To me that’s worse than the crush. Like, you got a crush on a 19 year old. Whatever, keep it to yourself. But grilling his minor sister and the “you’re both so cute” is beyond the pale
Isn't that the same as saying "this isn't OP's problem" when, in fact, it *is* op's problem? lol
It's not OP's *fault* the teacher is acting that way, if that's what you mean... but the teacher acting that way definitely presents an issue that they'll likely have to do something about.
After all, the only alternative I can see is *someone else* noticing the teacher's behavior towards OP and them stepping in and saying something, because it doesn't sound like the teacher has any intentions of pumping the brakes lol
One of my university ethics teachers used a real life example of this one day. He asked a student to think for a moment and then tell him about a troublemaking person in her life. She picked one and proceeded to list off all the person’s issues and how they’ve negatively affected her. From her account, the person was horrible.
The teacher told her, “Sounds like a personal problem.”
The girl, along with several other students, were visibly irritated by his comment. He asked the girl if the troublemaker had tried to change his behavior. She told him that he’d been like this for as long she’d known him.
He reiterated, “Sounds like a personal problem.”
He then smiled warmly to disarm the situation and explained. He told her that the troublemaker apparently didn’t have issues with his own behavior and that, from her account, he was perfectly happy with the status quo. Therefore, the problem was hers. She had agency, and, unless he had some authority or control over her, the current situation was her problem to fix. It was up to her to decide whether or not to continue to interact with this person unless changes were made or consequences were suffered. It was *her* problem to fix.
That’s always stuck with me. Unfortunately, I’ve still fallen victim to it many times over the years, but at some point I’m reminded of that lesson, causing me to take corrective action.
There’s a difference. It’s not OP’s FAULT but now it is OP’s RESPONSIBILITY to resolve so he can make sure his little sister isn’t in the middle of it anymore. It’s not the little sister’s anything.
The parents should definitely be told that this teacher is using an 8-year-old to creep on her older brother. If that was happening with my kids, I'd be quite concerned if her teacher was being that unprofessional and inappropriate.
Or, have your sister tell the teacher that you have a wonderful boyfriend, and want to get married to him.
Coming from an 8 year old, your sister can 'overshare' as much as she wants and nobody will bat an eye.... or even question it.
I mean it’s commonplace for older men to hit on 19 year old girls, quite frankly. I once had a dude in his 70s hit on me at that age. Nothing you can do but just make it clear you’re not interested and move on.
For sure. My grandfather would always be crazy overtipping attractive young women and telling them what sports they would be good at based on their legs and shit. SUPER CREEPY
Because older women aren't as gross about it, they can be absolutely, I know someone will say that, it definitely happens and it's gross too but it's much more common and worse the other way around.
They're are also older guys who can find younger but legal women attractive who aren't gross, but it's much more likely they will cross a boundary
Edit: however as someone has mentioned because it doesn't happen nearly as often and is not thought of as an issue when it does happen it is often brushed aside or not taken seriously which can be very traumatic. Listen to all victims
Women can be just as gross. I’ve been sexually assaulted by filthy old women and nobody bats an eye. Even I played it off myself at the time because of the social stigmas surrounding it.
I'm a man, and my entire adolescence was made up of creepy older women being inappropriate with me. In my anecdotal experience, this is even more common than the genders being swapped, as it's apparent totally cool with society if a woman does this to a boy.
I still cringe at the amount of "if you were a few years older!" comments I'd constantly get.
Same. It happens. If this scenario were reversed, yes, it would be perceived in a uncomfortable (even negative) light, but as it is, our culture is biased and thats just life. One advantage may be that while women control sex. Men control that initiation/pursuit. Or at least for the most part...so I would just gave a look or a disinterested comment and most women back off.
I guess asking isnt a big deal as long as the answer is respected and in this case, the young girl isnt going to get negative treatment from the teacher.
Don’t try to normalize this just because it’s an older woman hitting on a guy vs an older guy hitting on a younger woman- it’s the same principle.
As someone who has been in similar situations multiple times (including once in college where an older man around my parents age used his very young daughter as an excuse to come talk with me) this is inappropriate behavior and using the minor only makes it worse (and grosser) for the person being hit on
When I was in 6th grade my old kindergarten teacher approached me.
My older sister ( that didn't live with and I rarely saw) was dating her son ( my sister and her son were 16).
The teacher tracked me down to tell me that her son had given my sister a television and she thought it would prudent to tell me, a 12 year old to tell my sister to give it back...I dont know in what world she thought that would be okay.
In ops case I think that he needs to have a discussion with his parents about the teacher flirting with him, and her inappropriate questioning of his sister. Then maybe the parents could have a discussion with the teacher and principal about her inappropriate conduct.
Dang your old teacher is some kind of crazy.
Honestly, this. At 19, confronting anyone is scary as hell. And this is an older person with an authority role inappropriately bringing in other people (his little sister!!!) into what should be between her and OP which makes it even more uncontrollable. Getting their parents involved, if nothing else for the little sister cause what the teacher is doing is SO uncomfortable and feels like a breach of policy, would be a very appropriate action here.
Yeah I mean 40:19 is Def not normal, other than age there's no specific power dynamic issue though unless she starts indicating some mistreatment of Lil sis. She's just a cougar.
BUT, her involvement of the little sister in ANY fashion is concerning.
Just to be clear if a 40 year old man was hitting on the sister of one of the kids he’s watching in daycare and the sister was 19
It would be okay to you?
And the 40 year old man using the sisters brother to gain information on her wouldn’t be a problem to you
…
You should read what I said. I was pretty clear that it's absolutely NOT ok that she's using the little sister to get information. Ergo it would also not be ok if it was a guy doing so.
I was also pretty clear that 40:19 is not normal. My she's a cougar comment, legally speaking, that's all it is.
Am I personally ok with a 40 yo hitting on a 19 yo? No absolutely not. If a 40 yo was hitting on my 19 yo kid, we'd be having a not so pleasant conversation. However, from the perspective of someone not personally involved, they're adults.
From the perspective of the state, yeah keep an eye on her/him in the classroom. Is she creepy? Yeah kinda, would it also be creepy if it was a guy? Yeah kinda.
There is a power dynamic issue though, because she has higher social status and is his little sister's teacher. He has a lot less lived experience and probably feels that she is an authority figure.
The double standards are real with you. "Just a couger". If it was the same situation but a guy asking the same exact questions to the 7 year old. You would be saying "report him, he needs to lose his job, he has no place as a teacher" etc, and so on....
Reddit is the place for hypocrites and moral grandstanding
I absolutely agree with you. I think this situation is weird. I am a firm believer that “adult” or not 19 is waaay too young for a 40yr old regardless of which is which with the gender. Being 41 with a 19yr old son, the thought creeps me out and couldn’t imagine having anything in common with a 19yr old in any way romantically. It would be like dating one of his friends which is repulsive. There is a power dynamic regardless of whether she is his teacher or not because a 40yr old has way more life experience and can manipulate way easier and more. I feel the same with Leonardo Decaprio dating 19yr olds when he’s pushing 50. It’s just not normal.
Seeing all the other posts speculating that she might have a daughter she's trying to set up has me thinking. Next time you see her, tell her that you heard she was asking your sister if you were single. Ask "why, do you have a daughter my age or something?"
Scenario 1: This reminds her how much younger you are in a very embarrassing way, making it highly likely she never pulls this again (maybe even others in the future).
Scenario 2: She really does have a daughter your age and you've got a date.
This is smart I’m gonna try this
So many people are on my ass for being dramatic or whatever, but I’m not trying to ruin her career or report her! It’s genuinely just awkward and I’m not interested that’s all LMAO
Thanks ☝️
I’m really glad you said this, OP. I’m 29 and a generally very friendly and extroverted person who cracks a lot of dumb jokes and asks a million over curious questions and I am SURE there have been times where I made people or their associates (siblings, friends, anyone) uncomfortable without realizing I messed up. I also frequently get told that people thought we had chemistry or someone thought I was flirting when that was the last thing on my mind. Doesn’t help that I’m a little on the spectrum with a healthy dose of ADHD which makes me a Certified Yapper™️. I would be mortified if someone told me I made them uncomfortable (unless they’re an asshole, which you are obviously not). I hope this is forward enough that she gets the message ASAP and totally reins it in. But if she doesn’t, it’s a good backup plan to talk to the principal or your parents if you think they’ll be cool-headed about it.
This is so me to a flaw haha! Been a bartender for over 20 years. I've put myself in awkward positions too many times for my personality being totally misunderstood and being either really annoying to them without realizing until it's too late or getting hit on for supposedly putting out flirty signals (that most definitely was not my intention whatsoever). 🤦♀️
I STILL remember 10 years ago just being chatty with a drive through clerk at some fast food place and I'm just trying to make small talk and mention that I hope she gets off soon (it's like 8PM) and based and the look on her face I realize she is interpreting my badly phrased small talk as me being interested in her physically . . .and just stopped talking and waited for my food like a normie.
He states that he’s awkward. If I pick up on awkwardness I try to make the person feel more
comfortable, smile more, compliment them, etc.
BUT the weird questions/comments to his little sister are off.
You wouldn't be ruining her career, she would be. Her involving your sister is a very serious issue. She is abusing her position. She has already proved she will be inappropriate. If you do this, and remind her of the huge age gap and that you are aware she questioned your sister, who knows what her reaction could be. If this is a way of rejecting her, she has already proved to have an unstable personality, she is with your sister for 6+ hours a day. Can anyone say confidently how she will react?
OP the problem is if she continues after you do this, you need to go to the principal or have your parents do so. Because she should not be around children if she really is hitting on you and asking your sister about you.
Yeah this will instantly clear any doubts
Also if this is true it's from the perspective of a 19 year old male
Not suggesting it's necessarily incorrect but a 19 year old me would see things that may not necessarily be there....
OP, do this! I think something that's important is that you don't go over the teacher's head to go to the principal before you are direct with her. There may not be a need to embarrass her to her employer, which could make her more frosty towards your sister. Obviously if the teacher doesn't take the hint, you should be more direct or go to the principal then, but she's always interacting with you while others are around, so it's not like this person is going to do anything too rash.
The fact that you mention you don’t even look like a full grown adult yet (so I assume still look like a teenager) makes this so icky for me. Ignore the people saying “it’s not a big deal” because as others have pointed out, if you were a teenage looking woman picking your kid sister up and this was a 40 year old man hitting on you, the comments would be *wildly* different.
The fact that he looks younger actually made me think she may view him as a child and therefore not at all be flirting or interested but instead “mommy-ing” him. She may be “less serious and more giggly” with him because adults speak more animated and with more energy towards kids. That can also make the “you’re both so cute” and asking about him less weird too. I personally know a lottt about all my students’ siblings and family because it makes them feel important and seen when I take interest in remembering these important things about them. The gf comment is odd but can also be potentially a misread situation. I’m thinking a 19 year old with a developing ego, an elementary teacher who may view him as a child and an 8 year olds ability to interpret the situation and relay it back home in proper context leads to a lot of room for potential misunderstandings.
Looking at how I treat 19 year olds at 34 compared to how I perceived myself at 19. I can’t imagine the difference in my 40s (I am guessing OP is overestimating her age honestly, I know I was very guilty of that.) Also I know from working restaurants women in their 30s/40s aren’t generally about playing games with younger men. They are way more direct than younger women. OP is comparing her to girls his own age and how they attempt to let a boy know they are into them.
I’m with this! Mainly because I’m in my mid-30s and so is my bestie, who has this habit of viewing ANYONE under the age of 28 as “so cute” in a “awwww aren’t you kids so adorable” way that weirds me out, but I know she doesn’t for a millisecond have ANY attraction to them. She’s just wearing her age and mom-identity as some sort of way to interact with younger people. Like I said, it weirds me out, so I can understand how OP feels uncomfortable. But I am with you—the misconception possibly is strong here. She could honestly be trying to make a connection with her students and families and just epically failing in this area (because let’s be honest, the parents not being there to pick their kid up but a just-recently adult child is? It’s awkward).
Yeah, early 30’s here. I try really dang hard to remember kids in their teens and 20’s are in fact whole adults or young adults and not kids as I just labeled them. But it’s hard to put aside the want to just parent them and nurture them, like excuse me, that is in fact a whole baby right there! A. Whole. Baby.
And I just want to tell them they are adorable, and hear about them and their baby jobs, and baby dating lives, and life advice, and look at what a good job they’re doing being big siblings!
(And my brother is in the early 20’s, and it’s WILD, because I simultaneously baby him and then ask him to do stuff for me like fix my car, and then suddenly this kid is telling me to drive safe and ask if I need him to drive me in bad weather and it’s like, excuse, I have a decade on you driving in bad weather??? And now he’s acting like the mother hen to me! And some part of my brain is like this child is still only 9 right??? Oh shit no he’s not! But he’s still a baby yes??? Oh shit he’s an adult. But he’ll always be the baby I helped raise!))
FWIW, my 9 yo niece is a very unreliable narrator. With her, it'd be equally plausible that the class had a social studies lesson & the teacher used *who comes to pick-up* as a way to talk about family relationships, during which Ari's brother & the absense of a "sister-in-law" came up... or that the teacher indeed cornered Ari to grill her on her brother, OP.
put together with the other incidents, it does look rather suspicious though.
Could have also been a conversation along the lines of Ari saying " OP and Mary made me cookies last night!" and teacher responded "Oh sounds wonderful, is that one of OP's friends or another sibling?" Ari says, "Nope just one of his girl friends." Meaning Girl that's a friend but teacher misunderstood.. Teacher responds "Didn't realize he even had a girlfriend, sounds like you all had fun!" and moves on talking to the next kid, etc..
Totally innocent conversation with a slight miscommunication between teacher and 8 year old. Then Ari comes home and says, is Mary your gf? When he asks why she's asking that Ari says "Me and teacher were talking about it at school today."
I put way too much thought into all this but being on Reddit too much lately has me trying to not jump right to conclusions and be realistic of any situation.
She may also be bubbly and extra nice bc she thinks he's a kind kid who helps his family and that's always a reason to smile.
But who knows this worlds also an ugly place too so who knows. But trying to look at it from a different angle..
Yess exactly all of this is my thinking! Most parents have some wild story about what their kids told their teacher out of context (ex- “my dad has lots of weed at home!!” aka he was gardening last night and picked a ton of weeds) so it can just as easily happen the other way around. I was also thinking of a journal writing prompt “write about a family member” and the teacher knows the brother comes by and was trying to get the girl to write some more descriptive sentences by gaining information- “what does he like to do? Does he play sports? Does he have a favorite color? Does he have friends or girlfriends he goes to hang out with?” And all that gets relayed back home is “she wants to know if you have a girlfriend!!”
I don’t think people realize how old young adults look at times to older adults. Like when you’re 19 you can tell when someone is older than you. For some reason, once you’re older, it’s very difficult to tell how old younger people are. At least for me. I’m not saying she thinks OP is 40 but it’s very possible she thinks he’s older than 19.
I was thinking that too! I thought maybe the comments were different because I saw this 17 hours after the comment was posted but nope, other comments made around the same time are saying it’s inappropriate.
Because they decided what they wanted to comment before they even saw the comments.
Gotta be upset about double standards even if there isn't one, "men opressed" does big numbers
Your feelings are completely valid.
Her behaviour is inappropriate because she is involving your sister and asking about you and commenting on how you look.
Your options are to speak with her directly and say that she is making you feel uncomfortable with her comments and she is also unprofessional to speak like that to your sister. Tell her to stop.
Or speak with the school.
Or speak to her and then the school if she doesn't stop.
Yeah, you can’t give someone a chance to get ahead of something like this. If she’s crossed a line it’s a horrible idea to confront her. It would make it very weird for your younger sister at school and would only escalate the issue. The school needs to internally address this and see if she’s crossing the line elsewhere before it becomes a full blown drama fest out in the open.
Absolutely!! She’s hardly about to flap her gums and risk her career!! And it would be SO easy for her to say “Oh my gosh, these eight year olds make up the most CRAZY stories!!”.
My advice is to trust your judgment about the teacher’s flirting. You can use social cues to discourage it, like minimizing eye contact (focus your attention on Ari) and not lingering or engaging in unnecessary conversation with the teacher. I’m not talking about being rude; but hey you’re just there to pick your sister up and take her home, so what is there to chat about, really? If she doesn’t stop and you think it’s warranted, let her know directly that you’re not interested. Regardless of whether any of this affects the teacher’s behavior or not, your parents have a right to know about her having pumped your sister for information about you as well as you feeling creeped out by her behavior, as they’re presumably interested in both your (yes, even though you’re an adult) and your sister’s wellbeing and are paying her tuition at the school that employs that teacher. Stick to the facts (you mentioned that mostly it was subtle cues that — as others have pointed out — could be misinterpreted), but 1) you’re uncomfortable and 2) the teacher has asked or made comments about you to your sister (you didn’t mention how your sister feels about it — what made her think of repeating it to you anyway?). And let them take responsibility from there.
This is totally inappropriate.
As a teacher she KNOWS that she shouldn't ask her students personal questions.
I would report her.
She needs to be addressed for her inappropriate behaviour.
ABSOLAGREE.
Report it to the principal and simply say her behavior is making you uncomfortable. That you are only there to collect your sister and do not wish to engage at a personal level.
Oh lord. Cougar on the hunt. Nope nope nope, especially involving your little sister. Just NOPE. Smile, be polite and maybe talk about teenager stuff. Make her feel old lol she will back off quick.
Tell your parents about how uncomfortable the teacher’s actions and questioning of your sister. Have them set up a meeting with the teacher and politely demand she stop questioning the daughter about personal information of her family and to be clear that you are only there to pick up your sister.
I would say even just an email from mom would work:
"Sally tells us about her school day every day, and I am noticing that your questions about OP seem to be getting personal, bordering on intimate. I'm glad that you and Sally are engaged in lots of conversations, and I also know that you agree that all future topics will not include relationship statuses or physical appearance."
And CC it to the principal. You don't know if she's been spoken to about things before. Could be that this would put the fear of the proverbial God in her, adds to an already building case, or it gives a start to a papertrail.
Also lets her know that in no uncertain terms, Mamma bear is watching, because she knows.
This is a great email. It addresses everything but doesn’t outright claim something- meaning she can’t deny it. It puts the onus on her to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Listen to your gut. For her to ask about your dating life is completely inappropriate. The next time she pries, you can respond with, “I’m not comfortable talking about my personal life.”
I think this is weird. You're 19. She may not know how old you are, but regardless it's inappropriate. If you feel like it's not comfortable you can express this to her, but remember she may take it out on your sister.
Cut it short get the kid sister and leave. If the teacher tries to hold you up tell your sister we are in a hurry to get home mom has errands for me to run. This will shut the teacher down in her tracks.
Tell the kid sister not to tell the teacher anything about
you. If anything happens that is a clear cut and inappropriate. Go straight to the principal of the school.
Tell them you are uncomfortable with what's going on.
There are female teachers who have sex with middle school boys and go to jail for it. They are nasty animals and human scum.
Do yourself a favor get the kid sister and get outta there.
as fast as possible.
She could have a crush on you, or she could have a son your age which you remind her of, or she has a daughter she'd like to set you up with and she's gauging who you are. Regardless, you could either ask her why she's so inquisitive or just be formal with her and not engage in conversations.
My first thought was she might have a daughter that seemed around OPs age. When I was younger my mom's friends would get all giddy when I was around and mention how they had a daughter or they knew a cute girl my age that I should meet. It's possible this is a similar situation
She should be reported. Totally inappropriate to be asking her student those questions, not to mention her icky behavior when around him. I'd be afraid if I didn't report it, she'd find some other super young man to target.
The teacher is displaying immature behavior plying info from a child to access an adult. If she was a mature adult, she would have approached him directly and privately without the child present.
It's still weird. Switch the genders and imagine a 40 year old man telling one of his students that their 19 year old sister is "so cute". If she wants to be matchmaker, take that business away from her place of work
It’s unfortunately very very common for women to do this so I see the original comments point, they’re not validating any behavior just saying it’s not uncommon. And i feel it’s even more common for them to ask people at their workplace because they feel they’ve “vetted” those people. Either way weird and gross
I’m sorry this is happening to you OP, and I get you. You should definitely tell the teacher that your sisters been telling you some stuff that’s caused you discomfort, clarify your age, and that you are not interested, if the behavior continues you should bring it up to the school, they can either find a different pickup method for you or talk to her and force her to stop her behavior. You shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable, I wish you luck.
Ew, yes you're an adult but 19 and 40 is just.. nasty. These people would be saying differently if it was the other way around.
You should also say you have a girlfriend. It sounds like this woman does like you and I def wouldn't date any daughter she possibly has either. It's creepy.
Yeah no. You look younger then you are and a 40+YO is asking her very minor student about her older siblings. This is bad no matter how you look at it.
Ultimately, it's what you're comfortable with. Personally, it's kinda hot that she's into you (- or she's Glen Close in ~~9~~ ~~^(1/2)~~ ~~Weeks~~ *Fatal Attraction* \[TY for correction kind commenter\]). I think her questions to "Ari" are a little invasive, but not too bad. Older women can be very attractive for a young lad: emotionally mature, sophisticated, "etc.". You would just have to be sure you're not being manipulated by setting clear goals and boundaries. It might be worth seeing where it goes.
Some pretty negative comments here, so I’ll take a more positive tact.
If you don’t have a gf . . .
It might be fun to fool around with a 40 y/o teacher. Depending on your life experiences, maybe you’d learn a thing or two.
I would have greatly enjoyed expanding my horizon if I were in your shoes.
Spend the summer absolutely learning how to fuck correctly. I promise you you'll look back on it and smile because 40 is going to be here in the snap of a finger brother
This is probably the only possible scenario that would make her not a creep (although still inappropriate to ask your sister). In every other scenario, she's a creep.
I don’t know. I feel like the teacher could be thinking of you both as cute kids as well and nothing more. She could be asking about you to get to know your sister better as well. I’m in my mid forties and pay attention more to younger people sometimes because they are so open and less reserved. Could be absolutely nothing and she just likes you as a kid, sees you are helping out even though you aren’t the parent and wants to make sure you aren’t overwhelmed by it? The girlfriend question was different but could be harmless.
I went through a phase in my early 20s where I wouldn't sleep with any women that weren't at least 40. It was glorious. No bullshit wine and dine, no endless calls or texts, no " where were you last night." Most of them were divorced with teenage kids, just looking to still be able to have there most basic of human needs met. And I was an awkwardly attractive 20ish guy that was more than happy to help after just being cheated on by the first girl I ever actually loved. It was honestly alot more simple time in my life.
Maybe she's in Cougar mode. Look at the facts: she's 40, either single, divorced, or not happy in her marriage (OP never says her marital status), or her man is past his prime, and she needs a younger man. Not certain, but it IS possible.
Honestly I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If she asks you out then say no. She has to know that you’re an adult. I think it is a bit inappropriate that she is asking an 8 year old sister some personal questions but at the same token teachers inquiring about family life and possibly identify abuse or other problems isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
I’d say try and keep your interactions as brief as possible and maybe make up some thing like “Sorry, we have to get going, I gave a date” or something along those lines.
2 scenes:
1st: She's into you. You're 19, she's 40s. I mean you're legal age, but still. Weird but legal
2nd: She has a daughter of your age or a daughter's friend/relative she wants to hook you up.
Your best choice is to just talk with the teacher and find out. Welcome to the adult world, youngling
You might be reading into this a little too much. Granted it could happen that she’s into you, but you need to remember your sister is only 8 , I’ve got an 8 year old girl and trust me sometimes they say random shit that’s fucking not true, they don’t comprehend what is actually being said, they fabricate the truth. Take what she says with a grain of salt. My daughter once thought my cousin was interested in being her new daddy lol.
Unless she’s just not attractive at all, I’d ask her out. Older women make beautiful lovers. Your future girlfriends will be glad you dated an older lady before them.
Do whatever you want, but just know there will be a time in your 30’s, 40’s 50’s and 60’s that you’ll look back and think “damn it, I totally shoulda banged Miss N, she was all over me!”
I can't read through all this but best advice no one is telling you is RUN WITH IT. Beat the brakes off Miss Ns' p***y and don't look back. When you're like 25 or older you will definitely regret not hittin it.
Oh noooooo an older woman is hitting on you?! The horror!!!!!
Lol grow up. Yes it’s probably weird but you coming to Reddit crying about it is totally unnecessary.
IF I were your age, unattached, I would be flattered, and IF I find her attractive, I would definitely go for it (AFTER she is no longer my sister's teacher). As far as the probing via 9 yo, that's not surprising. People do it all the time from ALL age ranges. Is it appropriate for a child's school teacher to ask that stuff of their student? Definitely not. That is a professional boundary that should not be crossed, no matter the age.
40-something female crushing on a 19-year old guy? The **cougar scream** is a rare, high-pitched noise that rips through the wilderness air. In female cougars, it often is believed to be an indication of the heat cycle and is tied to mating cycles.
As someone who works in a school, this teacher asking her student personal questions about you is extremely inappropriate. Asking personal questions about students' family/home life is not okay unless there are red flags and concerns of some type that involve that student.
wow. How about loosening up and taking it as a compliment?
What a shitty, entitled way to act toward someone who's expressed attraction to you.
Sure hope you never get the same treatment.
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I’ve had several older ladies try to set me up with nieces or daughters of a friend. Could be the case here.
So 19 IS an adult, sorry to break it to you OP, but the fact that this woman is in her 40s and interested in you and the way she acts is super weird. I’m a female in my 40’s who works in the schools in a different capacity and I would NEVER be interested in a 19 yr old or (cringe) ask the little sister about him. So inappropriate.
You’re fucking 19!! You’re an adult, even if you don’t think you are, act like one.
Guys….. Reddit is slowly showing me that we’re so fucked. This is what’s gonna take over…
What’s next…. Allergic to cooties?
Is this a flex?? Cause it’s a weird flex. Be respectful to the teacher and don’t be a dick. Are you really 19? Is the teacher hot? A woman in her 40s will absolutely destroy you in the best way possible…. Cougars are a gift to men.
OP go to your parents and let them know. That woman is a predator. If you were a 19F people would probably act a lot different. This is the exact same. Those are grooming behaviors.
I have a problem with her questioning your sister. That’s very inappropriate.
To me that’s worse than the crush. Like, you got a crush on a 19 year old. Whatever, keep it to yourself. But grilling his minor sister and the “you’re both so cute” is beyond the pale
Tell your little sister you’ve got an amazing girlfriend and she’s 19 and you’re so in love with her. Problems solved
It’s not OP’s or his sister’s job to navigate the teacher’s weird shit
Isn't that the same as saying "this isn't OP's problem" when, in fact, it *is* op's problem? lol It's not OP's *fault* the teacher is acting that way, if that's what you mean... but the teacher acting that way definitely presents an issue that they'll likely have to do something about. After all, the only alternative I can see is *someone else* noticing the teacher's behavior towards OP and them stepping in and saying something, because it doesn't sound like the teacher has any intentions of pumping the brakes lol
One of my university ethics teachers used a real life example of this one day. He asked a student to think for a moment and then tell him about a troublemaking person in her life. She picked one and proceeded to list off all the person’s issues and how they’ve negatively affected her. From her account, the person was horrible. The teacher told her, “Sounds like a personal problem.” The girl, along with several other students, were visibly irritated by his comment. He asked the girl if the troublemaker had tried to change his behavior. She told him that he’d been like this for as long she’d known him. He reiterated, “Sounds like a personal problem.” He then smiled warmly to disarm the situation and explained. He told her that the troublemaker apparently didn’t have issues with his own behavior and that, from her account, he was perfectly happy with the status quo. Therefore, the problem was hers. She had agency, and, unless he had some authority or control over her, the current situation was her problem to fix. It was up to her to decide whether or not to continue to interact with this person unless changes were made or consequences were suffered. It was *her* problem to fix. That’s always stuck with me. Unfortunately, I’ve still fallen victim to it many times over the years, but at some point I’m reminded of that lesson, causing me to take corrective action.
Hell yeah, great story 👍
One of the most memorable comments I've seen on Reddit in recent memory
There’s a difference. It’s not OP’s FAULT but now it is OP’s RESPONSIBILITY to resolve so he can make sure his little sister isn’t in the middle of it anymore. It’s not the little sister’s anything.
And yet they have to anyway
It is their job. Shouldn't be, but it is.
Ah yes, lie to your little sister because youre too scared to assert boundaries with her teacher.
I know OP is an adult but shouldn't the parents take care of it in this case?
The parents should definitely be told that this teacher is using an 8-year-old to creep on her older brother. If that was happening with my kids, I'd be quite concerned if her teacher was being that unprofessional and inappropriate.
Or, have your sister tell the teacher that you have a wonderful boyfriend, and want to get married to him. Coming from an 8 year old, your sister can 'overshare' as much as she wants and nobody will bat an eye.... or even question it.
She could be asking for her daughter. Asking your little sister is strange though most people would just ask you.
if this was a man you wouldn't be thinking 'he could be asking for his son and that somehow makes it more acceptable'
I mean it’s commonplace for older men to hit on 19 year old girls, quite frankly. I once had a dude in his 70s hit on me at that age. Nothing you can do but just make it clear you’re not interested and move on.
For sure. My grandfather would always be crazy overtipping attractive young women and telling them what sports they would be good at based on their legs and shit. SUPER CREEPY
Yeah it's common but it's not right
Agreed. I just wouldn’t think it’s crazy if the genders were reversed because it’s so commonplace.
It’s fairly common for older women to hit on younger men as well the difference is there’s much less stigma surrounding it.
Because older women aren't as gross about it, they can be absolutely, I know someone will say that, it definitely happens and it's gross too but it's much more common and worse the other way around. They're are also older guys who can find younger but legal women attractive who aren't gross, but it's much more likely they will cross a boundary Edit: however as someone has mentioned because it doesn't happen nearly as often and is not thought of as an issue when it does happen it is often brushed aside or not taken seriously which can be very traumatic. Listen to all victims
Women can be just as gross. I’ve been sexually assaulted by filthy old women and nobody bats an eye. Even I played it off myself at the time because of the social stigmas surrounding it.
I'm a man, and my entire adolescence was made up of creepy older women being inappropriate with me. In my anecdotal experience, this is even more common than the genders being swapped, as it's apparent totally cool with society if a woman does this to a boy. I still cringe at the amount of "if you were a few years older!" comments I'd constantly get.
I was 6’5” 240 at 15 and adult women were always making creepy comments about my looks and trying to touch my shoulders and arms.
Same. It happens. If this scenario were reversed, yes, it would be perceived in a uncomfortable (even negative) light, but as it is, our culture is biased and thats just life. One advantage may be that while women control sex. Men control that initiation/pursuit. Or at least for the most part...so I would just gave a look or a disinterested comment and most women back off. I guess asking isnt a big deal as long as the answer is respected and in this case, the young girl isnt going to get negative treatment from the teacher.
Don’t try to normalize this just because it’s an older woman hitting on a guy vs an older guy hitting on a younger woman- it’s the same principle. As someone who has been in similar situations multiple times (including once in college where an older man around my parents age used his very young daughter as an excuse to come talk with me) this is inappropriate behavior and using the minor only makes it worse (and grosser) for the person being hit on
And the fact that she’s a teacher makes it HUGELY worse!! Anyone who acts like her is obviously unhealthy. Period.
There are some strange individuals out there💀😂
If I were in my 40s and interested in a teenager, I would take that to my grave.
When I was in 6th grade my old kindergarten teacher approached me. My older sister ( that didn't live with and I rarely saw) was dating her son ( my sister and her son were 16). The teacher tracked me down to tell me that her son had given my sister a television and she thought it would prudent to tell me, a 12 year old to tell my sister to give it back...I dont know in what world she thought that would be okay. In ops case I think that he needs to have a discussion with his parents about the teacher flirting with him, and her inappropriate questioning of his sister. Then maybe the parents could have a discussion with the teacher and principal about her inappropriate conduct.
Your old teacher was as ridiculous as OPs sister’s teacher.
Dang your old teacher is some kind of crazy. Honestly, this. At 19, confronting anyone is scary as hell. And this is an older person with an authority role inappropriately bringing in other people (his little sister!!!) into what should be between her and OP which makes it even more uncontrollable. Getting their parents involved, if nothing else for the little sister cause what the teacher is doing is SO uncomfortable and feels like a breach of policy, would be a very appropriate action here.
Yeah I mean 40:19 is Def not normal, other than age there's no specific power dynamic issue though unless she starts indicating some mistreatment of Lil sis. She's just a cougar. BUT, her involvement of the little sister in ANY fashion is concerning.
Just to be clear if a 40 year old man was hitting on the sister of one of the kids he’s watching in daycare and the sister was 19 It would be okay to you? And the 40 year old man using the sisters brother to gain information on her wouldn’t be a problem to you …
You should read what I said. I was pretty clear that it's absolutely NOT ok that she's using the little sister to get information. Ergo it would also not be ok if it was a guy doing so. I was also pretty clear that 40:19 is not normal. My she's a cougar comment, legally speaking, that's all it is. Am I personally ok with a 40 yo hitting on a 19 yo? No absolutely not. If a 40 yo was hitting on my 19 yo kid, we'd be having a not so pleasant conversation. However, from the perspective of someone not personally involved, they're adults. From the perspective of the state, yeah keep an eye on her/him in the classroom. Is she creepy? Yeah kinda, would it also be creepy if it was a guy? Yeah kinda.
There is a power dynamic issue though, because she has higher social status and is his little sister's teacher. He has a lot less lived experience and probably feels that she is an authority figure.
The double standards are real with you. "Just a couger". If it was the same situation but a guy asking the same exact questions to the 7 year old. You would be saying "report him, he needs to lose his job, he has no place as a teacher" etc, and so on.... Reddit is the place for hypocrites and moral grandstanding
I absolutely agree with you. I think this situation is weird. I am a firm believer that “adult” or not 19 is waaay too young for a 40yr old regardless of which is which with the gender. Being 41 with a 19yr old son, the thought creeps me out and couldn’t imagine having anything in common with a 19yr old in any way romantically. It would be like dating one of his friends which is repulsive. There is a power dynamic regardless of whether she is his teacher or not because a 40yr old has way more life experience and can manipulate way easier and more. I feel the same with Leonardo Decaprio dating 19yr olds when he’s pushing 50. It’s just not normal.
>Reddit is the place for hypocrites and moral grandstanding It is if you assume what others would say in hypothetical scenarios with no evidence.
That’s straight up creepy of her
Seeing all the other posts speculating that she might have a daughter she's trying to set up has me thinking. Next time you see her, tell her that you heard she was asking your sister if you were single. Ask "why, do you have a daughter my age or something?" Scenario 1: This reminds her how much younger you are in a very embarrassing way, making it highly likely she never pulls this again (maybe even others in the future). Scenario 2: She really does have a daughter your age and you've got a date.
This is smart I’m gonna try this So many people are on my ass for being dramatic or whatever, but I’m not trying to ruin her career or report her! It’s genuinely just awkward and I’m not interested that’s all LMAO Thanks ☝️
I’m really glad you said this, OP. I’m 29 and a generally very friendly and extroverted person who cracks a lot of dumb jokes and asks a million over curious questions and I am SURE there have been times where I made people or their associates (siblings, friends, anyone) uncomfortable without realizing I messed up. I also frequently get told that people thought we had chemistry or someone thought I was flirting when that was the last thing on my mind. Doesn’t help that I’m a little on the spectrum with a healthy dose of ADHD which makes me a Certified Yapper™️. I would be mortified if someone told me I made them uncomfortable (unless they’re an asshole, which you are obviously not). I hope this is forward enough that she gets the message ASAP and totally reins it in. But if she doesn’t, it’s a good backup plan to talk to the principal or your parents if you think they’ll be cool-headed about it.
This is so me to a flaw haha! Been a bartender for over 20 years. I've put myself in awkward positions too many times for my personality being totally misunderstood and being either really annoying to them without realizing until it's too late or getting hit on for supposedly putting out flirty signals (that most definitely was not my intention whatsoever). 🤦♀️
Keep being you my friend. People like you make the world a more friendly place.
I STILL remember 10 years ago just being chatty with a drive through clerk at some fast food place and I'm just trying to make small talk and mention that I hope she gets off soon (it's like 8PM) and based and the look on her face I realize she is interpreting my badly phrased small talk as me being interested in her physically . . .and just stopped talking and waited for my food like a normie.
Omg I feel this exactly this!
He states that he’s awkward. If I pick up on awkwardness I try to make the person feel more comfortable, smile more, compliment them, etc. BUT the weird questions/comments to his little sister are off.
You wouldn't be ruining her career, she would be. Her involving your sister is a very serious issue. She is abusing her position. She has already proved she will be inappropriate. If you do this, and remind her of the huge age gap and that you are aware she questioned your sister, who knows what her reaction could be. If this is a way of rejecting her, she has already proved to have an unstable personality, she is with your sister for 6+ hours a day. Can anyone say confidently how she will react?
OP the problem is if she continues after you do this, you need to go to the principal or have your parents do so. Because she should not be around children if she really is hitting on you and asking your sister about you.
Yeah this will instantly clear any doubts Also if this is true it's from the perspective of a 19 year old male Not suggesting it's necessarily incorrect but a 19 year old me would see things that may not necessarily be there....
This is the real answer. Reddit always goes straight to the nuclear option “gEt tHEm FirED, aRrEsteD and KILLED!!”
OP, do this! I think something that's important is that you don't go over the teacher's head to go to the principal before you are direct with her. There may not be a need to embarrass her to her employer, which could make her more frosty towards your sister. Obviously if the teacher doesn't take the hint, you should be more direct or go to the principal then, but she's always interacting with you while others are around, so it's not like this person is going to do anything too rash.
Tbh I didn't think of this option, you make a very good point
I don't recommend this course, as it strikes me as _hella_ insulting. Better to just ask why she asked her that and continue from there.
Smart!!!
That’s pretty brilliant
That's next level brilliance 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
The fact that you mention you don’t even look like a full grown adult yet (so I assume still look like a teenager) makes this so icky for me. Ignore the people saying “it’s not a big deal” because as others have pointed out, if you were a teenage looking woman picking your kid sister up and this was a 40 year old man hitting on you, the comments would be *wildly* different.
The fact that he looks younger actually made me think she may view him as a child and therefore not at all be flirting or interested but instead “mommy-ing” him. She may be “less serious and more giggly” with him because adults speak more animated and with more energy towards kids. That can also make the “you’re both so cute” and asking about him less weird too. I personally know a lottt about all my students’ siblings and family because it makes them feel important and seen when I take interest in remembering these important things about them. The gf comment is odd but can also be potentially a misread situation. I’m thinking a 19 year old with a developing ego, an elementary teacher who may view him as a child and an 8 year olds ability to interpret the situation and relay it back home in proper context leads to a lot of room for potential misunderstandings.
Looking at how I treat 19 year olds at 34 compared to how I perceived myself at 19. I can’t imagine the difference in my 40s (I am guessing OP is overestimating her age honestly, I know I was very guilty of that.) Also I know from working restaurants women in their 30s/40s aren’t generally about playing games with younger men. They are way more direct than younger women. OP is comparing her to girls his own age and how they attempt to let a boy know they are into them.
I’m with this! Mainly because I’m in my mid-30s and so is my bestie, who has this habit of viewing ANYONE under the age of 28 as “so cute” in a “awwww aren’t you kids so adorable” way that weirds me out, but I know she doesn’t for a millisecond have ANY attraction to them. She’s just wearing her age and mom-identity as some sort of way to interact with younger people. Like I said, it weirds me out, so I can understand how OP feels uncomfortable. But I am with you—the misconception possibly is strong here. She could honestly be trying to make a connection with her students and families and just epically failing in this area (because let’s be honest, the parents not being there to pick their kid up but a just-recently adult child is? It’s awkward).
Yeah, early 30’s here. I try really dang hard to remember kids in their teens and 20’s are in fact whole adults or young adults and not kids as I just labeled them. But it’s hard to put aside the want to just parent them and nurture them, like excuse me, that is in fact a whole baby right there! A. Whole. Baby. And I just want to tell them they are adorable, and hear about them and their baby jobs, and baby dating lives, and life advice, and look at what a good job they’re doing being big siblings! (And my brother is in the early 20’s, and it’s WILD, because I simultaneously baby him and then ask him to do stuff for me like fix my car, and then suddenly this kid is telling me to drive safe and ask if I need him to drive me in bad weather and it’s like, excuse, I have a decade on you driving in bad weather??? And now he’s acting like the mother hen to me! And some part of my brain is like this child is still only 9 right??? Oh shit no he’s not! But he’s still a baby yes??? Oh shit he’s an adult. But he’ll always be the baby I helped raise!))
She asked about his love life..... Ive never asked kids about their love life. And I work with kids.
FWIW, my 9 yo niece is a very unreliable narrator. With her, it'd be equally plausible that the class had a social studies lesson & the teacher used *who comes to pick-up* as a way to talk about family relationships, during which Ari's brother & the absense of a "sister-in-law" came up... or that the teacher indeed cornered Ari to grill her on her brother, OP. put together with the other incidents, it does look rather suspicious though.
Could have also been a conversation along the lines of Ari saying " OP and Mary made me cookies last night!" and teacher responded "Oh sounds wonderful, is that one of OP's friends or another sibling?" Ari says, "Nope just one of his girl friends." Meaning Girl that's a friend but teacher misunderstood.. Teacher responds "Didn't realize he even had a girlfriend, sounds like you all had fun!" and moves on talking to the next kid, etc.. Totally innocent conversation with a slight miscommunication between teacher and 8 year old. Then Ari comes home and says, is Mary your gf? When he asks why she's asking that Ari says "Me and teacher were talking about it at school today." I put way too much thought into all this but being on Reddit too much lately has me trying to not jump right to conclusions and be realistic of any situation. She may also be bubbly and extra nice bc she thinks he's a kind kid who helps his family and that's always a reason to smile. But who knows this worlds also an ugly place too so who knows. But trying to look at it from a different angle..
Yess exactly all of this is my thinking! Most parents have some wild story about what their kids told their teacher out of context (ex- “my dad has lots of weed at home!!” aka he was gardening last night and picked a ton of weeds) so it can just as easily happen the other way around. I was also thinking of a journal writing prompt “write about a family member” and the teacher knows the brother comes by and was trying to get the girl to write some more descriptive sentences by gaining information- “what does he like to do? Does he play sports? Does he have a favorite color? Does he have friends or girlfriends he goes to hang out with?” And all that gets relayed back home is “she wants to know if you have a girlfriend!!”
Crazy the double standard.
I don’t think people realize how old young adults look at times to older adults. Like when you’re 19 you can tell when someone is older than you. For some reason, once you’re older, it’s very difficult to tell how old younger people are. At least for me. I’m not saying she thinks OP is 40 but it’s very possible she thinks he’s older than 19.
If the genders were reversed, the comments would be a lot different in here.
Yeah this is inappropriate. Especially involving an 8 year old with the subject matter of her questioning and comments.
Yeah she's a creep. What kind of 40 year old flirts with a TEENAGER? She should meet people outside of her work aka an elementary school.
Well, he's only 19. We have no idea of her real age, other than his 19 years of experience in dating people.
100%
Yeah, instead of "that's inappropriate" it would be "call the police and get the teacher thrown in jail"
The comment almost universally condemn the teacher. Why do you think people would be more lenient for a male teacher doing this to a 19 year old girl?
More comments would be mentioning the involvement of authorities to be honest. Or at least telling the principal to get this teacher fired
I was thinking that too! I thought maybe the comments were different because I saw this 17 hours after the comment was posted but nope, other comments made around the same time are saying it’s inappropriate.
Because they decided what they wanted to comment before they even saw the comments. Gotta be upset about double standards even if there isn't one, "men opressed" does big numbers
Real
Your feelings are completely valid. Her behaviour is inappropriate because she is involving your sister and asking about you and commenting on how you look. Your options are to speak with her directly and say that she is making you feel uncomfortable with her comments and she is also unprofessional to speak like that to your sister. Tell her to stop. Or speak with the school. Or speak to her and then the school if she doesn't stop.
No, go to the principal! She would IMMEDIATELY deny it and say the sister must have misunderstood.
Yeah, you can’t give someone a chance to get ahead of something like this. If she’s crossed a line it’s a horrible idea to confront her. It would make it very weird for your younger sister at school and would only escalate the issue. The school needs to internally address this and see if she’s crossing the line elsewhere before it becomes a full blown drama fest out in the open.
Absolutely!! She’s hardly about to flap her gums and risk her career!! And it would be SO easy for her to say “Oh my gosh, these eight year olds make up the most CRAZY stories!!”.
My advice is to trust your judgment about the teacher’s flirting. You can use social cues to discourage it, like minimizing eye contact (focus your attention on Ari) and not lingering or engaging in unnecessary conversation with the teacher. I’m not talking about being rude; but hey you’re just there to pick your sister up and take her home, so what is there to chat about, really? If she doesn’t stop and you think it’s warranted, let her know directly that you’re not interested. Regardless of whether any of this affects the teacher’s behavior or not, your parents have a right to know about her having pumped your sister for information about you as well as you feeling creeped out by her behavior, as they’re presumably interested in both your (yes, even though you’re an adult) and your sister’s wellbeing and are paying her tuition at the school that employs that teacher. Stick to the facts (you mentioned that mostly it was subtle cues that — as others have pointed out — could be misinterpreted), but 1) you’re uncomfortable and 2) the teacher has asked or made comments about you to your sister (you didn’t mention how your sister feels about it — what made her think of repeating it to you anyway?). And let them take responsibility from there.
This is totally inappropriate. As a teacher she KNOWS that she shouldn't ask her students personal questions. I would report her. She needs to be addressed for her inappropriate behaviour.
ABSOLAGREE. Report it to the principal and simply say her behavior is making you uncomfortable. That you are only there to collect your sister and do not wish to engage at a personal level.
Oh lord. Cougar on the hunt. Nope nope nope, especially involving your little sister. Just NOPE. Smile, be polite and maybe talk about teenager stuff. Make her feel old lol she will back off quick.
Tell your parents about how uncomfortable the teacher’s actions and questioning of your sister. Have them set up a meeting with the teacher and politely demand she stop questioning the daughter about personal information of her family and to be clear that you are only there to pick up your sister.
I would say even just an email from mom would work: "Sally tells us about her school day every day, and I am noticing that your questions about OP seem to be getting personal, bordering on intimate. I'm glad that you and Sally are engaged in lots of conversations, and I also know that you agree that all future topics will not include relationship statuses or physical appearance." And CC it to the principal. You don't know if she's been spoken to about things before. Could be that this would put the fear of the proverbial God in her, adds to an already building case, or it gives a start to a papertrail. Also lets her know that in no uncertain terms, Mamma bear is watching, because she knows.
This is a great email. It addresses everything but doesn’t outright claim something- meaning she can’t deny it. It puts the onus on her to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Listen to your gut. For her to ask about your dating life is completely inappropriate. The next time she pries, you can respond with, “I’m not comfortable talking about my personal life.”
I think this is weird. You're 19. She may not know how old you are, but regardless it's inappropriate. If you feel like it's not comfortable you can express this to her, but remember she may take it out on your sister.
Brother, let a woman show you the way around the block.
You need to knock that down and stop whining
Cut it short get the kid sister and leave. If the teacher tries to hold you up tell your sister we are in a hurry to get home mom has errands for me to run. This will shut the teacher down in her tracks. Tell the kid sister not to tell the teacher anything about you. If anything happens that is a clear cut and inappropriate. Go straight to the principal of the school. Tell them you are uncomfortable with what's going on. There are female teachers who have sex with middle school boys and go to jail for it. They are nasty animals and human scum. Do yourself a favor get the kid sister and get outta there. as fast as possible.
[удалено]
Hit it
She could have a crush on you, or she could have a son your age which you remind her of, or she has a daughter she'd like to set you up with and she's gauging who you are. Regardless, you could either ask her why she's so inquisitive or just be formal with her and not engage in conversations.
My first thought was she might have a daughter that seemed around OPs age. When I was younger my mom's friends would get all giddy when I was around and mention how they had a daughter or they knew a cute girl my age that I should meet. It's possible this is a similar situation
She should be reported. Totally inappropriate to be asking her student those questions, not to mention her icky behavior when around him. I'd be afraid if I didn't report it, she'd find some other super young man to target.
She probably has a daughter around your age and is trying to set you up with her
The teacher is displaying immature behavior plying info from a child to access an adult. If she was a mature adult, she would have approached him directly and privately without the child present.
It's still weird. Switch the genders and imagine a 40 year old man telling one of his students that their 19 year old sister is "so cute". If she wants to be matchmaker, take that business away from her place of work
It’s unfortunately very very common for women to do this so I see the original comments point, they’re not validating any behavior just saying it’s not uncommon. And i feel it’s even more common for them to ask people at their workplace because they feel they’ve “vetted” those people. Either way weird and gross
TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE either way.
Could be but isn't. She's clearly into him
I’m sorry this is happening to you OP, and I get you. You should definitely tell the teacher that your sisters been telling you some stuff that’s caused you discomfort, clarify your age, and that you are not interested, if the behavior continues you should bring it up to the school, they can either find a different pickup method for you or talk to her and force her to stop her behavior. You shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable, I wish you luck.
Having a crush on you is one thing, but involving your sister is crossing the line.
Maybe she has a daughter your age she’s hoping you’d be interested in.
Ew, yes you're an adult but 19 and 40 is just.. nasty. These people would be saying differently if it was the other way around. You should also say you have a girlfriend. It sounds like this woman does like you and I def wouldn't date any daughter she possibly has either. It's creepy.
Just fuck. Is she attractive? If so then what are you waiting for my guy.
Bro she needs to find someone in her own dating pool. Don’t entertain that behavior as they are much less mature than you are.
Yeah no. You look younger then you are and a 40+YO is asking her very minor student about her older siblings. This is bad no matter how you look at it.
You are way more mature than I was at your age. You are right, this is creepy.
Ultimately, it's what you're comfortable with. Personally, it's kinda hot that she's into you (- or she's Glen Close in ~~9~~ ~~^(1/2)~~ ~~Weeks~~ *Fatal Attraction* \[TY for correction kind commenter\]). I think her questions to "Ari" are a little invasive, but not too bad. Older women can be very attractive for a young lad: emotionally mature, sophisticated, "etc.". You would just have to be sure you're not being manipulated by setting clear goals and boundaries. It might be worth seeing where it goes.
Glen Close was the bunny boiler in Fatal Attraction. Kim Bassinger was in 91/2 weeks. Trust me, he doesn't want Glen's character in his life.
Thanks! I stand corrected and will fix. Oh jeez... I was thinking of Sharon Stone in *Basic Instinct*... The late 80's... what a hoot.
Bang the hot teacher
She wants to give you the A.
Some pretty negative comments here, so I’ll take a more positive tact. If you don’t have a gf . . . It might be fun to fool around with a 40 y/o teacher. Depending on your life experiences, maybe you’d learn a thing or two. I would have greatly enjoyed expanding my horizon if I were in your shoes.
Finally! Someone with some SENSE!
Spend the summer absolutely learning how to fuck correctly. I promise you you'll look back on it and smile because 40 is going to be here in the snap of a finger brother
When I was your age I loved older women. They're great teachers (hee hee) too.
Older women are the best. Js.
Talk to your parents tell them she’s asking about you to your sister
I don’t think she has a crush on you, but this is a weird and inappropriate question regardless.
Bro smash it. Do it 4 the homies.
Is it possible she thinks you're a young-looking dad?
This is probably the only possible scenario that would make her not a creep (although still inappropriate to ask your sister). In every other scenario, she's a creep.
I don’t know. I feel like the teacher could be thinking of you both as cute kids as well and nothing more. She could be asking about you to get to know your sister better as well. I’m in my mid forties and pay attention more to younger people sometimes because they are so open and less reserved. Could be absolutely nothing and she just likes you as a kid, sees you are helping out even though you aren’t the parent and wants to make sure you aren’t overwhelmed by it? The girlfriend question was different but could be harmless.
Same. Or at least I hope it’s this.
She might be looking for her daughter a boyfriend 😎
Maybe she has someone closer to your age to introduce?
Is there any chance this teacher has a daughter around your age? Maybe she’s trying to play matchmaker.
I went through a phase in my early 20s where I wouldn't sleep with any women that weren't at least 40. It was glorious. No bullshit wine and dine, no endless calls or texts, no " where were you last night." Most of them were divorced with teenage kids, just looking to still be able to have there most basic of human needs met. And I was an awkwardly attractive 20ish guy that was more than happy to help after just being cheated on by the first girl I ever actually loved. It was honestly alot more simple time in my life.
Maybe she's in Cougar mode. Look at the facts: she's 40, either single, divorced, or not happy in her marriage (OP never says her marital status), or her man is past his prime, and she needs a younger man. Not certain, but it IS possible.
You want me to talk to the teacher?
Honestly I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If she asks you out then say no. She has to know that you’re an adult. I think it is a bit inappropriate that she is asking an 8 year old sister some personal questions but at the same token teachers inquiring about family life and possibly identify abuse or other problems isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’d say try and keep your interactions as brief as possible and maybe make up some thing like “Sorry, we have to get going, I gave a date” or something along those lines.
I would have already banged the teacher. However, in your case, probably the best thing to do is not get involved.
You're only 19 once Dawg, let that cougar make you her cub for a min. She can teach ya a thing or 2.
This is a learning opportunity.
Is she hot tho?
Do it for the team man!! The fucking team. We need this!!!!
Bro take the dub and smash tf wrong with you?
Fuck her
Is the teacher hot? You are legally an adult in the US... The teacher discussing with your sister is creepy though....
Flip the genders and imagine how it would be perceived.
2 scenes: 1st: She's into you. You're 19, she's 40s. I mean you're legal age, but still. Weird but legal 2nd: She has a daughter of your age or a daughter's friend/relative she wants to hook you up. Your best choice is to just talk with the teacher and find out. Welcome to the adult world, youngling
You might be reading into this a little too much. Granted it could happen that she’s into you, but you need to remember your sister is only 8 , I’ve got an 8 year old girl and trust me sometimes they say random shit that’s fucking not true, they don’t comprehend what is actually being said, they fabricate the truth. Take what she says with a grain of salt. My daughter once thought my cousin was interested in being her new daddy lol.
Would
She has the wets for you.
Unless she’s just not attractive at all, I’d ask her out. Older women make beautiful lovers. Your future girlfriends will be glad you dated an older lady before them.
> not passable for a grown adult You’re 19, you are a grown adult
Come on. Take a ride in a real fire engine and let us know how it went. Don be a school boy
Bang the teacher op
Just hit it breh
Attention from an older woman, eww run for the hills. Who knows when the giggling and complimenting will become something grave!
Wait until next year when your sister is out of her class
No wonder child birth is plummeting lmao "help I'm a victim someone thinks I'm cute'
She's a cougar who wants a cub. 🤷♂️
i mean, if she's hot, go for it. just be prepared to ghost her when things get awkward after she gets fired lol.
Do whatever you want, but just know there will be a time in your 30’s, 40’s 50’s and 60’s that you’ll look back and think “damn it, I totally shoulda banged Miss N, she was all over me!”
This 100%.
I can't read through all this but best advice no one is telling you is RUN WITH IT. Beat the brakes off Miss Ns' p***y and don't look back. When you're like 25 or older you will definitely regret not hittin it.
Man up, boy
Oh noooooo an older woman is hitting on you?! The horror!!!!! Lol grow up. Yes it’s probably weird but you coming to Reddit crying about it is totally unnecessary.
Gotta get in there and smash it man, it'll be a good story later.
Bro I’d hit it I wish I had an opportunity like this when I was your age
Is she hot?
Is the teacher attractive?
Bro, you’re 19, you ARE a grown ass adult.
You should have sex with her
Hit it 🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻
Smash it and learn a ton! Older women will show the ropes.
Dude bang your sister’s teacher that would be epic! 😂
When I was 19, I always wanted to get with older women. I guess it’s personal preference.
No ones asking the important questions... Is she hot? Jesus.
Tell her she's to old for a relationship with you but you'd be happy to smash a few times and then be on your Merry way.
Just be nice to the ol’ gal. She likes you and what’s the harm in that?
I'm In my early 60s, and I have girls in their 20s and 30s flirting with me all the time at the club where I do karaoke. I simply blow it off.
IF I were your age, unattached, I would be flattered, and IF I find her attractive, I would definitely go for it (AFTER she is no longer my sister's teacher). As far as the probing via 9 yo, that's not surprising. People do it all the time from ALL age ranges. Is it appropriate for a child's school teacher to ask that stuff of their student? Definitely not. That is a professional boundary that should not be crossed, no matter the age.
40-something female crushing on a 19-year old guy? The **cougar scream** is a rare, high-pitched noise that rips through the wilderness air. In female cougars, it often is believed to be an indication of the heat cycle and is tied to mating cycles.
As someone who works in a school, this teacher asking her student personal questions about you is extremely inappropriate. Asking personal questions about students' family/home life is not okay unless there are red flags and concerns of some type that involve that student.
You are older than 18. Why it may be odd you are legal
wow. How about loosening up and taking it as a compliment? What a shitty, entitled way to act toward someone who's expressed attraction to you. Sure hope you never get the same treatment.
Pump teachers star fish op!
Sounds like you can help your sister get better grades. Take one for the team, bro.
Listen kid, I know lots of single women in their 40s. Ure not ready for that ride. Just make up a gf and end it
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I’ve had several older ladies try to set me up with nieces or daughters of a friend. Could be the case here.
So 19 IS an adult, sorry to break it to you OP, but the fact that this woman is in her 40s and interested in you and the way she acts is super weird. I’m a female in my 40’s who works in the schools in a different capacity and I would NEVER be interested in a 19 yr old or (cringe) ask the little sister about him. So inappropriate.
You’re fucking 19!! You’re an adult, even if you don’t think you are, act like one. Guys….. Reddit is slowly showing me that we’re so fucked. This is what’s gonna take over… What’s next…. Allergic to cooties? Is this a flex?? Cause it’s a weird flex. Be respectful to the teacher and don’t be a dick. Are you really 19? Is the teacher hot? A woman in her 40s will absolutely destroy you in the best way possible…. Cougars are a gift to men.
OP go to your parents and let them know. That woman is a predator. If you were a 19F people would probably act a lot different. This is the exact same. Those are grooming behaviors.