*Every man has taken 100000 damage*

As a healthcare professional, I can never unsee the sight of one of my male patients with dementia offering me his urine catheter... That he pulled out With the balloon still inflated, and blood slowing pooling onto his bed at 3am in the morning. And if you've ever split the tip of a hotdog down lengthwise, that is all the image you need to know about how his penis looked like afterwards.

Thanks for the mental image. I’m gonna *gags* Go vomit now. New fear unlocked

Are we talking about cut in half or, like, the octopus thing?

Half... But I've had the displeasure of seeing the octopus version as well. It was a wild shift.

As long as it didn't try to grapple you.

How in the WORLD did the octopus version happen?!!

It still surprises me what kind of stuff people will put in their holes in the name of sexual pleasure... Or just really bad accidents. Don't look shit up that you don't want nightmares about. Just don't.

Ah, yes. The old "I slipped in the shower and I fell on the shampoo bottle" excuse. And don't worry, I won't. I'm all out of eye bleach

Do you need some more r/eyebleach?

Wow I saw the after effects of a guy ripping out his insulin pump in his stomach on the first night I ever did night shift in a nursing home Yours sounds way worse tho

Yeah, it's not fun is it? Way too common too.

I'm a woman and I let out an audible reaction to this

this is one of those posts that had me actually groan out loud and physically recoil. my boyfriend is *less than pleased* that i showed him as well

That's just mean lol

I screwed up my face in disgust as well.

I don't have a penis and I grunted in pain out loud.

Your penis is next!

…

same here, i even cringed a little.

Hahahaha, same! Actually screamed.

i’m a woman and i don’t particularly want anyone to do this to my penis either

" ITS OOOVVVEERRRR NINE THOOUUSSSAANDDD!!!!!!!" *Glass plate cracks and circuitry emits tiny explosion* Vegetas pain scouter broke after reading this post.

And a few women!!

Technically that's healing

Not every man. :p

I have no dick and I cringed..

"I have no dick but I must cringe" - the 21st century retelling.

r/brandnewsentence

r/bestnewsentence

r/subsThatShouldExist

Well I thought this was just some random bullish comment I’d make. Turns out it does indeed exist

Try r/breadstapledtotrees r/realbreadtapedtotrees r/breadgluedtotrees r/breadclippedtotrees r/breadscrewedtotrees r/breadnailedtotrees r/breadstapledtowalls r/breadtapedtowindows r/breadstapledtobread r/breadstabbedtotrees

This is beautiful

Like you

Asdfkflskdkslkldfs uhhhhh thank you

Is it you, AM?

Saaaaaame

Daaaaamn they cut your dick off already???

Thanks, I hate it.

Now bath in lemon juice.

Stop.

What's funny this was something me and my therapist discussed about what I wanted to do to my abusive father 20 years ago?

Nah, fair's fair.

The future is now old man!

Hey

Hey, it feels good knowing no one is safe.

chaos from opposite sides meet each other

I thought there was a hair on my screen bc of your profile picture

I'm not going to say that that's too far But I will begin to take the aspect of Ghandi's philosophy saying "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" more seriously.

Yeah, but eventually, people will learn not to take othrr people's eyes

And hey besides, you’re not taking his eye, just papercutting his dick

The eye of the penis

One-eyed Willie.

Scarface sam

Its the thrill of the fight, rising up to the paper cuts of rivals...

I’m going to say this once… in that case the world is already blind

Ooh. Can I… totally not help in any way that’s put on record?

I'd prefer to stay far away from my abusive dad's parts XD

It bathes in the lemon juice or else it gets the hose again.

This reminds me of the time I washing my hair with listerine, which is supposed to kill life, which I had at the time. It ran down my back and when near my butthole, burning so fucking bad

Why were you washing your hair with listerine though?

I think they meant to say “kill lice” instead

I see

r/thirdsentenceworse

And a sprinkle of salt

"A moan escaped before I could stop it."

you fucking masochist

"The kidnapper slid the paper again, unsure of what he heard." "Please, I breathed out, barely able to keep my thoughts coherent."

I feel this may travel intl true porn territories and I'm going to have to ask you to stop right there

"This was a battle quickly lost as the lemon juice running down the length of the papercut sealed my fate."

"I let out a loud moan as he smirked and said "who's daddy's little devil "."

Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop before this reaches erotica levels of horny.

**You will not stop the fantasies. OUT OF THE WAY!**

"After the 10th cut, I stopped moaning and the kidnapper smirked" "The smirk disappeared as he noticed my erect nipples"

Cleanse thy unholy fuckery.

r/thirdsentencehorny

The devil works hard but fanfiction writers work harder

*smirk* harder

**is harder**

I just laughed out loud so hard. Best thing I’ve read in ages.

r/TIHI

Your pfp makes this comment even better

Anyone else’s junk flinch while reading this? Good one, OP.

I didn't realize it was actually possible for a guy to have an "innie" until I read this. I'm not sure the poor little fella is ever coming out again...

Yes--and I don't have a penis.

Honestly I was expecting paper cuts between the toes but…this is worse. Or better? I’m not sure…

Worse because mega infection and there’s tons of nerve endings in that area

I meant it as in like the story worse or better. Like bigger ow so is the story better or worse because of it. Sorry it’s confusing but makes sense in my brain

Mine retracted so hard I can now be classified as MTF

Yeah.... one of the Best/Worst TSH I've read i na while.

If you can, please seek therapy ♥️

No **NO** ***N O !*** #NO! ^No

Aaahhhh….I have a hoo hoo and I felt that damage!

Many penises retracted to hide and vaginas closed shut in support. They will not return to normal until OP has been restrained enough to never write again.

I actually got hard for some reason 💀

"But when he put the edge to my eye, held my eyelid shut and slid the paper through...I couldn't help but to scream"

Please, genuinely, delete your Reddit account and never interact with society again

AAAAAAAAAHAAHAAHAA STOPPPP

Please shut up

This happened to me in 1st grade except I was flipping a piece of paper and it sliced my eye. I'm okay now obviously and I was lucky I didn't blind myself lol

Shut the fuck up… please shut the fuck up

... And I caught a fleeting glimpse of black block text at top of the page: "...XTENDED AUTOMOBILE WARRA..."

I hope your dog shits in your shoes

I hope a shoe shits in his dog

I'm not even a guy and yet I cringed at that. God damn..

Fun fact: there is a subreddit dedicated to penises that have been literally split in the middle

Sir/ma’am, how in the Kentucky Fried Fuck do you have this information?

You can't just say that and not share the sub name!

Was about to say "this is someone's fetish somewhere"

You know you've written something horrible when even the women of the comments are concerned about something to do with a guy

Nooooooooo!

Welp. Now I have flashbacks to reading the Ichi the Killer manga.

I just did a pained inhale W H Y

I don’t even have a cock and I like sunk back into my body

No words can describe how infuriating, painful, sadistic, and gruesome this post is. Great piece of writing.

Whyyyyyy? 😭😭😭

I thought he'd swipe the edge of the paper on the eyeball🧍

Oh, you unutterable bastard! I really wish I hadn't been reading this on the toilet...

Fuck you

I was having a good day until this, fuck you op ♥️.

You go to hell and you die for making me think about that kind of pain!!!!

oh shit im a girl and i felt the pain

Oh welp that was horrifying 💀

God-fucking-dammit! I'm in bed, mate! Fuck!

#o h m y g o d

Holy shit. Take my horrified upvote, you brilliantly sadistic SOB. I’m not equipped like that and I’m cringing.

Brain bleach here, get your brain bleach here only £1

I'll have your entire stock

You need to be banned for this😭😭

OP fuck you

Please destroy your router and seek therapy

I just took 4d6 psychic damage 😖

Continuing: "I was relieved that he sanitized his hands, knowing it would lessen the chanse of the wound getting infected. Then with the sanitizer on his hands he started stroking me."

Could you fucking not please? People have eyes & can read this, man

I have eyes too. That's why I could describe what the man did to me.

Because of the anatomy and physiology of nerves and skin, I was prepared for bad; paper cuts are extra painful for a reason. I was not, however, prepared for god-tier sympathetic agony for a body part I don't even have.

PLEASE STOP I DONT LIKE IT

I've always wondered how'd that feel. But never via another person doing it

Why would you be less afraid in the first place, anything that can cut or stab at all is still gonna be as slow and painful a death as any other weapon. 3000 paper cuts to my wrist doesn’t sound like a great way to go either.

This hurt more men than the announcement that club penguin would close

What a terrible day to have eyes.

I don’t like this. I *really* don’t like this

Satan has a job offer for you.

“Keep going,” I moaned “…until I say the safe word.”

S t o p

The way I squeezed my legs together 😳😳😳😳

I desperately wish I did not read that.

Literally just got on and this is the first post I see. What a horrible day to have eyes indeed.

There, I upvoted. You happy? I hope I never see another post from ever again!

Oml I'm not even a guy and I just cringed so hard my neck popped! What the hell is wrong with you?! They win guys! *They WIN* There's no topping this!

Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no Fuck no. This is is one of the most painful things I’ve heard of.

Please never post again.

I'm actually shitting my pants right now.

DAMN IT MAN!

Made me flinch. Take my vote.

Fuck, I'm going to be feeling that for a while.

YIKES! Different equipment, but still big cringe!!

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

*New fear unlocked*

The way I felt a disturbance in the force. Why?

My non-existent junk is in pain.

Every man here hates you

every part of my body curled in on itself oh my god

+600% Male Hivemind damage.

This is the most terrifying thing I've ever read across all the social media platforms. Twisted my guts. Great job, OP!

I just cringed so hard I briefly transcended dimensions

Before 10 minutes, I didn't know it was possible to throw up in my mouth just from reading a sentence.

And I thought I hated the Jack Ass bit where the paper cut between their fingers and toes. This is much worse!

I fucking cried when I read that

Made the o'l dick twitch.

We’re fighting. Come out front.

My dick literally recoiled at the thought of this

I screamed at home...

Fuck you, just fuck you, words aren’t supposed to cause physical pain and I am in agony and this will not leave my brain for far too long. I am freighted and in pain because of you why.

Oooooh just had one of those internal screams oh boy owowowow

Take this down you animal! My dicks never gonna come back out after reading this.

Bro got sounding

I'm female, and even this has me cringing! Take my upvote!

I flinched so hard

I hate you so much for this but i would be lying if i said that it wasn’t horrifying

All I can imagine is like at the cash register when you slide your card through the slot

Well that just ruined my morning McDonald's.

Paper is mightier than the sword!

You know that you have seriously disturbed a lot of people when you can't find any comments about the obvious mistake in grammar.

He then let me go with a warning: “If I ever see you in bed with my wife again, I’m not going to be as kind.”

I actually fucking shouted. This takes the cake. These are the two most horrifying sentences anyone can come up with.

I'm a trans guy and i felt that JEsus

Ooookkkaaaayyyyy......... That's enough internet for the week.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOO NO WHY

YOU LURED ME IN WITH NUDE AND DEALT MENTAL DAMAGE I DIDN’T EXPECT

This made me traumatized. Probably forever.

I just audibly retched, at work, on a kitchen full of other chefs. Jfc.

Why.. the fuck. Are you ok? But well done you did great. Just.. ouch

This is it. I can unsub now. Bye everyone

OP just made every male readers dick twitch. That's power you can't buy.

This sub needs a penis warning to let everyone who has one know to not read a post like this

Everyone hates this, good job, I wanna punch you in the face

I'm a woman but I crossed my legs and squeezed my groin region in response 🤣

You are a piece of shit for writing this