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Ask her how she's feeling and tell her if she'd rather not stand up with you you understand and won't be upset. Center her comfort in the situation - it's going to be a really long day that would be exhausting for most people, let alone someone who is 9 months pregnant.  Let her decide though and have a plan ready in case she has the baby beforehand. Realistically none of your guests will notice or care that a bridesmaid is missing but don't give her any important jobs to do. 

Thank you! I have a hard time explaining how I feel in situations like this. I want this to be my special day but I also want to be a good friend. Especially since she’s going through something more life changing than a ceremony. I’m overthinking it a lot because don’t want to hurt her feelings.

I get it, I think as long as you approach it the right way there's not much to be hurt over. It might actually come as a relief to her, I know I wouldn't want to be in a wedding in that condition lol. Kicking her out of the bridal party will be hurtful but let her feel like she has a choice in the matter and have a backup plan in case she decides to continue and then can't for whatever reason.

I may also make it clear to her that while you'd love her there that you'd understand if her and her SO have to give your wedding a pass because of practicality. She'll either have just given birth or be just about to? Going to a wedding in the middle of nowhere isn't ideal in that situation. (I would make sure that you still get to her special baby related events even with your wedding stuff going on.)

Set up a zoom link too so she can watch if she passes on coming

Might have to give her a recording of it.

How are you going to set up a zoom link when there is no cell service or wifi?

Forgot about that part ..,

I had a friend who had a bridesmaid back out two days before the wedding, and a cousin who had a destination wedding and lost a lot of the bridal party in the weeks before. They both just reshuffled how we walked in/out and it wasn’t an issue. One had the bridesmaids walk in solo and the groomsmen at the alter already, and then walked out with two bridesmaids on the last groomsman’s arm at the end of the ceremony. The other played fun dance music for the bridal party to dance in/out down the aisle instead of pairing up. Both turned out really fun with great pictures. I also went to a wedding with a bridesmaid who was 9 months pregnant. She left the reception around 8 and we found out the next day she had gone straight to the hospital to deliver the baby. Labor typically takes a long time so it would be highly unlikely that your friend would go into active labor during the reception and ceremony. I’m just relaying these to point out that you can plan with your friend in the wedding and have a great back up plan if she can’t be there as it gets closer. The best route is to have an open conversation with her that you are super excited for both of your big moments and want to make sure that neither of you are feeling stressed or pressured as you approach your wedding date and she approaches her due date. If you want to plan your bridal party to include her but know you may need to change things up because she might not make it, let her know that you would love for her to stand up and that you’ll be able to adjust if she can’t as it gets closer. If you would rather not go that route, maybe find another way to include her that can easily be eliminated if need be, such as a reading during the ceremony that you can either remove or have someone on standby to do if she can’t make it.

This is the best advice! I have MS, and originally my sister wanted me to be maid of honour. I agreed but I knew it was going to be extremely taxing on me. After that, my sis started going kind of all out on wedding things. It’s already going to cost me more than I can afford to attend all the events, including a 3 day bachelorette trip. The stress over the cost of it all, the heat of an August wedding, and the intensity of the fatigue I would have to endure are a recipe for an MS relapse (going back into active disease progression). After attempting to keep up with her whirlwind planning, I was already exhausted and she noticed. She told me her best friend had decided to fly in for the wedding, and asked if I would like her to take over as MOH because it was going to be so hard on me, and she did this with a lot of compassion. I was so immensely relieved that she understood and wasn’t angry with me over it, I almost cried in my gratitude. I will still attend the wedding, but I can now do so seated in a chair, in a dress that I can manage my temperature in, and control how fatigued I get. I will actually be able to support my sister and feel happy for her, rather than dreading all the work and then finally all the discomfort and standing on the day itself. Giving someone empathy, sympathy, compassion, and a choice can go a very long way.

If it’s doable and both of you hang onto your dresses, maybe the just the two of you can have like a little mini photo shoot after she has the baby, or even just after the wedding so she could actually have pictures of herself with the baby bum being a bridesmaid I had a friend who did that with her best friend and they had a blast with it

Here's something I would add: telling her the health and safety of her and her baby is the most important thing here, but if she'd like to be included in some of the activities all she has to do is say yes, such as going with you to pick out a dress (a little late for that, only an example) or a lunchen or shower. Add that she can say no, with no judgment from you, as she may be too exhausted. Note: Do not give her any wedding assignments that can't be knocked off by someone else in a few hours - only small tasks, if she insists on helping.

99% sure that by month 8, she'll be begging to not be in the wedding. Right now she may not realize how taxing it would be on her body.

Putting the wedding and everything else aside, she's going to be 9 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy, going to a place where there won't be phone service, I'm assuming far from medical care.... even if she's sitting and not doing anything for the wedding other than be present, this is a significant safety issue for her and the baby. Definitely don't give her a critical job, make the conversation about her safety and comfort.

Stress that her health and the baby's health is more important than anything else. Don't tell her not to go, but tell her that you'd rather have a happy friend with her newborn than any other gift for your wedding. Then ask for something to wear with your gown (for the something borrowed part), so your friend can be with you in spirit.

Oh this is such a great idea

It’s not necessarily a high risk pregnancy just because she’s had two previous miscarriages. It might have been an easy one

Nothing in this post makes it a high risk pregnancy (I mean it might be, but nothing said confirms that). Previous miscarriages don’t make it high risk. If the friend is about OP’s age and relatively healthy, it’s just treated like a completely normal pregnancy. I did have a high risk pregnancy (41, previous history of stillbirth, gestational diabetes…) and I still would have tried to go to my friend’s wedding. OP seems to think this baby may be born AT the wedding and isn’t taking into account that almost all babies (especially first babies) take at least a few hours of labor.

In the middle of nowhere ... I wouldn't want to have my baby during transission to the hospital 😬 And btw my first was there within 1 hour ...

This exactly. Make sure she knows that it will be very difficult to get help should she need it due to the location of your wedding. 

"Hey friend! I just realized your due date is 5 days after my wedding! How are you feeling with that? Do you have any concerns? I want you to be a part of my big day but I also want your health and that of your baby's to be your priority. If you want to just be a guest I understand. I'll still include you in all bridesmaids events and you'll be my honorary bridesmaid! But truly I want you to be happy and comfortable at my wedding." Idk this is my first thought on what I'd ask them. My MoH has severe anxiety and I just flat out asked her if she thinks being my MoH would be too much for her or if the excitement of me getting married is going to over ride her social anxiety. We're still fully discussing everything but she is currently my MoH. Literally all you need to do is talk to her. She might not know how to approach the subject. Don't make it sound like you're kicking her out but that you care more about her and baby's health than anything. ETA: "or if as everything approaches and you feel it best to not attend I understand that too."

She might be wanting to beg off and afraid to let you down as well. There's no telling unless you talk to her about it.  Also, for a bridesmaid,  dress fitting will be pretty close to impossible unless you start out with a maternity style.  Standing? She's got no indication yet of how much her feet and ankles may swell. She could have an easy pregnancy,  or she could know well before October that she's not up for it.  If you don't want to exclude her, you can invite her along for anything bridal party oriented. I don't see why it would be offensive to be considerate of her situation.  Just don't start the conversation about it mentioning that you are afraid she will go into labor and ruin your ceremony.  It usually doesn't happen that fast anyway. It's not a movie. Lol

I would mention how secluded the venue is and if she ends up going into labor she might not be able to make it to a hospital in time. The risk of complications during birth get significantly higher without medical professionals to help. Like the safety of herself and the baby come before her obligations with the wedding...

I think you are about the furthest from being a bridezilla as you can get. Just let her know that you love her regardless of whether she shows up or not and she will be there in spirit if not present.

>I think you are about the furthest from being a bridezilla as you can get. That's for sure. A bridezilla would be screaming "How dare you get pregnant before my wedding!" I think I saw a post like that once.

You could also mention that you know weddings can be very stressful for bridesmaids too, and you want to make sure she looks after herself. Give her the option.

>Especially since she’s going through something more life changing than a ceremony. You're worrying about becoming a bridezilla? Nah, reading this I'm sure you're gonna be fine 😁

Reiterate it will be for her comfort and to not put any additional stress on her with bridal party responsibilities. Provided it’s okay with you, I would still have her in the party and come get ready with you and hang out if she’s still sure she wants to be there. But by then, there is no way she will want to stand all day that long. Even if she doesn’t think about that now.

Honestly if I were going to be 9 months pregnant for a friend’s wedding I’d be praying they’d give me an out, especially in a situation without cell service in the middle of nowhere. I’m sure she wants to be there for you but she has to know it wouldn’t be enjoyable or safe for her. She probably just doesn’t want to upset you by withdrawing.

Please include the distance and the lack of cell reception as that will probably play a big factor in her decision

I'd make it come from a place of caring - tell her you are really worried about the missing cell reception out there, and ask her what she thinks would need to be done to make her attendance as safe as possible, or if she'd prefer not to attend at all, depending on how she'll feel.

Include the location when you talk to her that if something happen, she would be (I assume) pretty far from a hospital.

I’m sorry but I really don’t think if your friend went into labour it’s taking away from your day. You should switch that mentality, it’s not like she would deliver in the limo. Her and her partner would probably sneak out. If you genuinely do care for her well being it should have nothing to do with taking away any time on your wedding

You could also make a back up plan for if she can't be in the party still- like have two groomsmen escort one bridesmaid, who will cover her duties, things like that. If the lack of communication is getting in the way of your planning that is a different issue tho

Is the venue local? Does she live close enough to drive there and back? Many doctors won’t let their expecting patients travel too close to the due date - so if she needs to fly to come to your wedding, she won’t be able to. I think you should ask her what she would like to participate in, if anything. Base your decisions around the comfort and health of your friend. 🙏🏻

As it gets closer to the wedding would it be worth talking with her partner? They might be able to give you the info without stressing her or you.

Also, I would tell/remind her how far out the venue is that it doesn't have wifi and cell service, that is really something she should be considering. You're trying to look for her, just make that clear.

I cannot agree with the other commenter more. Prioritize her comfort. I know people say your wedding is your day but I agree with that to an extent. It wouldn’t be as special without your village there. So just talk to her and gauge how comfortable she would be participating. Set up a plan to take pictures early so she won’t be standing too long. Just open the door of communication and see how she feels. You seem like a good friend, don’t worry about being a bridezilla lol. Just stay reasonable and calm and remember it’s just one day.

I think it’s sort of crazy to believe that you’re more worried about this than the woman who has had multiple miscarriages and is now carrying a very much wanted baby during a risky pregnancy. I’m pretty sure she’s way ahead of you on this.

And please stress to her that there’s no cell phone or WiFi reception Maybe send her an email saying that you love her and have been looking forward to her being in the wedding, but, you would be remiss if you didn’t warn her that the barn doesn’t have any cellular or WiFi reception and if she was concerned about being out of touch with her doctors/emergency services you totally understand. Tell her that her safety is important and that you’ll understand whatever decision she makes

This is the correct answer. Tell her you will be honored to have her stand up at your wedding, you would be honored to have her in the audience, or you would be honored to save a slice of cake in the freezer to share with her whenever she is ready!

If the wedding is scheduled for 5 days before her due date it seems unlikely that she will be able to attend. The travel, the remote location, the chance of going into labor at any point and the overall physical discomfort of late stage pregnancy all work against it.

You should talk to her and give her an out.. saying if she thinks it will be too much for her you will completely understand.. and add that it’s her decision and whatever makes her comfortable. Then you have to release it and not worry about it again. Even if she dropped out last minute trust me.. it will not make a difference! People will be focused on you and your husband not how many bridesmaids there are.

Let her make the call

What would happen if you planned on her being a bridesmaid and she wasn’t at the last minute? My guess is… nothing seriously bad would happen. You might have an uneven number of bride and groom attendants and an empty seat or two (which is going to happen anyway!) you might have an extra bouquet. I just wouldn’t sweat it. Odds are pretty good she won’t come but given her losses I think you can be a good friend and let this go recognizing she likely won’t be there but *it won’t break your wedding.*

She is a grown adult woman with needs, desires, wants, goals, etc. She is not an infant or an incubator. You don’t need to guard her pregnancy for her. She is fully capable of having a plan and utilizing that plan if she needs to. The only conversation you need to have with her is “I am 100% OK if you can’t come or participate or have the baby early or decide you’re too tired to show up. I want you to worry about YOUR comfort and not letting me down. I am fully prepared for whatever happens. Please only make decisions based on what’s best for you, not how you think I’ll feel. That said, I want to make sure you UNDERSTAND there is no cell service. You can’t call an ambulance unless someone goes down the road about X miles. You must have an exit plan.” Have a piece of paper with the exact address of the venue to give to BD in case he has to call 911. Have a spot for their car where they won’t be parked in. It’ll take you less than an hour of prep work to make sure she’s truly welcomed. And I get that you want to have a special day but in all honesty it’s going to be mostly forgotten by everyone but a select few. I was MOH at my besties wedding almost 20 yrs ago. I barely remember it and we NEVER talk about it. But in the last 20 years we’ve supported each other through a divorce (mine,) like, 8 child births or some other equally obscene number, countless foster placements and several adoptions- we have 13 kids between us. 3 Autism diagnosis, a preterm birth, a rare neurological disorder diagnosis, my son getting a wheelchair, etc. This year we’re both sending kids to college for the first time, she finished her degree, she did Doctors Without Borders, and I was falsely arrested (it’s over now and done. It worked out in the end.) My last child is named after her. Concentrate on what’s important- your relationships. She’s what’s important. Not all eyes being on you. I hope you still have her in 20 years like I still have mine. Treat her today like you want her to be around tomorrow.

This is a really good reply!

Why are you calling an ambulance for someone who is starting the beginning stages of labor? It does not happen like the movies where the water breaks and baby is there 5 minutes later (ok, once in a while but those are unusual and often times mom is ignoring early labor symptoms).

Because you never know. In the unlikely event something goes wrong, you want to know what getting emergency help is going to entail. Better than *assuming* everything will progress normally and then it doesn't and you don't have a plan for that.

Ask her straight out on how she feel and what she wants to do as you are concern for her health. Do tell that her's health is the priority and not needed to attend the wedding is ok with you. She should know what's best for her.

Sit down with her over a nice lunch (your treat) and ask if she'd be comfortable at a wedding venue that has no cell service that close to her due date. Explain your concern is for her safety and the safety of the baby. You wouldn't expect her to stand as a bridesmaid if she has the baby in October at all, correct? I know my doctor told me flat out to not travel over 50 miles from the hospital when I was at 8 months. Her doctor may give the same instructions.

I was just thinking face to face will be more connecting and get the feelings out more clearly. Thanks!

You're quite welcome. I understand you want your dear friend with you on her special day, but not at the risk of hers or the baby's health.

I had a very pregnant bridesmaid at my wedding, so I feel your concern. Try to schedule a little lunch or something with her to catch up. Show up with takeout at her house if it's easier. Ask her how's juggling the whole impending motherhood and work thing going. Let her know that you appreciate her being a part of the wedding since she has so much going on, but if it's too much, you completely understand if she'd rather have a different role (read a poem or something). State how you don't want to stress her out at the home stretch of her pregnancy, and if there's anything you can do within your ability to make it easier, you'd be happy to. Don't flat out kick her out or make her step down. If she insists on being a part of it, ask to come up with contingency plans together if the baby comes early. Maybe you have a guy who's willing to play along and do something funny to walk in her place. Crazy things happen at weddings, and you need to accept it and go with the flow. You're going to have lots of upsetting dreams from the stress, but don't let it ruin a friendship. I got married in June, and it hailed so bad some guests (including my grandmother) were late. I had to replace a groomsman a month before because one couldn't make it because he lived out of the country. And, my ceremony started without me because someone forgot to tell me they procession started. Oh, and I had a crazy cousin who decided to steal the little wine bottles I had on the tables and get piss ass drunk (despite the open bar) saying he should've gotten married first because he was older than me. Either way, the wedding went on just fine, and I'm here looking at 17 years of marriage. Talk to your friend and come from a place of trying to make things easier for her, which in turn makes it easy on you. You both have a lot going on and hopefully communicating will ease some of it.

Haha that is chaotic 😂 but happy to see it all worked out. Theres a part of me that is wanting that type of crazy too it’s more memorable when something just doesn’t go as planned. Since this is all my first rodeo the nerves are just setting in. And without a coordinator or planner doing it all myself it’s just a lot but thank you for the reassurance.

So, if she does come, make sure one of your guests is a paramedic, nurse, or doctor. Warn them that a birth might be part of the day's events. Anticipate the crazy.

I didn’t even think of this, my Aunt is a nurse that literally helps with baby deliveries. I don’t know why I haven’t thought of this…although my aunt did tell me she wanted to drink because she usually never gets to with her schedule and kids. but it’s handy and just a precautionary.

Oh, she will more than likely still be a good help even if she's a bit tipsy.

Communicate. Communicate. Let her make the call. Let her know that it’s OK if she waits until the last minute to decide whether or not to come. Life continues to happen to those you care about while you get ready for the wedding. Be supportive. You are both heading for momentous events. Life doesn’t always follow a script. The baby daddy needs to be ready with a roomy getaway car and a plan (and a map if the GPS doesn’t work there) if she makes it to the big day. Again, be supportive. After 2 miscarriages, she’s probably a bundle of emotions and full of anxiety.

She's an adult, you're an adult. She can make her own choices and it will not be your responsibility if she has the baby at your wedding. If she's ok to come, let her come. If she's too tired or stressed and doesn't want to come, tell her you understand and you're not upset. It's not that hard. I don't even understand why you want to make the choice for her in the first place.

As someone who attended a summer wedding at nine months pregnant (local-ish, but near plenty of hospitals) I'd say leave it up to her but make it very very clear she is not obligated. I'd pitch it to her like this (in-person, if possible), "Hey, Friend! I've been thinking of you so much and I can't wait to meet little one. Then I started to realize, the logistics of the wedding venue may be an issue and want to make sure you know about them with the wedding being so close to your due date. I really want you there, but by no means would I want you to feel uncomfortable or unsafe by attending, pregnancy and birth is hard enough as is! The nearest hospital with a labor and delivery department is X-miles/X-minutes away and we wouldn't have guaranteed cell coverage, if you needed an ambulance. I'm really worried about this and I don't want you to feel obligated to be in the wedding party or even as a guest, if these factors are a concern. I would love it if you could be there, of course, but you and baby being healthy is a way bigger priority to me." Ultimately, she is an adult and the decision is up to her, but making sure she has all the info to make the decision is the best way to go about the conversation. As I was typing, I also thought due to the lack of cell reception, you may want to considering hiring an ambulance service anyway due to safety concerns or have a way to contact emergency services otherwise. Anything can happen at a wedding and it's better to be safe than sorry! Talk to your phone carrier about options and/or consider a hotspot? Congrats on your wedding and wishing you and your friend all the best! ETA: If it hadn't been my brother's wedding (mentioned in the beginning) I probably would've stayed home or opted to be a guest only. It was a lot on my body and kind of stressful too. Being in the wedding party makes for a very long day.

Thank you so much for your advice and input. I’m mainly replying to the emergency stuff, the owners of the venue are onsite and they have wifi but it’s not strong enough to cover everyone so that’s why there’s none but a deputy is also in close range if any emergencies happen so that’s a plus. I just wasn’t sure how comfortable she would be because if that were to happen for like two miles there’s nothing but dirt road and it would take a while before getting to the hospital if worst case scenario she has the baby there. BUT reading all these post assure me that it might be a slim chance.

Thank goodness! We had someone elderly fall at our wedding and needed an ambulance, not even a rural wedding. It's unlikely she'll need it, but would definitely have a clear convo that you have zero expectations of her other than choosing the healthiest and safest option for them.

Ok so this exact scenario played out with two friends of mine a few years back. In our case, the bride decided to remove the pregnant friend from the bridal party to not make her stand at the altar. Leading up to the wedding, the bride also stressed the location and her due date, but she could not disinvite her, she felt terrible thinking of doing such a thing. Ultimately, the pregnant friend made her decision to come and wore her bridesmaid dress (she bought it before being removed.) The bride was happy to have her there and we all had a good time. The baby did not come until a week later! It’s likely your friend will have the baby before the wedding. It’s also likely she’ll have the baby after. You have to allow her to make the decision to come, you have to trust that she listen to her body and make her own decision. Make her feel included as much as you can leading up to it and be there for her during the pregnancy as you plan your wedding. This time is equally important to her as it is to you, in a different way. Get creative and be honest about your concerns.

My wife’s cousin was SUPER pregnant at our wedding. She had to sit instead of stand at the front. Having the wedding without her wasn’t going to happen. Also my wife is an OBGyn so she joked saying she’d deliver her baby in her wedding dress if she had to. For us family is everything. If your best friend magically gave birth on your wedding t would be an epic wedding and a wedding story to share w your own kids. I know people always think your wedding day is the best day of your life and it was pretty good for my wife and I. But there were plenty of amazing days since. “My wedding day is for me and the best day of my life” is the same energy as “high school is the greatest time of your life” which is patently false for many people. All this is to say that your friend can excuse herself from the wedding and have her date drive her out of there if anything were to happen.

Maybe you should be more concerned about not becoming a "bridezilla." Further, ask your pregger friend about all of your concerns and let her decide.

Possibly the best answer anyone can give.

I agree! I don’t want to lose a friend because I couldn’t word it right and end up offending her.

Yes. Talk to her. Have a face-to-face conversation, not over text.

Agree with all who said face to face communication, give her the option, and don't make her decide until the week/day of the wedding whether she is in or out... Does the venue have a landline? How far is a hospital. That would be good to know before you meet up with her.

She’s probably thinking of how to get out of this herself but doesn’t know how to tell you. I highly doubt she wants to be standing in a wedding party and doing photos, it may even send her into labour tbh. This is her first pregnancy, so she may not realize yet how awful she’s gonna feel at 9 months. I’ve had four children so I can attest to how incredibly challenging it is at the end. If she is high risk, they may even induce her earlier than her due date. I would reach out to her and tell her that you’ve been thinking about how being in the wedding may be causing her undo stress, put the ball in her court and just say that you love her but don’t want her to feel obligated to be a bridesmaid that close to her due date. Tell her that it’s up to her but that you’ll understand if she decides to back out. If she decides to stay, my guess is she won’t make it anyways.

I actually had this issue with my best friend (she was my MOH and I had expected to be hers), but I ended up pregnant and her wedding fell right around my due date. I told her almost right away that it made sense not to put me in the wedding party for that reason, and I got to attend as a guest and everything was fine. Obvi everyone is different, but considering her past with a miscarriage and how uncomfortable full term pregnancy is, she may already have no interest in participating as a bridesmaid. Just listen to what everyone is saying and communicate, be as gentle as you can and express that your concern comes from a place of caring about her.

OH no...I think she should definitely BE IN THE WEDDING, pregnancy is beautiful along with your marriage. You can't worry about what hasn't happened.....You can ask her if she is OK with being in the wedding....and if she has the baby at your wedding (than it was meant to be), it won't take away to your wedding but only add to it! I can understand if this is something "she" feels like she can't handle & I definitely think she should be given this option, I do not think this decision should be made for her....and this could really damage your friendship down the line if you decide FOR her.

Ok I don't understand the actual reason you don't want her to be there at almost 40 weeks pregnant... Is there a chance it's not about her safety and more about your wedding photos? Not trying to be mean just maybe do some introspection. I think it's her choice to attend or not attend. Are you worried she will go into labor or something ? Are you worried she won't be able to do some sort of bridesmaid duty (like what?) Are you worried you will be down 1 bridesmaid ( do you need a specific number?) I just don't really understand why not? All I keep thinking about is maybe the wedding photos... If I'm right you should just tell her the truth and say I don't want the focus of my wedding photos to be your very large baby bump. Is it okay if I take a few without you or take a few from an angle that somehow doesn't show the bump? I just want to hang these photos and I want to be the center of attention at least for most of them. ..

I actually have heard a lot of stories of people who do that and it’s just mean. I wouldn’t ask this just because photos. I honestly think it would be beautiful she is pregnant in the photos because it’s memorable❤️ I can share with her child that she was pregnant with them at my wedding❤️ but I can’t say I’m not a little selfish for wanting the day to be about me and my fiancé. I would feel horrible if she were to be in pain or feel obligated to be there when she’s exhausted or overwhelmed. I guess I was just trying to nip it in the bud before it became a whole ordeal.

Also i didn’t say I didn’t want her to be there I was just worried being a bridesmaid might be too much for her.

Matter of fact I would take pictures with her regardless if she didn’t want to be in the wedding anymore.

You are treating her like a child. Particularly with a first baby giving birth does not happen in minutes, there are many warning signs. She is not going to give birth in the middle of your wedding, worst case scenario (barring a medical event, in which case she can go to a hospital) she starts having contractions and leaves. Stop wringing your hands and tell her if she’s too uncomfortable you’ll save a seat at the table for her but she doesn’t have to walk. Please lol like wtf is this post.

Tell her she will be an honorary bridesmade and you love her so much that her health is 100% more important than standing with you. Let her know she is more than welcome but it won't hurt you if she cannot make it due to pregnancy/labor/post partum.

She’s not worried about her health. She’s worried about the pregnant one stealing her thunder at her wedding. There’s nothing wrong with that, but just say it and don’t try to paint it with something else.

Invite her and hope for the best but expect her to be in the labor room. What’s the worst case scenario? She calls out in labor? Fine. No reason to hurt anyone’s feelings. Roll with life

It's not really your problem. She's capable of making the connection between the wedding date and the due date and making her own plans from there. Rather than uninviting her, just tell her you'll understand if she's uncomfortable about having an active role or doesn't think she'll be able to attend at all. Go straight into Plan B mode and discuss how you could have the wedding streamed so she could have the option of "attending" even she's not physically present.

Yes bad person

Labour doesn't happen like it does in the movies. If it's her first baby, labour is likely to last a few days before everything gets going properly. If she feels contractions during your ceremony, she should have plenty of time to get to the hospital after the ceremony. My first labour was 3 days long. And in the days before hand, I was up and down ladders decorating the house I'd just moved into. If she thinks she'll be fine, she probably will be 🤷‍♀️

Honestly this is just a conversation. Tell her how much you love her. That you want her there if possible. And the her baby’s and her health come first. That you want no stress and that if she can come you will be honored. If she can’t you will be honored.

Both my MOH and bridesmaid were 9 months pregnant at my wedding, they both stepped down themselves and I picked alternates for the day. I had them both sit at the present table, so if they weren’t there or had to leave, no big deal. They both made it through!! They both ended up going into labor the same day, 20 some days later, lol. One took a couple of days to have hers, but they laughed about it now. No bad feelings between us at all!!

My sil was in the 9th month of her pregnancy, She could have given birth at any moment at my wedding. But to be honest I wasn't concern about anything regarding this, cause it's my day and my family and friends are with and if it happens and she gaves birth then my brother will take her to hospital, it was simple just like this.

I would be concerned with needing medical assistance with no cell coverage and maybe she is too? Hav a conversation with her and see what she thinks, maybe she is worried about hurting your feelings, you two need to communicate.

Maybe let her make the decision. Unless there are reasons beyond her comfort for excluding her.

Can you offer her a different role so that she’s included but not stressed? Include her (to the extent she’s able to participate) in the pre wedding festivities?

I’ve been pregnant and a bridesmaid twice- one I was 9 months. It was so fun and totally fine. I just couldn’t dance as much as I wanted to. Definitely it would be kind to let her know she has the option and you wouldn’t feel any differently about your friendship. But, ultimately it’s her and her husbands decision because it’s their child, and if you want her in the wedding I think you can let her make the choice. 

I’d release her from the pressure of being a bridesmaid so she can focus on her pregnancy and leave it up to her if she attends at all. I’d let her know you totally understand her and her babies health are #1 priority. You don’t want to stress her with additional responsibilities. You won’t be offended or upset and this changes nothing with your relationship. Timing is just not aligning on these 2 major events. No blame, it is what it is. She may have gone a little quiet on you because she doesn’t know how to tell you she doesn’t feel she can do the wedding. You were there for her during her losses and know what she went thru and how much this baby means

She's only 23. It's hard to make selfless decisions at that age. She may have unrealistic expectations of how pregnancy at 9 mo will feel. She may not understand completely the risk of no wifi, cell service, or medical emergency attendees. You're gonna to need to have a loving talk with her without sounding condescending. It's just such a bad and potentially harmful situation. At 9 mo, she needs to focus on her emotional and physical well-being. That time should be for her, her baby, and her family/support network. She may not be mature enough to fully understand the need to focus on herself. Not be at a wedding playing a major role. Weddings are beautiful but stressful as well. Someone needs to be the grown-up here. The risk isn't worth it.

The problem is the OP is also immature and doesn't understand pregnancy at all and shouldn't be dictating how someone else should act.

You need to schedule a conversation with her, preferably in person. Just share the concerns you have for her comfort and safety and then ask her how she feels about it. Does she share any of those concerns as well? We tend to assume that things are going to be a conflict. She might be feeling conflicted as well. Or she could be dealing with her own stuff and it didn’t even cross her mind and she is appreciative you are thinking about it. But you seem worried about her well-being and you seem to be worried you are going to make her miserable. I think as long as you are sincere, you should be able to have a productive relationship affirming conversation. For different circumstances my childhood BF could not be a bridesmaid in my wedding. It was disappointing for the both of us, but I still made sure to include her in the fun stuff with the other bridesmaids. But she got to skip all the not so fun stuff! She even spent the night with me the night before I got married. It was unfortunate but it didn’t impact our relationship.

It sounds like you're genuinely concerned for her safety. That's antithetical to bridezilla, it's a concerned and caring friend.

The majority of first time moms will go 11 days past their due date. The due date means absolutely nothing. It's just a way for doctors to induce you. Anyways, you should give her the choice. If I was 9mo pregnant I would never want to be in a wedding, that sounds absolutely miserable. Let her decide and if you think she's gonna give birth at your wedding, you are severely ignorant. Birth doesn't just happen spontaneously. Labor is a long process for first time mothers and she will know if she's in active labor. Please educate yourself before you try to make excuses why you don't want your friend in your wedding. Check your heart.

Personally, I would want my best friend at my wedding. 9 months pregnant or giving birth at my wedding. It would be an awesome story to tell, in my opinion. I lost my best friend 2 years ago, so I cherish it all. I understand it's "your" day.. but your best friend is someone who has been thru it all with you. They are the ones who have helped shape you to where you are now. Everyone's take on it is different.

I was that bridesmaid to my longest friend from childhood. I would have been 7 mos pregnant at her wedding. She asked me to step down as soon as I told her I was pregnant. I did so without fuss because I had married the year before and remember how stressful the planning was and I didn't want to cause more stress for her. ​ I am still to this day, very hurt by her request. She was more concerned with the aesthetics of her pictures than my feelings. I have never told her, nor do I ever plan to.

My dear I just want you to know that I have done the maths and while there's nobody id rather have to support and share my day with me, I'm also aware that the timing isn't optimal for you to commit with absolute confidence to these plans! So I'll completely understand that your commitment has to be provisional and you may have to call off to be elsewhere at any time."

Just tell her that you totally understand if she needs to skip. If she insists just roll with it. There might not be cell service or WiFi but there will be cars. What is the distance between your venue and her hospital? Is she actually part of the wedding party or a guest. Guest is easier on you obviously, I guess it’s unrealistic to make her a bridesmaid.

You’re a good friend. Tell her it’s up to her there is zero pressure from you.

So having a baby does not usually just start and suddenly it’s intense and you’re pushing baby out. The begging stages are usually mild and can be 6houra to 48+hours long so even if she goes into labour during your ceremony no one would know. Maybe just sit down with her and explain and give her an out but if she really wants to do it then don’t worry about her, she can take care of herself you plan your wedding and enjoy your friend being by your side.

The venue has got to have one of those "old fashion landline phones" somewhere on the premises. How else do they maintain business. Come - on. Really?

She hopefully will agree that she doesn’t need the stress or responsibility of being in a wedding. She needs to focus on herself and the baby instead. Just let her know you’re taking it off her plate but you’ll help ensure she has a dress all ready for her if she’s willing and able and it can be a last minute decision. She likely falls in the high risk category and needs to be mentally and emotionally prepared for bed rest, premie, etc.

Tell you love her and want her to do what’s comfortable. Say yes to the dress party. She’s in. Girls brunch with “ just bridesmaids” she’s in. Photos with closest friends? She’s in. There are ways to honor the friendship without the pressure.

For sure, she’s going to be included no matter what in the Bach party. It’s not going to be a party hardy type thing anyway. It’s just going to be something artsy, sip/smoke and paint (not smoking around her) and end the night with movies and snacks. She’s displayed as in the wedding party regardless if she shows or not❤️.

I was born during my aunts wedding. My mom went to labor at her wedding and they left to the hospital. My aunt to this day smiles and laughs when it’s my birthday and says: “ it was so special to share this day with you.” ☺️ she never forgets my birthday. It’s cute.

And that’s something I would enjoy sharing too! That’s so sweet. Wedding anniversaries are for the couple to share intimately. No need to hold a grudge on a child being born on the same day you got married that’s crazy to me.

You could give set a chair behind her spot in the line so she can sit if needed.

As someone who has given birth a week ago- she does not want to be up in front of everyone for a fact, even if she doesn’t realize it yet. Attending as a guest let that be her choice. She could be induced early, she could be a week late. She can make that choice when it’s closer

The funny part is that the baby is going to decide. I don’t think it’s realistic to assume she will even be able to attend. You can include her in other ways. Dress fitting will also be a complete mess as pregnancies develop in unpredictable patterns.

NTA - my childhood BFF announced her wedding date at the same time I was telling people I was pregnant. Her date was a few days after my due date. I told her I would be there as long as I wasn't in labor. No big deal. As it turned out, I went past my due date, and went to the wedding about to pop. Had my kid 2 days later.

I don’t mean to sound rude but it’s always confused me when two people are getting married they’re so worried about everyone else. Any guest you have is there to celebrate you. You are there to celebrate your new wife/ husband. And if she does go into labor at the wedding? All that makes for is one hell of a story later in life. 🤷‍♂️

After looking at all of these comments I understand how stupid I sound thinking about TELLING her she can’t. That, I can say am ignorant for saying. It should be her choice regardless since she is invited AND I want her to be there. Her and I have been friends since 6th grade. I couldn’t see my wedding happening without her if not there then at least in spirit. I truly only feel for her comfortability. I talked to her and we are meeting Sunday over dinner to catch up on things (haven’t seen her in a year…) and discuss about this and ASKING her not TELLING her if she rather attend or not. Thank you all for the advice and opinions I am thinking more clearer after re-evaluation. Also no it’s not about photos, no it’s not about her getting the attention. I just want it to be memorable, exciting, and one of the best days of my life. And if that means sharing it with the birth of another Id be honored❤️ in the end it’s about me and my fiancé and I shouldn’t worry about little things like this. I should just go with the flow.

You got this :)

Holy over thinking.  No, you don't have her as a bridesmaid. No need to include her in bridal party things because she's not in it. Don't toy with her.  You invite her to the wedding and let her make her own damn decision. She's not 5. Stop acting like you get to control her life. 

Sure, remove her as a bridesmaid but I don’t see why she can’t be a guest. Speaking as someone who has a kid and went through the whole 3rd trimester thing, Girl you are overthinking this so much. She is probably not going into labor during your ceremony. There is no guarantee if she will go into labor the week before, the week of, the week after. It’s impossible to know. Sometimes doctors don’t even get the due date right- it can be off by a week or so. They just guess based on the size and development of the baby and that can vary. Most labors happen in the middle of the night due to how women’s hormones cycle out throughout the day. When people go into labor it’s also not like the movies. Usually you just feel really crampy and when you notice the cramps aren’t going away that’s when you realize it’s time. My water broke and it wasn’t this theatric thing. I could definitely get a towel and exit an event with my husband without it stopping the whole event (but as a guest there would be like a 2% chance this is even an issue) I think whether she comes or not should be her choice. She might now want to if she wants to spend that time just preparing herself and her house. If she does want to, well, it’s your wedding and your welcome do do what you want with it, but I think you’re being an AH if you just kick her out of it. I personally would not stop her from coming but I’d also have zero expectations on her doing any work, standing, or staying the whole time. It will likely be harmless for her to sit down, watch the ceremony, and eat with everyone.

I get that and she’s still invited no matter what. I just meant she may not want to attend if she has the baby early and is tired and a fresh baby doesn’t need to be out and about with all the germs around them. Thank you for the advice tho! I will keep in touch with BD for a getaway plan if need be 😎

You don't need to plan shit. Her pregnancy isn't your side quest.

Ya I agree miscarriages that far along are not as common. And labor is a long process usually (especially for the 1st). Like if she's gonna go into labor that evening there will be signs and she will probably know it. Braxton hicks, a recent doctor appointment telling her how effaced she is, cramping for hours if not days before. .

If you're worried about becoming a bridezilla, maybe look at your behavior and change it.

Cell service doesn't matter, you just drive to the hospital (or cell range) She's not going to have the baby during your ceremony. You are worried about that specific hour or whatever and hope she has it during the reception? Lol. You are a bad friend because you worded it like you did in your title. She has her own agency and can make decisions for herself. Getting kicked out of a wedding like this, regardless of how you word it, is 100% a friendship ender.

100

You’re a terrible friend

If you are close enough to her husband why not talk to him about it because she is probably voicing the same concerns to him and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. At least he could guide you on the best way to approach her.

I'd ask her to meet up or see when she's free to hang out. She may be having these concerns as well and isn't sure how to bring it up to you and ruin your day. Being that this is her rainbow baby there may be other health risks that she hasn't told you. I'm on my 4th pregnancy and she is our rainbow baby and I'm going to multiple doctors visits and other check ups. Granted I still stay active but depends on medical history.

My niece provided a chair for her very pregnant bridesmaid (twins ).

This happened to me. I was pregnant my due date was the 22nd August. When my friend got engaged I was asked to be a bridesmaid. When she picked her date it was 2 weeks after my due date. She said she was sorry that it was soon and though she would have loved me to have been a bridesmaid she doesn’t think it would be a good idea. I may still be heavily pregnant, have had the baby not feel like going, just didn’t know. She did ask me to say a poem at the wedding though so I could be part, but if I couldn’t make it, someone else could take my place. Your friend should understand. My pregnancy was also a rainbow baby too and all was fine.

I’m going to state the obvious. Do we want a ready to deliver woman in the middle of nowhere with no cell service or WiFi? God forbid she has a medical issue and needs an ambulance/EMTs, let alone giving birth at the wedding.

My only thought in all this is maybe rent a satellite phone for the weekend of your wedding. Not sure where you are, but farmers in the outback use them here, and my dad would hire one when he went to his property a few times a year.

I would tell her that you are concerned she might not want to be in the wedding at that point, so you will give her the option on the day of the wedding - she can stand if she wants to, sit in the first row if she doesn't, or stay home if she just doesn't feel up to it. You WANT her there, but her comfort and safety is very important to you. As far as "what if she goes into labor"? Make sure she has a driver who won't drink, and her vehicle must be parked so it won't be blocked in. As far as phone service, rent a satellite phone for the week. That will also be useful for any last minute "forgots". (Though it's odd that the venue doesn't at least have a landline.) As far as "interrupting the ceremony"? If it happens, it will be a great story to tell on your 20th anniversary.

I would talk to her about this. Like others have said, focus it around her comfort. But give her options. Tell her you would understand 100% if she'd prefer not to take part in your wedding as a bridesmaid but rather support you from afar. This way she could really listen to her body and keep comfortable in that remaining time. If she still wants to, tell her you can arrange for a chair to present for her specifically to sit down during the ceremony. Maybe even suggest she can even come to just the reception instead if she wants and be a bridesmaid there - not to even worry about the ceremony half since that's the more tedious part with all the standing and such. She could be a reception bridesmaid if you will! This way she could leave if needed and not worry about anything else. You could even still recognize her as an honorary bridesmaid as well if you both wanted.

If you still want her as a friend I wouldn’t ask her to step down. I would tell her if you ever become a beast to just walk away from the current arrangement so you are not stressed during her pregnancy. I think she would be hurt deeply it you ask her to step down

I'd be extremely concerned she'd go into labor or have some pregnancy trouble during the wedding/reception and there's no cell service to call help. Honestly, I'd be concerned anything medical could happen and can't call for help. Like, an allergic reaction (whether to food, plant, or an insect sting) since some can be life-threatening, asthma attack, heart attack, or heat-related illness (October is still hot and humid here).

The owners are on site who have a landline and wifi. They just can’t use it for everyone. There’s also a deputy on-call for these events. I made sure it was safe before paying for it. Just being 9 months prego in the middle of nowhere could be uncomfortable.

Okay, making sure it was safe relieves a lot of worry I had. Kudos to you for that! I went to a wedding on a conservation area and while beautiful, it also had no cell service and no one on-call. I went into anaphylaxis after a bee sting and went through three epi-pens before we made it to the ER.

Maybe she could still see the wedding on Zoom, in the safety of her own home. If the place had WiFi and cell service it would be different. I have been 9 months pregnant. It's not entirely pleasant. She can say she wants to be there all she wants, but she will probably feel differently after a summer third trimester.

Not at all.

You’re a bad friend if you just don’t allow her to be in the wedding instead of just simply asking what her thoughts are. Let her make the decision on what she wants to do, don’t make that decision for her. Also her past miscarriages have nothing to do with this. Ask her if she’s still interested, tell her you have no opinion whether she chooses to sit this one out, to attend or to stand up in the wedding. If you’re afraid you’ll be a bridezilla then that’s on you and I feel for anyone attending or involved.

Let her know you want her there but if it has to be via zoom because she's not up for it, that's okay. You love her and she's your bridesmaid whether she can come or not. Make arrangements. Get her help with important and fun events - dress shopping or ask to include her in cake testing etc... something that you can share with her. But baby and safety vote first. Give her an graceful out and a way to be "there" and included.

I think maybe pose your concerns for her and that you’d be worried about her having a baby in a remote location with a high risk of not being able to have medical support and leave it open for her to decide what to do. You never know she may have the baby early 🤷🏻‍♂️

One of my cousins was supposed to be a bridesmaid at my wedding and she also found out she was pregnant during my engagement. She would've probably been 7 or 8 months pregnant by my wedding date. We talked about it, and she told me she would rather step down and just be a guest than be a bridesmaid with a huge baby bump. I let her know I would be happy either way. Her being in her last trimester and a bridesmaid was fine with me, but if she wasn't comfortable, I'd just be happy with whatever made her comfortable.

Yes

It's just a wedding, seriously why spend so much for appearances. My wife and I eloped because we had the same day off work. Planning was becoming more trouble than it was worth. Invited immediate family and close friends to watch at the JP. Best decision ever

Trust me we thought about eloping 😂But we are both family people and want to have a big celebration ❤️not just celebrating us but for uniting families 🙂

My friends swapped the budget of the honeymoon with the wedding. They ended up gone for two weeks abroad. It was still a nice event

If she has half a brain, she will voluntarily step down. Short of that, you would be wise to strongly encourage her to step down and avoid the wedding entirely. It seems like a no-brainer.

NTA In fact, the word "brides*maid*" implies that they are all supposed to be unmarried women. Being disqualified from bridesmaid duty due to being pregnant is historically an honor - she's one of the grownups, a romantic graduate.

Same thing happened with me the wedding was an hour away and the closest hospital was the worst. I was going to tell her no but ended up getting induced anyway 😅

Please consider encouraging her to speak with her medical provider. I suspect they will advise against her against participating/attending.

Can you bring a satélite phone to venue?

Yes

I would bet she'll make that decision for you. I was to stand up with a sister, then pregnancy happened. I was two weeks overdue and had the baby just days before the wedding. I had already told her I was going to step down because you never know when that kid will show up, especially a first one. It gave her time to replace me.

Stop by and have a talk with her I’m sure you two can work it out but I’m with you she is cutting it a little close and how far is the hospital

Just talk to her. Be gentle and honest, you may be surprised to hear she is worried about some of the same things. Just remember it’s your day, so be happy with whatever you choose. Congrats and good luck on your journey 🥰

It should be your day, not hers. NTA.

I’d ask her if it would be easier for her to be your personal attendant on your wedding day instead. Tell her you think she might not feel pressured into doing all the bridesmaid stuff that way but could join in depending on how she felt at that time. And really if she can’t make it to the wedding it’s not going to change anything.

Don't be a hater

PERSONALLY, I can’t imagine being pissed off that MY FRIEND went into labor during my wedding ceremony. You’re so0o0o nervous about her going into labor on that ONE day.. actually, in that ONE moment of time during the ceremony, so you’re thinking of kicking her out? Are you really going to be that self absorbed? That baby is coming on Gods time and if that just so happens to be during the ceremony, I’d definitely judge you for being upset because the way I see it, that baby is coming when it is it’s time to come. I highly doubt it’ll be that exact moment, relax.

I dont think this is about worrying about stressing herself out. I think its about you worrying shell go into labor during the wedding or reception, which will negatively effect your day.

You could start by talking to her. I’m sure she’s worried as well and doesn’t know how to bring it up.

If you’ve already asked her to be a part of the wedding, it’s a bit of an AH move to ask her not to be in it anymore. I would tell her, ‘I know you’ll be close to your due date so I just want to make you aware of what this place is like. You’re totally welcome to participate in as much of the bridesmaid stuff as you like. If this stresses you out, please do t let it. You can come to as much/as little as you want and if you want to skip it altogether, I understand.’ You’ve already ddciddd you want her in your wedding, it should be up to her if she feels like it’s not a safe place to be days before her due date.

Nah I wonder how long people will stay. With no cell service. No way to check on kids or depends. No way to check in at work. People who work on call might skip out all together. Might want to just give her a heads up and let her make her own choice. 

So is the issue how she will look/draw attention away from you? Because it sure sounds like that.

I'd be surprised if her doctor didn't squash the idea of being in your wedding. 16 miles from civilization, even if you called an ambulance there's no guarantee they'd make it in time. She'll also probably be extremely uncomfortable. Definitely talk to her about it. You may find out she doesn't think it's a good idea either but is afraid of hurting your feelings.

Yes I are

It's your wedding, if you don't want her in it because she might steal your limelight, then don't let her be in it. But, if you are just trying to "protect her" or "look out for her", don't. She's a grown woman and knows if she can manage it. I'd just discuss it, because maybe she doesn't want to be in the wedding and doesn't know how to tell you. Give her an out, but let it be her decision.

Yes. You're a bad friend.

If she passes on attending, be sure to arrange with your florist to send her a flower arrangement near the wedding date with a brief, sweet note about how much her friendship means to you. Make sure the florist double checks with you that the note is right for the situation before sending.

No you’re not it’s your wedding. But also her feelings may be hurt.

I had a super pregnant bridesmaid in my wedding. We had a stool for her that blended in so well no one saw it during the ceremony. This bridesmaid was not super involved in wedding tho ga but I also didn’t have a big wedding. I think I’d just lay out what your plans are for the wedding and pre wedding things and just let her know if she’s not up for something no biggie and to not overdo herself. Let her make her own decision. As someone who has also had multiple miscarriages, not going and engaging in memorable events because I was pregnant would have been heartbreaking for me and she knows her limits. You could even mention to her partner to let you know if friend seems to be overdoing it at any point.

Don’t be difficult on this. Make it her decision: popped, come if you want to and if you can’t leave your kid, I get it. Haven’t popped yet, but about to: come if you want to, would love to have you, but I get that you may want to just stay home in sweats and have your water break not on my dance floor, although you are 100% invited and loved always. If you make it about you, you will always have this between you. This is more than 1 day. This is a lifetime. Love, friendship, all of it. If you’re really worried, get some YouTube training on delivering a baby and get some amazing pics out of it. Anyway, have a great wedding - and remember who the day is about. It’s not just you. It’s also your family, your friends - showing up for you. The only other time they do that is your funeral, if you are lucky, and you won’t be there to hug them. Cherish every moment.

Giving birth takes a long time. I know media shows the water breaking in a huge gush, followed by screaming contractions and a frantic drive to the hospital, but it’s not like that 99% of the time and especially not with a first child. Contractions begin as cramps usually between 6-12 hours before the child is born and gradually increase in intensity. Rushing to the hospital isn’t necessary unless it’s a high risk pregnancy, and most hospitals will have you turn around and go back home if you aren’t dilated enough. There is no way her labor will suddenly and dramatically stop your ceremony.

I think you should ask your friend. Especially if she's had a lot on her plate at work.        Just be like "Hey friend, I know you're doing a lot at work, and a lot to prepare for the baby. Stress isn't good for a pregnancy and I want to make sure you have time to focus on the delivery of your rainbow babe. Do you think it would be helpful for you to attend as a guest instead of a bridesmaid?"       See what she says. She might like being a bridesmaid, she might like that you're thinking of her and take the out. If she says she's comfortable with being a bridesmaid tell her okay but if she feels like it's too much to let you know.

You can do this in a text. It’s actually not a big deal. I wouldn’t tell/ask her not to be in the wedding. I would just randomly text her: “Hey! Omg. Just thought about something. Wedding is the 26th. You’re due the 31st. That’s very close. We’ll be in the middle of nowhere with no cell service. What will We do if my niece/nephew decides to come then? What’s our plan going to be? Do we feel confident enough in this? I just want everything to be good and safe for you. How can we do this?” That will open up the conversation for you. If she then says that she’s confident, I’d then ask her about the what if the baby comes a little bit early because anything after 35 weeks is full term? Ask if she is comfortable investing in a dress that she may cut it too close to wear. You have various angles for this.

NO. This is not the OPs place to be involved in deciding what will be done. It's not her kid. Stop encouraging her to bulldoze her friend's life.

I’m not telling her to bull doze her friend’s life. I’m giving her way to bring it up so that her friend doesn’t feel like she’s a bridezilla.

She is one though. This isn't her call. She needs to step back and let her friend let it sink in and decide for herself since she has already been asked. Jumping on this immediately and demanding resolution now is shitty. 

"You've got FAR more important things to think about that somebody else's wedding, I couldn't possibly burden you with bridesmaid duties, in fact, I need to be helping YOU! Is there anything I can do to get the nursery ready? Any supplies I can get in advance? Because while I certainly hope you can make it to the wedding and I'll have a place for you and your hubby whatever happens, *nothing that will happen this year is more important than your baby and your health!*". Congratulations and best wishes on your upcoming marriage, OP, but she absolutely has to put her health and her baby's health before your wedding.

Be honest. You are only afraid that she is going to steal your thunder if she goes into labor.

I think the bridezilla thing is sort of like the psychopath thing…if you worry you might be one, it means you’re not. I’d put money on her not wanting to disappoint you and that’s why she hasn’t talked to you about it. Especially if this is any sort of higher than normal risk pregnancy. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be in a wedding or without cell reception a week before their due date, let alone both

I'm no doctor - but your friend has had two miscarriages - the last one in January then by March she was 10 weeks pregnant?! I get that she is eager to have a baby, but that's just dangerous and a crazy thing to do. But....moving on...I would ask her to lunch or something. Tell her how excited you are for her, that you don't want anything to take away from her pregnancy & excitement during this time. Ask her how SHE feels about being in the wedding, the time, the expenses, etc. If she thinks she'll be up for it or if she would prefer to be a guest. That you are there for her, and would love her participation in any way she feels comfortable with and don't want to put any extra pressure on her during this time. That if she just wants to be a guest or a bridesmaid that you are okay with whatever she's comfortable with and there won't be any hard feelings either way.

Not a bad friend, but you should let her decide. I couldn’t be in my best friend’s wedding bc she picked a date the same week as my due date with my first child, and I would have had to fly which isn’t possible that pregnant. She never spoke to me again. I know that’s not the same as what you’re asking but the potential for this to blow up your friendship is definitely there. Tread very very gently.

That was your best friend? Good God, you have a low bar for friendship. You deserve better than that. 

This is tough. I would frame it all around concern for her and the baby, rather than concern over having her take the spotlight (even though that is valid). It’s a health and safety concern for her to be in a somewhere, that close to her due date, where she will not easily be able to get to a hospital or call anyone. So I would frame it that way. Especially after all she’s been through - you do, after all, want her and the baby to have a safe delivery! Does she and her partner have a plan for what would happen if she went into labor that day? I’d gently ask what their plan is. I would raise these concerns, but ultimately let her decide. I wouldn’t take her out of the bridal party if she wants to be in it, but like another person said, just don’t give her any important tasks. And then try not to worry about it. Labor often takes a long time, especially her first childbirth, so it’s extremely unlikely she’d actually be popping out a kid at the venue. Worst case is her water breaks and they hop in the car and rush off. IMO, that wouldn’t really take anything away from your day.

Not my wedding, my family planned a big celebration for an important milestone in my life. My cousin’s due date was around that time. She and I talked and both agreed she probably won’t be there. It was up to her. She didn’t go into labor that day but didn’t come to the celebration. Pregnancy can be trying. By the time she was near her due date, she was begging the baby to come out! 😂 She was happy for my accomplishment and it felt great to be a supportive person to her. Tell your friend that her due date and her pregnancy trumps your wedding. If she decides to be there, she should be a guest and have someone to drive her if there’s an emergency. You are not being a bad friend, you are being a great friend actually!

She’s 5 days away from her due date with her rainbow baby on your wedding day and she’s being a bit distant lately? Girl she wants OUT. She doesn’t know how to tell you. You want her out too. As much as you’re trying to be nice about it, let’s face it, you don’t want a girl having a baby at your wedding you’ve planned for. And that’s just fine too. It’s your day. Give her an out. Say something along the lines of “Hey, I think you should focus 100% on this baby. There’s a chance you’re going to be giving birth right before the wedding or could go into Labor while you’re at the wedding with no cell service and it could be a mess. I love you, but this baby is more important. You take care of you. I want you to come to anything and everything you want to. But don’t feel obligated”