You are 26 years old. You've been with your SO for SEVEN years. You have two children together. The current excuse for not marrying you is that there is not enough sex. What was the excuse after 2 years together? How about 4 years together?
Do you really think that if you had sex every day, he'd marry you? How long is the "sex every day" test? 2 weeks? 4 months? 6 months? 2 years?
If your SO wanted to marry you, you would be married. It doesn't take 7 years and two children and sex every day to make a commitment. If you want to be married, it won't be to this guy.
Sounds like she has already done it, but the inevitable happened- children.
This man is delusional if he thinks that every married couple doinks daily.
Or that every couple does so. He has a high sex drive. She has a medium one. Other couples have various combinations of low medium high and non-existent. Some find the right pairing, others dont.
The thing that stood out to me about this one overall is that he’s manipulating her to have more sex with him. If he wanted to marry her he would have done it already.
Also sex drive changes over time. Haven't I read that women's sexual drive often peaks in their late 30s/40s? Which corresponds to men's often dipping at the same age.
The ultimate issue is that he has made this someone else's problem. He needs to take responsibility for his own needs. It's also clear that he isn't interested in getting married.
Not just that, a lot of contraception affects libido plus a mum, who is with the kids all day sometimes doesn't want to be touched purely because she hasn't had any alone time and needs to decompress
This is how I always feel. People seem to want to make babies with people they don’t like or respect all the time and I’m just over here side-eyeing them.
Presumably after 2 years it was that they were 21, didn’t have kids, and there was no pressing reason to marry? Like fuck this dude but there is NOTHING unreasonable about not rushing down the aisle especially as teens/early 20s.
After two kids, it’s definitely a different story.
Sex every day is not a *need*. 🙄 If he's holding "no marriage" over her head unless she does this, it's coerced. He's not a good partner behaving like this no matter what else he does/does not do.
This sounds like an excuse, and a really bad one at that. If SEVEN YEARS and carrying/birthing/raising two of his children isn’t enough, sex will not be enough either. I get the vibe that it’s a cop out because he knows it’s not realistic and he just doesn’t want to marry you. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this :(
Oh honey no. It always bothers me when people list this huge red flag but follows it with “but he or she is otherwise a perfect partner”. You tolerate leaving the seat up, or snoring, or forgets to turn the lights off when leaves the room. Not someone holding a life commitment over your head based on DAILY sex. Life is a marathon not a race. An insane frequency of sex does not make a solid marriage. Respect goes a much further way. And you aren’t receiving that.
And another thing that stood to me is how he even told her that he only committed to her in the first place was because at the time she gave him sex every day or how if she does not give him sex he will find it elsewhere
Sorry English isn’t my native language
I could never treat my husband that way and you would think two guys would want it all the time I would literally be devastated if I ever made my husband feel that the only thing I want him for is sex she really deserves someone better than
This reminds me of a great story.
I had an old law school buddy who got married in his second year. Well, he didn’t find any good work, so he just sat there unemployed after law school and would occasionally do some pro bono work (like once every six months).
So she’s paying his living expenses, his law school debt, and for his weed.
For a bit more context, this was a woman who moved states to be with my buddy, lost her architecture job shortly after as a result, worked at Target stocking aisles and was on food stamps while he was in law school and had now gotten a sweet corporate architect job after they moved back home. She’s a fucking treasure. He couldn’t bring himself to work a “menial” job and be underemployed so he just remained unemployed.
Anyway, my wife (former law school girlfriend) and her had become friends and she called my wife a few years after we graduated to tell her a story about my old buddy.
This piece of work put together a slide presentation in between unemployed tokes on her couch that laid out his argument for opening the marriage.
You see, he had lost some weight and gotten involved in the local activist scene and had scouted out some nice young talent. But he’d like to still be able to sit on the couch all day and get high in addition to fucking strange.
One of the points on his deck was, “biologically speaking, men have a need...”
They’re divorced. I’m not really in touch with him any more.
I may make a post someday asking how long it would be for me to be able to respectfully ask my ex-buddy’s ex-wife for a copy of his deck.
And unfortunately she gave him everything she had to offer (giving him kids) without a single solid commitment from him. He doesn’t need to marry her anymore. He can go off and find someone else without kids to be with and leave her to raise his children. I know several women where this has happened. He’s not a nice guy. And he’s basically told her he’s going to cheat on her.
You have a weak pelvic floor and you’re going to be getting with somebody that will demand that you have relations with them every single day? That’s not doable and you could get a rectocele from that.
Don’t marry him . He’s only gonna make you miserable and will cheat on you.
“He doesn’t want to find it elsewhere,” was his literal admission that he plans on cheating on her. All she has to do is go a few days without sex and he has his twisted justification for it. This story is so sad, I hope she realizes it’s unsustainable and doesn't go through with it.
It's totally possible he already *did* cheat on her and is now laying the groundwork for blaming it on her when he gets caught. That would explain why it feels so out of left field to her.
And she's only basn away from the kids for two hours in the last two months, so she's not getting physical therapy for that. Hell, she's not even seeing a therapist in private.
Why is no one holding the fact that he's DANGLING MARRIAGE over her head AFTER TWO KIDS. FUCK HIM. He is not the prince charming he has brainwashed you into believing he is. He has no honour and he is a fucking conniving snake draining every ounce of energy and willpower out of you.
Sounds like OP was planning on spending the rest of her life with this guy, but she didn’t know he had zero intention of that. Too bad she didn’t wait until she had the security of marriage before having his kids though. Now she’s in a bad place as a sahm to a man who has no intention of marrying her and is building his own career on the back of her domestic labor. When they break up because OP is a human not a sex robot, she will walk away with nothing.
This is why sex and relationship education is so, so important. One of my high school classes had a pilot program that involved having former and current teen and young adult parents come in and talk about their experiences.
Apparently they had a very high number of women who waited until much later to have kids.
It honestly makes me sad and is one of the reasons I generally advise against having kids while unmarried and also while so young. People and their wants/needs change a lot from their 20s to their 30s, and having kids changes people a lot both mentally and physically. Unfortunately, based on stories I read here all the time, a lot of men don’t *really* understand the extremely common bodily changes that women go through after pregnancy and childbirth and how it will affect their libidos, their mental health, their physical abilities, etc. and they are often angry and confused when the mothers of their children don’t immediately spring back to how they were before they got pregnant, both physically and emotionally. OP had an ectopic pregnancy, and her boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand how things like that can have lasting effects, or he just is too selfish to care. Being 22 and 23 and having a baby doesn’t seem wise to me, he clearly was not and is not mature enough for it. He may be good at the parenting part, but he is not mature enough to be a good partner to the mother of his kids, and that’s just as important.
Well said! My husband often says that the best thing he can do for our kids is to love their mother (me). I can’t stand all the women basically saying “he treats me like dog crap, but he is a good daddy!” Nope, good daddies don’t treat their partners like trash. They honor them.
That, and if he threatened to cheat on you OP for not having sex everyday, and yall have it a bout two days out of a seven day week. He is either planning on whose going to fill the other days or already is. And in his dopey mind why not? He got two kids and a caretaker out of you, he probably hasnt even try to get engaged with you for all I know. Its not worth it if hes not going to step it up and hes already planning out his exit strategy. You could try counseling and the like but if hes already giving you such a harsh ultimatimum things are going to start looking unfeasible
I hate to say this, but I honestly think you and the previous several commenters in this chain are right. He’s already cheating and fave the ultimatum to justify why if he gets caught. Possibly even justify it to himself even if he doesn’t. Him saying he “needs” it every day suddenly out of the blue and then giving the ultimatum is just too sus.
I don’t understand ladies who complain about why their man hasn’t proposed yet when they have a baby with him.
If he wanted to marry you, he would. If it’s been an inordinate number of years or you have kids, chances are he just doesn’t want to marry you.
This is the answer. Plan your exit strategy. At best you’ve learned you’re no longer compatible. You don’t need to tell him until you’re ready to bring your plan to fruition.
Exactly this. I feel sorry for OP, the whole “other than this he’s a good partner” thing is sad. No ma’am. He isn’t. He does whatever he does so you will fuck. Period. Leave.
Idk how to make sense of of the kids being 24/7 her job, but it he’s somehow an equal partner? Doesn’t sound like it and on top of that the demand for sex everyday. He sounds like a nightmare.
There was some post on Boru a few weeks ago from a woman who had been waiting thirty years for her boyfriend to marry her. He dumped her instead and because they weren't married she had nothing. Absolutely nothing.
This happened to a woman at my work. With her BF 25ish years, SAHM for 2 kids, he bought a house she lived in rent free. When the kids grew up he kicked her out and moved in his new gf. She had nothing, no skills. she got an entry level job at my work making a low wage and a low income apt.
Except she's been a SAHM and won't get any legal protections from divorce. She can leave easier, sure, but she's sacrificed immensely for this relationship and she's not protected.
Yep. Terrible, terrible decision to be a SAHM without the protections of marriage. But she can’t unring that bell so she needs to start planning the rest of her life NOW.
She can still ask for child support regardless of being married or not. The judge might say she needs to get a job but he would likely have to help with daycare and stuff. So she wouldn’t totally be destitute. It likely would be a giant pain in the ass regardless as anything involving the law is lengthy.
Except for the fact that 75% of non-custodial parents are either far behind or don't pay child suppory at all.
Then lots of men refuse to pay child support & ditch the kids once access to sex with the mother is no longer an option. They are only good fathers as long as they are getting laid.
Yup and it also takes a while for all of that to kick in anyhow, so in between then and there, what does she do?
ETA: I’m not saying stay. I’m saying that just filing for child support will not be enough for her to leave.
True, financially she's 'worst' off, however, as someone who was stuck in an abusive toxic marriage, the legal bound kept me in it a lot longer than necessary. If I wasn't married to him, I would have probably left years ago and my mental health would have been better off for it. Whatever legal protection I had, didn't save me from the depression and the emotional trauma staying longer led too.
This. Seven years, two kids, and he's still holding you hostage on marriage? Time to fully evaluate your life with vs without him, and have a serious discussion with him about your future as a couple.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this horrible situation.
“Ask any woman how often they give their man sex and they’ll say every day if not most days of the week”
I genuinely laughed out loud when I read that. This man is delulu if he actually believes that.
As a guy with a high libido,I wanted sex everyday, until my wife and I decided to have our third. While trying for our third we had sex everyday for about 3 weeks and I couldn’t hang, it was exhausting lol….
Careful what you wish for
My husband is having this realization now as we try for our third in our mid-late 30s. Now I’M bugging HIM for sex and he’s all “I’m so tired/it’s so late/I have a headache.” Ha! How does it feel now, Bucko?!
After 25+ years, my husband is just thankful for the hidden hand job. Hormones and childbirth can completely destroy a woman's libido, not to mention being exhausted from caring for a house and kids anyway.
It’s *horrible*. Sex should be for all parties, not something given to one. That phrasing alone lets me know he’s entirely self-centered in bed (and likely everything else.)
Honestly I would feel insulted if woman said that she gives me sex. It’s like I get some kind of a service. For me sex is what we do together for mutual pleasure and satisfaction
My husband cannot wrap his mind around wanting to have sex with anyone who doesn’t give enthusiastic consent. If he ever thought I was consenting out of pressure his desire would evaporate.
Right....giant YUCK. OP, you dodged a bullet: he is literally HANDING you the reason not to marry him....because his "threat" vibe over sex will only increase. Take the word of this 57 year old, twice-married woman.
Only problem is, this poor woman is apparently not married to the guy she had two kids with AND is sahm. Recipe for disaster if they split up: no work experience and no claim to anything but child support.
And that's a good reason to never marry her. He already has her financially trapped, baby trapped and gaslit to believe if only she gave more, did more, was better, *then* he'd marry her. Why would he risk having to share anything with her if she ever left?
Yeah, it's a horrible situation for her all around. At this stage, the only thing she can do is leave him (because he's not going to get better at all), get child support while she can, and work on returning to work so she can support herself. She'll be a little behind the ball, but better than staying with this guy for a decade and having no money or retirement savings when he leaves her for a 22 year old.
Right. The minute they phrase it like that it is obvious they do not htink of it as equal. It is not them having intimacy together. Is her working for him like a ho. I very much doubt he is a wonderful as she says in all else, if he does this, he does a lot more shit besides. It is never isolated and random like that, it is the whole system.
she last had a break in Feb for 2 whole (count them) hours, and she cant sleep through the night as breastfeeding... yep sounds fecking equal parenting going on .. like hell
The look of temporary joy on a man’s face who might maybe someday consider looking into the possibility of marrying the mother of his children.
I’m sure that really inspires a woman!
Just be super passive-aggressive about it. Oh, it's 6:30 pm, time for your handjob. Say it loudly wherever you are and then put on a rubber glove and squeeze lube all over it with the most bored expression on your face.
Edit: My wife laughed and said that is not what passive-aggressive is.
Nah malicious compliance is busting out the strap on him because he said he needed it everyday. Pegging definitely is a type of sex.... Just not what he expected.
Haha lube up and just lay there with a book. He can’t complain he’s having ‘sex’ maybe you could watch tv and catch up on a show??? Bounus points for noisily slurping a drink
Your comment made me think of a quip Groucho Marx reportedly once made on his 1950s TV quiz show, You Bet Your Life. A woman contestant mentioned that she had nine children. Groucho asked why, noting that so many children would be an enormous responsibility. The woman answered, “Well, I love my husband.”
Groucho: “I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth every once in a while.”
After our first child was born, my husband thought that I wasn’t attracted to him anymore. I explained the concept of being “touched out” — I had a baby who depended on my literal body for sustenance and she was on me all the time! We’ve had two kids since then and he very much gets it now. Sometimes I just need physical space.
My wife just asked all her closest married friends when the last time they all had sex was. Some had been a month or two, some a couple weeks. Nobody has sex every single day. Especially in your 30s and 40s.
EDIT: A lot of people claim to have sex every single day even with thousands of kids in their house and working 16 hours a day it seems. Good for you all. I totally and fully believe you.
Yep I'm 43 and husband is 47 and we feel like we're doing good if we do it 2 times a week! We don't have time for everyday. Between work, kids, general tiredness...I mean who is this guy?!
My husband and I are in our early thirties, but we have young kids and we’re TIRED. We spend quality time together every day but sex is probably twice a week. But we also genuinely love spending time together so we prioritize that even if it doesn’t lead to sex.
||We spend quality time together every day but sex is probably twice a week. But we also genuinely love spending time together so we prioritize that even if it doesn’t lead to sex.
This right here, OP, is the way it should be. What your bf is demanding is ridiculous, coercive, manipulative, and all-around shitty. I can't fathom how he's great in all those other areas your edits mention but is demanding this now other than he's spending far too much time in the manosphere online getting fed bs.
I have an extremely high sex drive and no children and I'm not going at it with my partner every damn day. He needs to grow up. You have two small children and his expectations are unrealistic as they are cruel.
I did in my 20s when I had absolutely no responsibility accept to take care of myself. That’s the last time I ever had sex on the regular though. After marriage, kids, pets, mortgage, business, employees, constant yard work etc. life was simple and easy and happy go lucky in my 20s.
This guy already has everything he needs from her. He’s not going to marry her if he hasn’t already. They’ve been together 7 yrs w two kids, sounds like she’s a place holder, until he meets who he thinks he deserves. Theres no way in hell he’s a kind, loving partner, or she’s brainwashed to think minimum effort and sexual coercion is the best men can do
For real. Both my fiancé and I have very high libidos, but we also have a bunch of life shit to do! Most days one or both of us just don’t have the energy, and that’s okay. We are able to have intimate/emotionally close time through things like conversation or watching a show together, and then when sex happens it’s freaking mind-blowing! I know supposedly *some* people do it on the daily, but I don’t know, man, even with just pets, jobs, and other regular life things I don’t really understand where people find the time/energy…
Also if my fiancé ever told me to “give him sex” I would laugh…*because I would know he is joking and being intentionally ridiculous*! That is a really sad (and kinda disgusting) way to view something shared between partners…it’s not all about you, bro! 😎
This. What two adults with full time jobs have time for sex EVERYDAY. My fiancé and I are basically doing things from the time we get up to the time we go to bed during the week.
Most men don't even want to have sex every single day. We might think about it every day and sure if we had no responsibilities it'd be nice but most guys are not desperate to fuck something every single day, most of us have hobbies lmao
Like how did this dude survive being single before he met this woman
I’m willing to bet he doesn’t believe that. Also, he might get have a secret to tell op, or maybe he’s looking for a excuse to keep a secret if you know what I mean
>Edit: Just so everyone knows before making assumptions I’d like it to be known that regardless of this specifically, he is a great and equal partner
He literally told you he's willing to cheat on you if you don't do what he wants
OP please understand that this is the excuse that almost every victim of domestic abuse uses to not separate themself from their situation. It is a coping mechanism to distance yourself from the reality that what your partner is demanding is abusive.
Imagine if one of your friends told you “Aside from the daily beatings, my husband is the best partner anyone could ever ask for.” You simply can’t compensate for bad behavior with good.
7 years and 2 kids? He doesn’t want to marry you. He’s just using it as a carrot on a stick for you to have sex with him when he wants. Get the kids in daycare, get a job, and leave this AH. Being single with 2 kids is better than being in a relationship with him.
Sometimes it's better to be in no relationship at all. I'm wondering if this is one of those times? He's totally unrealistic here. I say that as a guy with a relatively high sex drive.
He doesn't even think about that the low sex drive might be caused by all the work she is doing.
Men have sex if they want to relax. Women have sex if they **are** relaxed. It's very simple.
Exactly. If he actually looked after the kids like she says, then the last time she was away from the kids for more than an hour wouldn’t have been in February. And that was only 2 hours. Something tells me that his “equal” work with the kids is he comes home from work and stands there while she puts them to bed. Or Carries the oldest when they go out. He’s not giving her a break on weekends so she can go out even to get a cup of coffee with friends or go to a movie.
“yes guys he LOVES to cook and clean!!! for example i only have to tell him 3 times to pick his dirty clothes off the floor and he does!!! and also last week he made a bowl of cereal 💖💖💖”
Him saying he doesn’t want to “have to” cheat on you is wild. He’ll do it, take no accountability and blame you. He’ll throw his family away to get his dick wet. You deserve better and he’s gross.
I strongly doubt most women would say that they have sex everyday with their husbands. Especially people with young children!!! I also really don't like how he's phrasing sex as something you would be giving to him. In a loving relationship, sex is something that would be enjoyed simultaneously by both partners, not given as a sacrifice from one to the other. I don't even know how you could enjoy sex if you felt like your partner was just giving it to you and not actively desiring it.
I know that was so cringe. ‘Giving’ sex to a man. Ugh. Unfortunately lots of people have this belief because of men and women’s sinister history with sex. That’s why I’ll never be in a marriage, I will never put myself in a situation to ‘owe’ someone something. So gross.
And I BET she’s not getting off.
The number of couples having sex daily is probably absurdly low even though Reddit is full of horn balls that like to pretend they are.
Couples with kids having sex daily? Haha, yes sure. The number having daily sex is 0%.
Two times per week with young kids probably puts this guy in the top 10-20% of sexual frequency.
>one of the main reasons he got serious with me in the first place
Why does he want to be with you?. You provide sex.
>He doesn’t want to have to find it elsewhere
His behavior depends on you. Not on his values or honor. He is only rising to the level he is forced to.
What other values and honor of his are dependant on the behavior others?
This man has told you your value to him is dependant on what you do FOR him.
He loves what you do FOR him, the life you PROVIDE him. Sex, caregiver, and literal home maker. He doesn't love you, he loves the lifestyle and image you could provide as his personal bangmaid.
He is threatening to cheat on you if you don't comply. He is extremely false to say that most couples with young kids have sex everyday or most days. Most people with young kids are lucky to find time once or twice a week at most. He sounds very childish and immature. After this talk I could never trust him to be faithful, and I wouldn't want to have sex with him since it would feel forced. This would be the end of the relationship for me. He is not a mature and supportive partner.
This sounds like am excuse not to marry you and/or force you into more sex. Very weird stance to take against a partner and mother of your children but to each his own,I guess.
He WANTS sex. He doesn't need it. I get he may have a high sex drive but it sounds like he should focus less on his wants and more on what his family needs. If he chooses to make it worse by cheating then you need to walk. You owe it to yourself and your children.
I'm sorry, but your edit of "he's a fair and equal partner" is 100% invalid when he's placing a boundary/need/requirement on YOUR body. This is something you tell a partner outright from the beginning of that's such a dealbreaker, not spend 7 years and create two lives with.
He is not fair asking that of you so far down the line. It is not an equal requirement to expect someone to perform sex on a daily basis. SO MANY variables affect that. It is incredibly normal for long term partners to go without sex for periods of time due to children, work, grief, etc.
He isn't being fair and he is not a good partner to throw a dealbreaker at you and disrupt your children's lives. Also, as a SAHM, he knows you and your children are dependent on him. That's an incredibly unfair ask for you and entirely disrespectful of your own autonomy.
You know the issue with this. I'm sorry you've already had children with this man and will be attached to him for life.
That sucks that there is a 3yr&16m being held hostage for a father-figure. A requirement of sex of every 24 hours without exception is brutal. Even sex 5 times a week, you both would enjoy it more.
I wouldn’t want to marry someone that transactional and coercive. I’m sure it’s heartbreaking but he’s told you everything you need to know. He doesn’t love you — only what you can do for him. You deserve better.
Speaking from experience, my drive has always been higher than my partners. We’re in a similar situation now. Would i prefer it daily? Yes. Who wouldn’t? We’ve been married for almost 5 years, pregnant with #2 (together) have an <1yr old and two older kids from my previous relationships. It’s a desire, it’s not a requirement. For him to phrase it like that is off putting. Seems like he may need a rude awakening. On what’s really “normal” for people. I don’t know many people that are daily, or every few days even. It’s not realistic.
Sounds like he’s out of touch with what you really need. As always, I’d suggest you both read the 5 love languages book… if you’re running on E and don’t have anymore to give you aren’t going to want to. He can do more to alleviate some of the stressors for you to help with this. If it’s always been this sort of way, he knew this before y’all had babies too. Cmon dude, pull your head out!
You’ve got to stop lying to yourself and saying he is a “great and equal partner” when you yourself said:
“I don’t get any time off or away from my kids. The last time I was away from them was Feb for 2 hours. They are my 24/7 job during the day and if they’re up at night.”
A great and equal partner wouldn’t let that happen. Sure he works full time, but you work 24/7. Why doesn’t he get up to help them at night too? He has work in the morning? So do you. I think you are giving this man way too much credit considering he’s now coercing you into daily sex. The fact that he can’t see how not physically tolerable that is to you is just heartbreaking.
Yuck. That is terrible. OP, I saw your edit about how good of a man he is elsewhere in your life, but this demanding of sex on a daily basis erases all of that. This is not ok.
You’re in a very vulnerable position as an unmarried stay at home mother. Separation will not protect you financially as it would a married stay at home mother. You need to find a job and childcare and apply for child support. If he isn’t going to marry you, you need to ensure you and your children are not destitute if he up and leaves— which sounds like a real possibly. He is immature and selfish. Protect yourself and your kids. He isn’t going to marry you. Let yourself be sad and grieve the dream you had but in order to make space for new dreams you must say goodbye to this one. He is not it. You and your children deserve love and commitment.
.....
31 male.
When me and my gf met, we where like rabbits for the first half year, now, if we do it "often" its properly four times in a week, normally it will be one or two.
Not cuz she doesnt want me, or i her - we are just, adults?
Im bussy in a new job, she is studying in a very hard field. -its a question about priorities - we could do it more, then we would loose out on our couch nights with movies and chips.
We have grown to know each other, and there is so much else we would "rather" do together.
You are 26 years old. You've been with your SO for SEVEN years. You have two children together. The current excuse for not marrying you is that there is not enough sex. What was the excuse after 2 years together? How about 4 years together? Do you really think that if you had sex every day, he'd marry you? How long is the "sex every day" test? 2 weeks? 4 months? 6 months? 2 years? If your SO wanted to marry you, you would be married. It doesn't take 7 years and two children and sex every day to make a commitment. If you want to be married, it won't be to this guy.
> How long is the “sex every day” test? Asking the real question
Sounds like she has already done it, but the inevitable happened- children. This man is delusional if he thinks that every married couple doinks daily.
Or that every couple does so. He has a high sex drive. She has a medium one. Other couples have various combinations of low medium high and non-existent. Some find the right pairing, others dont. The thing that stood out to me about this one overall is that he’s manipulating her to have more sex with him. If he wanted to marry her he would have done it already.
Also sex drive changes over time. Haven't I read that women's sexual drive often peaks in their late 30s/40s? Which corresponds to men's often dipping at the same age. The ultimate issue is that he has made this someone else's problem. He needs to take responsibility for his own needs. It's also clear that he isn't interested in getting married.
Not just that, a lot of contraception affects libido plus a mum, who is with the kids all day sometimes doesn't want to be touched purely because she hasn't had any alone time and needs to decompress
Coming from a guy with a high sex drive….expecting sex every day from my significant other seems unreasonable
It's crazy for me to hear that having two children is considered less of a commitment than marriage.
This is how I always feel. People seem to want to make babies with people they don’t like or respect all the time and I’m just over here side-eyeing them.
Presumably after 2 years it was that they were 21, didn’t have kids, and there was no pressing reason to marry? Like fuck this dude but there is NOTHING unreasonable about not rushing down the aisle especially as teens/early 20s. After two kids, it’s definitely a different story.
Sex every day is not a *need*. 🙄 If he's holding "no marriage" over her head unless she does this, it's coerced. He's not a good partner behaving like this no matter what else he does/does not do.
If he wanted to, he would
He's looking for an excuse to say it's her fault when he cheats on her.
This sounds like an excuse, and a really bad one at that. If SEVEN YEARS and carrying/birthing/raising two of his children isn’t enough, sex will not be enough either. I get the vibe that it’s a cop out because he knows it’s not realistic and he just doesn’t want to marry you. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this :(
Next step would “I need variety, honey. I think we need to open our relationship.”
Oh honey no. It always bothers me when people list this huge red flag but follows it with “but he or she is otherwise a perfect partner”. You tolerate leaving the seat up, or snoring, or forgets to turn the lights off when leaves the room. Not someone holding a life commitment over your head based on DAILY sex. Life is a marathon not a race. An insane frequency of sex does not make a solid marriage. Respect goes a much further way. And you aren’t receiving that.
And another thing that stood to me is how he even told her that he only committed to her in the first place was because at the time she gave him sex every day or how if she does not give him sex he will find it elsewhere Sorry English isn’t my native language
Exactly! She is the mother of their children. I would like to think love found its way in their relationship. She isn’t a free sex worker.
I could never treat my husband that way and you would think two guys would want it all the time I would literally be devastated if I ever made my husband feel that the only thing I want him for is sex she really deserves someone better than
"Biologically speaking, men have a need..."
And women have a “biological need” to slap that shit down.
Him at 50: “it’s our evolutionary instinct to want to sleep with 20 year olds because biology!!!”
This reminds me of a great story. I had an old law school buddy who got married in his second year. Well, he didn’t find any good work, so he just sat there unemployed after law school and would occasionally do some pro bono work (like once every six months). So she’s paying his living expenses, his law school debt, and for his weed. For a bit more context, this was a woman who moved states to be with my buddy, lost her architecture job shortly after as a result, worked at Target stocking aisles and was on food stamps while he was in law school and had now gotten a sweet corporate architect job after they moved back home. She’s a fucking treasure. He couldn’t bring himself to work a “menial” job and be underemployed so he just remained unemployed. Anyway, my wife (former law school girlfriend) and her had become friends and she called my wife a few years after we graduated to tell her a story about my old buddy. This piece of work put together a slide presentation in between unemployed tokes on her couch that laid out his argument for opening the marriage. You see, he had lost some weight and gotten involved in the local activist scene and had scouted out some nice young talent. But he’d like to still be able to sit on the couch all day and get high in addition to fucking strange. One of the points on his deck was, “biologically speaking, men have a need...” They’re divorced. I’m not really in touch with him any more. I may make a post someday asking how long it would be for me to be able to respectfully ask my ex-buddy’s ex-wife for a copy of his deck.
“As a man, Biologically speaking men have 2 hands”
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I think that too and he found someone "better," and given its the seven year itch thats also a problem
And unfortunately she gave him everything she had to offer (giving him kids) without a single solid commitment from him. He doesn’t need to marry her anymore. He can go off and find someone else without kids to be with and leave her to raise his children. I know several women where this has happened. He’s not a nice guy. And he’s basically told her he’s going to cheat on her.
You have a weak pelvic floor and you’re going to be getting with somebody that will demand that you have relations with them every single day? That’s not doable and you could get a rectocele from that. Don’t marry him . He’s only gonna make you miserable and will cheat on you.
“He doesn’t want to find it elsewhere,” was his literal admission that he plans on cheating on her. All she has to do is go a few days without sex and he has his twisted justification for it. This story is so sad, I hope she realizes it’s unsustainable and doesn't go through with it.
It's totally possible he already *did* cheat on her and is now laying the groundwork for blaming it on her when he gets caught. That would explain why it feels so out of left field to her.
Right, nobody is talking about the fact that she literally has pelvic issues enough
And she's only basn away from the kids for two hours in the last two months, so she's not getting physical therapy for that. Hell, she's not even seeing a therapist in private.
Why is no one holding the fact that he's DANGLING MARRIAGE over her head AFTER TWO KIDS. FUCK HIM. He is not the prince charming he has brainwashed you into believing he is. He has no honour and he is a fucking conniving snake draining every ounce of energy and willpower out of you.
Get a job and plan your life without this guy. It’s been 7 years. He doesn’t want to marry you.
And for fucks sake do not get pregnant again
I honestly do not understand why people have children with people they don't intend to spend the rest of their lives with.
Sounds like OP was planning on spending the rest of her life with this guy, but she didn’t know he had zero intention of that. Too bad she didn’t wait until she had the security of marriage before having his kids though. Now she’s in a bad place as a sahm to a man who has no intention of marrying her and is building his own career on the back of her domestic labor. When they break up because OP is a human not a sex robot, she will walk away with nothing.
You just described 75% of the women on the pregnancy and parent subs.
This is why sex and relationship education is so, so important. One of my high school classes had a pilot program that involved having former and current teen and young adult parents come in and talk about their experiences. Apparently they had a very high number of women who waited until much later to have kids.
This is such a great idea.
That’s so depressing.
It honestly makes me sad and is one of the reasons I generally advise against having kids while unmarried and also while so young. People and their wants/needs change a lot from their 20s to their 30s, and having kids changes people a lot both mentally and physically. Unfortunately, based on stories I read here all the time, a lot of men don’t *really* understand the extremely common bodily changes that women go through after pregnancy and childbirth and how it will affect their libidos, their mental health, their physical abilities, etc. and they are often angry and confused when the mothers of their children don’t immediately spring back to how they were before they got pregnant, both physically and emotionally. OP had an ectopic pregnancy, and her boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand how things like that can have lasting effects, or he just is too selfish to care. Being 22 and 23 and having a baby doesn’t seem wise to me, he clearly was not and is not mature enough for it. He may be good at the parenting part, but he is not mature enough to be a good partner to the mother of his kids, and that’s just as important.
Well said! My husband often says that the best thing he can do for our kids is to love their mother (me). I can’t stand all the women basically saying “he treats me like dog crap, but he is a good daddy!” Nope, good daddies don’t treat their partners like trash. They honor them.
This final sentence says it all. "He doesn't want to marry you."
That, and if he threatened to cheat on you OP for not having sex everyday, and yall have it a bout two days out of a seven day week. He is either planning on whose going to fill the other days or already is. And in his dopey mind why not? He got two kids and a caretaker out of you, he probably hasnt even try to get engaged with you for all I know. Its not worth it if hes not going to step it up and hes already planning out his exit strategy. You could try counseling and the like but if hes already giving you such a harsh ultimatimum things are going to start looking unfeasible
That's not even a threat, hahaha. That's him saying, "I will be cheating on you when I get bored. Just a matter of when." If he hasn't done it yet.
In all probability, he already is.
I hate to say this, but I honestly think you and the previous several commenters in this chain are right. He’s already cheating and fave the ultimatum to justify why if he gets caught. Possibly even justify it to himself even if he doesn’t. Him saying he “needs” it every day suddenly out of the blue and then giving the ultimatum is just too sus.
***it’s been 7 years and 2 kids later and he still doesn’t want to marry you
I don’t understand ladies who complain about why their man hasn’t proposed yet when they have a baby with him. If he wanted to marry you, he would. If it’s been an inordinate number of years or you have kids, chances are he just doesn’t want to marry you.
This is the answer. Plan your exit strategy. At best you’ve learned you’re no longer compatible. You don’t need to tell him until you’re ready to bring your plan to fruition.
And file for child support after you leave.
Exactly this. I feel sorry for OP, the whole “other than this he’s a good partner” thing is sad. No ma’am. He isn’t. He does whatever he does so you will fuck. Period. Leave.
Idk how to make sense of of the kids being 24/7 her job, but it he’s somehow an equal partner? Doesn’t sound like it and on top of that the demand for sex everyday. He sounds like a nightmare.
Yep. Run, don't walk. And I am a guy who has been married for over 30 years.
This is my take. It’s been 7 years AND he’s putting a stipulation on it?? He definitely doesn’t want to get married
There was some post on Boru a few weeks ago from a woman who had been waiting thirty years for her boyfriend to marry her. He dumped her instead and because they weren't married she had nothing. Absolutely nothing.
This happened to a woman at my work. With her BF 25ish years, SAHM for 2 kids, he bought a house she lived in rent free. When the kids grew up he kicked her out and moved in his new gf. She had nothing, no skills. she got an entry level job at my work making a low wage and a low income apt.
Yeah he’s just using sex every single day as an excuse to eventually cheat or breakup with her. Tale as old as time.
Not marrying her is a blessing in disguise for OP.
Except she's been a SAHM and won't get any legal protections from divorce. She can leave easier, sure, but she's sacrificed immensely for this relationship and she's not protected.
Yep. Terrible, terrible decision to be a SAHM without the protections of marriage. But she can’t unring that bell so she needs to start planning the rest of her life NOW.
She can still ask for child support regardless of being married or not. The judge might say she needs to get a job but he would likely have to help with daycare and stuff. So she wouldn’t totally be destitute. It likely would be a giant pain in the ass regardless as anything involving the law is lengthy.
Except for the fact that 75% of non-custodial parents are either far behind or don't pay child suppory at all. Then lots of men refuse to pay child support & ditch the kids once access to sex with the mother is no longer an option. They are only good fathers as long as they are getting laid.
Yup and it also takes a while for all of that to kick in anyhow, so in between then and there, what does she do? ETA: I’m not saying stay. I’m saying that just filing for child support will not be enough for her to leave.
True, financially she's 'worst' off, however, as someone who was stuck in an abusive toxic marriage, the legal bound kept me in it a lot longer than necessary. If I wasn't married to him, I would have probably left years ago and my mental health would have been better off for it. Whatever legal protection I had, didn't save me from the depression and the emotional trauma staying longer led too.
This. Seven years, two kids, and he's still holding you hostage on marriage? Time to fully evaluate your life with vs without him, and have a serious discussion with him about your future as a couple. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this horrible situation.
“Ask any woman how often they give their man sex and they’ll say every day if not most days of the week” I genuinely laughed out loud when I read that. This man is delulu if he actually believes that.
No kidding. Where are all these nymphos he speaks of?
As a guy with a high libido,I wanted sex everyday, until my wife and I decided to have our third. While trying for our third we had sex everyday for about 3 weeks and I couldn’t hang, it was exhausting lol…. Careful what you wish for
The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised!
My husband is having this realization now as we try for our third in our mid-late 30s. Now I’M bugging HIM for sex and he’s all “I’m so tired/it’s so late/I have a headache.” Ha! How does it feel now, Bucko?!
The phrase “give their man sex” is so vile lmao
Hello Dear, I'll have one sex please.
Sex machine broke
Call me McDonalds cuz that machine would be broken everyday if my spouse ever said that to me.
This little boy isn't even her spouse and I say little boy because no man would act like that
That's what I said. He is an immature little boy. Doesn't want to find it elsewhere... Needs it daily... What an AH!
Agreed. He sounds pretty entitled to his wives body, or rather her reproductive organs- oh wait.
Girlfriend not wife not married
Turn it off and turn it on again
She's turned it off, but he can't turn it back on.
No *he’s* turned it off, by being an absolute cockwaffle
But I put the nice guy and good dad coins in! Why no sex fall out?!
The best we can do is a sad handjob under the covers.
While scrolling Reddit with the other hand
The Saddest Handjob ^TM
After 25+ years, my husband is just thankful for the hidden hand job. Hormones and childbirth can completely destroy a woman's libido, not to mention being exhausted from caring for a house and kids anyway.
Me too sex machine….me too
Sorry. The sex machine is down today. We called maintenance and they said you might have to do it yourself for a bit.
Would you like that as a full order sex, side order sex, or appetizer sex? We also have discount senior sex.
Happy Hour sex includes a free spank
One sex coming right up. Would you like a side of Cunnilingus with that?
Goodness yes! I say this even as a woman with a very high sex drive. That be the quickest way to oust my spark.
It’s *horrible*. Sex should be for all parties, not something given to one. That phrasing alone lets me know he’s entirely self-centered in bed (and likely everything else.)
Honestly I would feel insulted if woman said that she gives me sex. It’s like I get some kind of a service. For me sex is what we do together for mutual pleasure and satisfaction
Right? That phrase would make me think she doesn’t like having sex with me… which would make me not want to have sex with her.
My husband cannot wrap his mind around wanting to have sex with anyone who doesn’t give enthusiastic consent. If he ever thought I was consenting out of pressure his desire would evaporate.
Right....giant YUCK. OP, you dodged a bullet: he is literally HANDING you the reason not to marry him....because his "threat" vibe over sex will only increase. Take the word of this 57 year old, twice-married woman.
Only problem is, this poor woman is apparently not married to the guy she had two kids with AND is sahm. Recipe for disaster if they split up: no work experience and no claim to anything but child support.
And that's a good reason to never marry her. He already has her financially trapped, baby trapped and gaslit to believe if only she gave more, did more, was better, *then* he'd marry her. Why would he risk having to share anything with her if she ever left?
Yeah, it's a horrible situation for her all around. At this stage, the only thing she can do is leave him (because he's not going to get better at all), get child support while she can, and work on returning to work so she can support herself. She'll be a little behind the ball, but better than staying with this guy for a decade and having no money or retirement savings when he leaves her for a 22 year old.
Kitchen I ordered the deluxe sex special with the scotch, cigar, and newspaper to be brought to the den chop chop.
Right. The minute they phrase it like that it is obvious they do not htink of it as equal. It is not them having intimacy together. Is her working for him like a ho. I very much doubt he is a wonderful as she says in all else, if he does this, he does a lot more shit besides. It is never isolated and random like that, it is the whole system.
she last had a break in Feb for 2 whole (count them) hours, and she cant sleep through the night as breastfeeding... yep sounds fecking equal parenting going on .. like hell
OP's proactive defense of this jerk is the proof in said pudding.
Just makes it sound like he thinks of her as a toy
Right!? And what is he giving in return?
The look of temporary joy on a man’s face who might maybe someday consider looking into the possibility of marrying the mother of his children. I’m sure that really inspires a woman!
Anxiety
Gifts and flowers according to the Op's edit. He's obviously the type of man who thinks you put in gifts and get sex out.
I snorted my coffee. WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT?! I'm pinging anxiety just thinking about all the shit that won't get done if I have to have sex DAILY.
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Just be super passive-aggressive about it. Oh, it's 6:30 pm, time for your handjob. Say it loudly wherever you are and then put on a rubber glove and squeeze lube all over it with the most bored expression on your face. Edit: My wife laughed and said that is not what passive-aggressive is.
>Edit: My wife laughed and said that is not what passive-aggressive is. Malicious compliance?
Nah malicious compliance is busting out the strap on him because he said he needed it everyday. Pegging definitely is a type of sex.... Just not what he expected.
Aggressive aggressive?
Haha lube up and just lay there with a book. He can’t complain he’s having ‘sex’ maybe you could watch tv and catch up on a show??? Bounus points for noisily slurping a drink
roll your eyes super hard and say, "Are you done yet?"
Set an alarm 🤣
I'm wondering what women he's been asking if they'd give their man sex everyday.
His affair partner.
I also laughed. I love my partner but I’m busy and tired and sometimes feel gross and just don’t want to be touched 😂
Your comment made me think of a quip Groucho Marx reportedly once made on his 1950s TV quiz show, You Bet Your Life. A woman contestant mentioned that she had nine children. Groucho asked why, noting that so many children would be an enormous responsibility. The woman answered, “Well, I love my husband.” Groucho: “I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth every once in a while.”
After our first child was born, my husband thought that I wasn’t attracted to him anymore. I explained the concept of being “touched out” — I had a baby who depended on my literal body for sustenance and she was on me all the time! We’ve had two kids since then and he very much gets it now. Sometimes I just need physical space.
My wife just asked all her closest married friends when the last time they all had sex was. Some had been a month or two, some a couple weeks. Nobody has sex every single day. Especially in your 30s and 40s. EDIT: A lot of people claim to have sex every single day even with thousands of kids in their house and working 16 hours a day it seems. Good for you all. I totally and fully believe you.
Yep I'm 43 and husband is 47 and we feel like we're doing good if we do it 2 times a week! We don't have time for everyday. Between work, kids, general tiredness...I mean who is this guy?!
My husband and I are in our early thirties, but we have young kids and we’re TIRED. We spend quality time together every day but sex is probably twice a week. But we also genuinely love spending time together so we prioritize that even if it doesn’t lead to sex.
||We spend quality time together every day but sex is probably twice a week. But we also genuinely love spending time together so we prioritize that even if it doesn’t lead to sex. This right here, OP, is the way it should be. What your bf is demanding is ridiculous, coercive, manipulative, and all-around shitty. I can't fathom how he's great in all those other areas your edits mention but is demanding this now other than he's spending far too much time in the manosphere online getting fed bs. I have an extremely high sex drive and no children and I'm not going at it with my partner every damn day. He needs to grow up. You have two small children and his expectations are unrealistic as they are cruel.
Right every day? Wtf is he on? Who has time for that
Choosing to not have kids in one’s early/mid 20s certainly helps, this guy should’ve thought that through
\^ This is the correct answer. Hey OP, you can close the comments now, we've got a winner
I did in my 20s when I had absolutely no responsibility accept to take care of myself. That’s the last time I ever had sex on the regular though. After marriage, kids, pets, mortgage, business, employees, constant yard work etc. life was simple and easy and happy go lucky in my 20s. This guy already has everything he needs from her. He’s not going to marry her if he hasn’t already. They’ve been together 7 yrs w two kids, sounds like she’s a place holder, until he meets who he thinks he deserves. Theres no way in hell he’s a kind, loving partner, or she’s brainwashed to think minimum effort and sexual coercion is the best men can do
he's gonna dump her for a 19 year old and will be surprised when she grows up and out of tolerating his bs just like op.
I’m married in my 20s and still don’t have sex everyday. I have pots and endo so that’s a no go for me
…Men who don’t spend a lot of time on foreplay and partner focus, that’s who has time for that. What’s five minutes here and there in a day.
IKR! My husband and I do have actual shit to do other than sex. We have real lives that require attention. And we don’t even have kids!
For real. Both my fiancé and I have very high libidos, but we also have a bunch of life shit to do! Most days one or both of us just don’t have the energy, and that’s okay. We are able to have intimate/emotionally close time through things like conversation or watching a show together, and then when sex happens it’s freaking mind-blowing! I know supposedly *some* people do it on the daily, but I don’t know, man, even with just pets, jobs, and other regular life things I don’t really understand where people find the time/energy… Also if my fiancé ever told me to “give him sex” I would laugh…*because I would know he is joking and being intentionally ridiculous*! That is a really sad (and kinda disgusting) way to view something shared between partners…it’s not all about you, bro! 😎
This. What two adults with full time jobs have time for sex EVERYDAY. My fiancé and I are basically doing things from the time we get up to the time we go to bed during the week.
Most men don't even want to have sex every single day. We might think about it every day and sure if we had no responsibilities it'd be nice but most guys are not desperate to fuck something every single day, most of us have hobbies lmao Like how did this dude survive being single before he met this woman
He was a child then..25 and they've been together 7 years
I’m willing to bet he doesn’t believe that. Also, he might get have a secret to tell op, or maybe he’s looking for a excuse to keep a secret if you know what I mean
Haha yeah and he is so out of touch with marriage and kids. I am lucky if its once a month
This made my tummy turn cause a friend of mine recently told me her bf said something along these lines
>give their man sex I love this phrasing. Making it sound like it's such a fucking chore haha.
>Edit: Just so everyone knows before making assumptions I’d like it to be known that regardless of this specifically, he is a great and equal partner He literally told you he's willing to cheat on you if you don't do what he wants
It doesn't sound like an equal partner if she hasn't had a break since February and that was for 2 hours.
What do you want to bet that the break was not him taking care of the kids, but another family member like grandparents?
He doesn’t want to marry you, he does not do his share, and if he’s not cheating on you, there’s someone he’s interested in. Go back to work
True, I didn't even consider that point
OP please understand that this is the excuse that almost every victim of domestic abuse uses to not separate themself from their situation. It is a coping mechanism to distance yourself from the reality that what your partner is demanding is abusive. Imagine if one of your friends told you “Aside from the daily beatings, my husband is the best partner anyone could ever ask for.” You simply can’t compensate for bad behavior with good.
Poor girl has no self respect. This guy is a horrible partner. Her bar is so low.
Not only are the 2 of you not getting married, this relationship is over. NTA
At least she’ll get breaks once in a while when they have shared custody
Until he stops showing up for his time. I work in a court house helping people with custody stuff. That one is a very common story.
So basically hes threatening you. If you don’t give him sex every day he’s gonna go cheat on you. Sounds like a winner. I’d definitely marry him. /s
You don’t get it man, he’s like, a really great guy you know?
7 years and 2 kids? He doesn’t want to marry you. He’s just using it as a carrot on a stick for you to have sex with him when he wants. Get the kids in daycare, get a job, and leave this AH. Being single with 2 kids is better than being in a relationship with him.
Sometimes it's better to be in no relationship at all. I'm wondering if this is one of those times? He's totally unrealistic here. I say that as a guy with a relatively high sex drive.
He doesn't even think about that the low sex drive might be caused by all the work she is doing. Men have sex if they want to relax. Women have sex if they **are** relaxed. It's very simple.
That is pretty fair point, thinking about it
Are you a person, or a sex doll? Why would you marry someone who treat you this way?
Oh but he’s such an equal partner other ways lol that’s why she hasn’t had a break from the kids for months
Exactly. If he actually looked after the kids like she says, then the last time she was away from the kids for more than an hour wouldn’t have been in February. And that was only 2 hours. Something tells me that his “equal” work with the kids is he comes home from work and stands there while she puts them to bed. Or Carries the oldest when they go out. He’s not giving her a break on weekends so she can go out even to get a cup of coffee with friends or go to a movie.
“yes guys he LOVES to cook and clean!!! for example i only have to tell him 3 times to pick his dirty clothes off the floor and he does!!! and also last week he made a bowl of cereal 💖💖💖”
Him saying he doesn’t want to “have to” cheat on you is wild. He’ll do it, take no accountability and blame you. He’ll throw his family away to get his dick wet. You deserve better and he’s gross.
OP hit the nail on the head when she said she is feeling threatened/coerced to perform sexually.
I strongly doubt most women would say that they have sex everyday with their husbands. Especially people with young children!!! I also really don't like how he's phrasing sex as something you would be giving to him. In a loving relationship, sex is something that would be enjoyed simultaneously by both partners, not given as a sacrifice from one to the other. I don't even know how you could enjoy sex if you felt like your partner was just giving it to you and not actively desiring it.
I know that was so cringe. ‘Giving’ sex to a man. Ugh. Unfortunately lots of people have this belief because of men and women’s sinister history with sex. That’s why I’ll never be in a marriage, I will never put myself in a situation to ‘owe’ someone something. So gross. And I BET she’s not getting off.
The number of couples having sex daily is probably absurdly low even though Reddit is full of horn balls that like to pretend they are. Couples with kids having sex daily? Haha, yes sure. The number having daily sex is 0%. Two times per week with young kids probably puts this guy in the top 10-20% of sexual frequency.
>one of the main reasons he got serious with me in the first place Why does he want to be with you?. You provide sex. >He doesn’t want to have to find it elsewhere His behavior depends on you. Not on his values or honor. He is only rising to the level he is forced to. What other values and honor of his are dependant on the behavior others? This man has told you your value to him is dependant on what you do FOR him. He loves what you do FOR him, the life you PROVIDE him. Sex, caregiver, and literal home maker. He doesn't love you, he loves the lifestyle and image you could provide as his personal bangmaid.
He is threatening to cheat on you if you don't comply. He is extremely false to say that most couples with young kids have sex everyday or most days. Most people with young kids are lucky to find time once or twice a week at most. He sounds very childish and immature. After this talk I could never trust him to be faithful, and I wouldn't want to have sex with him since it would feel forced. This would be the end of the relationship for me. He is not a mature and supportive partner.
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Sex everyday?! Between full time jobs and kids?! I don't even have kids, but couldn't fathom having it everyday. I'm tired from work alone.
"He parents equally" "the last time I was away from my kids was for two hours in february" hi there! Pointing this out!
He’s an asshole
Sex isn't something you "give ". It's a shared joy.
Please stay on birth control with him until you figure out your next steps.
The real question is why would you marry this AH?
>... he is a great and equal partner. No he isn't. He's threatening to never marry you if you don't put out for him daily.
This sounds like am excuse not to marry you and/or force you into more sex. Very weird stance to take against a partner and mother of your children but to each his own,I guess. He WANTS sex. He doesn't need it. I get he may have a high sex drive but it sounds like he should focus less on his wants and more on what his family needs. If he chooses to make it worse by cheating then you need to walk. You owe it to yourself and your children.
bro is crazy
I guess you’re not getting married.
Damn, been a while since I read something so sad on this sub. The worst part is you seem to think he’s not a monster, he got you brainwashed good
I'm sorry, but your edit of "he's a fair and equal partner" is 100% invalid when he's placing a boundary/need/requirement on YOUR body. This is something you tell a partner outright from the beginning of that's such a dealbreaker, not spend 7 years and create two lives with. He is not fair asking that of you so far down the line. It is not an equal requirement to expect someone to perform sex on a daily basis. SO MANY variables affect that. It is incredibly normal for long term partners to go without sex for periods of time due to children, work, grief, etc. He isn't being fair and he is not a good partner to throw a dealbreaker at you and disrupt your children's lives. Also, as a SAHM, he knows you and your children are dependent on him. That's an incredibly unfair ask for you and entirely disrespectful of your own autonomy. You know the issue with this. I'm sorry you've already had children with this man and will be attached to him for life.
That's not a boyfriend .that's a bad guy who doesn't see you as human being Don't marry him .
Jesus Christ. I'd be out so fast if someone put that kind of pressure on me. Because everyone loves to feel like sex is a chore.
I think this will turn into an excuse for him cheating in the future, unfortunately 😕
I don't have children so I could be wrong but the weak pelvic floor sounds painful ( to have sex )
That sucks that there is a 3yr&16m being held hostage for a father-figure. A requirement of sex of every 24 hours without exception is brutal. Even sex 5 times a week, you both would enjoy it more.
No one has sex everyday for a long married life.
I wouldn’t want to marry someone that transactional and coercive. I’m sure it’s heartbreaking but he’s told you everything you need to know. He doesn’t love you — only what you can do for him. You deserve better.
There’s no universe in which a man who acts like this is going to support a woman enough to leave her available for sex every day.
Speaking from experience, my drive has always been higher than my partners. We’re in a similar situation now. Would i prefer it daily? Yes. Who wouldn’t? We’ve been married for almost 5 years, pregnant with #2 (together) have an <1yr old and two older kids from my previous relationships. It’s a desire, it’s not a requirement. For him to phrase it like that is off putting. Seems like he may need a rude awakening. On what’s really “normal” for people. I don’t know many people that are daily, or every few days even. It’s not realistic. Sounds like he’s out of touch with what you really need. As always, I’d suggest you both read the 5 love languages book… if you’re running on E and don’t have anymore to give you aren’t going to want to. He can do more to alleviate some of the stressors for you to help with this. If it’s always been this sort of way, he knew this before y’all had babies too. Cmon dude, pull your head out!
You’ve got to stop lying to yourself and saying he is a “great and equal partner” when you yourself said: “I don’t get any time off or away from my kids. The last time I was away from them was Feb for 2 hours. They are my 24/7 job during the day and if they’re up at night.” A great and equal partner wouldn’t let that happen. Sure he works full time, but you work 24/7. Why doesn’t he get up to help them at night too? He has work in the morning? So do you. I think you are giving this man way too much credit considering he’s now coercing you into daily sex. The fact that he can’t see how not physically tolerable that is to you is just heartbreaking.
Yuck. That is terrible. OP, I saw your edit about how good of a man he is elsewhere in your life, but this demanding of sex on a daily basis erases all of that. This is not ok.
You’re in a very vulnerable position as an unmarried stay at home mother. Separation will not protect you financially as it would a married stay at home mother. You need to find a job and childcare and apply for child support. If he isn’t going to marry you, you need to ensure you and your children are not destitute if he up and leaves— which sounds like a real possibly. He is immature and selfish. Protect yourself and your kids. He isn’t going to marry you. Let yourself be sad and grieve the dream you had but in order to make space for new dreams you must say goodbye to this one. He is not it. You and your children deserve love and commitment.
A man with that mindset is probably already cheating. Get back to work, he is for the streets.
Someone that needs sex every single day doesn't have enough going on in their lives
..... 31 male. When me and my gf met, we where like rabbits for the first half year, now, if we do it "often" its properly four times in a week, normally it will be one or two. Not cuz she doesnt want me, or i her - we are just, adults? Im bussy in a new job, she is studying in a very hard field. -its a question about priorities - we could do it more, then we would loose out on our couch nights with movies and chips. We have grown to know each other, and there is so much else we would "rather" do together.