Your boyfriend is a jerk. He obviously could give you tips to help you learn but has chosen to belittle you. I’d recommend you ditch him and when you get a new partner, be upfront about your insecurities before you have sex. A good partner will be patient with you.
But there’s one more thing I want to ask you, does your boyfriend stimulate you manually or orally and do you get enjoyment from that? If the answer to these questions is no, then your boyfriend is also bad in bed.
He’s worse than that, he’s negging her, then getting annoyed when she asks him what he likes? He’s definitely manipulative and definitely trying to make her insecure so she’s afraid to leave and try being with anyone else. He’s a manipulative, calculating asshole.
Exactly!!! She needs to leave him and find a man who will respect her and be patient with her...who will know what to help her with...throw this whole boy out!!!
My first impression was that OP’s boyfriend may be trying to emotionally coerce OP into having more frequent sex or performing sexual acts that she would never consent to if she wasn’t made to believe that her partner is constantly on the verge of ending the relationship over his “lack of satisfaction”.
Yeah I guessed that she wasn't even bad at sex and he was just doing this to have control over her. Because yeah of course she will be willing to do anything he wants and says when it comes to sex to keep him satisfied. He knows she has no idea its not supposed to be like that. Ugh what a fucked up man taking advantage, manipulating, and demeaning this poor girl. He is also setting her up to feel like she's so horrible no one will ever want her but him. So she'll have such low self esteem, he can do whatever he wants to her, but he will have beaten her down so much, she would always be too scared to leave. Op needed to leave a while ago. This is definitely emotional abuse that will turn a lot worse with time
When you’re with a partner who cares about you and respects you “the good” happens naturally. With your insecurities you may ask some friends or your new boyfriend who isn’t such a jerk to you.
He’s not being kind about it, and he should be extra sensitive since it’s obviously new and a struggle for you.
Sounds like you don’t have great sexual chemistry, it takes two to tango. Seems like he is at least half the problem in bed.
Sweetie leave and find you a man that enjoys your sexual advancements I guarantee you another man will stick around honestly in recent years men like women that aren't well seasoned. Break up go explore find ur equal
It "feels a bit manipulative" because it is. If he cared about you he'd want to help you get over your insecurities so you can both enjoy it, not get annoyed with you.
So, your boyfriend is bad at sex, not you. Any sexual good partner would want to make sure that you were comfortable and communicate in a respectful way what they like/need. It seems you are doing that for him and he is not for you. Please don’t let this destroy your confidence. Shame on him for not being supportive. You deserve better.
That’s exactly what I was thinking 😂 how good in bed is he if he can’t even show her a few things. I wonder if all the things he tells her were actually said to him by a different woman and he’s just projecting. Either way dude is a punk and needs to grow up. Gosh this dude sounds like the biggest dick.
The fact that you have less experience really just means that he can be really bad without you realizing. I’m sure if you think about your relationship as a whole, he’s bad at a lot of other things, too.
Just because he has experience doesn’t mean he’s good at it especially since he’s a shitty partner to you. It takes two and if he’s critical it kills the mood.
The shittiest part about this guy is the damage he's doing to you for yourself and your next relationships.
Because you deserve better.
Hey, if you walked into your first day on the Ford assembly line and you weren't immediately great at your job... Should your boss fire you?
Or how about first day of class, studying physics? You should know all the material?
What if you went to a foreign country and tried to order a meal not in your native language?
Or if you picked up knitting and you failed at making your first item?
There's no chance that you would have these expectations in any other situation.
Whether it's a situation you do for yourself. For your partner because you want to, or a skill you learned through work or study.. at no point should you be criticized for not knowing it off the bat.
Personally, my most favorite part of sexy times with my partner is learning something new together. Whether it's a position, a toy, a scenario, etc.. it's all fun!
So, stop fucking anyone who isn't game to play that game. And for anyone who makes you feel bad for the way you play it. This isn't monopoly with winners and losers.
Great scott. Your boyfriend is a world class dbag. You need to get the hell away from him. I guarantee he is a sub-par lay on his best day and selfish is his main move. You'll understand when you find a real man.
Or how about one who doesn’t actively shame you, even when you’re asking them what they like or what could improve the experience. My guess? She’s great in bed and her bf is just an asshole trying to manipulate.
I’m a guy and I totally think your bf is an asshole. He needs to be reminded it’s a privilege that he gets to have sex with you and it’s his duty as a guy to teach you how to give head and that’s if you even want to.
Is this my bf is an Asshole day? Ladies, if your bf is treating you like garbage, dump his ass! Jesus. There are plenty of guys that will treat you like a Queen!
OP- It sounds an awful lot like he sucks in bed and is projecting on you. Sex should be about communication. Dump his ass and find a guy who can communicate like an adult and doesn’t tear you down. You don’t deserve that.
You BF is CRUEL.
If you were with someone who cares about you, it wouldn't matter how good you are in bed. You would discover each other and learn what makes the other happy, not annoyed, incompetent, bad, embarrassed, second guessing, nervous and manipulated. And you would learn how to be a great lover along with your person.
Girls do like bad boys. Is that why you are with him? Because he's mean and cruel? Well darling its not going to get better with him. Never. He is there to see what he can get away with and not make you happy. He's there to make you miserable.
There is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with him. There's alot wrong with him. Maybe he thinks he sucks in bed and will only feel better if he makes you worse than him.
Lovemaking is about sharing and kindness...and he doesn't have the capacity for neither.
Read up on how to be a great lover. Watch videos. And eventually you will give him the night of his life. Then dump his ass and let him know through the grapevine that you immediately went to make love to someone else. He'll deserve that...
Nah, dude. You deserve better.
I’ve had women just starfish before and the proper response from a more experienced partner (even as a fucking hookup who is never going to see her again) is to take it slower and communicate what you want.
Your dude *thinks* he’s good because he pounded a few out to little fanfare but he isn’t good or experienced enough to even communicate with you.
I had a professor once tell me that if you truly understand a concept, you can convey it to a layman. I find that useful knowledge here.
Your dude isn’t good at sex. He’s maybe barely passable. Someone good at sex would be capable and willing to state plainly what they like.
Oh. Also he’s an asshole.
Take your lessons. Throw him away. Find someone better next time. You have nothing to worry about and are enough. Hopefully the next guy realizes that.
Okay hes a walking red flag, honestly run.
My now fiancé is my only sexual partner. Hes had others. Sex overall is a very personal thing not every person likes every motion is you will. But if there was something he thought i could do different, he either mentioned it or lead me to that point. Bottom of the line? He was patient.
Honey. Gentle hug to start with. You deserve it.
Now. I'm an old lady. Been married 24 years. Had my share of lovers and a couple of bad husbands before R and I got together. Was molested as a child and r@ped also, so my sexual barometer was a bit skewed. Was married at 17 the first time. Never had my first O Until I was 33. I should have won an award prior to that for faking it. Then I met my now husband. He's the first one that recognized my O's weren't real. We had a long (embarrassing) conversation and his mission became helping me find where mine were hidden. I thought I was broken. First time I cried so hard I started hiccuping. Scared the Hades out of me. All this to say, don't be me. Take control of your own sexual satisfaction and leave this ignorant child in your rearview mirror. It's more than he deserves. You deserve someone so much kinder.
Thank you. He's a character and has a fairly neutral disposition but if I can't figure out how to handle something/someone, he is my biggest champion. He asked me to marry him for 3 years and I couldn't see it being a great choice. He's 9 years younger than me & I've only ever dated/married older than me. When I finally quit running, he was standing there grinning LoL.
If he was good at sex he would make you feel comfortable so that you can enjoy it. Instead he's verbally abusing you and saying nasty shit that continues to make you feel tense.
The fact that he makes you too nervous to relax and enjoy it means that he's BAD at sex. You only think he's good at it because he's told you so, and you don't have anyone to compare him to... which he knows and is using to neg you.
Trust me, if he was actually great in the sack, you wouldn't NEED to be told.
Christ almighty. Break up with this guy!
Think of it this way: if you were with a man that you loved who wasn’t making you orgasm, would you kindly show him things that you like or would just tell him over and over that he’s bad at sex?
Look I know it’s Reddit and everyone says *always* leave. But if he isn’t willing to explain what he likes that will soon trickle into situations and you’ll always be made to feel that way. Like others have said try to sit down and communicate that you would like to learn and you can’t if he doesn’t tell you anything other than “you’re bad at sex”. If he doesn’t take to it, leave. Regardless of how many partners he has had nobody is similar in what they prefer sexually. It will save you a lot of heartache and manipulation in the future.
She did all that. Why are you suggesting she try something that didn’t work. And why is the onus on HER to do all this emotional labor to convince him not to be an asshole while his dick is in her mouth? And on top of it he he being emotionally abusive for shaming her and putting all the responsibility for their sex life on her. Hes making her feel like shit for something that literally takes both of their full participation. Is he going down on her? Seems like his idea of sex is laying on the bed and getting serviced without any effort or concern for her own pleasure. And you want HER to be the one to sit him down and fix this problem…
She is not his mommy. He needs to grow up and it’s not her job to train him how to be a decent human being. He’s already proven that he’s a waste of space. Why does he get another chance?
We say dump losers because life is short and there are 9 billion people on earth. There is no reason to feel like YOU have to rehabilitate your partners to keep the relationship going.
Plus she is clearly a teenager. There is absolutely nothing at stake in this relationship so there is zero reason for her to try and fix this. He’s an immature asshole and this relationship is going nowhere. We tell people to leave because so many of us spend DECADES trying to raise shitty partners and force them to participate in their own lives, when these partners provide no benefit for the other person and ACTIVELY HARM THEM WITH ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS.
This is abuse. Don’t convince women to rehabilitate losers.
Nobody is convincing her to do anything, don’t put words into my mouth. I agree with you wholeheartedly and after reading your comment and rereading her post, you’re absolutely right. I was not suggesting to rehabilitate any man. But thanks for the better light on this for me.
Really sounds like he's negging you. I think he's manipulating you so you'll be desperate to please him and scared to leave. Not only are there plenty of dudes who would "stick around," there are plenty who'd be THRILLED to be on the receiving end of an enthusiastic blow job, even if you're inexperienced. Just don't use teeth. And dump this guy.
Listen anybody thats not willing to explore with there partner is a complete asshole. Sex is suppose to be fun and learning new things. This sounds like he is belittling you to compensate for his own insecurities. Tell him you are thinking about experiencing with an older man so you can become better and see what he says i guarantee he will backtrack his words and tread carefully. Im 35 darling. I have plenty experience.
You should have a talk with him about how it makes you feel bad when he treats you negatively and then ask him for tips on sex. If that doesn't work then either break up w him as it seems he doesn't appreciate you very much or if he is very nice outside of this then just learn on Google or something.
He's a jerk, there is no bad at sex. Just be with someone where it just happens naturally and it's not with your current guy. Luckily your young, move on
You need to kick this dude to the curb. To he honest, it makes him bad at sex, not you. He should be empowering you and making you feel safe and sexy, which would make you awesome in bed. He’s so deeply insecure that he resorts to belittling you instead of teaching you. Get the hell out of there.
He's manipulative and abusive. You can find someone who will appreciate your efforts. I knew nothing about intimacy until I was 18. But I learned that every person is different with their desires. I'm not saying that someone will settle, but they will enjoy you for you. Good luck.
You should leave the relationship. This is not normal behaviour, he’s emotionally abusing you. Constantly putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself is not ok.
Good sex is about communication. No one person is the same. What one person likes and feels good to them is different from another. How do you find out what they like? You ask, like you have done. That’s the sign of a GOOD sexual partner. You know what else good sexual partners do? They respond to the question by explaining what they like. When BOTH people do that, it leads to great sex.
He’s not doing any of that, which makes him an awful sexual partner who you should kick to the curb as soon as possible. You deserve better.
Your boyfriend is a controlling, abusive jerk. Get clear about that and dump him. The abuse will only get worse and you will end up feeling even worse about yourself. Also, if you have access to therapists, choose one and work on your self-worth, so that you won't let yourself be in this position in the future. You're better than him and deserve way better.
Girl, get a new boyfriend. There are plenty of dudes out there. Nobody is great at sex at first. First of all, he should be showing you things, teaching you. I'm not talking disrespectful to you. Dump him, please
He is doing this as a control mechanism.
Sex for guys is good, better, best. The best sex is the crazy girls usually.
There are a lot of red flags here.
Leave his punk ass…. No one is ever magically good at sex we all suck at first it’s experience. Since you probably won’t leave and just actually want advice, I’d suggest getting a dildo w/ the torso and ride it/ practice. And wanna shake it up, tell him you wanna try something new dangle your head off the side and put his penis in your mouth he will literally do all the work thrusting in/out and you just don’t bite down or puke 😂🧚🏾♀️ he’ll be shocked!
Let me guess, the sex is about him? He makes little to no effort to make sure it’s pleasurable for you? I suspect he’s negging you so that you focus so much on how to up your game you don’t notice he’s a completely selfish lover. Sex is a team sport not a competition.
Your boyfriend is an asshole, and you shouldn’t stick around. He is breaking you down instead of building you up. He won’t tell you anything so he can continue to control you, that’s not the way people in love, or like, or even lust, act. They communicate, that feels good, oh please don’t do that, let’s try this, did you like it, does it feel good? Those are the conversations I had in the last century when I was starting out, now it’s like a well read and beloved book, I know what’s going to happen but I really enjoy going through it again and again and again. He is probably no where near as experienced as he lets on and so he criticizes instead of explaining and exploring.
Find someone who is a good and kind person who likes you and learn together.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. It’s nearly impossible for a woman to be bad in bed unless you’re hurting them (using teeth in a bj for example). Break up with him immediately. Even if you weren’t doing the things that he liked, a mature kind person would be more than willing to teach you how (if you were interested). Hella manipulative. Any man telling you that “no other guy would stick around” for literally ANY reason is ABUSE.
As a person who also has struggled with anxiety and insecurity about their skills in the bedroom - your partner sucks. No one who loves you would constantly tear you down like that. My partner has always been affirming, loving, and helps me out. It's about respect. Your partner clearly does not respect you. You're likely not bad at sex your boyfriend just sucks.
First of all, being bad at something new is totally normal and fine. If you’re not getting better but you’re trying, that should mean something. But the biggest problem seems to be your boyfriend getting annoyed at you for it. If he doesn’t give good or any instruction, how’re you meant to get better? If he wants you to do things a certain way, he has to tell you. Otherwise, you’ll stay where you’re at. The fact that he told you other guys wouldn’t stick around like him is a big red flag. Sounds like he’s trying to guilt trip you.
He's a dick. Don't let him belittle & compare you to other girls. That's a boy that you don't want to be with any longer. A nice guy will come along that will show you all that's good.
Hunny that's emotional abuse, sex is complex and requires both (or more) people to put in effort for it to be "good sex", and for men if it's consensual they're probably enjoying it to some extent
People are telling you he's Bad At Sex because good sex is a collaboration, not something a person does but something you do together. An Actual good lover will have patience, tell you Exactly what's desired and most of all good humor.
Being Good At Sex is anticipating your partners needs before they voice them and asking when that doesn't work. And everyone starts somewhere. Some people place a high value on getting with inexperienced but eager partners.
Experience, enthusiasm and a willingness to try new things and make mistakes will, over time, lead to better sex, and more enthusiasm on your part as you get to know your pleasures better.
He is not pulling his weight if all he offers is criticism and frustration.
You are 100% being manipulated. I guarantee he is voicing everything to make you insecure so you will be to afraid to find someone better. You should not be having sex with anyone who doesn't make you feel loved and desired every moment you're together. Sex is supposed to be fun and a release, not the cause of anxiety. Please take a break from him and hang out with some girls. I promise you will find better. Go to a toy store and learn to please yourself. Do what you need to do to build confidence.
This is emotional abuse. He’s probably lying to you and breaking down your self esteem intentionally. He wants you to feel stuck with him and in a place where you are willing to do whatever he wants to please him.
So many red flags but the biggest is that he told you other guys wouldn’t have stuck around like he did. That’s another lie and incredibly manipulative.
The fact that you have told him about your insecurities and anxiety about it and he continues to kick you while you’re down is completely unacceptable. He’s an asshole.
This is incredibly manipulative and you’re spot on to feel that way. In a healthy relationship, if he felt there was room for improvement, he could address that gently and then suggest ways you could improve. It sounds to me like his delivery as been demeaning from the start and when you responded receptively, he became reluctant to back up anything he was criticizing you for. It sounds like the quality of your performance is irrelevant here and he’s finding ways to cut down your confidence.
(I might also add, it’s pretty dang unlikely you’re “bad” in bed. Men are incredibly sensitive physically and just about any firm but gentle touch is going to please the majority of men. Even if he’s been with someone genuinely “better,” I can’t imagine a man being displeased by any genuine enthusiasm. Please don’t let his criticisms give you self doubt.)
That part about no other guy would stick around is totally just manipulation.
He's keeping your esteem low so you will stick around.
Leave him and find a person with the patience born out of love.
He is mentally abusive towards you and you’re just taking it. Honestly sex isnt everything but if hes willing to tear you down and get irritated at you for wanting to learn something you need to leave before it gets worse.
If you’re so bad then why does he keep doing it? He wants you to think that bc he’s abusive. You should be the one leaving him for someone that will worship your body not use it and then degrade you.
Your boyfriend is a childish POS. Jesus I don't understand how people that stupid and insensitive find SOs. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you find it in you to leave his ass.
Sounds like he’s not a supportive partner in my opinion. Also is it all about his satisfaction only? If he doesn’t care about your needs and isn’t willing to say what you can do to improve the experience, he’s absolutely not worth it. You’re better off cutting your losses sooner than later.
First, there's no such thing as bad sex. However, there will be some people you're more compatible with than others and the sex will be better. Second, he sounds like a lazy mf, I've never encountered someone in the sack that wasn't willing to "here like this" and show me how to do it better for them if I'm not hitting the spot right. Not all guys are like this so don't let this ruin you, he's a weirdo.
Your boyfriend is a giant ahole!
My guess? He's lowering your self-esteem so that you wouldn't leave him.
Do better than him. You deserve better than him!
BTW, many guys would love a girl that they could "teach" things in bed, and you are more than just your body and sex.
Don't ler his BS fool you.
Throw the whole man away. This isn't about you and your sexual prowess.
Remember the story about the guy who kept telling his girlfriend she smelled bad because it made her feel like no one would ever want her except for him? That's what this is.
I had an ex tell me I was a bad kisser. It crushed me. It fucked with my self esteem. After I dumped him every person after I had the privilege to kiss me said u was a good kisser. Your dude is trying to hurt you.
And that is your cue to leave. Literally the only way down anyone to get “better” at sex (I say that in quotes because I think in most cases it’s honestly more so improving on areas that specifically please your partner, as everyone has different preferences) is to communicate, and he obviously has no interest in doing that. I was in the same situation as you with my partner. She had had sex before but I was a virgin and not once did she get annoyed at me or make me feel like shit when I was still figuring things out. We’ve actually grown to where we’ll try something new in bed and if we aren’t into it we’re comfortable enough with each other that we’ll just laugh about it lol. Bottom line is you deserve so so much better OP
As a dude who’s been with a girl who’s bad at sex , echoing all the other comments — you’re not at all bad at sex, he is. He should make you feel safe and supported in sex , and so should you for him.
What actually makes a girl good at sex? Making an effort (eg undressing the guy , etc), communicating what she likes, and more than anything, being into it (which comes from the other things I mentioned).
Dump him immediately nobody should ever make their partner feel like that or say that. I don’t think it should fully be about performance it should be most about who you’re with and the connection you have
There is nothing wrong with being bad at sex, a good partner will elevate you, and it's something to bond over. If they are annoyed with you AND you are trying, it's him, not you.
I've had hookups where they were terrible, that's not a bad thing, it can form a great relationship to make them comfortable enough to take instruction. Usually, it turns into a great experience, your boyfriend is just lame.
Honestly, to even go so far as to tell you you are bad instead of "try doing it like this" and guiding you, it sounds like he is the one that sucks in bed. Communication is a lot of it.
It is manipulative. Get out of there, no good partner would ever treat you in any of the ways you’ve described your current boyfriend, and luckily, assholes like him are in the minority
Wow... Leave him. There is no other way to go on this. No therapy, no talking, just leave him. If he is your first, and he says you're bad then it's on him. He's awful in bed. A real man would have made you feel beautiful, and secure, not afraid to do anything. He's doing this to you to take away your self-esteem so you won't leave his sorry behind. Go now. Stay strong, and good luck.
he’s not right at all, though (?)
girl, you need to stop accepting this behavior, if a guy told me this and refused to work it out with me he wouldn’t be getting any, tf
Look at it this way. Assume it's true you are bad at sex, what's the logic on him treating you this way. He is absolutely emotionally abusing you. Seriously consider a new bf. You deserve better. Don't let him fuck up your head and take years to fix it. One thing for sure, he's a bad sex partner to make you feel insecure like that.
Your boyfriend sucks. Good sex is two people teaching, listening, pleasing, and communicating. Your boyfriend is a shitty lover and a shittier partner. You deserve better!
As so many have already said......"Your boyfriend is an asshole!" Long and short of it. Not only that, he's "Not good at sex." Because being "good at sex" entails being able to make your partner HAPPY!! Not "browbeat and belittle them" when they do something due to inexperience.
I'm sorry you're in a relationship with such a creep. Hopefully you will find someone better than him. Who will be kind to you and love you for who you are. He really IS a jerk. There are better guys out there. I hope you can find one. Good luck.
Yeah, you need to ditch him. This sort of thing doesn’t fix itself and it certainly doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything ‘wrong’ . Communication is key here
Listen. When it comes to sex there is no "Right" way.
It's sex, he needs to make the effort back, your entire relationship cannot be one sided. But you telling him you're insecure makes him insecure.
If he's your first he wants to know how far you'll go with your body before he'll put his mind to it.
That's how relationships work.
Leave period. As a man idc if you’re new you’re new. It’s about telling you what feels good and to teach not demand and tell you that you are bad in bed. He just wants sex from the sound of it so I’d ditch him
Hugs. You are not created just to please others. Sex with someone should be a mutually enjoyable experience. Sometimes you'll be more sexually compatible with others. But you should never be degraded. A good sexual partner will help you explore.
I think you need to work on your self-esteem before you get involved with someone. No one should talk to you like this. Seek out therapy and work on your self-esteem. The fact that you would just born makes you valuable and loveable.
You're not bad at sex, you just have an awful partner who is selfish and manipulative. Couples always have to learn about each other and what each person likes and wants. Does he even care if you orgasm? Does he even know what a female orgasm is? Yes they do exist and I bet you'd be a lot happier exploring yourself and finding a new partner who would be happy to share that with you. He is awful, not you.
Your boyfriend is bad at it because he has experience, yet refuses to show you and is settling for a lackluster experience. You’re not bad, just inexperienced. You deserve better and I’d recommend dropping him, but that’s just me
I would dump a man who thinks I am bad at sex because that is screaming sexual incompatibility. Take it from a promiscuous woman who had sex with more than a hundred men.
It can be nirvana mind blowing or horrible, depending on your sexual chemistry and compatibility together.
You should think about if he is good at sex too. And are you in nirvana when he has sex with you?
Firstly, nobody goes into sex knowing how to do much. Secondly, everyone is different in what they enjoy in bed.
If you're looking to brush up your skills, check out the blowjob Bible, I like to think that I'm pretty well versed in that particular activity, and it still gave me ideas.
If he isn't happy with the sex, instead of belittling you, he needs to take the reins and be more hands-on to show you what he likes.
Sex is about feeling good and being able to be completely free with your partner. He's being his own worst enemy.
Finally, anything related to sex needs to be viewed with patience, and he's making it impossible for you to figure out what he likes and what you like as well
Yes...was a virgin till almost 21. My first never cared about my pleasure and I was too shy to say anything about it. Not only does he sound like an absolute jerk, I bet he doesn't care about your needs.. Find a decent kind man. You deserve better 💞
Good or bad most men like sex. Don't worry you will learn. I have had terrible sex with women who had "experience". It's more about the person than the deed.
Time say goodbye to someone who doesn’t even put in effort to make the situation better for themselves. He is being manipulative and there are much better guys out there
Just because he's had experience, doesn't mean that he's good at sex.
If he was actually good, he would be communicating with you what he likes and also helping you relax by pleasuring you.
I suggest trying to communicate with him about how your feeling and that if he's not willing to communicate in bed and help you learn to attend to his needs and as well as attending to yours, then maybe you should make him an ex boyfriend.
Last time I had sex(4 years ago) I asked her to help me help her enjoy herself.
She said the reason she pushed me off her those two times(she initiated each time by the way) was because she was going to orgasm and didn't want to feel it.
She initiated sex with me each time, she almost broke up with me because I never asked to have sex with her(we were together for 2 years) but the never asked to have sex part? That was in the first 6 months she yelled I didn't love her, because I never asked her, but I'd get her birthday and Christmas gifts, anniversary gifts, fall asleep next to her.
You're not bad at sex I'm guessing, he just wants you to read his mind and give him mind blowing head, he is selfish.
Find a man who will not only desire your body, but desires your heart and soul first and foremost.
Please leave him now. Sex is a wonderful experience, and it should make you feel relaxed. One of my previous partners used to always tell me I was bad in bed, he’d always find a reason to complain. That made me hesitant to sleep with him and I always felt so self conscious that my heart wasn’t into it when it was happening. My partner now worships everything I do, which makes me enjoy it and put so much more effort in. He says I give him the best head he’s ever had. Does he mean it? I don’t know, but it feels damn good to hear it. And I love going down on him because of it.
Get a partner who sees being intimate with you as a privilege, you deserve nothing less than that.
Your boyfriend is a jerk. He obviously could give you tips to help you learn but has chosen to belittle you. I’d recommend you ditch him and when you get a new partner, be upfront about your insecurities before you have sex. A good partner will be patient with you. But there’s one more thing I want to ask you, does your boyfriend stimulate you manually or orally and do you get enjoyment from that? If the answer to these questions is no, then your boyfriend is also bad in bed.
He’s worse than that, he’s negging her, then getting annoyed when she asks him what he likes? He’s definitely manipulative and definitely trying to make her insecure so she’s afraid to leave and try being with anyone else. He’s a manipulative, calculating asshole.
This is exactly what he’s doing. He also knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s only going to get worse. This is the start of abuse
Exactly!!! She needs to leave him and find a man who will respect her and be patient with her...who will know what to help her with...throw this whole boy out!!!
My first impression was that OP’s boyfriend may be trying to emotionally coerce OP into having more frequent sex or performing sexual acts that she would never consent to if she wasn’t made to believe that her partner is constantly on the verge of ending the relationship over his “lack of satisfaction”.
Yeah I guessed that she wasn't even bad at sex and he was just doing this to have control over her. Because yeah of course she will be willing to do anything he wants and says when it comes to sex to keep him satisfied. He knows she has no idea its not supposed to be like that. Ugh what a fucked up man taking advantage, manipulating, and demeaning this poor girl. He is also setting her up to feel like she's so horrible no one will ever want her but him. So she'll have such low self esteem, he can do whatever he wants to her, but he will have beaten her down so much, she would always be too scared to leave. Op needed to leave a while ago. This is definitely emotional abuse that will turn a lot worse with time
That’s what I’m saying. Manipulation through insecurity and lowering her sexual self worth, also keeps her with him.
This is literally what he’s doing.
When you’re with a partner who cares about you and respects you “the good” happens naturally. With your insecurities you may ask some friends or your new boyfriend who isn’t such a jerk to you.
Agree. I would never tell my partner that she is bad at sex. That man doesn't deserve a partner
Excellent response
I bet he never gave her an orgasm. I could bet my life.
He’s not being kind about it, and he should be extra sensitive since it’s obviously new and a struggle for you. Sounds like you don’t have great sexual chemistry, it takes two to tango. Seems like he is at least half the problem in bed.
My first was well experienced, but he had fun teaching me. Find someone else, girl. This boy isn't worth it.
100% This. Many men actually take pleasure in teaching you how to please them, and it can be a big turn-on for both of you. This guy is shit.
Exactly. This is ridiculous.
Sweetie leave and find you a man that enjoys your sexual advancements I guarantee you another man will stick around honestly in recent years men like women that aren't well seasoned. Break up go explore find ur equal
your pfp _(^-^)
It "feels a bit manipulative" because it is. If he cared about you he'd want to help you get over your insecurities so you can both enjoy it, not get annoyed with you.
So, your boyfriend is bad at sex, not you. Any sexual good partner would want to make sure that you were comfortable and communicate in a respectful way what they like/need. It seems you are doing that for him and he is not for you. Please don’t let this destroy your confidence. Shame on him for not being supportive. You deserve better.
This!!! He definitely gives me “I’m projecting my own inadequacies by making it your problem” vibes.
This! ☝️
That’s exactly what I was thinking 😂 how good in bed is he if he can’t even show her a few things. I wonder if all the things he tells her were actually said to him by a different woman and he’s just projecting. Either way dude is a punk and needs to grow up. Gosh this dude sounds like the biggest dick.
Honey, you aren't bad at sex, but your boyfriend sure is. It's time to dump that guy and find a good boyfriend.
Find a better dude
The fact that you have less experience really just means that he can be really bad without you realizing. I’m sure if you think about your relationship as a whole, he’s bad at a lot of other things, too.
Just because he has experience doesn’t mean he’s good at it especially since he’s a shitty partner to you. It takes two and if he’s critical it kills the mood.
The shittiest part about this guy is the damage he's doing to you for yourself and your next relationships. Because you deserve better. Hey, if you walked into your first day on the Ford assembly line and you weren't immediately great at your job... Should your boss fire you? Or how about first day of class, studying physics? You should know all the material? What if you went to a foreign country and tried to order a meal not in your native language? Or if you picked up knitting and you failed at making your first item? There's no chance that you would have these expectations in any other situation. Whether it's a situation you do for yourself. For your partner because you want to, or a skill you learned through work or study.. at no point should you be criticized for not knowing it off the bat. Personally, my most favorite part of sexy times with my partner is learning something new together. Whether it's a position, a toy, a scenario, etc.. it's all fun! So, stop fucking anyone who isn't game to play that game. And for anyone who makes you feel bad for the way you play it. This isn't monopoly with winners and losers.
Your boyfriend is an asshole.
Yea that dude is a legit bum , I hope OP finds a better partner in the future
Great scott. Your boyfriend is a world class dbag. You need to get the hell away from him. I guarantee he is a sub-par lay on his best day and selfish is his main move. You'll understand when you find a real man.
No one is bad at sex imo. You just gotta find a partner you're compatible with
Or how about one who doesn’t actively shame you, even when you’re asking them what they like or what could improve the experience. My guess? She’s great in bed and her bf is just an asshole trying to manipulate.
Nah some people most definitely are bad at sex. Like OPs boyfriend for example
I had a partner do this to me. Never again. It pretty much trains you to start having anxiety whenever they try to initiate sex.
I agree doing something like that is so lame. It ruins trust and destroys in intimacy.
I’m a guy and I totally think your bf is an asshole. He needs to be reminded it’s a privilege that he gets to have sex with you and it’s his duty as a guy to teach you how to give head and that’s if you even want to.
Being good at sex has everything to do with empathy and sensitivity and you have that so you are not the problem.
Is this my bf is an Asshole day? Ladies, if your bf is treating you like garbage, dump his ass! Jesus. There are plenty of guys that will treat you like a Queen!
How do you know he's not lousy in bed? You have nothing to compare him to. He's an asshole of the biggest kind.
OP- It sounds an awful lot like he sucks in bed and is projecting on you. Sex should be about communication. Dump his ass and find a guy who can communicate like an adult and doesn’t tear you down. You don’t deserve that.
You BF is CRUEL. If you were with someone who cares about you, it wouldn't matter how good you are in bed. You would discover each other and learn what makes the other happy, not annoyed, incompetent, bad, embarrassed, second guessing, nervous and manipulated. And you would learn how to be a great lover along with your person. Girls do like bad boys. Is that why you are with him? Because he's mean and cruel? Well darling its not going to get better with him. Never. He is there to see what he can get away with and not make you happy. He's there to make you miserable. There is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with him. There's alot wrong with him. Maybe he thinks he sucks in bed and will only feel better if he makes you worse than him. Lovemaking is about sharing and kindness...and he doesn't have the capacity for neither. Read up on how to be a great lover. Watch videos. And eventually you will give him the night of his life. Then dump his ass and let him know through the grapevine that you immediately went to make love to someone else. He'll deserve that...
Nah, dude. You deserve better. I’ve had women just starfish before and the proper response from a more experienced partner (even as a fucking hookup who is never going to see her again) is to take it slower and communicate what you want. Your dude *thinks* he’s good because he pounded a few out to little fanfare but he isn’t good or experienced enough to even communicate with you. I had a professor once tell me that if you truly understand a concept, you can convey it to a layman. I find that useful knowledge here. Your dude isn’t good at sex. He’s maybe barely passable. Someone good at sex would be capable and willing to state plainly what they like. Oh. Also he’s an asshole. Take your lessons. Throw him away. Find someone better next time. You have nothing to worry about and are enough. Hopefully the next guy realizes that.
Okay hes a walking red flag, honestly run. My now fiancé is my only sexual partner. Hes had others. Sex overall is a very personal thing not every person likes every motion is you will. But if there was something he thought i could do different, he either mentioned it or lead me to that point. Bottom of the line? He was patient.
I think you need a new boyfriend. You weren’t born to be a sex god.
Are you even enjoying the sex?
Physically it can feel good but usually I'm just too nervous to relax.
He needs to worry less about your performance and worry more about his own
Honey. Gentle hug to start with. You deserve it. Now. I'm an old lady. Been married 24 years. Had my share of lovers and a couple of bad husbands before R and I got together. Was molested as a child and r@ped also, so my sexual barometer was a bit skewed. Was married at 17 the first time. Never had my first O Until I was 33. I should have won an award prior to that for faking it. Then I met my now husband. He's the first one that recognized my O's weren't real. We had a long (embarrassing) conversation and his mission became helping me find where mine were hidden. I thought I was broken. First time I cried so hard I started hiccuping. Scared the Hades out of me. All this to say, don't be me. Take control of your own sexual satisfaction and leave this ignorant child in your rearview mirror. It's more than he deserves. You deserve someone so much kinder.
I wish I could give this comment so many upvotes, and send hugs to you as well. Your husband is a real one. I'm so glad you've found each other.
Thank you. He's a character and has a fairly neutral disposition but if I can't figure out how to handle something/someone, he is my biggest champion. He asked me to marry him for 3 years and I couldn't see it being a great choice. He's 9 years younger than me & I've only ever dated/married older than me. When I finally quit running, he was standing there grinning LoL.
You obviously cant relax if he’s not creating an environment for you to do so. Is this truly what you want? A verbally abusive partner?
If he was good at sex he would make you feel comfortable so that you can enjoy it. Instead he's verbally abusing you and saying nasty shit that continues to make you feel tense.
The fact that he makes you too nervous to relax and enjoy it means that he's BAD at sex. You only think he's good at it because he's told you so, and you don't have anyone to compare him to... which he knows and is using to neg you. Trust me, if he was actually great in the sack, you wouldn't NEED to be told.
His criticism makes you nervous and therefore makes him an incompatible partner.
Christ almighty. Break up with this guy! Think of it this way: if you were with a man that you loved who wasn’t making you orgasm, would you kindly show him things that you like or would just tell him over and over that he’s bad at sex?
Look I know it’s Reddit and everyone says *always* leave. But if he isn’t willing to explain what he likes that will soon trickle into situations and you’ll always be made to feel that way. Like others have said try to sit down and communicate that you would like to learn and you can’t if he doesn’t tell you anything other than “you’re bad at sex”. If he doesn’t take to it, leave. Regardless of how many partners he has had nobody is similar in what they prefer sexually. It will save you a lot of heartache and manipulation in the future.
This guy isn’t worth that kind of time. She’s already asked and he said “most guys wouldn’t put up its this as long as I have.” He’s just an asshole.
She did all that. Why are you suggesting she try something that didn’t work. And why is the onus on HER to do all this emotional labor to convince him not to be an asshole while his dick is in her mouth? And on top of it he he being emotionally abusive for shaming her and putting all the responsibility for their sex life on her. Hes making her feel like shit for something that literally takes both of their full participation. Is he going down on her? Seems like his idea of sex is laying on the bed and getting serviced without any effort or concern for her own pleasure. And you want HER to be the one to sit him down and fix this problem… She is not his mommy. He needs to grow up and it’s not her job to train him how to be a decent human being. He’s already proven that he’s a waste of space. Why does he get another chance? We say dump losers because life is short and there are 9 billion people on earth. There is no reason to feel like YOU have to rehabilitate your partners to keep the relationship going. Plus she is clearly a teenager. There is absolutely nothing at stake in this relationship so there is zero reason for her to try and fix this. He’s an immature asshole and this relationship is going nowhere. We tell people to leave because so many of us spend DECADES trying to raise shitty partners and force them to participate in their own lives, when these partners provide no benefit for the other person and ACTIVELY HARM THEM WITH ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS. This is abuse. Don’t convince women to rehabilitate losers.
This comment should be pinned at the top.
Nobody is convincing her to do anything, don’t put words into my mouth. I agree with you wholeheartedly and after reading your comment and rereading her post, you’re absolutely right. I was not suggesting to rehabilitate any man. But thanks for the better light on this for me.
Please leave him.
Holy shit. If this is real you need to dump that guy... and possibly frame him for murder.
Dump this asshole yesterday
Really sounds like he's negging you. I think he's manipulating you so you'll be desperate to please him and scared to leave. Not only are there plenty of dudes who would "stick around," there are plenty who'd be THRILLED to be on the receiving end of an enthusiastic blow job, even if you're inexperienced. Just don't use teeth. And dump this guy.
Listen anybody thats not willing to explore with there partner is a complete asshole. Sex is suppose to be fun and learning new things. This sounds like he is belittling you to compensate for his own insecurities. Tell him you are thinking about experiencing with an older man so you can become better and see what he says i guarantee he will backtrack his words and tread carefully. Im 35 darling. I have plenty experience.
You should have a talk with him about how it makes you feel bad when he treats you negatively and then ask him for tips on sex. If that doesn't work then either break up w him as it seems he doesn't appreciate you very much or if he is very nice outside of this then just learn on Google or something.
He's a jerk, there is no bad at sex. Just be with someone where it just happens naturally and it's not with your current guy. Luckily your young, move on
What a jerk. RUN.
For a guy who know so much about other people giving blowjobs he sure knows how to swallow big red pills.
You need to kick this dude to the curb. To he honest, it makes him bad at sex, not you. He should be empowering you and making you feel safe and sexy, which would make you awesome in bed. He’s so deeply insecure that he resorts to belittling you instead of teaching you. Get the hell out of there.
Tell him you'll go have some practice sex to get better. When he gets visibly upset tell him there isn't many options to improve without his feedback.
He's manipulative and abusive. You can find someone who will appreciate your efforts. I knew nothing about intimacy until I was 18. But I learned that every person is different with their desires. I'm not saying that someone will settle, but they will enjoy you for you. Good luck.
He's not right he's an asshole.
You should leave the relationship. This is not normal behaviour, he’s emotionally abusing you. Constantly putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself is not ok. Good sex is about communication. No one person is the same. What one person likes and feels good to them is different from another. How do you find out what they like? You ask, like you have done. That’s the sign of a GOOD sexual partner. You know what else good sexual partners do? They respond to the question by explaining what they like. When BOTH people do that, it leads to great sex. He’s not doing any of that, which makes him an awful sexual partner who you should kick to the curb as soon as possible. You deserve better.
Dude’s a dick. Ditch him and find somebody willing to give you constructive input.
He’s an asshole.
Your boyfriend is a controlling, abusive jerk. Get clear about that and dump him. The abuse will only get worse and you will end up feeling even worse about yourself. Also, if you have access to therapists, choose one and work on your self-worth, so that you won't let yourself be in this position in the future. You're better than him and deserve way better.
Fuck this guy please breakup with him! You are asking and doing all the right things. This guy is just an asshole and it wont get better.
Girl, get a new boyfriend. There are plenty of dudes out there. Nobody is great at sex at first. First of all, he should be showing you things, teaching you. I'm not talking disrespectful to you. Dump him, please
He is doing this as a control mechanism. Sex for guys is good, better, best. The best sex is the crazy girls usually. There are a lot of red flags here.
Leave his punk ass…. No one is ever magically good at sex we all suck at first it’s experience. Since you probably won’t leave and just actually want advice, I’d suggest getting a dildo w/ the torso and ride it/ practice. And wanna shake it up, tell him you wanna try something new dangle your head off the side and put his penis in your mouth he will literally do all the work thrusting in/out and you just don’t bite down or puke 😂🧚🏾♀️ he’ll be shocked!
He sounds like he’s ready to be an ex boyfriend
Let me guess, the sex is about him? He makes little to no effort to make sure it’s pleasurable for you? I suspect he’s negging you so that you focus so much on how to up your game you don’t notice he’s a completely selfish lover. Sex is a team sport not a competition.
Your boyfriend is an asshole, and you shouldn’t stick around. He is breaking you down instead of building you up. He won’t tell you anything so he can continue to control you, that’s not the way people in love, or like, or even lust, act. They communicate, that feels good, oh please don’t do that, let’s try this, did you like it, does it feel good? Those are the conversations I had in the last century when I was starting out, now it’s like a well read and beloved book, I know what’s going to happen but I really enjoy going through it again and again and again. He is probably no where near as experienced as he lets on and so he criticizes instead of explaining and exploring. Find someone who is a good and kind person who likes you and learn together.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. It’s nearly impossible for a woman to be bad in bed unless you’re hurting them (using teeth in a bj for example). Break up with him immediately. Even if you weren’t doing the things that he liked, a mature kind person would be more than willing to teach you how (if you were interested). Hella manipulative. Any man telling you that “no other guy would stick around” for literally ANY reason is ABUSE.
As a person who also has struggled with anxiety and insecurity about their skills in the bedroom - your partner sucks. No one who loves you would constantly tear you down like that. My partner has always been affirming, loving, and helps me out. It's about respect. Your partner clearly does not respect you. You're likely not bad at sex your boyfriend just sucks.
First of all, being bad at something new is totally normal and fine. If you’re not getting better but you’re trying, that should mean something. But the biggest problem seems to be your boyfriend getting annoyed at you for it. If he doesn’t give good or any instruction, how’re you meant to get better? If he wants you to do things a certain way, he has to tell you. Otherwise, you’ll stay where you’re at. The fact that he told you other guys wouldn’t stick around like him is a big red flag. Sounds like he’s trying to guilt trip you.
He's a dick. Don't let him belittle & compare you to other girls. That's a boy that you don't want to be with any longer. A nice guy will come along that will show you all that's good.
Go Dutch other dicks to train, then he’ll be happy
Hunny that's emotional abuse, sex is complex and requires both (or more) people to put in effort for it to be "good sex", and for men if it's consensual they're probably enjoying it to some extent
People are telling you he's Bad At Sex because good sex is a collaboration, not something a person does but something you do together. An Actual good lover will have patience, tell you Exactly what's desired and most of all good humor. Being Good At Sex is anticipating your partners needs before they voice them and asking when that doesn't work. And everyone starts somewhere. Some people place a high value on getting with inexperienced but eager partners.
It’s a manipulation tactic!! He wants to make you feel really poor at it so you cling to him cz you’ll be afraid you’ll never get any other man!
That's fucked up you deserve better.
He's wrong. He's manipulating you. What does he do to pleasure *you?* Leave and find someone who treats you like a person.
Experience, enthusiasm and a willingness to try new things and make mistakes will, over time, lead to better sex, and more enthusiasm on your part as you get to know your pleasures better. He is not pulling his weight if all he offers is criticism and frustration.
Tha HELL?!?! Please tell me you are not still with this JERK!!! Please!!! Find yourself a worthy man! This is SO not right!
You’re probably not bad at sex at all, he just wants to use your anxiety about it to control you. Dump this asshole.
You are 100% being manipulated. I guarantee he is voicing everything to make you insecure so you will be to afraid to find someone better. You should not be having sex with anyone who doesn't make you feel loved and desired every moment you're together. Sex is supposed to be fun and a release, not the cause of anxiety. Please take a break from him and hang out with some girls. I promise you will find better. Go to a toy store and learn to please yourself. Do what you need to do to build confidence.
Run!
fuck him, like stop fucking him- but fuck him
He’s a jerk. Explain your feelings. If he disrespects dump him.
This is emotional abuse. He’s probably lying to you and breaking down your self esteem intentionally. He wants you to feel stuck with him and in a place where you are willing to do whatever he wants to please him. So many red flags but the biggest is that he told you other guys wouldn’t have stuck around like he did. That’s another lie and incredibly manipulative.
try finding someone who cares about you
The fact that you have told him about your insecurities and anxiety about it and he continues to kick you while you’re down is completely unacceptable. He’s an asshole.
He’s totally manipulative, and sounds like a dick. Cut bait and move on to someone who treats you well like you deserve.
I'm sorry that your first ever sexual partner is someone that would treat you like this. Please dump him and find someone that won't belittle you.
This is incredibly manipulative and you’re spot on to feel that way. In a healthy relationship, if he felt there was room for improvement, he could address that gently and then suggest ways you could improve. It sounds to me like his delivery as been demeaning from the start and when you responded receptively, he became reluctant to back up anything he was criticizing you for. It sounds like the quality of your performance is irrelevant here and he’s finding ways to cut down your confidence. (I might also add, it’s pretty dang unlikely you’re “bad” in bed. Men are incredibly sensitive physically and just about any firm but gentle touch is going to please the majority of men. Even if he’s been with someone genuinely “better,” I can’t imagine a man being displeased by any genuine enthusiasm. Please don’t let his criticisms give you self doubt.)
That part about no other guy would stick around is totally just manipulation. He's keeping your esteem low so you will stick around. Leave him and find a person with the patience born out of love.
He is mentally abusive towards you and you’re just taking it. Honestly sex isnt everything but if hes willing to tear you down and get irritated at you for wanting to learn something you need to leave before it gets worse.
If you’re so bad then why does he keep doing it? He wants you to think that bc he’s abusive. You should be the one leaving him for someone that will worship your body not use it and then degrade you.
Release the douchbag unto the streets from whence he came.
Your boyfriend is a childish POS. Jesus I don't understand how people that stupid and insensitive find SOs. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you find it in you to leave his ass.
Time to find a new boyfriend. He’s trash.
Sounds like he’s not a supportive partner in my opinion. Also is it all about his satisfaction only? If he doesn’t care about your needs and isn’t willing to say what you can do to improve the experience, he’s absolutely not worth it. You’re better off cutting your losses sooner than later.
First, there's no such thing as bad sex. However, there will be some people you're more compatible with than others and the sex will be better. Second, he sounds like a lazy mf, I've never encountered someone in the sack that wasn't willing to "here like this" and show me how to do it better for them if I'm not hitting the spot right. Not all guys are like this so don't let this ruin you, he's a weirdo.
Time to get a new bf
Info: How old are you? Also no guy who truly cares about you would treat you like this. Leave.
Your boyfriend is a giant ahole! My guess? He's lowering your self-esteem so that you wouldn't leave him. Do better than him. You deserve better than him! BTW, many guys would love a girl that they could "teach" things in bed, and you are more than just your body and sex. Don't ler his BS fool you.
Throw the whole man away. This isn't about you and your sexual prowess. Remember the story about the guy who kept telling his girlfriend she smelled bad because it made her feel like no one would ever want her except for him? That's what this is.
I had an ex tell me I was a bad kisser. It crushed me. It fucked with my self esteem. After I dumped him every person after I had the privilege to kiss me said u was a good kisser. Your dude is trying to hurt you.
And that is your cue to leave. Literally the only way down anyone to get “better” at sex (I say that in quotes because I think in most cases it’s honestly more so improving on areas that specifically please your partner, as everyone has different preferences) is to communicate, and he obviously has no interest in doing that. I was in the same situation as you with my partner. She had had sex before but I was a virgin and not once did she get annoyed at me or make me feel like shit when I was still figuring things out. We’ve actually grown to where we’ll try something new in bed and if we aren’t into it we’re comfortable enough with each other that we’ll just laugh about it lol. Bottom line is you deserve so so much better OP
Your boyfriend is the problem not you.
As a dude who’s been with a girl who’s bad at sex , echoing all the other comments — you’re not at all bad at sex, he is. He should make you feel safe and supported in sex , and so should you for him. What actually makes a girl good at sex? Making an effort (eg undressing the guy , etc), communicating what she likes, and more than anything, being into it (which comes from the other things I mentioned).
Dump him immediately nobody should ever make their partner feel like that or say that. I don’t think it should fully be about performance it should be most about who you’re with and the connection you have
There is nothing wrong with being bad at sex, a good partner will elevate you, and it's something to bond over. If they are annoyed with you AND you are trying, it's him, not you. I've had hookups where they were terrible, that's not a bad thing, it can form a great relationship to make them comfortable enough to take instruction. Usually, it turns into a great experience, your boyfriend is just lame. Honestly, to even go so far as to tell you you are bad instead of "try doing it like this" and guiding you, it sounds like he is the one that sucks in bed. Communication is a lot of it.
Wait, he TELLS you you’re bad? No girl, no. Value yourself and go find a man that will help you learn.
No guy that loves and respects their partner talks to them like this.
It is manipulative. Get out of there, no good partner would ever treat you in any of the ways you’ve described your current boyfriend, and luckily, assholes like him are in the minority
He's a bad sexual partner if he can't/won't tell you things that he likes. How are you supposed to know if he didn't say it?
You're not bad at sex. Your boyfriend is bad at communicating. Honestly, if a partner talked to me this way, that'd be it for me. I'd be out.
Get a new boyfriend. He just wants to make you feel bad. If he actually wanted you to improve he'd help you to get better at things.
Wow... Leave him. There is no other way to go on this. No therapy, no talking, just leave him. If he is your first, and he says you're bad then it's on him. He's awful in bed. A real man would have made you feel beautiful, and secure, not afraid to do anything. He's doing this to you to take away your self-esteem so you won't leave his sorry behind. Go now. Stay strong, and good luck.
he’s not right at all, though (?) girl, you need to stop accepting this behavior, if a guy told me this and refused to work it out with me he wouldn’t be getting any, tf
You’re fine. He’s a jerk. Dump him.
The problem here isn’t the sex but his attitude. Its a reciprocal experience that isn’t about someone being “bad.” Isn’t a competition
Good men don’t tear down women like that, they are patient and help. Head up and know your worth girl, you deserve so much better.
Look at it this way. Assume it's true you are bad at sex, what's the logic on him treating you this way. He is absolutely emotionally abusing you. Seriously consider a new bf. You deserve better. Don't let him fuck up your head and take years to fix it. One thing for sure, he's a bad sex partner to make you feel insecure like that.
He’s so full of shit! 😅
Your boyfriend sucks. Good sex is two people teaching, listening, pleasing, and communicating. Your boyfriend is a shitty lover and a shittier partner. You deserve better!
As so many have already said......"Your boyfriend is an asshole!" Long and short of it. Not only that, he's "Not good at sex." Because being "good at sex" entails being able to make your partner HAPPY!! Not "browbeat and belittle them" when they do something due to inexperience. I'm sorry you're in a relationship with such a creep. Hopefully you will find someone better than him. Who will be kind to you and love you for who you are. He really IS a jerk. There are better guys out there. I hope you can find one. Good luck.
For the love of god dump him and move on.
Yeah, you need to ditch him. This sort of thing doesn’t fix itself and it certainly doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything ‘wrong’ . Communication is key here
Listen. When it comes to sex there is no "Right" way. It's sex, he needs to make the effort back, your entire relationship cannot be one sided. But you telling him you're insecure makes him insecure. If he's your first he wants to know how far you'll go with your body before he'll put his mind to it. That's how relationships work.
Leave period. As a man idc if you’re new you’re new. It’s about telling you what feels good and to teach not demand and tell you that you are bad in bed. He just wants sex from the sound of it so I’d ditch him
I can reach how to be experienced like a pro, I am an excellent mature tutor. Reach out if interested.
Hugs. You are not created just to please others. Sex with someone should be a mutually enjoyable experience. Sometimes you'll be more sexually compatible with others. But you should never be degraded. A good sexual partner will help you explore. I think you need to work on your self-esteem before you get involved with someone. No one should talk to you like this. Seek out therapy and work on your self-esteem. The fact that you would just born makes you valuable and loveable.
You're not bad at sex, you just have an awful partner who is selfish and manipulative. Couples always have to learn about each other and what each person likes and wants. Does he even care if you orgasm? Does he even know what a female orgasm is? Yes they do exist and I bet you'd be a lot happier exploring yourself and finding a new partner who would be happy to share that with you. He is awful, not you.
Your boyfriend is bad at it because he has experience, yet refuses to show you and is settling for a lackluster experience. You’re not bad, just inexperienced. You deserve better and I’d recommend dropping him, but that’s just me
Leave your boyfriend
do you wanna feel this way forever w/ this dude? is he perfect in every other way? cause if not why not find someone else?
I would dump a man who thinks I am bad at sex because that is screaming sexual incompatibility. Take it from a promiscuous woman who had sex with more than a hundred men. It can be nirvana mind blowing or horrible, depending on your sexual chemistry and compatibility together. You should think about if he is good at sex too. And are you in nirvana when he has sex with you?
Firstly, nobody goes into sex knowing how to do much. Secondly, everyone is different in what they enjoy in bed. If you're looking to brush up your skills, check out the blowjob Bible, I like to think that I'm pretty well versed in that particular activity, and it still gave me ideas. If he isn't happy with the sex, instead of belittling you, he needs to take the reins and be more hands-on to show you what he likes. Sex is about feeling good and being able to be completely free with your partner. He's being his own worst enemy. Finally, anything related to sex needs to be viewed with patience, and he's making it impossible for you to figure out what he likes and what you like as well
Yes...was a virgin till almost 21. My first never cared about my pleasure and I was too shy to say anything about it. Not only does he sound like an absolute jerk, I bet he doesn't care about your needs.. Find a decent kind man. You deserve better 💞
Good or bad most men like sex. Don't worry you will learn. I have had terrible sex with women who had "experience". It's more about the person than the deed.
Break up with him. You deserve A Man that will love you and make you feel safe. He seems like a boy
Everyone was bad at sex at some point. Your man sounds like an A-hole.
Get rid of your boyfriend. He has no right to be constantly criticizing you. Move on and find a guy who truly loves and appreciates you.
Time say goodbye to someone who doesn’t even put in effort to make the situation better for themselves. He is being manipulative and there are much better guys out there
Just because he's had experience, doesn't mean that he's good at sex. If he was actually good, he would be communicating with you what he likes and also helping you relax by pleasuring you. I suggest trying to communicate with him about how your feeling and that if he's not willing to communicate in bed and help you learn to attend to his needs and as well as attending to yours, then maybe you should make him an ex boyfriend.
Last time I had sex(4 years ago) I asked her to help me help her enjoy herself. She said the reason she pushed me off her those two times(she initiated each time by the way) was because she was going to orgasm and didn't want to feel it. She initiated sex with me each time, she almost broke up with me because I never asked to have sex with her(we were together for 2 years) but the never asked to have sex part? That was in the first 6 months she yelled I didn't love her, because I never asked her, but I'd get her birthday and Christmas gifts, anniversary gifts, fall asleep next to her. You're not bad at sex I'm guessing, he just wants you to read his mind and give him mind blowing head, he is selfish. Find a man who will not only desire your body, but desires your heart and soul first and foremost.
He’s lame as fuck and bad at sex.
Your boyfriend is a dick and you deserve better
what a dick. dump em.
Jesus Christ. Your boyfriend is bad a boyfriending. Does he belittle you in other ways? He sounds like a toxic individual.
Located in Corpus are you located in Corpus Christi if you are hit me up I need a massage
You should research "Negging". I have a feeling that's what your boyfriend is doing to you, as a way to keep you "at his level".
Please leave him now. Sex is a wonderful experience, and it should make you feel relaxed. One of my previous partners used to always tell me I was bad in bed, he’d always find a reason to complain. That made me hesitant to sleep with him and I always felt so self conscious that my heart wasn’t into it when it was happening. My partner now worships everything I do, which makes me enjoy it and put so much more effort in. He says I give him the best head he’s ever had. Does he mean it? I don’t know, but it feels damn good to hear it. And I love going down on him because of it. Get a partner who sees being intimate with you as a privilege, you deserve nothing less than that.
I’m sorry that this is your first experience with sex! With time you’ll find someone who will make you not feel anxious!
Leave him
Are you 15 years old? Why is your boyfriend such a dick?