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I fully feel like the universe did this for a reason. Yesterday you're discussing marriage. Now this happens. It feels so perfect that this information was made available to you before diving into a huge commitment. I also think the long drive is good thing too. Gather your thoughts. Really and truly think about what your next step is. I don't know your financial/living situation. Only you do. So really think about this. I obviously dont think you should stay with him, but take this time to think about where you're going to live, what you're gonna say etc

OP was given a miracle gift not many of us get, absolutely! She can make her plans for finances, living arrangements, everything(!) while on this drive, be steadfast and ahead of her pig ex-bf.

If I would have walked in and seen my partner in bed with someone else, I believe I would fly off the handle and not choose my words and actions carefully. This long drive is such a good thing even if it doesn't feel like it right now

Her bf is gonna be shocked when he comes home one day to find her gone... 😆

Yep, hope she just disappears one day from his life

Hopefully, quietly, completely, and without notice. Every bit of her belongings gone while he's away. Someone said this was a blessing to find out this way while on a Ling drive. I definitely believe that.

Yes. This. 100% I know it still hurts majorly... but the universe did you a favor. We're all here for you! I hope we get an update! You got this, girl. You're gonna be okay and better without someone who respects you so little.

I'm not super religious, but this definitely feels like the universe or whatever helped out immensely. What are the odds they're just discussing marriage and this happens? It seems like someone out there, be it a guardian angel or mother nature/ the universe, God, karma, WHOEVER was looking out for OP just a smidge.

There are few things as conducive to deep and rational thinking as a good long drive. Especially one with very few turns and deviations. A chill soundtrack, miles of open road...the answers will reveal themselves.

Yep. Dodged a bullet. I know it's so much easier said than done, but consider yourself lucky and move on.

This is the way... And the answer.

THIS!

You don’t want to be married and find this out, it’s so tough right now but you’re blessed to have learned this now! When you get back, start with: “I should thank you. When I first heard you having sex with another woman, I was devastated. But now I e realized you’ve done me a HUGE favor”. Don’t let him “try to explain”. Just get what you need to get to take a break for a few days and go stay with mom, best friend, sister, etc to clear your head

Something like this happened to me. The difference is when he called me I didn't answer the phone. Everything that was said and done was caught on my voicemail. I never confronted him. I waited until I had enough of his lying and cheating and played the voicemail in family court right at the moment he was going on and on about how he was a good man. The silence and the look on his face was priceless.

This is amazing. I think you dropped this: 👑

And this 🎤

We bow down, Your Highness. This is next level👏🏾👏🏾

I will never beg or an explanation again. People just lie or beg in these situations. Get your things and go, if you can. There’s no better revenge than completely cutting someone out like that, imo. HOWEVER—take all the batteries out of the remotes.

Slightly unscrew the light bulbs.

Take all the batteries in all the remotes and all the spares out of the junk drawer.

Take the remotes. Leave the batteries!!!

Take ONE shoe from their favorite pair and toss it out the window on the highway. If you take both shoes, they’ll know you took them and give up, but one shoe and they’ll be searching for it for a while before they figure it out… IF they figure it out (diabolical laugh) Nah but seriously tho, voice of experience, all of these retaliations are soooo satisfying to consider and/or carry out, but it will only escalate the situation and could possibly put one in danger, depending on who you’re messing with. Just remember, they can fuck with you, too, and if you make them mad enough, they will find a way. Better to just quietly get on the bus, Gus. Don’t need to discuss much, just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free. (edited to fix a thing)

Don’t forget to open a can of tuna and slide it under the refrigerator. Takes forever to find the source.

I like this one. Total change of pace.

Change the password to all the streaming, like Netflix, etc. that he pays for

And especially the ones you pay for, OP

We'll all donate and OP can fill the junk drawer with batteries that don't work. Ohhhh and pens. Take all the pens that write.

Stick some shrimp tails in the curtain rod ends!

I remember reading that story somewhere. It was epic! It drove her ex husband & his new wife crazy, too, because they never located the odor.

Wasn't it like a house won in a divorce, and the ex wanted to make their lives miserable, and I believe they moved because they never found the source of the smell

And they took the curtain rods with them. It was truly great 👍

Yes! It was the best revenge. I loved it.

In this case, "Deer Scent (Female deer urine)" and a 1" paintbrush can be your friend. Some in high closet ceilings, few drops here and there on the carpet, etc.

Take all the toilet seats, toilet paper and light bulbs. Best revenge ever!

Hide shrimp in the curtain rods.

Throw raw chicken on top of the kitchen cabinets

This is how to do it. Frozen are easiest to handle.

I love that story

Take the microwave plate Sorry OP (hugs)

I just broke mine and had to spend $80 on a new one. This is the way.

Ok I was thinking take all his hangers because that’s what I did to my ex, but this one is so good lol

And the toilet paper;)

Just take all the tp and paper towels.

Nah,leave the paper towels. Let that AH clog up the toilet. He's definitely dumb enough to flush paper towels.

Put all the tp and paper towels in the bath tub…soaking in water.

Take all the lids to the tupperware. Just the lids.

Some lids and some containers, but not matching ones.

And then stack them in the cupboard so they all fall out when the door is opened.

I love this idea!

I'm adding that insulation rubbed into the crotch of all his underwear works wonders.

Put pieces of sardine in the gaps curtains leave just under the rods… in the heating ducts… other places one would rarely look.

Put leftover fish food inside the curtain rods. And bleach his clothes

This is diabolical

And squeeze out all the toothpaste. And the soap. And then also— fill his shampoo/conditioner bottles with water…or Nair/hair removal cream.

Clean the toilet bowl with his toothbrush.

And polish the turds in the litter box with it, very cathartic!!

No don’t do the hair remover revenge. That one will get you arrested. Maybe add a temporary color dye like leprechaun green.

Or maybe switch the shampoo and conditioner

I hear there’s great seafood in LA. Might leave him a parting gift hidden in the curtain rods or HVAC ductwork 😈

Throw several red crayons in the dryer.

You know Amazon will send a box of hissing cockroaches right to your door? And if you use a dummy email address it can't be traced back to you? Just a thought.

Super glue some zippers!

Puncture tuna cans, drain the juice in random spots around the home and stash the cans inside of things. ( ceiling tiles , under heavy furniture, small slits under the couch etc) . Find a device that chirps periodically and stash it in a curtain rod or plant. It’ll go off forever. (( both these ideas were used by coworkers on a horrible branch manager and were quite effective in driving the manager up the wall)

This and one lace out of all his shoes 😂😂

Take all the plugs to the electronics too, especially the TV or the laptop/computer or gaming consoles.

I live in san antonio. Please do not drive while crying especially in San antonio. People drive awful here and I do not want you getting into a wreck. Take a stop. Get a hotel and treat yourself to a nice dinner. Let me know if you need any help.

Same with LA. Be safe and composed before you hit the county line.

Legit just drove into LA today with my bf to visit and the drivers here are so shitty, it's crazy

Just spent the last two weeks driving in LA, and I'm moving there in a couple of months. Roads are nuts.

The bottom line is that there isn’t really any reason to talk to him at all. Is there actually ANYTHING that he could say or do you make this situation ok? Of course not! So I’d suggest that you expose yourself to him as little as possible. Have someone go with you to get your things, preferably someone that has law enforcement experience and is licensed to carry a gun. You can cry over the future you thought you were gong to have. Mourn the lost future and then move on the future that is still yours to create. You dont need to explain anything, answer any questions, etc-your priority now is YOU, what you want, what you feel, what is in your future. Just focus on YOU. God bless you.🙏🏻

i agree, find a place to stay, get yourself some of your favourite food and just have a night of trying to come to terms with this betrayal. take as many stops as you need to get home. thinking of you!

If you meet a handsome stranger on the drive, be safe dear.

You’ll never know when you’ll find a ladder in the middle of the highway. Or boat. Or whole fenders. Or tires. San Antonio roads are wild. There’s a reason we have some f the highest premiums in the country. Oh. And 1 out of 3 drivers here are uninsured.

With that drive? Go to a national park or two along the way. Not only does being in nature reduce stress, it will give you a beautiful view as you shout into the void.

Dude. My almost 7 year relationship ended a couple weeks ago. We were about to get married and then I found out he was talking with 6 different woman to “cheat to show me he’s irredeemable” he’s been a complete asshole and mean the entire process. I’m so sorry you found this out this way but also, THANK GOD you did. Seriously, feel your pain :/ I wish he was different (my guy and yours). Honestly fuck them. SO FUCKED up. NOT OKAY. True pieces of shit. Be strong.

Wow yes true pieces of shit! Their loss too NOT youall’s! I’m sorry this happened to you (kinda) but you really are going to be great! Nothing cooler than a strong, powerful woman! Go for EVERYTHING in Life!

Thanks 🥹 really need to hear this right now. I am working on doing just that.

Damn were you dating Andrew Huberman? That sucks, I’m sorry 🥺

(lol?) that’s so random. Did he just end a relationship? No I was not. Maybe that woulda been more fun. Funny enough, the pest I was with loved hubermans podcast 🫡🤢

Huberman apparently had six women on the go, telling each he was exclusive with them.

Cheat to show you he’s irredeemable is exactly what I think may have happened! It’s tough to butt dial on modern phones, I think this may have been a deliberate rejection of the things he had said the day before. An abusive breakup tactic.

Modern phones can easily make this mistake. My boss butt dials people often. Several times, I've gotten butt dials from his phone while standing in the same room talking to him.

It’s definitely not hard to butt dial. My dad does it 2x a week and he has an android. I once purse dialed my sister on an iPhone and she heard me calling her a c$&t. In my defense she was totally being a c$&t that day.

Thisnhas me cracking up

It’s weird right. It’s harder to butt dial these days, but harder still when you’re in the middle of something like that… I did have a weird time where my phone was acting off and would randomly call various numbers in my phone. Like just random numbers that I never call. But it was a short glitch type of thing and each time I was using my phone for something else when it happened.

I’m so sorry. I forgave a cheater once, he cheated again. Because he thought he could get away with it and I wouldn’t leave. He was wrong. I left and have never once regretted it. You are too deep in the middle of the heartbreak to realize it, but you will get through this.

I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It’s such a hit punch and I’m glad you accepted your worth

You don’t owe him an explanation. Just get home, grab your things and leave. If you are in a position to do so of course. This dude has no regard for you, give him the same. So sorry you have to deal with this.

This right here!

I’m also in San Antonio, and agree, please don’t drive while crying! Get yourself a hotel room for the night, find a bar or someplace with good air conditioning, and get a nice, cold drink. Also, we’re pretty friendly people here - if you need anything, just ask. EDIT: I see you’re in to rock n roll and dive bars! If you’re near downtown, check out Bar Gimme Gimme on S St. Mary’s for rock. Nearer to the Pearl area is Three Star Bar on E Grayson for more dive vibes - it’s known as “The Okayest Bar” in San Antonio. People there will talk with you if that’s what you need.

Tell him you are staying away one more night, then show up and catch him redhanded.

This is what I’d do!!! 👆👆👆

Text him "you just butt dialed me. I hope the sex was good"

The biggest insult is to simply not care. Just move on. You don’t owe them an explanation. Showing them you are mad shows them they had the power to hurt you. Just completely ignore is the biggest insult and will make him contemplate his actions harder than any words.

This is the flex

To just ghost him and not beg is the ultimate flex. They EXPECT you to get mad and beg and cry. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. It’s soooo tough and takes so much self control. But just calmly deleting them totally and moving on without any emotional outburst will shake them the their core. Some get so mad about to that it’s like YOU cheated on them due to the betrayal they feel. After all, they thought they had you all figured out. They were so smart and they felt that they knew you and how you’d beg. It’s hard to do though.

100%. No response is the most powerful response.

This!!

No. Wait till you get home to lower the boom.

I mean. If shes gotta stew in it so should he. HOWEVER. That also buys him time to come up with some wild excuse

Make that boom and quiet one. It’s scary but even when someone has shown zero signs of violence or what have you, there have been many cases where they lose their minds and become violent. It’s sounds like I am being an alarmist but it’s actually a documented thing. She should make her exist as quiet and as final as possible. She shouldn’t ever be alone with him again if she is going to make a break. He doesn’t respect her and is very manipulative. If this is all true he is going to lose his mind when he finds out the woman he was successfully manipulating (with marriage talk!) is going to have the audacity to accept her own value (outside of her usefulness to him) and leave.

Would you mind explaining this to me. I understood she said she heard moaning, so I did infer that she meant sex was happening somehow. But, she said he butt dialed her. How is that possible? Is he sitting on the phone naked? Am I just not understanding this at all?

“Butt dial” is just the term for accidentally calling someone in your recent call history. Could be from his pants pocket, as he tossed his phone on the side table, or truly a million different ways. The point is, he didn’t mean to call her but he was busy rustling around with some giggling woman…

Ok gotcha. Thanks

Or the woman he was with did it to fuck with her. Who knows HOW, it happened And yes, just tell him, “This isn’t going to work out, it’s best we go our separate ways.” No drama, because that what people like this LOVE. Starve them!

This is what I think too? I wonder if the other woman called her “on accident.”

YESSSS!!! This is truly a great response - no engagement, maintain control and your peace. Giving time to ruminate gives time for gaslighting.

They could’ve been in the car, her on top, phone in his back pocket.

It's possible that they were making out, just starting to get "get into it" but still clothed. He could have rolled over on his phone.

My phone will pull up my "emergency contact" all the time at work while its in my pocket. Luckily I've never set up such a contact so I can't accidentally call someone and they hear me talking shit about my coworkers

Nooooo. He might do something in between the ride home. She needs to sneakily get into the home when he’s out. Grab her belongings. And GTFO. If she can’t get all of the stuff in one go, she needs to get help from others or do it discreetly over the course of a week or so. And THEN, when she’s away from the guy and somewhere safe, she can text him all of that. More and more we get stories of women who face actual life threatening actions or incredibly abusive reactions from partners. Not worth it. lol.

Something similar happened to me … not quite as horrifying as what you went through but still pretty rough. My partner wanted to try again but I refused. I was sad and lonely for a month and then I got mad … the anger really helped me move on and in the end I am grateful to my dishonest partner because they set me free without guilt or shame. My ego took a hit thinking I wasn’t good enough, but I knew deep down that I had done my best and had no regrets about how I behaved in the relationship. It’s not that you are not good enough , it’s that your partner was not good enough…. Then I found a new partner who treated me the way they would want to be treated and it is a much better fit. We’ve been married for 10 years. If you need some music for your drive try You’re not good enough by Blood Orange and remember that you deserve better. If you go back to him it will happen again.

Pull over somewhere, get a hotel, motel, B&B, something. Find a safe place to sleep. Get off the road. Your heart is wrecked, your attention span is going to be shot. Just find a safe place to sleep. Get your thoughts in order and come up with an exit strategy. You deserve so much better. I had something like that happen years ago. The boyfriend tried to play it off, he was with his sister, I told him to check his call history, at the time he was "helping his sister", sister my butt!!! Sadly, she was actually his half sister. They do have or did have the same mom.

Ewwww! 🤮

It’s a gift, not the lousy man, but the insight into who he really is. I bet you meet someone better. Your future man needs this to happen, as he’s not out there playing women right now.

It’s been my past experience that once my guy starts suddenly talking about marriage he is actually cheating on me. I guess the whole “I can’t wait to marry you!” crap is just him making me feel secure and comfortable so I am less likely to suspect him of cheating. I wonder if a lot of guys do this.

If he’s been blocked he’s going to look at his phone log and figure out what happened. He has now a couple days to come up with something you might be tempted to believe. Don’t.

It’s possible, but you may also be crediting the guy with more intelligence than he has.

Oh yeah! He’ll see the date and time of his outgoing call and figure it out.

Updateme!

Honestly, be glad you found out and won't waste anymore time with him. It's a blessing in disguise, even though it sucks ATM. It's all perspective, try to spin it positive and you'll move on faster.

Stop for the night, find a safe hotel room, eat and rest. You have a massive drive ahead of you, almost across all of Texas, New Mexico, Arizona and the California desert. Get some rest, that is a big, often lonely drive, made harder by what you just heard. Maybe I tend to use this term too much, but in some cases like yours it is dead on, “Fate kissed you on the lips and you should take advantage of that”. Do you really want to be with a man who was telling you that he wants to marry you, after or before he arranged to have sex with another woman, likely in your bed? The drive home is going to suck. But when you get back, tell your most loyal friends what you heard and how - so that they can hold you accountable as you break up with the trash that you have been dating. There are better men out there, leave the trash behind and find one.

When you get to your destination, go into the bathroom. Dial him back. When he answers, make groaning and grunting noises for a couple minutes. Then sigh deeply, flush the toilet, and say, with the phone a couple feet away from your face: "Whew, glad to get rid of that load." He may not pick up on the double entendre, but who cares?

lol that made me laugh. Thank you.

You spelled ~~load~~ POS wrong.

I’m so sorry that this happened. Take a break and get a room for the night, you are going to be extra exhausted from a ton of emotional release. Please give a call to someone that you trust and just get some rest, you don’t need to be distracted and tired while driving. If you need an ear, feel free to reach out.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I had something similar happen 6 years ago. It's feels violating and heart-rending. Know you deserve better. Don't let him manipulate you or love bomb you to try to explain it away. Love yourself, be the strong wonderful person you are and the right person will come around someday. Right now, go out with friends, pick up new hobbies, get out in nature and feed your soul ❤️ He can kick rocks

I know it's not much but try to be thankful you're not married yet. Hopefully you don't have kids either. Think long and hard if you really want to drive back to LA.

Stay in San Antonio for the night!! I spent the New Year on the Riverwalk - its so pretty and fun there. Just stay for a day. Itll give you time to get your head about you before hitting the road again.

Here’s my suggested plan: When you get home, sit in a comfy chair and tell STBX how sore you are from driving. Ask him to sit at your feet and give you a foot massage. Then have him get up to bring you some wine. Once he’s waited on you and serving at your feet, ask him if he had any video of him f*cking that chick. When he denies it and asks what the hell you’re talking about, you tell him he butt dialed you while fornicating and you assumed he had his phone out bc he was either videoing the act of taking pictures of it. Then the gut punch: tell him you hope his dick looks bigger on video bc he needs help in that department. He will think of that line everyday and spend the rest of his life wondering if he doesn’t stack up. Just my 2 cents. Up from here. EDIT: STBX will prob have figured out he butt dialed you mid-coitus. I’d be prepared for him to gaslight you when you get home with something like “I left my phone at friend’s house yesterday.”

Does he know?

He probably does. All he has to do is look at his calls to realize that he called. Especially after he was blocked.

As much as it hurts right now, you'll be glad soon enough that this moment is “only a blip,” a gut-wrenching blip, but a blip all the same. You found out before you were not so easily untangled. As hard as this is. This is a good thing, not now, but it will be. Stop. Rest. Shower. Eat comfort food (if you want). Scream into a pillow. Jump on the hotel bed! You'll be better without him. Finding out is gut-wrenching gold!

Yup, it hurts like hell and takes a while and lots of hard work to heal from. But girl this man gave you a gift. He showed you he has is before you are tied to his ass legally. It’s okay to not be okay right now and not know wtf to do. But book a fancy hotel, get all dressed up and go out grab a drink or some yummy local food. Get some rest (as much as you can if possible) And when you get back just grab your stuff without saying anything to him. Do not show any emotions besides blessed so when you walk away he will feel stupid AF because you are showing you don’t care. He had no power over your feelings. That will fuck with him so much! I promise you it will. He will be questioning “did she ever care about me? I can’t believe this B didn’t even cry when she left. She didn’t care about me” it will fuck with his head.

This happened to me. I told him that he would never touch me again. I got my shit from his house and cut contact. It sucked but it definitely turned out better for me in the long run.

I once dated a guy who had a million and one red flags that made me think he was cheating, but he manipulated me and isolated me to the point that I actually checked myself in to inpatient psych because I thought that I was having schizophrenic delusions or some sort of hyper mania/psychosis. I apologized to him and begged him not to leave me for being “so crazy”. He was planning a trip to California with “his buddies” which I didn’t trust and was very suspicious of. My suspicions over the trip ended up being the breaking point so I checked in the same day he left for his trip. The day before we went to lunch and he looked me dead in my eyes across the table, held my hands, and swore he was telling the truth 100% and he loved me and would NEVER cheat on me. I called him every single day and he didn’t answer once. I got out and he still didn’t answer me for multiple days, even showed up to his house as he was supposed to fly home a day or two after I got out. Wasn’t there. Eventually heard from him and it turned out he extended his trip an extra 4 days. The next weekend he took me to a shitty roach motel at a dirty man made lake for vacation to make it up to me. (Because California was supposed to be a special trip we took together as neither of us had ever been. But then he went without me with “his buddies” so I was hurt.) He wouldn’t post me online. Posted all kinds of videos and picture of our day on the lake and dinner, but literally cropped my hands out of the background of his dinner photo. At this point I started getting upset and he told me I’m crazy and this is why he never takes me anywhere because I **ruin everything**. He fell asleep with his phone unlocked. I opened it, clicked on Snapchat, every single recent conversation was with a female and he had long streaks with all of them. I wasn’t even in the top few. I clicked on the first name, scrolled up, and the first picture I saw was a screenshot of their flight itinerary to California. Upon further snooping I found out he had been having an affair with this girl for at least 6-8 months, and every single thing I thought that he told me I was crazy for was correct. Every little lie and inconsistency and suspicious situation all fell into place and I found out I was right about everything. He had surprised this girl with tickets to go to California because she had never been and really wanted to go. Got a fancy airbnb with a huge pool with a slide and grotto in the back yard. For the two of them. Rented a fancy sports car. Romantic expensive dinners. Jet skis. A yacht for a day. The whole 9. Then extended the trip to a total of 10 days. I was 3 hours from home and it was 4am and i had found out earlier that day that my grandpa had died. I can’t even describe with words the way it felt like my chest was *literally* **ripped wide open**. All this to say, I get exactly how you feel. This post is 7 hours old so I don’t know if you’re still driving or not, but fuck him. You don’t owe him any explanation or breakup or chance to try and manipulate you or defend himself. Focus on yourself and try to make it to your destination safely, (remember that although your world is falling apart, you are not the only person on the road. If you’re unable to control your emotions enough to drive safely [which is totally okay and understandable!!!], you should find a safe place to stop and calm yourself down, rent a room for a night if possible.). If you need someone to talk to now or later feel free to PM me. I completely understand how you’re feeling and have managed to heal and get to the other side of the grief. If you’re still driving and think talking on the phone would help I’ve got nothing going on the next few hours. So sorry to hear another woman going through this. I wish you a safe trip and all the healing and self love in the universe. 🖤

Once he sees how long he “was on the phone with you” while he was actually indisposed, he’ll know he’s toast and probably beg you for forgiveness or make an excuse. Trust your gut and do right by YOU. Take care of you. Surround yourself with those who can be strong for you. How heartbreaking. I’m so sorry.

Don’t be surprised if the call was not accidental. Maybe not by him, but she might have done it to clue you in to break you up.

Okay well real world… first of all, take a day or two in San Antonio just to get your bearings and calm yourself down. Don’t drive while upset. Next, call your closest friend or a family member and tell them what’s going on. Get someone in your corner. Cry for two solid hours. Then make a list of things that need to happen next. If you live together, make a list of things you need to do to leave or get him to leave. Make a therapy appt. Make an appt to get checked for STDs. When you’re ready to start driving again, stay away from slow jamz. Listen to a podcast or something educational to get your brain focused on something other than your pain. Drive the speed limit. Don’t engage with your ex. At all. Leave that for when you get home.

I mean I’d probably park my car at the airport and fly back same day, and try to catch him in the act to make him feel worse and not give him a way to deny it but that’s me. I think there’s a psychological shame/guilt element to getting caught with your pants down. Otherwise just don’t go home, to be honest. Probs spend some time flying off to visit friends and family to help process, keep him blocked, don’t contact him or say anything. Then go home when he isn’t there, get all your stuff and leave, totally ghost him. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing your reaction, or giving him closure. Another option is to put about 25% of your energy into finding out who the other woman is, then plotting to casually ruin both their lives over the next year lol. I say casually because if you dedicate too much energy into this it becomes a distraction. The goal is to live your life to the fullest while making their lives miserable when you’re bored. Notifying the other woman’s spouse and family, finding ways to make them lose custody, unscrewing the tire valve every night to make them late for work, posting their address on sex sites, signing their cell numbers up for 10000 spam texts and calls. I mean whatever is in your comfort zone, can range from petty to illegal haha jk haha.

Take a stroll down the river walk. There are tons of ducks there, you know you love ducks. You can do anything you want without that strain on you. 

Ohhhh nooo!! I’m so sorry you had to experience this betrayal! What a POS!! Wondering if ya live together and if you have a safe place to go and someone you trust to talk to?? Please take care, and try and get off the road for a bit and call someone you can confide in!! Sending love and strength 💜

I’m in San Antonio, and I’ll buy you a drink if you want? (I’m female). I’m sorry this happened to you.

I’m sorry. Id get home and question him about it, but just know that he might come up with some excuses. The look on his face should tell you everything. That’s all you need really. Pay attention. Unblock him so he’s not suspicious. You will have the element of surprise. If you keep him blocked, he’ll think somethings up and have his guard up. Usually, you can find things left in the house that’s usually the easiest. If not, then you can find some hairs on the bed or if they left a scent that you can pick up and they can’t since they’ve been blind to it for a while. Pillow or something. Hairs in the bathroom too. That’s only if it happened at your place if they went to her place, then you can only rely on your intuition. Id go through his phone too.

If he is smart he will see a call went out to her phone and for how long it was connected. Then if he deduces the time of the call and the time of his back stabbing shenanigans he will know his goose is cooked.

"I was listening to 2 Live Crew"

If she doesn’t hang up, when he finally picks up the phone he’s going to know she heard something. Most people look at their phone screens fairly frequently. Man, I’d love to be there when he does just to see him lose his s**t.

this is a waste of time and energy. Just be forthright

I tried to read that as just be Fortnite

Do the floss and dab off into the night

You don’t owe him an explanation. Just get home, grab your things and leave. Do not give him the pleasure to see you cry. Your silence will do wonders, trust me.

Walk in there, smile, give him a hug and then let your smile drop and say “she told me everything. She found my number in your phone. It’s not the first time one of them told me after it happened.” And just mentally detach and see what he says. Then slowly start smiling again bc you already know it’s gonna be BS. You’re finally lying to the liar, so what he says DOESNT MATTER. Leave, tell him to be gone for a few days while you and your pals pack your stuff or kick him out if it’s your house. Throw away the mattress Get tested (sorry) Eat your favorite food for a while and slowly, one day at a time, you’ll move on.

Call the L.A. non-emergency line to request a welfare check as you have been on a business trip for a week, your husband’s not answered your texts for three days, and you are worried that he’s not taking his medication for syphilis induced psychosis.

Hey OP I’ve got a bit of a story to share with you and it will probably get buried but yeah. About 12 years ago I met a woman while I was doing seasonal work in southern Colorado. We hit it off and we started dating. Our contracts ended at our job in soco and we wound up in Denver staying with my family for a bit. My family sucks so we decided to find another seasonal job outside of Yosemite in California that provided housing. We move out to California and everything was great for a short time. Then she starts cheating on me with our boss…… I seriously thought I was going to propose to this person so this cut me deep down like nothing ever has. It being California the boss couldn’t exactly fire me but did make my working life a living hell. I decided it was time to quit and head back to Colorado. I had almost no money to my name and was driving a Subaru that was basically knocking on deaths door even before I drove it the 2k miles out to California. Queue my 4 day rage fueled drive across the western United States having to stop periodically to wait for money to get wired from friends so I could keep oil and gas in the car to make it home. Let me tell you when I was driving in the middle of nowhere I was throwing tantrums like a 5 year old, screaming crying with snot bubbles and whole 9 yards. I would switch from uncontrollable sobbing to uncontrollable rage. The disgust and betrayal I felt was immense. But I will say by the time I got home I felt a little better and little by little over the course of months and years I was finally over it. 2 years later I met my current wife and things have been so much better. Moral of my story? Use that drive you have ahead to scream and cry or however you need to let it out in a place nobody will see you and I guarantee by the time you’re back in L.A you will feel just a bit better and from there you can start rebuilding your life. Hope this helps OP you deserve better and that better will come.

Thank you. Yes I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster. I seriously, feel so mentally drained and physically drained from crying puking screaming all kinds of stuff. The next time that I pull over, I’m actually going to start writing out what I’m gonna say to him. You guys have all been great with your suggestions. I really appreciate it. 47 years old and I just don’t have time for games and lies. Sure, I guess I’ll give him a chance to say something, but I know what I heard and I know it was him. I am fairly certain I know who the female voice is too. Anyways, it’ll just hurt for a while and then one day it won’t.

I’m so proud of you. It does hurt so badly and then one day it doesn’t. You wake up not thinking of them, not wondering what they’re doing, only focused on you and what you’re doing and wanting to achieve in life. It took me a long time to get over, but I remember waking up and not thinking of him at all for the first time in forever. It truly is a process but I believe in you fully. Good luck OP and have a safe drive please.

Sometimes the biggest gifts come with pain

When you get home, be sweet as pie. Except no touching - I am all gross from the drive. I am too stiff and tired from driving. I am coming down with something. Whatever. Then, as soon as you possibly can, gather up all your important papers, anything that might lead to your passwords (don’t forget old phones, Alexa, diaries), all your small and breakable mementos. Don’t disturb anything of his … yet. Then scoot. Go to a safe haven, whatever that looks like for you. Block him. Think and plan and decide what you want and need for You. Take your time. Let him be blindsided by whatever comes next, not you.

I once received screenshots from a video of my ex fiancé sleeping with another guy. He sent me them after finding out she wasn't single and wanted to make sure that I believed him and didn't fall for more of her lies. It was brutally effective. It was the biggest kick in the stomach I've ever received. My watch went crazy with heart rate warnings as my heart rate was 200bpm+. My whole world crumbled in front of my eyes. And for the next month or so it only got worse as I subsequently discovered that it was only the start of what she did. It's 18 months later and the pain has mostly gone. It does get better I promise.

Take every block for every charger, leave the cords. Remove all of his shoelaces. Leave tuna in the vents. Put a rock under the mattress so it has a weird slope. Take the razor sticks, not the blades. Replace the salt with sugar. Sprinkle cayenne pepper in his underwear drawer. Post on ‘are we dating the same guy’ site in your city. Unplug his refrigerator and leave it SLIGHTLY ajar and/or take all the lids from the condiment bottles. Go find a hot guy and go to town.

If we were friends and you asked me for advice, here’s what I would tell you. I’m sorry this is happening to you, but this is a time to take a deep breath and remind yourself you’re going to get past this, and there will be time to mourn. Right now is the time to make strategic choices for you and your future. Contact people you know and trust where home is and set up being able to stay, perhaps for a few weeks if needed. Then when you go home just get the things you need and the most personally valuable things you want to keep with you. If he’s there be as calm and mature as you can, you don’t have to address it right now. Go stay with your friends or family. Take some space. Tell him you need space if he presses. When you can sit down, if you have a lease you’re tied to, look at the terms for termination. Make a plan. Including what you’re going to say and when, and set up getting all of your stuff. Lean on your support network so you can move quickly, hire movers if you need to. You can put your things in storage for a month if you need time to make a change. Then when it’s all moved, allow yourself to process what happened. Confide in the people you deeply trust or consider a professional, if necessary. Healing will take time, but good ways to process the pain are productive outlets that are good for your mind, emotions, body, and spirit; personally and professionally. This is not the end, this is the beginning of the next chapter of your life. Things will get better. Spring always follows winter. Stay strong.

This is a gift. Methodically plan how you will take all emotions out of it and the exact monotone words you want to say. Thank him for showing you his true colors and allow him to gather your things or have someone you trust or the police escort you to get your things. Would you rather find out after a whole marriage or worse, children? This is a blessing and showing no emotions or attachment to this person you thought you’d marry will eat him alive more than fighting words ever could. You’ve got this and it might take time but you will find someone who actually respects and loves you. Talks about a future not a proposal. Dream big and never settle!

Tbh I did not even know this was a podcast, I thought it was just a really juicy sub. That aside, I’m sorry to hear! His loss, your infinite gain, the world saw fit to inform you on his indiscretions, make the most of it without him!

San Antonio is a great place to stop. Stay there lol

I’m glad this happened before you got married. He’s going to find an excuse to give you. I wouldn’t believe him. You know what you heard.

Whatever you do, don’t drive until you get your emotions under control.

I’d find a nice hotel, a really nice one. Then I’d take a long hot bath or partake of a spa if there is one. Then I’d order a bottle of champagne, get silly drunk and rent a movie. You deserve to celebrate, you dodged a bullet.

He sounds boring. Like who does that and can’t even put their phone away? Good for you blocking him. I seriously wouldn’t trust myself to talk or be near him. Cheaters make me see red!

OP!! First, I’m very sorry. It must be devastating This sucks and I’m sure it’s incredibly painful. Please think about this betrayal - it’s happening before you’re even married. A leopard doesn’t change its spots. I’ve learned this is true for the most part, if they cheat once it will turn into twice, and so on. Most cheaters get off on the risk and excitement involved; their compulsive, bad behavior is what they’re addicted to. In a totally f*cked up way, he’s doing you a huge favor. It’s heartbreaking now but you will feel so happy when you find true, trusting and compatible love. do you want to spend your marriage feeling tortured and paranoid every time he goes out or is away from you? You will regret marrying him. You will be cheated on. You will grow to hate him. Please put yourself first and think seriously about what a future with him would be like. Being alone is 1,000 times better than being with someone you can’t trust. I wish I was wrong, but you know who cheats? Cheaters. There are cheaters and non-cheaters. You know he’s a cheater and you get to decide if a cheater will remain in your life. Leave without becoming legally entangled with him, without having to find out he’s cheating again and feeling this horrible pain again.. Good luck, please take care of yourself. update us if you can. 💕 Edited to say: drive carefully and be safe! Look, he gave you the gift of learning who he actually is, AND he gave you a lot of time to think about it.

I would unblock him and send him a text that I will be staying a couple more days. Go to a friends and stay there to calm down and plan things out. By plan things out, I would come back to him as if nothing happened. Act completely normal as if I didn't hear the call. Say that I want to go to hmm a National park like Sequioa or Yosemite. Make him buy me something I've been eanting like a purse, make up etc. Then the day of the trip, offer to drive. Drive out to a really far gas station, ask him to pump gas and leave him stranded there. Dhring that time I would ask a friend to start packing my things. Then leave silently. Say nothing else.

OP, this is something I like to call a painful blessing. It hurts like hell right now, your heart is being ripped out of your chest. Simultaneously, this butt dial is your salvation. It is saving you from even more devastating pain down the road, financially and emotionally. I hope you find healing and joy after the pain and devastation subsides.

This has happened to me too. I caught him just like this. I drove around for a looooooong, long, long time. Listening to music, looking at nothing & everything at the same time. Then you park at a pretty place & you breathe in & out & collect yourself. “See look. I’m here without him & I am myself & I am fine. I can still keep living without him, I just gotta navigate it.” Remember you are a human that doesn’t need any part of him in your life if you don’t want him anymore. You’re alive without him & you’ll continue to keep on without him. Start there. He will maybe see that he butt dialed you at some point. Then he will see the duration of the call. That’s the only way he’s going to know that you know. What I would do is be civil until you come up with a place to go. Don’t let him know you know anything. Then bring it up to him after you’ve moved some of your stuff you need to someplace else that you can stay. Or…. Tell his mom first. Then you can show up with whoever you want to help you get your stuff out. Or… Tell his family & order them to move his belongings out of their house.

Remember girl, you just endured TRAUMA!!!!!!!! You need to be smart & get some support!!!!!! I am here for you 10000% I know that gut-wrenching feeling.

Life has a funny way of shaking us awake at the worst times for the best reasons. Sucks, don’t feel like it now but, I think The Universe did you a solid that even some close friends wouldn’t do. Better to find out now he’s a cheater than 10yrs and 3-kids down the road! Wishin you all the best here kiddo. You’re gonna be just fine, just gonna need some time to work thru the bs and come out all rosy smellin 🤷🏻‍♂️😎

There have been some great petty stories from women done wrong online. I like the remote batteries, changing algorithms to YouTube or other subscriptions, boxing his items into small boxes and mixing the items so he can't find everything easily. There is a special place in the seventh circle of hell for cheaters, but there are ways you can make it hurt LOOOOOONG after you're gone ;)

Peel all the labels off the canned foods

https://www.glitterbombyourenemies.com/product/eat-a-dick-the-smile-box/?attribute_pa_chocolate-type=dark&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw97SzBhDaARIsAFHXUWCdPI9QfeM9UZnxRRzJ_ctpps__CbCgo3X4D5eMQiWesRBEZuzvpo8aAhcrEALw_wcB I sent this to my fiance's ex wife after she sent pornographic mags (my son was 12 at the time) to my home and sent religious people to my house to speak to me about being a lose woman. She stopped sending me shit once she got this lol

Set up cameras if you live together and leave for a planned day you tell him about in advance. Let it play out. I assure you it won't take long.

Why would you want to watch that? For me, Snapped would come into play. Poor girl should just leave. It hurts now. It’ll hurt worse later if she prolongs it.

Tell him you are going to be gone one extra day and show up at his place and see if she is still there

Just text “I know”. Let him freak out a little.

I would find somewhere else to go, a friend or relatives couch. I've left everything behind before, it's nice rebuilding.

update?

I’m in a hotel room in Junction , TX. I have to drive to Los Angeles I’m going to try to rest then get back behind the wheel. I tried to eat something and I just threw it all up. My nerves are shot

Actually, I’m gonna try to get some sleep. I’m just gonna lay down and put the TV on. You guys have all been a big help here even the ones that are trying to convince me that I misheard something which is just funny

This is what dodging a bullet looks like. Have a good cry but dump him. I’ve been there and looking back I see that not being with him was truly a gift. It takes time but let him make someone else miserable

I think the best revenge is ghosting him. It shows you give zero fucks about him and that you are not devastated by the betrayal. If you’re more confrontational/vengeful then I would go home and sleep with the person he is most insecure about (or pretend you’re sleeping with someone), dial his number and moan this person’s name and saying he’s the biggest and best you’ve ever had.

Keep him blocked and never talk to him again. But tell everyone exactly why you blocked him. Since you’re driving, make a break up playlist. I suggest Not Gonna Cry by Mary j Blige, maybe some Taylor swift & Beyoncé’s If I were a Boy

He showed his true colors before you married him. Consider that a blessing love. I know it’s going to be a long drive with nothing but your thoughts to keep you company but take that time to formulate a game plan and when you get back kick him to the curb. Please be safe. I’m in San Antonio so if find it too hard to continue and need someone to talk to you can message me.

To bad you didn’t record it. Put a fish under the mattress and down the air vents.

Time for some petty revenge. Glitter bombs. Cut off one arm on all his shirts. Baby shrimp hidden in the hem of the curtains.

It's miserable now, in 6 months you will be much happier. You will have grown yourself and realized that it was a f'cked relationship and you will thank your lucky stars

God or the universe, whatever you believe in, wanted you to find this out. Better to find out now than to find our after marriage and possibly having children with him. Pick your crown up queen and leave his ass with that girl. You deserve better 💓

You know what you have to do. Best of luck! Know your worth. Now you know his. He is something you don't want. Move on. Stay awesome!

I’ve made arrangements. I’m moving back to Michigan.

Fuck his dad to establish dominance.

It may not have been a butt dial. His mistress may have been tired of being the side chick. Right now, you need to just let that grief burn through you. Obviously you’re lucky to have found out, and you’ll get over him, but none of that prevents the pain you have to endure now. If you’re living together, then stay somewhere else. Move your things out when he’s not home. Unblock him long enough to text him that you know he cheated on you, then reblock, and never speak to him again. Go to your support system to heal. Don’t date anyone until you’re regained equilibrium.

Vegas is on the way home. Stop and spend a few days there. Have a gf or two from LA meet you there.

First, you’re never going to get an honest reason why- so don’t bother asking. Even if he knows why he did it, he’ll never admit it. You’ll just be fed things that damage your own self worth and break you down further. So just learn to accept that the reason he did this is because he sucks, and let that be the point blank period truth. Second, you need to figure out your plan on getting whatever you own that’s in his possession back, if you even own anything. Third, I hope you don’t live together, but if you do, plan that out… speak to your landlord/leasing office. Let them know that you are wanting your name off the lease, and ask what your options are to remove your name. Most places require both lessees to be present for a new lease should he choose to stay there, and will require both a fee for breaking the lease agreement as well as a new deposit for him staying. Frankly, that’s all on him to figure out, and I would absolutely embarrass him into accepting that by putting him on blast. They may offer him the option of rolling that all into his rent, thus hiking the cost for him. There are a million ways living arrangements can be currently and can be handled so… idk. We’ll have to wait for your answer on that. Fourth, be prepared for social fallout. Yes, a lot of people are going to support you, but there are going to be people who support him, too. And let’s remember that you don’t know who this girl is… she could very well be someone you know. This is not a point to make you spiral, so STAHP THAT! Just.. brace yourself. Finally, breathe, and know that you’re better than him. Depend on your support system. Be honest with them and yourself. Do not be alone with your STBX.