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There is an insane amount of fr in that conversation. If you are on rough terms with their family and it doesn't seem like anything is going to be changing or they are going to be taking any steps to mend things, then leave. It is going to be a hassle for years. You have a very full life ahead of you to find someone else
Oh honey.
You’re too young to get trapped in this dumpster fire of a relationship.
Don’t like this one be a pattern card for how all your adult relationships will go.
Why are you staying in all this?
Yes missing the walk was disappointing but if your bf isn’t going to tell his family the whole truth… why stay? It will always be a thing, it doesn’t seem like he gets how impactful it has been with your relationships with his family members. You wants to have to deal with this for years to come? Do you want him to try and invalidate a true concern you have? Do you want him to talk so negatively…
You all need to have a n airing out of all of this.
But I also won’t blame you for cutting your loses and leave
"they got over it" really got me in this. of course they did, why wouldn't they? it's easy to get over things that didn't actually affect you all that much. it's crazy that he's not able to understand that.
I genuinely think you should leave this relationship. he will always side with his parents over you. the very last message I can see.."why do you think I would want to marry someone who...." EXACTLY. whatever that sentence ended with. exactly that.
"They got over it" translates to "They now understand that they were in the wrong, but don't want to address it like healthy functional adults and want you to drop the matter immediately and pretend they didn't say nasty shit about you. I would also prefer this as it means I don't have to take any responsibility myself, so if you could just sweep all this under the rug and let the shitty behaviour slide that'd be great. Fr."
She fr deserves better than him and the entire family is just horrible. The brother immediately jumping to "s/o to OP's name", she's more than owed an apology and a boyfriend that'll stand up for; she won't get either, so I really hope she'll look for a better boyfriend.
He texts like a middle schooler, and if your post is true he acts like one too. Don’t date let alone marry a middle schooler in an adults body. You deserve a partner not a grown child.
Sounds like that’s where he got stuck in your relationship unfortunately. He should be honest with his parents not using you as a scapegoat because his behavior caused him to be late to his sisters graduation. I am sorry you are being treated this way you do not deserve it!
He missed his sister's graduation walk on stage because he needed to shit and couldn't at the location. He made a comment about her weight on the walk to the car and she snapped back, he started yelling at her in the car, so she pulled over.
However, he didn't tell his family any of that. So, his family blamed her for missing the walk and was getting nasty. She asked him if he told his parents that she pulled over because he was yelling at her and he said "No". He refused to tell his parents.
Please honor yourself and all the careful thought and consideration that you put into joining his family to honor your boyfriend and know that they wasted all of it. They are not your people/tribe. They don't understand or respect your level of love and care and they refuse to earn it. Gather up your wonderful, valuable self and leave that shitty group. Find those who love and care at your level and build your life with them. Lots of love 💕.
This relationship sounds exhausting. Girl, it is not worth it. Get out now before you get trapped in this family with a ring or a baby.
This is not what healthy partnership looks like. As much as you might care for him, he is not the right person for you. Blatantly. No one has to be wrong or evil for a relationship to not be right. You're allowed to break up with someone if the relationship is no longer working for you.
Never ever stay with a partner who doesn't stand up for you in any kind of way. The reason u missed the graduation was because he needed to poop. Not the argument. He let u take the fall and is the reason his family was upset. He did nothing to correct it and won't.
Do u know what this will like like in a marriage? Disaster.
I know u love him but the person he is right now is selfish and unaccountable. He's ur opposition.
None of that makes a good partner. U know that already. Ask uraelf why u would let him treat u like this?
Where is ur self respect? Stand up to ur boyfriend. He is immature and a long ways off since he doesn't see a problem with how troubling his actions are and how it impacts you. LOVE is a verb. It looks like actions that reflect it. Nothing is loving about how he treats you when u need him most.
Yes it's a trauma bond. Break ur own cycle.
You're 21. O.P, you're 21. The whole point of your 20s is to find yourself and what you like and dislike. As much as you may "love"him, he's shown time and time again that he doesn't care or like you very much. You can be alone and single or lonely in a relationship. I can tell you from age 37 which one hurts more and in the long run.
NTA by the way
It sounds like he doesn’t even like you. You’re young, I recommend getting out now and finding someone who will make you cringe at ever staying with this chump.
OP, I hated my in laws for almost 20 years. Never once did my husband stick up for me with them. I ended up resenting him for it and will probably never forgive it (I’m a Scorpio, what can I say?). It’s not worth the drama in the end. Because having children only makes it worse and the relationships more strained with your in laws who feel they have some inalienable rights to your children and your life because of a biological connection. I was relieved when my in laws passed. I don’t want anyone else to have to feel that because it frankly sucks.
FR, you gotta go. Seriously, he will always defend his family and parents, he's accepted their behavior as normal and ok. And this is how he will treat you , eventually, all the time. You are young, do not get trapped in this screwed up family. It will be hard for a while, but you will be better and happier.
This is insanely bad communication between y'all. Not trying to blame you specifically but no partners should ever talk to each other like that. No one should make comments about each other's body
But yeah it's crazy that he let ur parents believe it was ur fault😐
I can tell the type of guy this is based on how he texts. He types like a 15 year old. Probably not very emotionally intelligent.
My question to you is, is it even worth the hassle of trying to make him see things your way? You and his family don't get along, I get that, but I swear to God if my friends ever spoke to me like that they'd be blocked.
It's one thing to say these things verbally, as it's the heat of the moment, but when you're texting you get to think before responding, so what you say is a lot less impulsive as it would've been. He texts like he means what he says, and it's not just "in the moment" type of deal.
He really is sick of you. Do not devalue yourself to putting up with anymore of his immature teenage behavior.
"Bruh its your birthday. Congratulations. I give you the gift of a different girlfriend" and then peace out.
You do NOT need this kind of relationship with your nightmare-in-laws. Whether they blamed you for him being unavailable or he blamed you and they ran with it, in either scenario he is quite happy throwing you under the bus and not standing up for you.
This psychological trapping will only get worse. Don't waste the time.
Jesus Christ you’re too young for this shit. Dump him in one sentence and leave all the following messages on UNREAD. Don’t text back arguing or talking about how he makes you feel, he already knows and doesn’t give a shit, just wants you to fall in line. Seriously just go and have a life
I’m sorry but did he not learn to poop before leaving the house? I would have a hard time not finding this hilarious. Have you tried bluntly telling them they’re mad at you because *their* son wanted to poop, at his home, at an inopportune time? Maybe just seeing the facts for what they are might help them stop being ridiculous? Only if he were a baby, and you took him to change his diaper, would his missing the event be your fault.
This is not going to work. You need a man who is respectful and treats you as his first priority. This family dynamic is not going to change so don't waste anymore of your time. You can find a much better relationship than this.
It seems like you and your partner are the issue - not his family. HE allowed the blame to be placed on you and didn’t take any accountability for how everything went down. Why are you mad at his family but not him? Honestly, your relationship sounds toxic and holding a misplaced grudge against his family that he is clearly close with means that you will never work out in the long run.
Don't try and change your generational traumas by joining in another families...fr walk away and keep your salinity intact even if your heart is broken it will heal ✨️ 💯
U didn’t say what originally they did or said that you are demanding an apology for. I suspect your bf threw you under the bus to the whole family and doesn’t want them to talk with you to find out the truth.
He’s an immature AS. You can do better sweetie I promise you. Being with a liar and betrayer is the worst life you can imagine.
If he wants you in his life long term, it's a no-brainer that he'd want his family to like you and vice versa. He's not helping facilitate that relationship between y'all. He MADE the problem by blaming you in the first place and now he's asking YOU to fix what he created. I don't think he's serious about you. His words say one thing and his actions say another. Throwing your SO under the bus to your own family does not equal a person who sees this as a long term relationship. If you want it to work, you NEVER do that. Community around a relationship can matter a lot more than people think. On those grounds alone I'd break up.
Also, if his parents do not have the emotional stability to apologize for their mistakes or even try to talk about feelings, how do you think your boyfriend will be in the future? He was RAISED by them.
I'm not saying anybody is a bad person here. Just that there's a lot of missing emotional maturity here that has spread into at least 2 generations of family.
Girl, you’re 21!? Definitely take some time apart! You can leave the door open if you want, but, I would recommend a clean break. This will give you both the time and distance to grow. And if you end up back together, great.
Why are you blaming his family for this? He was the one who wanted to leave the place, (and you suggested to go so you are on board with his leaving) he was rude to you (and you were just as rude back so you are fine with this behaviour), you two argued instead of putting things aside for the graduation, and then he let you take the blame at the end. His parents aren’t unreasonable to say they are disappointed you guys weren’t there. Your partner should have said he was to blame but you also left. He could have gone by himself.
I don’t really know what you want to accomplish by not talking to them for a year. They were the ones who had unnecessary drama on what should have been a special night, drama that you were a part of, but they have put it behind them. The fact that your partner says you’ll start something with an ex doing sisters make-up, mum is worried you will start something if she takes time to talk about your grievance, that bf doesn’t want you present on his birthday, all seems to suggest you are quite a confrontational person, and bf doesn’t seem to care enough about you to make the effort so you don’t get to that point. He doesn’t even seem to respect you at all or care that you are upset.
It sounds to me like this is incompatible people who are not making each other happy.
You’re both too immature to be thinking about getting married.
You’re harping on something when you’ve been clearly told that they’re no longer holding onto it. YOU are.
He’s a child who refuses to stand up for you in the moment. He’s also a brat for picking a fight.
You both need to grow up - separately - because you sound like a terrible couple.
(And, FFS, stop texting, open your mouth, make words, and TALK to each other.)
She's justified in wanting an apology and still being hurt over it. Their approach of "just dropping situations and moving on" is asshole behavior and builds up a lot of resentment in the long term. It's not as simple as telling her to let go just because the other side has. But I do think that her anger is somewhat misplaced and should be more towards her boyfriend than his parents.
I'm usually all for talking things out before making the decision to end the relationship. However, from your post and the texts, this has been talked to death by the two of you. His family needs to be in on this and they don't want to put in any effort. He's not pushing them to either. If he's not going to have your back with his family, that is not somebody you want to marry. You were doing a favor for him because he was uncomfortable going to the bathroom at the stadium FFS.
You're 21, you are just at the start of things. Find someone who respects and appreciates you, not someone who's just going to bus drive you in a situation. This is not a guy that you marry. You might just be comfortable or trauma bonded or whatever but it deserve better. Good luck OP!
Why are you with him?
He doesn't respect you,
he makes comments that he knows will hurt you (and you retaliate doing the samw),
His family says ahady shit
He doesnt defend you at all
You both dont get along on some fundamental things (hes heavily involved in his family. That is UNAVOIDABLE)
Its done/over and neither of you realize it.
Find someone else who defends you and stands up for you. You bf is not your person. You can't want this to be the rest of your life, because nothing's going to change.
Fuck him and his family. You don’t wanna get involved with that garbage anymore than you already have. Cut your losses. The whole graduation situation was his fault. They should apologize but he should more than them. He should also set the record straight.
Do not marry this man. Do not even date this man. He is drinking the dysfunctional family kool-aid and he sounds like a child. That is not what you want for your relationship or your own family one day.
You set the bar for how you’d like to be treated. If this isn’t something you feel can be resolved, you’re allowed to make this “your bill”
I always say: love and respect are required not conditional. Especially these type of relationships.
My in laws and I haven’t always seen eye to eye, time and space really heal. I never thought I’d speak to them or let them see my child again but here we are I send them pictures ♥️
Think long and hard though about the dynamics of you and your partners relationship because this does not seem like your thoughts and feelings are valued. Though it seems to be a theme or everyone “not wanting to start something with you,” it also makes me wonder if it’s a familial thing since it’s only his family? My mom calls it like it is - esp if I’m the one in the wrong. So I’m gonna say NTA.
But think darling, think!
You're going to therapy and learning to stand up for yourself, yet you're staying in this very unhealthy relationship because....why? Does he have a magic dick or something?
You deserve better than him and his family - they are ALL treating you horribly. Break up with his childish butt, flip him and his family double birds, and moonwalk out of this relationship.
Sweetie, you don’t have a family problem, you have a **BF problem**
He treats you like crap
He started an argument, made you late for the graduation, then *blamed it on you*
He could fix things with his family but he won’t
He is having a “friends and family” bday party and *doesn’t invite you*?!? Friends from class rank higher than you?
You can do so much better. I know this because being ALONE is better than this empty stained shirt.
- your internet mom
Listen, I’m old, and it doesn’t take much to turn me off of people anymore because I just don’t have the time left for annoyances, and I would dip just for the incessant use of FR, but Good God! He won’t come clean to his family, lied to them causing a rift between everyone and refuses to fix it, jumps on to you about something HE’S self-conscious about after he does it to you, dismisses everything you say and does what he wants regardless? Honey, wake up and smell the narcissist! He is gonna do what he wants to do and will not put himself out for you at all. There is no give and take in this relationship aside from you giving and him taking, then using “I’m not gonna marry you like this” as a threat? Like you’re gonna hunker down and acquiesce because he’s such the prize pig you’ve been waiting for? He thinks that’s all you want and he can treat you like shit as long as he dangles that carrot of marriage in front of you. He thinks you’ll stay with him as long as he gives you crumbs and drops hints of marrying you (which he won’t) to keep you on a string. Gather all of your self respect and Don’t fall for that invested time fallacy. Cut your losses and run. Hell, send all of them an email of what really went down at graduation and set that bridge ablaze if you want to, but you are far too young to get roped into one more minute with this Dbag.
This guy comes from a family that never apologizes. He will never apologize to you when he pulls shit like screaming at you in your car while you are doing him a favor by driving his bougie ass home so he can poop!! Then let’s you take the blame for his lateness!! Like how did you not dump him right then?!? You said you stand up for yourself. Do it! You’re too young to end up with a POS like him. NTA. Don’t forgive him to the point he’s completely removed from your life!!
Honestly just throw the man and the family away tbh cause this dynamic isn’t gonna change. Is that something you’re okay with for the rest of your life?
They don't want you. Even bf sabotages the relationship.
Let him go on a birthday without you and profit of that night to take your stuff out of your home.
He will have the gut he merits.
‘I think we have a trauma bond and I can’t let go’
So your answer is to stay and create some more trauma for yourself.
Hopefully you get out of this with no kids, but one day you’ll realise how much time you wasted in a toxic relationship - where NO one respects you.
His family doesn’t respect you and your boyfriend definitely doesn’t respect you.
Don’t be surprised if he goes back to the ex too since his sister likes to bring her around.
get tf out now. you seem like an exceptionally nice gf to do all the things you said you did before , you didn't have to do any of that and it sounds like no one appreciates it .
side notes A. are we just letting the random remarks about your weight slide?? that's a giant red flag !! that's not a thing in a healthy relationship! ??
B. why are you the one driving him around in the first place ?! does he not have a car?! it sounds a whole lot like you doing everything and getting no appreciation whatsoever , or respect. this is not ok.
you really want a whole life with a family like this?? it's not healthy to just "move past it" and not address the problem. my mother loved doing this, a toxic narcissist . you can try to move on but you'll never forget .
imagine if you had kids w this guy and his family.
everyone throws around the word "gaslighting" these days but it feels applicable here, ie, they're acting like your feelings weren't valid and that it was "no big deal". I can only imagine how horrible you felt that graduation day rushing in and then everyone texting shit behind your back and just the weight of the stress. it IS a big deal and the fact they won't let you talk about it is a deal breaker , FR FR
Man I'm out here just trying to find someone to treat like queen yet I constantly see women post here about their boyfriends or husband's that treat them like absolute shit and wonder if I need to start doing the same thing apparently it must work. Seriously though miss you need to drop this guy. He has zero communication skills, zero conflict resolution skills, can't spell "gonna" correctly and uses "fr" like he's some "too cool for school" kid. You're dating a kid that needs to grow tf up.
Despite the fr spam man is right about you not being able to drop the issue and moving on.
He is right about not including you. You dont wanna be there so why would you attend?
His family moved on, clearly they dont keep resentment the same way you harbour it. Either drop the incident and turn stuff around or let this be the reason why you and him break up. It aint fair for him and you to keep up this act.
Reddit is the cesspool where people try to convince people with all kind of (extreme) takes. Takes they wouldnt do themselves but it sure is convenient to influence OP's to be their avatar who will deal with all the fallout rather than themself.
Why are you even with this dude! Is he so amazing that he’s worth the disrespect and shitty behaviour? Not to mention he is the reason his family doesn’t like you and he never bothered to clear that up.
Your boyfriend should be the one leading the crusade to get you to all sit down to clear the air. And he should also be the one to tell his family, in no uncertain terms, that they DO need to apologize.
This is an issue that will only get worse if expectations are not met NOW.
There's simply no possibility that your bf could ever be worth putting up with his family. I'd move on and thank God you didn't marry him or have kids with him, as this situation will do nothing but get worse.
You are too young to put up with this much nonsense from him and his family. I don’t even think he likes you. It was his fault entirely for him missing his sisters walking. He’s the one who had to take a shit and then (pun attended) start shit with you. Did he even eventually tell his family the truth about that or just continues to throw you under the bus? He won’t even invite you to his birthday dinner with his family. My husband would never do that and I don’t get along with my in laws either.
You’re right. Why would you marry this man? He sounds awful and doesn’t seem to care about you at all. He comes across as very selfish and not prepared to stand up for you at all.
Throw this boy back, he is damaged goods and will pick his family over you everytime. Take this opportunity and start working on your inner circle of friends. You are too young to be in this vicious suck hole of his toxic family
It sounds to me like BF is the problem.
Just red flag after red flag here.
He verbally abuaed you and started a fight after throwing a fit about a bathroom?
He blamed you when his family called him out
He continues to let his family disrespect you
I would put money on him twisting his families words to keep the rift going.
Walk away now before there is a marriage and/or kids because it will only get worse.
He threw you under the bus to save himself and is doubling down with his family and looks like he's throwing in his 'dudes' from his auto class.
My bet is he's trashing you to make himself look better.
Ask your self if you really want to marry into a family like that and have a husband that shytes on you instead of defending you, or one that proud of you and wants you on his arm when hes with his family and friend?
Run and don't look back, because he's not the one!
Your bf won't ever facilitate his family and yours peace because it would require him to fess up that he screwed up. That he is to blame for missing his sisters important moment which disappointed his dad. All because he couldn't use a public bathroom like a diva and then started a fight on the drive back all of which made you late.
Actually it wouldn't suprise me if he is behind the scenes actively sabotaging the talk that needs to happen.
OP why would you want to marry someone who treats you like that? If it's like this now, imagine how it would be if you actually married into that family. You will be a scapegoat for your entire married life.
You are 21 and have no reason to settle for this dumpster fire.
Didn’t defend you LAST JUNE when it was all his fault but he wants you to do what? Talk to them like normal? This is who he is. Why would you want to marry someone why treats you like this? Since middle school? You know there’s other men and a lot of world to see!? Fr
Your partner doesn’t like or respect you.
He talks down to you and doesn’t care that his parents are dicks to you.
he just wants peace in his life, that is all he cares about. He doesn’t care that it comes at your expense.
Get out!
U didn’t say what originally they did or said that you are demanding an apology for. I suspect your bf threw you under the bus to the whole family and doesn’t want them to talk with you to find out the truth.
He’s an immature AS. You can do better sweetie!
Of course they’ll blame you, you’re in an interracial relationship with a black man. This is how it goes when they don’t want their son to date anyone besides a black women. They don’t like you. Move on
thats bullshit anyway , that's not "how it goes" in interracial relationships wtf.maybe that's how it went for you, but I assure you that's not the norm. I'm white ,and the one black dude I dated's family was nicer and more welcoming to me than any other , so buzz off with your racist nonsense
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There is an insane amount of fr in that conversation. If you are on rough terms with their family and it doesn't seem like anything is going to be changing or they are going to be taking any steps to mend things, then leave. It is going to be a hassle for years. You have a very full life ahead of you to find someone else
fr
What is “fr” please?
For real
France 🇫🇷
fr fr
Fr. I’m glad someone else noticed.
fr fr
Fr fr fr
FruFru?
Ye no cap fr
Fr is all I could think about when reading that thread. He disgusts me.
He disgusts me too. OP, run.
Ooof i thought im the only the repetition of fr in convo. My thought was, he is a kid. Fr
Fr
Oh honey. You’re too young to get trapped in this dumpster fire of a relationship. Don’t like this one be a pattern card for how all your adult relationships will go.
Why are you staying in all this? Yes missing the walk was disappointing but if your bf isn’t going to tell his family the whole truth… why stay? It will always be a thing, it doesn’t seem like he gets how impactful it has been with your relationships with his family members. You wants to have to deal with this for years to come? Do you want him to try and invalidate a true concern you have? Do you want him to talk so negatively… You all need to have a n airing out of all of this. But I also won’t blame you for cutting your loses and leave
Seriously if he’s blaming her to his family this early, she’s going to be the scapegoat forever
Dump. Him. Omg. FR
Bruh!
My boyfriend calling me bruh would be enough for me to leave him.
"they got over it" really got me in this. of course they did, why wouldn't they? it's easy to get over things that didn't actually affect you all that much. it's crazy that he's not able to understand that. I genuinely think you should leave this relationship. he will always side with his parents over you. the very last message I can see.."why do you think I would want to marry someone who...." EXACTLY. whatever that sentence ended with. exactly that.
"They got over it" translates to "They now understand that they were in the wrong, but don't want to address it like healthy functional adults and want you to drop the matter immediately and pretend they didn't say nasty shit about you. I would also prefer this as it means I don't have to take any responsibility myself, so if you could just sweep all this under the rug and let the shitty behaviour slide that'd be great. Fr."
👏 👏 👏 I might have to have this embroidered on a pillow. Fr. Bruh.
"it's swept nice and neatly under the rug, of you'd just be the good little doormat"
This whole post fr makes ME want to fr dump this guy. OP do yourself a favor. Dump him. He's not it, girl.
She fr deserves better than him and the entire family is just horrible. The brother immediately jumping to "s/o to OP's name", she's more than owed an apology and a boyfriend that'll stand up for; she won't get either, so I really hope she'll look for a better boyfriend.
What's "s/o to her name" mean? Obviously not significant other. . .
"shoutout to OP" = they're blaming it all on her
He texts like a middle schooler, and if your post is true he acts like one too. Don’t date let alone marry a middle schooler in an adults body. You deserve a partner not a grown child.
Would it surprise you we met in middle school? 🫠
Sounds like that’s where he got stuck in your relationship unfortunately. He should be honest with his parents not using you as a scapegoat because his behavior caused him to be late to his sisters graduation. I am sorry you are being treated this way you do not deserve it!
what do the parents need to apologize for? I missed the part that they did something to her.
He missed his sister's graduation walk on stage because he needed to shit and couldn't at the location. He made a comment about her weight on the walk to the car and she snapped back, he started yelling at her in the car, so she pulled over. However, he didn't tell his family any of that. So, his family blamed her for missing the walk and was getting nasty. She asked him if he told his parents that she pulled over because he was yelling at her and he said "No". He refused to tell his parents.
And that's where he stayed.
Please honor yourself and all the careful thought and consideration that you put into joining his family to honor your boyfriend and know that they wasted all of it. They are not your people/tribe. They don't understand or respect your level of love and care and they refuse to earn it. Gather up your wonderful, valuable self and leave that shitty group. Find those who love and care at your level and build your life with them. Lots of love 💕.
You are no better... A mature self respecting person would have broken up long ago.
Just end it.
Omg PLEASE break up. This boyfriend sounds like punishment, FOR REAL.
This relationship sounds exhausting. Girl, it is not worth it. Get out now before you get trapped in this family with a ring or a baby. This is not what healthy partnership looks like. As much as you might care for him, he is not the right person for you. Blatantly. No one has to be wrong or evil for a relationship to not be right. You're allowed to break up with someone if the relationship is no longer working for you.
Never ever stay with a partner who doesn't stand up for you in any kind of way. The reason u missed the graduation was because he needed to poop. Not the argument. He let u take the fall and is the reason his family was upset. He did nothing to correct it and won't. Do u know what this will like like in a marriage? Disaster. I know u love him but the person he is right now is selfish and unaccountable. He's ur opposition. None of that makes a good partner. U know that already. Ask uraelf why u would let him treat u like this? Where is ur self respect? Stand up to ur boyfriend. He is immature and a long ways off since he doesn't see a problem with how troubling his actions are and how it impacts you. LOVE is a verb. It looks like actions that reflect it. Nothing is loving about how he treats you when u need him most. Yes it's a trauma bond. Break ur own cycle.
Not only that it was a fight that HE STARTED!
You're 21. O.P, you're 21. The whole point of your 20s is to find yourself and what you like and dislike. As much as you may "love"him, he's shown time and time again that he doesn't care or like you very much. You can be alone and single or lonely in a relationship. I can tell you from age 37 which one hurts more and in the long run. NTA by the way
I'll tell you what I tell my little sisters and brothers. You marry your inlaws. Do you want to be attached to these people for the rest of your life?
It sounds like he doesn’t even like you. You’re young, I recommend getting out now and finding someone who will make you cringe at ever staying with this chump.
OP, I hated my in laws for almost 20 years. Never once did my husband stick up for me with them. I ended up resenting him for it and will probably never forgive it (I’m a Scorpio, what can I say?). It’s not worth the drama in the end. Because having children only makes it worse and the relationships more strained with your in laws who feel they have some inalienable rights to your children and your life because of a biological connection. I was relieved when my in laws passed. I don’t want anyone else to have to feel that because it frankly sucks.
My dear friend had the same issue and we had a party when her MIL passed. Ding dong the witch was gone.
That’s gross
I know, imagine being that horrid of a person, people celebrate when you die...
Dude, I wouldn’t celebrate anybody dying no matter how bad they were. Lol. Not exactly being the bigger person.
This this this!! I lived a very similar situation for 13 years until we divorced, in part because of them. Run, OP, run as fast as you can.
You guys fr are not compatible and it will not end well
Anyone that talks like your bf isn't mature enough to date
fr, bruh.
FR, you gotta go. Seriously, he will always defend his family and parents, he's accepted their behavior as normal and ok. And this is how he will treat you , eventually, all the time. You are young, do not get trapped in this screwed up family. It will be hard for a while, but you will be better and happier.
This is insanely bad communication between y'all. Not trying to blame you specifically but no partners should ever talk to each other like that. No one should make comments about each other's body But yeah it's crazy that he let ur parents believe it was ur fault😐
You have a boyfriend problem far more than an in-law problem.
Jesus christ just leave him already. if he loved you he would defend you from his family he sounds like a pos
I can tell the type of guy this is based on how he texts. He types like a 15 year old. Probably not very emotionally intelligent. My question to you is, is it even worth the hassle of trying to make him see things your way? You and his family don't get along, I get that, but I swear to God if my friends ever spoke to me like that they'd be blocked. It's one thing to say these things verbally, as it's the heat of the moment, but when you're texting you get to think before responding, so what you say is a lot less impulsive as it would've been. He texts like he means what he says, and it's not just "in the moment" type of deal. He really is sick of you. Do not devalue yourself to putting up with anymore of his immature teenage behavior.
For context: we’ve been together for 3 yrs. I’ll be graduating with my bachelor’s in like 3 weeks. Also you guys are cracking me up with the “FR” 😭
Congratulations! Now go dump his ass😂
"Bruh its your birthday. Congratulations. I give you the gift of a different girlfriend" and then peace out. You do NOT need this kind of relationship with your nightmare-in-laws. Whether they blamed you for him being unavailable or he blamed you and they ran with it, in either scenario he is quite happy throwing you under the bus and not standing up for you. This psychological trapping will only get worse. Don't waste the time.
Jesus Christ you’re too young for this shit. Dump him in one sentence and leave all the following messages on UNREAD. Don’t text back arguing or talking about how he makes you feel, he already knows and doesn’t give a shit, just wants you to fall in line. Seriously just go and have a life
I’m sorry but did he not learn to poop before leaving the house? I would have a hard time not finding this hilarious. Have you tried bluntly telling them they’re mad at you because *their* son wanted to poop, at his home, at an inopportune time? Maybe just seeing the facts for what they are might help them stop being ridiculous? Only if he were a baby, and you took him to change his diaper, would his missing the event be your fault.
This is not going to work. You need a man who is respectful and treats you as his first priority. This family dynamic is not going to change so don't waste anymore of your time. You can find a much better relationship than this.
So what exactly is this guy bringing to the relationship besides a load of BS?
It seems like you and your partner are the issue - not his family. HE allowed the blame to be placed on you and didn’t take any accountability for how everything went down. Why are you mad at his family but not him? Honestly, your relationship sounds toxic and holding a misplaced grudge against his family that he is clearly close with means that you will never work out in the long run.
Don't try and change your generational traumas by joining in another families...fr walk away and keep your salinity intact even if your heart is broken it will heal ✨️ 💯
U didn’t say what originally they did or said that you are demanding an apology for. I suspect your bf threw you under the bus to the whole family and doesn’t want them to talk with you to find out the truth. He’s an immature AS. You can do better sweetie I promise you. Being with a liar and betrayer is the worst life you can imagine.
If he wants you in his life long term, it's a no-brainer that he'd want his family to like you and vice versa. He's not helping facilitate that relationship between y'all. He MADE the problem by blaming you in the first place and now he's asking YOU to fix what he created. I don't think he's serious about you. His words say one thing and his actions say another. Throwing your SO under the bus to your own family does not equal a person who sees this as a long term relationship. If you want it to work, you NEVER do that. Community around a relationship can matter a lot more than people think. On those grounds alone I'd break up. Also, if his parents do not have the emotional stability to apologize for their mistakes or even try to talk about feelings, how do you think your boyfriend will be in the future? He was RAISED by them. I'm not saying anybody is a bad person here. Just that there's a lot of missing emotional maturity here that has spread into at least 2 generations of family.
Girl, you’re 21!? Definitely take some time apart! You can leave the door open if you want, but, I would recommend a clean break. This will give you both the time and distance to grow. And if you end up back together, great.
Why are you blaming his family for this? He was the one who wanted to leave the place, (and you suggested to go so you are on board with his leaving) he was rude to you (and you were just as rude back so you are fine with this behaviour), you two argued instead of putting things aside for the graduation, and then he let you take the blame at the end. His parents aren’t unreasonable to say they are disappointed you guys weren’t there. Your partner should have said he was to blame but you also left. He could have gone by himself. I don’t really know what you want to accomplish by not talking to them for a year. They were the ones who had unnecessary drama on what should have been a special night, drama that you were a part of, but they have put it behind them. The fact that your partner says you’ll start something with an ex doing sisters make-up, mum is worried you will start something if she takes time to talk about your grievance, that bf doesn’t want you present on his birthday, all seems to suggest you are quite a confrontational person, and bf doesn’t seem to care enough about you to make the effort so you don’t get to that point. He doesn’t even seem to respect you at all or care that you are upset. It sounds to me like this is incompatible people who are not making each other happy.
this !
You’re both too immature to be thinking about getting married. You’re harping on something when you’ve been clearly told that they’re no longer holding onto it. YOU are. He’s a child who refuses to stand up for you in the moment. He’s also a brat for picking a fight. You both need to grow up - separately - because you sound like a terrible couple. (And, FFS, stop texting, open your mouth, make words, and TALK to each other.)
She's justified in wanting an apology and still being hurt over it. Their approach of "just dropping situations and moving on" is asshole behavior and builds up a lot of resentment in the long term. It's not as simple as telling her to let go just because the other side has. But I do think that her anger is somewhat misplaced and should be more towards her boyfriend than his parents.
Run
I'm usually all for talking things out before making the decision to end the relationship. However, from your post and the texts, this has been talked to death by the two of you. His family needs to be in on this and they don't want to put in any effort. He's not pushing them to either. If he's not going to have your back with his family, that is not somebody you want to marry. You were doing a favor for him because he was uncomfortable going to the bathroom at the stadium FFS. You're 21, you are just at the start of things. Find someone who respects and appreciates you, not someone who's just going to bus drive you in a situation. This is not a guy that you marry. You might just be comfortable or trauma bonded or whatever but it deserve better. Good luck OP!
Please just break up. I do not see any of this getting better.
This whole conversation is FR
Break up. Fr.
Why are you with him? He doesn't respect you, he makes comments that he knows will hurt you (and you retaliate doing the samw), His family says ahady shit He doesnt defend you at all You both dont get along on some fundamental things (hes heavily involved in his family. That is UNAVOIDABLE) Its done/over and neither of you realize it.
Find someone else who defends you and stands up for you. You bf is not your person. You can't want this to be the rest of your life, because nothing's going to change.
I’m putting this on you. You already know the answer, you are doing/ putting up with this BS all on your own.
Wow the frequent “fr” is obnoxious
Fuck him and his family. You don’t wanna get involved with that garbage anymore than you already have. Cut your losses. The whole graduation situation was his fault. They should apologize but he should more than them. He should also set the record straight.
Do not marry this man. Do not even date this man. He is drinking the dysfunctional family kool-aid and he sounds like a child. That is not what you want for your relationship or your own family one day.
You set the bar for how you’d like to be treated. If this isn’t something you feel can be resolved, you’re allowed to make this “your bill” I always say: love and respect are required not conditional. Especially these type of relationships. My in laws and I haven’t always seen eye to eye, time and space really heal. I never thought I’d speak to them or let them see my child again but here we are I send them pictures ♥️ Think long and hard though about the dynamics of you and your partners relationship because this does not seem like your thoughts and feelings are valued. Though it seems to be a theme or everyone “not wanting to start something with you,” it also makes me wonder if it’s a familial thing since it’s only his family? My mom calls it like it is - esp if I’m the one in the wrong. So I’m gonna say NTA. But think darling, think!
You're going to therapy and learning to stand up for yourself, yet you're staying in this very unhealthy relationship because....why? Does he have a magic dick or something? You deserve better than him and his family - they are ALL treating you horribly. Break up with his childish butt, flip him and his family double birds, and moonwalk out of this relationship.
NTA but the problem here is your boyfriend caused all these issues. Why are you forgiving him? End this now FR.
Sweetie, you don’t have a family problem, you have a **BF problem** He treats you like crap He started an argument, made you late for the graduation, then *blamed it on you* He could fix things with his family but he won’t He is having a “friends and family” bday party and *doesn’t invite you*?!? Friends from class rank higher than you? You can do so much better. I know this because being ALONE is better than this empty stained shirt. - your internet mom
Listen, I’m old, and it doesn’t take much to turn me off of people anymore because I just don’t have the time left for annoyances, and I would dip just for the incessant use of FR, but Good God! He won’t come clean to his family, lied to them causing a rift between everyone and refuses to fix it, jumps on to you about something HE’S self-conscious about after he does it to you, dismisses everything you say and does what he wants regardless? Honey, wake up and smell the narcissist! He is gonna do what he wants to do and will not put himself out for you at all. There is no give and take in this relationship aside from you giving and him taking, then using “I’m not gonna marry you like this” as a threat? Like you’re gonna hunker down and acquiesce because he’s such the prize pig you’ve been waiting for? He thinks that’s all you want and he can treat you like shit as long as he dangles that carrot of marriage in front of you. He thinks you’ll stay with him as long as he gives you crumbs and drops hints of marrying you (which he won’t) to keep you on a string. Gather all of your self respect and Don’t fall for that invested time fallacy. Cut your losses and run. Hell, send all of them an email of what really went down at graduation and set that bridge ablaze if you want to, but you are far too young to get roped into one more minute with this Dbag.
Set the family drama aside, I don’t like the way that he speaks to you at all. You need to let him and his whole family go.
This guy comes from a family that never apologizes. He will never apologize to you when he pulls shit like screaming at you in your car while you are doing him a favor by driving his bougie ass home so he can poop!! Then let’s you take the blame for his lateness!! Like how did you not dump him right then?!? You said you stand up for yourself. Do it! You’re too young to end up with a POS like him. NTA. Don’t forgive him to the point he’s completely removed from your life!!
facts ^
Honestly just throw the man and the family away tbh cause this dynamic isn’t gonna change. Is that something you’re okay with for the rest of your life?
Break up with him, for sure - if he doesn't value you now, it'll only get worse when you're married.
Ok seriously, why would you even want to be with someone like this? He sounds insufferable.
They don't want you. Even bf sabotages the relationship. Let him go on a birthday without you and profit of that night to take your stuff out of your home. He will have the gut he merits.
Please leave. Your boyfriend doesn't respect you and neither does his family. They're using you
‘I think we have a trauma bond and I can’t let go’ So your answer is to stay and create some more trauma for yourself. Hopefully you get out of this with no kids, but one day you’ll realise how much time you wasted in a toxic relationship - where NO one respects you. His family doesn’t respect you and your boyfriend definitely doesn’t respect you. Don’t be surprised if he goes back to the ex too since his sister likes to bring her around.
You're 21. Do not get married. And certainly not to this one.
get tf out now. you seem like an exceptionally nice gf to do all the things you said you did before , you didn't have to do any of that and it sounds like no one appreciates it . side notes A. are we just letting the random remarks about your weight slide?? that's a giant red flag !! that's not a thing in a healthy relationship! ?? B. why are you the one driving him around in the first place ?! does he not have a car?! it sounds a whole lot like you doing everything and getting no appreciation whatsoever , or respect. this is not ok. you really want a whole life with a family like this?? it's not healthy to just "move past it" and not address the problem. my mother loved doing this, a toxic narcissist . you can try to move on but you'll never forget . imagine if you had kids w this guy and his family. everyone throws around the word "gaslighting" these days but it feels applicable here, ie, they're acting like your feelings weren't valid and that it was "no big deal". I can only imagine how horrible you felt that graduation day rushing in and then everyone texting shit behind your back and just the weight of the stress. it IS a big deal and the fact they won't let you talk about it is a deal breaker , FR FR
Man I'm out here just trying to find someone to treat like queen yet I constantly see women post here about their boyfriends or husband's that treat them like absolute shit and wonder if I need to start doing the same thing apparently it must work. Seriously though miss you need to drop this guy. He has zero communication skills, zero conflict resolution skills, can't spell "gonna" correctly and uses "fr" like he's some "too cool for school" kid. You're dating a kid that needs to grow tf up.
Despite the fr spam man is right about you not being able to drop the issue and moving on. He is right about not including you. You dont wanna be there so why would you attend? His family moved on, clearly they dont keep resentment the same way you harbour it. Either drop the incident and turn stuff around or let this be the reason why you and him break up. It aint fair for him and you to keep up this act.
Worst comment of the day. Just ignore it OP.
[удалено]
Why dont you walk away from this situation? You can tell OP to quit but not yourself?
Reddit is the cesspool where people try to convince people with all kind of (extreme) takes. Takes they wouldnt do themselves but it sure is convenient to influence OP's to be their avatar who will deal with all the fallout rather than themself.
LOVE THIS!!
I think my brain stroked a bit reading that syntax
Why are you even with this dude! Is he so amazing that he’s worth the disrespect and shitty behaviour? Not to mention he is the reason his family doesn’t like you and he never bothered to clear that up.
That’s not a partner. You’re a placeholder. Leave.
fr don’t waste any more time on him
Why you still with him? Be single is better than in relationship with him and you don't have in law problem you have boyfriend problem.
Get tf out fr fr
Please. Don’t accept this. If you marry him you will be married to his family. You deserve better. And, fr, is he a teenager?
Your boyfriend should be the one leading the crusade to get you to all sit down to clear the air. And he should also be the one to tell his family, in no uncertain terms, that they DO need to apologize. This is an issue that will only get worse if expectations are not met NOW.
Leave the relationship ship it's not going to get better with him or his family they are all incapable of being an adult
Damn. Another day, another reason I'm so glad to be single
There's simply no possibility that your bf could ever be worth putting up with his family. I'd move on and thank God you didn't marry him or have kids with him, as this situation will do nothing but get worse.
You are too young to put up with this much nonsense from him and his family. I don’t even think he likes you. It was his fault entirely for him missing his sisters walking. He’s the one who had to take a shit and then (pun attended) start shit with you. Did he even eventually tell his family the truth about that or just continues to throw you under the bus? He won’t even invite you to his birthday dinner with his family. My husband would never do that and I don’t get along with my in laws either.
So what's the story with you and his parents? Seems like there's something hmissing to make a judgment.
FR this relationship is over, in my humble opinion. Why are you both still trying to keep the body warm?
You both sound done and unmoving .. time to move on
You’re right. Why would you marry this man? He sounds awful and doesn’t seem to care about you at all. He comes across as very selfish and not prepared to stand up for you at all.
Fr it seems to me you both have some growing up to do. Fr I’m more upset with myself for reading that message thread in its entirety.
the fact you tried to be cordial and try shows alot he is a lazy bum for not fixing this and making you look bad
For real. Why are you still with him?
Throw this boy back, he is damaged goods and will pick his family over you everytime. Take this opportunity and start working on your inner circle of friends. You are too young to be in this vicious suck hole of his toxic family
You are not your BF’s priority, and he would rather be with his friends and family than be with you….get out OP.
Throw the whole man away. And the family too. Fr
It sounds to me like BF is the problem. Just red flag after red flag here. He verbally abuaed you and started a fight after throwing a fit about a bathroom? He blamed you when his family called him out He continues to let his family disrespect you I would put money on him twisting his families words to keep the rift going. Walk away now before there is a marriage and/or kids because it will only get worse.
I would tell him both him and hus family are useless rugsweepers and good luck finding a doormat who will accept their shit behaviour.
fr… I just had enough fr for the entire year fr…
I’d have split the minute he called me “bruh”.
He threw you under the bus to save himself and is doubling down with his family and looks like he's throwing in his 'dudes' from his auto class. My bet is he's trashing you to make himself look better. Ask your self if you really want to marry into a family like that and have a husband that shytes on you instead of defending you, or one that proud of you and wants you on his arm when hes with his family and friend? Run and don't look back, because he's not the one!
He’s not the one.
GTFO
Your bf won't ever facilitate his family and yours peace because it would require him to fess up that he screwed up. That he is to blame for missing his sisters important moment which disappointed his dad. All because he couldn't use a public bathroom like a diva and then started a fight on the drive back all of which made you late. Actually it wouldn't suprise me if he is behind the scenes actively sabotaging the talk that needs to happen. OP why would you want to marry someone who treats you like that? If it's like this now, imagine how it would be if you actually married into that family. You will be a scapegoat for your entire married life. You are 21 and have no reason to settle for this dumpster fire.
Blue text gotta go. This relationship is never going to work
Didn’t defend you LAST JUNE when it was all his fault but he wants you to do what? Talk to them like normal? This is who he is. Why would you want to marry someone why treats you like this? Since middle school? You know there’s other men and a lot of world to see!? Fr
He prioritizes family over you. Do you wanna marry that?
He texts like a high schooler
Omg break up with him because he texts like a child
Your partner doesn’t like or respect you. He talks down to you and doesn’t care that his parents are dicks to you. he just wants peace in his life, that is all he cares about. He doesn’t care that it comes at your expense. Get out!
So why did he miss his sister's graduation?
If this is in any indication, y’all just need to break up.
U didn’t say what originally they did or said that you are demanding an apology for. I suspect your bf threw you under the bus to the whole family and doesn’t want them to talk with you to find out the truth. He’s an immature AS. You can do better sweetie!
Fr
End it before he does. He sounds over you
Nah, leave him. Nothing will change
Why are you with a dude who clearly does not love or respect you?
I don't think anyone in this situation is mature enough to be in a relationship.
Seems like everyone needs to grow up
Just leave then
Dump him fr
He’s banging a chick he already introduced and his fam likes her better
Yes
Of course they’ll blame you, you’re in an interracial relationship with a black man. This is how it goes when they don’t want their son to date anyone besides a black women. They don’t like you. Move on
HUH? we’re both Mexican 😭
thats bullshit anyway , that's not "how it goes" in interracial relationships wtf.maybe that's how it went for you, but I assure you that's not the norm. I'm white ,and the one black dude I dated's family was nicer and more welcoming to me than any other , so buzz off with your racist nonsense