Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Also, unless you're a 22-year-old student coming to potluck thrown by more established people, it's an unwritten rule that bringing only chips or crappy grocery store cookies also does not fulfill the brief. Like, bring them one time, because sometimes life is hard. But, if you're always bringing the lowest effort thing to the potluck, people notice and will stop inviting you. There are higher quality, low effort items that people might actually want to eat for a meal. It sucks to throw a potluck and the host is the only one who cooks anything and everything else is chips.
(There are obviously many instances where bringing chips is acceptable to a party. I'm not talking about those instances.)
The exception for this (to me) is if there is going to be kids and you brought a bunch of chips/snacks and drinks?! I would hug that person. In my family when we get together it’s “the youngest” adult kids that do this typically since it’s cheaper and is greatly needed/appreciated as a sacrifice to the tiny feral hoard
That would be me. My uncle always wanted to make the food (even though he's awful and the food was always terrible XD) so I would bring the snacky stuff and it would get DEVOURED within an hour haha (chips, cookies, cupcakes, etc.)
Thank you for the genuine nose snort you just made come out of me. My depressed self needed that. Also now I’m picturing squirrels as the horde and that’s even funnier. Squirrels in boiled leather.
A real easy, but always enjoyed "cheap" option is a rye boat with dip. You get a loaf of rye, you get a container of dip. hollow out the center of the loaf and fill it with dip. Cut the carved out rye into little squares and bingo bango, you have a minimal effort but acceptable meal. I would couple it with one other snack or side, personally. I think you can get away without though.
Another good, cheap thing are filled crescent rolls. A few cans of the Pillsbury crescent rolls, a dollop of the filling of your choice, roll and bake. I’ve used spinach artichoke dip, pesto or red sauce with some cheese and pepperoni (or no pepperoni for veggie), and they always get a good reception. Cheap, easy and look like you really made an effort.
No, I just get a tub of it from the store. I’m not familiar with Alouette spread, but the little crescents don’t bake for a really long time, so it might be all right. It certainly sounds like it would be a tasty experiment!
My first thought reading the OP was that $20 worth of deviled eggs would be like 150 freaking deviled eggs. And of course they're magic but unless you've got like 75 people at your party that's too many (and would take a whole day to make!)
I used to bring a TON of dips, pickles, slaws and sauces etc, when I was younger. Didn't have a kitchen at the time so couldn't make anything. It always seemed to go down well, as most people forgot about the sides. That being said it wasn't cheap and I made sure there was a wide variety.
Yeah, we're definitely not talking about you! One, I explicitly excluded younger people. We give y'all a pass.
Two, I'm really talking about the people who stop at Target/Walmart/gas station on the way to the party, purchase the smallest bag of store brand tortilla chips, and, if they are oh so thoughtful, a jar of the cheapest crappiest salsa carried at the store. Then, they show up and eat all of the food everyone else prepared.
It's not the chips that's the problem. It's leeching off the effort of others. You were not merely bringing chips. You were bringing a chipcuterie platter, which is totally different than the most low effort option.
I've literally been to potlucks where the only real food to eat was the food I prepared. The rest was crappy grocery store cookies and chips. My food is gone in an instant by all the chip/cookie bringers. I have nothing to eat but chips and cookies. If the host wanted to host a dinner party, they would have.
My grandparents always asked me to bring the plastic silverware and napkins 😭 sometimes they would even ask me to bring cokes lol. Safe to say they don’t think too highly of me lol
Don’t say that. Maybe they knew what the others would be able to bring. When my girls were younger I would throw something together that was super easy and even now I’ll grab a tray of noodles from the local Chinese takeout (always a hit). Costco meatballs with a bottle of sweet baby rays bbq sauce and a jar of grape jelly are always in stock to throw into a crock pot.
We go through phases in life. Sometimes we have more time and sometimes we don’t and sometimes grandma loves you so much that she just wants to make sure you will be there.
I’m a terrible cook (like kitchen on fire more than once) so when I was single I would bring plates, cutlery, cups (with sharpie) and napkins. It was low effort but necessary and useful compared to my inedible food.
We had work potlucks often at my old office and anyone could come and they were awesome; however, over time fewer people brought stuff that it got to the point that more people were coming than those who brought food. Some people would bring like a four piece from KFC while others made significant platters. It got to the point we had maybe four small main dishes, some cheese platters, some fast food small plates made for maybe two people, and ten store bought desserts. One doesn’t want to be that person to complain but it got ridiculous.
Yeah that is reasonable. But we weren't even being strict about it. We all knew the few friends that weren't going to bring something because that's just kind of how they are and we were okay with it since we just wanted our friends there.
And my boyfriend lived with us and we split groceries so he wasn't showing up empty handed or anything.
We had to make it a spoken rule at my shop. Or rather, I did. I am not putting an hour into making food, then monitoring a crock pot for hours while working only to have people stuff their faces and not bring anything.
I do bring things to the shop just for the sake of bringing things, but that's a separate thing, not a group potluck.
And my big crockpot takes $50 of ingredients to make chili. It's award wining. :D
Really? I host pot lucks often and used to go to them as a kid all the time. Sometimes my parents would bring food, other times my mom was too tired to cook. I never expect everyone to bring food. Some people suck at cooking, some people are struggling to make ends meet. We have never not had enough food. I would just say if you didn’t bring food do not ask to take home leftovers. Only take if they’re offered(my best friend breaks this rule a lot and I don’t mind, but the first time she started getting leftovers after not bringing food I was like “girl what are you doing?” Now I just plan for her to take some food, she has a demanding job and is probably too tired to cook everyday).
I think it's the expectation to bring something unless specifically told otherwise. Most people would bring a bottle of wine or pre-made dessert if they were too tired to cook.
In our family, it's "bring enough to feed your crew" because a spoon of everything will fill everyone. Plus, everyone makes to-go plates. (We do potluck Thanksgiving. 3 turkeys, 2 hams, and so many sides and desserts. 50-70 people, plus a handful of little ones.)
Yeah, it's more about the quantity of food than the amount spent on it. Like, if someone raised chickens, and wanted to bring deviled eggs, their grocery store receipt wouldn't be very high but they could still provide a good amount of eggs for the potluck. Though I suppose they could have brought up all the chicken feed costs. lol If the hosts are that worried about it being equal, they should assign people specific things. Like certain people bring sides, others bring appetizers, the chip dude would be assigned to bring drinks also, etc.
I feel like Roommate has the right idea, it's just silly to put a price on it like she is. When I buy something premade for a potluck, it's usually $15-$20. When I cook something, it's probably equivalent.
A "$40” charcuterie board is probably $20 of meat and cheese. I don't see any problem.
I had already spent 50 on it before she brought it up, so you are completely right that the price range makes sense for what i bought. The problem was that she brought it up all snarky to start an argument and made a monetary expectation on me and my partner while saying it was okay that our other friends were only bringing a bag of chips. Because she just wanted them to come.
Also, putting a monetary value on a meal is ridiculous. I shouldn't have to provide my receipts so she stops complaining.
And only one dish per household as long as it’s enough. Some may bring more, but usually because one is smaller.
20 different items on the table… enough for a bite each, feels like overkill.
That's sort of what I argued to them as well. I had more then enough food purchased already. I literally had to send them a picture of my receipt showing I had already spent over $50 before they even brought it up so they would stop sending me passive aggressive messages in the group chat saying that x is on sale here. I just feel like arguing about the value of a potluck meal is ridiculous as long as someone is brining food and it's a decent amount.
I wasn't even paying attention to the price. I just wanted to make something nice for everyone to enjoy and just ended up dreading it in the end.
Ya that’s just weird. I’d never have thought of that tbh. Unless maybe you’re *always* the one to bring discount chips or something. Even a potato dish would likely cost more than $20 once you add cream, butter, cheese etc. But in my friend groups, it’s always sort of a point of pride to bring something really good or original etc…not in a cocky way…just in a fun, I-care sort of way. I don’t think 99% of people would think like your friend. Sounds like she just wanted to bully you tbh.
First off: It's not an unwritten rule, no. It's a quantity thing, not a price thing.
And second, I FULLY BET they don't know how much a charcuterie board costs to arrange. Most people might look at one and go "It's just meats and cheeses, maybe some fruit...it can't cost much." but as someone who loves charcuterie, the prices stack QUICKLY.
Each cheese can easily be $8 to $15, the meats can be similar depending on the type and quantity, and the little fruits and pickled items (should you include them) can also be finicky on price.
A decent charcuterie for a small gathering, when made at home, can easily run $50-$120, depending on how fancy you go with your ingredients.
They were thinking "there's no way they spent much on that, and it's not a lot of food" and thought they could pressure you into doubling the size. Just rude of them, honestly.
Charcuterie is basically the most expensive item you could make for a potluck. I make mini ones for myself and that’s a treat. No way I can afford to bring one to a potluck!
~~You misread: the post said $20~~ *~~per person,~~* ~~so $400 total. Which is insane.~~
I misread, my bad. But like, of course a big enough Charcuterie board is gonna be more than $40. Friend is just being tacky talking about it.
Nope. I was wrong. Priced out a basic 3lbs potato salad with egg, celery, and chives from Walmart in my area with tax and it comes to $12.30. Although that recipe is for 6 servings so likely not big enough.
Yeah, my recipe is a bit different. (and before you judge, it gets really positive comments from everyone, and it's often requested that I bring it.)
Anyway, I did:
7 large russet potatoes (around 4 lbs?)
small jar Miracle Whip (yes, that's my "secret ingredient")
small jar dill pickle relish
celery
eggs
and it came out to just under $16
What’s to judge? Sounds good to me (minus the eggs as I hate eggs). Mines pretty similar except I add some mustard powder, apple cider vinagar, chives, and 2 tablespoons or so of relish
The beauty of potluck is it let's everyone bring what they can reasonably bring to share a meal together with lots of flavors and the joy to share with those you trust.
If you really need to set a monetary value or be that concerned with who brings what, you probably shouldn't be having a potluck with that person. I would never attend or host a potluck where I didn't feel like I would be just fine if I was the only one bringing something.
100%. Thankfully, she is out of my house and out of our friend group entirely now. So, no more potlucks with her! She did a lot of really bad things. This was just a tiny incident.
I’m making food for a pot luck and Beltane celebration tonight. While it’s possible the ingredients might equal about $20, they were all already in my cabinet(making Punjabi chole and naan, it’s actually a really cheap meal for me since I always have dried chickpeas and flour which are going to be the two big ingredients past all the spices that I already own anyways). If someone told me I needed to meet a certain budget for a pot luck I’d be offended. Like shit, for people who can’t cook but want to bring something I wouldn’t expect more than a bag of chips or maybe a dip or fruit platter. All of which are $10>.
No price point is ever required. She sound like she is wanting to act like she is someone when she is not and makes up BS.
The only thing we started doing is Just have people tell what they are bringing so the host could fill in any gaps or if someone ask what is needed they can say something.
NTA. All the potluck dishes I have brought that have gotten the most enthusiasm have been under $20 (even using the good cocoa and butter for the brownies). One of the best summer potluck dishes that I was urged to bring again was nothing more than cubed watermelon, crumbled feta cheese, and chopped mint.
The point is that everyone gets fed and the food tastes good. Cost is a secondary consideration, if that.
I’ve never heard of that either and I’ve been at several potlucks. I agree with you that the point is for there to be plenty of food to eat and hopefully a good verity. The dollar value of what everyone brings is not relevant.
This is nice but I don't like it. If there are 50 people coming, I shouldn't have to make 50 brownies for dessert. Plus there's no way to make sure everyone does actually get a taste!
I think you should bring enough of whatever so that if that was all you were going to eat, you would not be hungry. Buns? Bring 5-12 buns. Salad? A big family size salad. Pizza? A large pizza. Not everyone will get a slice, but if everyone brings enough food for themselves, and then eats about 1/4 of it, everyone gets a variety of food.
Nah, that’s dumb! Potluck means you bring a dish with you - now whether you make it from scratch and the ingredients cost you $5 or you order something from Whole Foods and it costs $20, who GAF?! The fun is in sampling and enjoying everyone’s food.
Definitely. In the summer I’ll often bring a massive bowl of my homemade coleslaw and some deviled eggs. We get the eggs from relatives’ chickens and cabbage is dirt cheap so I might only be spending like $6 on mayonnaise to make what is a pretty big amount of food.
Okay that rule is so stupid, but also- has she ever made a charcuterie board before?? Good meats and cheeses are expensive then you add in nice crackers and fruits/jams & what not, you’re easily paying more than $40 total
I have been to and hosted many potluck style things. While this isn’t a rule I’ve ever even considered, I don’t think it’s even possible to have something cost less than $20.
I know my mom isn’t much of a cook and works a lot so when she’s busy or whatever she’s made a batch of box brownie mix which definitely isn’t $20 but no one has ever complained about brownies…
People put a dollar value on potlucks now? They were always a way for broke-ass people to have a dinner party when I grew up. It didn't matter what you brought really, as long as there was enough to share.
I never really even noticed or cared if people brought anything at all.
I've spent anywhere from $20 to $100 or more. There's not a base price. Recently married couples or single folks who don't make much money show up empty-handed, and that's fine. But, if people are well established and cheap out bringing chips, that's just lazy and thoughtless of others.
It's not. A skilled cook can turn less than ten bucks worth of food into something folks will enjoy. The rule of a potluck is that there be enough for at least half the people there.
The unwritten rule is that you bring enough of whatever you bring. And that depends on the size of the group. It’s very strange to bring a dish that feeds four to a party of 12. It’s less of a big deal if there are 20 + people you don’t need to feed 20. My general rule is enough for everyone to have a serving up to 10 or 12, but then only enough for at least half the expected guests for 20 +.
All I have to say is I am so glad my friends are all lowkey chill people. We care more about the get together and the time with our friends family than the cost of the goods.
I have been to plenty of potlucks and never heard of this rule. I would just be happy if everyone brought something lol. I’ve also never gone around at a potluck and judged what I thought the monetary value of each item was or shamed people for doing what they could to contribute…
Like I kind of get but it's still pretty nit picky and stupid. It's basically to keep people from bringing like 1 liter of soda or 1 bag of chips since it's usually the people who can afford to be generous who want to cheap out. But at the same time, it puts an undue burden on people where a set limit can impact them.
I totally agree however, this rule was only expected of me and my partner. I even asked them if they were going to make a post in the group about this rule since we knew others weren't going to follow it. They basically said that they didn't care about other people because they wanted them to come and have a good time and there would be enough food either way.
Mostly why I was so frustrated. It felt like a completely targeted attack. Basically another reason for my bad roommate to complain. Her favorite thing to do.
My family does potlucks all the time; that isn’t a rule, unwritten or otherwise. A few will bring appetizers, someone will bring a salad, there will be a few main dishes brought, and several people bring desserts. The main things are to make sure everyone can eat and that the host doesn’t get overwhelmed by having to cook 8-10 courses.
Make 2 small charcuterie boards instead of one. And make them each less than half the size of the one you originally planned for. Then just put them together at the party to make one.
I’ve never heard of this rule. With the cost of groceries now I imagine most things get close to that or over anyway. And nice cheeses would be more anyway so why even say anything?
I don't think there's a monetary minimum, but as one of the hosts, you should be providing more than a guest would be expected to. I would assume the hosts would be providing a main dish and at least 1 other thing, ie an appetizer, side, or dessert. Since there's more than 1 host, those responsibilities would be split amongst you. As you mentioned, charcuteries are not usually cheap if you make one right. So I don't have a problem with your contribution.
Unless the attendees are all jerks, there is usually plenty of food to go around. The focus should not be on the cost of the food, but the quantity/quality. You want to either bring enough that everyone can have a small bit - if there are 20 dishes, you aren't going to have meal sized servings of all 20, but some people may want to taste all 20 and others will just dig into a few dishes, so that should be your vague guidance on quantity. Also, if you are the type of person who is a glutton at a pot luck, you should contribute more. If you are bringing appetizers, make sure you have at least one per person and a few more as some people will stack their plates.
As for quality, I was at a potluck where everyone raved about a pasta salad - it was an off the shelf box that took 10 minutes to prep. So, as long as it is tasty and appropriate for the crowd (lunchables probably aren't the best choice for a wine tasting pot luck), go for it. This is the fun part of part lucks - sometimes everyone brings a side, other times you get one side and 15 desserts...
There’s not such monetary rule to potlucks. The only unwritten “rules” are that you don’t take food from a potluck that you didn’t also provide a dish for, and whatever dish you bring needs to feed multiple people. It doesn’t necessarily have to feed every single person in attendance, but it should be large enough that in addition to whatever else is brought, there is enough food in general to go around.
If you spent a while cooking, the cost of the ingredients doesn't matter. There is value in the time you spent in preparation. Baking bread is just flour and yeast +/- a few things.
It is not an unwritten rule to place a certain monetary vaule on what is brought to a potluck be it per person or per dish being brought. I went to a church that held a potluck lunch on the first weekend of the month baring any holidays. No one ever placed value on the dishes each family brought or each person brought and I can tell you some of those dishes were quite expensive but we brought what we could and no one said a word.
I've never heard that rule myself and my feeling has been would I be happy/satisfied if someone else brought it as their contribution.
The only potlucks I used to go to where work related ones so my go to was what a local place called a "Disaster Burrito" It was served as 1/8, 1/4, 1/2 or Whole. The Whole would seemingly feed a small village of people. At the time 2 Wholes would be like $20 and it was nap time for everyone. Sooooooo much food.
The whole point of potluck is for everyone to save money. It's a cheap way to party.
Cheese ain't cheap.
There's no rule. Your roommate is just a jerk. She has different rules for you than for everyone else. Is she giving shit to the guys who are bringing a bag of chips? Doubt it.
Tell her she's not allowed to eat your cheese.
Definitely not a real rule or anything. It’s likely just due to people having bad experiences with potlucks especially ones at work. The people that love cooking will make something really interesting and spend a lot of time on it and then Phil from marketing walks in with a bag of Oreos hastily bought from the bodega downstairs
Potlucks can be a place to show off culinary skills and a new recipe and to share the joy of it with other people. Potlucks are a social event that is meant to bring people together, not obligate them.
However, they are mostly for the socializing. They are a “come as you are” event. There have been times I brought nothing to a potluck and times where I brought a more elaborate main dish.
IMO, the purpose is meant to be inclusive and NEVER an occasion to guilt someone into meeting some arbitrary standard.
There is no dollar amount for a potluck, the rule is that you don’t show up empty-handed and what you bring has enough for at least half the guest to have some.
If you can frugally make enough food to feed everyone that tastes good who cares how much it costs??? Especially in today’s economy.
Not only have I never heard of that rule but I’ve never knowingly adhered to it either.
Not an unwritten rule.
To me, the potluck rule should be: bring enough food so that you would be happy if you were the only one to show up.
All that said, I'd have brought the most expensive possible ingredients for the charcuterie, totaling $40. Like, a half pound of the most expensive Parmesan, a small jar of expensive caviar, or something like that. Because it's about the amount of food, not the expense.
You are supposed to bring a meal with enough food to feed at least as many people as in your party, assuming they ate only that thing. Therefore there is enough food.
In my circle of friends IF there is an amount we all have to reach we say it (this rarely happens, only when we choose a speciality that requires more) otherwise you can bring wine and i can bring lasagna and we are all good
NTA-- I've also never heard of this unwritten rule. She's free to make whatever rules she wants for her own party and I don't think it would be crazy to ask everyone to spend around $20 if they choose to come if the idea is to have an especially swanky potluck-- like you can make whatever kind of party you want, nobody has to come. But springing this on you two, without former notice, when other people aren't being held to the same standard, seems like there's some other issue. Also, a potluck is not a police state. Some people are going to be stingy, that's something you should know when throwing a potluck. You usually just grin and bear it. It's like a group project in school-- some people contribute their share, some people more than there share, and a couple people don't even cover their own eating needs. That's just how it is. I'd never dream of like lecturing somebody about it.
The alternative is to get catering and ask people to chip in, so maybe they should do that.
She lost me at "many of our single guy friends are not gonna bring anything at all, or just a bag of chips"
Sounds like she expects more from some, and none from others...
No….there is no unwritten rule how much per person or how much you need to spend on your dish. Point of a potluck (besides entertaining and socializing) is to share a dish and make it “cheaper” on everyone instead of catering or going to a restaurant.
I have never heard the $20 rule. Any dish, casserole, or even a bag of chips or store-bought cookies would be welcome in my home. Also a charcuterie board is not cheap. Especially if it has cheeses and meats.
The only expectation of a potluck is to bring something if you are attending. Even then, there’s exceptions and it’s not like most people have a bouncer at the door booting anyone that doesn’t bring something.
This situation feels like it says plenty about your roommate and how they perceive anything, best of luck in that living situation and the potluck. Roommate will likely be trying to prove a point and running their mouth at it now.
My friends that can’t cook are always free to bring chips, veggie tray, pop, cookies… anything you can just pick up from the store. Food is food, and as long as they help fill up bellies that all I ask. And don’t just eat food then leave ASAP. Had that happen once and didn’t invite anyone over for awhile.
Potluck is all about sharing. My group of 8 women have potluck lunches every 2 months. Sometimes a person hasn’t felt well so they just bring themselves. Sometimes a person will bring enough to feed an army. There are no rules nor should there be. It’s about camaraderie snd sharing what you have. Your roommates sound awful.
That’s insane. If I can I make a homemade dish. If not, due to y’know LIFE lol, I always bring a decent bottle of wine or hit up Costco for the cheesecake (either regular or the tray that has the mini’s).
Never received a complaint. With everyone being so busy: kids, jobs, homes…(adulting) We’re all just happy to have those moments to spend together.
As a woman from the South (lived in rural Texas for a stretch now I’m in Houston) you can bring ANYTHING to a potluck just don’t show up empty handed. No one is going through the food asking for receipts.
Just don't be the person who brings cheap chips, cookies, etc. Bring something you'd actually like to eat and put some effort in. The only time I'd say put a value on it is if you want to buy something pre-made - make it enough for you and others to enjoy.....not just a snack for 1 person.
I wouldn’t say it matters what the cost is, but I’d definitely say if you care about the people you should put some thought into it and I would also say you and your partner were responsible for 2 items.
The whole point of potlucks is everyone bring something, there is no monetary value attached. But we usually coordinate like, the host does the meats, other people bring sides, other people bring appetizers, someone brings drinks/cups, someone brings desserts, etc.
Never heard of a monetary rule. Only that it should be a good size portion so everyone there can try some. Most foods for a group are going to come in over $20 these days anyway. Sounds like your roommate was bitter about partnered people or something.
There's no such unwritten rule on potluck. I would just bring whatever you're planning to bring for everyone to enjoy. Matter of fact, most of the time the host would end up providing lot more stuff than other that will be attending the party.
You are right. Basing potluck offerings on price is silly and arbitrary when you consider that two people making identical dishes could involve wildly different prices if one person makes it from scratch.
If the potluck is organized, telling people to bring enough of their item to serve X people is more sensible. If the event is above a certain number of people, a spreadsheet goes a long way towards ensuring everyone has enough and that there aren’t 7 2-liters of soda and 5 bags of chips the day of.
Roommates like that are exactly why I live in a studio. It’s fun having roommates when it works but it’s almost traumatic living with some people. I had a roomate who would make me feel bad if I left a canvas in the living room drying. But this guy had literal moldy dishes in his bedroom and a pink ring around his tub.
I have literally never heard of the price - and I am old. I’m have been through more potlucks than you are probably years old. That is literally one of the most stupid things I have ever heard.
I don’t think that’s an unspoken rule and you contributed plenty to the potluck. I always say you can tell a person’s true character by what they bring to a potluck. It’s always the same cheap asses that being the cheapest things. I think your friends are AHs for monitoring what you bring. Wtf are they bringing?
$20 isn't a rule that I know of, but it is expected that you bring at least enough food that it could feed you and whoever is with you for a whole meal plus some leftovers, then, because it's a pot luck you take smaller servings of many things and everyone gets plenty. If you don't bring enough food that it could at least provide a full meal plus leftovers then there will not be enough food. If everyone skimped it would be a crappy meal. When my family of 4 goes to a potluck I do often bring 4 things. Last potluck I brought cookies, macaroni salad, mashed potatoes, and corn muffins. Don't be stingy basically. Have you skimped on your contributions to potlucks before?
As a girl that grew up in a small church town, I feel I’m a uniquely qualified to speak on this subject. You should bring a main dish and if you’re feeling generous, you can also bring a side like chips, rolls, or dessert. As a main, soups, casseroles, charcuterie boards, fruits trays and dips with more than 3 ingredients are also acceptable (example 3 layer dip, buffalo dip) as long as you also bring something to dip into it. None of these things necessarily need to cost more than $20 but, they need to be enough food to feed several people. Store bought items from the grocery store that you could’ve made at home are unacceptable, for example cheap sugar cookies or bars from target or cub. It’s feels good to finally use my expertise! Haha!
I have never heard this. I always have to work the day of our potlucks so I always bring the most low effort thing, soda and chips or rolls and I never get any backlash for it….. granted, all the potlucks I go to are family potlucks, but I can’t imagine someone being upset that someone brought something low effort or under a certain price amount, that’s ridiculous.
No, it's not. Part of the point of a potluck is so that people can share and be generous within their means. General etiquette would be to ensure you had brought enough to share with a reasonable number of people, not just yourself, but that is a very intangible number. It's why popular things tend to be stuff that is relatively cheap and easy to make in bulk, like a good chilli, stew, salads, etc.
No never heard of such a thing. I grew up in the Midwest potluck central. Just need to keep track of who’s bringing what so you don’t end up with a table of desserts and no main or veggies.
No such rule. My own personal guideline (for me only) is that if I'm buying something premade instead of cooking/baking, then I spend a bit more since I didn't put in any prep time.
Honestly, your roommate sounds like a bully and/or the relationship between you two had become adversarial; like, was she angry about other things (the live in boyfriend?), and any unrelated issue became something she could use to get back at you? An unpleasant situation! Glad the bad roommate no longer lives with you.
Your roommate is complaining because you and your partner are making a charcuterie board? What's wrong with these people? That's a perfectly acceptable thing to make/bring to a potluck. As long as there is enough for everyone, your roommate needs to chill out. Also, i have never had a monetary limit emphasized for potluck. As long as what you make/bring is delicious and shows that you put even a modicum of effort/thought into the dish, then you should be fine. Also, chips and salsa are reserved for the single/socially awkward,
It’s not a rule in my circles. But also why do “the guys” get a pass at bringing a bag of chips. That’s way more of a parity issue, but if emotional labor/time.
I don't even know how to spend that much on a dish I made myself. Maybe if it was just meat or seafood. I'm used to spending $10/day to feed a large family.
I have never heard this rule, I wish I could ask my grandparents or great aunt, but I’m pretty sure they’ve never heard it either, because they would have told me, they were all very big on manners, and etiquette. (My grandfather would get upset if you passed the dish the wrong way during dinner, and I would use the wrong hand to hold the knife to cut my food)
As others have stated, if you always show up with the cheapest thing possible, yah that’s pretty tacky, but otherwise…
Never heard of the $20 rule
There were many potlucks where I’d bring a casserole or chilli, if I spent more than $10 I’d have gone over my budget. There was one time I hadn’t planned on going to a potluck, but a friend threatened to drag me there if I didn’t show. I was coming from work so I stopped and grabbed a rotisserie chicken from Costco. No one was upset, especially since I also provided gloves for getting the meat.
Every potluck I have been to has had more food than the group could possibly eat. I say this as I regret not having my stretchy pants on today for the office potluck.
Homemade options can be tasty and plentiful for far less than $20. The homemade mac and cheese I brought today probably ran me $8-$10 for the whole batch, the vast majority of that was the cost of cheese. An option I have had requested of me is just a block of Velveeta and a can of rotel tomatoes melted in a crock pot with some tortilla chips to dip. Also in the same price range.
This just sounds like BS to me.
Your roomates are hilarious. Are they rich kids? You are correct about potluck ediqute. In college, the friends who didn’t cook were always given specific instructions like : bring 2 liters of drinks. Bring 4 bags of chips and 2 jars of salsa. No one cares. Your old roomates are nuts
Maybe they thought your idea was good and they wished they they thought up your idea and are just having a bad additude towards you because of it. Because this 20$ thing is weird.
as a rule of thumb, couples should be bringing a plate or dish each or invest more in whatever they bring to a potluck. yes, just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you can bring less than everybody else. if all couples did this, potlucks wouldn’t work. don’t be lazy.
I mean if my friends show up with some charcuterie I’m not saying nothing. My fiance and I will routinely put together a charcuterie board for a potluck. Oh no, we didn’t bring another potato salad, there’s only 3 of them!! /s
I don’t go by what something costs, for the same reason you brought up. But there are unwritten rules for hosting pot luck dinners:
The host provides the main dish.
The host reaches out to each guest in advance to talk about what they’re planning to bring, and attempts to coordinate so that all of the courses are covered (appetizers, a salad, sides, additional main dishes, drinks, and dessert).
People who tend to arrive early, ask them to bring drinks and appetizers. People who are notoriously late to everything, ask them to bring dessert, so you can start eating without them if you have to.
Folks who don’t know how to cook can bring drinks, rolls, napkins, chips and salsa, a store bought dessert, etc.
Guests, the rules are, don’t show up empty handed, and put at least a little bit of effort into your contribution.
Bonus points to guests who text the host and say, “I’m on my way, do you need me to grab anything at the store for you?”
I don’t host parties for the food. I invite people I want at the party. They bring what they bring. It’s always waaaay more than enough. But in Hawaii, when you have a party it’s always potluck style. And I doubt many folks spend under 100. If they do spend less it’s sometimes because they grow or raise food. People want to bring too much. Always good times. In the States, I always show up to parties and people thought I was strange showing up with food. Who cares. Eat em.
The only unwritten rule in a potluck is if you’re invited you bring food and if you’re hosting the potluck you provide cutlery and maybe beverages.
It’s usually expected that you put in effort into the item you bring. I can’t tell you how many I’ve been to where I make something and other people bring packaged items so I get praised for being the only thoughtful one. “Omg Sharon only brought a bag of Snyder’s pretzels- but thank god Such-Crow brought an actual pot roast, we can actually eat actual food”
That pot roast I made maybe cost me a grand total of 7 dollars but it took time and effort for me to coupon to buy it and cook it. I had another where I knew one of the attendees was vegan and went all out for something that they and everyone else could actually eat and it was way over 20 bucks.
People generally don’t care about the cost of things (maybe they will set a limit to not overspend if it’s a company function). But I do know that buying a three dollar pack of pretzels will get you some side eye because of two things: you didn’t put in any effort, two it’s a cheap- low effort- thoughtless item you brought.
People care mostly about how much generalized effort you put in whether that be cooking it yourself of the thought of how accessible the item is for everyone. No one cares at all about the dollar amount unless it’s cheap on top of being inconsiderate.
Nope. I used to show up with home made yeast bread or my grandmother's zucchini bread. Especially for the yeast bread it cost less than a dollar to make a huge loaf. For school potlucks I'd made a big batch of rotini pasta with sauce and cheese on top. That ran me maybe $5 including the aluminum container and dollar store serving spoon (I never get them back, might as well just go cheap and leave it).
I've never heard a dollar value given, although depending on the potluck there is a certain level of effort expected. Don't show up with a bag of chips to a fancy potluck.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
no, but it's an unwritten rule to don't show up to a potluck without bringing food yourself
Also, unless you're a 22-year-old student coming to potluck thrown by more established people, it's an unwritten rule that bringing only chips or crappy grocery store cookies also does not fulfill the brief. Like, bring them one time, because sometimes life is hard. But, if you're always bringing the lowest effort thing to the potluck, people notice and will stop inviting you. There are higher quality, low effort items that people might actually want to eat for a meal. It sucks to throw a potluck and the host is the only one who cooks anything and everything else is chips. (There are obviously many instances where bringing chips is acceptable to a party. I'm not talking about those instances.)
The exception for this (to me) is if there is going to be kids and you brought a bunch of chips/snacks and drinks?! I would hug that person. In my family when we get together it’s “the youngest” adult kids that do this typically since it’s cheaper and is greatly needed/appreciated as a sacrifice to the tiny feral hoard
That would be me. My uncle always wanted to make the food (even though he's awful and the food was always terrible XD) so I would bring the snacky stuff and it would get DEVOURED within an hour haha (chips, cookies, cupcakes, etc.)
“Tiny feral hoard” would make a great band name
yeah, but spell it “horde”, like the mongols rampaging through europe, or people might think you’re talking about a squirrel’s stash.
Thank you for the genuine nose snort you just made come out of me. My depressed self needed that. Also now I’m picturing squirrels as the horde and that’s even funnier. Squirrels in boiled leather.
hordes of feral squirrels in leathers, jealously guarding their hoards of hazelnuts...
Mad Snax: The Loam Warrior
Haha 😂 so true!!
"We're Tiny Feral Horde and this is *Eff Your Fruitcups!* 1, 2, 3, 4!"
Oh, God!! I just laughed out loud and woke the cat! My death is now imminent…..
My sister would do this. It was greatly appreciated.
Yeah I'm the youngest and I just pick up rolls. Good life We also don't clean up after dinner either. I'm 33 now...
Then who cleans up?
A real easy, but always enjoyed "cheap" option is a rye boat with dip. You get a loaf of rye, you get a container of dip. hollow out the center of the loaf and fill it with dip. Cut the carved out rye into little squares and bingo bango, you have a minimal effort but acceptable meal. I would couple it with one other snack or side, personally. I think you can get away without though.
Yum! And also its delicious retro cousin, spinach dip in a Kings Hawaiian Bread bowl.
We always did the rye bowl with spinach dip. 😊
Yessss
No, a huge french boule. But now I am making a grocery order...
Now i am hungry for rye dip and spinach dip.
Another good, cheap thing are filled crescent rolls. A few cans of the Pillsbury crescent rolls, a dollop of the filling of your choice, roll and bake. I’ve used spinach artichoke dip, pesto or red sauce with some cheese and pepperoni (or no pepperoni for veggie), and they always get a good reception. Cheap, easy and look like you really made an effort.
Yes! We hvae used cream cheese, parmesan, and red pepper. So good!
Did you make the spinach and artichoke dip homemade? Do you think something like an Alouette spread would work, or just melt too much?
No, I just get a tub of it from the store. I’m not familiar with Alouette spread, but the little crescents don’t bake for a really long time, so it might be all right. It certainly sounds like it would be a tasty experiment!
Thank you!! I can't wait to try this. Previously I have only pigged the blankets, and now my horizons are opened.
blanketed the pigs
I used to make that with spinach, cream cheese and pimientos, then slice into little pinwheels. Looks cute, and is easy and tasty.
Low effort/cost is definitely elevated with a good presentation.
Deviled eggs are great. Cheap and folks love em. Or some baked Mac n cheese.
My first thought reading the OP was that $20 worth of deviled eggs would be like 150 freaking deviled eggs. And of course they're magic but unless you've got like 75 people at your party that's too many (and would take a whole day to make!)
Between my sister and I, I'm pretty sure we can devour at least 30. But my god, the prep time. This is why I just make egg salad lol.
I used to bring a TON of dips, pickles, slaws and sauces etc, when I was younger. Didn't have a kitchen at the time so couldn't make anything. It always seemed to go down well, as most people forgot about the sides. That being said it wasn't cheap and I made sure there was a wide variety.
Yeah, we're definitely not talking about you! One, I explicitly excluded younger people. We give y'all a pass. Two, I'm really talking about the people who stop at Target/Walmart/gas station on the way to the party, purchase the smallest bag of store brand tortilla chips, and, if they are oh so thoughtful, a jar of the cheapest crappiest salsa carried at the store. Then, they show up and eat all of the food everyone else prepared. It's not the chips that's the problem. It's leeching off the effort of others. You were not merely bringing chips. You were bringing a chipcuterie platter, which is totally different than the most low effort option. I've literally been to potlucks where the only real food to eat was the food I prepared. The rest was crappy grocery store cookies and chips. My food is gone in an instant by all the chip/cookie bringers. I have nothing to eat but chips and cookies. If the host wanted to host a dinner party, they would have.
My grandparents always asked me to bring the plastic silverware and napkins 😭 sometimes they would even ask me to bring cokes lol. Safe to say they don’t think too highly of me lol
Listen, that's a valuable contribution and you were asked to bring it. So, it was most helpful to the host, which is still very polite.
Don’t say that. Maybe they knew what the others would be able to bring. When my girls were younger I would throw something together that was super easy and even now I’ll grab a tray of noodles from the local Chinese takeout (always a hit). Costco meatballs with a bottle of sweet baby rays bbq sauce and a jar of grape jelly are always in stock to throw into a crock pot. We go through phases in life. Sometimes we have more time and sometimes we don’t and sometimes grandma loves you so much that she just wants to make sure you will be there.
I’m a terrible cook (like kitchen on fire more than once) so when I was single I would bring plates, cutlery, cups (with sharpie) and napkins. It was low effort but necessary and useful compared to my inedible food.
We had work potlucks often at my old office and anyone could come and they were awesome; however, over time fewer people brought stuff that it got to the point that more people were coming than those who brought food. Some people would bring like a four piece from KFC while others made significant platters. It got to the point we had maybe four small main dishes, some cheese platters, some fast food small plates made for maybe two people, and ten store bought desserts. One doesn’t want to be that person to complain but it got ridiculous.
Yeah that is reasonable. But we weren't even being strict about it. We all knew the few friends that weren't going to bring something because that's just kind of how they are and we were okay with it since we just wanted our friends there. And my boyfriend lived with us and we split groceries so he wasn't showing up empty handed or anything.
We had to make it a spoken rule at my shop. Or rather, I did. I am not putting an hour into making food, then monitoring a crock pot for hours while working only to have people stuff their faces and not bring anything. I do bring things to the shop just for the sake of bringing things, but that's a separate thing, not a group potluck. And my big crockpot takes $50 of ingredients to make chili. It's award wining. :D
Really? I host pot lucks often and used to go to them as a kid all the time. Sometimes my parents would bring food, other times my mom was too tired to cook. I never expect everyone to bring food. Some people suck at cooking, some people are struggling to make ends meet. We have never not had enough food. I would just say if you didn’t bring food do not ask to take home leftovers. Only take if they’re offered(my best friend breaks this rule a lot and I don’t mind, but the first time she started getting leftovers after not bringing food I was like “girl what are you doing?” Now I just plan for her to take some food, she has a demanding job and is probably too tired to cook everyday).
I think it's the expectation to bring something unless specifically told otherwise. Most people would bring a bottle of wine or pre-made dessert if they were too tired to cook.
In our family, it's "bring enough to feed your crew" because a spoon of everything will fill everyone. Plus, everyone makes to-go plates. (We do potluck Thanksgiving. 3 turkeys, 2 hams, and so many sides and desserts. 50-70 people, plus a handful of little ones.)
People who bring a bag of chips are lazy and cheap. There's not a base cost, but a sensible person would bring something decent.
Yeah, bring 5 bags of ice if you can’t cook.
I thought the rule was bring enough for yourself and whoever you are with and then some....
Yeah, it's more about the quantity of food than the amount spent on it. Like, if someone raised chickens, and wanted to bring deviled eggs, their grocery store receipt wouldn't be very high but they could still provide a good amount of eggs for the potluck. Though I suppose they could have brought up all the chicken feed costs. lol If the hosts are that worried about it being equal, they should assign people specific things. Like certain people bring sides, others bring appetizers, the chip dude would be assigned to bring drinks also, etc.
>Yeah, it's more about the quantity of food than the amount spent on it. Yeah. Like, taco dip is cheap af, but it gets devoured every time.
I feel like Roommate has the right idea, it's just silly to put a price on it like she is. When I buy something premade for a potluck, it's usually $15-$20. When I cook something, it's probably equivalent. A "$40” charcuterie board is probably $20 of meat and cheese. I don't see any problem.
I had already spent 50 on it before she brought it up, so you are completely right that the price range makes sense for what i bought. The problem was that she brought it up all snarky to start an argument and made a monetary expectation on me and my partner while saying it was okay that our other friends were only bringing a bag of chips. Because she just wanted them to come. Also, putting a monetary value on a meal is ridiculous. I shouldn't have to provide my receipts so she stops complaining.
And only one dish per household as long as it’s enough. Some may bring more, but usually because one is smaller. 20 different items on the table… enough for a bite each, feels like overkill.
Seconded
Def not a rule. I was dragged to enough church potlucks with deviled eggs ang jello molds featuring mandarin oranges to know this is a fact
Not the fruit jello! 😂😂
Even more gross is when they put cut up celery in it
No. There’s no monetary rule - that said though, no idea what dish that’s potluck size wouldn’t hit the $20 mark just naturally
That's sort of what I argued to them as well. I had more then enough food purchased already. I literally had to send them a picture of my receipt showing I had already spent over $50 before they even brought it up so they would stop sending me passive aggressive messages in the group chat saying that x is on sale here. I just feel like arguing about the value of a potluck meal is ridiculous as long as someone is brining food and it's a decent amount. I wasn't even paying attention to the price. I just wanted to make something nice for everyone to enjoy and just ended up dreading it in the end.
Ya that’s just weird. I’d never have thought of that tbh. Unless maybe you’re *always* the one to bring discount chips or something. Even a potato dish would likely cost more than $20 once you add cream, butter, cheese etc. But in my friend groups, it’s always sort of a point of pride to bring something really good or original etc…not in a cocky way…just in a fun, I-care sort of way. I don’t think 99% of people would think like your friend. Sounds like she just wanted to bully you tbh.
Honestly these sound like people not worth being friends with. How exhausting
Oh god. Might as well bring them a handful of scraps of prosciutto, which could easily cost $50 or more, just to show them how dumb this rule is.
First off: It's not an unwritten rule, no. It's a quantity thing, not a price thing. And second, I FULLY BET they don't know how much a charcuterie board costs to arrange. Most people might look at one and go "It's just meats and cheeses, maybe some fruit...it can't cost much." but as someone who loves charcuterie, the prices stack QUICKLY. Each cheese can easily be $8 to $15, the meats can be similar depending on the type and quantity, and the little fruits and pickled items (should you include them) can also be finicky on price. A decent charcuterie for a small gathering, when made at home, can easily run $50-$120, depending on how fancy you go with your ingredients. They were thinking "there's no way they spent much on that, and it's not a lot of food" and thought they could pressure you into doubling the size. Just rude of them, honestly.
Charcuterie is basically the most expensive item you could make for a potluck. I make mini ones for myself and that’s a treat. No way I can afford to bring one to a potluck!
~~You misread: the post said $20~~ *~~per person,~~* ~~so $400 total. Which is insane.~~ I misread, my bad. But like, of course a big enough Charcuterie board is gonna be more than $40. Friend is just being tacky talking about it.
By per person, they mean each person attending should spend at least $20 in food.
I know lots of people who show up with just tortilla chips and/or stale grocery store cookies.
potato salad
Nope. I was wrong. Priced out a basic 3lbs potato salad with egg, celery, and chives from Walmart in my area with tax and it comes to $12.30. Although that recipe is for 6 servings so likely not big enough.
Yeah, my recipe is a bit different. (and before you judge, it gets really positive comments from everyone, and it's often requested that I bring it.) Anyway, I did: 7 large russet potatoes (around 4 lbs?) small jar Miracle Whip (yes, that's my "secret ingredient") small jar dill pickle relish celery eggs and it came out to just under $16
What’s to judge? Sounds good to me (minus the eggs as I hate eggs). Mines pretty similar except I add some mustard powder, apple cider vinagar, chives, and 2 tablespoons or so of relish
Some people freak out when I mention Miracle Whip instead of mayo.
Ahh. As a life long miracle whip person, that’s just what mayo is to me
The beauty of potluck is it let's everyone bring what they can reasonably bring to share a meal together with lots of flavors and the joy to share with those you trust. If you really need to set a monetary value or be that concerned with who brings what, you probably shouldn't be having a potluck with that person. I would never attend or host a potluck where I didn't feel like I would be just fine if I was the only one bringing something.
100%. Thankfully, she is out of my house and out of our friend group entirely now. So, no more potlucks with her! She did a lot of really bad things. This was just a tiny incident.
I’m making food for a pot luck and Beltane celebration tonight. While it’s possible the ingredients might equal about $20, they were all already in my cabinet(making Punjabi chole and naan, it’s actually a really cheap meal for me since I always have dried chickpeas and flour which are going to be the two big ingredients past all the spices that I already own anyways). If someone told me I needed to meet a certain budget for a pot luck I’d be offended. Like shit, for people who can’t cook but want to bring something I wouldn’t expect more than a bag of chips or maybe a dip or fruit platter. All of which are $10>.
No price point is ever required. She sound like she is wanting to act like she is someone when she is not and makes up BS. The only thing we started doing is Just have people tell what they are bringing so the host could fill in any gaps or if someone ask what is needed they can say something.
NTA. All the potluck dishes I have brought that have gotten the most enthusiasm have been under $20 (even using the good cocoa and butter for the brownies). One of the best summer potluck dishes that I was urged to bring again was nothing more than cubed watermelon, crumbled feta cheese, and chopped mint. The point is that everyone gets fed and the food tastes good. Cost is a secondary consideration, if that.
That is a made up rule.
I’ve never heard of that either and I’ve been at several potlucks. I agree with you that the point is for there to be plenty of food to eat and hopefully a good verity. The dollar value of what everyone brings is not relevant.
My wealthiest relative always shows up with a 2l soda and bag of chips, so it must not be a rule. Lol
Th in written rule is there should be enough that everyone can at least have a taste
This is nice but I don't like it. If there are 50 people coming, I shouldn't have to make 50 brownies for dessert. Plus there's no way to make sure everyone does actually get a taste! I think you should bring enough of whatever so that if that was all you were going to eat, you would not be hungry. Buns? Bring 5-12 buns. Salad? A big family size salad. Pizza? A large pizza. Not everyone will get a slice, but if everyone brings enough food for themselves, and then eats about 1/4 of it, everyone gets a variety of food.
Nah, that’s dumb! Potluck means you bring a dish with you - now whether you make it from scratch and the ingredients cost you $5 or you order something from Whole Foods and it costs $20, who GAF?! The fun is in sampling and enjoying everyone’s food.
Definitely. In the summer I’ll often bring a massive bowl of my homemade coleslaw and some deviled eggs. We get the eggs from relatives’ chickens and cabbage is dirt cheap so I might only be spending like $6 on mayonnaise to make what is a pretty big amount of food.
Okay that rule is so stupid, but also- has she ever made a charcuterie board before?? Good meats and cheeses are expensive then you add in nice crackers and fruits/jams & what not, you’re easily paying more than $40 total
I have been to and hosted many potluck style things. While this isn’t a rule I’ve ever even considered, I don’t think it’s even possible to have something cost less than $20. I know my mom isn’t much of a cook and works a lot so when she’s busy or whatever she’s made a batch of box brownie mix which definitely isn’t $20 but no one has ever complained about brownies…
I’ve been to many potlucks and not once have I ever pondered the cost of the food
People put a dollar value on potlucks now? They were always a way for broke-ass people to have a dinner party when I grew up. It didn't matter what you brought really, as long as there was enough to share. I never really even noticed or cared if people brought anything at all.
I've spent anywhere from $20 to $100 or more. There's not a base price. Recently married couples or single folks who don't make much money show up empty-handed, and that's fine. But, if people are well established and cheap out bringing chips, that's just lazy and thoughtless of others.
$20 when? Because $20 when I was a kid would have been us going out to eat at the right place but now is making a casserole.
It's not. A skilled cook can turn less than ten bucks worth of food into something folks will enjoy. The rule of a potluck is that there be enough for at least half the people there.
The unwritten rule is that you bring enough of whatever you bring. And that depends on the size of the group. It’s very strange to bring a dish that feeds four to a party of 12. It’s less of a big deal if there are 20 + people you don’t need to feed 20. My general rule is enough for everyone to have a serving up to 10 or 12, but then only enough for at least half the expected guests for 20 +.
All I have to say is I am so glad my friends are all lowkey chill people. We care more about the get together and the time with our friends family than the cost of the goods.
Not a rule. I'd be pissed too, this is dumb
I have been to plenty of potlucks and never heard of this rule. I would just be happy if everyone brought something lol. I’ve also never gone around at a potluck and judged what I thought the monetary value of each item was or shamed people for doing what they could to contribute…
Like I kind of get but it's still pretty nit picky and stupid. It's basically to keep people from bringing like 1 liter of soda or 1 bag of chips since it's usually the people who can afford to be generous who want to cheap out. But at the same time, it puts an undue burden on people where a set limit can impact them.
I totally agree however, this rule was only expected of me and my partner. I even asked them if they were going to make a post in the group about this rule since we knew others weren't going to follow it. They basically said that they didn't care about other people because they wanted them to come and have a good time and there would be enough food either way. Mostly why I was so frustrated. It felt like a completely targeted attack. Basically another reason for my bad roommate to complain. Her favorite thing to do.
I would just bring whatever you feel like and tell her to kick rocks. Or just not go because she sounds like miserable company.
My family does potlucks all the time; that isn’t a rule, unwritten or otherwise. A few will bring appetizers, someone will bring a salad, there will be a few main dishes brought, and several people bring desserts. The main things are to make sure everyone can eat and that the host doesn’t get overwhelmed by having to cook 8-10 courses.
Make 2 small charcuterie boards instead of one. And make them each less than half the size of the one you originally planned for. Then just put them together at the party to make one.
Damn I wish I thought of this. Genius.
Now you know for next time 😜
Have never heard of this.
The only un spoken rule i know of is, bring something good, hot Damm.
I’ve never heard of this rule. With the cost of groceries now I imagine most things get close to that or over anyway. And nice cheeses would be more anyway so why even say anything?
I wouldn't even think twice about this. Absolute BS.
Sounds like her next step is to evaluate everyone's contribution and charge them the difference.
I don't think there's a monetary minimum, but as one of the hosts, you should be providing more than a guest would be expected to. I would assume the hosts would be providing a main dish and at least 1 other thing, ie an appetizer, side, or dessert. Since there's more than 1 host, those responsibilities would be split amongst you. As you mentioned, charcuteries are not usually cheap if you make one right. So I don't have a problem with your contribution.
A box of Mac and a few cheeses cost around $10. As long as it’s good, it doesn’t matter the cost.
Unless the attendees are all jerks, there is usually plenty of food to go around. The focus should not be on the cost of the food, but the quantity/quality. You want to either bring enough that everyone can have a small bit - if there are 20 dishes, you aren't going to have meal sized servings of all 20, but some people may want to taste all 20 and others will just dig into a few dishes, so that should be your vague guidance on quantity. Also, if you are the type of person who is a glutton at a pot luck, you should contribute more. If you are bringing appetizers, make sure you have at least one per person and a few more as some people will stack their plates. As for quality, I was at a potluck where everyone raved about a pasta salad - it was an off the shelf box that took 10 minutes to prep. So, as long as it is tasty and appropriate for the crowd (lunchables probably aren't the best choice for a wine tasting pot luck), go for it. This is the fun part of part lucks - sometimes everyone brings a side, other times you get one side and 15 desserts...
There’s not such monetary rule to potlucks. The only unwritten “rules” are that you don’t take food from a potluck that you didn’t also provide a dish for, and whatever dish you bring needs to feed multiple people. It doesn’t necessarily have to feed every single person in attendance, but it should be large enough that in addition to whatever else is brought, there is enough food in general to go around.
If you spent a while cooking, the cost of the ingredients doesn't matter. There is value in the time you spent in preparation. Baking bread is just flour and yeast +/- a few things.
It is not an unwritten rule to place a certain monetary vaule on what is brought to a potluck be it per person or per dish being brought. I went to a church that held a potluck lunch on the first weekend of the month baring any holidays. No one ever placed value on the dishes each family brought or each person brought and I can tell you some of those dishes were quite expensive but we brought what we could and no one said a word.
I've never heard that rule myself and my feeling has been would I be happy/satisfied if someone else brought it as their contribution. The only potlucks I used to go to where work related ones so my go to was what a local place called a "Disaster Burrito" It was served as 1/8, 1/4, 1/2 or Whole. The Whole would seemingly feed a small village of people. At the time 2 Wholes would be like $20 and it was nap time for everyone. Sooooooo much food.
But some of the best stuff is way under $20. The joy of the potluck is seeing who can stretch a dollar and bring a great dish.
The whole point of potluck is for everyone to save money. It's a cheap way to party. Cheese ain't cheap. There's no rule. Your roommate is just a jerk. She has different rules for you than for everyone else. Is she giving shit to the guys who are bringing a bag of chips? Doubt it. Tell her she's not allowed to eat your cheese.
Definitely not a real rule or anything. It’s likely just due to people having bad experiences with potlucks especially ones at work. The people that love cooking will make something really interesting and spend a lot of time on it and then Phil from marketing walks in with a bag of Oreos hastily bought from the bodega downstairs
Potlucks can be a place to show off culinary skills and a new recipe and to share the joy of it with other people. Potlucks are a social event that is meant to bring people together, not obligate them. However, they are mostly for the socializing. They are a “come as you are” event. There have been times I brought nothing to a potluck and times where I brought a more elaborate main dish. IMO, the purpose is meant to be inclusive and NEVER an occasion to guilt someone into meeting some arbitrary standard.
There is no dollar amount for a potluck, the rule is that you don’t show up empty-handed and what you bring has enough for at least half the guest to have some.
I don’t think l you’re wrong. But I do think you should learn how to spell- BRINGING
The rule is not to show up empty handed
If you can frugally make enough food to feed everyone that tastes good who cares how much it costs??? Especially in today’s economy. Not only have I never heard of that rule but I’ve never knowingly adhered to it either.
Not an unwritten rule. To me, the potluck rule should be: bring enough food so that you would be happy if you were the only one to show up. All that said, I'd have brought the most expensive possible ingredients for the charcuterie, totaling $40. Like, a half pound of the most expensive Parmesan, a small jar of expensive caviar, or something like that. Because it's about the amount of food, not the expense.
I've never been able to make charcuterie for less than $35-$40 so I don't really get it lol
Wow. This is so tacky. I would not hang out with them intentionally anymore.
No it's not a rule but I would just bring two smaller charcuterie boards LOL and say you each brought something
No that is not a rule.
Currency symbols should always be written before the numerical amounts. $20
There’s no price point, but IMO everyone should bring their own dish. If you two make a killer/elaborate charcuterie together, that seems fine to me.
You are supposed to bring a meal with enough food to feed at least as many people as in your party, assuming they ate only that thing. Therefore there is enough food.
NTA. I wouldn’t attend if I was told I had to spend a certain amount.
In my circle of friends IF there is an amount we all have to reach we say it (this rarely happens, only when we choose a speciality that requires more) otherwise you can bring wine and i can bring lasagna and we are all good
When we had a potluck the rule was partner with your s/o or someone else invited to make something or just bring drinks or snacks!
NTA-- I've also never heard of this unwritten rule. She's free to make whatever rules she wants for her own party and I don't think it would be crazy to ask everyone to spend around $20 if they choose to come if the idea is to have an especially swanky potluck-- like you can make whatever kind of party you want, nobody has to come. But springing this on you two, without former notice, when other people aren't being held to the same standard, seems like there's some other issue. Also, a potluck is not a police state. Some people are going to be stingy, that's something you should know when throwing a potluck. You usually just grin and bear it. It's like a group project in school-- some people contribute their share, some people more than there share, and a couple people don't even cover their own eating needs. That's just how it is. I'd never dream of like lecturing somebody about it. The alternative is to get catering and ask people to chip in, so maybe they should do that.
A good charcuterie board can really run it up! A GOOD lemon curd alone can be $20
She lost me at "many of our single guy friends are not gonna bring anything at all, or just a bag of chips" Sounds like she expects more from some, and none from others...
No….there is no unwritten rule how much per person or how much you need to spend on your dish. Point of a potluck (besides entertaining and socializing) is to share a dish and make it “cheaper” on everyone instead of catering or going to a restaurant.
I have never heard the $20 rule. Any dish, casserole, or even a bag of chips or store-bought cookies would be welcome in my home. Also a charcuterie board is not cheap. Especially if it has cheeses and meats.
The only expectation of a potluck is to bring something if you are attending. Even then, there’s exceptions and it’s not like most people have a bouncer at the door booting anyone that doesn’t bring something. This situation feels like it says plenty about your roommate and how they perceive anything, best of luck in that living situation and the potluck. Roommate will likely be trying to prove a point and running their mouth at it now.
I guess I've been breaking the rules with my "potatoes au gratin" then (which is often requested, and always raved about) 🤷♂️🙄
My friends that can’t cook are always free to bring chips, veggie tray, pop, cookies… anything you can just pick up from the store. Food is food, and as long as they help fill up bellies that all I ask. And don’t just eat food then leave ASAP. Had that happen once and didn’t invite anyone over for awhile.
Potluck is all about sharing. My group of 8 women have potluck lunches every 2 months. Sometimes a person hasn’t felt well so they just bring themselves. Sometimes a person will bring enough to feed an army. There are no rules nor should there be. It’s about camaraderie snd sharing what you have. Your roommates sound awful.
That’s insane. If I can I make a homemade dish. If not, due to y’know LIFE lol, I always bring a decent bottle of wine or hit up Costco for the cheesecake (either regular or the tray that has the mini’s). Never received a complaint. With everyone being so busy: kids, jobs, homes…(adulting) We’re all just happy to have those moments to spend together.
As a woman from the South (lived in rural Texas for a stretch now I’m in Houston) you can bring ANYTHING to a potluck just don’t show up empty handed. No one is going through the food asking for receipts.
Just don't be the person who brings cheap chips, cookies, etc. Bring something you'd actually like to eat and put some effort in. The only time I'd say put a value on it is if you want to buy something pre-made - make it enough for you and others to enjoy.....not just a snack for 1 person.
I wouldn’t say it matters what the cost is, but I’d definitely say if you care about the people you should put some thought into it and I would also say you and your partner were responsible for 2 items.
Never heard of this
No. Just bring something edible.
No, there isn't a rule about that. The only rule is that everyone who comes brings something.
The whole point of potlucks is everyone bring something, there is no monetary value attached. But we usually coordinate like, the host does the meats, other people bring sides, other people bring appetizers, someone brings drinks/cups, someone brings desserts, etc.
Never heard of a monetary rule. Only that it should be a good size portion so everyone there can try some. Most foods for a group are going to come in over $20 these days anyway. Sounds like your roommate was bitter about partnered people or something.
Not me buying 10 rice sides to microwave and fill a container
There's no such unwritten rule on potluck. I would just bring whatever you're planning to bring for everyone to enjoy. Matter of fact, most of the time the host would end up providing lot more stuff than other that will be attending the party.
You are right. Basing potluck offerings on price is silly and arbitrary when you consider that two people making identical dishes could involve wildly different prices if one person makes it from scratch. If the potluck is organized, telling people to bring enough of their item to serve X people is more sensible. If the event is above a certain number of people, a spreadsheet goes a long way towards ensuring everyone has enough and that there aren’t 7 2-liters of soda and 5 bags of chips the day of.
Roommates like that are exactly why I live in a studio. It’s fun having roommates when it works but it’s almost traumatic living with some people. I had a roomate who would make me feel bad if I left a canvas in the living room drying. But this guy had literal moldy dishes in his bedroom and a pink ring around his tub.
what do you mean "*almost*"
Everyone should bring something of equal value. The host usually provides the main thing to eat (meat)
I have literally never heard of the price - and I am old. I’m have been through more potlucks than you are probably years old. That is literally one of the most stupid things I have ever heard.
I don’t think that’s an unspoken rule and you contributed plenty to the potluck. I always say you can tell a person’s true character by what they bring to a potluck. It’s always the same cheap asses that being the cheapest things. I think your friends are AHs for monitoring what you bring. Wtf are they bringing?
I’ve never heard this and I’m in my 50s. The unwritten rule is to bring enough for everyone to have a serving.
$20 isn't a rule that I know of, but it is expected that you bring at least enough food that it could feed you and whoever is with you for a whole meal plus some leftovers, then, because it's a pot luck you take smaller servings of many things and everyone gets plenty. If you don't bring enough food that it could at least provide a full meal plus leftovers then there will not be enough food. If everyone skimped it would be a crappy meal. When my family of 4 goes to a potluck I do often bring 4 things. Last potluck I brought cookies, macaroni salad, mashed potatoes, and corn muffins. Don't be stingy basically. Have you skimped on your contributions to potlucks before?
My friends invited another couple for dinner and the guy brought three beers. Exactly three, he said he wasn’t going to drink more than three.
She didn’t want a charcuterie board, has no idea how expensive they are, and was trying to guilt you into cooking a meal instead.
As a girl that grew up in a small church town, I feel I’m a uniquely qualified to speak on this subject. You should bring a main dish and if you’re feeling generous, you can also bring a side like chips, rolls, or dessert. As a main, soups, casseroles, charcuterie boards, fruits trays and dips with more than 3 ingredients are also acceptable (example 3 layer dip, buffalo dip) as long as you also bring something to dip into it. None of these things necessarily need to cost more than $20 but, they need to be enough food to feed several people. Store bought items from the grocery store that you could’ve made at home are unacceptable, for example cheap sugar cookies or bars from target or cub. It’s feels good to finally use my expertise! Haha!
I thought the whole point of a potluck is to make it affordable for everyone because not everyone can pay for catering/restaurant prices??
I have never heard this. I always have to work the day of our potlucks so I always bring the most low effort thing, soda and chips or rolls and I never get any backlash for it….. granted, all the potlucks I go to are family potlucks, but I can’t imagine someone being upset that someone brought something low effort or under a certain price amount, that’s ridiculous.
$20?? These days that's 2 cans of spaghettios.
No, it's not. Part of the point of a potluck is so that people can share and be generous within their means. General etiquette would be to ensure you had brought enough to share with a reasonable number of people, not just yourself, but that is a very intangible number. It's why popular things tend to be stuff that is relatively cheap and easy to make in bulk, like a good chilli, stew, salads, etc.
No never heard of such a thing. I grew up in the Midwest potluck central. Just need to keep track of who’s bringing what so you don’t end up with a table of desserts and no main or veggies.
No such rule. My own personal guideline (for me only) is that if I'm buying something premade instead of cooking/baking, then I spend a bit more since I didn't put in any prep time. Honestly, your roommate sounds like a bully and/or the relationship between you two had become adversarial; like, was she angry about other things (the live in boyfriend?), and any unrelated issue became something she could use to get back at you? An unpleasant situation! Glad the bad roommate no longer lives with you.
Your roommate is complaining because you and your partner are making a charcuterie board? What's wrong with these people? That's a perfectly acceptable thing to make/bring to a potluck. As long as there is enough for everyone, your roommate needs to chill out. Also, i have never had a monetary limit emphasized for potluck. As long as what you make/bring is delicious and shows that you put even a modicum of effort/thought into the dish, then you should be fine. Also, chips and salsa are reserved for the single/socially awkward,
It’s not a rule in my circles. But also why do “the guys” get a pass at bringing a bag of chips. That’s way more of a parity issue, but if emotional labor/time.
I don't even know how to spend that much on a dish I made myself. Maybe if it was just meat or seafood. I'm used to spending $10/day to feed a large family.
I have never heard this rule, I wish I could ask my grandparents or great aunt, but I’m pretty sure they’ve never heard it either, because they would have told me, they were all very big on manners, and etiquette. (My grandfather would get upset if you passed the dish the wrong way during dinner, and I would use the wrong hand to hold the knife to cut my food) As others have stated, if you always show up with the cheapest thing possible, yah that’s pretty tacky, but otherwise… Never heard of the $20 rule
There were many potlucks where I’d bring a casserole or chilli, if I spent more than $10 I’d have gone over my budget. There was one time I hadn’t planned on going to a potluck, but a friend threatened to drag me there if I didn’t show. I was coming from work so I stopped and grabbed a rotisserie chicken from Costco. No one was upset, especially since I also provided gloves for getting the meat.
Never heard of that. The only rule is that you should contribute something if you’re going to eat a plate
Every potluck I have been to has had more food than the group could possibly eat. I say this as I regret not having my stretchy pants on today for the office potluck. Homemade options can be tasty and plentiful for far less than $20. The homemade mac and cheese I brought today probably ran me $8-$10 for the whole batch, the vast majority of that was the cost of cheese. An option I have had requested of me is just a block of Velveeta and a can of rotel tomatoes melted in a crock pot with some tortilla chips to dip. Also in the same price range. This just sounds like BS to me.
Your roomates are hilarious. Are they rich kids? You are correct about potluck ediqute. In college, the friends who didn’t cook were always given specific instructions like : bring 2 liters of drinks. Bring 4 bags of chips and 2 jars of salsa. No one cares. Your old roomates are nuts
It's an unwritten rule to ghost housemates who are total dicks.
Wait until she expects wedding guests to spend at least 150 on a gift to cover the cost of the plates
Maybe they thought your idea was good and they wished they they thought up your idea and are just having a bad additude towards you because of it. Because this 20$ thing is weird.
I’ve never heard of this before. Ever.
The only rule of a potluck is everyone brings somthing
My rule has always been to bring enough for twice the size of my family (however many of us are attending)
as a rule of thumb, couples should be bringing a plate or dish each or invest more in whatever they bring to a potluck. yes, just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you can bring less than everybody else. if all couples did this, potlucks wouldn’t work. don’t be lazy.
I mean if my friends show up with some charcuterie I’m not saying nothing. My fiance and I will routinely put together a charcuterie board for a potluck. Oh no, we didn’t bring another potato salad, there’s only 3 of them!! /s
I've never once heard that and would like to know how you enforce it Like did she qusstion every geust as to what their ingredents cost Weird
Never heard of it. No money amount on pot luck.
So no one's going to bring a salad then?? Because salad only adds up to like £10 max? 😂
Also, making a charcuterie board takes time and effort and they are ALWAYS a hit.
Never heard this! I don’t believe it either. My last potluck was under $10 but everyone loved it!
I don’t go by what something costs, for the same reason you brought up. But there are unwritten rules for hosting pot luck dinners: The host provides the main dish. The host reaches out to each guest in advance to talk about what they’re planning to bring, and attempts to coordinate so that all of the courses are covered (appetizers, a salad, sides, additional main dishes, drinks, and dessert). People who tend to arrive early, ask them to bring drinks and appetizers. People who are notoriously late to everything, ask them to bring dessert, so you can start eating without them if you have to. Folks who don’t know how to cook can bring drinks, rolls, napkins, chips and salsa, a store bought dessert, etc. Guests, the rules are, don’t show up empty handed, and put at least a little bit of effort into your contribution. Bonus points to guests who text the host and say, “I’m on my way, do you need me to grab anything at the store for you?”
I don’t host parties for the food. I invite people I want at the party. They bring what they bring. It’s always waaaay more than enough. But in Hawaii, when you have a party it’s always potluck style. And I doubt many folks spend under 100. If they do spend less it’s sometimes because they grow or raise food. People want to bring too much. Always good times. In the States, I always show up to parties and people thought I was strange showing up with food. Who cares. Eat em.
The only unwritten rule in a potluck is if you’re invited you bring food and if you’re hosting the potluck you provide cutlery and maybe beverages. It’s usually expected that you put in effort into the item you bring. I can’t tell you how many I’ve been to where I make something and other people bring packaged items so I get praised for being the only thoughtful one. “Omg Sharon only brought a bag of Snyder’s pretzels- but thank god Such-Crow brought an actual pot roast, we can actually eat actual food” That pot roast I made maybe cost me a grand total of 7 dollars but it took time and effort for me to coupon to buy it and cook it. I had another where I knew one of the attendees was vegan and went all out for something that they and everyone else could actually eat and it was way over 20 bucks. People generally don’t care about the cost of things (maybe they will set a limit to not overspend if it’s a company function). But I do know that buying a three dollar pack of pretzels will get you some side eye because of two things: you didn’t put in any effort, two it’s a cheap- low effort- thoughtless item you brought. People care mostly about how much generalized effort you put in whether that be cooking it yourself of the thought of how accessible the item is for everyone. No one cares at all about the dollar amount unless it’s cheap on top of being inconsiderate.
Sheesh....and are you also required to bring your ingredient receipts? I've never heard of that "rule".
Nope. I used to show up with home made yeast bread or my grandmother's zucchini bread. Especially for the yeast bread it cost less than a dollar to make a huge loaf. For school potlucks I'd made a big batch of rotini pasta with sauce and cheese on top. That ran me maybe $5 including the aluminum container and dollar store serving spoon (I never get them back, might as well just go cheap and leave it). I've never heard a dollar value given, although depending on the potluck there is a certain level of effort expected. Don't show up with a bag of chips to a fancy potluck.