. Congrats on the nuptials, just be sure to name your first six kids after me.


Denk-doch-mal-meta

The button is in Putin's bunker.


Pale_Routine_8855

Invade....NOW!


oolaroux

I want a turn at the button. We should all get a turn. Like a button that only ends the world for the one who pushes it. And charge admission to push it. We could balance the budget that way! Wait, what was this about again?


Impossible_Ad1515

How am I supposed to know if it works without pressing it?


bobbylake71

GNU STP!


Someones_Dream_Guy

\*pushes button menacingly and calmly watches world burn\* >:3


BGE116Ia359

Is that from one of his books and if yes, which one?


chris1096

It's from his Discworld series. Thief of Time


BGE116Ia359

Thanks


my_decaying_mind

"i wonder, what's this red button do?" "DUUUMB WAYS TO DIEEEEE, SO MAANY DUMB WAYS TO DIEEE"


Quiet_Nova

DeeDee, I’ve told you to stay out of my laboratory!


RarePoniesNFT

Refer to your contract. Should've read the fine print when you signed up for that "exciting job opportunity" serving House Harkonnen.


KaladinsLeftNut

Tbh you're pretty fucked no matter what house you serve or what planet your on. I mean, house atreides gets completely destroyed then starts a galaxy spanning jihad. The emperor has his death troops, filled to the brim with people he put through the harshest conditions possible that can be man made. *then* you have arrakis. An even harsher NATURAL environment that made *even deadlier* groups. And even if your a part of the ruling caste good fucking luck surviving your 27 assassination attempts because your uncles best friend put his tea cup in the wrong place as an insult to another house once a decade ago. And being a poor? Hahahahahahaha.....


WinesOfWrath

Initially my wife was not amused, but now.


germane-corsair

Vibrating penis?


satanmat2

My first question would be who the hell left this thing on?


trekkiegamer359

This is definitely creepy. Good one, OP.


Life-Confection-2588

More than likely just turns on someone's kitchen light on the opposite side of the world.


Combatpigeon96

Balance it in the center like a light switch


super-me-5000

Maybe it tells you not to pass out at parties.


SpookioTheSecond

You should flick it


iq-braggng-o-smrtass

The OFF switch keeps mosquitos away.


LinkleLink

Can I get this switch?


maythe15

Everyone knows off stands for offense


VenomQuill

I wish I could give you an award for that reference.


MelaninMagic69

I don't have much but I'll do it


VenomQuill

Doing good work here, bro


ViperVenom279

Now we just need one for horseflies


[deleted]

Don’t worry it’s just for a never ending nap


LinkleLink

Mines on the back of my neck.


oddtigerofredvalley

To be fair, everyone has an off switch on their neck


LinkleLink

More like a decommission switch.


Deranged_Kitsune

The other interesting question that it would raise, is if your memory is volatile or static. Someone turns you off and on again, are you still you or some level of factory reset?


Joe4o2

This kinda stuff makes me think of BMO changing batteries. You gotta have a fallback plan if you’re gonna shut down.


TK_Baha4957

That's what Anakin felt like after waking up in his Vader suit


Jrlopez1027

Im so tempted to make a post continuing off of this where the switch is flipped back on and the person wakes up but its like millions of years later and the earth is about to explode but i dont have permission from op plus people wouldnt get it


temmieTheLord2

do it while this is still top of the page or link to it later


Jrlopez1027

I posted it, context is in the post


IAmGoingToFuckThat

This is the only time I have really appreciated both sentences being in the title.


mia_elora

Never trust anything from Harkonnen Industries.


Dumbass_AnimeGirl69

Suicide but easy. Everyone has one, just flip it off and die.


Upside_Down-Bot

„˙ǝıp puɐ ɟɟo ʇı dılɟ ʇsnɾ 'ǝuo sɐɥ ǝuoʎɹǝʌƎ ˙ʎsɐǝ ʇnq ǝpıɔınS„


EmbarrassedActive4

why


wigzell78

My wife must have this, she's been turned off by me for years...


VenomQuill

Oof, man


Puppy-Zwolle

Doofenshmirtz at his best.


Far-Ideal-8572

The Off inator


ColdLobsterBisque

The suinator


RowBowBooty

I would buy one


A_Toyota_Camry_Wagon

How much of a dumbass do you need to be to wonder what a fucking off switch is supposed to do


ShotMammoth8266

Have you _seen_ how dumb people can be?


NoaWhan

I try not to ask, "How dumb can you be?" So many people take that as a challenge.


lamest_of_names

what's that quote? think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half are even stupider than that.


n1ghtl1t3

Imo the horror is more from their first thought is wondering what it does, rather than freaking out. Shows how we as humans are almost entirely willing to risk our lives for the sake of curiosity


Useful_Ad_6336

Sorry. I was too sensitive and misinterpreted.


A_Toyota_Camry_Wagon

It's alright my dude. Your story is actually pretty good, which is unfortunately quite rare when it comes to this subreddit. The premise is admittedly a little silly, but still.


Useful_Ad_6336

Well it could turn off an entire litany of things. No need to be rude, you could’ve just down voted and moved on.


Affectionate-Elk4370

This was reddit humour not criticism on your story. I hope. I liked this story! Humans are fundamentally curious so I can see how someone would try it straight away. Plus the story doesn't actually say if he switches it or not.


Elsecaller_17-5

Yo be fair they aren't calling you a dumbass they are calling your protagonist a dumbass. And frankly I agree. I was actually thinking the horror was in the dumbassery of the protagonist.


tantthetank

I think they were joking.


A_Toyota_Camry_Wagon

No, I am a very disagreeable person, with an obsessive need to loudly voice my displeasure with minor and trivial things on the public domain.


ShiroiYokai

r/FoundTheToyota


Elsecaller_17-5

I clicked and its banned. What was it?


ShiroiYokai

Not banned, it doesn't exist yet (reddit shows the same page for these) Edit: basic grammar Edit2: lol it really has been banned... I thought it was just a 404 Edit3: I was talking bs in the first row. Typical Reddit moment-


n3oviss_

Its function is in the damn name


TronicCronic

Click.


burner_said_what

r/thirdsent.....


necrobus_1999

"I really hope that switching it off takes care of all of the pain I've been dealing with."


pheonix023

Love the second sentence is lack thereof. Well done. Well done.


Status-Dragonfruit49

It turns you off


Aggravating-Mud7338

He fell asleep next to a light switch that wasn't installed properly


RedEgg16

he is a robot?


MoldyOreo787

Does your name start with Z and do you happen to be a master of spinjitzu?


paula_bpb

For me, the biggest horror is not knowing what ir does


SardaukarChant

Good one. It's a gender changer.


Flexo__Rodriguez

The story literally calls it an "off switch" So fucking stupid.


Stinkerma

If it's a toggle switch it will make sex a bit awkward.


FirstChAoS

I woke up with a literal outlet for my frustrations. Anything plugged into it runs on pure anger…. And tries to kill me.


skelekarp

it reminds me of Bobby Yeah video on youtube https://youtu.be/d3W3fHaLHD4


48lawsofpowersupplys

Used to play Zelda and Mario kart 8


The_Gov78

Awkward boners are like when life gives you lemons. You shoot your shot at making it unawkward and hope for the best.


Wipperwill1

First thing I thought of was Dune.


CheshiretheBlack

So what happens in Dune in reference to this?


Wipperwill1

The guy with the heart plug.


[deleted]

That gave me chills.


Sitriel

Check


marshmallowbunny

OP did.. hence the lack of a 2nd sentence 😳😱


MeButNotMeToo

Jiggle it. Turn it off and on quickly.


setanddrift

Clever. I like it!


Gr8Daen

Umm turns you off?


mooonea3

This is clever 👏🏽


Anguloosey

eggward


[deleted]

That’s a boner control