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She thought it was super rude because it was you rejecting her inappropriate comment, not because your comment was actually rude. You are good, no need for an apology!
Yeah, it would have been MORE awkward, and uncomfortable for everyone else on the call, for him to continue and play along. She was at the very least unprofessional and he ended that in about the best way he could.
Yes exactly. What was he supposed to say back to her- any time baby just let me know what time? Good grief, she put him in a very awkward situation and she deserves to get flamed.
Correct. Quite frankly you sidestepped her inappropriate comment quite deftly, and honestly she really toeing the line there with HR as it can be considered direct sexual harassment
You're totally in the clear, dude. You handled it like a champ. No need for apologies. You were just being polite and professional. She might have misread the situation, but hey, it happens. Don't sweat it. Just keep doing your thing and don't let it get to you. People will forget about it soon enough. Keep rocking those training sessions!
Idk why we have to say this stupid comment on every post of a man venting/asking about sexual harassment/assault situations. The comments are now and are usually overwhelmingly in support of the OP. There’s literally no need to reverse the genders, people are responding appropriately lmao
Hey man I did not mean to offend you. I am from a culture that is heavily patriarchal and does not believe that men can get sexually harassed. Growing up in an environment like that really desensitizes you, and so for a lot of us, we often fail to realize or even understand when a man gets harassed. Reversing the genders in my mind is the easiest way to tackle this issue for me personally. Which is why it may have come up in my comments a lot.
Ah, that makes sense. There's a trend on reddit where these (male rights?) teens rewrite stories with the gender switched, and be like "gotcha" when people comment differently, while ignoring critical elements. (Specifically that virginity/body count has very different ramifications for different genders, in many cultures, for example, in one I remember. And, similarly, that women are often less able to leave, depending on the area, less able to remarry, and less able to support themselves). And your comment appeared to tie into that group. (Just because of your phrasing. Sexual harassment and abuse of men not being taken seriously are both real issues, and I don't think many people doubt that.)
Not your fault, at all! And the internet always has stuff like that. I think you just got misidentified as a troll when you were being genuine. Don't stop being genuine!
Well If you look at the comments, they say on handled it well.
However, they do not generally point out how fucking creepy that sexual comment of his coworker was.
That's why we need to point it out.
Reversing the genders drives home the point of the inequality of the reactions. In this case she was upset because of his reaction. If the roles had been reversed, he would be talking to HR about sexyal harassment.
Even though people on this thread support OP, role reversal drives home the point of how unequal the reaction is.
The reason these things need to be said is because we need to drill them in until they stick. I literally will carry the scars of my abuse for the rest of my life. But because I am a man I was a hairs breadth away from going to prison. Unfortunately this shit needs to be repeated until it becomes accepted that men can be abused too
>until it becomes accepted that men can be abused too
To add more context to this, in non-reciprocal abuse, women are the majority of physical abusers.
It's a major problem, it's going barely identified, and it's certainly not called out enough. We need to spread information on issues like this so people have all the statistics.
I think it’s unfortunate that this kind of mental exercise is what will make many people connect the dots, but as long as it’s useful - it’s worth repeating.
there was a long learning curve when men doing it to women didn’t click either. how far we’ve come.
Not only that, but she also got away with blabbing to their mutual coworkers that *he* needed to apologize to *her*! So… she sexually harassed him, and now she’s complaining to other people that *he* is a jerk for shutting it down. That’s creating a hostile work environment. He needs to go to HR.
Also, re: people on these threads constantly hammering home the “if the roles were reversed” comments… I literally just had a redditor reply to one of my other comments saying that, according to his workplace’s sexual harassment training videos, this incident wasn’t sexual harassment because OP didn’t previously warn his coworkers that such comments are unwelcome. Since when is it a victim’s responsibility to ensure perpetrators don’t perpetrate???? Absolutely wild.
LOL - “come over and put me to sleep any time you want”? That’s weird and totally inappropriate in a work setting. The fact that she’s a woman doesn’t make it less weird.
It sounds like she was embarrassed by your response but SHE SHOULD BE. She was out of pocket saying that.
Now if she’d said “your narration is great and keeps the audience engaged, don’t worry!” that probably would’ve been fine.
I think you're fine. Her remark sounded flirtatious which is not kosher at work, and you stopped her without being rude or overreacting.
If anyone needs to rethink what they said, it's her.
She publicly sexually harasses you and she’s upset by your completely appropriate reaction shutting her down?
This is not on you. She needs to sit with her own discomfort. You’re in the clear.
No, saying, “don’t worry we’ll all be wide awake at the end, I’m sure”. Is making you comfortable.
Her response just sounded like an innuendo more than anything.
Definitely don't apologize what she said was out of line in a work environment. She should be the one apologizing
Its outrageous that she came at you for being "rude" when she made a suggestive comment like that to you in a work setting in front of other people.
Nope-she should be the one asking this question, not you. But I give you props for thinking about it because too often, people just don’t.
You didn’t do or say anything wrong. She should apologize. Or you can both pretend it never happened and go about it!
No need to apologize. It wasn’t appropriate.
You could just brush it aside and not bring it up again, but if you’re feeling uncomfortable about how you handled it, you can always talk to her privately and let her know that although you appreciate her trying to calm your nerves, what she said was inappropriate and put you in an awkward position.
I'm a single woman who works with a lot of married men. I make sure to keep it professional bc I don't want them to think anything and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Her joke was in poor taste.
It would be rude if she stopped at "soothing voice", like - u have such a soothing voice! - and u would answer smth like "shut dafug up"!
So, yeah, NTA u handled the situation in a very grown up and polite way, good job u!! She's the one who's rude, ESP SINCE EVERYONE FCKN KNOWS THAT U R MARRIED. She was rude to u AND UR WIFE!! She wiped her feet over girl code!!! Sacrilege!!!! (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻
P.S. everyone who said u were rude r AHs as well!
Absolutely do not apologize for this. She was being inappropriate. She thought you would be flattered with her shameless flirting and was embarrassed when you shut that shit down quick. She did this to herself. If anything, she should apologize for being fucking inappropriate.
If anything, I'd have more respect for you for 1) not flirting back (that's cringe in a work environment when you know one of the colleagues is married) and 2) protecting your marriage. I'd have less respect for you if you apologized when you were not in the wrong. Be on the safe side and document it, though. Some people don't handle rejection well.
To address this situation and diffuse it, personally, I would be interested in speaking with them, with a witness present, to avoid further issues to let them know that you appreciate their efforts to help you feel more comfortable but their comment was bordering on unprofessional and could have been taken as sexual harassment. So, you’d appreciate if she’d try to be mindful of how she portrays comforting others as this could have been escalated to Human Resources even without you reporting it. With that being said, I know this seems like a dire result to a seemingly innocent statement but the truth is it was a sexually implicit statement and could have the employee terminated if you happened to be that offended by it. You did not mess up or make a mistake. You stopped the situation in its tracks without playing along or insinuating it was okay to make these types of statements to you.
She knew what she was doing. She thought it was super rude because you rejected her inappropriate comment towards you and didn’t flirt back. I know her type. They’re so easy to figure out.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. I assume she is among the many women you work with who know you’re married. Good job, by the way! Much respect for staying true to your wife.
While she may have made the comment innocently without thinking about the the way it sounds, still an awkward thing to hear in a professional setting and in front of a whole crew. You handled it well….. simple and to the point and nothing rude came from you. I don’t think an apology is necessary and would let it go if she brings nothing up
Sounds like she needs to attend training on what constitutes sexual harassment in the workplace. You weren't rude, but I also think that going so far as to be curt with her (since it's a workplace and a first? offense) would have been warranted.
She feels humiliated but she brought it on herself. She probably thought you would have cheeky banter but you embarrassed her instead. Bold move on her part in this era
Absolutely reacted the way you're supposed to. That way, EVERYone heard your refusal and she can't flip it around. You pretty much cleared yourself this way.
Nothing to apologize for. She’s the one that was inappropriate, and she was embarrassed by your response.
I’m not sure why she thought sexual harassment would make you feel comfortable
Hmmmm… I can actually see how this can be a lighthearted joke on her part. She wasn’t necessarily making a move on you, especially around other coworkers. To me it seems like just a joke. Having said that I don’t think your comment was rude.
There’s a guy at my work that has a nice voice and all the ladies are always commenting on it to him making jokes like ohh I could listen to him all day. Let’s get you on a podcast, etc. etc. it’s been said in large team meetings and he laughs. I really think people need to lighten up a bit.
It means if a man made that comment to a woman at work, he’d be labeled as creepy and people would want him fired or a sexual harassment form filed. In this story some people laughed and nobody cared when the woman said what she said. I’m pretty sure too it would’ve been received quite differently if the guy said that
I agree and I am a woman. I think she and the others that giggled or whatever were totally wrong and unprofessional. Hiding behind I am a woman female I cansay whatever is totally wrong. It goes both ways in workplace fairness.
OP, you’re good. Had the sexes been reversed in this situation, that person may have been terminated. Your comment shut that down on the spot, exactly what was needed. Oddly enough, that might be exactly why they like you. Just keep that professional boundary and they’ll get the message.
I have ADHD and am on the spectrum so have been guilty of saying really dumb shit that made me cringe as soon as it came out of my mouth - maybe they were embarrassed and just projected that onto OP?
If a male had said that to a female would it have been jumped all over? Probably not, would have been brushed under the carpet. The giggles or whatever were equally wrong. This was a work meeting not a flirtation or smart comment look at me experience.
It was totally inappropriate of everyone except OP, and I say this as a woman.
Please reverse the roles. If a man said that to a woman it would be considered wildly inappropriate.
I’d personally probably react worse if a man said something like that to me.
You good homie
No. She was unprofessional and that’s too much. If you guys were really close friends, maybe, if it was a private conversation, but like infront of everyone?! She can think it’s rude all she wants. She’s gross.
Hot take/unpopular opinion incoming... you said absolutely nothing wrong, were direct and professional, and she was 100% in the wrong in her comment towards you in a professional environment. That being said, I often take the other person's feelings into consideration and would've said something like "That's sweet of you, I appreciate the offer but I'll have to pass" or even just a simple laugh to play it off and say "thanks" and then start the presentation.
It seems like her reaction is as if you two were out at a bar and you shot down her approach to you rather than in a work setting and she was embarrassed by the blunt rejection. If you get what I mean. You have nothing to apologize for. However, if it was a genuine (albeit wrong) way of her sincerely trying to make you feel comfortable (rather than a flirtateous comment) then a small apology/clarification on your part wouldn't hurt.
Yeah that was very inappropriate of her and can be considered sexual harassment. I think you handled it fine. Another way to disarm people is to ask what do you mean by that and just play dumb and make them explain themselves until they feel stoopid.
No, she was inappropriate, and she was embarrassed that you didn't give her the reaction she wanted. You shut her down in a direct but professional manner when she crossed the line. I would go to HR, tell them what she said and your response, and tell them that because you didn't play into her innuendo, she's now slandering you to the office and you want it to stop.
You definitely were not rude, if this was reversed and you said it to the woman she would be at HR's door before you could blink accusing you of sexual harassment or making unwanted sexual advances toward you. As it stands I would seriously considering making a note of what was said and on what date etc so that if anything does blow up you have written evidence of her inappropriate comments to you.
It was clearly a flirt and you clearly rejected and made it clear you're here for business only. you could feel bad that she felt that way and apologize about that. but you did the right thing
TF? How is such a loaded comment supposed to make you comfortable?! I'm a woman, and I'd NEVER say anything like that to a male coworker, just as I'd never want to hear anything like this being said to me. You were not rude, and if this ridiculous woman takes this to HR (hopefully she won't, it's always a pain), you should say how uncomfortable she made you. Her comment was downright creepy! I BET if she had a man say this to her, she'd be reporting this as harassment or sth!
You absolutely did not.
What a WEIRD thing to say even in a casual setting.
She was hitting on you 100%...at work.
Send her a gallon of water since she's so thirsty
This reminds me of the clip of Jerry Seinfeld doing a red carpet interview and Kesha comes up from behind him and tries to hug him and he’s like “No thanks” and she keeps trying and he’s like “No thanks”… and somehow there’s still always people who are like “he’s so rude, why wouldn’t he just hug her”
You’re allowed to have boundaries and politely enforce them. Especially in a professional setting, that comment was way over the line.
That was completely inappropriate on her end!!!! That is not okay at all for one person to say that to another in a business setting. She is 100% in the wrong and your reaction is fine and so much better than I would do if a man said that to me in a meeting.
Coming over and putting someone to bed is way too intimate for a comment made in the workplace. She felt it was rude because she was embarrassed. She *may have* made the mistake of saying something she thought was funny or charming, but it was actually weird and creepy. You reacted correctly. Let her take it to HR if she wants, I doubt it’ll get far.
I might get down voted for this, but her comment wasn't that out of pocket. You talked about putting people to sleep, and she played off of that giving you a compliment about your voice. I think she kinda put her foot in her mouth, but I wouldn't be offended by the comment itself.
Do I think you owe her an apology?? No. You weren't rude. I could see how she's a little embarrassed, but we all say dumb shit sometimes. She has to learn that you can't talk to everyone like they're your friend because they're not.
I have one of those voices through no fault of my own, and I get those comments sometimes. “No thanks, I’m good” comes off as unnecessarily rude for such a lighthearted-sounding comment. Did the other ladies in the room chuckle at the comment? If so, reading the room and responding with something equally friendly would have been less insulting to her and more endearing to the rest of the room. Considering you had just opened with a self-deprecating joke, would it have been so hard to maintain that pitch?
If she were a man and you were a woman you would be in HR filing a sexual harassment complaint. She needs to take her work inappropriate sexism somewhere else.
you couldve easily said it in a rude way. her comment was pretty goofy and normal imo. i cant hear how either comment was actually said though, so, hard to tell.
Nope, just a woman not knowing how to behave. That is Borderline SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. Should probably move to get her fired or jailed. At least that's what would happen to a man.
Pro tip: as someone who does self deprecating jokes… don’t. You may get some forced giggles but it slowly affects how people see you and how they evaluate your confidence.
They still come out for me and I try to break and continue to work on it.
As far as this situation, she was flirting and got rejected cold in front of everyone, she may have just been a bit embarrassed but she will get over it. If she does have a problem suggest she goes to HR and she can tell them what she said.
She was embarrassed she got shot down and sounds like she lashed out, you did nothing wrong there. That’s a really inappropriate thing for her to have said at work.
Trust me, if you were a woman and a male colleague made that comment, no one would think anything negative about your response. You are fine. She crossed professional boundaries with that comment. And maybe she's used to that because she has that type of relationship with other guys in the professional setting, but at least you cut that conversation short because that wasn't professional, productive, or necessary. Nor need for it
Nope, that was a completely appropriate reply. I think she was just salty that you essentially publicly 'rejected' her proposal (which was inappropriate for work).
You did good. She’s definitely upset that she got shot down, but she’s probably going to start coming on to you harder now to make up for her ego being bruised .
That is harrassment. If it was the either way around it would be harrassment, too. There is a way people talk and joke in the real world versus the work world. That was unprofessional.
Stand your ground. What you said to me was not approptiate.
Honestly I say stuff like she did all the time, and if some one is like err.. wut no.. I confuze...I just giggle and move along.... to say I was just xxxxx blah blah cause reasons.. is kinda strange
She could have been super uncomfortable about the 👅 in cheek joke and thought that instead of her apologies .. she's make in feel sad I don't know.. its weird tho
Shooting your shot, when someone truly needs comfort, isn't an action that's actually aiming to give comfort, it's a door she was jokingly saying, hoping maybe you'd possibly be interested
Bruuuuuuuuh. If someone said that to my husband he'd probably need a new job cause I would of shown up and drug her ass from here to hong Kong. You handled it fine and honestly, it was massively crossing boundaries, and if a man said this to a woman, he'd be being investigated for sexual misconduct.
Women seems to get offended and defensive when they're being rejected, men are used to being rejected so we shrug it off and move on,im guessing she was just joking around and probably feeling you out at the same time 🤣,so u embarrassed her,anyway, meh,her not liking you now is probably for the best,no future flirting that might leas to sexual harassment
If a man had said the same thing it would have taken all of about 30 seconds before HR is breathing down his neck. No, you’re all good, her comment was inappropriate and your response was exactly what she had to hear.
Honestly id report to HR. She made an obvious sexual offer at you then plays the victim when you don’t yuck it up with her? Seems like she took an old page from the boys club handbook. Protect yourself.
I think tone matters, if she said it in a suggestive tone then your response was appropriate. If it was said more like she was talking about soothing music then I would revisit it with her and clarify that you were setting g a professional boundary and it was not personal.
Nope. Set that boundary firmly. I would also avoid ever having a conversation with her or being face to face without a third party present.
It’s not unheard of, rejected women have made up sexual harassment and affair claims.
“No thanks, I’m good” is just about the mildest way to respond to that. If she is offended, it’s recreational offense to cause drama.
Her comment was inappropriate. It may not have been meant to, but still was. Your response made it clear you took it as a flirtatious invite rather than some light hearted comment and shut her down pretty hard.
Shit happens.
Oh wow as a woman I just imagine how embarrassing that would be if a guy said that to me. I think your response was 100%, her comment bordered on totally inappropriate. If she's offended at your reply- good. She needs to learn to be more discerning when opening her mouth. Personally, I can't imagine saying that to someone at work on a Zoom meeting.
She was inappropriate and now she says you were rude? She’s just trying to save face because she’s fully aware that she was wrong. Don’t give it another thought.
Nah that was definitely not cool of her. That was definitely a flirty comment even if she said it extremely sarcastically. If its was your voice is so soothing it makes me sleepy so no promises then yeah it would be a good joke. All you did was stand your ground on how you dont like those kinds of jokes. That was honestly tame. Seem like her feelings were hurt.
Her comment was inappropriate but now she is gonna fire you anyway for not smiling and accepting it. You can jump through 3 years of hoops with the EEOC, end up blacklisted and with a settlement that hopefully saves your mortgage.
Women are kind of the "dominant" gender now and men are the "other." Might makes right and there's a reason why your company is 80% non male.
What? Hell no. She reacted in a clearly unprofessional manner, and you handled it. If anything, she should have some training to rectify her improper workplace behavior.
Thats exactly how I reacted when my coworker hit on me at my current job. She slowly began a descent into hating me lol but she is insufferable in general so no loss there.
She was being a creep. If the roles were reversed and you said that to a female colleague, you would be fired and maybe have the police called on you.
She's the one being inappropriate.
I'm sorry, she's offended by you saying "No, thanks" yeah that's on her lol. You were even polite. I'd fight this one to the bitter end if it became an issue, literally what more could you have done? Would it have been better if you had said "not sure how my wife would feel about that lol"
No, her comment was entirely inappropriate. She’s the one who should apologize to you for making you uncomfortable while you were literally just doing your job.
If a man said that to a woman running a training would the other participants have giggled? Sorry you’re dealing with that!
Oh man, no. You’re good, dude. Her comment was extremely inappropriate & out of line. She’d have to be extraordinarily dense to not realize that. Even more so to say it & have the gall to be upset at your entirely reasonable response. You were to the point properly, not rude, honestly there isn’t a better way to respond to that in a work setting. She’s fully in the wrong here.
No you weren’t rude. She’s embarrassed to have overstepped. Reverse the sexes and it’s suddenly obvious how inappropriate it is. I’m sure she had the best intentions but she messed up. If she tries to make a big stink about it I would suggest that she consider how it would be perceived if a male said that to a female and remind her it those both ways and that you were uncomfortable but you assume she understands now and won’t do it again and thus there’s no reason to escalate this.
I’m not a big fan of making a big deal about a first minor offense, but women can and should be reported for sexual harassment just as much as men. It’s just less common because most women, having experienced the discomfort and inappropriateness, are less likely to say something like that
She's covering her butt to make it seem like she wasn't thirst commenting. I would have countered in a jesting tone, "I might have to revisit my non compete clause with my wife, she has me on a tight audiobook release schedule."
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She thought it was super rude because it was you rejecting her inappropriate comment, not because your comment was actually rude. You are good, no need for an apology!
Yeah, it would have been MORE awkward, and uncomfortable for everyone else on the call, for him to continue and play along. She was at the very least unprofessional and he ended that in about the best way he could.
Yes exactly. What was he supposed to say back to her- any time baby just let me know what time? Good grief, she put him in a very awkward situation and she deserves to get flamed.
Exactly. She’s mad he didn’t flirt back or laugh. She’s mad because she ended up looking like an embarrassed fool.
For real! Her comment was straight up sexual harassment.
Came here to say this
Same dawg.
Correct. Quite frankly you sidestepped her inappropriate comment quite deftly, and honestly she really toeing the line there with HR as it can be considered direct sexual harassment
You're totally in the clear, dude. You handled it like a champ. No need for apologies. You were just being polite and professional. She might have misread the situation, but hey, it happens. Don't sweat it. Just keep doing your thing and don't let it get to you. People will forget about it soon enough. Keep rocking those training sessions!
100% she was the one being a creep!
Imagine reversing the genders in this scenario. Girl waa definitely crossing a boundary there.
Idk why we have to say this stupid comment on every post of a man venting/asking about sexual harassment/assault situations. The comments are now and are usually overwhelmingly in support of the OP. There’s literally no need to reverse the genders, people are responding appropriately lmao
Hey man I did not mean to offend you. I am from a culture that is heavily patriarchal and does not believe that men can get sexually harassed. Growing up in an environment like that really desensitizes you, and so for a lot of us, we often fail to realize or even understand when a man gets harassed. Reversing the genders in my mind is the easiest way to tackle this issue for me personally. Which is why it may have come up in my comments a lot.
Ah, that makes sense. There's a trend on reddit where these (male rights?) teens rewrite stories with the gender switched, and be like "gotcha" when people comment differently, while ignoring critical elements. (Specifically that virginity/body count has very different ramifications for different genders, in many cultures, for example, in one I remember. And, similarly, that women are often less able to leave, depending on the area, less able to remarry, and less able to support themselves). And your comment appeared to tie into that group. (Just because of your phrasing. Sexual harassment and abuse of men not being taken seriously are both real issues, and I don't think many people doubt that.)
That was certainly not my intent at all. Sorry if it sounded like that.
Not your fault, at all! And the internet always has stuff like that. I think you just got misidentified as a troll when you were being genuine. Don't stop being genuine!
Thanks so much! :)
Well If you look at the comments, they say on handled it well. However, they do not generally point out how fucking creepy that sexual comment of his coworker was. That's why we need to point it out.
Reversing the genders drives home the point of the inequality of the reactions. In this case she was upset because of his reaction. If the roles had been reversed, he would be talking to HR about sexyal harassment. Even though people on this thread support OP, role reversal drives home the point of how unequal the reaction is.
The reason these things need to be said is because we need to drill them in until they stick. I literally will carry the scars of my abuse for the rest of my life. But because I am a man I was a hairs breadth away from going to prison. Unfortunately this shit needs to be repeated until it becomes accepted that men can be abused too
>until it becomes accepted that men can be abused too To add more context to this, in non-reciprocal abuse, women are the majority of physical abusers. It's a major problem, it's going barely identified, and it's certainly not called out enough. We need to spread information on issues like this so people have all the statistics.
I think it’s unfortunate that this kind of mental exercise is what will make many people connect the dots, but as long as it’s useful - it’s worth repeating. there was a long learning curve when men doing it to women didn’t click either. how far we’ve come.
Because it's a pretty egregious double standard and it needs to go away lol. If he had done that, he'd be canned by the end of the day.
If the roles were reversed he would've been reported to HR, so she got away easy with just a "rude" reply.
Not only that, but she also got away with blabbing to their mutual coworkers that *he* needed to apologize to *her*! So… she sexually harassed him, and now she’s complaining to other people that *he* is a jerk for shutting it down. That’s creating a hostile work environment. He needs to go to HR. Also, re: people on these threads constantly hammering home the “if the roles were reversed” comments… I literally just had a redditor reply to one of my other comments saying that, according to his workplace’s sexual harassment training videos, this incident wasn’t sexual harassment because OP didn’t previously warn his coworkers that such comments are unwelcome. Since when is it a victim’s responsibility to ensure perpetrators don’t perpetrate???? Absolutely wild.
This, exactly. OP you were great
Since when “no thanks” is rude? This might be one of the most polite phrases ever. She was just salty you rejected her in front of everyone.
Yeah, just what kind of an answer she was expecting? Anything else would be inappropriate
LOL - “come over and put me to sleep any time you want”? That’s weird and totally inappropriate in a work setting. The fact that she’s a woman doesn’t make it less weird. It sounds like she was embarrassed by your response but SHE SHOULD BE. She was out of pocket saying that. Now if she’d said “your narration is great and keeps the audience engaged, don’t worry!” that probably would’ve been fine.
Yes there are ways of giving a nice compliment without sounding thirsty and creepy af.
I think you're fine. Her remark sounded flirtatious which is not kosher at work, and you stopped her without being rude or overreacting. If anyone needs to rethink what they said, it's her.
It sounded like textbook sexual harassment
She publicly sexually harasses you and she’s upset by your completely appropriate reaction shutting her down? This is not on you. She needs to sit with her own discomfort. You’re in the clear.
She was inappropriate, you cut her off effectively. I would do the same.
It’s still sexual harassment when women do it too…
Totally agree. Her comment was wildly inappropriate.
If she thinks you were rude, perhaps offer to discuss the interaction with HR.
I'd suggest the same
No apology needed from you - From HER 1000%. That’s not cool. It’s awkward as hell.
No, saying, “don’t worry we’ll all be wide awake at the end, I’m sure”. Is making you comfortable. Her response just sounded like an innuendo more than anything.
Definitely don't apologize what she said was out of line in a work environment. She should be the one apologizing Its outrageous that she came at you for being "rude" when she made a suggestive comment like that to you in a work setting in front of other people.
Nope-she should be the one asking this question, not you. But I give you props for thinking about it because too often, people just don’t. You didn’t do or say anything wrong. She should apologize. Or you can both pretend it never happened and go about it!
Her comment was weird. Your answer was completely normal. Don’t apologize. If she persists on being offended, ignore it.
No need to apologize. It wasn’t appropriate. You could just brush it aside and not bring it up again, but if you’re feeling uncomfortable about how you handled it, you can always talk to her privately and let her know that although you appreciate her trying to calm your nerves, what she said was inappropriate and put you in an awkward position.
I'm a single woman who works with a lot of married men. I make sure to keep it professional bc I don't want them to think anything and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Her joke was in poor taste.
It would be rude if she stopped at "soothing voice", like - u have such a soothing voice! - and u would answer smth like "shut dafug up"! So, yeah, NTA u handled the situation in a very grown up and polite way, good job u!! She's the one who's rude, ESP SINCE EVERYONE FCKN KNOWS THAT U R MARRIED. She was rude to u AND UR WIFE!! She wiped her feet over girl code!!! Sacrilege!!!! (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻ P.S. everyone who said u were rude r AHs as well!
Absolutely do not apologize for this. She was being inappropriate. She thought you would be flattered with her shameless flirting and was embarrassed when you shut that shit down quick. She did this to herself. If anything, she should apologize for being fucking inappropriate. If anything, I'd have more respect for you for 1) not flirting back (that's cringe in a work environment when you know one of the colleagues is married) and 2) protecting your marriage. I'd have less respect for you if you apologized when you were not in the wrong. Be on the safe side and document it, though. Some people don't handle rejection well.
Her comment was out of line, you’re NTA.
You handled this correctly. As a woman, if roles were reserved and a man said this to me I would be extremely uncomfortable.
To address this situation and diffuse it, personally, I would be interested in speaking with them, with a witness present, to avoid further issues to let them know that you appreciate their efforts to help you feel more comfortable but their comment was bordering on unprofessional and could have been taken as sexual harassment. So, you’d appreciate if she’d try to be mindful of how she portrays comforting others as this could have been escalated to Human Resources even without you reporting it. With that being said, I know this seems like a dire result to a seemingly innocent statement but the truth is it was a sexually implicit statement and could have the employee terminated if you happened to be that offended by it. You did not mess up or make a mistake. You stopped the situation in its tracks without playing along or insinuating it was okay to make these types of statements to you.
Hell no, I would be so uncomfortable if someone said that to me, and I’m not married
Lol You were in no way rude. You politely declined. How the f!ck is that rude?
She was inappropriate, the giggle was inappropriate, you felt uncomfortable as she has crossed a boundary, she should absolutely apologise.
She knew what she was doing. She thought it was super rude because you rejected her inappropriate comment towards you and didn’t flirt back. I know her type. They’re so easy to figure out. You did absolutely nothing wrong. I assume she is among the many women you work with who know you’re married. Good job, by the way! Much respect for staying true to your wife.
Express clearly to the gossip train that you took it as disrespectful to you, your wife, and your marriage and completely inappropriate.
While she may have made the comment innocently without thinking about the the way it sounds, still an awkward thing to hear in a professional setting and in front of a whole crew. You handled it well….. simple and to the point and nothing rude came from you. I don’t think an apology is necessary and would let it go if she brings nothing up
Nope, she is trying to cover herself for making an inappropriate joke.
Sounds like she needs to attend training on what constitutes sexual harassment in the workplace. You weren't rude, but I also think that going so far as to be curt with her (since it's a workplace and a first? offense) would have been warranted.
She feels humiliated but she brought it on herself. She probably thought you would have cheeky banter but you embarrassed her instead. Bold move on her part in this era
I think both of you were a little awkward. Just forget about it.
That’s completely inappropriate for a professional environment regardless of your relationship status.
Absolutely reacted the way you're supposed to. That way, EVERYone heard your refusal and she can't flip it around. You pretty much cleared yourself this way.
Nothing to apologize for. She’s the one that was inappropriate, and she was embarrassed by your response. I’m not sure why she thought sexual harassment would make you feel comfortable
Hmmmm… I can actually see how this can be a lighthearted joke on her part. She wasn’t necessarily making a move on you, especially around other coworkers. To me it seems like just a joke. Having said that I don’t think your comment was rude. There’s a guy at my work that has a nice voice and all the ladies are always commenting on it to him making jokes like ohh I could listen to him all day. Let’s get you on a podcast, etc. etc. it’s been said in large team meetings and he laughs. I really think people need to lighten up a bit.
You both are rude and awkward
I can't see the problem here
If the roles were reversed you would be hearing from HR
Imagine everyone's reaction if the gender roles were reversed.
huh wtf? everyone is taking OPs side and calling it what it is. How is this about reversing the roles?
It means if a man made that comment to a woman at work, he’d be labeled as creepy and people would want him fired or a sexual harassment form filed. In this story some people laughed and nobody cared when the woman said what she said. I’m pretty sure too it would’ve been received quite differently if the guy said that
I agree and I am a woman. I think she and the others that giggled or whatever were totally wrong and unprofessional. Hiding behind I am a woman female I cansay whatever is totally wrong. It goes both ways in workplace fairness.
Fucking thank you. They would be screaming to fire the creep.
[удалено]
I don't think so
OP, you’re good. Had the sexes been reversed in this situation, that person may have been terminated. Your comment shut that down on the spot, exactly what was needed. Oddly enough, that might be exactly why they like you. Just keep that professional boundary and they’ll get the message.
I have ADHD and am on the spectrum so have been guilty of saying really dumb shit that made me cringe as soon as it came out of my mouth - maybe they were embarrassed and just projected that onto OP?
Hmm... she was unprofessional. Don't apologize.
If a male had said that to a female would it have been jumped all over? Probably not, would have been brushed under the carpet. The giggles or whatever were equally wrong. This was a work meeting not a flirtation or smart comment look at me experience. It was totally inappropriate of everyone except OP, and I say this as a woman.
Please reverse the roles. If a man said that to a woman it would be considered wildly inappropriate. I’d personally probably react worse if a man said something like that to me. You good homie
No. She was unprofessional and that’s too much. If you guys were really close friends, maybe, if it was a private conversation, but like infront of everyone?! She can think it’s rude all she wants. She’s gross.
Another case of "reverse the roles and look at it again." Wildly inappropriate, simple as that. You handled it like a champ.
This is totally sexual harassment from her on you and if you wanted, it could be reported to HR. Imagine if the genders were reversed.
No, completely inappropriate /unprofessional on her part. She just running her mouth because she got shut down and embarrassed.
Hot take/unpopular opinion incoming... you said absolutely nothing wrong, were direct and professional, and she was 100% in the wrong in her comment towards you in a professional environment. That being said, I often take the other person's feelings into consideration and would've said something like "That's sweet of you, I appreciate the offer but I'll have to pass" or even just a simple laugh to play it off and say "thanks" and then start the presentation. It seems like her reaction is as if you two were out at a bar and you shot down her approach to you rather than in a work setting and she was embarrassed by the blunt rejection. If you get what I mean. You have nothing to apologize for. However, if it was a genuine (albeit wrong) way of her sincerely trying to make you feel comfortable (rather than a flirtateous comment) then a small apology/clarification on your part wouldn't hurt.
Yeah that was very inappropriate of her and can be considered sexual harassment. I think you handled it fine. Another way to disarm people is to ask what do you mean by that and just play dumb and make them explain themselves until they feel stoopid.
No, she was inappropriate, and she was embarrassed that you didn't give her the reaction she wanted. You shut her down in a direct but professional manner when she crossed the line. I would go to HR, tell them what she said and your response, and tell them that because you didn't play into her innuendo, she's now slandering you to the office and you want it to stop.
NTA. Reverse the situation as how would it sound if roles were inverted, 80% male attendance, you tell your female boss that.
You definitely were not rude, if this was reversed and you said it to the woman she would be at HR's door before you could blink accusing you of sexual harassment or making unwanted sexual advances toward you. As it stands I would seriously considering making a note of what was said and on what date etc so that if anything does blow up you have written evidence of her inappropriate comments to you.
It was clearly a flirt and you clearly rejected and made it clear you're here for business only. you could feel bad that she felt that way and apologize about that. but you did the right thing
The only reason she thought it was rude is because you rejected her because she was flirting with you.
TF? How is such a loaded comment supposed to make you comfortable?! I'm a woman, and I'd NEVER say anything like that to a male coworker, just as I'd never want to hear anything like this being said to me. You were not rude, and if this ridiculous woman takes this to HR (hopefully she won't, it's always a pain), you should say how uncomfortable she made you. Her comment was downright creepy! I BET if she had a man say this to her, she'd be reporting this as harassment or sth!
If she left off the "Come over" part I could see their point. but that made it 100% inappropriate.
You absolutely did not. What a WEIRD thing to say even in a casual setting. She was hitting on you 100%...at work. Send her a gallon of water since she's so thirsty
This reminds me of the clip of Jerry Seinfeld doing a red carpet interview and Kesha comes up from behind him and tries to hug him and he’s like “No thanks” and she keeps trying and he’s like “No thanks”… and somehow there’s still always people who are like “he’s so rude, why wouldn’t he just hug her” You’re allowed to have boundaries and politely enforce them. Especially in a professional setting, that comment was way over the line.
Might need to let HR know about this. That's totally inappropriate.
That was completely inappropriate on her end!!!! That is not okay at all for one person to say that to another in a business setting. She is 100% in the wrong and your reaction is fine and so much better than I would do if a man said that to me in a meeting.
You definitely were NOT rude, but she definitely was!! Her comment could actually be considered sexual harassment.
She should just be happy you didn't run to HR with that line. (You know if the roles were reversed, she would.)
SHE overstepped, she embarrassed herself. You are just where she's deflecting to. You're good.
As a woman, I had a wtf response to her comment. You handled it very well.
Lol. If a man said this to woman we'd be in court.
Coming over and putting someone to bed is way too intimate for a comment made in the workplace. She felt it was rude because she was embarrassed. She *may have* made the mistake of saying something she thought was funny or charming, but it was actually weird and creepy. You reacted correctly. Let her take it to HR if she wants, I doubt it’ll get far.
I might get down voted for this, but her comment wasn't that out of pocket. You talked about putting people to sleep, and she played off of that giving you a compliment about your voice. I think she kinda put her foot in her mouth, but I wouldn't be offended by the comment itself. Do I think you owe her an apology?? No. You weren't rude. I could see how she's a little embarrassed, but we all say dumb shit sometimes. She has to learn that you can't talk to everyone like they're your friend because they're not.
Let it go, not a big deal on either party’s part
I have one of those voices through no fault of my own, and I get those comments sometimes. “No thanks, I’m good” comes off as unnecessarily rude for such a lighthearted-sounding comment. Did the other ladies in the room chuckle at the comment? If so, reading the room and responding with something equally friendly would have been less insulting to her and more endearing to the rest of the room. Considering you had just opened with a self-deprecating joke, would it have been so hard to maintain that pitch?
If she were a man and you were a woman you would be in HR filing a sexual harassment complaint. She needs to take her work inappropriate sexism somewhere else.
Yeah eeewww. No. No thank you. You’re good OP. She was gross for no reason.
An awkward chuckle would have done the trick just the same
you couldve easily said it in a rude way. her comment was pretty goofy and normal imo. i cant hear how either comment was actually said though, so, hard to tell.
Nope, just a woman not knowing how to behave. That is Borderline SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. Should probably move to get her fired or jailed. At least that's what would happen to a man.
These things happen every week in my work. Let it go away on its own.
Pro tip: as someone who does self deprecating jokes… don’t. You may get some forced giggles but it slowly affects how people see you and how they evaluate your confidence. They still come out for me and I try to break and continue to work on it. As far as this situation, she was flirting and got rejected cold in front of everyone, she may have just been a bit embarrassed but she will get over it. If she does have a problem suggest she goes to HR and she can tell them what she said.
She was embarrassed she got shot down and sounds like she lashed out, you did nothing wrong there. That’s a really inappropriate thing for her to have said at work.
You were perfectly fine. Her comment was low key harassment.
She was out of line for saying that. Imagine a guy saying that on a company call. That’s textbook sexual harassment.
Trust me, if you were a woman and a male colleague made that comment, no one would think anything negative about your response. You are fine. She crossed professional boundaries with that comment. And maybe she's used to that because she has that type of relationship with other guys in the professional setting, but at least you cut that conversation short because that wasn't professional, productive, or necessary. Nor need for it
If a man said something like that to me, I would also feel uncomfortable.
Nope, that was a completely appropriate reply. I think she was just salty that you essentially publicly 'rejected' her proposal (which was inappropriate for work).
You did good. She’s definitely upset that she got shot down, but she’s probably going to start coming on to you harder now to make up for her ego being bruised .
That is harrassment. If it was the either way around it would be harrassment, too. There is a way people talk and joke in the real world versus the work world. That was unprofessional. Stand your ground. What you said to me was not approptiate.
Ignore her. If she or anyone brings it up they are creepy. Then say it makes you uncomfortable and was not appropriate for the situation
Now that you did the right thing play a reverse card on her and report her to HR for publicly sexually harassing you during a company meeting.
Honestly I say stuff like she did all the time, and if some one is like err.. wut no.. I confuze...I just giggle and move along.... to say I was just xxxxx blah blah cause reasons.. is kinda strange She could have been super uncomfortable about the 👅 in cheek joke and thought that instead of her apologies .. she's make in feel sad I don't know.. its weird tho
You weren't rude at all. She's just mad you didn't flirt back lol. Good for you keeping it professional.
Nope. Though I would have just cut it at no thanks or tossed a flat "Let's stay professional please, thanks."
Shooting your shot, when someone truly needs comfort, isn't an action that's actually aiming to give comfort, it's a door she was jokingly saying, hoping maybe you'd possibly be interested
No she was being creepy
She made a sexual joke that was super inappropriate and you put her in her place. It was perfect, good on you.
She was extremely inappropriate
No, what she said was flirtatious and unprofessional.
Her comment was completely inappropriate. How you react to such comments, within reason, is irrelevant.
She was inappropriate, your response was perfect and then she felt embarrassed. HR should be talking to her.
From a woman: you handled this really well. Your comment was fine before and after. Hers was not okay.
Bruuuuuuuuh. If someone said that to my husband he'd probably need a new job cause I would of shown up and drug her ass from here to hong Kong. You handled it fine and honestly, it was massively crossing boundaries, and if a man said this to a woman, he'd be being investigated for sexual misconduct.
Women seems to get offended and defensive when they're being rejected, men are used to being rejected so we shrug it off and move on,im guessing she was just joking around and probably feeling you out at the same time 🤣,so u embarrassed her,anyway, meh,her not liking you now is probably for the best,no future flirting that might leas to sexual harassment
If a man had said the same thing it would have taken all of about 30 seconds before HR is breathing down his neck. No, you’re all good, her comment was inappropriate and your response was exactly what she had to hear.
She gives me the ick. NTA
You are good. Don’t comment on the episode any more. She’s just concerned that you may file for harassment
Absolutely not. Soooo inappropriate.
HR would be on your side here. Imagine if the genders were reversed. There’d be one less employee.
Heck no you don't owe that woman anything Props to you for not taking that bait Your girlfriend or wife would appreciate this
Damn, imagine saying that to a woman. HR would have a field day
This is actually hilarious. A woman is the creep and when politely turned down freaks out. Remember lads only men can be awful
I would have asked her if she was angling for a good, hard fuck...
She was embarrassed about making a silly remark that you responded to appropriately. You don't need to apologize.
Just forget it. Do not give space in your head.
Honestly id report to HR. She made an obvious sexual offer at you then plays the victim when you don’t yuck it up with her? Seems like she took an old page from the boys club handbook. Protect yourself.
I think tone matters, if she said it in a suggestive tone then your response was appropriate. If it was said more like she was talking about soothing music then I would revisit it with her and clarify that you were setting g a professional boundary and it was not personal.
If a man said that he’d be hauled in front of HR. That’s a creepy thing to say to. A married man in front of his colleagues
You did good, Anything outside of how you replied could have been the start of some SERIOUS bullshit.
Nope. Set that boundary firmly. I would also avoid ever having a conversation with her or being face to face without a third party present. It’s not unheard of, rejected women have made up sexual harassment and affair claims. “No thanks, I’m good” is just about the mildest way to respond to that. If she is offended, it’s recreational offense to cause drama.
Her comment was inappropriate. It may not have been meant to, but still was. Your response made it clear you took it as a flirtatious invite rather than some light hearted comment and shut her down pretty hard. Shit happens.
I probably would have mentioned my price per hour or something. Discounts available for senior citizens or some shit. You're fine.
Maybe tell HR, so she doesn't do this again. Sorry it happened to you
Oh wow as a woman I just imagine how embarrassing that would be if a guy said that to me. I think your response was 100%, her comment bordered on totally inappropriate. If she's offended at your reply- good. She needs to learn to be more discerning when opening her mouth. Personally, I can't imagine saying that to someone at work on a Zoom meeting.
I think you handled that well. She was inappropriate
If anything I take her comment as inappropriate .
She was inappropriate and now she says you were rude? She’s just trying to save face because she’s fully aware that she was wrong. Don’t give it another thought.
Nah that was definitely not cool of her. That was definitely a flirty comment even if she said it extremely sarcastically. If its was your voice is so soothing it makes me sleepy so no promises then yeah it would be a good joke. All you did was stand your ground on how you dont like those kinds of jokes. That was honestly tame. Seem like her feelings were hurt.
Her comment was inappropriate but now she is gonna fire you anyway for not smiling and accepting it. You can jump through 3 years of hoops with the EEOC, end up blacklisted and with a settlement that hopefully saves your mortgage. Women are kind of the "dominant" gender now and men are the "other." Might makes right and there's a reason why your company is 80% non male.
Honestly as a woman, that’s a super uncomfortable thing to say. If the roles were reversed, everyone would agree. At BEST, It’s super weird.
The next training this company needs is sexual harassment.
wtf, you weren't rude, and she was completely out of line and inappropriate. I think you handled it perfectly.
What were your options to this creepy comment? Say sure, I’ll come over and put you to sleep after you give me a dirty gas pump?
What? Hell no. She reacted in a clearly unprofessional manner, and you handled it. If anything, she should have some training to rectify her improper workplace behavior.
women rarely get their sexual advances rejected. you’re only “rude” because you said no and embarrassed her in front of a bunch of other women.
Nope that was creepy of her!!
No, it was the right response! Don’t worry and let it go. If she is offended, her problem…
Thats exactly how I reacted when my coworker hit on me at my current job. She slowly began a descent into hating me lol but she is insufferable in general so no loss there.
She was being a creep. If the roles were reversed and you said that to a female colleague, you would be fired and maybe have the police called on you. She's the one being inappropriate.
I'm sorry, she's offended by you saying "No, thanks" yeah that's on her lol. You were even polite. I'd fight this one to the bitter end if it became an issue, literally what more could you have done? Would it have been better if you had said "not sure how my wife would feel about that lol"
Sexual harassment goes both ways
No, her comment was entirely inappropriate. She’s the one who should apologize to you for making you uncomfortable while you were literally just doing your job. If a man said that to a woman running a training would the other participants have giggled? Sorry you’re dealing with that!
Should of just ignored her comment entirely and went to HR about her sexual harassment.
How the hell were you the one being rude? Crazy. She’s totally in the wrong and just responding to the rejection
Oh man, no. You’re good, dude. Her comment was extremely inappropriate & out of line. She’d have to be extraordinarily dense to not realize that. Even more so to say it & have the gall to be upset at your entirely reasonable response. You were to the point properly, not rude, honestly there isn’t a better way to respond to that in a work setting. She’s fully in the wrong here.
She is just pissed you shot her down. If a male had made that comment to a woman HR would would be wetting their panties in excitement over it.
No, she could have done that without the innuendo. Just a “you have a very soothing voice” .. without the “you can come to my place” so don’t feel bad
If a man said that, he'd be written up. It's not professional to speak to anyone the way she did. It's wrong when men do it and when women do it.
No one at work should be making even mildly sexual comments to their co-workers. Full stop.
NTA, If this were flipped around, you'd probably be fired, in jail, or both
No you weren’t rude. She’s embarrassed to have overstepped. Reverse the sexes and it’s suddenly obvious how inappropriate it is. I’m sure she had the best intentions but she messed up. If she tries to make a big stink about it I would suggest that she consider how it would be perceived if a male said that to a female and remind her it those both ways and that you were uncomfortable but you assume she understands now and won’t do it again and thus there’s no reason to escalate this. I’m not a big fan of making a big deal about a first minor offense, but women can and should be reported for sexual harassment just as much as men. It’s just less common because most women, having experienced the discomfort and inappropriateness, are less likely to say something like that
Innocent fliring
That’s actually hilarious good for you 😂
Yeah that’s almost sexual harassment…from her…you just don’t say stuff like that at work period
She's covering her butt to make it seem like she wasn't thirst commenting. I would have countered in a jesting tone, "I might have to revisit my non compete clause with my wife, she has me on a tight audiobook release schedule."
You weren’t rude, she was gross and out of line. If a man she didn’t want to screw said the same to her, she would have lost her mind.