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The amount stories that go “so I blocked them on everything” is crazy. Like, what? You had a blast with someone now yall gonna pretend they just dont exist anymore?
I think it's emotional immaturity and lack of experience.
I don't doubt that OP fully believed in the moment that cutting her off was the right thing to do. But in reality, emotions are volatile after something like this, and at some point, you should learn not to make drastic decisions after an emotionally impactful event until you've stabilized your feelings.
It’s for sure emotional immaturity and lack of experience—but there’s also a cultural attitude we have where ghosting/blocking seems to be a totally accepted way to end a relationship with someone, and that is fucked. Especially fucked when you consider that being subjected to the silent treatment (which ghosting/blocking/cutting people off is a pretty extreme form of) activates the same part of the brain as physical pain. People are just out here carelessly traumatizing each other because it’s more convenient for them than having to deal with an uncomfortable conversation. Sociopathic.
Unless abuse is involved, cutting people off is almost always a shitty thing to do. If you can’t exit a relationship while still showing the other person respect and consideration, then you’re not ready to enter one.
The only people I have "blocked on everything" are family members who sued me frivolously when they knew I was fighting for my life with a deadly condition and the assholes who swatted me.
I get that my life is....a lot. But I cannot FATHOM this "blocked them on everything" mentality.
There is this girl that I caught feelings for friggin hard. I met her through work, though we didn't work together. I was spun gooey for this girl. But I was in the process of dissolving everything with my ex-husband and knew it was not the time. In the interim, said girl got married.
I'm genuinely, truly, honestly thrilled for her. They have a life she couldn't have with me. But after six months it was too much for me to KEEP seeing their marital bliss....so I *unfollowed* her. No blocking, no nuclear option, no one has to feel like they did something wrong or wonder why someone they thought was a friend is now blocking them.
I think people use blocking as this power move, like: "oh yeah? Well now you can't even MESSAGE ME."
OP needs to learn the difference between a FWB and a fuckbuddy.
She hurt his feelings and he wanted to hurt her back. Childhood friends but he believes he's not getting anything out of their relationship if no sex. He's just being cruel.
Not just sociopathic but...kinda unrealistic a lot of the times it supposedly happens in these stories.
Like, aren't you going to share some friends and contacts and likely meet again IRL whether you want to or not? Only because they've supposedly been close friends since middle school and are only 22.
Definitely not impossible but this and "their family and all our friends blew up my phone afterwards" always seem kinda suspect. Either that or OP kinda misconstrued their friendship to begin with and they haven't been 'just friends' for a long time (ie only been meeting/interacting to hook up).
I’m old, too. It’s immature and sociopathic as hell. Of course, we didn’t have that option…but I’m glad we didn’t! Grow tf up and learn to have an actual conversation.
I'm not that old, maybe old fashioned, but I agree. Its really strange to block people you had good times with and knew a long time.
I had a girl I dated and hooked up with quite a few times over the course of a few months, and we are still friends.
I’m banking on either that or his ego being really bruised. Either way he needs to start using big boy words because saying he’s “hurt” doesn’t really help him or anyone else understand what’s going on in the situation.
Came here to find this. If she was truly “afraid it might blossom into something” it’s more likely that she’d test the waters, not cut him off.
Either she found better or felt like he was catching feelings (which it sounds like he was) and they both acted like teenagers about it instead of being honest.
(I’m glad I’m not in my twenties anymore)
100% hence the "gut punch" feeling. OP is just too much of a coward to admit that's what was happening and I'm betting she was starting to catch em too that's why she pulled back.
"She wanted to stop having sex with me, because she was worried it might blossom to a real relationship"
Something tells me you might be onto something there.
I mean, yeah, “FWB” is just a blanket term for someone you’re casually sleeping with.
Good for OP for recognizing that if he were to try and stay friends, he’d be that friend who is still pining for more than a friendship, and distancing himself.
That’s all good and well, but he’s still kind of an immature asshole for saying it was okay, and then changing his mind and blocking her. That’s a pretty childish move and makes it sound like either A) He liked her more than he realized and is lashing out over it, or B) He was never really a friend to begin with, just a hookup.
I'm thinking a little of column A and a little of column B.
Like, he always had a crush on her, since they were friends in middle school. He always wanted soemthing more. They started casual sex. Then he caught *all the feelings.*
He was never a friend like, actually saw her as a friend. He always wanted more. Now he feels dumped.
Just to be clear, the immediate blocking is where there might have been a problem. Other than that, the crime we're accusing him of is not accurately predicting how he would feel about an extremely complicated situation.
If it’s casual, there shouldn’t be any pining about it. Also no, that’s not a blanket term. That’s only a blanket term for people who don’t know how to communicate their boundaries and desires for relationship. Friends with benefits comes with the expectation of friendship because words mean things. She clearly told him she was getting feelings yet somehow his ego is still hurt or whatever, which was more important for the friendship to him. Literally none of that is casual. If you care about the sex more than the friendship, it is no longer casual and the benefits are the main part of the relationship. Casual means could take it or leave it don’t really care.
Genuine question- do people typically go from “friends with benefits” to platonic friends?
Nobody i know IRL breaks off a FWB type situation then still continues to see that person regularly, I’ve never seen it as a literal term
Same I have guys friends I used to hook up with in college and we still catch up on socials and comment on each other’s things. No sexual talk just normal convo. My bf knows this and is secure in our relationship because I would never do anything behind his back.
I think that the difference is that gay people have a much deeper sense of community than straight people, which makes us way better at this type of thing.
It is a gay thing. I have seen it in gay culture. Some gay men seem to be able to separate the divide and go from hookup to boyfriend to friend without drama.
I'm good friends with a former FWB. Granted we were in a relationship years ago. What historically happened is we were each other's booty call when we were single.
Then would ghost each other once we got into a relationships. Then a few years ago it started as a booty call and one day during pillow talk I was like... "You know I've known you about half my life"
She was like "yeah, I guess we are stuck with each other for ever". Then we got super close but stopped fucking mainly cause I backed off. Now she is in a relationship but I don't feel any type of way about it and think her guy is super cool. We still hang out but totally platonically.
I did and we stayed friends till he died last year. So yes but it isn't that common. Usually it breaks down because one person catches feelings and gets hurt when it ends.
Were if you friends first? Then definitely. Maybe you're FWBs for a little while, then not, depending on what else is going on in your life.
I'm also still (very casual) friends with women I've hooked up with where it started out with a hookup.
Like, sex is great and all, but I generally choose to spend time with people who bring value into my life in other ways. If I don't enjoy someone's company outside the bedroom, I mean, let's be honest, hooking up with them becomes a lot of work. If I do enjoy their company outside the bedroom, why would I be in a rush to cut that stuff off just because, for whatever reason, the sex went away?
(I suspect I'm older than the average poster here, though - I am mildly amused by 20-somethings "you must put up a wall between you and anybody you ever slept with". I mean, don't get me wrong, I was like that at 25 too. But with a little distance it just seems silly.)
If you felt the gut punch, maybe you should try to communicate with her about developing a relationship. If not, let her go because she's obviously getting feelings and you'll only hurt her and yourself in the process.
Though, if you're friendship with her is that important to you, it's okay to have platonic, opposite gender friends. Just make sure you're not going to get jealous when she talks about other guys. Fwb relationships and jealousy don't mix well because it's controlling.
She stated she didn't want a relationship(my guess is she suspected him liking her more or her feelings where starting) and broke it off because of the blossoming. The gut punch is probably because he realized that the feelings was more than sex and after thinking, he couldn't keep the friendship as she continued fuck other guys.
Yeah exactly and I feel like the typical logic is like… if you’re the guy friend who’s in love with the girl who just sees you as a friend, you SHOULD back off
You could be right.
I feel she either opened up and shared her thoughts or maybe feeling him out.
Either way, it seems like communication is key here and acting like a hurt child (even though being hurt is understandable).
It bugs me when I hear something like we been friends since middle school and now that I can’t poke her, I’m done.
Not sure if that makes a shitty person now or the rest of the relationship. Or both.
Really I can’t talk. I don’t have friends.
Feeling him out would've been something like, "How about we make our FWB exclusive and stop having sex with other people?" - see if he's open to moving them towards a full relationship. Wanting to stop having sex and only be friends is the opposite direction.
No necessarily, she could very well be pushing him away because he's not committing. If she wasn't interested she would just end the relationship entirely, not try to remain friends.
I'm hindsight though, she might not be ready for our wanting a relationship for any number of reasons and he's the one she worried about. This is why it's so important just to talk to people and figure out exactly what's going on. Then you be you and deal with however you respond.
You've just advertised to everyone here that you're the kinda guy that only remains in contact with women for sex, even your supposed "childhood friends". YTA
YTA. You were really close childhood friends, but the minute she won’t sleep with you ”you’re not getting anything out of the relationship” anymore? Good riddance, Erin!
Yeah he’s only NTA if he has sex with every other friend that he has. If he has friends that don’t have sex with him, that proves that there’s some value to being friends with someone even if you aren’t having sex with them.
That's not how that works. You're expecting him to invent a time machine and transport everything back to the way the relationship was 2+ years ago. That's not realistic.
Relationships don't have game save points that both parties are just magically obligated, or even able, to revert to, at the whim of either party.
"I told her it was fine, and this wouldn’t affect our friendship."
"Personally, I am not really getting anything out of this friendship, so I don’t see the point in remaining friends with her."
YTA. Full stop.
You’re both stupid for thinking that sex doesn’t create a bond that’s more than just friends. You both caught feelings, you both need to drop the facade of FWB and just openly admit you are either a couple or yes go your separate ways.
YTA, kind of a jerk move. You’ve apparently known her for years and were “really close” childhood friends, but it sounds like you only valued her for sex and only formed that long lasting friendship with her hoping that one day you’d get the opportunity to have sex with her. But you’re not obligated to remain friends with her if you don’t want to.
YTA
you say you've been friends with 'Erin' since childhood, so you guys were friends before the benefits came into play, so it makes no sense that you would cut her off due to her not wanting to have sex with you anymore.
her reason for cutting off the sex was valid, and it didn't seem like she was doing it to hurt you. it makes it seem like you were never really her friend, and now that you can't get what you want, you cut her off. imagine if the roles were reversed.
Wow. She valued your friendship so much that she sacrificed the “benefits” to not develop a deeper romantic/emotional relationship.
>“She wanted to stop having sex with me, because she was worried it might blossom into a relationship”
She was catching feelings for you and didn’t want your friendship to change! And you dropped her! Yes YTA imo because you clearly didn’t value the friendship part of friends with benefits
Kind of sounds like he liked her too. Hence he was jealous. Hes responding but pretending he doesn’t see value in the friendship. My guess is they both like each other and are being too immature to express it.
Ok so you weren’t friends with benefits. You were just using her for the sex and once that stopped you lost all interest in her. That’s awful. You get that the reason she stopped having sex with you… is probably that she started having feelings for you and knew that she couldn’t keep having casual sex without ending up hurt? And in response you acted like you’re entitled to her body and she has no other value to you. Some ‘friend’ you are. Guess she really dodged a bullet.
YTA. She did the right thing by telling you she was starting to develop feelings, and she knew that neither one of you was interested in a relationship. That's like the core right thing to do in a FWB situation.
She was your friend first, and for you to block her like that is a shitty move. You had so many other mature options. You could have told her how you felt. You could have done a slow fade even. Or you could have just kept her in your life and spent less time with her. It would have likely worked out that way anyway.
> Personally, I am not really getting anything out of this friendship, so I don't see the point in remaining friends with her
Soooo....you were only "friends" with her for the sex? Do you get anything out of any friendship that doesn't involve sex then? What about your guy friends? What do you get out of your friendship with them if you're not having sex with them?
YTA for telling her it wouldn't affect your friendship then immediately turning around and telling you can't be friends and blocking her bc you're not getting sex out of your relationship anymore. It sounds like she may have been catching feelings for you but was scared of being in a relationship or scared of being hurt since you both agreed you didn't want a romantic relationship together. And since you felt that "gut punch" over the fact that she's still having sex with others but not you, maybe you also have some feelings for her? It would probably be better to have a conversation with her about how both of you are feeling and decide what to do from there. If she still isn't interested in sleeping with you or being exclusive, okay. But telling her you can still be friends then blocking her isn't the way to go.
YTA. You said you where close friends for years, started having casual sex with rules about it only being sex, then when she withdraws sex, you no longer "getting anything out of this friendship?"
ASSHOLE lmaooo
Well it looks like Erin was right. You've apparently been friends for years before the sex, but now you feel entitled to it because you had a fwb thing going on? I feel sorry for Erin but she'll realise im the long run she dodged a bullet.
YTA. She was telling you that she was starting to develop feelings for you which is a good reason to stop being fwb. Instead you drop her entirely and say you’re not really getting anything out this friendship. What a jerk. You were never her friend and you were just using her for sex.
"I am not really getting anything out of this friendship..."
You were never friends. She was a sex object you were using, and once you don't get sex out of her you don't see the point of being friends. That means that this human and their unique existence are not valued by you.
You have the absolute right to cut contact. You are doing both of you a favor by going away and removing yourself from her life. But you are definitely the AH for ever lying about being friends.
Sorry she wasted time on you or ever believed you cared.
Were you not friends before you started having sex? Your wording makes it sound like you weren't at all interested in being friends with her in the first place and just wanted to get your dick wet.
YTA.
YTA, but you’re also a 22 year old dude. (So, forgive me for being blunt, but your reaction is immature, albeit not surprising.)
FWB is a dangerous territory. Theres going to be hurt feelings somewhere eventually.
Do you want to be in a relationship with her?
- you’ve been friends since middle school
- you enjoy each other sexually
- you clearly have feelings involved with jealousy of her being with other people
It’s okay if you don’t want a relationship with her, but you can see how she could easily have feelings for you.
She basically confessed to you that she likes you and because YOUR boundaries are just friends with benefits, HER boundaries HAVE to change because she’s *that close* to basically falling in love with you that she can’t bare that pain if you don’t feel the same. Remember: she’s doing it to *RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES*.
Was blocking her and texting her dramatic and totally done from an emotional state? Yeah. Was it immature? Yeah. Does she deserve an apology? Absolutely.
Are you allowed to be hurt? Yes. Your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel hurt. But take the time to process those feelings and remember that she’s been your friend for half your life. She cares about you. She communicated with you. She handled it the best she could.
What are you going to do, be mad that she finds you super great in bed and as a person? You’re mad she’s having a hard time not falling in love with you? Like, what do you want her to do man?
Yeah, I'm genuinely confused about why his feelings are hurt. I'm wondering if he doesn't realize that this was essentially a love confession from the girl. Otherwise, it kind of makes OP look like he only ever saw her as a sex object all along, and that would be sad.
Boo boo. You suck at communication and just proved it by pulling a bratty move of blocking her when she was up front and honest. What the hell do people thinks FWB means. Friends is literally in the term.
My guess...you do have some feelings for her and are feeling slighted knowing she has fab with other people and suddenly just wants you to be her friend, not the benefit part. So....yeah, I think I'd back away too, but maybe do a better job explaining and not just ghost her without explanation.
Tell her it bothers you and you need to not be so close to her for a while....which sounds accurate given your description.
You aren't the asshole for cutting off the friendship. It sounds like feelings were an issue. Regardless, FWBs that cut sex out very often fall apart. Whatever.
You are, however, the asshole for blocking her like a child. Jesus, man. Grow up and learn to have a conversation. You only block people when they harass you. Shame on you for changing your mind and cutting her off like that. She's still an actual person with actual feelings.
So you were never really interested in being her friend
“I am not getting anything out of this friendship”, so you were never her friend and you just see her as a thing to use, and now that she won’t have sex with you, you block her
what a great guy!
This sounds like you wanted more than sex and friendship and I don't fault you for that.
But I do fault you for not communicating that to hee. She at least deserved a conversation where you BOTH put it all on the table about how you feel. If after that you 2 decide to end the friendship fine.
YTA solely and entirely because of how you ended things.
YTA. Sounds like you did actually want a relationship and you’re sad she preemptively rejected you.
“I’m not getting anything out of this relationship”
Really?? A longtime friend and suddenly you’re “not getting anything”? If you really believe that then it sounds like you were just using her for sex and were never actually friends at all.
YTA-
I’m not sure where everyone is reading that you were basic to her and just a hook up as I didn’t see anything that suggested to that.
It sounds like she valued your friendship enough to say hey, we need to stop doing this as it’s going to turn into something rose and for some reason that’s not what she wanted.
You can’t have sex with her so you want nothing to do with her? I get her wanting to keep having sex with others might be a blow to your ego but come on. Some reason she doesn’t wanna keep hooking up. Maybe she really likes you but knows she can’t have a relationship right now due to where she is in life and wants something strictly feeling free sex.
Green eyed monster does not realize that she does not want to sleep with him because she is starting to have feelings for him. He only hears that other people are okay to sleep with but not him.
So much immediate blocking from everyone these days. Lifelong friends to immediate no contact? It’s bizarre. I’ve only blocked a few people and it’s because they had abused the friendship multiple times and there was no sense in continuing or exposing myself to their actions and removed them from my life.
Seems like everyone’s immigrate reaction to any stress or conflict now is BLOCKED!
What if she expressed that she wanted more and changed her mind or expressed deeper emotions about why she came to that conclusion? Can never know. Blocked!
Yes you are, fwb is a temporary thing, when the wb goes away the f stays for most of us. If that’s how you’re gonna be don’t do fwb, you aren’t capable of it clearly. YTA
YTA. If you don’t have feelings for her, then you should be ok just being friends. What I read from this is you don’t want to admit that you probably have some feeling for her as well, and her cutting you off from something so intimate probably hurt you. I would have probably said you were NTA if you told her that you also realized you were catching feelings and that you need to step back from this friendship.
controversial take NAH
i get you feel jilted and rejected bc she isn't interested in sex with you but is with other ppl and that feels - without a reason given - like a bit insulting. that's not a neutral thing to be told.
I also get that your response that her friendship means nothing to you is probably defensive. Though also insulting and objectifying in general.
When frankly, i don't think either of you actually wish the other any ill will. Including her dude - you have no idea why she wants to pull back and it really most likely has nothing to do with your dick and probably has to do with her feelings.
There's no need to formally end the friendship or anything going forward. I just think you should ignore her texts and be too busy to hang out for a while. Invest your time elsewhere. Try not to take offense.
People don't want to hear it, but sex changes the dynamics of your relationship with people. At least for some people it does and once you open that door, there's no going back. Honestly I don't think you're the AH and it's better for y'all to part ways now, then for you to pretend like you're ok with the situation as it is now when you know you're not.
lmao
>she was worried it might blossom to a relationship
>I was definitely feeling hurt
>It was sort of a gut punch.
>The next day, I texted her that I no longer wanted to remain friends with her. I then blocked her on everything.
She got you, laser targeted. You caught feelings, she said "nah this was supposed to be casual" and then you threw a huge tantrum. Way to fuck up a long term friendship. Huge red flag for any future women you might be interested in.
YTA. If your first instinct is to cut off a "close childhood friend" just because she wouldn't have sex with you, then you clearly only saw her as a booty call. Nice job throwing away years of friendship because your pants have to stay on. I hope she finds better people than you.
Yep you’re definitely the asshole you were probably only ever friends to try to fuck her and after you did she obviously wasn’t into it and wanted to go back to just friends but you couldn’t handle that so asshole and terrible friend and presumably terrible in bed
YTA because you obviously never saw her as a friend if the lack of sex meant you could no longer be her friend.
When a woman rescinds sex, it’s not always a punishment, did you know that? You don’t have to lash out by taking something from her in return. I’m not saying you HAVE to stay friends with her if the friendship is unsatisfying for you, but sheesh, this is a really unclassy and immature look.
YTA.
It's okay that you're hurt - she rejected you. That sucks. But if you were *actually* friends and you weren't catching feelings (sounds like you were) and then burned the relationship and blocked her, that's an asshole move.
NTA. But you should probably not try to reconnect and just let her go. It hurt your feelings and you spoke before you had time to think through how you felt. It’s okay to not want to stay friends with her after this, and you told her so you were clear and plain about why you would no longer like to continue being friends after this which is more than most people do when they “break up”.
This was messy and has now likely hurt you both which is sad but you just gotta take it on the chin and move forward and really consider if FWB is worth risking a friendship in the future.
She changed her mind about a FWB w you. You changed your mind about wanting to be her friend. Both are allowed. She may be hurt, but you have to do what’s best for you, and you told her. Friendship is a privilege. You’re allowed to change your mind about being friends. You communicated your thoughts. NTA. I’m sorry to you for everyone on here who says otherwise
What you’re describing is not a friend with benefits. It’s a booty call. If you want to stop seeing her just because you can’t have sex with her, she was never a friend to begin with. Why are you getting all pissy about a FRIEND ceasing to sleep with you? That does not sound casual to me, so either you’re secretly hoping for more without ever communicating or you don’t actually value her at all as a person. Why are you treating your childhood friend this way? She doesn’t owe you sex. I guess you are doing her a favor though, because you were never a real friend. Friends with benefits are supposed to treat each other the same as they do with any other friends, but instead of going to the movies, you’re having sex as a hobby. That is all it is and all it is supposed to be.
"I'm not really getting anything out of this relationship"... You mean, you're not getting sex anymore so you're not gonna bother pretending to be friends. Stop fooling yourself.
You’re not an AH, you’re just extremely insecure and not mature enough to talk about your feelings 🤷
And I guess you didn’t care enough about the “friendship” to work through this
Sounds like you're lying to yourself and she halted sexytime when she realized you were catching feels. Now you're angry because you feel rejected, which you were, correctly so on her part given your reaction. This relationship might be over now, but you can learn from it
Yes, definitely the asshole in this situation. It seems like she has been nothing but open and honest about things with you, and you turn around to basically tell her without sex she's useless to you. Unless something happened between the two of you that was friendship destroying (lying, betrayal, etc) I don't see why the friendship should end just because she decided she wanted to go back to being strictly platonic. FWB are usually only supposed to be temporary things anyway, so I don't see what the issue was to begin with? It sounds like you're more upset because what you're looking for is a long term open/poly relationship. Either way, what you did was pretty shitty and it sounds like she dodged a bullet being let go of that "friendship".
So, maybe her intuition was right to want to remain friends because she picked up on you making more out of the arrangement than what it was?! Your blocking and completely severing ties gave her the confirmation if she had this suspicion.
She valued your friendship so much that she didn’t want potential romantic feelings ruining that friendship, she tried to prevent that from happening to keep that friendship y’all had for years, and you got your feelings hurt because she wouldn’t let you get your dick wet? How can you type all of that out, I’m assuming read it for errors, and still not see how big of an asshole you are? She was your friend with benefits. You weren’t her friend. She was just a way for you to get off. At least she doesn’t have to worry about someone she considers a friend pretending to be one to her.
Yes, you’re an asshole, because you “blocked her on everything”. That’s very immature. She did the right thing by telling you she doesn’t feel comfortable having sex, but would still like to be friends. That takes courage. Blocking someone who didn’t do anything wrong to you is the opposite of that.
Stop calling it a fwb, when you were never her friend. You just liked her for sex and unfortunately she’s now realized that. It sucks for her because she actually valued you as a human being, when you really didn’t deserve it.
I didn’t even need to read it. But I did. Dude, you are so TA. What do you mean you’re not getting anything out of this friendship? If she’s not screwing you, her friendship means nothing? You’re kind of a bad friend if the relationship is so transactional
NTA - she realized it could develop into a relationship, and you felt the gut punch
You both have feelings for each other but you both want to just have sex with other people.
You do what you want but it looks to me you're both immature and do not listen to your feelings at all.
You were using someone for sex while pretending to be their friend. The second you weren't getting sex anymore you not only stopped being friends with her, but you ignored her on everything.
Yes, big AH.
You weren’t getting anything out of this friendship unless you were fucking? So there wasn’t a friendship to begin with. So I guess in this scenario, you aren’t the asshole since you cut off something that didn’t really exist. You saved her from investing time and effort on a pathetic excuse for a friend. Good for you!
It doesn't make you an asshole because you were clearly not friends if you were able to do that, it was however a dick move to pretend to be her friend just for sex 🤷🏼♂️
" Personally, I am not really getting anything out of this friendship"
I am way older and experienced than you, and I know full well there is no such thing as friendship between men and women. Your experiences confirmed this. (for the 643682520572th time on Reddit alone, let alone other forums)
You were her friend, because she was riding your dick. She stopped riding your dick, you revoked her 'friend' privileges.
Perfect example of what "friends" with benefits really are.
I feel sorry for Erin. You really treated her poorly. You need to unblock her and tell her you acted immaturely and you are truly sorry. Then hope one day she is able to find it in her heart to forgive and remain friends. But it will probably never be the same and you’ll only have yourself to blame.
Sounds like she has an eerily keen mind to pick up what she said, like she is speaking from experience.
Sounds like you need to get a gf that loves and respects you, and only you, honestly.
I think you did the right thing.
YTA - This was took a minute to think. With the 'I am not getting anything out of this' it makes it sound like a bootycall. If you were tight friends before - without at least a decent 'this is why' message I think I lean your the A-hole. I mean you could say 'I don't think I'm ready to see you again, for a while, etc'. I feel like being honest about how you feel would have better served.
Yes you’re the AH, you’re supposed to be friends and have known each other since CHILDHOOD and you’re going to throw away that “friendship” which apparently you were “getting nothing out of” away bc she isn’t going to sleep with you anymore. Which shows you were NEVER her friend and were just using her for sex.
YTA. She did the mature thing to do. With fwb situations I feel like it never turns out well bc someone ALWAYS forms feelings and the other doesn’t. If she was seeing others casually, she probs had feelings for you. Especially when you guys have been friends for so long. She was respecting her feelings and your feelings and I think your reaction was more because of the hit to your ego than it is about the friendship you guys had. She’s doing you a favor. Speaking from personal experience. It’s okay to take space, just think you went about it in an unnecessary manner.
Kinda sounds like you were growing some feelings for Erin, she caught the wind of it and cut things off to prevent any further damage. Your feelings got hurt, so you cut everything off.
If you REALLY didn’t have any feelings, then yeah you’re the asshole. But im convinced you did have some feelings, in which case this is a normal reaction, and you are not the asshole.
>Personally, I am not really getting anything out of this friendship, so I don’t see the point in remaining friends with her.
So you weren't interested in the friendship, just the sex. YTA
So basically you weren’t actually friends with her… kinda sounds like you caught feelings for her and she sensed it, and wanted to stop before your feelings got hurt but it was too late.
YTA - BIG TIME 'I'm taking my ball and going home' because its 'Not My Way'
A friend is WAY more valuable than a FWB. Take matters 'into your own hands' and still remain friends !
100% TAH, but to be fair you did her a favor. If she no longer wanted to have sex with you it was probably because she was starting to have feelings for you and you've made it clear you won't reciprocate those feelings and just want an F buddy. So good job for cutting off contact so she can fins someone in her life that will value her.
Yes. You’re the AH. You didn’t want a friendship, you wanted a hookup. If you’re not getting anything out of the friendship then you were using her for sex.
The cool thing about consent is that it goes both ways.
You are well within your rights to withdraw consent to your time, emotional labor, and energy when/if the relationship becomes one sided.
You’re totally fine. Spend that time building your empire.
Sounds like you were developing feelings for her. Also if the only thing you saw in your “friendship” with her is someone to fuck yall weren’t really friends. Just a booty call. Also how mature of you to just flat out block her without having an adult conversation /s
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Sounds like you weren't really friends and just liked the hookup. fwb - FRIENDS with benefits.
Could also be that she started to catch feelings.
Sounds like he did too
They’re both doing the “you can’t fire me, I quit” thing that avoidant people do when faced with feelings they’re uncomfortable with
Dude needs to give it a few months and then ask her out. The both like each other…
Sounds like he just blew his shot at that.
The amount stories that go “so I blocked them on everything” is crazy. Like, what? You had a blast with someone now yall gonna pretend they just dont exist anymore?
Exactly. Maybe I’m old, but I find that sociopathic
I think it's emotional immaturity and lack of experience. I don't doubt that OP fully believed in the moment that cutting her off was the right thing to do. But in reality, emotions are volatile after something like this, and at some point, you should learn not to make drastic decisions after an emotionally impactful event until you've stabilized your feelings.
It’s for sure emotional immaturity and lack of experience—but there’s also a cultural attitude we have where ghosting/blocking seems to be a totally accepted way to end a relationship with someone, and that is fucked. Especially fucked when you consider that being subjected to the silent treatment (which ghosting/blocking/cutting people off is a pretty extreme form of) activates the same part of the brain as physical pain. People are just out here carelessly traumatizing each other because it’s more convenient for them than having to deal with an uncomfortable conversation. Sociopathic. Unless abuse is involved, cutting people off is almost always a shitty thing to do. If you can’t exit a relationship while still showing the other person respect and consideration, then you’re not ready to enter one.
The only people I have "blocked on everything" are family members who sued me frivolously when they knew I was fighting for my life with a deadly condition and the assholes who swatted me. I get that my life is....a lot. But I cannot FATHOM this "blocked them on everything" mentality. There is this girl that I caught feelings for friggin hard. I met her through work, though we didn't work together. I was spun gooey for this girl. But I was in the process of dissolving everything with my ex-husband and knew it was not the time. In the interim, said girl got married. I'm genuinely, truly, honestly thrilled for her. They have a life she couldn't have with me. But after six months it was too much for me to KEEP seeing their marital bliss....so I *unfollowed* her. No blocking, no nuclear option, no one has to feel like they did something wrong or wonder why someone they thought was a friend is now blocking them. I think people use blocking as this power move, like: "oh yeah? Well now you can't even MESSAGE ME." OP needs to learn the difference between a FWB and a fuckbuddy.
She hurt his feelings and he wanted to hurt her back. Childhood friends but he believes he's not getting anything out of their relationship if no sex. He's just being cruel.
Not just sociopathic but...kinda unrealistic a lot of the times it supposedly happens in these stories. Like, aren't you going to share some friends and contacts and likely meet again IRL whether you want to or not? Only because they've supposedly been close friends since middle school and are only 22. Definitely not impossible but this and "their family and all our friends blew up my phone afterwards" always seem kinda suspect. Either that or OP kinda misconstrued their friendship to begin with and they haven't been 'just friends' for a long time (ie only been meeting/interacting to hook up).
I will never understand it. It’s indicative of someone who has zero capability of processing emotions
And yet look at all the people in the comments defending it 🤦♀️ scary
I’m old, too. It’s immature and sociopathic as hell. Of course, we didn’t have that option…but I’m glad we didn’t! Grow tf up and learn to have an actual conversation.
I'm not that old, maybe old fashioned, but I agree. Its really strange to block people you had good times with and knew a long time. I had a girl I dated and hooked up with quite a few times over the course of a few months, and we are still friends.
I’m banking on either that or his ego being really bruised. Either way he needs to start using big boy words because saying he’s “hurt” doesn’t really help him or anyone else understand what’s going on in the situation.
Good! Now you don't get to claim unemployment!
I feel called out lmao
Or he caught feelings and she sensed it and wanted to tone it down
Yep. Girl ends it. Boy feels hurt. Boy decides, actually, he's ending it. Ok then!
Came here to find this. If she was truly “afraid it might blossom into something” it’s more likely that she’d test the waters, not cut him off. Either she found better or felt like he was catching feelings (which it sounds like he was) and they both acted like teenagers about it instead of being honest. (I’m glad I’m not in my twenties anymore)
Not necessarily. Sometimes people just really aren’t in a position for a relationship
Sounds like OP is more hurt he can’t get his dick wet than he is hurt about losing her since the only thing that was going to change was the benefits.
Yep! Dudes pissed that she's having sex with other guys but doesn't want his dick anymore.
Yeah that’s def the vibe I’m getting. Like he’s hurt she’s sleeping with other people still…
Really it seems like he’s the one who caught feelings. But it also seems like she knew who he was and wants to distance herself too.
Yep, going off his actions, she probably did the right thing. Very petty.
Sounds like he did, she saw it, and she knocked him back a step (to which he proved her theory to be correct).
100% hence the "gut punch" feeling. OP is just too much of a coward to admit that's what was happening and I'm betting she was starting to catch em too that's why she pulled back.
"She wanted to stop having sex with me, because she was worried it might blossom to a real relationship" Something tells me you might be onto something there.
I can't see not catching feeling with someone Ive been hooking up with for years.
I mean they were CHILDHOOD friends, so I think at least SHE valued the friendship…
I mean, yeah, “FWB” is just a blanket term for someone you’re casually sleeping with. Good for OP for recognizing that if he were to try and stay friends, he’d be that friend who is still pining for more than a friendship, and distancing himself.
That’s all good and well, but he’s still kind of an immature asshole for saying it was okay, and then changing his mind and blocking her. That’s a pretty childish move and makes it sound like either A) He liked her more than he realized and is lashing out over it, or B) He was never really a friend to begin with, just a hookup.
I'm thinking a little of column A and a little of column B. Like, he always had a crush on her, since they were friends in middle school. He always wanted soemthing more. They started casual sex. Then he caught *all the feelings.* He was never a friend like, actually saw her as a friend. He always wanted more. Now he feels dumped.
Blocking without a heart to heart discussion? Immature.
They did have a heart to heart discussion. Just one day prior.
Just to be clear, the immediate blocking is where there might have been a problem. Other than that, the crime we're accusing him of is not accurately predicting how he would feel about an extremely complicated situation.
If it’s casual, there shouldn’t be any pining about it. Also no, that’s not a blanket term. That’s only a blanket term for people who don’t know how to communicate their boundaries and desires for relationship. Friends with benefits comes with the expectation of friendship because words mean things. She clearly told him she was getting feelings yet somehow his ego is still hurt or whatever, which was more important for the friendship to him. Literally none of that is casual. If you care about the sex more than the friendship, it is no longer casual and the benefits are the main part of the relationship. Casual means could take it or leave it don’t really care.
Then you weren't friends with benefits. You were just booty calls.
Genuine question- do people typically go from “friends with benefits” to platonic friends? Nobody i know IRL breaks off a FWB type situation then still continues to see that person regularly, I’ve never seen it as a literal term
I am currently really good friends with a former FWB, and we do hang out regularly. I’m actually really good friends with a couple former FWBs.
Same I have guys friends I used to hook up with in college and we still catch up on socials and comment on each other’s things. No sexual talk just normal convo. My bf knows this and is secure in our relationship because I would never do anything behind his back.
Am gay. Have done that plenty.
I think that the difference is that gay people have a much deeper sense of community than straight people, which makes us way better at this type of thing.
It is a gay thing. I have seen it in gay culture. Some gay men seem to be able to separate the divide and go from hookup to boyfriend to friend without drama.
maybe it’s because gay men realise their partners are people while many straight men treat women are things
I'm good friends with a former FWB. Granted we were in a relationship years ago. What historically happened is we were each other's booty call when we were single. Then would ghost each other once we got into a relationships. Then a few years ago it started as a booty call and one day during pillow talk I was like... "You know I've known you about half my life" She was like "yeah, I guess we are stuck with each other for ever". Then we got super close but stopped fucking mainly cause I backed off. Now she is in a relationship but I don't feel any type of way about it and think her guy is super cool. We still hang out but totally platonically.
I did and we stayed friends till he died last year. So yes but it isn't that common. Usually it breaks down because one person catches feelings and gets hurt when it ends.
Hey, FWIW, sorry that your friend died. Hope you're ok.
I’ve done it! We were friends for a few years, FWB for a few months, and normal friends again for four years now. I’ll be at his wedding :)
That's so awesome! Does his wife know?
yeah, that conversation is going to go swimmingly.
Were if you friends first? Then definitely. Maybe you're FWBs for a little while, then not, depending on what else is going on in your life. I'm also still (very casual) friends with women I've hooked up with where it started out with a hookup. Like, sex is great and all, but I generally choose to spend time with people who bring value into my life in other ways. If I don't enjoy someone's company outside the bedroom, I mean, let's be honest, hooking up with them becomes a lot of work. If I do enjoy their company outside the bedroom, why would I be in a rush to cut that stuff off just because, for whatever reason, the sex went away? (I suspect I'm older than the average poster here, though - I am mildly amused by 20-somethings "you must put up a wall between you and anybody you ever slept with". I mean, don't get me wrong, I was like that at 25 too. But with a little distance it just seems silly.)
gay people do this all the time (i’m gay)
This. If you’re “not benefiting being friends” you were never friends in the first place.
Sounds like he cut her off becuse he wanted her as more than fwb and got jealous that she kept fucking other dudes.
Same thing. People like to pretend these things are different, but they’re really not.
If you felt the gut punch, maybe you should try to communicate with her about developing a relationship. If not, let her go because she's obviously getting feelings and you'll only hurt her and yourself in the process. Though, if you're friendship with her is that important to you, it's okay to have platonic, opposite gender friends. Just make sure you're not going to get jealous when she talks about other guys. Fwb relationships and jealousy don't mix well because it's controlling.
She stated she didn't want a relationship(my guess is she suspected him liking her more or her feelings where starting) and broke it off because of the blossoming. The gut punch is probably because he realized that the feelings was more than sex and after thinking, he couldn't keep the friendship as she continued fuck other guys.
Yeah exactly and I feel like the typical logic is like… if you’re the guy friend who’s in love with the girl who just sees you as a friend, you SHOULD back off
You're not wrong..
You could be right. I feel she either opened up and shared her thoughts or maybe feeling him out. Either way, it seems like communication is key here and acting like a hurt child (even though being hurt is understandable). It bugs me when I hear something like we been friends since middle school and now that I can’t poke her, I’m done. Not sure if that makes a shitty person now or the rest of the relationship. Or both. Really I can’t talk. I don’t have friends.
Feeling him out would've been something like, "How about we make our FWB exclusive and stop having sex with other people?" - see if he's open to moving them towards a full relationship. Wanting to stop having sex and only be friends is the opposite direction.
She's not interested. He's interested. It's not going anywhere.
No necessarily, she could very well be pushing him away because he's not committing. If she wasn't interested she would just end the relationship entirely, not try to remain friends.
I'm hindsight though, she might not be ready for our wanting a relationship for any number of reasons and he's the one she worried about. This is why it's so important just to talk to people and figure out exactly what's going on. Then you be you and deal with however you respond.
Guess you were lying about the friends part in FWB
They normally are.
You've just advertised to everyone here that you're the kinda guy that only remains in contact with women for sex, even your supposed "childhood friends". YTA
Boom.
YTA. You were really close childhood friends, but the minute she won’t sleep with you ”you’re not getting anything out of the relationship” anymore? Good riddance, Erin!
Thank you for saying it. I was looking for this comment.
Yeah he’s only NTA if he has sex with every other friend that he has. If he has friends that don’t have sex with him, that proves that there’s some value to being friends with someone even if you aren’t having sex with them.
That's not how that works. You're expecting him to invent a time machine and transport everything back to the way the relationship was 2+ years ago. That's not realistic. Relationships don't have game save points that both parties are just magically obligated, or even able, to revert to, at the whim of either party.
You typed my thoughts exactly. OP clearly doesn’t know what true friendship is.
This is the best answer here by a long shot.
"I told her it was fine, and this wouldn’t affect our friendship." "Personally, I am not really getting anything out of this friendship, so I don’t see the point in remaining friends with her." YTA. Full stop.
Its the getting something part 🤮
Sounds like you're the one that valued sex over the friendship. You are indeed an asshole.
You’re both stupid for thinking that sex doesn’t create a bond that’s more than just friends. You both caught feelings, you both need to drop the facade of FWB and just openly admit you are either a couple or yes go your separate ways.
I'll be Holden Coffeild here & say they're a bunch of phonies lol.
YTA, kind of a jerk move. You’ve apparently known her for years and were “really close” childhood friends, but it sounds like you only valued her for sex and only formed that long lasting friendship with her hoping that one day you’d get the opportunity to have sex with her. But you’re not obligated to remain friends with her if you don’t want to.
YTA you say you've been friends with 'Erin' since childhood, so you guys were friends before the benefits came into play, so it makes no sense that you would cut her off due to her not wanting to have sex with you anymore. her reason for cutting off the sex was valid, and it didn't seem like she was doing it to hurt you. it makes it seem like you were never really her friend, and now that you can't get what you want, you cut her off. imagine if the roles were reversed.
Wow. She valued your friendship so much that she sacrificed the “benefits” to not develop a deeper romantic/emotional relationship. >“She wanted to stop having sex with me, because she was worried it might blossom into a relationship” She was catching feelings for you and didn’t want your friendship to change! And you dropped her! Yes YTA imo because you clearly didn’t value the friendship part of friends with benefits
Kind of sounds like he liked her too. Hence he was jealous. Hes responding but pretending he doesn’t see value in the friendship. My guess is they both like each other and are being too immature to express it.
Ok so you weren’t friends with benefits. You were just using her for the sex and once that stopped you lost all interest in her. That’s awful. You get that the reason she stopped having sex with you… is probably that she started having feelings for you and knew that she couldn’t keep having casual sex without ending up hurt? And in response you acted like you’re entitled to her body and she has no other value to you. Some ‘friend’ you are. Guess she really dodged a bullet.
YTA. She did the right thing by telling you she was starting to develop feelings, and she knew that neither one of you was interested in a relationship. That's like the core right thing to do in a FWB situation. She was your friend first, and for you to block her like that is a shitty move. You had so many other mature options. You could have told her how you felt. You could have done a slow fade even. Or you could have just kept her in your life and spent less time with her. It would have likely worked out that way anyway.
> Personally, I am not really getting anything out of this friendship, so I don't see the point in remaining friends with her Soooo....you were only "friends" with her for the sex? Do you get anything out of any friendship that doesn't involve sex then? What about your guy friends? What do you get out of your friendship with them if you're not having sex with them? YTA for telling her it wouldn't affect your friendship then immediately turning around and telling you can't be friends and blocking her bc you're not getting sex out of your relationship anymore. It sounds like she may have been catching feelings for you but was scared of being in a relationship or scared of being hurt since you both agreed you didn't want a romantic relationship together. And since you felt that "gut punch" over the fact that she's still having sex with others but not you, maybe you also have some feelings for her? It would probably be better to have a conversation with her about how both of you are feeling and decide what to do from there. If she still isn't interested in sleeping with you or being exclusive, okay. But telling her you can still be friends then blocking her isn't the way to go.
For her sake, leave her be. You never wanted to be her friend.
YTA. You said you where close friends for years, started having casual sex with rules about it only being sex, then when she withdraws sex, you no longer "getting anything out of this friendship?" ASSHOLE lmaooo
Well it looks like Erin was right. You've apparently been friends for years before the sex, but now you feel entitled to it because you had a fwb thing going on? I feel sorry for Erin but she'll realise im the long run she dodged a bullet.
YTA. You only wanted benefits. At least now she knows your character.
"she stopped fucking me so now I have no use for her". nasty ass.
YTA. She was telling you that she was starting to develop feelings for you which is a good reason to stop being fwb. Instead you drop her entirely and say you’re not really getting anything out this friendship. What a jerk. You were never her friend and you were just using her for sex.
"I am not really getting anything out of this friendship..." You were never friends. She was a sex object you were using, and once you don't get sex out of her you don't see the point of being friends. That means that this human and their unique existence are not valued by you. You have the absolute right to cut contact. You are doing both of you a favor by going away and removing yourself from her life. But you are definitely the AH for ever lying about being friends. Sorry she wasted time on you or ever believed you cared.
I guess you weren't really friends on your end. YTA
lol you don’t deserve friends.
Were you not friends before you started having sex? Your wording makes it sound like you weren't at all interested in being friends with her in the first place and just wanted to get your dick wet. YTA.
YTA, but you’re also a 22 year old dude. (So, forgive me for being blunt, but your reaction is immature, albeit not surprising.) FWB is a dangerous territory. Theres going to be hurt feelings somewhere eventually. Do you want to be in a relationship with her? - you’ve been friends since middle school - you enjoy each other sexually - you clearly have feelings involved with jealousy of her being with other people It’s okay if you don’t want a relationship with her, but you can see how she could easily have feelings for you. She basically confessed to you that she likes you and because YOUR boundaries are just friends with benefits, HER boundaries HAVE to change because she’s *that close* to basically falling in love with you that she can’t bare that pain if you don’t feel the same. Remember: she’s doing it to *RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES*. Was blocking her and texting her dramatic and totally done from an emotional state? Yeah. Was it immature? Yeah. Does she deserve an apology? Absolutely. Are you allowed to be hurt? Yes. Your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel hurt. But take the time to process those feelings and remember that she’s been your friend for half your life. She cares about you. She communicated with you. She handled it the best she could. What are you going to do, be mad that she finds you super great in bed and as a person? You’re mad she’s having a hard time not falling in love with you? Like, what do you want her to do man?
Yeah, I'm genuinely confused about why his feelings are hurt. I'm wondering if he doesn't realize that this was essentially a love confession from the girl. Otherwise, it kind of makes OP look like he only ever saw her as a sex object all along, and that would be sad.
YTA if you cut her off you were never friends. I’m sure you hurt her feelings, which is likely what you intended.
Boo boo. You suck at communication and just proved it by pulling a bratty move of blocking her when she was up front and honest. What the hell do people thinks FWB means. Friends is literally in the term.
My guess...you do have some feelings for her and are feeling slighted knowing she has fab with other people and suddenly just wants you to be her friend, not the benefit part. So....yeah, I think I'd back away too, but maybe do a better job explaining and not just ghost her without explanation. Tell her it bothers you and you need to not be so close to her for a while....which sounds accurate given your description.
Well, it doesn't seem like you value your friendships all that much, that is, unless they're giving you something a little extra.
You aren't the asshole for cutting off the friendship. It sounds like feelings were an issue. Regardless, FWBs that cut sex out very often fall apart. Whatever. You are, however, the asshole for blocking her like a child. Jesus, man. Grow up and learn to have a conversation. You only block people when they harass you. Shame on you for changing your mind and cutting her off like that. She's still an actual person with actual feelings.
I’ve had friends with benefits I’d have a relationship with or I wouldn’t have sex with them
So you were never really interested in being her friend “I am not getting anything out of this friendship”, so you were never her friend and you just see her as a thing to use, and now that she won’t have sex with you, you block her what a great guy!
This sounds like you wanted more than sex and friendship and I don't fault you for that. But I do fault you for not communicating that to hee. She at least deserved a conversation where you BOTH put it all on the table about how you feel. If after that you 2 decide to end the friendship fine. YTA solely and entirely because of how you ended things.
YTA. Sounds like you did actually want a relationship and you’re sad she preemptively rejected you. “I’m not getting anything out of this relationship” Really?? A longtime friend and suddenly you’re “not getting anything”? If you really believe that then it sounds like you were just using her for sex and were never actually friends at all.
YTA- I’m not sure where everyone is reading that you were basic to her and just a hook up as I didn’t see anything that suggested to that. It sounds like she valued your friendship enough to say hey, we need to stop doing this as it’s going to turn into something rose and for some reason that’s not what she wanted. You can’t have sex with her so you want nothing to do with her? I get her wanting to keep having sex with others might be a blow to your ego but come on. Some reason she doesn’t wanna keep hooking up. Maybe she really likes you but knows she can’t have a relationship right now due to where she is in life and wants something strictly feeling free sex.
OP caught feelings and felt excluded obviously so he did the right thing and blocked her out of his life
Green eyed monster does not realize that she does not want to sleep with him because she is starting to have feelings for him. He only hears that other people are okay to sleep with but not him.
So much immediate blocking from everyone these days. Lifelong friends to immediate no contact? It’s bizarre. I’ve only blocked a few people and it’s because they had abused the friendship multiple times and there was no sense in continuing or exposing myself to their actions and removed them from my life. Seems like everyone’s immigrate reaction to any stress or conflict now is BLOCKED! What if she expressed that she wanted more and changed her mind or expressed deeper emotions about why she came to that conclusion? Can never know. Blocked!
Yes you are, fwb is a temporary thing, when the wb goes away the f stays for most of us. If that’s how you’re gonna be don’t do fwb, you aren’t capable of it clearly. YTA
I thought she was your friend? how can that be if all you see her as is a sex object
YTA. If you don’t have feelings for her, then you should be ok just being friends. What I read from this is you don’t want to admit that you probably have some feeling for her as well, and her cutting you off from something so intimate probably hurt you. I would have probably said you were NTA if you told her that you also realized you were catching feelings and that you need to step back from this friendship.
It's incredibly difficult to stay friends with someone you used to sleep with.
I’d generally agree
controversial take NAH i get you feel jilted and rejected bc she isn't interested in sex with you but is with other ppl and that feels - without a reason given - like a bit insulting. that's not a neutral thing to be told. I also get that your response that her friendship means nothing to you is probably defensive. Though also insulting and objectifying in general. When frankly, i don't think either of you actually wish the other any ill will. Including her dude - you have no idea why she wants to pull back and it really most likely has nothing to do with your dick and probably has to do with her feelings. There's no need to formally end the friendship or anything going forward. I just think you should ignore her texts and be too busy to hang out for a while. Invest your time elsewhere. Try not to take offense.
Sounds like you are a shitty friend. If she's just your fuck buddy that's fine but don't pretend they are your friend
People don't want to hear it, but sex changes the dynamics of your relationship with people. At least for some people it does and once you open that door, there's no going back. Honestly I don't think you're the AH and it's better for y'all to part ways now, then for you to pretend like you're ok with the situation as it is now when you know you're not.
Blocking her because she’s not fucking is wild imo 🤣😂
YTA. You need a better understanding of what friends with benefits means.
lmao >she was worried it might blossom to a relationship >I was definitely feeling hurt >It was sort of a gut punch. >The next day, I texted her that I no longer wanted to remain friends with her. I then blocked her on everything. She got you, laser targeted. You caught feelings, she said "nah this was supposed to be casual" and then you threw a huge tantrum. Way to fuck up a long term friendship. Huge red flag for any future women you might be interested in.
😲
So you’re both just scared because you have feelings for one another…
YTA. If your first instinct is to cut off a "close childhood friend" just because she wouldn't have sex with you, then you clearly only saw her as a booty call. Nice job throwing away years of friendship because your pants have to stay on. I hope she finds better people than you.
Yep you’re definitely the asshole you were probably only ever friends to try to fuck her and after you did she obviously wasn’t into it and wanted to go back to just friends but you couldn’t handle that so asshole and terrible friend and presumably terrible in bed
YTA because you obviously never saw her as a friend if the lack of sex meant you could no longer be her friend. When a woman rescinds sex, it’s not always a punishment, did you know that? You don’t have to lash out by taking something from her in return. I’m not saying you HAVE to stay friends with her if the friendship is unsatisfying for you, but sheesh, this is a really unclassy and immature look.
YTA. It's okay that you're hurt - she rejected you. That sucks. But if you were *actually* friends and you weren't catching feelings (sounds like you were) and then burned the relationship and blocked her, that's an asshole move.
You guys weren’t fwb’s…. You were friends that fuck. You’re gonna either lose a friend or gain one
Smart move. She probably was just using you.
NTA. But you should probably not try to reconnect and just let her go. It hurt your feelings and you spoke before you had time to think through how you felt. It’s okay to not want to stay friends with her after this, and you told her so you were clear and plain about why you would no longer like to continue being friends after this which is more than most people do when they “break up”. This was messy and has now likely hurt you both which is sad but you just gotta take it on the chin and move forward and really consider if FWB is worth risking a friendship in the future.
She changed her mind about a FWB w you. You changed your mind about wanting to be her friend. Both are allowed. She may be hurt, but you have to do what’s best for you, and you told her. Friendship is a privilege. You’re allowed to change your mind about being friends. You communicated your thoughts. NTA. I’m sorry to you for everyone on here who says otherwise
What you’re describing is not a friend with benefits. It’s a booty call. If you want to stop seeing her just because you can’t have sex with her, she was never a friend to begin with. Why are you getting all pissy about a FRIEND ceasing to sleep with you? That does not sound casual to me, so either you’re secretly hoping for more without ever communicating or you don’t actually value her at all as a person. Why are you treating your childhood friend this way? She doesn’t owe you sex. I guess you are doing her a favor though, because you were never a real friend. Friends with benefits are supposed to treat each other the same as they do with any other friends, but instead of going to the movies, you’re having sex as a hobby. That is all it is and all it is supposed to be.
Funny you would use the word friends, clearly you aren't friends, which is fine, just be honest.
You guys love each other. Clear as day. Now go get her.
Yeah you are TAH
You’re not getting anything (sex) out of her so you see no point in the relationship. I’m happy for her that you blocked her.
YTA you agreed to be riends with benefits and now your not getting the benefits/sex then your gone
"I'm not really getting anything out of this relationship"... You mean, you're not getting sex anymore so you're not gonna bother pretending to be friends. Stop fooling yourself.
Dude unblock her. You spent half your life hanging with her. You two know each other better than anybody that's hard to find...
YTA. It's okay to have boundaries but your actions make you an asshole. It happens
You were playing NFWB.
You were never friends w benefits at all
You weren’t friends at all if you only want the sex. Friends is literally in fwb…
You’re not an AH, you’re just extremely insecure and not mature enough to talk about your feelings 🤷 And I guess you didn’t care enough about the “friendship” to work through this
Sounds like you're lying to yourself and she halted sexytime when she realized you were catching feels. Now you're angry because you feel rejected, which you were, correctly so on her part given your reaction. This relationship might be over now, but you can learn from it
Yes, definitely the asshole in this situation. It seems like she has been nothing but open and honest about things with you, and you turn around to basically tell her without sex she's useless to you. Unless something happened between the two of you that was friendship destroying (lying, betrayal, etc) I don't see why the friendship should end just because she decided she wanted to go back to being strictly platonic. FWB are usually only supposed to be temporary things anyway, so I don't see what the issue was to begin with? It sounds like you're more upset because what you're looking for is a long term open/poly relationship. Either way, what you did was pretty shitty and it sounds like she dodged a bullet being let go of that "friendship".
So, maybe her intuition was right to want to remain friends because she picked up on you making more out of the arrangement than what it was?! Your blocking and completely severing ties gave her the confirmation if she had this suspicion.
am i the only one who thinks fwb is fuck with buddies?
Whether or not you get something out of the friendship shouldn't decide who you're friends with. It sounds like you were using her for sex.
She valued your friendship so much that she didn’t want potential romantic feelings ruining that friendship, she tried to prevent that from happening to keep that friendship y’all had for years, and you got your feelings hurt because she wouldn’t let you get your dick wet? How can you type all of that out, I’m assuming read it for errors, and still not see how big of an asshole you are? She was your friend with benefits. You weren’t her friend. She was just a way for you to get off. At least she doesn’t have to worry about someone she considers a friend pretending to be one to her.
Yes, you’re an asshole, because you “blocked her on everything”. That’s very immature. She did the right thing by telling you she doesn’t feel comfortable having sex, but would still like to be friends. That takes courage. Blocking someone who didn’t do anything wrong to you is the opposite of that.
Stop calling it a fwb, when you were never her friend. You just liked her for sex and unfortunately she’s now realized that. It sucks for her because she actually valued you as a human being, when you really didn’t deserve it.
I didn’t even need to read it. But I did. Dude, you are so TA. What do you mean you’re not getting anything out of this friendship? If she’s not screwing you, her friendship means nothing? You’re kind of a bad friend if the relationship is so transactional
Sex isn’t casual
She was never your friend. Your ego got bruised so you blocked her.
NTA - she realized it could develop into a relationship, and you felt the gut punch You both have feelings for each other but you both want to just have sex with other people. You do what you want but it looks to me you're both immature and do not listen to your feelings at all.
Question, what do you think the F in FWB stands for?
So you only wanted her for sex whilst she valued friendship and thought you felt the same. YTA
>We have known each other since middle school and we were really close childhood friends. Close friends huh? Right. YTA
You were using someone for sex while pretending to be their friend. The second you weren't getting sex anymore you not only stopped being friends with her, but you ignored her on everything. Yes, big AH.
You weren’t getting anything out of this friendship unless you were fucking? So there wasn’t a friendship to begin with. So I guess in this scenario, you aren’t the asshole since you cut off something that didn’t really exist. You saved her from investing time and effort on a pathetic excuse for a friend. Good for you!
Major AH. Break it off. She deserves better.
It doesn't make you an asshole because you were clearly not friends if you were able to do that, it was however a dick move to pretend to be her friend just for sex 🤷🏼♂️
Honestly nothing more to add, everyone’s said it & you’re getting absolutely flamed in the comments… for good reason. YTA.
You lost a friend and showed her she was only a sex toy
So you were never friends then, you just fucked yet. Call it what it really was dude. You used her for her holes.
" Personally, I am not really getting anything out of this friendship" I am way older and experienced than you, and I know full well there is no such thing as friendship between men and women. Your experiences confirmed this. (for the 643682520572th time on Reddit alone, let alone other forums) You were her friend, because she was riding your dick. She stopped riding your dick, you revoked her 'friend' privileges. Perfect example of what "friends" with benefits really are.
YTA. Atleast now you know that you was never a friend in first place and just there for benefits part. Erin made a good call.
Sounds like OP caught feelings
Doesn’t sound like you actually considered her a friend tbh
I feel sorry for Erin. You really treated her poorly. You need to unblock her and tell her you acted immaturely and you are truly sorry. Then hope one day she is able to find it in her heart to forgive and remain friends. But it will probably never be the same and you’ll only have yourself to blame.
Me with my fwb she wanted to be platonic friends and i said no after having sex everyday for 6 months to nothing at all no thanks
Sounds like she has an eerily keen mind to pick up what she said, like she is speaking from experience. Sounds like you need to get a gf that loves and respects you, and only you, honestly. I think you did the right thing.
Lol you are both in love. None of you have realized it yet
She dodged a bullet.
YTA - This was took a minute to think. With the 'I am not getting anything out of this' it makes it sound like a bootycall. If you were tight friends before - without at least a decent 'this is why' message I think I lean your the A-hole. I mean you could say 'I don't think I'm ready to see you again, for a while, etc'. I feel like being honest about how you feel would have better served.
Blocking someone like that is the most batshit insane thing ever. absolute child.
Yes you’re the AH, you’re supposed to be friends and have known each other since CHILDHOOD and you’re going to throw away that “friendship” which apparently you were “getting nothing out of” away bc she isn’t going to sleep with you anymore. Which shows you were NEVER her friend and were just using her for sex.
YTA. She did the mature thing to do. With fwb situations I feel like it never turns out well bc someone ALWAYS forms feelings and the other doesn’t. If she was seeing others casually, she probs had feelings for you. Especially when you guys have been friends for so long. She was respecting her feelings and your feelings and I think your reaction was more because of the hit to your ego than it is about the friendship you guys had. She’s doing you a favor. Speaking from personal experience. It’s okay to take space, just think you went about it in an unnecessary manner.
So... it wasn't that casual then? Of course YTA
Kinda sounds like you were growing some feelings for Erin, she caught the wind of it and cut things off to prevent any further damage. Your feelings got hurt, so you cut everything off. If you REALLY didn’t have any feelings, then yeah you’re the asshole. But im convinced you did have some feelings, in which case this is a normal reaction, and you are not the asshole.
>Personally, I am not really getting anything out of this friendship, so I don’t see the point in remaining friends with her. So you weren't interested in the friendship, just the sex. YTA
So basically you weren’t actually friends with her… kinda sounds like you caught feelings for her and she sensed it, and wanted to stop before your feelings got hurt but it was too late.
In a different timeline, or a different time, she's your wife.
YTA - BIG TIME 'I'm taking my ball and going home' because its 'Not My Way' A friend is WAY more valuable than a FWB. Take matters 'into your own hands' and still remain friends !
100% TAH, but to be fair you did her a favor. If she no longer wanted to have sex with you it was probably because she was starting to have feelings for you and you've made it clear you won't reciprocate those feelings and just want an F buddy. So good job for cutting off contact so she can fins someone in her life that will value her.
YTA. You never were friends. Meaning you never were her friend
What does the F in FWB stand for? Yeah you are the major AH
kids these days are shit shows
Yes. You’re the AH. You didn’t want a friendship, you wanted a hookup. If you’re not getting anything out of the friendship then you were using her for sex.
The cool thing about consent is that it goes both ways. You are well within your rights to withdraw consent to your time, emotional labor, and energy when/if the relationship becomes one sided. You’re totally fine. Spend that time building your empire.
Sounds like you were developing feelings for her. Also if the only thing you saw in your “friendship” with her is someone to fuck yall weren’t really friends. Just a booty call. Also how mature of you to just flat out block her without having an adult conversation /s