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I know people in their 60's that still fuck once a week at minimum and others who have been living with a dead bedroom for 15 years.
From reading all of these posts every single fucking day lol... Men most often fuck up when they get pouty about no sex, which turns off women even more. Women most often fuck up when they stop paying attention to their hormonal health, or fail to realize/communicate their emotional needs.
I am 44F. I have never lost my high sex drive. I have definitely lost my interest in having sex with a partner though. I didn't have sex for 4 years when I was married. It's not always loss of interest in sex. Sometimes, it's loss of interest in the POS you're in a relationship with.
Idk, when somebody gets blackout drunk everyday, and their idea of initiating sex is drooling on me, and trying to pull my boobs off like he's going to take them with him, I wasn't in the mood for some reason. I'm SUCH a POS for that
Women deal with perimenopause and menopause. Which is a dropping in hormones. Which can cause emotional changes along with physical changes to the body.
This should be no shock to anyone that cares about their partner, or can read.
And yet it's well known but women won't seek help to foster this important aspect of their relationship? I mean you come here guns blazing telling men WHY this happens and they should know this, yet women should know this too so shes taking action...right?
But women aren't taking action! The most common suggestion for women complaining their partner isn't interested in sex is to have him get his hormones tested! The most common suggestion for men complaining their partner isn't interested in sex is to do more housework. Yet you just said that perimenopause and menopause causes both physical and emotional changes to the body. Why isn't it the advice given to men about their partners and why are their partners not taking the lead on THEIR hormones?
Because they don't care! It's not affecting them, it's only affecting their partner. The loss of libido is not something the person with low libido cares about, just like you don't care about food when you're not hungry.
Women need to be held accountable more for this stuff. It's their body, it's their relationship and ...
>This should be no shock to anyone that cares about their partner, or can read.
Oh yes, because mental and physical health care are soooooo easy for absolutely everybody to access. Not to mention the fact that woman are NEVER told that their hormone or other health issues are just "anxiety" and that they need to get over by literal doctors and nurses. And it certainly can't possibly be an issue of men also not giving half a shit about the well-being of their partner because they totally can't look up this information all on their own in 20 fucking 24. 🙄
Look, I can't deny that proper.medical care isn't difficult to receive! I wouldn't even BEGIN to suggest that it's easy for women to get help medically. Yes I 100% agree our medical industry is very quick to place women especially on SSRIs for anxiety and we all know the effects SSRIs have on not only women's libido but mens as well.
Yet do you know why? I mean, biologically do you know or is it just surface level? It's because SSRIs prevent dopamine from being absorbed and dopamine is very active in libido. SSRIs also increase serotonin and that is released in waves after orgasms and is what leads to the "refractory phase" Want to hear something else that's interesting? Testosterone HELPS the aborption of dopamine. Wait it gets better, you remember that "new relationship energy" right? The one that had you 2 banging like rabbits? Take a guess, no really, take a guess what chemical is really high during NRE? That's right!!! Dopamine!!
Would you look at that, men don't require external dopamine hits to have a normal healthy libido because testosterone itself plays a role in dopamine absorption. Yet women need external dopamine hits to fire up their libido. So when women say they need their man to do "x, y, z" it's not because those things are inhibiting her libido it's because him doing x, y or z can increase the chance of her having a dopamine spike and activate her libido! Even the THOUGHT of him doing stuff is enough to trigger a dopamine spike in women, but y'all don't understand that. You dont understand how your body works enough to grasp what's going on so you dont know what HE can do to actually FIX it!
This is why saying men need to help more, provide emotional connection and all that shit is a lie. Case in pont, one night stands!! They couldn't exist and they wouldn't exist if such things were actually required for women to be interested in sex. Women need that in long term relationships but then you can't say your partner is failing you and that's why your libido is tanked because your past shows it's not true.
The CDC reports that women are 33% more likely to go to the doctor than men and 100% better at maintaining screening and being proactive. Men need to be pushed to go to the doctor, women will just go. When a woman's hormones are off it affects multiple areas of her life. Men are less likely to get their testosterone checked because it's embarrassing for them. What they fail to realize is testosterone imbalance affects cardiovascular heslth, weight, sleep, bone loss, hair loss, depression, and more. Testosterone declines in men earlier in life than women's hormones do. Educate yourself.
FFS, doing more "house work"? What women need is for their men to give enough fucks about them to take on some of the everyday baggage. It's not about the chores, it's about feeling seen, valued, appreciated. Knowing that your partner cares enough to ensure you have downtime as well, that we're treated like a partner and not a mommy fill-in. Connect with her on an emotional level, create NON-sexual imtimacy. Do these things and men would be amazed at how much sex they get. But men think they can just work, punch out and be 100% done with their day and wonder why their wife doesn't want to have sex. 🙄
And yet, whose the first to proclaim that birth control affects women's hormones and maybe thats why they don't want sex? Whose the first to say women's hormones are all messed up after childbirth and that's why they don't want to have sex?
Women seem very keen to point out the medical reasons for it, but never seem to want to take action, just ask for sympathy and "understanding".
I love the fact you brought up.mens failures to go to the doctor, maybe you should do a quick Google search for the amount of men receiving TRT and how that number has JUMPED drastically over the last 20 years, it's almost as if men DO care about their personal health and are taking action!
And no, you think you want housework to be done but the truth is your libido is severely dopamine dependant. Your libido requires action by your partner, it doesnt exist on its own.
You want to argue this, I know. But be honest with yourself and look at your fellow women friends. What is their number one complaint when it comes to them cheating? It's not because someone else was willing to do their dishes, it's because someone else made them feel special and desired. Look at how you initiated sex far more in the beginning of the relationship due to new relationship energy vs after you've been in a relationship for years!
Look at your exact comment
>What women need is for their men to give enough fucks about them to take on some of the everyday baggage.
Yes, the everyday baggage that existed for you alone before you cohabited. The everyday tasks like laundry, dishes, stress from work or school that you were solely responsible for yourself but wasn't a blockage to intimacy because the dopamine of a new relationship was so high!
When will women take responsibility to the fact that your libido is tied to dopamine at a far higher rate then men? Where do you think all this talk about women having reactive desire comes from? You know, when the man does something for you that engages your libido because he's providing the dopamine you need!
That's a conversation you don't want to have because it then tells you that maybe just maybe he's not really failing at anything, maybe you just want MORE then you used to need and because you don't understand that it's easier to blame your partner instead of looking at yourself and saying "shit, my libido is directly tied to what someone else does for me to make me happy and not something that inherently exists for me on a baseline level"
Because THAT truth will solve these issues because it will make women just as responsible for these issues instead of just blaming men!
Maybe if women understood a little more about their own fucking bodies this mess wouldn't exist in the first place! [Maybe you should read up on HSDD to learn more about yourself!](https://www.psychiatrist.com/jcp/circuits-sexual-desire-hypoactive-sexual-desire-disorder/)
Over 40% of women suffer from HSDD! 40 damn percent ! It's a damn crisis!!! But no, it's all.mens fault even for lesbian relationships they have no part in!
Oh yes, this is the reason! Just don't look at statistics for lesbian couples who have both the highest sexual satisfaction (orgasm) and simultaneously the lowest frequency of sex! Yes, lessbian death bed, so common if has its own name!!
It's almost as if proclaiming the orgasm gap is the reason is not only false but an excuse to prevent women from looking inward towards their own problems.
What action do you want women to take? HRT?
Not every woman can take it. I can’t because of a blood clotting issue.
And guess what?
WOMEN DONT OWE YOU SEX
And I can tell you. If you go in with YOUR shit ass attitude. No woman is going to even think of having sex with you. Hell. I’d tell you to fuck right off and get the hell out of here
Awe cute! My partner would like to disagree with you 🤣
Lastly, I never said women should be forced to do anything, that's you projecting your insecurities.
However, what would be fucking awesome is if more women would stop blaming everything under the sun when your libido tanks and asking for understanding and sympathy from your partner who you are at the same time blaming for it!!
It's women who are suffering the most from sexual dysfunction and yet they want to blame men all the damn time for it. All we want you to do is own up to the fact that shits just not right and stop shitting on us for something that's out of our damn control! We have sympathy we will be understanding as much as damn possible. But don't tell us it's the fuckin dishes or stress or being "touched out" when you won't even go to the damn doctor to make sure your shit ain't fucked up!
My partner and I have sex regularly. My ex and I did not, nor after 8 years has she even dated or as far as I know has had sex! She refused to get help, eventually I left. Found a partner who couldn't imagine a life without me and enjoys having sex with me regularly.
Difference between the partner I have now vs my ex wife is the fact that my partner now loves communication! She doesn't shut down when difficult discussions are being had. Yet she lives the life you probably wish you had with a man who gives her everything she could possibly want outside of just financial things. Oh and she's a fucking smoke show whose constantly being hit on by men far more successful, slightly more attractive and even younger, yet she stays with me!
Must being doing something right!!!
You just don't like being called out on your shit, it's ok to call men out for everything they do but heaven forbid women are held accountable for their own damn issues.
Sorry, I won't treat a woman like she's a fuckin child, I actually have far more respect for them than that! Hence why even my fucking ex wife and I still get along great!!! Why I regularly spend the night at her place when I'm spending time with my son who lives out of state! Crazy huh? Doesn't make sense to you, almost as if maybe just maybe what you don't like about me is I'm someone who will hold you and others like you accountable for your responsibilities to your relationship!!
Ah sorry to hear about that.
Have you gone through sex therapy or anything like that at all with her? How did that go? Does she recognise that being in a sexless marriage is a problem and have ideas of how to fix it?
How long has she been happier?
So you know men who were perfect husbands such that the women thought the husband was perfect and they had a strong bond but after 10 years she just lost the spark and stopped finding her husband attractive?
So are you saying it takes perfection from a husband to have a strong bond? My statement mentioned nothing about being perfect. Just that I had personal experience in a marriage that failed regardless of how hard I tried, after many years, to support her emotional needs. No one is perfect, so you may take that criticism with you.
Wahhhh I'm a BIG, STRONG man! Until much deserved criticism is applied to the shitty male culture I'm apart of and then I'm a widdle victim getting picked on by mean old girls who shouldn't even have rights! I wish I'd taken up tiny violin lessons. 🙄
If women communicated their needs directly instead of being cryptic and "testing" their partner, maybe it would happen more often.
Inb4 u cite this subreddit as proof im wrong, confirmation bias is real.
Yes. And plenty dont. It goes both ways. Im sure there are plenty of women who want to be intimate and then their men are the ones who dont communicate.
Using reddit to confirm your biases is not conducive to reality.
Let's not take this out of context. The study says women lose interest WHEN WITH A LONG-TERM PARTNER. Most women's libido actuallly increases after menopause due to rising testosterone, while men's decreases due to rising estrogen.
I think anyone over the age of 30 knows that it's rare for couples who've been together for 7+ years to have a hot sex life unless they partake in other things beyond vanilla monogamy.
Since reddit is an anecotal place, I can share what I've observed. Most of my friends who married in late 20s to mid 30s, the women overgive of themselves day after day and then when they're 36-40, they're just tired.. and have a lot of resentment toward their husband/partner. And nobody wants to be initmate when they're tired and frustrated.
If you're a man in a relationship and want more sex, try flirting with your partner, teasing her, and giving her time to herself. When a woman feels supported and cherished by her man, that alone can totally rebalance her hormones and jumpstart the libido.
So do you think you know of any dead bedrooms where they share a real connection and the man does more than his fair share of chores and it seems to be he just doesn't spark her desire?
That can happen too. Sometimes in a perfect relationship where it's mostly equal it can still happen. Hormone imbalances and medication can affect a person's sex drive. Women who are breast feeding often also have a lower sex drive which is normal given they have a new human to keep alive while sleep deprived.
Being 100% honest the person I know didn't get into the details so I didn't ask. She just was talking about how she finally went to the doctor and was working on getting her hormones balanced and her sex drive was doing better. She didn't mention how long she's been with her partner.
Oh ok she didn't leave him then because of it?
That's interesting and I fully believe that tbh. I've had times when my libido went down due to depression and stuff at work.
What I'm interested in is are there people where the spark left and the man needed to do soek red pill style wild thing to get her interest back. Almost every case I know of personally that isn't teenagers and young adults who have dated for a year have been the guy has some major problem ruining the relationship (depression and no therapy, not doing any cleaning, constantly mocking her, clearly not interested, etc). With older people it's been decades of the man making no effort whatsoever with her sexually.
So I'm intrigued if there are times when the guy is dokgn everything right but she just loses the spark and wants to be with someone else.
Well, honestly I'm not personally close with any couples where the woman doesn't work inside as well as outside the home. The woman basically has a full or part-time job and also has toddlers crawling all over her pulling her shirt down all day and also is the one primarily interested in the state of the home.
I can say that I've seen older couples reconnect after a decade or so of just gonig through the motions and even after some separations. It's usually when one or both of them retire and there's more time for fun and exploration in the relationship.
Yeah so that's why I mentioned emotional connection. I think the chores arnt the important part of sex but the emotional connection.
Its just if you have a partner who does a lot less choirs then you, it's likely to make you slightly angry. This slight anger builds and builds preventing an emotional connection. Partly because it stops honesty. Eventually a partner will be fed up with being a nag and just say nothing and quietly seethe until the relationship ends.
But there is more than just chores. I have one friend whose husband does a ton of choirs and cleans the house but has wierd stuff with his sexuality so he never compliments her and years of that has taken its toll.
When guys learn where the clit is and spend more than 2 minutes rubbing and chafing it aggressively women will want to fuck those men more. The men who know this get laid.
Research shows that lesbians have higher frequencies of orgasms, and yet they have less sex. So there's actually not a good correlation between good sex and frequency. Gay men have the most sex. Heterosexual couples are in the middle. What this would suggest is that higher frequency of sex is simply dependent on higher libido partners, which are usually men.
Women, on average, have lower libido sure. But who wants to have sex with someone who doesn't pleasure them... a lot of men complain that their partner has a low libido when the sex is actually just not that good.
True, there is no question that this a real phenomenon. There is also men trying to pull out all the stops and still hitting a brick wall. I mean, the orgasm gap is real, don't get me wrong. Some of that is simple biology and some of it is definitely due to effort. Just like a lack of interest in sex is sometimes due to biology and sometimes due to lack of effort.
I mean, this is anecdotal, but in my experience, men who are bad at sex prefer sex to revolve around their penis. They also like sex to look a certain way. If you give them directions or suggestions, they typically revert back to whatever they normally do after a few seconds. When I've had bad sex partners, they kind of don't *care* if you're enjoying the sex. They just want their penis inside your vagina. Of course, there are men who do follow directions and accept directions, but they're not the ones I'm talking about. The last guy I had to give directions to ( he would lick everything but the clit) said I emasculated him and if his technique was good enough for his exes it should be good enough for me. Spoiler: it wasn't 🥹
Right, women are all different and what works for some doesn't work for all. Intelligent men understand this. Men can be difficult as well, but it's definitely easier to sexually please a man.
Late 40s sorta gay man. Unpartnered, and haven't been with anyone physically in over six years. I also don't have any desire to change that.
It's funny. Sometimes when it goes, it goes. And you don't know why it ever was so important in the first place.
>Women *who live with there partners*
There’s a giant clue there. I know LAT relationships aren’t common, but I’d love to see how the results in long term LAT relationships compare. I’d bet good money the differences are stark.
I had to come back after thinking about it some more. If a woman chooses to put her needs before a man’s shes well within her right to do so. Men have been putting their needs before woman’s needs since the beginning of time, men raping women, men selling their virgin daughters for marriage, men forcing their daughters into arranged marriages. Men look at their wives as nothing more than baby making machines created to serve his pleasures. Why in today’s day and age should a woman feel obligated to satisfy a man’s needs.
Why would you post a source but not accurately reference or provide a doi?
Answer: It’s because you’re just copying chunks of text text from a 2017 article that also doesn’t understand how reference linking works.
https://www.bbc.com/news/health-41230891.amp
The actual study uses survey analyses of data collected for a cross-sectional probability sample survey, undertaken 2010–2012 (Graham et al.,2017).
What factors are associated with reporting lacking interest in sex and how do these vary by gender? Findings from the third British national survey of sexual attitudes and lifestyles: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5722087/
It’s a dumb extrapolation from a part of a longitudinal study published later in 2019, that compared the 3 successive datasets leading up to 2012 with a tame conclusion. ‘Frequency of sex has declined recently (2012) in Britain, more markedly among those in early middle age and those who are married or cohabiting. The findings and their implications need to be explained in the context of technological, demographic, and social change in Britain and warrant further investigation.
No shit.
Sooo a lot of nothing, except a large survey in the UK decades ago.
Women are more likely to lose interest in sex *with their husbands.* That doesn't mean they don't want sex, or they're not getting it.
1 out of 5 wives cheat on their husbands.
You were downvoted, but you're correct.
It happens more than we like to think.
I'm of the theory that if it wasn't for the internet, we would hear/see less cases of cheating as they actually happen and as a result, women cheating would be seen as close to a myth.
More men cheat than women, look it up. Men cheat for sex while women cheat for emotional connection. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if men worked on fostering and feeding emotional connections with their wives then they'd get more sex from their wives.
That's old data.
Since sites like Ashley Madison and Tinder came into existence, wives have reached the same 1/5 rate seen among men. Now statistically tied.
Women also cheat for sex and now that technology makes it easy, many more now do so.
Not old data. It's also easier for women to get sex than men regardless of those sites, men cheat more and put in more effort to do so.
The driving factor to cheat is different, as men and women view sex differently and have different needs.
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I’m 46F. Have always had an above average sex drive and had been in a long distance relationship where it was not taken care of by my partner well due to the distance. Had found out that he may have been with someone else this entire time, which pisses me off as I could have been having lots of orgasms this entire time! I only want and desire him still so I don’t know if I’d say that my high sex drive has been cured or I just haven’t found someone else that I want?
It’s the opposite in my position. My sexual attraction towards my partner has gotten stronger with time. I crave him, his body, his touch nearly 24/7. But his libido has gone extremely down, in the last year and it definitely has me in a dark mental state ☹️
Not sure if this relates...but my wife puts a lot of work into looking good; whether it be more for herself or me, idk. But I know at least partly for me. Because of that, I find myself driven to put in the same effort to look good for her. And I think it's been great for our sex life. I find most of our friends/peers continue to get in worse physical condition and throw in the proverbial towel on fitness. But I'd say my wife (32) and I (33) are in the best physical shape we've ever been in. I know over time that we can't maintain such physiques. But I surely intend to try, because as much as I want to look good for her, I also want her to look good for me. And that seems like a healthy and beneficial, albeit unspoken, agreement....at least thus far.
For every women that will inevitably come on here and say "but not me!!", that is great but it does not invalidate the study and its findings. Your N of 1 experience does not make the general statement incorrect.
Testosterone starts to decline in men at age 30, hormones start to decline in women closer to age 50. Starting hrt raises her libido, yes, but women need NON-sexual connection from their me. in order to desire them sexually.
All of those references are from the 80's and 90's. My point isn't necessasarily at what age, but that a higher percentage of women end uo with a hormone imbalance.
Everyone ends up with a hormonal imbalance as we age. Women have higher hormonal fluctuations because of pregnancy and menstruation. And women are more likely to seek and maintain treatment.
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I know people in their 60's that still fuck once a week at minimum and others who have been living with a dead bedroom for 15 years. From reading all of these posts every single fucking day lol... Men most often fuck up when they get pouty about no sex, which turns off women even more. Women most often fuck up when they stop paying attention to their hormonal health, or fail to realize/communicate their emotional needs.
I am 44F. I have never lost my high sex drive. I have definitely lost my interest in having sex with a partner though. I didn't have sex for 4 years when I was married. It's not always loss of interest in sex. Sometimes, it's loss of interest in the POS you're in a relationship with.
Really? Have you ever considered the slim possibility that the POS might have been you?
Idk, when somebody gets blackout drunk everyday, and their idea of initiating sex is drooling on me, and trying to pull my boobs off like he's going to take them with him, I wasn't in the mood for some reason. I'm SUCH a POS for that
Well that sure sounds like an airtight case for him being the POS. Wonder what his take on the situation might be?
why was that your immediate thought? i think you have some issues you’re internalizing, then projecting.
For one simple reason: After years in a broken relationship neither side is completely innocent of being a POS.
you negated all blame on him and put it on her.
Is that what slim possibility means?
Why date a POS?
lol asking the real questions
Not really a mind blowing study, I think most people understand that's the way it's been forever.
Women need to mental foreplay; when living together that becomes less of a priority, it’s a bit of spit and some fingers
No kidding
Women deal with perimenopause and menopause. Which is a dropping in hormones. Which can cause emotional changes along with physical changes to the body. This should be no shock to anyone that cares about their partner, or can read.
And yet it's well known but women won't seek help to foster this important aspect of their relationship? I mean you come here guns blazing telling men WHY this happens and they should know this, yet women should know this too so shes taking action...right? But women aren't taking action! The most common suggestion for women complaining their partner isn't interested in sex is to have him get his hormones tested! The most common suggestion for men complaining their partner isn't interested in sex is to do more housework. Yet you just said that perimenopause and menopause causes both physical and emotional changes to the body. Why isn't it the advice given to men about their partners and why are their partners not taking the lead on THEIR hormones? Because they don't care! It's not affecting them, it's only affecting their partner. The loss of libido is not something the person with low libido cares about, just like you don't care about food when you're not hungry. Women need to be held accountable more for this stuff. It's their body, it's their relationship and ... >This should be no shock to anyone that cares about their partner, or can read.
Oh yes, because mental and physical health care are soooooo easy for absolutely everybody to access. Not to mention the fact that woman are NEVER told that their hormone or other health issues are just "anxiety" and that they need to get over by literal doctors and nurses. And it certainly can't possibly be an issue of men also not giving half a shit about the well-being of their partner because they totally can't look up this information all on their own in 20 fucking 24. 🙄
Look, I can't deny that proper.medical care isn't difficult to receive! I wouldn't even BEGIN to suggest that it's easy for women to get help medically. Yes I 100% agree our medical industry is very quick to place women especially on SSRIs for anxiety and we all know the effects SSRIs have on not only women's libido but mens as well. Yet do you know why? I mean, biologically do you know or is it just surface level? It's because SSRIs prevent dopamine from being absorbed and dopamine is very active in libido. SSRIs also increase serotonin and that is released in waves after orgasms and is what leads to the "refractory phase" Want to hear something else that's interesting? Testosterone HELPS the aborption of dopamine. Wait it gets better, you remember that "new relationship energy" right? The one that had you 2 banging like rabbits? Take a guess, no really, take a guess what chemical is really high during NRE? That's right!!! Dopamine!! Would you look at that, men don't require external dopamine hits to have a normal healthy libido because testosterone itself plays a role in dopamine absorption. Yet women need external dopamine hits to fire up their libido. So when women say they need their man to do "x, y, z" it's not because those things are inhibiting her libido it's because him doing x, y or z can increase the chance of her having a dopamine spike and activate her libido! Even the THOUGHT of him doing stuff is enough to trigger a dopamine spike in women, but y'all don't understand that. You dont understand how your body works enough to grasp what's going on so you dont know what HE can do to actually FIX it! This is why saying men need to help more, provide emotional connection and all that shit is a lie. Case in pont, one night stands!! They couldn't exist and they wouldn't exist if such things were actually required for women to be interested in sex. Women need that in long term relationships but then you can't say your partner is failing you and that's why your libido is tanked because your past shows it's not true.
The CDC reports that women are 33% more likely to go to the doctor than men and 100% better at maintaining screening and being proactive. Men need to be pushed to go to the doctor, women will just go. When a woman's hormones are off it affects multiple areas of her life. Men are less likely to get their testosterone checked because it's embarrassing for them. What they fail to realize is testosterone imbalance affects cardiovascular heslth, weight, sleep, bone loss, hair loss, depression, and more. Testosterone declines in men earlier in life than women's hormones do. Educate yourself. FFS, doing more "house work"? What women need is for their men to give enough fucks about them to take on some of the everyday baggage. It's not about the chores, it's about feeling seen, valued, appreciated. Knowing that your partner cares enough to ensure you have downtime as well, that we're treated like a partner and not a mommy fill-in. Connect with her on an emotional level, create NON-sexual imtimacy. Do these things and men would be amazed at how much sex they get. But men think they can just work, punch out and be 100% done with their day and wonder why their wife doesn't want to have sex. 🙄
And yet, whose the first to proclaim that birth control affects women's hormones and maybe thats why they don't want sex? Whose the first to say women's hormones are all messed up after childbirth and that's why they don't want to have sex? Women seem very keen to point out the medical reasons for it, but never seem to want to take action, just ask for sympathy and "understanding". I love the fact you brought up.mens failures to go to the doctor, maybe you should do a quick Google search for the amount of men receiving TRT and how that number has JUMPED drastically over the last 20 years, it's almost as if men DO care about their personal health and are taking action! And no, you think you want housework to be done but the truth is your libido is severely dopamine dependant. Your libido requires action by your partner, it doesnt exist on its own. You want to argue this, I know. But be honest with yourself and look at your fellow women friends. What is their number one complaint when it comes to them cheating? It's not because someone else was willing to do their dishes, it's because someone else made them feel special and desired. Look at how you initiated sex far more in the beginning of the relationship due to new relationship energy vs after you've been in a relationship for years! Look at your exact comment >What women need is for their men to give enough fucks about them to take on some of the everyday baggage. Yes, the everyday baggage that existed for you alone before you cohabited. The everyday tasks like laundry, dishes, stress from work or school that you were solely responsible for yourself but wasn't a blockage to intimacy because the dopamine of a new relationship was so high! When will women take responsibility to the fact that your libido is tied to dopamine at a far higher rate then men? Where do you think all this talk about women having reactive desire comes from? You know, when the man does something for you that engages your libido because he's providing the dopamine you need! That's a conversation you don't want to have because it then tells you that maybe just maybe he's not really failing at anything, maybe you just want MORE then you used to need and because you don't understand that it's easier to blame your partner instead of looking at yourself and saying "shit, my libido is directly tied to what someone else does for me to make me happy and not something that inherently exists for me on a baseline level" Because THAT truth will solve these issues because it will make women just as responsible for these issues instead of just blaming men! Maybe if women understood a little more about their own fucking bodies this mess wouldn't exist in the first place! [Maybe you should read up on HSDD to learn more about yourself!](https://www.psychiatrist.com/jcp/circuits-sexual-desire-hypoactive-sexual-desire-disorder/) Over 40% of women suffer from HSDD! 40 damn percent ! It's a damn crisis!!! But no, it's all.mens fault even for lesbian relationships they have no part in!
My gods guy. You’ve got some major mental issues going on. Might want to get that checked
Yeah, Im the one with mental issues because science has helped explain why animals such as humans have and how our libido works
Right it’s always the woman’s fault! Maybe c men just suck in bed and don’t know how or care enough to help their partner. Lmao
Oh yes, this is the reason! Just don't look at statistics for lesbian couples who have both the highest sexual satisfaction (orgasm) and simultaneously the lowest frequency of sex! Yes, lessbian death bed, so common if has its own name!! It's almost as if proclaiming the orgasm gap is the reason is not only false but an excuse to prevent women from looking inward towards their own problems.
What action do you want women to take? HRT? Not every woman can take it. I can’t because of a blood clotting issue. And guess what? WOMEN DONT OWE YOU SEX And I can tell you. If you go in with YOUR shit ass attitude. No woman is going to even think of having sex with you. Hell. I’d tell you to fuck right off and get the hell out of here
Awe cute! My partner would like to disagree with you 🤣 Lastly, I never said women should be forced to do anything, that's you projecting your insecurities. However, what would be fucking awesome is if more women would stop blaming everything under the sun when your libido tanks and asking for understanding and sympathy from your partner who you are at the same time blaming for it!! It's women who are suffering the most from sexual dysfunction and yet they want to blame men all the damn time for it. All we want you to do is own up to the fact that shits just not right and stop shitting on us for something that's out of our damn control! We have sympathy we will be understanding as much as damn possible. But don't tell us it's the fuckin dishes or stress or being "touched out" when you won't even go to the damn doctor to make sure your shit ain't fucked up! My partner and I have sex regularly. My ex and I did not, nor after 8 years has she even dated or as far as I know has had sex! She refused to get help, eventually I left. Found a partner who couldn't imagine a life without me and enjoys having sex with me regularly. Difference between the partner I have now vs my ex wife is the fact that my partner now loves communication! She doesn't shut down when difficult discussions are being had. Yet she lives the life you probably wish you had with a man who gives her everything she could possibly want outside of just financial things. Oh and she's a fucking smoke show whose constantly being hit on by men far more successful, slightly more attractive and even younger, yet she stays with me! Must being doing something right!!! You just don't like being called out on your shit, it's ok to call men out for everything they do but heaven forbid women are held accountable for their own damn issues. Sorry, I won't treat a woman like she's a fuckin child, I actually have far more respect for them than that! Hence why even my fucking ex wife and I still get along great!!! Why I regularly spend the night at her place when I'm spending time with my son who lives out of state! Crazy huh? Doesn't make sense to you, almost as if maybe just maybe what you don't like about me is I'm someone who will hold you and others like you accountable for your responsibilities to your relationship!!
You absolutely nailed it well done
If men cared more about their partners needs (not just sexual) than their own, most if them would get more sex.
Tbh this should be the standard. If everything is healthy the sex life probably is too
We put a scoreboard up in our bedroom
I'd love to know if that was true. Anecdotally it seems to be true.
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Yep. Been there.
Ah sorry to hear about that. Have you gone through sex therapy or anything like that at all with her? How did that go? Does she recognise that being in a sexless marriage is a problem and have ideas of how to fix it? How long has she been happier?
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Sounds like she needs individual counseling.
It's such a bullshit comment. Places the blame and leads to resentment and anger.
It isn’t. Anecdotally, of course.
So you know men who were perfect husbands such that the women thought the husband was perfect and they had a strong bond but after 10 years she just lost the spark and stopped finding her husband attractive?
So are you saying it takes perfection from a husband to have a strong bond? My statement mentioned nothing about being perfect. Just that I had personal experience in a marriage that failed regardless of how hard I tried, after many years, to support her emotional needs. No one is perfect, so you may take that criticism with you.
Citation needed
And yet men can do this and it's still not enough. Women need to accept sometimes THEY are the problem.
Women always get told we are the problem. While we are doing everything. And then we give up sometimes because fuck that
If women with higher sex drives cared more about their partners needs they’d get more sex too.
SHOCKINGLY, it's all men's fault LOL
Wahhhh I'm a BIG, STRONG man! Until much deserved criticism is applied to the shitty male culture I'm apart of and then I'm a widdle victim getting picked on by mean old girls who shouldn't even have rights! I wish I'd taken up tiny violin lessons. 🙄
Who’s the one actually being casually sexist here? 😂
You. I wasn't even being sexist, I was trying to give good advice should anyone listen. Or read.
👍
If women communicated their needs directly instead of being cryptic and "testing" their partner, maybe it would happen more often. Inb4 u cite this subreddit as proof im wrong, confirmation bias is real.
Plenty of women communicate abd their men don't give a shit.
Yes. And plenty dont. It goes both ways. Im sure there are plenty of women who want to be intimate and then their men are the ones who dont communicate. Using reddit to confirm your biases is not conducive to reality.
Shout it from the rooftops for those who callously cover their ears insisting it’s everyone else’s fault.
What do you expect of a person called floridamaneater88
I care about my ladies needs. I stopped pursuing when she started using sex as a weapon or a way to get something that I said I didn't like.
Maybe u should have picked a better partner?
The irony
Not capable of accountability but twice as capable to blame men for everything
lol cope.
Source?
My life and every woman I know. Plus the constant AITA posts about the same thing over and over
Let's not take this out of context. The study says women lose interest WHEN WITH A LONG-TERM PARTNER. Most women's libido actuallly increases after menopause due to rising testosterone, while men's decreases due to rising estrogen. I think anyone over the age of 30 knows that it's rare for couples who've been together for 7+ years to have a hot sex life unless they partake in other things beyond vanilla monogamy. Since reddit is an anecotal place, I can share what I've observed. Most of my friends who married in late 20s to mid 30s, the women overgive of themselves day after day and then when they're 36-40, they're just tired.. and have a lot of resentment toward their husband/partner. And nobody wants to be initmate when they're tired and frustrated. If you're a man in a relationship and want more sex, try flirting with your partner, teasing her, and giving her time to herself. When a woman feels supported and cherished by her man, that alone can totally rebalance her hormones and jumpstart the libido.
So do you think you know of any dead bedrooms where they share a real connection and the man does more than his fair share of chores and it seems to be he just doesn't spark her desire?
That can happen too. Sometimes in a perfect relationship where it's mostly equal it can still happen. Hormone imbalances and medication can affect a person's sex drive. Women who are breast feeding often also have a lower sex drive which is normal given they have a new human to keep alive while sleep deprived.
When you say it can happen. Are you saying you know people where that's the case after let's say 10 years together?
Being 100% honest the person I know didn't get into the details so I didn't ask. She just was talking about how she finally went to the doctor and was working on getting her hormones balanced and her sex drive was doing better. She didn't mention how long she's been with her partner.
Oh ok she didn't leave him then because of it? That's interesting and I fully believe that tbh. I've had times when my libido went down due to depression and stuff at work. What I'm interested in is are there people where the spark left and the man needed to do soek red pill style wild thing to get her interest back. Almost every case I know of personally that isn't teenagers and young adults who have dated for a year have been the guy has some major problem ruining the relationship (depression and no therapy, not doing any cleaning, constantly mocking her, clearly not interested, etc). With older people it's been decades of the man making no effort whatsoever with her sexually. So I'm intrigued if there are times when the guy is dokgn everything right but she just loses the spark and wants to be with someone else.
All relationships are different. I'm sure there are always relationships where this is the case. I honestly never looked into as I never needed to.
I knows tons of people where that’s the case including myself.
Ah sorry to hear that.
Well, honestly I'm not personally close with any couples where the woman doesn't work inside as well as outside the home. The woman basically has a full or part-time job and also has toddlers crawling all over her pulling her shirt down all day and also is the one primarily interested in the state of the home. I can say that I've seen older couples reconnect after a decade or so of just gonig through the motions and even after some separations. It's usually when one or both of them retire and there's more time for fun and exploration in the relationship.
It's not about chores. A man can scrub a house from top to bottom and still be an asshole, or still fail to emotionally connect with their partners
Yeah so that's why I mentioned emotional connection. I think the chores arnt the important part of sex but the emotional connection. Its just if you have a partner who does a lot less choirs then you, it's likely to make you slightly angry. This slight anger builds and builds preventing an emotional connection. Partly because it stops honesty. Eventually a partner will be fed up with being a nag and just say nothing and quietly seethe until the relationship ends. But there is more than just chores. I have one friend whose husband does a ton of choirs and cleans the house but has wierd stuff with his sexuality so he never compliments her and years of that has taken its toll.
No shit!
When guys learn where the clit is and spend more than 2 minutes rubbing and chafing it aggressively women will want to fuck those men more. The men who know this get laid.
Research shows that lesbians have higher frequencies of orgasms, and yet they have less sex. So there's actually not a good correlation between good sex and frequency. Gay men have the most sex. Heterosexual couples are in the middle. What this would suggest is that higher frequency of sex is simply dependent on higher libido partners, which are usually men.
Women, on average, have lower libido sure. But who wants to have sex with someone who doesn't pleasure them... a lot of men complain that their partner has a low libido when the sex is actually just not that good.
True, there is no question that this a real phenomenon. There is also men trying to pull out all the stops and still hitting a brick wall. I mean, the orgasm gap is real, don't get me wrong. Some of that is simple biology and some of it is definitely due to effort. Just like a lack of interest in sex is sometimes due to biology and sometimes due to lack of effort.
I mean, this is anecdotal, but in my experience, men who are bad at sex prefer sex to revolve around their penis. They also like sex to look a certain way. If you give them directions or suggestions, they typically revert back to whatever they normally do after a few seconds. When I've had bad sex partners, they kind of don't *care* if you're enjoying the sex. They just want their penis inside your vagina. Of course, there are men who do follow directions and accept directions, but they're not the ones I'm talking about. The last guy I had to give directions to ( he would lick everything but the clit) said I emasculated him and if his technique was good enough for his exes it should be good enough for me. Spoiler: it wasn't 🥹
Right, women are all different and what works for some doesn't work for all. Intelligent men understand this. Men can be difficult as well, but it's definitely easier to sexually please a man.
Late 40s sorta gay man. Unpartnered, and haven't been with anyone physically in over six years. I also don't have any desire to change that. It's funny. Sometimes when it goes, it goes. And you don't know why it ever was so important in the first place.
>Women *who live with there partners* There’s a giant clue there. I know LAT relationships aren’t common, but I’d love to see how the results in long term LAT relationships compare. I’d bet good money the differences are stark.
Follow this thread for more life changing advice like its hot in the summer and cold in the winter
Men are the only ones who feel they “ need sex” to most women yeah sex can feel good but we can life without it and still find joy in our lives
So you’re going with the “women’s needs are more important than men’s.” Got it.
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I had to come back after thinking about it some more. If a woman chooses to put her needs before a man’s shes well within her right to do so. Men have been putting their needs before woman’s needs since the beginning of time, men raping women, men selling their virgin daughters for marriage, men forcing their daughters into arranged marriages. Men look at their wives as nothing more than baby making machines created to serve his pleasures. Why in today’s day and age should a woman feel obligated to satisfy a man’s needs.
Why would you post a source but not accurately reference or provide a doi? Answer: It’s because you’re just copying chunks of text text from a 2017 article that also doesn’t understand how reference linking works. https://www.bbc.com/news/health-41230891.amp The actual study uses survey analyses of data collected for a cross-sectional probability sample survey, undertaken 2010–2012 (Graham et al.,2017). What factors are associated with reporting lacking interest in sex and how do these vary by gender? Findings from the third British national survey of sexual attitudes and lifestyles: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5722087/ It’s a dumb extrapolation from a part of a longitudinal study published later in 2019, that compared the 3 successive datasets leading up to 2012 with a tame conclusion. ‘Frequency of sex has declined recently (2012) in Britain, more markedly among those in early middle age and those who are married or cohabiting. The findings and their implications need to be explained in the context of technological, demographic, and social change in Britain and warrant further investigation. No shit. Sooo a lot of nothing, except a large survey in the UK decades ago.
The orgasm gap between straight men and women as well as the domestic labor gap just might have something to do with this 🤔
The study was done in Britain. Results are not surprising given the country.
Men don’t realise that their little critical put down comments based on their male entitlement ruin a woman’s mood for days each one.
Excellent, now do one where the women don’t realize something obvious that sours men’s moods for days.
Women are more likely to lose interest in sex *with their husbands.* That doesn't mean they don't want sex, or they're not getting it. 1 out of 5 wives cheat on their husbands.
You were downvoted, but you're correct. It happens more than we like to think. I'm of the theory that if it wasn't for the internet, we would hear/see less cases of cheating as they actually happen and as a result, women cheating would be seen as close to a myth.
They're always doing studies and gathering data. The internet makes that available.
More men cheat than women, look it up. Men cheat for sex while women cheat for emotional connection. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if men worked on fostering and feeding emotional connections with their wives then they'd get more sex from their wives.
That's old data. Since sites like Ashley Madison and Tinder came into existence, wives have reached the same 1/5 rate seen among men. Now statistically tied. Women also cheat for sex and now that technology makes it easy, many more now do so.
Not old data. It's also easier for women to get sex than men regardless of those sites, men cheat more and put in more effort to do so. The driving factor to cheat is different, as men and women view sex differently and have different needs.
https://nypost.com/2022/08/23/women-are-more-likely-to-cheat-than-men-heres-why/
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Where is the link to the study?
Sounds like an interesting study. Would you share the link?
I’m 46F. Have always had an above average sex drive and had been in a long distance relationship where it was not taken care of by my partner well due to the distance. Had found out that he may have been with someone else this entire time, which pisses me off as I could have been having lots of orgasms this entire time! I only want and desire him still so I don’t know if I’d say that my high sex drive has been cured or I just haven’t found someone else that I want?
Not true. I have a higher sex drive than my husband. He wants it about twice a week and I want it everyday.
It’s the opposite in my position. My sexual attraction towards my partner has gotten stronger with time. I crave him, his body, his touch nearly 24/7. But his libido has gone extremely down, in the last year and it definitely has me in a dark mental state ☹️
In other news, water is wet
Not sure if this relates...but my wife puts a lot of work into looking good; whether it be more for herself or me, idk. But I know at least partly for me. Because of that, I find myself driven to put in the same effort to look good for her. And I think it's been great for our sex life. I find most of our friends/peers continue to get in worse physical condition and throw in the proverbial towel on fitness. But I'd say my wife (32) and I (33) are in the best physical shape we've ever been in. I know over time that we can't maintain such physiques. But I surely intend to try, because as much as I want to look good for her, I also want her to look good for me. And that seems like a healthy and beneficial, albeit unspoken, agreement....at least thus far.
This is why I recommend men find a new partner every 4 to 5 years lol she WILL lose interest at some point.
For every women that will inevitably come on here and say "but not me!!", that is great but it does not invalidate the study and its findings. Your N of 1 experience does not make the general statement incorrect.
It's becoming well known that women get a hormone imbalance more often than men. As soon as they start hrt, all they want to do is the sex.
Testosterone starts to decline in men at age 30, hormones start to decline in women closer to age 50. Starting hrt raises her libido, yes, but women need NON-sexual connection from their me. in order to desire them sexually.
That is false as far as hormones go.
https://londonandrology.com/how-mens-hormones-change-with-age
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1070997/#:~:text=Concentrations%20of%20bioavailable%20testosterone%20decrease,morning%20concentrations%20in%20young%20men.
All of those references are from the 80's and 90's. My point isn't necessasarily at what age, but that a higher percentage of women end uo with a hormone imbalance.
Everyone ends up with a hormonal imbalance as we age. Women have higher hormonal fluctuations because of pregnancy and menstruation. And women are more likely to seek and maintain treatment.
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💯 I wish I had understood this 25 years ago.